You know, when
you're working the dream,
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the struggle is oh-so real.
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You have to be determined,
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you have to work hard,
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you need to be compassionate,
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set goals, and be timely,
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stay focused, and reach high.
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You need all this and
the Lord to come together
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to make you a better person
while you're working the dream.
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Hello, and welcome
to Workin' The Dream,
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I am your host, Eric Kelly.
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Today, we're
gonna share insights
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into how workplace
romance can affect your career.
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Now, according to the
Bureau of Labor Statistics,
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Americans spend 8.9
hours working and commuting,
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7.7 hours sleeping, and
a whopping 7.4 hours eating
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and doing things at home.
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And by the way during
those 7.4 hours at home
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with family 2.76
hours or 166 minutes of that
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is spent watching television.
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We literally spend
more conscious hours at work
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than we do at home.
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Well, here is the challenge.
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While at work, we're constantly
forming relationships.
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In fact, that's exactly
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what our
employers want us to do.
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It's a good thing.
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Today men and women are
thrust together on the job,
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sharing the
workplace in equal numbers,
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and increasingly
often as professional peers.
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Work is becoming a major
source of intimate interaction
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between them as they daily share
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the physical proximity
of working side by side.
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The stimulation of
professional challenge,
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and the powerful
emotions of winning and losing,
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the workplace
variety brings with it
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endless possibilities
for romantic attraction.
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While it's natural to respond
to certain kinds of stimuli,
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it could also be problematic.
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So why is the workplace
often an incubator for romance?
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Well, first off, the workplace
is an ideal pre-screener.
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Likely to throw us together
with others our own age,
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having similar socioeconomic
and educational backgrounds,
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similar sets of
values, similar aspirations,
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these are usually the things
we look for in a relationship.
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It also offers
countless opportunities
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for working
friendships to develop.
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As diverse teams becomes
the norm of the business world,
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the other half
of a business team
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is increasingly likely
to be not only a colleague
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with complementary
skills and interest,
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but possibly an
attractive member
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of the opposite sex.
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As close as the collaboration
between men and women workers
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can get in the
office, it may be even more so
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in today's work world
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with its emphasis
on extended hours,
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non-office settings,
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we are now more
likely than ever,
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for example, to
share the intimate island
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of isolation of business travel
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with a member of
the opposite sex.
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It's has been
proven that co-workers
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that value each other
make for better team work.
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A contributing factor is that
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proximity breeds a comfort zone.
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The more we are around someone,
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the easier it is
to confide in them.
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The more time we work
together, it's less of an issue
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to grab a bite of lunch together
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or to spend more time together,
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and the more time we
spend together, the more...
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Okay.
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Another factor
that can contribute
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to work romance is team success.
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Team success you say?
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What in the world does
that have to do office romance?
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Well, let's put it this way.
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Turn on a professional
sports game this weekend
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and watch the players.
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After a great play
or an outstanding win,
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there is an eruption of emotion
that each player acknowledges.
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It just feels good.
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Somewhere inside their minds,
they are savoring the moment
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and that moment
was brought about
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because of their stellar
play with their teammates.
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They acknowledge their teammates
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and usually look
toward the camera
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and say something like,
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"These are the
greatest guys in the world!
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I love these guys!"
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Now, of course, they're not
talking about romantic love.
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But they do feel
very close emotionally
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to their fellow teammates
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where there is a
genuine affinity for them.
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Well, the same feeling
happens in the workplace.
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If you are on a work
team, and your team discovers
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a new process or product
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that makes the
company more revenue
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and the CEO calls
down your team personally
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and he thanks them
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and hands everybody
a big fat bonus check,
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you will savor that moment.
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Then you look around
and savor that moment
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with your
teammates, male or female.
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Most of these scenarios will end
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with no more activity than that.
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However, if you continue
to savor winning moments
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like that at
work with a co-worker
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that you are already pretty sure
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you are
attracted to, you could be
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starting down the path
you might want to avoid.
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Now, if you are married,
we don't have enough time
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to fully explore all of
the issues in this program.
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First of all, the
risks and deceptions and pain
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caused by these affairs
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are so
devastating to your marriage,
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we really don't have enough time
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to do this topic justice.
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So to all my married friends,
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ask for divine
supernatural intervention.
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You'll need it.
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Okay, now for my single friends.
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We just want to give you
a few things to think about
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on this matter.
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It is a fact that
the work environment
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is a non-threatening environment
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where one can
learn about team members
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and tantalizingly even
assess their dating potential.
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Some signs that you might be
attracted to somebody at work:
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Lingering
looks: If you make sure
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to get an eyeful of him
or her whenever possible,
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you just might have an
office crush on your hands.
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You feel drawn to them,
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whoever they are
in the workplace.
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You notice that
when they are around you,
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your stance and
your body language
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may be a bit more flirtatious,
just a bit more open.
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You start having lunch
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and end up
looking forward to lunch
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as much as
possible with this person.
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You start to share more and more
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about yourself personally
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than you would
with another co-worker.
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Your thoughts
become more intimate
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and you check out
how they look daily.
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Let's look at Cole
and Cassie on this one.
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So I figure if we can
get IT to sign off building
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a new platform in six months,
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we can roll this out by
the beginning of the year.
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And there you have it.
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The great
intelligence of Mr. Cole Elliot,
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you're great.
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Oh, come on.
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We've both done some
really good work out here.
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Yeah. You know, we
do make a good team.
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Yeah. Yeah, we do.
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Is there a project you're on?
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Hey, I'm just riding your way.
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You know, ever
since you stood up
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to those two executives,
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you've been a
rock star around here.
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Aha, ha.
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Well, ever since that project
you started actually, you know,
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he can't stop raving about you.
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Yeah, I guess
you are right. Yeah.
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Too young attractive, I mean,
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sometimes working
late into the night.
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Man, did they turn
off the air tonight?
00:07:02.68\00:07:04.29
Yeah, you know, it
just felt a little warm.
00:07:04.32\00:07:05.82
Yeah.
00:07:05.85\00:07:07.66
Oh, well.
00:07:07.69\00:07:09.02
It's almost 8 o'clock,
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so I guess we can
call it a night, right?
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Oh, well? I don't know.
00:07:11.79\00:07:13.96
Come here and look at this?
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So I was thinking, you
know, if we can get treasury
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to sign off on these banks,
00:07:23.20\00:07:24.57
then kind of puts our
time estimates in jeopardy.
00:07:24.61\00:07:27.71
Hmm.
00:07:27.74\00:07:29.81
Well, yeah.
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I guess we can
call it a night then.
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All right, I'll take out
the sample piece on that?
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Oh, sure. Okay.
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Just need to go home.
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This man is ridiculously cute,
but I love being around him,
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he's just easy to talk to...
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Okay, phew.
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We'll eat and
then I will go home.
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I'll go home right after that.
00:07:57.24\00:07:58.77
Boy, Just help
me please 'cause...
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This girl is definitely my type.
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I mean, she's attractive,
pretty laidback, funny.
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Did I mention to her
that she is attractive?
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Okay, just going to eat
and call a night, right.
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Okay, Cassie, do
you watch football?
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Yeah, I do.
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By the way, who's your team?
00:08:28.24\00:08:29.57
Because
depending on your answer,
00:08:29.60\00:08:31.07
we may have to
stop being friends.
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The Eagles. The Eagles?
00:08:33.68\00:08:36.08
Now wait a minute,
you are from Texas, right?
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So, wasn't it like put
on your birth certificate
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or something that you
have to only be a Cowboy's fan?
00:08:41.35\00:08:44.25
Oh, well.
00:08:44.29\00:08:45.62
A long story
that I can't make it,
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even in short.
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Okay, may be just a little bit.
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Well, my dad and mom
met at a high school,
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may have met in
high school, I guess.
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Okay, well, one day you have
to tell me that story for sure.
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I will.
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You are so cool. Yeah, you too.
00:09:02.70\00:09:05.77
And fun to be
around with. You too.
00:09:05.81\00:09:08.21
And attractive. You too.
00:09:08.24\00:09:12.11
Wow!
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This is getting serious.
00:09:16.92\00:09:19.05
So what you might
say, if they're both single
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and available, what
harm can come of it?
00:09:21.16\00:09:23.99
Well, let's consider the
impact of a workplace romance.
00:09:24.03\00:09:28.23
Ordinarily, if
two people are dating
00:09:28.26\00:09:30.27
and they are happy,
00:09:30.30\00:09:31.70
their work is more
productive and efficient.
00:09:31.73\00:09:34.17
Now this is great if things
continue that way, however,
00:09:34.20\00:09:37.37
if they decide to break up,
00:09:37.41\00:09:38.94
the potential for
drama looms on the horizon.
00:09:38.97\00:09:42.54
Now, most go on
their way professionally
00:09:42.58\00:09:44.71
and when it gets
nasty, however, uh,
00:09:44.75\00:09:48.48
it can affect the
drop in workplace morale
00:09:48.52\00:09:51.29
or a sexual harassment law suit.
00:09:51.32\00:09:54.62
Office romances
have the potential
00:09:54.66\00:09:56.93
to cause big trouble
for their organizations.
00:09:56.96\00:10:01.06
Now, let's look at
romance versus reality.
00:10:01.10\00:10:06.70
Unfortunately, this
is not a fairy tale,
00:10:06.74\00:10:08.77
so you can't
count on a happy ending.
00:10:08.80\00:10:11.27
Now, you can rail against
the unfairness of it all,
00:10:11.31\00:10:14.01
but think of it this
way: If life were fair,
00:10:14.04\00:10:17.28
you wouldn't be in this dilemma,
00:10:17.31\00:10:19.38
and that arrow of
love would've pierced
00:10:19.41\00:10:21.45
the heart of someone nice
00:10:21.48\00:10:23.15
who works at the
company across the street.
00:10:23.18\00:10:25.72
Now, if you are smart,
00:10:25.75\00:10:27.09
you will deal
with the real world
00:10:27.12\00:10:28.46
and anticipate
plenty of bloodshed
00:10:28.49\00:10:30.73
before this tale concludes.
00:10:30.76\00:10:32.69
One of you may
need to leave the job
00:10:32.73\00:10:34.60
if things don't work out.
00:10:34.63\00:10:36.30
If things do work out,
00:10:36.33\00:10:37.97
one of you may still have to go
00:10:38.00\00:10:39.47
because it may be
against company policy
00:10:39.50\00:10:41.37
to date fellow employees.
00:10:41.40\00:10:43.77
Now, a note for my
married friends out there.
00:10:43.81\00:10:46.81
The biggest part
of office temptation
00:10:46.84\00:10:49.18
is the fact that
they're not yours!
00:10:49.21\00:10:53.42
When you see her,
she is perfectly co-opt,
00:10:53.45\00:10:56.75
she has on this stunning outfit,
00:10:56.79\00:10:58.72
she is
intelligent, she is articulate,
00:10:58.75\00:11:00.82
she laughs at
just the right time,
00:11:00.86\00:11:03.19
and every interaction
with her is delightful.
00:11:03.22\00:11:06.80
You can recall her
smile, and how she looks,
00:11:06.83\00:11:09.73
and everything about
her and then you go home.
00:11:09.76\00:11:14.44
Your mate is already in
rollers screaming at the kids
00:11:14.47\00:11:17.31
to pick up your junk
from the family room.
00:11:17.34\00:11:19.64
She is complaining
about how bad her day was,
00:11:19.67\00:11:22.61
and how she would
love to quit her job,
00:11:22.64\00:11:25.08
if they were more money.
00:11:25.11\00:11:26.45
Translation: If
you made more money.
00:11:26.48\00:11:28.95
The kids are fighting loudly
and as you slowly fall asleep,
00:11:28.98\00:11:33.15
you think about your
attractive co-worker,
00:11:33.19\00:11:35.76
and you do what causes so
many relationship problems.
00:11:35.79\00:11:39.06
You begin to
make more comparisons,
00:11:39.09\00:11:41.96
Well, let me help
you with a visual.
00:11:42.00\00:11:45.03
The attractive lady
at the work right now
00:11:45.07\00:11:46.70
is at her house arguing
with her husband over bills
00:11:46.74\00:11:49.80
and money and
yelling at her kids
00:11:49.84\00:11:52.51
and drum roll here,
with rollers in her hair.
00:11:52.54\00:11:57.45
Oh, you didn't think
her hair stayed perfect
00:11:57.48\00:11:59.28
for 24 hours,
without some help, did you?
00:11:59.31\00:12:02.38
You have been
making a false comparison.
00:12:02.42\00:12:06.12
Now, let me help you
fellows with an inside scoop.
00:12:06.15\00:12:09.46
Everybody wears makeup.
00:12:09.49\00:12:11.46
And, ladies, it wouldn't be fair
00:12:11.49\00:12:12.83
to leave you out of this,
00:12:12.86\00:12:14.46
this discussion of
work fantasy versus reality.
00:12:14.50\00:12:17.83
That suave,
debonair gentleman at work
00:12:17.87\00:12:20.54
also has some hidden issues.
00:12:20.57\00:12:22.50
When you see him,
his hair is perfect.
00:12:22.54\00:12:24.47
His suit is
conservatively stylish
00:12:24.51\00:12:26.57
and fits well.
00:12:26.61\00:12:27.94
You check out his
shoes, they shine,
00:12:27.98\00:12:29.71
and compliment
his outfit perfectly.
00:12:29.74\00:12:32.55
His tie looks like
the same tie you saw worn
00:12:32.58\00:12:34.85
by the last
Walls Street money guru
00:12:34.88\00:12:37.39
on the money investment show.
00:12:37.42\00:12:39.35
His air of confidence is
excruciatingly tantalizing.
00:12:39.39\00:12:43.19
In meetings, he is so masterful
00:12:43.22\00:12:44.73
and confident at
selling his ideas
00:12:44.76\00:12:46.93
that you find
yourself mesmerized by him.
00:12:46.96\00:12:49.86
Secretly, with
nobody noticing, you think,
00:12:49.90\00:12:52.87
you feel drawn to want more time
00:12:52.90\00:12:54.57
near and around him.
00:12:54.60\00:12:55.94
I mean, anything that
could bring you closer
00:12:55.97\00:12:57.44
to the object of your adoration.
00:12:57.47\00:12:59.87
Reality check.
00:12:59.91\00:13:01.78
The tailored suit
hides a multitude of sins.
00:13:01.81\00:13:05.15
He doesn't have a six-pack,
00:13:05.18\00:13:07.65
he doesn't even have a two-pack.
00:13:07.68\00:13:09.45
He might have a
biggie under there
00:13:09.48\00:13:10.82
but you can't see that
00:13:10.85\00:13:12.19
while he is all
dressed up at work.
00:13:12.22\00:13:13.79
When he goes home, he
plops down on the sofa
00:13:13.82\00:13:16.22
in his T-shirt and shorts,
just like your husband does.
00:13:16.26\00:13:20.00
And his wife, now in
rollers, is not nearly
00:13:20.03\00:13:23.47
as tantalized
with him as you are.
00:13:23.50\00:13:26.13
She wishes he would
make some more money
00:13:26.17\00:13:27.90
and help with the chores.
00:13:27.94\00:13:29.27
After all, she works too.
00:13:29.30\00:13:31.84
Right now, their
kids are fighting
00:13:31.87\00:13:33.31
and screaming also.
00:13:33.34\00:13:35.91
The fact is
they look good simply
00:13:35.94\00:13:39.45
because they are not yours.
00:13:39.48\00:13:41.68
Now, this step I would
like to share with you,
00:13:41.72\00:13:44.19
but it will definitely
help rip through your fantasy.
00:13:44.22\00:13:47.42
Ask God to show you
reality through His eyes.
00:13:47.46\00:13:51.19
You would be surprised at
how He will deflate the fantasy
00:13:51.23\00:13:55.86
that you carry for this person.
00:13:55.90\00:13:58.07
Okay, let's go back
to my single friends,
00:13:58.10\00:14:00.00
who can date
without breaking any vows.
00:14:00.04\00:14:02.20
Let's say you become involved
with someone in your department
00:14:02.24\00:14:04.91
and you receive a promotion.
00:14:04.94\00:14:06.47
Now you're in a relationship
with your subordinate.
00:14:06.51\00:14:09.08
Most companies either discourage
00:14:09.11\00:14:10.95
or forbid romantic relationships
00:14:10.98\00:14:13.08
with a direct report,
however, it does happen.
00:14:13.11\00:14:16.69
And what happens when it
comes to conducting reviews
00:14:16.72\00:14:19.65
about your performance,
00:14:19.69\00:14:21.16
or maybe even
disciplining your honey?
00:14:21.19\00:14:23.83
Supervisor-subordinate
romances are problematic
00:14:23.86\00:14:26.76
because they can spark
complaints of favoritism
00:14:26.80\00:14:30.17
and such perceptions
really damage office morale.
00:14:30.20\00:14:34.24
These relationships also open up
00:14:34.27\00:14:36.20
the possibility of
blackmail, for example,
00:14:36.24\00:14:39.41
if one party
claims the relationship
00:14:39.44\00:14:41.28
was not consensual,
00:14:41.31\00:14:42.81
they can
initiate claims of assault
00:14:42.84\00:14:44.98
and battery, false imprisonment,
00:14:45.01\00:14:46.85
and defamation.
00:14:46.88\00:14:49.05
This allows the
employee to sue the supervisor
00:14:49.08\00:14:51.29
in the same suit
with the company.
00:14:51.32\00:14:53.62
This creates a
potential conflict of interest
00:14:53.66\00:14:56.52
between the
employer and the employee
00:14:56.56\00:14:59.06
and increases the
cost of litigation
00:14:59.09\00:15:01.16
if the employer is in a position
00:15:01.20\00:15:03.16
where it feels the
need to pay for a defense
00:15:03.20\00:15:05.17
on behalf of the individual.
00:15:05.20\00:15:07.04
You get the picture.
00:15:07.07\00:15:08.40
It can get real messy in a
boss direct report relationship.
00:15:08.44\00:15:13.38
Now, some people say,
00:15:13.41\00:15:15.44
"Let's keep it on the down law."
00:15:15.48\00:15:17.15
Hmm, nobody knows.
00:15:17.18\00:15:19.25
Still thinking
about dating them,
00:15:19.28\00:15:20.85
the co-worker?
00:15:20.88\00:15:22.22
Well, you better
pop some extra vitamins
00:15:22.25\00:15:24.69
and heighten your
sense of discretion,
00:15:24.72\00:15:26.09
because you're going
to need a lot of energy
00:15:26.12\00:15:27.86
and concentrated effort
to keep your office romance
00:15:27.89\00:15:30.46
just between the two of you.
00:15:30.49\00:15:32.36
And when co-workers
eventually find out,
00:15:32.39\00:15:34.53
you may be the subject
of ridicule and suspicion.
00:15:34.56\00:15:37.47
I can't believe he
is going out with her.
00:15:37.50\00:15:39.80
Of course, he got the
raise, look who he is dating.
00:15:39.83\00:15:42.64
And here is the reality.
00:15:42.67\00:15:44.01
Like it or not,
people love to gossip.
00:15:44.04\00:15:46.47
In fact, people make
stuff up sometimes for no reason
00:15:46.51\00:15:49.74
when they want some
workplace excitement.
00:15:49.78\00:15:52.35
If you want people to focus
on your professional abilities,
00:15:52.38\00:15:55.58
don't give them
reasons to fuel the rumor mill.
00:15:55.62\00:15:58.92
It's not just about you.
00:15:58.95\00:16:00.92
Now, you may think
this is a private affair,
00:16:00.96\00:16:02.82
but is it really?
00:16:02.86\00:16:05.13
Logic tells you
your romantic involvement
00:16:05.16\00:16:07.43
will impact your
co-workers directly.
00:16:07.46\00:16:10.40
If you sit together
in a company cafeteria,
00:16:10.43\00:16:12.53
will people now feel
they should give you privacy?
00:16:12.57\00:16:15.70
Will they exclude you
from certain conversations
00:16:15.74\00:16:17.94
because they don't know,
00:16:17.97\00:16:19.31
what you relay to your new love.
00:16:19.34\00:16:21.64
Consciously or subconsciously,
00:16:21.68\00:16:23.61
your relationship
may influence decisions
00:16:23.65\00:16:26.01
that go well
beyond a lunch room.
00:16:26.05\00:16:28.45
Your romance may
color everyone's judgment
00:16:28.48\00:16:30.89
with regard to promotions,
projects, team building,
00:16:30.92\00:16:34.66
and responsibilities.
00:16:34.69\00:16:36.22
The relationship
could make it more difficult
00:16:36.26\00:16:38.33
for your department, and
depending on your position,
00:16:38.36\00:16:41.10
your company to
operate effectively.
00:16:41.13\00:16:43.87
And then there's
the age work harassment
00:16:43.90\00:16:46.03
and all that it can entail.
00:16:46.07\00:16:48.67
If your relationship ends badly,
00:16:48.70\00:16:51.11
would your ex-love tell HR
00:16:51.14\00:16:52.74
you were making
unwanted advances?
00:16:52.77\00:16:55.38
Think about how
a harassment suit
00:16:55.41\00:16:57.08
will impact your career.
00:16:57.11\00:16:58.88
Then go join a local
dating service or something,
00:16:58.91\00:17:02.12
while you're at it, join
some professional associations.
00:17:02.15\00:17:05.45
They offer many
opportunities to socialize
00:17:05.49\00:17:08.02
while moving
your career forward.
00:17:08.06\00:17:09.92
So before you pencil in a
date with your office desire,
00:17:09.96\00:17:13.53
schedule dinner with
some non-work related friends.
00:17:13.56\00:17:16.83
You'd be surprised
at what might happen
00:17:16.87\00:17:18.63
if you start
nurturing other relationships.
00:17:18.67\00:17:21.34
If you spend a little more time
00:17:21.37\00:17:22.77
away from your
office and your co-workers,
00:17:22.80\00:17:25.07
you just might be
doing yourself a big favor,
00:17:25.11\00:17:27.41
so if you still feel
your co-worker is the one,
00:17:27.44\00:17:29.68
what do you do?
00:17:29.71\00:17:31.28
Well if you work
for a large company,
00:17:31.31\00:17:33.95
transfer to another
department or facility,
00:17:33.98\00:17:37.32
and now if that's not an option
because of your profession
00:17:37.35\00:17:39.75
or company size,
get yourself a new job.
00:17:39.79\00:17:44.39
Now, I can share many
stories on boss manipulation.
00:17:44.43\00:17:48.20
I remembered one
company that I worked,
00:17:48.23\00:17:50.07
there was a relationship
00:17:50.10\00:17:51.43
between the boss
and the direct report,
00:17:51.47\00:17:54.70
and over a period of
time the direct report
00:17:54.74\00:17:57.54
got better and better
performance appraisals,
00:17:57.57\00:18:00.31
made more money and raises,
and eventually what came out,
00:18:00.34\00:18:04.05
because
everything does come to light
00:18:04.08\00:18:06.21
was that the boss
was being manipulated
00:18:06.25\00:18:08.58
by the direct report
because of their relationship.
00:18:08.62\00:18:12.42
Now, here is the issue there.
00:18:12.45\00:18:14.19
Any drama at work is going
to be viewed as poor judgment
00:18:14.22\00:18:19.03
by superiors and most likely
will have a negative impact
00:18:19.06\00:18:23.10
on your exposure.
00:18:23.13\00:18:24.90
Now you might be
judged as having poor judgment
00:18:24.93\00:18:27.20
if things get
really, really out of hand.
00:18:27.24\00:18:30.71
Let's see how
Cassie and Cole are doing.
00:18:30.74\00:18:33.21
Hey, hey, hey!
00:18:36.24\00:18:37.81
Let's stop the bus.
00:18:37.85\00:18:39.45
Oh, Prophet, what
are you doing here?
00:18:39.48\00:18:42.38
Ah, I could ask
you the same thing,
00:18:42.42\00:18:44.62
but pretty much can
see what's going on.
00:18:44.65\00:18:47.36
It's not what it
looks like. Oh, yeah.
00:18:47.39\00:18:49.76
My glasses worked perfectly
while on the way over here.
00:18:49.79\00:18:52.13
Who is this?
00:18:52.16\00:18:55.30
You want to tell her?
00:18:55.33\00:18:57.53
He is a prophet, he is
like a professional consultant
00:18:57.57\00:19:00.87
for like of a better phrase.
00:19:00.90\00:19:03.00
Okay.
00:19:03.04\00:19:04.37
Guys, guys, I understand.
00:19:04.41\00:19:07.38
But work
relationships can really have
00:19:07.41\00:19:09.81
a negative
impact on your careers.
00:19:09.84\00:19:11.98
I mean, I understand your boss
is good looking, you're young,
00:19:12.01\00:19:15.68
you have got energy,
00:19:15.72\00:19:17.05
you have some successes at work.
00:19:17.09\00:19:19.25
It's great you spend
more time with each other
00:19:19.29\00:19:21.19
than anybody
else in your family,
00:19:21.22\00:19:24.33
but work relationships can
have an incredible downside.
00:19:24.36\00:19:27.33
Now what? What is that?
00:19:27.36\00:19:29.33
Okay.
00:19:29.36\00:19:30.70
Why is it that you two
have never been on a date?
00:19:30.73\00:19:32.63
'Cause we are
always working. Yeah.
00:19:32.67\00:19:34.14
Always working.
00:19:34.17\00:19:35.60
I have been on
pretty good authority
00:19:35.64\00:19:37.77
that you guys
haven't work weekends
00:19:37.81\00:19:39.31
in about four months.
00:19:39.34\00:19:42.91
You know why?
00:19:42.94\00:19:44.28
Something inside
of you is hesitant.
00:19:44.31\00:19:47.08
You're kind of like pausing
what really should happen.
00:19:47.12\00:19:50.09
If you guys
hadn't met here at work,
00:19:50.12\00:19:52.09
you would have been
on 20 or 30 dates by now.
00:19:52.12\00:19:55.02
You would have been
married in six months.
00:19:55.06\00:19:57.29
Oh, that's little fast.
00:19:57.33\00:19:59.19
Okay.
00:19:59.23\00:20:00.56
All right, I've
seen that happen.
00:20:00.60\00:20:02.56
What happens, let's
say, you guys are dating,
00:20:02.60\00:20:05.33
you're out on a wonderful
date, you have an argument.
00:20:05.37\00:20:09.57
You come to work the
next day, you're still angry.
00:20:09.60\00:20:14.28
Are you really thinking
about getting your work done,
00:20:14.31\00:20:17.15
making sure
everything is quality?
00:20:17.18\00:20:19.68
Are you thinking about your job,
00:20:19.71\00:20:21.08
or you thinking about
getting away from that person
00:20:21.12\00:20:23.69
that you were
with the night before?
00:20:23.72\00:20:26.22
I didn't think about that.
00:20:26.25\00:20:27.99
Here's the big one.
00:20:28.02\00:20:29.66
Let's say you date
and then you break up.
00:20:29.69\00:20:34.33
Then you've gotta come to work
00:20:34.36\00:20:35.96
and look at
your ex all day long,
00:20:36.00\00:20:39.67
Yeah, can you say job change?
00:20:39.70\00:20:41.64
Transfer?
00:20:41.67\00:20:43.07
I am just saying, now,
you guys are real adults,
00:20:43.10\00:20:47.04
you can make your
own decisions but...
00:20:47.08\00:20:52.85
I think about it.
00:20:52.88\00:20:54.62
You know that red
book I have at my desk.
00:20:54.65\00:20:56.62
I have learnt a lot.
00:20:56.65\00:20:58.39
So I try to share a lot.
00:20:58.42\00:21:00.56
And this right here, it's a lot.
00:21:00.59\00:21:04.26
Prophet's out, see you.
00:21:04.29\00:21:06.03
Wow, Cole and Cassie
have a lot to think about.
00:21:18.61\00:21:22.38
Now they're single,
so there is no crime,
00:21:22.41\00:21:24.51
but they're gonna
have to figure out,
00:21:24.55\00:21:27.42
will this relationship hurt
00:21:27.45\00:21:29.78
or help their
careers and their lives.
00:21:29.82\00:21:32.85
Now, this is for
my married friends.
00:21:32.89\00:21:35.79
It's common for
you to find someone
00:21:35.82\00:21:37.86
at work attractive,
00:21:37.89\00:21:39.53
but the risks of
actually pursuing a relationship
00:21:39.56\00:21:43.60
have a much
more damaging impact.
00:21:43.63\00:21:46.60
First, it erodes the
trust you have with your mate.
00:21:46.63\00:21:50.37
It may seem
exciting for the moment,
00:21:50.41\00:21:52.54
but guilt will visit you
somewhere in the process.
00:21:52.57\00:21:56.78
Secondly, the risk of
negative exposure is great.
00:21:56.81\00:22:01.48
If found out, it will
almost certainly cast a shadow
00:22:01.52\00:22:06.35
over any
discussion of your integrity,
00:22:06.39\00:22:09.39
and usually it will
have a negative effect
00:22:09.42\00:22:12.16
on those observing your career.
00:22:12.19\00:22:14.83
You see as they
watch what you're doing,
00:22:14.86\00:22:17.20
they develop
trust issues with you.
00:22:17.23\00:22:20.77
And thirdly, the
person just looks better
00:22:20.80\00:22:23.51
'cause they are not yours.
00:22:23.54\00:22:25.67
A few years ago, I
was sitting on a bicycle
00:22:25.71\00:22:28.84
at the health club,
00:22:28.88\00:22:30.21
attempting to get
some types of exercise in,
00:22:30.25\00:22:32.65
and an old
co-worker of mine passed by
00:22:32.68\00:22:36.48
and good looking guy, he
was always in the limelight,
00:22:36.52\00:22:40.99
he was very articulate.
00:22:41.02\00:22:43.36
He had been a VP at a
company that we both worked for,
00:22:43.39\00:22:46.66
and he came by and said,
"Eric, I'm in a new job."
00:22:46.70\00:22:49.66
I said, "Well, that's great."
00:22:49.70\00:22:51.47
And he said, "Man, I love it.
00:22:51.50\00:22:53.23
I am now the executive VP
of whatever it was called,"
00:22:53.27\00:22:56.71
and "Man, it's really cool."
00:22:56.74\00:22:59.01
He says, "You know, my
bonus is like 30% of my salary"
00:22:59.04\00:23:03.51
which is a pretty decent salary.
00:23:03.55\00:23:05.41
He said, "I've
got stock options,
00:23:05.45\00:23:06.95
they give new
options every year."
00:23:06.98\00:23:09.58
And in my mind I can
kind of figure that up,
00:23:09.62\00:23:11.92
and I am looking at about
a couple of million dollars
00:23:11.95\00:23:14.92
worth of stock options.
00:23:14.96\00:23:16.86
I had known him, his family,
beautiful kids, beautiful wife,
00:23:16.89\00:23:20.80
we had been at holiday
parties together and I said,
00:23:20.83\00:23:25.03
"Hey dude, I am happy for you.
00:23:25.07\00:23:27.54
I'm not jealous at all.
00:23:27.57\00:23:29.00
I want you to absolutely
be the best that you can be."
00:23:29.04\00:23:32.14
Now the interesting
thing about this gentleman
00:23:32.17\00:23:34.61
is that he was just a
little full of himself,
00:23:34.64\00:23:37.15
so as he was
telling me all these things,
00:23:37.18\00:23:39.28
I don't know why, you
know, he might have thought
00:23:39.31\00:23:41.32
I would be jealous,
but I said, "This is cool."
00:23:41.35\00:23:43.45
Anytime in life you see
that somebody is being blessed,
00:23:43.49\00:23:46.76
you should be happy for them.
00:23:46.79\00:23:48.62
You see what I've
learnt over the years
00:23:48.66\00:23:51.09
is that the
blessings that God has
00:23:51.13\00:23:53.03
in store for me
aren't diminished
00:23:53.06\00:23:56.00
because He blesses someone else.
00:23:56.03\00:23:59.07
Now I have to be honest and
say that I had some misgivings
00:23:59.10\00:24:02.70
about this gentleman
00:24:02.74\00:24:04.07
because when we
had worked together,
00:24:04.11\00:24:05.51
he had hit on quite
a few people at work
00:24:05.54\00:24:09.04
and he was a
married man with a family.
00:24:09.08\00:24:11.11
So my view of him was
just a little tainted, however,
00:24:11.15\00:24:15.18
I was glad something
good was happening to him.
00:24:15.22\00:24:17.42
He was at another company,
00:24:17.45\00:24:18.79
it sounded like
he was gonna go well,
00:24:18.82\00:24:20.52
that's absolutely awesome.
00:24:20.56\00:24:22.62
You do remember
that we shared earlier
00:24:22.66\00:24:25.63
that people like to gossip.
00:24:25.66\00:24:27.50
I would love to say
that I was totally immune
00:24:27.53\00:24:29.70
but one day I
received a phone call
00:24:29.73\00:24:32.07
and it was from
someone that I knew that worked
00:24:32.10\00:24:34.40
in the company that
this gentleman worked in
00:24:34.44\00:24:36.71
and then say, "Man, do I
have some juicy gossip for you."
00:24:36.74\00:24:41.01
Well, I would like
to tell you that I said,
00:24:41.04\00:24:43.95
"I am above that,"
00:24:43.98\00:24:45.68
and I didn't
really want to listen
00:24:45.71\00:24:48.15
but it sounded like
00:24:48.18\00:24:49.52
that it was
going to be delicious,
00:24:49.55\00:24:51.42
so I figured I'd ask
forgiveness for this later,
00:24:51.45\00:24:54.36
I said, "Hey, let me have it."
00:24:54.39\00:24:56.36
And he said, "Well,
you know your buddy?"
00:24:56.39\00:24:59.43
I said, "Yeah."
00:24:59.46\00:25:00.80
"Oh you know how he
is." Isn't it interesting?
00:25:00.83\00:25:03.16
The person over there
said you know how he is?
00:25:03.20\00:25:05.90
Which means it
probably was a character trait.
00:25:05.93\00:25:08.60
I said, "Yeah,
yeah, we know how he is.
00:25:08.64\00:25:10.24
He is full, he is smart,
but he is a little egotistical.
00:25:10.27\00:25:15.88
He said, "Well,
he just got fired."
00:25:15.91\00:25:18.71
I probably should have
kept the conversation there
00:25:18.75\00:25:21.52
and just said, "Oh, too
bad, well pray for him,"
00:25:21.55\00:25:23.28
but I didn't.
00:25:23.32\00:25:24.65
I did what the rest of you
guys would have done, I said,
00:25:24.69\00:25:27.46
"What happened?"
00:25:27.49\00:25:29.66
So, the person told
me, he was having an affair
00:25:29.69\00:25:34.10
with someone at the company
00:25:34.13\00:25:36.56
that was at a
lower rank than he was.
00:25:36.60\00:25:40.14
I said, "Okay,"
not totally surprised.
00:25:40.17\00:25:44.01
What happened next?
00:25:44.04\00:25:45.64
Well, I guess their affair
had been going on for a while,
00:25:45.67\00:25:48.54
and something started to sour.
00:25:48.58\00:25:51.31
And like I shared
with you guys earlier,
00:25:51.35\00:25:53.52
that happens
more often than not.
00:25:53.55\00:25:56.18
And I guess it soured so
much that these guys were now
00:25:56.22\00:25:59.82
walking around with
big buckets of animosity.
00:25:59.85\00:26:03.83
I said, "Okay,
that could happen."
00:26:03.86\00:26:05.69
Well, on this particular day,
they brought it to the office.
00:26:05.73\00:26:11.33
In fact, they brought
it to the office so much
00:26:11.37\00:26:14.57
that they exploded
arguing, saying bad words,
00:26:14.60\00:26:18.67
yelling and screaming
about their affair in an office
00:26:18.71\00:26:22.48
where everyone else
was a stunned spectator.
00:26:22.51\00:26:27.32
Now, here is the
taker, the CEO of that company
00:26:27.35\00:26:30.45
was a staunch Christian man,
a very conservative gentleman,
00:26:30.49\00:26:34.59
who would have none of
that in his organization.
00:26:34.62\00:26:37.93
Now, here is the sad part.
00:26:37.96\00:26:39.76
He came out and he
fired both of them.
00:26:39.79\00:26:44.33
Well, what's the impact of that?
00:26:44.37\00:26:46.53
Well, my friend who worked there
00:26:46.57\00:26:51.04
lost almost two and
half million dollars
00:26:51.07\00:26:54.58
worth of stock options
because of his indiscretions.
00:26:54.61\00:26:58.98
Was he thinking
long term in the affair?
00:26:59.01\00:27:01.28
Absolutely not.
00:27:01.32\00:27:03.15
It can be dangerous.
00:27:03.18\00:27:05.15
So simply put,
here's where we're at.
00:27:05.19\00:27:09.06
If you're married
00:27:09.09\00:27:10.43
and you're
attracted to someone at work,
00:27:10.46\00:27:13.93
while it may be very hard
00:27:13.96\00:27:15.60
for you to deal
with the situation,
00:27:15.63\00:27:18.03
please, just ask for
divine help or restraint.
00:27:18.07\00:27:22.10
God will give it to you.
00:27:22.14\00:27:23.94
He is that kind of God.
00:27:23.97\00:27:25.54
If you're single
and you're attracted
00:27:25.57\00:27:27.61
to somebody at
work, ask God for wisdom,
00:27:27.64\00:27:31.25
what should I do?
00:27:31.28\00:27:32.85
The next move you make
can be a very critical one.
00:27:32.88\00:27:37.79
Now, remember this, you
may be powerless over what
00:27:37.82\00:27:43.29
"they" can do to you but
they are totally powerless
00:27:43.32\00:27:49.20
over what God will do for you.
00:27:49.23\00:27:52.20
So until next time,
keep Workin' The Dream.
00:27:52.23\00:27:55.14