Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn and welcome to another 3ABN Up Close 00:00:24.82\00:00:29.14 We're coming to you from the Fort Worth First Seventh Day 00:00:29.18\00:00:33.47 Adventist Church in Fort Worth, Texas. 00:00:33.50\00:00:35.85 And we thank you for joining us. 00:00:35.88\00:00:38.16 We also like to thank our live audience, for joining us today 00:00:38.20\00:00:42.45 in this program 00:00:42.48\00:00:43.69 Today we are going to be discussing a struggle that 00:00:43.73\00:00:46.98 many of you are probably going through right now. 00:00:47.01\00:00:50.23 Our topic is: Facing The Tough Times 00:00:50.26\00:00:53.65 You know tragedy will eventually confront all of us 00:00:53.69\00:00:58.33 It's not a matter of "if" but "when" 00:00:58.36\00:01:02.38 When we have to face the tough times it often happens suddenly 00:01:02.42\00:01:08.42 and unexpectedly. 00:01:08.45\00:01:10.07 A job loss might throw our lives into chaos, 00:01:10.11\00:01:13.73 and we find ourselves facing an economic crisis. 00:01:13.76\00:01:17.31 A serious health challenge can crop up and just changes 00:01:17.35\00:01:22.60 our lives immediately. 00:01:22.63\00:01:23.71 We might become the victim of an accident, or a violent crime. 00:01:23.75\00:01:28.98 For too many of us is facing the unexpected death 00:01:29.01\00:01:33.55 of a loved one. 00:01:33.58\00:01:34.55 Whatever the crisis might be, it can sometimes cause us to 00:01:34.56\00:01:40.12 struggle with the concept of God's power and love. 00:01:40.15\00:01:44.83 In the midst of our trial we might find ourselves questioning 00:01:44.87\00:01:49.76 the character of the Creator God. 00:01:49.79\00:01:52.66 Our first guest today faced the crisis that would certainly 00:01:52.70\00:01:57.46 create for many people feelings of anger toward God. 00:01:57.56\00:02:02.42 Dr. David Wilkins has joined us from Riverside, California 00:02:02.46\00:02:08.02 Dr. Wilkins and his wife Janet were proud parents of 4 children 00:02:08.06\00:02:13.50 They rejoiced when their youngest son Monty, 00:02:13.53\00:02:17.53 filled with passion and zeal for the Lord was baptized on the day 00:02:17.57\00:02:23.02 of his high school graduation 00:02:23.05\00:02:24.80 Now, the Wilkins had a family tradition 00:02:24.84\00:02:27.87 of spending a year of study abroad 00:02:27.90\00:02:30.81 And Monty planned his academic adventure in France. 00:02:30.85\00:02:34.72 Dr. Wilkins remembers the day his son left 00:02:34.75\00:02:38.66 and here is what happened next. 00:02:38.69\00:02:41.45 It was about 6.30 Pacific Standard Time and we were on 00:02:41.49\00:02:45.46 final process here at the airport. 00:02:45.49\00:02:46.90 I mentioned to my wife that at that particular moment our son 00:02:46.94\00:02:50.59 Monty headed from New York to Geneva would be over 00:02:50.62\00:02:53.22 the Atlantic Ocean 00:02:53.25\00:02:54.30 I had no idea at that moment the drama that was being played out 00:02:54.34\00:02:58.99 in the cockpit of the airplane 4000 miles away 00:02:59.02\00:03:02.13 An hour later we were making small talk at a friend's home in 00:03:02.16\00:03:05.97 the Seattle area when the phone rang. 00:03:06.00\00:03:08.45 My son-in-law Dan in a very serious voice said to me: 00:03:08.49\00:03:14.75 A plane is got down from New York to Geneva 00:03:14.79\00:03:18.30 Was it Monty's airplane do you think? 00:03:18.33\00:03:21.07 I had no idea what he was talking about. 00:03:21.10\00:03:23.77 And I..., he said... well, why don't you turn on CNN? 00:03:23.81\00:03:28.58 I spoke to our host and I asked him to turn on the television 00:03:28.62\00:03:33.68 and while that was going on, I asked my wife what Monty's 00:03:33.71\00:03:37.95 flight number was 00:03:37.98\00:03:39.65 She could not remember the number, but she remembered that 00:03:39.69\00:03:42.59 that morning she has sent a communication to the school 00:03:42.63\00:03:45.93 to pick him up, and the flight number had two ones in it. 00:03:45.96\00:03:49.23 As the TV came on, it was nonstop coverage from CNN 00:03:49.26\00:03:54.25 and the flight number was on the screen 00:03:54.28\00:03:56.63 Swiss Air Flight 111 00:03:56.66\00:03:58.69 And at that moment it donned on us that was Monty's airplane 00:03:58.73\00:04:03.70 And unless he had missed it, this was likely his flight. 00:04:03.73\00:04:08.63 At that moment it sort of like being stung of an electric prod 00:04:08.67\00:04:13.24 it's just, it's incomprehensible moment 00:04:13.27\00:04:16.34 and my immediate reaction was, because the initial report 00:04:16.38\00:04:20.56 showing that there was a massive emergency vehicles and like 00:04:20.60\00:04:24.75 they did mention that a possibility of survivors 00:04:24.78\00:04:27.94 being a surgeon and being someone who tries to fix things 00:04:27.98\00:04:32.13 my initial reaction was to call the airlines get on a plane and 00:04:32.17\00:04:35.74 go rescue my son out of the North Atlantic myself 00:04:35.84\00:04:39.21 I just had to do something, I needed to be there. 00:04:39.24\00:04:42.58 Can you imagine hearing to such a tragedy over the television? 00:04:44.85\00:04:48.87 Now suddenly, everything about his son's life came 00:04:48.90\00:04:53.63 flatting back to David. 00:04:53.66\00:04:54.86 It was as if he was trying to remember every detail of 00:04:54.90\00:04:59.41 Monty's existence. 00:04:59.44\00:05:01.31 Here is what he told us about his young son. 00:05:01.35\00:05:04.68 Monty was a really, a little bit of a quiet kid, but he was 00:05:04.98\00:05:10.14 fun loving, he had a great sense of humor 00:05:10.17\00:05:13.19 He loved sports. 00:05:13.22\00:05:15.18 Being a lover of sports myself and having done that a lot in 00:05:15.22\00:05:20.22 my life we had so much in common We did everything together. 00:05:20.65\00:05:23.52 He was adventuresome and loved to have experiences 00:05:23.55\00:05:29.43 to make memories. 00:05:29.46\00:05:30.43 When he was 18 he was baptized and gave his heart to the Lord. 00:05:30.44\00:05:35.94 It was such a comfort to watch Monty's spiritual growth 00:05:35.97\00:05:39.17 during those 15 months between his baptism and his accident 00:05:39.20\00:05:42.37 On one occasion, about 4 months before the accident 00:05:42.40\00:05:45.23 we were conversing and he told me, he said: 00:05:45.26\00:05:47.19 You know, everything is ok with me and the Lord 00:05:47.22\00:05:50.95 and I'm not afraid to die 00:05:50.98\00:05:53.19 You know, I was not able to say that as comfortably as he 00:05:53.23\00:05:58.78 for about 53 years of my life 00:05:58.81\00:06:01.00 And I found that rather extraordinary for a kid, 00:06:01.04\00:06:05.16 19 years old, to have listen to the voice of Jesus say: 00:06:05.19\00:06:11.01 Monty, I want to be your friend 00:06:11.04\00:06:13.73 And Monty respond with such a deep response 00:06:13.77\00:06:18.05 I want to be Your friend 00:06:18.08\00:06:19.46 And they walked this road together 00:06:19.50\00:06:21.37 I can still remember. I think it was ABC doing 00:06:21.41\00:06:24.59 a news cast and focusing on one of his friends 00:06:24.62\00:06:27.73 And his friend looked right into the camera and said 00:06:27.77\00:06:31.01 Monty loved the Lord, and he told me about it. 00:06:31.04\00:06:35.88 That was rather remarkable. 00:06:35.91\00:06:38.85 And as we sat and listened to his friends and his teachers 00:06:38.89\00:06:43.14 from college began to speak of him, some things began to emerge 00:06:43.18\00:06:48.06 about him, that parents don't often get to know, are not to 00:06:48.09\00:06:51.68 because it occurs on whole different frame of reference 00:06:51.72\00:06:55.28 in the dormitory, in the classroom, etc 00:06:55.31\00:06:57.70 And we discovered that Monty was a very inclusive child 00:06:57.74\00:07:01.79 inclusive young man now, he was 19. 00:07:01.82\00:07:04.94 I guess child would not be the right word 00:07:04.98\00:07:08.00 People who were not popular, talented or athletic 00:07:08.04\00:07:11.64 he felt like they needed to be part of his world. 00:07:11.68\00:07:15.25 Just 19 years old, and he had such assurance of salvation 00:07:16.73\00:07:21.64 that he wasn't afraid to die. 00:07:21.67\00:07:24.33 What a wonderful assurance that must have given to his family 00:07:24.37\00:07:29.01 later on. 00:07:29.04\00:07:30.01 I'd like you to help me welcome dr. David Wilkins to our program 00:07:30.02\00:07:35.56 Thank you for being here today. 00:07:43.31\00:07:45.70 We so appreciate it. 00:07:45.73\00:07:47.25 You know, as the Wilkins family struggled to make sense of 00:07:47.29\00:07:51.46 this terrible tragedy they were faced with some deep questions 00:07:51.49\00:07:55.63 Where was God in all of this tragedy? 00:07:55.66\00:07:58.72 Why hadn't He protected their son? 00:07:58.75\00:08:01.78 But the Holy Spirit was very close to them throughout the day 00:08:01.81\00:08:05.76 And here is how David described what happened 00:08:05.79\00:08:09.53 Well, those, first few days we just sat and sobbed and cried 00:08:11.02\00:08:15.22 and held each other and tried to make sense out of something 00:08:15.32\00:08:21.73 that's nonsense. 00:08:21.76\00:08:22.73 You know, you're just hopeless and helpless. 00:08:22.74\00:08:25.97 and you just... It reminds me of a cartoon I saw one time 00:08:26.01\00:08:30.81 of a cat with its claws on a fence, clinging for dear life 00:08:30.84\00:08:35.61 to something. 00:08:35.64\00:08:37.00 You cling to the Lord. You don't understand Him. 00:08:37.04\00:08:40.88 You don't understand His providence or His control. 00:08:40.91\00:08:44.72 You don't understand the circumstances. 00:08:44.75\00:08:46.31 You can't believe your eyes and your ears. 00:08:46.34\00:08:49.35 But something leads you to trust His heart. 00:08:49.38\00:08:52.36 And I had to cling to that. 00:08:52.39\00:08:55.08 I mean, there is a song called "Trust His heart" 00:08:55.12\00:08:58.48 It says when you don't understand and you can't see 00:08:58.52\00:09:01.81 His plan and you can't trace His hand, you can trust His heart. 00:09:01.85\00:09:06.81 And right now I had to be able to stand up with that 00:09:06.84\00:09:10.46 Sinter in the movie of the robe said at the end 00:09:10.49\00:09:14.02 when he discovers forgiveness I guess he reasons back 00:09:14.06\00:09:16.20 for having nailed Jesus to the cross 00:09:16.23\00:09:18.57 He says: From this day forward I'm giving my sword, my fortune 00:09:18.60\00:09:26.82 and my life 00:09:26.85\00:09:28.91 And I have to say to the Lord today I give Him my sword, 00:09:28.94\00:09:33.11 my courage and strength 00:09:33.14\00:09:35.51 My fortune, what little I have and my life as well as 00:09:35.55\00:09:40.20 those who I love, because I can trust His heart 00:09:40.23\00:09:43.65 And is taken a few years to get to that 00:09:43.68\00:09:47.19 and we cling to that hope: Jesus is the answer 00:09:47.23\00:09:54.60 You know David, you mentioned about clinging to hope 00:09:54.64\00:09:59.27 Hebrews 6:19 says that God has given us this hope as an anchor 00:09:59.31\00:10:04.25 for our soul and I am so glad that you and your family 00:10:04.28\00:10:07.93 had that anchor in place before this terrible tragedy 00:10:07.96\00:10:11.73 You wrote such a beautiful book: United In Tragedy 00:10:11.77\00:10:15.51 about your journey through this experience 00:10:15.54\00:10:18.49 There is one thing in the book that really, 00:10:18.52\00:10:21.44 the whole book moved me. 00:10:21.47\00:10:23.27 But something that was so interesting was how different 00:10:23.31\00:10:26.74 people in your family reacted in different ways to their grief 00:10:26.78\00:10:32.07 And something that, a story that truly moved me was a story 00:10:32.10\00:10:36.68 about your youngest daughter, Marcy 00:10:36.71\00:10:38.92 and the terrible anger that she was feeling 00:10:38.96\00:10:42.46 And she had such great frustration 00:10:42.49\00:10:45.33 Now, when you went to Nova Scotia, 00:10:45.37\00:10:48.14 where the plain had gone down off of that border 00:10:48.18\00:10:52.19 something happened one night in your hotel room 00:10:52.23\00:10:56.21 with a pastor and his wife 00:10:56.24\00:10:58.07 Could you please, share that with us? 00:10:58.11\00:11:00.07 Yeah, Marcy was a very emotional young lady 00:11:01.53\00:11:07.07 and she didn't feel that this should happen to her brother 00:11:07.11\00:11:10.52 and she felt free to express that anger which became 00:11:10.55\00:11:16.06 significant enough. At one time I thought I lost two children 00:11:16.16\00:11:20.91 She was so angry. 00:11:20.94\00:11:22.71 And we arrived in Nova Scotia 00:11:22.75\00:11:25.60 There was a lot of confusion as they excused guests that were 00:11:25.64\00:11:29.10 in the hotel and made room for families of the victims to all 00:11:29.13\00:11:32.56 stand one place, so they can secure the place 00:11:32.59\00:11:35.33 and as we finally got to our motel room 00:11:35.36\00:11:38.32 there was a phone number there. 00:11:38.35\00:11:39.49 It was the phone number of the local pastor and his wife 00:11:39.53\00:11:42.16 They wanted to come and see us that evening 00:11:42.19\00:11:44.87 and not feeling like we wanted to see anybody 00:11:44.97\00:11:48.00 just using our son being in a strange place 00:11:48.04\00:11:51.00 knowing nobody, but because he extended himself, 00:11:51.04\00:11:55.20 we figured we would honor that and invited him to our room 00:11:55.24\00:11:58.47 and he and his wife came to the door wind by the men 00:11:58.50\00:12:01.39 There weren't many chairs in the room, so we were sitting 00:12:01.43\00:12:04.13 around the edge of the bed and standing against the wall and 00:12:04.17\00:12:06.84 sitting on the floor. 00:12:06.87\00:12:07.84 And Marcy was sitting on the floor with her back against the 00:12:07.85\00:12:12.54 dresser and this pastor started to interact with her 00:12:12.57\00:12:18.72 and it became very quickly that this wasn't going anywhere. 00:12:18.76\00:12:22.87 She was having none of it 00:12:22.90\00:12:25.18 And went on just a few minutes and his quiet wife was standing 00:12:25.22\00:12:33.66 over in a corner. 00:12:33.69\00:12:35.57 She listened patiently until she'd had enough. 00:12:35.61\00:12:38.00 And she walked over to Marcy and stood right in front of her 00:12:38.04\00:12:42.03 She said: Marcy can I take your hand? 00:12:42.06\00:12:43.60 And she reached down to take her hand. 00:12:43.63\00:12:45.03 And she looked right in the eyes, and she said: Marcy, 00:12:45.07\00:12:49.14 I know what is like to be angry. 00:12:49.17\00:12:53.47 I was in such a rage here this last week 00:12:53.51\00:12:55.90 I ran into the shower, slammed the door, and screamed 00:12:55.94\00:12:58.90 for what seemed like 30 minutes. 00:12:58.93\00:13:01.06 And she paused and she said: Marcy, my son is in jail 00:13:01.10\00:13:07.20 for molesting children. 00:13:07.23\00:13:08.93 Then she said: Marcy, he will be released in 6 months. 00:13:08.97\00:13:16.88 And he is not sorry. 00:13:16.91\00:13:19.34 And then she added words that can be the most wrenching for 00:13:19.37\00:13:26.01 any mother to say 00:13:26.04\00:13:27.16 She said: Marcy, I'm his mother. 00:13:27.20\00:13:29.64 And it would be better if he would gone 00:13:29.68\00:13:34.12 than to do that. 00:13:34.15\00:13:36.59 It was dead silence, just like it is in this room 00:13:39.86\00:13:42.85 Yes. 00:13:42.88\00:13:44.33 She didn't just speak to Marcy. 00:13:44.37\00:13:45.98 She spoke to me. 00:13:46.08\00:13:47.26 Because I was angry too. 00:13:48.52\00:13:50.01 Sure. 00:13:50.04\00:13:51.30 Here is this quiet moment. 00:13:51.34\00:13:54.23 And that moment said more to my family than any counselor 00:13:54.27\00:14:00.64 any member of the faith community 00:14:00.67\00:14:04.25 anyone else could have said 00:14:04.28\00:14:05.46 And I have to tell you, several weeks later 00:14:05.50\00:14:11.10 I heard my daughter standing in front of the college classmates 00:14:11.14\00:14:14.37 at Walla-Walla College and say almost tearfully 00:14:14.40\00:14:20.65 I'm not angry anymore 00:14:20.68\00:14:22.65 Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! 00:14:22.69\00:14:24.85 She said: I can sing "Amazing Grace" 00:14:24.88\00:14:27.01 as well with my soul 00:14:27.04\00:14:28.76 and I back up an angry tears. 00:14:28.80\00:14:30.85 Praise God! 00:14:30.88\00:14:32.10 So Marcy's doing well today. 00:14:32.14\00:14:33.76 That's wonderful! 00:14:33.79\00:14:35.23 I think that the reason this ministered so much to you 00:14:35.26\00:14:39.65 this comment, I believe you bring this out in the book 00:14:39.69\00:14:43.95 is that you suddenly realized there are worse tragedies 00:14:43.99\00:14:48.18 you had the hope, knowing your son Monty's walk with the Lord 00:14:48.22\00:14:53.08 you had the hope of spending eternity with him 00:14:53.11\00:14:57.67 But if your son, if the circumstances were different 00:14:57.71\00:15:03.99 and it was your son in prison for such a thing 00:15:04.02\00:15:06.82 it would be a far greater loss, because you knew that 00:15:06.86\00:15:11.09 if he remained in that condition, it will all be over 00:15:11.13\00:15:15.33 someday. 00:15:15.36\00:15:16.33 You know, one of Monty's classmates that was mentioned 00:15:16.34\00:15:18.91 in the voice clip said in that same sequence 00:15:18.94\00:15:21.14 he said: there is a paper laying on the table in front of him 00:15:21.18\00:15:25.20 with Monty's picture and the camera found his eyes 00:15:25.23\00:15:27.63 he said: This happened to the wrong guy 00:15:27.66\00:15:31.01 Did it? 00:15:33.34\00:15:34.31 Who needs more time, 00:15:34.32\00:15:36.31 Amen. 00:15:36.34\00:15:37.31 to turn to the Lord and discover His friendship? 00:15:37.32\00:15:40.12 and His forgiveness. 00:15:40.15\00:15:41.70 The child of God who says I'm not afraid to die, 00:15:41.74\00:15:44.31 everything is well with me 00:15:44.34\00:15:46.22 or one who needs time to find the Lord 00:15:46.26\00:15:49.77 Dr. Wilkins, I was truly moved by your book. 00:15:50.77\00:15:54.62 when I picked it up, from the moment I just read the first 00:15:54.66\00:15:58.42 word, I didn't sit it down until I finished it. 00:15:58.45\00:16:00.95 And you used the term frequently 00:16:00.98\00:16:03.87 the reluctant fraternity. 00:16:03.90\00:16:06.20 There is many people who have joint the reluctant fraternity 00:16:06.24\00:16:11.32 I like you to explain it, just a moment, but I will also like 00:16:11.35\00:16:16.22 you to tell us what have you learn through this experience 00:16:16.25\00:16:21.09 about reaching out to others who are facing 00:16:21.12\00:16:24.16 the type of grieve that you made through 00:16:24.20\00:16:27.17 Well, let me explain the reluctant fraternity phrase 00:16:27.21\00:16:30.55 In fact, that was the title I chose for my book 00:16:30.58\00:16:33.98 But the publishers had other ideas 00:16:34.01\00:16:35.43 They thought it could be misinterpreted in some way, but 00:16:35.47\00:16:38.07 it still captures the idea that there is a community of people 00:16:38.11\00:16:43.14 who are bought together by common experience 00:16:43.17\00:16:45.87 not of their choice. 00:16:45.90\00:16:47.36 And then as the community grows and the membership 00:16:47.40\00:16:52.62 in that community grows, 00:16:52.65\00:16:54.17 an enormous capacity grows 00:16:54.20\00:16:55.65 through life experience and how God helps you go that experience 00:16:55.69\00:17:02.43 Really changes kingdom, to build His kingdom 00:17:02.46\00:17:07.53 and not waste that experience 00:17:07.56\00:17:09.90 So there is an enormous responsibility and capacity 00:17:10.00\00:17:12.97 that comes with, only 6 years later can say this, 00:17:13.00\00:17:17.47 to be trusted with a tragedy like this. 00:17:17.50\00:17:19.78 It's a good way to say it. 00:17:20.25\00:17:22.13 Something that stroked me, you went through this experience 00:17:22.17\00:17:27.94 with a couple hundred other families 00:17:27.97\00:17:29.89 absolutely 00:17:29.99\00:17:31.14 and part of your healing process happened 00:17:31.17\00:17:34.37 the very first time you went to Nova Scotia 00:17:34.41\00:17:37.56 when you reached out to bring someone else into your circle 00:17:37.60\00:17:42.29 you have what? 9 people? 00:17:42.32\00:17:43.51 My kids and their spouses and myself, there were 9 of us there 00:17:43.55\00:17:48.13 What a support group! 00:17:48.16\00:17:49.41 Yes! 00:17:49.44\00:17:50.41 A whole church family like is in this room 00:17:50.42\00:17:52.95 to lift us and support us 00:17:52.98\00:17:56.45 but it was not so for some 00:17:56.55\00:17:58.92 you know, I encounter a lady at the elevator 00:17:58.96\00:18:03.04 the first morning we were there 00:18:03.07\00:18:04.63 and we were both waiting for the elevator 00:18:04.67\00:18:07.77 and she was pretty..., she was not in a very good shape and I 00:18:07.81\00:18:10.74 walked up and I put my arm around her, I saw 00:18:10.77\00:18:12.49 her tag I knew she was a parent 00:18:12.52\00:18:14.40 of somebody who had perished; it turned out to be her 00:18:14.44\00:18:16.86 18 year old daughter Lou Anna 00:18:16.89\00:18:18.52 This was Nancy White and she says: I have no one 00:18:18.56\00:18:23.04 My dog died this year, my mother died this year 00:18:23.07\00:18:27.14 and my daughter and I had a big disagreement 00:18:27.18\00:18:31.18 before I got on the airplane, so our last time together 00:18:31.22\00:18:34.53 was stressed 00:18:34.56\00:18:35.66 I'm alone 00:18:35.70\00:18:36.77 And I just wrapped her in my arms, gave this big hug 00:18:38.05\00:18:41.15 and we adopted her into our family 00:18:41.18\00:18:42.85 And she is in, part of our family even today 00:18:42.88\00:18:46.38 We stay in close touch with her 00:18:46.41\00:18:48.51 I praise God that He gave you such grace at a moment, 00:18:48.55\00:18:52.97 you know grieve is a very private thing, but I 00:18:53.00\00:18:55.05 praise the Lord that you opened your arms 00:18:55.08\00:18:57.13 When you're hurting and you want to heal, 00:18:57.16\00:18:59.18 touch another hurting person 00:18:59.21\00:19:00.96 That's a good advice 00:19:00.99\00:19:02.76 It reacts back on you in ways that you cannot imagine 00:19:02.80\00:19:04.85 Because that was the beginning about healing 00:19:04.88\00:19:07.81 Give and it shall be given to you, yes 00:19:07.84\00:19:10.13 The measure you use would be measured back to you 00:19:10.17\00:19:12.86 Coming up next, will discuss some of the common reactions 00:19:12.90\00:19:17.47 to sudden tragedy, as well as what we can do to prepare for 00:19:17.50\00:19:21.52 such an event in our own life, so please don't go away. 00:19:21.55\00:19:25.54 We are going to be talking about workaholics. We certainly are 00:19:33.95\00:19:37.40 We're going to be talking about balancing work and family 00:19:37.43\00:19:41.14 and more specifically about balancing our lives, 00:19:41.17\00:19:45.27 so we don't end up being workaholics 00:19:45.30\00:19:47.47 And I was working 9-5 I guess, for my dad, 5-9 at the mall 00:19:47.57\00:19:54.89 with my friends, and Saturday and Sundays 00:19:54.92\00:19:57.74 But the more I worked, the more people acknowledged what I did 00:19:57.78\00:20:00.44 the better I felt for a while 00:20:00.47\00:20:01.96 When we don't understand the purpose for our life 00:20:02.36\00:20:06.53 and then our priorities get mixed up 00:20:06.56\00:20:12.12 Next week on Up Close 00:20:12.15\00:20:13.27 Don't miss it! 00:20:14.98\00:20:16.10 Welcome back to Up Close 00:20:27.75\00:20:30.03 We're talking today about facing the tough times 00:20:30.07\00:20:34.05 and what we can do to help ourselves and others get through 00:20:34.09\00:20:38.28 these tough times. 00:20:38.38\00:20:39.36 We want to welcome our special guest: Pastor Jay Gallimore who 00:20:39.40\00:20:44.20 is President of the Michigan Conference of Seventh Day 00:20:44.23\00:20:47.61 Adventists 00:20:47.64\00:20:48.61 And as a leader of the Conference of churches, 00:20:48.62\00:20:51.54 Jay is often called on to help people who are facing these 00:20:51.64\00:20:57.77 tough times and may be questioning the love of God 00:20:57.80\00:21:01.28 Let's welcome pastor Gallimore 00:21:01.31\00:21:03.94 Pastor, it's good to have you here 00:21:03.98\00:21:06.58 Good to be here. 00:21:06.61\00:21:09.28 I'm so glad you could join us today. 00:21:11.92\00:21:14.34 I just want to cut right to the chase. 00:21:14.37\00:21:16.72 Don't you think in many ways is natural to question God 00:21:16.76\00:21:22.37 when such tragedy comes into our lives unexpectedly 00:21:22.41\00:21:27.99 Well, Shelly I do. 00:21:28.02\00:21:30.01 I don't think there is a human being around, that doesn't say 00:21:30.05\00:21:34.17 Lord, what's going on here? 00:21:34.20\00:21:36.83 Amen. 00:21:36.86\00:21:37.83 What's happening here? Why? 00:21:37.84\00:21:39.79 Am I in this kind of a thing? So, I think it's natural 00:21:39.82\00:21:43.86 to question. And these questions are important 00:21:43.89\00:21:47.41 And they are important because there is an opportunity now 00:21:47.45\00:21:50.90 for God to speak. 00:21:50.93\00:21:52.02 There is no time when we listen so intently as to when we just 00:21:52.06\00:21:58.68 heard flight 111 may be down. 00:21:58.71\00:22:03.30 Then, we say, Lord- and we are all ears to hear. 00:22:03.34\00:22:08.25 You know, any time that I hear the tragedy, I always pray 00:22:08.29\00:22:13.51 and ask the Lord to be there to comfort the people, but also 00:22:13.54\00:22:18.73 I ask Him: Father send many people with the love of Jesus 00:22:18.83\00:22:26.39 that can reach out and touch these who are mourning 00:22:26.42\00:22:29.86 And something like that happened to David. 00:22:29.89\00:22:32.50 David, I just wanted to ask you I know that you and your family 00:22:32.54\00:22:36.55 went to the lighthouse where you were going to have 00:22:36.58\00:22:41.03 a little ceremony for your son 00:22:41.06\00:22:43.01 and something happened on the beach when a young pastor 00:22:43.05\00:22:47.79 actually a priest came up to you and read a very special psalm 00:22:47.83\00:22:52.06 Could you tell us a little bit about what happened that day? 00:22:52.09\00:22:56.29 Yes, there were hundreds of us, family members, 00:22:56.33\00:23:00.41 who had been taken there in a bus convoy 00:23:00.44\00:23:02.56 we had been briefed in a tent about how to avoid the press 00:23:02.60\00:23:06.64 and in an organized way we had our moment at the beach, 00:23:06.67\00:23:10.68 for our loved one. 00:23:10.71\00:23:11.75 And believe it or not it was on a beautiful Sabbath morning. 00:23:11.79\00:23:14.60 You could see the ships up there picking up debris. 00:23:14.63\00:23:17.73 You could see the helicopters running their grids 00:23:17.77\00:23:20.80 And it was in that atmosphere, we were finally had our time 00:23:20.84\00:23:26.33 and our family proceeded down to as far next to the water, 00:23:26.37\00:23:31.83 as we can get, as they would let us go 00:23:31.86\00:23:33.66 And we were just getting ready to, we kind of decided what we 00:23:33.70\00:23:37.95 were going to do, and we were getting ready 00:23:37.98\00:23:40.05 and a young captain came up to us who had a collar on, who was 00:23:40.09\00:23:45.01 turned around the opposite way, and he didn't identify himself 00:23:45.04\00:23:49.93 He just simply said: Are you fox Christians? 00:23:49.96\00:23:52.20 And we said: Yes, we are. 00:23:52.23\00:23:54.13 And he said, very, almost in a shaky voice 00:23:54.17\00:23:57.32 Would you mind if I read Scripture to you and pray 00:23:57.36\00:23:59.32 with you? 00:23:59.35\00:24:00.51 And we said: we would be delighted 00:24:00.54\00:24:02.50 And he opened his Bible and he read Psalm 77 00:24:02.54\00:24:06.19 Just to give you a flavor of that chapter 00:24:06.23\00:24:09.81 in one sentence, the last sentence in the first half 00:24:09.85\00:24:12.99 of that chapter, says: Where is God when I need Him? 00:24:13.09\00:24:17.60 When I needed him most He went on vacation 00:24:17.63\00:24:20.28 in the words of the Message Bible 00:24:20.31\00:24:21.95 I felt a little bit like that at the moment 00:24:21.99\00:24:25.85 At any rate, go home and read Psalm 77 tonight, 00:24:25.88\00:24:29.67 knowing the setting and it will mean a lot more to you, but 00:24:29.71\00:24:32.43 at any rate he did pray with us and read, and then 00:24:32.46\00:24:35.79 we had little song sheets and we began to sing, 00:24:35.89\00:24:38.93 as a sort of a family choir 00:24:38.96\00:24:40.75 Your wife Janet had printed this off and had them 00:24:40.79\00:24:45.22 printed off all the verses and we were going to take our time 00:24:45.26\00:24:50.04 there and sing praises in front of a fairly sizeable group 00:24:50.07\00:24:54.37 above us on the rocks 00:24:54.47\00:24:56.40 Because they were bringing one family at a time 00:24:56.44\00:24:59.29 This is a rather dangerous area where are some rogue waves 00:24:59.32\00:25:03.24 that would come, right? 00:25:03.27\00:25:04.24 That's right. They had the Canadian military 00:25:04.25\00:25:06.78 there, to keep us at safe distance. 00:25:06.81\00:25:08.51 And what was fascinating is that this captain turned out 00:25:08.55\00:25:12.06 to be a catholic chaplain in the Canadian military 00:25:12.09\00:25:17.01 and he wrote of this experience to his superior 00:25:17.04\00:25:21.10 and his superior published it in some publication 00:25:21.13\00:25:24.82 And when that was published, somebody sent it to me 00:25:24.85\00:25:28.51 in the mail. I can't even remember who. 00:25:28.54\00:25:30.52 And I finally found out the man's name 00:25:30.55\00:25:32.50 Is captain John O' O'Donnell 00:25:32.53\00:25:35.79 And he's become my fast friend 00:25:35.82\00:25:39.05 Praise the Lord. 00:25:39.08\00:25:40.05 But I never met him by name until a year later when 00:25:40.06\00:25:42.79 he participated in helping us enterer my son's remains 00:25:42.82\00:25:46.20 I think in a little bit we'd like to come back and read 00:25:46.23\00:25:49.60 may be a part of that letter 00:25:49.63\00:25:50.93 But at this time you were still quite angry confused bewildered 00:25:50.97\00:25:58.93 maybe is a better word 00:25:58.96\00:26:00.24 How do we get past that stage of, there is a time in my life 00:26:00.28\00:26:08.44 when I shook my fists at the face of God 00:26:08.47\00:26:12.84 and said: You promised me these type of things wouldn't happen 00:26:12.88\00:26:18.08 I thought He did anyway 00:26:18.11\00:26:19.78 But, how do we get past that stage when we are in such grief 00:26:19.82\00:26:25.57 what are some of the steps? 00:26:25.60\00:26:27.32 But first we all need to start before the tragedy happens and 00:26:27.36\00:26:30.70 that's already been eluded to so nicely. 00:26:30.73\00:26:32.68 And I think in the book you noted that it's like an anchor 00:26:32.72\00:26:35.97 if you try to put an anchor down in the mist of a storm 00:26:36.01\00:26:39.23 it's very difficult. 00:26:39.33\00:26:42.22 But if the anchor it's already in place before the storm hits 00:26:42.26\00:26:46.10 then you're going to be held in a good way 00:26:46.13\00:26:50.33 The trouble is that many people put off trying to get to know 00:26:50.37\00:26:55.19 the Lord until they are hit with something 00:26:55.22\00:26:57.38 And I think that probably it's may be the tragedy of youth 00:26:57.42\00:27:01.30 misconception of youth that feel like they are model that 00:27:01.33\00:27:05.18 nothing is going to happen to them and 00:27:05.21\00:27:06.64 of course you mentioned in your introduction it's not a matter 00:27:06.68\00:27:09.44 of if something is going to happen to you. 00:27:09.47\00:27:11.55 It's really only a matter of when. 00:27:11.58\00:27:13.65 Every human being because of what sin has done, 00:27:13.69\00:27:16.90 because the environment we live in 00:27:16.93\00:27:19.54 because of the good grace of God 00:27:19.57\00:27:22.11 knowing that He has to allow certain things to happen to us 00:27:22.15\00:27:26.94 in order to shape us for what's going to happen 00:27:26.97\00:27:30.38 So I think the first answer I'd like to say, and it doesn't mean 00:27:30.41\00:27:33.46 you can't get the anchor down in the mist of the storm 00:27:33.49\00:27:35.53 but people need to know the Lord and to call unto Lord while 00:27:35.57\00:27:40.57 He can be found as the Scripture says 00:27:40.60\00:27:42.75 before something hits 00:27:42.78\00:27:45.48 Number 1- get that anchor down early with the lord Jesus 00:27:45.52\00:27:49.42 And then I think, you know once you're in a tragedy 00:27:49.45\00:27:54.02 everything, once you're in a difficult situation 00:27:54.05\00:27:58.59 It's never like the book says it will be 00:27:58.62\00:28:00.88 The emotions are there, it's a lot of confusion 00:28:00.92\00:28:05.83 and those kinds of thing 00:28:05.93\00:28:07.40 And I know we say this so lightly but the truth is we just 00:28:07.44\00:28:13.19 have to trust the Lord through all of that 00:28:13.22\00:28:16.10 Another statement you mentioned earlier, doctor 00:28:16.14\00:28:19.00 that I really appreciate in the book 00:28:19.03\00:28:21.85 was that you have to trust His heart 00:28:21.88\00:28:24.67 Amen 00:28:24.70\00:28:25.67 You know in the, when everything doesn't make any sense 00:28:25.68\00:28:29.15 you have to trust His heart 00:28:29.18\00:28:30.60 And then I think this sounds odd 00:28:30.64\00:28:33.68 but I think one of the greatest things that helps me through 00:28:33.72\00:28:37.61 difficulty is to start praising God for how have seen Him act 00:28:37.64\00:28:41.50 in different ways 00:28:41.53\00:28:42.72 Amen 00:28:42.75\00:28:43.72 I also found, your wife had a wonderful view of this 00:28:43.73\00:28:47.92 what I like about your book, it's a journey through 00:28:47.96\00:28:52.48 your discovery of I've a quote here that I want to read 00:28:52.51\00:28:56.40 in a few minutes. 00:28:56.43\00:28:57.45 About the fact that God is in control of our lives 00:28:57.49\00:29:02.83 we don't want, first we don't really get in control 00:29:02.93\00:29:05.83 we say as Christians, oh yes we sing the song I surrender all 00:29:05.87\00:29:08.95 and I've sang it for many years 00:29:08.98\00:29:10.48 It's a wonderful song, but are we really willing to let the 00:29:10.52\00:29:14.82 Lord have full control of my life? 00:29:15.13\00:29:18.10 and that means in my everyday affairs 00:29:18.13\00:29:21.23 am I willing, we don't like this word I know 00:29:21.43\00:29:24.44 are we willing to let the Lord be our Master and 00:29:24.48\00:29:27.46 and we be a slave 00:29:27.49\00:29:29.26 and, so now we're running out of time this first section, but 00:29:29.30\00:29:32.64 at some point I want to come back and talk about the fact 00:29:32.67\00:29:37.54 that nothing can touch us, except that the Lord permits it 00:29:37.57\00:29:42.41 Amen 00:29:42.44\00:29:43.65 Are we really cool with that? 00:29:43.69\00:29:45.08 Does that mean that the nails in Christ hand, 00:29:45.12\00:29:49.17 part of the will of God? 00:29:49.20\00:29:50.78 Well, we should answer that question. 00:29:50.82\00:29:52.72 You know, we would like to, when we come back 00:29:54.43\00:29:57.12 we're going to read Psalm 77 from the book as well, because 00:29:57.16\00:30:00.83 the Message interpretation, really is great. 00:30:00.86\00:30:04.14 But, the thought that I had is that, when you said 00:30:04.18\00:30:10.19 Trust His heart! Proverbs 3:5.6 says: Trust in the Lord with all 00:30:10.22\00:30:16.49 of your heart and lean not on your own understanding 00:30:16.52\00:30:19.67 If we're not going to lean on our understanding, 00:30:19.71\00:30:22.83 who are we going to lean on? 00:30:22.86\00:30:25.00 The Word of God, His understanding. 00:30:25.04\00:30:28.24 And I believe, doctor, you'd surely admit and agree 00:30:28.28\00:30:33.38 that as difficult as this was to go through, it would've been 00:30:33.42\00:30:37.97 impossible without God. 00:30:38.00\00:30:40.08 Amen. 00:30:40.11\00:30:41.58 Well, facing a sudden death in the family 00:30:41.61\00:30:44.91 is a very difficult event. 00:30:44.94\00:30:46.72 But, what about those who are diagnosed with a disease 00:30:46.76\00:30:51.93 that brings prolonged suffering and pain? 00:30:51.96\00:30:55.46 We've visited pastor Dan and Kay Collins 00:30:55.49\00:30:58.94 from Battle Creek, Michigan recently, and pastor Collins was 00:30:58.98\00:31:02.74 an evangelist for over 30 years 00:31:02.77\00:31:05.27 last summer though, he was diagnosed with cancer 00:31:05.31\00:31:09.95 and given only 3-6 month to live. 00:31:09.98\00:31:13.19 But as you will see in this interview, a wonderful peace 00:31:13.23\00:31:17.82 just flooded and surrounded this couple in the time of 00:31:17.86\00:31:22.42 their trial 00:31:22.45\00:31:23.42 A peace that can only come from a deep relationship 00:31:23.43\00:31:28.38 and faith in God 00:31:28.41\00:31:29.78 So, listen to this: 00:31:29.81\00:31:31.15 I'm 64 years old. I may live to be 65, I may not. 00:31:32.10\00:31:38.25 That's few months away. 00:31:38.28\00:31:40.10 The important thing is not how long I live. 00:31:40.14\00:31:44.96 Is the quality of life that I've had. 00:31:44.99\00:31:49.12 Which is been absolutely second to none. 00:31:49.16\00:31:53.28 I can tell you, from laying in this bed 00:31:53.32\00:31:57.37 the things that are going to be most precious 00:31:57.41\00:32:01.19 are going to be the times that you spend with your mate 00:32:01.23\00:32:05.54 the times that you spent searching 00:32:09.02\00:32:12.58 for others 00:32:13.80\00:32:16.33 the times that you spent digging out God's will 00:32:18.33\00:32:27.67 for your lifestyle 00:32:27.70\00:32:31.30 those are the vitals 00:32:33.10\00:32:35.39 To know Him, to draw close to your mate 00:32:35.43\00:32:40.87 and be committed to doing it. 00:32:40.90\00:32:44.13 I think that's what is the chemistry for coming to the 00:32:44.43\00:32:50.47 end of the road and having peace 00:32:50.50\00:32:53.79 Peace. As we listened to pastor Collins we were again impressed 00:32:55.43\00:33:00.61 that in the last days of his life, he still had a burden 00:33:00.64\00:33:05.81 to share what he had found, the hope that he had found, 00:33:05.84\00:33:10.19 in Jesus Christ with those who are hurting 00:33:10.22\00:33:14.03 He opened his heart to us and explained how this ministry 00:33:14.06\00:33:19.60 had prepared him for his own illness. 00:33:19.63\00:33:22.80 I've been in the ministry for 35 years 00:33:23.85\00:33:27.40 evangelism for 35 means a lot of sick beds 00:33:27.43\00:33:30.95 a lot of cancer dying people 00:33:30.98\00:33:34.35 and I've seen a lot of fear 00:33:34.39\00:33:37.69 I've seen a lot of concern, a lot of breakdowns 00:33:37.73\00:33:42.25 a lot of tears. 00:33:42.28\00:33:43.56 And I wish you could have some understand 00:33:43.60\00:33:47.78 as has been through the years by one of my biggest convictions 00:33:47.82\00:33:55.32 one of my biggest burdens have been in ministry that 00:33:55.35\00:34:00.48 God's given me: How can I transmit to this person 00:34:00.51\00:34:07.70 walking down death highway, that their attitude 00:34:07.74\00:34:14.90 and their approach to it can change if they would come to 00:34:14.93\00:34:21.05 the Scripture, virtually realizing that God has given us 00:34:21.09\00:34:27.20 hope in the Scripture. 00:34:27.23\00:34:31.40 We're so privileged to have captured this testimony of 00:34:31.44\00:34:35.09 pastor Dan Collins. 00:34:35.12\00:34:36.53 Less than a month after our interview this precious man of 00:34:36.57\00:34:41.01 God, went to his rest and his wife Kay asked us to share 00:34:41.04\00:34:45.45 this video. It's a clip that memorializes Dan's faith 00:34:45.48\00:34:50.07 to the end and brings glory to God. 00:34:50.10\00:34:52.50 Jay, you know Kay personally. How is she doing since Dan 00:34:52.54\00:34:57.20 passed away? 00:34:57.23\00:34:58.25 Well, Kay's trust is in the Lord and she is doing good. 00:34:58.29\00:35:03.28 And all she can think about is who she can win next to the Lord 00:35:03.32\00:35:08.66 And she wants to have a part in the closing work of 00:35:08.69\00:35:12.84 the coming of the Lord. 00:35:12.87\00:35:14.04 she is going to do and she is doing it right now 00:35:14.07\00:35:16.09 Praise God! 00:35:16.12\00:35:17.09 You know, it's amazing, her strength. She lost her mother 00:35:17.10\00:35:19.30 right after Dan, so sometimes you think about when it rains 00:35:19.34\00:35:22.06 it pours, but through it all she just kept smiling 00:35:22.09\00:35:25.06 and putting that trust in the Lord Jesus 00:35:25.09\00:35:27.16 Reminds me of Psalm 3:3 that says that God is the lifter of 00:35:27.20\00:35:31.86 heads. I love that verse. 00:35:31.89\00:35:33.47 I just love that verse. 00:35:33.50\00:35:35.01 Now, we promised our viewers and listeners that 00:35:35.05\00:35:38.79 we would read Psalm 77 from the Message Bible, that's 00:35:38.89\00:35:42.40 included in this beautiful book: United by Tragedy 00:35:42.44\00:35:45.92 by dr. David Wilkins 00:35:45.95\00:35:47.49 Would you read that to us, please. 00:35:47.53\00:35:49.09 Yes, I'm going just to read a portion for second time here, 00:35:49.13\00:35:52.28 but I heard coming is coming. 00:35:52.31\00:35:54.29 Will the Lord walk off and leave us for good? Will He never 00:35:54.33\00:35:56.96 smile again? 00:35:56.99\00:35:58.10 Is his love worn threadbare? Has his salvation promise 00:35:58.14\00:36:01.84 burned out? 00:36:01.87\00:36:03.46 Has God forgotten his manners? Has he walked off and stalked 00:36:03.50\00:36:08.97 off and left us? 00:36:09.00\00:36:09.97 Just my luck," I said. "The High God goes out of 00:36:09.98\00:36:11.87 business just when I need Him. " 00:36:11.90\00:36:13.55 Once again I'll go over what Yahweh has done, 00:36:13.59\00:36:17.30 there is the thankfulness coming, the gratefulness. 00:36:17.34\00:36:20.02 In the midst of tragedy I will lay out on the table 00:36:20.05\00:36:22.70 the ancient wonders; 00:36:22.73\00:36:24.08 I'll ponder all the things You've accomplished, 00:36:24.12\00:36:26.87 and give a long, loving look at Your acts. 00:36:26.90\00:36:31.10 That is crucial in the midst of difficulty 00:36:31.13\00:36:35.26 It's just trying to say: what has God done in the past? 00:36:35.30\00:36:37.60 what has He done? 00:36:37.70\00:36:39.47 O God! Your way is holy! No god is great like God! 00:36:39.51\00:36:43.71 You are the God who makes things happen. 00:36:43.74\00:36:45.53 You showed everyone what You can do 00:36:45.56\00:36:47.44 You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble, 00:36:47.48\00:36:49.47 and rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph. 00:36:49.50\00:36:51.72 And then he talked more about the awesomeness of the ocean 00:36:51.76\00:36:54.73 and he closes with this: 00:36:54.76\00:36:55.83 You rode, You strode right through the Ocean, 00:36:55.87\00:36:59.36 walked straight through roaring Ocean, but nobody saw 00:36:59.46\00:37:03.48 You come or go. Hidden in the hands of Moses and Aaron, 00:37:03.51\00:37:07.50 You led your people like a flock of sheep. 00:37:07.53\00:37:10.21 Shelley, what I really want to focus on for just a moment is 00:37:10.24\00:37:12.83 this gratefulness in the midst of difficulty 00:37:12.86\00:37:15.33 Just refer to a little earlier, the story of them standing 00:37:15.37\00:37:18.14 and singing on the banks, but what we 00:37:18.17\00:37:19.66 didn't hear is what this catholic priest wrote and what a 00:37:19.70\00:37:25.50 Salvation Army captain wrote 00:37:25.53\00:37:30.46 and I want to read, just a little bit 00:37:30.49\00:37:32.25 I can't capture as good as the book can capture, so 00:37:32.29\00:37:34.35 if you bear with me I'm going to read just a moment here 00:37:34.39\00:37:37.73 is John O'Donnell priest saying this: 00:37:37.76\00:37:42.12 and this was kind of written up and this was actually published 00:37:42.15\00:37:45.50 in the local newspaper 00:37:45.53\00:37:47.74 Is that eventually I began to worry that we are holding up 00:37:47.78\00:37:51.39 the many other families waiting to be a complied down from 00:37:51.43\00:37:55.01 the main barrier, as we're on the beach singing 00:37:55.04\00:37:57.90 his recollection 00:37:57.93\00:38:00.68 But when I looked up I saw everyone on the rocks 00:38:00.72\00:38:03.75 above us, the firefighters, the police, the Red Cross 00:38:03.78\00:38:07.90 volunteers and other family members and the chaplains 00:38:07.94\00:38:12.05 everyone was transfixed by the singing family 00:38:12.08\00:38:18.50 Many were crying at the sight of such grace and so much sorrow 00:38:18.54\00:38:24.24 Amen 00:38:24.27\00:38:25.70 We do not grieve like other people grieve 00:38:25.74\00:38:28.65 because we have a hope. 00:38:28.68\00:38:30.22 And then the Salvation Army put these words 00:38:30.26\00:38:36.29 and they got to be shared 00:38:36.32\00:38:38.19 Same recollection about event 00:38:38.22\00:38:41.39 That day on the shore line listening to them, the Wilkins 00:38:41.43\00:38:45.61 family sing, was like hearing angels in the midst of disaster 00:38:45.65\00:38:49.70 Amen. 00:38:49.73\00:38:50.70 Not for me only, but for all those who were present. 00:38:50.71\00:38:53.94 There was quiet as the voices sang to the open raging sea 00:38:53.98\00:39:00.46 and open sky. 00:39:00.49\00:39:02.05 I've to stop. That's what thankfulness and gratefulness 00:39:02.09\00:39:05.44 allows you do: to look Satan and all of the evil forces 00:39:05.47\00:39:08.86 and all the rage and all the anger and look in their face 00:39:08.89\00:39:12.25 and sing praises to the God of heaven. 00:39:12.28\00:39:16.21 Amen 00:39:16.24\00:39:17.21 they gave me courage to go on each day at that time to care 00:39:17.22\00:39:22.95 for and support those who experienced such grief 00:39:22.98\00:39:25.57 the Wilkins's showed by their faith that their grieving was 00:39:25.61\00:39:31.11 different 00:39:31.14\00:39:32.11 I got to get this clear. 00:39:32.12\00:39:33.60 They grieve for the loss, but live for the hope of reunion 00:39:33.64\00:39:38.47 some day. 00:39:38.50\00:39:39.47 Amen. 00:39:39.48\00:39:40.45 What a powerful testimony! 00:39:40.46\00:39:42.28 to faith in a God who loves us. 00:39:42.31\00:39:46.42 You know David, I hope to live my life in such a way that 00:39:46.45\00:39:50.80 I'll stand on the sea of glass with Monty some day, 'cause 00:39:50.90\00:39:53.81 I look forward to meeting your precious son 00:39:53.84\00:39:56.46 Well, coming up next we're going to discover how to achieve 00:39:56.50\00:40:02.12 the acceptance and the peace that we need to 00:40:02.15\00:40:05.11 face the tough times. 00:40:05.14\00:40:06.49 And little later we'll be taking some questions from our 00:40:06.53\00:40:09.40 live audience. So, please, don't go away. 00:40:09.43\00:40:11.88 Has life done to you some hard blows? 00:40:19.38\00:40:21.55 Are you struggling to get through tough times? 00:40:21.59\00:40:24.19 If so, we have just the books for you. 00:40:24.22\00:40:26.43 Find comfort as you read: 00:40:26.46\00:40:27.88 "Why God Allows Trials and Disappointments'" and 00:40:27.92\00:40:30.39 "Growing Trough Life's Toughest Times" for your 00:40:30.43\00:40:32.87 free gift, write to us today at 00:40:32.90\00:40:35.22 Welcome back to Up Close 00:41:02.54\00:41:05.83 We're talking today about Facing The Tough Times 00:41:05.86\00:41:08.61 and our guest who are with us are dr. David Wilkins and 00:41:08.65\00:41:12.60 Pastor Jay Gallimore 00:41:12.63\00:41:14.28 Now, Jay has often had to stand by people through their 00:41:14.32\00:41:19.53 difficult times, and I'd like to just turn to him now and 00:41:19.57\00:41:24.75 get serious about some questions. 00:41:24.78\00:41:26.82 Jay, if does God love us so much, how do we explain to 00:41:26.86\00:41:32.50 people why He allows these things to happen. 00:41:32.53\00:41:35.96 Well, first of all we don't understand everything 00:41:36.00\00:41:41.32 and that's where trust comes in 00:41:41.35\00:41:42.80 But I want to go back, I'll come back to your question 00:41:42.84\00:41:46.08 But I want to go back to a moment Dan and Kay Collins 00:41:46.11\00:41:49.32 experienced. 00:41:49.35\00:41:50.54 We were at a camp meeting a year ago, 00:41:50.58\00:41:52.39 when the mercury point came back and shared with me 00:41:52.43\00:41:55.71 and really was an ugly one and 00:41:55.74\00:41:58.83 I had happened to back up that information just before 00:41:58.87\00:42:02.63 camp meeting started, I was speaking on Friday night 00:42:02.66\00:42:05.15 the opening night at the camp meeting 00:42:05.18\00:42:06.77 And I had prepared this because some journey of my own 00:42:06.80\00:42:11.60 and here is a quote from the little book 00:42:11.63\00:42:15.50 "Thoughts From The Mount of Blessings" page 71 00:42:15.53\00:42:18.76 from Ellen White, that simply reflects a text of Scripture 00:42:18.80\00:42:22.41 found in Romans 8:28, which many people know 00:42:22.44\00:42:26.05 But I'll call you of the end of this so 00:42:26.08\00:42:27.71 it's both string that text, it's making that text a lumen 00:42:27.75\00:42:32.90 Here is the quote. It's a fascinating quote 00:42:32.93\00:42:36.33 "The Father's presence encircled Christ and nothing befell Him 00:42:36.37\00:42:40.98 but that which infinite love permitted for the blessing of 00:42:41.02\00:42:45.60 the world. " 00:42:45.63\00:42:46.60 So I have to believe that anything that happens to us 00:42:46.61\00:42:49.60 comes from a heart of God's infinite love. 00:42:49.63\00:42:52.10 Amen. 00:42:52.13\00:42:53.18 Now, some people say, God is not in charge of trouble 00:42:53.22\00:42:55.97 but once you surrender your life to Christ nothing can touch you 00:42:56.01\00:43:01.47 unless He orders it, or allows 00:43:01.50\00:43:03.58 it amen 00:43:03.61\00:43:05.01 Nothing. 00:43:05.05\00:43:06.38 And that's hard for us to accept as human beings, because 00:43:06.42\00:43:10.23 I, as I listened to this comment, I was riding in the car 00:43:10.27\00:43:13.56 on the way to an ordination, I had an argument with God 00:43:13.60\00:43:16.86 the argument went something like this 00:43:16.89\00:43:18.54 'cause then you're reaching deep down 00:43:18.57\00:43:21.04 and I was saying: Lord, but you know, down reserved 00:43:21.08\00:43:24.03 the right to pray and ask You to overturn some things that 00:43:24.07\00:43:28.10 I don't want 00:43:28.13\00:43:29.63 And then I came to understanding that I had become 00:43:29.66\00:43:33.19 willing to accept whatever God allow to come to my life 00:43:33.23\00:43:40.01 And that's not easy, because we always want to reserve 00:43:40.30\00:43:44.89 the right to stay in control and we have to give up control 00:43:44.93\00:43:47.37 and we have to trust God's infinite love. 00:43:47.40\00:43:50.26 Now let me go on with this, 00:43:50.29\00:43:51.26 'cause this is a tremendous quote 00:43:51.27\00:43:53.43 "Here was His quite source of comfort 00:43:53.47\00:43:55.72 and it is for us. " Wow! 00:43:55.75\00:43:59.00 In other words, what the comfort of Christ was that 00:43:59.04\00:44:03.29 nothing could happen to Him except what His Father allowed 00:44:03.33\00:44:05.73 to happen 00:44:05.76\00:44:06.73 One thing I love about this book, the journey of this book 00:44:06.74\00:44:09.59 is that this book in depth there 00:44:09.69\00:44:14.55 "He who is imbued with the Spirit of Christ 00:44:14.59\00:44:18.96 abides in Christ. 00:44:18.99\00:44:20.33 The blow aimed at him, the Christian falls upon the Savior" 00:44:20.36\00:44:25.19 Who is throwing the blow? 00:44:25.39\00:44:26.85 The adversary. 00:44:26.88\00:44:28.39 "who surrounds him with His presence" 00:44:28.43\00:44:31.96 The Savior surrounds the Christian with His presence 00:44:31.99\00:44:35.11 whoever, whatever comes to him, the Christian comes from Christ. 00:44:35.15\00:44:39.98 He has no need to resist evil, for Christ is his defends. 00:44:40.08\00:44:45.56 Nothing can touch him except by Lord's permission, 00:44:45.59\00:44:50.15 and all things that are permitted work together for 00:44:50.18\00:44:54.71 good to them that love God. " Romans 8:28 00:44:54.74\00:44:58.36 Now, I want to come back. Dan and Kay listened that night 00:44:58.40\00:45:01.28 and I'll tell you, this was an anchor for them through this 00:45:01.32\00:45:04.17 whole terrible experience 00:45:04.20\00:45:05.34 I was there, they called me the night Dan died. 00:45:05.38\00:45:09.51 And I was there at that tender, almost awful moment 00:45:09.54\00:45:13.64 when the morticians come. 00:45:13.67\00:45:16.31 His lifeless body is laying there and we are gathered in 00:45:19.21\00:45:23.82 that moment of darkness settles over all of us, because 00:45:23.85\00:45:28.43 we understand the finality of this 00:45:28.46\00:45:30.32 even that was great hope in that room 00:45:30.35\00:45:33.30 and then we began to sing 00:45:33.33\00:45:36.66 and I think may be I was impressed by what happened to 00:45:38.60\00:45:43.79 your family. 00:45:43.82\00:45:44.96 We began to sing and Kay was on one side of me, others 00:45:45.00\00:45:49.99 we were there in a circle. 00:45:50.02\00:45:51.51 Kay began to sob, but then that strong beautiful voice of hers 00:45:51.55\00:45:58.65 would pick up as we sang those words: It is well, 00:45:58.68\00:46:02.99 it is well with my soul. 00:46:03.02\00:46:05.04 Another thing I was deeply impressed with this great 00:46:05.08\00:46:12.57 experience that David Wilkins' great, it may be not the word, 00:46:12.67\00:46:15.46 but tragic experience, they went through, is that God had 00:46:15.49\00:46:18.25 His hand over them. 00:46:18.28\00:46:19.36 And even that they heard this off the news, no official 00:46:19.40\00:46:22.50 confirmation, they're getting ready to go back to home 00:46:22.53\00:46:25.60 in California, which is all they could do. 00:46:25.63\00:46:29.77 They're alone, on the plane, and on that plane 00:46:29.80\00:46:33.87 unknown to them is two of their best friends, and they look up 00:46:33.91\00:46:41.58 and there they see them on the plane. 00:46:41.61\00:46:43.80 Of course they didn't know at that point. 00:46:43.84\00:46:46.28 But Jenna, your wife makes that comment. 00:46:46.31\00:46:48.68 She leans over to you and says something to the effect 00:46:48.72\00:46:52.10 God already is working to bless us and help us. 00:46:52.13\00:46:55.46 He prepared to have these people here, for us 00:46:55.50\00:46:58.76 and they were wonderful comfort on that flight home. 00:46:58.80\00:47:00.94 I mean, who could put that together, but the Lord Himself? 00:47:00.98\00:47:03.66 You see. Amen. 00:47:03.69\00:47:04.75 I'm telling you, that as we look 00:47:04.79\00:47:05.98 we will find the Divine providences of God working. 00:47:06.02\00:47:09.34 You know, the book is entitled "United by Tragedy" 00:47:10.55\00:47:14.03 and I just, David I want to thank you for writing this book 00:47:14.07\00:47:19.93 Did you keep a journal? 00:47:19.96\00:47:21.49 What was it like for you to share the story? 00:47:21.53\00:47:24.09 Did you find healing as you wrote the story? 00:47:24.12\00:47:27.83 Well, for me, maybe not for everyone, but for me 00:47:27.94\00:47:33.08 it was important to talk about this incident and the tragedy 00:47:33.12\00:47:37.24 and my son. 00:47:37.27\00:47:38.24 There is several things that, well 2 things are specifically 00:47:38.25\00:47:42.19 that for me were important. 00:47:42.22\00:47:43.44 When you loose a loved one and you are given permission 00:47:43.47\00:47:48.67 to speak of him often, speak of the values, 00:47:48.70\00:47:52.96 speak of the positive memories and the experiences 00:47:52.99\00:47:55.45 and the things in our lives that were worth 00:47:55.48\00:47:57.51 making part of your own and you given permission 00:47:57.55\00:47:59.80 to do that frequently, you began to make those values, 00:47:59.84\00:48:05.00 those positive things part of your own life, 00:48:05.03\00:48:06.99 like Monty's inclusiveness that you mentioned 00:48:07.02\00:48:08.91 I find myself a much more inclusive person, now, because 00:48:08.95\00:48:11.52 of my son. 00:48:11.55\00:48:12.52 The second thing that I think is critically important to me 00:48:12.53\00:48:18.27 to share this is while Monty sleeps God's kingdom is growing 00:48:18.31\00:48:24.08 because of his life. 00:48:24.11\00:48:25.23 Amen. Amen. 00:48:25.26\00:48:26.90 And one day, when he is in the kingdom, 00:48:26.94\00:48:31.61 there is going to be stars in the crown of Monty 00:48:31.65\00:48:34.99 Amen. 00:48:35.02\00:48:35.99 Now, they came into that kingdom because of the witness 00:48:36.00\00:48:39.94 of his life, even while he rested. 00:48:39.97\00:48:41.44 You know, something that you reached in that book that 00:48:41.48\00:48:44.04 has to come in on, is because it struck me, I'm not ever heard 00:48:44.08\00:48:48.57 it this way was, I think someone had mentioned to you 00:48:48.67\00:48:52.15 that you dying closure, but you said, I believe I'm 00:48:52.18\00:48:55.01 I'm going to say right there. There is no closure. 00:48:55.04\00:48:58.78 The life is ended, but the relationship continues. 00:48:58.82\00:49:02.53 that's right. 00:49:02.56\00:49:03.53 And I believe that sometimes when someone that is close to us 00:49:03.54\00:49:08.09 has faced a death, that if they keep talking about it, it's 00:49:08.13\00:49:13.88 aren't we all often rather trying to put them away and say 00:49:13.91\00:49:19.63 you need to put this behind you and go on? 00:49:19.66\00:49:22.38 you know, you asked me earlier, but I didn't have time to 00:49:22.42\00:49:26.00 respond, so I'll take the liberty now; you asked me 00:49:26.03\00:49:28.66 what have you learn about reaching to touch someone 00:49:28.70\00:49:31.26 there is two things that I can say, they are really simple. 00:49:31.30\00:49:35.27 The first is: people in the midst of the heat of this raw 00:49:35.31\00:49:39.25 experience need hugs, not words 00:49:39.28\00:49:41.44 oh, that's good. 00:49:41.47\00:49:42.48 And secondly, the most special thing that happened to me, one 00:49:42.52\00:49:46.93 of the very special things that happened to me was 00:49:46.96\00:49:49.23 a dentist friend of mine in my church walked up to me 00:49:49.27\00:49:51.47 and said to me: Dave, I don't ever tire of hearing you talk 00:49:51.51\00:49:56.60 about your son. 00:49:56.63\00:49:57.65 How precious! 00:49:57.69\00:49:58.66 Giving me permission to do what I needed to do 00:49:58.68\00:50:01.94 and saying: I'm interested, I want to hear it. 00:50:01.98\00:50:05.74 And I think, those two things go a long way 00:50:05.78\00:50:09.47 in the heat of the moment to really begin an opportunity 00:50:09.51\00:50:13.11 for the Lord to start the healing process. 00:50:13.14\00:50:15.11 Step up to someone and say, you know, I really care 00:50:15.15\00:50:18.73 about what's happening in your life. Tell me about it. 00:50:18.77\00:50:22.32 That's good. 00:50:22.35\00:50:23.35 So, hug and a ready ear. 00:50:23.38\00:50:27.03 These are two great gifts of God's love to someone 00:50:27.07\00:50:31.25 who is hurting. 00:50:31.28\00:50:32.51 Coming up next, we're going to take questions from our live 00:50:32.55\00:50:35.51 audience. So, please stay tune with us. 00:50:35.54\00:50:37.93 we're going to be talking about workaholics. We certainly are. 00:50:48.09\00:50:51.32 We're going to be talking about balancing work and family 00:50:51.35\00:50:55.49 and more specifically about balancing our lives, 00:50:55.59\00:50:59.69 so we don't end up being workaholics 00:50:59.72\00:51:01.98 And I was working 9-5 I guess, for my dad, 5-9 at the mall 00:51:02.02\00:51:08.85 with my friends, and Saturday and Sundays 00:51:08.95\00:51:12.07 More people acknowledged what I did, the better I thought 00:51:12.11\00:51:14.72 for a while. 00:51:14.75\00:51:15.82 when we don't understand the purpose for our life 00:51:16.24\00:51:20.28 and then our priorities get mixed up 00:51:20.31\00:51:25.45 Don't miss it. 00:51:28.59\00:51:29.86 Welcome back to Up Close. 00:51:46.01\00:51:47.68 We're talking today about Facing the Tough Times 00:51:47.72\00:51:50.68 and right now, we're going to take some questions from our 00:51:50.72\00:51:54.48 live audience. And I believe we have our first question right 00:51:54.51\00:51:59.43 now My name is Randy Ates and my question is: My wife and I we're 00:51:59.46\00:52:03.24 overseas as missionaries and right after we left 00:52:03.27\00:52:07.65 the pastor and his wife and son was killed. 00:52:07.68\00:52:10.83 They lived just down the road from us and one of the things 00:52:10.87\00:52:14.76 that happened was they were fixing the house we lived in 00:52:14.79\00:52:18.65 and one of the workers killed the pastor and wife and child 00:52:18.68\00:52:25.49 And it makes me feel guilty at times, because 00:52:25.52\00:52:28.80 if we'd still be living there, the house may not have been 00:52:28.84\00:52:30.91 worked on. 00:52:30.94\00:52:31.91 And what can I do to get rid of this guilt and this pressure 00:52:31.92\00:52:36.79 that's built upon me to be able to say it really wasn't my fault 00:52:36.83\00:52:41.98 Pastor Jay, 00:52:43.20\00:52:44.17 First of all guilt is a wonderful thing if it's based 00:52:44.18\00:52:47.39 on truth. 00:52:47.42\00:52:48.39 if it's not based on truth, it's not so good. 00:52:48.40\00:52:51.76 So you have to ask yourself: are you really guilty? 00:52:51.80\00:52:54.02 I don't think you are. You have nothing to do with that. 00:52:54.06\00:52:57.23 So, the other thing is that you have to deal with feelings 00:52:57.27\00:53:00.70 feelings have got to be overcome all kinds of crazy feelings 00:53:00.73\00:53:03.72 that run through our heads and we have to surrender those to 00:53:03.76\00:53:06.72 Lord Jesus and say: Lord, I know this is not the truth, 00:53:06.75\00:53:08.80 I don't know why I have these feelings, but whatever 00:53:08.84\00:53:10.91 these feelings are, I want to surrender them to You 00:53:10.94\00:53:12.98 and I don't choose those feelings anymore. 00:53:13.01\00:53:15.05 That way you take control of your feelings again 00:53:15.09\00:53:16.98 Hi, what's your name, please? 00:53:17.09\00:53:18.99 Hi. My name is Richard Garajuno My question is: How much time is 00:53:19.03\00:53:23.59 to much to grieve? 00:53:23.62\00:53:24.89 Oh, I don't think there is a pat answer for that. Do you? 00:53:24.93\00:53:29.93 I really don't. Dr. Wilkins maybe better to answer that 00:53:29.96\00:53:34.93 question then. 00:53:34.96\00:53:35.93 Yes, doctor. 00:53:35.94\00:53:36.91 'cause he's been through it. 00:53:36.92\00:53:37.89 I think that thankfully we all are wonderfully made different. 00:53:37.90\00:53:44.16 and we all have a different make up 00:53:44.19\00:53:47.06 and the issue isn't how long is a proper time to grieve 00:53:47.10\00:53:54.56 it is: do we grieve? 00:53:54.59\00:53:57.70 or do we suppress that necessary experience 00:53:57.74\00:54:03.11 so that it shows up in other ways 00:54:03.14\00:54:05.49 some people get ill, because they have not grieve properly 00:54:05.53\00:54:09.51 some people are in denial, because they have not allowed 00:54:09.55\00:54:13.81 themselves to grieve and you'll fixate and situations 00:54:13.85\00:54:18.04 in that process that can be very hard and difficult for you 00:54:18.08\00:54:22.10 to recover from, if you don't have the freedom to grieve. 00:54:22.13\00:54:26.73 and we who are around people who are in tragedy need to give 00:54:26.77\00:54:31.34 them permission, still feel very strongly, 00:54:31.37\00:54:33.92 because they don't want to talk about it. 00:54:33.95\00:54:36.43 Then keep coming back to them and saying, I'm here if you feel 00:54:36.47\00:54:41.77 like sharing and burning your heart, I can tell you very 00:54:41.80\00:54:45.61 wonderful story about how I persisted in just being there 00:54:45.65\00:54:48.86 and saying: I'm here to listen for a year and half for 00:54:48.90\00:54:52.08 a family who lost their 4 year old 00:54:52.11\00:54:53.95 in a terrible accident. 00:54:53.98\00:54:55.03 Finally he called me a year and a half later, and he said 00:54:55.07\00:54:58.45 I didn't answer your phone calls It wasn't because I didn't 00:54:58.49\00:55:01.84 want to, I couldn't. 00:55:01.87\00:55:03.28 But he said: I read your book. 00:55:03.32\00:55:05.61 And it's been a blessing 00:55:05.64\00:55:07.07 praise the Lord. 00:55:07.10\00:55:08.07 And thank you for just letting us know that somebody out there 00:55:08.08\00:55:10.64 cared even we wouldn't talk. 00:55:10.67\00:55:12.44 Could you, please, our program is coming to an end 00:55:12.48\00:55:15.30 would you just kind of give us your final thoughts on this 00:55:15.34\00:55:19.06 topic? 00:55:19.09\00:55:20.06 yes, I'll be happy to 00:55:20.07\00:55:21.33 number 1- Do something about the anchor of your life now 00:55:21.37\00:55:25.00 Know the Lord. Get to know the Lord, now. 00:55:25.03\00:55:27.89 Number 2: when you face with difficulty and tragedy and 00:55:27.93\00:55:31.67 you can't explain it, look to the cross of Calvary and know 00:55:31.71\00:55:35.42 that if God sent His only begotten Son to the cross 00:55:35.45\00:55:38.76 because He loved us that explains the unexplainable 00:55:38.80\00:55:43.09 and number 3: simply trust in through it and know that 00:55:43.13\00:55:47.39 Romans 8:28 will come about. 00:55:47.42\00:55:49.87 You may not see it immediately but at some point 00:55:49.91\00:55:52.84 that will happen. 00:55:52.87\00:55:54.16 Praising the Lord in the midst of grief is the most important 00:55:54.20\00:55:59.02 thing you can do when you are in the midst of it. 00:55:59.05\00:56:01.11 Amen. 00:56:01.14\00:56:02.25 Well, we just want to thank our guests: Dr. David Wilkins 00:56:02.29\00:56:06.58 and pastor Jay Gallimore for being with us today. 00:56:06.61\00:56:09.56 And in a moment we'll be back with the final thoughts, 00:56:09.60\00:56:12.45 so please stay with us 00:56:12.48\00:56:13.75 Has life dealt to you some hard blows 00:56:21.91\00:56:23.87 are you struggling to get through the tough times? 00:56:23.91\00:56:26.72 if so, we have just the books for you. 00:56:26.75\00:56:28.95 Find comfort as you read: 00:56:28.98\00:56:30.62 "Why God Allows Trials and Disappointments" and 00:56:30.66\00:56:33.08 "Growing Through Life's Toughest Times" 00:56:33.11\00:56:35.23 For your free gift write to us today at 00:56:35.34\00:56:37.41 Dr. Wilkins' oldest son maid this comment to his father: 00:57:03.23\00:57:09.61 Why are we on earth anyway? 00:57:09.64\00:57:11.13 And as Dr. Wilkins was trying to explain all of this, his son 00:57:11.17\00:57:15.80 Darrin, said to him: Dad, you making us much too hard. 00:57:15.83\00:57:19.21 And here is what Darrin said: We are here for only 2 reasons 00:57:19.25\00:57:24.96 The first is to decide to love and to serve Jesus 00:57:24.99\00:57:28.38 the second is to help others do the same 00:57:28.41\00:57:31.38 Everything else is maintenance. 00:57:31.41\00:57:34.13 isn't that beautiful? 00:57:34.16\00:57:35.22 I just want to encourage you. 00:57:35.26\00:57:37.21 The Bible says in Isaiah 43:2 This is God speaking 00:57:37.24\00:57:42.68 And he says: Fear not, for I have redeemed you 00:57:42.71\00:57:48.14 have you accepted His 00:57:48.17\00:57:50.24 redemption? He says I have called you by your name and you 00:57:50.28\00:57:54.79 are Mine When you pass through the waters I will be with you 00:57:54.82\00:57:57.52 and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you 00:57:57.56\00:58:00.85 when you walk through the fire you'll not be burned or 00:58:00.88\00:58:04.10 scorched for I am the Lord your God, the holy One of Israel 00:58:04.14\00:58:09.08 Remember this: God is in the fiery trial with you. 00:58:09.11\00:58:14.09 You are never alone. 00:58:14.12\00:58:16.00 He never leaves you or forsakes you. 00:58:16.04\00:58:18.35 Thank you so much for joining us today. 00:58:18.38\00:58:20.66 And until the next time may God bless you. 00:58:20.69\00:58:23.13 Captioning and subtitles by Christian Media Services 00:58:56.15\00:58:59.20