Are you messed up and
you don't even know it?
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Well stay tuned to meet a
man whose life was messed up
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and now he helps
others to find their way.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today is Dr. Ira Lake,
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one of the Nation's leaders
in Traumatic Childhood Recovery
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and a victim
himself of childhood trauma.
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He's an Author, Counselor and a
Seventh-day Adventist Minister.
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Welcome to
Urban Report Dr. Lake.
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Thank you so much.
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It's so good to have
you, may I call you Dr. Ira?
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You can call me Ira.
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That's all right... I can
call you Dr. Ira and that way
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I'm acknowledging your title
and it's not as formal, right,
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so, you have written a
book and let's hold the book up
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and we'll put it up
there on the screen too.
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"Messed Up and
Don't Even Know it:
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The Journey from
Childhood Trauma to Healing. "
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What led you to write this book?
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Well, as a Counselor,
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I had been running
into a lot of people,
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couples, individuals, who,
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when we got
down to helping them,
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we could trace it
back to their childhood,
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and the things they experienced
and I realized that, I, myself,
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was a victim of
childhood trauma,
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and I wanted to help people
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understand that
they are not alone
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that the help could be given,
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and that they could
overcome it and find healing.
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That is such an important factor
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to know that you're not alone,
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if you're going
through something
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and there's someone else
that can help you through
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give you the tools that
you need to come through it,
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let's find out a little
bit about your childhood
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what kind of traumatic episode
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did you have to
deal with growing up?
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Well, first, I was
raised in a Christian home,
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Seventh-day
Adventist Christian home,
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it was quite common
for me to be awakened
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in the middle of the night with
arguments between my parents
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or seeing violent acts
perpetrated by my parents
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on each other and
then, as I got older,
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after my mother
and father divorced,
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my mother,
basically, tortured me,
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she took out her
frustration, her abuse,
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her childhood
stuff... it came out on me.
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So, she literally tortured you?
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That's the word I'm using.
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What would she do?
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Well, if she thought I
was not telling the truth,
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she would take a hot knife
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or put a butter knife
on the stove and heat it
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and then she would
put it on my tongue.
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She'd pick up
anything within reach
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and she would hit me with
it or slam me against a wall
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or make me undress
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and I would be paraded
throughout the house, naked,
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in front of my siblings,
or whoever was in the house,
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stitches in my head,
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I was so ashamed
as a boy growing up
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and as a young man,
when I played sports,
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I didn't even want
to go to the locker room
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to change because of all
the scars on my arms and back
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and legs and... I
called it torture.
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And where was your dad,
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where was your
father in all of this,
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after they divorced,
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did you still have a
relationship with him?
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Actually, my
father got custody of us,
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that was unheard of in
the '60s, unheard of...
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he got custody and then we
saw my mother on the weekends.
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He knew about the torture?
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You know, I
like to think he knew
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but he never said anything,
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I mean, how can you
go to school with scars
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or with bruises and not notice,
so, yeah, I thought he knew
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and I was mad at him for a while
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because he never
stood up and protected me
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and I learned from an early age
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and most childhood
trauma victims learn, early on,
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that there is no help
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you're going to be by yourself.
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You're going to be isolated,
and that's a misconception
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because there is help,
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all I had to do was talk
to somebody... a teacher...
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I was presenting
a program recently,
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and my first grade teacher
came to me and she said to me,
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as well as... with
another lady who was there,
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she said, "We knew what
was going on in your home,"
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they were church
members in the church,
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"but we just
didn't know what to do"
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and this
happens quite frequently
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and it happens more and more
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and we are just now
starting to talk about it
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in the church.
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So, there were people who knew
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that you were being abused
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but there was
nothing done to protect you
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and I guess... because they
went to church with your mom,
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to have been a part of
removing you from that home,
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maybe they didn't
want to deal with that,
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I don't know, I mean,
but that sounds like...
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you must have felt so
vulnerable and just unprotected.
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Who do you
trust? Who do you tell?
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And if you did tell,
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would they do
something about it?
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When people...
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we don't really talk about it
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because we don't really
want to be associated with
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this kind of
behavior in our churches.
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We talk so much
about the spiritual and
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we try to put on these
fronts that we are great,
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but we can be
beasts... so cruel.
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And this is part of the
whole... this is a sin problem
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versus a denominational issue,
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this is a sin...
because it transcends
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denominations, you know,
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we know it's in every
denomination, unfortunately,
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because it's a sin problem
and a mental health issue,
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so, here you were, as a child,
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coming up in that environment,
your parents divorced
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and you go with your dad,
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what was life
like with your dad?
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Babysitter to babysitter,
my dad was a full-time teacher
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in Chicago Public School System
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and then at night he worked
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full time at the main
post office in Chicago,
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so he worked 16 hours a day
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44 plus years on
each of the jobs,
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he wasn't around, he
had to provide for us.
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My dad was a
great guy, I love him,
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I modeled myself after
him, he was my role model,
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but he abandoned
me, he never stood up
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but I know he was
trying to provide... but...
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So, essentially,
you lost your mom,
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because your parents divorced
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and she had been
physically abusive to you
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and you also didn't
have your dad there,
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how many siblings did you have?
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I have five siblings,
two older, two younger,
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I'm right in the middle.
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Okay, and were
they caring for you,
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did you have any support,
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were they also
abused by your mom?
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They were also
being abused as well.
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Nobody... my younger sister...
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she would... as
we would come home
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there would be this...
feeling in your stomach
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like something
was going to happen,
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butterflies, upset stomach,
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as soon as we
would get into the house,
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she would just break
out and start crying,
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just
uncontrollable fits of crying
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because we were all scared,
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we didn't know who
was going to show up...
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in the form of my mother,
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because she could be
so funny and gregarious...
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gregarious and then...
she could be a monster.
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And you didn't know who
was going to open that door.
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You open the
door and you walk in
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and you go, "Okay,
which way do we have today?"
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Wow! it's so appalling
that so many of our children
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many more than we
care to acknowledge,
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so many are going
through something like that,
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where there is
abuse in the home,
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and what do you do?
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And we're going to
come to that in a bit,
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what do you do if you see
that there is abuse in the home?
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Because you and your
siblings were just so vulnerable
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and there was nobody there,
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and your dad was working,
he was trying to provide,
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but he was working
so you had no one...
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no adult really to plug
into for emotional nurturing
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so, how did that affect your
relationships later on in life?
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Well, I can talk about
it now, after the fact,
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but I didn't know it then,
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I am, by nature, a
very distrustful person.
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I am wary of people
and yet when you see me
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and interact with me, I'm
outgoing, I like to laugh,
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but I'm naturally wary of people
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because I don't know if
you're going to hurt me.
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So I grew up through
life with my guard up...
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emotionally walled off,
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didn't want you
to get in too close
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because if you did, you
had the potential to hurt me
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so I just do
like everybody else,
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I try to suppress
what I was feeling,
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and I kept myself busy,
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so busy... so that I didn't
have time to think about it,
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and I didn't want to be alone
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because the silence
would just get at me,
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so I stayed busy,
and that's how I survived
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my teenage years
until I went off to college
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and when I went to
Oakwood College at 17,
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that was
liberation, oh my goodness!
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I could eat what I wanted,
I could go where I wanted,
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and I was
like... this was heaven.
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Laughing...
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Yeah, for sure, for sure,
00:10:38.00\00:10:40.30
how did your upbringing
00:10:40.34\00:10:42.57
impact your
relationship with your peers,
00:10:42.60\00:10:46.57
were you... were you
outgoing as a teenager
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or did you become
more outgoing later?
00:10:50.95\00:10:54.05
Well, I was
outgoing as a teenager,
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people liked to be around me,
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I'm always
laughing and having fun
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but they never knew
what was going on inside
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and that's the way I kept it
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and so people
were attracted to me
00:11:05.89\00:11:08.56
in high school, I
played a lot of sports,
00:11:08.63\00:11:11.20
Captains of a lot of the teams,
00:11:11.23\00:11:13.23
I had my own
choir in high school,
00:11:13.27\00:11:15.30
and we would travel all
over to the various churches
00:11:15.37\00:11:18.31
and people thought
that I was this ideal guy
00:11:18.37\00:11:21.14
and say, "I want to be like Ira"
00:11:21.18\00:11:22.98
they didn't know
that I was like...
00:11:23.01\00:11:24.71
"Man! this is hell, I
can't wait to get older,
00:11:24.75\00:11:27.08
I'm getting out of here,
00:11:27.12\00:11:28.45
because nobody is
going to protect me,
00:11:28.48\00:11:30.99
I got to protect myself"
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and when I went to college,
I went home one time after that
00:11:32.39\00:11:37.69
and that was only
for a couple of days
00:11:37.73\00:11:39.53
I never came home again.
00:11:39.59\00:11:41.23
My! my! that must
have been so lonely.
00:11:41.26\00:11:46.43
Oh it was, but guess
what? I could protect myself.
00:11:46.47\00:11:51.47
Yes, yes, yes, so... is
that what... in retrospect,
00:11:51.54\00:11:56.51
is that, you think,
00:11:56.54\00:11:58.15
what led you to become
this helper of other people
00:11:58.18\00:12:04.55
who have gone through similar...
00:12:04.59\00:12:06.59
similar circumstances in life?
00:12:06.62\00:12:08.42
Do you think that that's
what led you to want to do it
00:12:08.46\00:12:12.26
or were you
feeling just kind of...
00:12:12.29\00:12:17.00
this concern and
empathy for people,
00:12:17.03\00:12:21.67
what do you think led you
into the work that you're doing
00:12:21.70\00:12:24.47
and let's talk about
the work that you do.
00:12:24.51\00:12:26.47
Well, I believe, from
a clinical point of view
00:12:26.51\00:12:28.38
that children learn empathy
00:12:28.41\00:12:30.01
and concern from
others in their childhoods,
00:12:30.05\00:12:32.71
now whether I learned it
there or then... I don't know...
00:12:32.75\00:12:36.85
all I know is that I've
had this desire all of my life
00:12:36.89\00:12:40.86
to want to help people,
00:12:40.89\00:12:42.22
my first choice in
life was not to be a Pastor,
00:12:42.26\00:12:45.59
it was to be a Social Worker
and that's all I talked about
00:12:45.63\00:12:49.40
high school... "Are
we going to help people?"
00:12:49.43\00:12:51.77
And it wasn't for
a particular thing
00:12:51.80\00:12:53.84
but I just wanted to help people
00:12:53.87\00:12:55.84
just to be in a
position to kind of provide
00:12:55.87\00:12:57.67
resources and things for them
00:12:57.71\00:13:00.04
but as I got to my
Junior year in high school,
00:13:00.08\00:13:04.61
I felt God
calling me to ministry,
00:13:04.65\00:13:06.61
so I didn't put the Social
Worker on the back burner,
00:13:06.65\00:13:10.62
I went to Oakwood and
did a double major in both,
00:13:10.65\00:13:14.09
my father said,
00:13:14.12\00:13:15.92
"Hey listen, you may
not get called to ministry
00:13:15.96\00:13:18.69
so you got to
have a back-up plan"
00:13:18.73\00:13:20.20
Laughter...
00:13:20.23\00:13:22.73
But actually
when I left Oakwood,
00:13:22.76\00:13:24.30
I didn't get a call
to Ministry right away,
00:13:24.33\00:13:26.84
I was a Social Worker in
Arizona for about four years
00:13:26.87\00:13:30.81
before God opened
up the door for me
00:13:30.87\00:13:33.01
to go into
full-time pastoral ministry.
00:13:33.04\00:13:35.68
So, you have that
dual concentration
00:13:35.71\00:13:38.28
of Theology and
Psychology which is tremendous
00:13:38.31\00:13:43.99
because you can
help give Spiritual tools
00:13:44.02\00:13:46.69
and you can help with
the psychological things too,
00:13:46.72\00:13:51.23
so that is
really... what a blessing!
00:13:51.26\00:13:53.36
What a blessing! So in your...
00:13:53.40\00:13:56.20
you got married after college,
00:13:56.23\00:13:59.00
how did your past
affect your marriage?
00:13:59.03\00:14:03.54
It was rough and
tough for me to let her in
00:14:03.61\00:14:08.04
because, first of all,
my in-laws... my ex-in-laws
00:14:08.08\00:14:13.75
they didn't like me,
they didn't trust me,
00:14:13.78\00:14:16.05
and so, right
away, my guard was up,
00:14:16.08\00:14:18.79
and I remember being married
and my wife would go out...
00:14:18.82\00:14:24.13
my then-wife would go
out to be with her family
00:14:24.16\00:14:27.20
and I had to stay
by... or stay by myself,
00:14:27.23\00:14:30.23
I was not allowed to
socialize and be around them
00:14:30.27\00:14:33.64
so, I went through most of my
then-marriage with my guard up
00:14:33.67\00:14:39.31
because I knew her
family didn't like me,
00:14:39.34\00:14:42.51
it was just a matter of time,
00:14:42.54\00:14:44.68
they were always
whispering in her ear,
00:14:44.71\00:14:46.48
and it could have
been my perception
00:14:46.51\00:14:49.58
that they were
always tearing me down,
00:14:49.65\00:14:52.55
so, I just... either
absorbed myself in my work
00:14:52.59\00:14:57.09
and I did not allow
her to get close to me.
00:14:57.13\00:15:01.56
Hmmm... the
inability to really attach...
00:15:01.63\00:15:06.33
that just kind of generalized
00:15:06.37\00:15:09.84
into all of your
close relationships?
00:15:09.87\00:15:12.74
You just never got too close,
00:15:12.77\00:15:14.54
you never let
anybody get too close?
00:15:14.58\00:15:16.21
All of them... Hmmm... hmmm...
00:15:16.24\00:15:17.58
And I didn't learn this until
I sat on a Counselor's chair
00:15:17.61\00:15:20.68
for about seven years
00:15:20.72\00:15:22.05
and I realized that I had
inadvertently been sabotaging
00:15:22.08\00:15:25.72
every relationship I've been in.
00:15:25.75\00:15:27.09
As soon as they got close to me,
00:15:27.12\00:15:29.32
I'd make up some reason
why we shouldn't be together
00:15:29.36\00:15:32.29
or why I
shouldn't be your friend.
00:15:32.36\00:15:34.60
And that's what
trauma does to you
00:15:34.63\00:15:37.23
it distorts your perception
of people, of events, of things,
00:15:37.27\00:15:43.00
you think that people are...
00:15:43.04\00:15:44.37
every person could be
a potential threat to you
00:15:44.41\00:15:47.71
every glance, every
look, every misconception
00:15:47.74\00:15:51.15
that you
take... out of a word...
00:15:51.18\00:15:53.25
you take it and go...
man! they tried to hurt me...
00:15:53.28\00:15:55.58
and so you go through
life scared to open up,
00:15:55.65\00:15:58.62
scared to talk, scared
to get close to somebody,
00:15:58.65\00:16:01.62
because they are
potential threats to you.
00:16:01.66\00:16:05.16
Hmmm... hmmm...
and it's understandable
00:16:05.19\00:16:08.66
that that would be the reaction,
00:16:08.70\00:16:10.87
it's kind of a
normal coping strategy
00:16:10.90\00:16:14.10
because when you
open up, you get hurt,
00:16:14.14\00:16:17.31
so it's a defense mechanism
00:16:17.34\00:16:19.57
that you want to
just keep people at bay
00:16:19.61\00:16:21.54
because you
could really hurt me.
00:16:21.58\00:16:23.04
Yes, yes...
00:16:23.08\00:16:24.41
And so you learned this
00:16:24.45\00:16:25.78
when you went into
counseling yourself.
00:16:25.81\00:16:28.12
Let's talk a bit about
trauma and how it manifests...
00:16:28.15\00:16:33.05
I just wrote an article recently
for the 3ABN World Magazine
00:16:33.09\00:16:39.96
about PTSD,
00:16:40.00\00:16:42.16
and how it's affecting
our inner-city children
00:16:42.20\00:16:46.10
more than we realize,
00:16:46.13\00:16:47.94
we think of soldiers
and veterans with PTSD
00:16:47.97\00:16:51.61
but it sounds to me
like... what you had
00:16:51.67\00:16:55.24
was a mild... or... I
don't know... you tell me...
00:16:55.28\00:16:59.31
form of that because
the inability to trust,
00:16:59.35\00:17:03.15
the fear, you know,
flashbacks, things that happen
00:17:03.18\00:17:07.56
these are so
common in the inner city.
00:17:07.59\00:17:11.29
Thirty percent... it's
speculated that 30 percent
00:17:11.33\00:17:14.60
of inner-city adolescents
have either mild to severe PTSD
00:17:14.66\00:17:19.43
and nobody is treating it,
00:17:19.47\00:17:21.20
that's one of the
reasons I wanted to have you on
00:17:21.24\00:17:24.94
to talk about trauma
and its effects on children
00:17:24.97\00:17:28.51
and adults... later
in their relationships.
00:17:28.54\00:17:33.85
So, with you, when
you began to treat people
00:17:33.88\00:17:39.15
that had had similar traumas,
00:17:39.19\00:17:42.26
did a bell... kind
of ring in your head,
00:17:42.29\00:17:44.33
like, "Wait a minute, this is...
00:17:44.36\00:17:46.06
you're reacting this
way in this situation
00:17:46.09\00:17:49.06
and I kind of did that too,"
00:17:49.10\00:17:50.67
did you react that
way, how did you react?
00:17:50.70\00:17:53.13
I'm so glad you
said that, you know,
00:17:53.17\00:17:56.04
I'm sitting there,
00:17:56.10\00:17:57.44
I'm working with
a client or a couple
00:17:57.47\00:17:59.97
and they were telling me things
00:18:00.01\00:18:02.51
and it would sound so much
like what I had experienced
00:18:02.54\00:18:05.61
and yet, I never
took it for myself
00:18:05.65\00:18:08.58
I was great at
helping other people,
00:18:08.62\00:18:11.65
but when it came
to myself, please...
00:18:11.72\00:18:14.76
I'm okay...
00:18:14.79\00:18:17.13
Hmmm... hmm... hmm...
hmm... so you weren't seeing it.
00:18:17.16\00:18:19.56
No, it wasn't
until... toward the end,
00:18:19.59\00:18:24.47
when I'm working with a couple,
00:18:24.53\00:18:27.44
both of them had been through
some very abusive relationships
00:18:27.47\00:18:32.14
in the past,
they're sitting there
00:18:32.17\00:18:33.98
and the guy is
actually telling my story,
00:18:34.01\00:18:36.78
and I said to myself,
00:18:36.81\00:18:40.18
"Oh my God! man! I'm messed up"
00:18:40.22\00:18:42.08
that's what I said to myself,
00:18:42.15\00:18:43.95
I'm trying to help
them but I'm saying,
00:18:43.99\00:18:46.82
"Man, you're crazy,"
00:18:46.86\00:18:48.19
and I said, "Man,
I've got to get some help
00:18:48.22\00:18:50.86
because Man! I'm not sleeping,
00:18:50.89\00:18:53.19
I'm stressed eating,
00:18:53.23\00:18:54.83
I'm not letting
anybody get close to me
00:18:54.86\00:18:57.33
I'm unhappy, I'm
perpetually unhappy,
00:18:57.37\00:18:59.77
and that's not who I am,"
00:18:59.83\00:19:01.17
and I met a wonderful
lady, 67-years-old, White lady,
00:19:01.20\00:19:07.91
she broke me down
in about four sessions,
00:19:07.94\00:19:11.61
and she said to me,
I'm fast forwarding it
00:19:11.65\00:19:15.28
at the end...
after about seven years,
00:19:15.32\00:19:18.39
she said, "You're
ready, you're ready,"
00:19:18.42\00:19:21.42
and sitting there, I said,
00:19:21.46\00:19:24.39
"Now I know what
God wants me to do"
00:19:24.43\00:19:26.63
He called me to Ministry
but it isn't necessarily...
00:19:26.66\00:19:30.83
it didn't... first
of all, necessarily mean
00:19:30.87\00:19:32.33
it had to be paid ministry,
00:19:32.37\00:19:33.70
so I'm in ministry
when I was a Social Worker,
00:19:33.74\00:19:35.77
then I got into
pastoral ministry
00:19:35.80\00:19:38.17
and most of my
ministry then was...
00:19:38.21\00:19:40.51
I was working with
couples and clients
00:19:40.54\00:19:42.68
I realized that God had
given me a gift of discernment
00:19:42.71\00:19:46.31
and wisdom that I
could use in the Counseling
00:19:46.35\00:19:48.98
and I was doing more counseling
than I was doing preaching.
00:19:49.02\00:19:52.15
And a friend of mine said,
"Man, you're gifted in this area
00:19:52.19\00:19:55.26
you should expand
it and work on it"
00:19:55.32\00:19:58.16
and I went back to school
00:19:58.19\00:19:59.59
and I began it,
and I saw something
00:19:59.63\00:20:01.46
and I'm going to
go back to your point,
00:20:01.50\00:20:03.33
when we talk about trauma,
00:20:03.37\00:20:04.90
we have to also talk
about community violence,
00:20:04.93\00:20:08.97
that's a part of the
trauma. Dr. Yvonne: Absolutely.
00:20:09.00\00:20:11.31
Our inner-cities...
the drugs, the violence,
00:20:11.34\00:20:14.64
the gangs, the
shooting, we see it,
00:20:14.68\00:20:17.61
we become insensitive
to it but it affects us
00:20:17.65\00:20:21.52
and I make a statement,
00:20:21.55\00:20:23.69
I believe that
unresolved trauma...
00:20:23.72\00:20:26.25
childhood
trauma... can come back
00:20:26.29\00:20:28.72
and it will plague
every facet of your life,
00:20:28.76\00:20:31.63
professionally,
your relationships,
00:20:31.66\00:20:34.40
if you don't deal with it,
00:20:34.43\00:20:36.56
it will just keep
showing up again and again,
00:20:36.60\00:20:39.07
so you asked me, You said,
00:20:39.10\00:20:40.97
"Well, how can you tell if a
person has been traumatized?"
00:20:41.00\00:20:45.77
They like to isolate,
00:20:45.81\00:20:47.98
they have problems
keeping relationships,
00:20:48.04\00:20:51.98
they are irritable, moody,
most of them are depressed,
00:20:52.01\00:20:58.49
their productivity,
even on their jobs,
00:20:58.52\00:21:02.79
it's bad to poor,
00:21:02.82\00:21:04.26
they're always
getting in trouble,
00:21:04.29\00:21:05.63
those are tell-tale signs,
00:21:05.69\00:21:07.66
and I might be going
through all of them...
00:21:07.70\00:21:09.20
but just enough to let you know,
00:21:09.23\00:21:10.57
"Hey look, this is something...
something is going on here,
00:21:10.60\00:21:13.64
it's wrong and
this person needs help.
00:21:13.67\00:21:16.20
That's great information
00:21:16.27\00:21:19.54
because people need
to be able to identify
00:21:19.57\00:21:23.48
the symptoms and
perhaps see if they have that...
00:21:23.51\00:21:28.68
if they've been traumatized
and just didn't even realize it,
00:21:28.72\00:21:32.42
messed up and they
don't even know it, right...
00:21:32.45\00:21:35.52
so, what are some of the tools?
Like... if there were any...
00:21:35.56\00:21:41.00
besides, of course,
going to a Counselor and
00:21:41.03\00:21:44.00
getting help and I
think that's important but
00:21:44.03\00:21:46.90
what are some things that
you can do, just with yourself
00:21:46.94\00:21:51.37
to kind of help you through...
help you to cope with that?
00:21:51.41\00:21:55.81
Some of the things
that a person can do
00:21:55.84\00:21:59.51
would be journaling, Hmmm...
00:21:59.55\00:22:02.45
it allows you...
it relaxes the body...
00:22:02.48\00:22:05.25
and allows some
of the emotional...
00:22:05.29\00:22:07.42
negative emotions to come
out and you can put it on paper
00:22:07.46\00:22:11.06
but it also
helps you to see that
00:22:11.09\00:22:13.26
maybe the
situation is not so bad,
00:22:13.29\00:22:15.46
most of us are visual learners,
00:22:15.50\00:22:17.57
if we could see it
on paper, we'll go,
00:22:17.60\00:22:20.14
"Wow! okay it's bad but
it's not as bad as I'm thinking"
00:22:20.17\00:22:23.00
aerobic exercise is another way
00:22:23.04\00:22:25.67
to just allow the body to relax,
00:22:25.71\00:22:28.28
it gets out a lot of
that pent-up negative emotion,
00:22:28.34\00:22:31.75
a lot of water...
00:22:31.81\00:22:33.21
Hmmm... what is
the role of water?
00:22:33.25\00:22:36.75
That's a really good point.
00:22:36.79\00:22:38.35
It flushes the
system, it really...
00:22:38.39\00:22:40.86
it cleans out a lot of that...
00:22:40.89\00:22:42.89
I know it sounds funny
00:22:42.92\00:22:44.63
but it really cleans
out a lot of the negativity.
00:22:44.66\00:22:46.19
Okay...
00:22:46.23\00:22:47.56
It just flushes it out
the body, you sweat it out,
00:22:47.60\00:22:49.80
Ah ha... ah ha...
00:22:49.83\00:22:51.60
so... water... Yes...
00:22:51.63\00:22:53.94
Water and exercise
00:22:53.97\00:22:56.20
because of the
endorphins that are generated,
00:22:56.24\00:22:59.04
the body's own
"pleasure chemicals" so to speak
00:22:59.07\00:23:02.14
so that's really
important and journaling...
00:23:02.18\00:23:05.11
Yes.
00:23:05.15\00:23:07.75
Would you say that
00:23:07.78\00:23:10.69
if a person has
been through trauma,
00:23:10.72\00:23:14.02
they perceive life differently?
00:23:14.06\00:23:16.02
How... how does that happen?
00:23:16.06\00:23:17.99
Again, when you are traumatized,
it throws off your perception,
00:23:18.03\00:23:25.10
you see life like this...
00:23:25.13\00:23:28.14
everything is distorted,
00:23:28.17\00:23:31.11
so every glance could
hold potential for harm
00:23:31.14\00:23:35.08
something you say to
me, as innocent as it is,
00:23:35.11\00:23:38.98
I can take it the wrong
way because of that distortion
00:23:39.01\00:23:42.42
and I see that as a threat
or I am so super sensitive
00:23:42.48\00:23:45.85
you can't tell me things,
00:23:45.89\00:23:47.42
you can't even give
me constructive criticism
00:23:47.46\00:23:50.49
because, I'm so sensitive
00:23:50.53\00:23:51.99
that I am going to take
it like you're attacking me.
00:23:52.03\00:23:54.00
So, a person can grow up
00:23:54.03\00:23:57.67
and... through life
00:23:57.70\00:23:59.63
and see life
through that distorted lens
00:23:59.67\00:24:02.10
and that's not really reality,
00:24:02.14\00:24:04.07
and one of my
jobs as a therapist is
00:24:04.11\00:24:07.18
to help them to straighten up
the distortion and see it as...
00:24:07.21\00:24:11.38
"No, it's not as bad as
you think... it's really...
00:24:11.41\00:24:14.25
you can handle this,
you can get through this. "
00:24:14.28\00:24:17.05
Yes... yes...
00:24:17.09\00:24:18.45
We do it by helping
them tell their story,
00:24:18.49\00:24:21.42
it's painful but
they tell their narrative
00:24:21.46\00:24:24.33
in such a way, in a supportive,
00:24:24.36\00:24:26.59
nurturing environment,
00:24:26.63\00:24:28.53
and each step along
the way of the story
00:24:28.56\00:24:31.50
I show them things,
00:24:31.53\00:24:32.87
"Hey look, okay, look,
look at this... see... "
00:24:32.90\00:24:35.54
You go, "Wow, it
wasn't as bad as I thought!"
00:24:35.57\00:24:38.64
Or... "It was bad,
but here's how I can...
00:24:38.67\00:24:41.04
here's what you can
do to make it better. "
00:24:41.08\00:24:43.38
Wow! so would you say that
00:24:43.41\00:24:47.98
people that come...
00:24:48.02\00:24:52.55
well... let me go back,
there is a misconception
00:24:52.59\00:24:56.16
in the Black Community
really... about Counseling...
00:24:56.19\00:24:59.69
tell us your
experience with that.
00:24:59.73\00:25:03.93
You are so spot-on, you know,
00:25:03.97\00:25:08.17
historically speaking,
00:25:08.20\00:25:09.80
African Americans have
had a number done on them
00:25:09.84\00:25:13.31
in the Medical field,
and that includes everything
00:25:13.38\00:25:17.71
so, somebody has told
us that going to get help
00:25:17.75\00:25:21.98
be it at a Medical Doctor or
even a Therapist or Counselor
00:25:22.05\00:25:25.85
you shouldn't do it
00:25:25.92\00:25:27.26
because they're
going to brainwash you
00:25:27.29\00:25:28.62
and so people
grow up though life
00:25:28.66\00:25:31.09
in our culture... and they
don't want to go to Counseling,
00:25:31.13\00:25:35.50
they don't want
to go to a Therapist,
00:25:35.53\00:25:36.97
they don't even
want to see a doctor
00:25:37.00\00:25:38.40
until it's almost too late
00:25:38.43\00:25:40.10
and let's blow
that out of the water,
00:25:40.14\00:25:44.21
I know God can do a miracle,
00:25:44.24\00:25:47.04
he can just
straight out heal you
00:25:47.08\00:25:49.61
but He also gives
other people gifts
00:25:49.64\00:25:52.11
and talents and He can use
them to bring your healing.
00:25:52.15\00:25:55.32
Absolutely.
00:25:55.35\00:25:56.72
I found my healing
in a Counseling Chair.
00:25:56.75\00:26:00.49
Yes, because the Lord
worked through that situation
00:26:00.52\00:26:04.26
to heal you.
00:26:04.33\00:26:05.66
Dr. Ira: Yes.
00:26:05.69\00:26:07.03
Briefly, give us an example
of someone that came to you
00:26:07.06\00:26:11.33
with an issue and...
it's got to be really brief
00:26:11.37\00:26:15.20
and what
happened? In one minute.
00:26:15.24\00:26:18.21
I'm actually
working with a soldier
00:26:18.24\00:26:20.58
who just came
back from Afghanistan,
00:26:20.61\00:26:22.88
he has been
experiencing violent episodes,
00:26:22.91\00:26:27.42
night sweats, loss of appetite
00:26:27.45\00:26:29.48
and in two sessions
we have just relaxed him
00:26:29.52\00:26:33.66
and taught him
how to relax himself,
00:26:33.69\00:26:35.39
his wife was so impressed
00:26:35.42\00:26:37.86
she came to the
last counseling session
00:26:37.89\00:26:40.40
and said, "Can you help me too?"
00:26:40.46\00:26:43.23
He's a "work... "
he's... ongoing work
00:26:43.26\00:26:46.00
but breakthroughs
could happen immediately.
00:26:46.03\00:26:49.54
Yes, that's tremendous
and how do you integrate
00:26:49.57\00:26:53.01
the spiritual
with the psychological?
00:26:53.07\00:26:55.91
First of all,
when they come to me,
00:26:55.94\00:26:58.71
I tell them, "I'm an
ordained, trained Pastor
00:26:58.78\00:27:01.72
and I'm also a graduate
clinically trained therapist,
00:27:01.75\00:27:06.02
I will use
Biblical terms, at times,
00:27:06.05\00:27:09.59
but I'm not here to convert you,
00:27:09.62\00:27:11.09
I'm here to help you
and I might pray with you
00:27:11.13\00:27:14.03
but I want you to know
00:27:14.10\00:27:15.66
that I have your
best interest at heart
00:27:15.70\00:27:18.60
and if you allow
me to work with you,
00:27:18.63\00:27:21.20
I'll make sure
that you'll be okay. "
00:27:21.24\00:27:23.77
Wow! that's tremendous,
00:27:23.81\00:27:26.07
I thank you so
much for being with us,
00:27:26.11\00:27:28.51
you have been such a blessing
00:27:28.54\00:27:30.28
you've given
some great information
00:27:30.35\00:27:33.08
and some great tools that I know
00:27:33.11\00:27:35.78
that you can use
by the grace of God.
00:27:35.82\00:27:37.95
There are many among us
00:27:37.99\00:27:39.65
who feel
disconnected and detached,
00:27:39.69\00:27:41.99
if you're feeling
that way get help,
00:27:42.02\00:27:44.29
contact Dr. Lake or another
00:27:44.33\00:27:46.53
qualified mental
health professional
00:27:46.59\00:27:48.53
to give you the tools
that you need to move forward.
00:27:48.56\00:27:51.83
Remember, God works
through supernatural means
00:27:51.87\00:27:55.04
as well as through His
servants to heal and restore.
00:27:55.10\00:27:57.87
Well, we've reached
the end of another Program,
00:27:57.91\00:28:00.54
I can't believe our time is up.
00:28:00.58\00:28:02.34
Join us next time
because you know what?
00:28:02.38\00:28:04.35
It just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:28:04.38\00:28:06.51
Website for Dr.
Ira Lake: imtasik. org
00:28:06.55\00:28:08.62