Do you need a tune up
of your parenting skills?
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Well, stay tuned
to meet some folks
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whose focus is to
take you to the next level.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guests today are
Lee and Laketia Carrell,
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Lee offers parenting
tips from a male point of view
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for all the fathers and
attendants of their Seminars.
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Laketia is a
Licensed Family Counselor
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with over 24 years of experience
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in the field of
Youth and Family Services.
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Welcome to Urban Report
Lee and Laketia... yeah...
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Laketia: Happy to be
here. Lee: Thank you very much.
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Parenting is such a... is
such an important part of life
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and when you have a child...
nobody tells you what to do,
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you don't have like a manual...
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like, like an Owner's
Manual, so to speak...
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when you have a
child so... it's...
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it's such an
important part of everyday life
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and to get some tips and
strategies on it is so critical
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how did you guys get involved
in this... in this whole field?
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Well, I'll tell you...
it all started in 2011,
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you probably heard
of Pastor Keymone Hines
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Yvonne: Yes.
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Yeah, he was the
Youth Ministry Leader
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for Central States
Conference and he saw a need
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for the parents to
get some tips and advice
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because they were having
little troubles and issues
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with their children and so
he spoke to Laketia, actually,
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he didn't know she
was a therapist at all...
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but he knew our
daughter from Oakwood
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and he thought,
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"Wow, she's a nice,
mannerly young lady... "
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so he spoke to her
as a parent first of all
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and then found out that
she's a licensed therapist
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and he invited
us to work with him
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with Parents Train Up
and we got started then
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and we've been
rolling ever since.
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Wow! and so how do you
two work together in this
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because it's a
ministry... I know...
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what is your role, Lee,
with the whole ministry?
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Now, my role is
mainly the technical...
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so I do the computer set up,
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the presentation, the
audio visual and the taping
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to make sure that everything is
running... functioning properly,
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much like your
crew here at 3abn does
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and also, I do
some of the presentation
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but I do the male part because
sometimes men and women...
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we do things differently
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doesn't mean you're better,
or doesn't mean I'm worse,
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but different... so I kind
of bring that part into it also.
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Nice... you bring that
male perspective into the mix.
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Lee: Right, hmmm... hmmm...
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That's good... Laketia,
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how did you get
interested in Family Therapy?
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Well, I just thought that
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it's needed
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I mean... when I
was going to church,
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you can see
people in so much pain...
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and it just seemed
like... I need to do more...
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I just felt like we needed
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something more
needs to be going on
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and I didn't realize
that just talking to people
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is really good but
the way you talk to them
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can make a really big difference
in their perspective changing
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and their
understanding themselves
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and then... their understanding
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the underlying beliefs
that's driving some behaviors
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that are causing
problems in their lives
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so, once I began to realize
that I can do something to help
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because there was a
lot of help that was needed
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and there still is a lot of help
needed for our church members
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to... just members in general...
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just to function at a
higher level as Christians
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and to be more spiritual minded
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and it even affects
your trust in God so
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that was my goal...
was to just help people to
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just live better lives.
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Yes, yes, unpack
a little bit for me
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that whole idea of
your underlying beliefs
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kind of being the
impetus for the way
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you treat people or
the way you interact
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or the way you respond.
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Exactly... how I
feel about myself
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definitely is reflected
in how I treat other people
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so, for example,
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if I'm feeling
some self-condemnation
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then when other
people come to me...
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maybe they're asking
a legitimate question
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but it will feel as if
they are persecuting me
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or accusing me of something
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or making an
allegation against me
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because I have a
personal belief about of myself,
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that either I'm a bad person...
I'm not as good a Christian...
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and I think a whole lot
of people suffer from that,
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not really free in Christ
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and so, it's my belief...
a lot of times young people
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have beliefs that,
"No, I'm not as pretty as...
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I'm not loved...
I'm not cared for... "
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and all of those things
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affect how they
interact with their peers,
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how they are
persuaded by their peers
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and how they are accepting
the beliefs of their parents
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yet... I mean... it's huge
what we believe about ourselves
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and I think the
Bible says it like this,
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"as a man
believeth... so is he... "
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and that's
critical... that is so important
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that we try to spend some
time getting to know who we are
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and what our underlying
beliefs are... what those are...
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That's good... so,
let's look at a scenario,
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so, I'm a teenager right...
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it's a stretch... I
know... but I'm a teenager...
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Laketia: Not that
much of a stretch.
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Oh... you're
sweet... I'm a teenager
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and I have a really
bad attitude problem
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like, I'm just...
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you can't tell me what to do,
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"Don't tell me what to
do... don't... " you know...
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and I'm going to talk back
because I'm angry or something
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so, how do you
deal with that teen
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that is belligerent...
that is talking back...
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that is just angry...
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how do you deal
with that as a parent?
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Well, that's a loaded
question, so that is...
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depends on so many
things, first of all,
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all the anger
could be a response to
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having been traumatized...
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having had some painful
incidents in the past time...
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so it could come
from that position.
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It could have come from
young people having been
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overly
empowered by their parents
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and the children
are driving the car...
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and the parent is
riding in the passenger side
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and the parent...
every now and then
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reaches over to
take that steering wheel
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and the child grabs it back
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so that's a second
reason they may feel that.
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A third reason and
underlying reason may be
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just their... again...
beliefs about themselves,
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some will have
gotten the message
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that they're not worthwhile...
they're not important...
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no one loves them,
it may not have been
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intentionally given to
them by their parents...
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it may not have been
intentionally given to them,
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and maybe it was
intentionally given to them,
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so it's a loaded question
and you're going to attack
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all those things in a
different way as a parent...
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so it's like, parents really...
they have a really hard job
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it's always been difficult
so... because one problem
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could have four
different possibilities
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of where it came from
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and sometimes young
people aren't able to
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or unwilling to...
unwilling... just like we are...
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unwilling to connect
this dot with that dot
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and come up with
the right answers.
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Either unwilling or unable...
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Unwilling and
unable... correct...
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They might not have
the skills to do that?
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Laketia: They may
not have the skills.
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But you had on some
really, really important points
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and I want to come
back to that for a second,
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the first thing
was the trauma...
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and I think in our communities
there is so much trauma
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a lot of... I
wrote an article on this
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for our 3ABN World Magazine
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about the PTSD that
exists in our communities
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and nobody really deals with
it because we don't think...
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we associate PTSD with war...
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with veterans... but not
with people in our communities,
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I mean, think
about people in Chicago
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who... when you walk
from one street to the next...
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you could get shot, I mean,
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it's like... and in
our larger cities...
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these things are
happening and we... we...
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because we might
not live like that
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we don't think about
that but it is a war zone
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in many cities...
so trauma... is...
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Is huge... also it's...
I think about Mike Brown...
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that situation... one of
the major problems with that...
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when it happened was...
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he lay out there on the
ground for four hours...
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and I think it just gave
the people an opportunity
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to just feel more and
more and more anger...
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I don't know why
they chose to handle that
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that particular way but they did
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and so you have
people, little kids, adults...
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and they're looking at
this man who's been shot
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and it's hot out there
and it was just a mess,
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so it gave people
a chance to think,
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"This is wrong...
something is wrong with this,
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this should not be happening"
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so, there are a
lot of things going on
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in the schools... your
children are being bullied
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and mistreated and
there are some terrible things
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happening in the
schools and every setting...
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Satan is running rampant...
well we know, of course,
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that God is the answer,
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He has
everything under control...
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and there are answers and...
one of the things that really
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I want parents to know is that
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just because your child suffers
from a traumatic incident
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or something
happened to them personally,
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it does not mean
their lives are over,
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it doesn't that they're going
to become addicted to drugs
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or promiscuous...
that doesn't mean that,
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it simply means that
you have to be empowered
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and taught how to
manage the situation,
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it's like walking a tightrope
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because you, yourself, as a
parent can actually reinforce
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the "victim identification"
within your child
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you can pick up that
ball and you run with it
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and the child will learn
that, "Oh, I'm a victim... "
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they also learn that it's
very powerful to be a victim,
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it's really powerful
in America to be a victim.
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That's sounds like that's
an oxymoron... doesn't it?
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It's powerful to be a
victim... how... how is that?
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Well, because then...
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sometimes we feel really
sad for people... and we should
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feel compassion and
empathy for individuals
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and sometimes the
person learns that,
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"Oh, I can get what I want
or what I need from this... "
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so they're not
learning to be assertive...
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they're not learning
to manage their anger,
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they're not learning skills
that they're supposed to learn
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because we use
this... or in our minds...
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we see them as a victim and
we begin to treat them as so,
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and so... so you see
how our underlying beliefs
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about other people...
about other people... hurt them
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and it can hurt us, it
hurts our relationships
00:11:07.03\00:11:09.76
and so, that's the
goal... is to get people
00:11:09.80\00:11:13.00
to parent their
children as God parents us.
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Oh, that's such a good...
that's such a good point...
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that whole idea of
the "victim mentality"
00:11:19.04\00:11:22.34
versus one who will kind of...
with God's direction, of course,
00:11:22.38\00:11:30.39
take charge of their
own life and make decisions
00:11:30.42\00:11:36.86
and choices that
are wise versus...
00:11:36.89\00:11:40.26
"I can't do it
because of X, Y, Z... "
00:11:40.30\00:11:43.63
Right... "This
incident that happened to me,
00:11:43.67\00:11:46.80
a long time ago is
now in the driver's seat
00:11:46.84\00:11:49.90
and running my
life but not ruining...
00:11:49.94\00:11:52.54
because I'm getting
what I want from this... "
00:11:52.57\00:11:55.18
it's just not a
healthy way to get what I want
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and it doesn't
work all of the time
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so it's not a consistent...
00:11:59.75\00:12:01.68
you're success
rate is not consistent.
00:12:01.72\00:12:05.19
That's
excellent... then you also said,
00:12:05.25\00:12:08.62
another factor is... when
the parent is relinquishing
00:12:08.69\00:12:14.50
his or her authority
in that Driver's Seat
00:12:14.53\00:12:17.37
and I've seen it
over and over again
00:12:17.40\00:12:21.87
where the
parent allows the child
00:12:21.90\00:12:24.77
to make certain
decisions that really...
00:12:24.81\00:12:26.88
the parents should be making
00:12:26.91\00:12:28.44
and so, unpack that a
little bit for us if you would.
00:12:28.48\00:12:32.01
Well, I don't think all the time
people know age appropriate...
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and developmentally
appropriate behavior,
00:12:36.72\00:12:39.72
so, let's say,
you have a 15-year old
00:12:39.75\00:12:42.69
but developmentally...
he's chronologically 15
00:12:42.72\00:12:46.09
but developmentally...
he may be 10...
00:12:46.16\00:12:48.40
so then, he cannot
have the same privileges
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of a responsible
15-year-old child,
00:12:51.07\00:12:54.00
and it's not
wrong... it's not unfair...
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it's the way it is...
00:12:57.14\00:12:58.51
so if you have a ten-year old
00:12:58.54\00:13:01.71
and they're
actually a two-year old...
00:13:01.74\00:13:03.85
you just cannot give
them the same type...
00:13:03.88\00:13:05.91
it's irresponsible to do that,
00:13:05.98\00:13:07.52
it will hurt them
and it will hurt you too
00:13:07.55\00:13:09.48
and then sometimes
we're just too busy
00:13:09.52\00:13:11.55
not shaming or blaming anyone
00:13:11.59\00:13:14.66
but life is just
so fast and so busy
00:13:14.72\00:13:18.29
that it's so easy to
abdicate your responsibilities
00:13:18.33\00:13:21.30
and pass them on to
young... to your young children
00:13:21.33\00:13:24.27
but there's a flipside to that
00:13:24.30\00:13:26.84
because when the
child gets to be 14 or 15
00:13:26.87\00:13:29.70
and they've been like a
little adult in the house,
00:13:29.74\00:13:33.14
it's not cute anymore,
it's a major problem now
00:13:33.17\00:13:36.21
because now, they're
ready to just hit the streets
00:13:36.24\00:13:39.21
and go and do... and
you're saying to them,
00:13:39.25\00:13:41.72
"You're not old enough"
but they've been old enough
00:13:41.75\00:13:43.79
to do all this other stuff,
they've been managing the house
00:13:43.82\00:13:47.16
so running their
houses... in their minds
00:13:47.19\00:13:49.42
and you haven't been
aware that they were doing that,
00:13:49.46\00:13:52.46
it's been kind of easy...
for you may have called them,
00:13:52.49\00:13:55.46
"responsible" or
whatever the term you use for it
00:13:55.50\00:13:58.37
but you've placed them
in a position where now
00:13:58.40\00:14:01.20
they're ready to just really
take over and you're saying,
00:14:01.24\00:14:04.34
"No, you're not supposed
to be in this position. "
00:14:04.37\00:14:05.97
Right.
00:14:06.01\00:14:07.34
And it's hard to turn
back the hands of time...
00:14:07.38\00:14:09.44
and it's very difficult.
00:14:09.51\00:14:10.85
It is, because you have
put them and I see this with
00:14:10.88\00:14:15.48
single-parent
households a lot where...
00:14:15.52\00:14:18.65
and I'd like your perspective
on it too, Lee, as a man, but...
00:14:18.69\00:14:22.49
where a single mother
is raising her children
00:14:22.52\00:14:27.03
there's an
older boy in the house
00:14:27.10\00:14:29.96
might be 15... 17... whatever,
00:14:30.00\00:14:32.80
he becomes the "man
of the house" in a sense
00:14:32.83\00:14:36.07
but he's not providing,
00:14:36.10\00:14:37.64
he's not learning what
the man of the house does
00:14:37.67\00:14:41.44
he's just put into that
role of confidant and...
00:14:41.48\00:14:45.21
and that kind of
thing and then...
00:14:45.25\00:14:47.35
and he's also being
taken care of by mom,
00:14:47.42\00:14:51.15
so, as he gets
older he might think,
00:14:51.19\00:14:55.42
"Well, my mom did this for me
00:14:55.46\00:14:57.69
so now, you as my wife,
should be doing this... "
00:14:57.76\00:15:01.00
I mean, it's a big,
big problem that I see.
00:15:01.03\00:15:04.17
It's huge... it's a
huge problem and, I mean,
00:15:04.23\00:15:06.80
I had some teenage
boys and they were saying,
00:15:06.84\00:15:09.40
they were trying to find a
woman they had a name for it
00:15:09.44\00:15:12.47
but essentially, she was
going to take care of them,
00:15:12.51\00:15:15.48
that means... they
were looking for that...
00:15:15.51\00:15:17.51
these were 15-
and 16-year old boys,
00:15:17.55\00:15:19.18
they weren't looking to
get degrees and get jobs,
00:15:19.21\00:15:21.62
they were looking for
someone to take care of them.
00:15:21.68\00:15:24.05
It is a huge
problem, now, I'll say,
00:15:24.09\00:15:26.19
back to the structure
that you just laid out,
00:15:26.22\00:15:28.09
whether it's a single
family or a two-parent family,
00:15:28.12\00:15:33.46
it's a dangerous
structure to put...
00:15:33.50\00:15:37.33
to give all of this power to
maybe a 17-year-old boy or girl
00:15:37.37\00:15:41.27
and you have smaller children,
then we get into abuse,
00:15:41.30\00:15:45.67
children are either
physically abusing smaller kids
00:15:45.71\00:15:48.84
or even sexually
abusing smaller children
00:15:48.88\00:15:51.58
so it's a
dangerous position to put
00:15:51.61\00:15:53.78
because they're young people,
they're highly impulsive,
00:15:53.82\00:15:57.92
they're not thinking about
00:15:57.95\00:15:59.55
how this is going to affect
the child ten years from now,
00:15:59.59\00:16:01.86
that's what adults do...
00:16:01.89\00:16:03.22
so, you put them in an
adult position with adult power
00:16:03.26\00:16:06.76
and young children are
kind of taught to follow this...
00:16:06.80\00:16:10.40
to do what you say if you will,
00:16:10.43\00:16:12.60
to do what your older
brother or sister says
00:16:12.63\00:16:14.67
and then you have this...
00:16:14.70\00:16:16.27
they're not able to
manage all of their power
00:16:16.30\00:16:19.14
so, I really...
and it's not at 17
00:16:19.17\00:16:21.81
that they're calling these young
boys... "the man of the house"
00:16:21.84\00:16:25.35
they can start
at three years old,
00:16:25.38\00:16:27.08
four years old... I mean...
00:16:27.12\00:16:28.45
they're training children from
almost the crib up until now,
00:16:28.48\00:16:31.75
up until they're 17
or 18 at which point
00:16:31.79\00:16:35.16
you want to
take your power back,
00:16:35.19\00:16:36.73
maybe you want to get married
and here this person is...
00:16:36.76\00:16:39.59
he's thinking, "I'm
the pseudo husband. "
00:16:39.63\00:16:40.96
That's right.
00:16:41.00\00:16:42.33
"No one's going to
step up in here... over me"
00:16:42.36\00:16:44.63
and that's a major problem.
00:16:44.67\00:16:46.00
It's a major
problem... it's very difficult
00:16:46.03\00:16:48.30
to then shift roles
because you put this boy or girl
00:16:48.34\00:16:54.71
or if it's the
father with the daughter...
00:16:54.74\00:16:56.18
you've put this child in
the position almost... of spouse
00:16:56.24\00:17:00.15
and now you want to shift and
bring someone else in there...
00:17:00.18\00:17:03.28
Laketia: It's not happening...
Yvonne: It's not happening...
00:17:03.32\00:17:06.39
It's not going to happen.
00:17:06.42\00:17:07.76
Yvonne: What do you
think about this Lee?
00:17:07.79\00:17:09.12
Well, one of the things
too that you're pointing out
00:17:09.16\00:17:11.19
about the young teenager
00:17:11.26\00:17:13.80
being look at as
the "man in the home"
00:17:13.83\00:17:16.40
sometimes, parents even
call them, "Little man" or
00:17:16.43\00:17:19.00
"you're the man of the
house" like Laketia was saying
00:17:19.03\00:17:21.54
but they forget to
train them and teach them
00:17:21.57\00:17:24.11
how to be the man of
the house, they just assume
00:17:24.14\00:17:26.84
men do certain things
and they're trying and tell
00:17:26.88\00:17:29.51
the young man that you're
the man... so you figure it out
00:17:29.54\00:17:32.51
but all of our young
men need to be taught
00:17:32.55\00:17:35.28
how to be a man, it's
not enough that you are
00:17:35.32\00:17:38.09
just a male gender... but it's
all about your characteristics,
00:17:38.12\00:17:42.62
your abilities to provide,
to take care of a family
00:17:42.66\00:17:45.46
and to love them and to be
the Priest of the household
00:17:45.49\00:17:48.26
so, it's fine to
look at your teenage son
00:17:48.30\00:17:52.60
who is going to become
the man of his own home,
00:17:52.63\00:17:56.54
not your home but his own home
00:17:56.57\00:17:58.97
but you have to put
in the work to make him
00:17:59.01\00:18:02.01
or turn him into a
proper God-fearing man,
00:18:02.04\00:18:04.41
not just... giving him the power
00:18:04.48\00:18:06.15
and saying,
"There, go be a man... "
00:18:06.21\00:18:07.82
because our young men
will look at each other
00:18:07.85\00:18:10.62
for how to be a man or
someone else on the street
00:18:10.69\00:18:13.36
and they'll get
the totally wrong
00:18:13.39\00:18:15.49
type of man that
God wants us to be.
00:18:15.52\00:18:17.56
And that is exactly
what we're dealing with.
00:18:17.59\00:18:19.69
Lee: Hmmm... hmmm...
00:18:19.73\00:18:21.16
That is exactly
what we're dealing with
00:18:21.20\00:18:23.83
in our communities right now,
00:18:23.87\00:18:26.03
a misplaced
perception of manhood.
00:18:26.07\00:18:29.87
I don't... it... I
personally feel that
00:18:29.90\00:18:34.78
I can't teach my sons how
to be men... I'm not a man,
00:18:34.81\00:18:39.31
I can teach them
how to treat a woman
00:18:39.35\00:18:41.88
because I'm a woman and I know
how a man should treat a woman
00:18:41.92\00:18:47.42
but I can't teach my sons to
be men... a man needs to do that
00:18:47.46\00:18:52.93
and I think this is where
00:18:52.96\00:18:54.56
we've had such huge
problems in our homes
00:18:54.60\00:18:58.37
and this is where the
"gang concept" comes in
00:18:58.40\00:19:02.24
because as you said, Lee,
00:19:02.27\00:19:03.94
they're looking to
other young men to teach them
00:19:03.97\00:19:07.41
and that's the blind leading
the blind... they don't know,
00:19:07.44\00:19:09.68
"You stepped on my
shoe, you disrespected me...
00:19:09.71\00:19:12.21
I'm gonna to kill you... "
00:19:12.25\00:19:13.78
I mean, it goes... to
there... which is like,
00:19:13.82\00:19:16.69
so off the wall but it's
because they have no role model
00:19:16.72\00:19:21.52
and so, one of the
things I'm really excited about
00:19:21.56\00:19:24.89
is that you guys are
teaching what it is to be
00:19:24.96\00:19:29.46
a young Godly man,
00:19:29.50\00:19:31.83
what it is to be
a young Godly woman
00:19:31.87\00:19:34.77
and you're teaching
parents to teach their children
00:19:34.80\00:19:38.67
how to do this in your
Parents Train Up Program,
00:19:38.71\00:19:42.48
tell us what
people get from that?
00:19:42.51\00:19:44.58
You were going to make a
comment first... I could tell.
00:19:44.61\00:19:47.12
Oh well, yes, I
was thinking about
00:19:47.15\00:19:48.65
what he was saying about
young men looking to other men
00:19:48.68\00:19:52.95
another thing that happens
in our family structures is
00:19:52.99\00:19:55.92
as a single parent
we feel like we have to
00:19:55.96\00:19:58.99
with a single
mother... may feel like
00:19:59.03\00:20:01.96
she has to be a man and a woman
and it's just not possible,
00:20:02.03\00:20:04.57
it's not possible...
00:20:04.60\00:20:06.03
we end up not doing
either one very good,
00:20:06.10\00:20:08.07
so it's really important
for single women to recognize
00:20:08.10\00:20:12.64
or single parents...
00:20:12.67\00:20:14.18
male parents who are
single... and female parents...
00:20:14.21\00:20:18.31
said, you know "I can
only be this one person,
00:20:18.35\00:20:20.82
I can't be two, three
or four or five people... "
00:20:20.85\00:20:23.59
I can absolutely do the
absolute best that I can...
00:20:23.65\00:20:26.79
but I'm not able to...
so don't put all of that
00:20:26.82\00:20:29.42
on yourself...
it's... it's just too much...
00:20:29.46\00:20:32.06
it's
overwhelming... it's too much...
00:20:32.09\00:20:34.16
One of the things
too... we can look at
00:20:34.20\00:20:36.23
in our community is...
00:20:36.26\00:20:37.60
there are good role
models in the community...
00:20:37.63\00:20:39.90
some of the Leaders...
00:20:39.93\00:20:41.27
especially some of our
church pastors, elders...
00:20:41.30\00:20:44.51
that our young men can look to
00:20:44.54\00:20:46.57
if we direct them to
them, but like you said,
00:20:46.61\00:20:49.84
if I'm out on the street corner,
00:20:49.88\00:20:51.51
this is the person I see...
this guy... he's running game...
00:20:51.55\00:20:54.75
and he's dealing in
drugs or in crime...
00:20:54.78\00:20:56.38
and he looks like
he's doing pretty well
00:20:56.42\00:20:58.52
so they'll gravitate
toward the person they see
00:20:58.55\00:21:01.26
so if we can get our young
men maybe at a community center
00:21:01.29\00:21:05.09
or open night for some of our
churches that have facilities
00:21:05.13\00:21:08.90
get them into an environment
00:21:08.93\00:21:10.47
where they can
see good role models
00:21:10.50\00:21:12.67
then hopefully they'll
gravitate towards that person
00:21:12.70\00:21:15.47
instead of the person
who's out doing wrong.
00:21:15.50\00:21:17.87
Right... right... right...
00:21:17.91\00:21:19.24
what do you guys do in
your Parents Train up programs?
00:21:19.27\00:21:22.18
I see the shirts
ParentsTrainUp. org
00:21:22.21\00:21:25.21
what do you do?
00:21:25.25\00:21:26.92
We have a really great
time, we have a lot of fun...
00:21:26.95\00:21:29.82
we'd start the parents off
doing a parenting assessment,
00:21:29.85\00:21:32.65
and so they will learn what type
of parenting style they have
00:21:32.69\00:21:36.16
whether they are
aggressive parents et cetera
00:21:36.19\00:21:38.49
and we have expanded that to
give them some suggestions...
00:21:38.53\00:21:42.93
maybe about ten suggestions
00:21:42.96\00:21:44.30
on how they can
improve their parenting...
00:21:44.33\00:21:46.43
and then we go through...
00:21:46.47\00:21:48.00
depending on what
we're focusing on,
00:21:48.07\00:21:50.51
we may go through a session on
00:21:50.54\00:21:52.87
building a relationship
with your children...
00:21:52.91\00:21:56.18
disciplining children
and we may also talk about
00:21:56.21\00:21:59.45
creating memories
with your children
00:21:59.48\00:22:02.25
finally we do something
called, "Letting go... "
00:22:02.28\00:22:04.59
teaching
parents... because really...
00:22:04.62\00:22:06.49
now what I see... this
is kind of a problem for me
00:22:06.52\00:22:09.06
that I have to
work on for myself,
00:22:09.09\00:22:11.73
is we're
infantilizing these young people
00:22:11.79\00:22:15.56
they never grow up,
they don't have to grow up
00:22:15.60\00:22:18.50
and we're holding
and hovering and hugging
00:22:18.53\00:22:21.50
and making them into
adults who can't function
00:22:21.54\00:22:24.41
it's tough so... that's
one that we spend some time too
00:22:24.44\00:22:27.51
talking about letting go...
00:22:27.58\00:22:29.08
and how to do that and stuff
00:22:29.11\00:22:30.55
so, it's
usually about six hours,
00:22:30.58\00:22:33.48
we do it like... on a Sunday
we've done it on Saturdays
00:22:33.52\00:22:37.09
and we come in and we'll
do that... give people lunch
00:22:37.12\00:22:40.39
and it's just a really
fun time, we're laughing...
00:22:40.42\00:22:43.69
parents are asking questions
00:22:43.73\00:22:45.43
and you think
that we're in church
00:22:45.46\00:22:47.93
and that they...
there's not that many problems
00:22:47.96\00:22:50.37
but there are some pretty
severe problems in our churches
00:22:50.40\00:22:53.50
by the time people get to a
place where they want to come
00:22:53.54\00:22:56.60
to do a parenting workshop,
00:22:56.64\00:22:59.07
they have some
pretty severe stuff going on
00:22:59.11\00:23:01.98
so, and it's like...
00:23:02.01\00:23:03.48
"Okay, I'm here for this one day
and let's see what I can do. "
00:23:03.51\00:23:07.02
We also do parenting
coaching, you can call...
00:23:07.05\00:23:10.12
we have had people to call and
00:23:10.15\00:23:11.49
we'll coach them
through some stuff
00:23:11.52\00:23:13.05
because I just feel like
we... we... our kids need help
00:23:13.09\00:23:17.19
and the most important thing,
00:23:17.23\00:23:18.69
we cannot afford to
lose them from Christ,
00:23:18.73\00:23:21.86
we can't afford to
lose our children...
00:23:21.90\00:23:24.97
let them get lost spiritually...
00:23:25.00\00:23:27.67
because if we do that,
00:23:27.70\00:23:29.84
then, that's an
eternal problem right there,
00:23:29.90\00:23:33.14
I'm okay with
children being uncomfortable
00:23:33.17\00:23:36.38
because they
have been disciplined,
00:23:36.41\00:23:38.51
I can handle that but
it's just the thought that
00:23:38.55\00:23:41.02
we're losing our children and...
00:23:41.08\00:23:43.45
that they may not make it back
to Christ... that's the problem.
00:23:43.49\00:23:46.09
Oh, that's so important...
00:23:46.12\00:23:47.46
in fact I want to
put your website up
00:23:47.49\00:23:49.09
so that people can contact
you to come to their churches,
00:23:49.12\00:23:53.73
to do seminars...
00:23:53.76\00:23:55.10
or to come and talk to the
people in church about parenting
00:23:55.13\00:24:00.37
I mean, it's so important,
it's so important that...
00:24:00.40\00:24:02.97
how about this for a segue,
00:24:03.00\00:24:04.57
we are doing a Program on
Dare to Dream with you guys.
00:24:04.61\00:24:07.18
Laketia: That's right.
00:24:07.21\00:24:08.54
And I'm super,
super excited about it.
00:24:08.58\00:24:11.58
Lakeitia: I am too.
00:24:11.61\00:24:12.95
Tell us what the
Program is going to be about
00:24:12.98\00:24:14.55
it's going to be
called, "Pumped Up Parents"
00:24:14.58\00:24:17.02
tell us what is
"Pumped Up Parents" about?
00:24:17.09\00:24:19.45
Well, Pumped Up Parents...
we're going to start with a
00:24:19.49\00:24:23.69
with a skit... showing
people how not to do parenting
00:24:23.73\00:24:28.06
which all of us have done,
I know that I've made mistakes
00:24:28.10\00:24:32.37
and I want
everyone to feel like,
00:24:32.40\00:24:33.87
"Oh okay, I'm not the
only person doing this"
00:24:33.94\00:24:36.40
and then we'll talk about
00:24:36.44\00:24:37.97
how this "wrong
way" affects our children
00:24:38.01\00:24:40.68
and then we'll
show the correct way
00:24:40.71\00:24:43.24
and then we'll
talk about the right...
00:24:43.28\00:24:46.01
how that affects our
children and give strategies,
00:24:46.05\00:24:48.38
I'm all about strategies,
00:24:48.42\00:24:49.75
it's just not a... I just
don't want digging up trash
00:24:49.78\00:24:53.36
and leaving it in the floor,
you dig it up and we put it away
00:24:53.39\00:24:57.69
and so, we give you
something new... instead,
00:24:57.73\00:25:00.80
"This is what
you can do instead. "
00:25:00.86\00:25:02.90
So, I'm really excited about it.
00:25:02.96\00:25:04.93
I am too, I can't wait,
we're going to tape it soon
00:25:04.97\00:25:08.10
and it's going to air
soon by the grace of God
00:25:08.14\00:25:11.27
what role does
spirituality have...
00:25:11.34\00:25:15.51
in your
estimation... both of you...
00:25:15.54\00:25:19.98
for parents... not
just for the children
00:25:20.02\00:25:22.85
but for parents
raising their children?
00:25:22.88\00:25:25.69
Well, of course, that's our
first role in life as parents
00:25:25.72\00:25:29.72
God put us in
charge of our children
00:25:29.76\00:25:32.23
and He expects us
to be responsible,
00:25:32.26\00:25:34.63
He expects us to teach
our children about Him,
00:25:34.66\00:25:38.00
He expects us to
train them properly
00:25:38.03\00:25:40.57
because He's going to ask,
00:25:40.60\00:25:42.50
"Where's the little
sheep that I gave you?"
00:25:42.54\00:25:44.87
And we want to be able to say,
00:25:44.91\00:25:46.81
"Here they are, right here with
me... praise your Holy Name"
00:25:46.84\00:25:49.71
so, we want to go
from a spiritual aspect
00:25:49.74\00:25:52.58
because anyone can just
have an opinion about things,
00:25:52.61\00:25:56.02
we can all make up an opinion
and we might possibly be right
00:25:56.05\00:25:59.52
but we're going to
focus on what God says
00:25:59.55\00:26:02.02
how we should raise our children
00:26:02.06\00:26:04.03
because we know
if we do it His way,
00:26:04.06\00:26:05.96
everything is
going to be just fine.
00:26:05.99\00:26:08.43
And spiritually
for me it means this,
00:26:08.46\00:26:10.83
every child is different and
you have to be spiritually led
00:26:10.87\00:26:16.27
to lead that child to Christ
00:26:16.30\00:26:18.77
and eventually into
the kingdom of heaven.
00:26:18.81\00:26:22.34
Now, we can get
religion versus spirituality
00:26:22.38\00:26:25.61
and so, we can have our
children following rules
00:26:25.65\00:26:28.85
and appearing to be following
the dictates of what we say
00:26:28.88\00:26:34.96
however... no
connection with God,
00:26:34.99\00:26:37.23
so we want to teach parents
00:26:37.26\00:26:39.66
to have a spiritual
connection themselves
00:26:39.69\00:26:41.63
and to listen to God
00:26:41.66\00:26:43.30
so that He can
tell them and show them
00:26:43.33\00:26:45.43
what to do and how to do
with this particular child
00:26:45.47\00:26:48.90
because every
person is different.
00:26:48.94\00:26:50.97
Ah, so what you're saying is,
00:26:51.01\00:26:53.48
one of your roles
is to lead people into
00:26:53.51\00:26:56.44
a deeper
relationship with the Lord
00:26:56.48\00:26:59.31
so that He becomes
their guide as they parent.
00:26:59.38\00:27:03.25
Correct... correct... and that
they will parent as God parents,
00:27:03.28\00:27:07.19
I mean, we have one facet of
God that He is loving and kind
00:27:07.22\00:27:11.09
but God doesn't
want us to hurt ourselves
00:27:11.13\00:27:13.93
so sometimes, He puts up shields
and obstacles in our path
00:27:13.96\00:27:17.40
and tries to stop us
from hurting ourselves
00:27:17.43\00:27:19.90
and so as parents, we
have to do that side too,
00:27:19.93\00:27:22.34
it's just as much love as
being kind and generous is.
00:27:22.37\00:27:25.54
Wow! you guys
are such a blessing.
00:27:25.57\00:27:28.08
Thank you so much
for being with us.
00:27:28.14\00:27:29.88
Laketia: Thank you for
having us Lee: Thank you.
00:27:29.91\00:27:32.05
Thank you, the Bible says,
00:27:32.08\00:27:34.88
to train up a child
in the way he should go:
00:27:34.92\00:27:37.39
and when he is old, he
will not depart from it.
00:27:37.42\00:27:40.16
It doesn't mean that
he'll never leave the church,
00:27:40.19\00:27:42.16
it doesn't mean that
he won't make mistakes...
00:27:42.19\00:27:44.13
he or she won't make mistakes,
00:27:44.16\00:27:45.53
it means that
that seed is planted
00:27:45.59\00:27:48.73
and it's something
to always come back to
00:27:48.76\00:27:51.90
so train up your children
in the way they should go.
00:27:51.93\00:27:55.70
Well, we've reached
the end of another program,
00:27:55.74\00:27:58.17
thank you so much
for being with us,
00:27:58.21\00:27:59.84
join us next time
because you know what?
00:27:59.87\00:28:01.91
It just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:28:01.94\00:28:03.98