Stay tuned to hear
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how a survivor of domestic abuse
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has turned her trials
into triumph for others.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis Shelton,
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today
is Lizzie Chamowa,
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founder and director
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of Harrison's Referral Services.
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Welcome to Urban Report, Lizzie.
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Thank you, thanks for having me.
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Yay!
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Okay.
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So in the tease, I talked about
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how you turned your
trials into triumph,
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and actually God did,
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He turned that
into triumph for you.
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Let's talk about your journey.
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Tell us about the
relationship that you had
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that just got you into this
whole area of domestic abuse.
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Okay, I was
married about 20 years ago.
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And when I got involved
in a relationship later on,
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it was not much more physical,
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but mostly more of verbal abuse.
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When you say when you got
into relationship later on,
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you're not talking
about a relationship
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after the marriage, right?
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What are you talking about?
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Well, actually I
was married in 1994.
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I was married to my oldest
children's dad at the time.
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And our marriage actually turned
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into more of an
abusive relationship,
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much more verbal than physical,
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but physical later on,
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you know, came
into play with that.
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And not want to be in
that type of relationship.
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I've never been in a
relationship like that before.
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I never knew anything
about domestic violence,
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never experienced
it before in my life.
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And I knew that I
had to get out of it.
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And it was
very... it was very hard.
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I had to leave my children.
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I had to separate from
them for about ten months
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because I had to
separate myself from the abuser
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because as long as I was there,
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I was constantly being
abused on a regular basis.
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But he wasn't
abusing the children?
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No, I thank God for that.
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Yes, yes.
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So you weren't...
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You didn't leave them wondering
is he going to abuse them?
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Well, that's a really...
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it's a hard
thing to do for anyone
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that's going to
domestic violence.
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In this case, I had
to leave them there.
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I knew that they were safe.
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I knew that he
wasn't going to abuse them.
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And some situations
that everybody's not,
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you know, as blessed to leave
their children in the home,
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especially nowadays with
things that are going on,
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now it's not safe at all.
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But for me, at the time,
I felt comfortable with it.
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And I was able to do what
I needed to do for myself,
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and to get through it,
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and to get my children back
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as long as I was separated
from my abuser at the time.
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So when you first
started dating him,
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did you see any
signs of that tendency?
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Do you see any red
flags that you just overlooked
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or did you see them
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and you just kind of filed them?
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Honestly, no.
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At the time, I didn't
know what red flags were.
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I didn't know what
to look for, you know.
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To me, I thought
it was just normal.
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And I'm finding
out more and more today
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that a lot of people
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that I'm communicating
with domestic violence find...
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or they feel that
this is normal behavior.
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So if you're not educated,
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you don't know what to look for.
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You just think
its normal behavior.
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All right, so when
you were dating him,
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did he show you
that he had a flip side?
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No, not at the beginning, no.
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Not until a little bit later,
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maybe a couple
years after the marriage,
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I saw little
things here and there,
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but still nothing that I felt
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that I needed to
be concerned about.
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So you married him,
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and how long
after you married him
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did he just turn
into this abusive?
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I would say
maybe about six years,
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somewhere in there
about six, seven years.
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At first, it was
sort of the verbal abuse.
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At first, it was
a lot of like joking
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and, you know, about my weight,
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and, you know, about,
how I would live without him,
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and, you know, nobody would
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ever want me
with three children,
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you know, just little
things like that, you know.
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And I knew that it hurt
me to hear those things.
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But it really
didn't take an impact
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into actually the physical part
of the abuse really started.
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Right, it's so
interesting to me that...
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I'm so glad you
talk about education
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and how you had
no education about it
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because there
are actually cycles
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involved in abuse, aren't they?
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Yes, it is.
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And so in your situation,
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it started with the
little verbal prodding,
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just a little digs.
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Right? Yes. Mm-hm.
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And then he turns it up a notch,
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and says, "Who would
want you with three children?"
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Or making verbal digs
about your weight or whatever.
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So it keeps turning up
the flame a little bit.
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Yes, yes.
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And then the
physical abuse starts.
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Did it start
with like just pushing
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or did it start with
just full fledge hitting?
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Where did it go from the verbal?
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I think it went basically
to full fledge hitting.
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You know, nowadays, you
know, I would hear back then,
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you know, if I could hear
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something hit the
counter really hard
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or a cabinet door
slam, it would just,
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you know, make
me jump all the time
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because I'm so used to hearing,
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you know, the
punching or the hitting or,
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you know, the slamming of doors
and walls used to get to me,
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but it doesn't
bother me anymore now,
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but I had to live with that,
you know, for quite a while.
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What was going on in his
life when he turned up the heat?
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Did he lose his job?
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Was he going through...
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It's no excuse.
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I'm not making
excuses, believe me.
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I'm just trying to put
the total picture together,
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so were there
external pressures in his life
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going on that would just
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seemingly for him insurmountable
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and he took it out on
you, like where was he?
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What was going on with him?
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At the time, my
ex-husband, at the time, he was,
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you know, started gambling,
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you know, upper
money and everything.
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And we were
getting behind on bills.
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And we had excellent income.
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We had more than enough.
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And, you know, that
started getting to me,
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then he started putting
pressure on me even more,
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and I was raising
the children too as well.
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And that sparked something
really big in our marriage,
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and it just separated us.
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Even though we
were in the same house,
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it separated us.
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And I wasn't
getting the attention
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that I felt that I needed,
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you know, as a person, you know.
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And I just felt like,
you know, he didn't listen,
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he didn't want to
hear what I had to say,
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and next thing you know,
it was just constant conflict,
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we were constantly,
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you know, arguing a
lot about our finances
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and different
things in that area,
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and he didn't want
to stop the lifestyle
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and the things that he was doing
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to cause marriage
to get to that point.
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And I just...
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At some point, I just got
really tired of our situation,
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and it caused me to do something
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that I regret it to this day.
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I would say two
wrongs don't make a right.
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Would you want to
tell us what you did?
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Actually, well, I'm very
open with everything now.
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So at that time, my ex-husband,
he was going to strip clubs,
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he was gambling up the money,
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some nights he
wouldn't come home,
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and I was there with the babies,
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and I was working two jobs.
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And I had two
small children at home.
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And it got kind of rough.
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And he wasn't
there, and I was just,
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you know, started talking
to an old friend of mine,
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and just one
thing led to another.
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And at this time, I
wasn't in church at this time.
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So I mean, I was
living a whole new
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totally different life style.
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And I had to learn it
later on in my life that,
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you know, what I did
still didn't compensate
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for how he was treating me.
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And I tell you it
took me to a down-spiral,
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but God brought me back up.
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So I'm happy
about that. Amen, amen.
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Isn't it amazing, Lizzie, how...
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and I've talked about this
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on Urban Report so many times,
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how Satan, he
has you in one place,
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and then he just continually,
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just
continually brings you down.
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And the more we
give into whatever it is,
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and if you don't
know about Jesus Christ,
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then that's kind of what,
you know, you're just doing,
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just reacting.
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And that's just...
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I have to cut you off,
I'm sorry, but that's the key.
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Jesus Christ was my key. Yes.
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See, there's a difference
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when you're
living outside of Christ
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than when you're
living in Christ.
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That's right.
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And so I was outside of Christ.
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So decisions that you
make are worldly decisions
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or decisions that you feel
that's going to benefit you
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or make things better for you,
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but not knowing that it
just gets worse and worse.
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So now since I'm in
a totally different,
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you know, atmosphere now,
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I'm in a totally different
relationship with God now,
00:10:09.10\00:10:11.57
so I can look back
and say, "Man, you know,
00:10:11.61\00:10:14.24
that wasn't right
for me to do that."
00:10:14.28\00:10:16.31
You know, but in
my eyes, at the time,
00:10:16.34\00:10:17.68
I felt that it was
right, but it wasn't.
00:10:17.71\00:10:19.51
And the world says it's okay.
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Yes, yes.
00:10:22.35\00:10:23.69
You know, the
world says it's okay.
00:10:23.72\00:10:25.05
"Hey, you're not being
treated well over here,
00:10:25.09\00:10:26.96
well, go over here."
00:10:26.99\00:10:28.32
Exactly. You know?
00:10:28.36\00:10:29.69
I mean, "Get what you need.
00:10:29.72\00:10:31.06
Exactly. Take
care of you, do you."
00:10:31.09\00:10:32.76
Well, that's that
what God tells us to do.
00:10:32.79\00:10:34.50
It is so true.
00:10:34.53\00:10:35.86
And it opens up new
doors for new pain, and new,
00:10:35.90\00:10:40.44
you know, spiraling downward.
00:10:40.47\00:10:42.57
But God wants to take us,
00:10:42.60\00:10:44.94
and instead of us
spiraling downward,
00:10:44.97\00:10:47.61
He wants to give
us the abundant life.
00:10:47.64\00:10:49.34
Jesus said "I came
that you might have life,
00:10:49.38\00:10:51.11
and you might have
it more abundantly."
00:10:51.15\00:10:52.61
He wants to the give
us the abundant life,
00:10:52.65\00:10:55.78
Satan was trying to destroy you
00:10:55.82\00:10:58.15
by having you make
decisions that were destructive.
00:10:58.19\00:11:03.69
Very destructive. Yeah.
00:11:03.73\00:11:05.66
I'd like to use the term,
"I turn my pain into power."
00:11:05.69\00:11:10.17
You know, when I'm educating
about domestic violence,
00:11:10.20\00:11:13.44
I like to let the victims know
that their pain can be power.
00:11:13.47\00:11:18.21
Yes, yes, that's
good, that's good.
00:11:18.24\00:11:20.84
So how did you get
away from that situation?
00:11:20.88\00:11:25.55
Well, actually, I
waited till my ex-husband,
00:11:25.58\00:11:28.65
at the time, went to work
00:11:28.68\00:11:30.52
because I knew it was
the only safe time to leave
00:11:30.55\00:11:32.95
because he was watching
me every day, every step,
00:11:32.99\00:11:36.19
I had to count for how long
I went to the grocery store,
00:11:36.22\00:11:38.99
how long I was,
you know, anywhere.
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I had to, you
know, he was giving me
00:11:41.36\00:11:43.40
certain amount of time to
get to one place to another.
00:11:43.43\00:11:45.93
If I took too long getting home,
00:11:45.97\00:11:47.30
he was a suspecting that,
00:11:47.34\00:11:48.67
you know, I was somewhere else
00:11:48.70\00:11:50.04
or with someone
else or whatever.
00:11:50.07\00:11:51.94
But I waited for
him to go to work.
00:11:51.97\00:11:53.91
And believe it or not,
00:11:53.94\00:11:55.28
my two daughters
actually helped me leave.
00:11:55.31\00:11:58.11
And wow, I'm telling you,
00:11:58.15\00:12:00.55
it was the most
fearful thing in my life,
00:12:00.58\00:12:03.39
but I had to educate myself
00:12:03.42\00:12:06.25
on the healthy
way of doing things
00:12:06.29\00:12:08.69
so that way I wouldn't get hurt
00:12:08.72\00:12:10.63
or the children
would get hurt in a process
00:12:10.66\00:12:12.43
if there was a
fight or break out
00:12:12.46\00:12:13.80
or something like that.
00:12:13.83\00:12:15.16
Yes, yes, you know, for
someone who has not been
00:12:15.20\00:12:20.64
in an abusive relationship,
00:12:20.67\00:12:24.94
it's easy for
someone to sit back and say,
00:12:24.97\00:12:27.01
"Well, why
didn't you just leave?"
00:12:27.04\00:12:28.44
Or "Why did you
put up with that?"
00:12:28.48\00:12:30.91
They have no idea of the fear
00:12:30.95\00:12:35.22
and being held down emotionally.
00:12:35.25\00:12:39.99
You just held down emotionally,
00:12:40.02\00:12:42.02
so that you're
afraid to do anything,
00:12:42.06\00:12:44.66
then there's the
isolation, you know.
00:12:44.69\00:12:47.26
If you would tell us about
the signs of domestic abuse
00:12:47.30\00:12:53.44
because there's some
people who might suspect
00:12:53.47\00:12:56.10
that a friend is in
an abusive relationship,
00:12:56.14\00:12:59.97
how would someone
know that a woman,
00:13:00.01\00:13:03.61
let's say, is in an
abusive relationship?
00:13:03.65\00:13:05.98
Well, I like to
call them red flags.
00:13:06.01\00:13:07.72
Okay.
00:13:07.75\00:13:09.08
Something that a lot
of us like to ignore,
00:13:09.12\00:13:11.35
and, you know, those
signs, some would be jealousy,
00:13:11.39\00:13:15.46
trying to control, you
know, who you spend time with,
00:13:15.49\00:13:18.79
how much you
spend time with people,
00:13:18.83\00:13:21.46
the abuser usually like
to keep you to themselves.
00:13:21.50\00:13:24.80
And I like to make sure
that everybody understands
00:13:24.83\00:13:26.87
that abusers are not only men,
00:13:26.90\00:13:29.14
you have women that
are abusers too as well.
00:13:29.17\00:13:32.17
But the
majority in this society,
00:13:32.21\00:13:34.28
you know, is mostly male,
but there are female abusers.
00:13:34.31\00:13:38.51
Just controlling finances,
controlling what you wear,
00:13:38.55\00:13:43.39
controlling who you talk
to, who you spend time with,
00:13:43.42\00:13:46.29
and at some point, your abuser
can make you lose your job.
00:13:46.32\00:13:49.76
He don't want to
make any type of income
00:13:49.79\00:13:52.03
because they
want to isolate you,
00:13:52.06\00:13:53.40
keep them to
themselves, jealous tendencies,
00:13:53.43\00:13:56.40
you know, it's just...
00:13:56.43\00:13:57.77
it is so many
different red flags
00:13:57.80\00:13:59.80
that we can talk about.
00:13:59.83\00:14:01.17
It's interesting
00:14:01.20\00:14:02.54
because it seems
like it could start out
00:14:02.57\00:14:07.21
with just little
things, you know, like,
00:14:07.24\00:14:10.05
"Why do you have to go
over with your family today?"
00:14:10.08\00:14:13.21
Or why are you...
00:14:13.25\00:14:14.88
You know, that friend...
00:14:14.92\00:14:16.38
"I don't like that friend.
00:14:16.42\00:14:17.95
I don't like this
particular friend."
00:14:17.99\00:14:20.56
And it's to isolate you. Yes.
00:14:20.59\00:14:23.22
So that the abuser...
00:14:23.26\00:14:25.43
the victim in this
abusive relationship
00:14:25.46\00:14:28.86
feels so alone and
isolated that it's like,
00:14:28.90\00:14:32.83
"Well, okay, so
where do I go now?"
00:14:32.87\00:14:35.34
And, you know,
they like to cut you off
00:14:35.37\00:14:36.71
from all society,
00:14:36.74\00:14:38.17
all of your
friends, and your family.
00:14:38.21\00:14:40.44
So that way, you know,
they can keep you to themselves
00:14:40.48\00:14:43.95
and they can abuse you.
00:14:43.98\00:14:45.48
And a lot of times, you
know, when we keep quiet
00:14:45.51\00:14:48.08
and we keep silent, you
know, we protect our abusers.
00:14:48.12\00:14:52.75
You know, when we
don't talk to other people.
00:14:52.79\00:14:55.42
And once we've been
cut off from everyone
00:14:55.46\00:14:58.39
including family members,
00:14:58.43\00:15:00.06
there isn't anyone to talk to.
00:15:00.10\00:15:02.23
And that's how the
control starts to isolate you.
00:15:02.26\00:15:06.27
And after a while,
your abuser might tell you,
00:15:06.30\00:15:08.84
"Oh, you're fat,
you're overweight,
00:15:08.87\00:15:10.51
you don't look good,
00:15:10.54\00:15:11.87
you're not pretty,
nobody ever want you."
00:15:11.91\00:15:13.98
And after a while, you know,
if your self-esteem is low,
00:15:14.01\00:15:17.08
you start to
believe those things.
00:15:17.11\00:15:19.11
And you start to believe
that only the abuser wants you,
00:15:19.15\00:15:22.98
but it's a lie, it's a
lie that devil tells you
00:15:23.02\00:15:26.35
that to keep you
separated from everyone else
00:15:26.39\00:15:29.52
so that you won't seek help,
00:15:29.56\00:15:30.89
you won't be strong
enough to ask for help.
00:15:30.93\00:15:33.90
Right, now when you...
00:15:33.93\00:15:35.46
Just before you
left, did you seek help
00:15:35.50\00:15:38.60
or did you just determine
in your mind that I'm just...
00:15:38.63\00:15:41.80
"I've got to get out of here."
00:15:41.84\00:15:43.20
I just determined in my
mind that I was going to leave.
00:15:43.24\00:15:45.44
I had no idea where I was going.
00:15:45.47\00:15:47.51
I had no idea who I
was going to reach out to.
00:15:47.54\00:15:50.48
I just started praying,
00:15:50.51\00:15:52.01
asking God to open doors for me.
00:15:52.05\00:15:54.35
And I have to go and
stay in a rooming house.
00:15:54.38\00:15:57.75
I had a good job, I
got excellent money.
00:15:57.79\00:16:00.76
And that wasn't a problem,
00:16:00.79\00:16:02.12
but I had to
find safety somewhere,
00:16:02.16\00:16:04.19
I had to hide somewhere
00:16:04.23\00:16:05.56
where I knew and my
ex-husband didn't know,
00:16:05.59\00:16:07.70
you know, where I would be.
00:16:07.73\00:16:09.06
And I hated North St. Louis.
00:16:09.10\00:16:10.63
Actually I lived in a house
00:16:10.67\00:16:12.53
full of
prostitutes and drug addicts.
00:16:12.57\00:16:14.94
Wow.
00:16:14.97\00:16:16.30
And I knew that he
would never look for me there.
00:16:16.34\00:16:18.94
And I wasn't on
drugs at the time,
00:16:18.97\00:16:21.21
you know, I wasn't at a
prostitution or anything,
00:16:21.24\00:16:24.38
but I knew that
if I hid among people
00:16:24.41\00:16:26.98
that he would never find me.
00:16:27.02\00:16:28.95
And I lived there
for almost a year.
00:16:28.98\00:16:31.19
Wow, were you
afraid living there?
00:16:31.22\00:16:33.09
I mean, the neighborhood
must have been kind of...
00:16:33.12\00:16:35.09
Yes and no.
00:16:35.12\00:16:36.46
God just gave me this peace
00:16:36.49\00:16:37.83
that He would
protect me and keep me safe.
00:16:37.86\00:16:40.60
And when I was there,
00:16:40.63\00:16:41.96
the people knew that
I was totally different
00:16:42.00\00:16:44.23
from everyone
else, they were like,
00:16:44.27\00:16:45.77
"You are different.
00:16:45.80\00:16:47.14
We don't know why you're
here or where you came from."
00:16:47.17\00:16:51.24
But they protected
me when I was there.
00:16:51.27\00:16:53.98
It was very interesting.
00:16:54.01\00:16:55.38
Did your ex ever find you?
00:16:55.41\00:16:59.25
No, he never found me.
00:16:59.28\00:17:01.28
He never found me.
00:17:01.32\00:17:02.65
And every now and
then when I drive through
00:17:02.68\00:17:04.99
that neighborhood, the
memories come back to remind me
00:17:05.02\00:17:07.82
of that apartment building,
you know, that I lived in.
00:17:07.86\00:17:11.09
Yeah.
00:17:11.13\00:17:12.46
That must have been...
00:17:12.49\00:17:13.83
Because you had to leave
your children there, right?
00:17:13.86\00:17:15.26
Yes.
00:17:15.30\00:17:16.70
How hard was that?
00:17:16.73\00:17:18.07
Tell us how...
00:17:18.10\00:17:19.43
What you went
through? What that process was?
00:17:19.47\00:17:22.17
Well, being separated
from them was the main thing
00:17:22.20\00:17:24.21
because I'm used to
being there with them
00:17:24.24\00:17:26.51
preparing their meals
00:17:26.54\00:17:27.88
and taking them
to school every day.
00:17:27.91\00:17:29.48
And I had to pray, I say,
"God, you need to fix this
00:17:29.51\00:17:31.55
because I don't want to be
separated from my children."
00:17:31.58\00:17:33.82
And he was telling them
00:17:33.85\00:17:35.18
that I abandoned
them and I left them.
00:17:35.22\00:17:37.05
So I got a
lawyer, I went to court,
00:17:37.09\00:17:39.15
and I got a lawyer to help me,
00:17:39.19\00:17:40.99
and they fixed it where I could
pick up my children every day,
00:17:41.02\00:17:45.39
he had to leave the
house by certain time,
00:17:45.43\00:17:47.60
I can go and
pick up my children,
00:17:47.63\00:17:48.96
I can go in the house,
I had keys to the house,
00:17:49.00\00:17:51.53
I can go in the house
fix breakfast for them,
00:17:51.57\00:17:53.77
clean them up as
though I was still there,
00:17:53.80\00:17:55.90
take them to school,
00:17:55.94\00:17:57.41
I could go to school
and spend time with them,
00:17:57.44\00:17:59.14
I would sit in their
classrooms during school time
00:17:59.17\00:18:02.04
and watch them learn,
00:18:02.08\00:18:03.58
and then I will come
back home and fix them lunch
00:18:03.61\00:18:05.55
after they get out of
school until he got there.
00:18:05.58\00:18:08.62
And right when he got there,
00:18:08.65\00:18:09.98
I would leave right before
he came in into the house.
00:18:10.02\00:18:12.79
So God fixed while I was
still able to spend that time
00:18:12.82\00:18:15.02
with them every day.
00:18:15.06\00:18:16.83
Well, that's amazing
and praise God for that.
00:18:16.86\00:18:20.03
Were you afraid
when you were in the home
00:18:20.06\00:18:22.70
and he could have
come in at any time?
00:18:22.73\00:18:25.97
Yes and no.
00:18:26.00\00:18:28.54
I know it kind of
sounds kind of strange,
00:18:28.57\00:18:30.14
but I just had this peace,
00:18:30.17\00:18:31.77
I just had this peace
that God had given me.
00:18:31.81\00:18:34.01
A peace that, you
know what, God says,
00:18:34.04\00:18:36.31
"Not the peace
that the world gives,
00:18:36.34\00:18:38.51
but a peace that I will give."
00:18:38.55\00:18:40.02
So you have to experience
the peace of God to know,
00:18:40.05\00:18:43.75
you know, what it means,
00:18:43.79\00:18:45.45
you know, I just
knew that I was fine.
00:18:45.49\00:18:47.42
Yes, praise the Lord.
00:18:47.46\00:18:49.02
So let's talk a
bit about the cycle
00:18:49.06\00:18:54.10
that's involved
in domestic violence.
00:18:54.13\00:19:00.30
What happens
because it's not always
00:19:00.34\00:19:04.04
all the time fighting, is it?
00:19:04.07\00:19:06.41
What is it?
00:19:06.44\00:19:07.78
A lot of times, you know,
the abuser just likes to pick,
00:19:07.81\00:19:11.48
just pick at you, just...
00:19:11.51\00:19:13.11
you know, my
ex-husband didn't like me.
00:19:13.15\00:19:15.08
I didn't get to sleep
much, I was exhausted,
00:19:15.12\00:19:18.29
he would keep
me awake sometimes,
00:19:18.32\00:19:20.16
you know, with just nonsense,
00:19:20.19\00:19:21.66
just anything to
just keep me exhausted.
00:19:21.69\00:19:25.46
After a while, he didn't
care about how I've looked,
00:19:25.49\00:19:27.96
how I felt, I was just
exhausted all the time.
00:19:28.00\00:19:30.73
I didn't feel
pretty, I didn't feel like,
00:19:30.77\00:19:32.93
you know, dressing up,
and keeping myself together,
00:19:32.97\00:19:35.64
I just felt that
there was no hope
00:19:35.67\00:19:38.21
and I didn't know
what I was going to do.
00:19:38.24\00:19:40.91
I didn't know what...
00:19:40.94\00:19:42.28
Prayer, prayer is
the key to everything
00:19:42.31\00:19:43.95
because we don't know
00:19:43.98\00:19:45.31
where we're going to be
from one day to the next.
00:19:45.35\00:19:47.25
And I have to
talk to God every day
00:19:47.28\00:19:49.68
and to ask Him
what is my next step,
00:19:49.72\00:19:52.22
what do I need to do to
make sure I was doing things
00:19:52.25\00:19:55.36
safe for myself so
that I would remain alive,
00:19:55.39\00:19:59.59
you know, to see my
children grow up, you know.
00:19:59.63\00:20:02.16
That kind of pressure,
00:20:02.20\00:20:04.13
it's just unthinkable
to have to think every day,
00:20:04.17\00:20:08.40
"Lord, please help me to
just be able to stay alive."
00:20:08.44\00:20:11.34
Yes.
00:20:11.37\00:20:12.71
That it's...
00:20:12.74\00:20:14.08
I just can't fathom having
00:20:14.11\00:20:15.94
that kind of pressure every day.
00:20:15.98\00:20:18.91
You know, and just...
00:20:18.95\00:20:20.38
I know that that can
either draw you closer to God
00:20:20.42\00:20:23.75
or away from Him.
00:20:23.79\00:20:25.12
And apparently, it
drew you closer to Him.
00:20:25.15\00:20:27.69
Is that where or when you
really became a Christian?
00:20:27.72\00:20:30.96
Tell us how you became
00:20:30.99\00:20:32.99
a Seventh-day
Adventist Christian.
00:20:33.03\00:20:34.36
Well, actually
after the divorce,
00:20:34.40\00:20:36.30
and I got my children back,
00:20:36.33\00:20:38.67
and I got on my
feet and everything,
00:20:38.70\00:20:41.04
I got a flower in the mail,
00:20:41.07\00:20:42.40
which said the good news
is better than you think.
00:20:42.44\00:20:43.81
And I knew I wanted a
closer walk with Christ,
00:20:43.84\00:20:46.47
and I saw all these
weird looking four beasts
00:20:46.51\00:20:48.88
on this flower, and I'm like,
00:20:48.91\00:20:50.35
"Oh, Lord, I don't
think I want to go to this,
00:20:50.38\00:20:51.78
I don't know what this
is, this is really creepy."
00:20:51.81\00:20:54.32
But He says, well, I
just felt the Spirit says,
00:20:54.35\00:20:56.89
"I thought you said you
want to get to know me better.
00:20:56.92\00:20:59.82
You know, the focus is
Me not this piece of paper."
00:20:59.85\00:21:03.32
And I called the number
on there and I registered,
00:21:03.36\00:21:06.03
and I went to the seminar,
00:21:06.06\00:21:07.40
it was a Revelation seminar
00:21:07.43\00:21:09.70
at Forest Park
at the Art Museum.
00:21:09.73\00:21:12.00
And the late William Purgason,
he was the speaker there.
00:21:12.03\00:21:17.94
Pastor Purg. Yes.
00:21:17.97\00:21:19.47
Oh, we loved him
here. He was my mentor.
00:21:19.51\00:21:21.18
He actually trained
me as an evangelist.
00:21:21.21\00:21:23.21
Really? Yes for years, yes.
00:21:23.24\00:21:25.51
He was a wonderful man. Yes.
00:21:25.55\00:21:27.32
He was supposed to be on...
00:21:27.35\00:21:29.15
We have a
program on Dare to Dream
00:21:29.18\00:21:31.52
called Salvation
and Symbols and Signs.
00:21:31.55\00:21:34.02
And he was supposed to be
00:21:34.06\00:21:35.39
on along with
Pastor James Rafferty,
00:21:35.42\00:21:37.99
and unfortunately, he was
killed in that plane crash.
00:21:38.03\00:21:41.20
Yes, very, very hurtful.
00:21:41.23\00:21:42.60
He trained me for about
eight years in evangelism,
00:21:42.63\00:21:46.17
ministry, and community service.
00:21:46.20\00:21:48.44
I mean, he prayed with me,
00:21:48.47\00:21:49.80
and he told me
to just stay strong
00:21:49.84\00:21:51.81
and just keep the Lord first
and you will go many places,
00:21:51.84\00:21:56.04
and oh, my
goodness, it was so true.
00:21:56.08\00:21:58.65
Oh, my goodness,
I just can't believe
00:21:58.68\00:22:00.35
what God has brought me,
00:22:00.38\00:22:02.25
you know, to this day,
00:22:02.28\00:22:03.72
and I just want to educate
people on domestic violence.
00:22:03.75\00:22:06.96
I want to educate
our church leaders,
00:22:06.99\00:22:09.16
our women's ministry leaders,
our men's ministry leaders,
00:22:09.19\00:22:11.59
our pastors, educate them,
00:22:11.63\00:22:14.00
our young people, our
youth in our churches,
00:22:14.03\00:22:16.43
educate them on
domestic violence
00:22:16.46\00:22:18.40
and warning
signs to prepare them
00:22:18.43\00:22:20.84
so they don't know
what to look out for.
00:22:20.87\00:22:23.64
You know, that's so important
00:22:23.67\00:22:25.01
because we can't just
bury our heads in the sand
00:22:25.04\00:22:28.61
and act like it doesn't exist.
00:22:28.64\00:22:30.55
It exists.
00:22:30.58\00:22:31.91
And it transcends class,
race, it covers every class,
00:22:31.95\00:22:38.52
every race, every, you
know, every occupation.
00:22:38.55\00:22:43.43
You know, there are preachers
who are abusing their wives,
00:22:43.46\00:22:46.73
there are teachers
who are abusing wives.
00:22:46.76\00:22:48.93
I mean, it's ubiquitous.
00:22:48.96\00:22:52.13
And so, you know,
we can't just act like,
00:22:52.17\00:22:55.84
"Oh, well, it doesn't exist."
00:22:55.87\00:22:59.01
No, it does, and
we need help with it.
00:22:59.04\00:23:01.38
And our young people,
00:23:01.41\00:23:02.74
as you were saying
before to me off camera,
00:23:02.78\00:23:05.98
our young people really
need to know about dating,
00:23:06.01\00:23:09.32
and how to date,
and how to look for,
00:23:09.35\00:23:14.06
what to look for with
your friends and your...
00:23:14.09\00:23:17.66
And don't get so caught up...
00:23:17.69\00:23:19.36
You know, we need to teach
our young people, our youth,
00:23:19.39\00:23:22.30
you know, we have so
many different things going on
00:23:22.33\00:23:25.67
in our AY
programs at our churches,
00:23:25.70\00:23:28.14
but we need to
bring domestic violence
00:23:28.17\00:23:30.81
as part of the education,
part of the curriculum,
00:23:30.84\00:23:34.08
I still like to
call it, of educating,
00:23:34.11\00:23:36.41
when it comes to
youth in churches.
00:23:36.44\00:23:38.25
I believe that our
women's ministry leaders
00:23:38.28\00:23:39.88
need to be
teaching our young ladies
00:23:39.91\00:23:43.69
in our churches
about domestic violence.
00:23:43.72\00:23:45.79
I think that...
00:23:45.82\00:23:47.62
I feel that we need to have
00:23:47.66\00:23:50.49
young women's
ministry leaders as well,
00:23:50.53\00:23:52.29
there's older
women's ministry leaders.
00:23:52.33\00:23:54.06
And each one of our
church has to educate them
00:23:54.10\00:23:56.40
and to help bring
in our young people
00:23:56.43\00:23:58.63
to talk about these things
00:23:58.67\00:24:01.04
where they can open up
about it because they're dating,
00:24:01.07\00:24:03.24
abuse is going on
in the high schools,
00:24:03.27\00:24:04.91
you know, locker rooms,
00:24:04.94\00:24:06.64
abuse is going
on in their homes,
00:24:06.68\00:24:09.84
abuse can go a long way,
00:24:09.88\00:24:11.21
we're not
talking about physical,
00:24:11.25\00:24:12.58
we're talking about
mental, emotional, spiritual,
00:24:12.61\00:24:14.82
psychological,
economic abuse, elder abuse.
00:24:14.85\00:24:18.22
We're talking about...
00:24:18.25\00:24:20.79
We've got sex
trafficking, we have pedophiles,
00:24:20.82\00:24:22.99
we have all these different
things that are going on.
00:24:23.02\00:24:25.16
This goes deeper, more deeper
00:24:25.19\00:24:27.66
than what we're
discussing right now.
00:24:27.70\00:24:30.70
And my focus again is
00:24:30.73\00:24:32.33
I want to be able to do seminars
00:24:32.37\00:24:33.94
and workshops in our churches,
00:24:33.97\00:24:35.50
in our retreats to
educate more on it.
00:24:35.54\00:24:38.54
We need to make sure the
domestic violence stays out
00:24:38.57\00:24:40.81
in the forefront
on a regular basis
00:24:40.84\00:24:42.91
as much as we eat every day,
00:24:42.94\00:24:45.11
as much as we have
breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
00:24:45.15\00:24:47.82
as much as we need to
educate our young people
00:24:47.85\00:24:50.05
because the Bible says,
00:24:50.09\00:24:51.42
"In the last days,
violence will increase."
00:24:51.45\00:24:54.36
So how can people
get in touch with you
00:24:54.39\00:24:56.93
to invite you to
come to their churches
00:24:56.96\00:25:00.60
or to come speak
to their women's group
00:25:00.63\00:25:02.80
or whatever, how
can people reach you?
00:25:02.83\00:25:04.43
Well, they can actually
reach me at 314-482-2594.
00:25:04.47\00:25:09.44
I'll repeat that
again 314-482-2594.
00:25:09.47\00:25:14.24
Well, they can reach me at
lizzieharrison@sbcglobal.net.
00:25:14.28\00:25:18.31
I would love to come
out and educate your church,
00:25:18.35\00:25:22.45
your young people, your pastors,
00:25:22.48\00:25:24.65
I would love to do workshops
and seminars on a regular basis
00:25:24.69\00:25:28.96
because if we can save one life,
00:25:28.99\00:25:31.86
just one life, we've
done a wonderful job.
00:25:31.89\00:25:33.96
We can't pretend and act
like this thing doesn't exist.
00:25:34.00\00:25:37.27
We can't pretend that...
00:25:37.30\00:25:39.03
We have leaders in our
churches that are abusers,
00:25:39.07\00:25:42.04
most of my clients are
Adventists in our churches,
00:25:42.07\00:25:45.37
a lot of them.
00:25:45.41\00:25:46.74
And yes, domestic
violence is in our churches,
00:25:46.78\00:25:49.34
they're in out
different type of denomination
00:25:49.38\00:25:51.21
at Christian
churches as well as outside.
00:25:51.25\00:25:53.65
What can be done for the
abuser to stop the abuse?
00:25:53.68\00:25:58.19
What besides, you know, like,
00:25:58.22\00:26:01.16
of course, prayer and
fasting and that kind of thing,
00:26:01.19\00:26:03.69
but what steps can
the abuser take to stop?
00:26:03.73\00:26:09.20
Are there programs
in place for the abuser,
00:26:09.23\00:26:11.73
not just the
abused, but the abuser?
00:26:11.77\00:26:13.67
They have a lot of 12-step
programs out for abusers.
00:26:13.70\00:26:17.47
They'll have to
contact and get the help.
00:26:17.51\00:26:19.27
But first of all,
the abuser has to admit
00:26:19.31\00:26:21.24
that he or she is an
abuser and that they need help.
00:26:21.28\00:26:24.95
And then there's programs
so that they can help them
00:26:24.98\00:26:27.22
if they want to move forward
00:26:27.25\00:26:28.58
in getting the
help that they need.
00:26:28.62\00:26:30.09
Most of time, the
abusers are in denial
00:26:30.12\00:26:32.92
that they are abused.
00:26:32.95\00:26:34.29
A lot of them use excuses
as, you know, drugs or alcohol,
00:26:34.32\00:26:38.29
"I lost my job that's why
these things are happening,"
00:26:38.33\00:26:41.33
but there is no excuse
for any want to be physically,
00:26:41.36\00:26:44.93
mentally,
emotionally, or verbally abusing
00:26:44.97\00:26:46.87
in any form or fashion.
00:26:46.90\00:26:48.50
Absolutely.
00:26:48.54\00:26:49.87
So what's the
first step for someone...
00:26:49.90\00:26:51.54
And we're down to,
like practically no time.
00:26:51.57\00:26:54.08
What's the first step
00:26:54.11\00:26:55.44
for someone who is being abused?
00:26:55.48\00:26:57.68
What do they do?
00:26:57.71\00:26:59.05
They would need to call
the Domestic Violence Hotline.
00:26:59.08\00:27:02.02
You could find
that in a phonebook,
00:27:02.05\00:27:03.49
basically you can
google anything right now,
00:27:03.52\00:27:05.09
but google the
hotline, ask for support,
00:27:05.12\00:27:07.76
find support groups,
00:27:07.79\00:27:09.12
and your
community, they're out there,
00:27:09.16\00:27:10.89
you just have
to call the number,
00:27:10.93\00:27:12.63
and they will
help you from there.
00:27:12.66\00:27:14.03
That's great, that's great.
00:27:14.06\00:27:15.63
Thank you so much.
00:27:15.66\00:27:17.20
You've given us
some good information.
00:27:17.23\00:27:18.57
Praise God.
00:27:18.60\00:27:19.93
Thank you for
sharing your journey with us
00:27:19.97\00:27:21.94
and being transparent.
00:27:21.97\00:27:23.47
Thank you.
00:27:23.51\00:27:24.84
We just really
appreciate it. Thank God.
00:27:24.87\00:27:26.94
This is a very difficult subject
00:27:26.98\00:27:30.31
because there's so many
people who are involved in it,
00:27:30.35\00:27:33.82
and they're ashamed,
00:27:33.85\00:27:35.38
they don't want
to talk about it,
00:27:35.42\00:27:36.75
they don't come forth with it,
00:27:36.79\00:27:38.72
and so we thank
you for sharing it
00:27:38.75\00:27:41.39
because you've turned
your trial into triumph.
00:27:41.42\00:27:45.39
Amen.
00:27:45.43\00:27:46.76
And we appreciate that,
00:27:46.80\00:27:48.13
and we praise the God
who has brought you out
00:27:48.16\00:27:51.23
from that darkness
into His marvelous light.
00:27:51.27\00:27:54.54
Thank you. Amen.
00:27:54.57\00:27:55.90
And thank you for being with us.
00:27:55.94\00:27:58.27
I can't believe we've reached
the end of another program.
00:27:58.31\00:28:00.94
Thanks for tuning
in, join us next time
00:28:00.98\00:28:03.11
'cause it just wouldn't
be the same without you.
00:28:03.14\00:28:05.51