Hello everyone, and welcome
to another 3ABN Up Close.
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This is a program where
we examine the problems that
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plague today's
society and we seek to offer
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practical solutions.
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We're coming to you from
the beautiful Fort Worth First
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Seventh Day Adventist
Church in Fort Worth, Texas.
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We'd like to thank our
live audience for joining us
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in this program.
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Our topic is how
to find a way out
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of depression
that leads to suicide.
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You know, at one time
or another, we all face
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dark moments that
blindside us and unfortunately
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hopelessness fools
many into believing
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that suicide is
the only solution.
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It has become the
eighth leading cause of death
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for all Americans
and it ranks third
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for the cause of
death in young people.
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Every seventeen minutes someone
in U.S. commits suicide, that's
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more than 29,000 a year.
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And sadly that
indicates at least three people
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will end their lives during
the span of this program today.
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Is someone close
to you overwhelmed
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by the
circumstances of their life?
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Don't ignore the silent signals
and the muffled cries for help.
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You need to
recognize the symptoms that
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lead to suicide.
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It's not a sign of
weakness, and it's not
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gender specific.
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While females are more likely
to attempt suicide, males are
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four times more
likely to die from suicide.
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But the good news is there
is a way out of this darkness.
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Suicide is preventable when
an alternative solution can be
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provided to
overcome the problems
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that seem so overwhelming.
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Our first guest
tonight is Alexandra Vance.
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Alexandra is a licensed
marriage and family counselor
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from Greenville Tennessee,
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she has over 29 years of
experience of clinical work with
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marriage and family
challenges, sexual addictions,
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abuse, trauma histories
and those who are suffering
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from depression and grief.
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But still Alexandra has
not had an easy life herself.
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And today she's here to
share her personal story.
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When her husband was cheating
on her in adulterous affairs,
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the weight of her emotional
pain was so unbearable that
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she could not see a
way out from under it.
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Depressed and
desperate she finally reached
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for a gun. Here is
what she shared with us.
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I was married when I was 23,
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really had come out
from a rather conservative,
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sheltered background,
but also a background
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with a lot of
dysfunction, in my family.
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So I grew up not knowing what
normal was, and I didn't know
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how to communicate
needs and wants in a marriage.
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We married and he was
seven years older than I,
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and what I discovered
was that over the time,
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we were married 23 years,
there were periods when he would
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have affairs and I didn't
know how to handle that, I would
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confront it but at the same time
was told that I was imagining
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things or crazy.
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One time it
became more difficult
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I confronted him and he didn't
deny that, but my level of
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feeling poorly
about myself was so severe
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and the despair of that time,
I had two children at the time,
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that in that moment
I became very suicidal.
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That was my first intense
period of suicide feeling
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I ever had, was one
night we had an argument
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and it was over him
going out, I didn't want him
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to leave the house, and he was
going to leave and in that point
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I felt absolutely desperate.
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It was very scary and in
that desperation I threatened
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suicide.
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We had a gun in the house
and I threatened to go and get
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that gun and to end my life.
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I regret that, because
my children were there,
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and my daughter
remembers that to this day.
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My son was three but she
was around ten or eleven,
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it was a lonely time and he
did something that was actually
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a gift to me, later on
I realized it was a gift,
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he said: never
hurt yourself over me,
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he said that he wasn't worth it.
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At that moment
I couldn't imagine
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him making that statement
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and didn't know what he
meant but he was owning his own
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responsibility in the problem.
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What I did after
that was, I calmed down,
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I was able to pull back together
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again, and he left after that
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believe it or not and I
was able to come back together,
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I sat down, and in that
moment I was able to pray.
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I was left with a question,
why was I willing to kill myself
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for a man, and that
question turned my life around,
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and it was a gift from
him, believe it or not.
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At that point then I realized
that if I was willing to
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hurt myself for a man,
I couldn't imagine that
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God would want me in a situation
that over and over again,
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I was so disappointed in
a relationship that I would
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hurt myself, that I started
getting help, and that's when I
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sought help, help for
myself psychologically, help for
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myself spiritually.
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In that dark moment, all I can
tell you is that it was so dark
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I couldn't see children,
family, all I could see was
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I was a failure.
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I couldn't hold that marriage
together, and there was nothing
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that I could find in
me to make that different.
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I think that the fear of
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abandonment, the fear of being
a failure, it was overwhelming
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and I was in overwhelm.
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Well Alexandra Vance is
here tonight and I would like
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to invite her
to come up on stage
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and speak to us, Alexandra...
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- Is it painful
to watch that now?
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- It was very painful to talk
about it and I hadn't realized
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how much pain I
carried all these
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years because I really never
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talked about that particular
event in my life, to anyone.
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- I think that there's so many
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people who can
understand when we
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get to that really dark moment,
but what a lot of people don't
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know, is you said that you
got help how did you come out
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of that, once you
had that realization,
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I don't want to end my life
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over a man. What
kind of help did you get?
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- I had the good fortune of
having had a mother who went to
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Alanon, so I knew something
about 12 step programs.
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I went to therapist and I
started into 12 step programs.
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I was an adult child of an
alcoholic, so I started there,
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I didn't know where to go other
than that. I went to the church.
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- You were a Christian?
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- I was a
Christian and I went to
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the minister, our minister just
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didn't know how to handle
it, he did the best he could,
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he gave me some scriptures
to search out and I did that but
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beyond of that the
things I learned like:
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why would I allow myself
to be treated in that manner,
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what did I think about myself
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that I would
accept that behavior?
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So I learned about boundaries,
I remember the therapist
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saying to me one time:
what are your boundaries?
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I said boundaries, what's that?
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And that was early on, I just
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couldn't believe
that with all the
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background I had I
didn't know that word.
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After that I learned so many
more things, and I learned shame
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and shame spirals and
I learned that when that
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pain hit, it was
the pain of shame,
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I was a bad girl.
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- Let me ask you something, you
felt shame because of the choice
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that you were
thinking of making?
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- I felt ashamed.
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- Or did you feel shame because
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your husband was
running around on you?
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- That's why I felt the shame.
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- Isn't that
amazing that someone
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else could
actually put that feeling
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on us, when they are the one
who is doing the wrong act yet
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you assumed the shame.
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- That's right, I was what in
the business it's called being a
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shame sponge, I would take on
other people's feelings I was a
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co-dependent
person, and I thought
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that my Christian duty was
to feel those feelings, and I
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realize now that that's
not what God's calling us to.
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God's calling to keep
our serenity at all times.
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And that what's I learned
and that's what I have today
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that I love life so
much now, is serenity.
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My life is peaceful and
joyful and I'm around people who
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are happy, I'm around so
many fun Christian people and
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back then I was so alone, I had
never been so alone in my life,
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because I couldn't talk about
it, I couldn't go to anybody and
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talk about the problems, all
though most people knew but they
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didn't talked to me and I
didn't talked to them about it.
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Now- This marriage
ended in a divorce?
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- Yes, this
marriage ended in a divorce.
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- Have you remarried?
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- I remarried in September.
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- What you learned from
your first marriage, how is that
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affecting you today?
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- O, it's so
different, I mean it's
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amazingly
different, in this marriage,
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of course I had my own business,
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I had to take care of myself,
I gave up dependences, that was
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part of my problem, but
now I have all these years of
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being on my own, and having
a life and setting boundaries,
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dealing with life day by day,
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I like what Danny
said, living day by day.
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Something came up very early
on in our marriage and I said,
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Norm, we just gonna have
to sit and talk about this.
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I'm still not confrontive, I
just said this is my experience
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and this is how I
feel when you say that,
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can we talk about it?
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And he said ok, and I said
this is how I would like you
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to treat me, or this is the way
I would like you to talk to me
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in this situation.
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And he got it.
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- Praise the Lord!
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- That is a praise thing, he
got it. And I thought, this is
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gonna make it, and that was in
the first month of our marriage
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and it's like... wow... this man
wouldn't have an affair on me,
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and I'm not willing to do
that either so we have that
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bottom line commitment,
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we have a connection and a
bond in that and beyond that
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we're willing to sit
down and talk about things.
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He said that you are willing
to say what you need and what
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you mean, and I said, yes I am.
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I did my post-graduate education
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after that experience of pain.
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- So God did work all things
together for your good and you
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are putting that to
use. Praise the Lord!
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- God has, yeah.
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- Coming up next, we'll talk
to Kay Rizzo and how to overcome
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thoughts of suicide by
finding meaning and joy in life.
00:13:18.10\00:13:23.43
We will also look at some
of the more common causes for
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suicide so please stay tuned
with us, we'll be right back.
00:13:26.99\00:13:31.14
Next week on Up Close...
00:13:38.79\00:13:40.05
Will be talking about one of the
most feared and misunderstood
00:13:40.08\00:13:43.13
word in English
language: CHANGE.
00:13:43.16\00:13:46.79
In two week period missing
4-5 days of work, not being
00:13:46.83\00:13:50.07
able to get out of
bed, not doing anything.
00:13:50.11\00:13:52.12
I was sleeping the day
away, taking drugs, using drugs,
00:13:52.16\00:13:55.77
smoking cigarettes, etc.
00:13:55.81\00:13:58.36
- She had to come to
a point of a decision:
00:13:58.40\00:14:01.68
I don't want to be that anymore.
00:14:01.71\00:14:04.11
- Medication wasn't doing it.
00:14:04.15\00:14:05.66
Medication is a passive thing.
00:14:05.69\00:14:07.41
- Next week on Up
Close, "The Process of Change",
00:14:07.44\00:14:11.66
don't miss it.
00:14:11.69\00:14:12.99
- Welcome back to Up Close.
00:14:25.58\00:14:27.18
Today we're
talking about suicide
00:14:27.22\00:14:29.69
and how we can find a better
00:14:29.72\00:14:32.12
way out of the
hopelessness and depression
00:14:32.15\00:14:34.48
that life's problems can bring.
00:14:34.52\00:14:37.13
We'll be discussing how
we can recognize this problem
00:14:37.16\00:14:41.31
in others and offer
the help that they need.
00:14:41.35\00:14:44.17
This is far more common than
00:14:44.21\00:14:46.96
most of us realize.
00:14:47.00\00:14:48.45
As alarming as the
suicide rate in America
00:14:48.49\00:14:51.41
is that there are 8
to 20 attempts for each
00:14:51.45\00:14:55.61
death by suicide.
00:14:55.64\00:14:57.56
It doesn't have to be that way.
00:14:57.59\00:14:59.98
There are many warning
signs that offer us a chance
00:15:00.01\00:15:04.06
to intervene
before it's to late.
00:15:04.10\00:15:06.65
Our expert guest today
is Kay Rizzo and she's not
00:15:06.69\00:15:11.43
just an expert in theory, Kay
went through a life experience
00:15:11.46\00:15:16.78
that devastated her emotionally
and she almost became
00:15:16.81\00:15:20.50
a statistic of death by suicide
00:15:20.54\00:15:23.74
when she considered
taking her own life.
00:15:23.77\00:15:26.75
Kay comes to us
from Viselia,California
00:15:26.79\00:15:30.53
she's the author of 44 books
00:15:30.56\00:15:32.47
and she's a columnist for
a life style magazine called
00:15:32.50\00:15:36.68
"The Winner". As an
inspirational speaker she
00:15:36.72\00:15:39.91
has traveled through
North America and spoken for
00:15:39.94\00:15:42.72
numerous groups on
the subject of moving
00:15:42.76\00:15:46.16
from suicide to praise.
00:15:46.19\00:15:48.78
We are excited to have
Kay Rizzo, with us here today
00:15:48.82\00:15:52.50
so please make
her feel welcomed.
00:15:52.53\00:15:55.20
- You know Kay as a watched
Alexandra's story I asked myself
00:16:03.99\00:16:08.02
what would I do if something
like that happened to me.
00:16:08.06\00:16:11.99
- As I watched Alexandra's
story, it brought back
00:16:12.03\00:16:16.48
to many memories of the times
00:16:16.51\00:16:18.50
and how I felt.
00:16:18.53\00:16:19.91
The interesting thing about this
problem of suicide is wherever
00:16:19.95\00:16:26.12
I go to talk about it,
00:16:26.16\00:16:27.93
and it took me years to where
I could talk about it in public,
00:16:27.96\00:16:31.29
every time someone comes up
to me after the program and said
00:16:31.32\00:16:37.44
I was considering
it last Wednesday,
00:16:37.48\00:16:40.42
I was considering it a week ago,
00:16:40.45\00:16:42.54
I was considering it a
month ago, it is too common.
00:16:42.58\00:16:46.81
- Yes it is and I think that
almost every one that's here
00:16:46.85\00:16:51.51
tonight or if you're watching
on television or listening by
00:16:51.55\00:16:54.62
radio, you probably know someone
that's going through that.
00:16:54.65\00:16:59.53
What are some of the groups
that are at risk for suicide?
00:16:59.56\00:17:06.07
- People who have
panic attacks quite often,
00:17:06.11\00:17:11.91
people who have any kind of
drug dependency, because that
00:17:11.95\00:17:16.06
drags you down emotionally,
00:17:16.09\00:17:17.89
schizophrenia, if they've been
diagnosed with schizophrenia,
00:17:17.93\00:17:21.68
this could be a
problem, but probably the
00:17:21.71\00:17:23.28
most common is depression.
00:17:23.31\00:17:25.90
Proverbs 17-22 says that a
broken spirit dries the bones.
00:17:25.93\00:17:31.19
- Amen.
00:17:31.23\00:17:32.20
- And you have dry bones
but the great thing is that in
00:17:32.88\00:17:37.79
Ezekiel he says, those
dry bones will live again.
00:17:37.83\00:17:40.93
- Halleluiah, but
what are "the seeds"
00:17:40.97\00:17:43.42
what "seeds"
depression in our life?
00:17:43.45\00:17:46.23
- I think the first is,
and we don't like to hear it,
00:17:46.27\00:17:50.37
those of us who
thinking of suicide, but it's
00:17:50.41\00:17:52.96
intemperance, over
tired, working too hard...
00:17:53.00\00:17:58.43
- First explain what
you mean by intemperance.
00:17:59.05\00:18:00.14
- Ok,
intemperance means overdoing,
00:18:00.98\00:18:03.05
you're working too hard, not
getting enough sleep, or you are
00:18:03.08\00:18:08.33
sleeping at the wrong times,
you can't get into a decent
00:18:08.36\00:18:10.82
sleep cycle, lack
of exercise, poor diet,
00:18:10.85\00:18:14.79
all of these
things is what I consider,
00:18:14.83\00:18:17.21
you're not living a temperate
00:18:17.24\00:18:19.33
wise life, and so you're getting
00:18:19.36\00:18:21.42
down and that
causes the problem.
00:18:21.45\00:18:24.64
- Our life style choices
actually affect our mind?
00:18:24.68\00:18:28.52
- Absolutely and if you're
discontent with your life,
00:18:28.55\00:18:31.71
whatever is happening on
the outside, you're discontent,
00:18:31.74\00:18:34.87
when Paul wrote to
Timothy and said: be content,
00:18:34.91\00:18:39.19
it was reason for
that, for our mental health.
00:18:39.23\00:18:42.77
If you are discouraged, your
life seems to be in the pits,
00:18:42.81\00:18:46.26
and you can't handle it any
more, this is definitely a sign
00:18:46.29\00:18:50.26
that you are
possibly, can work to the point
00:18:50.29\00:18:54.19
of wanting to commit suicide.
00:18:54.22\00:18:56.14
If you have no hope for
the future, you can't see past
00:18:56.17\00:19:01.77
what's happening, it's an
awful thing to even consider
00:19:01.81\00:19:06.31
you'd want to see.
00:19:06.35\00:19:07.51
This can be one of
the seeds of depression.
00:19:07.55\00:19:10.32
One of the biggest things
I found with my depression
00:19:10.36\00:19:13.09
was unresolved anger.
00:19:13.12\00:19:14.89
I was angry at myself
for failing, you noticed
00:19:14.93\00:19:18.90
Alexandra mentioned, she felt
such a failure, and you beat
00:19:18.94\00:19:22.33
yourself up, with these feelings
00:19:22.36\00:19:24.21
and I was angry at
the world around me
00:19:24.24\00:19:28.62
I was angry at the people
who were causing the problems,
00:19:28.66\00:19:31.04
I was angry at my church
because they didn't seem to be
00:19:31.07\00:19:37.43
responding to me, how
could they, they didn't know...
00:19:37.46\00:19:41.37
I was mad with the
president of the United States,
00:19:41.41\00:19:44.07
I was mad at everybody.
00:19:44.10\00:19:45.68
- That is interesting,
there two things that you said,
00:19:45.72\00:19:49.42
when we are going
through a dark time emotionally,
00:19:49.46\00:19:55.19
a lot of us hide that, I haven't
told you this, we didn't have
00:19:55.22\00:20:00.63
time before the program.
00:20:00.67\00:20:01.91
But my mother tried to commit
suicide on several occasions,
00:20:01.95\00:20:06.14
and I never could understand,
as a young child, why she did
00:20:06.18\00:20:10.55
those things, and when I had
a year's illness, that was very
00:20:10.58\00:20:15.92
devastating to me,
at the end of that year,
00:20:15.95\00:20:18.92
I had hidden all my emotions,
but, by the end of the year
00:20:18.95\00:20:24.39
I was so depressed and
felt so hopeless after going to
00:20:24.42\00:20:27.99
doctor after doctor, and this
was the type of illness that
00:20:28.02\00:20:31.74
really got you down, that
one night I laid in bed, Kay
00:20:31.77\00:20:35.58
and I had the
thought, now I understood
00:20:35.61\00:20:39.83
why you did it mamma.
00:20:39.86\00:20:42.10
I wasn't thinking
about committing suicide,
00:20:42.14\00:20:44.07
but I had the emotional
00:20:44.10\00:20:46.38
identification with it
and it scared me to death.
00:20:46.41\00:20:50.21
- So what are some
of the common threats?
00:20:50.25\00:20:53.01
- One thing I noticed and really
surprised me happened when
00:20:53.05\00:20:56.90
I was going through the
00:20:56.93\00:20:58.06
depression and it has
been something that people have
00:20:58.09\00:21:01.76
shared with me since, is
that our thinking is twisted,
00:21:01.79\00:21:05.18
at that time, it's upside
down, we look at someone who is
00:21:05.36\00:21:09.14
considering suicide,
00:21:09.18\00:21:11.49
and we say, oh, they
are being so selfish!
00:21:11.53\00:21:13.97
In reality, in their
thinking, Satan has so twisted
00:21:14.00\00:21:17.69
their brains to where they
00:21:17.72\00:21:19.58
believe they are making
the ultimate sacrifice for
00:21:19.61\00:21:24.12
those they love that they just
get out of their way, they could
00:21:24.15\00:21:27.42
get on with life and things
will be good, but they were the
00:21:27.45\00:21:29.76
problem and they
needed to get out of the way,
00:21:29.79\00:21:32.07
and so it's actually an
act of love for many people.
00:21:32.32\00:21:35.52
- So they felt like they
were being a burden, and so they
00:21:35.55\00:21:37.75
were trying to ease the
burden for their family?
00:21:37.78\00:21:39.95
When I was 11 years old, was
the first time my mother tried
00:21:40.23\00:21:45.49
to commit suicide and I remember
to this day I was the one who
00:21:45.52\00:21:51.20
found her, I remember
that day as clearly as if it
00:21:51.24\00:21:56.45
were yesterday.
00:21:56.48\00:21:57.71
I wanted to ask
Alexandra, I noticed on the
00:21:57.74\00:22:01.41
tape that you mentioned
your children were aware,
00:22:01.45\00:22:06.00
especially your daughter,
because she was 11 I think,
00:22:06.03\00:22:08.65
as well, wasn't she.
00:22:08.68\00:22:09.73
How has that affected her life?
00:22:09.76\00:22:12.77
- Well my
children have both been
00:22:12.80\00:22:16.96
in therapy, and my daughter
00:22:16.99\00:22:20.51
had to learn a lot about
boundaries and she had to learn
00:22:20.54\00:22:26.16
a lot of things cause being in
our home she didn't learn what
00:22:26.19\00:22:30.33
normal was either, I almost
learned with her and that's how
00:22:30.36\00:22:33.17
we changed things together.
00:22:33.20\00:22:35.61
She's happy today but
she's worked hard to get there.
00:22:35.65\00:22:40.87
She had a repetitive
depression every January,
00:22:40.91\00:22:45.67
but she doesn't
get that anymore.
00:22:45.71\00:22:47.60
- January was the time of
month when you tried to...?
00:22:47.63\00:22:51.74
- No I don't think so, but
her dad also had a repetitive
00:22:51.78\00:22:55.61
depression every January, and
she identified with his feelings
00:22:55.64\00:22:59.58
but she doesn't have
that depression any more.
00:22:59.61\00:23:03.93
- Because of the therapy
she's coming out of that cycle,
00:23:03.96\00:23:08.77
that downward spiral
that she was in afterwards.
00:23:08.80\00:23:11.41
- That's correct.
00:23:11.44\00:23:12.66
- Kay is this fairly
normal, a lot of people think
00:23:12.70\00:23:19.10
they are doing
their family a favor,
00:23:19.13\00:23:21.53
but suicide or even
an attempted suicide,
00:23:21.56\00:23:25.01
really affects so
many people in a broad way.
00:23:25.05\00:23:29.31
- In reality, a family
never gets over a suicide.
00:23:29.34\00:23:33.65
This becomes a
generational problem
00:23:33.69\00:23:36.28
if you consider suicide and you
00:23:36.31\00:23:38.94
go through with it there is
a good chance your grandbabies
00:23:38.97\00:23:42.59
are gonna face
that same problem.
00:23:42.63\00:23:44.89
I don't know why this happens,
but I know that it does,
00:23:44.93\00:23:48.21
I've seen it
even in my own family.
00:23:48.25\00:23:50.02
My grandfather
committed suicide.
00:23:50.06\00:23:51.72
And for every generation since,
we have had a constant battle
00:23:51.75\00:23:55.40
of fighting against
the thoughts of suicide.
00:23:55.43\00:23:58.41
It never stop's.
00:23:58.44\00:24:00.23
One of the interesting facts
00:24:00.27\00:24:04.92
that have come out
from this, is that for every
00:24:04.96\00:24:07.34
accomplished suicide, there
are six victims left to pick up
00:24:07.37\00:24:13.14
the pieces, and the survivors
for mental health needing
00:24:13.17\00:24:18.09
mental health afterwards, are
00:24:18.12\00:24:20.23
4.7 million in United
States alone every single year.
00:24:20.26\00:24:23.91
That are the left overs if
you want to call them that,
00:24:23.94\00:24:26.55
that just don't know how to pull
their lives back together again.
00:24:26.59\00:24:29.77
So it's definitely fiction
to believe that you can get
00:24:29.81\00:24:34.67
out of the
picture and help things.
00:24:34.70\00:24:36.73
- Would you say that for most
people,... there are people who
00:24:36.77\00:24:40.31
suffer from chronic
depression and then there
00:24:40.34\00:24:42.80
are those who have some
experience in their life that
00:24:42.84\00:24:46.68
brings on an acute
bout of depression.
00:24:46.72\00:24:49.37
That's the starting
point usually isn't it?
00:24:49.40\00:24:53.92
Something that's happened that's
causing our mental faculties
00:24:53.96\00:24:57.78
to be depressed, the way we
look at things to be depressed?
00:24:57.81\00:25:01.01
How can we recognize depression,
what are some of the causes?
00:25:01.04\00:25:06.05
- It's interesting that you
mentioned that, because there is
00:25:06.09\00:25:12.46
no trigger that matches for
every person, for some people
00:25:12.50\00:25:17.35
can be a slow decline, they
00:25:17.39\00:25:19.42
don't even
realize it's happening
00:25:19.45\00:25:20.72
they're running so fast to do
all the things they need to do
00:25:20.75\00:25:23.63
that all the sudden it's like
their body completely shuts down
00:25:23.67\00:25:27.23
their mind and spirit their
soul and body just collapses.
00:25:27.26\00:25:30.33
- Burnout.
00:25:30.36\00:25:31.74
- Absolutely!
That's what I experienced.
00:25:31.77\00:25:33.90
Other people will
come up to a major crises
00:25:33.93\00:25:37.97
and go into depression,
00:25:38.01\00:25:40.03
for some people
it's a chemical change
00:25:40.06\00:25:42.75
in their bodies and
it needs to be recognized
00:25:42.79\00:25:45.71
that it's a chemical thing.
00:25:45.75\00:25:47.08
We need to get beyond the
blaming game to where we see
00:25:47.12\00:25:52.20
that there are lots of reasons
00:25:52.24\00:25:53.91
why this type of thing happens.
00:25:54.44\00:25:56.75
- What do we need to know
about people who are considering
00:25:56.78\00:26:02.52
suicide that we can
help understand this.
00:26:02.55\00:26:05.96
- First of all we need to
know that you're not crazy,
00:26:05.99\00:26:09.00
you are not bad,
you are not evil,
00:26:09.03\00:26:12.67
because you've
had these thoughts.
00:26:12.70\00:26:14.52
- You're not weak.
00:26:14.55\00:26:16.73
- Definitely not, and
it's ok to tell other people
00:26:16.76\00:26:21.06
because that it's
part of your healing.
00:26:21.10\00:26:23.17
But there are three
problems that people are facing
00:26:23.25\00:26:27.78
that make this seem attractive.
00:26:27.82\00:26:30.66
First of all, an extreme
pain, a painful situation
00:26:30.69\00:26:36.16
put together with not
enough coping resources,
00:26:36.19\00:26:40.35
people to turn to, advice
from various people, easing the
00:26:40.38\00:26:46.91
situation, being able to get
00:26:46.94\00:26:49.43
away from the
situation you can't cope.
00:26:49.46\00:26:51.91
The third one is
that you can't see
00:26:52.30\00:26:54.97
beyond today's problems.
00:26:55.00\00:26:57.37
- So that's an
overwhelming sense of
00:26:57.40\00:26:59.22
hopelessness?
00:26:59.26\00:27:00.48
- That's right.
00:27:00.51\00:27:01.59
- You have
referred several times
00:27:01.62\00:27:03.69
to that the time
that in your life that
00:27:03.72\00:27:09.45
you were emotional devastated
00:27:09.48\00:27:10.94
and came close to
doing this yourself.
00:27:10.98\00:27:13.01
Can you share your
experience with us?
00:27:13.05\00:27:15.06
- That's the hard part.
00:27:15.10\00:27:17.03
I didn't for a very long
time, it was a Christian editor
00:27:17.06\00:27:24.36
who said, Kay, somebody
needs to hear your story.
00:27:24.40\00:27:27.78
And so I wrote it into a book
and God has blessed that book.
00:27:27.81\00:27:32.12
For me it was job burnout,
00:27:32.15\00:27:35.40
I was a Christian teacher
teaching in a Christian school,
00:27:35.44\00:27:40.30
I was doing everything I could
and anyone who has ever worked
00:27:40.33\00:27:44.87
in a Christian school knows
that you have 27 jobs beyond
00:27:44.91\00:27:47.79
that that you've
been hired to do,
00:27:47.82\00:27:49.49
which is fun when you feel
good, but when you begin to get
00:27:49.53\00:27:53.40
burned-out you go down, down,
00:27:53.44\00:27:56.46
and you can't seem to stop it.
00:27:56.50\00:27:59.76
For me the final straw came when
00:27:59.79\00:28:04.03
politics blew the
place apart and I became
00:28:04.06\00:28:08.28
one of the casualties,
00:28:08.31\00:28:09.54
and I had lost my job
and this is a little girl
00:28:10.11\00:28:13.85
at 6 years old who says
00:28:13.88\00:28:15.07
when I grow up I'm going
to be a Christian teacher.
00:28:15.10\00:28:17.71
It was like God had
put me out to pasture,
00:28:17.75\00:28:19.65
and so He had betrayed
me just as much as the job.
00:28:19.68\00:28:25.86
So I went into total
collapse, it was almost like
00:28:25.90\00:28:29.74
into a black hole and I
didn't know how to get out.
00:28:29.77\00:28:33.88
- It hurts my heart to hear you
because I know that for myself
00:28:33.92\00:28:39.86
that feeling of
hopelessness I recognize,
00:28:39.90\00:28:42.47
that's why my mother
tried to commit suicide.
00:28:42.50\00:28:46.01
Can you give us, our
audience and the people who are
00:28:46.05\00:28:50.02
listening, give us some kind
of idea, what are the warning
00:28:50.05\00:28:54.55
signals?
00:28:54.58\00:28:55.55
How do we recognize when
someone has reached that point?
00:28:55.56\00:28:59.87
- First of all when they
begin to talk about suicide
00:28:59.90\00:29:04.28
and about dying.
00:29:04.31\00:29:05.94
Or they say they
have no reason to live.
00:29:05.98\00:29:08.52
Take them seriously don't
ever just pass it off and say
00:29:08.55\00:29:12.25
they're in a bad
mood, that's not true.
00:29:12.28\00:29:14.23
If they become preoccupied
with death and dying, they begin
00:29:14.26\00:29:17.94
to withdraw from friends,
give away their treasures,
00:29:17.98\00:29:21.65
be concerned with their last
will in testament, they lose
00:29:21.68\00:29:25.52
interest in
hobbies and in their work.
00:29:25.55\00:29:28.70
They don't want
to leave the house,
00:29:28.74\00:29:29.71
they become house bound,
00:29:29.72\00:29:31.77
they have attempted
suicide before perhaps,
00:29:31.81\00:29:38.11
or perhaps they begin
taking unnecessary risks doing
00:29:38.14\00:29:41.18
stupid things, and
you can't figure out why.
00:29:41.21\00:29:44.00
- Like a death wish.
00:29:44.04\00:29:45.34
- That's right.
Increasing use of alcohol
00:29:45.38\00:29:48.17
and drugs because this
is a way to ease the pain.
00:29:48.20\00:29:51.98
If there is a history
of violence or hostility
00:29:52.02\00:29:54.34
in them, that anger
hidden down deep inside,
00:29:54.37\00:29:58.00
if they are unwilling to
connect with other people,
00:29:58.03\00:30:01.85
these are all good indicators
that might be some concern.
00:30:01.88\00:30:07.78
- When you said to take it
seriously I remember early on in
00:30:07.82\00:30:12.83
ministry before I knew
everything that I know now,
00:30:12.86\00:30:15.80
I was speaking to a group
and a woman came up and they
00:30:15.83\00:30:19.80
asked me to pray for her
and we went into the other room
00:30:19.84\00:30:22.82
after a 2 hour meeting
00:30:22.85\00:30:24.45
we went into that other
room and pray for over a hour
00:30:24.48\00:30:27.45
and then she confessed
that she had been thinking about
00:30:27.48\00:30:29.86
committing suicide but she
00:30:29.89\00:30:32.25
told me, hearing everything
that you've said tonight
00:30:32.28\00:30:36.09
has changed my mind
and I'm gonna go home and
00:30:36.12\00:30:39.14
throw those pills
away. And I believed her.
00:30:39.17\00:30:42.79
For a moment I said
let me go home with you
00:30:42.83\00:30:47.29
and let's do that together,
and she said no, she said God
00:30:47.32\00:30:51.02
has done such a
wonderful work in me tonight,
00:30:51.06\00:30:54.10
I promise you I'm going home.
00:30:54.13\00:30:55.87
Two days later I found out
that she had taken those pills
00:30:55.90\00:31:01.05
but thankfully she
called someone to just say
00:31:01.09\00:31:04.80
goodbye, and
they recognized it and
00:31:04.84\00:31:07.35
they sent the paramedics to her.
00:31:07.38\00:31:09.21
I learned such
a valuable lesson.
00:31:09.24\00:31:11.86
Take them seriously, don't let
them try to work it out on their
00:31:11.89\00:31:16.43
own, it's something
that is very frightening.
00:31:16.47\00:31:19.83
What can I as a
friend, when I see someone
00:31:19.86\00:31:28.31
in my family or a friend
of mine or maybe just somebody
00:31:28.34\00:31:31.89
at church that I recognize
something is different and
00:31:31.93\00:31:36.38
that they are having some of
these symptoms, what do I do?
00:31:36.41\00:31:41.00
- Number one, get involved!
Don't wait to be invited.
00:31:41.04\00:31:44.14
You push yourself in, be pushy,
do whatever you have to do,
00:31:44.17\00:31:48.20
and then sit down and listen
00:31:48.23\00:31:49.94
and just let them talk, don't
act shocked or try to convince
00:31:49.97\00:31:56.47
them their are thinking
foolishly because that will
00:31:56.50\00:31:59.23
just polarize them so that
they will back away from you
00:31:59.26\00:32:02.43
and you won't be
able to reach them.
00:32:02.46\00:32:05.59
Don't be judgmental, don't be
so sympathetic that they begin
00:32:05.63\00:32:14.09
to think maybe this is ok, she
understands, so I have someone
00:32:14.12\00:32:18.35
who is going to
understand when it happens.
00:32:18.38\00:32:19.94
Don't act shocked but
don't be sworn the secrecy
00:32:20.19\00:32:23.40
for any reason.
00:32:23.43\00:32:24.59
- That's good.
00:32:24.62\00:32:25.75
- When I was a girls dean
in a Christian boarding school,
00:32:25.78\00:32:29.25
I would have girls come in to
talk and that was the one thing
00:32:29.28\00:32:33.08
they understood that
if it was going to be any
00:32:33.11\00:32:34.98
danger to anyone I was not
going to keep it quiet because
00:32:35.01\00:32:38.90
I loved them to much.
00:32:38.93\00:32:40.10
God would not
want me to do that.
00:32:40.13\00:32:42.50
You can't be sworn to secrecy,
00:32:42.54\00:32:45.00
that is not a
promise you can make.
00:32:45.03\00:32:48.33
Don't give them pat
little answers and say that
00:32:49.98\00:32:51.18
everything is going to be
fine, I'm going to be praying
00:32:51.21\00:32:52.23
for you, that is not
going to work, they've heard the
00:32:52.26\00:32:56.84
pat little answers, they've
told themselves the pat little
00:32:56.88\00:32:58.57
answers and
they're just not working.
00:32:58.60\00:33:01.47
Don't say you
understand when you don't.
00:33:01.51\00:33:04.35
When I went through
some of my worst times,
00:33:04.39\00:33:08.61
people would come up and
say, honey I understand so much
00:33:08.65\00:33:11.11
what you're going through and
I knew full well they didn't.
00:33:11.33\00:33:14.49
It made me mad.
00:33:14.53\00:33:15.82
- Cause you felt that
they are condescending to you?
00:33:15.85\00:33:17.77
- Yes it made me
mad, don't tell me that,
00:33:17.80\00:33:21.59
you have no idea.
00:33:21.63\00:33:23.64
Always take action,
you alluded to this lady,
00:33:23.68\00:33:28.33
remove whatever
it is that might be
00:33:28.37\00:33:31.77
the opportunity.
00:33:31.81\00:33:33.96
Remove them from that situation
always encourage them to
00:33:34.00\00:33:39.07
get professional
help because you are
00:33:39.11\00:33:41.52
too close to the problem,
00:33:41.55\00:33:42.78
you are a bridge
not the final answer.
00:33:42.81\00:33:47.59
A professional can give
them keys and help in making
00:33:47.63\00:33:52.99
the right choices and
establishing right thinking.
00:33:53.02\00:33:55.51
You are there to
be the bridge to that.
00:33:56.07\00:33:58.16
And Definitely pull them out of
00:33:58.20\00:34:00.23
themselves make them
get busy with others.
00:34:00.26\00:34:02.27
When you get busy with others
it takes your mind of yourself
00:34:02.46\00:34:06.34
and you will be
able to begin to heal.
00:34:06.38\00:34:09.04
- You know, from what she said,
I think we have a lot to learn
00:34:09.08\00:34:15.77
about how to reach
out and help someone.
00:34:15.80\00:34:18.93
Particularly I want to
talk to parents because
00:34:18.97\00:34:21.28
a lot of times people think,
oh, they are teenagers and just
00:34:21.31\00:34:25.93
going through a stage, we
don't need to worry about it,
00:34:25.97\00:34:29.08
and then you hear the tragedy
00:34:29.11\00:34:33.33
of all that has happened
afterwards in the aftermath.
00:34:33.36\00:34:37.55
I want to ask Alexandra again,
00:34:38.33\00:34:39.78
when you went to get
the gun, what happened,
00:34:39.81\00:34:45.21
how did your husband intervene
specifically that stop you?
00:34:45.24\00:34:50.87
- My husband physically stopped
me but he also said to me that
00:34:52.65\00:34:59.68
it wasn't worth dying, over him.
00:34:59.71\00:35:03.38
That brought me
to a rational thought
00:35:03.42\00:35:10.30
that took me out of
that overwhelm and that
00:35:10.34\00:35:14.27
spiral of shame.
00:35:14.30\00:35:15.40
I couldn't see pass
that black pain and shame
00:35:15.43\00:35:19.50
but that thought gave me some
hope, that maybe I don't have
00:35:19.53\00:35:25.91
to die and maybe in fact,
I'm not the only problem here.
00:35:25.94\00:35:29.45
That's why I said he did take
responsibility at that moment.
00:35:29.48\00:35:34.04
- Praise the Lord! In just a
moment we are going to be back
00:35:34.07\00:35:39.23
to ask our audience what
they think about this topic
00:35:39.27\00:35:43.42
and we'll be taking
their live questions,
00:35:43.45\00:35:46.29
So please stay tuned
with us, we'll be right back.
00:35:46.32\00:35:49.90
Are you struggling
with thoughts of suicide?
00:35:56.50\00:35:58.32
You feel you're at
the end of your rope?
00:35:58.35\00:36:00.60
Don't lose hope, we have
a free gift just for you.
00:36:00.63\00:36:04.04
Find hope and courage
as you read God's Promises
00:36:04.07\00:36:07.30
for your every need.
00:36:07.34\00:36:08.40
For your free gift
just write to us at Up Close
00:36:08.44\00:36:11.40
Welcome back to Up
Close our topic today is
00:36:38.23\00:36:40.83
From suicide to praise, we've
been talking to Kay Rizzo and
00:36:40.87\00:36:46.93
Alexandra Vance about how
they found themselves struggling
00:36:46.97\00:36:51.41
with suicide thoughts
and how they found a way out.
00:36:51.44\00:36:55.89
We've also discussed some
of warning signs along with
00:36:55.92\00:37:00.63
practical steps in order
to overcome such thoughts.
00:37:00.66\00:37:03.70
Right now we'd like
to open our program to
00:37:03.73\00:37:08.08
questions from our audience.
00:37:08.11\00:37:09.98
We'd like to
welcome our first question.
00:37:10.02\00:37:12.57
- Hi could you
please tell us your name?
00:37:12.61\00:37:15.15
- Nate.
00:37:15.18\00:37:16.28
- Nate, what is your question?
00:37:16.31\00:37:18.74
- What would I do if I'm
not able to actually be there in
00:37:18.78\00:37:21.92
person, for the
person I'm trying to help?
00:37:21.95\00:37:24.09
- A good question.
00:37:24.12\00:37:25.54
- I'd start with prayer,
prayer does change things,
00:37:25.58\00:37:29.29
God has a thousand ways
to take care of the problem,
00:37:29.32\00:37:34.59
you are one of them,
second I would find someone
00:37:34.62\00:37:38.52
who is nearby and say
00:37:38.55\00:37:41.02
go help them
now, and with all the
00:37:41.05\00:37:45.22
communication we have:
00:37:45.25\00:37:46.28
e- mail, telephone, get on your
Hallmark. com, send messages
00:37:46.32\00:37:53.13
so that they will know
that you're thinking of them,
00:37:53.16\00:37:56.15
don't let them
slip through the cracks,
00:37:56.18\00:37:58.23
even though
you're at a distance.
00:37:58.26\00:37:59.96
- Excellent. Thank you.
00:38:00.77\00:38:02.16
- Hello what's your name?
00:38:02.19\00:38:03.73
- My name is Louise Dourent
is a persons choice to commit
00:38:03.76\00:38:11.24
suicide something unique to the
culture of the United States?
00:38:11.27\00:38:15.57
I come from Egypt and I grew
up there and I go periodically
00:38:15.61\00:38:21.52
there and I never
heard of anyone wanting to
00:38:21.55\00:38:25.04
resolve their problems by
committing suicide, so I'm just
00:38:25.08\00:38:28.97
wondering how different is it in
different parts of the country?
00:38:29.00\00:38:35.37
- I don't know about Egypt but I
know that Russia has a terrible
00:38:35.41\00:38:41.24
problem, Sweden, so
I'm not sure if it's
00:38:41.27\00:38:49.13
geographical or cultural.
00:38:49.17\00:38:51.21
- Thank you very
much for your questions.
00:38:51.25\00:38:53.11
- That's an interesting
thing to think about, what's the
00:38:56.48\00:39:00.23
difference in cultures.
00:39:00.26\00:39:01.60
- Hi!
00:39:01.63\00:39:02.60
- Hi, my name is Diane and I'm
a hair dresser and I have a dear
00:39:02.63\00:39:05.48
couple that is 70-71 and he has
tried recently to commit suicide
00:39:05.52\00:39:11.58
for the fifth time.
00:39:11.62\00:39:13.07
We pray together a lot
they're fine people, but
00:39:13.11\00:39:19.25
he's not physical hurting he
is emotionally hurting inside,
00:39:19.29\00:39:25.85
we've talked about it
yesterday again and he goes to a
00:39:25.89\00:39:29.81
psychiatrist regularly, and
he takes 2 antidepressant pills
00:39:29.84\00:39:35.32
and he has
seizures on top of this.
00:39:35.35\00:39:38.98
I'm at my wits end
so all I can do now
00:39:39.01\00:39:42.61
is pray, pray, pray.
00:39:42.65\00:39:44.61
Is there something else that
I'm not doing that I need to do?
00:39:44.64\00:39:49.83
- Well, this is the
reason for this whole program
00:39:49.87\00:39:55.27
which I was going
to talk about later.
00:39:55.31\00:39:56.84
Praise, that is not a pat little
answer but praising God is
00:39:56.88\00:40:01.23
actually God's
antidote for depression.
00:40:01.27\00:40:06.29
It is a matter of turning your
eyes off of yourself and your
00:40:06.33\00:40:10.89
problems and putting
them on the problem solver.
00:40:10.92\00:40:15.19
It's a choice you make, in
Hebrews 13-15 says that we bring
00:40:15.23\00:40:20.15
the sacrifice of praise, that
means when it doesn't feel good.
00:40:20.19\00:40:25.90
Teach them that blessing and it
00:40:25.94\00:40:28.59
can definitely
make a difference.
00:40:28.62\00:40:30.25
- Wouldn't you agree that
when somebody is depressed
00:40:30.29\00:40:33.92
that's something you're
going to have to sit down and
00:40:33.95\00:40:36.19
work with them on a daily basis.
00:40:36.22\00:40:39.60
- Yes, you don't just
say... well... honey praise!
00:40:39.63\00:40:42.04
- You've got to show them
how and lead them through.
00:40:42.07\00:40:45.64
- That's right,
even through example.
00:40:45.68\00:40:47.36
- I think another excellent
thing is to help him to get
00:40:47.39\00:40:53.07
involved when you were talking
about getting your eyes back on
00:40:53.10\00:40:58.57
the Lord, there's nothing better
than to have a purpose to go
00:40:59.01\00:41:02.88
out and help somebody else.
00:41:02.91\00:41:05.09
When you're giving of yourself,
when you're giving the love
00:41:05.12\00:41:08.15
of God, to someone else, it
00:41:08.18\00:41:10.49
lifts your
spirit doesn't it Kay?
00:41:10.52\00:41:12.37
- Absolutely, I actually
had one thing that helped
00:41:12.40\00:41:14.96
me through was a
tiny little puppy
00:41:14.99\00:41:17.48
that was just big
enough to sit on my shoulder,
00:41:17.51\00:41:20.81
that I had to take
care of during the day,
00:41:20.85\00:41:23.28
and it made the difference.
00:41:23.31\00:41:24.61
- My name is Deborah and
I'm going to tell you a story
00:41:24.65\00:41:29.97
before I ask the
question, my daughter called me
00:41:30.00\00:41:32.87
a couple days ago and I
was at work and she said,
00:41:32.91\00:41:35.47
mother, does my insurance cover
00:41:35.50\00:41:39.34
mental health?
00:41:39.38\00:41:40.51
And I said, yes I
think it does, why?
00:41:40.54\00:41:42.61
And she said, well it's for
Shane, which is her husband,
00:41:42.65\00:41:45.98
I knew he'd had some problems
before and I thought they were
00:41:46.01\00:41:52.53
resolved but she says she
found him about 3 o'clock in the
00:41:52.56\00:41:56.29
morning, with his gun loaded
sitting there contemplating
00:41:56.32\00:41:59.85
shooting himself, she took
the gun away and hid it and
00:41:59.88\00:42:06.35
that morning he went ahead and
dressed and went to work, and
00:42:06.42\00:42:10.30
she took the gun and put it
in her automobile and went to
00:42:10.34\00:42:12.55
work with it cause she
didn't want to leave it at home.
00:42:12.58\00:42:14.76
She called me at noon and was
crying so I told her, go home,
00:42:15.29\00:42:24.09
you can't function at work, you
need to go home cause I had the
00:42:24.12\00:42:27.66
feeling that he was probably
there and didn't go to work.
00:42:27.69\00:42:30.42
As soon as I hung up
I called my best friend,
00:42:30.46\00:42:33.34
my prayer warrior,
00:42:33.37\00:42:34.43
we got on our knees
and prayed and prayed
00:42:34.46\00:42:37.49
and rebuked that spirit that was
about him and I called another
00:42:37.53\00:42:42.22
friend of mine who wanted to go
in the ministry and we prayed...
00:42:42.25\00:42:46.02
I called an hour and a half
later, she called me and I asked
00:42:46.06\00:42:53.44
her how were things, she said,
I got home and he was there,
00:42:53.47\00:42:56.60
they had a nice long talk he
said he was tired of his family
00:42:56.63\00:43:02.11
badgering him cause his
parents had divorced when he
00:43:02.15\00:43:05.48
was young and his siblings
went to live with the father
00:43:05.52\00:43:08.10
and he decided to
stay with the mom.
00:43:08.14\00:43:10.78
They had been badgering him
saying, you're the cause of mom
00:43:10.82\00:43:14.00
and dad splitting,
you should come with us,
00:43:14.04\00:43:16.00
you're not any good,
you've got to support Karen,
00:43:16.03\00:43:18.91
you don't have a good
job... it's just pounding
00:43:18.94\00:43:21.81
after pounding and he finally
stood up and said I'm not gonna
00:43:21.84\00:43:25.34
take this any
more, I'm just going to
00:43:25.37\00:43:26.98
put that part of
my life behind me.
00:43:27.01\00:43:28.86
She said that everything seemed
to be ok, they went out later
00:43:29.46\00:43:33.34
and have a nice time
and did some activities
00:43:33.38\00:43:35.96
but I'm still worried
that that's still there,
00:43:35.99\00:43:40.46
and I want to know what
advice I need to give him,
00:43:40.50\00:43:43.51
what to read, what to do?
00:43:43.54\00:43:45.65
- What kind of advice,
Revelation 3 gives a text
00:43:50.32\00:43:57.76
that said let no
man steal your crown.
00:43:57.79\00:44:01.04
God used my anger, and obviously
this gentleman has a lot
00:44:01.07\00:44:06.77
of unresolved anger, God used
my anger as the healing point
00:44:06.81\00:44:11.53
for me, of all things,
so that I became so angry
00:44:11.57\00:44:16.24
at what people had done to
me, and tried to destroy me
00:44:16.28\00:44:20.56
that I resolved, it
put steel in my back bone,
00:44:20.59\00:44:26.37
if you want to call it that,
I resolved I was not going to
00:44:26.40\00:44:29.34
let them destroy me, but
this was not going to happen,
00:44:29.37\00:44:32.97
and I began to read, of
all things, the cursing psalms
00:44:33.00\00:44:35.70
I don't know if you are
familiar with the cursing
00:44:35.73\00:44:37.30
psalms, but there is a whole
slew of psalms that talk about
00:44:37.33\00:44:41.79
banging your
enemies head on the ground
00:44:41.82\00:44:43.99
and mashing his
teeth with your feet,
00:44:44.02\00:44:46.16
it is very violent
and it felt so good
00:44:46.20\00:44:49.43
when I was mad.
00:44:49.46\00:44:51.22
But then I discovered God
lead me to discover that every
00:44:51.25\00:44:56.01
cursing psalm were
beautiful psalms of praise and
00:44:56.05\00:44:58.65
that's how it slowly
evolved into a totally different
00:44:58.68\00:45:02.86
direction which
relived the anger and I think
00:45:02.89\00:45:06.45
that anger must be relieved
for the healing to take place.
00:45:06.48\00:45:11.95
God has methods of doing that
00:45:11.99\00:45:14.70
which I could talk to
you a little later about.
00:45:14.73\00:45:17.15
- Won't you agree that
since he has stated this,
00:45:17.19\00:45:20.34
and consider this, we
should take it seriously,
00:45:20.37\00:45:22.74
and need to get some
kind of further involvement
00:45:22.77\00:45:26.21
don't just think because he
said I'm not going to do it,
00:45:26.24\00:45:29.62
that he won't do it.
00:45:29.66\00:45:30.75
- Remember, suicide is
based on feelings, and basically
00:45:30.78\00:45:35.57
they want to escape the
feeling but reminding yourself
00:45:35.95\00:45:39.33
that there is no
feeling once you commit suicide,
00:45:39.36\00:45:42.69
so there is no satisfaction.
00:45:42.72\00:45:44.26
The feeling is a temporary
thing, that's why you must
00:45:44.29\00:45:49.65
make a choice not to
give in to this feeling,
00:45:49.69\00:45:53.96
it's the only way you can heal.
00:45:54.00\00:45:55.69
- Hi what's your name?
00:45:57.28\00:45:58.25
- Linda.
00:45:58.26\00:45:59.23
- Linda what's your question?
00:45:59.24\00:46:00.67
- Is therapy always necessary?
00:46:00.71\00:46:03.34
- Excellent question.
00:46:03.37\00:46:05.67
- Good question, as I
said, God has a thousand ways,
00:46:05.70\00:46:11.55
I have full confidence
in a Christian counselor.
00:46:11.59\00:46:16.39
Now I emphasize
the word Christian.
00:46:16.42\00:46:18.66
There are many counselors
who are not Christian who are
00:46:18.70\00:46:21.45
coming to the problem from
a totally different direction.
00:46:21.49\00:46:24.43
And they can do
more damage than good.
00:46:24.46\00:46:27.79
Especially if you have
been raised in a conservative
00:46:27.83\00:46:32.93
Christian background
they'll blame that and actually
00:46:32.96\00:46:36.08
take you further from the Lord.
00:46:36.12\00:46:37.62
You have to be very careful
that is a Christian counselor
00:46:37.65\00:46:42.59
and you need to
approach going to a counselor
00:46:42.63\00:46:45.81
with a lot of prayer.
00:46:45.84\00:46:47.86
Yes, I think a counselor
makes it simpler to get through,
00:46:47.89\00:46:51.05
it doesn't take so long because
they have all these techniques
00:46:51.08\00:46:54.20
worked out, try
this, this, this, and this,
00:46:54.23\00:46:56.53
that you never even thought
of, never crossed your mind,
00:46:56.56\00:47:00.10
and that's the way they can
expedite your healing process.
00:47:00.13\00:47:05.78
- Hi welcome to our
program, can you tell us
00:47:06.98\00:47:09.42
your name and
your question please?
00:47:09.45\00:47:11.28
- Hi my name is Catherine,
and because of my profession I'm
00:47:11.32\00:47:14.52
often times confronted with
people who I have to counsel,
00:47:14.56\00:47:18.90
in this avenue a lot of times,
and because I'm a Christian
00:47:18.94\00:47:23.56
I can always help
people if they are believers.
00:47:23.59\00:47:27.12
But my question for you is, if
they are not a believer, I'm at
00:47:27.16\00:47:30.89
a loss, there is always the hot
line that you can refer them to
00:47:30.93\00:47:35.93
but the hot line
is only a Band-Aid,
00:47:35.97\00:47:37.40
it's just a very temporary help.
00:47:37.43\00:47:39.74
What else do you think is
a good avenue to send those
00:47:39.78\00:47:44.00
nonbelievers to who
have issues with suicide?
00:47:44.03\00:47:49.19
- With a lot of prayer,
on your own, ask the Lord to
00:47:49.22\00:47:54.56
anoint your lips and anoint
your mind so that what you say
00:47:54.60\00:47:59.13
will be what he wants
straight from his throne.
00:47:59.17\00:48:01.98
Then, I believe you have to go
through the process of leading
00:48:02.01\00:48:05.47
them to Jesus Christ,
even to the point of the
00:48:05.50\00:48:10.43
sinners prayer.
00:48:10.46\00:48:12.19
They have to know God
loves them and He has a plan
00:48:12.22\00:48:15.89
for their lives, that
they are important to Him,
00:48:15.93\00:48:19.57
otherwise they're nothing more
than a piece of cosmic dust.
00:48:19.61\00:48:23.17
Spiraling out of control.
00:48:23.20\00:48:25.38
- Let me ask, does your
job allow you to do this?
00:48:25.69\00:48:30.87
- I'm a police
officer, so we get those calls,
00:48:30.91\00:48:37.15
and a lot of times
we're their life line.
00:48:37.18\00:48:44.55
We're the immediate person to be
able to give something to them
00:48:44.59\00:48:49.27
and often times I have
lead people to the Lord,
00:48:49.30\00:48:53.01
and prayed with
them, sometimes they have
00:48:53.04\00:48:56.66
given their hearts to
the Lord, the Lord used me in
00:48:56.69\00:49:00.09
a lot of ways but there has been
a couple of times where I've had
00:49:00.13\00:49:04.60
someone who said that
they didn't believed in God.
00:49:04.63\00:49:08.10
So far The Holy Spirit has
given me the words but I always
00:49:10.62\00:49:14.96
thought what if I had that
someone that is so close minded
00:49:15.00\00:49:19.24
that would not hear
anything of the Lord?
00:49:19.27\00:49:22.49
Because I know without
Christ I have no answers.
00:49:22.52\00:49:26.23
There is no hope without Christ.
00:49:26.27\00:49:27.94
- Maybe Alexandra has a...
she's a practicing physiologist.
00:49:27.97\00:49:32.69
- Yes, I always ask
people to try to remember a time
00:49:32.73\00:49:39.62
when they didn't feel this way.
00:49:39.66\00:49:41.38
So that at least they can
be pulled back to a point where
00:49:41.41\00:49:47.50
they can remember not the
blackness of the depression,
00:49:47.53\00:49:53.59
but more light in their lives.
00:49:53.62\00:49:55.06
If I can pull them there, then
we can start building on that.
00:49:55.10\00:50:00.16
What did it take for you to
create that kind of experience
00:50:00.20\00:50:04.23
in your life at that point so
what would you have to do now,
00:50:04.27\00:50:07.74
what issues have to be resolved
so you don't feel this way?
00:50:07.77\00:50:11.20
- Alexandra isn't it true,
I've heard that many people who
00:50:11.24\00:50:15.40
attempt suicide, if you
can intervene on that day,
00:50:15.43\00:50:19.77
if people would want to
jump off a bridge, or something,
00:50:19.80\00:50:22.29
they say that often if there
is intervention within 24 hours,
00:50:22.32\00:50:27.42
it's passed, they've gotten
past that suicidal thought and
00:50:27.87\00:50:32.37
they just need some help.
00:50:32.40\00:50:33.79
One thing that I was thinking
as you were talking, if you're
00:50:33.82\00:50:38.57
on a phone line
with someone maybe if you
00:50:38.61\00:50:42.21
just get them to give you
the name of a close friend,
00:50:42.24\00:50:46.98
if you can't be
physically with them...
00:50:47.01\00:50:50.50
- I'm there with them...
00:50:50.54\00:50:51.51
- If you can get the
name of a close friend,
00:50:51.54\00:50:54.60
somebody that they...
00:50:54.64\00:50:55.82
instead of leaving them alone,
if you can get them to call
00:50:55.85\00:51:00.62
a close friend and get that
friend there with them so that
00:51:00.65\00:51:04.22
when you leave you know that
there's somebody that cares for
00:51:04.25\00:51:07.65
them, or if they don't
have a friend maybe to have a
00:51:07.68\00:51:10.95
professional there
that's what I'd do.
00:51:10.99\00:51:13.74
- Thank you.
00:51:14.48\00:51:15.45
- Thank you. Well
Kay, where can people
00:51:15.64\00:51:21.83
go to get help?
00:51:21.87\00:51:24.55
- As we mentioned, the hot
lines, go to your local pastor,
00:51:24.58\00:51:31.82
to a rabbi, to a priest to
whomever you have established
00:51:31.86\00:51:38.45
bonds, if you
haven't established bonds,
00:51:38.48\00:51:41.38
this is a good time to start
but find someone who is willing
00:51:41.41\00:51:45.72
to listen and not judge you
because the feelings you have
00:51:45.76\00:51:51.08
are very, very real.
00:51:51.11\00:51:53.98
But I can tell you that
there are luxuries that you
00:51:54.02\00:51:57.30
can't afford.
00:51:57.33\00:51:58.51
I'm a diabetic so I must
control all the food I eat,
00:51:58.55\00:52:02.64
my carbohydrates and my sugars,
I'm not allowed to have much
00:52:02.67\00:52:07.54
of these, if you have tendencies
to think negatively, than you
00:52:07.58\00:52:14.20
have a situation
where you need to control,
00:52:14.23\00:52:19.05
it's a luxury you
can't afford to whine.
00:52:19.08\00:52:23.73
It's a luxury you can't afford
to allow yourself to sit around
00:52:23.77\00:52:27.58
and be depressed.
00:52:27.61\00:52:28.86
You can't allow yourself
that luxury because you have a
00:52:28.89\00:52:32.98
condition, that does not make
it healthy for you to do it.
00:52:33.02\00:52:37.16
You can't allow
yourself to have pity parties,
00:52:37.20\00:52:40.02
You can't allow
yourself to hate.
00:52:40.05\00:52:42.53
you cannot
allow yourself even to
00:52:42.56\00:52:45.42
hate yourself.
00:52:45.45\00:52:46.95
I have a husband that is so
loving that it's incredible,
00:52:46.99\00:52:50.85
one day I baked a cake and
I'm the type of person that
00:52:50.89\00:52:55.67
I got to see how it's doing all
the time, so I open the thing
00:52:55.70\00:52:58.15
and it totally fell, and I took
it out and I was so disgusted
00:52:58.18\00:53:00.97
and I'm oh, you're so
stupid, how can you be
00:53:01.00\00:53:03.52
so stupid, but my
husband came in the kitchen
00:53:03.56\00:53:05.97
and he turned me
around really fast
00:53:06.00\00:53:07.68
and this is not like
my husband, he is gentle,
00:53:07.72\00:53:09.34
he turned me around really fast
and he says: don't let me ever
00:53:09.38\00:53:12.70
hear you talk about
my best friend that way.
00:53:12.73\00:53:15.79
We all need a best friend that
way, and you might have to be
00:53:15.82\00:53:20.66
firm with someone
who is being negative.
00:53:20.69\00:53:23.05
Don't you talk about
my best friend that way!
00:53:23.08\00:53:25.76
Don't allow yourself the luxury
of negative thinking, and that's
00:53:25.80\00:53:32.53
where the praise comes in.
00:53:32.57\00:53:34.41
- Tell us, we just have a few
minutes left, you have a book
00:53:34.44\00:53:40.20
out called "On Wings of Praise",
00:53:40.24\00:53:42.77
and this is the
book you wrote about
00:53:42.80\00:53:45.75
your life experience,
how the Lord brought you from
00:53:45.79\00:53:48.86
depression to praise.
00:53:48.89\00:53:50.07
Could you just give us a
couple minutes of thought?
00:53:50.10\00:53:53.37
- Ok, to summarize this evening
00:53:53.41\00:53:55.35
I thought it
would be interesting
00:53:55.38\00:53:57.64
to go back over the three causes
or triggers, one is the pain
00:53:57.69\00:54:05.57
you find a way to ease
the pain, get out and jog,
00:54:05.60\00:54:08.77
run up down the street if you
have to, to get away from the
00:54:08.81\00:54:12.34
painful situation you are
in, another one is increase
00:54:12.37\00:54:15.73
your coping resources
by reaching out to other
00:54:15.76\00:54:19.83
people don't be embarrassed,
that you are some kind of lesser
00:54:19.86\00:54:24.13
person, because we all
go through difficult times,
00:54:24.16\00:54:28.43
and the third one is to
exercise the power of praise.
00:54:28.47\00:54:33.46
This rebuilds the faith in God,
that's what the praise does,
00:54:33.57\00:54:38.29
it changes you from the
person you have become and that
00:54:38.32\00:54:42.89
you hate so much, and
you slowly become the person
00:54:42.92\00:54:46.11
God intended you to be.
00:54:46.15\00:54:47.95
The joy of the Lord is
my strength, Nehemiah 8:10
00:54:47.98\00:54:51.80
"my strength," why is it
that the joy is the first thing
00:54:51.83\00:54:55.19
that goes, when trouble comes?
00:54:55.22\00:54:56.69
Because it is what
ruins us and destroys us.
00:54:56.72\00:55:00.93
Now you've rebuild your strength
you have decided suicide
00:55:00.96\00:55:05.23
is not for you, you are going
to praise God no matter what,
00:55:05.26\00:55:09.16
you are going to turn
your negative thoughts to the
00:55:09.20\00:55:12.69
power source of strength,
now what happens? Rejoice!
00:55:14.33\00:55:18.60
Because now is the
time where you can actually
00:55:18.64\00:55:22.81
use this for
helping other people.
00:55:22.85\00:55:26.92
You never go through any
experience in life that God
00:55:26.96\00:55:31.86
can't use to enrich someone
else's life and to help them.
00:55:31.89\00:55:35.94
That's why Christians
go through difficulties,
00:55:36.08\00:55:38.99
sometimes you hear people say,
why do Christians have troubles
00:55:39.03\00:55:41.18
if they're God's children?
00:55:41.21\00:55:42.95
Because they need to be
able to empathize with those
00:55:42.98\00:55:45.96
who are having problems and when
you reach out to another person
00:55:45.99\00:55:50.15
and you began helping that
person, you are not only helping
00:55:50.18\00:55:54.25
them and praising God, and He is
thrilled with what you're doing
00:55:54.28\00:55:58.38
but you are also
strengthening that resolve,
00:55:58.41\00:56:01.50
I am a worthwhile person,
00:56:01.53\00:56:04.39
I am God's child, He loves
me and He loves you too so you
00:56:04.85\00:56:09.41
take on an entirely new ministry
of sharing where God has taken
00:56:09.45\00:56:17.35
you from and where you are.
I can honestly say today that
00:56:17.38\00:56:21.37
knowing where the joy is at
this end of the problem, I would
00:56:21.41\00:56:26.83
go through it all again
because it's so fantastic.
00:56:26.87\00:56:30.23
- Praise the Lord, I just
wanna thank our guests so much,
00:56:30.27\00:56:34.56
Alexandra Vance, thank you
Alexandra for sharing with us.
00:56:34.59\00:56:38.71
Kay thank you so much for
all you are doing in the body of
00:56:39.04\00:56:42.40
Christ and sharing your
testimony to give people hope.
00:56:42.43\00:56:45.45
I just want to share with
you, the bible says that God has
00:56:45.48\00:56:51.31
loved us with an ever lasting
love, you may not know Him
00:56:51.34\00:56:56.30
as your personal savior
yet, but I want to assure you
00:56:56.33\00:56:59.62
of one thing, you are worth
nothing less than the price
00:56:59.65\00:57:05.56
Jesus Christ paid for
you with his own life blood,
00:57:05.60\00:57:08.37
Psalm 3:3 says that God is
00:57:08.40\00:57:14.33
the lifter of our heads,
if you're feeling depressed,
00:57:14.37\00:57:19.63
I just want you to
pray to God, ask Him:
00:57:19.66\00:57:23.77
Lord cup your hand
under my chin, help me Father
00:57:23.81\00:57:27.99
to get my eyes on you, I
want to know who you are,
00:57:28.03\00:57:32.69
and I want to be your child.
00:57:32.72\00:57:34.75
I want to live
for eternity with you,
00:57:34.79\00:57:38.02
and you know something?
00:57:38.06\00:57:39.82
If you will do
that, God will bring you
00:57:39.85\00:57:43.40
from suicide to praise.
00:57:43.44\00:57:45.31
Thank you so much for
joining us, thank you to our
00:57:45.34\00:57:49.28
live audience for
being here tonight.
00:57:49.32\00:57:51.53