Stay tuned to see a
program I never wanted to do.
00:00:01.36\00:00:04.13
My name is Yvonne Lewis,
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello, and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today is
Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin,
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author, psychotherapist,
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and co-host of Dare to Dream's
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family support
program Making It Work.
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Today, we're here to pay tribute
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to her late
husband Arthur Nowlin.
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He was co-host of
the program with her,
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and on October 30th
of 2016, he passed away.
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Welcome to
Urban Report, Dr. Kim.
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Oh, Yvonne, so good to see you.
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You know that we love you,
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and you know that
we loved Arthur here.
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Oh, yes. And he
loved all of you.
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Oh, praise the Lord.
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And we love what you guys,
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not just what you did
but what you stood for.
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Yes. What you stood for.
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You represented to us a
family that was making it work.
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Yes, yes, every day.
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I'm smiling because
every time I think about you
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and Arthur together,
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it's like you
can't help but smile.
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Because you guys just...
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the banter, the back and forth,
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and we're gonna show
some clips in a little bit.
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But the banter
and the back and forth
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that you had with
him was so special.
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And so today,
we wanna honor him.
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I appreciate that.
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We wanna honor him
because he was a man of God.
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Oh, yes. So, tell us about...
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First of all, how
did you meet Arthur?
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All right. How did we meet?
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That's really,
you know, amazing.
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The AIDS Revolution
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was really strong
about 25 years ago.
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And the ambassador of
AIDS was visiting Detroit,
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Dionne Warwick.
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And so they invited
some of the agencies
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to come to speak
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and also to come to the
celebration that evening
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at one of the hotels.
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Well, when I walked in
with my cousin Karen, I said,
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"That's gonna be my husband."
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I said it just like that,
"That's going be my husband."
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You mean, you saw
him across a room?
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Yes. Oh, come on now.
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I saw him. I saw him.
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What?
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And so, you know,
he was there hosting,
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and I was there as a hostess.
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And so I was
sitting there watching him,
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and one of his
golf friends said,
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"Well, I don't know
why you're looking at him,
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he's married."
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And I was like, "Oh, okay."
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So his golf friend
called me, you know,
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and so they were
all talking about me
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standing on the golf course.
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And they were like,
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"Man, you won't
stand a chance with her."
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So he never responded.
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He said, "Man,
you don't have enough
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to bring to the
table, all right?"
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And so...
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So wait, he was looking at
you and you were looking at him.
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Yes, but he was very cool.
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You know, Arthur was
just cool. Yes, yeah.
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But he had on the baddest socks.
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It was the
socks. It was the socks.
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I will tell
anyone, his socks were...
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And he took pride in
his socks, all right?
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And he crossed his
legs, and I was like, "Whoo!
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Look at those socks."
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So I said, "The man
cares about his socks,
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that man cares about
his appearance," all right.
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So a few days later,
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I called his office to see
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if they would like
to do my radio show.
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But... His
office was, he did what?
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He was a social
worker in Substance Abuse.
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Okay. Okay.
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And so I had my own practice.
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And so they sent
his boss, not him.
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And I'm like, "Okay, all right."
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But now in the mean time,
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you'd found out
he wasn't married.
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I found out two
days later. Okay.
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I saw a friend, and we
were at a AIDS Conference.
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And I said, "I've
met Arthur Nowlin."
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She said, "Oh, he is so nice,"
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and I said, "Well,
you know, he is married."
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She said, "No, he's
not." I said, "What?"
00:04:03.20\00:04:05.74
She said, "No, he is
divorced, he has a son,
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but he is single.
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Girl, these women
been on him for years.
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But he will not commit.
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He hasn't met the right one."
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So I said, "All right."
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So I called my
girlfriend who worked with him
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and she was having a cabaret.
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I said, "Well, I
don't go to cabarets.
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I'm Seventh-day
Adventist, I don't do cabarets."
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She said, "Well, let's go
to my son's football team,
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The Pearl group."
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I said, "I tell you what,
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if you can get
Arthur Nowlin there,
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I'll buy all of your tickets."
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Oh. Okay?
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I said... You are
a woman with a plan.
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I was on a mission.
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But I told her, I
said, "Don't tell him."
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And sure enough, she told him.
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And when he walked
in, I ran to the restroom.
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I was so embarrassed, okay?
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'Cause now you knew
that she had told...
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Oh. I knew she had told him.
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So he came, and he
was sitting at the table,
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I came out, and it
was a lot of women around.
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I'm like, "No,
this is not gonna work,"
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you know, he is a pretty boy,
you know, all this and that.
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So he asked me to dance. I
said, "Well, I don't dance."
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He said, "What do you
mean you don't dance?"
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And then I said, "Well,
may be I should help out
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the Holy Spirit, okay."
00:05:07.80\00:05:10.31
So the song was on and
it became our theme song.
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And I was stepping
on his feet, you know,
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trying to do some
things, and he said,
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"Do you know how to dance?"
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I said "Not really." I
said, "I roll a skate," okay?
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So I said, "So, Mr. Nowlin,
what are you looking for?"
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And he paused and he
said, "Someone to grow with."
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And I'm like, "He
didn't say my name, okay."
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So I get home,
and I called my mom.
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And I said, "Well, Mom,"
she said, "Well, how did it go?
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Did you meet him?"
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I said, "Yes, but he didn't
give me the right answer."
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She said, "Well,
what did he say?"
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I said, "I asked him
what is he looking for.
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He said, "Someone to grow with."
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And she says, "So
what was wrong with that?"
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I said, "It
wasn't the right answer."
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She said, "My child, he
gave you the right answer.
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He wants to grow with someone."
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And that's how it all began.
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Oh.
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So he said he want
to grow with someone,
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so how did you see him again?
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How did it... How did it...
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Well, he invited me to lunch,
and he told me his whole story
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about his divorce,
his son, his addiction.
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Well, let's
hear about his story.
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Yes.
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His story was
that he had gone to,
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grow up in Gary, Indiana.
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He lost his mother when
he was just seven years old,
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attended Catholic school.
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And then he went
to public school.
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I think we have a
picture... Okay, okay.
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Of him in high school.
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In high school.
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And he finished high school,
he was a basketball star,
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and well, liked by
everyone, beautiful personality.
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And then he had difficulty
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because he had lost his
mother at such a early age.
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And so he
enlisted or he was really,
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you know, enlisted
into the Air Force.
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Okay. Was he... He was drafted?
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He was drafted. He was
drafted. Oh, he was drafted.
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We have a picture
of him in the airport.
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Okay. Yeah, there he is. There.
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And look how young! Yes.
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He looks like a
baby. Nineteen years old.
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Yeah. Nineteen years old.
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Yeah.
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You know, but it was
not a great experience,
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he went through a lot with
Post-traumatic stress disorder
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and shell shock.
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And he was a
military police officer.
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So he guarded the Base,
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and he was even
shot in the military.
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Oh, man.
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And so even during our marriage,
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he would wake up if I
walked into the room softly.
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Or "What is it?
What is it? What is it?"
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You know, and he
would wake up like this.
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And it was that serious.
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And it stayed with
him for a long time.
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So from there, he
got out of the military
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but he was addicted to
morphine from the gunshot wound.
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And then from there he
became addicted to heroin
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and started trafficking drugs
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and selling drugs
with his sister Connie.
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So it just began
a downward spiral?
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Oh, yes, from the military.
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From the military? Yes.
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And he was...
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And this, I was just reading
about something recently,
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actually this morning,
about prescription drugs
00:08:07.82\00:08:11.05
leading to heroin addictions.
00:08:11.09\00:08:12.42
Oh, yes.
00:08:12.45\00:08:13.79
And this is kind of
what happened to him,
00:08:13.82\00:08:15.16
he got addicted
to the pain killers.
00:08:15.19\00:08:16.52
Yes.
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Because of the
gunshot wounds. Yes.
00:08:17.93\00:08:19.26
And then went to
heroin. Went to heroin.
00:08:19.29\00:08:21.26
Yes. Wow.
00:08:21.30\00:08:22.63
And so then he
started selling it.
00:08:22.66\00:08:24.00
Oh, selling it.
00:08:24.03\00:08:25.37
And he was, you know,
00:08:25.40\00:08:26.74
and his sister was
also in a cartel in Indiana.
00:08:26.77\00:08:29.70
And she was big in California
and came back to Indiana.
00:08:29.74\00:08:34.14
And they were
doing drugs together.
00:08:34.18\00:08:36.24
Then his sister became ill,
00:08:36.28\00:08:38.65
and he gets the call
00:08:38.68\00:08:40.68
that she was ill in
the hospital, early 30s.
00:08:40.72\00:08:43.32
And he didn't know where
but somewhere in South Bend,
00:08:43.35\00:08:46.15
God led him to the hospital.
00:08:46.19\00:08:48.39
And from there, he
found her in this room.
00:08:48.42\00:08:51.53
Then the doctor came in
and he asked him to leave.
00:08:51.56\00:08:54.16
And she said, "No, he can stay."
00:08:54.20\00:08:56.23
And he said that,
"There is nothing else
00:08:56.26\00:08:58.33
we can do for you, Connie.
00:08:58.37\00:08:59.83
You've used drugs so
long, it's damaged your organs."
00:08:59.87\00:09:03.10
And she hit the bed and
said, "I could have been,
00:09:03.14\00:09:06.44
I should have
been, I would have been."
00:09:06.47\00:09:08.84
And she turned
to Arthur and said,
00:09:08.88\00:09:10.75
"Don't you die like me.
00:09:10.78\00:09:13.48
Get clean.
00:09:13.52\00:09:15.18
Get the help you need."
00:09:15.22\00:09:16.75
That day, he left
and went to New York.
00:09:16.79\00:09:20.29
And they had a open
bed and he went into rehab.
00:09:20.32\00:09:24.13
And from that point
on, he remained clean.
00:09:24.16\00:09:27.70
From that point on
because... And when was that?
00:09:27.73\00:09:30.13
That was... He was...
00:09:30.17\00:09:31.70
'Cause he had been
married and they got divorced
00:09:31.73\00:09:34.74
because his first wife
couldn't handle the addiction.
00:09:34.77\00:09:38.51
And so that was in
his later 20s, later 20s.
00:09:38.54\00:09:42.34
And from there,
he went back to Gary.
00:09:42.38\00:09:45.65
And his cousin Jody
on his mother side said,
00:09:45.68\00:09:50.15
"I need to bring you
to Ann Arbor, Michigan."
00:09:50.19\00:09:52.49
And he said, "If you don't come,
00:09:52.52\00:09:53.86
I'm coming to get you."
00:09:53.89\00:09:55.22
And he didn't come for a week.
00:09:55.26\00:09:56.79
And Jody went down to get him,
00:09:56.83\00:09:59.09
and brought him
back to Ann Arbor,
00:09:59.13\00:10:00.66
and that was the turning point.
00:10:00.70\00:10:02.26
And he went to, he started
attending Washtenaw College,
00:10:02.30\00:10:05.27
got his Associate
degree, got his undergrad degree
00:10:05.30\00:10:08.40
from Wayne State in education.
00:10:08.44\00:10:10.34
And then after meeting me,
00:10:10.37\00:10:12.01
earned his Master's
degree in Social Work
00:10:12.04\00:10:14.54
and Substance Abuse.
00:10:14.58\00:10:15.91
I Love it.
00:10:15.94\00:10:17.28
So he gave back all that he
went through to help others,
00:10:17.31\00:10:20.15
also to find freedom with
drug abuse and addictions.
00:10:20.18\00:10:23.05
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:10:23.08\00:10:24.55
So wow, he had a
powerful journey.
00:10:24.59\00:10:27.26
Now where were his parents?
00:10:27.29\00:10:28.96
In Gary, Indiana.
00:10:28.99\00:10:30.33
But his mother
passed when he was seven,
00:10:30.36\00:10:31.69
his father
passed in his late 80s.
00:10:31.73\00:10:33.86
But again, his father
was like very disappointed
00:10:33.90\00:10:36.80
that he did not want to
stay and work in the steel mill.
00:10:36.83\00:10:40.84
His brothers were firemen
00:10:40.87\00:10:42.30
and they worked
in the steel mill.
00:10:42.34\00:10:43.77
But he wanted
something more for his life.
00:10:43.81\00:10:46.34
And that way, it was the
turning point in Ann Arbor
00:10:46.37\00:10:48.88
when he was able to go to school
00:10:48.91\00:10:50.25
and have the
support of his family.
00:10:50.28\00:10:52.11
And they've raised him,
00:10:52.15\00:10:53.48
the Smiths and the Davis's
raised him as their own son.
00:10:53.52\00:10:57.45
And it was just amazing
00:10:57.49\00:10:59.35
and how we all
became one family.
00:10:59.39\00:11:01.72
I didn't know the
Nowlin family that well.
00:11:01.76\00:11:04.93
We would go down for funerals
or different things like that,
00:11:04.96\00:11:09.46
but there was
never a family reunions.
00:11:09.50\00:11:11.70
And they didn't
come to visit him.
00:11:11.73\00:11:13.80
In our 20 years of marriage,
I didn't know his family.
00:11:13.84\00:11:18.74
And they really,
kind of, was critical
00:11:18.77\00:11:21.28
that they felt
that I took him away,
00:11:21.31\00:11:23.21
he became Seventh-day Adventist
00:11:23.24\00:11:25.08
'cause he was raised Catholic.
00:11:25.11\00:11:26.45
Okay.
00:11:26.48\00:11:27.82
And so, but you didn't know him.
00:11:27.85\00:11:30.25
For 30 years,
you missed the man,
00:11:30.29\00:11:32.75
and what he became, and
what God did through him.
00:11:32.79\00:11:35.96
And, Yvonne, I have
to say this to women
00:11:35.99\00:11:38.59
who may be listening their men.
00:11:38.63\00:11:39.96
You don't have to compromise.
00:11:40.00\00:11:41.76
You can wait on the Lord
to allow you to make a stand.
00:11:41.80\00:11:45.67
Yes.
00:11:45.70\00:11:47.04
And God will use
you in that stand
00:11:47.07\00:11:49.60
because he came
to church with me
00:11:49.64\00:11:51.97
a few weeks after he met me.
00:11:52.01\00:11:53.68
He said, "Well,
what are you doing
00:11:53.71\00:11:55.04
on Saturday?"
00:11:55.08\00:11:56.41
And I said, "I go to
church." He said, "Wait, what?"
00:11:56.44\00:11:57.78
I said, "Church."
"What!" I said, "Church."
00:11:57.81\00:12:00.08
Every time he
asked that question,
00:12:00.12\00:12:01.52
it was church.
00:12:01.55\00:12:02.88
He said, "You don't go to club?"
00:12:02.92\00:12:04.25
I said, "Church."
"You don't go to cabaret?"
00:12:04.29\00:12:05.62
"Church."
00:12:05.65\00:12:06.99
And then he said, "But
you met me at a cabaret."
00:12:07.02\00:12:08.36
I said, "That was
for good cause, okay."
00:12:08.39\00:12:10.83
And he came to
City Temple in Detroit.
00:12:10.86\00:12:15.40
And he walked in
00:12:15.43\00:12:16.77
and there was all
these little groups going on.
00:12:16.80\00:12:19.47
And he said,
"What is going on here?"
00:12:19.50\00:12:21.70
And we were dating, and I said,
"It's called Sabbath School."
00:12:21.74\00:12:25.21
He said, "Well,
what are they doing
00:12:25.24\00:12:26.57
in Sabbath school?"
00:12:26.61\00:12:27.94
And I said,
"They're talking about Jesus
00:12:27.98\00:12:29.44
and the Word of God."
00:12:29.48\00:12:30.81
And he got so excited
00:12:30.85\00:12:32.88
but that wasn't
completely all that brought him
00:12:32.91\00:12:35.82
to City Temple.
00:12:35.85\00:12:37.19
Five men greeted
him, one man particular,
00:12:37.22\00:12:40.46
our head elder at the time.
00:12:40.49\00:12:42.16
And said, "Welcome."
And he says, "He's mine."
00:12:42.19\00:12:45.79
Took him to the
beginner Sabbath School class.
00:12:45.83\00:12:47.80
And from there, trained
him to be a decant, and elder,
00:12:47.83\00:12:53.03
and on to become
federation president,
00:12:53.07\00:12:55.74
and family life of our church,
00:12:55.77\00:12:57.74
family life
co-director of the conference.
00:12:57.77\00:13:00.18
It all started when...
00:13:00.21\00:13:02.44
This is why when we see
people visiting our churches,
00:13:02.48\00:13:05.38
we should embrace them.
00:13:05.41\00:13:06.75
Absolutely.
00:13:06.78\00:13:08.12
And let them
know that we love them
00:13:08.15\00:13:09.98
and that's what one Arthur...
00:13:10.02\00:13:11.69
'Cause he said he
visited other churches
00:13:11.72\00:13:13.36
in other denominations.
00:13:13.39\00:13:15.06
But no one came to
greet him and said hello.
00:13:15.09\00:13:18.49
But these five men and
their families embraced us
00:13:18.53\00:13:23.00
and our daughter.
00:13:23.03\00:13:24.37
And it just grew from there,
you know, a village, a village.
00:13:24.40\00:13:28.17
You know, I'm listening to you
00:13:28.20\00:13:30.21
and I'm
thinking, "Man, this is...
00:13:30.24\00:13:32.27
it's so amazing that
00:13:32.31\00:13:35.11
God knew from
the very beginning,
00:13:35.14\00:13:38.45
who Arthur would be for Him
00:13:38.48\00:13:41.52
and how Arthur would be
on the frontlines for Him."
00:13:41.55\00:13:45.55
And He just led him through you,
00:13:45.59\00:13:47.96
brought him to
you and you to him,
00:13:47.99\00:13:49.99
and God just...
00:13:50.03\00:13:51.59
He is just so awesome.
00:13:51.63\00:13:52.96
Isn't He
awesome? He is so awesome.
00:13:52.99\00:13:54.46
So, okay, so
let's go back a second.
00:13:54.50\00:13:56.23
So you guys started...
00:13:56.26\00:13:59.70
I need to know
though, how, you know,
00:13:59.73\00:14:02.77
'cause I'm like
enquiring mind, want to know.
00:14:02.80\00:14:04.77
Okay, so after,
'cause we digressed for a bit
00:14:04.81\00:14:09.28
with the story of his life,
right, the early beginnings.
00:14:09.31\00:14:13.85
How did you guys connect though?
00:14:13.88\00:14:15.62
I mean, after that
lunch, you went to lunch.
00:14:15.65\00:14:19.12
Yes, yes.
00:14:19.15\00:14:20.59
He started calling,
he started presume...
00:14:20.62\00:14:23.12
At what point
did you both know...
00:14:23.16\00:14:25.99
Well you, kind of,
knew when you saw him.
00:14:26.03\00:14:27.73
You said, "That's
going to be my husband."
00:14:27.76\00:14:29.33
But at what point did
he know that you were his?
00:14:29.36\00:14:33.10
I think when some of the
ladies approached him at church
00:14:33.13\00:14:36.64
and said, "Well, Kim,
he is been a member here
00:14:36.67\00:14:38.47
for a year or so, are
you going to date him?"
00:14:38.51\00:14:41.88
I said, "Well,
right now, I'm his friend.
00:14:41.91\00:14:43.85
I brought him to church."
00:14:43.88\00:14:45.45
And I said, "But if you would
like to pursue him, you can."
00:14:45.48\00:14:48.45
Because I was
confident in the Lord, you know.
00:14:48.48\00:14:52.22
And so he went to
lunch with one of them,
00:14:52.25\00:14:54.92
and I wasn't worried.
00:14:54.96\00:14:56.62
And he called me that evening,
00:14:56.66\00:14:58.43
and I said,
"Well, how did it go?"
00:14:58.46\00:14:59.79
And he says, "It
was nice, you know."
00:14:59.83\00:15:02.26
But I think what happen
was his son, Jason, was 12.
00:15:02.30\00:15:07.14
Jason went home
and told his mom,
00:15:07.17\00:15:09.94
"Mom, Dad has a girlfriend."
00:15:09.97\00:15:12.07
And they have been
trying to reconnect.
00:15:12.11\00:15:15.58
He really tried to
reconnect with his family,
00:15:15.61\00:15:18.61
'cause he wanted
to be with his son.
00:15:18.65\00:15:21.15
And but I don't
think she was open to it.
00:15:21.18\00:15:25.42
'Cause she had
been through so much
00:15:25.45\00:15:26.79
with the drugs.
00:15:26.82\00:15:28.16
So much and she
is a lovely woman,
00:15:28.19\00:15:29.52
we are good friends.
00:15:29.56\00:15:30.89
And when she
called him, he said that,
00:15:30.93\00:15:36.10
"Thank you, but I like to
see what would happen with Kim."
00:15:36.13\00:15:40.27
And that's when I knew.
00:15:40.30\00:15:42.10
Wow.
00:15:42.14\00:15:43.47
She called him...
00:15:43.51\00:15:44.84
After Jason went
home. To try to rekindle?
00:15:44.87\00:15:46.88
As Jason went home and said,
"Mom, Dad has a girlfriend."
00:15:46.91\00:15:51.01
And it's not until you
think someone is right.
00:15:51.05\00:15:53.95
Yeah. Right. Right.
00:15:53.98\00:15:55.32
And so he said, "I like to see
where this will go with Kim."
00:15:55.35\00:15:58.65
Never knowing, almost 30 years,
00:15:58.69\00:16:01.12
it went with Kim.
00:16:01.16\00:16:02.59
Wow. You know, amazing.
00:16:02.62\00:16:04.49
So you guys started
dating. Started dating.
00:16:04.53\00:16:07.03
And you really fell
in love. Fell in love.
00:16:07.06\00:16:09.56
And really blend in
our families together,
00:16:09.60\00:16:11.93
'cause I had a
daughter, he had a son.
00:16:11.97\00:16:13.87
I think we have a
picture of the family too.
00:16:13.90\00:16:15.87
You know, of the
family. Yeah, we'll put that up.
00:16:15.90\00:16:18.34
So you had a
daughter, he had a son.
00:16:18.37\00:16:20.71
Yes, yes. And you guys...
00:16:20.74\00:16:22.21
Blended in working
together, that's the family.
00:16:22.24\00:16:25.55
And then in 2000,
we had our daughter,
00:16:25.58\00:16:29.02
Erin, you know...
00:16:29.05\00:16:30.82
Looking just like Arthur.
I know, looks just like him.
00:16:30.85\00:16:32.69
Oh, my goodness!
00:16:32.72\00:16:34.06
Just like Arthur
with a cap and gown.
00:16:34.09\00:16:35.42
Yes.
00:16:35.46\00:16:36.79
She was graduated
from the eighth grade,
00:16:36.83\00:16:38.16
and Jason has a son,
that was Arthur's first grand
00:16:38.19\00:16:40.73
and only grandson.
00:16:40.76\00:16:42.36
And we always
had this philosophy,
00:16:42.40\00:16:44.43
how many steps
do you have to take?
00:16:44.47\00:16:46.47
This is our family,
there're no stepfathers,
00:16:46.50\00:16:48.64
stepmother, stepbrothers,
half-brother, we are a family.
00:16:48.67\00:16:52.44
A family, that's
right. And so with that...
00:16:52.47\00:16:54.58
So at the wedding, the children,
00:16:54.61\00:16:56.98
they were our best
man and maid of honor.
00:16:57.01\00:16:58.68
And they were like, "Really,
this is going to happen?"
00:16:58.71\00:17:02.38
And it was so unbelievable
because Arthur was Mr. Nowlin
00:17:02.42\00:17:06.12
for almost a year.
00:17:06.15\00:17:07.49
Good morning, Mr. Nowlin.
00:17:07.52\00:17:08.96
Good afternoon,
Mr. Nowlin. Mr. Nowlin!
00:17:08.99\00:17:10.83
So, Micha didn't warm up to him?
00:17:10.86\00:17:13.03
And she said, "Dinner
is served, Mr. Nowlin.
00:17:13.06\00:17:15.26
Mr. Nowlin."
00:17:15.30\00:17:16.63
And one day she
came down the stairs
00:17:16.67\00:17:18.77
and she said, "Daddy!"
00:17:18.80\00:17:20.54
And we were like,
00:17:20.57\00:17:23.07
"Don't say a word,
don't say a word, okay."
00:17:23.10\00:17:25.41
And we didn't know what to do.
00:17:25.44\00:17:27.08
And he answered the question,
and from that point on,
00:17:27.11\00:17:29.71
it was daddy.
00:17:29.74\00:17:31.08
And even at the
services, she said...
00:17:31.11\00:17:33.55
Everyone is up talking about
all these wonderful accolades
00:17:33.58\00:17:36.12
and how wonderful he is.
00:17:36.15\00:17:37.59
"Well, I didn't like him,
00:17:37.62\00:17:39.19
I didn't want
him to marry my mom,"
00:17:39.22\00:17:41.26
and then she
turned and looked at me
00:17:41.29\00:17:43.02
and said, "Mom,
I want to thank you
00:17:43.06\00:17:45.39
for marrying
such a wonderful man.
00:17:45.43\00:17:48.00
Thank you for a
man who protected me,
00:17:48.03\00:17:51.47
guided me all the way through
since the age of 8 to 34."
00:17:51.50\00:17:56.64
That was her father,
that was her father, you know.
00:17:56.67\00:18:00.11
And he cared for her, loved her.
00:18:00.14\00:18:02.34
And when she got
breast cancer in 2013,
00:18:02.38\00:18:06.82
and we were coming
here to do a taping,
00:18:06.85\00:18:09.48
and I had to call you to say,
00:18:09.52\00:18:11.15
"Micha just, you
know, diagnosed."
00:18:11.19\00:18:13.22
Yes.
00:18:13.25\00:18:14.59
And the only thing he
said on the phone was,
00:18:14.62\00:18:16.36
"I'm on my way."
00:18:16.39\00:18:18.23
That's it. You know, he
didn't even mince words.
00:18:18.26\00:18:22.73
"I'm her father,"
and that's when I knew.
00:18:22.76\00:18:25.13
So I knew that day on the
phone when I heard him say that.
00:18:25.17\00:18:29.00
And we began to
really spend a lot of time
00:18:29.04\00:18:31.01
with the children
'cause he had to work.
00:18:31.04\00:18:32.97
And then him accepting
the Seventh-day message...
00:18:33.01\00:18:36.71
And at what point did
he accept the Sabbath?
00:18:36.75\00:18:38.31
Immediately, immediately.
00:18:38.35\00:18:39.85
Really? Immediately.
00:18:39.88\00:18:41.42
Yes. That's incredible.
00:18:41.45\00:18:43.08
You know, when you were
talking about the five men,
00:18:43.12\00:18:46.02
that kind of rallied
around him and embraced him.
00:18:46.05\00:18:48.59
Oh, yeah.
00:18:48.62\00:18:49.96
That's what we need
to do in our churches.
00:18:49.99\00:18:51.83
We need to do
it. Across the world.
00:18:51.86\00:18:54.20
Yes, our young
people, women, yes.
00:18:54.23\00:18:56.50
Embrace people
when they come in.
00:18:56.53\00:18:57.87
And so he accepted
the message immediately,
00:18:57.90\00:18:59.87
he was baptized
six months later.
00:18:59.90\00:19:02.20
Wow. Yes.
00:19:02.24\00:19:03.81
I invited him to church in 1990,
00:19:03.84\00:19:06.91
he was baptized in '91,
and we were married in '93.
00:19:06.94\00:19:10.65
Oh. Yes.
00:19:10.68\00:19:12.01
So we had premarital counseling
00:19:12.05\00:19:13.82
and he started
working for me in '91.
00:19:13.85\00:19:17.32
And he said, "This is something
I've always wanted to do."
00:19:17.35\00:19:20.12
He did it at his agency,
00:19:20.16\00:19:22.16
but they have the
freedom to travel, to speak,
00:19:22.19\00:19:24.63
to write books.
00:19:24.66\00:19:25.99
And so he came to me
after we are married,
00:19:26.03\00:19:28.40
he said... I
said, "What's wrong?"
00:19:28.43\00:19:30.70
He says, "I
want to quit my job."
00:19:30.73\00:19:32.50
I said, "You want to do what?"
00:19:32.53\00:19:34.40
And he said, "I
want to quit my job."
00:19:34.44\00:19:35.77
I said, "Well, what
do you want to do, dear?"
00:19:35.80\00:19:37.41
He says, "I want to go to school
00:19:37.44\00:19:38.77
and get my Masters,
00:19:38.81\00:19:40.24
but I need
someone to believe in me.
00:19:40.28\00:19:42.11
I need my wife to
believe in me," you know.
00:19:42.14\00:19:44.81
And so I said "Hmm."
00:19:44.85\00:19:46.18
So I called my mom,
you know, and I said,
00:19:46.21\00:19:47.88
"Mom, what do you think?"
00:19:47.92\00:19:49.25
And then she said,
00:19:49.28\00:19:50.62
"If you help
this man go to school,
00:19:50.65\00:19:52.92
this man will be
just in your corner
00:19:52.95\00:19:56.83
for the rest of your life."
00:19:56.86\00:19:58.79
And my mom helped
us get a computer,
00:19:58.83\00:20:01.00
we paid her back.
00:20:01.03\00:20:02.50
And he went to
school and got the degree.
00:20:02.53\00:20:06.33
And he says, "Well,
I'm not going to march in
00:20:06.37\00:20:08.14
and participate in graduation.
00:20:08.17\00:20:09.97
And I walked into the
room, I said, "Get your coat,
00:20:10.01\00:20:12.41
we are going down to
get all your information,
00:20:12.44\00:20:15.61
file your paperwork,
00:20:15.64\00:20:16.98
you'll be marching in
the Afro-central Graduation
00:20:17.01\00:20:19.85
and also at Wayne State.
00:20:19.88\00:20:21.75
So at the
graduation, I'm looking for him.
00:20:21.78\00:20:24.99
And I see this man in the chair
after the graduation, saying,
00:20:25.02\00:20:28.59
"Hey, ho, hey, ho."
00:20:28.62\00:20:32.39
And I'm like, for someone
00:20:32.43\00:20:34.16
who did not want to
participate in graduation,
00:20:34.20\00:20:37.10
you could not tell him anything.
00:20:37.13\00:20:39.03
And then I gave him a
party and he was just elated.
00:20:39.07\00:20:43.47
Now look at...
00:20:43.51\00:20:44.84
See, this is one of the things
that I love about you guys
00:20:44.87\00:20:49.24
because there's always
00:20:49.28\00:20:52.21
this element of
supporting each other.
00:20:52.25\00:20:54.85
Oh, yes. Being
there for each other.
00:20:54.88\00:20:57.19
I mean, you saw
that he had a dream,
00:20:57.22\00:21:00.96
that's what partners do.
00:21:00.99\00:21:02.32
That's right. He had a dream.
00:21:02.36\00:21:03.69
He had a dream and
instead of you saying,
00:21:03.73\00:21:06.39
"Quit your job, are you crazy?"
00:21:06.43\00:21:07.76
I know.
00:21:07.80\00:21:09.13
No, you checked with
your mom which is a good move.
00:21:09.16\00:21:11.93
And then, you probably
prayed about it, of course.
00:21:11.97\00:21:14.27
Oh, yeah.
00:21:14.30\00:21:15.64
And then you said,
"Go head and do that."
00:21:15.67\00:21:18.67
That says, "I believe in you."
00:21:18.71\00:21:20.91
But not only that, it says,
00:21:20.94\00:21:22.74
"I'm here to help you actualize,
00:21:22.78\00:21:25.95
to help you realize
your dreams, your goals,"
00:21:25.98\00:21:29.58
just like he
could be there for you.
00:21:29.62\00:21:31.42
Oh, yes.
00:21:31.45\00:21:32.79
The highest level of self-esteem
00:21:32.82\00:21:34.16
my mother taught me as a
child is to self-actualization.
00:21:34.19\00:21:38.46
Help someone to
come ahead of you,
00:21:38.49\00:21:40.60
pull them ahead
of you, you know.
00:21:40.63\00:21:42.93
And we were down to one car.
00:21:42.96\00:21:44.37
So I had to pack his lunch,
00:21:44.40\00:21:47.17
drop him off for his
clinical and his classes.
00:21:47.20\00:21:50.94
And he would sometimes get angry
00:21:50.97\00:21:53.21
'cause I would be late,
00:21:53.24\00:21:54.58
'cause I would be at the office.
00:21:54.61\00:21:55.94
I had to go get
Micha from school,
00:21:55.98\00:21:57.35
I had to do everything.
00:21:57.38\00:21:59.21
And he will be like,
"You're 10 minutes late,"
00:21:59.25\00:22:01.85
and he would be
pouting outside the school
00:22:01.88\00:22:04.32
waiting for me and I'm
like, "Arthur, get in the car."
00:22:04.35\00:22:07.52
Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. "Get in the car."
00:22:07.56\00:22:08.99
I said, "I'm trying to just keep
00:22:09.02\00:22:10.56
all of this together."
00:22:10.59\00:22:11.93
And so once he graduated
00:22:11.96\00:22:14.33
and started
working for the company,
00:22:14.36\00:22:16.06
everything started
just to build and grow,
00:22:16.10\00:22:19.13
and we saw things come together,
00:22:19.17\00:22:21.84
his dream, you know.
00:22:21.87\00:22:23.41
Especially he had
time to go play golf
00:22:23.44\00:22:25.64
whenever he wanted.
00:22:25.67\00:22:27.01
Oh, we have a picture of
him on the golf course too.
00:22:27.04\00:22:28.84
He loved it. He loved it.
00:22:28.88\00:22:30.21
That was his passion, wasn't it?
00:22:30.25\00:22:31.58
Oh, yes. His passion was
golf, his love was Christ.
00:22:31.61\00:22:34.68
Yes, but his passion...
00:22:34.72\00:22:36.05
'Cause in the wedding vows,
he said, "I shall not dust,
00:22:36.08\00:22:39.09
I shall not clean, I
shall only play golf, okay?"
00:22:39.12\00:22:44.46
I can't believe he
put that in the vows.
00:22:44.49\00:22:46.19
Yes, yes. He put
that in the vows.
00:22:46.23\00:22:48.43
And he was very determined
not to do any type of chores.
00:22:48.46\00:22:51.70
Arthur didn't do chores.
00:22:51.73\00:22:53.44
So later on, he would
go to the grocery store.
00:22:53.47\00:22:56.50
He didn't like
the honey-do list.
00:22:56.54\00:22:57.87
He talked about
the honey-do list.
00:22:57.91\00:22:59.34
And I will leave him
a list that will take up
00:22:59.37\00:23:01.08
his eight hours a day, you know.
00:23:01.11\00:23:03.28
And I'm like,
00:23:03.31\00:23:04.65
"How do you
play golf for 27 hoes
00:23:04.68\00:23:06.78
and then come home and
watch golf on television?"
00:23:06.82\00:23:09.25
okay.
00:23:09.28\00:23:10.62
"Well, I got to see this,
00:23:10.65\00:23:11.99
I got to learn
this move," you know.
00:23:12.02\00:23:13.72
And I said, "Well, you
know what, I'm gonna take golf."
00:23:13.76\00:23:15.52
He said, "Uh, no, no.
00:23:15.56\00:23:17.83
No, that's my
time, that's my time."
00:23:17.86\00:23:19.89
He did not want to do that.
00:23:19.93\00:23:21.60
And really, I didn't want to,
00:23:21.63\00:23:23.26
'cause it gave me a
chance to have my quiet time.
00:23:23.30\00:23:26.43
That was his
space, I have my space.
00:23:26.47\00:23:29.60
Then we came together,
the honey-do list, all right.
00:23:29.64\00:23:32.47
Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Oh, that's so good.
00:23:32.51\00:23:35.14
We have a video
clip of you and Arthur.
00:23:35.18\00:23:39.85
And actually, it's the tribute
that Jason and I did for Arthur
00:23:39.88\00:23:44.62
but we have some clips
of you and Arthur in action.
00:23:44.65\00:23:47.86
I want to show
those. All right. Okay?
00:23:47.89\00:23:51.23
Arthur Nowlin,
our beloved friend
00:23:51.26\00:23:53.56
and co-host of the
Dare to Dream program,
00:23:53.60\00:23:55.96
Making it Work, was a
funny, sensitive, intelligent
00:23:56.00\00:23:59.93
and spiritual man of God.
00:23:59.97\00:24:02.17
He and his wife, Dr.
Kim, were faithful members
00:24:02.20\00:24:05.24
of our Dare to Dream family
00:24:05.27\00:24:07.28
and diligently
provided episodes,
00:24:07.31\00:24:09.64
they gave inspiration
and hope to the viewers.
00:24:09.68\00:24:13.65
I remember Brother Arthur
being sharp from head to toe.
00:24:13.68\00:24:17.39
I mean, even his socks
complimented his suits.
00:24:17.42\00:24:21.49
Dr. Kim and Brother Arthur
00:24:21.52\00:24:23.02
were a fine example
of relationship goals.
00:24:23.06\00:24:27.00
They worked together,
they had an excellent dynamic,
00:24:27.03\00:24:29.86
and they served
the Lord together.
00:24:29.90\00:24:32.13
I'm sad that we are even
making this video right now.
00:24:32.17\00:24:35.30
But I thank God for
the blessed hope of seeing
00:24:35.34\00:24:37.77
Brother Arthur
again when Christ returns.
00:24:37.81\00:24:40.88
We have some
highlights of Brother Arthur
00:24:40.91\00:24:44.55
and Dr. Kim on Making it Work.
00:24:44.58\00:24:47.55
Take a look.
00:24:47.58\00:24:50.15
Hi. I'm Dr. Kim Logan
Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin.
00:24:50.19\00:24:53.39
And welcome to Making it Work.
00:24:53.42\00:24:56.29
Arthur, connected by love.
00:24:56.32\00:24:59.49
I always feel connected to you
00:24:59.53\00:25:01.46
but do I ever smother
you or you need your space?
00:25:01.50\00:25:04.70
Well, sometimes you do, Kim,
00:25:04.73\00:25:06.07
but it's okay,
I've gotten used to it.
00:25:06.10\00:25:07.97
What? Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:25:08.00\00:25:09.34
How do I smother you?
00:25:09.37\00:25:10.71
Yeah, you know,
there's this thing,
00:25:10.74\00:25:14.18
the honey-do list, okay?
00:25:14.21\00:25:15.54
Oh, my, honey-do list?
00:25:15.58\00:25:16.91
And sometimes it
could be a little bit big.
00:25:16.95\00:25:18.28
It could be a little
long. It could be a little long.
00:25:18.31\00:25:19.65
I mean,
especially after I come in
00:25:19.68\00:25:21.15
from a rough day on golf course.
00:25:21.18\00:25:22.72
Oh, yes.
00:25:22.75\00:25:24.09
Okay, so that honey-do
list gets longer and longer
00:25:24.12\00:25:26.69
because you get 18 hours.
00:25:26.72\00:25:28.92
Now can you imagine?
00:25:28.96\00:25:30.53
Now I'm talking
Connected by Love.
00:25:30.56\00:25:32.36
Can you imagine 9
holes on the golf course,
00:25:32.39\00:25:34.93
then it turns to
18, then there's 27?
00:25:34.96\00:25:37.17
Well, Kim, that only depends,
27 is rarity, 18 is standard.
00:25:37.20\00:25:41.50
Oh, really? But you
should understand that.
00:25:41.54\00:25:43.24
I mean, you've been
with me long enough to know
00:25:43.27\00:25:45.44
that I'm going to do 18.
00:25:45.47\00:25:46.94
That's true, Nowlin...
00:25:46.98\00:25:48.31
Okay, Arthur, you know,
00:25:48.34\00:25:49.68
being married
and working together,
00:25:49.71\00:25:52.51
it takes a lot of energy.
00:25:52.55\00:25:53.88
Yes.
00:25:53.92\00:25:55.25
Does it take a lot of
energy to be married to me?
00:25:55.28\00:25:56.62
Oh, Kim! Why do
you say, "Oh, Kim?"
00:25:56.65\00:25:58.25
You know, I don't
have enough energy.
00:25:58.29\00:26:01.76
You know, I like things moving.
00:26:01.79\00:26:03.36
I like to keep things
going and being motivated.
00:26:03.39\00:26:05.39
Absolutely.
00:26:05.43\00:26:06.76
I think that's, you know,
00:26:06.80\00:26:08.13
wise job to keep
her husband going.
00:26:08.16\00:26:10.07
I mean, who gave you that job?
00:26:10.10\00:26:12.03
Jesus, in the name.
00:26:12.07\00:26:13.40
The Lord said, "Submit
thyself unto thy husband."
00:26:13.44\00:26:16.10
Oh, no, Kim. Don't
you think I submit?
00:26:16.14\00:26:18.11
Do I submit?
00:26:18.14\00:26:20.41
You're taking too long
to answer that question.
00:26:20.44\00:26:21.84
Let's move on from
that. Let's move on?
00:26:21.88\00:26:23.31
Yeah. No, I want an answer.
00:26:23.35\00:26:24.91
Do you think I'm
a submissive wife?
00:26:24.95\00:26:26.41
No. Whoa!
00:26:26.45\00:26:28.32
Really? No, it's...
00:26:28.35\00:26:30.05
I mean... Am I difficult?
00:26:30.09\00:26:31.85
You can be, you
know, but, you know,
00:26:31.89\00:26:34.39
once again I have
to relay back, Kim,
00:26:34.42\00:26:37.09
how fortunate that you are
with the type of person I am.
00:26:37.13\00:26:40.63
And with my personality,
00:26:40.66\00:26:42.93
I'm able to adjust to you
00:26:42.96\00:26:46.37
as well as get
you to adjust to me.
00:26:46.40\00:26:48.60
So being equal... Yes.
00:26:48.64\00:26:49.97
Oh, Arthur, I got
a scripture for you.
00:26:50.01\00:26:51.64
Okay, come on.
Let's go. You ready?
00:26:51.67\00:26:53.01
Yes.
00:26:53.04\00:26:54.38
"He, who finds a
wife finds a good thing."
00:26:54.41\00:26:58.45
No.
00:26:58.48\00:26:59.81
"And receives
favor from the Lord,"
00:26:59.85\00:27:01.45
Proverbs 18:22.
00:27:01.48\00:27:03.05
Wow. That's fantastic.
00:27:03.08\00:27:04.72
He that finds a good wife.
00:27:04.75\00:27:06.09
I'm still
looking for that favor.
00:27:06.12\00:27:08.79
Well, you got the good wife.
00:27:08.82\00:27:10.16
Got the good wife.
00:27:10.19\00:27:11.53
Do you remember
about how we met?
00:27:11.56\00:27:13.09
Yeah, I can remember.
00:27:13.13\00:27:14.46
Well, I'm gonna go
to the part in the bank
00:27:14.50\00:27:16.43
where after I met you,
you didn't recognize me.
00:27:16.46\00:27:19.00
And I was so
embarrassed, I ran out.
00:27:19.03\00:27:22.14
You've been
running all over the place.
00:27:22.17\00:27:23.51
But no, I ran out of the bank,
00:27:23.54\00:27:24.87
'cause you
didn't know who I was.
00:27:24.91\00:27:26.24
You didn't remember me.
Well, that's understandable.
00:27:26.27\00:27:27.81
Why is that
understandable? I shook you up.
00:27:27.84\00:27:29.98
You did.
00:27:30.01\00:27:31.68
But at the end, I got you.
00:27:31.71\00:27:33.92
I got you.
00:27:33.95\00:27:35.28
What do you mean you got me?
00:27:35.32\00:27:36.99
You married me. Oh.
00:27:37.02\00:27:38.82
Okay, you
remember you were there?
00:27:38.85\00:27:40.19
Okay. Can we
count that as being got?
00:27:40.22\00:27:42.72
Oh, can we?
00:27:42.76\00:27:45.59
Learning how to love.
00:27:45.63\00:27:46.96
When you think about
fruits of the spirit,
00:27:47.00\00:27:49.06
what fruit really
describes me for you?
00:27:49.10\00:27:53.90
I don't know...
You're taking too long.
00:27:53.94\00:27:55.44
Well, I'm trying to find the...
00:27:55.47\00:27:57.07
It's the only 9,
there's not 20 fruits now.
00:27:57.11\00:27:59.21
I understand, Long Suffering.
00:27:59.24\00:28:00.88
"Long Suffering" is
yours. That's the one.
00:28:00.91\00:28:02.51
You know, why do you
say long suffering about me?
00:28:02.54\00:28:04.78
Well, because I mean,
00:28:04.81\00:28:06.21
I've been
suffering for a long time.
00:28:06.25\00:28:07.58
You know what? You need to stop.
00:28:07.62\00:28:08.95
You need to stop.
00:28:08.98\00:28:10.32
See, I was gonna say joy, peace,
00:28:10.35\00:28:11.72
you give me a peace that
passes all understanding.
00:28:11.75\00:28:13.96
But see, you had
to really understand
00:28:13.99\00:28:15.76
what long suffering means.
00:28:15.79\00:28:17.13
Okay, tell me.
00:28:17.16\00:28:18.49
You know, I mean,
even though I'm suffering,
00:28:18.53\00:28:20.36
I mean, that's
been for a long time...
00:28:20.40\00:28:21.76
Break it down.
00:28:21.80\00:28:23.13
There's a reward at
the end of my suffering.
00:28:23.16\00:28:24.73
What's the reward do you have?
00:28:24.77\00:28:26.10
You know that
somewhere down the line
00:28:26.13\00:28:28.44
that we'll bring it together,
00:28:28.47\00:28:30.41
and I won't have to
suffer as long as I did before.
00:28:30.44\00:28:34.48
That's why we
love you and Arthur.
00:28:34.51\00:28:36.81
So funny.
00:28:36.85\00:28:38.41
Yes. So real.
00:28:38.45\00:28:40.02
Oh, yes.
00:28:40.05\00:28:41.38
How do you feel
when you see that?
00:28:41.42\00:28:43.18
It just makes me the...
00:28:43.22\00:28:46.32
It's sort of
surreal, it's like, this is...
00:28:46.35\00:28:49.76
I know it's happened,
00:28:49.79\00:28:51.79
but I'm so thankful for
all that we've shared together.
00:28:51.83\00:28:55.50
You know, you're born, he was,
00:28:55.53\00:29:00.77
I mean, July 3, 1948.
00:29:00.80\00:29:03.84
But that dash before we
got to October 30, 2016,
00:29:03.87\00:29:08.38
he took that dash
and he's like, you know,
00:29:08.41\00:29:13.01
like corn braiding gravy.
00:29:13.05\00:29:14.45
He just ate it up.
00:29:14.48\00:29:16.18
He was hungry, he
wanted a second chance.
00:29:16.22\00:29:19.29
God gave him a second chance.
00:29:19.32\00:29:20.96
And even to the moment he died,
00:29:20.99\00:29:22.99
he asked me on October
30, he said, "Why, why?"
00:29:23.02\00:29:27.23
And I said, "Arthur, you
know, Jesus even asked God why.
00:29:27.26\00:29:30.53
You can ask God why.
00:29:30.57\00:29:32.47
But you have to remember
God gave you a job experience."
00:29:32.50\00:29:35.50
And he was like,
00:29:35.54\00:29:36.87
"I don't want
to talk about job."
00:29:36.91\00:29:38.31
I said, "But let's
go back 27 years ago
00:29:38.34\00:29:40.68
when you were
first diagnosed," and...
00:29:40.71\00:29:43.08
You know, tell us
about why did he die?
00:29:43.11\00:29:45.28
He had...
00:29:45.31\00:29:46.65
Well, first of all, he was
diagnosed with a hepatitis C
00:29:46.68\00:29:50.19
and then cirrhosis of liver.
00:29:50.22\00:29:51.95
That was almost 30 years ago.
00:29:51.99\00:29:54.59
But God brought
him through that.
00:29:54.62\00:29:57.06
And then around...
00:29:57.09\00:29:59.06
And the hep c, excuse me,
the hep c was related to...
00:29:59.09\00:30:02.13
To the drug use
00:30:02.16\00:30:04.17
and also it could have
been with the Agent Orange in...
00:30:04.20\00:30:10.01
He was exposed to
Agent Orange. Yes, yes.
00:30:10.04\00:30:12.24
Oh, wow.
00:30:12.27\00:30:13.98
So his liver was compromised.
00:30:14.01\00:30:16.28
So with that, one of the cells
00:30:16.31\00:30:19.05
became radical in April, May,
00:30:19.08\00:30:23.22
'cause he was
complaining that pain.
00:30:23.25\00:30:25.02
And but what happened
was he became ill around...
00:30:25.05\00:30:29.12
We had gone to just claim it,
Alberta in Virginia was cold.
00:30:29.16\00:30:33.93
He wasn't feeling good.
00:30:33.96\00:30:35.36
And then we went to
Aruba during Easter.
00:30:35.40\00:30:39.00
And so he said
that, "I feel better,
00:30:39.03\00:30:41.90
I can do the trip."
00:30:41.94\00:30:43.44
But when he got home,
he played a game of golf,
00:30:43.47\00:30:45.71
and that next day from April 23,
00:30:45.74\00:30:49.94
he called me, I was in church.
00:30:49.98\00:30:52.01
He said, "I don't
think I can meet you.
00:30:52.05\00:30:54.45
Can you come home?"
00:30:54.48\00:30:55.92
And I took him to the hospital,
he had a fever, chills,
00:30:55.95\00:30:59.72
and he was misdiagnosed
at the hospital first.
00:30:59.75\00:31:03.99
And he had gone
one time 10 days,
00:31:04.03\00:31:06.39
another time 11 days,
00:31:06.43\00:31:07.76
another time 14 days,
that was the last time.
00:31:07.80\00:31:11.23
And they found the cancer,
00:31:11.27\00:31:14.44
he had bile duct cancer
00:31:14.47\00:31:16.37
and the radical
cell ended there,
00:31:16.40\00:31:17.97
because he couldn't
move and pass his bowels.
00:31:18.01\00:31:20.78
And it was so painful for him.
00:31:20.81\00:31:23.14
And so they put stents
in to give him some relief
00:31:23.18\00:31:27.45
and that did help.
00:31:27.48\00:31:28.98
But he was on the pain
killers, and we were like,
00:31:29.02\00:31:31.95
"This should not
still be at all this time."
00:31:31.99\00:31:34.69
And a doctor
came in and she said,
00:31:34.72\00:31:37.29
"I'm going to do a
report for a surgery,"
00:31:37.33\00:31:39.06
that I asked for back in April.
00:31:39.09\00:31:41.30
Now this is July.
00:31:41.33\00:31:43.10
And they told us that
it was just a gastric issue
00:31:43.13\00:31:46.07
but we took him to
a gastroenterologist,
00:31:46.10\00:31:48.07
and he said, "No, his
liver enzymes are too high.
00:31:48.10\00:31:51.37
He needs to see a
liver specialist."
00:31:51.41\00:31:53.04
So I took him to another
four different hospitals,
00:31:53.07\00:31:56.24
numerous of doctors
until we found what it was.
00:31:56.28\00:32:00.65
Had the cirrhosis
damaged the liver?
00:32:00.68\00:32:02.55
Yes. Beyond...
00:32:02.58\00:32:03.92
Scar tissue. Okay.
00:32:03.95\00:32:05.29
And yes.
00:32:05.32\00:32:06.65
And so we were
looking at a liver transplant
00:32:06.69\00:32:08.42
but he had cells,
the radical cells,
00:32:08.46\00:32:11.46
they moved to the blood stream.
00:32:11.49\00:32:12.93
So they could
not do the blood...
00:32:12.96\00:32:14.90
They could not do
the liver transplant.
00:32:14.93\00:32:17.00
And so from there,
they recommended radiation
00:32:17.03\00:32:19.10
because he was
too weak for chemo.
00:32:19.13\00:32:21.10
So he made it through 12
treatments of radiation at UVM.
00:32:21.14\00:32:25.07
And he was so happy,
00:32:25.11\00:32:26.44
he was so proud but
he had lost 50 pounds.
00:32:26.47\00:32:30.35
So he went from 180 to
down to 125, 23 pounds.
00:32:30.38\00:32:36.28
And so he would look
in the mirror and he said,
00:32:36.32\00:32:38.72
"Who was this person?"
00:32:38.75\00:32:40.46
And I have to say, "I
love you, you're my husband.
00:32:40.49\00:32:43.39
You're God's child, a
father of our children."
00:32:43.43\00:32:46.36
And he would cry sometimes.
00:32:46.39\00:32:48.10
He would just cry.
00:32:48.13\00:32:49.80
He says, "I don't
understand." And I said...
00:32:49.83\00:32:53.34
And I didn't
want him to feel like
00:32:53.37\00:32:54.70
he was being punished by God
00:32:54.74\00:32:57.04
but again right after his death,
00:32:57.07\00:33:01.88
Pastor Snell at First
Church, Debleaire Snells,
00:33:01.91\00:33:04.78
he called and
said, "Aunty," he said,
00:33:04.81\00:33:07.68
"I can only give
you this scripture.
00:33:07.72\00:33:09.68
Isaiah 57:1 and 2 that,
00:33:09.72\00:33:11.95
'God takes the righteous
and lays them to sleep,
00:33:11.99\00:33:15.22
to save them from
the wicked times ahead.'
00:33:15.26\00:33:18.19
And I had to hold on
to that. And I said...
00:33:18.23\00:33:21.10
And my sister said to me,
00:33:21.13\00:33:22.53
"God is saving
him from something.
00:33:22.56\00:33:24.23
It could be that he
may turn in the last days."
00:33:24.27\00:33:26.90
"The very leaf
shall be deceived"
00:33:26.94\00:33:28.97
and God is saying,
00:33:29.00\00:33:30.34
"While I have him,
I'm gonna take him."
00:33:30.37\00:33:32.17
May be for me to
have even a closer walk.
00:33:32.21\00:33:34.78
Will I continue the ministry?
00:33:34.81\00:33:36.31
Or will I just
hide up under the covers
00:33:36.34\00:33:38.41
and give up because
00:33:38.45\00:33:39.78
now I'm on the other
side of being Dr. Kim,
00:33:39.81\00:33:42.28
I've lost my husband.
00:33:42.32\00:33:43.65
Yes, yes.
00:33:43.69\00:33:45.02
And this is the
most difficult...
00:33:45.05\00:33:46.89
I've lost my mother, my
father, a sibling, aunts,
00:33:46.92\00:33:50.53
you know, but a spouse...
00:33:50.56\00:33:52.93
After 30 years.
00:33:52.96\00:33:54.30
Come on, and you've
been with this person,
00:33:54.33\00:33:56.20
and you've ministered
with this person, you know.
00:33:56.23\00:33:57.87
Yes, yes.
00:33:57.90\00:33:59.30
And even when I
met him and I said,
00:33:59.33\00:34:01.30
"Now this is
what's going to happen.
00:34:01.34\00:34:03.67
We're going to not
have sex before marriage.
00:34:03.71\00:34:06.98
I'm a vegetarian, I'm
a Seventh-day Adventist.
00:34:07.01\00:34:09.41
What you're gonna do?"
00:34:09.44\00:34:11.65
I love it. "What
you're going to do?"
00:34:11.68\00:34:13.01
This is great.
"What you're going to do?"
00:34:13.05\00:34:14.45
"What you're going to do?"
00:34:14.48\00:34:15.82
Obviously, he said,
"I'm going to marry you."
00:34:15.85\00:34:17.25
And then he told
his golf friends,
00:34:17.29\00:34:18.92
"I can't play golf
on Saturday anymore."
00:34:18.95\00:34:21.12
And they spoke, John
spoke at the services
00:34:21.16\00:34:24.33
and they all
started playing on Sunday.
00:34:24.36\00:34:26.73
But get this,
00:34:26.76\00:34:28.16
before he would go out and play,
00:34:28.20\00:34:29.83
no matter where he was,
he would call me for prayer,
00:34:29.86\00:34:33.30
then he would
pray with his friends,
00:34:33.34\00:34:35.10
and at the airport
he would pray again.
00:34:35.14\00:34:37.04
That was our ministry.
00:34:37.07\00:34:38.94
But they all knew he
would be praying with me
00:34:38.97\00:34:42.48
before he headed out
no matter where they were.
00:34:42.51\00:34:43.95
Yes.
00:34:43.98\00:34:45.31
And so I would complain
00:34:45.35\00:34:47.35
and fuss about
the honey-do list,
00:34:47.38\00:34:49.32
but it was a ministry for him.
00:34:49.35\00:34:51.29
He could have
been at the casinos,
00:34:51.32\00:34:52.65
he could have been
at the strip clubs,
00:34:52.69\00:34:54.22
he could have
been abusing my girls
00:34:54.26\00:34:56.52
but no, he was a Godly man.
00:34:56.56\00:34:58.13
Yes.
00:34:58.16\00:34:59.49
You know, who loved God,
00:34:59.53\00:35:01.03
he loved his family and
that man love golf, okay.
00:35:01.06\00:35:03.67
Yes.
00:35:03.70\00:35:05.03
And so I had to
try to understand
00:35:05.07\00:35:08.34
even at the last hour,
00:35:08.37\00:35:10.37
holding him 'cause he
died with me holding him.
00:35:10.41\00:35:13.84
He died with me holding him.
00:35:13.88\00:35:15.48
And I said, "I
love you. I love you."
00:35:15.51\00:35:18.11
And when our
daughter, Erin, stayed home
00:35:18.15\00:35:21.32
and got out of her bed
and she screamed and she said,
00:35:21.35\00:35:24.75
"No, Daddy."
00:35:24.79\00:35:28.19
And he looked over
at her, and he smiled,
00:35:28.22\00:35:33.50
and he looked
back at me, he said,
00:35:33.53\00:35:36.77
"I love you," and I
said, "Rest, Arthur, rest."
00:35:36.80\00:35:42.37
I said, "I'll see
you when Jesus comes,
00:35:42.40\00:35:45.87
just rest now."
00:35:45.91\00:35:48.78
And he looked at me, Yvonne,
00:35:48.81\00:35:51.61
even speaking, he slept away.
00:35:51.65\00:35:55.38
He was speaking and
he took that last breath
00:35:55.42\00:36:00.49
and our daughter,
Micha, was on FaceTime,
00:36:00.52\00:36:03.43
'cause she was in Hansville.
00:36:03.46\00:36:05.43
Our son, Jason, was
there and our Godson Justin.
00:36:05.46\00:36:08.96
And he slept away.
00:36:09.00\00:36:12.60
Even at the end, he was,
he didn't want to leave us,
00:36:12.63\00:36:15.84
he told my sister
and my cousin Dee,
00:36:15.87\00:36:19.27
"What's gonna happen to
my wife and my children?"
00:36:19.31\00:36:22.21
And God...
00:36:22.24\00:36:24.85
'Cause every time I
went through something,
00:36:24.88\00:36:26.72
Arthur was there with me.
00:36:26.75\00:36:28.08
Yes, yes.
00:36:28.12\00:36:29.45
You know, every year since 2011,
00:36:29.48\00:36:32.65
it has been such a
tumultuous time in our lives.
00:36:32.69\00:36:35.79
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:35.82\00:36:37.16
You've had so
many things happened.
00:36:37.19\00:36:39.66
Your daughter
diagnosed with breast cancer,
00:36:39.69\00:36:41.80
your mother died...
00:36:41.83\00:36:43.16
My aunt passed away last year.
00:36:43.20\00:36:45.23
That's right. You know, 2015...
00:36:45.27\00:36:46.60
That's right.
00:36:46.63\00:36:47.97
You know, my
cousin, Karen's mother,
00:36:48.00\00:36:49.84
and then the
fire of the building.
00:36:49.87\00:36:52.87
You know, and then
you couldn't have told me
00:36:52.91\00:36:55.81
while I was at my
aunt Rachel's re-pass,
00:36:55.84\00:36:58.98
we were the MCs.
00:36:59.01\00:37:00.88
You know, standing by
my cousin Karen's side
00:37:00.92\00:37:03.95
that I would be burying
my husband a year later.
00:37:03.99\00:37:07.39
You couldn't tell me that.
00:37:07.42\00:37:09.19
And I said, "Lord, what
is that you want from me?"
00:37:09.22\00:37:12.63
And I asked God that.
00:37:12.66\00:37:14.36
I said, "What do
you want from me?
00:37:14.40\00:37:17.60
'Cause all I have
left are my children.
00:37:17.63\00:37:20.54
All I have is my
life, what do you want?
00:37:20.57\00:37:22.80
What do you want me to know?
00:37:22.84\00:37:24.67
What do you want me to do?
00:37:24.71\00:37:26.54
I'm faithful. I
keep the Sabbath.
00:37:26.57\00:37:29.11
I return faithful
tithes and offering.
00:37:29.14\00:37:31.41
I do everything
you've asked me to do.
00:37:31.45\00:37:35.75
You know, and Arthur even said,
00:37:35.78\00:37:37.59
"You have a star on your crown.
00:37:37.62\00:37:39.45
There will be no
starless crowns, Kim," you know.
00:37:39.49\00:37:42.92
And we begin to
talk about Ellen T.
00:37:42.96\00:37:44.89
White's writings.
00:37:44.93\00:37:46.36
And I said, "Lord,
please, don't take my husband.
00:37:46.39\00:37:50.87
Don't do this. Don't do this."
00:37:50.90\00:37:53.57
You know, honey, the
thing is, the Bible says that,
00:37:53.60\00:37:58.24
"The thief comes
to steal and destroy."
00:37:58.27\00:38:00.68
Yes.
00:38:00.71\00:38:02.04
"But Jesus came to give us
life and life more abundantly,"
00:38:02.08\00:38:04.51
and even in the
midst of the darkest times,
00:38:04.55\00:38:08.05
we don't
understand why things happen
00:38:08.08\00:38:09.95
but God didn't
do this to Arthur.
00:38:09.98\00:38:12.89
He allowed it.
00:38:12.92\00:38:14.26
For whatever
reason, He allowed it
00:38:14.29\00:38:16.06
but He didn't do this, the
enemy takes our loved ones.
00:38:16.09\00:38:19.23
Death is an enemy. Yes.
00:38:19.26\00:38:21.50
But praise God
for the resurrection.
00:38:21.53\00:38:23.16
Oh, praise God.
That's all we have.
00:38:23.20\00:38:24.53
Praise God. That's all we have.
00:38:24.57\00:38:26.33
As I was watching the
casket go into the ground,
00:38:26.37\00:38:30.41
and my son was, you
know, putting the dirt on top,
00:38:30.44\00:38:35.84
and Wednesday,
before Thanksgiving
00:38:35.88\00:38:37.65
I went out to take
care of his Headstone.
00:38:37.68\00:38:40.65
And so I thought
right then and there,
00:38:40.68\00:38:43.39
how great it would be
when Jesus comes again.
00:38:43.42\00:38:45.52
Yes, yes.
00:38:45.55\00:38:46.89
"And the dead in
Christ shall rise first."
00:38:46.92\00:38:49.69
And I stood there
at his grave by myself
00:38:49.72\00:38:52.96
thanking the Lord for his life
00:38:52.99\00:38:55.16
but thanking Jesus
for the resurrection.
00:38:55.20\00:38:58.27
And I'm looking
towards that day,
00:38:58.30\00:39:00.90
more with an
urgency than before.
00:39:00.94\00:39:02.80
Yes.
00:39:02.84\00:39:04.17
Because I want to see
Jesus but I want to see Arthur.
00:39:04.21\00:39:07.18
Yes. I want to see him again.
00:39:07.21\00:39:09.01
Oh, yes.
00:39:09.04\00:39:10.38
So I must do whatever
it takes to live a life
00:39:10.41\00:39:14.02
that is pleasing for Christ
00:39:14.05\00:39:16.02
and live a life
that's gonna be used by God.
00:39:16.05\00:39:19.75
Because I could've
called you and said,
00:39:19.79\00:39:21.72
"Yvonne, I'm done.
00:39:21.76\00:39:23.26
I can't go home without Arthur."
00:39:23.29\00:39:25.16
I could've, you know,
walked out of my office,
00:39:25.19\00:39:27.63
'cause you know his
office is right next to mine.
00:39:27.66\00:39:29.46
You've been
there. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
00:39:29.50\00:39:30.83
You know and walking past
that office everyday, I'm done.
00:39:30.87\00:39:34.90
And then are you ready for this?
00:39:34.94\00:39:36.81
On Sunday, my alarm went off.
00:39:36.84\00:39:39.47
Someone broke into
my office in February
00:39:39.51\00:39:42.34
and broke into my
office just a few days ago.
00:39:42.38\00:39:45.21
Oh, my goodness.
00:39:45.25\00:39:46.58
And I'm like, "Is the
enemy so angry with me
00:39:46.61\00:39:50.65
to get me discouraged,"
00:39:50.69\00:39:52.52
that you are gonna
do everything you can.
00:39:52.55\00:39:54.66
Well, I'm here to tell
you, "It's not gonna work."
00:39:54.69\00:39:57.06
Come on. "It's not gonna work."
00:39:57.09\00:39:58.43
Come on, now.
00:39:58.46\00:39:59.79
I'm gonna continue to
stay on this battle field.
00:39:59.83\00:40:01.16
That's right.
00:40:01.20\00:40:02.53
I'm gonna continue to
witness, I'm gonna continue
00:40:02.56\00:40:03.90
to help others
understand the importance
00:40:03.93\00:40:06.53
of what it means,
'cause now I can talk
00:40:06.57\00:40:08.34
from that perspective.
00:40:08.37\00:40:09.84
I can help and do you know,
I got a call just a few days
00:40:09.87\00:40:12.61
after Arthur passed,
00:40:12.64\00:40:14.08
from a lady who lost her spouse.
00:40:14.11\00:40:16.41
And I said, "I'll
meet with you," you know.
00:40:16.44\00:40:19.38
And people say,
"Well, when did you grieve?"
00:40:19.41\00:40:20.95
This is a part of my healing.
00:40:20.98\00:40:23.08
It's a part of my
healing to help others.
00:40:23.12\00:40:24.79
You know, when you were talking
00:40:24.82\00:40:27.16
about how you cried out to God,
00:40:27.19\00:40:30.63
you know, like
why is this happening?
00:40:30.66\00:40:33.16
And Arthur too,
why is this happening?
00:40:33.19\00:40:35.80
And basically, what did I do?
00:40:35.83\00:40:38.60
What did I not
do? Why is this going?
00:40:38.63\00:40:40.84
But you know, that is
such a normal thing to do,
00:40:40.87\00:40:44.07
that is such a
typical thing to do
00:40:44.11\00:40:46.47
when we are in the
throws of grief and despair.
00:40:46.51\00:40:50.51
We wonder, "Why
is this happening?"
00:40:50.55\00:40:55.48
We know that God
has a plan. Oh, yeah.
00:40:55.52\00:40:57.45
It's just so that
that point in time,
00:40:57.49\00:41:00.06
you just don't know
where things are going.
00:41:00.09\00:41:02.82
That's right.
00:41:02.86\00:41:04.19
You don't know what His plan is.
00:41:04.23\00:41:05.56
You don't know what His plan is.
00:41:05.59\00:41:06.93
No.
00:41:06.96\00:41:08.30
But He says it though,
"The plans after you, you know,
00:41:08.33\00:41:09.66
you have no idea..."
00:41:09.70\00:41:11.03
"I know the plan." "I
know but you don't know."
00:41:11.07\00:41:12.83
But you don't know.
00:41:12.87\00:41:14.20
"And they are bigger than
what you can even imagine."
00:41:14.24\00:41:15.97
That's right.
00:41:16.00\00:41:17.34
And so I have to accept that
00:41:17.37\00:41:18.77
and even in the
midnight hour, I wake up crying.
00:41:18.81\00:41:22.51
And I have pictures
of him around the house.
00:41:22.54\00:41:26.01
And before he
passed, he said, "Kim..."
00:41:26.05\00:41:28.38
'Cause in the family
room, there's like pictures
00:41:28.42\00:41:30.65
and big pictures
and little pictures.
00:41:30.69\00:41:32.15
Yes. It's just a family room.
00:41:32.19\00:41:33.96
He says, "Kim, I
love that picture,
00:41:33.99\00:41:35.82
I love that picture."
00:41:35.86\00:41:37.19
He says, "But, Kim,
00:41:37.23\00:41:38.56
you're gonna have to take
some of these pictures down,
00:41:38.59\00:41:39.93
'cause you're going
to have a hard time."
00:41:39.96\00:41:41.90
And I haven't taken one
down because it tells a story.
00:41:41.93\00:41:44.97
Yes.
00:41:45.00\00:41:46.33
All the pictures tell a
story of my life with you.
00:41:46.37\00:41:48.24
Yes, yes.
00:41:48.27\00:41:49.60
And what it's been
like to be with you.
00:41:49.64\00:41:51.37
And it's just an
amazing journey, you know.
00:41:51.41\00:41:56.04
And how many times he
would fight me, you know,
00:41:56.08\00:41:58.78
"I don't want to come
to the office" or you know.
00:41:58.81\00:42:00.88
"How many outfits did
Yvonne say we had to have?"
00:42:00.92\00:42:03.08
I say, "Thirteen,
thirteen episodes."
00:42:03.12\00:42:05.65
"Well, why do we
have to finish the book,
00:42:05.69\00:42:07.19
why we got to do this?"
00:42:07.22\00:42:08.62
I actually
thought, "Oh, no, no, no."
00:42:08.66\00:42:10.06
I said, "Arthur, Arthur,
because you're living a legacy.
00:42:10.09\00:42:13.96
A legacy of love." Yes.
00:42:14.00\00:42:15.86
And that's what
he has left with us.
00:42:15.90\00:42:17.53
Yes. A legacy.
00:42:17.57\00:42:19.93
A legacy of love for
sure. A legacy of love.
00:42:19.97\00:42:21.37
We have a couple of
pictures of you and Arthur.
00:42:21.40\00:42:24.11
And even you in the...
Oh, I love that picture.
00:42:24.14\00:42:26.68
Oh, yeah.
00:42:26.71\00:42:28.04
Now is that when you guys were
first dating or when was that?
00:42:28.08\00:42:30.18
That was a little
bit after we were dating.
00:42:30.21\00:42:32.55
Okay. That's sweet.
00:42:32.58\00:42:34.35
Yeah. Yes.
00:42:34.38\00:42:35.72
We have a couple more.
00:42:35.75\00:42:37.09
Now when was that?
That is our new promo.
00:42:37.12\00:42:38.75
We just did that last
year to promote the business,
00:42:38.79\00:42:42.56
"The Nowlins, the power couple".
00:42:42.59\00:42:43.93
Yes.
00:42:43.96\00:42:45.29
So I was doing some
new marketing strategies
00:42:45.33\00:42:49.50
and some techniques.
00:42:49.53\00:42:50.87
And he was fussing like,
00:42:50.90\00:42:52.23
"Well, why do we have
to be in the same color?
00:42:52.27\00:42:54.24
Why do we have to do this?"
00:42:54.27\00:42:56.07
He was just fussing.
00:42:56.10\00:42:57.81
But when he saw it,
he would always say,
00:42:57.84\00:42:59.41
"Hmm, I look good."
00:42:59.44\00:43:00.91
Oh, my goodness!
00:43:00.94\00:43:02.74
He said, "That's looks nice."
00:43:02.78\00:43:04.68
That's when I was running
for the Detroit city council.
00:43:04.71\00:43:08.18
And he was by my
side and getting out,
00:43:08.22\00:43:11.35
getting the pamphlets out,
going from meeting to meeting.
00:43:11.39\00:43:14.99
He was so excited that my
dream to run for city council,
00:43:15.02\00:43:19.13
he was right there
to see that happen, yes.
00:43:19.16\00:43:21.76
That's wonderful.
00:43:21.80\00:43:23.13
He was supporting
you in your journey.
00:43:23.16\00:43:24.67
Oh, in every way.
00:43:24.70\00:43:26.03
This was in
California, we were at a wedding
00:43:26.07\00:43:28.07
and again there was a...
00:43:28.10\00:43:29.87
'Cause I design a
lot of my outfits,
00:43:29.90\00:43:31.91
and he would go and we would
get matching ties and socks.
00:43:31.94\00:43:35.91
And he was like, "Okay,
00:43:35.94\00:43:37.48
what are you
wearing for the church?"
00:43:37.51\00:43:39.65
He loved that.
00:43:39.68\00:43:41.02
And he used to
give me a hard time.
00:43:41.05\00:43:42.38
When he was seeing
the picture, he says,
00:43:42.42\00:43:43.89
"Oh, I see what your vision is."
00:43:43.92\00:43:47.29
And that's what he
loved to just have.
00:43:47.32\00:43:50.19
He was an immaculate dresser.
00:43:50.23\00:43:52.29
And the way he presents himself.
00:43:52.33\00:43:53.66
And he used it as a ministry to,
00:43:53.70\00:43:55.93
you know, 'cause he
worked in the prison.
00:43:55.96\00:43:58.50
When he would
walk into the prisons
00:43:58.53\00:43:59.93
and his pants will be up,
00:43:59.97\00:44:01.74
his shoes will be shining,
00:44:01.77\00:44:03.84
he would have on a tie and suit.
00:44:03.87\00:44:05.84
And he would talk
to the men in prison
00:44:05.87\00:44:07.74
or the half way houses.
00:44:07.78\00:44:09.28
And they would say, "Mr. Nowlin,
00:44:09.31\00:44:11.61
you're just a jive,
00:44:11.65\00:44:14.65
you are..."
00:44:14.68\00:44:16.22
And he said, "Praise God."
00:44:16.25\00:44:18.05
But even as a little
boy, he was tall and thin
00:44:18.09\00:44:20.32
so his suits had
to be tailor made.
00:44:20.36\00:44:22.36
But he always had
that air about him
00:44:22.39\00:44:25.29
to present himself
well and that's why he said,
00:44:25.33\00:44:28.33
"If someone could
just believe in me..."
00:44:28.36\00:44:31.30
And I told his
ex-wife at the service.
00:44:31.33\00:44:35.60
And she said,
"Kim, I want to thank you
00:44:35.64\00:44:38.04
for being there for Arthur."
00:44:38.07\00:44:39.77
And I said, "You had a
season, I had a season,
00:44:39.81\00:44:44.21
but most of all,
Jesus had his season.
00:44:44.25\00:44:47.32
And Arthur was
looking for the Lord."
00:44:47.35\00:44:50.12
And it's amazing when
you give your life to Jesus.
00:44:50.15\00:44:52.65
And people don't understand.
00:44:52.69\00:44:54.72
He will take your
life if you're open to it.
00:44:54.76\00:44:57.56
And you wonder why
if you're stagnated
00:44:57.59\00:44:59.16
and you're not moving,
00:44:59.19\00:45:00.60
are you giving
your all to Jesus?
00:45:00.63\00:45:03.37
Are you faithful to the Lord?
00:45:03.40\00:45:05.27
And I remember when
Arthur first asked God
00:45:05.30\00:45:06.77
about tithes and
offering, he says,
00:45:06.80\00:45:08.54
"So I give money
to God," he's like,
00:45:08.57\00:45:11.27
"I can't give," I said, "10%."
00:45:11.31\00:45:12.64
Mm-hm.
00:45:12.67\00:45:14.01
And then we moved to
10-10, and he said now, 15-15,
00:45:14.04\00:45:17.51
but he saw the blessing.
00:45:17.55\00:45:18.95
So 10% tithes, 10%
offering. Ten percent offering.
00:45:18.98\00:45:21.72
Fifteen percent tithes,
fifteen percent offering.
00:45:21.75\00:45:24.09
He saw the tremendous
increase in our lives.
00:45:24.12\00:45:27.79
Not just finances but health,
ministry, 3ABN called us.
00:45:27.82\00:45:33.80
And I remember when
you call and we got call.
00:45:33.83\00:45:36.10
Oh, yeah. Let's talk about
how you came to Making It Work.
00:45:36.13\00:45:38.30
Yes. Well, we
got a call from Ray.
00:45:38.33\00:45:41.87
And they were looking
for a host for this program.
00:45:41.90\00:45:46.31
And I was at a workshop,
and Ray called about 12 times.
00:45:46.34\00:45:51.15
And so I went to the restroom,
I was washing my hands,
00:45:51.18\00:45:53.68
I laid the phone down.
00:45:53.72\00:45:55.08
And I said,
"Hi. Can I help you?"
00:45:55.12\00:45:57.25
And Ray ask me about this,
00:45:57.29\00:45:58.95
'cause we worked
together at camp meeting,
00:45:58.99\00:46:01.09
during workshop, during seminars
00:46:01.12\00:46:02.82
but Arthur would
be at the golf courts.
00:46:02.86\00:46:05.09
I will be doing the
radio show, workshops, seminar.
00:46:05.13\00:46:08.03
"Kim, I think this
will be great for you."
00:46:08.06\00:46:10.10
And I said, "Well,
00:46:10.13\00:46:11.63
I would like to
propose something."
00:46:11.67\00:46:13.70
I said, "My husband and
I, we do everything together,
00:46:13.74\00:46:16.20
except golf."
00:46:16.24\00:46:17.57
And I said, "I would like
to do a program with him."
00:46:17.61\00:46:21.24
And I said, "Can you see
00:46:21.28\00:46:22.64
if Dr. Louise will
be interested in that?"
00:46:22.68\00:46:25.18
And you said,
"Let's do the pilot,"
00:46:25.21\00:46:27.78
and it went from
there to Making It Work.
00:46:27.82\00:46:31.59
Oh, praise the Lord.
00:46:31.62\00:46:32.95
You know, Brother Ray had said,
00:46:32.99\00:46:34.69
and I have meant to
mention this in the tribute
00:46:34.72\00:46:37.46
that he brought you to us.
00:46:37.49\00:46:39.69
Oh, yes.
00:46:39.73\00:46:41.06
And he had told
me, "I have this couple
00:46:41.10\00:46:44.07
that would just be
perfect for this program."
00:46:44.10\00:46:47.94
And so I said,
"Okay, well let's,
00:46:47.97\00:46:50.34
you know, let's give it a try.
00:46:50.37\00:46:52.01
Let's see."
00:46:52.04\00:46:53.38
And, oh, my...
00:46:53.41\00:46:55.24
From day one, I mean, I
just loved what you all did,
00:46:55.28\00:46:59.55
I loved the banter, I
loved the chemistry you had.
00:46:59.58\00:47:03.32
I loved all that.
00:47:03.35\00:47:04.69
I really appreciate
Brother Ray for bringing
00:47:04.72\00:47:07.46
and for producing
all the beginning,
00:47:07.49\00:47:10.06
the early programs,
00:47:10.09\00:47:11.73
Brother Ray and his team
in Quiet Time Ministries.
00:47:11.76\00:47:15.80
And people don't realize,
it takes a lot of sacrifice
00:47:15.83\00:47:17.17
to do something like this.
00:47:17.20\00:47:18.53
Oh, they have no idea
what goes into all of this.
00:47:18.57\00:47:20.44
This is the final product.
That's right, that's right.
00:47:20.47\00:47:22.10
But you don't know and Arthur...
00:47:22.14\00:47:24.44
I had done Television for years,
00:47:24.47\00:47:26.37
but Arthur was a radio
wag, you know, and he was like,
00:47:26.41\00:47:30.25
"I don't know."
00:47:30.28\00:47:31.61
And I was like, "Well,
we're gonna do this together."
00:47:31.65\00:47:33.75
And once you gave Arthur
that mic, oh, my goodness,
00:47:33.78\00:47:37.69
you cannot get the mic from him.
00:47:37.72\00:47:39.45
Forget it. Forget it.
00:47:39.49\00:47:40.82
While he was
interviewing someone,
00:47:40.86\00:47:42.22
and I would cut back in.
00:47:42.26\00:47:43.86
He was like, "You cut me
off." I said, "No, I didn't."
00:47:43.89\00:47:46.39
You know, he's
like, "Well, next program,
00:47:46.43\00:47:48.23
let me open it, you know."
00:47:48.26\00:47:50.07
And he said, "You
are natural at this.
00:47:50.10\00:47:53.17
I need some rehearsal."
00:47:53.20\00:47:54.77
But he loved it.
00:47:54.80\00:47:56.37
And you did some
fillers for us too, love notes.
00:47:56.40\00:47:59.31
And we aired those
too where you and Arthur
00:47:59.34\00:48:01.74
are teaching
principles of relationship,
00:48:01.78\00:48:05.68
of relationship
building and family support,
00:48:05.71\00:48:08.48
that's what we're all about.
00:48:08.52\00:48:10.79
Let's talk before we end,
00:48:10.82\00:48:12.49
'cause this
hour's just flown by.
00:48:12.52\00:48:13.99
Let's talk a little
bit about how you're doing.
00:48:14.02\00:48:16.86
How are you coping with
the loss of your partner?
00:48:16.89\00:48:22.03
It's very difficult.
00:48:22.06\00:48:24.03
I'm sad a lot.
00:48:24.07\00:48:26.94
I miss him.
00:48:26.97\00:48:29.30
I pray a lot. I study my word.
00:48:29.34\00:48:35.81
I try to be strong for
my children and my grandson,
00:48:35.84\00:48:40.65
for my church family.
00:48:40.68\00:48:44.15
I didn't stop attending church.
I went back that next Sabbath.
00:48:44.19\00:48:47.86
We laid him to rest Thursday.
00:48:47.89\00:48:49.86
I was in church on Sabbath.
00:48:49.89\00:48:53.80
And being in the
home is different
00:48:53.83\00:48:57.23
because we were there together.
00:48:57.27\00:48:58.60
This is the home
00:48:58.63\00:48:59.97
we made together
for our children,
00:49:00.00\00:49:01.64
and our lives,
and Sabbath dinners,
00:49:01.67\00:49:04.51
and fellowships,
and federation meetings,
00:49:04.54\00:49:07.08
and the choir rehearsals
00:49:07.11\00:49:08.48
and just so many
wonderful memories.
00:49:08.51\00:49:12.01
I can't go into any
room without thinking of him
00:49:12.05\00:49:14.98
or why do we have
to change the curtains,
00:49:15.02\00:49:16.99
why we need to do this?
00:49:17.02\00:49:18.35
Well, then we'll
just get this bedspread.
00:49:18.39\00:49:20.86
And I think for
the first five days,
00:49:20.89\00:49:23.83
I couldn't sleep in our room.
00:49:23.86\00:49:26.70
You know, it's very
difficult to sleep in our room.
00:49:26.73\00:49:30.37
This is real. I
got to be transparent.
00:49:30.40\00:49:32.23
Yeah, please, please.
00:49:32.27\00:49:33.84
And I walk into the room,
and I can't go past the door.
00:49:33.87\00:49:39.41
I can't go in that room.
00:49:39.44\00:49:41.74
The door is open, but
I can't go in the room.
00:49:41.78\00:49:44.88
Now my son is
there or my daughter.
00:49:44.91\00:49:48.32
And I'm gathering things
together to give to my son.
00:49:48.35\00:49:51.99
And what's so beautiful,
00:49:52.02\00:49:53.36
our son can
wear all his clothes.
00:49:53.39\00:49:55.19
So beautiful! That is beautiful.
00:49:55.22\00:49:57.03
And I'm getting things in
order and pulling this out
00:49:57.06\00:50:00.16
and he said, "Well, Mom,
why are you keeping this?"
00:50:00.20\00:50:01.93
I said, "You can wear it."
00:50:01.96\00:50:03.97
So I said, "In time,
I'll let it go, in time."
00:50:04.00\00:50:08.80
So right now, I'm
picking it day by day.
00:50:08.84\00:50:11.87
And, you know, Yvonne,
lot of people don't know
00:50:11.91\00:50:13.91
what to say to you.
00:50:13.94\00:50:16.64
They think they're
helping you and, you know,
00:50:16.68\00:50:19.25
they will ask you,
"How are you doing?"
00:50:19.28\00:50:21.72
And that's not always
the right question to ask.
00:50:21.75\00:50:25.55
What are some things to ask?
00:50:25.59\00:50:27.12
What is something that
00:50:27.16\00:50:28.86
someone who has a loved
one that's going through
00:50:28.89\00:50:31.83
what you're going through,
00:50:31.86\00:50:33.33
what are some of the
things they should ask you?
00:50:33.36\00:50:35.93
They can... You know,
don't even ask, just do.
00:50:35.96\00:50:38.97
Just do.
00:50:39.00\00:50:40.37
Just bring food,
bring things to the house.
00:50:40.40\00:50:44.31
My mom had this saying,
"If you see a void, fill it."
00:50:44.34\00:50:48.38
And it goes without saying.
00:50:48.41\00:50:50.85
And sometimes, people
want to talk about it,
00:50:50.88\00:50:53.21
and that's not the right time.
00:50:53.25\00:50:55.58
You know, pick and
choose your battles.
00:50:55.62\00:50:58.85
So maybe, "I like to
bring a casserole over,
00:50:58.89\00:51:02.09
will that be all right?
00:51:02.12\00:51:04.36
I like to invite you to
lunch when you feel better.
00:51:04.39\00:51:08.86
I like to..."
00:51:08.90\00:51:10.23
Or just come up and give a hug.
00:51:10.27\00:51:11.77
But to ask, "How are you doing,"
00:51:11.80\00:51:14.64
that leaves me to say, "I'm sad.
00:51:14.67\00:51:18.47
I'm hurting." And then people
will say, "Are you still sad?
00:51:18.51\00:51:22.54
Are you still
going through this?"
00:51:22.58\00:51:24.11
Oh, my God. I
can't imagine that.
00:51:24.15\00:51:25.48
Oh, yes.
00:51:25.51\00:51:26.85
Listen, now it's
time for you to move on.
00:51:26.88\00:51:28.85
But you don't know my
pain and the depth of pain.
00:51:28.88\00:51:33.36
Until you walk in my
shoes, you don't know.
00:51:33.39\00:51:36.09
And you know,
what's interesting?
00:51:36.12\00:51:37.86
My sister lost
her husband in 2005.
00:51:37.89\00:51:41.73
He was the chaplain
at Oakwood University,
00:51:41.76\00:51:44.63
Pastor James Humphreys.
00:51:44.67\00:51:46.00
Oh, yeah.
00:51:46.03\00:51:47.37
And he died in her arms.
00:51:47.40\00:51:49.47
You can tell we
both will be widows.
00:51:49.50\00:51:50.91
That was your
sister? That's my sister.
00:51:50.94\00:51:52.67
I didn't know.
Renee Humphreys, yes.
00:51:52.71\00:51:54.98
And I would call her
and try to talk to her
00:51:55.01\00:51:58.01
and she would
rush me off the phone.
00:51:58.05\00:51:59.98
And I would tell, "Arthur,
00:52:00.02\00:52:01.35
why doesn't Renee
want to talk to me?"
00:52:01.38\00:52:03.49
Now I understand.
00:52:03.52\00:52:05.29
And I told my
sister, "I get it now.
00:52:05.32\00:52:08.56
I get it now."
00:52:08.59\00:52:09.92
Someone called me the
other night and they said,
00:52:09.96\00:52:11.96
"I heard something, is it true?
00:52:11.99\00:52:14.06
I can't believe this."
And I said, "Yes, yes, yes.
00:52:14.10\00:52:16.53
Call me in six months.
00:52:16.56\00:52:18.67
I couldn't deal with it.
00:52:18.70\00:52:20.17
And I love you but
this is not the time."
00:52:20.20\00:52:23.10
And they say, "Well,
okay, when I call you back, Kim,
00:52:23.14\00:52:25.24
let's talk about
this sweet resurrection."
00:52:25.27\00:52:27.38
And I said, "That's
fine but not today."
00:52:27.41\00:52:29.64
So just do for that family.
00:52:29.68\00:52:32.65
Embrace the family.
00:52:32.68\00:52:34.58
And, you know, less is better.
00:52:34.62\00:52:37.85
And I guess, be sensitive.
00:52:37.89\00:52:39.35
'Cause what I'm
hearing is that people
00:52:39.39\00:52:41.79
need to be
sensitive to where you're at.
00:52:41.82\00:52:44.03
Someone might want to talk.
00:52:44.06\00:52:46.19
If they want to
talk, be that ear.
00:52:46.23\00:52:48.30
If they don't want to
talk, don't try to force it.
00:52:48.33\00:52:52.63
Just let them let you
know where to go with it.
00:52:52.67\00:52:56.71
And I think by the time
I do nod, the fourth nod,
00:52:56.74\00:52:59.31
that should let you
know, maybe I've had enough.
00:52:59.34\00:53:02.81
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:53:02.84\00:53:05.01
God bless you.
00:53:05.05\00:53:06.51
And I'm trying to get away.
00:53:06.55\00:53:08.32
And they know they mean well
00:53:08.35\00:53:09.85
but they have to look
at the sensitivity of what
00:53:09.88\00:53:12.25
that family is going through.
00:53:12.29\00:53:13.76
And everyone says I'm so strong
00:53:13.79\00:53:15.59
but that's what
you see the persona.
00:53:15.62\00:53:17.79
But I've lost my husband.
00:53:17.83\00:53:19.89
He's resting in the Lord.
00:53:19.93\00:53:22.26
He's asleep in the
Lord, and I understand,
00:53:22.30\00:53:24.13
that but his physical
being, I miss his conversation.
00:53:24.17\00:53:28.60
I miss the bantering.
00:53:28.64\00:53:30.14
I miss, you know,
"Where are you going?
00:53:30.17\00:53:33.44
What are you doing?
00:53:33.48\00:53:34.81
Arthur, that's why
you have a cell phone,
00:53:34.84\00:53:36.18
call me."
00:53:36.21\00:53:37.68
And, "Arthur, wash the
spoon," that was my pet peeve.
00:53:37.71\00:53:41.25
He would get something
00:53:41.28\00:53:42.62
and leave the spoon in the sink.
00:53:42.65\00:53:44.55
He says, "Yeah,
it's just a spoon.
00:53:44.59\00:53:46.22
But it's not, it
belongs in the drawer, okay."
00:53:46.25\00:53:49.72
So in those last seven months,
00:53:49.76\00:53:52.46
I took him to every
doctor's appointment.
00:53:52.49\00:53:54.70
My son took him
one time to radiation
00:53:54.73\00:53:56.67
but that seven months
00:53:56.70\00:53:58.43
I was staying in
the hospital with him.
00:53:58.47\00:54:00.54
I was sleeping on
that bed on the floor,
00:54:00.57\00:54:02.54
I was sleeping in the chair.
00:54:02.57\00:54:04.17
I was thinking, "I
go home for one night,"
00:54:04.21\00:54:05.77
he said,
00:54:05.81\00:54:07.84
he said, "You
have to stay with me."
00:54:07.88\00:54:10.01
I stayed with him
every day, every night.
00:54:10.05\00:54:14.22
And if someone came,
00:54:14.25\00:54:15.58
I would run to the
office for a little bit.
00:54:15.62\00:54:17.42
But I stopped everything
to take care of my husband.
00:54:17.45\00:54:20.86
That's beautiful.
00:54:20.89\00:54:22.49
Even during the
process, I went plan based,
00:54:22.52\00:54:24.93
thank you, Dr Louise, your book.
00:54:24.96\00:54:26.53
Well, praise the Lord.
00:54:26.56\00:54:27.90
You know, and others,
00:54:27.93\00:54:29.26
and I really started cleaning up
00:54:29.30\00:54:31.17
my act, my health.
00:54:31.20\00:54:32.80
The Lord really spoke to me
to leave a lot of things alone.
00:54:32.83\00:54:37.37
'Cause I've been
struggling with my weight.
00:54:37.41\00:54:39.41
And I was going to the gym
but I couldn't lose the weight.
00:54:39.44\00:54:42.68
You tone in the gym but
you lose weight in home.
00:54:42.71\00:54:45.58
The fork and the
spoon. Right, that's true.
00:54:45.61\00:54:47.75
And when he could do
nothing but juice and soups,
00:54:47.78\00:54:51.29
that's all I ate.
00:54:51.32\00:54:52.89
And then I was
lifting him, picking him up,
00:54:52.92\00:54:55.62
taking him to the rest room.
00:54:55.66\00:54:57.29
And he would cry sometimes
because I said, "Honey,
00:54:57.33\00:54:59.96
who's supposed to do this?
00:55:00.00\00:55:01.33
I'm your wife."
00:55:01.36\00:55:02.73
And I would shower
him, get him dressed,
00:55:02.76\00:55:05.30
put him in the car, one
foot in front of the other.
00:55:05.33\00:55:08.84
"You're my husband."
00:55:08.87\00:55:10.61
'Cause you know
a lot of spouses,
00:55:10.64\00:55:12.57
they will abandon a
spouse when they become ill.
00:55:12.61\00:55:16.01
Absolutely,
absolutely. Absolutely.
00:55:16.04\00:55:18.61
Oh, it's too much for me.
00:55:18.65\00:55:19.98
But I was there. Oh,
it's too much for me.
00:55:20.02\00:55:21.35
I can't do it,
I can't handle it.
00:55:21.38\00:55:22.72
I can't handle
it. And they leave.
00:55:22.75\00:55:24.15
And I would try to go
upstairs and sleep in the bed.
00:55:24.19\00:55:27.39
When we got home, he was like,
00:55:27.42\00:55:30.26
"Sleep right next
to me on the couch."
00:55:30.29\00:55:31.83
He wanted you right there.
00:55:31.86\00:55:33.19
Right there. Right next to you.
00:55:33.23\00:55:34.56
And I think he
had a fear of passing
00:55:34.60\00:55:37.20
but when I brought him
home, he was in hospice
00:55:37.23\00:55:40.20
and he said, "No more medicine."
00:55:40.24\00:55:42.17
He could have
lived a little longer.
00:55:42.20\00:55:44.07
You know, but he
said, "No more medicine."
00:55:44.11\00:55:47.24
He said, "I'm done, I'm done."
00:55:47.28\00:55:50.45
And he accepted the outcomes.
00:55:50.48\00:55:53.01
He did.
00:55:53.05\00:55:56.32
It's such a tough journey. Yes.
00:55:56.35\00:56:00.59
This world just
offers us the hardest times
00:56:00.62\00:56:04.29
but praise God,
we are the worth.
00:56:04.33\00:56:05.99
If we had nothing to hope for,
00:56:06.03\00:56:09.20
if we had nothing
to look forward to,
00:56:09.23\00:56:11.40
where would we be?
00:56:11.43\00:56:12.77
We do not mourn as
we do not have hope.
00:56:12.80\00:56:14.74
Where would we
be? Where would we be?
00:56:14.77\00:56:16.84
What, in about 35, 40 seconds,
what would you tell a woman
00:56:16.87\00:56:22.88
who is going through
what you're going through.
00:56:22.91\00:56:25.11
Or maybe your husband
is in the process of dying,
00:56:25.15\00:56:28.08
what would you say to her?
00:56:28.12\00:56:29.45
I would say
first of all... Or him.
00:56:29.48\00:56:31.02
Or him.
00:56:31.05\00:56:32.39
Make sure that you
are sincere with yourself.
00:56:32.42\00:56:35.76
Be transparent with yourself.
00:56:35.79\00:56:38.29
Be open and honest
and spend as much time
00:56:38.33\00:56:41.23
with your spouse as you can.
00:56:41.26\00:56:43.37
You know, work through
those difficult moments
00:56:43.40\00:56:45.23
that really
don't matter anymore.
00:56:45.27\00:56:47.20
But "I'm sorry, I apologize,
thank you, I love you."
00:56:47.24\00:56:52.37
Embrace one another.
Take that time together.
00:56:52.41\00:56:56.11
And then, make sure that
you have a walk with Christ,
00:56:56.14\00:56:59.88
'cause that's the only thing
00:56:59.91\00:57:01.25
that's going to
get you through this.
00:57:01.28\00:57:02.75
It's your walk with Christ.
00:57:02.78\00:57:04.12
A relationship with
Christ, that's the only thing.
00:57:04.15\00:57:07.12
And that's what I
would tell anyone.
00:57:07.16\00:57:08.62
Right. Dr. Kim,
we love you so much.
00:57:08.66\00:57:10.76
Love you right back.
00:57:10.79\00:57:12.13
Thank you so much for
sitting with us today.
00:57:12.16\00:57:13.80
Thank you, thank you.
00:57:13.83\00:57:16.03
Well, I'm so grateful
that Dr. Kim took the time
00:57:16.06\00:57:20.30
to be with us
and to be transparent
00:57:20.34\00:57:23.10
and to let us know her journey
and brother, Arthur's journey.
00:57:23.14\00:57:26.78
We loved him dearly,
and we know that you did too
00:57:26.81\00:57:29.78
when you watched Making It Work.
00:57:29.81\00:57:32.38
So thank you for watching.
00:57:32.41\00:57:34.28
Join us next time,
'cause you know what,
00:57:34.32\00:57:36.48
it just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:57:36.52\00:57:39.75