Participants: Don Mackintosh (Host)<\br> 01. Kelly Dulac<\br> 02. Dr. Neil Nedley<\br> 03. Zulan Collis
Series Code: UC
Program Code: UC000406
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00:24 Welcome to this exciting rendition of Up Close
00:27 Today we are in Wichita Kansas, 00:29 coming to you from the Three Angels 7th Day Adventist church. 00:32 And we so happy to have you with us, as well as our live audience 00:36 joining us today. 00:38 Today we'll be talking about one of the most 00:40 feared and misunderstood words in the English language: 00:44 Change! 00:45 Change of bad habits, laziness, procrastination, 00:49 poor communication and emotional entanglements. 00:53 Many people sense their need to change 00:54 certain aspects of their life, such as overcoming and addiction 00:58 making a positive dietary change beginning a physical exercise 01:02 program that will make them fit and robust, 01:05 getting more sleep, taking more time to study the Bible or 01:08 making more quality time 01:11 available for important family relationships. 01:13 Today we have the privilege of learning from two experts 01:17 on the process of successful change. 01:20 Kelly Dulac and Dr. Neal Nedley. 01:24 We will also be talking with someone who has 01:26 undergone dramatic beneficial changes in her life, 01:30 changes the she would 01:31 have thought impossible just a few months ago. 01:34 Do you know someone in your life that needs to change? 01:37 Could that someone be you? Or someone you love? 01:42 If so, this program is especially for you. 01:44 Maybe you know someone who doesn't even realize 01:47 their need of change. 01:48 How can they undergo 01:50 the first step of sensing their need of change? 01:53 Or maybe they realize their need to change and have tried hard 01:56 but, have not met with lasting success 01:58 and have succumbed to the previous habits. 02:01 This program is filled with great news, and great stories. 02:05 The process of successful and lasting change! 02:08 Our first guest, Zulan Collis 02:11 is a prosecuting attorney from Brooklyn, New York. 02:15 On the surface Zulan was the picture of success, 02:18 having a coveted professional job 02:20 in the largest city in the United States. 02:23 However, beneath it all, Zulan Collis suffered from depression, 02:27 had a history of failed personal relationships, 02:30 and was addicted to harmful substances. 02:33 After years of depressions things were getting to, 02:37 to be to much for her 02:39 and lets listen to what she told us a little bit earlier. 02:42 Within the past 2 years, it has gotten worst, 02:47 got to be terrible bad and got to be at some points 02:51 where I wouldn't even get out of bed, sometimes, for work. 02:54 I don't remember lot of it, 02:56 you know one of the symptoms of depression 02:58 is memory loss, but I used to keep a journal. 03:01 I kept a journal. 03:02 I remember reading back, 03:04 being surprised at myself going weeks at a time, 03:06 2 weeks period missing 4 or 5 days of work, 03:12 not being able to get out of bed, 03:13 not doing anything just kind of sleeping the day away. 03:16 My work suffered, because of it. 03:20 My personal life, I didn't have much of 03:25 I had a social life. 03:27 One of the things that I did to kind of 03:30 substitute the feelings of emptiness and loneliness, 03:33 or sadness or whatever you want to call it, 03:37 just filling my life with things like alcohol, 03:42 going out to bars, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol 03:49 taking drugs, using drugs, smoking cigarettes, 03:53 many other things that attempt to fill that emptiness 04:02 When that stopped, 04:04 when I stopped socializing 4 or 5 times a week 04:08 I just found that there was no where to go, it was kind of: 04:12 What next? 04:19 Then it got to be terribly, most recently, just terribly bad 04:22 I mean I can't explain, it is difficult for me to articulate 04:26 I can say bad, but it is a tough think to explain. 04:33 Just a feeling of a... 04:41 I want to say there're feelings but so many non feelings too, 04:46 but I got to the point where I was really desperate one day and 04:51 I called my mother. 04:54 I didn't want to talk to anyone 04:56 I just felt like, life was too much for me to live 05:00 and I didn't want to live it anymore. 05:05 I am not a person to communicate my feelings, 05:07 I don't share things with anyone 05:08 my family will tell you, my friends 05:11 I wear this mask 05:13 when I go home is something completely different. 05:16 For some reason I picked up the phone that day 05:18 and called my mother, she was at work, 05:20 and I just started sobbing 05:22 uncontrollably, I couldn't stop myself 05:30 I didn't want to live anymore, and I shared that with her and 05:34 she knew that something had to be done, and she called me back 05:37 she tried to get me through, she prayed for me at the phone, 05:40 she got me to pray with her, 05:41 I kept saying to her, and she said: 05:43 "Zulan you have to have faith, you have to have faith" 05:45 and I said:" I don't have faith, I don't have any 05:48 faith in anything." 05:49 Have you ever been there? 05:51 Can you identify with any of what Zulan was sharing? 05:56 Really, a touching picture of someone that is 05:59 really in trouble. 06:01 Well we are glad that Zulan Collis made it through 06:05 that particular situation 06:07 she is here with us, actually at this program, 06:10 so we want to welcome Zulan Collis at the program. 06:13 Welcome! 06:21 We are really glad that you made it through that evening 06:24 Thank you! 06:25 And it is good to have mothers to call, isn't it? 06:27 It is! 06:28 And your mother sounds like she is a person of faith. 06:32 She is! 06:33 She is actually brought me through a lot, 06:35 and I have learned from her a great deal 06:37 And she is that final call, 06:40 or was she the first call that you make? 06:43 I guess it is one and the same, I don't know, 06:50 but for that particular moment it was the only call. 06:54 Well you know I am glad she was there, 06:56 and for so many people that is true, the mother is there. 06:59 What did she said to you when you called? 07:01 I mean you were telling, your pouring your heart out, 07:04 and you were sobbing but then what did she say? 07:06 She tried to get me to, I guess, 07:10 articulate or tell her about what it was that I was feeling 07:14 and I couldn't do that, I was too busy sobbing 07:19 and she said: "It is going to be ok", 07:22 and she prayed for me on the phone 07:25 and when I told her that I didn't have faith, 07:28 she tried to explain to me, what faith was 07:33 and took me through that, 07:35 and you know just told me the hold on, that it will be ok. 07:40 Did she recommended anything else? 07:43 She had me repeat certain prayers with her, 07:49 I don't remember them now, it's a complete blank to me, but 07:53 I did repeat those prayers with her over the phone, 07:57 and at some points, for a moment 08:02 I could tell that it was just a little better but not really. 08:06 So it was kind of like she was saying this 08:09 and seemed to be something important to her 08:10 but it wasn't working for you? 08:11 It was not. 08:13 You ended up at the Lifestyle Center. 08:15 How did you even hear about the place? 08:17 I didn't, again, that was my mother, 08:19 and I just recently found out how she actually 08:21 found the place. 08:22 She is a member of 08:24 the Chip program at her Seventh Day Adventist Church 08:26 and she'd gone to a convention 08:28 in Vancouver last November, she just told me this recently 08:31 she'd seen some books, 08:33 and two of the books that she'd seen, she written down 08:36 and two of the books were: "Proof positive" and 08:39 "Depression the way out", by doctor Neal Nedley. 08:44 She put that aside. 08:45 All her materials from the convention she put aside 08:47 this is a women who moved, since moved all this things 08:50 but she had this package in her drawer, in the new house. 08:54 She said, she went home immediately that day, 08:59 and something just told her 09:01 she wasn't even thinking about those materials in particular, 09:03 she said to me, but she went to that drawer 09:06 she opened the folder and in all this materials that she saw, 09:10 the name, and the books, Dr Nedley's name stood out. 09:14 She went on to the internet and did a Google search of Dr Nedley 09:18 - Good old Google! 09:19 And found the Lifestyle Center of America, and discovered, 09:21 they were running a program on depression, 09:23 just three weeks from the time that we'd spoken. 09:25 What were some of the things that began to make a 09:29 change in your life? 09:33 I guess that is kind of ahead at where we want to be 09:35 Did you wanted to go to the Lifestyle Center, 09:38 when you got there to do, 09:39 feel like aha, this is the right one baby, aha. 09:42 No, no, not at all. 09:45 Actually it was up until the day I was leaving, 09:48 was schedule to leave, I didn't want to go 09:51 I just felt like I was a robot at that point, 09:54 I was doing, I was doing, I was doing, 09:56 but I did not want to go and tackle and deal with 09:59 you know... this thing, this depression, 10:01 this things that had been weighing me down. 10:04 The things that needed to be changed. 10:06 They were related to that. 10:08 We want to listen to what happened, 10:11 some of the things that begin to happen in Zulans life, 10:13 that led to some changes. 10:16 I mean both Kelly and Dr Nedley kind of showed me that, 10:21 not only could I change the way I felt, and was feeling 10:31 but showed me how to change that and that was important 10:35 and so I learned that because I suffered from depression 10:41 I engaged in these kinds of thoughts, 10:43 this distorted thoughts 10:44 you know my brain wasn't functioning optimally, 10:47 because I wasn't treating my body, in the right way 10:51 and when I realized that my brain wasn't functioning 10:53 correctly and as a result, 10:57 I engaged in certain kinds of thought processes 11:00 or certain kinds of thoughts. 11:04 And then I was told that, 11:05 I can change this thoughts, and that was obviously 11:08 Once I began to change my thoughts, 11:09 and the emotions that I suffered as a result, were changed. 11:14 Kelly actually had this no nonsense approach 11:17 Therapist and therapy, 11:21 I can remember sitting across from someone 11:25 I liked my therapist, she was a wonderful person 11:27 she helped me understand why I behaved 11:31 the way I behaved because of certain events in my life 11:33 and that was helpful. 11:35 But at a point it stops being helpful, 11:37 you hit this block, you can't get past 11:40 and with Kelly, helped me to see was that, you know what, 11:45 yes you did suffer this things, 11:47 these things happened in your life, and they're terrible 11:50 and you feel pain because of it, but no more. 11:53 You can not, 11:57 allow yourself to engage in the same patterns of behavior 12:01 because of those painful things 12:03 or painful events in your life 12:04 Stop it, say no to it 12:12 You can control the way you behave certainly, 12:16 and you can not engage in these patterns. 12:24 Once that you recognize, that your brain doesn't function 12:28 the way is supposed to, 12:29 and once you recognize that your thoughts, 12:31 are not true thoughts, but are distorted thoughts 12:35 then you begin to question. 12:37 Ok well, if I am thinking or feeling this way 12:40 why am I feeling it? 12:41 If I am feeling guilty, if I am feeling shame, 12:43 if am feeling bitter or angry why am I feeling this anger? 12:47 Whatever that perception is, 12:49 whatever has caused you to feel that anger 12:51 than you begin to question 12:52 so you begin to challenge your own thoughts 12:55 and this is what you have to do. 12:56 You are not a slave to your thoughts, I mean I can't be, 12:59 I can't afford to be a slave to my thoughts 13:01 because my thoughts only lead me to a place that causes me 13:05 to feel, suffer depression. 13:08 I have to always question 13:09 what I am thinking, and why I am thinking it, 13:12 and hopefully you begin to feel better feelings. 13:19 You replace your unhealthy thoughts with good thoughts, 13:22 and eventually, you no longer acting automatically, 13:26 based on that unhealthy thoughts 13:28 but those unhealthy emotions will be replaced by healthy 13:30 emotions and that was where Kelly was helpful. 13:39 I wish I could articulated better than that, 13:41 she helped me, she empowered me, 13:44 that what was really most satisfying about the program 13:48 and Dr. Nedley and Kelly, and the entire thing was that 13:51 I feel empowered to make a change in my life. 13:57 You were saying there, 13:58 that really emotions and feelings follow thoughts 14:02 and you are able to choose those thoughts. 14:05 Absolutely! 14:07 The choice is with us, and within us, and once 14:09 we have the power to make that decision, to make that choice. 14:13 And this was something new to you after you met Kelly? 14:16 Yes. Absolutely 14:18 I mean you can hear the words all the time choose, choice, 14:21 but you don't understand what it means 14:23 and what it can mean in your life and to you personally. 14:26 Kelly told me before, she said that, when you, 14:29 first met one another she didn't really know how to relate. 14:32 I guess she came with some room service one day. 14:35 It was more then a room services. 14:41 I guess it was the second night, 14:44 that I was at the Lifestyle Center, 14:45 as I told you, I didn't want to be there 14:48 didn't want to engage in this process. 14:52 And I was supposed to be in the lecture and people were speaking 14:56 and I was so angry, I sat there, and people were saying things 14:59 and I was like, Ah I can't take this! 15:01 I don't want to be here, so I left the lecture 15:03 I went up to my room, the room was dark, I don't remember 15:11 Kelly came and there was a knock at the door 15:14 it was Kelly and Dr. Nedley. 15:18 Most unexpected guests, 15:20 I mean I didn't called them up, I hadn't ordered anything, 15:25 and they sat across of me 15:27 and I guess Dr Nedley had spoken at the lecture which I missed, 15:31 so he summarized some of what he talked about and Kelly asked... 15:33 No, when they where ready to leave 15:38 Dr. Nedley left and Kelly asked to stay a little bit, 15:40 and she actually... Kelly actually stayed with me. 15:47 I guess that was the moment where I really, I just, 15:50 I knew then I was there for a reason, 15:55 what she said to me, was: 15:59 "I can tell that you are in a lot of pain", and she said this 16:02 I mean she was very sincere and I looked into her eyes 16:05 and just looked at her and I wanted to be... 16:07 - Dismissive! - I really did 16:09 I was still hanging to that little bit of anger, 16:11 and I just really: "No lady you don't!" 16:15 But somehow something inside me 16:17 I guess that was the first moment that I realized 16:20 that I was supposed to be where I was at Lifestyle, 16:22 for a particular purpose. 16:23 Now we've talked about thoughts and emotions, 16:27 but did you make any physical changes? 16:30 Oh absolutely, physically 16:34 Like lifestyle changes. 16:35 Absolutely the way I ate, I mean the life styles that 16:38 are there the entire thing I never eaten like that before. 16:46 That was tremendous. I mean, no meat? 16:49 Just plant based diet, it was essential. 16:53 And they explained why that was and everything 16:56 Yes, Dr Nedley did, and once you understood why that was, 16:59 it was easier to engage in it, It was easier to do it. 17:02 Understanding is really important to making the change 17:06 In the rest of our program we'll try to understand more about 17:09 the process of change, 17:10 and how you can make things happen in your life. 17:13 With us we have two experts on this subject, 17:16 Kelly Dulac and Dr. Neal Nedley, 17:19 so stay with us we'll be right back. 17:28 We're going to be discussing, a struggle 17:30 that many of you, are probably going through right now. 17:34 Our topic is: Facing the Tough Times 17:37 Dr. Wilkens remembers the day his son left, 17:40 and here is what's happened next... 17:44 At that moment, 17:45 is sort of like being stunned with the electric prod. 17:48 It's incomprehensible moment. 17:50 I'm telling you that if we look, 17:52 we will find the divine providences, of God working. 17:56 Next week at Up Close 17:58 Facing the Tough Times, Don't miss it! 18:14 Welcome back to Up Close 18:16 I am excited to introduce our expert guests for today, 18:18 Kelly Dulac and Dr. Neal Nedley. 18:20 Kelly Dulac is a clinical psychologist who practices 18:23 at The Lifestyle Center at Monotmorelios University 18:26 in Mexico. 18:27 She has helped many clients overcome powerful addictions, 18:31 and incorporate new healthy, lifestyle habits. 18:33 As for Dr. Nedley, 18:35 he is an internal medicine physician in Ardmore, Oklahoma. 18:39 He has helped many of his patients incorporate 18:41 new healthy habits, as well as eliminating bad ones. 18:45 He is the author of two books: 18:47 "Proof positive" and "Depression: The Way Out" 18:50 And has been at numerous programs at 3ABN. 18:54 So please welcome Kelly Dulac and Dr. Nedley, with me. 19:07 You know we've just been watching, some clips from Zulan, 19:11 and I know that both of you met her 19:14 and got to know her there, at the Lifestyle Center. 19:17 Tell me a little bit about, what you were doing there, 19:21 and about your interaction with Zulan. 19:29 Well it was interesting? 19:30 She said about the first meeting that we had that night, 19:33 the next morning she was having breakfast with us and 19:37 I went to her with breakfast and I said:" Room service" 19:42 and she opened the door, and she said:" I am not hungry" 19:46 "I am on the phone" 19:48 She really didn't want to talk to me, but I said 19:53 I will wait. 19:57 She said, when she was at the door: 19:58 "I don't want to talk to you, I am on the phone." 20:00 Right, and I said: "I will wait!" 20:03 and she led me in and I knew she was suffering 20:07 and I knew that she really was in a spot that she needed help 20:11 and we started to talk, and she started to cry and said: 20:15 "I can not do this, I don't think I can do this." 20:18 And I knew it at that time that definitely she can do it! 20:23 I know that everybody can do it! 20:25 Yeah, well I noticed as we were listening to her on the clips, 20:29 and I also talked with her she said, 20:31 You know Kelly really helped me, with some thoughts 20:33 and this and that and she said: "I can't really describe it!" 20:36 So now you are here, you describe, 20:38 what did you do to help her? 20:41 Do you want me to start all the concept and everything that I... 20:46 Yeah! Start somewhere. 20:49 Yes. 20:51 Oh well, what I do, is the basics and 4 concepts, 20:56 very important concepts, in this process of change 21:00 The first concept is everything that we have, 21:03 that we are, that we think, that we feel, it's in our brain. 21:09 The brain is the most complex and marvelous system 21:14 in the planet Earth, 21:16 and I will let you to explain a little bit about the brain. 21:20 Well it is the most complex structure 21:22 ever investigated by science, 21:23 it's more complicated then the space shuttle, 21:26 100 trillion synapses in the brain, 21:31 those are connections between neurons 21:33 that makes the national debts in minuscule, in comparison. 21:37 But it's just 2.5 pound organ, and it has emotions 21:43 where we can feel, we can generate thoughts, 21:47 there is memory involved, 21:49 and then what sets us apart, from the rest of the 21:51 animal kingdom is the frontal lobe size that we have. 21:55 33% up to 38% of the human brain is in the frontal lobe, 22:00 and this is what gives us the power to choose. 22:04 This is why we have the freedom of choice, 22:07 and there is not really anyone that can take that away from us. 22:11 Because the Lord created us, with that freedom to choose 22:15 that will always be there, 22:17 so that is an important concept to understand 22:21 when we are talking about change 22:23 because we have within us, we have been created by God 22:27 to have the power to change, and be empowered to do that. 22:30 When you say, this concept, emotions are in the brain 22:33 What does that mean, is that some kind of genetic thing? 22:36 Is that something that we are exposed to, 22:39 Is that behavior, what is that what is that mean? 22:42 Everything that we feel has to do with chemicals in the brain 22:46 With the presence or absence of chemicals in the brain 22:50 Years a ago psychology, was studied just by observation, 22:55 now we can study all these feelings in laboratories and 23:01 the amazing thing is that we can do a lot to these chemicals. 23:07 We can do things that we can create those 23:11 or we can help these good chemicals, 23:14 or we can do things that help the bad chemicals 23:18 or the chemicals that are making us feel bad. 23:22 - And to have distorted thoughts. 23:25 Yes, exactly. 23:27 It is very interesting, 23:29 we are walking with this marvelous thing, you know here 23:34 we don't understand that everything that we think, 23:38 and feel and desire and all our motives energy comes from there. 23:44 And for me is the most amazing thing, 23:46 that we want to be happy, we want to have energy, 23:49 we want to be motivated, we want to love, we want to be loved, 23:52 and we don't understand where all that comes from. 23:56 Where is that at? 23:58 Like we have a pain in the knee, it is from there, 24:04 or from the elbow we can't even point it, right here 24:08 but when we don't feel good, when it has to do with feelings 24:12 Where do we touch? 24:14 Where is it? 24:16 And because we can not find, where it is, 24:20 or we can not see it, we think that we are that, 24:25 that we don't have the power to change, 24:27 that's what I said to Zulan 24:30 usually we say: "I am depressed" 24:32 I said what do you mean, "I am depressed"? 24:33 You have depression! 24:34 When we have cancer we don't say "I am cancer"! 24:40 We have cancer, and we have addictions, 24:44 so we have all these problems of behavior 24:47 it's we have the problem, 24:49 but because is connected with behavior and feelings 24:52 we think that we are that. 24:55 So that concept is good to understand, 24:57 once we understand that there is maybe some hope 24:59 like Zulan said as well, 25:00 emotions are not just something that we have to live with, 25:04 they are controllable. 25:06 Absolutely! 25:07 And that was a huge paradigm for her, 25:08 one of the things you told me before we came on, was that 25:10 we have a God given freedom of choice, talk about that. 25:17 This is my second concept. 25:18 God gave us something that nobody can take away from us, 25:21 Nobody! 25:23 Not even HIM, not because He can not do it, 25:26 is because He chose not to do it and is the freedom to choose. 25:30 Now start putting together 25:32 my feelings, or who I am, it's in my brain, 25:37 it's in my brain, is not in my husbands brain, 25:40 my neighbors brain, and my feelings are not 25:43 in some other place, it's in my brain, 25:45 and God gave me the freedom to choose, and then goes on. 25:52 The third one is, should I say it? 25:56 The third one is: 25:57 the circumstances can not determine who I am, 26:01 and this is very important. 26:04 Since I was a child, I really wanted to understand the 26:09 behavior why we do this and why we do that, 26:11 and when I studied psychology they gave me all explanations, 26:16 this person behaves like this because of this and this and 26:18 this and this person does certain whatever 26:23 because of this and this and this, and this. 26:24 So they label you when they also give you 26:27 all the reasons why you are doing this. 26:29 But then I came in contact with people, and I don't have time 26:35 to explain certain examples that I always give. 26:40 They were this, then they have nothing to do with the recent. 26:48 I'll give you a really fast example: 26:50 A man that was completely burned, I saw him, 26:53 and he was a wonderful person, 26:57 you know a really happy, secure, outstanding man 27:02 For me he was supposed to be... 27:05 Depressed, angry because he is burned and all that. 27:07 Absolutely! 27:08 We can give all excuses to this man, 27:10 You know, he could have been 27:12 in alcohol, drugs and depression and all that, 27:16 and this man said: 27:18 That my circumstances is not going to determine, who I am. 27:23 That was shocking, it was my first, encounter with reality, 27:28 that we have the freedom to choose, regardless. 27:31 So when Zulan was saying in her, the clip here, she was saying, 27:34 you know it is only helpful to a point to figure out 27:37 why things are happening or supposing what is causing that. 27:41 You can hear a little bit of that 27:42 but then it is not helpful anymore. 27:44 Is that what you are saying? 27:45 Absolutely! 27:46 She had to come to a point, of a decision and said 27:51 I don't want to be that anymore! 27:53 Doesn't mean that the things that happened in our life 27:57 or the circumstances, doesn't give us the tendency. 28:00 Yes, it gives us the tendency. 28:02 But the tendency doesn't mean I am going to go toward that. 28:07 It is a big difference. 28:09 So emotions are in the brain, God has given us a freedom 28:12 of choice now talk about that one more time, 28:14 because we did also 28:16 "circumstances are not to determine who we are". 28:18 But go back to that freedom again. 28:20 What is that freedom, it's freedom for what? 28:26 That is a very good question. 28:28 We can choose what ever, but really people, all of us, 28:34 we want to be happy, we want to be a blessing, 28:38 especially Christian people, we want to be a blessing, 28:42 that means we have the freedom, to choose what is right 28:46 We want to put that away! 28:48 We don't have a choice, we have a choice, but we have a choice, 28:51 to choose what is right, regardless what is in our lives, 28:57 what the circumstances, what is our bringing. 29:02 We have the choice to choose what God wants us to be. 29:06 Do you think it's true, Dr. Nedley? 29:08 I know that you'll not disagree with her here 29:10 but what can you say to flesh that out a bit? 29:13 Absolutely! 29:14 And you know this program really is, about hope for everyone. 29:19 There are people that think that 29:21 they are victims of circumstances and thus 29:26 they can never change 29:28 or they are victims of their genetics, and can never change 29:32 and in reality although, genetics produces tendencies, 29:36 and circumstances produce tendencies, 29:39 there is something far more powerful than genetics, 29:43 and far more powerful than circumstances 29:46 and that is our own ability to choose. 29:48 The freedom of choice that God has given us. 29:51 So would you say that before someone has the freedom 29:53 of choice that God gave they are bound to make 29:58 In other words, 29:59 they only have the freedom to be enslaved to bad things, 30:02 but once God comes into their life they have the freedom 30:05 to choose the good. 30:06 Absolutely! 30:07 The spiritual component is very important in 30:09 the process of change, it can't be left out. 30:12 Used to be left out, in alcohol programs, 30:16 and none of those alcohol programs were successful. 30:19 It wasn't until Alcoholic Anonymous incorporated the 30:21 spiritual aspect then all of the sudden we started to see 30:24 results and it amazes me, 30:29 that many people actually go through the steps of change 30:33 you can learn then in psychology classes, 30:36 and the spiritual part is totally left out, 30:39 because whether people realize it or not 30:41 the only way a person quit smoking is by the influence of 30:44 the Holy Spirit on their life. 30:46 And of course that means on the frontal lobe, this is how God 30:49 communicates with us, is through the brain, 30:52 and so the spiritual part is all encompassing in regards 30:57 to our need to change, as well as the power to change. 31:01 So we have: "Emotions are in the brain", 31:03 " God has given us the ability of freedom to choose", 31:07 "Circumstances don't determine". 31:09 Is there anything else? 31:10 Yes! 31:12 We should be responsible of who we are, 31:16 from who we are, it has a lot of implications 31:20 I am not saying that for who I am, people depend on me. 31:25 I am not saying that because whoever is around me, 31:29 they have to be responsible for their lives. 31:31 But who I am is going to determine the kind of mother 31:33 that my kids have. 31:34 Who I am is going to determine what kind of wife my husband has 31:38 Who I am is going to determine what kind church member, 31:42 my church has. 31:44 Who I am is going to determine what kind neighbor, 31:47 my neighbor has. 31:48 That means I can not say: 31:49 I am who I want to be, and do whatever, and be whatever. 31:54 We need to be responsible. 31:56 You know society needs really people 31:59 that are responsible and understand this concept. 32:01 So Zulan the attorney, Zulan Collis, did she understand 32:06 was she taking responsibility for her actions? 32:11 Well let's ask her! 32:14 Zulan what that concept did to your life? 32:20 I think it helped me to understand that I owed it to 32:23 myself to be a better person, you know that 32:27 I had to take the power and use the opportunity that I had, 32:33 to make a change in my life, 32:34 because I owed to myself to be a better person 32:36 so that my family could have a better person 32:39 so that when I decided I would find that special someone, 32:43 that special someone, would have a better person. 32:49 It was my responsibility to do that. 32:53 Let's come back after a little break and let's continue this 32:55 discussion then with Zulan and your selves 32:58 and then apply some of these principles to other things like: 33:01 bad habits, thinks that maybe people are struggling with here, 33:04 other people that are watching, 33:05 and let's see if we can apply that. 33:07 Join us when we come back. 33:21 Do your dread changes, and yet know you need to make some? 33:24 Do you long for help in making those needed improvements? 33:28 If so we have just the book for you. 33:30 Find strength and help as you read: "Secrets of Peace" 33:34 For your free gift, just write to us today at: 33:41 or call us during regular business hours: 34:10 Welcome back to Up close. 34:12 We are taking some live questions now, 34:15 as we've been talking about the process of change. 34:18 Could you give us your name and your question please? 34:20 My name is Tina Gilchrest, and I know that bad habits, 34:25 once formed continue so easily without our even making a 34:30 conscious effort, and so will it not be the same in reverse? 34:34 Yeah, absolutely! 34:35 There is a change that takes place in reverse, 34:39 and once the good habits are formed 34:42 we can have those to be as habitual as the bad habits were, 34:46 but it also depends a little bit on the habit as well. 34:51 For instance there are studies dealing with cocaine, 34:54 that show if you use cocaine once, you are addicted! 34:58 It's almost that powerful! 35:01 There are unfortunately in today's society 35:04 addictions that are very powerful, 35:06 some would put pornography in that same categories, 35:10 of being just one time, 35:14 and the addiction characteristics are set up 35:17 and so, for good habits, it is not quite that way, 35:22 once you drank water instead of Coke 35:24 it doesn't make you want water every time, 35:27 so there is a little bit of labor and persistence 35:30 and that is way there is effort, 35:32 in replacing the bad habits with good habits, 35:36 and that is also why we need the power of God, 35:38 because as human beings we can not do those things. 35:42 What I want to say is that, like I said the first concept is 35:46 what we are, in our feelings, in our behavior it's in our brain 35:50 and when we put the good habits, we put the message of health 35:56 that is going to give us this strength to deal 36:00 with bad habits. 36:02 If we are eating well, we are resting well, 36:05 we are breathing good air and we exercising, 36:10 all that is going to make our physical part of our body 36:15 really have the energy and it is going to help us to really deal 36:20 with any kind of problem that we have. 36:22 It is amazing that we don't think that this is a machine 36:26 and this machine in order to function has to work well. 36:30 We think about all kinds of machines, all the machines 36:33 they need to work well in order to you know... 36:36 We need to take care of them, but when it deals with our body 36:39 we don't do that. 36:40 We want to do all kinds of good things 36:42 but we don't take care of the body. 36:44 We don't take care of the brain, where that is going to 36:46 come from, then. 36:47 Judy, I know your name already, what is your question? 36:50 My question is: 36:52 What do you say to somebody when you tell them about these things 36:56 and they say: "Well that is fine for somebody else 36:58 but there is no hope for me, there is no help for me. 37:00 I am different". 37:02 Consciously incompetent. 37:04 Unconsciously incompetent. 37:07 Really is nothing that you can do. 37:10 When the person doesn't want to hear about it, 37:13 when he doesn't want to do anything about it, 37:16 but your example, your life, your energy, your good mood, 37:21 your love, your caring, it can inspire that person, 37:26 it can make it different, that person to see God through you, 37:29 and pray for that person, but really for a change 37:33 the person has to want, has to see the need for that. 37:38 We do have to have the person understand that there is hope, 37:43 often their choice of saying that there is no hope, 37:46 is one that if you have them analyze that statement 37:52 is actually a cognitive distortion. 37:55 We go through the ten cognitive distortions 37:58 but I met many depressed people that say that 38:01 there is no program or no medication or nothing 38:04 that is going to help me, because I am beyond hope 38:08 and that is a mental filter, is overgeneralization, 38:13 it is all or nothing thinking 38:15 and if we give them examples of those types of thought processes 38:19 they will be able to understand that is a cognitive distortion, 38:23 it is not true and they need to rephrase it 38:25 to something that is true 38:26 and once they recognize that there is hope 38:28 then it comes back on the responsibility part 38:30 on what to do about it. 38:32 One other thing that you didn't mention 38:33 but I know you believe is Prayer! 38:35 If someone says no, 38:36 than you can keep praying and I like to say that 38:40 prayer is sort like e-mail you keep sending it, and sending it 38:44 and in some day, when it is opened 38:46 they saw all the messages that where there all along the way, 38:48 and they see that God was there! 38:50 Your name and your question? 38:52 My name is Zenoc Mucace, 38:54 and my question is very similar to the previous question 38:58 Changing work shifts affects, one's eating, and sleeping habit 39:05 now how does one get over this distortions 39:09 to maintain a healthy lifestyle. 39:11 Changing what? 39:13 Changing work shifts 39:16 Well Zulan, tell us, about how you did that. 39:18 I mean I was fortunate enough to being in the position where 39:23 I could change my work shifts. 39:24 That will be the best thing if you could change your work shift 39:29 and that would be the best think to do. 39:33 I strongly recommended it by the way, 39:34 but if you are not in that position I really don't know 39:41 that is something that I will leave to you to kind of answer. 39:45 If you are forced to be in a position where you have to work 39:48 a particular work shift or you are rotating work shifts, 39:49 and that was also very difficult cause we did that 39:52 for a time, I don't know. 39:55 If option number one doesn't work, option number 2 at regular 39:58 schedule is very important and if you are on the night shift 40:02 for instance and you are working there and so you are not 40:05 getting the benefit of the light and those type of things 40:08 you need to incorporate some of your day to actually get 40:14 the light, and get the exercise, it is actually better for you 40:15 to stay on that sleep-wake cycle all through the week 40:20 even when you are not working that is where many night shift 40:22 people break down is when they are not working they shift 40:25 over in the day and so there's Circadian rhythms, they're 40:28 always in flux and that produces a hit. 40:33 Not enough to cause depression but if they have some other 40:35 hits on board it certainly can contribute to it. 40:38 So when they sleep we recommend sleeping in a dark environment 40:41 to get melatonin, that means a either wearing the shades 40:44 or a dark room and when they are awake 40:47 exposed to at least an hour of bright light per day. 40:51 In order to get the serotonin so that would be option too. 40:57 Ok our next question. Your name and your question. 40:59 I am Cecilia and my question is: 41:02 The program that Zulan went to is it offered ongoing and how 41:06 long does that last, and is there an age limit? 41:09 Ok the program is at the Lifestyle Center of America 41:12 and they have programs there all the time, for diabetes, 41:15 heart disease, stress, those types of situations. 41:19 She went to a specialized program, called: 41:22 " The Depression Recovery Program " 41:24 and that is offered once a year, 41:26 and everyone in that program was suffering from severe 41:30 depression that came there 41:32 and the I think the next program will be in August 2005. 41:36 Age limit? 41:37 There is no age limit, we had 16 years old there and we had 41:43 I'm not sure many, of course this is a younger group than the 41:47 diabetes group, overall. 41:49 No there is no age limit. 41:51 Ok well that is a wonderful program to have that wide scope 41:57 of people there. 41:58 How did you do that with the 16 year old that he was able 42:01 to track, or she was able to track everything? 42:03 Did you spent a lot of time with the 16 year old? 42:06 Yeah, she is doing well, actually I talked to her and 42:10 she is doing really really good. 42:13 It's a lot of things that she can not understand but if 42:16 she puts into her daily routine the healthy lifestyle 42:24 it will help her, and it is doing that. 42:27 She had nutritional hits and frontal lobe hits, and her 42:32 frontal lobe hit was 25 hours of television per week. 42:35 Entertainment TV per week. 42:37 She's had to undergo significant changes and she is benefiting 42:41 from them, it's like a full time job. 42:44 What is your name and what is your question please 42:46 My name is Dennis Stefonic 42:49 I set the stage with 2 health deficiencies in mind, 42:52 depression that you are talking about tonight and also with 42:56 relation to diabetes. 42:57 Might there be suggestions for the individual who lives in a 43:03 house hold with multiple individuals, and is the only 43:09 one who realizes a lifestyle change with diet in that mix? 43:15 So what do you do when you are part of a house hold 43:17 where you are the only one who is conscious essentially in 43:23 the group Kelly? 43:27 Well I can not say that is easy it must be tough 43:31 but circumstances can not determine who you are. 43:35 That means you have to decide and make adjustments, somehow 43:39 and not expect people to feel and to think the same way 43:42 that you do. 43:44 You have to be responsible and not try to implement, 43:49 what you believe and to put into other people's lives but you 43:54 have to make the decision and do all you can to follow that 43:58 and to be inspiration for those people you know they have to 44:03 see a change in you, they have to see a good attitude 44:07 when they see that you might change their mind 44:11 but if you are preaching to them and tell them that they're doing 44:13 wrong and they have to change 44:16 then it is going to be even tougher for them to change. 44:20 But you don't have excuse. 44:24 You are not excused, you have choices too 44:28 Do you think there is something wrong with preaching? 44:33 I guess from the pulpit you can. 44:36 I am just checking. 44:37 What is your name, and what is your question? 44:39 My name is Dave, and the question is directed to the 44:45 The 4 principles and the 4 stages that you were talking 44:49 about I am curious how that would be received in the 44:52 psychological community as a whole and what implications 44:57 would that have to anyone who is seeking professional help? 45:01 That's a tough question. 45:03 I don't know if I want to answer that. 45:11 I really didn't want to get into this but there's a lot of 45:14 mistakes I think and I believe the psychologist and 45:18 psychiatrist way of seeing things... 45:24 I'll interrupt for a minute I can quote Scientific American 45:25 Medicine and the modern text book today 45:28 and that is the only text book that stays up to date, and 45:31 it says " Traditional forms of psychotherapy have never been 45:34 proven to help depression anymore then a placebo does. " 45:39 Those are traditional forms of psychotherapy and that's what's 45:42 being utilized largely to a great degree 45:45 so that means all these theories that sound good, 45:48 that you might have learned in psychology class 45:50 when put into practice, actually don't work! 45:53 At least in many settings now placebos can work some and so 45:57 that little bit of success has led them to think that this is 46:01 actually helpful but when they have tested against the 46:03 scientific method, it has not been helpful. 46:05 That is the reason that I got Kelly involved because Kelly 46:08 involves, because Kelly involves a type of therapy 46:11 that actually is been shown scientifically to be helpful. 46:15 It is actually where we talk about the frontal lobe, 46:18 we talk about cognitive behavioral therapy by the way, 46:21 frontal lobe is kind of left out of the picture in most 46:23 psychology classes it's left alone because 46:25 it is the spiritual part of things and moral things 46:28 and psychologists aren't supposed to talk about morals 46:31 or believes and so, they leave it out. 46:34 But Kelly actually takes a vehement position against much 46:39 of the past standards psychology world, 46:42 fortunately a much of it have started to catch up with Kelly 46:44 now and I think it will eventually, but I don't think 46:49 we need to be ashamed to say that our program does not 46:53 utilize much of what is there in standard psychology. 46:58 What it led me to work the way that I do it's seeing people, 47:04 seeing people and the power of the brain and what God gave us 47:09 really what we have in our hands, it is so powerful 47:12 there is nothing that should withstand from our success or 47:17 to be what God wants us to be. 47:20 What I found out it's people we use as an excuse to 47:25 manipulate or to do whatever we want circumstances, 47:29 or our pains and wounds, we use it as an excuse and I take 47:34 those excuses out and I leave everything up to the person 47:39 and the results are amazing! 47:41 I am amazed, with the results, I am still being amazed, 47:46 there are no excuses. 47:49 Animals can be trained, can you imagine, animals can be trained, 47:52 wild animals can be trained, there's impossible that 48:02 a human brain can not change and be healed and be marvelous 48:03 people in this earth and to be a blessing, regardless what we 48:08 went through, regardless! 48:10 Really every day I'm more certain of this truth, really. 48:18 Your name and your question. 48:20 My name is Douglas, and this is quite a long question. 48:25 How does one stop realizing that they need to change and 48:29 just do so when they keep falling back into the same pit 48:31 that after being delivered by the Saviour continuously 48:34 and how does one truly take responsibility, and come out of 48:37 that stage and stay out? 48:42 How they can come out of a stage... 48:43 - They keep following back in. 48:48 Ok, that is a very good question 48:52 Sometimes we're trying to change just that thing it's like, 48:56 if you can give me an example, or any of you can 48:59 give me an example. 49:01 Well a good example is, 49:09 I have a tendency of assuming and jumping to conclusions 49:14 continuously or hearing things that aren't said and the enemy 49:20 takes and twists something that was said and gets me to 49:23 believe something that wasn't said and then I get upset 49:27 and get mad and say that the person is trying to make me out 49:31 to be a liar. 49:32 Ok, that is a fantastic question! 49:35 We are going to understand now. 49:37 If you think that, is because the information that you have 49:42 already in your brain, things that had been while you were, 49:43 you know growing up and make you believe, 49:47 because of the information that he has already his brain 49:50 then you see the world that way. 49:53 Now if you try to change that part of your life, 49:57 it is going to be so though. 49:58 You are going to be dealing all the time but what you have to do 50:02 is to pour new information in your brain, 50:05 change all your lifestyle, and read good stuff, see good stuff, 50:11 your process of thinking has to be not only in those things 50:15 but you have to feed your brain with the best that you can feed 50:20 your brain. 50:21 Sometimes we want to change in one area, but the rest of 50:24 our areas are feeding the brain with what is bad 50:29 and that is almost as trying to go against the current 50:33 and the more things you bring into your brain that is bad, 50:41 the current it's stronger but if you put into your brain, 50:44 you make the decisions and you say: 50:45 " Ok, this problem that I have, it is in my brain, 50:49 I will help my brain " and then you start putting 50:51 new information into your brain and being consistent in that 50:57 and then go jogging, and eat well and rest well, and be aware 51:03 of your thinking, because of what you think is the problem, 51:06 and go to God and read the Bible. 51:12 You are just putting new information, your reaction is 51:15 because of the bad information that is in your brain. 51:19 Ok. That is fascinating, what you are saying then is 51:22 that sometimes people would just fixate on one thing 51:25 and you really that is not so helpful you need to have a 51:29 broader approach to all kinds of things, addressing the 51:33 same thing, have you found the same Dr. Nedley? 51:36 Yes, absolutely. 51:37 It takes a comprehensive approach, 51:40 that's why the Lifestyle Center Program works so well, 51:42 cause we can change everything at one time. 51:46 When I do the community programs in Ardmore and other places, 51:50 we work on a hit category every week and so that means there's 51:55 8 hit categories we can work on 51:58 and so it takes 8 weeks to go through it. 52:00 It is a longer process, but for those who go through it can be 52:04 just as successful but when we can change everything 52:07 up front, together, we are given a head start 52:11 that produces a powerful before and after experience, 52:14 as we've seen demonstrated here with Zulan. 52:18 Your name and your question please? 52:20 My name is Joel and my question is: If you are trying to stop an 52:23 addiction should you completely abstain from it or stop it 52:26 slowly by slowly. 52:29 That is a good question, and actually if you are trying to 52:34 overcome an addiction the cold turkey method 52:35 is the method that works, and it sounds cruel, 52:39 total abstinence for life and some people say, 52:44 well you know what about just once a month? 52:47 I was asked that about smoking recently one time a month. 52:51 That is not going to harm me is it, if I smoke just one 52:55 And of course that is a lot better than everyday, 52:58 it is a lot better than multiple packs a day but when we 53:02 reward ourselves periodically, with a habit like that, 53:07 we undermine our ability to ever over come it and it is only by 53:10 being free of that addiction, that we will actually learn 53:13 enjoyment of life, that is separated from that, 53:16 and then we know that our joys in life 53:19 are not connected with it at all, and soon the addiction 53:23 And if the addiction is not missed that's when we are 53:26 unconsciously competent and we have reached an important 53:30 stage for, that is why the taper back method is met 53:35 with failure often. 53:38 I want to ask Kelly to just share with us her final thoughts 53:41 we have a couple of minutes to share those final thoughts 53:43 with us today, give us that pearl of great price. 53:52 There are so many thoughts that I have, really 53:57 I work with addictions a lot and we're trying to, 54:03 like the doctor said, we're trying to deal just not 54:09 you seen whatever addiction it is though, but again 54:16 my final thought is God has given us 2 messages, 54:20 power messages, the power of the Message of Health. 54:26 When I started to work in Lifestyle Center over there 54:28 in Montemorelos I thought that I knew this I was an Adventist 54:33 since I was a kid, I was a runner and I didn't eat meat 54:38 all my life that is sad you know, I was good for the job 54:44 and the message of health is so profound and it is so simple, 54:50 and it gives us the power the energy, the aiming 54:53 and the message of health is not to have health, 54:56 can you imagine that? 54:57 When I heard that from my husband I said: " Wait a minute, 55:00 what are you saying? " 55:01 The message of heath is not to be healthy? 55:03 The primary reason is not to be healthy it's to be clean 55:10 in our mind in our body to be able to be connected to God, 55:15 and to understand His message. 55:18 When we are healthy, when this machine this brain is working 55:23 well I can understand the message of the Gospel, 55:26 and it is so powerful, and you want to overcome 55:32 addiction you want to overcome all kinds of bad behaviors 55:36 Get into the message of health! 55:38 Go jogging, breathe in the morning, rest well, eat well, 55:41 have a good attitude, trust in God, you'll see how that is 55:46 going to shake your life, really is going to 55:48 shake your life. 55:50 Christians we are in the mode that we shouldn't be, really 55:55 it's like God has given... 55:57 Dr. Nedley do you think that she is almost too excited 56:00 about this, or you can't be get to excited? 56:02 No you can't be too excited about this subject. 56:05 It is almost like God has given us a banquet, and He says: 56:08 " Eat from here " and we say:" No, I prefer to eat dirt" 56:16 It is something so beautiful for our lives and we just 56:20 put that in our lives you are going to see it 56:22 and you're going to be so excited! 56:24 Our churches should change with these 2 messages: 56:27 The Message of the Health and the sweet message of the Gospel 56:31 with the huge waffle, Dr. Nedley cherry right on top, 56:35 Just your closing thoughts 56:38 My closing thoughts are: 56:39 No matter who you are and no matter what your circumstances 56:43 are and no matter what your genetics are, YOU CAN CHANGE! 56:49 I would implore you now, to prepare for great changes 56:56 in your life, put this principles to heart If you 56:59 haven't heard them all order the DVD or the Video from 3ABN. 57:05 Put these changes to heart and God will do wonderful things, 57:10 beyond what your expectations are! 57:14 We want to thank our guests today: Zulan Collis, 57:17 Kelly Dulac, and Dr. Neil Nedley for being 57:20 with us and you know it's really a blessing that Change 57:24 is in fact Possible! 57:27 We have had a message of hope today a message of healing 57:30 and we're thankful that all of you, are now in one of those 57:34 stages, maybe consciously competent at this point 57:39 and we welcome you to the world of change, 57:41 it is not that scary after all! 57:43 it can be accomplished with God's help! 57:46 Thank you for joining us! |
Revised 2014-12-17