Have you ever been ambushed,
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shot at, or
struggled to survive?
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Well, stay tuned to meet a man
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who discovered
God's faithfulness
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in the midst of the storm.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis Shelton
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello, and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today
is Pastor Paul Lowe,
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a man with a dynamic testimony.
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Welcome to Urban
Report, Pastor Lowe.
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Please to be
here, Sister Yvonne.
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It's great to have you,
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you know, you were
on the parent network
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on the Today program.
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And I think
Jason interviewed you
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and he said you have
a tremendous testimony.
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So we always
like to get our folks
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who have great
testimonies on to Dare to Dream,
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to share with our Dare
to Dream viewers as well.
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So thank you so much
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for being willing to
share your testimony.
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Thank you for
allowing me to share.
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Tell us about your
journey, where were you born?
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I was born in
Guyana, South America.
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And how did you end up here?
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Well, my mom first
migrated to the U.S.
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about 1968, I was
just shy of two years old,
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that mass migration,
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the U.S. was seeking nurses
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and teachers
post the Vietnam War
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and the Korean War.
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And so she was
successful in obtaining a visa
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to come to the U.S. to serve
and in about 10 years later
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our visas would be approved
that was just about 1976, 1977,
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that would migrate to Brooklyn,
New York from South America.
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Wow!
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So what kind of
difference was there for you
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leaving South America
and coming to Brooklyn?
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'Cause I'm from New York too.
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So I know there
are areas of Brooklyn,
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there are
different areas of Brooklyn.
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But coming from
South America to Brooklyn,
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what was that like?
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Yeah, the humor that
I often share is like
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a transition
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from the tropical
jungle to the concrete jungle.
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Yeah.
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You know, and I had a
life where in South America,
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in a Christian home, grandma
was a lay Adventist minister,
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a church planner,
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strong
conservative fundamental type.
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And so the "old time religion"
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was reinforced quite well
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when I was a child.
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So you lived with your
grandmother as a child?
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I was raised by my grandma,
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sister and I were
raised by my grandma.
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Beautiful jungle,
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coastal area
walk across the road
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and I mean the river
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go a little
further reach the Atlantic.
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You know, nice
beautiful setting.
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Fruit and fruit
trees and all that stuff?
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All the fruit
trees and all of that
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wonderful stuff,
hot days, cool nights.
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Yes. Yeah.
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Just fun living even though
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it may be at a
poverty level considered
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or in contrast to
U.S. the average U.S.
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middle class,
but never felt poor.
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Isn't it amazing how
when you're growing up,
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a lot of times you don't realize
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that your family might not
have as much as other people,
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you just deal
with what you have.
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That is true.
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You know, you don't even realize
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that you're poor if you're poor.
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Sometimes you do.
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I mean it depends on,
you know, the situation.
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But you're saying that
you didn't even realize
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there was any poverty there.
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And I bet you, the
love of your grandmother
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that it sounds like
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that was a very
enveloping kind of love.
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Yeah, the support didn't really
feel it so much as a child
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because my grandmother as I said
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was very
conservative, very fundamental,
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a very strict wonderful person.
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I expect to and
strongly confident
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I'll see my grandma
in heaven by God's grace.
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But that grace wasn't
so easily felt at that age,
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you know.
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Okay, so then let
me backtrack then.
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So she was
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strict grandma.
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And she wasn't
that affectionate,
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she was more
strict than passionate.
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Yes, we come from a
matriarchal culture,
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strong women,
lineage of strong women,
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strong West African women.
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Grandma was no nonsense.
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You know, when I came to America
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and learned that children were,
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you know, my peer, they were
very fond of their grandmas,
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you know.
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So you all talk about
your grandparent like,
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you know, cookies and, you know,
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grandma is the
person that spoils.
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Yes. Not my grandma.
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It sounds like
that's not the grandma
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I kind of knew, you know.
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Mine believe in,
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you know, spare the
rod and spoil the child.
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So the rod wasn't
being spared at all.
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So you got some
serious disappointment.
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Oh, yes. Okay. Okay.
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And your sister was
there with you as well.
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So you and your sister
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were raised by your grandmother.
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Yes. Yes.
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How did you feel
about your mother
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not being there raising you,
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your
grandmother was raising you?
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That was tough.
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That was tough
especially considering
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I was not always comfortable
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about being in that environment.
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My mom would visit maybe
once every three or four years
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as most...
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This is the story of
your average Caribbean
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person of that diaspora,
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right, your
average Caribbean migrant.
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So that created,
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that opportunity
allowed to us by the U.S.
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It was a blessing and a curse
in some sense you could say,
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because it took
most of the women
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out of the
household because I said,
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they were looking for
nurses and teachers primarily.
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So women in the thousands
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throughout the
Caribbean in general,
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it wasn't just Guyana,
it was Jamaica, Trinidad,
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Grenada, you know, Barbados,
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wherever started to
relocate to the U.S.
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because the U.S.
opened its immigration ports
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to receive skilled
British educated individuals
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who would now fill the vacancies
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for the women that left the home
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to work in the
factories during the war, right?
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So then the U.S. was
experiencing a deficit
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of its own civil infrastructure
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as it pertained to
teachers and nurses.
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So the next best thing
for them to do geographically,
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here is the Caribbean
and here you have this
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large population
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of British educated
individuals skilled.
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Yeah, they can come and
they can help this nation
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to be a better
place as we help them
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to better their own,
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you know, life goals
and so on and so forth.
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But what that did, it
removed most of the women
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from our
society and left the men
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and that created a
bit of an imbalance.
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So I guess my dad didn't want to
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or wasn't capable of
for whatever reasons,
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you know, he did not
become our like a single parent,
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instead we were
raised by our grandma.
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And that's what the
model that we see repeated.
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Was he still in
the home, your dad?
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No. Okay.
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I saw my dad
maybe holiday periods,
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Christmas time, you know, so.
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I would also visit the
city to visit my dad's mom,
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that is my...
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She was an East
Indian mixed lady
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so I have to
differentiate between the two,
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I would say my black mom
and my East Indian grandma.
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And so I would visit
her in the city at times
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and I would see
him at times there,
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but didn't really know my dad
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until I was about
age 15 interactively.
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It's interesting to me, like,
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I know of a lot of situations
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where women have left
the children in the islands,
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and they've come
to the States to work,
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and they send money
back home to their kids,
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but they are
separated from their children.
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And so I didn't
realize that this was really
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a cultural
phenomenon in the islands,
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I had put that
together that's interesting.
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So in essence, you
lost your mom and your dad.
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In essence, I actually
remember one of my mom's visit
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was very interesting
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because we travel to
the airport in the city
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and waiting for
my mom to embark,
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you know, get off the
aircraft and so on and so forth.
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And I don't know
what she looks like.
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I don't really know who
I'm looking for, you know.
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But I'm standing there
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with this sense of
excitement and intrigue,
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I'm going to see my mom today.
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And a lady comes up to me
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and just kisses me
on my forehead and says,
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you know, Paul Lowe as
they, she would call me.
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And, you know, I
kind of looked bewildered,
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looked up at her.
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And she said, "I'm
your mom," you know.
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And then I said, "Mommy."
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You know, and she
just burst out in tears
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'cause she realized
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I didn't recognize
her immediately, you know.
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But, of course,
immediate bonding
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and I'm happy for
three or four days
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and then she's
gone to the States.
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And so at what point
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were you reunited with your mom?
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1977, January. January
1977, I was 10 years old.
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And our visas
finally came through in 1976
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and then we
migrated to Brooklyn.
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And my mom is living
in East Flatbush, Brooklyn
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and living in a
one bedroom apartment.
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Mom was working four
jobs when we came to the U.S.
00:09:29.63\00:09:33.27
to make ends meet.
00:09:33.30\00:09:35.24
And in addition to
that she was in school.
00:09:35.27\00:09:39.01
So she started out,
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I think her efforts
initially was to pursue
00:09:40.51\00:09:44.18
as I said taught
the civil infrastructure
00:09:44.21\00:09:45.71
as a teacher.
00:09:45.75\00:09:47.18
But my mom was an introvert
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and she was a very quiet person.
00:09:48.68\00:09:50.82
And the Brooklyn,
New York school system...
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No, she couldn't handle that.
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She couldn't handle that.
00:09:56.73\00:09:58.06
And so I think she
quickly focused on nursing.
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Because I had an
aunt who was already here
00:10:00.80\00:10:03.06
from earlier in the '60s
00:10:03.10\00:10:05.40
that was a
professional nurse head,
00:10:05.43\00:10:07.24
by then did an RN.
00:10:07.27\00:10:08.90
And so my mother
decided to pursue that study.
00:10:08.94\00:10:11.64
But she would
work, she had one job
00:10:11.67\00:10:13.44
where she worked during the day
00:10:13.48\00:10:14.81
I believe as a
caretaker for a family,
00:10:14.84\00:10:17.35
then she had another
job in the evening at a...
00:10:17.38\00:10:20.48
It's kind of like a sweatshop,
a place that made clothing.
00:10:20.52\00:10:25.49
Then she had another job
on the weekend, you know.
00:10:25.52\00:10:28.92
And so I would see my mom
00:10:28.96\00:10:33.40
sometimes maybe three
or four times for the week.
00:10:33.43\00:10:36.56
We were both
latchkey kids at that time.
00:10:36.60\00:10:40.77
Wake up in the
morning 6.30-7 o'clock,
00:10:40.80\00:10:43.27
breakfast is on the table,
a bowl of cereal, some milk,
00:10:43.30\00:10:45.57
you know toast,
whatever have you.
00:10:45.61\00:10:47.31
Sister and I
would have our breakfast
00:10:47.34\00:10:49.04
and then we'd leave for school.
00:10:49.08\00:10:51.11
There school for the day,
come home in the afternoon,
00:10:51.15\00:10:53.45
sit down, do my
homework whatever it is,
00:10:53.48\00:10:55.55
you know, I'd be
out on the street,
00:10:55.58\00:10:57.59
you know, come inside by
whatever time my mom said
00:10:57.62\00:11:01.36
try to be inside that
was 8 pm, 9 pm whatever.
00:11:01.39\00:11:05.03
And my sister and I take
food out of refrigerator,
00:11:05.06\00:11:08.90
you know, before my
sister started cooking also
00:11:08.93\00:11:11.60
we would eat, and
then we go to bed.
00:11:11.63\00:11:14.30
And I would recall at
times briefly, briefly,
00:11:14.34\00:11:18.67
feel a cold fingers
on my neck and my face,
00:11:18.71\00:11:21.64
a kiss on my
forehead, open my eyes look up,
00:11:21.68\00:11:24.25
and that would be
about 1 am or 2 am,
00:11:24.28\00:11:26.48
my mom just
getting in from work.
00:11:26.51\00:11:28.58
And then I slept
in the living room
00:11:28.62\00:11:31.45
on a pull out bed,
00:11:31.49\00:11:32.82
my mom would go to bed,
00:11:32.85\00:11:34.46
and then my mom would be
gone by maybe 5 am, 6 am.
00:11:34.49\00:11:39.89
And so when I would wake up,
00:11:39.93\00:11:41.26
I wouldn't see her
except maybe on the weekends
00:11:41.30\00:11:44.00
if it was a weekend
that she was at home.
00:11:44.03\00:11:46.33
This is before she
became an Adventist.
00:11:46.37\00:11:47.70
I was just going to ask
00:11:47.74\00:11:49.07
were she was an
Adventist or church goer?
00:11:49.10\00:11:51.57
She later became an Adventist.
00:11:51.61\00:11:52.94
She was always a
God fearing person.
00:11:52.97\00:11:54.31
But at the time we
relocated to the U.S.
00:11:54.34\00:11:57.25
my mom was not church
going, she was just work going.
00:11:57.28\00:12:00.12
Right. Right. Study going.
00:12:00.15\00:12:02.15
And I'm sitting
here listening to you
00:12:02.18\00:12:03.82
and I know that
there are so many children
00:12:03.85\00:12:06.05
who are latchkey kids
00:12:06.09\00:12:10.03
who because their parents
00:12:10.06\00:12:12.39
usually is a
single mom in many cases.
00:12:12.43\00:12:16.10
They have to make ends meet,
so they work all these jobs.
00:12:16.13\00:12:21.04
But then in the meantime
00:12:21.07\00:12:22.64
the children are
left without a parent.
00:12:22.67\00:12:25.67
So essentially
you and your sister
00:12:25.71\00:12:27.68
were kind of raising yourselves
00:12:27.71\00:12:29.58
because she wasn't there
00:12:29.61\00:12:32.51
because she couldn't be there
'cause she had all those jobs.
00:12:32.55\00:12:36.58
And it's a catch 22, I guess
00:12:36.62\00:12:38.25
because you have
to stay afloat so.
00:12:38.29\00:12:39.85
Yes.
00:12:39.89\00:12:41.22
So what did you get into
as a result 'cause you're 10,
00:12:41.26\00:12:46.63
you came over here at 10.
00:12:46.66\00:12:48.56
You came from being
totally supervised by grandma
00:12:48.60\00:12:53.57
to having
essentially no supervision.
00:12:53.60\00:12:56.64
Your sister older or
younger? Sister was older.
00:12:56.67\00:12:59.61
So was she kind
of babysitting you
00:12:59.64\00:13:02.84
or were you kind of on your own.
00:13:02.88\00:13:04.58
Not really, we both,
00:13:04.61\00:13:06.95
let's take the good and the bad.
00:13:06.98\00:13:08.42
That nurture from my
grandma that as I said
00:13:08.45\00:13:11.65
was not pleasant at the time,
00:13:11.69\00:13:14.16
it really was beneficial
00:13:14.19\00:13:15.59
because my
grandma helped us both
00:13:15.62\00:13:17.23
to be very
independent at an early age.
00:13:17.26\00:13:19.56
My sister knew how
to cook, wash clothing.
00:13:19.59\00:13:22.16
And I knew how to cook
basic things, you know.
00:13:22.20\00:13:23.93
But then as I said
00:13:23.97\00:13:25.30
you still have the
matriarchal culture
00:13:25.33\00:13:26.97
and a culture that's kind
of let men get away with stuff.
00:13:27.00\00:13:32.41
I didn't have to be as
concerned about cooking
00:13:32.44\00:13:34.94
and all of that at that time.
00:13:34.98\00:13:36.44
But I had the skills, you know.
00:13:36.48\00:13:38.11
I'm a great cook
today because of...
00:13:38.15\00:13:39.71
All right. That's good.
00:13:39.75\00:13:42.18
So 10 years old,
you guys, are basically,
00:13:42.22\00:13:46.35
you're latchkey kids
and doing your homework,
00:13:46.39\00:13:51.36
but you're also out at night.
00:13:51.39\00:13:53.36
Yes. Right?
00:13:53.40\00:13:54.76
What did you get into?
00:13:54.80\00:13:56.16
Yeah, making friends
00:13:56.20\00:13:59.47
before I even
started attending school.
00:13:59.50\00:14:01.60
We got here in the
middle of a real bad blizzard,
00:14:01.64\00:14:04.31
the blizzard of '77
if you can remember.
00:14:04.34\00:14:05.67
Oh, from the
tropics to a blizzard.
00:14:05.71\00:14:08.54
Right smacked
into that blizzard.
00:14:08.58\00:14:10.98
And so it took
about a month and a half
00:14:11.01\00:14:13.48
before I was actually in school
00:14:13.52\00:14:15.02
because that
delayed the whole process.
00:14:15.05\00:14:17.35
So I had a lot of time
to look out the window.
00:14:17.39\00:14:20.66
Many of the days we
were just there and my mom,
00:14:20.69\00:14:23.56
she did caution us well.
00:14:23.59\00:14:25.86
"Do not go outside,
do not open the door,
00:14:25.89\00:14:28.93
do not this, do not,
you know, so and so on."
00:14:28.96\00:14:30.53
So she know all the rules.
00:14:30.57\00:14:32.47
And so I would
look out the window,
00:14:32.50\00:14:34.90
the window was to a back alley
00:14:34.94\00:14:37.21
because we were in the
rear of that apartment complex.
00:14:37.24\00:14:40.64
But I would see stuff
00:14:40.68\00:14:42.01
just looking out the back alley,
00:14:42.04\00:14:44.05
I could see through the alley
00:14:44.08\00:14:45.41
to another street, I see fights,
00:14:45.45\00:14:47.62
you know, every afternoon
00:14:47.65\00:14:48.98
the kids are
coming home from school.
00:14:49.02\00:14:50.39
I saw an unfortunate
incident of a young lady
00:14:50.42\00:14:53.15
being sexually assaulted
right below our living window,
00:14:53.19\00:14:58.29
in that back
alley at 10 years old.
00:14:58.33\00:15:01.06
You know, and I'm
learning the harsh realities
00:15:01.10\00:15:03.87
of what that
environment is like,
00:15:03.90\00:15:06.50
so I'm kind of preparing myself.
00:15:06.53\00:15:09.30
Then I start school
finally, and I'm making friends,
00:15:09.34\00:15:13.61
I'm bonding with peers
00:15:13.64\00:15:15.11
with all the children
of our Caribbean background
00:15:15.14\00:15:17.85
because teacher
could not understand me.
00:15:17.88\00:15:21.38
And I could barely understand
some of the other students
00:15:21.42\00:15:23.72
and the teacher.
00:15:23.75\00:15:25.09
So I had a friend,
he was from Jamaica.
00:15:25.12\00:15:27.06
And he became my
good buddy in my trance
00:15:27.09\00:15:29.16
and he'd tell the
teacher what I said.
00:15:29.19\00:15:30.83
And he would explain to me
what the teacher was saying
00:15:30.86\00:15:32.69
'cause I
couldn't barely understand
00:15:32.73\00:15:35.43
to the best of my ability.
00:15:35.46\00:15:37.70
And I do remember
00:15:37.73\00:15:40.50
one day even though we
came in a blizzard as I said,
00:15:40.54\00:15:45.14
deep snow and all of that
00:15:45.17\00:15:46.51
I had never
really seen snowfall.
00:15:46.54\00:15:51.18
I came when there
was snow on the ground.
00:15:51.21\00:15:54.12
Okay, so then one day
the teacher says to me,
00:15:54.15\00:15:56.15
"Paul," just calls
me randomly. "Yes, Sir."
00:15:56.18\00:15:58.59
As I would, you
know, "Yes, Sir."
00:15:58.62\00:16:00.36
And he said,
00:16:00.39\00:16:01.72
"Have you ever
seen snow falling?"
00:16:01.76\00:16:03.43
I said, "No."
00:16:03.46\00:16:04.79
And he says,
"Look out the window."
00:16:04.83\00:16:06.46
And I turn and I see, "Oh."
00:16:06.49\00:16:09.83
You know like
00:16:09.86\00:16:11.83
what I saw was
00:16:11.87\00:16:13.20
the little
ornaments that we had,
00:16:13.23\00:16:15.60
you shake it up the
water in the middle.
00:16:15.64\00:16:18.17
Yeah, it's a little globe thing,
00:16:18.21\00:16:20.81
you see snow
falling here and there.
00:16:20.84\00:16:22.68
I ran to the
window, I was so fascinated.
00:16:22.71\00:16:25.58
And I actually
lifted the window up.
00:16:25.61\00:16:28.52
Teacher was like, "No, no, no.
00:16:28.55\00:16:29.95
Close the window."
00:16:29.98\00:16:31.32
It was this culture shock,
00:16:31.35\00:16:32.69
all this culture
shock and fascination.
00:16:32.72\00:16:34.06
And then the other
00:16:34.09\00:16:35.52
is the general challenge
of dealing with violence.
00:16:35.56\00:16:40.76
You know, kids are
fighting every day,
00:16:40.80\00:16:43.70
you know.
00:16:43.73\00:16:46.80
The whole psychology of
survival was so prevalent.
00:16:46.84\00:16:51.81
And you had to master
it at this very early age.
00:16:51.84\00:16:55.64
Let's talk about
00:16:55.68\00:16:57.01
because one of
the things that I see
00:16:57.05\00:17:00.02
in our urban centers
like New York and Chicago,
00:17:00.05\00:17:03.75
I mean, children are
really in battle zones.
00:17:03.79\00:17:08.29
You don't even know
if you're going to be
00:17:08.32\00:17:09.82
able to go from home to school
00:17:09.86\00:17:12.89
and back
without being confronted
00:17:12.93\00:17:16.33
by some kind of violence.
00:17:16.36\00:17:18.33
That's not normal. Yeah.
00:17:18.37\00:17:20.50
It's the norm in
that environment,
00:17:20.54\00:17:24.27
but it's not normal.
00:17:24.31\00:17:25.64
You can't...
00:17:25.67\00:17:28.34
We're asking our
children to do things
00:17:28.38\00:17:31.35
that we train soldiers to do.
00:17:31.38\00:17:33.88
Yeah, pretty much.
00:17:33.92\00:17:35.28
I mean, it's just.
00:17:35.32\00:17:36.89
So how did you...
00:17:36.92\00:17:38.25
Let's talk about
what was going on
00:17:38.29\00:17:40.49
in that neighborhood
00:17:40.52\00:17:41.86
and what you had
to do to survive?
00:17:41.89\00:17:44.43
Yeah.
00:17:44.46\00:17:45.79
We're talking East
Flatbush, Brooklyn,
00:17:45.83\00:17:48.96
Clarkson 52nd Street Rutland,
00:17:49.00\00:17:51.93
people are familiar
with Brooklyn, Remsen Avenue,
00:17:51.97\00:17:53.97
that old picture right there.
00:17:54.00\00:17:56.10
And as I said starting
out really wasn't that bad.
00:17:56.14\00:17:59.47
Friends are looking out for me.
00:17:59.51\00:18:01.28
Now one thing
different I had not as yet
00:18:01.31\00:18:05.85
been able to
register for school lunch,
00:18:05.88\00:18:07.85
you know, the
school provides lunch,
00:18:07.88\00:18:09.78
that's a process so we
weren't cleared for that.
00:18:09.82\00:18:12.15
So I would walk home for lunch.
00:18:12.19\00:18:15.02
My first casualty if I
would say, first incident,
00:18:15.06\00:18:19.23
I get out and kids
stay at school for lunch,
00:18:19.26\00:18:21.63
I have permission to go
home for lunch and I leave.
00:18:21.66\00:18:24.40
Now my mom as I mentioned,
00:18:24.43\00:18:25.77
she worked for a wealthy family,
00:18:25.80\00:18:27.64
one of her jobs
working for a wealthy family.
00:18:27.67\00:18:29.24
This family was kind
enough, family in Long Island,
00:18:29.27\00:18:32.17
when they learned
that we were migrating
00:18:32.21\00:18:34.61
and they're like,
we're going to help you
00:18:34.64\00:18:36.04
get things ready
for you and your kids.
00:18:36.08\00:18:38.15
So they bought winter
clothing for my sister and I.
00:18:38.18\00:18:42.58
And I guess because
this family was well off,
00:18:42.62\00:18:44.79
they bought a good quality coat.
00:18:44.82\00:18:47.96
I know nothing
about status symbols
00:18:47.99\00:18:50.13
and, you know,
this kind of stuff.
00:18:50.16\00:18:51.49
So they buy well
meaning a corduroy coat
00:18:51.53\00:18:55.66
that was called a
quarter field, right?
00:18:55.70\00:18:58.80
This was a coat that was
made of corduroy and mink,
00:18:58.83\00:19:01.84
the collar was mink,
the coat was corduroy.
00:19:01.87\00:19:04.17
In the hood.
00:19:04.21\00:19:05.54
And the body of the
coat had down filing.
00:19:05.57\00:19:08.54
So I'm 10 years old
so I have this nice,
00:19:08.58\00:19:12.61
for me it's just a coat,
you know, what I'm saying.
00:19:12.65\00:19:14.75
It's just a coat.
00:19:14.78\00:19:16.12
It was this green
quarter field coat.
00:19:16.15\00:19:17.59
I remember with the
brown mink collar and all.
00:19:17.62\00:19:21.02
One day just
walking home, you know.
00:19:21.06\00:19:23.96
Actually, the friend
that used to translate for me,
00:19:23.99\00:19:28.00
the first day I wore
the coat to the class,
00:19:28.03\00:19:30.50
came in the class, said "Whoa!"
00:19:30.53\00:19:34.24
Yo, you know the kids
were like, "Yo, that's you."
00:19:34.27\00:19:37.94
You know, I don't know
what they're talking about.
00:19:37.97\00:19:40.58
You wearing that
coat in the hood.
00:19:40.61\00:19:42.41
What do you mean,
that's me. Yo, that's you.
00:19:42.44\00:19:44.48
I'm like, "Whatever
Mate, you know, go, sit down."
00:19:44.51\00:19:48.38
And then the friend said to
me, he leaned over and he said,
00:19:48.42\00:19:50.75
"You strap?"
00:19:50.79\00:19:52.62
I don't even
know what that meant?
00:19:52.65\00:19:54.79
Like what? So you strap in?
00:19:54.82\00:19:56.56
They wanted to make
sure do you have a belt on?
00:19:56.59\00:19:58.79
Yeah. What do you
mean I'm strapping.
00:19:58.83\00:20:00.83
So, yo, you got a
gun, you got a knife?
00:20:00.86\00:20:03.60
I'm like, "No, I'm fifth grade."
00:20:03.63\00:20:05.30
This is fifth grade.
00:20:05.33\00:20:06.67
Fifth grade and
they're asking you
00:20:06.70\00:20:08.04
do you have a weapon.
00:20:08.07\00:20:09.40
That's right.
00:20:09.44\00:20:10.77
And he said to me,
he answered me, yo,
00:20:10.81\00:20:12.14
I hope you know how
to throw your hands,
00:20:12.17\00:20:13.51
I hope you know how to fight,
shorty as they nicknamed me.
00:20:13.54\00:20:16.21
Yeah. And I
thought nothing of it.
00:20:16.24\00:20:18.61
So I'm walking home
and I passed three guys
00:20:18.65\00:20:22.25
leaning up on a car,
smoking, you know, smoking weed,
00:20:22.28\00:20:25.89
that is reef as we called
it back then, they smell it.
00:20:25.92\00:20:29.06
And how old are they?
Are they older or teenagers?
00:20:29.09\00:20:31.06
They're teenagers. Okay.
00:20:31.09\00:20:32.43
Yeah. The youngest may be 16.
00:20:32.46\00:20:34.76
So these are guys
from the high school
00:20:34.80\00:20:36.30
they come in, or a
junior high school,
00:20:36.33\00:20:37.67
they come and hang out.
00:20:37.70\00:20:39.03
And so one guy
kind of steps off,
00:20:39.07\00:20:41.70
he said, "You
know, Shorty, come here."
00:20:41.74\00:20:43.34
You know, just calls to me.
00:20:43.37\00:20:45.71
"Me?" "Yeah, you come in, Man."
00:20:45.74\00:20:47.91
So I turn around
00:20:47.94\00:20:49.28
and start
walking back to the guy,
00:20:49.31\00:20:50.98
guy takes the joint out
of his mouth and he said,
00:20:51.01\00:20:54.35
"What you want to
do for that coat?"
00:20:54.38\00:20:56.55
I don't understand what
that means at that time.
00:20:56.58\00:21:00.36
"What do you mean what
I want to do for my coat?"
00:21:00.39\00:21:02.46
I said to him.
00:21:02.49\00:21:03.83
I said, "What do you mean
what I want to do for my coat?"
00:21:03.86\00:21:05.96
Said, "What do you
want to do for that coat?"
00:21:05.99\00:21:08.13
And that's basically saying
get ready to defend yourself
00:21:08.16\00:21:11.63
'cause I'm going to
take your possession.
00:21:11.67\00:21:13.77
So I wouldn't even
know what that meant either,
00:21:13.80\00:21:16.40
I mean I would have
been like what do you mean
00:21:16.44\00:21:18.34
what am I going to do
for that coat, it's my coat.
00:21:18.37\00:21:20.68
Like what? Exactly.
00:21:20.71\00:21:22.44
So what did you
think he was saying to you?
00:21:22.48\00:21:25.31
I had no idea, man.
00:21:25.35\00:21:27.02
But the guy
didn't waste any time.
00:21:27.05\00:21:29.25
The guy step
forward and grabbed me.
00:21:29.28\00:21:31.35
He grabbed on to
the collar of the coat
00:21:31.39\00:21:33.49
and started to
pull the coat open.
00:21:33.52\00:21:35.56
I was quiet, I was timid.
00:21:35.59\00:21:37.56
But even then I would
fight to defend myself.
00:21:37.59\00:21:41.40
So I started to resist.
00:21:41.43\00:21:43.26
I held on to his hands,
and we got into a struggle,
00:21:43.30\00:21:45.63
started to punch me in my head
00:21:45.67\00:21:48.14
and my face
repeatedly trying to get me
00:21:48.17\00:21:50.67
to let go of his hands
and let go off the coat,
00:21:50.71\00:21:52.57
I would not.
00:21:52.61\00:21:53.94
Now the other two gentlemen...
00:21:53.98\00:21:55.68
The three of them
could easily overpowered me.
00:21:55.71\00:21:58.08
But the other two guys,
they were kind of amused
00:21:58.11\00:22:02.62
by the fact that
I was fighting back.
00:22:02.65\00:22:05.25
And he couldn't get
the coat away from me
00:22:05.29\00:22:06.72
so then they
just became audience.
00:22:06.76\00:22:08.99
And the two of us are going
00:22:09.02\00:22:10.36
and eventually we
fell to the ground.
00:22:10.39\00:22:12.53
And when we fell to the ground,
00:22:12.56\00:22:14.03
I managed to get
wrestle myself away from him,
00:22:14.06\00:22:17.17
got up and I started to run,
00:22:17.20\00:22:18.53
and the three of
them started to chase me.
00:22:18.57\00:22:20.94
I slipped between two
parked cars and he fell.
00:22:20.97\00:22:24.47
So I got more
distance and when he got up,
00:22:24.51\00:22:26.21
his friends
were laughing at him.
00:22:26.24\00:22:27.58
I guess he's more upset now.
00:22:27.61\00:22:29.28
All three of them
which is now get about
00:22:29.31\00:22:31.08
maybe a distance of two blocks.
00:22:31.11\00:22:32.71
And I'm right on the corner
of the block where I live.
00:22:32.75\00:22:36.08
And by then because I'm
smaller they caught up with me.
00:22:36.12\00:22:39.69
And I just felt this
heavy thump in my back,
00:22:39.72\00:22:43.36
you know, like he
punched me in my back real hard
00:22:43.39\00:22:45.29
to knock me to the
ground, stumbled a little,
00:22:45.33\00:22:48.30
gain my balance,
continued running.
00:22:48.33\00:22:49.80
And when I turned around,
00:22:49.83\00:22:51.17
I just saw the three
of them standing there.
00:22:51.20\00:22:52.53
They stopped chasing me.
00:22:52.57\00:22:54.50
And so I ran, walked,
ran, got to my building.
00:22:54.54\00:22:58.81
You know ran through the
door, ran upstairs, of course,
00:22:58.84\00:23:01.04
shaking, sat there,
look through a window
00:23:01.08\00:23:03.58
and all of that.
00:23:03.61\00:23:04.95
I don't even think,
00:23:04.98\00:23:06.31
I waited about an hour
00:23:06.35\00:23:07.68
and then went back to school
following a different route.
00:23:07.72\00:23:12.12
Get back to school and I'm late.
00:23:12.15\00:23:14.52
I get back maybe
half an hour late.
00:23:14.56\00:23:16.99
Class is already in session.
00:23:17.03\00:23:18.39
So I walk in,
everybody is looking at me.
00:23:18.43\00:23:20.83
The rule then you have to
put your coat in the closet.
00:23:20.86\00:23:24.23
You couldn't
sit in the classroom
00:23:24.27\00:23:25.60
with your coat.
00:23:25.63\00:23:26.97
So I forgot, I sat down.
00:23:27.00\00:23:30.17
So, Paul, "Can you please get up
00:23:30.21\00:23:32.31
and put your
coat in the closet."
00:23:32.34\00:23:34.71
"Yes, Sir."
00:23:34.74\00:23:36.08
And I stood up and
started to take the coat off,
00:23:36.11\00:23:37.45
and the friend behind
me said, another expert,
00:23:37.48\00:23:40.35
"Whoa. Dude, yo,
look at your coat, bro."
00:23:40.38\00:23:45.65
And then I'm like
what happened to my coat?
00:23:45.69\00:23:47.89
And he said,
"Look at your coat."
00:23:47.92\00:23:49.92
So I took the coat,
laid it flat on the desk,
00:23:49.96\00:23:52.53
and the coat had about a
foot long gash in the back,
00:23:52.56\00:23:57.63
with all the down
feathers hanging out
00:23:57.67\00:24:00.34
right down to the last
layer to the nylon layer.
00:24:00.37\00:24:04.44
So that oomph that I felt
wasn't a punch, the guy cut me,
00:24:04.47\00:24:08.31
he tried to cut me.
00:24:08.34\00:24:09.81
He's basically trying to...
00:24:09.84\00:24:11.21
He would have stabbed you.
00:24:11.25\00:24:12.58
Trying to stab me,
trying to slice something out,
00:24:12.61\00:24:14.75
cut the coat completely open.
00:24:14.78\00:24:16.58
Oh, my...
00:24:16.62\00:24:17.95
You know, I just stood
there like looking at my life,
00:24:17.99\00:24:22.39
you know.
00:24:22.42\00:24:23.76
So then...
00:24:23.79\00:24:25.19
That's why they were
standing there looking at you.
00:24:25.23\00:24:28.73
Waiting to see what
happens because I don't know
00:24:28.76\00:24:30.43
if he was
questioning, well, did I hit him
00:24:30.47\00:24:33.60
or did I not hit
him, did I cut him
00:24:33.64\00:24:34.97
or did I not cut him,
maybe enough damage is felt.
00:24:35.00\00:24:37.84
You know, in his frustration
I think he just slashed at me.
00:24:37.87\00:24:41.51
But he reinforced this sense of,
00:24:41.54\00:24:46.01
you better do
something to survive.
00:24:46.05\00:24:48.22
You're not going to
survive this place daily just,
00:24:48.25\00:24:51.75
you know,
without being proactive
00:24:51.79\00:24:54.72
about having a plan of action.
00:24:54.76\00:24:56.56
So I would fast
forward a few years,
00:24:56.59\00:24:58.69
you know, about I would say
I started to react to violence
00:24:58.73\00:25:03.33
with violence
like about age 13, 14,
00:25:03.37\00:25:07.70
by that time I had
stopped going to church.
00:25:07.74\00:25:10.34
Woke up on my 13th
birthday and told my mom
00:25:10.37\00:25:12.37
who by then was church
going, became an Adventist
00:25:12.41\00:25:14.64
after seeing us get baptized
by a Dr. Clifford Jones.
00:25:14.68\00:25:19.58
Oh, yes. Yes.
00:25:19.61\00:25:21.45
Our home church
was Brooklyn Faith.
00:25:21.48\00:25:23.62
And interestingly we were,
00:25:23.65\00:25:25.65
my sister and I were part
of the original eight members
00:25:25.69\00:25:30.73
of Brooklyn Faith
that met in a basement
00:25:30.76\00:25:32.69
on 52nd Street at
Sister Taylor's home, right?
00:25:32.73\00:25:36.40
So we are charter
members of Brooklyn Faith
00:25:36.43\00:25:38.70
you would say.
00:25:38.73\00:25:40.07
Out of that little eight people,
00:25:40.10\00:25:41.94
you have Brooklyn
Faith that exists today.
00:25:41.97\00:25:44.71
So I tell my mom
00:25:44.74\00:25:48.01
on my 13th birthday
00:25:48.04\00:25:50.75
which happened
to be on a Sabbath,
00:25:50.78\00:25:52.11
I'm not going to church.
00:25:52.15\00:25:53.52
Mom says, "Why, son?
00:25:53.55\00:25:54.88
It's your birthday.
00:25:54.92\00:25:56.25
Better reason
to give God praise"
00:25:56.28\00:25:57.62
I said," You
told me, I keep asking
00:25:57.65\00:25:59.82
when I'm going to be
allowed to make my own choices."
00:25:59.85\00:26:02.12
And you said, I'll be
allowed to make my own choices
00:26:02.16\00:26:05.23
when I start to
become a teenager,
00:26:05.26\00:26:06.90
you know, getting of
my manhood so to speak.
00:26:06.93\00:26:10.53
Well, I'm 13, I
don't want to go to church.
00:26:10.57\00:26:13.57
That was it. I
stopped going to church.
00:26:13.60\00:26:16.00
Mom said, "I'll see
you at divine hour."
00:26:16.04\00:26:18.81
As she was pulling the
bed, I said, "No, you won't"
00:26:18.84\00:26:21.74
because I had
made my mind though,
00:26:21.78\00:26:23.75
it's like, I told
my mom all this stuff,
00:26:23.78\00:26:27.08
you know, pathfinders
and walking with that uniform
00:26:27.12\00:26:30.45
and walking on a
street with a Bible.
00:26:30.49\00:26:33.82
If you value my life, you know,
00:26:33.86\00:26:36.76
you'll understand
what's going on out there.
00:26:36.79\00:26:38.99
So stopped going to church.
00:26:39.03\00:26:42.13
Were you being
ridiculed for being a church boy
00:26:42.16\00:26:45.93
or anything like that?
00:26:45.97\00:26:47.30
Not really ridiculed.
00:26:47.34\00:26:48.67
But you definitely
are recognized as someone
00:26:48.70\00:26:52.24
who is not ready to cope,
you know, with street life.
00:26:52.27\00:26:55.51
Soft.
00:26:55.54\00:26:56.88
Soft, you know,
whatever else other adjectives
00:26:56.91\00:26:59.31
they would put there.
00:26:59.35\00:27:00.68
Right.
00:27:00.72\00:27:02.05
So I had a baby face,
00:27:02.08\00:27:03.82
still kind of have a baby
face on all of this grey hair.
00:27:03.85\00:27:06.92
And I was short, but I was bold,
00:27:06.96\00:27:12.36
you know, always as a kid
never afraid to try things.
00:27:12.39\00:27:15.90
So older friends
in the neighborhood
00:27:15.93\00:27:18.03
realized that and
then I would be the guy
00:27:18.07\00:27:21.00
that would carry a pistol
00:27:21.04\00:27:22.84
when we go to block parties
00:27:22.87\00:27:24.77
or if they were
going to do a break in,
00:27:24.81\00:27:27.88
going to break into a
store or something like that,
00:27:27.91\00:27:30.75
or at home I would stand,
00:27:30.78\00:27:32.65
I'd be the person
standing outside with a pistol.
00:27:32.68\00:27:36.05
As I said it was a
house party or a street party
00:27:36.08\00:27:38.82
because the
police wouldn't check me
00:27:38.85\00:27:40.36
if police showed
up or someone older
00:27:40.39\00:27:42.62
'cause I am then 14, 15,
00:27:42.66\00:27:44.76
but I look like 12, 11.
00:27:44.79\00:27:48.16
And once, you know,
00:27:48.20\00:27:49.96
things would get to the
point of some need for violence,
00:27:50.00\00:27:53.84
then they would find me
00:27:53.87\00:27:55.50
and just start
ripping my clothes apart
00:27:55.54\00:27:58.31
to get the
pistol, you know, say,
00:27:58.34\00:27:59.67
give me the tool, and
I'd give them the pistol.
00:27:59.71\00:28:02.11
Were you part of a
gang or was this...?
00:28:02.14\00:28:04.05
You know, we didn't have gangs
in the official definition.
00:28:04.08\00:28:08.38
It was more what we
call the posse, you know.
00:28:08.42\00:28:11.62
And so the
difference between a gang
00:28:11.65\00:28:13.72
and a posse is a posse
comes together for a part
00:28:13.76\00:28:17.06
just like in the West,
00:28:17.09\00:28:18.43
just like in
Eastwood movies and so.
00:28:18.46\00:28:20.66
The sheriff or
whoever calls up the posse,
00:28:20.70\00:28:22.50
they come together
00:28:22.53\00:28:23.87
for the purpose of
getting some bad guy.
00:28:23.90\00:28:25.97
And then it's disassembled.
00:28:26.00\00:28:27.34
So the neighborhood,
00:28:27.37\00:28:28.77
we moved in
groups called posses,
00:28:28.80\00:28:30.97
you know, and this is
the Caribbean cultural
00:28:31.01\00:28:34.21
from the killer.
00:28:34.24\00:28:37.58
What were you
thinking spiritually
00:28:37.61\00:28:39.41
the less you went to church...
00:28:39.45\00:28:44.32
Where were you?
00:28:44.35\00:28:45.69
Where was your head
00:28:45.72\00:28:47.06
after you stopped
going to church and all that?
00:28:47.09\00:28:48.76
Where you
feeling any kind of pull?
00:28:48.79\00:28:50.73
I felt liberated initially.
00:28:50.76\00:28:53.26
I felt liberated.
00:28:53.29\00:28:54.63
I was always seeking.
00:28:54.66\00:28:56.03
I was always seeking God.
00:28:56.06\00:28:57.87
So once I stopped
00:28:57.90\00:28:59.23
going to the
Seventh-day Adventist Church.
00:28:59.27\00:29:00.77
Then I think by age 15, 16,
00:29:00.80\00:29:05.07
I started to
familiarize myself with Islam
00:29:05.11\00:29:07.78
and I became a Five Percenter.
00:29:07.81\00:29:10.31
So the Five Percenter movement
was very prevalent in Brooklyn.
00:29:10.35\00:29:12.61
Very popular.
00:29:12.65\00:29:14.18
That the two, if
you're talking gangs,
00:29:14.22\00:29:16.32
two largest gangs
00:29:16.35\00:29:18.75
was the Five
Percenters and Zulu Nation.
00:29:18.79\00:29:24.29
Five Percenters and Zulu Nation.
00:29:24.33\00:29:26.26
Zulu Nation was for
the Bronx and Manhattan
00:29:26.29\00:29:29.40
and the Five
Percenters were more
00:29:29.43\00:29:30.87
in Queens and Brooklyn.
00:29:30.90\00:29:32.40
They eventually took
over all the boroughs,
00:29:32.43\00:29:33.90
but that's how it
kind of started out.
00:29:33.94\00:29:36.17
And so I became
a Five Percenter.
00:29:36.20\00:29:37.74
And when that did
not satisfy my search,
00:29:37.77\00:29:41.08
the Caribbean
migration began to increase
00:29:41.11\00:29:43.58
more and more,
00:29:43.61\00:29:44.95
Caribbean people are
settling in Brooklyn,
00:29:44.98\00:29:47.55
the neighborhood is
becoming more and more Guyanese,
00:29:47.58\00:29:49.68
Jamaican, Haitian etc, etc.
00:29:49.72\00:29:51.45
And so I started
to familiarize myself
00:29:51.49\00:29:54.16
with my roots, I
start become Rastafarian,
00:29:54.19\00:29:56.89
started to twist
my hair, I smoke weed,
00:29:56.93\00:29:59.63
you know, the
whole dance culture
00:29:59.66\00:30:02.53
and all that kind of stuff.
00:30:02.56\00:30:03.90
So I was always searching.
00:30:03.93\00:30:05.27
And when that did
not satisfy my search
00:30:05.30\00:30:07.37
and I just started to float,
00:30:07.40\00:30:08.90
you know, started to
basically worship me, you know.
00:30:08.94\00:30:12.77
With the Five Percenters,
I mean that whole idea of,
00:30:12.81\00:30:16.01
you know, they
call each other God.
00:30:16.04\00:30:17.71
Correct.
00:30:17.75\00:30:19.08
Because the idea is that
you are God, and you are God,
00:30:19.11\00:30:23.05
and you are God.
00:30:23.08\00:30:24.42
Yes.
00:30:24.45\00:30:25.79
The men, the male, we were God,
00:30:25.82\00:30:27.96
the females were earth.
00:30:27.99\00:30:29.76
Oh, the females were earth.
00:30:29.79\00:30:31.49
Females were earth
and we the males were God.
00:30:31.53\00:30:34.03
So, okay, step all over earth.
00:30:34.06\00:30:35.73
Is that how are we.
00:30:35.76\00:30:37.53
Well, that how it work? Okay.
00:30:37.57\00:30:39.87
It was the Islamic cult.
00:30:39.90\00:30:43.77
So the Five Percenters
are an offshoot of Islam?
00:30:43.81\00:30:47.84
It's actually an
offshoot of the Nation of Islam
00:30:47.88\00:30:51.01
which is an offshoot of Islam.
00:30:51.05\00:30:53.25
And the Five
Percenters were actually,
00:30:53.28\00:30:55.28
Louis Farrakhan had a lot
to do with the starting of it.
00:30:55.32\00:30:57.52
He wasn't the
person that started
00:30:57.55\00:30:58.89
but he had a lot to do
with its embryonic stage.
00:30:58.92\00:31:01.09
And they were the
militant right arm
00:31:01.12\00:31:03.56
of the Nation of Islam.
00:31:03.59\00:31:05.23
And the Five Percenters believe
that form of black supremacy,
00:31:05.26\00:31:10.77
but also black survival.
00:31:10.80\00:31:13.03
And that we should do
everything that we can do
00:31:13.07\00:31:16.91
to protect our
families and ourselves.
00:31:16.94\00:31:18.94
There were some
positive virtues.
00:31:18.97\00:31:21.11
But then the whole
hate of every other group
00:31:21.14\00:31:25.61
and the violence, you know,
00:31:25.65\00:31:27.42
react with
everything was addressed,
00:31:27.45\00:31:29.68
responded to or
addressed with great violence.
00:31:29.72\00:31:33.76
Isn't it interesting how
Satan, he can mix some good,
00:31:33.79\00:31:39.46
you know, give you a
little bit of ethnic pride
00:31:39.49\00:31:41.36
so that you feel
comfortable with who you are.
00:31:41.40\00:31:43.93
But it goes beyond that,
it goes into superiority,
00:31:43.97\00:31:48.50
it goes into hatred.
00:31:48.54\00:31:51.41
You know, he can take you,
00:31:51.44\00:31:53.98
to me there's nothing
wrong with feeling comfortable,
00:31:54.01\00:31:56.54
in fact, you
should be comfortable
00:31:56.58\00:31:58.18
with who you are,
00:31:58.21\00:31:59.68
whether you're black,
white, whatever you are.
00:31:59.71\00:32:01.48
Be comfortable in your own skin.
00:32:01.52\00:32:03.52
But he wants to take
you further than that.
00:32:03.55\00:32:06.62
And have you despise people
who aren't the same as you.
00:32:06.65\00:32:09.99
Absolutely.
00:32:10.03\00:32:11.36
And so is very interesting
how and we talk about this
00:32:11.39\00:32:14.86
on Dare to Dream a
lot and on Urban Report.
00:32:14.90\00:32:17.30
How Satan's plan
is to just take you
00:32:17.33\00:32:19.93
in this downward
spiral until you're destroyed,
00:32:19.97\00:32:24.14
your character...
00:32:24.17\00:32:26.54
Everything.
Everything is just destroyed.
00:32:26.57\00:32:29.04
But God wants to give
you the abundant life.
00:32:29.08\00:32:32.61
So as you were
doing all this searching,
00:32:32.65\00:32:37.32
each thing, the Five Percenters,
00:32:37.35\00:32:40.19
Islam and all that,
00:32:40.22\00:32:41.86
none of it was giving
you what you needed to get.
00:32:41.89\00:32:45.66
Where were you?
Correct, correct.
00:32:45.69\00:32:47.66
I still didn't have the sense
of security that I was seeking
00:32:47.70\00:32:52.70
in terms of who is
God, why am I here,
00:32:52.73\00:32:56.00
what is my purpose.
00:32:56.04\00:32:57.84
And, you know, what I
want to share with you
00:32:57.87\00:32:59.67
is or anyone
listening is God's faithfulness.
00:32:59.71\00:33:03.41
Because starting all of this,
00:33:03.45\00:33:05.08
you know, God did start
a good work if I can see
00:33:05.11\00:33:07.45
even through my grandma
and even through the suffering
00:33:07.48\00:33:10.25
that I experienced in home,
00:33:10.29\00:33:12.65
in the nurture or the
rearing of my grandma.
00:33:12.69\00:33:16.42
Christ was there,
He showed up a lot.
00:33:16.46\00:33:18.29
You know, I met
Christ at the very early age
00:33:18.33\00:33:21.03
as a child outside of
religious or indoctrination.
00:33:21.06\00:33:26.20
Because as I said,
I was always seeking,
00:33:26.23\00:33:28.24
I was always seeking
00:33:28.27\00:33:29.60
based on the hurt, and the pain,
00:33:29.64\00:33:32.17
and the suffering
that I was experiencing
00:33:32.21\00:33:33.98
as a child.
00:33:34.01\00:33:35.34
So now one day I stumbled,
00:33:35.38\00:33:38.25
I was looking through
some stuff maybe 10 years ago,
00:33:38.28\00:33:41.98
and I found a license.
00:33:42.02\00:33:45.82
One of my driver's
license from New York.
00:33:45.85\00:33:49.06
And, you know, it
serves no purpose anymore
00:33:49.09\00:33:52.89
so I was going
to throw away this.
00:33:52.93\00:33:54.26
You know what?
00:33:54.30\00:33:55.76
I stared at that license,
00:33:55.80\00:33:57.17
I said, "Man, this
is what I used to be.
00:33:57.20\00:33:59.63
This is exactly what
I used to look like. "
00:33:59.67\00:34:01.00
Were you high
00:34:01.04\00:34:02.37
'cause you look little
high on in the picture?
00:34:02.40\00:34:04.11
Yeah, the morning I was.
00:34:04.14\00:34:05.47
Because it was
customary early in the morning,
00:34:05.51\00:34:07.58
we'd be on the
street corner, we drink,
00:34:07.61\00:34:09.94
we smoke before
we go into class.
00:34:09.98\00:34:12.68
And so that morning,
00:34:12.71\00:34:14.12
now I wasn't in
high school then,
00:34:14.15\00:34:16.08
I had finished high school.
00:34:16.12\00:34:18.22
But, you know, still
in the same surroundings.
00:34:18.25\00:34:21.76
And so I contrast that license
00:34:21.79\00:34:25.96
to my passport picture
00:34:25.99\00:34:28.83
which really gives an image
of how I looked as a child,
00:34:28.86\00:34:33.37
the sweet, innocent,
tender, you know, trustworthy,
00:34:33.40\00:34:36.74
harmless, you know, da-da-da.
00:34:36.77\00:34:39.11
So God remained
faithful through all of that.
00:34:39.14\00:34:42.88
And as you were saying,
00:34:42.91\00:34:44.31
the devil pulls you
00:34:44.35\00:34:46.35
as deep as he
can until you're like
00:34:46.38\00:34:48.25
at a point of no recovery.
00:34:48.28\00:34:49.98
And then when
you yourself realize
00:34:50.02\00:34:51.42
that you don't even
want to be recovered.
00:34:51.45\00:34:53.62
You know, you just
feel that down here
00:34:53.66\00:34:56.22
is where you belong,
00:34:56.26\00:34:57.59
you know, I've messed up
so much, I've wronged so much.
00:34:57.63\00:34:59.93
I've done so much that is wrong,
00:34:59.96\00:35:02.83
surely God can't
love me after this.
00:35:02.86\00:35:05.40
People can't love me
and God can't love me,
00:35:05.43\00:35:07.34
you know.
00:35:07.37\00:35:08.70
And through all of that,
00:35:08.74\00:35:10.24
God would reveal
Himself repeatedly
00:35:10.27\00:35:13.07
reminding me in
some way or another
00:35:13.11\00:35:15.74
that He did.
00:35:15.78\00:35:17.11
Give us an example?
00:35:17.15\00:35:18.48
Yeah, I tell folks
some of my greatest prayers.
00:35:18.51\00:35:20.18
And I prayed today
and I pray earnestly.
00:35:20.22\00:35:25.42
But I got to confess
00:35:25.45\00:35:26.79
some of my most
earnest prayers occurred
00:35:26.82\00:35:29.92
when I really didn't have
that abiding faith so to speak.
00:35:29.96\00:35:34.36
And they were often in
the middle of shootouts.
00:35:34.40\00:35:36.97
There are more, I was
involved in more shootouts
00:35:39.77\00:35:42.40
than I can share with you.
00:35:42.44\00:35:44.31
So people would
say something like,
00:35:44.34\00:35:46.11
so tell me about something
miraculous that happened.
00:35:46.14\00:35:47.74
I can't, it's too many.
00:35:47.78\00:35:49.31
We'll be here or
till I don't know when.
00:35:49.34\00:35:52.01
There are so many
miracles that I experienced.
00:35:52.05\00:35:54.52
But I do recall,
you know, calling,
00:35:54.55\00:35:57.85
putting myself
in a fatal position,
00:35:57.89\00:36:00.69
and hearing the bullets,
00:36:00.72\00:36:02.29
you know, getting
louder and louder,
00:36:02.32\00:36:03.76
closer and closer
00:36:03.79\00:36:05.13
in this one
incident in the club.
00:36:05.16\00:36:08.86
And when the smoke
cleared so to speak,
00:36:08.90\00:36:12.50
the friend right
next to me was hit.
00:36:12.53\00:36:15.20
I had a debris from his
tissue stuck on my clothing,
00:36:15.24\00:36:20.21
in my hair.
00:36:20.24\00:36:21.74
You know, I came
home with my clothes
00:36:21.78\00:36:25.41
spotted with his blood.
00:36:25.45\00:36:27.38
And incidents like
that over and over,
00:36:27.42\00:36:30.72
you know, where I'm praying,
00:36:30.75\00:36:32.09
"God, please get me
out of this situation
00:36:32.12\00:36:33.86
and if you do I will.
00:36:33.89\00:36:35.42
You're making all these
quit pro co-contracts with God
00:36:35.46\00:36:38.49
and some of us do.
00:36:38.53\00:36:40.00
And, of course, I broke them
00:36:40.03\00:36:41.53
as soon as I got
out of that place.
00:36:41.56\00:36:43.80
And I was, you know,
well on my feet again,
00:36:43.83\00:36:46.53
you know, it was
back to the same.
00:36:46.57\00:36:47.90
I also had a lot of close
calls as far as accidents.
00:36:47.94\00:36:51.74
I rode motorcycles, you
know, that I love riding,
00:36:51.77\00:36:54.91
racing bikes, you know, Ninjas
and Honda CBRs and Hurricanes
00:36:54.94\00:37:00.02
and all these real
fast powerful street bikes
00:37:00.05\00:37:03.75
that we rode back then
and raced on the street
00:37:03.79\00:37:05.82
and I had accidents.
00:37:05.85\00:37:07.39
I raced, I drag race
also for recreation cars.
00:37:07.42\00:37:11.93
And, you know,
these popular venues
00:37:11.96\00:37:14.36
we would go
block off the street,
00:37:14.40\00:37:16.23
they'd steal cars and then
because the car was stolen,
00:37:16.26\00:37:19.90
you don't really
care what you do with it
00:37:19.93\00:37:21.70
so you go race all out
for title, or for money,
00:37:21.74\00:37:25.17
or for whatever have you.
00:37:25.21\00:37:26.84
And I had accidents racing.
00:37:26.88\00:37:29.21
But I always ended up
being able to walk away
00:37:29.24\00:37:32.75
from a lot of those incidents,
a lot of those challenges.
00:37:32.78\00:37:35.88
And did you
recognize at that point that,
00:37:35.92\00:37:40.46
"Hey, why is it that
00:37:40.49\00:37:42.19
I'm the one
that still surviving?
00:37:42.22\00:37:44.63
Why is it that I'm the
one that's walking away
00:37:44.66\00:37:47.30
from these accidents?"
00:37:47.33\00:37:48.66
Did you realize that
God must have a plan?
00:37:48.70\00:37:50.33
Yes, yes.
00:37:50.37\00:37:51.70
There's something
else going on here.
00:37:51.73\00:37:53.23
You know,
Yvonne, today I rejoice
00:37:53.27\00:37:57.54
in every miracle that God did.
00:37:57.57\00:37:59.94
But it was also bittersweet
because there were times
00:37:59.97\00:38:02.74
that I lost friends that clearly
00:38:02.78\00:38:05.68
if we're measuring by
virtue, and integrity,
00:38:05.71\00:38:08.22
and so forth, "a good person, "
00:38:08.25\00:38:11.15
they were a much
better person than I.
00:38:11.19\00:38:14.42
And I questioned often at
their funeral looking down
00:38:14.46\00:38:17.09
in that casket, "God, why him?"
00:38:17.13\00:38:20.03
You know, because
some of those friends
00:38:20.06\00:38:21.70
that I lost they were,
00:38:21.73\00:38:23.06
you know, be careful
how you look at street kids,
00:38:23.10\00:38:26.74
you know, because we're
all wearing the same uniform.
00:38:26.77\00:38:28.94
And, of course, this
is the general challenge
00:38:28.97\00:38:30.57
for law enforcement also.
00:38:30.61\00:38:31.97
We're all
wearing the same uniform.
00:38:32.01\00:38:33.91
And so it's easy to
look and say that one
00:38:33.94\00:38:36.38
is an absolute such and such.
00:38:36.41\00:38:38.68
But there are some
kids who are in the uniform
00:38:38.71\00:38:40.58
but their heart real good.
00:38:40.62\00:38:42.58
They really don't
have a violent spirit,
00:38:42.62\00:38:44.79
they don't
steal, they don't rob,
00:38:44.82\00:38:46.42
they don't do any of that stuff,
00:38:46.45\00:38:47.79
but they look just
like all of their peer
00:38:47.82\00:38:50.76
that are doing or are involved
in some degree of deviance
00:38:50.79\00:38:54.73
or whatever have you.
00:38:54.76\00:38:56.10
And some of those
friends got caught up
00:38:56.13\00:38:57.63
and they became
victims for whatever reason,
00:38:57.67\00:39:00.54
I will only know
when I get to heaven.
00:39:00.57\00:39:02.17
You know, why God
allowed them and not me.
00:39:02.20\00:39:05.11
So for some time I'm in
trouble and I'm grateful,
00:39:05.14\00:39:07.24
I'm grateful for
all those incidents
00:39:07.28\00:39:09.64
that I did survive.
00:39:09.68\00:39:11.91
But yeah, you know.
00:39:11.95\00:39:14.05
So how did God
finally reach you?
00:39:14.08\00:39:17.85
What happened?
00:39:17.89\00:39:19.22
What was the pivotal event
that turned your life around?
00:39:19.25\00:39:24.23
I would say
finally, I had matured,
00:39:24.26\00:39:27.36
I got off the street,
and I never was the kind,
00:39:27.40\00:39:31.23
I never had an interest in
standing on a street corner
00:39:31.27\00:39:33.87
with a loaded nine millimeter,
selling marijuana or coke.
00:39:33.90\00:39:37.94
That just wasn't me.
00:39:37.97\00:39:39.67
Though I got involved indirectly
00:39:39.71\00:39:42.64
in that type of lifestyle also.
00:39:42.68\00:39:45.31
But I got for
myself mixed up more in,
00:39:45.35\00:39:51.12
I don't know how to say
it like white collar stuff,
00:39:51.15\00:39:53.05
you know.
00:39:53.09\00:39:54.42
And stuff, illicit practice
00:39:54.46\00:39:59.79
that didn't have
me directly involved
00:39:59.83\00:40:02.53
in face to face conflict, right?
00:40:02.56\00:40:04.77
And dealing as a middle person
often connecting two people
00:40:04.80\00:40:08.87
for something
that needed to be done
00:40:08.90\00:40:11.14
and then I get a cut
in this kind of stuff,
00:40:11.17\00:40:12.81
you know, right?
00:40:12.84\00:40:14.21
So I started a
career in aviation,
00:40:14.24\00:40:18.85
back up a little bit.
00:40:18.88\00:40:20.22
I was involved in a
shooting at one point,
00:40:20.25\00:40:22.08
lead to the death of a person.
00:40:22.12\00:40:23.92
I did not kill the person
but I was a primary suspect.
00:40:23.95\00:40:26.99
Person killed a friend of
mine and we were retaliating.
00:40:27.02\00:40:29.62
And then that person
was lost in that incident.
00:40:29.66\00:40:32.86
And so the police
were questioning me
00:40:32.89\00:40:35.73
and the friends
of the individual
00:40:35.76\00:40:37.67
that died wanted to kill me.
00:40:37.70\00:40:40.47
And so my mom got together,
00:40:40.50\00:40:43.27
you know, aunty this,
uncle that, cousin that,
00:40:43.30\00:40:45.51
typical Caribbean practice,
00:40:45.54\00:40:47.44
this person put five bucks,
this person put 10, 20, or 100
00:40:47.48\00:40:50.25
whatever you to bought a
ticket like within three days
00:40:50.28\00:40:53.05
they told me, "I was
going to Florida for a funeral
00:40:53.08\00:40:55.82
'cause a relative had died."
00:40:55.85\00:40:57.19
When I got to Kennedy
Airport and I was questioning
00:40:57.22\00:40:59.49
why my cousin, older cousin,
and one of my mom's friend
00:40:59.52\00:41:03.22
had to travel in the cab
sandwiching me in the middle.
00:41:03.26\00:41:07.20
Get out there and
we're at the ticket counter
00:41:07.23\00:41:08.60
and I see my mom
take up my passport.
00:41:08.63\00:41:10.20
"Why you have my passport?
Just going to Florida."
00:41:10.23\00:41:12.93
"Son, you're not
going to Florida,
00:41:12.97\00:41:14.30
you're going back to Guyana."
00:41:14.34\00:41:15.90
Put me on the plane and
sent me back to South America.
00:41:15.94\00:41:17.91
She got you out of
there before they killed you.
00:41:17.94\00:41:20.61
Right, so I was in South America
00:41:20.64\00:41:21.98
for almost a year.
00:41:22.01\00:41:24.98
With your grandmother?
00:41:25.01\00:41:26.38
She had already passed. Okay.
00:41:26.41\00:41:28.92
Yeah, so I'm there and
I'm just living the life,
00:41:28.95\00:41:32.92
I'm actually in
practice and doing worse
00:41:32.95\00:41:35.69
than I was doing in Brooklyn.
00:41:35.72\00:41:37.06
Oh my word
00:41:37.09\00:41:38.43
'cause you're bringing
those values back into...
00:41:38.46\00:41:40.96
Yeah, yeah, U.S. culture
00:41:41.00\00:41:42.50
in terms of intoxication
00:41:42.53\00:41:44.23
and the other stuff, you know.
00:41:44.27\00:41:46.03
I'm not doing well,
got Rastafarian cousins
00:41:46.07\00:41:48.27
and I'm doing
what Rastafarians do.
00:41:48.30\00:41:50.27
Rastars, yeah.
00:41:50.31\00:41:52.11
In the morning smoking
and all this kind of stuff.
00:41:52.14\00:41:54.78
But something
happened that did help me
00:41:54.81\00:41:57.81
to have a different
focus while I was there
00:41:57.85\00:42:01.38
because I had a cousin
who then in conversation
00:42:01.42\00:42:03.72
just started
pouring her heart out to me.
00:42:03.75\00:42:05.75
And she was saying like I
said, "Why are you crying?"
00:42:05.79\00:42:08.56
And she said, "If I
could only have the opportunity
00:42:08.59\00:42:11.03
that you have had
to go to the U.S.,"
00:42:11.06\00:42:13.56
because she was brilliant,
she had three scholarships,
00:42:13.60\00:42:15.53
one to Russia, I
think one to Romania
00:42:15.56\00:42:17.87
and maybe China somewhere
else I think to study law.
00:42:17.90\00:42:22.17
And she didn't
see it as any value.
00:42:22.20\00:42:25.21
And she wanted to
come to the U.S. and study.
00:42:25.24\00:42:27.68
And so she was
depressed, she said,
00:42:27.71\00:42:29.51
"In my life I'm sick of
people telling me how smart I am
00:42:29.54\00:42:32.95
while I'm sitting
here in this nation
00:42:32.98\00:42:36.12
that's sort of
communism, I have no future,"
00:42:36.15\00:42:39.75
you know and so on and so forth.
00:42:39.79\00:42:41.12
And I'm listening,
listening, listening.
00:42:41.16\00:42:42.59
And I said, "Wow."
00:42:42.62\00:42:44.69
Here I am in my
concern right now
00:42:44.73\00:42:48.60
when I get back to Brooklyn
00:42:48.63\00:42:50.60
is where I'm
going to find bullets.
00:42:50.63\00:42:53.34
'Cause a gun without
bullets serves no purpose
00:42:53.37\00:42:57.27
or where I'm going
to find a bigger gun
00:42:57.31\00:42:58.97
and for a while I
used to sell guns.
00:42:59.01\00:43:01.41
So that was one of the
things that I started to do.
00:43:01.44\00:43:04.15
In Guyana? No, no, in Brooklyn.
00:43:04.18\00:43:05.51
Oh, in the States.
00:43:05.55\00:43:06.88
So I'm sitting there
00:43:06.92\00:43:08.68
and I'm
scheming as we would say,
00:43:08.72\00:43:11.22
"When I get back to
New York what I could find
00:43:11.25\00:43:15.26
as the most lucrative,
00:43:15.29\00:43:18.66
deviant, safe practice."
00:43:18.69\00:43:22.16
I try to put
those three together.
00:43:22.20\00:43:23.53
Right. Right.
00:43:23.57\00:43:24.90
You don't want
to be too out there,
00:43:24.93\00:43:26.97
but yet you want a lot of money.
00:43:27.00\00:43:29.10
Yeah, and I want to live.
And you want to live, right?
00:43:29.14\00:43:31.71
And you don't
want to go to jail.
00:43:31.74\00:43:33.07
There you go. All
of the above, right?
00:43:33.11\00:43:35.21
And that's my pride.
00:43:35.24\00:43:36.61
I'm saying, "This is
what I'm thinking about.
00:43:36.64\00:43:39.41
And this is what I'm doing
00:43:39.45\00:43:41.02
with the
opportunity that I've had
00:43:41.05\00:43:43.32
to be in this nation
00:43:43.35\00:43:44.69
and with my mom and
make something of my life."
00:43:44.72\00:43:46.35
That started my transition.
00:43:46.39\00:43:48.29
So I returned. I'm motivated.
00:43:48.32\00:43:50.66
I was a bright
kid, I was a bright kid.
00:43:50.69\00:43:52.86
I would go to
school, my last two years,
00:43:52.89\00:43:55.06
I was hardly in school.
00:43:55.10\00:43:56.67
I would only go to
take the state exams.
00:43:56.70\00:43:59.47
And then often I would hang
out with friends in the park
00:43:59.50\00:44:02.77
and they would rob other kids,
00:44:02.80\00:44:04.44
and we'd smoke and
drink, and all of this thing,
00:44:04.47\00:44:06.61
do silly things.
00:44:06.64\00:44:08.74
And then I had an
accident, and broke my leg,
00:44:08.78\00:44:12.28
and I was out of school
for the last year for a while.
00:44:12.31\00:44:15.75
And so, but I
managed to get into college.
00:44:15.78\00:44:20.02
And my first degree
00:44:20.06\00:44:22.29
I received was in
aeronautical engineering.
00:44:22.32\00:44:26.06
Couldn't find work in that field
00:44:26.09\00:44:27.43
because I wasn't
the citizen at the time.
00:44:27.46\00:44:29.73
So I went back to school
00:44:29.76\00:44:31.10
after interviewing with Grumman,
00:44:31.13\00:44:32.47
and McDonnell Douglas,
and Fairchild, and the Boeing,
00:44:32.50\00:44:35.54
these other
companies can't get hired.
00:44:35.57\00:44:38.51
Returned and received a
degree in Aviation Management.
00:44:38.54\00:44:41.98
And worked in the field of
aviation for about 11 years.
00:44:42.01\00:44:45.08
But that
brought challenges also.
00:44:45.11\00:44:48.05
So then I finally
start to hear God's call
00:44:48.08\00:44:52.02
when I was transferred,
00:44:52.05\00:44:53.99
I accept a transfer
from New York to Miami
00:44:54.02\00:44:57.39
because of what
I was involved in.
00:44:57.43\00:45:00.36
So to keep myself
safe because one friend
00:45:00.40\00:45:03.10
had been shot in both knees,
00:45:03.13\00:45:05.53
just caught him in
the parking lot one night,
00:45:05.57\00:45:07.24
put him on the ground,
and shot him in both knees.
00:45:07.27\00:45:10.31
And then while he
was in the hospital
00:45:10.34\00:45:12.57
on a bed warrant
00:45:12.61\00:45:13.94
because the police is
investigating the shooting,
00:45:13.98\00:45:15.81
they get warrant, raid his house
00:45:15.84\00:45:17.21
and they find
money and narcotics.
00:45:17.25\00:45:20.85
And so another friend
flees the country and then calls
00:45:20.88\00:45:24.92
and tells me
your time is limited.
00:45:24.95\00:45:30.19
I'm out of the country now.
00:45:30.23\00:45:31.66
And I would advise
you to do the same.
00:45:31.69\00:45:33.90
Well, I couldn't leave
the country at that time,
00:45:33.93\00:45:36.23
accept the transfer
and relocated to Florida,
00:45:36.26\00:45:39.27
started over.
00:45:39.30\00:45:40.64
That's where God
finally started to speak to me
00:45:40.67\00:45:43.30
and I ended up
befriending a gentleman
00:45:43.34\00:45:45.84
who used to work at a bar,
00:45:45.87\00:45:47.34
he would always
invite me to church,
00:45:47.38\00:45:49.14
I would always tell
him, "No, but pray for me."
00:45:49.18\00:45:51.68
And then at this one
point where now I am a manager,
00:45:51.71\00:45:56.08
I'm an aviation
manager, operations manager
00:45:56.12\00:46:00.06
and the stress of that
job was just consuming me.
00:46:00.09\00:46:04.66
I was 26
00:46:04.69\00:46:06.93
and the next
youngest manager was 57.
00:46:06.96\00:46:10.90
So which I guess lends
00:46:10.93\00:46:13.34
to how God had blessed
me career wise and so on.
00:46:13.37\00:46:17.31
But the job was
extremely stressful.
00:46:17.34\00:46:19.67
All my managerial peer
00:46:19.71\00:46:21.71
were on some form
of substance abuse
00:46:21.74\00:46:23.61
who wasn't sniffing cocaine,
was using some kind of speed,
00:46:23.65\00:46:27.22
and who wasn't doing that
was an alcoholic, etc, etc.
00:46:27.25\00:46:30.79
And so I literally felt
myself dying from the stress.
00:46:30.82\00:46:36.16
And realize I
needed something different,
00:46:36.19\00:46:38.09
started reaching out to my
mom, opening my heart to her.
00:46:38.13\00:46:41.56
My mom would pray
with me on the phone.
00:46:41.60\00:46:44.03
And little, by
little, by little,
00:46:44.07\00:46:46.53
I remember this
friend's invitation
00:46:46.57\00:46:48.27
and then one day, I said,
00:46:48.30\00:46:49.64
listen, would you
invite me to your church.
00:46:49.67\00:46:52.44
Yeah. I'm ready to go.
00:46:52.47\00:46:55.48
And I went, and at that time
00:46:55.51\00:46:56.85
the church was having a revival.
00:46:56.88\00:46:58.81
And experienced that revival
00:46:58.85\00:47:01.85
and eventually gave
my heart to the Lord.
00:47:01.88\00:47:04.49
Now once I came into the church,
00:47:04.52\00:47:06.32
you know, you go from
one extreme to the other.
00:47:06.35\00:47:09.62
So now because
00:47:09.66\00:47:10.99
I'm being
arrested by my own guilt
00:47:11.03\00:47:12.93
of all the things I
did in those early years
00:47:12.96\00:47:15.26
that I could not replace.
00:47:15.30\00:47:17.33
This is what I tell kids
today when I talk to them,
00:47:17.37\00:47:19.57
I say while they're out
there, I say, "Look, man,
00:47:19.60\00:47:21.10
while you're out
here and you're surviving.
00:47:21.14\00:47:24.77
You probably got
a plan to come back.
00:47:24.81\00:47:26.91
But know this,
00:47:26.94\00:47:28.28
when you come back, when you do,
00:47:28.31\00:47:29.64
if you do there are
things that you cannot undo."
00:47:29.68\00:47:34.15
And there are things
that I still struggle with
00:47:34.18\00:47:36.45
in terms of remorse and guilt.
00:47:36.48\00:47:38.82
I know God has forgiven me.
00:47:38.85\00:47:40.86
But the fact that I
can't put those things
00:47:40.89\00:47:42.66
back in those people lives,
00:47:42.69\00:47:44.49
you know, that I may have
been responsible for directly
00:47:44.53\00:47:47.16
or indirectly, you know.
00:47:47.20\00:47:49.10
So it's a great consequence.
00:47:49.13\00:47:52.37
So I go from one
extreme to the other.
00:47:52.40\00:47:56.17
And I happen to be part
of a church in Salt Florida
00:47:56.20\00:47:59.07
that was extremely fundamental,
extremely conservative.
00:47:59.11\00:48:01.28
So like my
grandma's environment,
00:48:01.31\00:48:03.91
I got a lot of
the old time religion.
00:48:03.95\00:48:05.95
I got a lot of what I
need to do to be saved.
00:48:05.98\00:48:09.05
I got a lot of
salvation by works,
00:48:09.08\00:48:11.35
but I really yet
have not met Christ.
00:48:11.39\00:48:14.66
Right?
00:48:14.69\00:48:16.02
It wasn't until years later
I had already been a pastor
00:48:16.06\00:48:19.39
maybe six years I would say,
00:48:19.43\00:48:22.26
until I finally stumbled upon
00:48:22.30\00:48:24.40
what an abiding relationship
in Christ is like, you know.
00:48:24.43\00:48:30.27
And tell us how that
has impacted your life.
00:48:30.31\00:48:33.31
Oh, tremendously because
00:48:33.34\00:48:34.68
then as I said this is
about God's faithfulness.
00:48:34.71\00:48:37.78
And what I never had
through all of this experience
00:48:37.81\00:48:40.25
even though God
remained faithful,
00:48:40.28\00:48:42.62
God ransomed me, God rescued me.
00:48:42.65\00:48:45.15
I didn't have this
sense of assurance.
00:48:45.19\00:48:48.39
It just wasn't there.
00:48:48.42\00:48:49.76
And the reason why
that sort of assurance
00:48:49.79\00:48:51.13
wasn't there is because
00:48:51.16\00:48:52.59
I was always seeing
myself as the saving agent.
00:48:52.63\00:48:56.26
So Christ died to save my
life that I could save myself.
00:48:56.30\00:49:01.34
And that was my formula.
00:49:01.37\00:49:03.54
And there are a lot of us
00:49:03.57\00:49:05.07
still living like
that as Christians.
00:49:05.11\00:49:06.44
Yes.
00:49:06.47\00:49:07.81
This is so important,
00:49:07.84\00:49:09.18
this is the
righteousness by faith concept,
00:49:09.21\00:49:12.75
is it not?
00:49:12.78\00:49:14.12
The faith element.
00:49:14.15\00:49:15.48
There's a quote
that I can share with you
00:49:15.52\00:49:17.95
that made a
significant difference
00:49:17.99\00:49:20.16
if I can share and this
is from a W. W. Prescott
00:49:20.19\00:49:25.33
is the name of the author.
00:49:25.36\00:49:28.10
And I want to just
read it to you as it is.
00:49:28.13\00:49:32.00
You know what?
00:49:32.03\00:49:33.37
And I'd like for you
to read it to our viewers
00:49:33.40\00:49:36.17
because I want them to know,
00:49:36.20\00:49:39.11
you know, you've
been through a lot
00:49:39.14\00:49:41.54
and you have found the Lord,
00:49:41.58\00:49:43.71
but you hadn't found
00:49:43.75\00:49:45.11
this whole idea of
righteousness by faith.
00:49:45.15\00:49:46.61
Yes.
00:49:46.65\00:49:47.98
My assurance was
in being a vegetarian.
00:49:48.02\00:49:50.02
Yeah.
00:49:50.05\00:49:51.39
My assurance was in
strictly observing the Sabbath.
00:49:51.42\00:49:54.66
My assurance was understanding
the prophecies of scripture
00:49:54.69\00:49:57.63
or of the church,
00:49:57.66\00:49:58.99
understanding the fundamental
teachings of the church,
00:49:59.03\00:50:01.30
addressing a certain way,
00:50:01.33\00:50:02.90
you know, decorum and
lifestyle became my assurance.
00:50:02.93\00:50:06.03
Is what you
could do. Yeah. Yeah.
00:50:06.07\00:50:08.67
Not what Christ had done.
00:50:08.70\00:50:10.04
Yeah, let's hear it.
00:50:10.07\00:50:12.04
His confession is
this, "For a long time,
00:50:12.07\00:50:16.48
I tried to gain the
victory over sin, but I failed.
00:50:16.51\00:50:21.18
I have since learned the
reason instead of doing the part
00:50:21.22\00:50:25.09
which God expects me
to do and which I can do.
00:50:25.12\00:50:29.26
I was trying to do God's part
00:50:29.29\00:50:31.49
which He does
not expect me to do
00:50:31.53\00:50:34.50
and which I cannot do.
00:50:34.53\00:50:37.03
Primarily,
00:50:37.07\00:50:38.67
my part is not
to win the victory.
00:50:38.70\00:50:43.47
But to receive the victory
00:50:43.51\00:50:45.71
which has already been
won for me by Jesus Christ.
00:50:45.74\00:50:51.28
My difficulty was due to this
00:50:51.31\00:50:53.92
that I did not
give heed to the fact
00:50:53.95\00:50:56.95
that victory is a gift.
00:50:56.99\00:51:00.36
Already won
00:51:00.39\00:51:02.12
and all ready to
bestowed upon all
00:51:02.16\00:51:05.99
who are willing to receive it.
00:51:06.03\00:51:08.26
I assume the
responsibility of trying to win
00:51:08.30\00:51:11.97
what Christ had
already won for me.
00:51:12.00\00:51:15.10
This led to my failure."
00:51:15.14\00:51:19.27
That is rich.
00:51:19.31\00:51:21.04
When I realize that,
00:51:21.08\00:51:24.01
it helped to solidify
00:51:24.05\00:51:27.45
God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11,
00:51:27.48\00:51:30.62
"For I know the
plans that I have for you."
00:51:30.65\00:51:33.36
You know, not plans to harm you,
00:51:33.39\00:51:35.59
but for an expected future.
00:51:35.62\00:51:37.33
Because you see, in
all that meandering,
00:51:37.36\00:51:40.00
I actually thought God
had forgotten about me,
00:51:40.03\00:51:43.10
in all the suffering as
a child and I did not have.
00:51:43.13\00:51:46.27
I painted a
nice picture for you.
00:51:46.30\00:51:48.14
I did not have a
pleasant childhood.
00:51:48.17\00:51:50.11
I'm talking age 10 backwards.
00:51:50.14\00:51:52.37
It was painful.
00:51:52.41\00:51:53.88
And so even in that, I
kind of thought God had,
00:51:53.91\00:51:57.78
you know, like a
deist experience,
00:51:57.81\00:51:59.71
God has just distanced.
00:51:59.75\00:52:01.08
Yes, I believe in God
00:52:01.12\00:52:02.45
but He doesn't
really care about me,
00:52:02.48\00:52:04.75
you know.
00:52:04.79\00:52:06.12
And so God would
reveal Himself repeatedly
00:52:06.15\00:52:08.62
as I would say throughout.
00:52:08.66\00:52:09.99
He would show me in
all those shootouts,
00:52:10.03\00:52:11.99
I've been stabbed, and shot out,
00:52:12.03\00:52:13.56
I've shot at people,
00:52:13.60\00:52:14.93
all this kind of stuff, so many.
00:52:14.96\00:52:16.46
I had two
friends die in my arms,
00:52:16.50\00:52:19.13
you know.
00:52:19.17\00:52:20.50
And fortunately,
as far as the law
00:52:20.54\00:52:23.71
I was fortunate that
00:52:23.74\00:52:25.07
I was arrested
on many occasions,
00:52:25.11\00:52:26.44
I was jailed, but I was never,
00:52:26.47\00:52:28.04
I never faced prison,
I never went to prison.
00:52:28.08\00:52:31.05
So I was never detained
00:52:31.08\00:52:32.41
for more than two
days or such, you know.
00:52:32.45\00:52:34.22
And all of these things
00:52:34.25\00:52:35.98
and the times
when I did have a case,
00:52:36.02\00:52:38.22
ended up being exonerated.
00:52:38.25\00:52:39.79
And so, you know,
00:52:39.82\00:52:41.16
just God's amazing
grace through all of that.
00:52:41.19\00:52:44.13
Yes.
00:52:44.16\00:52:45.49
But I then began to see
00:52:45.53\00:52:47.70
that God really
never abandoned me
00:52:47.73\00:52:51.13
in spite of...
00:52:51.17\00:52:52.50
Even when as you were saying
00:52:52.53\00:52:54.90
the devil had
pulled me down to the point
00:52:54.94\00:52:56.40
that I was so low
00:52:56.44\00:52:57.77
that I didn't
want to come back up.
00:52:57.81\00:52:59.51
God still did not abandon me.
00:52:59.54\00:53:02.84
He was still there. Yes.
00:53:02.88\00:53:04.65
Yes. He loves you relentlessly.
00:53:04.68\00:53:07.85
Faithful. He's a faithful.
00:53:07.88\00:53:09.22
A faithful God.
00:53:09.25\00:53:11.25
I was reading something
today in my devotional time
00:53:11.29\00:53:13.56
that said,
00:53:13.59\00:53:15.19
"Love and
faithfulness equals loyalty."
00:53:15.22\00:53:19.79
Yes. And that's who God is.
00:53:19.83\00:53:22.56
He is love and He is faithful.
00:53:22.60\00:53:26.13
And He wants that from us
00:53:26.17\00:53:28.30
to love others
and to be faithful,
00:53:28.34\00:53:30.51
to be loyal to Him.
00:53:30.54\00:53:33.01
So you found out
00:53:33.04\00:53:37.65
that you
couldn't be your own god,
00:53:37.68\00:53:40.42
that you couldn't save yourself.
00:53:40.45\00:53:42.42
First lesson.
00:53:42.45\00:53:43.79
You know, you can't save it.
00:53:43.82\00:53:45.15
Well, a lot of times we
try to be the Holy Spirit,
00:53:45.19\00:53:47.29
we try to be God for
ourselves but other people,
00:53:47.32\00:53:50.19
tell them what
to do and all that.
00:53:50.23\00:53:51.86
It's one thing to
share something with others,
00:53:51.89\00:53:55.83
it's another to try to
force them into our beliefs.
00:53:55.86\00:54:01.27
And we can't convict people,
the Holy Spirit does that.
00:54:01.30\00:54:06.31
So you finally came to a
place where you could say,
00:54:06.34\00:54:09.21
Lord Jesus, thank You.
00:54:09.24\00:54:11.55
Yes.
00:54:11.58\00:54:12.91
And now my joy is sharing
00:54:12.95\00:54:14.28
that assurance
with everybody else
00:54:14.32\00:54:16.18
especially youth, so, you know,
00:54:16.22\00:54:17.62
I pastor in four
congregations in Chicago,
00:54:17.65\00:54:23.16
prayerfully,
hopefully soon five.
00:54:23.19\00:54:25.56
And I have a lot of
interaction with youth.
00:54:25.59\00:54:28.50
You know, what's
going on in Chicago today?
00:54:28.53\00:54:30.10
Yes.
00:54:30.13\00:54:31.47
How are you addressing
00:54:31.50\00:54:33.17
some of what's
going on the violence?
00:54:33.20\00:54:35.50
One youth at a
time. One youth at a time.
00:54:35.54\00:54:39.07
But ensuring also
00:54:39.11\00:54:40.44
that our churches
are actively involved
00:54:40.48\00:54:43.85
in our communities to
the best of our ability.
00:54:43.88\00:54:46.45
But I want to say this,
00:54:46.48\00:54:47.82
my story is
duplicated a thousand times
00:54:47.85\00:54:51.12
over in Brooklyn, in
Chicago, in Miami, in LA,
00:54:51.15\00:54:55.32
in any and most of
our urban communities
00:54:55.36\00:54:58.13
where we have
Adventist churches.
00:54:58.16\00:54:59.86
You will find
thousands of adults
00:54:59.89\00:55:03.37
out of that environment
00:55:03.40\00:55:04.73
with a similar or even
more dramatic testimony.
00:55:04.77\00:55:08.30
And you'll find
children right now.
00:55:08.34\00:55:10.44
And I want that single mother,
you know, that single mother,
00:55:10.47\00:55:15.38
that single grandma
that has been raising,
00:55:15.41\00:55:17.91
you know, Joey or whoever,
00:55:17.95\00:55:20.12
or Paul, or Tony, or
whatever his name is.
00:55:20.15\00:55:22.32
And you're like, you know,
00:55:22.35\00:55:23.69
what is up with this kid,
00:55:23.72\00:55:25.59
you know, dear God, have mercy,
00:55:25.62\00:55:28.52
you know, I don't
know what else to do.
00:55:28.56\00:55:30.89
I want that
parent or that guardian
00:55:30.93\00:55:33.46
to know that
there is still hope.
00:55:33.50\00:55:35.60
And for the youth,
00:55:35.63\00:55:37.10
for that kid I want you to know
00:55:37.13\00:55:39.87
no matter how far
you think you have gone,
00:55:39.90\00:55:43.51
God, you are not
beyond God's reach,
00:55:43.54\00:55:46.44
you're not beyond His reach.
00:55:46.47\00:55:47.81
He can still reach
you. He still loves you.
00:55:47.84\00:55:50.25
He's still faithful to His
call to save you, you know.
00:55:50.28\00:55:55.35
So we shouldn't be ignorant
00:55:55.38\00:56:00.39
that there are other
youth in our church environments
00:56:00.42\00:56:03.76
that have struggled
with the same thing.
00:56:03.79\00:56:05.19
I knew many of them.
00:56:05.23\00:56:06.56
So basically I was this kid
they had two lifestyles, right?
00:56:06.59\00:56:11.17
I had the Adventist lifestyle
00:56:11.20\00:56:13.40
and then I had
my street life style
00:56:13.44\00:56:16.10
until it got to the point
00:56:16.14\00:56:17.47
where my own
righteous indignation,
00:56:17.51\00:56:20.41
my own sense of pride said,
00:56:20.44\00:56:21.78
"I can't continue doing both
00:56:21.81\00:56:24.01
and I pull myself out
of the church, you know."
00:56:24.05\00:56:27.78
But we have to pray for our kids
00:56:27.82\00:56:29.88
because some of them in my case,
00:56:29.92\00:56:33.69
I felt I didn't have a choice.
00:56:33.72\00:56:35.79
And I know many of them
it's a quest for survival,
00:56:35.82\00:56:38.19
it's not that they're bad,
it's not that they're evil,
00:56:38.23\00:56:41.16
it's not that
they want to gang bang
00:56:41.20\00:56:43.00
and all this kind of stuff.
00:56:43.03\00:56:44.90
It's what they see as a choice
they have to make to survive.
00:56:44.93\00:56:48.60
Right?
00:56:48.64\00:56:49.97
So we have to help them
00:56:50.01\00:56:51.34
to have that
assurance for them to understand
00:56:51.37\00:56:53.68
who they are in Christ.
00:56:53.71\00:56:55.24
For them to understand
00:56:55.28\00:56:56.61
that God is faithful
that He does have a plan,
00:56:56.64\00:56:59.28
and He does have a
plan for them to prosper,
00:56:59.31\00:57:03.02
because He is
helping me to prosper today.
00:57:03.05\00:57:04.69
Praise God. Praise the Lord.
00:57:04.72\00:57:06.62
This is such a
beautiful testimony
00:57:06.65\00:57:09.19
because you can work
with these young people
00:57:09.22\00:57:11.66
because you've been there.
00:57:11.69\00:57:13.33
You understand what it's like
00:57:13.36\00:57:15.23
to go through
those streets every day,
00:57:15.26\00:57:17.13
just to go to school.
00:57:17.17\00:57:18.73
Just to go to
school. Just to go to school.
00:57:18.77\00:57:20.94
I mean, my heart just aches
00:57:20.97\00:57:23.24
for our young
people in the inner city
00:57:23.27\00:57:26.17
because I know
it's just so difficult.
00:57:26.21\00:57:29.64
But thank you so
much. God is amazing.
00:57:29.68\00:57:31.88
Thank you so much
for being with us,
00:57:31.91\00:57:33.85
and for being so transparent
in sharing your journey.
00:57:33.88\00:57:37.52
Thank you. God bless you.
00:57:37.55\00:57:38.89
And I wish you
well with your churches,
00:57:38.92\00:57:41.02
and your congregations,
and your young people.
00:57:41.06\00:57:43.59
And just know that, you know,
our viewers will pray for you.
00:57:43.63\00:57:46.86
Thank you. God bless you.
00:57:46.90\00:57:48.23
Yes. God bless you.
00:57:48.26\00:57:49.76
Thank you so
much for joining us.
00:57:49.80\00:57:51.80
I can't believe we reached
the end of another program.
00:57:51.83\00:57:55.50
We appreciate
you and we love you.
00:57:55.54\00:57:58.11
And we know that
God's got a plan for you.
00:57:58.14\00:58:01.34
Tune in next time
00:58:01.38\00:58:02.71
'cause it just wouldn't
be the same without you.
00:58:02.74\00:58:04.81