What do you do
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when you've lost someone
near and dear to your heart?
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Stay tuned to meet a man
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who will share
spiritual gems of hope.
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My name is Jason Bradley,
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today is
Ricki D. Ramgoolie.
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And he's here to open up to us
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about what is
perhaps the greatest loss
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that he's ever experienced.
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Welcome to Urban Report, Ricki.
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Thank you so much,
my friend and Jason,
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my friend and brother, Jason.
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It is such a
privilege to be here.
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I didn't think that I
would have ever had to speak
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on this topic from experience,
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but God in His
wisdom and providence
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thought it differently.
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And so I'm here
and I'm ready to share
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what God would
have shared with me
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during my time of grief.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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Oh, it's great to have you.
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And hopefully, one day
you can make it out here.
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I know we're talking to
you via Skype, but hopefully,
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you can make it out here
in person one of these days.
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Love to have you in
the studio here with us.
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This is going to be...
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For me, even hosting
this program right now
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is going to be a
difficult situation
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because often in times of
loss that people are speechless,
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that they don't
know what to say.
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And so, you know,
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I really just want to
open up the floor to you
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to share about your
loss and your experience
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and all of those things.
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So tell us a little
bit about your experience
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with this tremendous loss.
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Who did you lose
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and what were the
surrounding circumstances?
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Well, I lost my
mother on July 28th, 2021.
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And saying that I lost my mother
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really boxes it
into something that,
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you know, it's so
much larger than that.
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I did not just lose my
mother, I lost my port of call,
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I lost my safe place,
I lost my best friend.
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And what was challenging about
it is that mommy was only sick
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for about six to nine
months, seriously ill.
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Before that, she was fine.
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And so she
degenerated very, very quickly.
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And that's why I lost.
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I didn't just lose a
mother, I lost my everything.
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Yes.
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And that is the best
way that I can describe it.
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You know, she was everything.
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She was my best
friend, she was my guide,
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she was my spiritual counselor,
she was my disciplinarian.
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She was everything to me.
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And I lost her
on July 28th, 2021.
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That's 12 weeks ago.
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So, yeah. Wow, wow.
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At the time of
this recording, that is.
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Yes, yes. It's 12 weeks ago.
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Tell us your mom's name.
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What's your mom's name?
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My mom's name was Umma,
and I don't know what it means,
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but her name was Umma.
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Yes.
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I had the privilege
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and opportunity
of meeting your mom
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while I was there in Trinidad,
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and she was an
incredibly sweet, sweet lady.
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And I'm so sorry for your loss.
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You mentioned the fact
that she had a great role
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in your spiritual life.
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At what age or
when did that start?
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And how did she, I guess,
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help you along
the way spiritually?
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Well, I don't know
if there is such a thing
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as an age zero, all right?
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Because it actually
started before I was born.
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Mommy had a very
difficult pregnancy with me.
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And so for, I think,
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it was six out
of the nine months
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of pregnancy,
she was hospitalized.
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And all she was
able to do was lie down.
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And all she did during that time
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was read the
writings of Mrs. White.
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And I'm not talking about
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the nice colorful
books we have now.
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I'm talking about the books
that were brown and hardcover.
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I don't know if you
remember those old books
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from way back when those
old hard brown cover books.
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And so all she read,
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all she did for those six months
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was read the
writings of Mrs. White.
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Wow.
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And I would like to
think my spiritual development
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and my spiritual
training from my mom
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began even during pregnancy.
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And so when I was
born, you know, like I said,
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it was a very
difficult pregnancy.
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And so I was born,
and from a very young age,
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we had worship.
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We sang together.
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We read... We know...
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I remember her
very, very vividly
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because I have a very
excellent long-term memory.
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I remember her very...
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I remember standing
in front of her bed,
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you know, all these
years, 20 something years ago,
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teaching me my
first memory verse.
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The first text I remember,
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the first text
I learned by heart
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was when Daniel said
the Lord sent his angels
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to shut his lion...
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To shut the lion's mouth.
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Wow. And it's
ironically, the D...
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You introduced me
as Ricki D. Ramgoolie.
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My middle name is Daniel.
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I never knew that.
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My mother named me Daniel.
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Yeah, my middle name is Daniel.
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And it was my
mother who named me Daniel.
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My father named
me my first name,
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and she named me Daniel.
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And from a very young age,
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you know, we did our
lesson study together.
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And, of course, I started
to preach at the age of the 11.
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And so she was
always encouraging to me,
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she would have
me read my sermons.
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I vetted all of my sermons.
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You know, she vetted
all of my sermons, rather.
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I ran them through her,
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and she always instilled
in me that God came first.
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Yes.
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And she always instilled
in me that God came first.
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His opinion
matters, His word matters.
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And she's the one
who instilled in me
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both by telling me these things,
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as well as by her example,
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that all God really
expects of us is the love.
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Love Him and love His
people, be kind to one another,
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love Him, love His people.
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And that is a
legacy that by God's grace,
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I intend to continue.
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You know what you
said there, Jason.
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That day that you met mommy
was actually the last full day
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that mommy spent out.
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Wow.
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Because she came...
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She went with me to
the office in the morning
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and we went in
the field together.
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And then you guys
came in the evening.
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Because shortly after that,
I don't know if you remember.
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Shortly after that, Jason,
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our country got our
first case of Corona.
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Yes.
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And as a result, the borders
were locked down, et cetera.
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Churches were closed.
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And very shortly after
that, mommy started to get sick.
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And then she was diagnosed
in September of last year,
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and then she died in July.
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So that day was
actually the last day
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mommy had full, a full day out.
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Wow. And I was reflecting.
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I'm so glad that she was
able to spend that time with me
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and spend that day
and finishing off that day
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with the 3ABN team.
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Yeah.
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'Cause it was such a
great blessing that evening
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and she got to meet you,
and she loved you so much.
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And so I was so glad
that she was able to meet you.
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I feel like I got to meet her.
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She was... She was
just such a sweet...
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Like when she came up
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and I spoke with
her and stuff like that,
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she just had
such a sweet presence
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about her.
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You know, she was
such a kind-hearted woman.
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And I could tell
that you loved your mom
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so much by the way
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that you took care of her
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and just the way
you were with your mom.
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I could tell that you
loved her so, so much.
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I think it was about...
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I'm sorry. I
think it was about six.
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I was around six
or seven years old
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when she told me the story of...
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you know, her
gynecologist coming to tell her
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that he's recommending
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that she had an abortion with me
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because of the
health complications.
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And it was then and there
that I purposed in my heart
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to always love this woman,
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because she loved me
even before she met me.
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Wow. And so I
was seven years old.
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I was always very
mature for my age.
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So at that age,
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I could have understood
what all of that meant.
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And I purposed, as
I said, come what may,
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I'm going to love my mother
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because she loved me
before she even met me.
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And she told that doctor,
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"You are not Jesus,
and I'm keeping my child."
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Amen. Amen.
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And, you know,
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she was
hospitalized, like I said.
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And here I am, 33 years later.
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Yeah, and that's huge.
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You know, a little while
ago, we talked about legacy.
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And oftentimes,
you hear people say
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that they want
to leave a legacy.
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What type of legacy
did your mother leave?
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Two words, Jason.
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I don't even have
to think about this.
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Two words, unconditional love.
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And that is something
that has challenged me
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and still challenges me
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because sometimes it's
difficult to love people
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who are mean to you,
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who are, you know,
evil to you, etcetera.
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But my mother
loved unconditionally.
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She loved my father,
her husband unconditionally,
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she loved her
children unconditionally,
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her siblings, her mother.
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She loved
everyone unconditionally.
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Even sometimes when,
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you know, the worst of
things were done to her,
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the worst of
things were said to her,
00:09:37.44\00:09:39.61
she loved unconditionally.
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There are many
other secondary things.
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But if it's one thing
that I intend by God's grace
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to honor her legacy,
was her unconditional love.
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That is what she left
for, especially, her children.
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You know, that
unconditional of love people,
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love them
through the eyes of God
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and you can't go wrong.
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Yeah, that's huge.
00:10:00.00\00:10:02.06
What about her faith?
00:10:02.10\00:10:03.57
Speak about her faith
and how strong that was.
00:10:03.60\00:10:08.44
Yeah, her faith
was very, very strong.
00:10:08.47\00:10:13.01
My mother came
from a Hindu background,
00:10:13.04\00:10:16.41
and so she got baptized
00:10:16.44\00:10:21.68
38 years ago.
00:10:21.72\00:10:23.39
And it was difficult
00:10:23.42\00:10:24.75
because the
family still practiced,
00:10:24.79\00:10:26.49
you know, Hinduism, et cetera.
00:10:26.52\00:10:27.86
Hinduism is
very big in Trinidad.
00:10:27.89\00:10:30.23
So she was...
00:10:30.26\00:10:31.59
She had a Hindu background,
00:10:31.63\00:10:32.96
but she got
baptized in what church?
00:10:32.99\00:10:35.86
Seventh-day Adventist.
00:10:35.90\00:10:37.23
She became a
Seventh-day Adventist.
00:10:37.27\00:10:38.73
And, you know, I
know that the Voice
00:10:38.77\00:10:40.74
of Prophecy
lessons still exists,
00:10:40.77\00:10:42.84
but it's not as popular
now as it was back then.
00:10:42.87\00:10:44.74
Okay.
00:10:44.77\00:10:46.11
But back then, it was
the Voice of Prophecy.
00:10:46.14\00:10:47.91
And she did 12 lessons.
00:10:47.94\00:10:51.55
Twelve, I think,
was out of 30 something.
00:10:51.58\00:10:53.72
Twelve lessons
and the 13th lesson
00:10:53.75\00:10:56.22
was on the Sabbath.
00:10:56.25\00:10:57.59
And the Sabbath did it for her.
00:10:57.62\00:10:59.35
And after 13 lessons,
she was ready to be baptized.
00:10:59.39\00:11:03.89
And so even at
that time, she had...
00:11:03.93\00:11:07.20
She was married and
had two children already,
00:11:07.23\00:11:09.06
my two older brothers.
00:11:09.10\00:11:10.43
They...
00:11:10.47\00:11:11.80
She defied
everything and she got baptized
00:11:11.83\00:11:15.97
and she maintained her
love and her faith in God.
00:11:16.00\00:11:20.58
We have been through a
lot as a family in terms of,
00:11:20.61\00:11:23.55
you know, financially
and health wise, et cetera.
00:11:23.58\00:11:27.55
But one thing
00:11:27.58\00:11:28.92
that we could
have always depended on
00:11:28.95\00:11:30.29
was a word of faith from mommy.
00:11:30.32\00:11:33.66
And even if she
didn't have anything to say,
00:11:33.69\00:11:36.42
her actions showed
that she believed in God.
00:11:36.46\00:11:39.46
And she believed that, you know,
00:11:39.49\00:11:41.96
God knew best
00:11:42.00\00:11:43.33
and that all things are
going to work out for our good.
00:11:43.37\00:11:45.90
You know, she
taught me a while ago
00:11:45.93\00:11:48.20
that all things may not be good,
00:11:48.24\00:11:51.14
but all things will
definitely work out for good,
00:11:51.17\00:11:53.68
and especially
during her illness.
00:11:53.71\00:11:56.11
You know, it was in
2018 when I finished school,
00:11:56.14\00:12:00.05
finished my degree in theology.
00:12:00.08\00:12:01.68
And, you know, she finished
working at the same time.
00:12:01.72\00:12:04.82
She had surgeries
for cataract, et cetera.
00:12:04.85\00:12:07.26
So she and I ended up...
00:12:07.29\00:12:08.62
She and I ended up
being home at the same time.
00:12:08.66\00:12:10.99
And it...
00:12:11.03\00:12:12.39
It was in 2018 that
she and I really started
00:12:12.43\00:12:14.56
to watch 3ABN as much as
we did, you know, together.
00:12:14.60\00:12:19.50
And our mindsets changed.
00:12:19.53\00:12:22.70
You know, this world
became so dark to us.
00:12:22.74\00:12:25.27
And there's a song that says
we set our mind on another time
00:12:25.31\00:12:28.71
and on another place.
00:12:28.74\00:12:30.58
And that
experience, those three years
00:12:30.61\00:12:34.38
of really getting
into God's Word even more.
00:12:34.42\00:12:36.85
And I would not
have thought it possible
00:12:36.89\00:12:39.22
for my mother
and I to grow closer,
00:12:39.25\00:12:40.89
but we grew closer
during those three years.
00:12:40.92\00:12:42.89
We grew closer spiritually.
00:12:42.92\00:12:45.03
And so I'm telling
you that to let you know
00:12:45.06\00:12:46.76
that during her illness,
00:12:46.80\00:12:48.13
her faith in God
during her illness
00:12:48.16\00:12:49.90
and how rapidly she
degenerated was mind blowing,
00:12:49.93\00:12:54.94
and it's exemplary.
00:12:54.97\00:12:56.34
Wow.
00:12:56.37\00:12:57.71
She never lost
her faith in Jesus.
00:12:57.74\00:12:59.17
As a human, yes,
she had really bad days,
00:12:59.21\00:13:01.11
she had really dark days,
00:13:01.14\00:13:02.48
she had really questioning days.
00:13:02.51\00:13:04.01
But when that...
00:13:04.05\00:13:05.65
When the dust settled, Jason,
and when that sun was set,
00:13:05.68\00:13:09.22
she knew in
whom she believed in.
00:13:09.25\00:13:11.05
Amen.
00:13:11.09\00:13:12.42
And her mind was
set on things to come.
00:13:12.45\00:13:16.56
Her mind was not set here.
00:13:16.59\00:13:18.23
And all of these
things, you know...
00:13:18.26\00:13:22.46
I'm talking like this,
00:13:22.50\00:13:23.83
but all of these
things are just things
00:13:23.87\00:13:27.40
for me to hold on to.
00:13:27.44\00:13:28.77
Yes.
00:13:28.80\00:13:30.14
And when I am feeling darker
and when I am feeling broken
00:13:30.17\00:13:31.74
and when I am feeling lonely,
00:13:31.77\00:13:33.98
you know, my mother's
faith and my mother's example,
00:13:34.01\00:13:36.58
especially during her
illness, especially during,
00:13:36.61\00:13:39.85
you know, the last
moments of her life,
00:13:39.88\00:13:42.92
she held on to God.
00:13:42.95\00:13:44.29
Yes.
00:13:44.32\00:13:45.65
And if I intend to
be reunited with her,
00:13:45.69\00:13:48.22
that's the one
thing I need to do.
00:13:48.26\00:13:49.96
I need to hold on to God.
00:13:49.99\00:13:51.33
Amen, Amen.
00:13:51.36\00:13:53.70
What was going through
your mind in those moments?
00:13:53.73\00:13:58.13
How were you feeling
00:13:58.17\00:13:59.50
and what were you thinking
during that difficult time,
00:13:59.53\00:14:03.67
during the illness?
00:14:03.71\00:14:06.88
Well, I am a pastor,
00:14:06.91\00:14:08.68
but before that I was
into the medical field.
00:14:08.71\00:14:13.31
I was actually
studying to become
00:14:13.35\00:14:15.38
a forensic pathologist.
00:14:15.42\00:14:18.12
And as mommy's
medical results came in
00:14:18.15\00:14:21.22
and I saw
certain signs, et cetera,
00:14:21.26\00:14:24.76
I knew in my heart
00:14:24.79\00:14:26.43
that it would
have taken a miracle
00:14:26.46\00:14:28.90
to bring mommy back.
00:14:28.93\00:14:32.00
And I also knew
00:14:32.03\00:14:35.24
that God was very much
able to perform that miracle.
00:14:35.27\00:14:39.07
The first time I felt
as if I breathed, Jason,
00:14:42.31\00:14:45.91
was when mommy
breathed her last breath
00:14:45.95\00:14:49.78
to the back of
my hand right here.
00:14:49.82\00:14:51.25
Wow.
00:14:51.29\00:14:52.62
That was the first time I felt
00:14:52.65\00:14:53.99
as if I breathed
since September, 2020.
00:14:54.02\00:14:57.53
I felt as if I
was holding my breath,
00:14:57.56\00:15:00.46
because while everyone
was crumbling around her,
00:15:00.50\00:15:03.97
she...
00:15:04.00\00:15:05.33
I was the one that
she looked to for support.
00:15:05.37\00:15:06.84
Yes.
00:15:06.87\00:15:08.20
I was the one that she
looked to for spiritual word,
00:15:08.24\00:15:10.97
you know, 'cause while...
00:15:11.01\00:15:12.41
Yes, we have, you know,
00:15:12.44\00:15:14.18
Seventh-day
Adventists in our family
00:15:14.21\00:15:15.54
and Christians, et cetera.
00:15:15.58\00:15:16.91
But in terms of deep
spiritual connection,
00:15:16.95\00:15:18.65
you know, mommy and I
were the ones who really,
00:15:18.68\00:15:20.58
really kept that
faith and had created
00:15:20.62\00:15:23.65
an Adventist home
space for ourselves.
00:15:23.69\00:15:25.55
Yes. And so she looked to me.
00:15:25.59\00:15:28.59
And so when she
was in a bad place,
00:15:28.62\00:15:32.43
when she couldn't go on,
00:15:32.46\00:15:34.00
I had to be that
one to remind her
00:15:34.03\00:15:36.36
of the goodness of God,
00:15:36.40\00:15:37.73
to remind her that,
00:15:37.77\00:15:39.10
you know, this world is not it.
00:15:39.13\00:15:40.50
And then even if He
chooses not to move in the way
00:15:40.54\00:15:42.77
in which we think He should,
00:15:42.80\00:15:44.47
all these things are going
to work together for her good.
00:15:44.51\00:15:47.64
And actually, 24
hours before she died,
00:15:47.68\00:15:51.41
she was having a really bad day.
00:15:51.45\00:15:52.78
And I thank God
00:15:52.81\00:15:54.15
that she didn't die on that day
00:15:54.18\00:15:55.52
because I did not want her
to die on a bad day, you know?
00:15:55.55\00:15:59.45
The day that she died,
she was having a good day.
00:15:59.49\00:16:01.62
Yes. She was not feeling sick.
00:16:01.66\00:16:04.06
She...
00:16:04.09\00:16:05.43
We got up and worshipped
like we, what we often do.
00:16:05.46\00:16:08.36
But what was going
through my mind was, God,
00:16:08.40\00:16:10.63
You either work a
miracle or do something.
00:16:10.67\00:16:13.64
In my mind, God
had two choices, Jason.
00:16:13.67\00:16:16.27
He could have healed her,
00:16:16.30\00:16:18.01
or He could have
put her to sleep.
00:16:18.04\00:16:20.61
But I would've had
a more difficult time
00:16:20.64\00:16:23.11
with the situation
00:16:23.14\00:16:24.61
if He had allowed
her to remain alive
00:16:24.65\00:16:26.48
and she was getting sicker.
00:16:26.51\00:16:27.85
Yes.
00:16:27.88\00:16:29.22
And she was degenerating
and she was suffering.
00:16:29.25\00:16:30.59
Mommy was suffering.
00:16:30.62\00:16:31.95
She was suffering physically,
she was suffering mentally,
00:16:31.99\00:16:34.49
she was suffering spiritually.
00:16:34.52\00:16:36.29
And I would've had
a more difficult time
00:16:36.32\00:16:38.96
if God did not do something.
00:16:38.99\00:16:40.33
So in my...
00:16:40.36\00:16:41.70
Of course, being
the sovereign God
00:16:41.73\00:16:43.57
that He is,
00:16:43.60\00:16:44.93
He could have done
anything He wanted to,
00:16:44.97\00:16:46.74
anything He had chosen to
00:16:46.77\00:16:48.77
and I would've
still had to love Him.
00:16:48.80\00:16:50.24
Yeah.
00:16:50.27\00:16:51.61
I would've still had to
open my Bible and trust Him,
00:16:51.64\00:16:53.41
you know?
00:16:53.44\00:16:54.78
But I would've had a
more difficult time doing so,
00:16:54.81\00:16:57.21
if He had kept her
alive when she was suffering.
00:16:57.25\00:16:58.58
Yeah.
00:16:58.61\00:16:59.95
Death to the
Christian is a welcome thing.
00:16:59.98\00:17:01.88
Death to the Christian
is not a bad thing because
00:17:01.92\00:17:04.12
it is actually what
happens after death,
00:17:04.15\00:17:06.59
because we know
death is a sleep.
00:17:06.62\00:17:09.19
The best place to be at
this time, in this time,
00:17:09.22\00:17:12.96
especially in this time,
is to be asleep in Jesus.
00:17:12.99\00:17:17.27
You know, Solomon who
lived a very, very full life.
00:17:17.30\00:17:20.77
Solomon lived life. Okay?
00:17:20.80\00:17:22.57
He was the richest man alive,
he was the wisest man alive.
00:17:22.60\00:17:25.74
He also had a lot of
woman, a lot of wives.
00:17:25.77\00:17:28.28
I can't even get one,
he had so much, right?
00:17:28.31\00:17:31.91
So he lived life.
00:17:31.95\00:17:35.88
But in Ecclesiastes Chapter 4,
00:17:35.92\00:17:38.02
and this was the
first text, Jason.
00:17:38.05\00:17:40.76
The first time I did personal
devotion after mommy died
00:17:40.79\00:17:43.49
was the day after her funeral.
00:17:43.53\00:17:45.69
And the awesome God
brought to me this text.
00:17:45.73\00:17:50.10
The first text that
I got when I started do
00:17:50.13\00:17:52.27
my devotion was
Ecclesiastes 4:2-3.
00:17:52.30\00:17:57.57
Solomon who lived life
said that he envied the dead.
00:17:57.61\00:18:03.14
Because they're not...
00:18:03.18\00:18:04.51
They don't have to
fight up, as I would...
00:18:04.55\00:18:07.08
As you would say in Trinidad,
00:18:07.12\00:18:08.45
they wouldn't have to
contend with the living.
00:18:08.48\00:18:10.19
And he said in verse chapter...
00:18:10.22\00:18:12.52
In verse 3 of Chapter 4,
00:18:12.55\00:18:15.26
that better than the dead
and better than the living
00:18:15.29\00:18:18.79
are those who have
never even been born because
00:18:18.83\00:18:21.86
they never had to face
the corruption of this world.
00:18:21.90\00:18:26.07
And so death is a welcome thing
00:18:26.10\00:18:29.40
to the Christian whose
life is hid in Jesus Christ.
00:18:29.44\00:18:33.61
And so for me, death
is not the worst thing.
00:18:33.64\00:18:36.51
The worst thing is
being alive and your life
00:18:36.54\00:18:40.72
is not hidden in Christ.
00:18:40.75\00:18:42.42
The worst thing for
those who are living today
00:18:42.45\00:18:46.32
is not your loved
one who is in Jesus,
00:18:46.35\00:18:48.66
sleeping in Jesus,
00:18:48.69\00:18:50.26
because the next
time they wake up
00:18:50.29\00:18:52.06
will be when
Jesus calls, you know?
00:18:52.09\00:18:55.06
So death...
00:18:55.10\00:18:57.30
You know, I said, you know, God,
00:18:57.33\00:19:00.94
can either heal her
or He can put her asleep.
00:19:00.97\00:19:03.67
And in His sovereignty
and His perfect wisdom
00:19:03.71\00:19:06.57
and in His
unconditional everlasting love,
00:19:06.61\00:19:09.44
He decided to put her asleep.
00:19:09.48\00:19:10.81
Yes.
00:19:10.85\00:19:12.18
So is that how you've
been able to cope with this,
00:19:12.21\00:19:15.82
is by knowing that one day,
00:19:15.85\00:19:18.92
Jesus is going to return
and she's going to wake up
00:19:18.95\00:19:23.49
and be caught up in
the clouds with Christ?
00:19:23.53\00:19:28.50
That is how I face one
day at a time every day.
00:19:28.53\00:19:32.23
Yeah, yeah.
00:19:32.27\00:19:33.60
But, you know,
00:19:33.64\00:19:34.97
mommy died on
Wednesday July 28th 1:40 PM.
00:19:35.00\00:19:39.31
Wow.
00:19:39.34\00:19:40.68
And like I said, she
breathed her last breath
00:19:40.71\00:19:42.04
on the back of this hand.
00:19:42.08\00:19:43.41
And by the way, Jason,
I still feel that breath
00:19:43.45\00:19:45.21
being breathed on my hand.
00:19:45.25\00:19:47.05
And so that was, you
know, 1:40 PM Wednesday.
00:19:47.08\00:19:52.39
I didn't sleep Wednesday night.
00:19:52.42\00:19:54.66
When I went out
to the living room
00:19:54.69\00:19:57.09
where we would
usually worship, I saw her...
00:19:57.13\00:20:01.23
I saw the Bible, the hymnal,
00:20:01.26\00:20:03.57
and the
quarterly, the lesson book
00:20:03.60\00:20:07.04
that we worshiped
with 24 hours before.
00:20:07.07\00:20:10.41
And when I tell you,
Jason, I lost it, I lost it.
00:20:10.44\00:20:14.18
Yeah.
00:20:14.21\00:20:15.78
I totally lost it.
00:20:15.81\00:20:17.48
And I would say I lost
it that Thursday morning,
00:20:17.51\00:20:22.62
and I did not find it
00:20:22.65\00:20:24.75
until the Tuesday
before her funeral,
00:20:24.79\00:20:26.72
which was the week after.
00:20:26.76\00:20:29.69
And very quickly,
I want to tell you,
00:20:29.72\00:20:32.06
you know, that experience,
00:20:32.09\00:20:33.43
you know, that Sunday
00:20:33.46\00:20:34.80
before her
funeral, that Sunday night.
00:20:34.83\00:20:36.16
I know I would've
shared it with you.
00:20:36.20\00:20:37.53
That Sunday night, I
realized that I was numb
00:20:37.57\00:20:40.94
from the top of my head
to the bottom of my feet.
00:20:40.97\00:20:43.54
I was walking and I
wasn't feeling the ground
00:20:43.57\00:20:46.84
under my feet.
00:20:46.88\00:20:48.48
I was driving to
have a private viewing,
00:20:48.51\00:20:51.65
you know, 'cause they...
00:20:51.68\00:20:53.01
In the funeral home, you
can have a private viewing
00:20:53.05\00:20:54.45
before the funeral a day before.
00:20:54.48\00:20:56.89
I was driving,
and I was speeding.
00:20:56.92\00:20:58.25
I didn't know
that I was speeding.
00:20:58.29\00:20:59.62
It's my cousin had to tell me,
Ricki, you were driving fast.
00:20:59.65\00:21:04.13
And in Trinidad,
00:21:04.16\00:21:05.49
the speed limit is
100 kilometers per hour.
00:21:05.53\00:21:08.56
And I was going 130,
140 and I did not know,
00:21:08.60\00:21:13.37
because I was not
feeling the accelerator
00:21:13.40\00:21:15.94
under my foot.
00:21:15.97\00:21:17.77
I was holding
the steering driving
00:21:17.81\00:21:21.28
and I was not feeling the
steering wheel in my hands.
00:21:21.31\00:21:24.15
That's how numb I was. Wow.
00:21:24.18\00:21:26.08
And I went to
the private viewing
00:21:26.11\00:21:29.35
and I went to see her.
00:21:29.38\00:21:33.79
And I cried.
00:21:33.82\00:21:36.49
Yeah. I cried, I cried.
00:21:36.52\00:21:38.86
You know, the one
thing that I miss most
00:21:38.89\00:21:41.96
is being able to talk to her,
00:21:42.00\00:21:43.33
because I feel as if now I have
no one to talk to, you know?
00:21:43.37\00:21:46.50
And I shouldn't say I
feel as if I don't have anyone
00:21:46.53\00:21:49.24
to talk to on the level
00:21:49.27\00:21:50.81
at which mommy and
I spoke at, you know?
00:21:50.84\00:21:53.54
So I miss talking to her.
00:21:53.58\00:21:55.11
And so I had my
final talk with her
00:21:55.14\00:21:57.91
and I played with her
ears and I played her hands.
00:21:57.95\00:22:00.52
And you know, she
wanted to burn with her Bible
00:22:00.55\00:22:03.55
because she was cremated.
00:22:03.59\00:22:05.02
She wanted to cremate
with her Bible of 28 years.
00:22:05.05\00:22:08.72
And, Jason, when
I placed the Bible
00:22:08.76\00:22:14.33
in mommy's hand,
00:22:14.36\00:22:16.46
God reminded me.
00:22:16.50\00:22:18.23
He said, "Ricki, how many nights
00:22:18.27\00:22:20.24
did you have to
stay up with your mother
00:22:20.27\00:22:22.44
because she couldn't sleep?"
00:22:22.47\00:22:24.17
And you know, Jason, I would've
shared with you sometimes,
00:22:24.21\00:22:27.14
you know, mommy
didn't have a good night
00:22:27.18\00:22:28.51
or she didn't have
a good couple of days.
00:22:28.54\00:22:29.88
Yes.
00:22:29.91\00:22:31.25
And He said,
00:22:31.28\00:22:34.95
"How many nights
did your mother wake up
00:22:34.98\00:22:36.99
because she had chest
pains or she couldn't breathe?
00:22:37.02\00:22:40.42
How many nights
did your mother wake up
00:22:40.46\00:22:42.66
because she had
a nauseous feeling?
00:22:42.69\00:22:45.73
Your mother didn't
sleep sometimes for days."
00:22:45.76\00:22:47.80
Sometimes, Jason,
three days would pass
00:22:47.83\00:22:49.33
and mommy would sleep
like only two or three hours
00:22:49.36\00:22:51.43
for the three days.
00:22:51.47\00:22:53.10
And I was up with
her right through.
00:22:53.13\00:22:54.84
I was working, right?
00:22:54.87\00:22:56.94
I was pastoring,
doing 100% of my duties,
00:22:56.97\00:23:00.01
but still having to come
home and deal with mommy.
00:23:00.04\00:23:03.04
And He told me, He
whispered in my ears
00:23:03.08\00:23:07.82
that your mother's
finally getting the sleep
00:23:07.85\00:23:10.15
that eluded her all this while.
00:23:10.19\00:23:13.36
And the next time
your mother wakes up,
00:23:13.39\00:23:16.36
it will not be because of pain.
00:23:16.39\00:23:18.29
Pain will not
wake your mother up.
00:23:18.33\00:23:20.36
Not being able to breathe
will not wake your mother up.
00:23:20.40\00:23:23.13
The next time
your mother wakes up,
00:23:23.16\00:23:25.07
I will wake her
up to carry her home.
00:23:25.10\00:23:26.97
Amen. Amen.
00:23:27.00\00:23:29.20
Jason, and when I placed
that Bible in my mother's hand,
00:23:29.24\00:23:33.58
I've preached on it,
00:23:33.61\00:23:35.54
I have told other
people it, I've done the Greek.
00:23:35.58\00:23:38.68
But for the
first time in my life,
00:23:38.71\00:23:42.08
I understood what it
meant when the Bible said
00:23:42.12\00:23:44.85
that God is going
to give you a peace
00:23:44.89\00:23:47.06
which passes all understanding.
00:23:47.09\00:23:49.19
Yes.
00:23:49.22\00:23:50.56
And the same hand
that God must have used
00:23:50.59\00:23:54.30
to wipe His own
tears when His Son died,
00:23:54.33\00:23:58.20
is the same hand,
00:23:58.23\00:23:59.57
I think, He used
to wipe my tears.
00:23:59.60\00:24:01.44
Wow.
00:24:01.47\00:24:02.80
And that's why I
told you I lost it
00:24:02.84\00:24:04.77
that Thursday morning.
00:24:04.81\00:24:06.14
I didn't find it
until that Tuesday
00:24:06.17\00:24:08.24
when I saw her,
00:24:08.28\00:24:09.61
because God
placed in me a peace.
00:24:09.64\00:24:11.61
What gets me through every day
00:24:11.65\00:24:14.65
is the grace and
strength of God to allow me
00:24:14.68\00:24:17.25
to face each day,
one day at a time.
00:24:17.29\00:24:19.12
Yes.
00:24:19.15\00:24:20.49
And that is what I
want to let everyone know
00:24:20.52\00:24:22.36
who is watching.
00:24:22.39\00:24:23.89
I want to let you know
00:24:23.93\00:24:25.46
that there is no
moment of the day, Jason,
00:24:25.49\00:24:28.20
that I do not feel
broken, that I do not feel sad,
00:24:28.23\00:24:32.40
that I do not feel like
a lost little boy in a park
00:24:32.43\00:24:36.00
with no one around him.
00:24:36.04\00:24:37.67
There is not a moment of the day
00:24:37.71\00:24:40.68
that I do not feel out
of place in this world,
00:24:40.71\00:24:43.61
that I do not feel dark.
00:24:43.65\00:24:45.95
But there is also
not a moment of the day
00:24:45.98\00:24:48.85
that I do not feel God's
grace and strength giving me
00:24:48.88\00:24:52.75
the strength to face
each day, one day at a time.
00:24:52.79\00:24:55.96
Amen.
00:24:55.99\00:24:57.33
And so I just wanted to say
00:24:57.36\00:24:58.69
if you are
facing something, right?
00:24:58.73\00:25:01.83
If you are facing
something, facing a loss,
00:25:01.86\00:25:04.13
it's okay to feel like this.
00:25:04.17\00:25:06.10
But let God give you that grace.
00:25:06.13\00:25:08.70
That is how I've
been facing every day,
00:25:08.74\00:25:10.17
every morning when I wake up.
00:25:10.21\00:25:12.71
I thank God when I realized
00:25:12.74\00:25:14.38
I was giving the breath of life.
00:25:14.41\00:25:15.94
I thank God for it.
00:25:15.98\00:25:17.91
And I ask Him, "God, give
me the grace to face today."
00:25:17.95\00:25:21.58
Because the thought of
facing the rest of my life
00:25:21.62\00:25:24.62
on this world without my
mother is going to cripple me
00:25:24.65\00:25:27.62
and it's going to
make me fold in two.
00:25:27.66\00:25:29.82
So all I'm doing, Jason,
00:25:29.86\00:25:31.43
is taking
everything one day at a time.
00:25:31.46\00:25:35.33
It is difficult, you know. Yes.
00:25:35.36\00:25:37.40
I don't want folks to hear
00:25:37.43\00:25:38.77
how I'm speaking
and think that it's,
00:25:38.80\00:25:40.14
you know, I'm
okay, and it's all right,
00:25:40.17\00:25:42.04
and everything's
going to be fine.
00:25:42.07\00:25:44.04
That hole inside of you,
that void, it will never go.
00:25:44.07\00:25:48.41
But what is going to happen
is once you put your faith in,
00:25:48.44\00:25:51.08
once you put your
trust in God and His Word,
00:25:51.11\00:25:53.55
He is going to
give you the grace is,
00:25:53.58\00:25:55.78
is going to give you
the grace to face every day,
00:25:55.82\00:25:59.15
one day at a time.
00:25:59.19\00:26:00.52
And so to specifically
answer your question,
00:26:00.56\00:26:02.59
it is that hope that
burns within my heart
00:26:02.62\00:26:05.66
that keeps me going.
00:26:05.69\00:26:07.16
Because I used to
always tell folks that
00:26:07.20\00:26:09.96
I have a Jesus
to meet in heaven.
00:26:10.00\00:26:12.77
But now I no longer
just have a Jesus to meet,
00:26:12.80\00:26:15.80
I have a mother to see.
00:26:15.84\00:26:17.47
And so it is keeping
that hope fresh alive,
00:26:17.51\00:26:21.34
that keeps me
going day after day.
00:26:21.38\00:26:23.61
Amen. That's powerful.
00:26:23.65\00:26:25.08
You know, I've communicated
with you for a while.
00:26:25.11\00:26:29.28
And you've really shared
some of these spiritual gems
00:26:29.32\00:26:31.95
and I thought it would
be very important for you
00:26:31.99\00:26:34.69
to share with
our viewing audience.
00:26:34.72\00:26:36.59
We're running low on time,
00:26:36.62\00:26:38.09
but I want to open it up
for that one final thought
00:26:38.13\00:26:41.63
that you may have
that you want to share.
00:26:41.66\00:26:44.27
Well, there is something
I really wanted to say,
00:26:44.30\00:26:45.63
so I want to try to
fit those two in one.
00:26:45.67\00:26:49.20
When it was three
weeks when she died,
00:26:49.24\00:26:51.71
Wednesday to
Wednesday, I woke up,
00:26:51.74\00:26:53.38
realized it was three weeks.
00:26:53.41\00:26:55.74
And I said, "Wow,
00:26:55.78\00:26:57.58
today is three
weeks since mommy died."
00:26:57.61\00:26:59.21
My God told me, "Ricki,
son, today is not three weeks
00:26:59.25\00:27:03.75
since your mother died.
00:27:03.79\00:27:05.25
Today is three weeks closer
00:27:05.29\00:27:07.26
to when you
shall see her again."
00:27:07.29\00:27:08.62
Wow.
00:27:08.66\00:27:09.99
And so for me, Jason,
00:27:10.03\00:27:11.36
I am not
counting up on my mother.
00:27:11.39\00:27:12.73
He said, "Don't count up.
00:27:12.76\00:27:14.10
It's a countdown."
00:27:14.13\00:27:15.46
And so the day
of this recording,
00:27:15.50\00:27:17.10
it's 12 weeks to the day.
00:27:17.13\00:27:18.90
And so it's not 12 weeks
00:27:18.93\00:27:20.27
since she died or
since she fell asleep,
00:27:20.30\00:27:22.17
it's 12 weeks closer to
when I shall see her again.
00:27:22.20\00:27:26.81
Friends, time is limited,
but that's all I want to say.
00:27:26.84\00:27:30.78
Don't look to
this as a count up.
00:27:30.81\00:27:34.92
As time passes,
it's actually closer
00:27:34.95\00:27:37.05
to when you shall
see your loved one again.
00:27:37.09\00:27:38.42
Count down.
00:27:38.45\00:27:39.79
Thank you so much for coming on
00:27:39.82\00:27:41.16
and sharing in
your transparency.
00:27:41.19\00:27:42.52
And I want to
thank you for joining us.
00:27:42.56\00:27:44.23
Until next time, may
God richly bless you.
00:27:44.26\00:27:47.03