Stay tuned to meet a woman
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who had her
identity crisis unraveled.
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My name is Jason Bradley
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello, and
welcome to Urban Report.
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Today's program is one
that is sensitive in nature
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and viewer
discretion is advised.
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If you are a parent and
you have young children,
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we suggest that you
watch this program first,
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and then
determine whether or not
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it is suitable
for your children.
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My guests today
are Michael Carducci,
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Co-Founder of 'Coming Out'
Ministries and Kezia Chisholm,
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the Associate Speaker
of 'Coming Out' Ministries.
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Well, one of the
associate speakers
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of 'Coming Out' Ministries.
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Welcome to Urban Report,
guys. It's great to be here.
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Yes. It's great
to have you here.
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Mike, you're no stranger
to 3ABN, to Dare to Dream.
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Kezia, this is
your first time here.
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Yes, it is.
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And we're excited to
dive into your testimony
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and hear a little bit
about your background.
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But, Mike, why don't
you start by telling us
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a little bit about
'Coming Out' Ministries,
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and then transition
into how you met Kezia?
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Sure, 'Coming Out' Ministries
was started 10 years ago.
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And it was by five individuals
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that were coming
out of LGBT lives
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into a
relationship with Jesus Christ.
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And I thought as
one of those people
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that I was the only one,
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but then when we found
that there were other people,
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we thought, "Well, if
one testimony was good,
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then imagine the
power of five testimonies."
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So 'Coming Out' Ministries
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was about five
different ministries
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coming together.
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And it's now grown into
this amazing opportunity
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to go internationally
and speaking about
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the power of Jesus
Christ to restore lives.
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And why do you feel that
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that is so
relevant in today's society?
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You know, there was
nobody talking about this issue
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when I was a young
person and walked out
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of the church
culture 40 years ago.
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So then coming back
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into church
culture 20 years ago,
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thinking, surely we were
talking about this issue.
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I think that a lot of people,
it's a very uncomfortable
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and taboo subject matter,
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but it's
something that has minimized
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and marginalized people
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that are struggling
with identity issues.
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And a lot of our youth walk away
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from church
culture, not necessarily
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because they're not getting
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an
understanding of Jesus Christ,
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but they're not knowing
how to bring in a sexuality
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and religion together.
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And that was the reason
why I walked out of the church.
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Wow. Wow. Wow.
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I have an interesting
quote that I'd like to share.
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And it actually comes from
Testimonies on Sexual Behavior,
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Adultery, and Divorce,
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but it talks about
Satan's repetitious plot.
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Listen to this, 100
years ago, Ellen White wrote.
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She said, "Near the
close of this earth's history
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Satan will work
with all his powers
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in the same manner and
with the same temptations
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wherewith he
tempted ancient Israel
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just before they're
entering the Land of Promise.
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He will lay snares for those
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who claim to keep
the commandments of God,
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and who are
almost on the borders
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of the heavenly Canaan.
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He will use his
powers to the utmost in order
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to entrap souls
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and to take
God's professed people
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upon their weakest points.
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Those who have not brought
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the lower
passions into subjection
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to the higher
powers of their being,
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those who have
allowed their minds to flow
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in the channel
of carnal indulgence
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of the baser passions,
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Satan is determined to
destroy with his temptations
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to pollute their
souls with licentiousness."
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It's interesting when
I speak at universities,
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academies, at churches,
pastor's retreats, you know,
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the power of the
internet on the cell phones
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and our smart
devices has really ramped up
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pornography
addiction and sexual addiction.
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And so when I met Kezia
a few years ago in Cuba,
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we were working
together on a mission trip
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and as I started
to hear Kezia story
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about her sexual compromises,
and then asking her, you know,
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"Well, you know, you know about
biblical sexuality, don't you?"
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And her response to me
was, "Well, basically, no."
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She didn't get that
education from her home.
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And she wasn't
getting it in the church
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and that was when my
eyes were open to this quote,
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where I realized that the
prophet of the Lord told us
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over 100 years ago,
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what the end
time issue is gonna be
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and yet there are no programs,
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there are no
sermons taught about it.
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And so 'Coming Out' Ministries
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relevance is
really about the fact
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that we're not
afraid to talk about it,
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but we also do it
in a redemptive way
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instead of instructing children
or young people or even adults,
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but pointing
them to Jesus Christ
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in the restoration
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that He has
available for each one of us.
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Yeah. And which is beautiful.
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I love 'Coming Out' Ministries
because it is, you guys,
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do discuss topics that
need to be talked about,
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you know, people are
being educated in the streets,
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but they're not
being educated in the home
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or in the church
on the specific topic.
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So, Jason,
thanks for Urban Report.
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We're so grateful because
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now we are
talking about it here.
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And we are educating people
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through the ability to
be here with you today.
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So we're just
as grateful to you.
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Glad to have you here.
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And, Kezia, let's go ahead
and jump into your background.
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You're biracial, correct? I am.
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You know, identity seems
to be the issue of the day.
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As a biracial person, excuse me,
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how has identity
affected you as a little girl?
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It played a
really big role for me,
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especially because just seeing
how when it came to my mom,
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who was the woman who's
that girl that, you know,
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I'm looking up to,
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and I realized I
didn't look like her.
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And so automatically it already
played a lot within my mind
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just seeing that, you know,
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she was fairer
skinned, you know,
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she's from the Philippines.
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Her hair is
straight, my hair is curly,
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and then what's
when it was with my dad.
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My dad, he's Guyane.
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So him and I
connected more with, you know,
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just being black
being that he's from Guyana,
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so I always
related more with him,
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but just seeing how over time,
there were some differences,
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especially just growing
up in Brooklyn, New York,
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it wasn't
really big at that time
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in regards to
interracial relationships.
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So it did play a role in
regards to how I saw myself
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and just trying to
always pick one side
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and not think that I
could just be, you know,
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happy with how God had made me.
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Yes. Wow.
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So you felt like
you had to pick it...
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Yeah, for sure. Okay. Okay.
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Now was your
father always in the home?
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No, he wasn't. Over
time he actually had left.
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So for most of my childhood,
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he was present, he was
active, you know, mom and dad,
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you know, they
were doing things,
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being that they were
married for some time,
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and then eventually,
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sometimes things
don't always go as planned.
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And eventually they
ended up getting a divorce.
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So with him leaving
that really did play
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a big part in some of the things
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I had turned to
and looking for love.
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So when I was around
12, he ended up leaving
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and that was a
big, a really down,
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a really spiraled effect for me,
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where I just saw that, you know,
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him leaving it caused
me to really break down
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and looking
towards to other things
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to really fill that hole.
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That love that I was looking for
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since he had decided to leave.
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Have you ever had any
issues like as a kid, you know,
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sometimes you hear
about children being molested?
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Was that ever
anything that happened to you?
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I wouldn't necessarily call
it molestation at that time,
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but when I was about
the age of four and five,
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I did have my
first sexual encounter.
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And this was at school, I
had gone to a public school.
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And when the
situation had happened,
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it was with another girl.
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So I was just
under the impression
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that when it came
to sex, that, you know,
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it was okay to
have sex with girls.
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So when this girl
started touching me,
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I didn't think it was a problem
because I wasn't taught that,
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you know, if something happens,
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you should say
something or if someone,
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you know, touches you in a way
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that you're not
supposed to be touched,
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that you should
tell your mom or dad or,
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you know, telling a teacher,
so I just always kept that,
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I didn't think it would
be a big issue over time,
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and then eventually few
years down the line at daycare,
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I ended up having
another sexual encounter.
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And this time it was
with another group of girls.
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And so this just
really opened my eyes to now
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just having like group sex.
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So over time,
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I was just
thinking that this was okay,
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especially when it came
to sex that sex with girls
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or even in a group
setting that this was fine.
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Wow, you
thought it was the norm?
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Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
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Yeah.
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How did that
experience shape your life?
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Oh, major way for sure
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'cause I always
just thought that,
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you know, if I'm
feeling sad or stressed out
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that I could just
always turn to that,
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especially when
my parents divorced.
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I just thought that
because of all the anger I had,
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I really stored it within me,
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I didn't really
look to God at that time.
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God wasn't really
the center of my life.
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I'm really just looked
at Him more so as a genie,
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just, you know, if
I needed something,
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He would grant
that desire to me.
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And so with just
having that sexual background,
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I just figured you know what,
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I'll just turn to, you know,
having sex with guys or girls.
00:09:00.87\00:09:04.47
And so it just opened
up a wide range of things
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where I would just
look to like smoking weed,
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or whether it was
drinking or partying.
00:09:10.45\00:09:13.01
I just know I had like a
lot of suicidal thoughts,
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especially
during my teenage years,
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where I was just
trying to, you know,
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fill my mind or rather numb it
00:09:19.05\00:09:20.92
with what the how I was
really feeling deep down
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with my dad leaving.
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So there was a
lot of pain. Yeah.
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A lot of pain.
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And so you coped by, you know,
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drugs, experimenting with drugs?
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Yeah. Okay.
00:09:33.97\00:09:36.07
Is it possible to say also that
there was a lot of loneliness?
00:09:36.10\00:09:39.77
You know, you didn't
have any brothers and sisters,
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not only to help you
identify with who you were...
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Yeah.
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You know, all you had were
these two parents that were,
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you know, polar
opposites of each other
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and you were
the product of that.
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You know, I wonder how
much that played into it.
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You know, the fact that
you were the only kid at home
00:09:54.96\00:09:57.03
and here you've got your parents
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that are, you know, splitting up
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and you had no
one else for support.
00:09:59.79\00:10:01.60
Yeah, it really
played a big role
00:10:01.63\00:10:03.20
because at that
time I just thought that
00:10:03.23\00:10:05.27
this was okay
00:10:05.30\00:10:06.63
that I could turn
to all these things
00:10:06.67\00:10:08.50
in regards to just
finding comfort in it.
00:10:08.54\00:10:11.07
And so, it just left
me more empty than before.
00:10:11.11\00:10:14.08
So, you know, you're
turning to something,
00:10:14.11\00:10:15.44
trying to find
some sort of comfort,
00:10:15.48\00:10:16.85
but really deep down,
00:10:16.88\00:10:18.21
it was just
leaving me more broken.
00:10:18.25\00:10:19.61
And just seeing that
00:10:19.65\00:10:20.98
I needed more of
it to fill me up,
00:10:21.02\00:10:22.38
even if it left me
more broken than before.
00:10:22.42\00:10:26.72
Did you ever share
00:10:26.76\00:10:28.36
your experiences with
anyone that could help?
00:10:28.39\00:10:31.03
No.
00:10:31.06\00:10:32.39
Well, I know at times,
00:10:32.43\00:10:33.76
especially
during my teenage years
00:10:33.80\00:10:35.13
because I had a
lot of anger issues.
00:10:35.16\00:10:37.63
I did have some
teachers telling me, you know,
00:10:37.67\00:10:39.50
to see a
counselor, so, you know,
00:10:39.53\00:10:41.74
I started counseling
just for a little bit,
00:10:41.77\00:10:43.41
but it wasn't
anything consistent.
00:10:43.44\00:10:45.34
For the most part, I
just really bottled up
00:10:45.37\00:10:47.21
a lot of the
things I was going through
00:10:47.24\00:10:48.91
because I didn't
really think that
00:10:48.94\00:10:50.28
anybody cared
about what was going on.
00:10:50.31\00:10:52.88
I knew that my mom
she was working hard
00:10:52.91\00:10:55.22
and trying to maintain
the home because now for her
00:10:55.25\00:10:57.85
it was just trying
to manage this new life.
00:10:57.89\00:11:00.22
You know, after
her husband leaving,
00:11:00.26\00:11:01.79
becoming a new single mother,
00:11:01.82\00:11:04.16
trying to figure
out how do I now,
00:11:04.19\00:11:05.63
you know, help my
daughter in growing up,
00:11:05.66\00:11:07.86
but at the same
time trying to make sure
00:11:07.90\00:11:09.43
she was providing for the home.
00:11:09.46\00:11:11.00
So she had a lot on her
plate just trying to, you know,
00:11:11.03\00:11:13.67
address what she
could, but for me deep down
00:11:13.70\00:11:16.20
because I was just so angry.
00:11:16.24\00:11:17.81
It was just a lot of bottling up
00:11:17.84\00:11:19.61
of the pain going on.
00:11:19.64\00:11:21.01
Mike? So this is interesting.
00:11:21.04\00:11:23.04
When we were
talking and recently,
00:11:23.08\00:11:25.31
I just realized
that your identity issue
00:11:25.35\00:11:27.78
was totally different than mine.
00:11:27.82\00:11:29.15
I was a child
that was transgender,
00:11:29.18\00:11:31.55
and then
eventually, same sex attracted,
00:11:31.59\00:11:34.19
but your gender or
your identity issue
00:11:34.22\00:11:37.13
was really about the race thing.
00:11:37.16\00:11:39.19
And you have an incredible story
00:11:39.23\00:11:40.60
about when you
were going to school,
00:11:40.63\00:11:41.96
and your mom and dad
00:11:42.00\00:11:43.33
were walking you
into the classroom.
00:11:43.37\00:11:44.70
I thought this
was really powerful.
00:11:44.73\00:11:46.07
Yeah, it was some,
00:11:46.10\00:11:47.44
so this was around
the time of middle school.
00:11:47.47\00:11:49.70
So I think it was like
going into fifth grade.
00:11:49.74\00:11:52.47
And so the school I was going to
00:11:52.51\00:11:54.04
was predominantly
a Caribbean school,
00:11:54.08\00:11:55.98
and I remember the students
00:11:56.01\00:11:57.75
just lining up
in the school yard
00:11:57.78\00:11:59.55
and there were like a
few Asians I could see,
00:11:59.58\00:12:02.42
but majority of the students
were Caribbean, were black.
00:12:02.45\00:12:05.42
And so I remember
my mom was on one side,
00:12:05.45\00:12:07.62
and then my dad
was on my other hand.
00:12:07.66\00:12:09.09
And so, you know,
00:12:09.12\00:12:10.46
they're both
walking into school.
00:12:10.49\00:12:11.83
And then I just
told my mom, you know,
00:12:11.86\00:12:13.19
mom you can let go of my
hand because you're yellow,
00:12:13.23\00:12:15.00
and I'm black.
00:12:15.03\00:12:16.36
So it was just
one of those things
00:12:16.40\00:12:17.73
where I didn't think
that it was ever okay
00:12:17.77\00:12:19.57
to just be both that
00:12:19.60\00:12:21.64
I was always just
trying to pick one side.
00:12:21.67\00:12:23.81
And I had to be
one simply because,
00:12:23.84\00:12:25.64
you know, I looked
black, but, you know, over time,
00:12:25.67\00:12:28.08
then I was realizing that
it was okay for me to be both
00:12:28.11\00:12:30.58
that's how God had created me.
00:12:30.61\00:12:33.15
Okay. Wow.
00:12:33.18\00:12:34.75
Yeah, that's deep.
00:12:34.78\00:12:36.38
So what would you say
your relationship was like
00:12:36.42\00:12:40.52
with your mom over time?
00:12:40.56\00:12:43.12
Yeah, over time it's
definitely gotten better.
00:12:43.16\00:12:44.86
I'd say as I was
going through recovery
00:12:44.89\00:12:48.13
because a lot of the
things that I was going through
00:12:48.16\00:12:50.93
during my teenage years
where I was trying to cope,
00:12:50.97\00:12:53.74
I had turned to
especially when it comes like
00:12:53.77\00:12:55.90
pornography and masturbation.
00:12:55.94\00:12:58.07
I just thought
that that was okay.
00:12:58.11\00:12:59.77
And I was realizing, I
was turning to those things
00:12:59.81\00:13:02.14
because of the
broken relationship
00:13:02.18\00:13:03.51
I had at home.
00:13:03.55\00:13:04.88
And so over time, you know,
when I had met Mike in Cuba,
00:13:04.91\00:13:07.98
that's where I realized that,
you know, I had an addiction
00:13:08.02\00:13:10.39
that I had a problem
that I really had to get help.
00:13:10.42\00:13:12.99
And so through that
experience in getting help
00:13:13.02\00:13:15.49
with the
pornography, the masturbation
00:13:15.52\00:13:17.39
as I was going through recovery,
00:13:17.43\00:13:19.09
I was realizing that
there was a lot more things
00:13:19.13\00:13:20.90
I had to address that it wasn't
00:13:20.93\00:13:22.60
just the pornography
and masturbation issue,
00:13:22.63\00:13:25.57
but there also was trauma
00:13:25.60\00:13:26.94
that I hadn't dealt
with from childhood.
00:13:26.97\00:13:28.90
So at that point within
Cuba, where I realized that,
00:13:28.94\00:13:31.57
you know, I have an addiction,
00:13:31.61\00:13:33.31
God is asking me
to let go of that.
00:13:33.34\00:13:35.74
He was also asking me
to let go of other things.
00:13:35.78\00:13:38.71
And that happened like
00:13:38.75\00:13:40.08
the resentment
towards my parents
00:13:40.12\00:13:41.88
because I had to
realize over time that,
00:13:41.92\00:13:43.62
you know, things happen.
00:13:43.65\00:13:45.19
As a child, I don't
have control over that,
00:13:45.22\00:13:47.59
but to recognize that,
00:13:47.62\00:13:49.16
as I was getting
help with the addiction,
00:13:49.19\00:13:51.69
that God had also allowed me
to get healing with my parents
00:13:51.73\00:13:55.56
seeking
reconciliation, taking time out
00:13:55.60\00:13:58.33
to really talk to
them and ask them,
00:13:58.37\00:14:00.00
you know what went
on, why did that happen?
00:14:00.04\00:14:02.37
Because I, even
though I had met Mike,
00:14:02.40\00:14:05.87
a few years ago, I
realized that the divorce,
00:14:05.91\00:14:09.24
the issues that I
was still holding on to
00:14:09.28\00:14:11.21
was about 14, 15 years later,
00:14:11.25\00:14:13.48
from the time my dad had left,
but I was still angry over it,
00:14:13.52\00:14:17.19
which really
made a lot of sense as
00:14:17.22\00:14:18.75
to why I continued in a
very promiscuous lifestyle,
00:14:18.79\00:14:23.26
just trying to find some
sort of a love somewhere...
00:14:23.29\00:14:26.59
And acceptance. For sure.
00:14:26.63\00:14:29.16
So, Kezia, you were very covert,
00:14:29.20\00:14:31.47
there's just, you know,
I spent time with you and,
00:14:31.50\00:14:34.30
you know, there in Cuba
and there's no way I saw any,
00:14:34.34\00:14:37.67
you know, anger
residue whatever.
00:14:37.71\00:14:39.27
I mean, she was
bubbly. She was vivacious.
00:14:39.31\00:14:41.14
She was a very dynamic speaker.
00:14:41.18\00:14:43.61
She's talking
about the sanctuary
00:14:43.65\00:14:45.25
and with your
background in construction,
00:14:45.28\00:14:47.15
and how all of that
00:14:47.18\00:14:48.52
had this
application to us spiritually.
00:14:48.55\00:14:50.65
And, you know, so
when you said that
00:14:50.69\00:14:52.65
you struggled with
anger I'm thinking,
00:14:52.69\00:14:54.49
"Well, where
did that come from?"
00:14:54.52\00:14:55.86
'Cause you would
never know. Yeah.
00:14:55.89\00:14:58.29
So how did you
cover that up so well?
00:14:58.33\00:15:00.53
Yeah.
00:15:00.56\00:15:02.16
It was really
interesting because I knew that
00:15:02.20\00:15:06.17
'Coming Out'
Ministries was going to be
00:15:06.20\00:15:08.20
a part of that
mission group that I was on.
00:15:08.24\00:15:10.64
And so I didn't really know
00:15:10.67\00:15:12.34
how things were
going to work out.
00:15:12.37\00:15:13.91
There was a group of
about 18 of us on the trip.
00:15:13.94\00:15:16.24
Didn't you say why they come in?
00:15:16.28\00:15:17.68
Yeah, it was kind of like,
okay, where are they coming,
00:15:17.71\00:15:19.58
but I understood like, you know,
00:15:19.61\00:15:20.95
we were all going for one
thing, which was, you know,
00:15:20.98\00:15:23.05
to seek the laws and
just to really help them
00:15:23.08\00:15:25.22
to provide care for them,
00:15:25.25\00:15:27.36
but at the same time, you know,
00:15:27.39\00:15:29.02
we would come
together in the groups,
00:15:29.06\00:15:30.63
early mornings to
have morning devotion.
00:15:30.66\00:15:32.83
And so it's like, 6:30,
7 o'clock in the morning,
00:15:32.86\00:15:35.40
we would have these beautiful
two-hour long devotions,
00:15:35.43\00:15:38.70
and we would read
through the book True Revival.
00:15:38.73\00:15:41.97
So as we would go
through that book,
00:15:42.00\00:15:43.71
if anyone had anything
to share they would share.
00:15:43.74\00:15:46.24
And so when it came to
Mike and another colleague,
00:15:46.27\00:15:48.98
they were really open
about their past lifestyle
00:15:49.01\00:15:51.28
in regards to coming
from the homosexual lifestyle,
00:15:51.31\00:15:54.45
coming from
pornography, masturbation,
00:15:54.48\00:15:56.69
having a sexual addiction,
and because it was sunny,
00:15:56.72\00:15:59.35
we would have our
devotions on the beach,
00:15:59.39\00:16:00.89
I would have my sunglasses on.
00:16:00.92\00:16:02.59
And so sun is shining.
00:16:02.62\00:16:04.59
I'm hearing what they're saying.
00:16:04.63\00:16:06.23
And it really
wasn't until one day
00:16:06.26\00:16:08.30
where Mike had shared
that pornography for him
00:16:08.33\00:16:11.37
was his best friend,
00:16:11.40\00:16:13.03
that anytime he felt
lonely or tired or angry
00:16:13.07\00:16:16.44
that you would turn to it.
00:16:16.47\00:16:17.84
And so because I
had my sunglasses on,
00:16:17.87\00:16:20.08
I was started to tear up
00:16:20.11\00:16:21.74
because I was
like, "Wait, that's me.
00:16:21.78\00:16:23.55
That's my problem."
00:16:23.58\00:16:24.91
But because I had
sunglasses on, nobody knew.
00:16:24.95\00:16:27.05
Nobody knew what was going on.
00:16:27.08\00:16:30.09
I was really just
like, it really hit me
00:16:30.12\00:16:32.09
where another person
then had also mentioned that,
00:16:32.12\00:16:35.12
you know, God is unable
to bring that blessing to you
00:16:35.16\00:16:38.09
because the sin is
taking place of that blessing,
00:16:38.13\00:16:40.53
and I knew that I
desired a godly marriage,
00:16:40.56\00:16:42.96
but at the same time,
00:16:43.00\00:16:44.33
I also wanted to keep
pornography in the picture.
00:16:44.37\00:16:46.63
I wanted to have
threesomes in my marriages.
00:16:46.67\00:16:49.27
And so to see how God
00:16:49.30\00:16:50.64
was really
hitting me at that moment,
00:16:50.67\00:16:52.57
it really, it was
a trickle down effect
00:16:52.61\00:16:54.41
because by the following
day, there was another situation
00:16:54.44\00:16:57.31
where I had two different people
00:16:57.35\00:16:59.51
come to me telling me
that they were demon possessed.
00:16:59.55\00:17:01.98
And so in my
mind, I'm just like,
00:17:02.02\00:17:03.55
"There are other people
on this group, you know,
00:17:03.59\00:17:05.25
why are you coming
to me kind of just like,
00:17:05.29\00:17:06.89
leave me alone."
00:17:06.92\00:17:08.26
Because I knew I had things
I was trying to work through.
00:17:08.29\00:17:10.13
And so I could see that
God was trying to reach me
00:17:10.16\00:17:12.49
and just telling me, you know,
00:17:12.53\00:17:13.86
you have to let go of
what you're holding on to.
00:17:13.90\00:17:15.93
So what the first person
00:17:15.96\00:17:17.57
we had asked if
they wanted prayer,
00:17:17.60\00:17:19.37
and they had said no,
00:17:19.40\00:17:20.74
so we were
like, "Okay, you know,
00:17:20.77\00:17:22.10
we'll pray for
you, but we won't,
00:17:22.14\00:17:24.14
you know, pray out loud."
00:17:24.17\00:17:25.51
Since that was
the person's desire,
00:17:25.54\00:17:27.31
but the second
person I had came across,
00:17:27.34\00:17:29.74
I had asked if
they wanted prayer,
00:17:29.78\00:17:31.71
and she had said, "Yes."
00:17:31.75\00:17:33.08
And I was like, "Okay."
00:17:33.11\00:17:34.58
And so I got a
Spanish translator.
00:17:34.62\00:17:36.89
And I started to kneel down,
the lady sat, she was sitting,
00:17:36.92\00:17:40.66
she was just sitting on a chair.
00:17:40.69\00:17:42.02
And so I just
remember kneeling down
00:17:42.06\00:17:43.43
but inside I was
just like really frantic
00:17:43.46\00:17:45.39
because I was just
like, "Oh, boy, like,
00:17:45.43\00:17:47.20
person's a little different."
00:17:47.23\00:17:49.50
But at the same
time, just realizing that
00:17:49.53\00:17:51.17
it was really hard for
me to say a prayer for her
00:17:51.20\00:17:54.50
because I knew I
had my own demons
00:17:54.54\00:17:56.10
I was wrestling with.
00:17:56.14\00:17:57.54
And so I'm thinking about
00:17:57.57\00:17:58.91
these verses in regards to like,
00:17:58.94\00:18:00.28
you know, casting out demons
00:18:00.31\00:18:01.64
and just
recognizing this lady, you know,
00:18:01.68\00:18:03.14
she has a demon within her
00:18:03.18\00:18:04.95
and just knowing that
the demons have ability
00:18:04.98\00:18:06.95
to interchange with one another.
00:18:06.98\00:18:08.62
And so I'm just telling
myself to relax to calm down,
00:18:08.65\00:18:11.49
just asking God, you know,
00:18:11.52\00:18:12.85
to just make me
look like I'm okay,
00:18:12.89\00:18:14.89
but really deep down,
00:18:14.92\00:18:16.26
I knew that it was time for
me to really let go of the porn.
00:18:16.29\00:18:18.86
But even with that,
that wasn't, you know,
00:18:18.89\00:18:21.76
the icing on the cake per se.
00:18:21.80\00:18:23.70
The following day, I
knew I had to speak on
00:18:23.73\00:18:26.07
the sanctuary message.
00:18:26.10\00:18:27.44
And for me coming from
a construction background,
00:18:27.47\00:18:29.50
I knew that anytime
you had any like owners
00:18:29.54\00:18:32.27
or architects who
would come together
00:18:32.31\00:18:33.88
to design a building,
00:18:33.91\00:18:35.24
they were really intentional
in what they were planning.
00:18:35.28\00:18:37.78
When it came to, you know,
the materials they were using,
00:18:37.81\00:18:40.45
the dimensions of a building,
the placement of a room,
00:18:40.48\00:18:44.59
you know,
they're very intentional.
00:18:44.62\00:18:46.22
And so for me when it
came to the sanctuary message,
00:18:46.25\00:18:49.09
just knowing that that
was something God designed
00:18:49.12\00:18:51.36
that he was really
intentional with the dimensions,
00:18:51.39\00:18:54.36
the materials he would pick,
it just really showed me that
00:18:54.40\00:18:57.23
he desires like how
much more he desires
00:18:57.27\00:18:59.77
to restore his image back to me.
00:18:59.80\00:19:01.67
And so with all of that
just coming about within Cuba,
00:19:01.70\00:19:04.94
it had showed me that, you know,
00:19:04.97\00:19:06.31
I have to let go of this,
00:19:06.34\00:19:07.68
but even with
that it wasn't enough
00:19:07.71\00:19:09.68
because I had to leave Cuba
00:19:09.71\00:19:11.85
a little bit early
to go back to work.
00:19:11.88\00:19:13.82
And so even
though I had, you know,
00:19:13.85\00:19:15.62
such a beautiful time in Cuba,
00:19:15.65\00:19:18.15
I had to go back
to Florida and...
00:19:18.19\00:19:20.39
Could I just bring
it back for a second
00:19:20.42\00:19:22.62
when she shared that
with the whole group,
00:19:22.66\00:19:25.13
and most of these other people
were good friends of hers.
00:19:25.16\00:19:27.76
So she was invested with them.
00:19:27.80\00:19:29.36
She just met us, but
that day before you left,
00:19:29.40\00:19:32.40
what was it the day you left?
00:19:32.43\00:19:33.77
It was the day I
left on Friday afternoon.
00:19:33.80\00:19:35.14
When you confessed all of that,
00:19:35.17\00:19:36.60
I was in shock that
you were willing to be
00:19:36.64\00:19:38.57
that vulnerable
with everybody else.
00:19:38.61\00:19:40.48
But I also saw
it as kind of like
00:19:40.51\00:19:42.31
you're desperate plea
00:19:42.34\00:19:43.85
to just put this
out into the light.
00:19:43.88\00:19:46.08
It was a brave
moment. Yes. Yeah, definitely.
00:19:46.11\00:19:49.35
I mean, it's not easy to
be so open and transparent
00:19:49.38\00:19:52.25
about things that
you struggled with,
00:19:52.29\00:19:54.12
and all of that stuff,
00:19:54.16\00:19:55.49
but what we see is
that when you're open
00:19:55.52\00:19:57.89
and transparent as you saw...
00:19:57.93\00:19:59.79
Yeah.
00:19:59.83\00:20:01.16
It opened the door up for you
00:20:01.20\00:20:02.53
to feel comfortable in
going and seeking help as well.
00:20:02.56\00:20:06.74
Yeah. But continue.
00:20:06.77\00:20:08.44
Yeah, yeah, sure.
00:20:08.47\00:20:09.80
So being that I
had to leave Cuba
00:20:09.84\00:20:11.77
a few days early,
00:20:11.81\00:20:13.21
when I went back to
Florida because at that time
00:20:13.24\00:20:15.01
I was living in Florida.
00:20:15.04\00:20:17.11
Mike and I, we
still kept in contact,
00:20:17.15\00:20:18.75
but it just so happened to be
that he also had to go to Cuba.
00:20:18.78\00:20:22.02
And so in my, I
mean, just go to Florida.
00:20:22.05\00:20:23.89
You had to come back to Florida.
00:20:23.92\00:20:25.35
And so in my mind,
I'm just thinking like,
00:20:25.39\00:20:26.86
"Wait, what are
you doing in Florida?"
00:20:26.89\00:20:28.42
Like, but I knew that
God was just permitting me
00:20:28.46\00:20:32.39
to have an
opportunity to now really
00:20:32.43\00:20:34.50
have a follow up because
00:20:34.53\00:20:35.90
God knew that it
was on my mind to say,
00:20:35.93\00:20:38.97
"Okay, we're gonna let
go of the sexual addiction,
00:20:39.00\00:20:40.94
this pornography addiction,
letting go of all of this,
00:20:40.97\00:20:43.27
but at the same time,
I was still struggling
00:20:43.30\00:20:44.94
with really recognizing
00:20:44.97\00:20:46.64
am I going to be
serious and let this go."
00:20:46.68\00:20:49.04
And so the day it was about
00:20:49.08\00:20:50.41
a week after the trip from Cuba,
00:20:50.45\00:20:52.58
Mike and I, we spent like
00:20:52.61\00:20:53.95
the whole day
just talking about,
00:20:53.98\00:20:55.32
you know, what was going on?
00:20:55.35\00:20:56.69
So I always just thought
that as a day of like follow up
00:20:56.72\00:20:58.62
or God was just like, you know,
Kezia, you need a follow up.
00:20:58.65\00:21:01.76
So I was thankful for that.
00:21:01.79\00:21:03.43
But even when he
and I were talking,
00:21:03.46\00:21:05.49
I wasn't just
so, you know, easy...
00:21:05.53\00:21:06.86
Oh, no, she was
not an easy sell.
00:21:06.90\00:21:09.70
She was a little difficult.
00:21:09.73\00:21:11.27
She wasn't buying
what I was selling.
00:21:11.30\00:21:13.70
Yeah, I wasn't the most,
00:21:13.74\00:21:15.07
you know, like, hurrah about it.
00:21:15.10\00:21:16.44
I was just like, "Well,
00:21:16.47\00:21:17.81
you know, is it really an issue?
00:21:17.84\00:21:19.17
And nobody knows I'm
doing it. Why is it a big deal?"
00:21:19.21\00:21:21.21
So I had... Not hurting anybody.
00:21:21.24\00:21:22.58
Yeah, precisely.
00:21:22.61\00:21:23.95
So I had all
these questions for him,
00:21:23.98\00:21:25.58
but his response
was just always calm.
00:21:25.61\00:21:27.35
He wasn't, you know,
attacking me with it.
00:21:27.38\00:21:29.55
You know, you
would state the truth,
00:21:29.58\00:21:31.82
but still in a loving manner.
00:21:31.85\00:21:33.69
So it was one of those
things where I walked away
00:21:33.72\00:21:36.02
with a day just having a
lot of things on my mind.
00:21:36.06\00:21:39.06
Just trying to figure out,
00:21:39.09\00:21:40.43
you know, how am I
really going to do this now?
00:21:40.46\00:21:42.90
Because I knew
that this was something
00:21:42.93\00:21:44.27
I held on to for
such a long-time.
00:21:44.30\00:21:47.20
And even with the
conversation with Mike,
00:21:47.24\00:21:48.87
even though we
spoke on verses, you know,
00:21:48.90\00:21:50.47
how God viewed it.
00:21:50.51\00:21:51.91
It wasn't an easy moment
00:21:51.94\00:21:54.11
where I was just
excited to let go of it.
00:21:54.14\00:21:56.21
It wasn't
like... The same thing.
00:21:56.24\00:21:57.95
I think we all go through that.
00:21:57.98\00:21:59.31
It's like, "Oh, wow,
this really makes sense."
00:21:59.35\00:22:01.62
Now I don't know
how that applies to me
00:22:01.65\00:22:03.55
and I certainly don't even know
how to get out of where I am.
00:22:03.59\00:22:06.69
You know, and there
was a lot of resistance
00:22:06.72\00:22:08.16
from you that day.
00:22:08.19\00:22:09.72
Tell about the
hair thing? All right.
00:22:09.76\00:22:12.36
So when I had gone to Cuba,
00:22:12.39\00:22:13.93
I had, like, the
twist in my hair.
00:22:13.96\00:22:16.03
So sometimes, you know,
00:22:16.06\00:22:17.40
you'll put kind of
weave in your hair,
00:22:17.43\00:22:19.27
and just to keep
your hair longer last,
00:22:19.30\00:22:20.94
like protective styles.
00:22:20.97\00:22:22.34
And so, when I was
coming back from Cuba,
00:22:22.37\00:22:25.14
I knew that I had
to take my hair out,
00:22:25.17\00:22:26.68
it was about
time to take it out.
00:22:26.71\00:22:28.14
And so when Mike and I,
00:22:28.18\00:22:30.01
when Mike had show that
he was also going to be,
00:22:30.05\00:22:32.48
you know, in Florida,
in my mind, I was thinking,
00:22:32.51\00:22:35.65
well, maybe I
could have an excuse
00:22:35.68\00:22:37.39
to not see him and I
figured, you know what...
00:22:37.42\00:22:39.62
Oh, I got to go get
my hair done, right?
00:22:39.65\00:22:40.99
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:41.02\00:22:42.36
Yeah, I was like, I
have to take my hair out.
00:22:42.39\00:22:43.73
So, you know,
don't worry about it.
00:22:43.76\00:22:45.09
And he was like, "Oh,
no, I could help you."
00:22:45.13\00:22:46.46
But in my head, I was just like,
00:22:46.49\00:22:47.83
what is this white
man know about, you know,
00:22:47.86\00:22:49.20
my hair, but I
didn't know until like,
00:22:49.23\00:22:51.23
when I got there when he
and I finally had our discussion
00:22:51.27\00:22:54.24
that he was
telling me, you know,
00:22:54.27\00:22:55.60
that he was a
hairdresser as well.
00:22:55.64\00:22:57.11
So I was like, "Oh,
okay, like, that makes sense."
00:22:57.14\00:22:59.37
So we spent the whole day,
you know, as we're talking,
00:22:59.41\00:23:01.54
asking questions,
00:23:01.58\00:23:02.91
he's helping me
take my hair out.
00:23:02.94\00:23:04.35
So it was one of those moments
00:23:04.38\00:23:05.71
where it wasn't
just the physical things
00:23:05.75\00:23:07.62
that were being removed.
00:23:07.65\00:23:08.98
You know, literally, like,
00:23:09.02\00:23:10.35
you know, the
hair pieces coming out,
00:23:10.39\00:23:11.72
but it was also
just seeing that,
00:23:11.75\00:23:13.09
you know,
spiritually there were things
00:23:13.12\00:23:14.46
now being
released unraveled from me.
00:23:14.49\00:23:16.06
Wow, that's deep.
00:23:16.09\00:23:17.46
Yeah, so it was a moment
00:23:17.49\00:23:19.36
where I knew it
wasn't of my control.
00:23:19.39\00:23:22.03
God knew that I
needed a follow up from Cuba
00:23:22.06\00:23:24.73
because I didn't
know how addicted I was
00:23:24.77\00:23:27.64
until it came to
that point where,
00:23:27.67\00:23:30.61
you know, he's sharing
all these things to me,
00:23:30.64\00:23:33.44
I'm hearing people,
you know, talking about,
00:23:33.48\00:23:35.58
you know, being demon possessed,
00:23:35.61\00:23:37.58
but I was seeing that
I still had a struggle,
00:23:37.61\00:23:39.71
that it was hard,
really hard for me to let go.
00:23:39.75\00:23:41.12
Yeah.
00:23:41.15\00:23:42.48
So, you know,
from what I'm hearing,
00:23:42.52\00:23:43.85
it sounds like God had been
00:23:43.89\00:23:45.72
like trying to
get your attention,
00:23:45.75\00:23:47.36
trying to get your attention,
00:23:47.39\00:23:48.92
and He wanted to win you to him.
00:23:48.96\00:23:51.03
Right.
00:23:51.06\00:23:52.39
And he was continually
trying even with the hair thing.
00:23:52.43\00:23:56.67
That's deep. That's powerful.
00:23:56.70\00:23:59.70
And I wanna transition.
00:23:59.73\00:24:01.77
Our time is
running away from us.
00:24:01.80\00:24:03.81
I wanna transition
00:24:03.84\00:24:05.17
into the victory part, you know,
00:24:05.21\00:24:07.71
now you're walking
with Christ and all of that.
00:24:07.74\00:24:10.28
How has your life changed
since coming back to the Lord?
00:24:10.31\00:24:14.82
Yeah, tremendously,
00:24:14.85\00:24:16.38
I'd say I think the
biggest thing for me
00:24:16.42\00:24:18.29
was setting up boundaries.
00:24:18.32\00:24:20.56
So as I was going through
00:24:20.59\00:24:21.92
the process of just
learning to let go of this,
00:24:21.96\00:24:24.13
learning to surrender to
God, I had to recognize that
00:24:24.16\00:24:26.80
I had to spend intentional time
00:24:26.83\00:24:28.90
with God that my
morning devotions
00:24:28.93\00:24:30.67
had to be really,
really intimate with God,
00:24:30.70\00:24:33.64
where I was learning to now
00:24:33.67\00:24:35.17
have a relationship with
God being vulnerable with Him,
00:24:35.20\00:24:38.84
but in the midst of all
that learning about who He is,
00:24:38.87\00:24:41.98
I had to know
that in order for me
00:24:42.01\00:24:44.25
to keep that relationship going,
00:24:44.28\00:24:46.15
I had to place boundaries.
00:24:46.18\00:24:47.82
So that meant like, you know,
having filters on my phones,
00:24:47.85\00:24:50.59
filters on my computer,
in regards to protecting me
00:24:50.62\00:24:53.69
from even going
back to the pornography,
00:24:53.72\00:24:55.86
having accountability partners.
00:24:55.89\00:24:57.99
Also having just support groups
00:24:58.03\00:25:00.33
having a counselors
just recognizing that
00:25:00.36\00:25:02.70
the times that I love, you know,
00:25:02.73\00:25:04.17
isolating myself that
00:25:04.20\00:25:05.53
it's not helpful in order for me
00:25:05.57\00:25:06.94
to maintain this victory.
00:25:06.97\00:25:08.54
Wow, these are good
tips and strategies.
00:25:08.57\00:25:11.27
I mean, you just name
tips and strategies that
00:25:11.31\00:25:13.27
if somebody is at home
00:25:13.31\00:25:14.64
and they're
struggling with these issues,
00:25:14.68\00:25:16.38
those are things
that they can apply and do
00:25:16.41\00:25:19.21
to uproot
themselves from that situation.
00:25:19.25\00:25:21.55
Yeah. That's very good.
00:25:21.58\00:25:22.92
Now you guys also
go around speaking
00:25:22.95\00:25:25.25
and sharing as well, right?
00:25:25.29\00:25:28.19
What are some of the
needs of the organization
00:25:28.22\00:25:30.86
'Coming Out' Ministries?
00:25:30.89\00:25:32.23
Well, 'Coming Out' Ministries
has some very lofty goals,
00:25:32.26\00:25:35.26
and we have
invitations from countries
00:25:35.30\00:25:38.00
around the world that
are they just don't have
00:25:38.03\00:25:41.04
the funding to bring us to them.
00:25:41.07\00:25:42.57
So we have to wait
until we do fundraising
00:25:42.60\00:25:45.17
to get the funds
00:25:45.21\00:25:46.54
before we can actually go there.
00:25:46.57\00:25:48.01
What we're really trying to do
00:25:48.04\00:25:49.38
is just to get people to
commit to $5 or $10, $20,
00:25:49.41\00:25:52.78
maybe $100 a month,
00:25:52.81\00:25:54.52
and just sending in
those monthly donations
00:25:54.55\00:25:56.38
so that it can not only support
00:25:56.42\00:25:57.82
the workings from inside
00:25:57.85\00:25:59.19
because now we've
grown to the point
00:25:59.22\00:26:01.02
where we actually have people
00:26:01.06\00:26:02.39
that are on a
payroll and we have
00:26:02.42\00:26:05.79
just a general
running of the business,
00:26:05.83\00:26:08.36
let alone the ministry
that we wanted to do outside.
00:26:08.40\00:26:11.20
We also wanna
produce another film
00:26:11.23\00:26:13.03
we have "Journey Interrupted."
00:26:13.07\00:26:14.40
Which was a
great film by the way.
00:26:14.44\00:26:15.77
Thank you. Thank you.
As a matter of fact...
00:26:15.80\00:26:17.14
Very well done. That's right.
00:26:17.17\00:26:18.51
3ABN was the first one to
show our film on the media.
00:26:18.54\00:26:21.08
That was a great event.
00:26:21.11\00:26:22.44
But now what we need
is we need another film
00:26:22.48\00:26:25.11
to basically talk
about even adultery
00:26:25.15\00:26:27.65
because adultery
is the biggest issue
00:26:27.68\00:26:29.02
in the church
00:26:29.05\00:26:30.39
and we wanna
address that as well.
00:26:30.42\00:26:31.79
And to recognize it
'Coming Out' Ministries
00:26:31.82\00:26:33.92
isn't about coming
out of the gay issue.
00:26:33.96\00:26:35.62
It's about Revelation 18:4,
"Coming out of her, my people,
00:26:35.66\00:26:39.96
might ye be not
partakers of her sins."
00:26:40.00\00:26:41.80
And so that's the
message that we wanna get out.
00:26:41.83\00:26:44.50
Amen. Amen.
00:26:44.53\00:26:45.87
Well, we have your
contact information
00:26:45.90\00:26:48.30
and we're gonna put
that up on the screen.
00:26:48.34\00:26:49.87
And, Mike, if you would
read that for us so people know
00:26:49.90\00:26:52.71
how to reach you,
how to support you,
00:26:52.74\00:26:55.01
all of those things.
00:26:55.04\00:26:56.44
So let's take a look
at your contact info.
00:26:56.48\00:26:58.08
Sure, it's
'Coming Out' Ministries,
00:26:58.11\00:27:00.25
PO Box 107,
Tilly, Arkansas 72679.
00:27:00.28\00:27:05.25
And you could go to
ComingOutMinistries.org
00:27:05.29\00:27:07.92
or email us at
Admin@ComingOutMinistries.org.
00:27:07.96\00:27:12.49
Wow.
00:27:12.53\00:27:13.86
Real quick any final thoughts
that you have in a few seconds?
00:27:13.90\00:27:18.97
And so she was talking
about accountability software
00:27:19.00\00:27:21.90
and the one that we
use is Covenant Eyes.
00:27:21.94\00:27:24.17
And you can go
to CovenantEyes.com
00:27:24.21\00:27:27.11
and you can put in COMsafe.
00:27:27.14\00:27:29.04
COMsafe and you can use that
00:27:29.08\00:27:32.58
as a promo code when signing up.
00:27:32.61\00:27:35.05
Wow, that's awesome.
00:27:35.08\00:27:36.42
And so that's a safeguard
00:27:36.45\00:27:37.85
against visiting any of
the sites that you should be...
00:27:37.89\00:27:40.16
Really helps. Tremendously.
00:27:40.19\00:27:41.96
Took a me a while to get it,
00:27:41.99\00:27:43.53
but it was
definitely well worth it.
00:27:43.56\00:27:44.99
Amen. Amen.
00:27:45.03\00:27:46.36
Well, thank you so
much for your transparency.
00:27:46.39\00:27:47.86
Thank you, guys, for
coming on and sharing
00:27:47.90\00:27:50.33
and sharing tips and strategies.
00:27:50.37\00:27:52.13
Yes. Thank you.
00:27:52.17\00:27:53.50
And thank you for joining us.
00:27:53.54\00:27:54.87
Well, we've reached
the end of another program.
00:27:54.90\00:27:56.24
Join us next time.
00:27:56.27\00:27:57.61
Remember, it just wouldn't
be the same without you.
00:27:57.64\00:27:59.17