What would you do if
you are strung out on drugs
00:00:01.33\00:00:03.33
and headed down
the wrong road in life?
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Stay tuned to see
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how God turned our
guest's life around.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis-Shelton
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and you are
watching Urban Report.
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Hello, and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today is Debra Hughes,
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a woman with a great testimony
of God's goodness in her life.
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Welcome to Urban Report, Debra.
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Thank you, thank
you for having me.
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You know, I met you
when I was in Cleveland,
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and I spoke at a
wonderful church there,
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and you came up to me
at the end of the service
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and we talked
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and you shared a little
bit of your testimony with me.
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And it was like,
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"Okay, we have got to share
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this testimony
on Dare to Dream."
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I really love for people,
for our Urban Report viewers
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to hear what God
has done in our lives.
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And we all have a testimony,
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so today we are
gonna talk about yours.
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Okay, so tell us
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where you were born
and where you grew up.
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I grew up in Youngstown, Ohio.
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In another little
part of Youngstown
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which was Camels
and other cities,
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smallest city in the whole area,
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I grew up there.
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I was not necessarily say
we were raised in a church,
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but I come from
a divorced family.
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And once my father
and mother got a divorce,
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then we weren't
going to church anymore.
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But I would go whenever
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I was old enough to
start going on my own
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and I didn't go all the time.
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I would just go
sometime, you know, now and then
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take my little
sister, another little girl,
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that was my sister's age,
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we would go
often on days we want.
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Now, were you
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a Seventh-day
Adventist Christian
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or were you of
another denomination?
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Well, I was
Baptist in those days
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and I didn't know
nothing about being a Christian,
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I didn't know what it meant.
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I just went to church
because you are supposed to go.
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Okay, okay.
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And so you came out of
a broken home situation.
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Your dad was gone,
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and so your mom was raising
you and your sister alone?
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No, I have three brothers.
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Well, one half
brother, two brothers,
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and I have two sisters.
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And basically,
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you know my father
wasn't out of our lives,
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he was very present.
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We would go up there,
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I would go up and stay with him,
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say summertime,
for some of the summer,
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on all of our holidays
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and my brother would
live with him off and on,
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my sister would
live with him off and on,
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but my mother was
my basic caregiver.
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So you basically
were staying at home.
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Your brother and sister
kind of stayed with your dad
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from time to time,
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but you stayed
more with your mom.
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Yes.
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At what point did, when
you were in high school,
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what happened when
you were in high school?
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How were your high school years?
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I was bad.
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I got really
good grades in school.
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Kind of attention
deficit, so I bored very easily,
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so I do things
to keep me excited.
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I got a lot of spankings
when I was a little girl,
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and my grandmother
gave great whooping,
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so I didn't do them again.
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But I was very creative,
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I created new
things to get into.
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So one time I
was in high school,
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once I got to be
15 and so, I started,
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you know, I had
already been drinking,
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just sneaking
alcohol around in my mom's,
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with my mom's friends
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were over and out
and I was a little girl,
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I would sneak some beer
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because, you know, I
always liked to taste them.
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I didn't like to
taste the whisky,
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but I would drink it.
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You know, because you know,
we had so many dysfunctions
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that went on in our
family, you know, we had.
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And then we had,
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you know,
molestations, you know people,
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just men in general
that always seem to like me.
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And I always thought of
myself as a bad little girl,
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and that was my
prayer all the time,
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"God, just make a
good little girl."
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But, it seemed as I got older,
I got more and more rebellious.
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Well, let's go back,
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because this is
something I wasn't aware of.
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So, how old were you
when the molestation started?
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I believe I was
six to seven years old.
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Six or seven years old,
and did you blame yourself,
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you thought that
you were a bad girl?
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Yes, they blamed me.
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They said it wouldn't happen
if was a better little girl.
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Well, I didn't never
know what it was I was doing
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that was making
these people bother me.
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I guess that was
just their excuse
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for what they were doing to me
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and I would never talk
about that with my mom.
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So, your mom didn't know? No.
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So, who knew that
you were being molested?
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Nobody, it was a secret.
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So, just the
molester and you? Right.
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And was it
someone in your family
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or a trusted friend?
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Trusted friend
and a family member.
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So, this started
when you were six or seven
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and that's when
you started feeling
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that you were a bad girl.
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Yes, I felt.
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Isn't that sad that
those seeds are planted
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and children don't realize
that this is not their fault.
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They are victims,
you were a victim.
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And yet you began to feel like,
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I must be doing something wrong.
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It's got to be
something bad about me
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that would make
them do this to me.
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It's so sad that it
wasn't you, you were a victim.
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And let me tell you this,
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I had a friend whose mother
was abused by her boy friend.
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So he called her one day
and said he was coming over
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'cause he was gonna jump on her,
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and she waited for him.
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When she got
there, when he got there,
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she shot him and killed him.
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She had to go to jail
and that was one reasons
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I never talked to my mother
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'cause I knew how
much my mother loved me.
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She would have defended me,
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and I was going
to keep my mother.
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Oh!
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So you were afraid
that if you told your mom,
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that she would do
something to the molester's
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that would take
her away from you.
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Yes, her or my grandmother
who was the maternal,
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the maternal of our family.
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Yeah, your
maternal of her mother,
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yeah, the
matriarch of your family.
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Yes. Yeah.
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Between the two of
them, I was afraid.
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So, oh man!
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So you kept it to yourself
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but you began
to kind of act out?
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Is this when you started
acting out, so early on...
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Yes.
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If it started at six and
seven, you started drinking,
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when did you start
sneaking these little drinks?
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Oh, anywhere between
seven, eight years old,
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you know, I would drink.
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I would drink
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just so I wouldn't
hear them come in my room
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if that was gonna happen.
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Sometimes they didn't bother,
they didn't do it all the time.
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And, you know, I
also had another girl
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that would lived
to next door to us
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that always
caught me in ugly things,
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so my self esteem was
very, very low, very low.
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And my mother
used to always tell me,
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I was beautiful,
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but you know she was my mother,
she's gonna say that anyway.
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So it took me a long
time to overcome that
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and that's part of the down.
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Isn't it interesting too, Debra,
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how as little
girls how we internalize
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what's being told to us.
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So we think we are bad,
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or we think that
we are not pretty,
00:08:08.85\00:08:10.55
or we don't like our
nose, or we don't like our lips,
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or we don't like whatever it is.
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That's right.
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And those thoughts
just get buried into you
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so that choices
that you make reflect
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those beliefs about ourselves
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and that's such a
tough place to be.
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So six or seven you
started getting molested,
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and then around seven, eight,
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you started drinking here
and there, here and there.
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So by the time you were 13 or 14
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what was going on with you?
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Well, by then, you
know, I would still...
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You know, I started
hanging around with the girls
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that were all
experienced in more alcohol
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than anything else.
00:09:00.87\00:09:02.67
And, but we had another friend
00:09:02.70\00:09:04.41
that was with us
whose sister sold drugs,
00:09:04.44\00:09:07.41
so every now and
then she would come up
00:09:07.44\00:09:08.94
with different kinds of pills
00:09:08.98\00:09:10.68
and we would be in
school taking them.
00:09:10.71\00:09:13.48
So between that and
alcohol, and we be at school,
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and skipping
school to go out and drink
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and, you know,
comeback to school half drunk
00:09:19.69\00:09:22.72
and may be getting kicked out
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and all, I just thought
we was pretty wild bunch
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and, you know, I
felt good about myself.
00:09:27.46\00:09:31.13
I felt good about myself
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because I was hanging
around with the wild bunch.
00:09:32.70\00:09:35.30
And I got was wild
just like them, very wild.
00:09:35.34\00:09:38.61
And, you know, my
mother was pretty much
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the type of person
that allowed us to go
00:09:43.65\00:09:46.35
as long as we took
care of our home business.
00:09:46.38\00:09:49.12
You know, whatever
chores we have to do,
00:09:49.15\00:09:51.65
our grades were
pretty good or good,
00:09:51.69\00:09:54.49
then we were allowed
to go and experience life
00:09:54.52\00:09:58.49
as far as just go
to the little dances
00:09:58.53\00:10:00.70
and go to the parties,
we were allowed to do that.
00:10:00.73\00:10:03.37
so me and my crowd,
we were pretty wild then.
00:10:03.43\00:10:07.00
And was your mother
seeing this change in you,
00:10:07.04\00:10:11.27
does she know that
you were experimenting
00:10:11.31\00:10:13.94
with these pills and
alcohol by this time?
00:10:13.98\00:10:18.38
She never mentioned
it, so I didn't think so,
00:10:18.41\00:10:20.95
you know, 'cause by the
time we get home at night
00:10:20.98\00:10:24.05
she's already gone to bed.
00:10:24.09\00:10:25.59
So, you know, you just
had to really going upstairs
00:10:25.62\00:10:28.19
and falling in bed anyway.
00:10:28.22\00:10:30.29
So, what was your rock bottom?
00:10:30.33\00:10:35.73
Basically, my rock
bottom was really sick
00:10:35.76\00:10:39.13
and tired of
being sick and tired.
00:10:39.17\00:10:41.47
You know, I grew up,
I was in two marriages.
00:10:41.50\00:10:44.37
Both marriages were bad
and they were both abusive.
00:10:44.41\00:10:50.28
But I stabbed my first husband
00:10:50.31\00:10:53.45
and I didn't
feel remorse about it.
00:10:53.48\00:10:55.45
But what happened,
why did you stab him?
00:10:55.48\00:10:59.59
Because he laughed at me.
00:10:59.62\00:11:02.96
Go ahead, explain
it. He laughed at me.
00:11:02.99\00:11:05.33
He was talking about something
00:11:05.36\00:11:06.83
and we were
arguing and something,
00:11:06.90\00:11:08.30
and he had one of
the little sligh remarks
00:11:08.33\00:11:11.10
and he laughed, like that.
00:11:11.13\00:11:13.30
And I grabbed a pair of scissors
00:11:13.34\00:11:14.67
and threw them at him.
00:11:14.70\00:11:16.91
So at that
point, you didn't have,
00:11:16.97\00:11:19.91
let's just say anger management
00:11:19.94\00:11:21.61
was not one of
your strong point.
00:11:21.64\00:11:24.11
None, none. No anger management.
00:11:24.15\00:11:27.08
I was very quick to get angry
00:11:27.12\00:11:29.72
because, you
know, when you realize,
00:11:29.75\00:11:33.05
and I didn't
realize these things
00:11:33.09\00:11:34.59
until I came into recovery,
00:11:34.62\00:11:36.29
that I was so mad at
myself and I didn't like me.
00:11:36.32\00:11:40.66
And so,
00:11:40.70\00:11:42.00
you now, I was
taking it out on everybody.
00:11:42.03\00:11:44.57
Everything that I
blamed myself for,
00:11:44.60\00:11:46.60
I was taking it out on
everybody else on the world.
00:11:46.67\00:11:49.84
And at this point, when
you stabbed your husband,
00:11:49.87\00:11:52.97
were you strung
out on heavy drugs
00:11:53.01\00:11:55.81
or were you still
doing alcohol and pills?
00:11:55.84\00:11:57.98
Where were you? No,
we did, I did pills.
00:11:58.01\00:12:00.92
By that time I probably
00:12:00.95\00:12:02.28
wasn't even doing pills anymore.
00:12:02.32\00:12:04.42
I was, because it
took a while after him
00:12:04.45\00:12:07.82
before I started
getting back in to
00:12:07.86\00:12:09.89
all those
psychedelics and stuff.
00:12:09.92\00:12:12.06
Back then I was just
drinking and I am not gonna say
00:12:12.09\00:12:14.20
I was drinking the day I
threw those scissors at him.
00:12:14.30\00:12:17.27
But you know, it
doesn't take, I mean.
00:12:17.33\00:12:19.57
Once you have
been chemically bound
00:12:19.60\00:12:23.61
to all these
different substances,
00:12:23.67\00:12:25.44
they're still in your body,
00:12:25.47\00:12:26.94
that you still reacting to them.
00:12:26.98\00:12:29.28
So whether you
have been drinking
00:12:29.31\00:12:31.38
that particular day
or not you still probably
00:12:31.41\00:12:34.75
had all that stuff in your body
00:12:34.78\00:12:36.18
which impacts your
mind and all that so,
00:12:36.22\00:12:38.55
and you didn't have Jesus yet.
00:12:38.59\00:12:40.92
No, I didn't. You
didn't have Jesus yet.
00:12:40.96\00:12:43.22
And I'd always say
00:12:43.26\00:12:44.59
that I would never
hurt any man again,
00:12:44.63\00:12:49.66
and call him my man.
00:12:49.70\00:12:53.20
And so, go
ahead, so what happened?
00:12:53.27\00:12:55.17
And that got in
to my second husband
00:12:55.20\00:12:58.04
who really controlled me.
00:12:58.07\00:13:02.08
Because, since I
called him my man,
00:13:02.11\00:13:04.28
oh, he took over
and he took me hostage.
00:13:04.31\00:13:08.22
So you went from one situation
00:13:08.25\00:13:11.62
where it was a bad
marriage to like the flame,
00:13:11.65\00:13:15.76
from the frying pan in
to the fire so to speak.
00:13:15.79\00:13:17.96
That's right.
00:13:17.99\00:13:19.33
And to another one
where you were just controlled
00:13:19.36\00:13:22.40
by this husband.
00:13:22.43\00:13:23.77
Right. So, this was abusive.
00:13:23.83\00:13:25.37
Was he
physically abusive as well?
00:13:25.40\00:13:28.27
Physical, emotional, mental,
00:13:28.30\00:13:32.27
now let me tell you,
00:13:32.31\00:13:33.64
it was some good times,
we really had good times.
00:13:33.68\00:13:36.48
But that's when we
were smoking Marijuana
00:13:36.51\00:13:40.28
or doing some drugs.
00:13:40.32\00:13:42.15
Whenever we weren't using,
00:13:42.18\00:13:43.95
I never knew what kind of
mood he was going to be in.
00:13:43.99\00:13:46.72
Sometimes if I could see
him coming here from work
00:13:46.76\00:13:49.22
'cause he had his own business,
he was a good provider.
00:13:49.26\00:13:51.99
And if he had his own
business and I see him
00:13:52.03\00:13:54.46
with a look on his face
before he came in the house,
00:13:54.50\00:13:58.00
I was sure to get
kids out of the back door
00:13:58.03\00:14:02.57
and we go running get in the car
00:14:02.60\00:14:03.94
and go out for a while.
00:14:04.01\00:14:05.34
By the time we come back,
he might be in the better mood.
00:14:05.37\00:14:07.61
He was the same as
me, triggered by anything.
00:14:07.64\00:14:10.45
So if work
didn't go well for him,
00:14:10.48\00:14:13.42
he come home and I
might hear about that.
00:14:13.45\00:14:16.15
So I tried to
find ways to escape,
00:14:16.18\00:14:18.99
you know, it wasn't always easy.
00:14:19.02\00:14:21.12
Yeah. It wasn't always pretty.
00:14:21.16\00:14:23.53
So you know
00:14:23.56\00:14:24.89
it was so many times
when it was just so bad
00:14:24.93\00:14:27.76
and that, you know,
your children are going
00:14:27.76\00:14:29.13
through that too
00:14:29.16\00:14:30.53
because you find
out later on in life
00:14:30.57\00:14:32.60
how they wish
that you weren't there,
00:14:32.63\00:14:35.74
we didn't stay there anymore.
00:14:35.77\00:14:37.31
Although they loved their father
00:14:37.37\00:14:38.81
they didn't like being
with there with him because of,
00:14:38.84\00:14:41.84
you know, because of mommy.
00:14:41.88\00:14:43.85
Absolutely.
00:14:43.91\00:14:45.25
You get whooped
with a belt and stuff,
00:14:45.28\00:14:47.22
just right in front of them.
00:14:47.28\00:14:48.88
Yeah, there are so many women
00:14:48.92\00:14:50.49
who are caught up
into abusive relationships
00:14:50.55\00:14:56.39
who don't really know
what to do and feel like,
00:14:56.42\00:15:00.66
you know, there is
this whole cycle of abuse.
00:15:00.73\00:15:03.10
So, the person's not
abusive necessarily 24/7,
00:15:03.13\00:15:09.04
he could be abusive today
00:15:09.07\00:15:12.41
and then not abusive for a week,
00:15:12.44\00:15:15.01
two weeks, three
weeks, a month whatever,
00:15:15.04\00:15:17.15
but there is
this honeymoon cycle,
00:15:17.18\00:15:19.58
it's a cycle.
00:15:19.61\00:15:20.95
So everything is great
00:15:20.98\00:15:22.42
and then there is the tension
building cycle where, like,
00:15:22.45\00:15:25.72
when you saw him
coming in looking like
00:15:25.75\00:15:28.79
he might go off, you left
00:15:28.82\00:15:31.99
because, that was,
00:15:32.03\00:15:33.80
you knew that
anything could trigger.
00:15:33.83\00:15:36.06
So it's like you are
stuck and there is so many women
00:15:36.10\00:15:41.30
who feels stuck and
people on the outside say,
00:15:41.34\00:15:44.37
"Why don't you just
leave, but why don't you,"
00:15:44.41\00:15:46.64
but it's not that
easy, it's not that easy.
00:15:46.68\00:15:49.48
No, because you
get used to stuff like.
00:15:49.51\00:15:51.68
Okay, if you leave, you
better not take my kids.
00:15:51.71\00:15:53.88
And if you take my kids,
00:15:53.92\00:15:55.25
I am gonna find you
and I am gonna kill you.
00:15:55.28\00:15:56.85
And I remember leaving one day
00:15:56.89\00:15:58.42
and going across the street
and stand at this girls house
00:15:58.45\00:16:01.92
that were constantly hiding me
00:16:01.96\00:16:03.56
and he walked up and down
00:16:03.59\00:16:04.93
the neighborhood with
his shotgun, you know.
00:16:04.96\00:16:08.03
So I knew, he is like
and they tell anybody,
00:16:08.06\00:16:10.30
"tell her, if she comes back,
if she don't come back home,
00:16:10.37\00:16:12.97
I am gonna shoot
all of these children."
00:16:13.00\00:16:14.74
That's what he
says, stuff like that.
00:16:14.77\00:16:16.24
So I go home,
00:16:16.27\00:16:17.61
you know, and he
would be great with me
00:16:17.64\00:16:19.04
until it was time again,
00:16:19.07\00:16:20.88
you know, remember
when that time came,
00:16:20.91\00:16:22.91
that's the way it was.
00:16:22.94\00:16:24.28
So, how did you
get away from him,
00:16:24.31\00:16:27.05
and how did you find Jesus?
00:16:27.12\00:16:31.05
We both went to recovery.
00:16:31.09\00:16:34.46
You know, he spent a
lot of money getting high,
00:16:34.49\00:16:36.66
and in those days I didn't know,
00:16:36.73\00:16:38.06
it was the disease or addiction.
00:16:38.09\00:16:39.73
I am thinking,
00:16:39.76\00:16:41.06
it's just
spending too much money
00:16:41.10\00:16:42.43
and you need to
go get some help.
00:16:42.46\00:16:44.13
Not that I needed to
get some, just so you know,
00:16:44.17\00:16:46.90
but he did go and get some help.
00:16:46.94\00:16:48.84
And when he went
to go get some help,
00:16:48.87\00:16:50.87
he was doing all right.
00:16:50.91\00:16:52.51
He went in to recovery
about three weeks before I did.
00:16:52.54\00:16:55.08
But because of the fact
that he was doing so well that,
00:16:55.11\00:16:57.98
he was changing,
00:16:58.01\00:17:00.65
I wanted to go too, I better go.
00:17:00.68\00:17:02.35
Well, I didn't
like I wanted to go,
00:17:02.38\00:17:04.35
it some girl called him
and asked him for a ride,
00:17:04.39\00:17:06.82
that's how I got in there.
00:17:06.89\00:17:09.32
He told her, he said,
00:17:09.36\00:17:10.69
'Okay baby, I will pick you up.'
00:17:10.76\00:17:12.26
Well the baby part
didn't bothered me,
00:17:12.29\00:17:13.93
cause he called everybody baby,
00:17:13.96\00:17:15.36
that I will pick you
up had me dressing too.
00:17:15.40\00:17:17.90
Oh! Okay.
00:17:17.93\00:17:19.60
So I want to a meeting,
00:17:19.63\00:17:20.97
the first time in my
life and I was bored to hear,
00:17:21.00\00:17:23.51
I didn't understand what
it was I was looking for.
00:17:23.54\00:17:25.71
And these women gave
me a bunch of numbers
00:17:25.74\00:17:27.48
to call and stuff
but I didn't call.
00:17:27.51\00:17:29.11
And when I left
that meeting that day,
00:17:29.14\00:17:30.68
I went and got a beer.
00:17:30.75\00:17:32.08
I didn't relapse,
I just didn't quit
00:17:32.11\00:17:33.65
'cause I didn't know what was,
00:17:33.72\00:17:35.22
I thought I was okay
'cause I went to a meeting.
00:17:35.25\00:17:39.59
A couple weeks
later or a week later,
00:17:39.62\00:17:41.52
I decided to go on my own
00:17:41.56\00:17:42.89
and try this thing
called recovery, just try.
00:17:42.92\00:17:45.46
It wasn't easy, I
didn't go into rehab,
00:17:45.49\00:17:48.33
I didn't have the
insurance to go into rehab,
00:17:48.36\00:17:51.03
so I had to call
Churky get at home
00:17:51.07\00:17:53.00
and go to a meeting
everyday, just go to meetings,
00:17:53.03\00:17:55.34
go to meetings and
suffer every night.
00:17:55.37\00:17:58.01
This guy next door to us
sold alcohol, he sold drugs,
00:17:58.04\00:18:01.11
and I wanted to
go over there so bad.
00:18:01.14\00:18:03.58
I would lock myself in the room,
00:18:03.61\00:18:05.01
I would rock in my bed at night.
00:18:05.05\00:18:06.65
And he told me,
"Pray every night.
00:18:06.68\00:18:08.88
In the morning pray for
the obsession to go away
00:18:08.92\00:18:12.82
and at night,
00:18:12.85\00:18:14.29
thank God for taking
the obsession for the day."
00:18:14.32\00:18:16.59
So I was praying in the morning
and praying in the night.
00:18:16.62\00:18:18.79
When you know,
you go to a meeting,
00:18:18.83\00:18:20.16
you hippy would bring up
God, you think, "Oh, shoot.
00:18:20.23\00:18:23.20
Oh, no, I did
not talk about God."
00:18:23.23\00:18:25.27
Hell, I know He don't
have nothing to do with me,
00:18:25.30\00:18:27.24
He is not going
to do nothing for me
00:18:27.27\00:18:29.37
'cause He don't
like me," you know.
00:18:29.40\00:18:31.71
But I did what they said
00:18:31.74\00:18:33.58
because I was so
scared in everything
00:18:33.61\00:18:35.31
and this is what I did.
00:18:35.34\00:18:36.68
I started learning day by day
00:18:36.75\00:18:38.11
that if this is what He is doing
00:18:38.15\00:18:40.35
and he doing it in another
day, He going to do this.
00:18:40.42\00:18:43.69
So I thought of
having to believe
00:18:43.72\00:18:45.09
that He was doing this everyday.
00:18:45.12\00:18:46.76
I had never done it before.
00:18:46.79\00:18:48.12
I didn't know
00:18:48.16\00:18:49.49
that I could pray to stay clean,
00:18:49.52\00:18:50.86
but just by
praying I am staying clean.
00:18:50.93\00:18:54.20
I heard my husband
say in a meeting one time
00:18:54.20\00:18:56.93
that he would let
nothing stop his recovery,
00:18:56.97\00:18:59.43
even if he had
to leave his family
00:18:59.47\00:19:01.57
and I am thinking, "Leave me."
00:19:01.60\00:19:04.07
Well, now that
he is getting better
00:19:04.14\00:19:05.67
he is not gonna leave me.
00:19:05.71\00:19:07.31
So I started being worried
that he was going to leave me,
00:19:07.34\00:19:10.18
but you know that's just the way
00:19:10.21\00:19:12.25
that it turns out.
00:19:12.28\00:19:13.65
He is still clean today
00:19:13.68\00:19:17.02
but his actions
started going back
00:19:17.05\00:19:19.39
to some old behaviors.
00:19:19.42\00:19:21.69
Now I know Lord
00:19:21.72\00:19:24.26
and when He says
something about jumping on me,
00:19:24.29\00:19:26.36
I thought you
ain't got to do nothing.
00:19:26.39\00:19:29.50
And then, when he
raised hand to hit me I said,
00:19:29.53\00:19:32.17
"Put your hand
down," and he did.
00:19:32.20\00:19:35.87
And my faith in God just zoomed
00:19:35.90\00:19:39.64
but it didn't, you
know, it still was a,
00:19:39.67\00:19:41.41
it was still a beginning for me.
00:19:41.44\00:19:43.85
You know, learning for
him to keep me this way
00:19:43.88\00:19:46.51
on at one day at a time basis.
00:19:46.55\00:19:49.12
And I was asking him everyday
and he was doing it everyday.
00:19:49.15\00:19:52.79
But then this girl came in
and ask me to be her sponsor,
00:19:52.82\00:19:55.76
to sponsor her
through the 12 steps
00:19:55.79\00:19:57.66
and I was working
up with my sponsor,
00:19:57.69\00:19:59.69
I thought of helping her.
00:19:59.73\00:20:01.30
And somebody else
came in and asked me,
00:20:01.33\00:20:03.03
somebody came in and asked me,
00:20:03.06\00:20:04.77
people started asking me more
00:20:04.80\00:20:06.47
and more as I was staying clean.
00:20:06.50\00:20:08.10
For I knew that
I had 45, 50 people
00:20:08.14\00:20:10.27
I was sponsoring,
00:20:10.31\00:20:11.64
and I was using
everybody to sponsor each other.
00:20:11.67\00:20:14.38
And we was using this prayer,
everything that they ask me,
00:20:14.41\00:20:17.61
I would say,
"What would Jesus do?"
00:20:17.65\00:20:19.35
And I brought
everybody them little bracelets
00:20:19.38\00:20:21.22
that had that WWJD on it,
00:20:21.25\00:20:24.89
so they take and ask
themselves that, you know.
00:20:24.92\00:20:27.32
But as I did this, I
started reading my bible,
00:20:27.36\00:20:30.39
I started reading all
of the Ellen G White books.
00:20:30.43\00:20:33.09
She was introducing
me to concepts about God
00:20:33.13\00:20:36.10
that I had
never ever even known.
00:20:36.13\00:20:38.43
You know, she is the
one that taught me my bible.
00:20:38.47\00:20:42.07
How did you get
introduced to Ellen White books?
00:20:42.10\00:20:47.68
I was already in
Seventh-day Adventist.
00:20:47.71\00:20:49.44
My mother became a
Seventh-day Adventist
00:20:49.48\00:20:51.41
when I was 15 or 14.
00:20:51.45\00:20:54.52
And every now and then I
would go to church with her.
00:20:54.55\00:20:58.02
But once a day told me
00:20:58.05\00:21:00.26
'cause I have
been baptized before,
00:21:00.29\00:21:01.92
but I got baptized
in the Baptist church
00:21:01.96\00:21:03.63
because think you
supposed to do that.
00:21:03.66\00:21:08.10
So we got to get baptized
cause we have to get baptized.
00:21:08.13\00:21:11.07
But, when I started
going to church with,
00:21:11.10\00:21:13.80
you know, going
to my mom's church
00:21:13.84\00:21:15.17
every now and
then I got convinced
00:21:15.20\00:21:16.54
on the Sabbath day.
00:21:16.57\00:21:18.87
So, I said, "Well, I
need to be in this church,"
00:21:18.91\00:21:21.11
because Sabbath day is
the day, so I am going here.
00:21:21.14\00:21:25.11
And so I started going there
and I eventually stayed there
00:21:25.15\00:21:28.62
or just stayed there.
00:21:28.65\00:21:31.72
Did you get re-baptized?
Did you get baptized?
00:21:31.75\00:21:34.92
I got re-baptized
three times or twice, yes.
00:21:34.96\00:21:40.76
Because you know,
once I came in to recovery,
00:21:40.80\00:21:43.70
I got re-baptized
00:21:43.73\00:21:45.07
but I wasn't in
recovery when I was re-baptized.
00:21:45.10\00:21:48.44
It wasn't, I got baptized
again when I knew the Lord
00:21:48.47\00:21:51.94
because all my old
days, the old behaviors,
00:21:51.97\00:21:55.91
the stuff that goes
along with using drugs.
00:21:55.94\00:22:00.25
My body was dirty and I
wanted my body, my mind,
00:22:00.32\00:22:03.92
and everything clean.
00:22:03.99\00:22:05.45
And when they put
me under that water,
00:22:05.49\00:22:07.72
I saw this
Garden up under there,
00:22:07.76\00:22:09.82
all these pretty flowers,
00:22:09.86\00:22:11.46
that's what I saw
with my eyes closed.
00:22:11.49\00:22:13.16
And it's like wow,
00:22:13.19\00:22:14.50
heaven is just
made up of everybody.
00:22:14.56\00:22:16.56
And then you know,
00:22:16.63\00:22:18.57
and I, I was always afraid
of being dipped in the water,
00:22:18.60\00:22:22.94
because I
couldn't swim that well,
00:22:22.97\00:22:25.81
so I was always afraid
I would drown up under.
00:22:25.84\00:22:28.38
When he put me under
00:22:28.41\00:22:29.74
that I felt like I can
hold my breath forever.
00:22:29.78\00:22:32.81
It is just a whole new feeling.
00:22:32.85\00:22:35.28
It is so amazing to,
you know, you go down,
00:22:35.32\00:22:39.12
they call it in
the water of grave,
00:22:39.15\00:22:40.62
you go down
00:22:40.66\00:22:42.22
and you are
unclean and you come up
00:22:42.26\00:22:44.76
and your sins
have been washed away.
00:22:44.79\00:22:46.96
Baptism is the most
beautiful, amazing thing.
00:22:47.00\00:22:50.60
It's a feeling you
can't even describe,
00:22:50.63\00:22:53.00
you can't even describe it.
00:22:53.03\00:22:54.60
It's so, you feel so
clean because you are clean,
00:22:54.64\00:22:59.61
because all your sins
have been washed away,
00:22:59.64\00:23:02.34
and you are
starting fresh clean slate,
00:23:02.38\00:23:04.81
with God cleaned.
00:23:04.85\00:23:07.02
That's right, and when you
go in to the rooms of recovery
00:23:07.05\00:23:10.09
they tell you they
are going to help you
00:23:10.12\00:23:12.25
get a new way of life.
00:23:12.29\00:23:14.29
Well I didn't
know what that meant.
00:23:14.32\00:23:16.22
A new way of life
was just now using.
00:23:16.26\00:23:19.03
If I am not using drugs
that's the new way of life
00:23:19.06\00:23:21.23
but that's not
what it is at all.
00:23:21.26\00:23:22.96
It's just like Christianity,
it's a new way of life.
00:23:23.00\00:23:26.37
Now, we have a God given program
00:23:26.40\00:23:28.67
and we start to acting like,
00:23:28.70\00:23:30.71
the things that God
teach us are the ways
00:23:30.77\00:23:33.04
that we are
supposed to be learning
00:23:33.07\00:23:34.61
how to carry our self.
00:23:34.64\00:23:35.98
It takes a while
'cause recovery is like,
00:23:36.01\00:23:38.58
it didn't take me
overnight to become an addict,
00:23:38.61\00:23:41.05
it definitely
didn't was gonna take me
00:23:41.08\00:23:42.52
overnight to be different.
00:23:42.55\00:23:43.95
Something people think
that, "Okay, now I am in church,
00:23:43.99\00:23:46.15
I am okay," but no, I
am still so full of stuff.
00:23:46.19\00:23:49.99
Twenty five years later,
they are still stuffing me.
00:23:50.03\00:23:53.13
It ain't as bad as it was
00:23:53.16\00:23:54.56
but it still stuff that I know
that He is still working on me.
00:23:54.56\00:23:57.40
I am a work in progress and now,
00:23:57.43\00:23:59.50
before it was little
Band-Aid things, now it goes.
00:23:59.53\00:24:03.14
That's beautiful. God
says, I got to cut you.
00:24:03.17\00:24:05.27
It's been 25 years
since you have been clean.
00:24:05.31\00:24:08.61
Praise God! That's right.
00:24:08.64\00:24:09.98
What are you doing now?
00:24:10.05\00:24:11.38
We only have a few minutes left.
00:24:11.41\00:24:12.75
What are you doing now?
00:24:12.78\00:24:14.12
Well, I have a book,
it's called Me and My Husband,
00:24:14.15\00:24:17.85
it's called the
Uncompromised Truth,
00:24:17.89\00:24:20.39
and it is uncompromised truth.
00:24:20.46\00:24:22.89
You know, we talk about things
in there that's in the bible
00:24:22.92\00:24:26.03
that we back it up
with Bible scripture.
00:24:26.06\00:24:28.66
So, you know, you can
get it on Amazon and stuff.
00:24:28.70\00:24:31.97
I am also women's
Ministry leader now
00:24:32.00\00:24:33.94
that was so amazing to me.
00:24:34.00\00:24:36.44
You know, I held a
lot of programs in,
00:24:36.47\00:24:38.54
I mean a lot of positions
in the program of recovery.
00:24:38.57\00:24:40.98
I have spoken in so
many different states
00:24:41.01\00:24:44.01
and so many different
conventions and stuff,
00:24:44.05\00:24:46.58
as far as my
life from what it was,
00:24:46.61\00:24:48.75
even in London and England,
I have been over there too.
00:24:48.78\00:24:51.89
But, the amazing part is,
00:24:51.92\00:24:57.69
you know, having positions,
00:24:57.73\00:25:00.06
secretary, General
Service Representative.
00:25:00.13\00:25:02.36
But coming home
and somebody calling me
00:25:02.40\00:25:04.53
and asking me if I would be
the Women's Ministry Leader.
00:25:04.57\00:25:07.14
Well, first thing
I said was, "No, no.
00:25:07.17\00:25:09.80
I can't do that.
00:25:09.84\00:25:11.17
No way, I won't
know what to do."
00:25:11.21\00:25:12.77
They said, "Well, you
sponsored all those women,
00:25:12.81\00:25:14.34
we thought you
might could do this."
00:25:14.38\00:25:16.11
And I had just asked the Lord
00:25:16.14\00:25:17.88
because I was back in
Youngstown from Alabama.
00:25:17.91\00:25:20.62
And I asked Him, I
said, "What am I doing here?"
00:25:20.65\00:25:23.05
I said, "I am not dong anything.
00:25:23.08\00:25:24.42
I am not being
used in any way Lord
00:25:24.45\00:25:26.59
and I wish you would use me."
00:25:26.62\00:25:28.26
And so when they asked me
00:25:28.29\00:25:30.23
that which was about
five days later and I said no.
00:25:30.26\00:25:33.40
And I said, "I can't do that."
00:25:33.43\00:25:34.73
and I said, "Wait a
minute, wait a minute."
00:25:34.76\00:25:37.13
I said, "I just
asked God," I said,
00:25:37.17\00:25:38.50
"I am gonna have to say yeah,
I'm gonna have to say, yeah."
00:25:38.53\00:25:41.10
And that was like,
00:25:41.14\00:25:42.47
this is my
fourth year doing this
00:25:42.50\00:25:45.27
and so, you know, it's not so...
00:25:45.31\00:25:48.71
God is amazing. Yes.
00:25:48.74\00:25:52.38
He is amazing.
00:25:52.41\00:25:53.78
I mean, every
single day, everyday,
00:25:53.82\00:25:57.45
because I will
never know what's next.
00:25:57.49\00:25:59.39
But we have a
third step that says,
00:25:59.42\00:26:02.32
'Made a decision that
turn my will and my life
00:26:02.36\00:26:05.03
over to the care of
God as I understand him."
00:26:05.06\00:26:08.20
Once I have got on understanding
00:26:08.23\00:26:10.40
of who He is,
00:26:10.47\00:26:12.00
I realized I
turned my will and life
00:26:12.03\00:26:14.17
over to my understanding of Him
00:26:14.24\00:26:16.50
and I believed that
everything that happens
00:26:16.54\00:26:18.97
in my life is
supposed to happen.
00:26:19.01\00:26:21.24
So I deal with it when it comes.
00:26:21.28\00:26:23.21
I don't get mad and get
upset because it's there.
00:26:23.24\00:26:25.55
But sometimes, I
will be, then I will say,
00:26:25.58\00:26:27.68
"Okay, Lord, you
want me to do this."
00:26:27.72\00:26:31.49
I came home from
Alabama and I was homeless,
00:26:31.52\00:26:35.59
20 years clean and homeless.
00:26:35.62\00:26:38.69
And I stayed with a
couple but I wasn't happy there
00:26:38.73\00:26:43.23
because you know
you started to thinking
00:26:43.26\00:26:44.87
that you are in their way.
00:26:44.90\00:26:46.70
And my son had a home,
00:26:46.74\00:26:48.20
but they were not
living in an apartment,
00:26:48.24\00:26:49.74
so they didn't have room
for me So what I had to do...
00:26:49.77\00:26:54.61
You got like 50 seconds
to tell me what you did.
00:26:54.64\00:26:57.31
Tell us what you did. Okay.
00:26:57.35\00:26:58.68
I reads this book and it
was and it said something about,
00:26:58.71\00:27:01.88
"Tell God what you want,"
00:27:01.92\00:27:03.35
and I said,
"God, I need a home."
00:27:03.42\00:27:05.02
And my friend came and
said, "I got a place for you"
00:27:05.05\00:27:07.59
and she gave me a place to stay,
00:27:07.62\00:27:09.52
where I, it's
just my own little room
00:27:09.56\00:27:11.46
in a homeless shelter
00:27:11.49\00:27:13.06
and I stayed there
for like five months
00:27:13.09\00:27:15.40
and got my own place
00:27:15.43\00:27:17.60
and that's what happened.
00:27:17.63\00:27:22.80
You know, we have
plans, I have plans for,
00:27:22.84\00:27:26.88
to open up a place
for offenders to come here
00:27:26.91\00:27:30.15
when they get released to come
and learn a new way of life.
00:27:30.18\00:27:33.15
Praise the Lord! I
believe in everything.
00:27:33.18\00:27:35.18
I believe everything
00:27:35.22\00:27:36.58
what happened if
you dare to dream.
00:27:36.62\00:27:38.65
All right.
00:27:38.69\00:27:40.06
And what, you know what,
00:27:40.09\00:27:41.42
how can we end on a
better note than that.
00:27:41.46\00:27:43.32
Dare to dream, give
your heart to Jesus,
00:27:43.36\00:27:45.99
and He will make a way for you.
00:27:46.03\00:27:47.83
Thank you so much sister Debra
00:27:47.86\00:27:49.50
for sharing your
testimony with us.
00:27:49.53\00:27:51.87
We so appreciate it,
and thank you for watching.
00:27:51.90\00:27:55.60
We reached the end
of another program.
00:27:55.64\00:27:57.74
Join us next time,
'cause you know what,
00:27:57.77\00:27:59.91
it just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:27:59.94\00:28:03.68