Participants: Kay Kuzma (Host), Danny Shelton (Host)<\br> 01. Shelley Quinn<\br> 02. Robbie D. Windham<\br> 03. Pat Mudgett
Series Code: UC
Program Code: UC000408
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00:25 Hello everyone and welcome to another 3ABN presents Up Close,
00:29 we are coming to you today from Calhoun, Georgia, 00:32 the Seventh Day Adventist church, and 00:33 we would like to thank our live audience for being here today. 00:35 We're going to be talking about Balancing work and family 00:40 and more specifically balancing our lives so that we don't 00:44 end up being workaholics... 00:46 I'd like to ask a few questions: 00:48 Do you usually work more than 40 hours a week? 00:52 Are you concerned that if you don't perform the task, 00:56 it won't get done? 00:57 Does the expression: "Work hard and play hard" 01:01 describe your life's philosophy? 01:03 Or do you feel overworked and under-appreciated? 01:07 Well, if you said YES to any of those or all of those questions, 01:11 then this program is for you. 01:13 Our first guest is RobbieD Windham, 01:16 a commercial artist from Coleman, Texas. 01:20 I was so surprised, I remember an article long ago that I 01:24 saw about her, and here we are, in the same program... 01:27 Today she lives on a large farm with over 80 horses and lots of 01:32 cattle - it sounds like work... Oh, and sheep, too, I understand 01:36 - I've got 16, Robbie, that's more than I needed, for sure... 01:40 But they keep having babies! - Oh! 01:43 You can do something about that, you know? 01:45 - Really, I don't know... I've changed the water... 01:47 - RobbieD knows what it's like for life to spin out of control. 01:53 She was only 17, when she got married the first time, 01:57 and was soon faced with mounting problems, for which 02:01 she could find no solution. 02:03 She tried to burry her problems through 02:05 different kinds of addictions. 02:07 But, it didn't help. And here is what she told us: 02:12 - Well, when my marriage was falling apart, my husband was 02:15 drinking a lot, I was drinking, I was introduced to cocaine, 02:19 and I found... to help my emotions. Most addictions 02:24 stem from emotions and the pain that covered the pain... 02:27 So I got heavily into cocaine for 3 years... 02:30 trying not to deal with the pain and what I've been through... 02:35 The Lord delivered me of the cocaine addiction in '86. 02:40 And that's the last time I've ever used, or even desired 02:45 to use that. I met a young man in '86, and started dating him, 02:51 I didn't understand alcoholism, some people drink every day 02:56 and some people drink every week and I was dating an alcoholic 03:01 and didn't realize it, and married another one. 03:03 I started my own business in the mall with some friends, 03:06 I was working for my Dad full time, I was doing artwork 03:10 in the showroom, and I started painting clothing and ceramic 03:14 dishes in the store in the mall. 03:18 I was working 8:30-5 for my Dad, 03:22 5-9 at the mall, with my friends and Saturdays and Sundays 03:28 at the mall and I was trying to fill the void with my work and 03:34 as I look back, I can see that I 03:39 was trying to... 03:47 ...well, I was lost... 03:50 I was searching, that's what I was doing and I was trying 03:54 the creativity that God blessed me with, people would 03:58 compliment me on what I was doing and it made me feel better 04:02 for a short period of time. It's just like another fix 04:03 is what I've found out and the more I worked, the more people 04:06 acknowledged what I did, the better I felt for a while... 04:09 ...and... well, actually I was converted in '93 04:15 right in the middle of all of this... 04:17 I kind of gave up on myself, 04:21 asked God to help me 04:26 and I went and joined the Adventist Church 04:29 with the Revelation seminar 04:31 and he has seen such a transformation in my character, 04:35 God changed me so much, that he was baptized with me. 04:39 And we started doing layman's work and he would preach 04:44 in San Angelo and Woodville and Midland. 04:47 I would work with pathfinders 04:49 started working with Red Cross, worked with Adventist Community 04:56 Services, started again trying to work too much, 05:01 but it was good, it wasn't overworking at that time 05:05 but it got... as my marriage started falling apart again 05:09 later, he started drinking again, 05:12 which devastated me, but as I couldn't 05:14 correct the marriage or the problems, 05:17 and I was hurting inside, I would go out and volunteer, 05:21 trying to fill that hole. 05:23 These cross addictions I've seen, whether it was 05:25 drugs, alcohol or work, was all in 05:31 trying to fill the hole that God put in all of us 05:34 that we would try and search Him out. 05:35 Until you find Christ and put Him in that hole 05:38 you will continue to look for something to fill that void, 05:43 and the work just consumed me until I was so burned out 05:47 and so exhausted from all of it, I had to pull out of everything, 05:51 the volunteers stuff, the church stuff, I got to where I just 05:55 felt numb from all of it. 05:58 So, I've learned to analyse what I'm doing 06:01 and why I'm doing it, I still volunteer for things, 06:04 and I'm learning and praying that God will show me 06:07 where he wants me to be, whether it's helping 06:10 someone else, or volunteering for Adventist Disaster, 06:14 or whatever, but I've learned that I can't do it all, 06:17 I can just do so much. 06:21 [Audience claps] 06:23 Well, it's our privilege today, to introduce RobbieD Windham, 06:29 she's here, and Robbie, I'd like for you to come on up 06:32 on the platform with us. I like her outfit, don't you. 06:38 - Where are you from? - Coleman, Texas. 06:40 Right, she's a real Texan, 06:42 and she's got pretty, red boots, I have the black ones on today 06:47 so we're matching there. 06:49 So you love horses. 06:51 I love horses, had them all my life. 06:52 Good pass time, but you can work a lot in horses 06:54 if you have too many, can't you? 06:56 That's right, they're a lot of responsibility. 06:58 But you don't look like a workaholic. 07:04 I don't know what one looks like. 07:06 I think it's really interesting that you mentioned 07:11 cocaine, so there's drug abuse, and then alcoholism, 07:15 and workaholism, you kind of put it all together. 07:20 That's what I was saying about the cross addictions. 07:23 It doesn't matter which - workaholic, alcoholic, 07:27 drug addicts, money, it doesn't matter which one 07:30 you are cross addicting to, you're still 07:33 trying to fill that void in your life 07:35 and you've got to find a balance. 07:39 Danny, I know, many times we reward people 07:42 that work hard, that work long hours. 07:46 I got a lot of praise for my art and for the things 07:49 I was doing: Red Cross, or ADRA, or whatever 07:52 you're working in, people praise you and thank you 07:55 for doing those things, and like you said, 07:57 sometimes you feel like maybe if you don't do it 07:59 no one else will, so you feel the pressure. 08:01 This is before you were a Christian, 08:05 probably there's no workaholics in the church, right, 08:08 in the Christian church? [Audience laughs] 08:11 Yes, everywhere. 08:13 So Satan can possible eat people in ministry? 08:17 Sure. 08:18 I have to confess, I think it's something 08:20 I have to be very careful about, it's because it's 08:23 the Lord's work folks, you feel like "it's the Lord's work," 08:26 "I can't quit when there's one more place I can go to," 08:30 "one more time we can witness to somebody," 08:33 "one more whatever... " and tonight what we're actually 08:36 going to be learning about is that there's all sorts 08:40 of addictions, but one of them that Satan subtly works on us 08:43 is right here in the church: working too hard, 08:47 and too often, because all these things, 08:50 would you say they distract us from the Lord? 08:53 I don't know if I said it on the tape there, 08:56 but I was in Pathfinders, so a lot of the things 08:59 that I volunteered for were in the church, 09:01 and I spread myself so thin, and I think this happens 09:04 to a lot of people, that you're not doing any 1 job 09:06 very well. 09:08 And how do you know you're falling into workaholism? 09:13 I didn't realize it at the time, I look back now 09:15 and I can see what I was doing, 09:18 but I needed to be specific on where my talents were, 09:23 how can I benefit what area the best? 09:27 And when the rest of your family begins to fall apart, 09:31 when you lose track of a relationship with God. 09:34 You can tell you're distant, you don't have enough time 09:38 to spend with God and pray, 09:39 yeah, it's going to fall through. 09:42 Well, coming up next, we're going to be talking 09:45 to Shelley Quinn about what it means to be a workaholic, 09:49 and some of the more common causes, 09:53 so stay with us, we'll be right back. 10:03 Today we're going to be talking about a subject 10:05 that has become increasingly serious in this country. 10:09 In fact, it is the second leading cause of preventable 10:13 death in America. 10:14 We ate more junk food and the pounds started piling up. 10:18 The man said I would have to get a new suit 10:21 because if I altered the pants any more 10:23 I would only have 1 pocket across the back 10:25 instead of 2. 10:26 Over 2 thirds of us adults are overweight 10:28 and 1 third are actually obese. 10:31 Next week on up close: [text on screen] 10:34 Don't miss it. 10:49 Welcome back to 3ABN presents Up Close. 10:52 Today we're talking about workaholics 10:56 and how we can balance work and family. 10:59 We're pleased to have Shelley Quinn with us. 11:03 She's a Christian author, and speaker, 11:05 as well as Co-director of "Word Warrior Ministries". 11:09 She focuses on teaching an understanding of God's plan 11:13 for our lives, and how the attitudes of our minds 11:17 can be renewed through the practical application 11:21 of God's word. 11:23 She also happens to be the host of 11:25 "Exulting His Word", a program that can be seen 11:29 right here on 3ABN TV, and heard on radio. 11:33 Shelley herself, has struggled with being a workaholic 11:37 and is happy to share what she has learned 11:40 in order to get others get balance in their lives. 11:44 - We need you Shelley - Welcome Shelley. 11:46 Thank you, we're glad that you're here. 11:48 It's such a pleasure to be here. 11:50 Beautiful Calhoun, Georgia. 11:52 It is beautiful, and this is a beautiful church, 11:54 thank you for having us. 11:56 Great congregation, and we're glad that they allowed 11:57 us to come and set up this big set. 12:01 You heard RobbieD, and what she was saying 12:04 a while ago, and we want to talk to you for a little bit, 12:06 and put some perspective on all of this. 12:11 Would it be fair to say that most of us suffer 12:14 from time to time, with our lives 12:17 being out of balance. 12:19 And what causes a life to go out of balance 12:23 is when we don't understand the purpose for our life, 12:28 and then our priorities get mixed up and they get 12:33 out of order, and suddenly, that which is least important 12:38 is getting the most personal attention, 12:41 while that which is most important 12:44 gets the least amount of personal attention. 12:48 A lot of people, their families are suffering 12:52 because someone doesn't understand God's purpose 12:56 for their life, they've got their priorities out of order, 12:59 so the people who are closest to them suffer. 13:02 Then, the pressure begins to build, 13:05 and the pressure becomes constant, 13:08 and once that happens, peace just flies out the window. 13:13 Suddenly, people find themselves stuck in this situation. 13:18 Now, if it begins to truly spin out of control, 13:23 we all have trouble with balance, is that true? 13:27 Today's world is so fast paced, we all have trouble 13:32 with balance, 13:33 but when it really begins to spin out of control 13:37 then you can find yourself looking at a real problem; 13:43 it's an addiction, and the sad thing about this 13:47 is it's very insidious when someone becomes a workaholic, 13:53 doing more, more, more, they get a lot of praise, 13:59 they get a lot of applause, and people 14:02 don't look at it as an addiction. 14:06 I can tell you from personal experience, 14:08 I've been there before, as a matter of fact, 14:11 until God called me into fulltime ministry, 14:16 the Lord brought me out of it. 14:21 But it's something that we all have to be careful of. 14:25 I'm wondering, how do you know 14:28 when you're a workaholic? 14:30 You said you start spinning out of control, 14:32 give me some examples. 14:34 Let me say this first, I want to make sure we strike 14:37 a balance in this program because working hard 14:43 is something we all need to be doing. 14:45 Doesn't the Bible say: "6 days thou shalt labor", 14:48 some people need to understand that part of the commandment, 14:53 but there is nothing wrong with self-sacrificing work either. 14:57 When we know that it is spinning out of control 15:01 is when there's no peace, when people are suffering. 15:04 God is not the author of confusion, 15:07 He is the author of peace. 15:10 Let me first say that if you were to define 15:13 a workaholic, 15:16 let me say what it's not, because I don't want anyone 15:20 who may be a single mother working 2 jobs, 15:24 who has to do this to survive, I don't want somebody 15:28 to feel guilty that they're a workaholic 15:30 because they're life is out of balance. 15:33 Sometimes it is necessary for us to do these things. 15:40 A workaholic is somebody who has a compulsive nature, 15:46 they're actually addicted to work, 15:49 they're addicted to, like RobbieD was saying, 15:53 when people started praising her 15:57 there was something inside of her that needed that. 16:01 In my case, I was a perfectionist looking 16:05 for approval and I, too, fed off of people's praises 16:11 because I was so hungry for them. 16:13 Shelley, often we think of just the behaviour, 16:16 just working overtime and taking time 16:20 just for the work, rather than for family. 16:23 I know it comes from something inside, 16:27 our emotions, the hole in our lives that RobbieD talked about 16:31 - but also from our childhoods. - Absolutely. 16:35 Can you talk a little bit about that? 16:36 Let me share something with you: when 3ABN first called me 16:39 and asked me to do an Up Close and Personal, 16:42 they gave me several topics that I could chose from 16:45 and I heard myself saying: "Oh, I'll do the one" 16:48 "on being a workaholic" because I knew I had been 16:51 a workaholic most of my life 16:53 and that the Lord had delivered me. 16:56 It was so interesting when I hung up, 17:00 I thought: "Lord, what do I say?" 17:03 And I prayed, oh, I prayed so hard about this 17:07 and when I finally was still before the Lord, 17:11 this is what the Lord impressed upon me: 17:15 we can't understand being a workaholic if we don't 17:18 understand what causes it, and I believe the Lord 17:22 gave me, He led me, through this, 17:25 and this is interesting: 17:28 if you were to say this was the ground, 17:31 and the workaholism is a plant, there are 2 tap roots 17:37 that go down deep, and the Lord showed me; 17:41 the first tap root of being a workaholic 17:45 is fear and insecurity, that's what RobbieD was talking about. 17:50 She had this insecurity that she couldn't take control 17:54 of what was going on in her life; 17:57 her marriage was just falling apart, 18:00 so she was very fearful, very insecure. 18:03 Now, we know that the Bible says God did not 18:07 give us spirit of fear, He gave us a spirit of power, 18:11 and love, and self-control, well the second tap root 18:15 is selfishness, it's a self centeredness. 18:18 Let me share 9 points that the Lord gave me, 18:21 and I'm going to have to look at my notes 18:23 because this, I feel, really came directly from the Lord. 18:28 If you look at these tap roots, there's lateral roots 18:33 that grow out from this; 18:34 the first is on the fear/insecurity: 18:38 the avoidance and escapism, when people are afraid 18:43 to face life issues - once again, I can turn to RobbieD, 18:47 wasn't that what was going on in your life RobbieD? 18:51 You just couldn't face the problems of that home, 18:54 so she buried herself in work. Another one is loneliness. 18:59 I would say, again, this bit's RobbieD because she was 19:04 in a bad marriage and she felt very empty and lonely 19:09 in this bad marriage, so she filled the void 19:14 with work; sometimes you'll see single people 19:17 who are very lonely and they will just... 19:21 When I was single, that's what I did, I just buried myself 19:25 with work. Another lateral root 19:27 is fear of failure, all of these come off of 19:33 the root of fear/insecurity. There's a fear of loss 19:36 of control, with an exaggerated sense of responsibility, 19:41 perfectionist - that's a root - and you're your own worst rival 19:46 when you're a perfectionist because you are competing 19:50 against yourself. There's the "Martyr Complex", 19:54 those who work and self-sacrifice, but they do it 19:58 for the wrong reason, they want the praise from others. 20:01 Unforgivingness and bitterness is another, 20:05 competition for prestige, power and position, 20:08 or greed, if somebody becomes materialistic, 20:13 living beyond their means, serving at the altar 20:17 of the covetousness of credit cards, 20:20 suddenly they're forced to be a workaholic. 20:24 Well put, well put! 20:27 Well, we're going to be back in just a moment 20:32 talking to Pat Mudgett. She found herself 20:36 in a predicament of not being able to say no at work, 20:41 and a little later on we'll be asking questions 20:44 from our live audience, 20:45 so we'll be looking forward to that. 20:55 Do you feel like your life is going in too many 20:57 different directions? Are you stressed as you struggle 20:59 to fit in the demands of, both, work and family, 21:02 as well as all of the other important activities? 21:04 If so, we have just the gift for you. 21:06 Find help as you read "Resolve Your Stress". 21:09 For your free gift just write or call us at: 21:12 [information on screen] 21:22 Ask for "Up Close offer Nr. 8 " 21:45 Welcome to 3ABN Presents Up Close. 21:48 We're talking about the problem of balancing work and family, 21:52 or more specifically, workaholism. 21:55 Our next week is Pat Mudgett from Berkeley Springs, 21:59 West Virginia, and Pat has only recently recognized 22:04 that she is a real workaholic. She works out of her home 22:08 as a professional proof reader, that sounds a little like me, 22:13 and sales representative for a line of books. 22:19 She's chalk talk artists, we have a lot of artists 22:22 on this program, and she volunteers 22:24 for 2 other ministries. 22:26 We need help too by the way... Oh, maybe not from her... 22:30 So not only 2 other ministries, but 3 church committees 22:34 that she serves on, she also serves as a Sabbath School 22:37 Superintendent - I'm getting tired already - 22:40 and a Sabbath School teacher, church board member, 22:44 she does the bulletin too - the bulletin secretary. 22:48 This lady's busy! 22:50 As a perfectionist, Pat, in her own words, 22:54 is her own worst rival she says. 22:57 Although talented, intelligent and highly competent, 23:01 she experienced the pain of feeling that she never 23:05 quite measured up, hungry for approval, Pat couldn't say no 23:10 to anyone, she kept piling project on top of project 23:15 and suffered the constant frustration of always 23:18 being behind schedule. 23:21 We caught up with her recently and asked her to describe 23:24 what happened, here's what she said: 23:27 I've always enjoyed being appreciated by people, 23:29 getting complemented, getting told that I'm good at things, 23:34 work just seemed to be a perfect way to get the strokes 23:38 that I was looking for. 23:41 I volunteered a lot... a lot! 23:46 Just doing a job well 23:49 drew people to say nice things about my intelligence 23:54 and my capabilities and all of that; 24:00 I really needed a way to get that need satisfied. 24:05 I just kept piling the plate fuller and fuller, 24:11 and never seemed to say no, no wasn't in my vocabulary, 24:18 but I had telling point, there were places where I would 24:22 stop and tell my husband, not often, but I would say it 24:27 with regularity, that I was frustrated because I was giving 24:32 away so many chunks of my time, 24:34 my life wasn't my own anymore, it belonged to everybody else 24:37 and I really wasn't living a life that I could enjoy 24:41 because there was no spaces in it for me to be 24:43 really me. 24:45 I would talk to my husband about spending time together, 24:48 really hungry for personal time with him, 24:52 not just going out to be with other people, 24:55 but just the 2 of us, just going out to the park 24:58 or whatever. 25:02 As much as I complained about it, I never seemed 25:05 to make room for it, so I would say: "No, not now. " 25:08 And then something would interfere with the next time, 25:10 and pretty soon we had just chopped up 25:11 all of our opportunities. 25:14 So I would beg for it on the one hand 25:15 and then I wouldn't make room for it on the other. 25:18 A few years ago I attended a stress management seminar 25:22 and the fellow asked a question about self evaluation, 25:25 rate yourself a type A, which is heart attack 25:28 waiting to happen, or a type B, which is laid back, 25:31 fun loving, unruffled, and I didn't really realize 25:35 who I was, I said I was a type B. 25:38 My friends just laughed out loud at me 25:40 and they said "you really need to look in the mirror" 25:42 "and see yourself for who you are. " 25:44 "You are a textbook, classic case of workaholism. " 25:49 It was like a cycle that would happen over and over again, 25:52 it would start out slow, it would build momentum, 25:55 I would take on huge jobs, one beside the other, 25:57 so I was doing all of these things abreast of each other, 26:00 and it would build to the place where people would ask me 26:03 if I could take on any more and I would say 26:05 "Sure, no problem. " 26:07 And I could take on the big loads, but I didn't realize 26:09 that I was coming treacherously close to that point 26:12 where that a little nothing would break it over, 26:14 and I would take on that little nothing, something would happen, 26:18 and that brought about a secondary, humungous burden 26:22 and that was an emotional one, the one that would 26:26 condemn me for not doing that perfect job 26:28 that that inner task master would require of me, 26:31 so I came under a load of discouragement, 26:34 a load of condemnation because I just wasn't 26:36 answering up. 26:38 Over the course of a year, better than a year, 26:42 of being acquainted with Shelley, 26:44 she would call routinely and say: 26:46 "What are you doing?" and I would tell her 26:48 I was busy, well I had never told her exactly 26:50 what I was doing when I was busy. 26:53 Fairly recently I emailed her and gave her a list 26:57 of all the things that I was doing. 26:59 She emailed me a page and a half, she said: 27:02 "You are overcommitted, you're a workaholic," 27:05 "it takes one to know one. " 27:08 I think it's the first time that I really paid attention 27:10 to the fact that I might be a workaholic. 27:12 I'm glad that 27:15 God helped me to recognize that, 27:17 I'm glad that He finally showed me the mirror 27:20 of my own life 27:22 because I wasn't paying any attention before this. 27:27 Well, I would like to know the ratio, 27:30 and some day we may get to, between men and women; 27:34 I kind of thought, being a man, that men were mostly workaholics 27:37 but it seems like women deal with this 27:40 same thing. 27:41 In fact, I was interested, we have all these women 27:44 on this program, but I think 27:48 it's a problem for all of us, and I'm glad Pat is here 27:52 to talk with us. 27:54 Come on up Pat. 27:56 It's a privilege to have you here with us 27:58 for this Up Close program. 28:01 We heard what you had to say on video 28:04 and you said you didn't even realize it. 28:06 I think that hit me pretty profoundly 28:09 that you wanted to put yourself in the easy, 28:12 laid back class of people, but you found out 28:15 everybody laughed at you. 28:17 So, it appears to me that you can be a workaholic, 28:20 maybe even to the dangerous areas, and not even know it. 28:25 I didn't even realize I was one, 28:28 I don't know why I hadn't seen it. 28:32 Your husband recognized this a little bit. 28:35 He did, he would call it to my attention routinely, 28:38 he'd say "Aren't you taking on too much? 28:42 I wasn't feeling it, so I would say: "No. " 28:45 and just keep on adding to the plate. 28:48 Other than that open hole that you had saying: 28:51 "I really want to spend more time with him," 28:53 "but I've got all these projects that I've" 28:55 "got to do perfectly. " 28:58 That's the way it played out. He would say: 29:00 "Why don't we go bicycle riding today?" 29:03 And I'd say: "well, I'm in the middle of a project" 29:06 and I had to finish it, I had the sense that if I got 29:10 on a roll I had to complete it or I'd lose momentum, 29:13 and then I'd just stop without really doing a good job, 29:16 so I'd have to keep going. 29:17 Did you folks ever say that to you? 29:19 You need to complete what you start, 29:23 the importance of doing a good job 29:26 - with everything you try. - Kay's degree's in child 29:28 - guidance and all of that. - You can tell it's coming now. 29:30 She's going to get back to: "When you were a child" 29:32 "what did your folks...?" that's good Kay. 29:34 Yeah, because we do, without thinking we do that 29:37 as parents so often. 29:39 My dad had a high standard, he held it up 29:42 for both me and my twin sister. 29:45 Not that that's wrong, but if you've perfectionistic kid 29:50 that holds on to it, it can become dysfunctional. 29:53 My sister didn't seem to be affected by it, 29:56 that's interesting. 30:00 So how did your family then react and what happened? 30:05 Well, my husband is my primary family right now, 30:08 but I have 2 daughters that live within an hour 30:11 of me, and they have my grandchildren. 30:14 So, my husband, I mentioned that he would ask me 30:18 to go out places with him after my demands, 30:20 and then I wouldn't follow through, 30:22 but my daughter would call routinely and she'd say 30:24 "you haven't been over for a while," 30:25 "when are you coming to see the grandchildren?" 30:28 As you know, having grandchildren... 30:30 ...It's wonderful, but we need to be there for them. 30:33 - That's right. - We certainly do. 30:35 I'm struggling with the same thing. 30:37 What is it that really made you see? 30:39 I guess you said you have a friend who loved you enough 30:42 to say something to you, and maybe some of your friends, 30:45 but how are you dealing with that? 30:46 Are you finding that you're able to cope with not having 30:51 the guilt of saying: "I just can't... I can only do " 30:53 "so many things"? 30:55 Well, my discovery of my condition, my workaholic 31:00 condition is only very recent, but I did have an occasion 31:04 just after finding out about it where I said no 31:08 spontaneously to somebody who asked me to do something, 31:10 and I actually felt rather good about it. 31:12 [Audience and Danny laughs] 31:13 Alright, well that's good. 31:15 That's when healing comes, when you can do that. 31:19 Coming up next we're going to find out 31:21 how we can recover from the addiction of work, 31:24 and how to truly find balance in our lives with God 31:29 as our guide, so stay with us, we'll be right back 31:33 with more 3ABN presents Up Close. 31:45 Do you feel like your life is going in too many 31:47 different directions? Are you stressed as you struggle 31:49 to fit in the demands of, both, work and family, 31:51 as well as all of the other important activities? 31:54 If so, we have just the gift for you. 31:56 Find help as you read "Resolve Your Stress". 31:59 For your free gift just write or call us at: 32:01 [information on screen] 32:12 Ask for "Up Close offer Nr. 8 " 32:34 Welcome back to 3ABN's Up Close. 32:38 We're talking about balancing work and family, 32:41 and the problem of workaholism. 32:44 Our special guest today is Shelley Quinn, 32:48 who's the founder and co-director 32:49 of Word Warrior Ministries in Coleman, Texas. 32:54 In our first segment we discussed some of the ways 32:58 we can recognize that we are addicted to our work, 33:02 and some of the common causes. 33:04 We've also heard from RobbieD and Pat 33:07 how to overcome this workaholism that we have 33:12 that's threatening our lives. 33:14 And now we want to focus on some of the solutions 33:18 to this problem 33:20 and find a healthy balance in all of this. 33:23 We're hearing all the problems now, Shelley, we want you 33:25 to give us the solution so we all go out of here very balanced 33:29 and very happy, and at peace. 33:32 Let's hope. The Bible says: 33:34 "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might. " 33:38 The Bible says: "Do everything for the glory of God. " 33:42 You know, we think about not being a workaholic 33:46 when we're in ministry, but I remember coming back 33:51 after being on 3ABN and I had a very many encouraging 33:56 phone messages from so many people, but 1 pastor 34:00 from Washington said to me: "Don't forget, take heed," 34:06 "lest you think you stand and you fall. " 34:09 And I called this gentlemen back and I told him: 34:12 "I appreciate your message more than any other message" 34:15 "because I continually pray to the Lord" 34:19 "that 'Father, if this ministry that you've entrusted to me' " 34:22 " 'would every get in the way of my personal relationship' " 34:26 " 'with You, then take it away from me. I don't want it.' " 34:31 How we know if we are a workaholic is when things 34:35 get out of balance in our life, when we are not focused 34:39 on the Lord, when we are shorting our family. 34:42 Just as Patty was saying, here she's begging her husband 34:47 for more time, and yet she was the one that was distancing 34:52 herself from him. 34:54 I've been counseling with Patty for 15 months 34:57 and I didn't recognize she was a workaholic. 35:00 I'd call her, and when she wasn't busy she would be 35:02 so deflated, and she'd say: "I don't have anything to do..." 35:10 But I've watched the Lord work with Patty, 35:13 and what would happen is over these last 15 months, 35:17 He would stretch her and she was growing so much, 35:20 and then she'd snap back and I'd think "Lord, what happened?" 35:24 He'd stretch her, and she's growing so much 35:27 and a changed person, and then she'd snap back. 35:31 What I didn't know, this is hysterical, I called her 35:35 for this program, didn't I, and I said: 35:37 "Do you know anybody, I'm looking for a workaholic," 35:41 "do you know one?" because men don't want 35:43 to admit it, that's what I'm finding, 35:45 is that men, mostly, they're a little bit reluctant 35:48 to admit it. 35:49 She said: "No, I can't think of anybody. " 35:52 And then it just happened the next day that she sent me 35:56 this list of everything she was involved in 35:59 and I said: "Patty, you are a workaholic. " 36:03 "You are so over scheduled. " There's many symptoms, 36:06 and we may get to some of those later during the questions, 36:09 but I do want to focus on the steps to recovery. 36:17 Recognition is the first and the most important part. 36:21 See, when RobbieD recognized that it was an addiction, 36:25 she was able to go before the Lord and say 36:28 "Okay Lord, I'm ready to surrender this. " 36:31 Patty now has that recognition, she's got hope 36:35 that God can change things, right Patty? 36:38 And she knows that, just like she said, for the first time 36:42 in her life she said no without guilt. 36:45 She knows that God is going to begin to change things 36:49 as she schedules more time with Him. 36:51 So what we have to remember is this: time is life, 36:56 and the way we invest our time is the way 36:59 we invest our life. If you knew you only had 37:02 6 more weeks to live, let me ask you a question: 37:05 would you be praying to the Lord and saying: "Oh Lord," 37:09 "give me more time to work, I need to finish this project. " 37:12 Or would you be saying "Oh Lord, I want to make sure" 37:16 "my heart is right before You, Father give me more time" 37:19 "to instill some truths into my children," 37:22 "to show my spouse how much I love them. " 37:26 We've got to get our priorities right. 37:29 So when we recognize the problem, we need to take 37:33 inventory of our life, and then we need to quit 37:37 making excuses. 37:38 Step Nr. 2 is "remember God's plan. " 37:42 God has a plan for your life, He says that in Jeremiah 29:11 37:47 that He has a plan to prosper you, and to give you 37:51 a hope and a future. 37:52 The interesting thing is you read on 37:54 in Jeremiah 29, if you go beyond verse 11, then to verse 14, 38:01 here's what the Lord says: "Then you will seek Me" 38:07 "with all of your heart. " When? When do we seek God? 38:13 When we realize He's got all the answers, 38:15 when we recognize: "Hey, God's got a plan for my life. " 38:19 "I need to seek the Lord to find this plan. " 38:23 So we know that the Bible says if the Lord doesn't build 38:26 the house, the builders labor in vain, 38:29 so you've got to remember that God's plan is better than 38:32 the one that you are currently living, 38:35 and you can't change yourself; the Bible says: 38:38 "You can't change yourself any more than a leopard" 38:41 "can change its spots. " 38:42 So you've got to go before the Lord. 38:45 The third step is repentance. Folks, if you're a workaholic 38:50 you have to acknowledge this is a sin. 38:53 When we allow our priorities... what does the Bible say? 38:57 Matthew 6:33: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" 39:01 "and all of these things will be added to you. " 39:04 If you're seeking everything else except that personal 39:08 love relationship with God, for which you were created, 39:13 then it's time to go before the Lord and confess it, 39:16 that's what RobbieD did. She went before the Lord 39:19 and she said: "Lord, I'm trying to fill this emptiness" 39:23 "in me with everything except the right thing. " 39:27 "I need You!" 39:29 So when we know that our life is out of balance, 39:32 we've got to ask God for forgiveness 39:35 and receive it with joy, because 1 John 1:9 says 39:38 that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just 39:41 to forgive us our sins. 39:44 Now, 1 thing that I want to share with you: 39:47 as I was going before the Lord, I know that I want to be 39:52 a willing vessel, and one day I was praying and I said: 39:57 "Oh Lord, I am willing to do Your will" 40:01 and suddenly this thought was impressed upon my mind: 40:05 "No you're not. " 40:08 Now you talk about a shock. 40:10 Suddenly I heard myself saying: "Lord, I am willing" 40:15 "to be made willing", and then what came to me was: 40:19 "that's all I ask. " 40:22 That's all God asks of you, you can't even change 40:25 your own will, what you've got to do, 40:29 remember Philippians 2:13 says that it is God who works 40:33 in you to will and to act according to His good purpose. 40:38 See, this is where Patty is right now, 40:41 she's recognized this problem, she's turning it over 40:44 to the Lord, but she knows "I can't change myself," 40:48 "but Lord, I am willing to be made willing," 40:51 "change me. " We've got to pray. 40:54 I want to give you a great promise, 40:57 and I know I've shared this with RobbieD in the past, 41:02 Psalm 129:4, that scripture says "The Lord is righteous:" 41:07 "He has cut me free from the cord of the wicked. " 41:11 Whatever is binding you, whatever's keeping your life 41:14 out of balance, you don't have to be a workaholic 41:17 to put these steps into place, if your life is out of balance, 41:20 and I imagine if we took a poll of the audience right now, 41:24 they'd all say "Amen", that our lives are out of balance. 41:27 Go before the Lord, and say "Lord, I need balance" 41:31 "in my life, cut me free from the cords of the wicked" 41:34 "that's trying to actually bind me up. " 41:38 And ask God to give you an exit strategy 41:42 to redeem your time. 41:43 The 4th step is restoration. Wherever possible you want to go 41:47 to the people that you've hurt, fathers, if you've been ignoring 41:52 your children, go to them and say: "I am sorry" 41:55 "that your daddy's life has been out of balance," 41:59 "but I'm going to make a change", 42:01 and I also recommend that you would give those who are 42:06 closest to you permission to take part in your recovery, 42:09 in other words, give them permission to speak to you 42:13 if they see you careening out of balance again. 42:16 Resolve to change your priorities. 42:19 You've got to take a step of faith in your scheduling. 42:22 Make a list, and make that list before the Lord, 42:25 "commit your plans to the Lord", the Bible says, 42:28 "and He will cause them to succeed. " 42:31 So let me show you how to make your list. 42:33 1st priority on your list should be what? 42:36 Schedule time with God. If you don't put it first 42:41 that means He's not your first love. 42:43 Most of us give God leftovers, He offers us so much, 42:48 and we offer Him leftovers. 42:50 I have people say: "I'm too busy to pray. " 42:52 "I'm too busy to take time for quiet time", 42:54 and I tell them "then you're too busy," 42:57 "you don't understand the purpose of your life. " 42:59 So what you want to do is first schedule that time 43:02 and don't let anything interfere with it. 43:04 Second, schedule time with you children, with your family 43:08 because if you don't make them a top priority, 43:11 guess what? All of the rest of your work 43:14 is going to bump them out of the way, 43:16 you've got to give them a top priority 43:19 in your scheduling, and then you've got to schedule 43:23 your daily activities at a comfortable pace, 43:27 so that you can have enough time between things 43:30 to actually accomplish it. 43:32 You want to plan ahead, avoid the morning rush, 43:36 avoid the little foxes that spoil the vines: 43:40 the magazines, the TV, there's so many. 43:44 Poor J.D., I get so many phone calls 43:48 after being on 3ABN, and a lot of them come in at dinner time, 43:51 and I used to feel like I was absolutely obligated 43:54 to take these phone calls and pray for people, 43:57 now I unplug the telephone during that time. 44:01 The 7th step is this: rely totally on God's power 44:06 to equip you, because He is the author of peace, 44:11 He is the one, Hebrews 13:20 says: 44:14 "May the God of peace who brought up our Lord," 44:16 "Jesus Christ, from the dead, that great Shepard" 44:18 "of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant," 44:22 "may He make you complete in every good work" 44:25 "to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing" 44:29 "in His sight. " We are all 44:32 totally dependant upon God. 44:35 I think it's interesting that God says wait patiently 44:40 on Him, he doesn't say: "Run after me... " 44:44 And it takes something to learn to be still, 44:49 Psalm 46:10, the Lord says: "Be still and know that I am God. " 44:55 Be still, how often are you still before the Lord? 45:02 Well, we've learned a lot, but in a minute 45:05 we're going to find out some questions 45:08 from our audience, and hopefully get some answers 45:12 - to those questions. - I always look forward to that, 45:14 I love to hear what the folk here have to say. 45:17 Well, be back in just a moment. 45:29 Do you feel like your life is going in too many 45:31 different directions? Are you stressed as you struggle 45:34 to fit in the demands of, both, work and family, 45:36 as well as all of the other important activities? 45:38 If so, we have just the gift for you. 45:41 Find help as you read "Resolve Your Stress". 45:44 For your free gift just write or call us at: 45:47 [information on screen] 45:57 Ask for "Up Close offer NR. 8 " 46:19 Welcome back to 3ABN presents UP Close. 46:22 Our topic today is balancing work and family. 46:26 We've heard from several people who themselves 46:29 have been addicted to work, and how it causes 46:32 some very serious problems in their family 46:35 and in their lives. 46:38 We've also discussed some of the warning signs, 46:42 and some practical steps to overcoming all of this, 46:47 but right now, we want to open it to the audience. 46:51 We want some real tough questions for Shelley. 46:56 Alright, we have a question right now, 46:57 give us your name and what's your question. 47:00 My name is Todd and my question is: 47:02 How do you help a workaholic realize they're a workaholic? 47:07 An individual who might not recognize that in themselves. 47:11 Well, I believe that the first thing that you have to do 47:14 is really pray that God will send the Holy Spirit 47:19 by the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, 47:22 that God will open their eyes to this problem. 47:26 I think that one of the things that has worked with me is 47:29 when I'm talking with people who seem to think 47:32 that they know the Lord, that they feel that they're on track, 47:38 I'll ask them: "Do you have peace in your life?" 47:42 Because the Bible says in Isaiah 26:3 that if we keep 47:47 our minds steadfastly fixed on God, trusting in Him, 47:53 His promise is to keep us in perfect peace, 47:58 but when someone gets their life out of balance 48:03 I guarantee you they're going to say there's no peace, 48:06 but that means that God's not a part of their life. 48:10 You have to be very gentle in approaching someone 48:13 like this, and sometimes you can't convince them. 48:16 I'm talking with a gentleman right now, who is absolutely 48:20 a classic workaholic, and I just have to let him talk, 48:25 and he's talking himself into admitting it. 48:29 But it's a difficult thing. 48:30 Shelley, sometimes do you find that maybe a wife 48:34 is absolutely the wrong person to tell her workaholic husband 48:38 that he's a workaholic? 48:39 Absolutely, I believe that's true, it's difficult. 48:43 And probably that's a good reason for support groups 48:46 for men, to encourage each other. 48:52 We don't like to do that, it shows a weakness in us,. 48:56 But you need to be accountable. - Well, we do, and we need 49:00 to take the counsel, the Bible says 49:02 there's wisdom in counsel, so while I'm saying 49:05 we don't like to do it, that's true we don't, 49:07 but I understand we should. 49:10 When people continue to come to us and say: 49:13 "Look, there's this problem", I believe then we should 49:15 take counsel. 49:16 Okay, we have another question, give us your name please, 49:18 where you're from. 49:19 Actually, my name is Racy Kowski, 49:21 I'm from Lawrenceville, Georgia, and my question is 49:24 we talk about approval in one's life, 49:26 how do you let go of responsibility, but yet feel 49:29 like you're not disappointing others? 49:31 Well, one thing that working with Pat right now, 49:35 her responsibilities have a time limit on them 49:39 in all of the different offices that she's doing in church, 49:43 let me tell you something: in church, in the Lord's work, 49:48 when God's anointing and His calling is on you 49:51 to do something, it is usually pressure free. 49:55 I just came back from England, and in 2 weeks time 49:58 I preached 22 hours, and the pastor there kept saying: 50:00 "Are you sure you can handle this load?" 50:03 And I said this was a breeze for me because God called me there, 50:09 the anointing was working on me, 50:11 but when you get into something that God hasn't called you to do 50:16 you'll find that there is no peace there, 50:19 that you feel this pressure. So what I've worked 50:22 with Pat is to say: "Okay Pat, you have made" 50:25 "these commitments, many of them are up in June", 50:28 rather than just saying "I quit!" 50:32 "you can have it all, this is it!" 50:35 She's going to meet her commitment, 50:38 but the hope is that she has got an exit strategy, 50:43 so the answer to your question is to find out, 50:48 if you've made commitments to someone, 50:50 and if you go and you approach them, and it would be very 50:54 difficult for them to replace you, go ahead and pray. 50:59 God will give you the grace to complete that commitment, 51:03 but at the same time you've got the hope, you know 51:06 the exit strategies coming up. 51:08 Okay, we have another question, give us your name please. 51:11 My name's Jim and I'm from Calhoun. 51:14 Alright, what's your question. 51:15 Well, it's really a 2 part question: 51:19 what do you do when you're overcommitted and can't stop 51:24 due to obligations to your business, 51:26 and how do you slow down and still pay the bills? 51:30 Aha... 51:32 Well, I know one thing, I don't know what business your in, 51:35 but you could get a part time job as radio DJ with that voice, 51:38 but I'm not suggesting you do it, you may be too busy already. 51:44 Let me ask you this question, Jesus said: 51:48 "what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world" 51:51 "and loses his soul?" 51:54 What are we working for? 51:56 Are we working for a bigger house? 51:59 More cars? 52:05 We are still working on this ourselves, 52:07 we all need to begin to simplify our lives and quit being 52:12 so materialistic, because this is why sometimes 52:16 the bills have really exploded out of our range to care for. 52:23 But as far as being overcommitted 52:26 and can't pay the bills, 52:29 when you go before the Lord you've got to ask God 52:32 "show me Father a way out of this debt. " 52:35 "I have got to have an exit strategy. " 52:39 If you have to get with a Christian counsellor 52:41 who is going to show you how to pay off 52:45 the least balance credit cards first, and work your way up, 52:51 make sure you're tithing, putting something aside 52:54 for yourself, you just have to have a plan. 52:58 The whole idea is just got before the Lord. 53:02 I want to say one more thing: don't focus on the problem, 53:09 focus on the Problem Solver. 53:12 God is the only one who has the answers. 53:15 I can't really give you an answers tonight, 53:19 I can point you to His word, Hebrews 12:2 says 53:23 to keep our eyes on Jesus Christ, the author 53:27 and finisher of our faith. 53:29 We need to reach out for the hand of God in faith, 53:33 and say: "Lord, I've messed up. My life is spinning" 53:38 "out of control. I recognize it here. " 53:41 "I am ready to repent, Father God," 53:44 "help me to start scheduling things differently. " 53:47 "Lord, order my steps, show me. " 53:52 I want to make sure that before we conclude this program... 53:55 Closing thoughts, that's what we need right now. 53:58 I want to make sure we strike a balance 54:01 because I don't want anyone feeling guilty at the end 54:05 of this program; we all suffer seasons when our life 54:10 is out of balance, is that true? 54:12 There are things that come up, and ideally you sit here, 54:16 we talk about make a list, prioritize, schedule this, 54:19 well then there's these interruptions that come, 54:21 or an illness, or something that happens, 54:24 and then we feel like: "Help, I'm not doing" 54:27 "what I wanted to do. " 54:29 We all have seasons of imbalance, but this is 54:33 the most important thing that I could leave with you tonight: 54:37 a balanced life, what is it? Some people say: 54:40 "well, if I spend an hour a day with God," 54:43 "and if I schedule an hour with my children," 54:46 "and an hour for my exercise, and 9 hour at work," 54:51 "I've got to schedule some time to cook a healthy meal," 54:53 "I've got to... " 54:56 I know people, and I know Christians, 54:59 that schedule their vacation, and when they're on vacation 55:02 they take a vacation from God. 55:06 To have a balanced life means if this is the scale, 55:11 everything that you're putting in this side of the scale, 55:16 God's got to be a part of it, He's got to be the major part 55:20 over here. 55:22 We always have to go before the Lord and say: 55:25 "Lord, show me what You want me to be doing. " 55:28 "Help me Lord, let me make You the most important part" 55:32 "of my finances, my life, with my relationships," 55:36 "and everything else. " 55:37 - Okay, thank you. - We've learned so much. 55:42 We want to thank our guests - RobbieD and Pat Mudgett, 55:46 and we want to thank you Shelley Quinn for being here. 55:51 - It's been a blessing. - It's been a joy. 55:53 What a special teacher you are for us, so thank you. 55:58 Stay with us, we'll be right back with a closing thought. 56:16 Do you feel like your life is going in too many 56:18 different directions? Are you stressed as you struggle 56:20 to fit in the demands of, both, work and family, 56:23 as well as all of the other important activities? 56:25 If so, we have just the gift for you. 56:27 Find help as you read "Resolve Your Stress". 56:31 For your free gift just write or call us at: 56:34 [information on screen] 56:43 Ask for "Up Close offer Nr. 8 " 57:05 Welcome back, we've had a wonderful time on this program, 57:09 I think we've learned a lot. 57:10 What did you learn? 57:11 Well, I learned that I need to, though I'm in ministry, 57:14 that I need to look at my own life 57:16 and that I need the peace, and the joy and the happiness 57:19 that only God can bring, so even if we're in ministry 57:22 we need to balance everything that we do in life. 57:26 She brought it out so well, Shelley did, 57:28 focus it on Jesus, Him first, and everything else second. 57:32 And how wonderful to feel then that peace of God. 57:36 "That passeth all understanding" is what the Bible says. " 57:39 Our time is all gone for today, until we see you next time, 57:41 may the Lord richly bless you, abundantly more 57:44 than you could ever ask or think. 57:47 [Music for Credits] |
Revised 2014-12-17