Have you ever struggled
with relationship issues?
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Well, stay tuned to find out
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how you can become
a professional lover.
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My name is Jason Bradley,
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today
is Patrice Conwell.
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And she is the co-author
of the devotional entitled
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"Becoming a Professional Lover".
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Welcome to
Urban Report, Patrice.
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Thank you,
Jason. Good to be here.
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Good.
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Well, first off, this
is not our normal set,
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but you know, we do things
differently from time to time.
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So we're gonna...
Change is good sometimes.
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Absolutely.
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Enjoy and embrace
the variety, right.
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There you go. All right.
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So we have a short
amount of time to get in.
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I just really want
to jump into the meat...
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Start into it.
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Now you were the
co-author of this book entitled
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"Becoming a Professional Lover".
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Yes, I co-wrote
that with my parents,
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Claude Jr. and Jocelyn Thomas
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who have long been
relationship counselors.
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What are your
early childhood memories?
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But, well, actually
before we go into that,
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I just want to establish
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the fact that I
call you Aunt Patty
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'cause I'm not
gonna call you Patrice
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for the rest of this program.
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All right, whatever
makes you comfortable.
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Okay, okay.
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So what are your
early childhood memories
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of your parents?
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Well, my parents,
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just how they got together
was completely God ordained.
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That's what we
call it, God ordained.
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And so people who know
that and know the story
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know that God has been at
the center of their relationship
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from the very beginning.
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When He put them together
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and He has been there
over the last 52 years.
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And so that's what I have gotten
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from watching them as an
insider in our household.
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You know, my mom is a PK,
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my dad has always been
interested in theology,
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even though that's not
what he ultimately went into,
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but he did become
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an ordained
minister later on in life.
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But spirituality was at
the foundation of our home
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and at the foundation
of their relationship.
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So that's what
I saw all my life.
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Yes.
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Well, since we are family,
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I've experienced
that too going over there.
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I've seen how their
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relationship is
centered around Christ.
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And we actually
have a clip of them
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telling how they first met.
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Great.
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So let's let our
viewers see their interaction.
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Okay.
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I was the youth
leader for the church
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in Buffalo, New York,
where dad was the pastor.
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I was working in New
York as a public health nurse,
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but I was also the youth leader,
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and my friend Pearl was there.
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I heard about Claude,
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and we had a lot of fun
talking about the possibility
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that he might be somebody
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that we would be interested,
and I would be interested in.
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And so we decided to go,
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and we decided
to go looking good.
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She was single, and I
was single, and we said,
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"We're going to go
with our catch 'em suits.
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My Aunt Thelma
and Uncle called me,
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"Why don't you go?"
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And I was not
particular about it.
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I wasn't going to go.
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But it was too recent for me.
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Then I knew a lot of people
who were going to be there,
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we'll have you there,
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I wouldn't
know, and all of that.
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So I didn't want to
answer a whole lot of questions
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or hang on a whole
lot of condolences.
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So I made my
mind, I wasn't going,
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but my chaplain wanted to go.
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He was a kid too eager to go.
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Then I finally said,
"Okay." Then I drove him down.
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Jackie had married
his teen heartthrob
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Carol Laverne
Jones in September, 1953.
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Tragically, she passed
away on October 23, 1964,
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leaving him and three children,
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Jackie Jr., 10 years old,
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Brian, 7 years old,
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and Pattie, 3 years old.
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Family members of Joe
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felt Jackie made a
good catch for Joe.
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So the plan was to
introduce them to each other
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during Youth Congress.
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So that Sabbath evening,
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one of my classmates was doing
a concert there at the hall,
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and I still had on
my outfit from Sabbath.
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And I found myself
walking down the hall,
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down one of the
aisles of the auditorium,
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and Robert's
aunt, we called her...
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Aunt Francis.
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Aunt Francis, she
saw me, and she said,
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"Oh, Joe, have you met Jackie?"
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I said, "No, dear."
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And she grabbed my hand
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and snatched me with great zeal.
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And she starts marching
me to wherever you were.
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And on the way to
wherever you were sitting,
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"Joe, now this is a man
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that's going to
be your husband."
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That was the voice
that said to me clearly,
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out of the blue.
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It wasn't a startling effect,
no one else heard it but I did.
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And so I went
on to meet the man.
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And Aunt Francis ran up,
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"Jackie, I have
somebody I want you to meet."
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And when he got
up, he stepped back.
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Beautiful young lady there
on dressed in red bow hair,
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and black
patterned leather shoes,
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beautiful hat, black hat.
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And that's it? Pretty much.
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They went their separate ways
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and back to
their separate lives.
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But obviously,
it didn't end there.
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Oh, no, dad was
doing a little thinking.
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Wow. Right. Isn't that cute?
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Absolutely.
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One of the things that
I love about Uncle Jackie
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is he goes after what he wants.
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All right. I mean, cool. Yes.
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But still going ahead.
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Oh, yeah, very
smooth, and he acts fast too.
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Real fast.
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I mean, because from
the time that they met
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till the time that they
got married was six months.
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Six months. Wow! Six months.
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So you know, the Lord
really had to tell her
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that he was the man
'cause if I were a 26-year-old,
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looking at a man
with three kids, yeah.
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Yeah, Jesus would
have to tell me that too.
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Absolutely.
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And how many years
have they been married now?
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Fifty two
years. Fifty two years.
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Yeah, in fact, that
clip came from a video
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that I put together,
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just kind of giving the whole
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trajectory of
their relationship,
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their beginning to
their 50th year so.
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Wow. Fifty two years.
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And that's after six months,
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they got married in six months.
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Right.
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And then 52 years
later here they are.
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Exactly, exactly.
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So really, you
know, that's not something
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that you just tell people
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that that's how
they should operate.
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You really have to
know that God is leading you
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in that direction in
order to work that fast.
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Absolutely.
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So what inspired
you to write this book?
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Well, a couple of things.
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First, I was putting together
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their 50th wedding
anniversary, my brothers and I,
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but I was kind of the lead
in actually planning the event
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and putting it together.
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And I asked my
parents to give me 50 tips
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from their own
marriage that we could share
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with people who were coming
to celebrate their 50 years.
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And I took those tips
and created a bookmark called
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"Joe and Jackie's 50
ways to keep your lover".
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Okay.
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And I gave that out
as kind of a party favor
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after the event
was over to the people
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as a thank you for
coming and celebrating with us.
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And a few days later,
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another person
who had been there
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called my mother
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and asked if she had
any more of the bookmarks
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because she wanted
to give it to her nephew
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who's, you know,
considering getting married.
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And so she got a few of those
kind of calls, and of course,
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that started me
to thinking if people
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are interested in these tips,
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then how could
we take those tips
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and share them
to a wider audience
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because as I said before,
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my parents have spent years,
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a lot of their married
lives teaching other couples
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and singles how to
create, how to maintain,
00:08:52.73\00:08:55.93
how to nurture
strong relationships.
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So this also then became
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kind of a way of
creating a legacy,
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a lasting legacy of the
work that they had been doing.
00:09:03.67\00:09:07.24
And then my last,
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the last thing that
propelled me to do this
00:09:09.11\00:09:12.68
is I wanted to give
my dad something to do,
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he has had some
health challenges,
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started on dialysis a year ago.
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And so I wanted to
help keep his mind working
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and keep him energized.
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And so it became a
way for doing that.
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Yes.
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One of the things about
Uncle Jack, too, is like,
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as long as I've known
him, he's been brilliant,
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like he is a
brilliant sharp guy.
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Absolutely. Yes.
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Now me being a
young man myself...
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Yes, a young single man.
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Yes, a young single man, I
do have an interest though.
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Which means it's a good
thing that you're talking to.
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That's right.
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So what would you
tell a single young man,
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such as myself, like,
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some of the principles
that may be found in this book,
00:10:01.86\00:10:03.93
what advice
would you give to...?
00:10:03.97\00:10:06.10
Well, see, I don't
have to give advice
00:10:06.13\00:10:07.94
because it's all in that book.
00:10:07.97\00:10:09.30
That's true.
00:10:09.34\00:10:10.67
See, this book, then,
00:10:10.71\00:10:12.04
for a single
person, the book itself
00:10:12.07\00:10:14.14
is put in the context
of a marital relationship.
00:10:14.18\00:10:18.58
But when you talk about
loving the way God loves,
00:10:18.61\00:10:23.08
that's any relationship.
00:10:23.12\00:10:24.92
So there are principles in there
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for any type of
relationship, okay.
00:10:26.65\00:10:30.33
But as a young
man with an interest
00:10:30.39\00:10:33.46
and just as a young man.
00:10:33.50\00:10:35.33
Single man, single woman, okay,
00:10:35.36\00:10:38.37
this is a training manual,
00:10:38.40\00:10:40.30
how many couples wish
they actually had some tips
00:10:40.37\00:10:46.84
and steps to read, and to study,
00:10:46.91\00:10:50.88
and to start practicing
before getting married.
00:10:50.91\00:10:54.98
They're gonna be a
lot of people, hopefully,
00:10:55.02\00:10:56.72
couples who get this book
00:10:56.75\00:10:58.62
like my husband and I have
been married almost 25 years.
00:10:58.65\00:11:02.02
But we're going
through this book ourselves
00:11:02.06\00:11:04.79
because there's
always something to learn,
00:11:04.83\00:11:07.13
there's always
something to tweak,
00:11:07.20\00:11:08.60
there's always something
to do better, you know.
00:11:08.63\00:11:11.73
And so how fortunate for you
00:11:11.77\00:11:14.64
to be able to have
this training manual
00:11:14.67\00:11:17.47
that you can begin now,
00:11:17.51\00:11:19.81
going through each week's tips,
00:11:19.84\00:11:22.04
and doing the assignments.
00:11:22.08\00:11:24.45
And really
understanding what it means
00:11:24.48\00:11:27.08
preparing yourself
for what it means to love
00:11:27.12\00:11:31.09
a spouse the way God loves us.
00:11:31.12\00:11:34.46
Oh, man. Yeah, this is...
00:11:34.49\00:11:36.52
This book is packed
with excellent tips,
00:11:36.56\00:11:38.63
I was looking through it,
00:11:38.66\00:11:40.00
and I really love
how it's structured.
00:11:40.06\00:11:42.03
Touch on the
structure of this book?
00:11:42.06\00:11:44.47
Sure.
00:11:44.50\00:11:45.90
Well, as I said, I
asked them for 50 tips.
00:11:45.93\00:11:48.94
And it was my husband,
00:11:48.97\00:11:50.34
we were talking about this idea,
00:11:50.37\00:11:51.97
this book concept who suggested,
00:11:52.01\00:11:54.24
"Well, why don't we
make it a devotional?"
00:11:54.28\00:11:56.28
And I was like,
"Okay, that's really cool."
00:11:56.31\00:11:57.95
Because again,
00:11:57.98\00:11:59.31
we want Jesus at the
center of the relationship.
00:11:59.35\00:12:01.88
And so if you're
making it a devotional,
00:12:01.92\00:12:03.62
then you're
applying spiritual principles
00:12:03.69\00:12:07.29
and biblical
knowledge to each tip.
00:12:07.36\00:12:10.23
So with 50 tips though,
00:12:10.26\00:12:12.73
we couldn't make
it a daily devotional.
00:12:12.76\00:12:14.10
Yeah. Right.
00:12:14.20\00:12:15.50
So I thought, "Well, you
know, if we just two more tips,
00:12:15.53\00:12:18.97
we can have a
weekly devotional."
00:12:19.00\00:12:21.17
And that's how we
came up with the concept
00:12:21.20\00:12:23.17
of the weekly devotional.
00:12:23.20\00:12:24.61
And that actually works
00:12:24.64\00:12:26.11
because you have one tip a week.
00:12:26.14\00:12:29.81
You have a week, you know,
00:12:29.84\00:12:32.58
to read the tip
and then study the tip.
00:12:32.61\00:12:36.85
Okay.
00:12:36.89\00:12:38.52
The each week ends
with a homework assignment.
00:12:38.55\00:12:41.66
Okay.
00:12:41.69\00:12:43.02
That's true to
fashion of my parents
00:12:43.06\00:12:45.96
who taught couples
through workshops, and seminars,
00:12:45.99\00:12:50.13
and then also in
private counseling
00:12:50.20\00:12:53.67
that they would
do in their home.
00:12:53.70\00:12:55.04
They taught couples
how to do, you know,
00:12:55.07\00:12:59.57
different things to try
to nurture, to maintain,
00:12:59.61\00:13:04.25
to fix their relationships.
00:13:04.28\00:13:05.91
And so in like fashion,
you have a homework assignment.
00:13:05.95\00:13:10.52
So you're not just reading
the devotional for the day
00:13:10.59\00:13:14.79
but you are actually studying
further in God's Word, okay.
00:13:14.82\00:13:19.49
And then in other
spiritual themed resources
00:13:19.53\00:13:22.86
that sometimes we give
in the homework assignment,
00:13:22.90\00:13:25.83
and you're coming
to your own knowledge,
00:13:25.87\00:13:29.27
and then practicing
what you've learned.
00:13:29.30\00:13:32.61
So it's not for the
faint of heart, you know, it...
00:13:32.64\00:13:36.44
Biased I might
sound, it's a good read,
00:13:36.48\00:13:38.78
it's a simple
read, it's an easy read.
00:13:38.81\00:13:41.25
But there's much
more to it than just that.
00:13:41.28\00:13:43.95
So what you're
telling is basically
00:13:43.99\00:13:45.45
you have to be intentional like,
00:13:45.49\00:13:47.89
when you pick this book up,
00:13:47.92\00:13:50.29
you want to read the
content, do the assignment,
00:13:50.33\00:13:55.60
be intentional, which
you should be intentional
00:13:55.63\00:13:58.73
if you're pursuing anybody,
or if you're with somebody,
00:13:58.77\00:14:01.30
if you're married,
you're still supposed to be
00:14:01.34\00:14:03.81
pursuing your
husband or your wife.
00:14:03.84\00:14:06.34
And that kind of
speaks to the title,
00:14:06.37\00:14:09.48
Becoming a Professional Lover.
That was my next question.
00:14:09.51\00:14:12.88
That's a pretty
provocative title.
00:14:12.91\00:14:14.72
Absolutely,
absolutely. Absolutely.
00:14:14.75\00:14:16.99
It came from my dad
00:14:17.02\00:14:20.19
calling himself a
professional lover.
00:14:20.26\00:14:22.52
He would, you know,
00:14:22.56\00:14:23.93
start off in the
seminars and say,
00:14:23.96\00:14:25.79
"My name is Claude Thomas Jr.
and I'm a professional lover."
00:14:25.83\00:14:29.03
Oh, and the guys,
you know, oh, yeah, man,
00:14:29.06\00:14:31.63
you know, he's a
professional lover.
00:14:31.67\00:14:33.17
And your automatic thought is,
00:14:33.20\00:14:35.07
"Oh, he's got swag,
he understands, you know,
00:14:35.10\00:14:38.61
how to woe a woman
and charm," and all that.
00:14:38.64\00:14:41.78
But that's not really
what it is, it's really,
00:14:41.81\00:14:44.55
you know, what
does it take to become
00:14:44.58\00:14:45.91
a professional at anything.
00:14:45.95\00:14:48.05
It takes time, it takes study,
00:14:48.08\00:14:51.39
it takes practice, it
takes mastery of the skills.
00:14:51.42\00:14:55.42
So when you study in school
00:14:55.46\00:14:56.89
to become a
professional in your career,
00:14:56.93\00:14:59.23
you know, that's
what you have to do
00:14:59.26\00:15:01.76
to become professional.
00:15:01.80\00:15:03.57
So you have to
do those same things
00:15:03.60\00:15:06.10
to be a professional lover
00:15:06.13\00:15:07.80
to learn how to
love God's way, okay.
00:15:07.84\00:15:12.24
And that's not just
about your physical prowess.
00:15:12.27\00:15:16.31
Yes. Okay.
00:15:16.34\00:15:17.78
With the chemistry
between the two of you,
00:15:17.81\00:15:19.65
it goes way deeper than that.
00:15:19.68\00:15:21.75
And so, the becoming
is because it takes time,
00:15:21.78\00:15:27.29
a long time.
00:15:27.36\00:15:28.92
Okay, this is a resource
00:15:28.96\00:15:30.99
that will never
stop being a resource
00:15:31.03\00:15:33.63
because my
parents married 52 years
00:15:33.70\00:15:36.53
are in a different
phase of life now with,
00:15:36.56\00:15:39.30
you know, the illness
00:15:39.33\00:15:40.70
and my mom being a primary
health care giver for my dad,
00:15:40.74\00:15:45.17
they've got to go
back to this book sometimes
00:15:45.21\00:15:47.38
and look at some principles
when they're butting heads
00:15:47.44\00:15:50.35
or whatever the
case may be and go.
00:15:50.41\00:15:52.25
Okay, wait a minute, you know.
00:15:52.28\00:15:54.12
Here's a principle
00:15:54.18\00:15:55.52
that we need to
practice right now, you know.
00:15:55.55\00:15:58.19
And so it never will stop
00:15:58.22\00:16:01.39
being a good resource
for people and relationships.
00:16:01.42\00:16:05.46
It's like the gift
that keeps on giving.
00:16:05.49\00:16:06.86
A gift that keeps on giving,
00:16:06.93\00:16:08.23
and I think that's what
I love about it the most.
00:16:08.26\00:16:10.87
You know, this is something
00:16:10.90\00:16:12.47
that should not
just sit on your shelf.
00:16:12.50\00:16:14.77
You don't go through it once.
00:16:14.80\00:16:16.71
You know, I mean
think about it again,
00:16:16.74\00:16:18.07
let's go to our careers.
00:16:18.11\00:16:19.44
You know, I was a teacher
00:16:19.47\00:16:20.81
at a university
level for 20 years.
00:16:20.84\00:16:23.48
You know, in your career,
00:16:23.55\00:16:24.88
I'm always doing
professional development.
00:16:24.91\00:16:26.65
Yeah, continuing it.
Continuing it, you know.
00:16:26.72\00:16:30.52
And when you have
certain credentials,
00:16:30.59\00:16:32.02
they require that,
you know, every so often,
00:16:32.05\00:16:35.16
you're going to seminars,
you're going to workshops,
00:16:35.19\00:16:37.53
you're looking at the
trends, you're keeping up with
00:16:37.56\00:16:39.89
what's going on
in your discipline.
00:16:39.93\00:16:41.90
So I still have, you know,
00:16:41.93\00:16:44.13
books from when I was in school
00:16:44.17\00:16:46.40
or even the books
that I used to teach from
00:16:46.43\00:16:48.74
because you're always
having to refer back to them.
00:16:48.77\00:16:51.67
This is no different, you know.
00:16:51.71\00:16:53.64
And just like in
our Christian walk,
00:16:53.68\00:16:55.28
this is no different.
00:16:55.31\00:16:56.64
You have to go back to
it every day, every day,
00:16:56.71\00:16:59.68
and reread those
principles, and remind yourself.
00:16:59.71\00:17:03.02
And I mean so it...
00:17:03.05\00:17:04.39
Sanctification of
the work of a lifetime.
00:17:04.42\00:17:05.75
There you go.
00:17:05.79\00:17:07.12
So I love the idea of
that for this book as well.
00:17:07.19\00:17:09.59
Man, this is a
power packed book.
00:17:09.62\00:17:12.56
Now, is there any other benefits
00:17:12.59\00:17:15.56
or any other things
that go along with this book?
00:17:15.60\00:17:18.87
Well, there is a workbook. Okay.
00:17:18.90\00:17:20.77
Okay, and that's
the teacher in me.
00:17:20.84\00:17:22.74
Okay, you can't help.
Okay, you got the workbook.
00:17:22.77\00:17:24.11
Okay, I can't help it
00:17:24.14\00:17:25.47
but since we gave
homework assignments,
00:17:25.51\00:17:27.58
I thought that
it might be helpful
00:17:27.61\00:17:30.15
to facilitate that, you know,
00:17:30.18\00:17:32.01
not everybody has learned
00:17:32.05\00:17:34.85
how to study the Bible,
not everybody has learned,
00:17:34.88\00:17:38.42
you know, how to
apply biblical principles
00:17:38.45\00:17:41.79
that you might read.
00:17:41.82\00:17:44.03
And so I created a
workbook to go with the book.
00:17:44.06\00:17:47.23
And it is
available on the website,
00:17:47.30\00:17:50.13
my parents' website which
is TheProfessionalLover.net.
00:17:50.17\00:17:54.30
And it's in two
formats, a PDF format,
00:17:54.34\00:17:57.91
if you just
want to print it out,
00:17:57.94\00:17:59.57
or a word doc
format if the person
00:17:59.61\00:18:02.44
wants to leave it in
their computer like I do,
00:18:02.48\00:18:05.38
and actually
fill in the questions
00:18:05.41\00:18:08.12
that go along with each week.
00:18:08.15\00:18:10.95
And it's just a way of
helping couples or singles
00:18:11.02\00:18:15.66
or groups to
facilitate the actual study part
00:18:15.69\00:18:20.63
that goes along with this book.
00:18:20.66\00:18:22.90
Man, Becoming a
Professional Lover.
00:18:22.93\00:18:26.40
Now we actually
have another clip.
00:18:26.43\00:18:28.47
And I want you to
describe what's going on.
00:18:28.50\00:18:30.81
Okay, sure. Sure.
00:18:30.84\00:18:32.67
So let's take a
look at that. Okay.
00:18:32.71\00:18:34.54
Oh, this is my parents' wedding
00:18:37.25\00:18:38.98
after their six-month
whirlwind meeting, engagement.
00:18:39.01\00:18:45.52
They got married in Buffalo
where her dad was pastoring.
00:18:45.55\00:18:49.42
And all of the kids, you know,
were in part of the wedding.
00:18:49.46\00:18:53.40
So this is my
older brother, Brian,
00:18:53.43\00:18:57.53
who's singing the Lord's Prayer.
00:18:57.57\00:19:00.57
We tease him and tell
him how he sounds like
00:19:00.60\00:19:06.47
a well-known singer
but that was his debut.
00:19:06.51\00:19:09.88
And then my dad is singing
00:19:09.91\00:19:11.38
to my mom here with these hands.
00:19:11.41\00:19:13.45
And what was great is that
the 50th wedding anniversary,
00:19:13.48\00:19:16.55
he sang it there as well.
00:19:16.58\00:19:18.52
And he was worried that
he wouldn't sound the same
00:19:18.55\00:19:20.82
but he did a great job,
00:19:20.89\00:19:22.22
and it was really
nostalgic to hear him singing
00:19:22.26\00:19:25.59
that to her
after all these years.
00:19:25.63\00:19:28.53
And you know that's the
start of the relationship.
00:19:28.56\00:19:32.13
There we all are as a family,
00:19:32.17\00:19:33.94
my brothers are looking
down 'cause they found out that
00:19:33.97\00:19:36.47
they weren't
going on the honeymoon.
00:19:36.50\00:19:38.67
I still thought I was going,
00:19:38.71\00:19:40.08
so I was all
smiley and everything.
00:19:40.11\00:19:42.41
And then you have
some other pictures
00:19:42.44\00:19:43.78
where I'm like sad faced.
00:19:43.85\00:19:45.61
And I just found out
that they were leaving me too.
00:19:45.65\00:19:48.22
I guess at that age,
00:19:48.25\00:19:49.58
you guys didn't quite
understand the honeymoon.
00:19:49.62\00:19:50.99
Of course not.
00:19:51.02\00:19:52.35
You know, we are family now,
00:19:52.39\00:19:53.89
so the family is
going on the trip.
00:19:53.96\00:19:55.99
That's right. It's vacation.
00:19:56.02\00:19:57.43
We didn't know.
00:19:57.46\00:19:58.79
Oh, man. Well, that's great.
00:20:00.80\00:20:03.83
What's next?
00:20:03.87\00:20:05.60
What other things do they offer?
00:20:05.63\00:20:08.24
Do they still do counseling?
00:20:08.27\00:20:10.17
Well, not so much. Okay.
00:20:10.21\00:20:12.47
But that's why it's
great that they've been
00:20:12.51\00:20:15.88
able to encapsulate everything
that they did in this book.
00:20:15.91\00:20:19.88
But one thing that my
husband and I are doing
00:20:19.91\00:20:24.05
is that since we're
going through the book,
00:20:24.09\00:20:27.02
we decided to blog about it.
00:20:27.06\00:20:29.99
And so every
time we finish a week,
00:20:30.03\00:20:32.86
he writes a blog,
00:20:32.89\00:20:34.23
and I write a
blog so that way...
00:20:34.30\00:20:36.70
And we post the
blogs on their website
00:20:36.73\00:20:40.47
and also on their Facebook page
which is Professional Lovers.
00:20:40.50\00:20:44.51
And we post the
blog so that readers
00:20:44.54\00:20:47.71
who either have the book,
00:20:47.74\00:20:49.08
couples who have the
book can see, you know,
00:20:49.11\00:20:52.45
our take on a week's tip,
00:20:52.48\00:20:56.18
you're getting his viewpoint
00:20:56.22\00:20:58.25
from a male's
viewpoint and a husband,
00:20:58.29\00:21:00.76
and you're getting my viewpoint
as the female and the wife.
00:21:00.79\00:21:04.63
And we wanted to
be very personal,
00:21:04.66\00:21:08.40
this book that my
parents did is very personal.
00:21:08.43\00:21:12.17
Each of these tips
are actually things
00:21:12.20\00:21:15.34
that they used
and that they taught,
00:21:15.37\00:21:20.28
a lot of the stories
that are part of the tip,
00:21:20.34\00:21:24.71
the week's tip are
stories from their marriage,
00:21:24.75\00:21:28.22
good and bad.
00:21:28.25\00:21:29.88
You know, and
that's one thing that
00:21:29.92\00:21:31.75
people remember a
lot about my parents
00:21:31.79\00:21:34.02
when they were
present in their marriage
00:21:34.06\00:21:35.59
and family seminars is
that they were transparent,
00:21:35.62\00:21:39.03
you know.
00:21:39.06\00:21:40.40
Just because I'm a
psychologist and a counselor
00:21:40.46\00:21:42.50
and just because God
is at the center of it
00:21:42.53\00:21:44.63
does not mean we are perfect.
00:21:44.67\00:21:46.87
And they had no qualms
about letting people know,
00:21:46.90\00:21:49.77
we're not perfect.
00:21:49.80\00:21:51.21
You know, even sometimes
our mom tells the story
00:21:51.24\00:21:54.01
of when they were at a
seminar, doing a seminar,
00:21:54.04\00:21:57.78
and they were on a break,
00:21:57.81\00:21:59.95
and they got into some kind of
00:22:00.05\00:22:01.75
little tiff
argument during the break,
00:22:01.78\00:22:04.62
and when they came
back to the group and said,
00:22:04.65\00:22:06.52
"Okay, this is what
we just experienced."
00:22:06.55\00:22:10.03
Okay, they shared the story,
00:22:10.06\00:22:11.59
and how would we take
what we've been talking about
00:22:11.63\00:22:15.80
and resolve this issue.
00:22:15.83\00:22:19.27
And talked about it
right there in front of people.
00:22:19.30\00:22:21.27
And so, likewise,
our blog, you know,
00:22:21.30\00:22:24.07
my husband and my blog
00:22:24.11\00:22:26.94
hopefully will share the
same kind of transparency.
00:22:26.98\00:22:30.35
Yeah, he's my best friend.
00:22:30.41\00:22:31.98
I love him, the
Lord's in our relationship,
00:22:32.01\00:22:34.12
we've been
married almost 25 years.
00:22:34.18\00:22:36.38
But we're human
beings, we're imperfect.
00:22:36.42\00:22:40.52
There's going to
be trouble, you know.
00:22:40.56\00:22:43.02
So how do we fix
that? Absolutely.
00:22:43.06\00:22:44.76
And I think
that, that is something
00:22:44.79\00:22:46.96
that is so
important 'cause sometimes
00:22:47.00\00:22:48.70
people think that marriage
is just set it and forget it.
00:22:48.73\00:22:51.27
Right. You know,
oh, you said I do.
00:22:51.30\00:22:52.90
Well, we just go
on living together.
00:22:52.93\00:22:55.70
No, you have to
constantly pursue.
00:22:55.74\00:22:58.14
And this is
coming from a single guy.
00:22:58.17\00:23:00.41
But you have to
constantly pursue your spouse.
00:23:00.48\00:23:03.88
You know, you have
to every single day.
00:23:03.95\00:23:07.35
And I love that this
provides tips for doing that.
00:23:07.42\00:23:12.09
Like biblical, Bible based tips
00:23:12.12\00:23:14.49
for continuing to
pursue and implement.
00:23:14.52\00:23:17.33
It's spiritually
grounded but practical.
00:23:17.36\00:23:20.70
Yes, yes. Yeah.
And it has to be.
00:23:20.73\00:23:23.77
You know, I mean, and also
for our listening audience,
00:23:23.83\00:23:27.50
I'm sure that
there are a lot of people
00:23:27.54\00:23:31.37
who are in
troubled relationships,
00:23:31.41\00:23:33.84
who for whatever reason
don't want to go and get help.
00:23:33.88\00:23:37.05
There's a stigma
behind going to counseling,
00:23:37.11\00:23:41.65
telling somebody
else my business.
00:23:41.68\00:23:43.89
I don't want to tell
somebody else my business.
00:23:43.95\00:23:45.75
How somebody else gonna
fix my problem, type of thing.
00:23:45.79\00:23:48.49
You know, and, or I don't
want you making me look bad or,
00:23:48.52\00:23:52.06
you know, that kind of thing.
00:23:52.09\00:23:53.90
And I think the book
kind of bridges that as well.
00:23:53.96\00:23:58.03
You have to be
real about the fact
00:23:58.07\00:24:00.64
that you're
gonna hit hard patches,
00:24:00.67\00:24:03.74
you're gonna hit
trouble spots, you know.
00:24:03.81\00:24:06.14
And even though from
a biblical standpoint,
00:24:06.17\00:24:09.11
divorce is never an issue
00:24:09.14\00:24:11.38
or it should
never be a question,
00:24:11.41\00:24:14.45
it's going to come up some time
00:24:14.48\00:24:16.02
whether it pops in your
head and you push it out,
00:24:16.05\00:24:18.05
whatever the case may be.
00:24:18.09\00:24:20.76
And this becomes a
bridge for the people
00:24:20.79\00:24:22.72
who are skittish about
going outside and getting help.
00:24:22.76\00:24:28.13
So this almost becomes
00:24:28.16\00:24:29.50
your own little
personal counselor.
00:24:29.53\00:24:32.13
You know, Joe and
Jackie are now your
00:24:32.17\00:24:34.30
little personal
counselor because with 52 tips,
00:24:34.34\00:24:39.94
there are plenty of
things that these tips address.
00:24:39.97\00:24:44.71
So there should be
very little to nothing
00:24:44.75\00:24:48.05
that goes
untouched in a marriage
00:24:48.08\00:24:50.35
that the tips won't address.
00:24:50.39\00:24:51.95
And you have to be
willing to implement it.
00:24:51.99\00:24:54.46
Like, you don't just pick
up instructions to something
00:24:54.49\00:24:58.13
and then say, "Well,
I'm gonna follow step one.
00:24:58.16\00:25:01.53
I'll follow step
three but I'm not gonna do
00:25:01.56\00:25:04.27
two, seven or eight."
00:25:04.30\00:25:05.97
This all works
together, it's integrated,
00:25:06.00\00:25:08.37
and it's built on a foundation.
00:25:08.40\00:25:10.74
And let's be, you
know, let's be real about it,
00:25:10.81\00:25:13.68
it's hard sometimes.
00:25:13.71\00:25:15.61
It's hard.
00:25:15.64\00:25:16.98
And if you're trying
to do some of these tips
00:25:17.05\00:25:21.22
from a human
standpoint with human emotions,
00:25:21.25\00:25:26.76
and you know, how
you're feeling at this time,
00:25:26.79\00:25:29.66
and I don't like him very much,
00:25:29.69\00:25:31.06
or she's getting on
my nerves right now,
00:25:31.09\00:25:34.20
you really have to
ask for spiritual strength
00:25:34.20\00:25:38.83
to do it God's way.
00:25:38.87\00:25:40.30
Absolutely.
00:25:40.34\00:25:41.67
And that becomes a major
factor in being able to do...
00:25:41.70\00:25:46.14
Some of this
stuff is gonna be easy
00:25:46.17\00:25:48.91
but some of it is gonna
be very tough, very tough,
00:25:48.94\00:25:51.45
and you have to have
00:25:51.48\00:25:52.85
the Holy Spirit's
power in order to do it.
00:25:52.88\00:25:55.28
And it's loving how
God loves. That's the key.
00:25:55.32\00:25:58.72
I mean, when we look at
our own lives and see like,
00:25:58.75\00:26:01.86
"Man, God still
loves me after X, Y and Z.
00:26:01.89\00:26:04.83
Or I used to be this
way, and God still loves me,
00:26:04.86\00:26:07.23
and still wants a
relationship with me."
00:26:07.23\00:26:08.96
Exactly, exactly.
00:26:09.00\00:26:10.57
This is learning
to love God's way
00:26:10.60\00:26:12.90
not the television's way,
00:26:12.93\00:26:15.20
your friends' way, you know,
00:26:15.24\00:26:17.81
your home boys or home girls,
00:26:17.84\00:26:19.74
or you know your
parents, this is God's way.
00:26:19.77\00:26:23.21
And we know that
often, more often than not,
00:26:23.24\00:26:26.72
God's way is
completely counter to our way.
00:26:26.75\00:26:31.75
Yes.
00:26:31.79\00:26:33.12
Man's way, society's way.
00:26:33.15\00:26:36.26
And, you know,
and so that becomes
00:26:36.29\00:26:39.06
a real clarifying point
to what we're talking about.
00:26:39.09\00:26:43.00
So there are gonna be
a lot of things in here
00:26:43.03\00:26:44.67
that off the
top, people might say,
00:26:44.70\00:26:48.47
"Okay, wait a minute.
00:26:48.50\00:26:51.11
I can't do that.
No, are you kidding me?"
00:26:51.14\00:26:54.51
You know...
00:26:54.54\00:26:56.08
But if you're
doing it God's way,
00:26:56.11\00:26:59.78
then ultimately you
know that is the best way.
00:26:59.81\00:27:03.92
And it's gonna work out
00:27:03.95\00:27:05.29
the way it's
supposed to work out.
00:27:05.32\00:27:06.99
And that's why it's
important to involve Him
00:27:07.02\00:27:08.82
in everything that we do
00:27:08.86\00:27:11.29
because there are some things
that we can't do on our own.
00:27:11.33\00:27:14.46
Especially, good things,
00:27:14.46\00:27:16.00
we can't do good
things on our own,
00:27:16.03\00:27:17.70
you know that comes from God.
00:27:17.73\00:27:19.10
And I love the fact
that it's an intimate journey
00:27:19.13\00:27:24.81
with tools and tips
that can be implemented
00:27:24.84\00:27:28.01
in anybody's marriage
and anybody's relationship.
00:27:28.04\00:27:30.85
Absolutely.
00:27:30.88\00:27:32.21
So that is great that
the principles transcend,
00:27:32.25\00:27:36.35
you know, this one who loves
acts of service or you know,
00:27:36.38\00:27:41.19
the different love language.
00:27:41.22\00:27:43.16
And all that kind of fits
in, you know, when my parents,
00:27:43.19\00:27:46.39
my dad was good for, you know,
00:27:46.43\00:27:48.23
testing and that kind of thing.
00:27:48.26\00:27:49.60
Absolutely.
00:27:49.63\00:27:50.97
But now, you know,
we've got new things
00:27:51.00\00:27:52.57
but it still can fit in.
00:27:52.60\00:27:53.94
That is great.
00:27:54.00\00:27:55.34
Well, thank you so much
for joining us, Aunt Patty.
00:27:55.37\00:27:56.71
Thank you for having
me. And writing this book.
00:27:56.74\00:27:59.37
And thank you for joining us.
00:27:59.41\00:28:01.24
Well, we've reached
the end of another program.
00:28:01.28\00:28:02.98
Join us next time.
00:28:03.01\00:28:04.35
And remember,
00:28:04.38\00:28:05.71
it just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:28:05.75\00:28:07.08