Stay tuned to meet a
man who dealt with PTSD
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and tried to end his life.
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My name is Jason Bradley,
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and you are
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today is Tom Mann,
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and he is a man with
a powerful testimony.
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Welcome to Urban Report, Tom.
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Thank you,
Jason. Glad to be here.
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Good to have you here.
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I mean, we've
worked together for years.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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You used to work here,
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and a lot of people at
home have heard your voice,
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but now they're
getting to see your face too.
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Well, that may be
a good or bad thing.
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I don't know.
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Now you worked here
before I even got here,
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and this set...
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This set.
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Let me just,
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we were just talking
about this a moment ago,
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and that is, I remember
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when there was no dare to dream.
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And I remember
when it was a dream.
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And I remember
sitting here with your mom
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and interviewing her
probably for the first time
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and coming up with a video
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talking about a
network that didn't exist.
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Wow.
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And I think this set
had just been finished,
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it was around that time.
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So it's kind of
like a unique thing
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for me to sit here
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because I remember
the beginnings of it
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and how it all started.
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It was an exciting time.
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Praise the Lord, and to
see where God has lead it,
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you know, this far.
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Oh, yeah. It's amazing.
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You know, when
I worked with you,
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I had no idea
about your journey.
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And I remember going
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to the Marion Seventh-day
Adventist Church in Illinois,
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Marion, Illinois,
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and you were preaching
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and you shared a
little bit of your testimony,
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and I was blown away.
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And I was like, "You know,
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I have to have Tom
here for an Urban Report."
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Why don't you
share with our viewers
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just a little bit
about your upbringing?
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I had a great
upbringing, and it's probably...
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I think, for me, the thing
is that it was such a blessing.
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I grew up in a Christian home,
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had a mom and dad that
loved me, encouraged me.
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I was a quite...
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kind of a creative child.
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Okay.
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And they encouraged
both my brother and I.
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I had a brother, I
still have a brother.
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And we grew up in a
wonderful environment,
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went to a
private Christian school
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for 12 years,
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steeped in Bible.
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Everything you could
think of that was positive,
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I mean, I had, it was
just, the word maybe charmed.
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I mean didn't grow up
in a very affluent home
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but I grew up in a typical home.
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My mom and dad both worked.
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My mom worked,
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helped put me through
private Christian school.
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It was that kind of thing.
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Okay. Okay.
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And I really had just
a great life growing up.
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I knew I was a
little bit different
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and I say that because I
wanted to go in radio and TV
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even when I was young.
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I don't know why but I did.
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I had a creative
mind, I mentioned that.
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And I found I had
problems in school.
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I understood everything
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but I just
couldn't read that well,
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and I would kind of fake
my way through all of that.
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I got through school.
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I spent a lot of
time in summer school,
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and my grades were
great because of that.
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And I got into college
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because I was the
student government president
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of my high school,
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they called it the student...
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the student
commission affairs or something,
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commission of student
affairs, one of those things.
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And I was that.
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I got into
college because of that.
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Okay.
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My ACT scores, those
things were pretty low.
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And what I found
out as I went along
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is I had a little bit of
what's called visual dyslexia.
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And which I found
out to be a blessing
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because that's
what kind of pushes me
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in the creative side of things.
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Okay.
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You don't have to
have all the facts
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but you're able to
kind of put things together
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without the facts.
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So what is the visual
dyslexia? What is that?
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It's a little bit different.
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It's not when you're reading,
turning things around...
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And I had a gentleman
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who was, I think,
doing his doctorate,
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his dissertation or
something for psychology,
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and he happened to be my
principal at my high school.
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And I was working
on a radio show for him
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and it was a...
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I had to do this
big creative process
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and one day, he
said, "Can I study you?"
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And I said, "Sure."
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And he said, "I think I
know what's going on with you."
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And he said, "Because
you could do these things
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but you have these."
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He said," You weren't
that great of a student."
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I'm like, "Yeah, I know that."
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And I avoided it
with a passion, you know?
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And I was in college
till the time but he did that.
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And the visual dyslexia
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is where it's
basically you could read things,
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but I have to read
them many times over.
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Now I you could look like...
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Here, you could
look at a teleprompter
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and I could read that
for some reason on camera,
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but if you give me a big book,
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somebody says,
"This is a great book.
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Read this."
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I could spend six
months on the first chapter
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just reading over
and over and over again.
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I found out I
have to read out loud
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and it's just something
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where I'm not able
to process going in.
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And you just learn a little bit.
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Some people call it, you
know, auditory visual learning.
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And really, that bent,
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but it's a little
bit more than that.
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That's what I
was diagnosed with.
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So basically, is it like
you're trying to read something
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and in order to internalize it,
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you have to read it aloud
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and multiple
times to get it to stay?
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I say it's kind of like,
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if somebody wears
glasses like I do,
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older I get, the
more thicker they get...
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If you take your glasses
off, everything's not as clear.
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It's kind of the same
thing with me where I can read,
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I could read out loud
to you with no problem.
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And those kids' books are great,
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the little bitty ones,
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the Dr. Seuss
and all those things,
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I'm great at those.
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I never had a problem with that,
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but anything deeper than that.
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But other than that,
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I really didn't
have any problems
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and that was really I
felt and I said something,
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"You learn differently,
you process differently,"
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and it's kind of a thing.
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God made me that way.
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Now it's okay,
and I was fine, so.
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Yes.
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Now so okay,
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and you were coming up,
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you went to college,
did you finish college?
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No.
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And the reason was,
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part of it was, I
just didn't like school.
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I went to two colleges one time.
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I was going to Bible College
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because I kind of felt
called to be in the ministry
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or be a pastor.
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And then I was
going to a secular college
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for broadcast communications.
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Well, I begged the
professors and everyone,
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I wanted internship,
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and I just started
taking advanced classes,
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I don't know how I
got away with that.
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And I got into
the broadcast classes
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at the same time.
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Two weeks after I
got out of high school,
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I went around all
the radio stations
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saying I want
to work on the air,
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and they were like, "Yeah,
kid, you can work on the air."
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But this one lady said,
"Listen. Go to the college,"
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which I was
going to at the time,
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University of Memphis,
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"They have a
campus radio station.
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Nobody's there."
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And so I went there
and volunteered my time,
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five to six hours a day,
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and learned how
to work on the air,
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two weeks out of high school.
00:07:07.09\00:07:09.02
And then I wound
up working in radio,
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I worked at
multiple radio stations.
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And by the time I was 21,
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I was working at one of
the top radio stations in town,
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and it just kept
growing from there.
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So I was
already in the business.
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I was doing some TV,
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all kinds of
things at that time.
00:07:23.14\00:07:24.77
And I just...
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I was doing what I
was going to school for.
00:07:26.94\00:07:29.04
And I remember, I
had a manager one day,
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program director
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at a radio
station I was working at,
00:07:33.95\00:07:35.35
and I said,
"Hey, can I get a raise
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when I get my
graduation degree?"
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That was about
a year from there.
00:07:40.56\00:07:42.22
And he looked at
me and said, "No."
00:07:42.26\00:07:44.19
And I said, "Why?"
00:07:44.23\00:07:45.56
He said, "Why don't
you change your manger
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and go into
business or something else?"
00:07:46.96\00:07:48.30
He said, "I didn't hire you
because you have your degree.
00:07:48.33\00:07:50.30
I hired you because
you're good at what you do."
00:07:50.33\00:07:52.43
And for some reason, I
just took that as this thing,
00:07:52.47\00:07:55.00
"Well, maybe I should
just not go to school,"
00:07:55.04\00:07:57.44
and I did that.
00:07:57.47\00:07:58.81
But it's interesting.
00:07:58.84\00:08:01.08
I had almost
four years of college,
00:08:01.11\00:08:03.71
and then the
high school I went to
00:08:03.75\00:08:05.15
was very academic and
academically inclined.
00:08:05.18\00:08:07.82
Okay.
00:08:07.85\00:08:09.18
So it wasn't that, you
know, I didn't have any of that,
00:08:09.22\00:08:11.15
it was just I guess me being me.
00:08:11.19\00:08:14.42
I'm like, "Oh, if I can do this,
00:08:14.46\00:08:15.79
and I don't have to
do that, that's great."
00:08:15.82\00:08:17.86
If I can stay
away from the books,
00:08:17.89\00:08:19.36
I'm happy if I can
just go on the air.
00:08:19.39\00:08:21.70
You know, again,
that was my thinking.
00:08:21.73\00:08:24.70
And it worked out really well.
00:08:24.73\00:08:27.00
Well, yes, and
you have that voice.
00:08:27.04\00:08:30.37
Like sometimes, I'll
turn on channel three, WSIL,
00:08:30.41\00:08:34.31
and then I hear you
00:08:34.34\00:08:36.71
and I'm like,
"Oh, that's Tom Mann."
00:08:36.75\00:08:38.35
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:08:38.38\00:08:40.15
You have the voice for it.
00:08:40.18\00:08:43.28
And the face,
they sometimes say.
00:08:43.32\00:08:45.15
Oh, that's...
00:08:45.19\00:08:46.52
Okay.
00:08:49.82\00:08:51.16
So you went through
a couple of situations,
00:08:51.19\00:08:54.50
three major, you
had three major events.
00:08:54.53\00:08:57.40
But before we get to
those three major events,
00:08:57.43\00:09:00.00
how long were you in radio?
00:09:00.04\00:09:01.37
How long were you in TV?
00:09:01.40\00:09:04.11
For about a decade,
00:09:04.14\00:09:05.47
I was on the air
about six days a week,
00:09:05.51\00:09:08.31
which was normal in
radio back at that time.
00:09:08.34\00:09:11.31
And I worked almost
every kind of format every...
00:09:11.35\00:09:16.18
And I learned so much
00:09:16.22\00:09:17.65
and it was an
amazing experience.
00:09:17.69\00:09:19.85
I could remember working at
these secular radio stations
00:09:19.89\00:09:22.82
and I remember there was
always one individual there
00:09:22.86\00:09:26.80
who was some kind of a believer
00:09:26.83\00:09:29.00
and that was the person
that taught me how to do things
00:09:29.03\00:09:31.83
and everywhere I went.
00:09:31.87\00:09:34.00
And I learned,
that's how I learned.
00:09:34.04\00:09:35.60
You learn, you
know, from working in it.
00:09:35.64\00:09:37.77
And I went to
working in television.
00:09:37.81\00:09:40.68
I went to working,
you know, throughout,
00:09:40.71\00:09:42.51
so I had a
really broad background,
00:09:42.54\00:09:44.61
and somewhere
around, I got married.
00:09:44.65\00:09:48.22
And about the
time I got married,
00:09:48.25\00:09:49.58
I started a production company.
00:09:49.62\00:09:51.02
I thought I'll do some
commercials on the side,
00:09:51.05\00:09:53.42
and I started doing
that, and that kept growing.
00:09:53.46\00:09:56.96
And then one of the
things I was excited about
00:09:56.99\00:09:58.79
is a lot of ministries
would hire me to do their work,
00:09:58.83\00:10:02.46
for everything
from their cassette,
00:10:02.50\00:10:04.63
back in the day,
cassette tape duplication,
00:10:04.67\00:10:07.27
their editing,
00:10:07.30\00:10:08.64
and putting their radio programs
00:10:08.67\00:10:10.01
or those things,
00:10:10.04\00:10:11.37
I did a lot of that,
then I moved into TV later.
00:10:11.41\00:10:13.88
And my companies
just started growing.
00:10:13.91\00:10:16.58
I started with
one, then I had another.
00:10:16.61\00:10:19.88
So that went really well,
00:10:19.91\00:10:21.58
that was just, as I said,
00:10:21.62\00:10:24.09
it was more like
charmed, it was just every...
00:10:24.12\00:10:26.62
it just kept growing, it
just got bigger and bigger.
00:10:26.65\00:10:29.99
And I kind of got used to that
00:10:30.03\00:10:33.96
where it seemed very
easy where you just did things
00:10:34.00\00:10:36.53
and you were able
to make money at it.
00:10:36.56\00:10:38.77
And at the same
time, I was excited
00:10:38.80\00:10:40.27
because I got to
work with ministries
00:10:40.30\00:10:42.17
and other things like that.
00:10:42.20\00:10:43.91
And then during that
time, I got an interest,
00:10:43.94\00:10:49.64
I had a fascination as a kid
00:10:49.68\00:10:51.08
about what
firefighters and paramedics did,
00:10:51.11\00:10:55.42
and I always
wanted to be one I think,
00:10:55.45\00:10:58.42
and that's really what it was.
00:10:58.45\00:10:59.79
Okay.
00:10:59.82\00:11:01.16
So I remember some
of the television series
00:11:01.19\00:11:03.53
that were on networks
00:11:03.56\00:11:04.89
were showing up
with police offices,
00:11:04.93\00:11:07.06
and what have you.
00:11:07.10\00:11:08.43
And I wanted to find out
how they were taping that.
00:11:08.46\00:11:10.00
So I got involved
00:11:10.03\00:11:11.37
and I wound up
riding with firefighters,
00:11:11.40\00:11:14.60
and paramedics, EMTs,
00:11:14.64\00:11:16.54
and the like for almost 10 years
00:11:16.57\00:11:18.14
and capturing them,
00:11:18.17\00:11:19.61
trying to develop
first a documentary,
00:11:19.64\00:11:21.44
then working on a
television series.
00:11:21.48\00:11:22.91
Okay.
00:11:22.94\00:11:24.28
And that went on
for almost 10 years.
00:11:24.31\00:11:25.65
Wow.
00:11:25.68\00:11:27.02
And I had to go
through training,
00:11:27.05\00:11:28.42
and so I could go
inside a burning buildings
00:11:28.45\00:11:30.49
and tape them
doing what they're doing.
00:11:30.52\00:11:31.95
Wow.
00:11:31.99\00:11:33.32
So you went
inside burning buildings
00:11:33.36\00:11:34.69
and taped them in that?
00:11:34.72\00:11:36.06
Yeah. Yeah. It was a blast.
00:11:36.09\00:11:37.43
I mean, when I was
in my 20s and my 30s,
00:11:37.46\00:11:38.79
that was like,
it was just awesome.
00:11:38.83\00:11:40.16
It was an adrenaline rush.
00:11:40.20\00:11:42.26
I can't explain to
you what that's like.
00:11:42.30\00:11:45.13
And at the same time,
00:11:45.17\00:11:46.63
I was just, I was fascinated
with these individuals
00:11:46.67\00:11:49.84
that were willing
to lay down their lives
00:11:49.87\00:11:51.77
and I started experiencing that.
00:11:51.81\00:11:54.58
I had friends
that actually died.
00:11:54.61\00:11:56.38
I remember being on
the scenes of incidences
00:11:56.41\00:11:58.95
where guys who
you were working with,
00:11:58.98\00:12:00.52
they didn't come back.
00:12:00.55\00:12:02.22
And that was very hard.
That was the reality of it.
00:12:02.25\00:12:05.55
Rode in New York
City, this is before 9/11,
00:12:05.59\00:12:08.06
and that was an
amazing experience.
00:12:08.09\00:12:11.79
Standing in front of
the World Trade Center
00:12:11.83\00:12:13.93
back in the 90s,
00:12:13.96\00:12:15.66
and I was standing next to a guy
00:12:15.70\00:12:17.03
who was a battalion chief
00:12:17.07\00:12:18.57
that had been at
the first bombing
00:12:18.60\00:12:20.20
of the World Trade Center.
00:12:20.24\00:12:21.57
And he was standing
there looking at me one day
00:12:21.60\00:12:23.17
and he said, "You
know, these buildings,
00:12:23.20\00:12:25.71
if you want to bring these down,
00:12:25.74\00:12:27.18
you can't do what they
did back in the early 90s."
00:12:27.21\00:12:29.51
He said, "I was there."
00:12:29.54\00:12:31.08
He was one of the
commanders or something.
00:12:31.11\00:12:33.45
And he said,
00:12:33.48\00:12:34.95
"You got to blow
it up from above."
00:12:34.98\00:12:37.05
He said, "If you
get a tank or truck,"
00:12:37.09\00:12:38.62
and he was
pointing up at the top
00:12:38.65\00:12:39.99
of the World Trade Center,
00:12:40.02\00:12:41.36
and we're
standing right below it.
00:12:41.39\00:12:42.72
He said, "If we put a
tank or truck up there
00:12:42.76\00:12:44.09
and it's ignited,
00:12:44.13\00:12:45.46
these buildings will
come down like in a pancake."
00:12:45.49\00:12:47.43
And he described
what happened on 9/11.
00:12:47.46\00:12:49.56
This was like three or
four years before that.
00:12:49.60\00:12:51.00
I was there, right at it,
00:12:51.03\00:12:52.73
didn't think
about until that day.
00:12:52.77\00:12:54.14
Wow.
00:12:54.17\00:12:55.50
And I had these, you
know, amazing moments
00:12:55.54\00:12:57.51
that I really
love, I love doing that.
00:12:57.54\00:13:02.58
But at some point, you
know, I went to mass shootings,
00:13:02.61\00:13:09.35
all kinds of things.
00:13:09.38\00:13:10.72
And at some point,
it started to affect me,
00:13:10.75\00:13:13.66
and I didn't really realize.
00:13:13.69\00:13:15.12
And I was working on projects.
00:13:15.16\00:13:16.56
I remember learning about PTSD,
00:13:16.59\00:13:20.80
learning about
how it affects you,
00:13:20.83\00:13:22.83
and developing
things for firefighters
00:13:22.86\00:13:27.50
and paramedics, EMTs.
00:13:27.54\00:13:29.20
I worked for some
training networks for them
00:13:29.24\00:13:31.67
and I got into that.
00:13:31.71\00:13:34.01
A lot of footage I shot
wound up being on networks
00:13:34.04\00:13:36.64
and just saw
anything and everything.
00:13:36.68\00:13:40.42
Just you name it, I saw it.
00:13:40.45\00:13:43.08
And so basically
that took a huge toll.
00:13:43.12\00:13:47.12
It did. I didn't realize it.
I was still just doing great.
00:13:47.16\00:13:51.63
I didn't bother.
00:13:51.66\00:13:53.63
I could walk
into about any scene
00:13:53.66\00:13:56.26
and it got where,
00:13:56.30\00:13:58.43
"Okay, fine, this
is such and such."
00:13:58.47\00:14:02.00
"You just got used to
it," I used to hear that.
00:14:02.04\00:14:04.74
And that was going on.
00:14:04.77\00:14:06.31
So that was going on,
business was going on.
00:14:06.34\00:14:08.24
I had the ebbs and
flows, and things like that.
00:14:08.28\00:14:11.61
I had two kids. I
mean, I talk about it.
00:14:11.65\00:14:15.65
Basically, the life was great,
00:14:15.68\00:14:17.75
two point two kids,
you're living the dream.
00:14:17.79\00:14:20.06
Two point two kids? Yeah.
00:14:20.09\00:14:21.72
You know, I don't
know, that's what they say.
00:14:21.76\00:14:23.63
Okay.
00:14:23.66\00:14:25.63
You know, why do they say that?
00:14:25.66\00:14:27.30
I don't know. Who knows?
00:14:27.33\00:14:28.76
But you know,
you had all that...
00:14:28.80\00:14:32.23
You know, at the
time, wonderful marriage,
00:14:32.27\00:14:33.60
everything that I knew.
00:14:33.64\00:14:36.07
I taught the
young marrieds class
00:14:36.10\00:14:37.74
at my church,
00:14:37.77\00:14:39.11
and actively involved
00:14:39.14\00:14:40.61
in those kinds of, you know,
those things were going on.
00:14:40.64\00:14:44.95
So I guess, as I think back
00:14:44.98\00:14:46.58
and I'm thinking right now,
it's just like, it was great.
00:14:46.61\00:14:49.35
Charmed life,
honestly. Everything was great.
00:14:49.38\00:14:52.22
And so at what point...
00:14:52.25\00:14:53.59
Where was the turning point?
00:14:53.62\00:14:54.96
Where did things
hit rock bottom for you?
00:14:54.99\00:14:57.99
And here's the thing
00:14:58.03\00:14:59.36
and God turns a lot of
things around how things work.
00:14:59.39\00:15:04.67
My first wife one day just up
00:15:04.70\00:15:08.37
and said she didn't
want to be married anymore.
00:15:08.40\00:15:11.14
I did not see that
coming in a million years.
00:15:11.17\00:15:14.44
And I think I shared a
part of this story before
00:15:14.48\00:15:17.15
but it devastated me.
00:15:17.18\00:15:19.38
I was like, "Do what?"
00:15:19.41\00:15:21.32
In fact, we had
our usual date night.
00:15:21.35\00:15:23.28
I remember we would
go somewhere and eat.
00:15:23.32\00:15:24.85
Yeah.
00:15:24.89\00:15:26.22
She told me that, I
thought she was joking.
00:15:26.25\00:15:27.59
I even laughed.
00:15:27.62\00:15:28.96
I said, "That's not a
good thing to joke about."
00:15:28.99\00:15:30.33
She said, "I'm serious."
00:15:30.36\00:15:31.76
And within two
weeks, she was gone.
00:15:31.79\00:15:34.80
And that was a huge shock
00:15:34.83\00:15:36.16
because, first of all,
00:15:36.20\00:15:37.53
nobody in my family
had ever been divorced.
00:15:37.57\00:15:40.80
I kind of grew up in a
background that in my mind,
00:15:40.84\00:15:44.84
if you were divorced
or anything like that,
00:15:44.87\00:15:47.31
you could never
really serve in church again,
00:15:47.34\00:15:51.65
you can never
ever be in ministry,
00:15:51.68\00:15:53.62
you can never ever.
00:15:53.65\00:15:55.28
It was over with. I
mean that's all it was.
00:15:55.32\00:15:57.49
So everything was over.
00:15:57.52\00:16:00.42
I mean, I stepped away
00:16:00.46\00:16:03.96
from all my
positions and things.
00:16:03.99\00:16:07.06
It was hard to
work with young marrieds
00:16:07.10\00:16:08.86
when your marriage...
00:16:08.90\00:16:10.23
And it's
understandable. I get that.
00:16:10.27\00:16:11.70
Yeah.
00:16:11.73\00:16:13.07
But I had to do that.
00:16:13.10\00:16:14.74
It was very
difficult, and that was tough.
00:16:14.77\00:16:18.71
At the same time,
shortly after that,
00:16:18.74\00:16:21.98
I wound up, you
know, getting a document
00:16:22.01\00:16:24.31
telling me these are the
days I get to see my kids
00:16:24.35\00:16:27.85
and these are the days I
don't get to see my kids.
00:16:27.88\00:16:30.49
Yeah.
00:16:30.52\00:16:31.85
Now that inside of me,
00:16:31.89\00:16:34.99
it's like, "You're not
going to tell me what to do."
00:16:35.02\00:16:36.59
That's really the first thing.
00:16:36.62\00:16:38.19
"Well, these are my kids."
00:16:38.23\00:16:39.56
And I was the dad, I
remember going every night,
00:16:39.59\00:16:41.16
I went in and prayed with them,
00:16:41.20\00:16:43.06
and I was busy, but
I remember doing that.
00:16:43.10\00:16:45.73
That was a big
thing for me to go in,
00:16:45.77\00:16:47.54
and you know, had
fun or play with them,
00:16:47.57\00:16:50.01
you know, before they go to bed,
00:16:50.04\00:16:51.44
that kind of thing.
00:16:51.47\00:16:52.81
But I never saw that.
00:16:52.84\00:16:54.18
And they were
things that were going on
00:16:54.21\00:16:55.54
with my first
wife I didn't realize.
00:16:55.58\00:16:57.81
And this is again
part of the healing
00:16:57.85\00:16:59.95
and things that come back.
00:16:59.98\00:17:02.18
And it just ripped my guts out.
00:17:02.22\00:17:05.22
I think Sherry Peters.
00:17:05.25\00:17:08.29
And we started
talking about this.
00:17:08.32\00:17:10.49
She mentioned,
one time, she said,
00:17:10.53\00:17:11.86
"You were just kind of like
00:17:11.89\00:17:13.23
all the life was
drained out of you."
00:17:13.26\00:17:14.60
And I said,
"That's what happened."
00:17:14.63\00:17:15.96
So I had that, and
then I started having,
00:17:16.00\00:17:17.77
you know, I knew some
things were going on with me
00:17:17.80\00:17:20.20
and my thinking
00:17:20.24\00:17:21.90
through all the
things I was working
00:17:21.94\00:17:23.47
on through those years.
00:17:23.51\00:17:26.71
That was going on,
00:17:26.74\00:17:28.11
and then within six
months after that...
00:17:28.14\00:17:29.81
All the things you were
working on like the fire.
00:17:29.84\00:17:31.65
The fire and those things.
00:17:31.68\00:17:33.85
That was bothering me.
00:17:33.88\00:17:35.22
And the last one had
happened during 9/11,
00:17:35.25\00:17:39.09
and I was invited
to go to the Pentagon,
00:17:39.12\00:17:42.06
and I said, "No, I can't do it."
00:17:42.09\00:17:43.93
And before that, I had been
to a mass casualty shooting.
00:17:43.96\00:17:47.56
I mean where two
firefighters were killed,
00:17:47.60\00:17:50.80
the sheriff's
deputy and several people,
00:17:50.83\00:17:53.07
and I was there.
00:17:53.10\00:17:54.44
There are so
many details of that,
00:17:54.47\00:17:56.20
you're on the scene of that,
00:17:56.24\00:17:57.57
and you know, I
had to sit in the room
00:17:57.61\00:17:59.21
with one of the victims'
body for 20 or 30 minutes,
00:17:59.24\00:18:02.61
and you have these things.
00:18:02.64\00:18:04.85
And so you're dealing with that,
00:18:04.88\00:18:06.88
individuals watching people
00:18:06.92\00:18:08.52
burn to death, all these things.
00:18:08.55\00:18:09.88
These things where I'd witnessed
00:18:09.92\00:18:11.85
through those years,
00:18:11.89\00:18:13.22
shootings, I got shot out,
I got pinned down by gunfire,
00:18:13.25\00:18:15.79
I had these things
that happened to me.
00:18:15.82\00:18:17.63
That sounded really,
you know, over the edge.
00:18:17.66\00:18:21.26
And at the time, I
didn't even talk about it,
00:18:21.30\00:18:23.73
it was just kind of what I did.
00:18:23.77\00:18:25.53
And I didn't tell everybody
these things were happening
00:18:25.57\00:18:28.70
because I was worried
they would not let me continue
00:18:28.74\00:18:31.77
doing what I was doing.
00:18:31.81\00:18:33.14
So I kept these
things really tight.
00:18:33.17\00:18:34.51
"What would happen to me?"
00:18:34.54\00:18:35.88
"Don't tell anybody,"
because I was worried,
00:18:35.91\00:18:37.25
I want to continue
shooting and working.
00:18:37.28\00:18:38.61
And I wasn't a
firefighter, wasn't a paramedic,
00:18:38.65\00:18:40.82
so I was just a videographer,
I was just a video producer.
00:18:40.85\00:18:45.05
But you know,
even the Bible says,
00:18:45.09\00:18:47.36
by beholding we become changed.
00:18:47.39\00:18:48.92
And so you were
beholding all these scenes,
00:18:48.96\00:18:51.46
you're seeing
all of these things,
00:18:51.49\00:18:52.99
taking it all in.
00:18:53.03\00:18:54.43
You weren't
necessarily participating,
00:18:54.46\00:18:56.97
but you were
capturing it in your mind.
00:18:57.00\00:18:59.67
And so it had an
effect on your life.
00:18:59.70\00:19:02.60
So that happened,
00:19:02.64\00:19:03.97
and then the other thing
that I wanted to tell you is
00:19:04.01\00:19:05.91
within six
months, I lost my house,
00:19:05.94\00:19:08.44
I lost my businesses
with an S, I lost everything,
00:19:08.48\00:19:12.11
went from having
everything to having nothing.
00:19:12.15\00:19:15.05
So we go to...
All of a sudden...
00:19:15.08\00:19:18.65
My parents were
having to get me a car.
00:19:18.69\00:19:22.89
I have to go live
with them. I have nothing.
00:19:22.92\00:19:25.36
I had everything just six months
00:19:25.39\00:19:26.73
to a year before that.
00:19:26.76\00:19:28.23
I have to go back and get a job,
00:19:28.26\00:19:30.07
and I was sent back
working in television station,
00:19:30.10\00:19:34.97
and driving a satellite truck,
00:19:35.00\00:19:36.54
doing live shots, and
pretty much by myself.
00:19:36.57\00:19:40.31
It was a very lonely time.
00:19:40.34\00:19:43.68
A friend of mine,
he kept calling me Job.
00:19:43.71\00:19:47.78
And it was really...
00:19:47.82\00:19:49.18
And you know, the hard part was,
00:19:49.22\00:19:50.55
I would just sit
there, "How did this happen?"
00:19:50.59\00:19:53.15
When I started
looking at your story
00:19:53.19\00:19:55.36
and I was thinking about
your testimony and everything,
00:19:55.39\00:19:57.49
I was like, "You know,
00:19:57.53\00:19:58.86
this sounds like a
Job-type experience."
00:19:58.89\00:20:00.50
It was.
00:20:00.53\00:20:01.86
And because you look
back and I'm like, "Okay,
00:20:01.90\00:20:03.43
I didn't deserve
anything for this to happen.
00:20:03.47\00:20:06.00
You know, you're going,
00:20:06.03\00:20:07.37
"Okay, God, why did
you let this thing happen?"
00:20:07.40\00:20:10.11
I literally had
all these questions.
00:20:10.14\00:20:11.54
And in fact, the book of
Job makes sense to me now,
00:20:11.57\00:20:14.08
those little questions and
the things that were going.
00:20:14.11\00:20:15.84
I thought, "Wow."
00:20:15.88\00:20:17.78
I'm glad that you said that,
00:20:17.81\00:20:19.35
"Why did you let
these things happen,"
00:20:19.38\00:20:21.75
because, you know, oftentimes,
when we run into tough times,
00:20:21.78\00:20:24.99
people blame God,
00:20:25.02\00:20:26.65
but He's not the
one who caused it.
00:20:26.69\00:20:28.82
He allowed it to happen.
00:20:28.86\00:20:30.43
And you're asking
why did He let it happen.
00:20:30.46\00:20:32.93
And the other
thing came to play,
00:20:32.96\00:20:34.30
for the first time, I
realized that there is an enemy
00:20:34.33\00:20:37.73
that prowls around
like a roaring lion
00:20:37.77\00:20:41.14
and seeking
those who would devour.
00:20:41.17\00:20:43.61
In this life, you
will have trouble.
00:20:43.64\00:20:45.71
I never read any
of those scriptures
00:20:45.74\00:20:47.48
because everything
was charmed and wonderful.
00:20:47.51\00:20:49.48
Yeah.
00:20:49.51\00:20:50.85
I didn't
understand that, you know,
00:20:50.88\00:20:52.55
because I was thinking, "God,
I was doing all these things,"
00:20:52.58\00:20:54.45
and I did a lot of things,
00:20:54.48\00:20:56.08
and I would go
through that list,
00:20:56.12\00:20:57.82
and finally, I began to realize
00:20:57.85\00:21:00.36
God really wanted to
change my heart for one thing
00:21:00.39\00:21:03.93
because I think my
view up until that time was,
00:21:03.96\00:21:07.10
"Okay, God, I'm going to do this
00:21:07.13\00:21:09.06
and you bless it."
00:21:09.10\00:21:11.77
And it wasn't a conscious thing,
00:21:11.80\00:21:13.57
but I think we often do that.
00:21:13.60\00:21:16.00
And the whole
point is "No, no, no.
00:21:16.04\00:21:18.01
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
It works the other way around.
00:21:18.04\00:21:22.08
You know, I've
given you these gifts,
00:21:22.11\00:21:25.41
I've given you these things,
00:21:25.45\00:21:27.68
and so I'm not along
for the ride, you know,
00:21:27.72\00:21:31.25
I'm not in the back
of the seat of this bus,
00:21:31.29\00:21:34.92
you know, or the
plane, you forget.
00:21:34.96\00:21:36.69
I am the pilot."
00:21:36.73\00:21:38.46
And I think that was
part of what I had to learn,
00:21:38.49\00:21:41.80
that's part of
what had to learn.
00:21:41.83\00:21:43.67
Also, there's
another thing took place.
00:21:43.70\00:21:45.50
I remember, just a
year before that happened,
00:21:45.53\00:21:48.40
I remember a friend of mine
00:21:48.44\00:21:50.61
wound up getting
involved in a relationship
00:21:50.64\00:21:53.14
and his marriage fell apart.
00:21:53.17\00:21:55.48
And I remember coming home.
00:21:55.51\00:21:57.05
He came and told
me what happened,
00:21:57.08\00:21:59.55
how remorseful he was,
00:21:59.58\00:22:01.38
and I remember, I came home,
00:22:01.42\00:22:03.92
and I was so incensed,
00:22:03.95\00:22:05.29
and I remember
looking at my wife
00:22:05.32\00:22:06.65
and said, "You know what,
I'm glad I'm not like him.
00:22:06.69\00:22:11.49
I'm glad that, you
know, how could he even,
00:22:11.53\00:22:15.70
how could those things happen?"
00:22:15.73\00:22:17.07
Well, here I was in a situation
00:22:17.10\00:22:18.43
that I didn't
even do any of that.
00:22:18.47\00:22:21.54
But I found myself
in the same situation
00:22:21.57\00:22:24.47
and God certainly
teaching me through that.
00:22:24.51\00:22:27.11
The other hard part too was,
00:22:27.14\00:22:30.88
I remember going through
this and two things happened.
00:22:30.91\00:22:34.68
Good friend of mine, pastor,
00:22:34.72\00:22:36.05
he was a pastor up at our church
00:22:36.08\00:22:38.05
encouraged me to
actually leave the church.
00:22:38.09\00:22:40.92
And it sounds strange.
00:22:40.96\00:22:42.49
That really does.
00:22:42.52\00:22:43.86
Because of the rumor mill,
00:22:43.89\00:22:45.23
because it's like,
00:22:45.26\00:22:46.59
"There is no way that
Tom's wife would have left
00:22:46.63\00:22:47.96
unless he was involved in
an affair or something else,"
00:22:48.00\00:22:51.00
and people in the
church were saying this,
00:22:51.03\00:22:52.43
it was a very large church.
00:22:52.47\00:22:53.80
Wow.
00:22:53.84\00:22:55.17
And that was very hard for
me. I was devastated by that.
00:22:55.20\00:22:59.17
Not by him saying that.
00:22:59.21\00:23:00.88
In fact, I wound up
going to another one,
00:23:00.91\00:23:02.64
another pastor who said,
00:23:02.68\00:23:04.01
"Listen, I find we have a
very a lot of broken people.
00:23:04.05\00:23:06.31
You can come on in.
00:23:06.35\00:23:07.72
We have a lot of people like you
00:23:07.75\00:23:09.42
that are divorced,
and there are drug addicts
00:23:09.45\00:23:11.15
everything else, so come on in."
00:23:11.19\00:23:12.52
It was a great place
actually, I went too.
00:23:12.55\00:23:14.29
It was different. That was hard.
00:23:14.32\00:23:15.76
The second thing was
00:23:15.79\00:23:18.63
I had been doing some business
00:23:18.66\00:23:21.36
and a young couple came in
00:23:21.40\00:23:23.93
and I remember they came in
00:23:23.97\00:23:26.27
and I was late
getting work done.
00:23:26.30\00:23:28.04
I had literally
stopped doing things.
00:23:28.07\00:23:30.17
I had lost all my equipment.
00:23:30.21\00:23:31.74
And I gave money back to them,
and all kinds of other things,
00:23:31.77\00:23:34.64
and they prayed for me.
00:23:34.68\00:23:36.88
And it was in two weeks later,
00:23:36.91\00:23:38.41
they, along with several others,
00:23:38.45\00:23:40.78
filed lawsuits against me.
00:23:40.82\00:23:42.58
So I was being sued,
00:23:42.62\00:23:43.95
all these things were
going, everything was going on.
00:23:43.99\00:23:46.55
That shook me
00:23:46.59\00:23:48.09
because I was just like, again,
00:23:48.12\00:23:52.23
"God, how could
you let this happen?"
00:23:52.26\00:23:53.60
Yeah, and so are
those the things,
00:23:53.63\00:23:55.76
is that what led up to
you making the decision
00:23:55.80\00:23:59.23
to try and take your life?
00:23:59.27\00:24:00.87
Yeah. It got where... It's hard.
00:24:00.90\00:24:04.47
I could have never
imagined thinking this way,
00:24:04.51\00:24:07.01
but I got to the point
where the marriage was gone,
00:24:07.04\00:24:11.55
everything I owned
was gone, my business,
00:24:11.58\00:24:14.82
my whole plan to
retire in life was gone.
00:24:14.85\00:24:17.02
I didn't even
think of it that way.
00:24:17.05\00:24:18.52
I look back on it now.
00:24:18.55\00:24:20.42
That was, you know,
almost 20 years ago.
00:24:20.46\00:24:22.76
And then all these other things,
00:24:22.79\00:24:25.23
it was just...
00:24:25.26\00:24:26.70
I couldn't believe it.
00:24:26.73\00:24:28.06
And then you felt like
everybody abandoned you.
00:24:28.10\00:24:29.66
It was just...
00:24:29.70\00:24:31.13
And then I'm living by myself,
00:24:31.17\00:24:33.17
and my kids would come
over and they would stay.
00:24:33.20\00:24:35.30
And then the
nights they were gone,
00:24:35.34\00:24:36.67
I just remember
crying myself to sleep.
00:24:36.71\00:24:39.34
I got where I couldn't work.
00:24:39.37\00:24:40.71
I couldn't remember how to edit.
00:24:40.74\00:24:42.81
And I edit, and I shoot,
and I do all kinds of things,
00:24:42.84\00:24:45.25
I couldn't
remember what I was doing.
00:24:45.28\00:24:47.52
Yeah, it's like your world
was just turned upside down.
00:24:47.55\00:24:50.42
Oh, yeah, turned
upside down. Yeah.
00:24:50.45\00:24:52.02
So for the
first time in my life,
00:24:52.05\00:24:53.99
I thought, "It would be
better if I wasn't here."
00:24:54.02\00:24:57.49
And I started
thinking about that,
00:24:57.53\00:24:59.49
and another thing,
as I mentioned before,
00:24:59.53\00:25:02.80
and I don't know if
it's part of a factor,
00:25:02.83\00:25:04.33
but I had been
putting on some medicines
00:25:04.37\00:25:08.97
because people
were encouraging me,
00:25:09.00\00:25:11.51
"Well, you're very creative.
You need to be more cognitive."
00:25:11.54\00:25:13.84
And basically they were
serotonin reuptake inhibitor.
00:25:13.88\00:25:18.01
And one of many
that were out there,
00:25:18.05\00:25:19.51
and basically people
use it for anti-depression
00:25:19.55\00:25:21.45
and the other things like that.
00:25:21.48\00:25:23.22
And it kind of changed
the way I was doing things.
00:25:23.25\00:25:25.95
I just got where I
was started being...
00:25:25.99\00:25:28.39
I had a clean desk, you
know, "Who was organizing?"
00:25:28.42\00:25:30.93
That's not me,
I'm more creative,
00:25:30.96\00:25:33.26
I'm out of the box.
00:25:33.29\00:25:34.93
So at what point...
00:25:34.96\00:25:36.46
Okay, so you ended up in
that spot of desperation,
00:25:36.50\00:25:40.84
the point where you
were going to end your life,
00:25:40.87\00:25:43.94
at what point did
God grab a hold of you
00:25:43.97\00:25:46.27
and how did he intervene?
00:25:46.31\00:25:47.64
We only have a
short amount of time left.
00:25:47.68\00:25:50.45
It's very simple.
00:25:50.48\00:25:52.45
One night after
my kids were leaving,
00:25:52.48\00:25:55.52
I just remember being
so desperate about it,
00:25:55.55\00:25:57.49
I remember kind
of crying out to God
00:25:57.52\00:25:59.82
and then I just decided
I was going to kill myself.
00:25:59.85\00:26:03.36
And I was trying to
figure out ways to do it
00:26:03.39\00:26:05.09
because I had seen people do it.
00:26:05.13\00:26:07.23
And I was going
through, "What would happen?"
00:26:07.26\00:26:10.20
And then I remember,
I went back in the room
00:26:10.23\00:26:12.67
and I was just in tears,
and I shut the bedroom door.
00:26:12.70\00:26:16.47
When I did
that, all of a sudden,
00:26:16.50\00:26:17.84
there was a
posted note, two of them,
00:26:17.87\00:26:19.21
up on the door,
00:26:19.24\00:26:21.18
and it's my kids.
00:26:21.21\00:26:22.61
They were young at the time.
00:26:22.64\00:26:24.58
One of them
wrote, "Dad, I love you.
00:26:24.61\00:26:25.95
Miss you very much."
00:26:25.98\00:26:27.32
The other one
was like, you know,
00:26:27.35\00:26:29.92
"I love you daddy.
00:26:29.95\00:26:31.62
You mean everything to me."
00:26:31.65\00:26:33.72
And that stopped me thinking,
00:26:33.76\00:26:36.12
but I was so
serious about doing it.
00:26:36.16\00:26:38.69
And then other things
happened a few weeks after that,
00:26:38.73\00:26:41.36
that just got so
desperate, I decided,
00:26:41.40\00:26:43.26
and there were more
things that even happened.
00:26:43.30\00:26:44.63
Yeah. Yeah.
00:26:44.67\00:26:46.00
I just decided I
was going to stop it.
00:26:46.03\00:26:48.60
And so I was
figuring out how to get a gun,
00:26:48.64\00:26:51.81
how to do this,
that and the other,
00:26:51.84\00:26:54.08
and I remember, this was about
eight or nine in the morning,
00:26:54.11\00:26:56.58
and all of sudden,
the knock on the door
00:26:56.61\00:26:57.95
came on the door
00:26:57.98\00:26:59.31
and my dad was
there, and he looked at me.
00:26:59.35\00:27:00.95
He said, "You're not trying
00:27:00.98\00:27:03.65
to hurt yourself
or anything, are you?"
00:27:03.69\00:27:05.25
And I couldn't even admit it.
00:27:05.29\00:27:06.96
"No, I'm not, I'm not."
00:27:06.99\00:27:08.32
And it was just
like divine intervention
00:27:08.36\00:27:09.89
very quickly.
00:27:09.92\00:27:11.26
That's how that was.
00:27:11.29\00:27:12.63
Wow. Wow.
00:27:12.66\00:27:14.03
So the God...
00:27:14.06\00:27:15.66
First, it was
through the letters,
00:27:15.70\00:27:18.07
the posters from your children,
00:27:18.10\00:27:19.43
then your dad asking you,
00:27:19.47\00:27:21.60
realizing that
something was wrong.
00:27:21.64\00:27:24.01
What advice in the
short amount of time
00:27:24.04\00:27:26.44
that we have left
would you give to that person
00:27:26.47\00:27:28.48
who is thinking
about ending their life?
00:27:28.51\00:27:31.51
You know, one thing I
would say is first of all,
00:27:31.55\00:27:33.82
don't let your faith be
dictated by your circumstances,
00:27:33.85\00:27:36.99
they're temporal.
00:27:37.02\00:27:38.35
And you're
valuable in God's eyes,
00:27:38.39\00:27:40.12
and you were
someone worth dying for,
00:27:40.16\00:27:42.26
He died for you on the cross,
and He gave His life for you.
00:27:42.29\00:27:45.33
And knowing that,
00:27:45.36\00:27:46.70
that made the
difference in my life.
00:27:46.73\00:27:49.23
Amen.
00:27:49.26\00:27:50.60
Thank you so much
for joining us, Tom,
00:27:50.63\00:27:53.07
and thank you for
being so transparent
00:27:53.10\00:27:54.70
and sharing your testimony.
00:27:54.74\00:27:56.20
Well, we've reached
the end of another program.
00:27:56.24\00:27:58.77
Thanks for tuning
in. Join us next time.
00:27:58.81\00:28:00.48
And remember,
00:28:00.51\00:28:01.84
it just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:28:01.88\00:28:03.58