Hello. I'm Shelley Quinn.
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We are so glad
that you're joining us
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for 3ABN's Worship Hour.
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Have you ever, as
you're reading the Bible,
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just scoped out?
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Well, that's kind of
what we're going to do today.
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We're going to look at a
Bible study that is examining
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who is the author of our speech?
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When we speak?
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Do we impart a kiss of
grace from spirit-lead lips?
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What do we strike out
with a sharp tongue poison?
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That is the venom of the devil.
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You know, we have to ask ourself
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some questions.
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And these are some questions
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that God has given
me for you to consider.
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When you're
caught in the cross hairs
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of a heated conflict,
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have you ever offered
up a blistering response?
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Or say somebody
comes and they show
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their vulnerable
underbelly to you,
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explaining their sadness
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or their fear or discouragement.
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When they are there
with you are you supportive?
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Or are you dismissive?
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Do you give them an immediately
some trite saying like,
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"Oh, it's not that bad.
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Count your blessings?"
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When they leave your presence?
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Do they feel validated,
appreciated, respected?
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Or are they feeling
empty when they leave?
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Would those who know
you call you an encourager?
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When people leave your presence,
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do they feel
good about themselves?
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When people need advice,
do they seek your advice?
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Are you known
for giving balanced
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and wise counsel?
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Or is your counsel
skewed and foolish?
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You know,
Ecclesiastes 10:12-13 says this,
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"The words of a wise man's mouth
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or his words are
gracious," but in contrast,
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"the lips of a fool
shall swallow him up,
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the words of his mouth
begin with foolishness,
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and the end of his
talk is raving madness.
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Oh, please
consider this scripture.
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The next time you're
about to launch into a tirade
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with a family
member or with a co-worker
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or when you're about to
post a rant on the Internet.
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You know, I'm
alarmed today's society,
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we seem to indulge conversation,
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that is obscene.
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There is a lack of
civility and respect.
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In the conversations
that go on in our world,
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we hear
finger-pointing malice and words
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that are biting
accusations and weathering,
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weathering criticism
with a lack of regard
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for others feelings.
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If you look at our world today,
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there's just dark
clouds of unkind words
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that are stirring up strife.
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And my question to
you, is this Christian?
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Are you separated from the fray?
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You know, Christian conversation
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should be
elevated to God's standard.
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Christian conversation,
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our words should be Christ-like,
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they should impart grace.
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They should impart healing.
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We ought to be shining
light into the darkness,
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rather than
blowing out the lights.
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The Bible speaks volumes
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about the
conversation of a Christian,
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but our focus today,
if you have your Bibles,
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you want grab them
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because we're
going to spend some time
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in both
Thessalonians and Ephesians.
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But before we begin,
if ever I needed to pray,
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right now is the time.
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Heavenly Father,
we come before You
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in the name of Jesus.
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So, Lord, this is
a difficult message
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and I pray in the name of Jesus.
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Let these words be as
a kiss of grace from you.
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I pray in the name
of Jesus helped me...
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To share what
you've put on my heart,
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Lord, and let it
be a kiss of grace
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from Spirit-led lips, Lord.
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We need to learn
how to submit to You.
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And we pray, Father,
that You will put a guard
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over the door post of our lips,
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so that the fruit of our lips
will be pleasing in Your sight.
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We thank You in
advance for the answer
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to the prayer of
faith in Jesus' name.
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Amen.
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I got my title, a kiss of
grace from Spirit-led lips.
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From Proverbs 24:26.
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This was a scripture...
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I don't actually
remember having read before.
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I was reading through Proverbs.
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And this just jumped out at me.
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In Proverbs 24:26 says,
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"He who gives a right answer
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kisses the lips."
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Now you have to understand
that in ancient times,
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a kiss on the lips
wasn't always romantic.
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It was a show of concern
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and respect and
sincere affection.
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And if you give a right answer,
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the Bible says,
"You're kissing the lips."
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The only way that we
can give a right answer
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is it has to be...
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If it's right,
it's going to line up
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with God's Word.
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We have to be
submitted to the Holy Spirit.
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We have to be
filled with the Spirit
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so that our words reflect
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the love and grace of God.
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Now in contrast, when our words,
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inflict, insult, and injury,
let me tell you something.
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The Holy Spirit
is not the author.
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Words that are
sharp tongue poisoned,
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come straight from the devil.
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It is the devil's venom.
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Psalm 140:3 says,
"They sharpen their tongues,
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like a serpent, like a snake,
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the poison of asps
is under their lips.
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Selah."
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Selah means pause.
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Pause and
consider this scripture.
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The next time you
are ready to strike out
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and scorch someone with words
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that will
insult or bring injury,
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whether it's to a family
member behind closed doors
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or an exchange with
a co-worker or friend
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or even a clerk at the store.
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And particularly, please
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let your words and your comments
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on social media
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not be authored by the devil.
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James 3:6 says this,
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"The tongue is a
fire, a world of iniquity."
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It is set on fire by hell.
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Then it goes on in
James 3:8, he says,
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"No man can tame the tongue."
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Oh, mercy.
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I'm doomed.
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He said, "It is an unruly
evil, full of deadly poison."
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You know what the
source of lip poison is?
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A poisoned heart.
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Unclean lips, means
you have an unclean heart.
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That's what Jesus said in
John, excuse me, Luke 6:45.
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Luke 6:45.
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He says, "A good man
out of the good treasure
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of his heart brings
forth good and evil man
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out of the evil
treasure of his heart
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brings forth evil.
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For out of the
abundance of the heart
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the mouth speaks."
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No human can tame the tongue.
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But let me tell you something.
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If we submit to the
leading of the Holy Spirit,
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if we line up
under His guidance,
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He can provide divine restraint.
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And he can be the censor,
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provide censorship
of our conversation.
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I love this prayer of David.
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It is an earnest prayer
and it needs to be our prayer.
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Please jot down
this scripture reference.
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Psalm 141:3.
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Psalm 141:3,
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listen to
David's cry to the Lord,
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"Set a guard, O
Lord, over my mouth.
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Keep watch over
the door of my lips."
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We need to submit
to the Holy Spirit
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and let Him be the
keeper of the door up our mouth.
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We need to be
filled with the Spirit
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so that we can speak words
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that are filled
with God's grace,
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His love, His
goodness, and His wisdom.
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Paul tells us in
2 Corinthians 5:20,
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we're ambassadors for Christ.
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Well, ambassadors are
supposed to speak words
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only that line up with the king
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and the kingdom's purpose.
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Psalm 19:14.
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It says, this is David
again, he was keenly aware
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of the importance of
his words before the Lord.
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He says, "Let the
words of my mouth,
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and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in Your sight,
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O Lord, my
strength and my Redeemer?"
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Do you call on Jesus
as Redeemer and Lord?
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Are you worried
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about the words of your lips
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being pleasing to Him?
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We need to be.
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Now if you have your Bibles,
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I want to encourage you
to open to 1 Thessalonians 5.
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We're going to spend some time.
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This is such a broad topic
we could speak on it for days.
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But we're going to
have a laser-like focus
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on some of Paul's
counsel to Christians.
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And we're going to begin
with 1 Thessalonians, 5:14-15.
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Paul writes, 1
Thessalonians, 5:14-15.
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"Now we exhort you, brethren,"
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it means all of us,
"warn those who are unruly,
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comfort the
fainthearted, uphold the week,
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be patient with all."
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See that no one
renders evil for evil to anyone
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but always pursue what is good,
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both for yourselves and for all.
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So Paul gives us
three categories here,
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awards, what are
the three categories
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we should speak,
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first, effective,
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loving words of warning.
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Second, words of true comfort,
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encouragement, and support.
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And then third,
words that exhibit
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patience and forgiveness.
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And this includes our self-talk,
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what we say to ourself
because he said right there,
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pursue what is good,
00:12:41.56\00:12:43.53
both for yourselves and for all.
00:12:43.56\00:12:48.10
Now let's unpack that.
00:12:48.13\00:12:50.27
In verse 14, 1
Thessalonians 5:14.
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He starts out saying,
"One those who are unruly."
00:12:55.07\00:13:00.01
Do you know
this is the only time
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this word unruly is used,
00:13:01.68\00:13:04.41
the Greek word is used
only once in the New Testament?
00:13:04.45\00:13:07.68
And it means those horrid,
00:13:07.72\00:13:09.75
corrigible
resistant to authority?
00:13:09.78\00:13:13.82
They're insubordinate.
00:13:13.86\00:13:15.86
So what is he saying
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that we speak to
the worst of the worst?
00:13:18.23\00:13:21.16
Well, in context, he's
saying speak effective,
00:13:21.20\00:13:24.63
loving words of warning.
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Problems arise that necessitate,
00:13:27.40\00:13:30.31
and we have to
discuss unpleasant situations.
00:13:30.34\00:13:34.88
It's a matter of fact,
a lot of our conversation
00:13:34.91\00:13:37.75
is addressing these things.
00:13:37.78\00:13:39.98
Some of us avoid these issues.
00:13:40.02\00:13:42.72
Because we're uncomfortable,
we don't want confrontation.
00:13:42.75\00:13:46.05
But let me tell you something.
00:13:46.09\00:13:47.66
Often, the longer we wait,
00:13:47.69\00:13:50.69
the more emotionally
charged a situation becomes.
00:13:50.73\00:13:56.26
Our words of correction,
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we need to learn to
speak words of correction
00:13:58.70\00:14:02.54
that are
instructive and uplifting.
00:14:02.57\00:14:06.34
And if that's the
intent of our heart,
00:14:06.37\00:14:08.84
we won't wait so long to do it.
00:14:08.88\00:14:11.91
And what we need to do
00:14:11.95\00:14:14.12
is focus on behaviors,
00:14:14.15\00:14:18.62
attack problems, not people.
00:14:18.65\00:14:23.16
It's easier said than done
00:14:23.19\00:14:25.89
for those who
had the passionate,
00:14:25.93\00:14:28.00
outspoken personality.
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But let me tell you something,
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you cannot use
your cleric personality
00:14:32.27\00:14:36.00
as an excuse for fiery rhetoric.
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When we attack others.
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That's a lack of
spiritual maturity.
00:14:42.44\00:14:44.61
And I want to prove that to you.
00:14:44.65\00:14:46.28
We're going to take a quick look
00:14:46.31\00:14:48.48
at the Apostle John, who...
00:14:48.52\00:14:51.85
In his early days,
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John had an intense personality.
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He was a very
quick-tempered person.
00:14:57.83\00:15:02.10
In Mark 9:38,
John said to Jesus,
00:15:02.13\00:15:04.83
"Teacher, we saw
someone who does not follow us,
00:15:04.87\00:15:09.04
casting out demons in your name.
00:15:09.07\00:15:11.64
And we forbade him
because he does not follow us."
00:15:11.67\00:15:15.91
So what did Jesus do?
00:15:15.94\00:15:17.65
He had to correct him and
tell them they were wrong.
00:15:17.68\00:15:20.88
Then in Luke 9:54,
00:15:20.92\00:15:23.59
john and his brother were upset
00:15:23.62\00:15:27.39
by the rejection of the people.
00:15:27.42\00:15:29.22
And, boy, they
were ready to retaliate.
00:15:29.26\00:15:32.29
So they said,
"Lord, do you want us
00:15:32.33\00:15:36.16
to command fire to
come down from heaven,
00:15:36.20\00:15:39.13
and consume them,
just as Elijah did?"
00:15:39.17\00:15:42.60
And then, in the next
verse, Luke 9:55, Jesus turn,
00:15:42.64\00:15:48.38
He rebuked them saying,
00:15:48.41\00:15:50.38
"You do not know
what manner of spirit
00:15:50.41\00:15:55.35
you are of."
00:15:55.38\00:15:57.52
It wasn't his
spirit, that's for sure.
00:15:57.55\00:16:00.62
And then Jesus said,
00:16:00.66\00:16:01.99
"For the Son of Man did
not come to destroy men's lives
00:16:02.02\00:16:06.16
but to save them."
00:16:06.19\00:16:08.13
You know what Jesus nicknamed
00:16:08.16\00:16:10.70
John and his brother,
00:16:10.73\00:16:12.90
He called them Sons of Thunder.
00:16:12.93\00:16:16.87
But what happened, God
transformed their hearts.
00:16:16.91\00:16:20.91
And John, who had
been a son of thunder
00:16:20.94\00:16:24.25
became known as the apostle
00:16:24.28\00:16:29.68
of love.
00:16:29.72\00:16:31.25
Someone whose words
were always a kiss of grace,
00:16:31.29\00:16:36.26
from Spirit-led lips.
00:16:36.29\00:16:39.76
Now let's apply this to us.
00:16:39.79\00:16:42.36
When we encounter someone
00:16:42.40\00:16:44.07
who's entangled in sin or
self-destructive behaviors
00:16:44.10\00:16:47.70
or maybe they're just
00:16:47.74\00:16:49.94
refusing to submit
to God's authority,
00:16:49.97\00:16:53.91
we should be concerned,
we need to be involved,
00:16:53.94\00:16:57.65
indifference is not Christ-like,
00:16:57.68\00:17:00.25
but we don't want
to be a son of thunder.
00:17:00.28\00:17:04.15
We're commanded
to correct people
00:17:04.19\00:17:06.82
in a loving and effective way.
00:17:06.86\00:17:10.96
We should pray and
ask the Holy Spirit,
00:17:10.99\00:17:14.00
for his boldness,
to give us the words,
00:17:14.03\00:17:17.73
and to make sure that
what we speak is effective
00:17:17.77\00:17:21.27
and appropriate
at the right time.
00:17:21.30\00:17:24.77
What we want to
do is concentrate
00:17:24.81\00:17:27.84
on sharing a word of salvation,
00:17:27.88\00:17:30.48
a word of forgiveness in Christ.
00:17:30.51\00:17:34.48
And the best way to do this
00:17:34.52\00:17:37.45
is when you're
attacking a problem,
00:17:37.49\00:17:40.06
you'll focus on future behavior,
00:17:40.09\00:17:44.16
rather than past problems.
00:17:44.19\00:17:47.00
So how do we make certain
00:17:47.03\00:17:48.40
that our words are kiss of grace
00:17:48.43\00:17:51.03
from Spirit-lead lips,
00:17:51.07\00:17:52.70
not the sharp
tongue poison of the devil?
00:17:52.73\00:17:56.10
Well, you can
check your attitude.
00:17:56.14\00:17:59.34
Are you speaking in
a spirit of humility?
00:17:59.37\00:18:03.18
Or are you harshly
criticizing someone
00:18:03.21\00:18:07.62
for a small fault
00:18:07.65\00:18:09.58
while overlooking
your own larger faults?
00:18:09.62\00:18:12.89
Jesus had something
to say about this too.
00:18:12.92\00:18:15.76
In Luke 6:42.
00:18:15.79\00:18:17.93
He says, "How can
you say to your brother,
00:18:17.96\00:18:20.43
'Brother, let
me remove the speck
00:18:20.46\00:18:23.70
that is in your eye, '
00:18:23.73\00:18:25.07
when you yourself,
00:18:25.10\00:18:26.43
do not see the plank
that is in your own eye?
00:18:26.47\00:18:30.21
And Jesus say, 'Hypocrite,
00:18:30.24\00:18:33.74
first remove the
plank from your own eye,
00:18:33.78\00:18:36.18
and you will see
clearly to remove the speck
00:18:36.21\00:18:39.88
that is in your brother's eye.'"
00:18:39.91\00:18:42.62
Do we see someone and think,
00:18:42.65\00:18:44.45
"They've got a
toothpick in their eye?
00:18:44.49\00:18:46.32
Let me pluck it out."
00:18:46.35\00:18:47.89
Well, all along we've got
a telephone pole in our own.
00:18:47.92\00:18:51.99
Jesus would tell us,
00:18:52.03\00:18:53.76
we are being
judgmental hypocrites.
00:18:53.80\00:18:58.20
So check the
spirit and make sure
00:18:58.23\00:19:01.44
you are speaking in
a spirit of humility.
00:19:01.47\00:19:04.54
Another thing is
check the intention
00:19:04.57\00:19:06.61
of your heart.
00:19:06.64\00:19:07.98
Are you wanting to
up lift that person?
00:19:08.01\00:19:12.85
Or do you want to
insult them and injure them?
00:19:12.88\00:19:16.55
Ephesians 4:29 says,
00:19:16.58\00:19:18.82
"Lead no corrupt word
00:19:18.85\00:19:22.99
proceed out of your mouth."
00:19:23.02\00:19:25.23
Wow.
00:19:25.26\00:19:27.03
"But only what is good
for necessary edification."
00:19:27.06\00:19:31.77
That means to build somebody up
00:19:31.80\00:19:34.17
to lift them from
the circumstances.
00:19:34.20\00:19:37.77
"That it may impart grace,"
00:19:37.81\00:19:40.84
Paul says to the hearers.
00:19:40.88\00:19:44.01
You know sometimes
we're in a situation
00:19:44.05\00:19:45.78
and it requires a rather firm
reminder of what's at stake.
00:19:45.81\00:19:51.69
It can be their
eternal salvation.
00:19:51.72\00:19:54.32
But we have to remember
Jesus firmly rebuked Pharisees
00:19:54.36\00:19:59.69
and money changers
because there was salvation.
00:19:59.73\00:20:03.23
It was a salvation issue.
00:20:03.26\00:20:05.63
Parent gentle response
to the woman at the well.
00:20:05.67\00:20:08.94
He had a gentle response
00:20:08.97\00:20:11.11
to the woman caught in adultery.
00:20:11.14\00:20:13.94
So many men had known her body,
00:20:13.98\00:20:16.98
but He was the only
one who knew her heart.
00:20:17.01\00:20:19.91
And he had a gentle response
00:20:19.95\00:20:22.32
when He was speaking with
Peter who was about to deny Him.
00:20:22.35\00:20:27.62
When Jesus said up, "Peter,
00:20:27.66\00:20:29.96
Satan wants to
sift you like weed.
00:20:29.99\00:20:32.86
But when you are converted,
when you return to me,
00:20:32.89\00:20:38.13
then just remember
to feed your brothers."
00:20:38.17\00:20:42.77
So Galatians 6:1 says this,
00:20:42.80\00:20:46.78
"Brethren, if a man is overtaken
00:20:46.81\00:20:49.04
in any trespass,
you who are spiritual,
00:20:49.08\00:20:52.81
restore such a one, in
a spirit of gentleness,
00:20:52.85\00:20:58.09
considering yourself,
lest he also be tempted.
00:20:58.12\00:21:02.92
Gentleness is the
fruit of the Spirit."
00:21:02.96\00:21:05.39
Gentleness the
goal that we speak
00:21:05.43\00:21:09.16
with is for
spiritual restoration.
00:21:09.20\00:21:13.00
Proverbs 15:1 says,
00:21:13.03\00:21:15.00
"A soft answer turns away wrath,
00:21:15.04\00:21:19.11
but a harsh word..."
00:21:19.14\00:21:20.74
And the literal translation,
00:21:20.78\00:21:23.11
for harsh word
is a word of pain.
00:21:23.14\00:21:27.55
"Word pain stirs up anger."
00:21:27.58\00:21:32.05
A soft answer
demonstrates a humility
00:21:32.09\00:21:37.23
that makes people
want to listen to us.
00:21:37.26\00:21:39.53
Don't you listen
to humble people?
00:21:39.56\00:21:42.10
Or when we speak
with a soft answer
00:21:42.13\00:21:44.47
it shows that we
have tender heart,
00:21:44.50\00:21:48.30
and that it suits situations.
00:21:48.34\00:21:51.67
So we speak with a
spirit of humility.
00:21:51.71\00:21:55.31
Make sure the
intent of our heart
00:21:55.34\00:21:57.58
is to build them up.
00:21:57.61\00:21:59.28
What else?
00:21:59.31\00:22:00.75
Well, another thing is to
be convinced of God's timing.
00:22:00.78\00:22:06.39
Proverbs 15:23 says,
00:22:06.42\00:22:09.62
"A man has joy by
the answer of his mouth,
00:22:09.66\00:22:12.49
and a word spoken in due season,
00:22:12.53\00:22:15.90
how good it is."
00:22:15.93\00:22:19.40
Now let's look
at King David again.
00:22:19.43\00:22:22.20
A man who was so concerned
that the fruit of his lips,
00:22:22.24\00:22:26.71
the words of his mouth
00:22:26.74\00:22:28.61
would be pleasing to
His Lord and Redeemer.
00:22:28.64\00:22:32.98
In Psalm 39:1-5.
00:22:33.01\00:22:37.09
Psalm 39:1-5.
00:22:37.12\00:22:40.92
Listen to what David says.
00:22:40.96\00:22:43.26
He says, "I will guard my
ways, lest I sin with my tongue,
00:22:43.29\00:22:46.66
I will restrain my
mouth with a muzzle,
00:22:46.70\00:22:50.67
while the wicked are before me."
00:22:50.70\00:22:53.57
Then he says, "I
was mute with silence,
00:22:53.60\00:22:57.67
I held my peace even from good."
00:22:57.71\00:23:01.38
He's not trying to correct them.
00:23:01.41\00:23:02.74
So what he's saying?
00:23:02.78\00:23:04.18
"And my sorrow was stirred
up, my heart was hot within me.
00:23:04.21\00:23:09.38
While I was
musing, the fire burned."
00:23:09.42\00:23:12.92
See, David muzzled his mouth,
he knew it wasn't God's timing.
00:23:12.95\00:23:18.19
And you know what I
appreciate about David?
00:23:18.23\00:23:21.80
He didn't have to
prove to everybody
00:23:21.83\00:23:24.27
that he was right.
00:23:24.30\00:23:25.67
Oh, brothers and sisters,
00:23:25.70\00:23:27.77
we need to give up
00:23:27.80\00:23:31.01
our need to be right.
00:23:31.04\00:23:34.91
That's what is going
on, polarize conversations,
00:23:34.94\00:23:39.51
both people wanting to
prove that they're right.
00:23:39.55\00:23:43.59
And it's rancorous.
00:23:43.62\00:23:45.95
"We need to hold our peace
00:23:45.99\00:23:47.99
and put a lid over the
passion of our tongues."
00:23:48.02\00:23:51.93
But now listen to what
he says in verse three.
00:23:51.96\00:23:54.40
This is Psalm 39:3 verse three.
00:23:54.43\00:23:56.93
Here, David's
been with the crowd.
00:23:56.97\00:23:59.13
His heart was stirred.
00:23:59.17\00:24:01.67
Anger, the fire was
burning in his heart.
00:24:01.70\00:24:04.94
But he muzzled his lips.
00:24:04.97\00:24:07.54
He says, Then, when?
00:24:07.58\00:24:11.18
We're going to see
00:24:11.21\00:24:12.55
it's when he was alone with God.
00:24:12.58\00:24:15.52
"Then I spoke with my tongue."
00:24:15.55\00:24:18.12
And listen to the
humility David speaks with.
00:24:18.15\00:24:22.19
"Lord, make me to know my end.
00:24:22.22\00:24:25.39
And what is the
measure of my days
00:24:25.43\00:24:27.00
that I may know how frail
00:24:27.03\00:24:28.36
I am indeed you
have made my days
00:24:28.40\00:24:30.63
as handbreadths and my
age is nothing before You."
00:24:30.67\00:24:35.64
David knew that if you
took the line of infinity
00:24:35.67\00:24:40.51
that just no
beginning, no end, his life
00:24:40.54\00:24:44.85
would be like a
little speck on that line.
00:24:44.88\00:24:50.29
He says, "Certainly every man
00:24:50.32\00:24:52.45
at his best date is but vapor.
00:24:52.49\00:24:57.86
Selah."
00:24:57.89\00:24:59.46
Think about.
00:24:59.49\00:25:00.96
That's what Selah means,
pause and think about that.
00:25:01.00\00:25:04.80
Do we have the humility
00:25:04.83\00:25:08.17
to not always
have to prove right?
00:25:08.20\00:25:11.11
Do we have the
humility to let the Holy Spirit
00:25:11.14\00:25:15.14
muzzle her mouth?
00:25:15.18\00:25:16.95
Don't be a son of thunder.
00:25:16.98\00:25:20.52
Check your attitude.
00:25:20.55\00:25:23.62
Make sure that your words
00:25:23.65\00:25:25.92
are intended to build others up.
00:25:25.95\00:25:29.66
And make sure it's God's timing.
00:25:29.69\00:25:32.09
Submit to the Holy Spirit
00:25:32.13\00:25:34.06
and let your
words be a kiss of grace
00:25:34.10\00:25:37.27
from Spirit-led lips.
00:25:37.30\00:25:39.33
Now let's get back
into 1 Thessalonians 5:14.
00:25:39.37\00:25:43.54
Paul continues
after he warn the unruly.
00:25:43.57\00:25:48.38
Then he says,
"Comfort the faint-hearted,
00:25:48.41\00:25:51.45
uphold the weak."
00:25:51.48\00:25:53.98
This is words of
true encouragement
00:25:54.02\00:25:59.42
and comfort and support.
00:25:59.45\00:26:02.26
Proverbs 25:11.
00:26:02.29\00:26:05.33
I love this scripture.
00:26:05.36\00:26:07.20
"A word, fitly spoken,
00:26:07.23\00:26:10.37
is like apples of
gold in settings of silver.
00:26:10.40\00:26:16.00
In ancient times,
expensive buildings
00:26:16.04\00:26:19.24
had these beautiful carvings
00:26:19.27\00:26:22.68
with apples of gold
in frames of silver.
00:26:22.71\00:26:27.28
They were beautiful to look at.
00:26:27.32\00:26:30.15
And you know what?
00:26:30.19\00:26:31.85
When we speak, led
by the Holy Spirit,
00:26:31.89\00:26:35.96
our words can be a
valuable work of art.
00:26:35.99\00:26:40.20
Proverbs 16:20
says, "Pleasant words.
00:26:40.23\00:26:46.17
Literally, the
sweetness of the lips
00:26:46.20\00:26:49.74
are like a honeycomb,
sweetness to the soul,
00:26:49.77\00:26:53.98
and health to the bones.
00:26:54.01\00:26:56.08
A word fitly spoken
00:26:56.11\00:26:59.81
is like an apple of gold."
00:26:59.85\00:27:02.65
Isn't that something?
00:27:02.68\00:27:04.39
Saying the right
words at the right time.
00:27:04.42\00:27:08.42
And here, he's saying,
00:27:08.46\00:27:10.53
"It's like sweetness to the soul
00:27:10.56\00:27:13.19
and health to the bones."
00:27:13.23\00:27:15.56
Our encouragement
can literally revitalize
00:27:15.60\00:27:20.30
someone's spiritual energy.
00:27:20.34\00:27:23.30
You know what,
life is difficult.
00:27:23.34\00:27:26.01
And sooner or later,
00:27:26.04\00:27:28.34
one of the five Ds
comes knocking at the door.
00:27:28.38\00:27:33.18
You know what the five Ds are?
00:27:33.21\00:27:35.28
I bet you felt
00:27:35.32\00:27:37.59
it answered the
door to one of these,
00:27:37.62\00:27:40.36
if not all.
00:27:40.39\00:27:41.72
The five Ds are
disappointment, deflation,
00:27:41.76\00:27:45.49
discouragement,
despondency, and depression.
00:27:45.53\00:27:50.53
Let me tell you treat everyone
00:27:50.57\00:27:55.20
as if their heart is breaking.
00:27:55.24\00:27:58.21
Because it probably is,
00:27:58.24\00:28:01.38
you know, you can
read a clerk of store
00:28:01.41\00:28:04.18
who's just being a little snit.
00:28:04.21\00:28:07.85
They're being rude
and abrupt with you.
00:28:07.88\00:28:11.29
And if you speak a
word, that's fitly spoken,
00:28:11.32\00:28:16.83
what you can find out.
00:28:16.86\00:28:18.83
And this happened
to me not too long ago,
00:28:18.86\00:28:21.83
in a Walmart, this
lady was being so rude.
00:28:21.86\00:28:25.43
And I just kept
saying nice things.
00:28:25.47\00:28:28.00
And I mentioned
Jesus, and all of a sudden,
00:28:28.04\00:28:30.27
she's got tears
running down her eyes.
00:28:30.31\00:28:33.24
And she's saying, "I'm sorry,
00:28:33.27\00:28:35.28
my husband left me last night,
I'm barely able to stand."
00:28:35.31\00:28:39.61
So treat everyone as
if their heart is breaking
00:28:39.65\00:28:43.85
because it probably is.
00:28:43.89\00:28:46.59
Emotions can overwhelm people.
00:28:46.62\00:28:49.66
And they begin to even
question if God loves them.
00:28:49.69\00:28:53.56
So encouragement is necessary
00:28:53.60\00:28:58.27
to our walk of faith.
00:28:58.30\00:29:00.40
It has a
therapeutic value to it.
00:29:00.44\00:29:04.24
It's like honey,
it's sweet to the soul.
00:29:04.27\00:29:09.18
It's health to the bones,
00:29:09.21\00:29:11.31
it brings hope
and it sees people
00:29:11.35\00:29:14.72
it sees us through our problems.
00:29:14.75\00:29:18.45
It strengthens us and returns us
00:29:18.49\00:29:21.72
to our lives with renewed vigor.
00:29:21.76\00:29:25.16
You know, there's nothing like
being reminded of God's love,
00:29:25.19\00:29:28.70
and how much He
treasures us and the life
00:29:28.73\00:29:31.93
that He wants us to
have that brings comfort.
00:29:31.97\00:29:35.27
And Christians should be agents
00:29:35.30\00:29:39.61
of God's comfort.
00:29:39.64\00:29:42.14
We're supposed to
soothe the grief and the pain
00:29:42.18\00:29:47.28
that others are going through.
00:29:47.32\00:29:49.08
In Romans 12:15.
00:29:49.12\00:29:51.55
It says, "Weep
with those who weep."
00:29:51.59\00:29:55.49
You know what that saying?
00:29:55.52\00:29:56.86
Be compassionate.
00:29:56.89\00:29:58.43
Compassion is to enter
00:29:58.46\00:30:00.93
into someone else's
grief and suffering.
00:30:00.96\00:30:04.40
And we need to
learn how to speak
00:30:04.43\00:30:08.84
to those who are suffering.
00:30:08.87\00:30:13.01
Paul says, "Uphold the weak."
00:30:13.04\00:30:15.94
Those who are in fear or doubt
00:30:15.98\00:30:18.95
that find it
difficult to trust God,
00:30:18.98\00:30:22.48
we need to offer
emotional support for the sick.
00:30:22.52\00:30:27.86
Let me tell you something.
00:30:27.89\00:30:29.42
If you are physically
oppressed or suppressed,
00:30:29.46\00:30:35.00
whatever word you want to use.
00:30:35.03\00:30:36.93
If you're sick for a long
time, you know what happens,
00:30:36.97\00:30:40.70
you become, you go
from physical to mental
00:30:40.74\00:30:45.54
and emotional exhaustion.
00:30:45.57\00:30:48.64
And eventually,
00:30:48.68\00:30:50.01
you become
spiritually suppressed.
00:30:50.05\00:30:52.75
We need to
learn how to reach out
00:30:52.78\00:30:55.45
and encourage those
who are feeling useless
00:30:55.48\00:30:58.99
because they have a
sense of lost identity
00:30:59.02\00:31:02.99
in their illness.
00:31:03.02\00:31:04.63
We need to offer a
word of encouragement
00:31:04.66\00:31:08.10
to uphold those
who are discouraged
00:31:08.13\00:31:10.63
and depressed and
lack the spiritual courage
00:31:10.67\00:31:14.57
that's needed to get
through this old tough world.
00:31:14.60\00:31:19.51
Barnabas is one
of my favorite people
00:31:19.54\00:31:23.61
in the New Testament.
00:31:23.65\00:31:25.81
He is the most widely known
00:31:25.85\00:31:29.08
encourager in the New Testament.
00:31:29.12\00:31:32.15
He's mentioned 23
times in the books,
00:31:32.19\00:31:35.89
the Book of Acts.
00:31:35.92\00:31:37.36
And then Paul
mentions him five times.
00:31:37.39\00:31:39.69
Do you know what
Barnabas real name was?
00:31:39.73\00:31:42.26
We find it in Acts 4:36.
00:31:42.30\00:31:45.73
His real name was Joses,
00:31:45.77\00:31:48.87
J-O-S-E-S, Joses.
00:31:48.90\00:31:52.41
But the
apostles, Acts 4:36 says,
00:31:52.44\00:31:56.41
"The apostles
named him Barnabas,
00:31:56.44\00:32:00.38
which is translated,
son of encouragement."
00:32:00.42\00:32:05.02
Are you a Barnabas?
00:32:05.05\00:32:06.86
Are you a son of encouragement?
00:32:06.89\00:32:09.86
Acts 11: 24 says
he was a good man
00:32:09.89\00:32:12.79
full of the Holy
Spirit, full of faith.
00:32:12.83\00:32:16.26
And his ministry was a ministry
00:32:16.30\00:32:20.60
of encouragement.
00:32:20.64\00:32:22.87
I'm going to say,
honestly, I believe
00:32:22.90\00:32:26.21
all Christians are
called to a Barnabas Ministry
00:32:26.24\00:32:30.18
of encouragement.
00:32:30.21\00:32:32.01
If you have so far...
00:32:32.05\00:32:34.05
In your life,
00:32:34.08\00:32:35.42
if you have
avoided the experience
00:32:35.45\00:32:40.82
of something that
created negative feelings
00:32:40.86\00:32:46.36
because it was a bad situation.
00:32:46.39\00:32:49.20
If you haven't
been through it yet,
00:32:49.23\00:32:51.63
hold on, you will.
00:32:51.67\00:32:54.30
And when you go through it,
00:32:54.34\00:32:56.04
you're going to want a Barnabas
00:32:56.07\00:32:58.64
to call you on the phone,
00:32:58.67\00:33:00.01
you're going to want
a Barnabas to text you
00:33:00.04\00:33:02.88
or to show up at your door.
00:33:02.91\00:33:06.75
Now let's talk about
feelings for a minute.
00:33:06.78\00:33:11.72
That's a word
that some Christians
00:33:11.75\00:33:13.42
I don't know why,
00:33:13.46\00:33:14.79
but so many people
you mentioned feelings,
00:33:14.82\00:33:17.19
and it's kind of like,
00:33:17.23\00:33:18.63
"Let's don't
talk about feelings."
00:33:18.66\00:33:20.80
You know, feelings
aren't always right.
00:33:20.83\00:33:24.73
They are a
reflection of our experiences.
00:33:24.77\00:33:27.37
They're a
reflection of our perspective.
00:33:27.40\00:33:30.91
And while we don't
let our feelings rule us
00:33:30.94\00:33:35.91
at least we shouldn't
let our feelings rule us,
00:33:35.94\00:33:39.31
it's wrong to reject
and ignore our feelings
00:33:39.35\00:33:43.72
or to diminish
someone else's feelings.
00:33:43.75\00:33:47.72
Most people with
feelings of sadness
00:33:47.76\00:33:52.66
or anger or frustration,
00:33:52.69\00:33:54.96
you know what they want more
00:33:55.00\00:33:56.50
than anything else in the world?
00:33:56.53\00:33:59.60
They want to feel
understood and accepted.
00:33:59.63\00:34:03.77
They want to be heard.
00:34:03.81\00:34:06.78
And listening is
the most important,
00:34:06.81\00:34:10.98
the most vital
communication skill of all
00:34:11.01\00:34:15.38
is listening.
00:34:15.42\00:34:17.85
What we do when
we listen to someone
00:34:17.89\00:34:22.49
that is emotional validation.
00:34:22.52\00:34:27.13
You're saying, "I hear you.
00:34:27.16\00:34:29.66
I care about your feelings."
00:34:29.70\00:34:32.10
And you can empathize
and validate a feeling
00:34:32.13\00:34:37.41
without validating or supporting
00:34:37.44\00:34:41.34
whatever their thought
process was to get them there.
00:34:41.38\00:34:45.18
James 1:19 says this,
00:34:45.21\00:34:49.82
"So then, my beloved brethren,
00:34:49.85\00:34:53.86
let every man be swift to hear
00:34:53.89\00:34:57.73
and slow to speak."
00:34:57.76\00:35:00.20
God created us with
two ears, one mouth.
00:35:00.23\00:35:03.80
Do you think he designed us
00:35:03.83\00:35:05.93
to listen twice
as much as we speak?
00:35:05.97\00:35:09.67
Some Christians feel
00:35:09.70\00:35:12.97
that it is a lack of faith,
00:35:13.01\00:35:16.51
to say anything wrong
00:35:16.54\00:35:20.42
or to admit that
something's wrong.
00:35:20.45\00:35:23.52
They have an idea
00:35:23.55\00:35:26.05
that sadness is
spiritual failure.
00:35:26.09\00:35:30.83
And that sorrow or
grieving is not Godly.
00:35:30.86\00:35:36.30
But there's no shame
00:35:36.33\00:35:38.70
to express a heart
it's filled with sadness.
00:35:38.73\00:35:42.10
Our Savior did.
00:35:42.14\00:35:43.94
In Matthew 26:38,
00:35:43.97\00:35:46.01
Jesus was in the
Garden of Gethsemane,
00:35:46.04\00:35:48.34
and He came to His
disciples, and what does He say?
00:35:48.38\00:35:52.45
"My soul is
exceedingly sorrowful,
00:35:52.48\00:35:57.22
even to death, stay
here and watch with me."
00:35:57.25\00:36:02.42
See, we've got to be
00:36:02.46\00:36:06.80
more comfortable with
other people's feelings.
00:36:06.83\00:36:12.13
Some Christians
are so uncomfortable
00:36:12.17\00:36:15.04
with their own feelings
and with others feelings,
00:36:15.07\00:36:19.37
that when somebody
does get vulnerable
00:36:19.41\00:36:22.08
and say something, they minimize
00:36:22.11\00:36:26.45
what they're hearing,
they deny their feelings
00:36:26.48\00:36:30.02
because they are dismissive.
00:36:30.05\00:36:33.52
And when we reject
00:36:33.56\00:36:36.62
the authentic
expression of emotion
00:36:36.66\00:36:41.40
and label it as a lack of faith,
00:36:41.43\00:36:44.97
we're inflicting
pain on other people.
00:36:45.00\00:36:48.67
And you know how
most Christians do it?
00:36:48.70\00:36:52.31
I've been guilty
of this in the past,
00:36:52.34\00:36:54.71
I'm sure you're guilty as well,
00:36:54.74\00:36:56.95
sometimes, you know,
men are known to be fixers,
00:36:56.98\00:37:01.98
when a wife comes and
tries to talk to her husband,
00:37:02.02\00:37:05.35
and the husband jumps
in and just says something,
00:37:05.39\00:37:07.89
and he's not
listening to the emotion.
00:37:07.92\00:37:10.29
It's like she's gone away.
00:37:10.33\00:37:11.86
"I can't talk with you.
00:37:11.89\00:37:14.13
Well, I'm a fixer.
00:37:14.16\00:37:15.50
I'm always trying."
00:37:15.53\00:37:16.87
I don't want
people to be in pain.
00:37:16.90\00:37:20.34
So I'm always trying to
think of something to lift them
00:37:20.37\00:37:23.17
from their pain.
00:37:23.20\00:37:24.54
And what we do,
we're well-meaning,
00:37:24.57\00:37:27.61
but what we do
00:37:27.64\00:37:29.54
is when we
respond with some trite,
00:37:29.58\00:37:35.22
saying, we are
terminating their feelings.
00:37:35.25\00:37:41.19
Someone who is
battling depression,
00:37:41.22\00:37:43.76
recently had a pastor
00:37:43.79\00:37:48.20
who came to him.
00:37:48.23\00:37:50.07
And the pastor said to
him, "What's the problem?
00:37:50.10\00:37:54.74
Don't we have
Jesus in our hearts?"
00:37:54.77\00:37:57.97
See,
00:37:58.01\00:38:01.14
depression
isn't just an emotion,
00:38:01.18\00:38:04.61
it can have a chemical
00:38:04.65\00:38:06.95
and biological factor behind it.
00:38:06.98\00:38:10.09
It's not necessarily
just an emotional experience.
00:38:10.12\00:38:14.62
But have you ever said
anything like this to someone,
00:38:14.66\00:38:17.96
they start talking
to you and you say,
00:38:17.99\00:38:20.50
"Oh, it isn't that bad
could have been worse?"
00:38:20.53\00:38:23.26
Or maybe you're
saying that about yourself.
00:38:23.30\00:38:25.57
You're going through a problem
and you say your problem,
00:38:25.60\00:38:27.97
and they go, "Oh, I
shouldn't have said that."
00:38:28.00\00:38:29.80
So you say, "Oh,
it isn't that bad.
00:38:29.84\00:38:31.54
It could have been worse.
00:38:31.57\00:38:33.78
Or count your blessings."
00:38:33.81\00:38:36.71
The worst thing,
"At least it's not."
00:38:36.75\00:38:41.32
You know, we do this.
00:38:41.35\00:38:43.18
We say things to people.
00:38:43.22\00:38:45.25
Don't take it personally
or tripping over sensitive...
00:38:45.29\00:38:49.16
Overly sensitive, I
don't think they meant that.
00:38:49.19\00:38:51.69
Don't be upset.
00:38:51.73\00:38:53.06
Don't be sad.
00:38:53.09\00:38:54.43
You shouldn't feel that way.
00:38:54.46\00:38:55.80
Or then you hear Christians
say this all the time.
00:38:55.83\00:38:58.33
"Oh, let go and let God.
00:38:58.37\00:39:00.34
God's got a
purpose for everything."
00:39:00.37\00:39:03.04
These quick
insensitive responses,
00:39:03.07\00:39:07.54
communicate to
whoever is suffering,
00:39:07.58\00:39:12.11
that their emotional
experience is not valid,
00:39:12.15\00:39:17.42
and it carries
with it a certain sense.
00:39:17.45\00:39:22.42
It conveys condemnation.
00:39:22.46\00:39:25.89
People who are gripped in pain,
00:39:25.93\00:39:28.56
experiencing
real emotional trauma
00:39:28.60\00:39:32.97
are made to feel guilty.
00:39:33.00\00:39:37.51
Oh, God, help us, it
shouldn't be that way.
00:39:37.54\00:39:40.58
Emotional invalidation,
00:39:40.61\00:39:43.45
even when it is unintentional,
00:39:43.48\00:39:48.58
it's painful.
00:39:48.62\00:39:50.62
Validation says, "I hear you."
00:39:50.65\00:39:54.62
Validation says, "I
care about your feelings."
00:39:54.66\00:39:59.76
If a child has
been bullied at school,
00:39:59.79\00:40:03.03
oh, listen to what
I'm saying, please,
00:40:03.06\00:40:06.63
don't say to that child,
00:40:06.67\00:40:10.61
ignore the bully,
just shake it off.
00:40:10.64\00:40:14.01
That's not where you
start with a child because...
00:40:14.04\00:40:18.28
It's not uplifting,
it's not encouraging.
00:40:18.31\00:40:21.45
You've just told them
your feelings are all wrong.
00:40:21.48\00:40:24.25
You've got to
listen, and say, "Oh,
00:40:24.29\00:40:27.19
that must be so painful
00:40:27.22\00:40:28.56
to be going
through this experience.
00:40:28.59\00:40:30.23
Tell me about it."
00:40:30.26\00:40:31.59
Let that person
tell you what's going on.
00:40:31.63\00:40:35.76
If someone has lost a job
or they've lost their home
00:40:35.80\00:40:40.20
or maybe they're
going through a divorce,
00:40:40.24\00:40:42.77
don't say something like,
00:40:42.80\00:40:44.47
"Well, at least, you
didn't have children."
00:40:44.51\00:40:48.38
Don't say, don't start with God
is the God of new beginnings.
00:40:48.41\00:40:53.38
Oh, I'm guilty of
that one in the past.
00:40:53.42\00:40:56.08
See, we can't
intervene with spiritual advice,
00:40:56.12\00:41:00.59
until someone believes
00:41:00.62\00:41:04.03
that we hear where
they're coming from.
00:41:04.06\00:41:07.26
And that's where you say,
"Oh, this must be so painful.
00:41:07.30\00:41:11.77
I'm so sorry.
00:41:11.80\00:41:13.13
It's devastating to
experience such a loss.
00:41:13.17\00:41:17.24
Tell me about it."
00:41:17.27\00:41:19.31
And you know,
something else don't say,
00:41:19.34\00:41:21.94
"I know how you feel."
00:41:21.98\00:41:23.71
Feelings are subjective.
00:41:23.75\00:41:26.31
We don't know how someone feels.
00:41:26.35\00:41:29.12
Even if we'd gone
through something that similar.
00:41:29.15\00:41:32.92
What I have learned to
say is one of two things.
00:41:32.95\00:41:38.29
If I haven't been through that,
my brother-in-law just died,
00:41:38.33\00:41:42.66
my sister-in-law is a widow.
00:41:42.70\00:41:44.33
I've ever been widowed.
00:41:44.37\00:41:46.23
So what I say to her
00:41:46.27\00:41:48.40
if I can only imagine
00:41:48.44\00:41:52.91
how you feel?
00:41:52.94\00:41:55.14
That makes someone understand
00:41:55.18\00:41:58.98
that you're
trying to support them,
00:41:59.01\00:42:02.75
you're trying to understand.
00:42:02.78\00:42:05.12
Now if you've
been through something,
00:42:05.15\00:42:08.32
you can say,
00:42:08.36\00:42:09.72
"You know, I've been
through a similar experience.
00:42:09.76\00:42:13.13
I have some idea
of how you feel."
00:42:13.16\00:42:16.80
But you don't know
how somebody feels.
00:42:16.83\00:42:20.27
So what I'm
saying to you is this.
00:42:20.30\00:42:23.14
Our quick fixes don't cure
00:42:23.17\00:42:28.94
someone else's discomfort.
00:42:28.98\00:42:31.18
We actually add pain upon pain.
00:42:31.21\00:42:35.65
So something that
I've learned to do
00:42:35.68\00:42:39.22
is sometimes somebody calls...
00:42:39.25\00:42:41.92
There's somebody I
have in mind right now,
00:42:41.96\00:42:44.23
who's a Chicken Little.
00:42:44.26\00:42:45.63
Do you know what I mean by that?
00:42:45.66\00:42:47.16
It's always, "Oh,
the sky is falling,
00:42:47.20\00:42:49.56
the sky is falling,"
00:42:49.60\00:42:50.97
even when it seems to me
like a very small problem.
00:42:51.00\00:42:55.60
But I don't want to
invalidate their feelings.
00:42:55.64\00:42:58.61
And sometimes you try,
you know, it's patience.
00:42:58.64\00:43:03.45
It can wear on your patients
if you have someone like that,
00:43:03.48\00:43:06.98
who you
frequently interact with.
00:43:07.02\00:43:10.19
But what I've learned to do
00:43:10.22\00:43:12.75
is let them
express their feelings.
00:43:12.79\00:43:15.66
And then I will
say, often I say,
00:43:15.69\00:43:19.39
"Do you want my
help with this problem?"
00:43:19.43\00:43:22.16
And if they say no,
then just focus on listening.
00:43:22.20\00:43:27.30
Here's one of my pet peeves.
00:43:27.34\00:43:29.97
And I think it's wrong.
00:43:32.97\00:43:35.64
I think we can
prove from Scripture,
00:43:35.68\00:43:37.75
it's wrong.
00:43:37.78\00:43:40.85
An insistent demand
00:43:40.88\00:43:45.55
on avoiding all negativity.
00:43:45.59\00:43:50.43
And that's what
some Christians do.
00:43:50.46\00:43:53.53
That's toxic.
00:43:53.56\00:43:55.40
There is such a
thing as toxic positivity.
00:43:55.43\00:44:01.30
It is a toxic
attitude to Biblical faith
00:44:01.34\00:44:06.61
if we demand
00:44:06.64\00:44:08.91
that people
avoid all negativity.
00:44:08.94\00:44:12.81
Sometimes, we don't do
any intentional listening,
00:44:12.85\00:44:17.59
we just gush out
our scripture verses
00:44:17.62\00:44:22.46
and our promises.
00:44:22.49\00:44:23.99
And we shut people
down, terminate them,
00:44:24.03\00:44:27.66
and we use God's
Word as a weapon.
00:44:27.70\00:44:33.44
Let me give you an example.
00:44:33.47\00:44:35.90
I was in England, I
believe this was 2002,
00:44:35.94\00:44:41.38
I was speaking at a
large multi-church conference.
00:44:41.41\00:44:46.21
And while I was speaking,
I was trying to tell people
00:44:46.25\00:44:49.98
'cause if you
know, my ministry started
00:44:50.02\00:44:55.09
with exalting the Word of God,
00:44:55.12\00:44:58.19
with teaching people to speak
God's Word over their life,
00:44:58.23\00:45:01.66
to pray their promises,
God's promises back to God,
00:45:01.70\00:45:07.20
knowing they won't return void,
00:45:07.24\00:45:10.24
but that He will watch
over His Word to perform it.
00:45:10.27\00:45:15.38
But what I said
during this meeting.
00:45:15.41\00:45:18.88
I was trying to tell people,
00:45:18.91\00:45:21.12
be careful how you
use the Word of God.
00:45:21.15\00:45:26.42
For example, Romans 8:28,
00:45:26.45\00:45:29.49
and I was giving this
example at the meeting.
00:45:29.52\00:45:32.29
Romans 8:28, says,
00:45:32.33\00:45:35.50
"That all things
work together for good
00:45:35.53\00:45:38.23
for those who love the Lord,
00:45:38.27\00:45:40.20
and are called
according to His purpose."
00:45:40.24\00:45:43.91
But in my mind, it
should never have been separated
00:45:43.94\00:45:49.41
from Romans 8:29.
00:45:49.44\00:45:52.45
Because He explains
the purpose in verse 29,
00:45:52.48\00:45:58.39
he says, "For whom he foreknew,
00:45:58.42\00:46:01.99
he also
predestined to be conformed
00:46:02.02\00:46:05.73
to the image of His son.
00:46:05.76\00:46:07.40
So God is working all
things together for our good,
00:46:07.43\00:46:11.50
no matter how bad it is.
00:46:11.53\00:46:15.54
When we participate in
the sufferings of Christ,
00:46:15.57\00:46:18.67
he's working to conform us
to the character of Christ.
00:46:18.71\00:46:23.24
But as I was speaking, I asked,
00:46:23.28\00:46:25.91
I said, "What would you do
00:46:25.95\00:46:28.78
if your
children and your husband
00:46:28.82\00:46:31.65
were just killed
in a car accident?"
00:46:31.69\00:46:35.22
And some,
00:46:35.26\00:46:36.83
well-meaning Christian
came up to you and said,
00:46:36.86\00:46:39.66
"Oh, Sister, don't worry
all things work together,
00:46:39.69\00:46:43.67
for those who love the Lord."
00:46:43.70\00:46:47.70
Well, you want to succumb?
00:46:47.74\00:46:50.61
See, we use
scripture to shut people down.
00:46:50.64\00:46:56.34
That doesn't encourage somebody.
00:46:56.38\00:46:59.15
So what happened,
00:46:59.18\00:47:00.52
I was explaining how
God works it all together
00:47:00.55\00:47:04.75
to conform us to
the image of Jesus.
00:47:04.79\00:47:07.92
What happened when
I finished speaking
00:47:07.96\00:47:10.53
was amazing.
00:47:10.56\00:47:14.00
It was a huge
conference thousands of people.
00:47:14.03\00:47:17.83
So there was a line of people
that wanted to talk afterwards.
00:47:17.87\00:47:21.74
And I saw of in a distance,
00:47:21.77\00:47:24.84
a woman just standing
amongst the empty seats
00:47:24.87\00:47:30.58
in the auditorium.
00:47:30.61\00:47:32.31
So I had spoken
with, I don't know,
00:47:32.35\00:47:35.35
30 people, 40
people, a lot of people,
00:47:35.38\00:47:39.09
and she kept standing there.
00:47:39.12\00:47:41.69
So when I
finished, I went to her.
00:47:41.72\00:47:45.23
And I said,
"Sister, I just am impressed
00:47:45.26\00:47:48.56
that we're
supposed to be talking."
00:47:48.60\00:47:50.53
And you know what she told me.
00:47:50.57\00:47:52.53
She said, "My son,"
00:47:52.57\00:47:57.34
I think he was 10 years old,
00:47:57.37\00:47:59.77
"was swimming in
the English Channel
00:47:59.81\00:48:02.34
and he got
caught in a rip current.
00:48:02.38\00:48:05.15
And my husband went to get him,
00:48:05.18\00:48:09.68
to save him, and
they both drowned."
00:48:09.72\00:48:14.22
Then she said,
"Somebody from church,
00:48:14.26\00:48:16.73
came up to me, and
said, 'Not to worry,
00:48:16.76\00:48:21.10
God works all things
together for our good.'"
00:48:21.13\00:48:26.67
And she said,
"It's been four years,
00:48:26.70\00:48:30.64
this is the first
time I've ever been
00:48:30.67\00:48:34.44
to a Christian event again.
00:48:34.48\00:48:38.38
See,
00:48:38.41\00:48:39.75
when we use
words out of context,
00:48:39.78\00:48:45.65
we do more
damage than we do good.
00:48:45.69\00:48:48.72
And my personal problem with one
00:48:48.76\00:48:53.46
is when people say,
00:48:53.50\00:48:55.13
"God doesn't put on you
more than you can handle."
00:48:55.16\00:48:58.47
Now I know that
they're coming...
00:48:58.50\00:49:01.07
Where they get this idea,
00:49:01.10\00:49:02.44
and it's a popular
idea how God has put
00:49:02.47\00:49:04.91
on us more than we can handle.
00:49:04.94\00:49:06.81
1 Corinthians 10:13
says, "God is faithful,
00:49:06.84\00:49:09.81
He won't allow you
to be tempted beyond
00:49:09.84\00:49:13.75
what you were able
but with the temptation,
00:49:13.78\00:49:16.42
we'll make the way of escape,
00:49:16.45\00:49:18.92
that you may be
able to bear it."
00:49:18.95\00:49:20.96
What is he saying here?
00:49:20.99\00:49:23.02
He's saying that every trial
00:49:23.06\00:49:25.16
or temptation
gives us two choices.
00:49:25.19\00:49:28.03
We can either remain confident
00:49:28.06\00:49:30.33
in God's
faithfulness and His Word,
00:49:30.37\00:49:33.00
and take his way of
escape, walking in obedience,
00:49:33.03\00:49:37.21
empowered by the Holy Spirit,
00:49:37.24\00:49:39.31
or we can doubt His Word
and His loving faithfulness
00:49:39.34\00:49:43.65
and His power to overcome
and give in to our own loss.
00:49:43.68\00:49:47.95
He's talking about temptation.
00:49:47.98\00:49:51.02
But is it Biblical to say
00:49:51.05\00:49:55.59
that earthly circumstances
can never overpower us?
00:49:55.62\00:50:01.43
You know, Paul wrote
in 2 Corinthians 1:8-9,
00:50:01.46\00:50:06.84
he said, "We don't want
you to be ignorant, brethren,
00:50:06.87\00:50:11.17
of our trouble
which came to us in Asia,
00:50:11.21\00:50:13.74
we were burdened beyond measure,
00:50:13.78\00:50:16.21
above strength,
00:50:16.24\00:50:18.25
so that we
despaired even in the life,
00:50:18.28\00:50:20.38
we had the sentence
of death in ourselves."
00:50:20.42\00:50:24.19
I would say,
00:50:24.22\00:50:25.55
he was definitely
burned beyond measure.
00:50:25.59\00:50:30.33
So be careful how
you use God's Word.
00:50:30.36\00:50:33.63
Now let's look at 1
Thessalonians 5 again.
00:50:33.66\00:50:37.43
We've read verse 14.
00:50:37.47\00:50:38.87
"we exhort you, brethren,
warn those who are unruly,
00:50:38.90\00:50:41.97
comfort the
fainthearted, uphold the weak."
00:50:42.00\00:50:45.64
These are effective,
00:50:45.67\00:50:47.04
loving words of a warning
and words of true comfort
00:50:47.08\00:50:50.48
and encouragement and support."
00:50:50.51\00:50:52.38
But now listen
to what Paul says.
00:50:52.41\00:50:55.18
This is the last
part of verse 14.
00:50:55.22\00:50:58.75
"Be patient with all.
00:50:58.79\00:51:01.16
See that no one renders
evil for evil to anyone,
00:51:01.19\00:51:03.89
but always pursue what is good
00:51:03.93\00:51:05.66
both for yourselves and for all.
00:51:05.69\00:51:08.60
So our words
00:51:08.63\00:51:11.10
are to exhibit patients
00:51:11.13\00:51:14.97
that result in forgiveness.
00:51:15.00\00:51:17.24
We all make patients.
00:51:17.27\00:51:19.17
We come from
different backgrounds,
00:51:19.21\00:51:21.48
different
cultures and experiences.
00:51:21.51\00:51:24.21
We have different personalities,
00:51:24.25\00:51:26.55
and our rate of
Christian maturity
00:51:26.58\00:51:29.25
is different.
00:51:29.28\00:51:30.89
We need to learn to be patient.
00:51:30.92\00:51:34.79
Love is patience.
00:51:34.82\00:51:37.59
Patience and love are
fruit of the Holy Spirit.
00:51:37.63\00:51:43.26
What causes
impatience, selfishness.
00:51:43.30\00:51:48.14
Selfishness is
the root of impatience
00:51:48.17\00:51:53.27
with others.
00:51:53.31\00:51:54.64
Let me tell you something.
00:51:54.68\00:51:56.01
God is patient with us.
00:51:56.04\00:51:57.95
So we need to grow in the grace
00:51:57.98\00:52:01.95
and the love of our Lord.
00:52:01.98\00:52:03.99
Now listen to this.
00:52:04.02\00:52:06.05
James 1:19-20.
00:52:06.09\00:52:07.72
We've already read verse
1:19, we will do it again.
00:52:07.76\00:52:11.59
James says, "All
so that my beloved,
00:52:11.63\00:52:14.53
brethren, let every
man be swift to hear,
00:52:14.56\00:52:16.90
slow to speak, slow to wrath,
00:52:16.93\00:52:18.57
for the wrath of
man does not produce
00:52:18.60\00:52:21.80
the righteousness of God."
00:52:21.84\00:52:25.47
He's telling us
be slow to speak,
00:52:25.51\00:52:28.64
be patient.
00:52:28.68\00:52:30.45
So that a calls for restraint,
00:52:30.48\00:52:33.72
lest we produce a
hasty, ill-timed reaction.
00:52:33.75\00:52:39.32
Now if you have your Bibles,
00:52:39.35\00:52:42.09
turn from 1 Thessalonians
15 over to Ephesians 4
00:52:42.12\00:52:47.43
'cause I've just
got to get these in.
00:52:47.46\00:52:50.73
Ephesians 4, Paul tells
us to put away five sins.
00:52:50.77\00:52:55.87
Five sins, this
is Ephesians 4:29-32.
00:52:55.90\00:53:01.44
Listen.
00:53:01.48\00:53:03.21
"Let no corrupt word
proceed out of your mouth,
00:53:03.24\00:53:07.85
but what is good for
necessary edification,
00:53:07.88\00:53:11.05
that it may impart
grace to the hearers.
00:53:11.09\00:53:14.12
And do not grieve
the Holy Spirit of God,
00:53:14.16\00:53:17.36
by whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption."
00:53:17.39\00:53:21.66
He says, "Let all bitterness,
00:53:21.70\00:53:25.17
wrath, anger, clamor,
00:53:25.20\00:53:28.84
and evil speaking
00:53:28.87\00:53:31.77
be put away from
you, with all malice."
00:53:31.81\00:53:36.98
So what are the five sins
00:53:37.01\00:53:38.85
that Paul's instructing
Christians to put away?
00:53:38.88\00:53:42.42
Bitterness, that's a sin.
00:53:42.45\00:53:45.09
And it results from resentment
and a lack of forgiveness.
00:53:45.12\00:53:50.73
Wrath, he says to put away.
00:53:50.76\00:53:53.09
Wrath is an indignation.
00:53:53.13\00:53:55.73
That is like a roaring fire.
00:53:55.76\00:53:58.50
Anger, that's a strong,
00:53:58.53\00:54:01.04
explosive hostile reaction.
00:54:01.07\00:54:04.97
This will get you, clamor.
00:54:05.01\00:54:08.31
That's yelling at
others in an angry fashion.
00:54:08.34\00:54:14.32
Let me tell you something,
00:54:14.35\00:54:15.68
however, you speak in public
00:54:15.72\00:54:18.05
is however you
should be speaking at home.
00:54:18.09\00:54:21.22
You shouldn't be
yelling at your spouse.
00:54:21.26\00:54:24.16
You shouldn't be yelling
at your children in anger.
00:54:24.19\00:54:29.23
He says, "Put
away evil speaking.
00:54:29.26\00:54:32.13
That's a deliberate
insult with abusive words
00:54:32.17\00:54:35.84
and put away malice.
00:54:35.87\00:54:37.91
That's an intention to
inflict hurt or injury."
00:54:37.94\00:54:42.28
So when we speak
with anger, clamor,
00:54:42.31\00:54:46.61
evil speaking in malice,
00:54:46.65\00:54:48.72
those aren't a kiss of
grace from Spirit-led lips.
00:54:48.75\00:54:53.59
That is the sharp tongue
00:54:53.62\00:54:56.39
of the serpent and
poison is on our lips.
00:54:56.42\00:55:00.00
Paul continues on in verse 32.
00:55:00.03\00:55:04.20
And he gives us the fourth...
00:55:04.23\00:55:06.43
He gives us four
Christian virtues
00:55:06.47\00:55:08.37
that we should put on.
00:55:08.40\00:55:10.37
He says, "Be
kind to one another,
00:55:10.41\00:55:12.24
tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
00:55:12.27\00:55:14.54
just as God in
Christ forgave you."
00:55:14.58\00:55:18.61
So we're to put on kindness,
00:55:18.65\00:55:20.95
be gracious, be gentle-mannered.
00:55:20.98\00:55:24.75
That's an outward expression
of Christ's love in our hearts.
00:55:24.79\00:55:29.62
We're to put on
tender-heartedness,
00:55:29.66\00:55:32.49
be compassionate,
patient, merciful,
00:55:32.53\00:55:35.50
looking over people's
fault, forgiving one another,
00:55:35.53\00:55:39.27
we put on
forgiveness, as Christ.
00:55:39.30\00:55:43.20
God in Christ forgave us.
00:55:43.24\00:55:46.04
You know Jesus...
00:55:46.07\00:55:47.41
God came down to
become the person
00:55:47.44\00:55:49.18
of Jesus Christ,
00:55:49.21\00:55:50.81
to identify with our weaknesses,
00:55:50.85\00:55:53.48
and sacrificed Himself for us.
00:55:53.52\00:55:56.55
And then, in
the very next verse,
00:55:56.58\00:55:58.72
which happens to
be Ephesians 5:1-2.
00:55:58.75\00:56:02.72
He says, "Be imitators of God,
grow in the likeness of Him,
00:56:02.76\00:56:06.43
as dear children, walk in love,
00:56:06.46\00:56:09.83
follow in Christ's footsteps.
00:56:09.86\00:56:13.57
We are to have
purity of thought,
00:56:13.60\00:56:16.44
cleanliness of speech,
00:56:16.47\00:56:18.94
Jesus submitted
to the Holy Spirit,
00:56:18.97\00:56:21.64
and He listened for the guidance
00:56:21.68\00:56:23.68
for His speech.
00:56:23.71\00:56:25.05
Isaiah 50:4 said,
"The Lord GOD has given Me
00:56:25.08\00:56:28.55
The tongue of the learned,
00:56:28.58\00:56:30.72
That I should know how
to speak A word in season
00:56:30.75\00:56:34.46
to him who is weary.
00:56:34.49\00:56:36.29
He awakens Me
morning by morning,
00:56:36.32\00:56:38.33
He awakens My ear
To hear as the learned.
00:56:38.36\00:56:44.17
See, when our words when we know
00:56:44.20\00:56:47.24
how to
demonstrate Christ's patience,
00:56:47.27\00:56:52.44
and it results in forgiveness.
00:56:52.47\00:56:54.71
And we're
speaking word to the weary.
00:56:54.74\00:56:57.38
We're speaking with the tongue
00:56:57.41\00:57:01.35
of an instructed disciple.
00:57:01.38\00:57:04.65
That's how we
have to learn to speak,
00:57:04.69\00:57:07.66
effective loving
words of true comfort,
00:57:07.69\00:57:11.46
encouragement, and support,
00:57:11.49\00:57:13.63
and words that exhibit patience
00:57:13.66\00:57:18.37
that result in forgiveness.
00:57:18.40\00:57:21.40
All my brothers
and my sisters, I pray,
00:57:21.44\00:57:25.11
submit to the Holy Spirit,
00:57:25.14\00:57:27.68
let your words
be the impartation
00:57:27.71\00:57:32.75
of a kiss of grace
from Spirit-led lips.
00:57:32.78\00:57:37.45