- Hello everyone, I'm Kay Kuzma.
Welcome to another 3ABN Up Close
00:00:24.70\00:00:29.96
We're coming to you today
from Patmos Chapel Seventh Day
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Adventist Church in
Winter Park, Florida.
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And we would like to thank our
live audience who has joined us
00:00:36.50\00:00:39.86
today for this very,
very special program.
00:00:39.89\00:00:42.99
It's always special
when we have a live audience.
00:00:43.02\00:00:46.96
And today we're going to be
talking about teenage pregnancy
00:00:47.00\00:00:50.98
which effects 900,000 teens each
year in the United States alone.
00:00:51.01\00:00:55.89
In fact, the United States
has one of the highest rates
00:00:55.92\00:00:59.92
of teen pregnancy of all
the industrialized nations.
00:00:59.95\00:01:03.92
Studies show that teen pregnancy
has a significant effect
00:01:03.95\00:01:08.18
on the teenager whose
pregnant, the father of the baby
00:01:08.21\00:01:12.12
and the parental support system
and perhaps most important
00:01:12.15\00:01:16.03
on that baby that is to be born.
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Today, we're going to
be exploring how we can
00:01:18.43\00:01:21.67
not only help those
who are teenage parents,
00:01:21.70\00:01:24.91
but also how we can help
other teens to avoid the problem
00:01:24.94\00:01:28.82
of teen pregnancy.
00:01:28.85\00:01:30.58
Our first guest
is Cassandra Thomson,
00:01:31.46\00:01:34.09
from Fort Lauderdale Florida.
00:01:34.12\00:01:36.51
And although she could not
be with us today we did tape
00:01:36.55\00:01:40.72
an interview with her.
Cassandra was 17 years old
00:01:40.75\00:01:45.09
and had been dating someone
from her church for a year.
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Getting pregnant was
not something that she
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had planned on, but it
happened and it changed
00:01:52.50\00:01:55.73
the entire course of her life.
00:01:55.76\00:01:57.76
And here's what she has to say:
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- When I was 17 years
old I had a boyfriend.
00:02:00.65\00:02:04.11
We were together for almost
a year and we were in love
00:02:04.15\00:02:09.88
we did things
together, we went out,
00:02:09.91\00:02:13.29
we were on the top of the world.
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We were also having protected
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sex, but I
found myself pregnant.
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I didn't know what to
think, I didn't know what to do.
00:02:26.95\00:02:30.97
I'm sure my parents
were gonna be upset.
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They had always told
me not to have a boyfriend
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and just wait till later on
in life when I have my education
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and I build a life for myself.
00:02:45.67\00:02:49.84
I didn't listen.
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I didn't know how to tell
them so I told my closest friend
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which was his
sister. She told her parents
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and they told my parents.
00:03:03.47\00:03:05.60
I wish I had told my
parents myself because I think
00:03:06.08\00:03:10.49
it hurt them more that
they had to hear it from
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someone else and not me.
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But I didn't think that I could
go to them and speak to them.
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It stressed me a lot,
I used to cry everyday,
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not knowing how I
would provide for this baby.
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Little did I know the
next day after my mom found out
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that I was pregnant she went out
and started buying baby clothes
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and bottles and food and
diapers and she was just storing
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them away for me.
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When my dad found me
one day crying in my room
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he snuck me into the
closet into their closet and
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he showed me this big bassinet
with all this stuff in it
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and he told me not to
worry that my mom did love me
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and she was just
disappointed and that everything
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would be taken care of.
00:04:09.56\00:04:10.64
It takes courage you know
to speak about your experience
00:04:18.31\00:04:22.26
and I think is interesting
that Cassandra said that
00:04:22.30\00:04:25.68
she had a
boyfriend dating for a year,
00:04:25.71\00:04:27.91
they had fun
together, went places together
00:04:27.95\00:04:31.42
and they were
sure they were in love.
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But what happened
when she got pregnant?
00:04:34.92\00:04:38.28
The boyfriend continued to
be a vital part in her life?
00:04:38.32\00:04:42.61
Did their love
relationship grow?
00:04:43.11\00:04:45.79
Pregnancy is a
challenging stage of life,
00:04:45.83\00:04:49.17
regardless of how old you are
or how many babies you've had.
00:04:49.21\00:04:53.00
But being young
and not married can add
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lot of extra
challenges to a pregnancy.
00:04:56.52\00:04:59.91
Here's what Cassandra
experienced during that time:
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During my
pregnancy I felt very alone,
00:05:04.16\00:05:09.07
I went to all my
prenatal visits alone.
00:05:09.11\00:05:13.95
I went to a lot of...
my pregnancy alone and
00:05:13.99\00:05:18.20
my parents, they were
there for me and my family
00:05:18.24\00:05:22.99
and close friends,
but the father of the baby
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and his family, they
were still in denial and
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they hadn't come around
until my daughter was born.
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Previously we hadn't had
any real good communication
00:05:36.97\00:05:42.27
until then and when she was born
I guess they started to accept
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the fact that the baby was his
and is just a new innocent life
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in the world that they
need to learn to accept and
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love this baby because
she was their grandchild.
00:05:59.40\00:06:02.52
After I realized that I
had done something wrong
00:06:03.34\00:06:06.47
and I needed to
ask for forgiveness.
00:06:06.50\00:06:09.61
I did, and...
00:06:09.64\00:06:12.39
It was really hard, I turned
to God for a lot of things,
00:06:12.43\00:06:17.73
for help on what
I was going to do
00:06:17.76\00:06:20.44
as far as taking
care of this baby.
00:06:20.48\00:06:23.13
I wanted to know how
He was gonna help me,
00:06:24.65\00:06:27.57
'cause I didn't see
any physical signs until
00:06:28.63\00:06:32.15
I spoke with my father.
00:06:32.18\00:06:36.15
So this was a big step
on, how He was gonna pull me
00:06:36.19\00:06:42.06
through this one.
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And He did, He gave
me two wonderful parents
00:06:44.08\00:06:48.87
that helped me
through this whole situation.
00:06:48.91\00:06:53.67
And I thanked Him for that.
00:06:54.25\00:06:57.04
- It's not easy to talk
about these things and I think
00:06:58.80\00:07:02.11
the thing that hit me the
most is... as I listened to this
00:07:02.15\00:07:05.43
is when Cassandra
said: "- I felt so alone.
00:07:05.46\00:07:09.29
I was going through this without
... how I perhaps imagined it
00:07:09.33\00:07:13.95
when I was young
girl, growing up before 17."
00:07:13.98\00:07:17.75
And now she's alone.
00:07:17.78\00:07:19.33
But what did she do?
She turned to her Father
00:07:19.37\00:07:23.33
in Heaven, the
best support system
00:07:23.36\00:07:25.90
and did you catch that
suddenly she kind of felt
00:07:25.94\00:07:30.69
that support that she needed.
00:07:30.72\00:07:32.98
And then she went to her father,
the father of course showed her
00:07:33.02\00:07:37.06
the things that mom was getting
and although Cassandra felt
00:07:37.09\00:07:42.39
she didn't want to
disappoint her parents.
00:07:42.42\00:07:45.61
Once pregnancy
happened they just turned around
00:07:46.46\00:07:51.90
even though perhaps disappointed
they turned around and
00:07:51.94\00:07:56.09
accepted her and gave her
the love and support she needed.
00:07:56.12\00:08:00.47
Well, coming up next:
00:08:05.60\00:08:07.83
We're gonna be talking
to Donna Teat who worked
00:08:07.87\00:08:11.87
for many years as a
medical social worker
00:08:11.90\00:08:14.36
dealing with these problems.
00:08:14.39\00:08:16.25
So, stay with us
and we'll be right back.
00:08:16.29\00:08:20.35
- Next week on Up Close
00:08:28.83\00:08:30.36
- Our topic is how to
find a way out of depression
00:08:30.40\00:08:34.35
that leads to suicide.
00:08:34.38\00:08:36.12
- The despair of the time,
I had two children at the time
00:08:36.16\00:08:38.78
and in that moment I
became very suicidal.
00:08:38.81\00:08:41.83
- One of the most
common is depression
00:08:42.32\00:08:45.39
You know,
Proverb: 17:22 says that:
00:08:45.42\00:08:48.13
"A broken Spirit
dries the bones".
00:08:48.16\00:08:50.84
- He said: "Never
hurt yourselves over me"
00:08:51.44\00:08:54.34
He said that "It
wasn't worth it. "
00:08:54.37\00:08:56.12
- Your are going to
praise God no matter what,
00:08:56.71\00:08:59.18
you are going to turn
your negative thoughts
00:08:59.21\00:09:01.65
to the power source of strength.
00:09:01.68\00:09:05.25
Now what happens: rejoice.
00:09:05.28\00:09:07.98
- Next Week on Up
Close: Is suicide a way out?
00:09:08.89\00:09:12.24
Don't miss it.
00:09:12.27\00:09:13.24
- Welcome back to Up Close
00:09:21.51\00:09:23.22
Today we're talking about
the problem of teen pregnancy,
00:09:23.26\00:09:26.53
and our special
guest is Donna Teat
00:09:26.56\00:09:29.02
from South Ban, Indiana.
00:09:29.05\00:09:32.17
Dona worked for many
years as a medical social worker
00:09:32.21\00:09:35.70
and she is lectured
extensively on this topic.
00:09:35.73\00:09:39.34
And currently she is a
high school teacher where
00:09:39.37\00:09:42.93
she deals with many problems
including teen pregnancy
00:09:42.97\00:09:46.71
and we've had the chance
to talk a little bit together
00:09:46.74\00:09:50.45
and those teenagers in
your high school classes,
00:09:50.48\00:09:53.94
Dona I think are very lucky.
00:09:53.97\00:09:56.28
We wanna welcome
Donna. This is really great.
00:09:56.32\00:09:59.68
- Thank you.
00:09:59.71\00:10:01.14
- Well, our
problem is a big one.
00:10:07.10\00:10:08.99
We can't solve everything,
but I'd really like to ask you
00:10:09.03\00:10:12.84
just to get things
started, why do you think
00:10:12.87\00:10:16.96
so many teenagers
today are sexually active?
00:10:16.99\00:10:21.05
- Looking for love
in all the wrong places.
00:10:22.02\00:10:26.00
They don't get the love
or the attention at home
00:10:26.04\00:10:28.86
and they feel,
hey, I can get it from
00:10:28.89\00:10:31.31
my friends or from
pears, or a boyfriend,
00:10:31.34\00:10:33.95
or a boy will
give me what I need.
00:10:33.98\00:10:35.75
And so we have a lot
of ... to that teenagers,
00:10:35.79\00:10:38.24
I'm sorry... I
see a lot of teens who
00:10:38.27\00:10:39.94
were looking for love, looking
for any kind of attention
00:10:39.98\00:10:42.57
from anybody who
will give it to them
00:10:42.60\00:10:45.23
and unfortunately who they
look for is the wrong person.
00:10:45.27\00:10:48.86
- And what kind of behaviors
do you see in these kids
00:10:50.18\00:10:53.69
when they are kind of at
risk for teenage pregnancy,
00:10:53.72\00:10:56.95
when they are looking for
love in all the wrong places?
00:10:56.98\00:11:00.18
- In my classroom especially,
as well as at the public
00:11:00.64\00:11:04.04
high school the behaviors
that we see are not only...
00:11:04.08\00:11:07.45
there's a lack of supervision
in the home, but we see
00:11:07.49\00:11:10.83
their behavior acting
out in the way they dress,
00:11:10.86\00:11:13.59
the way they
talk, in the way they...
00:11:13.62\00:11:15.53
- Ok, give me an
example: the way they dress.
00:11:15.57\00:11:17.22
Some of us haven't been
in the classroom recently.
00:11:17.26\00:11:20.56
- Well, you'll be
surprised, the way they dress
00:11:21.03\00:11:24.94
isn't appropriate.
I'm considered the most
00:11:24.97\00:11:26.83
old fashion
teacher at my school.
00:11:26.86\00:11:29.89
Often times, even if I were
to dress down and a wear suit
00:11:29.93\00:11:35.41
my teenagers
treat me differently.
00:11:35.44\00:11:37.44
What we do, we see a lot of the
young men wearing sagging pants,
00:11:38.13\00:11:43.05
showing, exposing
their boxer shorts,
00:11:43.08\00:11:45.69
we see the girls
exposing the navels...
00:11:45.72\00:11:48.20
- So they don't put a belt
on. - Don't put a belt on...
00:11:48.24\00:11:49.88
And we see the young
ladies exposing their navels,
00:11:49.91\00:11:52.43
everything is
getting lower and lower,
00:11:52.46\00:11:55.35
skirts are getting
shorter and shorter.
00:11:56.70\00:11:59.34
We can see a lot of young people
that don't know how to sit.
00:11:59.38\00:12:01.89
- So what other
behaviors do you see?
00:12:01.92\00:12:04.30
The clothing you mentioned,
the way they sit, you mentioned.
00:12:04.34\00:12:10.13
- There's a pre-occupation
with trying to please,
00:12:10.16\00:12:15.50
or trying to...
please someone else
00:12:15.53\00:12:20.90
and get that level of
acceptance from someone else.
00:12:20.94\00:12:24.72
The young girls
feel that: I'm a woman
00:12:24.75\00:12:28.71
if I have a boyfriend.
00:12:28.74\00:12:30.60
I'm ok if I have a boyfriend,
if I don't have a boyfriend
00:12:30.63\00:12:34.54
something's wrong
with me. Or the other kids
00:12:34.57\00:12:36.67
may think that I'm a lesbian.
00:12:36.70\00:12:38.00
We are not going
out like that Ms Teat,
00:12:38.04\00:12:40.47
I have a man, you know.
00:12:40.50\00:12:41.66
They look to get
their self esteem and who
00:12:41.70\00:12:44.59
and what they are in a man.
00:12:44.62\00:12:46.70
And the guys also
feel the same way:
00:12:46.74\00:12:49.37
"I have to have this girl,
this girl, this girl, this girl,
00:12:49.40\00:12:51.84
this girl... I want to make sure
00:12:51.87\00:12:54.09
that I'm stuff and I'm
all of that with my friends
00:12:54.13\00:12:56.39
and that kind of thing.
00:12:56.42\00:12:57.39
- But it's not
just having a boyfriend
00:12:57.40\00:13:00.21
it's the sexual activity.
00:13:00.24\00:13:02.23
- Having multiple
partners, anywhere, any time.
00:13:02.27\00:13:05.98
- That's kind of
become an accepted thing
00:13:06.01\00:13:08.78
in the culture.
00:13:08.81\00:13:09.78
- And it's peer
pressure. If you're...
00:13:09.79\00:13:12.06
None of my students would
openly in the middle of class
00:13:12.10\00:13:16.60
say: "Hello Ms
Teat, I'm a virgin".
00:13:16.63\00:13:18.93
No, you don't
wanna go out like that.
00:13:18.97\00:13:21.24
You don't wanna go
out with like that.
00:13:22.16\00:13:23.54
And the students one and
one will come up to you and say:
00:13:23.57\00:13:26.32
"Ms Teat you know I
haven't done anything like that"
00:13:26.35\00:13:29.05
But receiving acceptance from
their peers is so important,
00:13:29.09\00:13:34.35
wanting to fit in is so
important that giving up
00:13:34.38\00:13:38.67
for the sake of who and
what I am and what I stand for
00:13:38.71\00:13:42.31
it's ok as long as I fit in.
00:13:42.34\00:13:45.00
- And you wonder where
they have gotten this, because
00:13:45.04\00:13:48.17
a generation or two
ago we didn't see this
00:13:48.20\00:13:51.97
at least so openly.
00:13:52.00\00:13:53.21
What do you think about
television and the media?
00:13:53.25\00:13:56.30
Are we feeding
our kids this trash?
00:13:56.33\00:13:58.87
- We're feeding our
kids a lot of stuff,
00:13:58.90\00:14:01.10
but I wanna save
them before we go there.
00:14:01.14\00:14:03.31
There's no
supervision in the home.
00:14:03.34\00:14:05.18
Often times for the students
that I see I'm the first adult
00:14:05.22\00:14:08.66
that has the nerve to
say anything to them during
00:14:08.69\00:14:11.44
that 24 hour period.
00:14:11.47\00:14:12.97
So a lot of times at 7:45 in
the morning when we start class
00:14:13.01\00:14:16.70
the bells rings at 7:30,
7:35, we have morning bells
00:14:16.73\00:14:20.39
I'm the first adult
for many of my students
00:14:20.42\00:14:22.78
to tell them what they gonna
do and what they not gonna do,
00:14:22.82\00:14:25.72
because mom or
dad, depending on what
00:14:25.75\00:14:28.52
the home situation
is, they are not there.
00:14:28.56\00:14:31.20
Often times a lot of my
students are the parents within
00:14:31.24\00:14:35.27
their home. You
know, they're taking
00:14:35.30\00:14:37.26
care of younger brothers
and sisters, they're going up
00:14:37.30\00:14:39.93
and making sure that
their younger brother and sister
00:14:39.96\00:14:42.56
are getting up in the
morning, they're going
00:14:42.59\00:14:44.50
getting them dressed, to
get them on the school bus
00:14:44.54\00:14:47.28
then they themselves
are coming to school.
00:14:47.31\00:14:49.51
- In think a lot of
parents, are sometimes afraid
00:14:49.55\00:14:52.54
to put those boundaries
like pull up you pants
00:14:52.57\00:14:55.49
and get a decent blouse
on. Because they want to be
00:14:55.53\00:14:59.50
liked, loved by their
kids and they're afraid
00:14:59.53\00:15:02.29
if they put those
boundaries on their kids,
00:15:02.32\00:15:05.07
they will loose a
relationship with their kids.
00:15:05.10\00:15:07.78
Or, even a lot of it, and I
want to get to the media point
00:15:07.82\00:15:10.53
that you brought out,
it's we don't have time.
00:15:10.56\00:15:12.80
The devil would have us to
believe that we have to have
00:15:12.84\00:15:16.02
a two parent, two
working, we have to keep up
00:15:16.05\00:15:18.41
with the Jones', we
have to have the latest car
00:15:18.44\00:15:20.77
we have to have
the latest clothes.
00:15:20.80\00:15:22.18
You know my two year old
kid can't walk around unless
00:15:22.22\00:15:25.10
he has Tommy
Hilfiger and what ever.
00:15:25.13\00:15:26.89
I remember at 2, at 6, at 7,
at 8 I didn't care about clothes
00:15:26.93\00:15:31.50
I didn't know nothing about was
it Guess, was it Louis Vuitton
00:15:31.54\00:15:36.08
was it this or that. I
just wore clothes 'cause
00:15:36.11\00:15:39.37
that's what my mama told me
and if I didn't do what my mama
00:15:39.41\00:15:41.88
told me then you
just didn't go there.
00:15:41.91\00:15:44.48
I didn't worry about
clothes, I didn't worry
00:15:45.18\00:15:47.16
about electric bill,
I didn't worry about...
00:15:47.20\00:15:49.11
I don't ever remember a time
where the phone was disconnected
00:15:49.15\00:15:51.94
or there was no heat,
or there was no food or...
00:15:51.97\00:15:54.86
We knew this is
what you are going to do.
00:15:54.89\00:15:57.57
Times have changed, we
live in a fast pace society
00:15:58.09\00:16:01.41
we want it
quick, we want it now.
00:16:01.44\00:16:03.37
That parents are so cut up
and trying to make a living
00:16:03.41\00:16:07.08
that we somehow lost...
We've lost track of what God's
00:16:07.11\00:16:11.12
ideal is for us. We
don't depend on Him enough.
00:16:11.15\00:16:14.35
- Yeah. - We don't...
00:16:14.38\00:16:15.50
We don't give Him our family,
our children, our finances
00:16:17.29\00:16:21.73
Lord listen: I don't
know how I'm gonna...
00:16:21.76\00:16:24.71
There's more month, than money.
00:16:24.74\00:16:26.32
And I don't know how I'm
gonna do this, but I need
00:16:26.89\00:16:30.00
to be home with my children.
00:16:30.03\00:16:31.55
Between the time they get
home from school and 7 o'clock
00:16:31.59\00:16:34.65
at night, I need... there needs
to be somebody in the home.
00:16:34.69\00:16:37.72
If I can't do it I need
church help, I need friends,
00:16:37.75\00:16:40.49
I need somebody.
00:16:40.52\00:16:41.49
But we don't trust Him enough
and what we're finding is that
00:16:41.50\00:16:44.09
most inappropriate
activity among teenagers
00:16:44.12\00:16:46.82
is happening during those
hours and during those times.
00:16:46.86\00:16:50.13
Now you mentioned
the media. - Yeah.
00:16:50.16\00:16:52.10
You know, I could
name off stores right now
00:16:52.37\00:16:56.67
and one of the things that
I talk to the students about
00:16:56.71\00:16:59.35
is... you know, I
bring them pictures,
00:16:59.38\00:17:01.09
in fact when I do these talks,
I bring in copies of magazines,
00:17:01.13\00:17:04.47
I make the kids
go through magazines.
00:17:04.50\00:17:05.70
I want you to pick out all
the advertisements that depict
00:17:05.74\00:17:10.39
sexual anything;
and there's a commercial
00:17:10.42\00:17:12.72
"Got milk"
00:17:12.75\00:17:13.85
We know he has
milk, 'cause he's got milk
00:17:14.40\00:17:17.05
on his moustache, but
why he has no clothes on?
00:17:17.09\00:17:20.88
you know, when I go to
get a bowl of cereal and milk
00:17:21.34\00:17:24.24
why do I need, oh
I'm gonna get some milk
00:17:24.97\00:17:27.40
with no clothes on.
00:17:27.43\00:17:28.40
Oh... You know, these images
00:17:28.41\00:17:29.78
are there, all over
and we talked to the kids
00:17:29.82\00:17:32.76
we'll say to
parents and to young people
00:17:32.79\00:17:35.22
talk to your
parents about these images.
00:17:35.26\00:17:37.62
What does this...
There's certain individuals
00:17:37.66\00:17:40.94
that I will not buy
or wear their clothing,
00:17:40.97\00:17:43.44
because when I found
out, you know, I used to...
00:17:43.48\00:17:45.91
There's a lady that I love
her clothing, she's got some
00:17:45.95\00:17:49.33
fine clothing, but when I found
out that 60% of the money she
00:17:49.37\00:17:53.52
gets from this clothing,
she came on National TV
00:17:53.55\00:17:57.12
and she said that she
gives it to the devil.
00:17:57.15\00:17:58.61
Why would I wanna support that?
00:17:58.64\00:18:00.29
So if I'm gonna buy clothes,
I want who ever I'm buying
00:18:00.92\00:18:04.60
that label from to represent
the values that I have.
00:18:04.64\00:18:08.29
If they're going
to... you know, depict women
00:18:08.32\00:18:10.94
in an inappropriate way,
to try to sell something,
00:18:10.98\00:18:13.87
or they gonna call women
in an inappropriate name,
00:18:13.91\00:18:16.46
or they're going to...
you know, I got to have sex,
00:18:16.49\00:18:18.84
and I got to do this. I
mean you never hear rappers
00:18:18.87\00:18:21.19
talk about boom, boom
00:18:21.22\00:18:24.45
It's crabs or
whatever it may be.
00:18:24.49\00:18:28.07
You never hear them talk about
00:18:28.10\00:18:29.59
those things, but when you
start talking to young people
00:18:29.62\00:18:32.39
and say: listen, look at
clothing, what does it represent
00:18:32.43\00:18:35.29
what's the history
behind the clothing.
00:18:35.32\00:18:36.87
'Cause if you found out
the history behind... you know,
00:18:36.91\00:18:39.36
sagging pants, you
don't go in any jail,
00:18:39.39\00:18:42.97
and have your pants sagging.
00:18:43.00\00:18:44.59
So are you doing it
in this environment?
00:18:44.63\00:18:47.87
You know, and when kids
understand that, they can make
00:18:47.91\00:18:51.17
a better decision, a
better informed decision.
00:18:51.20\00:18:53.58
- Wow. And I'm
taking also the movies
00:18:54.86\00:18:58.72
our kids watch,
the sit-coms?, I mean
00:18:58.76\00:19:02.55
they're saying hello one minute
they're kissing the next bit
00:19:02.59\00:19:06.85
and they are in bed. - Right.
00:19:06.88\00:19:08.08
You never ever see
that it was painful
00:19:08.12\00:19:12.05
or that it hurt the first
time someone had intercourse,
00:19:12.09\00:19:14.33
you never see that the person
00:19:14.37\00:19:17.49
ended up
getting cervical cancer,
00:19:17.52\00:19:20.13
you never see anything
about that this relationship
00:19:20.27\00:19:24.40
ruined possible future
relationships because it wasn't
00:19:24.43\00:19:28.53
all like it was
cracked up to be.
00:19:28.56\00:19:30.60
One of the things that Cassandra
talked about was she was in love
00:19:30.64\00:19:34.06
You know, we dated for
a year, but I dare say,
00:19:34.79\00:19:38.07
those feelings of in love
and that feeling that they had
00:19:38.11\00:19:42.52
between each other
is that the same now,
00:19:42.55\00:19:45.26
like it was then? You
don't see that on movies,
00:19:45.30\00:19:48.27
you don't see that
in the soap operas.
00:19:48.30\00:19:49.89
I mean people are getting
in bed, out of bed, in the bed,
00:19:49.93\00:19:53.03
out of bed.
There's so many beds.
00:19:53.06\00:19:57.08
I mean, there are so
many beds, I'm telling you.
00:19:58.87\00:20:01.40
- So... - Wow.
00:20:01.43\00:20:02.70
- The problem of teenage
pregnancy basically is kids
00:20:02.74\00:20:07.10
are sexually
active. This is a part
00:20:07.13\00:20:09.54
of their life style.
00:20:09.57\00:20:11.09
- Well, the culture would
make you or want you to believe
00:20:12.39\00:20:15.94
that all the teenagers are
having sex, that's not true.
00:20:15.97\00:20:19.29
- Good.
00:20:19.32\00:20:20.88
- It's just...
00:20:20.91\00:20:22.17
It is nothing
but the devil's lies.
00:20:25.83\00:20:28.18
If he can lie to you
and if he kind of just
00:20:28.22\00:20:32.04
change your... I
love how Steven Covey
00:20:32.07\00:20:34.83
talks about a paradigm shift.
00:20:34.86\00:20:37.18
If he can present
something in such a way
00:20:37.22\00:20:40.76
to get you to think that
everybody else is doing it
00:20:40.80\00:20:44.58
then you think. As a
man thinks as so is he.
00:20:44.61\00:20:47.25
But what you need to
understand, not everybody
00:20:47.29\00:20:49.81
is having sex. There
are lot of young people
00:20:49.84\00:20:52.23
who aren't having
sex, who have made a stand
00:20:52.27\00:20:54.52
and say: You know
what? I'm gonna save myself
00:20:54.56\00:20:56.74
for the kind of relationship
that God wants me to have.
00:20:56.78\00:21:00.03
Sex is a wonderful
thing and it is supposed to be
00:21:00.06\00:21:03.50
a wonderful thing under
the right circumstances.
00:21:03.54\00:21:06.95
- All right. Now, here we are
00:21:06.98\00:21:08.75
we have a high
school teacher who's...
00:21:08.78\00:21:11.47
got to hold her kids to be
responsible, but what about
00:21:15.46\00:21:19.49
the parents, what
can parents do to help.
00:21:19.52\00:21:22.88
What about the boundaries
that we should be setting or
00:21:22.92\00:21:26.05
encourage our kids to set and
so that they make responsible
00:21:26.09\00:21:29.94
decisions in this area.
00:21:29.97\00:21:31.68
- One of the things I
talk about is boundaries.
00:21:31.72\00:21:33.67
I not only talk
about when I do workshops,
00:21:33.70\00:21:35.82
I talk about with the kids,
but I also make the parents
00:21:35.85\00:21:38.17
go through
boundaries. It is fun.
00:21:38.20\00:21:41.11
It is funny to see
what parents think are
00:21:41.15\00:21:45.23
appropriate boundaries.
Maybe the mom thinks is
00:21:45.27\00:21:48.61
an appropriate
boundary and what the dad
00:21:48.64\00:21:50.54
thinks is an
appropriate boundary.
00:21:50.57\00:21:51.75
- Give us some examples. -
Let me give you some examples
00:21:51.79\00:21:53.08
of boundaries. -
Yeah, let's do that.
00:21:53.11\00:21:54.47
- Let me give you some
examples of boundaries.
00:21:54.51\00:21:55.80
Some of the
examples of boundaries
00:21:55.83\00:21:57.92
that we are talking about.
- Now, you have a whole...
00:21:57.96\00:22:00.00
- Yeah. - A
whole textbook, here.
00:22:00.03\00:22:01.69
- Friendly, smiling and
looking. That's one boundary.
00:22:01.73\00:22:04.79
Yeah, I'm just
checking you out, Kay?
00:22:04.82\00:22:06.47
I'm not into you,
just example everybody.
00:22:06.51\00:22:08.72
That's friendly, looking, smile.
00:22:08.75\00:22:10.39
- Well, this is a friendship
thing, this is a friendship
00:22:10.43\00:22:13.29
it has nothing
really to do with...
00:22:13.32\00:22:14.96
- You Know, when you give
somebody... oh, ok, you look
00:22:15.00\00:22:16.99
kind of good over
there in that blue shirt.
00:22:17.02\00:22:19.14
Just giving an example, sir. Ok.
00:22:19.17\00:22:21.13
Talking on the
phone is another boundary,
00:22:22.35\00:22:24.67
writing letters, yeah
well back in the day we used to
00:22:24.70\00:22:28.09
write notes.
00:22:28.12\00:22:29.09
I got a spanking in
the second grade for
00:22:29.40\00:22:31.41
writing notes, I
don't think kids do that...
00:22:31.45\00:22:33.84
You know what I'm taking about.
00:22:33.87\00:22:35.11
Oh, I love you.
I don't like you.
00:22:35.73\00:22:38.90
You are not my friend. Ok.
00:22:38.93\00:22:40.52
Writing letters.
Spending time with
00:22:40.56\00:22:42.88
his or her family,
holding hands, putting
00:22:42.92\00:22:45.85
your hands around each
other, cuddling and kissing,
00:22:45.89\00:22:49.25
keeping late hours,
touching above the waist
00:22:49.28\00:22:52.28
touching below the
waist and then having sex.
00:22:52.32\00:22:55.29
So we talk about boundaries.
00:22:55.32\00:22:57.40
And what I wanna know is I
want the kids to figure out
00:22:57.44\00:23:01.45
what it is inappropriate,
stopping place for you?
00:23:01.48\00:23:04.95
Now, I make the
parents go through it, too.
00:23:05.29\00:23:07.17
Actually, I make the
parents go through it first,
00:23:07.21\00:23:08.81
and it's interesting that
when one of these are sharing
00:23:08.85\00:23:11.90
with you is when we
have... Let's for example,
00:23:11.93\00:23:15.04
hypothetical, we
have a mom and a dad,
00:23:15.07\00:23:16.77
and lets say they
have a son, a teenage son.
00:23:17.63\00:23:20.53
It's interesting
that the father will be
00:23:20.57\00:23:23.40
at a different
stopping point than the mother,
00:23:23.44\00:23:25.95
for their son.
00:23:25.98\00:23:27.32
But if it is a girl, the
father will be at some place
00:23:29.05\00:23:33.26
and the mother will be at some
place too, and it tends to be
00:23:33.30\00:23:35.94
the first boundary, which is
friendly, smiling and looking.
00:23:35.97\00:23:38.58
If not I don't
what you doing that.
00:23:38.61\00:23:40.34
- The dad
becomes very protective.
00:23:40.50\00:23:41.98
- Oh, yeah. - Very protective...
00:23:42.02\00:23:43.70
- Even in my house, my father...
00:23:43.73\00:23:45.34
There's things that
my brothers could do,
00:23:45.38\00:23:47.08
I'm the only girl,
I have three brothers,
00:23:47.12\00:23:48.79
that I couldn't do.
00:23:48.82\00:23:50.47
My brothers could go
and see young ladies,
00:23:50.50\00:23:53.83
and they would take my things,
and give them to their...
00:23:53.86\00:23:56.62
you know, these little girls.
00:23:56.65\00:23:58.05
You know, I would make stuff
in pathfinders and the next
00:23:58.09\00:24:00.67
thing I know my brothers,
this little girl that he thought
00:24:00.71\00:24:03.26
was so cute, she'd come
with my stuff from pathfinders.
00:24:03.29\00:24:06.33
Oh, you need to give me
that back honey, that's mine.
00:24:07.03\00:24:09.61
But then if I was
interested in a boy, oh no
00:24:09.64\00:24:12.12
Donna, you are not
going out of this house,
00:24:12.16\00:24:14.61
you are not...
You cannot date until
00:24:14.64\00:24:16.74
you are 33.
00:24:16.77\00:24:17.81
You know... It's
difference, but what we're
00:24:19.26\00:24:22.15
talking about is trying
to get parents and children
00:24:22.19\00:24:25.42
in a dialogue, communicating,
because if you don't establish
00:24:25.46\00:24:29.43
your boundaries
somebody else will.
00:24:29.46\00:24:31.57
And what I do in my
classrooms we role play.
00:24:32.48\00:24:35.16
You know, you start...
take a young man sitting there
00:24:35.82\00:24:39.43
put my arm around him;
I don't know about you,
00:24:39.46\00:24:41.79
but that happened to me
actually on a date of mine...
00:24:41.83\00:24:44.43
Ups...
00:24:46.39\00:24:47.44
Where did that come
from, get your hand...
00:24:47.48\00:24:49.35
Where did this come from?
00:24:49.38\00:24:51.09
But one of the things
that we realized is that
00:24:51.13\00:24:54.19
if kids have the information
that they need in the situation
00:24:54.23\00:24:59.34
they'll make a better choice.
00:24:59.37\00:25:00.78
If they don't have the
information, then somebody else
00:25:00.82\00:25:03.77
makes that
choice for them. - Ok.
00:25:03.80\00:25:05.33
We're gonna do a
little role play here.
00:25:05.37\00:25:06.89
- Ok.
00:25:06.92\00:25:08.11
You got to get close
to me. - Oh... ok, hear...
00:25:08.14\00:25:11.19
Oh, Donna, it's so
good to be with you.
00:25:12.39\00:25:15.31
- Ok. - Ok.
00:25:15.34\00:25:16.52
- Can we take this up to 2004?
00:25:16.56\00:25:18.54
- Can we take this up to 2004?
00:25:19.87\00:25:21.43
- Oh, Donna...
00:25:21.46\00:25:22.43
Ok.
00:25:23.53\00:25:24.50
- Let's take it up to 2004.
00:25:24.51\00:25:26.50
Ok, you look so
good, hm, hm, hm...
00:25:27.21\00:25:33.09
- Ok.
00:25:33.12\00:25:34.10
- You wear that outfit well.
00:25:34.13\00:25:36.32
That's the first thing.
No boy or girl has the right
00:25:36.36\00:25:40.32
to look you up and down.
00:25:40.35\00:25:42.12
They need to know NO. - Ok.
00:25:42.88\00:25:44.97
I had a student of mine,
came from juvenile jail...
00:25:47.23\00:25:52.42
he was out of school...
came like the very end,
00:25:52.46\00:25:57.62
like the last month of school.
00:25:57.65\00:25:59.28
He wasn't gonna get any credits
from me, I mean, there's no way
00:25:59.32\00:26:01.89
You can't show up a
month before school's out.
00:26:01.92\00:26:04.41
And he came in and he's
like ok, here's this teacher
00:26:04.68\00:26:07.63
and he came and did one of
these and he walked around me.
00:26:07.67\00:26:11.74
I said, walk around me
again and I'm gonna send your
00:26:11.77\00:26:14.26
behind home and you'll
be suspended for 5 days.
00:26:14.29\00:26:17.52
Don't you ever look at me like
that and don't you ever hm, hm..
00:26:17.56\00:26:22.14
You don't do that,
that's inappropriate.
00:26:22.17\00:26:23.88
In what I'm talking about,
that's how it gets started,
00:26:24.37\00:26:28.01
but if you don't say
anything and you say: Oh...
00:26:28.04\00:26:32.11
You send the wrong
message, that is ok.
00:26:32.14\00:26:34.99
So then it goes from
ok, you look so good,
00:26:35.59\00:26:39.75
let me get... uh...
and they'll get close.
00:26:39.78\00:26:43.87
Now, used to be that
there was a personal space,
00:26:43.91\00:26:47.19
between... I mean
this is personal space,
00:26:47.88\00:26:51.22
and you had to get permission to
come into that personal space.
00:26:51.26\00:26:55.63
Now, young men and even
young girls, they'll take it.
00:26:55.66\00:26:59.75
They'll take it.
00:27:00.31\00:27:01.47
I gonna get in your face,
I'm gonna take what I want
00:27:01.51\00:27:05.16
and they may even
put their hands on you.
00:27:05.19\00:27:06.95
And they think that that's ok.
00:27:07.49\00:27:09.20
And like I said, one
thing leads to another,
00:27:09.24\00:27:11.86
leads to another, I
think that's a song,
00:27:11.90\00:27:14.87
leads to another,
and if you don't stop it,
00:27:14.90\00:27:17.80
when it starts you're gonna
find yourself in situations,
00:27:17.84\00:27:22.13
or positions that you
never dreamed yourself to be in.
00:27:22.17\00:27:26.43
You never
dreamed... How did this guy...
00:27:26.46\00:27:28.57
His hands are all
over me and I didn't...
00:27:28.60\00:27:30.99
- Ok, let us take
that. Hands all over you,
00:27:31.02\00:27:33.30
what do you say? What
do you tell these kids?
00:27:33.33\00:27:35.58
- You get that boy
or that girl off of you,
00:27:35.61\00:27:37.52
you do what you have to
do, but get them off of you.
00:27:38.39\00:27:41.11
- Words, give me
if you were a girl...
00:27:41.14\00:27:43.45
- If you have to hit
them, kick them whatever,
00:27:43.49\00:27:44.93
get them off of you.
00:27:44.96\00:27:45.93
I'm... I'm...
Sometimes, unfortunately
00:27:47.43\00:27:49.97
you know, words
don't mean everything.
00:27:50.00\00:27:52.51
I don't wear a wedding ring
and the first day of school,
00:27:53.14\00:27:56.63
because I don't look
my age, I got approached
00:27:56.66\00:27:59.61
by a security guard.
00:27:59.64\00:28:01.06
Hey, you good looking...
Excuse me, I'm married!
00:28:01.10\00:28:04.76
In fact this past
Wednesday, I was at McDonald's,
00:28:04.79\00:28:08.38
I was coming from an appointment
and I couldn't make it home and
00:28:08.42\00:28:11.29
I said I got to get
something in my stomach,
00:28:11.32\00:28:13.07
I can't make it home
from the doctor's appointment
00:28:13.11\00:28:15.37
'cause we're gonna
just have an accident here.
00:28:15.40\00:28:17.59
An older gentleman said:
Oh, let me talk to this fine
00:28:17.63\00:28:21.61
young thing... And
I'm like, oh Lord...
00:28:21.64\00:28:23.18
I'm here throwing up,
I got to address this.
00:28:23.21\00:28:27.22
I told him, excuse me Sir
you might not want to dialogue
00:28:27.26\00:28:30.02
with me like that
because I don't dialogue with
00:28:30.05\00:28:32.06
anybody like that
and I'm happily married,
00:28:32.09\00:28:34.00
which is none of his business,
but I said I'm happily married.
00:28:34.04\00:28:36.28
He said: Well, since
your husband had you,
00:28:36.31\00:28:39.86
why don't let me have you.
00:28:39.89\00:28:41.63
And I told him, I said, that's
inappropriate, you do not talk
00:28:41.66\00:28:45.64
to me that way. I
spoke to the manager,
00:28:45.67\00:28:47.99
and he's kind
of been terminated.
00:28:48.02\00:28:50.02
But you know, those
were the things that
00:28:50.06\00:28:52.69
that's inappropriate.
And if you walk the walk,
00:28:52.73\00:28:56.42
you've got to talk
the talk, all the time.
00:28:56.45\00:28:58.84
You don't have to...
A ring is not gonna stop
00:28:58.88\00:29:01.20
somebody from approaching
you, even if you could put on
00:29:01.24\00:29:04.75
a dress that
covers from here to here.
00:29:04.78\00:29:06.88
It's not gonna stop somebody
if they want talk to you,
00:29:06.92\00:29:09.73
or try to get...
see how far they can go.
00:29:09.76\00:29:12.70
But you've got set the standard
for what is gonna happen
00:29:12.74\00:29:16.87
in my personal sphere.
00:29:16.90\00:29:18.36
- Hey, I got to
take you to kissing
00:29:18.40\00:29:21.08
because that's the big one.
00:29:21.11\00:29:22.99
You go out one day, you
kiss what is the boundary...?
00:29:23.03\00:29:29.42
- The kids understand...
Kids need to understand
00:29:29.45\00:29:31.50
The young people need to
understand, the adults need
00:29:31.53\00:29:33.55
to understand:
kissing is a part of foreplay.
00:29:33.58\00:29:36.87
Kissing, holding
hands, putting the arms around
00:29:36.91\00:29:40.13
somebody, whispering things in
your ears, kissing on your neck,
00:29:40.17\00:29:43.93
all of it is leading and
preparing the body for sex.
00:29:43.96\00:29:48.01
When you understand in
that concept then it's like:
00:29:48.04\00:29:52.06
Oh, well yeah, I may
still wanna kiss this boy
00:29:52.09\00:29:54.78
and I may still wanna hold
his hands, but you know what?
00:29:54.82\00:29:58.06
We need to talk
about this and we can wait.
00:29:58.09\00:30:00.26
You know, you can
still kiss me on the hand.
00:30:00.29\00:30:02.43
- Here...
00:30:02.46\00:30:03.75
Wrap your lips right there.
00:30:03.79\00:30:05.64
Ok. Feels good, thank you.
00:30:05.68\00:30:07.50
You know, move on.
00:30:07.53\00:30:08.50
But I mean, when you
understand what this is for
00:30:08.51\00:30:12.63
and the meaning behind this
it changes your whole paradigm.
00:30:12.67\00:30:15.87
And what we're talking about
is we want young people to have
00:30:15.91\00:30:19.08
a paradigm shift.
00:30:19.11\00:30:20.41
I don't expect every
kid that I ever talked to,
00:30:20.44\00:30:23.02
whether in the
church or out of the church,
00:30:23.05\00:30:25.58
or in the school, or in
the community to be a virgin.
00:30:25.62\00:30:28.74
I don't expect every
kid, after they hear me:
00:30:28.77\00:30:31.65
I'm never having sex
again because of Donna Teat.
00:30:31.68\00:30:34.78
That's not my job. My
job is to plant the seed,
00:30:34.82\00:30:37.85
and it's the Holy Spirit's
job is to convert and convict.
00:30:37.89\00:30:42.18
And what I want young
people to understand is that
00:30:42.21\00:30:46.29
when they find
themselves in those situations,
00:30:46.33\00:30:50.34
that the Lord will bring
back to remember something,
00:30:50.38\00:30:53.31
anything. You know, I've changed
00:30:53.34\00:30:55.56
the way a pray. I used to...
00:30:55.59\00:30:57.34
Dear Heavenly
Father be with my students
00:30:57.38\00:30:59.71
and put a hedge of pro...
00:30:59.74\00:31:00.76
NO. Dear Heavenly Father,
00:31:00.80\00:31:01.77
would this young man
is planning to do this
00:31:01.79\00:31:03.72
to this young
lady, or this young lady
00:31:03.75\00:31:05.26
is planning to do
this to this young man
00:31:05.30\00:31:06.74
at 6 o'clock tonight,
cause you know, my students
00:31:06.78\00:31:09.01
tell me everything.
They're planning to do this
00:31:09.05\00:31:11.25
or this weekend. I
ask that You intercede
00:31:11.28\00:31:15.01
some ways, somehow.
Stop it, yank it off,
00:31:15.04\00:31:18.70
whatever, I mean
whatever You got to do, You do.
00:31:18.74\00:31:21.21
And when I tell the
kids, I tell the kids
00:31:21.24\00:31:23.23
when I'm praying for
them and they are like:
00:31:23.26\00:31:25.22
Miss Teat, you're
messing up my groove.
00:31:25.25\00:31:27.18
That's my job, I'm
supposed to mess up
00:31:27.21\00:31:28.98
your groove.
00:31:29.01\00:31:29.98
You know, cause
you're not gonna ever,
00:31:30.05\00:31:32.99
you're not gonna
ever hear me tell you
00:31:33.03\00:31:35.90
I don't care what your
mom says, I don't care what
00:31:35.94\00:31:37.77
your father says, I
don't care if you have condoms
00:31:37.81\00:31:39.57
in your pocket right now.
In fact, give me your wallet.
00:31:39.61\00:31:42.10
Oh, Miss Teat... I don't care,
00:31:42.13\00:31:44.12
but I do care about
you and I wanna see you
00:31:44.16\00:31:47.10
next year or
five years from now,
00:31:47.13\00:31:49.11
and I want you to be healthy,
I want you to be prosperous,
00:31:49.15\00:31:52.64
I want you to be in
a loving relationship,
00:31:52.67\00:31:54.96
the one that God has for
you. You may not believe in God
00:31:55.00\00:31:57.63
oh well, I do,
you don't that's ok.
00:31:57.66\00:32:00.15
I still pray for you too.
00:32:00.18\00:32:01.66
But, you know, this is
what I want for you because
00:32:01.70\00:32:04.21
what the world has for you?
00:32:04.24\00:32:06.67
There's nothing
else there for you.
00:32:06.70\00:32:08.64
- And parents
sometimes send double messages.
00:32:08.68\00:32:12.51
I don't want you to have
sex, but if you are going to
00:32:12.55\00:32:17.48
then maybe you
should have some protection.
00:32:17.51\00:32:19.13
- One of the things... Parents.
00:32:19.16\00:32:21.04
If you decide you're
going to have sex let me know.
00:32:21.08\00:32:24.35
No, you don't wanna know.
00:32:25.59\00:32:27.55
I mean... let me know.
When you've decided that
00:32:27.58\00:32:30.15
let me know. No,
you want to know before
00:32:30.18\00:32:31.98
they made that decision.
00:32:32.01\00:32:32.98
You know, you don't
want them to decide,
00:32:33.61\00:32:35.47
then do, then let you know.
That's not what you're saying.
00:32:35.51\00:32:38.67
That's not what you're saying.
00:32:38.70\00:32:40.03
We don't send
information clearly.
00:32:40.07\00:32:43.31
We don't send the right signal.
00:32:43.35\00:32:46.52
I remember when I came
home from Oakwood College,
00:32:46.56\00:32:51.06
and my first year I
came back on home leave,
00:32:51.09\00:32:53.75
it was a break or
something like that.
00:32:53.78\00:32:56.41
And I had... people tell me:
00:32:56.44\00:32:58.04
so when do you getting married?
00:32:58.08\00:32:59.65
So, you got a man?
You got a boyfriend?
00:33:00.31\00:33:02.63
What's wrong with you?
00:33:02.66\00:33:03.63
And I really... I
would hear this all the time,
00:33:03.64\00:33:06.15
every time I'm getting home.
00:33:06.18\00:33:07.67
That before I
graduated from the school,
00:33:07.71\00:33:09.71
I was supposed to have
been married, I was supposed
00:33:09.75\00:33:12.10
to have done this, and
do that, and everything,
00:33:12.14\00:33:14.42
and I thought something,
is something wrong with me?
00:33:14.46\00:33:16.65
'Cause I'm not doing this.
00:33:16.68\00:33:17.72
We say we want you to
wait but then you turn around
00:33:17.76\00:33:20.73
and we put the
pressure on in other ways.
00:33:20.76\00:33:23.27
Or we don't create an
environment which celebrates
00:33:23.31\00:33:27.07
waiting for Christ.
00:33:27.10\00:33:28.52
- Oh, Donna we'd be
talking so much about preventing
00:33:28.83\00:33:32.19
teenage pregnancy,
but I mean we've got
00:33:32.22\00:33:35.28
900,000 girls who are
pregnant in U.S alone.
00:33:35.32\00:33:41.08
Once you are pregnant,
it's too late talk about
00:33:42.57\00:33:46.05
what I wish I would have done.
00:33:46.08\00:33:47.36
Now, how are we going
to respond to these girls
00:33:47.40\00:33:51.36
that are
pregnant? What is society...
00:33:51.39\00:33:53.54
How are they treating them?
00:33:53.57\00:33:54.57
- Twofold. One,
it's not too late
00:33:54.61\00:33:57.14
to talk about how to
prevent it because statistics
00:33:57.18\00:34:00.13
will tell you that if a
child, if a teenager has had
00:34:00.17\00:34:03.09
one pregnancy the likelihood
of them repeating and having
00:34:03.12\00:34:07.93
another pregnancy is
high within another year.
00:34:07.96\00:34:11.90
It's high.
00:34:11.93\00:34:13.23
So, it's good to talk
about hey, we don't want
00:34:13.27\00:34:16.12
to go down that road.
00:34:16.15\00:34:17.41
The second thing...
What was the second part
00:34:17.45\00:34:19.85
of your question?
00:34:19.88\00:34:20.85
- How should we respond
to the girl who's pregnant?
00:34:20.86\00:34:23.53
- We should...
One thing that I heard
00:34:23.56\00:34:27.61
at a Christian radio
is how a church responded.
00:34:27.65\00:34:32.10
And I think that's the
wonderful model that schools,
00:34:32.14\00:34:35.61
communities,
churches, families need to take.
00:34:35.64\00:34:38.65
And this young lady, in
this particular congregation
00:34:38.69\00:34:41.85
got pregnant and the
pastor found about it.
00:34:41.88\00:34:45.78
In the following Sunday,
immediately he brought her
00:34:45.82\00:34:49.56
in front of everybody, and
from of the pulpit and he said:
00:34:49.60\00:34:53.31
This young lady is pregnant.
00:34:53.34\00:34:55.75
We're not gonna talk about her,
we're not gonna whisper behind
00:34:55.79\00:34:59.29
her back, I don't like what she
did, we don't like the choices
00:34:59.33\00:35:02.80
that she made, but
we're gonna surround
00:35:02.83\00:35:05.09
this young lady
and we're gonna put
00:35:05.12\00:35:07.05
a hedge of protection about her.
00:35:07.08\00:35:08.94
We're gonna take care of the
child, we're gonna do whatever
00:35:08.98\00:35:12.04
we need to do to give
her the support and the love
00:35:12.07\00:35:15.52
that she needs.
And that's redemption.
00:35:15.55\00:35:17.99
That's redemption.
- That's redemption.
00:35:18.44\00:35:19.83
- And it sends a clear
message, it gets the roomers
00:35:19.87\00:35:24.06
and the gossiping and
all that stuff out of the way
00:35:24.09\00:35:27.62
and it tells, it sends a
clear message to the other
00:35:27.66\00:35:31.16
young people,
this is an unacceptable
00:35:31.19\00:35:33.14
behavior, but it also...
we can surround this person
00:35:33.18\00:35:37.62
and bring them
back into the fold.
00:35:37.65\00:35:39.53
And that's a wonderful thing.
Do you think she'll still be
00:35:39.57\00:35:41.78
in church, do you think
that she'll be attending,
00:35:41.81\00:35:44.30
do you think that she
we'll form closer relationships
00:35:44.33\00:35:46.79
with more adults
than what she had before?
00:35:46.82\00:35:49.22
Now she's got aunts and uncles,
fictive or pretend cousins
00:35:49.26\00:35:53.82
and relatives who care about
her and care about her welfare.
00:35:53.85\00:35:58.38
And when you find out
that somebody cares about
00:35:58.41\00:36:01.11
your welfare, you aim to please.
00:36:01.14\00:36:03.09
You do whatever it
takes to please them.
00:36:03.13\00:36:05.73
- Cassandra kind of
said something like that
00:36:05.76\00:36:09.63
in her testimony,
that the importance of God
00:36:09.66\00:36:13.46
in her life, parents in
her life and how her parents
00:36:13.50\00:36:17.23
came through and
really loved her,
00:36:17.26\00:36:19.82
even though she
did disappoint them.
00:36:19.86\00:36:22.35
- Right, and it's ok
to tell young people:
00:36:22.39\00:36:24.79
You disappointed me.
00:36:24.82\00:36:26.20
You disappointed
me. And it's not easy.
00:36:26.81\00:36:29.37
You talked about some other
things that people's response
00:36:30.08\00:36:33.00
or communities' response.
00:36:33.03\00:36:34.25
One of the challenges
that I see while I was pregnant
00:36:34.29\00:36:37.42
with my first pregnancy,
I had some of my teenagers
00:36:37.46\00:36:40.56
in my classes were
pregnant at the same time.
00:36:40.59\00:36:43.97
And absentees in the
school is a big thing.
00:36:44.00\00:36:47.31
Because there's no day
care, there's no child care
00:36:47.35\00:36:50.51
there's nobody to take care
of them while you go to school
00:36:50.55\00:36:55.49
all day and you
need that extra support.
00:36:55.52\00:36:58.06
Typically is a challenge
for young people to be pregnant
00:36:58.10\00:37:01.73
and have a baby
in? school and finish
00:37:01.76\00:37:03.64
their
education. And it messes up
00:37:03.67\00:37:05.48
your education. It
takes you a little bit longer
00:37:05.52\00:37:08.15
or there are programs that
you can go to night school,
00:37:08.19\00:37:11.40
you can pursue this or whatever
and a lot of people think
00:37:11.44\00:37:14.62
Oh, I'm gonna get my GED.
00:37:14.65\00:37:16.38
I looked at the GED.
The GED is harder I think
00:37:16.84\00:37:20.15
than completing four
years of high school.
00:37:20.18\00:37:23.19
The GED is no joke,
it's not an easy out
00:37:23.22\00:37:26.22
or out droop out of school.
00:37:26.25\00:37:27.87
That's not an option either.
00:37:27.90\00:37:29.49
Now, young girls, of
course Cassandra was 17
00:37:30.20\00:37:33.51
but kids of 14, 15
maybe even 13 are having...
00:37:33.54\00:37:39.27
-9, 10, 11, 12...
yes... - Are having babies.
00:37:39.30\00:37:44.95
- Yes.
00:37:44.98\00:37:46.50
- Now, these are
children having children
00:37:46.54\00:37:48.97
and many of course think
oh, I'm gonna have a baby
00:37:49.01\00:37:52.26
at last somebody will love me.
00:37:52.29\00:37:54.53
I'm going to have something,
somebody that will love me.
00:37:54.57\00:37:57.65
How do you deal with this?
00:37:58.47\00:38:00.33
- One of the
things in the school,
00:38:00.37\00:38:01.96
there's been an initiative of
00:38:01.99\00:38:03.54
baby think it over doll
and I don't know how many
00:38:03.57\00:38:05.74
people are familiar with
this baby think it over doll.
00:38:05.78\00:38:08.81
The doll comes... The
doll was actually designed.
00:38:08.84\00:38:12.57
The father, he's a mechanical
engineer and his daughter
00:38:12.61\00:38:16.00
was coming home pretending
that a sack of flowers
00:38:16.03\00:38:19.22
was her baby and she
had to love this thing.
00:38:19.25\00:38:22.83
He said: ah, that's not a
true representation of a baby
00:38:22.87\00:38:26.03
and he came up with
this baby think it over doll
00:38:26.06\00:38:28.40
and one of the things
that the schools have done is
00:38:28.44\00:38:30.71
that this baby can be programmed
by the classroom teacher
00:38:30.75\00:38:34.09
to have different responses:
cry extremely all night long,
00:38:34.13\00:38:37.44
or whatever; and what happens is
00:38:37.47\00:38:39.40
there's a computer chip
in the back of this doll.
00:38:39.44\00:38:41.78
What it does is, it
records everything you do.
00:38:43.59\00:38:47.18
If you allowed the
child to cry too long,
00:38:47.21\00:38:49.99
you forcibly... stop
crying and you did this.
00:38:50.02\00:38:52.73
Because it's been a wonderful
avenue to find out if kids
00:38:52.77\00:38:56.51
have the
propensity to be abusers.
00:38:56.54\00:38:59.41
Because it's
programmed, crying non stop
00:39:00.91\00:39:03.56
and it's supposed to simulate
00:39:03.60\00:39:06.45
what it would
be to have a child.
00:39:06.48\00:39:08.69
Children to have a
child, because you think,
00:39:08.73\00:39:11.50
that's a myth, that
you think this child
00:39:11.53\00:39:14.13
is a turn-around
and say I love you.
00:39:14.16\00:39:16.69
No, feed me, clean me, change
my diaper and leave me alone.
00:39:16.73\00:39:21.43
We have a clip, one
more clip from Cassandra,
00:39:22.94\00:39:26.76
where she talks about
being a teenage mother,
00:39:26.79\00:39:30.58
and it's not
easy. Let's take a look.
00:39:30.61\00:39:34.30
- Being a mother was
very hard for me, is very hard
00:39:34.98\00:39:39.06
You have to worry
about where the next meal
00:39:39.91\00:39:43.39
is coming from, a
roof over your head,
00:39:43.42\00:39:46.87
just all the financial
and emotional responsibilities
00:39:48.80\00:39:52.47
that come along with it.
00:39:52.50\00:39:54.24
And... along with being a
mother I was a teenage mom.
00:39:54.27\00:40:00.04
So was more hard than I
really expected it to be,
00:40:00.07\00:40:05.79
because I wasn't mature
yet I didn't expect a lot of...
00:40:05.83\00:40:10.85
that emotional
distress that I had.
00:40:10.88\00:40:14.17
Through all of these things,
my parents were there for me.
00:40:15.18\00:40:20.10
I was able to go to a
special school for teen mums,
00:40:20.13\00:40:23.55
that took care of my
baby while I went to school.
00:40:23.58\00:40:26.97
And I did walk closer with
God and He helped me through
00:40:27.91\00:40:34.87
all these things
also. I was able to get back
00:40:34.90\00:40:38.93
into church and be baptized
again and I became choir leader
00:40:38.97\00:40:45.00
and I just took more involvement
00:40:45.04\00:40:49.86
in church and
my daughter's life.
00:40:49.89\00:40:52.98
- I think is so important to
have that support from others
00:40:53.01\00:40:57.95
during this time because
it's difficult to have children
00:40:57.99\00:41:01.58
and be a young
mother anyway. - True.
00:41:01.61\00:41:04.50
And one of the things
that Cassandra brought out
00:41:04.54\00:41:08.63
teens who have, teens
who decide to play grownup.
00:41:08.67\00:41:12.69
That's not really how I
wanna word it, but teens who do
00:41:12.73\00:41:16.11
adult behavior.
They need to live with
00:41:16.14\00:41:18.61
adult consequences
00:41:18.64\00:41:19.99
- And responsibilities.
- And responsibilities.
00:41:20.03\00:41:22.85
In a lot of times in our
society we say as parents:
00:41:22.89\00:41:25.64
I don't want my child to go
through what I went through.
00:41:25.68\00:41:28.44
I don't want my child to
have to walk 3 miles to school,
00:41:28.47\00:41:31.20
I don't want my child to
have to suffer or do this.
00:41:31.23\00:41:34.28
As if all the experiences
that we went through,
00:41:34.32\00:41:37.34
we turned out that bad?!
00:41:37.37\00:41:39.16
No, kids need to assume those
responsibilities, they need
00:41:39.20\00:41:42.02
to know how it feels like
a 2 o'clock in the morning,
00:41:42.05\00:41:44.58
that child cries and at
3 o'clock and at 4 o'clock
00:41:44.61\00:41:47.11
and at 5 o'clock.
- You can't go out
00:41:47.14\00:41:48.74
with your friends,
because you have a baby.
00:41:48.78\00:41:50.61
- But if you take all the
consequences away from them
00:41:50.65\00:41:53.48
how, will then they
expect to do differently?
00:41:53.51\00:41:57.53
Because now I got an instant
babysitter and I can still be
00:41:57.57\00:42:01.60
and do what I wanna do.
00:42:01.63\00:42:03.10
Yes, you can still
accomplish and do your...
00:42:03.14\00:42:05.41
Accomplish goals
and live your dreams,
00:42:05.44\00:42:09.21
but you also
have a responsibility
00:42:09.24\00:42:11.73
to that child first.
00:42:11.76\00:42:13.27
- Yes, yes.
Well, in just a moment
00:42:13.31\00:42:16.89
we're gonna find out
what our live audience
00:42:16.93\00:42:20.30
thinks about this,
and we're also going to
00:42:20.33\00:42:23.67
take their
questions, so stay with us
00:42:23.70\00:42:26.62
and we'll be right back.
00:42:26.65\00:42:28.21
- Are you a teen
struggling to grasp the fact
00:42:37.84\00:42:40.16
that you're pregnant
or do you know a pregnant
00:42:40.20\00:42:42.14
teen and you're
wondering how you can help?
00:42:42.17\00:42:44.32
If so we have just
the material for you.
00:42:44.36\00:42:46.71
Find information and
help in four brochures,
00:42:46.74\00:42:49.02
that deal with issues
surrounding a teen pregnancy.
00:42:49.06\00:42:51.55
For your free gift
just write to us today at:
00:42:51.58\00:42:54.16
or call us during
regular business hours at:
00:42:58.91\00:43:01.41
Ask the Up Close offer number 4.
00:43:06.58\00:43:09.39
- Welcome back to Up
Close. Our topic today
00:43:23.85\00:43:27.24
is teen pregnancy
and we've taken a look
00:43:27.28\00:43:30.47
at problems teens
face when they discover
00:43:30.51\00:43:32.96
that they're
pregnant, we've also looked
00:43:33.00\00:43:35.35
at how we can
support and be supportive,
00:43:35.38\00:43:37.66
and how we can prevent
the situation from happening.
00:43:37.70\00:43:41.57
But we want to open up
the program now for questions,
00:43:41.61\00:43:45.45
from our wonderful
audience and Donna I think they
00:43:45.48\00:43:49.42
are going to have
some great questions.
00:43:49.45\00:43:51.94
Are you ready?
00:43:51.97\00:43:53.33
- We're ready. - Ok.
00:43:53.36\00:43:54.65
Please tell us your
name and your question.
00:43:54.69\00:43:57.99
- My name is Clarene
and I'm a nurse at OB4,
00:43:58.03\00:44:01.26
I've worked with obstetrical
nursing for almost 13 years.
00:44:01.30\00:44:04.09
So one of the
comments I want to make before
00:44:04.12\00:44:06.37
I ask my question
is one of the things
00:44:06.40\00:44:08.48
this topic is dear to my
heart that I have noticed
00:44:08.52\00:44:10.58
that the obstetrical
nursing is that teens model
00:44:10.61\00:44:13.31
the parents' behavior.
00:44:13.34\00:44:14.78
You cannot ask your teen to
be abstinent if you as an adult
00:44:14.82\00:44:18.15
whether you're married or
single can't do that yourself.
00:44:18.19\00:44:21.49
So that's one
thing that I've noticed.
00:44:21.52\00:44:24.36
The second thing is
now you talked about tools
00:44:24.40\00:44:27.74
that you can give your teen.
00:44:27.77\00:44:28.89
One of the tools that we have
done with my teenage daughter
00:44:28.93\00:44:32.42
is that we've
done, we call it key talk
00:44:32.45\00:44:34.02
and there is when you take
an evening with your daughter
00:44:34.06\00:44:37.17
if it's the mother or
the father with the son
00:44:37.20\00:44:40.02
and talk about
sex, talk about STDES,
00:44:40.05\00:44:42.94
any questions that they
can they can open themselves up
00:44:42.97\00:44:45.41
and get them to commit
to what it means to be pure
00:44:45.44\00:44:48.47
and that they want that
because it's beneficial to them.
00:44:48.51\00:44:51.67
And then you give them
a memento of that evening.
00:44:51.70\00:44:54.56
We did a watch so that
when they're away from you
00:44:54.59\00:44:58.21
daily to daily reminder of
what they have committed to.
00:44:58.24\00:45:01.83
Now, you've done all that and
your teen comes to you and says:
00:45:02.49\00:45:06.44
I'm gonna have sex.
Then what do you do?
00:45:06.47\00:45:09.11
That's my question.
00:45:09.61\00:45:10.58
- No you are not gonna have sex.
00:45:10.59\00:45:12.71
I'm gonna lock you up, we're
gonna pray over you tonight
00:45:13.83\00:45:17.49
we're gonna lay hands, we're
gonna call in all the elders
00:45:17.52\00:45:21.15
you said: what?
00:45:21.18\00:45:22.15
Your mom, your dad,
everybody... you need help.
00:45:22.16\00:45:25.65
And you know what?
If a child is determined
00:45:25.68\00:45:29.11
the more you tell them no,
they're determined to do it,
00:45:29.15\00:45:33.07
you need the Holy Spirit.
00:45:33.10\00:45:34.42
And you know what
there's nothing wrong.
00:45:34.46\00:45:36.84
Kids need to see you
on your knees in prayer,
00:45:36.88\00:45:39.61
laboring over them.
00:45:39.64\00:45:41.76
And if you have a kid
who's determined to...
00:45:41.80\00:45:45.09
I used to be a knuckleheaded.
I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do,
00:45:46.28\00:45:50.06
when I'm gonna do it.
00:45:50.09\00:45:51.06
And sometimes, unfortunately
there are groups of individuals
00:45:51.07\00:45:55.35
who have to learn the hard way.
00:45:55.38\00:45:57.41
But that does mean
that we stop laboring
00:45:57.44\00:45:59.94
and lingering over them.
00:45:59.97\00:46:01.65
There's nothing wrong
in bringing people together
00:46:01.69\00:46:04.45
who have invested
interest in that child and say:
00:46:04.49\00:46:07.34
we're gonna pray, we're
gonna pray you through this
00:46:07.38\00:46:10.17
and we're gonna pray
over you and we're gonna...
00:46:10.21\00:46:12.70
maybe we need to
increase the amount of the time
00:46:12.73\00:46:15.19
that you're
spending with mom and dad.
00:46:15.22\00:46:17.19
We're going on a vacation today.
00:46:17.22\00:46:19.26
You do
whatever... That's your child,
00:46:19.30\00:46:21.92
that's your baby,
you do whatever it is
00:46:21.96\00:46:24.51
you have to do to stop
them from making that course.
00:46:24.55\00:46:28.81
There's a wonderful book,
wonderful author that is quoted
00:46:28.85\00:46:33.52
by Mohamed Ali? and everything
and they even call her
00:46:33.55\00:46:36.41
Doctor White.
But she talks about,
00:46:36.44\00:46:38.38
if you saw your child getting
ready to walk over a precipice
00:46:38.42\00:46:44.06
wouldn't you do
everything to pull them back?
00:46:44.09\00:46:46.37
And that's our
job, to pull them back.
00:46:46.40\00:46:49.84
One of the things that I wanted
to say and congratulate you
00:46:49.88\00:46:52.57
on, is that fact that
you're spending time with
00:46:52.60\00:46:55.34
your teenagers and you
have a special day or time
00:46:55.38\00:46:57.79
that you have, and I've
started to do that with my
00:46:57.83\00:47:00.21
a year and a half old son.
00:47:00.24\00:47:02.08
I take him out
to eat, him and I.
00:47:02.12\00:47:04.69
What better way for him to
learn how a young lady should
00:47:04.73\00:47:08.89
treat him, then him
spending time with me.
00:47:08.92\00:47:12.27
And if this child happens
to be a girl my husband will do
00:47:12.30\00:47:15.90
the same thing. They
need that personal time.
00:47:15.93\00:47:18.30
That's a wonderful time. - Good.
00:47:18.33\00:47:20.92
- Well, I think we have
another question, your name?
00:47:20.96\00:47:23.90
- Yes, my name in Derrick
and my question was how do you
00:47:23.94\00:47:27.25
successfully advise a pre-teen
who's already engaging in
00:47:27.28\00:47:30.56
premarital sex not to
even though you're so far
00:47:30.59\00:47:34.23
away from them?
00:47:34.26\00:47:35.23
- Number one: tell
them what they're doing
00:47:35.24\00:47:37.31
is wrong. Tell
them what they're doing
00:47:37.35\00:47:39.76
there are
consequences. Number two:
00:47:39.80\00:47:42.18
pray with them, pray for them.
00:47:42.21\00:47:45.31
Number three: Find
out whoever their parents,
00:47:45.34\00:47:50.48
you need to talk to somebody.
00:47:50.51\00:47:51.48
Because you're not there
on a day to day basis and
00:47:51.52\00:47:55.45
this whole, you know the devil,
your secrecy, and not talking
00:47:55.49\00:48:00.49
and not sharing, but
you need to tell someone.
00:48:00.52\00:48:04.13
Tell someone, listen
this is some information
00:48:04.16\00:48:07.74
and I am
concerned for your life.
00:48:07.77\00:48:09.61
I rate that on the same
level as somebody saying:
00:48:10.60\00:48:13.46
life is not worth
living, I wanna kill myself.
00:48:13.49\00:48:15.91
I'm gonna tell
someone, because I love you
00:48:15.94\00:48:18.25
that much. They
may be angry with you,
00:48:18.29\00:48:20.53
they may call you every
name in the book, but that's
00:48:20.57\00:48:22.51
ok, 'cause I still
love you from a distance.
00:48:22.54\00:48:25.23
- I was thinking,
as the question came.
00:48:26.06\00:48:28.32
What about a Spiritual virginity
that you were talking about,
00:48:28.36\00:48:32.69
before we came on the program?
You mentioned that to me:
00:48:32.73\00:48:37.03
secondary virginity.
00:48:37.06\00:48:38.93
- What I tell young people
is that you can become a virgin
00:48:38.97\00:48:42.18
again, Spiritual virgin again.
00:48:42.21\00:48:44.41
The Lord says: "I
will remember your sin
00:48:44.45\00:48:46.89
no more. " I
tell the young people,
00:48:46.92\00:48:49.41
in my... I run a youth group
and I tell them, who do you call
00:48:49.45\00:48:53.80
in an emergency,
what number do you dial?
00:48:53.83\00:48:55.64
911. Well, put
it backwards: 119,
00:48:55.67\00:48:59.55
First John 1, verse 9:
"If you confess our sins,
00:48:59.59\00:49:03.67
He is faithful in
just". And that's what I tell
00:49:04.23\00:49:08.59
my young people.
00:49:08.62\00:49:09.71
I don't care, I tell
my young people in school
00:49:09.75\00:49:11.69
if you confess, He is
faithful in just to remove it
00:49:11.73\00:49:15.63
and cleanse it.
You can start again.
00:49:15.66\00:49:17.93
He says you can start again,
He adopts us into his family.
00:49:17.96\00:49:21.69
- And that
needs to be a message.
00:49:21.72\00:49:23.92
- And that's the message
00:49:23.95\00:49:25.43
that you can become a
Spiritual virgin again.
00:49:25.47\00:49:27.87
- Beautiful. Hey, we
got another question.
00:49:27.91\00:49:30.28
Your name? - Hey
my name is Janette
00:49:30.31\00:49:32.71
and I used to work for the
Orange County Public Schools
00:49:32.75\00:49:35.67
and there I was a Para-
professional, children would
00:49:35.70\00:49:38.70
come up to me, you know,
give me information or secrets.
00:49:38.74\00:49:42.40
Well, they want
things to be confidential.
00:49:42.43\00:49:44.94
What do you do in that...
as the question before me.
00:49:44.98\00:49:48.20
You almost answered it but
this is where you don't know
00:49:48.24\00:49:51.23
the parent, you're working
in a public school so where
00:49:51.27\00:49:54.70
do you say stop, between
confidentiality and trying
00:49:54.73\00:49:58.13
to save that child.
00:49:58.16\00:49:59.44
- Confidentiality is
very, very important, anything
00:50:00.23\00:50:04.64
that is going harm, risk that
child it's your duty to tell.
00:50:04.68\00:50:08.36
One of the things
that I have, I work with
00:50:10.17\00:50:12.90
a Para-professional, as well.
00:50:12.93\00:50:14.33
I'm special education
so, we appreciate you.
00:50:14.37\00:50:17.64
I have kids who would
tell my Para-professional
00:50:19.37\00:50:21.75
things that they
won't tell me, 'cause...
00:50:21.78\00:50:24.45
Miss Teat, if she finds
out, she's gonna be mad at me,
00:50:24.49\00:50:27.51
she's gonna... oh she's
gonna kill me if she finds out.
00:50:27.55\00:50:30.54
My Para-professional
tells me everything.
00:50:30.57\00:50:32.56
We established
that from the get-go.
00:50:33.02\00:50:35.37
In that classroom, whatever
teacher you're working with
00:50:35.41\00:50:38.54
ideally, you should have a close
enough working relationship.
00:50:38.57\00:50:41.63
You need to tell them because
that teacher should have been
00:50:41.66\00:50:44.69
trained and equipped
to be able to handle those
00:50:44.72\00:50:47.81
kind of situations.
If not, there's a school
00:50:47.84\00:50:50.86
social worker,
there are behavioral...
00:50:50.90\00:50:54.99
now in this day and age
00:50:55.02\00:50:57.83
we have a lot of
behavioral medical individuals
00:50:57.86\00:51:01.31
who are coming into our school,
case managers, therapists,
00:51:01.35\00:51:06.04
those kind of things. We
have that kind of a crisis
00:51:06.07\00:51:08.57
team within our school building.
00:51:08.60\00:51:10.80
And, my Para-professional
she tells me everything
00:51:10.84\00:51:13.88
and I go and I confront
that student, I will find
00:51:13.91\00:51:16.92
the student before
they leave home that day,
00:51:16.95\00:51:19.70
they will hear from Miss
Teat, whatever, and we'll talk
00:51:19.74\00:51:23.55
about it. I had in
the same situation,
00:51:23.58\00:51:26.04
occurred this past
year, I had a student who
00:51:26.08\00:51:28.97
was pregnant and did
not tell their parents.
00:51:29.01\00:51:31.83
We went... I called that
mom and we told the parents,
00:51:31.87\00:51:35.75
because I don't want the
kids to think that I'm an adult
00:51:35.79\00:51:39.64
who's going to keep
secrets from their parents.
00:51:39.67\00:51:41.95
Parents need to be involved
with this process and they need
00:51:41.99\00:51:44.58
to know what's going on
and most of the time they have
00:51:44.61\00:51:46.93
no idea.
00:51:46.96\00:51:47.96
- And I think they probably
respect you when you take that
00:51:48.34\00:51:51.36
stand, I mean they may
not like it first, but...
00:51:51.39\00:51:53.99
- Well, they wanna know
that they're gonna be loved,
00:51:54.02\00:51:56.56
that you're gonna still be
there and you're gonna work
00:51:56.60\00:51:59.26
through this situation with
them, you're not leaving them.
00:51:59.30\00:52:01.93
- You care
enough, - You care enough,
00:52:01.96\00:52:03.88
you're gonna
stick it out with them.
00:52:03.91\00:52:05.47
- Very good, very good.
00:52:05.50\00:52:06.66
We have another
question, your name?
00:52:06.70\00:52:08.54
- Hey, my name is Wanda and I
have a nine and a half year old
00:52:08.58\00:52:11.85
and since the time she was young
we've had a good relationship,
00:52:11.89\00:52:15.13
I've talked to her
about the differences between
00:52:15.16\00:52:17.39
boys and girls and when I was
pregnant with my three year old
00:52:17.43\00:52:20.89
we talked about,
feel development,
00:52:20.92\00:52:23.19
and so she has a good
understanding of that.
00:52:23.22\00:52:25.34
I was wanting to wait
to get into the specific,
00:52:25.82\00:52:28.64
until she was a little older
wanting to keep her innocent
00:52:28.68\00:52:33.32
as long as possible,
but I'm wondering maybe...
00:52:33.35\00:52:35.99
I don't want to
hear from her friends...
00:52:36.02\00:52:38.54
What is the ideal age
to start talking about
00:52:38.57\00:52:41.06
the particulars of this?
00:52:41.09\00:52:42.06
First of all continue that close
relationship with your child,
00:52:42.07\00:52:46.06
and tell your daughter:
do you have any questions?
00:52:46.09\00:52:48.84
If she goes to a public
school, private school, whatever
00:52:48.88\00:52:51.22
what are your
friends are talking about?
00:52:51.25\00:52:52.53
In fact, invite her friends
over your house and listen
00:52:52.57\00:52:55.08
what they're talking about.
You've find out quickly what
00:52:55.12\00:52:57.60
they're talking
about. Now the other thing is
00:52:57.63\00:53:01.03
right now at 9 years
of age, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2.
00:53:01.06\00:53:05.00
Kids need to know that
people do not touch you
00:53:05.03\00:53:08.36
in certain places.
They don't put your hands
00:53:08.39\00:53:11.69
on you. And if anybody,
00:53:11.72\00:53:13.51
she may not be ready for a
whole big discussion on the
00:53:13.55\00:53:17.15
birds and the bees
and you don't have to do
00:53:17.18\00:53:18.54
a whole big discussion.
I think that's what scares
00:53:18.58\00:53:20.81
parents: Oh Lord, have mercy.
00:53:20.84\00:53:23.10
What am I gonna
say, but let her know
00:53:23.14\00:53:25.56
what's appropriate
and what's inappropriate,
00:53:25.60\00:53:28.48
for adults, churchmen, anybody.
00:53:28.51\00:53:30.95
And if that happens
come and you can ask her
00:53:30.99\00:53:34.71
did anybody or
anything and that's ok.
00:53:34.74\00:53:38.44
- Well, Donna we have
just about came to the end.
00:53:39.57\00:53:42.67
But before we close I want your
final thoughts, words of wisdom
00:53:42.71\00:53:48.64
that are really gonna
help us, really speak to us
00:53:48.67\00:53:52.28
maybe speak to the
young teenager who's
00:53:52.31\00:53:55.18
pregnant right now.
00:53:55.21\00:53:56.23
- For the young teenager
who's pregnant, you know
00:53:56.27\00:53:59.45
you're not alone, God
is so faithful, He's right
00:53:59.49\00:54:02.64
there in the situation with you.
00:54:02.67\00:54:04.71
Don't give up, don't loose
despair and if it may seem like
00:54:04.75\00:54:08.46
everything around you is dark
and there's no glimmering light,
00:54:08.49\00:54:12.17
but you hang on to the
Lord. Read and immerse yourself
00:54:12.20\00:54:16.50
in everything that
you possibly can, Lord...
00:54:16.53\00:54:19.43
Encouraging text:
Lord, I'm not gonna leave you
00:54:19.47\00:54:22.34
until you bless
me, kind of like Jacob,
00:54:22.37\00:54:23.92
I'm holding on to you.
You do whatever it takes.
00:54:23.96\00:54:26.14
Lord, I'm not gonna
go through this situation
00:54:26.18\00:54:28.33
until you bless me.
00:54:28.36\00:54:29.33
And for the teen who's thinking
about it, I pray that whatever
00:54:29.34\00:54:34.07
I said, if you remember
nothing else that you remember
00:54:34.10\00:54:37.56
one thing; that God
has something so special
00:54:37.59\00:54:41.40
for you, you have no idea.
00:54:41.43\00:54:43.82
And if you wanna have the
best sex, the best relationship
00:54:43.86\00:54:47.37
the best... hook up with God.
00:54:47.40\00:54:49.48
In fact, if you wanna read
about sex just open the Bible.
00:54:50.06\00:54:53.64
You wanna read
about... That's the best novel,
00:54:54.37\00:54:59.74
fast action, drama,
whatever it is you're into,
00:54:59.78\00:55:05.64
it's in the Bible.
00:55:05.67\00:55:06.67
Somebody did it, done
it, been there, been there,
00:55:06.71\00:55:09.02
you know, that king of thing.
00:55:09.05\00:55:10.40
But immerse yourself
with what God wants you to,
00:55:10.44\00:55:13.93
because He says:
"If you honor Me,
00:55:13.96\00:55:15.80
I'm gonna honor you. "
00:55:15.83\00:55:17.18
And I'm gonna cause you
to ride upon the high places.
00:55:17.21\00:55:20.18
We don't know what that ride
is like, 'cause we keep trying
00:55:20.79\00:55:24.11
to help God out,
quit helping Him out.
00:55:24.14\00:55:26.31
He knows what you
need and He... make a list.
00:55:26.35\00:55:29.89
Lord this is what
I want in my life,
00:55:29.92\00:55:32.29
by age 20, by age
26, whatever, whatever.
00:55:32.33\00:55:35.87
And the Lord honor those, when
you immerse yourself with Him.
00:55:35.90\00:55:39.05
He immerses yourself with you.
00:55:39.08\00:55:41.49
- Wow. Thank you so much.
00:55:41.85\00:55:45.53
We've all learned
so much, so much...
00:55:51.17\00:55:53.77
We want to thank you for being
with us and we want to thank
00:55:53.81\00:55:57.55
Cassandra Thomson too for
sharing with us, even though she
00:55:57.59\00:56:01.30
couldn't be with us personally.
00:56:01.33\00:56:03.00
I think that's very
special what she shared with us.
00:56:03.04\00:56:06.62
You know, God didn't
give sex to single people.
00:56:07.14\00:56:11.28
He gave it to husbands
and wives for procreation,
00:56:11.31\00:56:15.42
for enjoyment, and
most of all as a symbol
00:56:15.45\00:56:18.97
of life time one
flesh commitment.
00:56:19.00\00:56:23.39
This is a symbol of commitment.
00:56:23.42\00:56:27.10
And God says in Jeremiah 29:11:
00:56:27.14\00:56:30.75
"I know the plans that I
have for you, plans for good
00:56:30.79\00:56:34.75
and not for evil.
00:56:34.79\00:56:35.88
To give you a
future and a hope. "
00:56:35.91\00:56:38.39
Pregnancy should be the
most exciting, wonderful time
00:56:38.42\00:56:42.57
in a girl's life as
she feels her body change,
00:56:42.60\00:56:45.82
as she's bringing
that new life into being.
00:56:45.86\00:56:49.01
But getting pregnant too soon
without life time commitment
00:56:49.05\00:56:55.95
between the single
mother and the single father,
00:56:55.98\00:57:00.23
it can be devastating.
It can change a whole course
00:57:00.27\00:57:04.49
of a person's
life. But God can redeem,
00:57:04.52\00:57:08.11
and I think that's what
we've learned from this program
00:57:08.15\00:57:10.82
today: God can redeem.
00:57:10.85\00:57:12.74
Because of the choices we
make God sometimes has to go
00:57:12.78\00:57:16.78
to plan B for our
lives. But regardless,
00:57:16.81\00:57:19.09
of the circumstances you find
yourself in God can teach you,
00:57:19.13\00:57:23.61
He can help you become a
kind, loving and wise mother,
00:57:23.64\00:57:27.29
or a kind and loving father.
He can give you the desires
00:57:27.33\00:57:31.17
of your heart, if you'll
just commit your life to Him.
00:57:31.21\00:57:35.02
If you happen to find
yourself pregnant too soon,
00:57:36.16\00:57:39.60
I'd suggest reading Psalms
37, at least you can start
00:57:40.39\00:57:44.07
there and I believe
you will find courage.
00:57:44.10\00:57:48.52