Who should win the
Father of the Year Award?
00:00:01.36\00:00:02.70
Stay tuned to meet some men who
you may just want to nominate.
00:00:02.73\00:00:06.37
My name is Yvonne Lewis
00:00:06.40\00:00:08.10
and you're
watching Urban Report.
00:00:08.14\00:00:09.87
Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
00:00:33.43\00:00:35.23
Earlier today, Jason
and I had the opportunity
00:00:35.26\00:00:38.23
to interview three men on
our new Dare to Dream Program
00:00:38.27\00:00:41.40
"A Father's Heart. "
00:00:41.44\00:00:42.77
What a compelling
interview, check it out.
00:00:42.80\00:00:47.94
What a blessing it is
00:00:47.98\00:00:49.84
to be sitting on the
set of: A Father's Heart.
00:00:49.88\00:00:53.28
You have no idea
what's gone into this program.
00:00:53.31\00:00:56.65
I have wanted to do a
program about Fatherhood
00:00:56.69\00:01:00.22
for years on Dare to Dream
00:01:00.26\00:01:02.26
and every year we
have somebody to host
00:01:02.29\00:01:06.86
and it just wouldn't work
out right... for whatever reason
00:01:06.90\00:01:10.00
but the Lord is faithful
00:01:10.03\00:01:12.30
and He has sent some
folks to this program
00:01:12.33\00:01:16.20
that are just amazing!
00:01:16.24\00:01:18.27
So, we're going to
introduce them to you
00:01:18.31\00:01:20.44
but first I just
want to tell you,
00:01:20.48\00:01:22.04
I got my son and assistant,
Jason Bradley with me, yea, Jay.
00:01:22.08\00:01:26.35
Jason: Right... Yvonne: Yeah...
00:01:26.38\00:01:27.72
So, it's really great
and we're going to talk
00:01:27.75\00:01:29.35
to these wonderful men of God...
00:01:29.38\00:01:30.82
these wonderful
fathers who, you will see,
00:01:30.89\00:01:34.59
are authentic and transparent
and what a blessing it is
00:01:34.62\00:01:38.56
so, we're going to start
with the Host, Xavier Morales,
00:01:38.59\00:01:42.50
and we welcome you Xavier.
00:01:42.53\00:01:44.33
Xavier: Thank you.
00:01:44.37\00:01:45.70
You are no
stranger to Dare to Dream,
00:01:45.73\00:01:47.87
you've been on Pure Choices
with your wife, Brittany,
00:01:47.90\00:01:50.51
and we're going to talk about
00:01:50.54\00:01:51.87
your journey and
all that in a bit.
00:01:51.91\00:01:54.01
Thank you so much for hosting
00:01:54.04\00:01:55.94
and for being
on: A Father's Heart
00:01:55.98\00:01:59.05
and then we have,
Pastor Gordon Fraser
00:01:59.08\00:02:02.42
who is another
amazing man of God,
00:02:02.45\00:02:05.72
we have Pastor Denry White who
also is an amazing man of God
00:02:05.75\00:02:11.46
so we are thrilled to
have them and thrilled for you
00:02:11.49\00:02:16.16
to become acquainted with them.
00:02:16.20\00:02:17.90
You need to know who they are,
you need to know their journeys
00:02:17.93\00:02:21.27
and most of
all, you need to know
00:02:21.30\00:02:23.51
that these are men
who'll be authentic
00:02:23.54\00:02:27.04
and transparent with you
00:02:27.08\00:02:28.88
to show you that
if you're a father
00:02:28.94\00:02:31.28
and you're trying and struggling
00:02:31.31\00:02:33.58
to do the right thing,
they're going to show you...
00:02:33.62\00:02:36.52
they've made
mistakes but you get back up
00:02:36.55\00:02:38.72
by the grace of
God and keep going.
00:02:38.75\00:02:41.76
So, let's talk a
bit about your journey.
00:02:41.79\00:02:45.33
Let's start with
you, Pastor White,
00:02:45.39\00:02:48.30
let's start with you.
00:02:48.33\00:02:50.20
Where were you born,
where were you raised?
00:02:50.23\00:02:52.90
I was born originally...
00:02:52.93\00:02:54.27
I was born in
Jamaica, West Indies,
00:02:54.30\00:02:56.87
but then I was
raised in New York City
00:02:56.91\00:02:59.44
Harlem, New York... and
then went to Oakwood College
00:02:59.47\00:03:03.85
and took the call
to Ministry there.
00:03:03.88\00:03:05.71
Yvonne: Yea...
we're Oakwoodites too!
00:03:05.75\00:03:08.48
You too? yeah, a
further call to Ministry
00:03:08.52\00:03:11.02
would compel to go to
Oakwood but then... you know...
00:03:11.05\00:03:14.49
you know how we try
to run from our God...
00:03:14.52\00:03:16.89
I said, "God,
you've made a mistake,"
00:03:16.93\00:03:18.89
I went to Atlanta,
stayed there seven years
00:03:18.93\00:03:21.83
and God would
not leave me alone...
00:03:21.86\00:03:23.30
Well, before you get
that far... let's go back...
00:03:23.33\00:03:26.20
because I kind
of want to know...
00:03:26.23\00:03:28.20
since you're hosting...
you're on A Father's Heart,
00:03:28.24\00:03:32.77
what... what... did you
grow up in an intact family?
00:03:32.81\00:03:37.21
Or was it a
single-parent family or...
00:03:37.25\00:03:40.32
where was your dad?
00:03:40.35\00:03:42.25
My biological
father was in Jamaica
00:03:42.28\00:03:46.02
but even while the
time we were in Jamaica,
00:03:46.05\00:03:49.06
he was in and out of my
life, he has six children,
00:03:49.09\00:03:54.46
all boys and
different mothers and so...
00:03:54.50\00:03:57.90
he and my mother never married,
she had me at 19-years-old
00:03:57.93\00:04:01.97
and, you know, my mother...
00:04:02.00\00:04:03.74
her mother actually was
00:04:03.77\00:04:05.97
a Founder of our Seventh-day
Adventist Church in Jamaica,
00:04:06.01\00:04:08.18
so she went through
a whole "shame" process
00:04:08.21\00:04:11.28
but, you know, I
felt... later on...
00:04:11.31\00:04:13.38
it affected my life and
my journey because of...
00:04:13.42\00:04:16.35
you know... her relationship...
00:04:16.38\00:04:18.12
of her trying to
hide the pregnancy...
00:04:18.15\00:04:19.79
then have to go
through the shame
00:04:19.82\00:04:22.82
because it was a very
ultra-conservative church
00:04:22.86\00:04:25.43
and my
grandmother was very strict,
00:04:25.46\00:04:27.43
didn't talk about sex,
didn't talk about family,
00:04:27.46\00:04:30.13
didn't talk about relationship.
00:04:30.17\00:04:31.53
I remember my mom
even telling me one time
00:04:31.57\00:04:33.87
they got spanked
for looking at a boy
00:04:33.90\00:04:37.21
when they were
sitting in the car,
00:04:37.24\00:04:40.54
and those kinds
of things and so,
00:04:40.58\00:04:42.98
when she had me she
was very ashamed of it...
00:04:43.01\00:04:47.05
and so, I think later
on that affected me...
00:04:47.08\00:04:50.39
Yvonne: How... how do
you think it affected you?
00:04:50.42\00:04:53.66
Well, how I knew this was...
00:04:53.72\00:04:56.86
for years I've just
had this anger in me,
00:04:56.89\00:04:59.63
I'm a man of
humor, I love to laugh...
00:04:59.66\00:05:02.50
I love to make
people laugh and stuff but
00:05:02.53\00:05:05.30
when I had my dark
moments, I would just be angry,
00:05:05.33\00:05:08.80
I lost two jobs... doing that,
00:05:08.84\00:05:11.74
I worked in Mental Health
and I just lost my temper twice.
00:05:11.77\00:05:15.91
I just couldn't take it
and I just... was fired because
00:05:15.94\00:05:20.02
I'd lost my temper, and I've...
in the early part of my marriage
00:05:20.05\00:05:24.05
put holes in
doors, just angry...
00:05:24.09\00:05:28.06
I never hit my
wife... nothing like that...
00:05:28.09\00:05:30.06
but I was just so angry
and I just didn't know why.
00:05:30.09\00:05:33.63
Like I said, it
was the opposite of me.
00:05:33.66\00:05:37.13
I was usually the
fun-loving, laughing person...
00:05:37.17\00:05:40.27
I always had to
joke... these guys know me...
00:05:40.30\00:05:43.30
I always have something to
lighten up the place but then
00:05:43.34\00:05:45.74
when I had my
moments, I'll just be upset...
00:05:45.77\00:05:48.61
and I couldn't know
why and I went to...
00:05:48.64\00:05:51.45
my wife was like...
one day, she was like...
00:05:51.48\00:05:54.25
she's an African American woman,
00:05:54.28\00:05:55.95
she said, "You're going to
see a Counselor or I'm out... "
00:05:55.98\00:05:59.22
and I had to swallow my
pride and see a Counselor
00:05:59.25\00:06:02.22
and after talking for a while,
00:06:02.26\00:06:03.73
you know how they
pull all your background,
00:06:03.76\00:06:06.83
you know... that's why
I grab my pillow sometimes
00:06:06.86\00:06:08.53
Yvonne: Oh, we love that...
00:06:08.56\00:06:10.53
Jason: That's the signature
move on A Father's Heart.
00:06:10.57\00:06:12.87
So let me grab my pillow now
because we're having a good time
00:06:12.90\00:06:15.17
and so... he went all
the way to my background
00:06:15.20\00:06:19.27
even to the womb...
even into the womb...
00:06:19.34\00:06:22.94
and this is something
we'll talk about later on
00:06:22.98\00:06:26.51
even to the womb... of
how my mother's fear...
00:06:26.55\00:06:30.02
trying to hide a
pregnancy... the shame...
00:06:30.05\00:06:33.09
affected me... and I
was like... "How's that?"
00:06:33.12\00:06:35.86
And then he showed me
the patterns of my life...
00:06:35.89\00:06:38.59
like, when I came to America...
00:06:38.63\00:06:40.83
I was taunted by
some... the classmates
00:06:40.86\00:06:44.23
when I was in
first and second grade...
00:06:44.27\00:06:45.63
called all kinds of
names, reference to my nose,
00:06:45.67\00:06:49.27
my skin color, all these things
00:06:49.30\00:06:50.74
and I felt like
the only way to fit in
00:06:50.77\00:06:54.34
was to make fun of people too,
00:06:54.38\00:06:56.21
this is where the
humor part comes in,
00:06:56.24\00:06:58.35
you know... and then
so... throughout my life
00:06:58.41\00:07:01.02
I felt like the
only way to fit in
00:07:01.05\00:07:03.02
because I felt like
I always had to fit in,
00:07:03.05\00:07:05.35
I was just never enough... and
constantly throughout my life
00:07:05.39\00:07:08.79
even with my wife... like...
sometimes I would feel like...
00:07:08.82\00:07:12.19
"What more do you need me to do,
00:07:12.23\00:07:14.20
you don't want me?" I
would just say to her...
00:07:14.23\00:07:15.63
"Are you sure you
married the right one?"
00:07:15.66\00:07:17.37
and she would
just look at me like...
00:07:17.40\00:07:19.37
"I'm invested in
this... what do you...
00:07:19.40\00:07:21.34
why do you keep asking me this?"
00:07:21.37\00:07:22.70
And so I brought this up to the
Counselor... the Psychologist
00:07:22.74\00:07:27.08
and he was explaining to me
the effects of being in the womb
00:07:27.11\00:07:31.61
with your
mother... living in shame...
00:07:31.65\00:07:34.58
and constantly...
even reminding you...
00:07:34.62\00:07:36.89
while you're out
of the womb, like,
00:07:36.92\00:07:39.12
"Hey, I had to
hide the pregnancy... "
00:07:39.15\00:07:41.42
all this... worked into me
00:07:41.46\00:07:44.23
and so... for most of my life,
I've dealt with rejection...
00:07:44.29\00:07:49.66
I wasn't wanted... I
was the "mistake child"
00:07:49.70\00:07:52.83
the mistake...
because in her eyes...
00:07:52.87\00:07:57.27
it was a mistake...
it was her first time...
00:07:57.31\00:08:00.14
because she
wasn't taught about sex,
00:08:00.18\00:08:02.71
she wasn't taught
about relationships
00:08:02.74\00:08:05.11
and so, the next
thing she knew was...
00:08:05.15\00:08:07.42
that she was pregnant
so she was living in shame
00:08:07.48\00:08:09.75
it was her first time...
so, I thought I was a mistake
00:08:09.78\00:08:12.39
until... yeah.
00:08:12.42\00:08:14.42
And isn't it amazing
that what happens in the womb
00:08:14.46\00:08:18.19
affects us throughout our lives,
00:08:18.23\00:08:21.46
we don't even realize that,
00:08:21.50\00:08:23.20
it's not something
that is commonly known...
00:08:23.23\00:08:25.70
it's not something
that's commonly discussed,
00:08:25.73\00:08:28.54
but it can affect
us throughout our lives
00:08:28.57\00:08:31.27
that's why it's so important
to take care of that baby,
00:08:31.34\00:08:36.34
even in utero,
because... because...
00:08:36.38\00:08:40.38
in your life... it can just
follow you... your whole life
00:08:40.42\00:08:45.69
And you also
brought out a good point
00:08:45.72\00:08:47.86
that... you know... she
wasn't talked to about sex,
00:08:47.89\00:08:50.26
her parents never
taught her anything,
00:08:50.29\00:08:51.79
and that's why it's so important
that parents teach their kids
00:08:51.83\00:08:54.60
about sex and all that stuff
00:08:54.66\00:08:57.07
because if they don't
learn from their parents,
00:08:57.10\00:08:58.83
the right way...
the Biblical way...
00:08:58.87\00:09:00.67
"after you get married... "
00:09:00.70\00:09:03.17
then, they're
either learning just...
00:09:03.20\00:09:05.64
from what they see on television
00:09:05.67\00:09:08.21
or what they're
learning from their friends
00:09:08.24\00:09:09.58
or if they're
learning from the Street,
00:09:09.61\00:09:11.01
they're learning about lust
00:09:11.05\00:09:13.25
and not love and
God's plan after marriage.
00:09:13.28\00:09:16.85
Exactly... exactly...
00:09:16.89\00:09:18.35
So, you carried this
into your adulthood and...
00:09:18.39\00:09:24.43
how did this affect
your being a father?
00:09:24.46\00:09:29.26
I didn't have a
father to talk to,
00:09:29.30\00:09:31.47
even my step-dad... for
years kind of neglected me
00:09:31.50\00:09:35.87
he loved me... but
what he considered was love
00:09:35.90\00:09:39.31
was not what I was
looking for... for years
00:09:39.34\00:09:42.68
and so, now... as a father...
00:09:42.71\00:09:45.38
with three beautiful children,
best children in the world,
00:09:45.41\00:09:47.68
my children are better than
00:09:47.72\00:09:49.05
anyone of yours'
children... see that?
00:09:49.08\00:09:51.92
and so... my three
beautiful children...
00:09:51.95\00:09:54.92
wonderful guys...
wonderful, beautiful young girl,
00:09:54.96\00:09:58.26
a lot of times
00:09:58.29\00:09:59.89
I want to have an example
00:09:59.93\00:10:04.53
that I can use in
reference to them...
00:10:04.57\00:10:07.34
in a situation...
but I have none...
00:10:07.37\00:10:10.14
or it's not the best
example... it's a negative one
00:10:10.17\00:10:14.48
and so it's a struggle it
really... even to this day
00:10:14.51\00:10:18.78
now that I use my...
00:10:18.81\00:10:20.95
I try to look at
God as my example...
00:10:20.98\00:10:23.22
I look at Him as a
father but in human nature
00:10:23.25\00:10:25.55
you always want something
tangible... the human...
00:10:25.59\00:10:27.86
that you can say,
"Hey... I want to model
00:10:27.89\00:10:29.72
after that person. "
00:10:29.76\00:10:31.09
and so, there's a difficulty
00:10:31.13\00:10:33.80
because there's a
void that's missing...
00:10:33.83\00:10:35.76
and so... sometimes
when I look for something,
00:10:35.80\00:10:38.77
I don't have it,
00:10:38.83\00:10:40.17
so a lot of times
I have to make it up
00:10:40.20\00:10:42.67
or pray...
literally pray and ask God,
00:10:42.70\00:10:44.74
"What shall I do
in this situation?"
00:10:44.77\00:10:46.78
And I made a lot of
mistakes in my parenting
00:10:46.81\00:10:50.71
as well as my marriage
and by the grace of God,
00:10:50.75\00:10:54.55
I'm doing better,
I'm doing much better
00:10:54.58\00:10:59.22
and I have a lot better to do.
00:10:59.25\00:11:00.72
Amen, thank you,
that's a beautiful piece
00:11:00.76\00:11:06.19
of your journey
because so many men
00:11:06.23\00:11:09.70
have not had a
father as an example,
00:11:09.73\00:11:13.17
so, what do you do?
00:11:13.20\00:11:14.97
What do you pull from?
00:11:15.00\00:11:16.71
And that's what a
father's heart is about.
00:11:16.74\00:11:19.44
It's about your...
sharing your journeys
00:11:19.47\00:11:22.08
as well as giving
strategies and tips to men
00:11:22.14\00:11:26.15
who want to be better
fathers who don't know how.
00:11:26.18\00:11:29.58
What about you, Pastor Gordon,
00:11:29.62\00:11:32.75
tell us about your
journey and your dad.
00:11:32.79\00:11:37.49
I... I had a
father... and an intact family
00:11:37.53\00:11:42.16
my dad was never there
00:11:42.20\00:11:45.70
the marriage was
a communal marriage
00:11:45.73\00:11:47.97
so, most of the time,
he worked away from home,
00:11:48.00\00:11:53.01
very good provider,
there was nothing that
00:11:53.04\00:11:56.34
we could have ever gone without,
00:11:56.38\00:11:58.75
we had
everything that we needed,
00:11:58.78\00:12:00.72
grew up... growing up in Guyana,
00:12:00.75\00:12:02.65
it was a wonderful place,
00:12:02.68\00:12:04.35
but still you had some
economical challenges but
00:12:04.39\00:12:08.36
my family...
because of my dad's position
00:12:08.39\00:12:10.49
and because of what He did,
we never had it... anything...
00:12:10.53\00:12:14.33
but what I didn't
have was him in the home.
00:12:14.36\00:12:18.73
I missed that, so
it was just my mom
00:12:18.77\00:12:23.30
that was with us playing
ball and doing all of the things
00:12:23.34\00:12:27.81
that a father would normally do,
00:12:27.84\00:12:30.81
when he came home
on the weekends...
00:12:30.85\00:12:32.18
because my mom... we were a
Seventh-day Adventist family,
00:12:32.21\00:12:36.35
he was not... he
had left the church
00:12:36.38\00:12:38.95
so, he wouldn't even
go to church with us,
00:12:38.99\00:12:41.96
and I still remember those days
when we would walk to church
00:12:42.02\00:12:47.40
and my dad was out
with the car, driving,
00:12:47.43\00:12:50.37
and we'd just walk to
church and come back home
00:12:50.40\00:12:54.47
and so we never had that...
00:12:54.50\00:12:56.57
I never had that
time that I craved,
00:12:56.60\00:12:59.77
so I grew up...
unbeknownst to me
00:12:59.81\00:13:02.91
with a lot of
resentment towards my dad
00:13:02.94\00:13:05.95
and when it all clicked is
when... my dad got very sick
00:13:05.98\00:13:12.15
and had Diabetes...
he lost his sight...
00:13:12.19\00:13:17.76
and it was very, very
difficult for me... as a son...
00:13:17.79\00:13:27.04
to step in to help him,
00:13:27.07\00:13:28.87
I remember days when
he would be calling me
00:13:28.90\00:13:32.14
and I'd just sit
there and didn't want to go.
00:13:32.17\00:13:35.41
looking back, how much...
00:13:35.44\00:13:39.38
it's a lot of pain even
talking about it, right now,
00:13:39.41\00:13:42.55
but... I had to forgive him,
00:13:42.58\00:13:47.26
I had to get to a point
where I'd forgive him...
00:13:47.29\00:13:51.86
if I didn't... there was no way
00:13:51.89\00:13:54.33
that I could have
reached out to him
00:13:54.36\00:13:56.67
and just do what I
needed to do as a son,
00:13:56.70\00:14:00.27
I always wanted to...
not to be like my father...
00:14:00.30\00:14:06.54
working... working...
00:14:06.57\00:14:08.68
spending no time
with the children
00:14:08.71\00:14:10.88
but somehow... I was
turning out to be like him
00:14:10.91\00:14:17.12
in ministry... always gone...
00:14:17.15\00:14:20.89
but I thank God
that every now and again,
00:14:20.92\00:14:23.73
I have a wife that
checks me and says,
00:14:23.79\00:14:26.56
"Hmmm... hmmm...
you're gone too much,
00:14:26.59\00:14:29.06
you need to spend
time with the children. "
00:14:29.10\00:14:32.00
I did a lot of that
when they were babies
00:14:32.03\00:14:34.80
and I was not in ministry,
just working in Florida,
00:14:34.84\00:14:37.77
I would spend time, I was there,
00:14:37.81\00:14:40.08
I was always there
with them going right...
00:14:40.11\00:14:42.64
doing the things
that my dad didn't do,
00:14:42.68\00:14:45.18
riding with
them, taking them out,
00:14:45.21\00:14:48.22
I mean, they were
always in my hand,
00:14:48.25\00:14:51.62
they just stayed
right here, you know,
00:14:51.65\00:14:55.22
but coming back to
when my dad was sick
00:14:55.29\00:14:58.83
he was in a nursing home,
00:14:58.86\00:15:01.30
we had to take him and
put him in a nursing home...
00:15:01.33\00:15:03.20
I wouldn't go see
him, I just couldn't.
00:15:03.23\00:15:08.04
Did you feel...
when you weren't going...
00:15:08.07\00:15:12.67
did you feel anger toward him,
00:15:12.71\00:15:15.54
what were you feeling
that was blocking... going?
00:15:15.58\00:15:20.55
That's the
amazing thing, I really...
00:15:20.58\00:15:23.65
I can't articulate
what I was feeling...
00:15:23.69\00:15:26.76
it was almost like a
numbness, say, you know,
00:15:26.79\00:15:31.06
why even go?
almost a resentment.
00:15:31.09\00:15:35.66
But I really... at that
time... couldn't articulate
00:15:35.70\00:15:39.63
what I was dealing
with until later on in life.
00:15:39.67\00:15:43.57
Then, I was
actually preaching a sermon
00:15:43.61\00:15:47.94
and I used the illustration
and then all of a sudden,
00:15:47.98\00:15:51.05
I broke down and then I realized
00:15:51.08\00:15:54.55
"Wow! this is what
I was dealing with"
00:15:54.58\00:15:59.59
and I'll never forget
the sight of the thing,
00:15:59.62\00:16:04.19
the Holy Spirit drove
me to the Nursing Home
00:16:04.23\00:16:07.63
and I got there and
I walk into the room,
00:16:07.66\00:16:11.03
I looked at my dad and I just...
00:16:11.07\00:16:13.94
Pastor: Sorry man...
Yvonne: Yeah... take your time
00:16:13.97\00:16:21.64
I just broke down,
00:16:21.68\00:16:24.71
because here's the son
00:16:24.78\00:16:27.78
now becoming a
father... Yvonne: Hmmm...
00:16:27.82\00:16:31.62
a father who wasn't there...
00:16:31.65\00:16:36.22
Yvonne: Yes...
00:16:36.26\00:16:37.96
Gordon: and... Hmmm...
00:16:37.99\00:16:47.54
I just got over to
him and I touched him
00:16:47.57\00:16:51.37
and said, "Dad, I'm here"
00:16:51.44\00:16:55.58
Yvonne: Hmmm...
00:16:55.61\00:16:58.21
and the Holy Spirit
just said, just sing...
00:16:58.25\00:17:01.85
and I started to sing...
"When peace like a river"
00:17:01.88\00:17:05.29
and then I moved to "What
a friend we have in Jesus"
00:17:05.32\00:17:08.22
and something just
started to change...
00:17:08.26\00:17:13.33
inside of me
00:17:13.36\00:17:15.23
and I started to pray
and ask God to forgive me
00:17:15.26\00:17:20.37
because the times that
I could have had with him
00:17:20.40\00:17:25.27
I knew he was not
going to last for too long...
00:17:25.31\00:17:30.18
the times I could have
had... I wasted those times...
00:17:30.21\00:17:35.02
Yvonne: Hmmm...
hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...
00:17:35.05\00:17:36.69
But I thank God that I was
able to push all of that hurt
00:17:36.72\00:17:41.82
and anger and stuff
inside and allow the Holy Spirit
00:17:41.86\00:17:46.49
to just change me so
that I could reach out to him
00:17:46.53\00:17:51.10
and I tell you this...
the latter days of his life
00:17:51.13\00:17:55.60
were the best days
of my life with him
00:17:55.64\00:17:58.94
because I would
visit him and sing to him
00:17:58.97\00:18:02.21
and ask him to give his life...
00:18:02.24\00:18:04.81
"Lord, forgive
him for everything"
00:18:04.85\00:18:07.32
so the one great
consolation that I have...
00:18:07.38\00:18:11.79
is that when Jesus comes
again, I will see him again
00:18:11.82\00:18:17.76
and when I see him again,
00:18:17.79\00:18:20.16
we will have all the time
in the world to spend together
00:18:20.20\00:18:25.83
so, that's what
keeps me encouraged,
00:18:25.90\00:18:30.31
that's what keeps me going,
00:18:30.34\00:18:32.27
because I know I
would have that time.
00:18:32.31\00:18:34.48
That is so beautiful, you know,
00:18:34.54\00:18:36.68
a couple of things, one is...
00:18:36.71\00:18:38.85
forgiveness frees us,
00:18:38.91\00:18:42.58
you know, when we hold things...
00:18:42.62\00:18:45.35
and you can't... have to
make a conscious decision
00:18:45.39\00:18:48.52
that "Lord, please
help me to forgive"
00:18:48.59\00:18:51.29
because people can
hurt us so deeply...
00:18:51.33\00:18:54.00
so deeply... and yet...
00:18:54.03\00:18:56.23
you know, you asked God
to help you to forgive him
00:18:56.26\00:19:00.37
and He did, and
you were set free,
00:19:00.44\00:19:03.84
you were set free,
00:19:03.87\00:19:06.24
because it wasn't
him so much as you...
00:19:06.27\00:19:09.54
so God set you
free through forgiveness
00:19:09.58\00:19:12.85
and yet so many people are...
00:19:12.88\00:19:14.72
you might be harboring
00:19:14.75\00:19:16.65
some ill feelings towards
someone that's hurt you deeply,
00:19:16.69\00:19:19.85
but know that God wants
to set you free from that
00:19:19.89\00:19:23.63
you have to just ask
Him, "Help me, set me free...
00:19:23.66\00:19:27.30
help me to forgive this
person" and it's not easy
00:19:27.33\00:19:30.93
but when you do
that, it sets you free.
00:19:30.97\00:19:35.44
And the other thing
that I wanted to mention
00:19:35.50\00:19:38.41
was that, so often
we can get caught up
00:19:38.44\00:19:42.51
even in the work of the Lord
I mean... these are pastors...
00:19:42.54\00:19:45.48
chaplains... all here...
00:19:45.51\00:19:47.98
you can get so caught
up in the work of the Lord,
00:19:48.02\00:19:51.82
that you neglect
the Lord of the work
00:19:51.85\00:19:54.02
and we have to stay, prayed up,
00:19:54.06\00:19:59.09
we have to stay connected
because without that connection,
00:19:59.13\00:20:03.03
it's just works...
00:20:03.06\00:20:04.40
it's just works... and
our families are suffering.
00:20:04.43\00:20:09.00
That's a good point because
00:20:09.04\00:20:10.61
Sister White says
in Adventist Home,
00:20:10.67\00:20:12.84
I couldn't tell
you the page number,
00:20:12.87\00:20:14.94
my girlfriend and I
read Adventist Home together,
00:20:15.01\00:20:18.48
it's like 500
something pages right... so...
00:20:18.51\00:20:21.48
Yvonne: I'm proud of
you. Jason: Thanks to Tiffany.
00:20:21.52\00:20:23.42
But she says that
ministry starts in the home,
00:20:23.45\00:20:28.76
so often we look to go
outside of the home to minister,
00:20:28.79\00:20:32.86
we look to go to
outside of the Country,
00:20:32.89\00:20:34.90
we have our own
problems right here in America,
00:20:34.93\00:20:37.27
we have our own
problems right here at home,
00:20:37.33\00:20:39.60
and so... so often we
see a lot of pastors that...
00:20:39.63\00:20:42.94
they get so
caught up in ministry
00:20:43.00\00:20:46.64
that they neglect their
families and it's not on purpose
00:20:46.68\00:20:50.18
it's just that they're
ministering to everyone else
00:20:50.21\00:20:54.08
and their families need
them to minister to them.
00:20:54.12\00:20:59.75
Yes, so, we're so thankful
that God is a faithful God
00:20:59.79\00:21:05.39
and that He knows
your journey intimately
00:21:05.43\00:21:09.00
and He has brought you
from this point to this point
00:21:09.03\00:21:14.44
because now,
there are so many men
00:21:14.50\00:21:17.84
and women whose fathers
and mothers... on some level
00:21:17.87\00:21:21.68
have just... you
know... it's been dysfunctional
00:21:21.71\00:21:25.45
and what you are
doing with this program
00:21:25.48\00:21:29.05
is... sharing your
journey and letting people know
00:21:29.08\00:21:32.45
that God is faithful
and that He will redeem...
00:21:32.49\00:21:35.86
and that He will restore...
00:21:35.89\00:21:37.79
because that's
what He's done for you.
00:21:37.83\00:21:40.03
What about you Xavier?
00:21:40.06\00:21:42.16
I grew up in the
perfect home, so to speak,
00:21:42.20\00:21:45.27
Adventist,
vegetarian, the works...
00:21:45.30\00:21:48.67
I did everything
according to the book,
00:21:48.70\00:21:52.01
and my dad and my mom
00:21:52.07\00:21:54.61
have been married
for almost 40 years now,
00:21:54.64\00:21:56.41
so it's been fantastic yet...
00:21:56.44\00:21:59.15
and I was taught by my
dad... I'm the only child,
00:21:59.18\00:22:01.48
so I was taught... my
dad was always there...
00:22:01.52\00:22:03.79
when he got home from work
00:22:03.82\00:22:06.05
even though tired,
he'll spend time with me,
00:22:06.09\00:22:07.82
he taught me how to fix
cars, how to build things and
00:22:07.89\00:22:11.06
basically everything
that a dad needs to do
00:22:11.09\00:22:13.66
except on how to
cope with my emotions...
00:22:13.70\00:22:16.20
that always has been
my handicap all my life.
00:22:16.23\00:22:20.27
My dad... he only
taught me what he knew
00:22:20.30\00:22:24.37
but what he knew was
anger, he never abused me
00:22:24.41\00:22:28.88
but I did get disciplined
and the way he coped with me
00:22:28.91\00:22:36.58
when I would get... you know...
00:22:36.62\00:22:37.99
I tried to talk to
him about my emotions
00:22:38.02\00:22:40.22
and just... you know,
basically not deal with it
00:22:40.26\00:22:43.43
you know, I'd
have to talk to my mom
00:22:43.46\00:22:46.06
and I remember
when I got to the age...
00:22:46.09\00:22:48.63
at my adolescent age,
00:22:48.66\00:22:50.13
between the
hormones and everything,
00:22:50.17\00:22:52.70
I was always wanting to talk,
00:22:52.73\00:22:55.00
I was always more
of the emotional son...
00:22:55.07\00:22:57.24
I wanted to
talk... express myself
00:22:57.31\00:22:59.14
and my dad... one
time... he just looked at me
00:22:59.17\00:23:01.84
and he said, "I
can't deal with... "
00:23:01.88\00:23:03.45
he looked at my
mom... he looked at me...
00:23:03.48\00:23:05.05
he said, "I can't deal with
him anymore... you talk to him"
00:23:05.08\00:23:07.45
I felt so rejected in my
own home that I was like...
00:23:07.48\00:23:12.49
"If he rejects me... then...
I don't like God anymore"
00:23:12.55\00:23:17.53
because he was
the image of God to me
00:23:17.56\00:23:21.16
my father
reflects my Heavenly Father
00:23:21.23\00:23:24.67
and I rejected and
I said to myself...
00:23:24.70\00:23:28.14
"Well, if God doesn't exist...
00:23:28.17\00:23:29.50
if God exists
according to what they say,
00:23:29.54\00:23:31.47
then the devil exists too"
00:23:31.51\00:23:32.87
so if my father
rejects me... then...
00:23:32.91\00:23:35.24
I don't want any part of this,
I'm going to the other side
00:23:35.28\00:23:37.75
and I accepted
Satan... as it were
00:23:37.78\00:23:41.52
into my heart for 12 years...
00:23:41.55\00:23:43.65
Yvonne: 12 years!
00:23:43.69\00:23:45.75
When you first were drawn to
that whole... the dark side...
00:23:45.79\00:23:52.19
did you have any kind of
reticence about getting into it
00:23:52.23\00:23:58.60
were you hesitant at all?
00:23:58.63\00:24:00.14
Did you say... "Oooh!
I don't know about that?"
00:24:00.17\00:24:04.11
What drew you to that?
00:24:04.14\00:24:06.14
I was angry and part of my
emotional state was because
00:24:06.17\00:24:09.54
I was in my adolescent stage,
I had been rejected by girls...
00:24:09.58\00:24:13.82
"the short pudgy guy... "
and then rejected by my father,
00:24:13.85\00:24:17.85
I was just angry and God
wasn't making my anger go away
00:24:17.89\00:24:22.22
so I wanted to feed into
it and I wanted people to pay
00:24:22.26\00:24:26.56
and I remember I told the
devil, "I will join you...
00:24:26.59\00:24:30.83
I already know
what you're about...
00:24:30.87\00:24:32.50
I don't want to be
some dark-dressing,
00:24:32.53\00:24:35.57
Goth-looking person,
I want to serve you and
00:24:35.60\00:24:38.61
I want to kill
those who hurt me. "
00:24:38.64\00:24:42.14
Pastor: Mercy... Yvonne: Wow...
00:24:42.21\00:24:44.45
I studied about serial killers
00:24:44.51\00:24:46.68
and I wanted to be the
most famous of them all.
00:24:46.72\00:24:49.38
Pastor: Mercy...
have mercy... Yvonne: Wow!
00:24:49.42\00:24:53.82
You really... really
went over to the dark side
00:24:53.86\00:24:58.26
and let's be clear
about where you are
00:24:58.29\00:25:03.60
when you're on that side,
like... did you have any joy?
00:25:03.63\00:25:07.80
Did you have
any... like where were you
00:25:07.84\00:25:10.41
in the other parts
of your emotional life?
00:25:10.44\00:25:12.91
I thought I had joy... I mean...
I got everything I wanted
00:25:12.94\00:25:18.31
but it was my
flesh... I wanted it and not...
00:25:18.38\00:25:22.18
it was always... at the end
of the day I still felt empty
00:25:22.22\00:25:24.99
and I fed my
emptiness with alcoholism...
00:25:25.02\00:25:29.59
at 15... I was
already an alcoholic,
00:25:29.62\00:25:31.66
drugs, women, pornography,
00:25:31.69\00:25:36.77
everything that can keep
my brain... a pile of mush
00:25:36.80\00:25:40.34
so I could still be
a puppet of the devil.
00:25:40.37\00:25:43.20
Every type of coping mechanism,
if you want to call it that
00:25:43.24\00:25:47.58
was available to
me at my disposal
00:25:47.61\00:25:50.25
and I would get
in fights with people
00:25:50.28\00:25:52.88
and not even recall...
all I remembered was just
00:25:52.91\00:25:56.65
waking up and
knowing nothing on me...
00:25:56.69\00:25:59.35
but they were
just beyond injured
00:25:59.39\00:26:01.52
and I lost a lot of
friends because they told me,
00:26:01.59\00:26:04.99
"Xavier, you're
going to kill somebody... "
00:26:05.03\00:26:07.83
and they said, "You
don't even need a weapon,
00:26:07.86\00:26:10.60
you'd just do it
with your bare hands. "
00:26:10.67\00:26:12.20
And I remember, I
would look at them and say,
00:26:12.23\00:26:15.74
"That's the goal... "
and I lost a lot of friends
00:26:15.80\00:26:19.27
and... I mean... it
took me till I was 25
00:26:19.31\00:26:21.41
and I met God...
00:26:21.44\00:26:24.28
I ended up in jail by
getting into a Bar fight
00:26:24.31\00:26:27.55
and I was
already a Police Officer
00:26:27.58\00:26:29.48
trying to do the right thing
00:26:29.52\00:26:31.15
and all that... but my dad...
00:26:31.19\00:26:32.79
I never talked to my
dad throughout that time,
00:26:32.82\00:26:35.39
I talked to my
mom and my mom said,
00:26:35.42\00:26:38.39
"We'll pray for you" and,
00:26:38.43\00:26:40.53
you know, "please...
" she would beg with me
00:26:40.56\00:26:42.70
and I just didn't listen,
I was so angry at the world
00:26:42.73\00:26:46.23
and I resonate with Pastor
Denry because I worn down...
00:26:46.27\00:26:49.74
I would smash doors,
windows, I mean, I would bleed,
00:26:49.77\00:26:53.24
my hands would bleed
and I would feel no pain,
00:26:53.27\00:26:55.11
I mean, the anger was
so... I can't even describe it.
00:26:55.14\00:26:59.18
Yvonne: Hmmm...
Xavier: I was so angry
00:26:59.21\00:27:02.32
and God met me in
jail. Pastor: Mercy...
00:27:02.35\00:27:05.35
And He said... and it's
not this compassionate God
00:27:05.39\00:27:09.36
that people... He
knew I was hard-headed.
00:27:09.39\00:27:11.93
He just said, "Are you done?"
00:27:11.96\00:27:13.83
All: Hmmm...
00:27:13.86\00:27:15.20
"Are you ready
to try my way now?"
00:27:15.23\00:27:16.56
All: Hmmm...
00:27:16.60\00:27:17.93
And I started to...
and... I talked to my dad,
00:27:17.97\00:27:21.07
my dad was actually the one...
I was in a different State
00:27:21.10\00:27:25.31
I was out of the
State of Florida,
00:27:25.34\00:27:26.71
in West Virginia and
00:27:26.74\00:27:28.11
he's the one that
came... bailed me out of jail
00:27:28.14\00:27:30.05
with his retirement fund and...
00:27:30.08\00:27:32.95
Now this was before or after
you had an encounter with God?
00:27:32.98\00:27:37.52
After I had an encounter and...
00:27:37.55\00:27:39.65
I mean, I tried
to commit suicide
00:27:39.69\00:27:41.72
before that...
everything... you name it...
00:27:41.76\00:27:44.03
I was just empty...
empty... empty... empty...
00:27:44.06\00:27:46.23
an emptiness that I could not
describe, it's like a black hole
00:27:46.26\00:27:48.60
and you try to fill it
but it just doesn't work,
00:27:48.63\00:27:52.17
it's the "God space,"
00:27:52.20\00:27:53.54
it's the space
that God needs to take.
00:27:53.57\00:27:55.20
Yvonne: That's right.
00:27:55.24\00:27:56.57
And my dad
packed up all my stuff
00:27:56.60\00:27:58.74
and he says, you
know, I lost a home...
00:27:58.77\00:28:01.04
I lost... I had a house,
00:28:01.08\00:28:02.64
two cars, a wife... in 24
hours, everything was gone.
00:28:02.68\00:28:07.12
Wife, cars, everything...
00:28:07.15\00:28:09.92
and my dad said,
"You're coming home"
00:28:09.95\00:28:11.89
and we talked for... it
was like a twelve-hour trip,
00:28:11.92\00:28:14.39
we talked and he
asked me for forgiveness...
00:28:14.42\00:28:18.39
for not listening,
for being too strict on me
00:28:18.43\00:28:22.10
and not teaching me
that a real man cries,
00:28:22.13\00:28:25.77
Yvonne: Hmmm...
00:28:25.80\00:28:27.14
So I made amends with my dad and
it wasn't until I was an adult
00:28:27.17\00:28:34.01
that I learned
how to be a father.
00:28:34.04\00:28:36.88
It's crazy
because I have two girls
00:28:36.95\00:28:39.75
and I'm like, "God...
00:28:39.78\00:28:41.75
I'm such a... I'm so
rough around the edges
00:28:41.78\00:28:45.15
why did you give me two girls?"
00:28:45.19\00:28:46.52
And my
four-year-old ministers to me
00:28:46.55\00:28:50.13
and makes me a better father.
00:28:50.19\00:28:52.26
Hmmm... that is a
powerful testimony,
00:28:52.29\00:28:57.73
I mean, because,
you know, what you show
00:28:57.77\00:29:00.57
is that... because we
always talk about God's plan,
00:29:00.60\00:29:04.14
God has a plan to prosper us,
00:29:04.17\00:29:06.17
God has a plan to
give us a future and a hope
00:29:06.21\00:29:09.81
you know... an expected end
00:29:09.84\00:29:11.75
but Satan has a
plan... to destroy...
00:29:11.78\00:29:14.75
and so... whoever we choose...
00:29:14.78\00:29:18.05
that's the plan we're on,
00:29:18.09\00:29:19.69
and when we choose God's plan,
God has just brought you back up
00:29:19.75\00:29:26.29
that hole is full
now with His presence
00:29:26.33\00:29:30.20
but before...
Satan was taking you down
00:29:30.27\00:29:34.07
and you were more
and more despondent,
00:29:34.10\00:29:36.57
more and more in
despair because...
00:29:36.60\00:29:39.07
because you were serving
00:29:39.11\00:29:40.84
the enemy of souls and
so, when you do that...
00:29:40.88\00:29:45.11
you're going to be...
you're walking the dark side
00:29:45.15\00:29:48.65
but God is so faithful
because He knew what it took
00:29:48.68\00:29:52.12
to get your attention
and He knew what it took
00:29:52.15\00:29:55.62
to bring you back to Him,
to really bring you to Him,
00:29:55.69\00:29:59.69
this time, not
through your parents,
00:29:59.73\00:30:02.33
not through their relationship
but your relationship
00:30:02.36\00:30:05.77
and so... I mean... I
think that that is just
00:30:05.80\00:30:09.27
incredible and I think
all of you are better fathers
00:30:09.30\00:30:13.21
because of your
journey, not that... you know...
00:30:13.24\00:30:17.08
not that God put you on
that path... we make choices...
00:30:17.15\00:30:21.48
and there are
consequences to those choices
00:30:21.52\00:30:25.52
but your journey has
made you better dads.
00:30:25.55\00:30:29.49
What do you think Jason?
00:30:29.52\00:30:30.96
It's also
interesting because I mean...
00:30:30.99\00:30:32.83
usually in all situations
00:30:32.86\00:30:34.46
where there's
either an absent father
00:30:34.50\00:30:37.23
or a father who just really
doesn't know how to be a father
00:30:37.27\00:30:41.10
to his child, that kid grows up
00:30:41.14\00:30:43.41
and he either
goes one of two ways...
00:30:43.44\00:30:46.31
. either he becomes
just like his dad...
00:30:46.37\00:30:49.14
and treats his kids the
same way that his dad did,
00:30:49.21\00:30:52.18
or he breaks that cycle
00:30:52.21\00:30:54.95
and he gives his
kids what he never had
00:30:54.98\00:30:57.69
and so it's interesting to see
that the fathers that grow up
00:30:57.72\00:31:04.16
and the kids that
grow up and become fathers
00:31:04.19\00:31:07.33
that give their kids what
their dad never gave them.
00:31:07.40\00:31:11.83
My dad... when I was a kid...
00:31:11.87\00:31:15.47
he lost his dad
at a very early age,
00:31:15.50\00:31:19.07
I mean, he was
still a kid himself
00:31:19.11\00:31:22.61
and so I never had a
chance to meet my grandpa,
00:31:22.64\00:31:25.45
well, from the
stories that I've heard,
00:31:25.51\00:31:27.58
my dad didn't experience...
00:31:27.62\00:31:31.02
like... he didn't
have the greatest childhood
00:31:31.05\00:31:34.89
I think he got
like his first present
00:31:34.92\00:31:38.99
I think is... what? his
only present was like a bike
00:31:39.06\00:31:42.96
or something like that...
00:31:43.00\00:31:44.63
that was like one
of his only presents
00:31:44.67\00:31:46.97
for his birthday
or something like that
00:31:47.00\00:31:49.27
and it's not
about material things
00:31:49.30\00:31:51.04
but there were other
issues within the family
00:31:51.07\00:31:53.31
but when I came... when
I broke out into the world
00:31:53.34\00:31:58.35
in... well... we
won't say the year...
00:31:58.38\00:32:01.18
but when I broke
out into the world,
00:32:01.25\00:32:03.99
my dad gave me what
his father didn't give him,
00:32:04.02\00:32:11.59
you know, we
don't... we don't say,
00:32:11.63\00:32:14.56
"I love you" and
stuff like that a lot
00:32:14.60\00:32:17.53
but I can tell by his
actions that he loves me.
00:32:17.57\00:32:21.34
My mother and father
got divorced when I was...
00:32:21.37\00:32:25.07
what? five or six?
Yvonne: Hmmm... hmmm...
00:32:25.11\00:32:27.48
and when I was
about five or six...
00:32:27.51\00:32:29.31
of course, as a kid, I
didn't understand that,
00:32:29.34\00:32:31.78
I wasn't happy about it at first
00:32:31.81\00:32:34.28
but then I grew to
like it for selfish reasons
00:32:34.32\00:32:36.62
I had two places to
go... two sets of gifts
00:32:36.65\00:32:38.92
and my dad wasn't in the church,
00:32:38.95\00:32:43.09
he wasn't an Adventist
and so, it was different,
00:32:43.12\00:32:47.70
it was different,
he was the "fun parent"
00:32:47.73\00:32:50.13
Yvonne: Thanks a lot.
00:32:50.17\00:32:51.50
Jason: Well, you were fun but...
00:32:51.53\00:32:53.10
Yvonne: No, I really wasn't
as much fun as your dad was.
00:32:53.13\00:32:55.74
I had different
rules in the house.
00:32:55.77\00:32:58.67
Yeah, you did... and he
had rules but it was different,
00:32:58.71\00:33:01.14
so, I got...
00:33:01.18\00:33:03.58
you ended up getting
re-married when I was...
00:33:03.61\00:33:06.61
going into like the fifth grade,
00:33:06.65\00:33:09.22
but one thing that really
stood out that my dad's done...
00:33:09.25\00:33:13.82
is... when we moved to
Texas, I threw a temper tantrum,
00:33:13.86\00:33:18.29
I was throwing things,
00:33:18.33\00:33:19.66
I was so hurt because
I wanted my dad there,
00:33:19.69\00:33:23.06
my dad uprooted his
whole life and moved to Texas
00:33:23.10\00:33:26.33
to finish raising me
and I mean that is so...
00:33:26.37\00:33:29.57
I was the only
reason why he moved there
00:33:29.60\00:33:33.34
and for me... that
just... that showed me how much
00:33:33.38\00:33:37.55
he loves me and I
hope that when I grow...
00:33:37.58\00:33:41.78
well, I'm grown up now
00:33:41.85\00:33:44.49
but when I grow
and become a father,
00:33:44.52\00:33:47.32
if that's God's will... that
I can be like him in that sense.
00:33:47.36\00:33:54.03
Yeah, it means a lot to know...
00:33:54.10\00:33:58.83
for your children to know
00:33:58.87\00:34:00.44
that you really love them,
that you really care about them
00:34:00.47\00:34:04.57
and you show them,
not just by what you say
00:34:04.61\00:34:06.68
but by the time
that you've spent
00:34:06.71\00:34:08.68
and that's what
you guys talk about too
00:34:08.71\00:34:10.78
on: A Father's Heart.
00:34:10.81\00:34:12.28
The time that you spend in...
and you give tips and strategies
00:34:12.31\00:34:17.22
let's talk about the importance
of the father in the home
00:34:17.25\00:34:20.46
because even if...
again, in Jay's case...
00:34:20.49\00:34:24.33
his Dad wasn't...
we weren't together
00:34:24.36\00:34:26.90
but we were friends
enough for me to say,
00:34:26.93\00:34:29.43
"Come, come down here,
00:34:29.46\00:34:31.37
Jason really needs
you it's fine with me,"
00:34:31.40\00:34:34.00
I knew his dad wasn't going
to interfere in my life, so...
00:34:34.04\00:34:37.67
And you never
talked bad about dad to me
00:34:37.71\00:34:40.28
and he's never
talked bad about you to me
00:34:40.31\00:34:42.84
and that's important too.
00:34:42.88\00:34:45.11
Yvonne: Yeah, yeah, and
I praise the Lord for that.
00:34:45.15\00:34:47.95
You know, it's
important that we don't
00:34:47.98\00:34:49.55
put our children in the
middle and make them "pawns"
00:34:49.58\00:34:53.39
you know, just
because you and the spouse
00:34:53.42\00:34:58.36
or significant
other didn't make it,
00:34:58.39\00:35:00.66
you don't put the
child in the middle
00:35:00.70\00:35:02.90
but we have a crisis
in our communities today,
00:35:02.96\00:35:08.24
we have a crisis of not...
of having absentee fathers
00:35:08.27\00:35:14.24
it blows my mind that
all the media pushes sex
00:35:14.28\00:35:21.18
it pushes: have
sex, do this, do that,
00:35:21.22\00:35:24.02
but it's not
talking about the babies
00:35:24.05\00:35:26.86
that you're going to be siring,
00:35:26.89\00:35:28.99
you know, it's one thing...
00:35:29.02\00:35:31.06
you're not a man or a
woman because you can procreate,
00:35:31.09\00:35:35.16
because you can have a child,
00:35:35.20\00:35:37.33
you are a real
man or a real woman
00:35:37.37\00:35:40.14
when you parent,
that's... you know...
00:35:40.17\00:35:42.90
and in our communities,
we are missing fathers,
00:35:42.94\00:35:46.68
let's talk about
the effect of that...
00:35:46.71\00:35:49.98
not just in the family
but on the community at large,
00:35:50.01\00:35:53.28
what do you think Pastor Denry?
00:35:53.31\00:35:54.68
I mean... it's... it's...
the turning point in my life
00:35:54.72\00:35:57.65
was about four years ago,
00:35:57.69\00:36:00.42
I picked up the
phone, my dad was calling me,
00:36:00.46\00:36:03.66
I actually called
him, my stepfather...
00:36:03.69\00:36:05.89
and the first time in my
life, he said, "Hello, Son... "
00:36:05.93\00:36:11.27
Yvonne: Hmmm...
00:36:11.30\00:36:12.93
My stepfather always
referred to me as, "Young man"
00:36:12.97\00:36:15.67
and... I mean... this
was only four years ago
00:36:15.70\00:36:19.37
and that was a turning
point in my life to hear that...
00:36:19.44\00:36:23.01
remember I said that
I dealt with rejection
00:36:23.04\00:36:25.51
and even though he
raised me most of my life,
00:36:25.55\00:36:27.95
I always felt that he
never accepted me as his own
00:36:27.98\00:36:31.52
and so, when he said that,
00:36:31.55\00:36:33.69
that just blew me away...
00:36:33.72\00:36:35.82
I called my wife
like... after... and like...
00:36:35.86\00:36:38.83
"My dad called me
'son'" so I can imagine like
00:36:38.89\00:36:42.23
kids in the communities
who never hear that...
00:36:42.26\00:36:45.60
if it meant
something to me at...
00:36:45.63\00:36:48.50
a few years ago... and
I'm an adult man, married,
00:36:48.54\00:36:52.84
have my children, could
you imagine what it means
00:36:52.87\00:36:56.21
to these kids
who've never heard that?
00:36:56.24\00:36:58.58
If they can just
hear their father
00:36:58.61\00:37:00.52
call them "son"
or "daughter... "
00:37:00.58\00:37:02.42
I mean, that would just
like... do some... good...
00:37:02.45\00:37:05.89
I mean other people have
called your son, whatever,
00:37:05.92\00:37:08.86
you try to have mentors...
that means something to us,
00:37:08.89\00:37:11.79
that title means...
00:37:11.83\00:37:13.23
that's like the
best title you can have
00:37:13.26\00:37:15.20
for your parent to call
you what you are to them.
00:37:15.26\00:37:19.93
And so, by reaching to
our communities and mentoring
00:37:19.97\00:37:23.10
or whatever we can do,
stepping in sometimes as fathers
00:37:23.14\00:37:26.21
because we have some experience
00:37:26.27\00:37:28.11
and maybe... we
can't replace the father
00:37:28.14\00:37:30.48
but just being a mentor and
let them know... you know...
00:37:30.51\00:37:33.42
you are God's son,
you are God's daughter,
00:37:33.45\00:37:36.92
I believe that will
just give them this boost
00:37:36.95\00:37:40.02
like it did for me
because from that point,
00:37:40.06\00:37:42.56
things that had been
going to rejection...
00:37:42.59\00:37:45.06
and all of
that... to just going...
00:37:45.09\00:37:47.13
things have been
going good for me
00:37:47.16\00:37:49.50
Yvonne: Praise the
Lord, that's great,
00:37:49.53\00:37:51.83
just by calling you "son. "
00:37:51.87\00:37:54.90
Denry: That's it... that's all I
wanted to hear, all these years.
00:37:54.94\00:37:56.84
Did you tell him how
much it meant to you?
00:37:56.91\00:38:00.38
I kept it... I kept...
I guess I just kept it...
00:38:00.41\00:38:03.14
it was some... a joy
that I just had to share
00:38:03.18\00:38:05.68
but I need to tell him,
I do need to tell him...
00:38:05.71\00:38:07.82
I think it would be interesting,
00:38:07.85\00:38:09.18
I think it would be interesting
to see how he responds
00:38:09.22\00:38:12.52
to your letting him know
how much it meant to you.
00:38:12.55\00:38:15.92
Because I was
forced to call him "daddy"
00:38:15.96\00:38:18.63
because I used to
call him by his name
00:38:18.66\00:38:21.30
and my mother was like...
00:38:21.33\00:38:22.66
"He's going to be around for a
while could you call him daddy?"
00:38:22.70\00:38:25.93
I was like... ten years' old,
00:38:26.00\00:38:27.97
I was like, "He's
not my dad though"
00:38:28.00\00:38:29.54
and mom said,
"Could you call him daddy?"
00:38:29.57\00:38:31.04
I said, "Okay,
I'll call him daddy. "
00:38:31.07\00:38:32.54
But now, when I call him daddy,
00:38:32.57\00:38:35.18
that's my dad... he's my dad...
00:38:35.21\00:38:37.75
Yvonne: Hmmm...
hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...
00:38:37.78\00:38:39.45
I think that a lot of
times the men out there...
00:38:39.48\00:38:44.52
they're struggling with the past
00:38:44.55\00:38:47.99
so they can't even reach
out to their own children,
00:38:48.02\00:38:51.63
and we don't look at that angle,
00:38:51.69\00:38:53.53
I know, my dad meant
well, I know, for him,
00:38:53.56\00:38:57.37
is... provide...
I've got to provide...
00:38:57.40\00:39:01.10
and I have the same kind of
makeup... I've got to provide...
00:39:01.14\00:39:04.84
but I have a
balance through education,
00:39:04.87\00:39:09.04
through reading...
knowledge, just get a balance,
00:39:09.08\00:39:11.71
because I know,
"Yes, I have to provide...
00:39:11.75\00:39:13.42
but, I have to still spend time"
00:39:13.45\00:39:16.69
my son... now he's 19...
00:39:16.72\00:39:18.39
my daughter is 16...
00:39:18.42\00:39:20.12
and we have such an open
relationship in our home,
00:39:20.16\00:39:24.29
they can come, they can talk
00:39:24.33\00:39:26.46
and I'll be in my office
in the middle of a sermon
00:39:26.49\00:39:29.60
and this is about 11:30
00:39:29.63\00:39:32.23
and my son will
knock on the office door
00:39:32.27\00:39:35.10
I'd say, "Come on in... "
00:39:35.14\00:39:36.47
and that's the time he
wants to sit down and talk
00:39:36.50\00:39:38.31
and you know when
you're in the middle of...
00:39:38.34\00:39:41.11
you're absorbed...
you're in the Word...
00:39:41.14\00:39:43.45
and guess what I do? I stop...
00:39:43.48\00:39:46.35
I stop... he'll
sit there in my chair
00:39:46.38\00:39:50.22
and we'll just talk about
whatever he wants to talk about
00:39:50.25\00:39:54.26
until it's time for him to
00:39:54.29\00:39:56.32
just feel...
"Okay dad, I'm gone. "
00:39:56.36\00:39:59.36
That's what's
needed for fathers...
00:39:59.39\00:40:01.46
we need to just be
able to spend time with them
00:40:01.50\00:40:05.10
and listen to
them because I realized
00:40:05.13\00:40:07.30
from the time he was born until
age 19... time went so fast,
00:40:07.34\00:40:12.24
it just disappeared and I
realized that sooner or later,
00:40:12.27\00:40:17.15
he's going to
be out of the home,
00:40:17.18\00:40:18.88
my daughter's going
to be out of the home,
00:40:18.91\00:40:20.58
so I'm going to
invest all the time
00:40:20.62\00:40:24.79
that I possibly can with him,
00:40:24.82\00:40:27.06
because I don't want him
to... to have the same feelings
00:40:27.09\00:40:32.19
or the same things
that I went through,
00:40:32.23\00:40:34.06
I'm trying to
protect him from that.
00:40:34.10\00:40:36.16
One thing that my dad
did with us... is that
00:40:36.20\00:40:39.47
every year we
would get in the car...
00:40:39.50\00:40:41.27
we would drive 60 to 70 miles
00:40:41.30\00:40:44.21
to our other family home
00:40:44.24\00:40:47.61
and that is something
that is still within me.
00:40:47.64\00:40:51.01
It's amazing how some
of the things that you
00:40:51.05\00:40:54.35
you used to do with your father,
it's amazing how it just sticks.
00:40:54.38\00:40:59.05
As, every now and again...
00:40:59.09\00:41:00.99
I like to take
these long road trips
00:41:01.02\00:41:03.29
but my wife
doesn't like the car,
00:41:03.32\00:41:05.56
so it doesn't balance up,
00:41:05.59\00:41:08.80
I got into the car and said,
"Okay, we're going to Arizona,
00:41:08.83\00:41:11.10
we're going from Michigan
all the way to Arizona... "
00:41:11.13\00:41:13.67
I had the best time
00:41:13.70\00:41:15.14
but they didn't
have such a good time...
00:41:15.17\00:41:16.97
I was re-living my childhood and
I was just having a good time,
00:41:17.01\00:41:24.05
because... it was a time
where I felt close to my father
00:41:24.08\00:41:29.18
you know, we
just had a good time
00:41:29.22\00:41:30.89
but I think to
spending time is crucial,
00:41:30.92\00:41:34.82
I think we need to encourage
our fathers to spend time,
00:41:34.86\00:41:39.83
it's okay to
stop what you're doing
00:41:39.86\00:41:42.40
and let them know
that they're important.
00:41:42.43\00:41:44.73
You said a key
word, "Balance... "
00:41:44.77\00:41:48.20
now there are a lot of fathers
at home that don't know...
00:41:48.24\00:41:50.91
maybe... how to
have that balance,
00:41:50.94\00:41:53.64
what advice would you give them
00:41:53.68\00:41:56.31
to be able to
balance raising their kids?
00:41:56.34\00:42:00.42
Well, the advice I'll give
them is that... first of all...
00:42:00.45\00:42:03.32
you have to understand
that they're important,
00:42:03.39\00:42:05.49
they're first in your
life, I mean... besides God,
00:42:05.52\00:42:09.32
then, they're first
00:42:09.36\00:42:10.69
and, I think, be
able to understand that
00:42:10.73\00:42:13.96
and know that whenever
they want to have a conversation
00:42:14.00\00:42:18.73
or just play...
stop what you're doing
00:42:18.77\00:42:20.54
but yet it's going to only take
them about 10 to 15 minutes...
00:42:20.57\00:42:24.94
I noticed that with
children, 10 to 15 minutes...
00:42:24.97\00:42:28.04
30 minutes...
and they're gone...
00:42:28.08\00:42:30.15
they're off to the next thing
00:42:30.18\00:42:31.58
so now you can resume
your regular activities,
00:42:31.61\00:42:34.12
don't think that they're
going to be there forever
00:42:34.15\00:42:36.62
and you can't do
what you need to,
00:42:36.65\00:42:38.55
so, you have to be able
to find that balance though
00:42:38.62\00:42:40.09
a little time for my children
00:42:40.12\00:42:41.66
and a little time
where I can get back to work
00:42:41.69\00:42:44.59
or do what I need
to do. Yvonne: Hmmm...
00:42:44.63\00:42:45.96
I think too,
one of the things...
00:42:45.99\00:42:48.46
going back to what Pastor
Denry and Jason talked about,
00:42:48.50\00:42:51.47
you know my four-year-old
comes from a divorced home,
00:42:51.50\00:42:54.40
my ex-wife and I
are not together,
00:42:54.44\00:42:56.20
I'm remarried to
Brittany, we talked about it,
00:42:56.24\00:42:59.47
we have a new-born
baby and everything
00:42:59.51\00:43:01.41
and it was important
00:43:01.44\00:43:03.24
as a lot of times,
parents get divorced
00:43:03.28\00:43:05.98
and their fathers divorce
the kids at the same time.
00:43:06.01\00:43:07.98
Yvonne: Hmmm...
a very good point.
00:43:08.02\00:43:09.75
To me it's like...
and it's not easy...
00:43:09.78\00:43:12.12
but you know what?
00:43:12.15\00:43:13.49
Just because you two couldn't
work out your issues on things
00:43:13.52\00:43:16.96
just... they didn't happen
00:43:16.99\00:43:18.33
because that's not
the way God intended,
00:43:18.36\00:43:20.10
doesn't mean
you can't get along,
00:43:20.13\00:43:21.80
you're adults to your children
and we have a dynamic in which
00:43:21.83\00:43:26.84
yeah, you have your
bad times and good times
00:43:26.87\00:43:28.97
but your children feel it
even if they don't see it.
00:43:29.00\00:43:32.27
They feel it and for me...
it's critical that I maintain a
00:43:32.31\00:43:35.74
good co-parental
relationship with my ex-wife
00:43:35.78\00:43:38.81
and my wife now, she knows that
00:43:38.85\00:43:40.82
and she helps
me through that too
00:43:40.85\00:43:42.62
we pray for me
and we pray together
00:43:42.65\00:43:44.35
and we pray for her
as well, and you know,
00:43:44.39\00:43:46.92
my daughter is pretty
much... my wife's daughter too.
00:43:46.96\00:43:50.83
There's no
step-parent, step-parent,
00:43:50.86\00:43:54.03
step-daughter relationship,
that's her daughter as well,
00:43:54.06\00:43:56.26
they love each other,
they spend time together,
00:43:56.30\00:43:58.57
when our newborn
was born, I was like,
00:43:58.60\00:44:01.10
"Can you take
her for a little bit
00:44:01.14\00:44:02.90
so I can spend time with Andrea
00:44:02.97\00:44:04.71
for a little bit,
that's my four-year-old...
00:44:04.74\00:44:07.84
spend time a
little bit with her,
00:44:07.91\00:44:09.41
so that way we can
bond" and to me that was...
00:44:09.44\00:44:14.15
to me that's important
00:44:14.18\00:44:15.52
and just getting
along and just being there,
00:44:15.55\00:44:17.92
my dad taught me... like I said,
00:44:17.95\00:44:20.19
"No matter how tired you are,
00:44:20.22\00:44:22.42
you always spend
time with your kids"
00:44:22.46\00:44:23.83
and sometimes I come
home from a full day of work
00:44:23.86\00:44:27.03
and I'm exhausted,
I mean, I'm worn out,
00:44:27.06\00:44:30.13
and I pick up my
four-year-old from school
00:44:30.17\00:44:33.20
and I... she'll be like,
00:44:33.23\00:44:34.57
"Daddy, can I go
and eat some sushi?"
00:44:34.60\00:44:36.50
Because she likes
sushi, the avocado rolls,
00:44:36.54\00:44:39.94
so we go... and
we go get some sushi
00:44:39.97\00:44:42.08
and we sit down and we talk,
00:44:42.11\00:44:43.45
we always make time in our
household to talk to our kids,
00:44:43.48\00:44:47.08
and to listen,
even though she's four,
00:44:47.12\00:44:49.75
even though the newborn is
a newborn... two months' old,
00:44:49.78\00:44:52.59
they talk to us and we listen
00:44:52.65\00:44:55.92
and we want to dedicate and
build the time with them now
00:44:55.96\00:45:00.00
and spend time with
them... and always...
00:45:00.03\00:45:02.16
it's difficult for
me because they're girls
00:45:02.23\00:45:04.30
and it's like... my daughter...
00:45:04.33\00:45:06.40
my oldest one wants to play
dress-up or tiara and I'm like
00:45:06.43\00:45:10.27
"Mmmm... I don't want to
play that... but okay... "
00:45:10.31\00:45:13.04
she puts a little tiara
on my head and I'm like,
00:45:13.07\00:45:15.51
"All right...
what do we do now?"
00:45:15.54\00:45:16.88
You know, sometimes, I've
grabbed the kitchen chairs
00:45:16.91\00:45:21.18
and blankets and made
a princess castle for her
00:45:21.22\00:45:24.52
and just put her over
the TV so she has a...
00:45:24.55\00:45:27.26
a big-screen
TV... right there...
00:45:27.29\00:45:29.29
a TV and princess
castle all together...
00:45:29.32\00:45:31.39
we order pizza and
the whole family...
00:45:31.43\00:45:33.50
we just sit under
the... my wife is like...
00:45:33.53\00:45:35.13
"You're going to
have to clean this up"
00:45:35.16\00:45:36.63
I'm like... "No problem,"
00:45:36.67\00:45:38.83
we sit underneath
the little castle,
00:45:38.87\00:45:40.97
we have a
sleepover and we eat pizza
00:45:41.00\00:45:43.07
and we just sit there and
watch her movies that she likes
00:45:43.10\00:45:45.91
and... you know...
it doesn't take a lot...
00:45:45.94\00:45:49.11
they don't expect you...
the expectations they have
00:45:49.14\00:45:52.98
for you as a
father and that you feel
00:45:53.01\00:45:55.48
only come from outside,
00:45:55.52\00:45:57.05
the expectations that they
have for you are very minimal,
00:45:57.09\00:46:00.56
they just want you to be there
and I remember listening to
00:46:00.62\00:46:04.06
two young girls
talking about it,
00:46:04.13\00:46:05.46
in the University,
they were talking about...
00:46:05.49\00:46:09.36
one of them was talking about
how her parents were divorced
00:46:09.40\00:46:11.37
and all she wanted to do was...
for her dad... just to call her
00:46:11.40\00:46:14.50
or send her a
letter or something
00:46:14.54\00:46:16.94
and to me... that's critical...
just to be there for my child
00:46:16.97\00:46:21.58
and make sure that
she knows she's loved
00:46:21.61\00:46:23.95
and mom... even though
mom and dad are not together
00:46:23.98\00:46:26.68
they both love her and
they can be there for her
00:46:26.72\00:46:29.35
and that's just critical
for me to make sure I do that.
00:46:29.38\00:46:32.82
And what you're doing
is... you're making memories
00:46:32.85\00:46:35.62
with your
children, things that...
00:46:35.66\00:46:38.03
just like your
trip with your dad
00:46:38.06\00:46:40.36
has been in your
heart all of these years
00:46:40.40\00:46:43.43
you want to do
that with your kids
00:46:43.47\00:46:46.30
you want to create memories
00:46:46.33\00:46:48.40
so that they have
something to draw from
00:46:48.44\00:46:50.57
later in life and I just
think that's so beautiful.
00:46:50.61\00:46:53.21
So I'm going to get back
to my original question again
00:46:53.24\00:46:55.81
why is a father important?
00:46:55.84\00:46:59.01
why can't it
just be the mother...
00:46:59.05\00:47:01.08
mother... I
mean... the dad's not there
00:47:01.12\00:47:03.49
and then... why does a
father need to have input
00:47:03.55\00:47:07.32
into the children's lives?
00:47:07.36\00:47:09.59
When you look at...
00:47:09.62\00:47:11.46
I worked in Mental
Health in a juvenile facility,
00:47:11.49\00:47:15.00
and most of them...
if not all of them...
00:47:15.03\00:47:18.03
had some kind of
problem with the father
00:47:18.07\00:47:21.47
father wasn't
there, father was deceased,
00:47:21.50\00:47:24.87
father was in prison,
father was also in gangs,
00:47:24.91\00:47:28.18
father was abusive to the mom,
00:47:28.21\00:47:30.68
most of the
conversations I had with them
00:47:30.71\00:47:33.92
were their fathers...
00:47:33.95\00:47:35.28
and it's interesting
how God designed the Bible
00:47:35.32\00:47:40.06
I mean, God is... He is God
00:47:40.09\00:47:43.46
and He chooses
to play the father
00:47:43.49\00:47:48.06
you know, he could
have said something else,
00:47:48.10\00:47:51.57
but he chooses a
father, and I really believe
00:47:51.60\00:47:55.00
that... because He's all-knowing
and knows the future,
00:47:55.07\00:47:59.37
He knew that there would be
a problem with the male figures
00:47:59.41\00:48:02.64
in our Society and
so... therefore, He says,
00:48:02.71\00:48:07.08
"Look, I will step in
and be that father now...
00:48:07.12\00:48:11.42
so point them to me and
I will repair the damage"
00:48:11.45\00:48:15.76
you know, but
you've talked to everyone,
00:48:15.79\00:48:17.39
even perfect homes, they'll say,
00:48:17.43\00:48:20.56
"Yeah, my father was
good... " whatever...
00:48:20.60\00:48:21.93
but they'd want more
00:48:21.96\00:48:25.13
and you look at
Mother's and Father's Day,
00:48:25.17\00:48:28.30
we give our mothers
accolades, we love them,
00:48:28.34\00:48:31.44
we give all the flowers,
00:48:31.47\00:48:32.81
we were talking the
other day about... in prison
00:48:32.84\00:48:36.51
how on Mother's
Days... every phone is full...
00:48:36.54\00:48:40.18
there are lines for phones,
00:48:40.22\00:48:41.55
but for Father's Day...
00:48:41.58\00:48:42.92
you can hear almost
like a cricket making noise,
00:48:42.95\00:48:46.02
and so there's a serious void
from... problem with the father.
00:48:46.05\00:48:49.56
I do think the
father is important
00:48:49.59\00:48:52.16
because we see God through
the eyes of our earthly father
00:48:52.19\00:48:56.97
and that's just
00:48:57.00\00:48:59.37
how we see God
00:48:59.40\00:49:01.70
but when we have a
problem with our earthly father
00:49:01.74\00:49:04.54
we see God the same way,
00:49:04.57\00:49:05.91
there's a...
then... direct relationship
00:49:05.94\00:49:09.88
between the Heavenly
Father and the earthly father
00:49:09.91\00:49:13.01
so fathers are important,
they're the anchor for the home,
00:49:13.05\00:49:16.89
mothers are the nourishers
00:49:16.92\00:49:18.25
so fathers are
important in the home
00:49:18.29\00:49:21.59
to anchor that family,
00:49:21.62\00:49:23.26
fathers are the
priests of the home
00:49:23.32\00:49:25.59
they're the ones
that are responsible
00:49:25.66\00:49:27.93
for taking their
children to the Lord
00:49:27.96\00:49:30.30
and praying for
them without that...
00:49:30.33\00:49:33.70
in the home... we
will lose our children
00:49:33.74\00:49:36.81
so it's very, very important for
us to have fathers in the home
00:49:36.87\00:49:40.91
then there needs to be
00:49:40.94\00:49:43.41
some kind of understanding
00:49:43.45\00:49:45.85
in our male generation
that they're important.
00:49:45.88\00:49:48.45
I don't think
they're important...
00:49:48.48\00:49:49.82
they've been devalued
so much that they feel
00:49:49.85\00:49:54.19
that they're no longer important
00:49:54.22\00:49:56.16
but they are important...
they need to be known,
00:49:56.19\00:49:59.23
they need to
stand up and be fathers
00:49:59.29\00:50:01.90
instead of allowing the mothers
to be fathers and mothers
00:50:01.96\00:50:07.80
and what has happened in Society
00:50:07.84\00:50:09.87
because of sin and
because of all the other things,
00:50:09.90\00:50:12.64
mothers have taken
the role of fathers
00:50:12.67\00:50:15.64
so the boys are
now... no longer...
00:50:15.68\00:50:18.58
have that strength
that a father should have,
00:50:18.61\00:50:22.25
that gentleness also
that a father should have
00:50:22.28\00:50:25.82
because they're now all...
mothers have been raised by moms
00:50:25.85\00:50:30.69
so that's the...
there's no balance... yes...
00:50:30.73\00:50:34.70
And that is a major point
00:50:34.73\00:50:36.83
because one of the things
that I'm seeing as a woman...
00:50:36.87\00:50:39.53
and I look across a
field of young men...
00:50:39.57\00:50:43.77
who have not had their
fathers in their lives...
00:50:43.81\00:50:47.34
they take on a role of,
00:50:47.38\00:50:50.18
"You as the
woman... should support me...
00:50:50.25\00:50:53.62
you as the woman
should take care of me,
00:50:53.65\00:50:56.99
I'm going to sit here
and play my video games
00:50:57.02\00:50:59.99
while you go out to work...
because that's what mom did... "
00:51:00.02\00:51:02.26
so, it's... it's... they have no
idea of what the role of the man
00:51:02.29\00:51:07.06
is to be... the provider...
and the... you know...
00:51:07.10\00:51:10.90
people will probably blow about
me saying that this is a...
00:51:10.93\00:51:14.60
there might blow
about me saying that
00:51:14.64\00:51:16.64
"man should be the provider"
because I believe in roles...
00:51:16.67\00:51:19.71
Pastor: Yes, some
people will say that...
00:51:19.74\00:51:21.94
It is... it is... but
it's not politically correct
00:51:22.01\00:51:24.91
and so... but I
do... I do... feel that...
00:51:24.95\00:51:28.05
the role of the man
has been so played down
00:51:28.08\00:51:32.35
into this
dependent kind of thing
00:51:32.39\00:51:35.06
where the man
should be independent
00:51:35.09\00:51:37.69
and should be the
one that is out there...
00:51:37.73\00:51:40.73
he should come
home to this haven...
00:51:40.76\00:51:43.90
Yes, it should be a
little piece of heaven
00:51:43.97\00:51:47.54
but I think with the
roles getting confused
00:51:47.57\00:51:51.07
and all that stuff...
00:51:51.11\00:51:52.44
I think that sometimes you have
00:51:52.47\00:51:54.54
really independent
women who... it's like when
00:51:54.61\00:51:59.35
the roles get so
confused on both sides too...
00:51:59.38\00:52:05.55
and going back to being
in a home with no father,
00:52:05.59\00:52:11.66
you miss out on the interaction
that a man should have
00:52:11.69\00:52:14.53
with his wife and how
he should treat a woman
00:52:14.56\00:52:18.93
and if it's a little girl...
she is missing out on seeing
00:52:18.97\00:52:22.60
how she should
be treated by a man
00:52:22.64\00:52:25.31
and that's... that's...
crucial, that's crucial...
00:52:25.34\00:52:29.74
It's actually interesting
too because not only does the
00:52:29.78\00:52:33.21
girl miss out on how
a man should treat her
00:52:33.25\00:52:36.85
but she also misses out on
how she should treat her husband
00:52:36.89\00:52:39.75
which is critical...
it's a two-way street
00:52:39.79\00:52:44.16
and I know we live
in a Society in which
00:52:44.19\00:52:48.53
we have strong women and...
00:52:48.56\00:52:50.13
but there was a reason why God
took Eve out of the side of Adam
00:52:50.17\00:52:54.87
to bring that journey together,
00:52:54.90\00:52:58.07
there are a lot of women around
walking with a missing rib
00:52:58.11\00:53:02.21
and these girls are
learning the wrong things to do,
00:53:02.24\00:53:07.22
the men are learning
the wrong things to do
00:53:07.25\00:53:08.75
and they're just creating chaos
00:53:08.78\00:53:10.65
over one simple
little thing which is,
00:53:10.69\00:53:13.76
"Take
responsibility and be there"
00:53:13.79\00:53:16.76
you don't have to be
perfect, there are no manuals,
00:53:16.79\00:53:20.16
you don't know what
to do but that's okay.
00:53:20.20\00:53:22.46
There's a heavenly Father
who can teach you what to do
00:53:22.50\00:53:25.80
step by step...
00:53:25.83\00:53:27.44
And there are
programs too out there...
00:53:27.47\00:53:30.97
I know... I've
been in touch with
00:53:31.01\00:53:34.08
the Brother from
Fathers Incorporated...
00:53:34.11\00:53:37.25
I mean... there are
all kinds of programs
00:53:37.28\00:53:40.32
and resources out there for
people who want to know more
00:53:40.35\00:53:44.02
and I know you guys are
going to be doing some things
00:53:44.09\00:53:47.72
in the communities and
in the churches and all
00:53:47.76\00:53:50.59
to help men who want
to be better fathers.
00:53:50.63\00:53:53.43
Speaking of A Father's Heart,
00:53:53.46\00:53:55.46
tell us what we can
expect from this Season.
00:53:55.50\00:53:58.57
Reality... no holding
back... no sugar coating...
00:53:58.60\00:54:03.57
you're going to
see three broken men
00:54:03.61\00:54:06.47
who don't really
know how to be fathers
00:54:06.51\00:54:10.05
but yet we rely on
the Heavenly Father
00:54:10.11\00:54:13.58
and we also rely on each
other for fathering strategies
00:54:13.62\00:54:17.39
stepping out of the...
00:54:17.42\00:54:19.42
"we can't share our
emotions as men... " but we can
00:54:19.45\00:54:23.26
and share
strategies through talking and
00:54:23.32\00:54:25.79
we learn how to make each
other better fathers as a group.
00:54:25.86\00:54:29.60
That's good... what do you
think about this season coming?
00:54:29.63\00:54:33.30
I think the season is a
great thing that we can actually
00:54:33.34\00:54:36.97
talk so openly, I think,
00:54:37.01\00:54:38.81
this is the biggest
counseling team for me
00:54:38.84\00:54:42.48
I have given birth to
things that I don't talk about
00:54:42.51\00:54:47.12
and I thank God that
they're here to listen
00:54:47.15\00:54:51.09
I'm hoping and praying that
00:54:51.12\00:54:53.39
people will be
impacted in such a way
00:54:53.46\00:54:56.42
that they can just
breath... exhale...
00:54:56.46\00:54:59.39
and all the things that
have been holding them back
00:54:59.43\00:55:02.53
from being the
best possible father
00:55:02.56\00:55:04.73
this season is going
to be a great season.
00:55:04.80\00:55:07.27
I know lives are
going to be changed
00:55:07.30\00:55:10.04
and I know God
is going to just...
00:55:10.07\00:55:12.01
because there's such
realness, well... it's real...
00:55:12.07\00:55:15.21
what you see is what you get.
00:55:15.24\00:55:17.91
What do you think, Denry?
00:55:17.98\00:55:20.62
I believe, we're going
to reveal the secret manual
00:55:20.65\00:55:23.05
that there is a
manual but He is a person...
00:55:23.08\00:55:26.89
and He's God the
Father and He's full of love,
00:55:26.96\00:55:30.26
He's full of
guidance, He's full of wisdom
00:55:30.29\00:55:33.53
and we can use Him even
if you didn't have an example
00:55:33.60\00:55:37.47
you can look at
Him as an example
00:55:37.53\00:55:39.93
and trust me... the
rewards in your children
00:55:39.97\00:55:43.27
are going to be
beyond the atmosphere
00:55:43.30\00:55:45.91
because He's so loving,
00:55:45.94\00:55:47.28
so I'm looking
forward to this season.
00:55:47.31\00:55:50.11
Yeah... what do you think Jay...
you've had a chance to sit in
00:55:50.15\00:55:54.32
on the tapings
of A Father's Heart,
00:55:54.35\00:55:58.29
what do you think...
as a potential father?
00:55:58.32\00:56:00.79
Well, I don't
know... we'll see...
00:56:00.82\00:56:02.72
Pastor: Kind of scared him...
00:56:02.76\00:56:06.09
Yvonne: Yeah, I know,
he looks a little nervous.
00:56:06.13\00:56:08.26
I mean that's a
huge responsibility
00:56:08.30\00:56:10.67
but I think that...
what our Viewers can expect
00:56:10.70\00:56:14.20
from this program is so
much wonderful information,
00:56:14.24\00:56:17.67
things that may be
they have never experienced
00:56:17.71\00:56:21.68
themselves due to the
absence of a father...
00:56:21.71\00:56:24.61
they can expect to see
00:56:24.65\00:56:26.01
you guys being very
open and transparent
00:56:26.05\00:56:29.82
and being vulnerable
and sharing with them
00:56:29.85\00:56:33.02
the difficulties
that you went through
00:56:33.05\00:56:36.06
and how you were
able to overcome that
00:56:36.09\00:56:39.06
and how that translated into
your raising of your children.
00:56:39.09\00:56:44.83
It's such a great Series,
00:56:44.87\00:56:49.34
I can't wait for
our Viewers to watch it.
00:56:49.37\00:56:51.94
It was worth the
wait, I have to say that
00:56:51.97\00:56:54.48
all these years we've
been trying to get it going...
00:56:54.51\00:56:58.31
and finally it's
here... A Father's Heart is here
00:56:58.35\00:57:01.88
and I want to thank you
for all that you're doing
00:57:01.92\00:57:05.32
for A Father's Heart
00:57:05.35\00:57:07.39
and all that
you're going to be doing
00:57:07.42\00:57:10.19
because I know you're going
to be getting into the Community
00:57:10.23\00:57:12.66
so Viewers... you have to
make sure that you tune in...
00:57:12.69\00:57:15.13
this is going to be
a tremendous blessing.
00:57:15.16\00:57:18.03
Pastor: Amen.
00:57:18.07\00:57:19.40
That interview
nearly brought me to tears.
00:57:19.43\00:57:23.27
You'll really enjoy this program
00:57:23.30\00:57:25.51
so watch the
schedule for when it airs
00:57:25.54\00:57:27.78
if you have any questions or
to contact these dads directly,
00:57:27.84\00:57:31.35
please e-mail
them at: afh@3abn. org
00:57:31.41\00:57:36.42
that's: afh@3abn. org
00:57:36.45\00:57:39.92
what a blessing they are,
00:57:39.95\00:57:43.36
how transparent they
were, how authentic they are
00:57:43.39\00:57:47.26
and when you
watch these programs,
00:57:47.30\00:57:49.16
you'll be able
to see for yourself
00:57:49.20\00:57:51.00
that they know they
don't have all the answers
00:57:51.03\00:57:53.77
but they know that
Jesus is the answer
00:57:53.80\00:57:55.97
and that He will
lead them through.
00:57:56.00\00:57:58.44
Well, thank you so
much for joining us,
00:57:58.47\00:58:00.64
join us next time
because you know what?
00:58:00.68\00:58:03.08
It just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:58:03.11\00:58:05.48