Stay tuned to meet a couple
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that was
walking on the dark side
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and decided to
give God a chance.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis
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and I'm Jason Bradley
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and welcome to a
special one-hour edition
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of Urban Report,
our guests today are
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Pastor and Mrs. Edward Bryan,
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a couple whose
testimony is riveting
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we first met
Pastor Bryan here at 3abn
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when he came
and did an interview
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with our sister
network, 3abn Latino,
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he sat in our office
and shared his testimony
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with Jason and me,
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and then he told us that
his wife had a great testimony
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as well, so we knew we had
to have them on Urban Report
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and I'm glad Jason
is here too with me.
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Thank you. Good to have you Jay.
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Welcome to the show
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welcome Pastor and Xinia Bryan.
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Thank you. Thank
you for the invitation.
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Absolutely, we are just
so anxious to find out about
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how God has led you
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all this way to
where you are now.
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So let's start with
Xinia because... let's just...
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we'll kind of go back and forth
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and find out
about your backgrounds.
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Ladies first.
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Ladies first... I was
thinking the same thing.
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Were you? Where
were you raised, Xinia?
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I was raised in El Salvador.
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Oh... and when did
you come to the States?
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I came back when I was...
I say, "came back" because
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I was born in
New York and at age 4
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my parents moved to El Salvador
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so I lived there for ten years
and came back when I was 14.
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Oh, so you didn't have any
real recollection of America...
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No, not at all, I
didn't speak the language,
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and I'm still struggling.
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Oh, you're
speaking well. Thank you.
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Your English is a lot
better than my Spanish.
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Thank you.
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So, what kind of
family did you grow up in?
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I grew up with my
dad, he is an Adventist
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and he separated from my
mom so I was raised by him
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in an Adventist home.
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And was your mom a part
of your life or was she...
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she was when I came
back to the United States
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I moved with her, she
was living in Atlanta,
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well, she still
lives in Atlanta,
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so I moved and lived with her
and stayed with her for a year.
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What was it like being raised
by your dad without your mom?
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It was hard
growing up without mom
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but I didn't really realize
that until I became a mom.
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Hmmm... that's
interesting so as you were...
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from 4 to 14,
your mom wasn't around.
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No, she wasn't.
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With her absence, you were
missing that nurturing side,
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was your father
nurturing at all?
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My dad was...
he tried, you know,
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he was very nurturing, but
he was very strict sometimes
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well, a lot of times,
so that's when you go back
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I guess with your mom
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when your dad is the one who...
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Yeah, he disciplined you.
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He was very...
yeah... he disciplined...
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Were you an only child,
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did you have
brothers and sisters?
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No, I have a big family,
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with my mom and
dad, we are four,
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but my mom had
children before that
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and my dad got married again
so he had four more children
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so, we are a very big family.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah,
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what about you,
where did you grow up?
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Well, I grew up in... I
was born in Miami, Florida,
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my family is from
Colombia, South America,
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I was raised with my mother,
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initially with my
father and my two brothers,
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when I was about
three or four years old,
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my father became a
fugitive and had some issues,
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he had to take off,
he went to New York City.
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And he left the family.
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Yeah, so, we were pretty much,
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me and my two
brothers, my mother,
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but we had a lot of my
father's side of the family,
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now my father's
side of the family
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we're really close
with them to this day
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but they, you know, I would say,
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almost kind of
typical Hispanic family,
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and we also have
some islander family
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so they are big
partyers and all of that
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so it was a much
different environment
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because my mother
had gotten converted
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just before I was born,
so she became an Adventist
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and she took her
Christianity very seriously
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but everybody around
us was kind of wild...
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so she left... Miami wasn't
the best place in the '80s
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she left, she took
us to Atlanta, Georgia,
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which in early
'90s, Atlanta, Georgia,
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I don't know how
much of an upgrade
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you're going to
get lifestyle-wise,
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but we moved over there
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and I grew up
going to church as a kid,
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my mother sacrificed in all ends
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to put us into Christian
Schools and everything,
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so I really enjoyed my
childhood and I hate to say
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I didn't appreciate it
though as much as I should have
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I started making bad
decisions around 10 years old,
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listening to wrong
music, watching the wrong things
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hanging out
with the wrong people
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cussing, got into
stealing and things like that,
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and things kind
of just escalated.
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How did your father leaving...
how did that affect you
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back then when
you were growing up
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like... how did
his absence affect you?
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Well, his absence
affected me in that,
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I didn't understand why it was,
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I didn't find out
till later on in life
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what the reason was, so,
as a kid you just kind of...
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you hear the
excuses or the reasons
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that your parents give
you trying to soften the blow,
00:06:05.43\00:06:08.43
but as a kid,
you're just thinking,
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"He just doesn't
want to be around me,
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he doesn't like... he
doesn't love me or something"
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but then, when I moved
to Atlanta living in...
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living in apartments
most of your friends,
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most of my friends in my
apartments were African American
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and unfortunately, most of them
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were growing up
without the father figure.
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You get to a point where
you just... kind of like...
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"What? who needs him?"
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and also you're buying
into all the local culture stuff
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which is telling
you, you know what I mean,
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to just run around,
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run wild, and
it's easy to do that
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without a father figure to
sit there and discipline you
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and teach you how to be a man,
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and embracing all
the wrong ideas of
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what it means to be a man,
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so those ideas are, "Well,
if I fight, if I don't cry,
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if I get into
sexual activity, I'm a man"
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so those are the
values that I embraced,
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so life started just
kind of spiraling real early,
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and I think by 12 years old,
things kind of just hit the fan
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because I decided at that point,
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to start getting to selling
drugs and things of that nature.
00:07:16.20\00:07:19.03
It's interesting to me how you
all have a similar background
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both of you were
missing a parent,
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for you, it was your
father, who you needed,
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but for you, you had your dad
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but you really needed
your mom that nurturing...
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and you needed your dad
to teach you how to be a man
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I think that's... what
you're saying is very true,
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I mean, Society places
value on all the wrong things
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on how to become a man,
00:07:46.86\00:07:48.20
how many women can
you sleep with, whatever,
00:07:48.23\00:07:51.43
then you're more of a
man in Society's eyes,
00:07:51.47\00:07:54.84
you know, whatever,
however you make your money
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then you're a man, they
glorify the drug dealing
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and all that stuff,
00:08:01.88\00:08:03.21
and so I think
that's very interesting
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that you two have
that similar background.
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I think you took the
words right out of my mouth...
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that's a really
good observation Jay,
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Well, thank
you, praise the Lord.
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Because it's interesting
as I listen to both of you
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and hear that, you know,
00:08:18.19\00:08:21.06
the same gender
parent was missing
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from the home so you
would have to kind of
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get your answers on how
to develop into womanhood
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or manhood
either from your peers
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or from the other parent
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but not from the parent
that you needed... to be there.
00:08:37.48\00:08:40.32
Absolutely.
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So, Xinia, back to you,
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did you have a spiritual base,
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was your dad
spiritual in the home?
00:08:47.76\00:08:50.03
He was, he was very spiritual
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and we went to a
Christian school,
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Adventist School, my whole life
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until I came back
to the United States
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and lived with my mom, I
was going to start high school
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so I had to go
to a Public School
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that's when
everything changed in my life.
00:09:05.27\00:09:07.61
What happened?
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Well, I started hanging
out with the wrong people
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our school had a
lot of gang members,
00:09:11.38\00:09:14.55
Atlanta... back then
was starting the gang stuff
00:09:14.58\00:09:18.15
so I kind of became, I
guess, a part of the gang,
00:09:18.19\00:09:21.56
it was called Latin
Queens, so I was part of that
00:09:21.59\00:09:24.43
and just started
hanging with the wrong people
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going to parties and I
started using drugs and alcohol
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and all that stuff.
00:09:31.60\00:09:32.93
And how old were
you at that time?
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I was 15 almost 16
when that started, yeah.
00:09:34.40\00:09:41.14
What was your draw to the gang,
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like what... I
often wonder like...
00:09:43.41\00:09:45.58
why do people join gangs,
00:09:45.61\00:09:47.68
was it because you
were seeking acceptance
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or you just...
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Yeah, that's part of
it, you want to be accepted
00:09:52.12\00:09:55.49
then... in my case, I
was trying to figure it out
00:09:55.52\00:09:58.33
who I was and going to church...
00:09:58.36\00:10:02.06
it was tough because I
didn't speak the language
00:10:02.10\00:10:04.57
and I didn't feel welcomed
00:10:04.63\00:10:06.10
so, in the
school, it was different,
00:10:06.13\00:10:08.74
they embraced me
00:10:08.77\00:10:10.11
so I felt like I
was welcomed there
00:10:10.14\00:10:12.37
and of course, that was
Satan's way to let me feel
00:10:12.41\00:10:16.91
that I was accepted with them,
no... church is not the same,
00:10:16.95\00:10:21.48
so I felt more welcomed
with the gang members I guess
00:10:21.52\00:10:25.95
and just started doing
whatever they do... you know.
00:10:25.99\00:10:30.49
One of the things
that... I was watching a program
00:10:30.53\00:10:34.96
it's been a while but I was
watching a program about gangs
00:10:35.00\00:10:39.00
and I was really impressed
with how organized things were
00:10:39.03\00:10:43.00
it wasn't just haphazard,
00:10:43.07\00:10:45.91
like... you do this,
you do this, you do that,
00:10:45.94\00:10:47.61
they had a book, they had...
00:10:47.64\00:10:49.78
it was like...
it was so organized,
00:10:49.81\00:10:53.15
was this your reality
with the gang that you were in
00:10:53.21\00:10:57.42
were they very
organized, very structured
00:10:57.45\00:10:59.85
or was it just like a
little neighborhood deal where
00:10:59.89\00:11:03.32
people just did
00:11:03.36\00:11:05.23
what the person
above them told them to do?
00:11:05.29\00:11:07.60
It wasn't that
organized, I guess,
00:11:07.63\00:11:10.10
but it was more like a family
00:11:10.13\00:11:12.87
and everyone protects each other
00:11:12.90\00:11:15.20
and you feel part of a family
00:11:15.24\00:11:17.47
and you will
fight for that family,
00:11:17.51\00:11:19.67
you'll think...
that's your family
00:11:19.71\00:11:21.84
and you even think that
00:11:21.88\00:11:24.51
that it is even better than your
own blood so you defend them.
00:11:24.55\00:11:29.85
So you got closer to the gang
than to your biological family.
00:11:29.88\00:11:34.16
Very close, oh yeah, definitely,
that was in my head... my family
00:11:34.19\00:11:38.43
you know, yeah.
00:11:38.46\00:11:39.79
How did you get away from it?
00:11:39.83\00:11:42.46
Well, I got pregnant at 17
00:11:42.50\00:11:45.13
and that's when everything
started changing in my life,
00:11:45.17\00:11:48.44
I became a mother at a young age
00:11:48.47\00:11:51.77
so I had to drop out of
school and try to survive
00:11:51.81\00:11:57.08
because I didn't have a support
00:11:57.15\00:11:58.75
from the person who I was
going out with at that time,
00:11:58.78\00:12:04.42
and that kind of left me
out of the gang for a moment,
00:12:04.45\00:12:09.89
but I don't know, I
started doing other stuff
00:12:09.92\00:12:14.30
not with the gang, but
I still had my addictions
00:12:14.33\00:12:18.07
so I was partying
more and doing other stuff.
00:12:18.10\00:12:21.80
Once you became a parent?
00:12:21.84\00:12:23.87
Once I became a mom, yeah.
00:12:23.91\00:12:25.91
Interestingly enough,
00:12:25.94\00:12:28.28
the gang.. do they
kind of leave you alone
00:12:28.31\00:12:32.78
while you were
pregnant, did they...
00:12:32.81\00:12:35.12
No, no, no, no, most of the time
00:12:35.15\00:12:37.39
my house was full of
people partying all the time,
00:12:37.42\00:12:40.39
my child grew up, kind
of, in that environment,
00:12:40.42\00:12:43.12
and I tried to avoid them
00:12:43.16\00:12:46.46
but they are always
following you no matter what...
00:12:46.49\00:12:50.97
they feel like they are
allowed to be in your life.
00:12:51.00\00:12:55.44
But they... everybody started
going to jail or some died,
00:12:55.47\00:13:00.98
some got killed so and
then you started growing up
00:13:01.01\00:13:04.68
and everything...
like... flows away...
00:13:04.71\00:13:07.32
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, so there was a big shift
00:13:07.35\00:13:11.89
in who is there, who is
still around, and what...
00:13:11.92\00:13:16.29
so what was life
like as a young mother
00:13:16.32\00:13:19.96
without any
preparation for motherhood?
00:13:20.00\00:13:23.57
Oh wow! it was really bad,
it was tough for me because
00:13:23.60\00:13:28.34
I became homeless
when I had my child,
00:13:28.37\00:13:31.91
I didn't have a place to
go, I got out of the hospital
00:13:31.94\00:13:34.54
without... not
knowing where to go
00:13:34.58\00:13:36.88
and I remember
calling my sister and saying,
00:13:36.91\00:13:39.58
"Hey, I don't know where
to go, can you pick me up?"
00:13:39.61\00:13:42.08
And she's like,
"Well, you can stay here"
00:13:42.12\00:13:43.75
but because of my background
nobody opened the door for me
00:13:43.79\00:13:48.72
so I was back...
one house one day,
00:13:48.76\00:13:51.19
one week in one house,
that was for a whole six months.
00:13:51.23\00:13:54.86
With the baby? With the baby...
00:13:54.90\00:13:56.56
I still didn't
know how she survived
00:13:56.60\00:13:58.23
I mean, I know
God protected her...
00:13:58.27\00:13:59.87
but I don't remember
how I bought diapers,
00:13:59.90\00:14:02.90
I don't remember
how I bought her food
00:14:02.97\00:14:05.94
because I never looked for help
00:14:05.97\00:14:08.31
at that time,
00:14:08.34\00:14:10.28
and I was always in another
world, drinking or partying,
00:14:10.35\00:14:15.08
so, I mean, God
protected that child...
00:14:15.12\00:14:17.82
that's all I can say.
00:14:17.85\00:14:19.19
Yeah, yes... it's
amazing isn't it how God knows
00:14:19.22\00:14:22.66
where we're going to
be, He knows where we are,
00:14:22.69\00:14:26.29
but He also knows
where we're going to be
00:14:26.33\00:14:28.70
and He sets things in motion,
00:14:28.73\00:14:30.50
to kind of
orchestrate your steps
00:14:30.53\00:14:33.10
even though you
don't even realize
00:14:33.13\00:14:35.60
that He's there
with you. Hmmm... hmmm...
00:14:35.64\00:14:39.41
So this is about 17
now, you're about 17?
00:14:39.44\00:14:43.14
Yeah, turning 18...
00:14:43.18\00:14:44.65
And you're a mom,
and you were homeless,
00:14:44.68\00:14:47.32
how did you...
00:14:47.35\00:14:48.68
where did you go
finally, what did you do?
00:14:48.72\00:14:50.92
Finally I found a job
00:14:50.95\00:14:52.35
and then I started making
00:14:52.39\00:14:55.52
enough money to survive
00:14:55.56\00:14:58.63
and I got my own apartment
and then I got my own car
00:14:58.66\00:15:02.40
and so... things kind of changed
00:15:02.43\00:15:04.27
life became more
stable with working.
00:15:04.30\00:15:07.37
Where were you in your
spiritual walk, at that point?
00:15:07.40\00:15:12.01
Oh, I didn't
even think about it,
00:15:12.04\00:15:14.68
I mean, in my
head, I loved the Lord,
00:15:14.71\00:15:17.28
but sometimes I would
go to church back then,
00:15:17.31\00:15:21.88
and when my child grew up,
00:15:21.95\00:15:25.25
maybe when she was
around five or six years old
00:15:25.29\00:15:27.96
I started going to
church again every Sabbath
00:15:27.99\00:15:30.63
but I would go, you know,
after partying the night before
00:15:30.66\00:15:35.13
with a big hangover
00:15:35.16\00:15:37.37
and sometimes
they were almost done,
00:15:37.40\00:15:40.10
but I wanted to
go, because to me,
00:15:40.14\00:15:42.77
that was some
kind of peacefulness
00:15:42.80\00:15:46.27
in my life at that moment.
00:15:46.31\00:15:47.91
Yes, yes, well that's an
interesting chunk of your life
00:15:47.94\00:15:55.15
right there, how you went from
00:15:55.18\00:15:57.45
being raised by your dad,
then you came back to the States
00:15:57.49\00:16:01.99
when you came back
where you with your mom
00:16:02.02\00:16:04.39
or no... when you came back?
00:16:04.43\00:16:05.79
Yes. At fourteen,
00:16:05.83\00:16:07.16
so then you went from
being in your dad's home
00:16:07.20\00:16:09.06
to living in your mom's
home so you had that transition,
00:16:09.10\00:16:11.83
then you had the gangs,
then you had parenthood.
00:16:11.87\00:16:15.04
Yeah, hmmm... hmmm...
00:16:15.07\00:16:16.71
That's... and you
weren't ready to be a mom
00:16:16.74\00:16:18.87
because you were a kid yourself,
00:16:18.91\00:16:21.08
so all of those things
led you to another point
00:16:21.11\00:16:25.51
and we'll come back
to that, what about you?
00:16:25.55\00:16:28.78
Okay, well, I was in
Atlanta, Georgia, like I said,
00:16:28.82\00:16:32.35
and I was being brought
up in the church by my mother
00:16:32.39\00:16:35.89
to her, that was like
the refuge, a safe haven,
00:16:35.92\00:16:38.19
trying to keep us somewhere safe
00:16:38.23\00:16:41.53
and off the streets
and what not... so it was
00:16:41.56\00:16:44.03
there were times
that... if the doors were open,
00:16:44.07\00:16:46.40
she had us in there,
and when I was a kid,
00:16:46.43\00:16:48.67
that was Atlanta First Hispanic
00:16:48.70\00:16:50.11
which was on
Hillstreet in Atlanta
00:16:50.14\00:16:53.84
and so...
interesting thing is that
00:16:53.88\00:16:57.55
that's the same church where...
00:16:57.58\00:16:58.91
where when she came...
00:16:58.95\00:17:00.45
she wound up but since she...
the culture was so different
00:17:00.48\00:17:04.79
I don't even
remember ever seeing her there
00:17:04.82\00:17:06.69
I didn't even meet her
for another 11 to 12 years,
00:17:06.76\00:17:08.96
but I don't ever
remember seeing her
00:17:08.99\00:17:11.59
she just felt
kind of like shunned
00:17:11.63\00:17:13.70
by... say by the youth there,
00:17:13.73\00:17:15.70
where myself... I
had all my friends there
00:17:15.73\00:17:17.93
but unfortunately that
happens in many environments,
00:17:17.97\00:17:21.04
in many church
environments you know,
00:17:21.07\00:17:22.40
people gravitate towards,
00:17:22.44\00:17:23.77
sometimes
gravitate towards the bad
00:17:23.81\00:17:25.77
and so, you know, I was
getting into mischief and
00:17:25.81\00:17:28.84
what not and anyways...
say about like... 12 years old
00:17:28.88\00:17:33.01
I started making
some really bad decisions
00:17:33.05\00:17:35.48
starting having...
00:17:35.52\00:17:37.65
running more with
friends from the neighborhood
00:17:37.69\00:17:39.05
kind of getting
away from church stuff
00:17:39.09\00:17:41.16
and even church friends
00:17:41.19\00:17:42.52
except the ones
who I really corrupted
00:17:42.56\00:17:44.83
and got into
selling drugs. At 12?
00:17:44.86\00:17:47.40
At 12... I had
experimented with smoking
00:17:47.43\00:17:50.57
and with
drinking, so I mean with...
00:17:50.60\00:17:53.67
but hadn't touched the
drug yet up until that point,
00:17:53.70\00:17:56.34
within about a
month or so from that,
00:17:56.40\00:17:58.31
I was doing... now I
was doing drugs daily
00:17:58.34\00:18:02.14
and drinking daily
and smoking daily and
00:18:02.18\00:18:05.88
by the time I turned
13, I have to say I was
00:18:05.91\00:18:09.55
kind of a full-blown addict
00:18:09.58\00:18:10.92
because it was
something I did everyday
00:18:10.95\00:18:12.35
religiously all
night, while my mother worked
00:18:12.42\00:18:16.46
multiple jobs struggling...
trying to keep food on the table
00:18:16.49\00:18:19.36
How did you hide
that from your mother
00:18:19.39\00:18:21.70
at 12 or 13...
living at the house like...
00:18:21.73\00:18:24.00
how did you keep that from her
00:18:24.03\00:18:25.47
and how long did that
last before she found out?
00:18:25.50\00:18:27.77
Yeah, that's an
interesting thing because
00:18:27.80\00:18:30.31
I think that she
had to work so much
00:18:30.34\00:18:33.64
that I didn't have
to put that much effort,
00:18:33.68\00:18:37.58
and she was such
a Christian mother,
00:18:37.61\00:18:39.05
such a Christian
woman, I mean, she loved God,
00:18:39.11\00:18:41.78
she gave me a great example
but having to work so much
00:18:41.82\00:18:44.39
it didn't make it
difficult to.. to hide it
00:18:44.45\00:18:47.66
because she was too busy
trying to put food on the table
00:18:47.69\00:18:50.23
and give us a
Christian education
00:18:50.26\00:18:52.43
but then like... at night...
I'd try to beat it to the house,
00:18:52.46\00:18:57.10
I literally even had
a spot in the apartment
00:18:57.13\00:18:58.53
so that I could
see the headlights
00:18:58.60\00:18:59.93
and I'd recognize the headlights
and I'd phew... I'd take off,
00:18:59.97\00:19:03.41
I would just break out from
00:19:03.44\00:19:04.77
from the set of
friends whoever I was with
00:19:04.81\00:19:06.27
and beat it to the house so
that I could change my clothes
00:19:06.31\00:19:08.01
because they
reeked of... you know...
00:19:08.04\00:19:09.64
of Marijuana and I'd smell
of alcohol and I'd jump into the
00:19:09.71\00:19:12.65
maybe even jump
into the shower, get out
00:19:12.68\00:19:15.38
see her just long
enough to let her hit the bed
00:19:15.42\00:19:18.92
and then I'd open up
the window, jump out,
00:19:18.95\00:19:20.42
and be back out in the street,
00:19:20.46\00:19:22.46
so it was like
that and like all sin,
00:19:22.49\00:19:27.80
it kind of increases...
got into other things
00:19:27.83\00:19:31.43
like pornography,
addiction stuff like that
00:19:31.50\00:19:35.04
and I got into a lot of
fights and things but also
00:19:35.10\00:19:36.77
where I used to
steal a lot of things
00:19:36.81\00:19:39.67
I got to breaking
into houses with friends
00:19:39.71\00:19:41.84
and so, I got to a
point where most of my friends
00:19:41.88\00:19:44.95
were either selling
drugs or in gangs themselves.
00:19:44.98\00:19:48.02
Did you ever join a gang?
00:19:48.05\00:19:49.38
I didn't join a gang.
00:19:49.42\00:19:50.75
How did you manage
to stay out of one?
00:19:50.79\00:19:54.32
The reason is this because
one of my best friends...
00:19:54.36\00:19:57.59
one of my best
friends wanted to be in a gang
00:19:57.63\00:20:01.26
called La Gran Familia and they
were actually very organized
00:20:01.30\00:20:05.93
but I got into selling firearms,
selling guns, you know,
00:20:05.97\00:20:09.70
I started playing with guns,
having guns from the age of 12
00:20:09.74\00:20:13.41
to where I wanted to
start selling drugs out
00:20:13.44\00:20:15.88
I would have
firearms but then...
00:20:15.94\00:20:17.55
I had some friends who I really
had strong connections with
00:20:17.58\00:20:20.18
people who sold
guns and firearms
00:20:20.22\00:20:22.48
so, I started
selling those as well
00:20:22.52\00:20:24.72
but I was selling to people
who were rival gang members
00:20:24.75\00:20:28.52
and things like that and then...
00:20:28.59\00:20:30.33
and in selling drugs also
00:20:30.36\00:20:31.93
I tried to stay as
neutral as possible
00:20:31.96\00:20:34.53
for that very reason
and I also loved parties
00:20:34.56\00:20:39.90
so I would go to parties
and I would go to night clubs
00:20:39.93\00:20:42.40
even at a very young
age, and they'd be like
00:20:42.44\00:20:46.04
group... a big group over
here, another clique over here
00:20:46.07\00:20:49.61
and I had people
who I was selling to
00:20:49.64\00:20:53.05
or selling
firearms to or something
00:20:53.08\00:20:56.42
and who I was really
close with on both sides
00:20:56.45\00:20:59.55
and I was... I'm not... I'm
going to try to prevent that
00:20:59.59\00:21:02.32
so I prevented
it, later on in life
00:21:02.36\00:21:04.86
you had to pick
more of an allegiance
00:21:04.89\00:21:07.36
so later on in life these
things got... kind of hectic
00:21:07.40\00:21:11.40
I found myself more
gravitating towards one
00:21:11.43\00:21:14.04
but never actually got in
it and I was seeing them die,
00:21:14.07\00:21:16.87
I had a lot of
friends that would just...
00:21:16.91\00:21:18.24
that were dying
off like roaches,
00:21:18.27\00:21:19.61
and also going to
prison very regularly.
00:21:19.64\00:21:23.35
The interesting
thing to me is...
00:21:23.38\00:21:25.51
if you look at some of these
people that are in these gangs
00:21:25.55\00:21:27.98
or some of the people
that are selling drugs,
00:21:28.02\00:21:30.09
they're making horrible choices
00:21:30.12\00:21:33.62
but they're really,
really smart and intelligent
00:21:33.66\00:21:36.52
and if they would channel
that energy into something else,
00:21:36.56\00:21:39.96
they could be CEOs
of Fortune 500 Companies
00:21:40.00\00:21:44.80
I mean you got some people
that are really good with money
00:21:44.83\00:21:47.10
and really organized... like
00:21:47.14\00:21:50.04
they'd set up
that infrastructure
00:21:50.07\00:21:51.81
and everything like that,
00:21:51.87\00:21:53.21
and they have
great leadership skills,
00:21:53.24\00:21:55.61
but it's all in
the wrong direction.
00:21:55.64\00:21:58.08
Absolutely, and even
it's interesting to think of
00:21:58.11\00:22:01.02
I think of a lot of the
young people who were in church
00:22:01.05\00:22:03.35
even when I was
young, and leave...
00:22:03.39\00:22:06.72
and some joined gangs
00:22:06.76\00:22:08.09
some got into
the clubbing industry
00:22:08.12\00:22:11.33
or some got into other things
selling drugs and things and...
00:22:11.36\00:22:14.56
and most seem to be very
good but it's like God gave
00:22:14.60\00:22:17.53
individuals gifts and talents
00:22:17.57\00:22:19.73
but the devil somehow
coerced us to utilize it for bad
00:22:19.77\00:22:24.77
rather than
utilizing it for God's cause
00:22:24.81\00:22:26.68
and I think, how influential...
00:22:26.71\00:22:29.38
some of my friends
were very influential
00:22:29.41\00:22:31.81
and see... I mean...
I got one friend who...
00:22:31.85\00:22:34.15
he left the church and he
wound up having nightclubs
00:22:34.18\00:22:38.52
owning nightclubs and
stuff by his early 20s
00:22:38.55\00:22:42.16
making 10, 20,
30,000 dollars a night
00:22:42.19\00:22:45.89
and I just think,
00:22:45.93\00:22:47.76
"Wow! that could have
been like the next big...
00:22:47.80\00:22:50.07
he could have been
the next big Evangelist"
00:22:50.10\00:22:51.50
but the devil has his way of
00:22:51.53\00:22:53.40
luring us away
from God you know.
00:22:53.44\00:22:54.94
Yeah, and he baits
us with material things
00:22:55.00\00:23:00.08
so you think that, "Oh,
this is going to be great,
00:23:00.11\00:23:03.11
I'm going to
make a lot of money"
00:23:03.14\00:23:04.48
then you find out as you
begin to make that money,
00:23:04.51\00:23:07.22
you're just
spiraling downward I mean,
00:23:07.25\00:23:10.49
you have no joy,
you have no peace,
00:23:10.52\00:23:13.25
it's just... you
don't have any of that
00:23:13.32\00:23:16.02
I look at some of the Rappers
that are on... hip hop guys
00:23:16.06\00:23:20.16
these moguls and I
never see them look happy
00:23:20.20\00:23:23.70
they always look miserable
00:23:23.73\00:23:26.47
and some of the
things that they have to do
00:23:26.50\00:23:29.44
to become household
names, are unspeakable.
00:23:29.47\00:23:32.67
I mean, really,
they cross certain lines
00:23:32.71\00:23:35.84
to do that and so you see
00:23:35.88\00:23:38.48
just how Satan
works, he just baits you
00:23:38.51\00:23:40.78
and then his...
00:23:40.82\00:23:42.15
his whole goal is to destroy
us that's his whole goal,
00:23:42.18\00:23:46.86
he'll take the
gifts that God has given
00:23:46.89\00:23:49.66
and just make you
spiral downwards...
00:23:49.69\00:23:52.36
I heard a sermon,
there was a sermon one time
00:23:52.39\00:23:54.43
where a pastor was
talking about how Satan works
00:23:54.46\00:23:56.46
and how he
leads you inch by inch
00:23:56.50\00:23:59.17
in the wrong
direction away from God
00:23:59.20\00:24:01.80
and then, before you
know it, you're over here
00:24:01.84\00:24:04.47
and you feel
like it's impossible
00:24:04.54\00:24:06.47
for you to get back to God.
00:24:06.51\00:24:08.31
Absolutely. Yes.
00:24:08.34\00:24:10.08
It's interesting when you say,
talking... say about rappers
00:24:10.11\00:24:13.05
I think about the fact, I
remember being 15 years old
00:24:13.11\00:24:16.62
and getting high with
one of my favorite rappers
00:24:16.65\00:24:18.95
and I remember
00:24:18.99\00:24:21.19
as I got older
00:24:21.22\00:24:23.49
I had a cousin who
sold a lot of drugs
00:24:23.53\00:24:25.19
and I had one of
my closest friends
00:24:25.23\00:24:26.96
once again, who
is in this big gang
00:24:27.00\00:24:28.63
and they sold a lot
of drugs, and we'd go out
00:24:28.66\00:24:30.37
and we would party
00:24:30.43\00:24:31.77
and spend hundreds
and thousands of dollars
00:24:31.80\00:24:34.14
in a night, but
in that same night,
00:24:34.17\00:24:37.61
there might be a shoot-out
00:24:37.64\00:24:38.97
in that same night you wonder
00:24:39.01\00:24:43.21
whether you're going
to make it home alive
00:24:43.24\00:24:44.75
because... who
might be trailing you
00:24:44.78\00:24:46.92
people saw you showing off
00:24:46.95\00:24:48.28
these big stacks of
money, things like that,
00:24:48.32\00:24:49.88
and I remember
thinking when I was a kid,
00:24:49.92\00:24:51.42
how I used to hang on every
word that these rappers said,
00:24:51.45\00:24:55.49
that is one of the
reasons why I jumped in...
00:24:55.52\00:24:57.13
I didn't have a problem
selling drugs at 12 years old,
00:24:57.16\00:24:59.43
I was thinking,
"This is the next step
00:24:59.46\00:25:01.93
in my progression of life,
00:25:01.96\00:25:04.23
of these values
that I've adopted"
00:25:04.27\00:25:05.87
and I remember getting
older and realizing that,
00:25:05.90\00:25:08.90
"Man, life is getting
crazy, this is dangerous,
00:25:08.97\00:25:11.91
we're out there living
this lifestyle that I've heard
00:25:11.97\00:25:14.44
through our music
and running the risk
00:25:14.48\00:25:16.68
but I don't see
these dudes out here,"
00:25:16.71\00:25:18.85
it's like... you
know what I'm saying...
00:25:18.88\00:25:20.98
I don't see a lot of
people talking about this stuff
00:25:21.02\00:25:23.45
you know, actually, I
hear them talking about it,
00:25:23.49\00:25:25.92
rapping about it for
all of these years, but...
00:25:25.95\00:25:28.32
That's because most of
them don't live that lifestyle,
00:25:28.36\00:25:31.19
they never did.
00:25:31.23\00:25:33.23
Exactly. And you
learn that stuff later.
00:25:33.26\00:25:35.86
And then I got friends
who are rappers and what not
00:25:35.90\00:25:38.27
and, you know,
right there in the city
00:25:38.33\00:25:41.04
some who even owned
studios, and I learned that,
00:25:41.07\00:25:43.77
I'm like, "Wow, most of the ones
00:25:43.81\00:25:45.14
who are rapping and
talking about that...
00:25:45.17\00:25:46.51
they're not the ones
that are actually doing that"
00:25:46.54\00:25:48.58
I mean, guys who
are actually living
00:25:48.61\00:25:50.41
and doing most of that stuff,
00:25:50.45\00:25:51.78
I'm like, they could even stay
on of tune if they wanted to,
00:25:51.81\00:25:54.62
they can stay on the
beat if they wanted to,
00:25:54.65\00:25:56.38
you know what I mean?
00:25:56.42\00:25:58.39
Isn't it sad that...
you reach a place where
00:25:58.42\00:26:03.69
you're so
focused on getting things
00:26:03.73\00:26:08.46
and fame and all that,
00:26:08.50\00:26:10.67
that you just lose
sight of who you are,
00:26:10.70\00:26:13.23
God wants to give us a
better life, an abundant life,
00:26:13.27\00:26:16.84
Satan wants to
just... he uses, you know,
00:26:16.87\00:26:20.64
smoking mirrors, like,
they all look so great and
00:26:20.68\00:26:24.38
everybody is all
glamorous and happy and stuff...
00:26:24.41\00:26:27.22
but people are miserable,
I was in the music business
00:26:27.25\00:26:31.05
and I got to see how
you can make a lot of money
00:26:31.12\00:26:34.66
but most of the people I
knew were miserable people
00:26:34.69\00:26:38.09
and it's not because...
00:26:38.13\00:26:40.60
well, it is because
you're making the wrong choices
00:26:40.63\00:26:46.13
so you guys, for you,
00:26:46.17\00:26:49.14
you both made some
really bad choices,
00:26:49.17\00:26:53.61
we've all made bad choices,
so this is not a judgment thing
00:26:53.68\00:26:55.91
but you've made some bad choices
00:26:55.94\00:26:59.01
and yet, you're here today...
God brought you here today
00:26:59.05\00:27:05.75
so we got to find out
how you got to where you are
00:27:05.79\00:27:09.52
but... I do need to...
you have something to say?
00:27:09.56\00:27:11.66
I am dying to
know how you guys met
00:27:11.69\00:27:13.80
that's what I want
to know... how you met
00:27:13.83\00:27:16.20
because you have
very similar backgrounds
00:27:16.23\00:27:19.10
so at what point
did your paths cross,
00:27:19.13\00:27:21.97
and how did you guys meet?
00:27:22.00\00:27:23.51
Well, here in the
States my mother...
00:27:23.54\00:27:32.05
like I said, my mother is always
faithful, she was always praying
00:27:32.11\00:27:34.42
my mother was the
type that... I'd get home
00:27:34.45\00:27:37.89
it didn't matter
what hour of night
00:27:37.95\00:27:39.89
and she'd be crying,
00:27:39.95\00:27:42.12
she'd been on her
knees all night praying
00:27:42.16\00:27:43.89
that her son would make it
00:27:43.93\00:27:45.26
so she was always
there praying and...
00:27:45.29\00:27:47.46
as you get older, and
you have your routine,
00:27:47.50\00:27:49.86
but my mother had her routine,
00:27:49.90\00:27:52.87
which was
always... praying for me
00:27:52.93\00:27:54.80
I stopped really
going to church regularly,
00:27:54.84\00:27:58.21
but I would drop
in every now and then
00:27:58.27\00:28:00.28
when I needed my blessings
00:28:00.31\00:28:01.64
when I had court
coming up or something
00:28:01.68\00:28:03.88
I wanted some favor with
God, I'd drop in to church,
00:28:03.91\00:28:08.05
so here's... so the thing is...
my mother used to always...
00:28:08.08\00:28:10.72
on one occasion,
she lost her house
00:28:10.75\00:28:12.62
and me and my
brother had an apartment
00:28:12.65\00:28:14.62
and my mother was living with us
00:28:14.66\00:28:16.46
and she would always bring
people to eat lunch on Sabbath
00:28:16.49\00:28:19.13
and so on one
occasion I went to church
00:28:19.16\00:28:22.86
and sat there and I looked
and I saw this pew full of
00:28:22.90\00:28:28.14
good-looking
women just to be honest,
00:28:28.17\00:28:33.38
that's how I thought back
then and I told my mother,
00:28:33.44\00:28:36.38
I said, "Ma, if you're always
going to be bringing people
00:28:36.41\00:28:38.91
into my house, making
me... it's our apartment
00:28:38.95\00:28:41.72
making me uncomfortable,
why don't you start with
00:28:41.75\00:28:44.45
those over there,
00:28:44.49\00:28:46.39
why don't you bring
some young ladies, you know,"
00:28:46.42\00:28:50.33
my mother being
who she is and doing...
00:28:50.36\00:28:54.20
she'll do anything to see
her son come into the Kingdom
00:28:54.23\00:28:57.63
some weeks later, or
whatever, she shows up...
00:28:57.70\00:29:00.77
and my wife and her
sisters were with her
00:29:00.84\00:29:05.17
because my wife... she
said she would go to church
00:29:05.21\00:29:07.38
even if she was
hungover, she was whatever...
00:29:07.41\00:29:10.68
but she would make an appearance
00:29:10.71\00:29:13.05
so, I guess, my mother
invited them at some point,
00:29:13.11\00:29:16.28
and her father who was
staying at her house then
00:29:16.35\00:29:19.52
from El
Salvador, and they came by
00:29:19.55\00:29:21.69
so we met, but very briefly,
00:29:21.72\00:29:23.43
I don't remember
much about her at all
00:29:23.49\00:29:25.69
but later on... I was
working at this big event hall
00:29:25.73\00:29:29.23
where we were doing
this big Reggae tone concert
00:29:29.26\00:29:32.70
and we crossed paths again
00:29:32.73\00:29:36.74
and that's where we
really got to know each other
00:29:36.77\00:29:39.74
and whatever, and fortunately,
00:29:39.77\00:29:41.81
it was very secular,
00:29:41.84\00:29:43.41
it would be like the
Spanish club doing hip hop,
00:29:43.45\00:29:46.61
we got to know each other then,
00:29:46.65\00:29:48.58
we started going out, partying,
00:29:48.62\00:29:50.49
and we were two peas in a pod,
there were a lot of similarities
00:29:50.55\00:29:57.53
obviously in our lives
but... after not too long...
00:29:57.56\00:30:02.70
she wound up getting
pregnant, and I'm saying "she"
00:30:02.73\00:30:07.84
as though I didn't
have any involvement in it,
00:30:07.90\00:30:09.40
but she wound up
getting pregnant...
00:30:09.47\00:30:11.31
Yeah, we know, you had
some involvement in it.
00:30:11.34\00:30:15.31
So, anyways, we had a daughter
00:30:15.34\00:30:20.25
so now you have
this strange scenario
00:30:20.28\00:30:22.48
where it's
like... we both grew up,
00:30:22.52\00:30:24.62
we know... kind of...
about messing and what's right
00:30:24.65\00:30:28.69
and we both made
tragically bad decisions
00:30:28.72\00:30:30.93
and we both passed the climax of
00:30:30.96\00:30:32.43
the craziest
moments in our lives,
00:30:32.46\00:30:33.93
for the most part.
00:30:33.96\00:30:36.40
Hmmm... so you're not any longer
at the peak of that... yeah...
00:30:36.43\00:30:38.27
We're not at the peak anymore,
00:30:38.30\00:30:40.20
every now and then though,
probably like every other week
00:30:40.24\00:30:44.57
there would be a
night where I got so drunk
00:30:44.61\00:30:46.44
where I would go
back and revisit the peak,
00:30:46.47\00:30:48.28
you know what I
mean? things like that
00:30:48.31\00:30:49.74
but she was a little more...
she was a little more stable,
00:30:49.78\00:30:53.08
we were passed the peak,
but we had a daughter now.
00:30:53.11\00:30:55.45
Shortly after my
daughter was born,
00:30:55.48\00:30:57.32
I got locked up for a few months
and got out and my mother...
00:30:57.35\00:31:03.76
my mother invited her daughter,
00:31:03.79\00:31:07.83
took her daughter to
an Evangelistic Campaign
00:31:07.86\00:31:09.80
so I kind of got past how we met
00:31:09.83\00:31:12.63
and I'm kind of
getting into the next part
00:31:12.67\00:31:15.14
No, good, good, go...
00:31:15.17\00:31:16.60
My mother took my
daughter to an Evangelistic...
00:31:16.64\00:31:19.47
my step-daughter now, her
daughter who at the time was
00:31:19.51\00:31:23.81
Nine or ten years old.
00:31:23.85\00:31:26.05
Ten... took her to
an Evangelistic Campaign
00:31:26.08\00:31:27.85
and she made the decision
00:31:27.88\00:31:30.29
that she wanted to
give her life to Jesus,
00:31:30.32\00:31:31.69
in spite the fact
that we never had...
00:31:31.72\00:31:33.52
and that she grew up seeing
a lot of crazy things around
00:31:33.56\00:31:38.59
and my wife did not want her...
00:31:38.63\00:31:40.00
did not want to let
her make that decision.
00:31:40.03\00:31:42.20
I opposed that decision,
00:31:42.23\00:31:44.40
I was like, "You're
not getting baptized"
00:31:44.43\00:31:47.37
I remember her
standing up for the call
00:31:47.40\00:31:49.00
and I grabbed her and said,
"Sit down, what are you doing?"
00:31:49.04\00:31:51.67
And she was like...
"Mom, I want to get baptized"
00:31:51.71\00:31:53.88
and I was like, "You
don't know what you're doing"
00:31:53.91\00:31:56.04
so the next day
or the second day...
00:31:56.08\00:31:59.05
I don't remember
exactly, but the same week,
00:31:59.08\00:32:01.48
they made the call
again and she stands up...
00:32:01.52\00:32:03.85
And you were there?
00:32:03.89\00:32:05.55
Yeah, I was there too
00:32:05.59\00:32:06.92
and she's like, "Mom,
I want to get baptized"
00:32:06.96\00:32:09.29
so she just got up
and my mother-in-law came
00:32:09.32\00:32:11.66
and said, "You have no
right to tell her what to do,
00:32:11.69\00:32:15.06
if she wants to give her life
to Jesus, just let her do it"
00:32:15.10\00:32:18.47
and to me that was
like a slap in my face
00:32:18.50\00:32:21.20
because I knew God was after me
00:32:21.24\00:32:23.54
but I didn't want
to make the commitment
00:32:23.57\00:32:27.18
I was like... I wasn't
ready, in my head, I'm like,
00:32:27.24\00:32:30.05
"No, I need to
change so many things
00:32:30.08\00:32:32.01
before I come to the
Lord, I can't do this"
00:32:32.05\00:32:33.92
so that was kind of saying,
00:32:33.95\00:32:35.92
"Sorry, I cannot give you
my life at this moment, Lord"
00:32:35.95\00:32:39.49
so she got baptized,
00:32:39.52\00:32:41.42
and that's how
everything started.
00:32:41.46\00:32:42.89
And it was pretty
powerful because at that time
00:32:42.92\00:32:45.96
we didn't... you know...
we might drop in occasionally,
00:32:45.99\00:32:51.40
but she would frequently
the church a little more,
00:32:51.43\00:32:53.47
but our daughter
made that decision
00:32:53.54\00:32:56.84
so on weekends
we'd be still drinking,
00:32:56.91\00:32:58.97
hanging out,
partying... doing whatever,
00:32:59.01\00:33:01.04
she'd be getting
herself ready on Friday night
00:33:01.08\00:33:03.95
closing the door,
cutting off the TV,
00:33:03.98\00:33:06.48
putting on Christian music,
00:33:06.51\00:33:08.05
waking up Sabbath
morning early and getting ready
00:33:08.08\00:33:11.35
for church and my mother
would pass by and pick her up
00:33:11.39\00:33:13.46
even though we were still
00:33:13.49\00:33:14.96
irresponsible and
not on the same page.
00:33:14.99\00:33:17.86
What kind of affect
did that have on you guys
00:33:17.89\00:33:21.46
seeing her being
faithful to the Lord
00:33:21.50\00:33:24.37
and living out...
00:33:24.40\00:33:25.80
Well, it changed me
completely because I was like...
00:33:25.83\00:33:29.20
thinking... I think, you know,
00:33:29.24\00:33:30.84
"What am I doing
with my daughter's life?"
00:33:30.87\00:33:33.58
And then I
already had another baby
00:33:33.61\00:33:35.78
and I was... all the time...
00:33:35.81\00:33:38.21
trying to get out of my
lifestyle but I couldn't,
00:33:38.25\00:33:40.65
and I tried to
get out of that life
00:33:40.68\00:33:44.42
but I couldn't do it,
and now I had two kids
00:33:44.45\00:33:48.22
and I was like, I
mean, now I have another baby
00:33:48.26\00:33:51.63
that is going to
see all my craziness,
00:33:51.69\00:33:53.46
I need to change and I
was so tired of my lifestyle
00:33:53.50\00:33:57.50
I was like, "done"
but I couldn't change,
00:33:57.53\00:34:00.94
my lifestyle was more stronger
00:34:00.97\00:34:07.41
than, you know,
the desire to change,
00:34:07.44\00:34:09.84
I couldn't do it,
I couldn't do it...
00:34:09.88\00:34:12.71
Yeah, and I was
kind of... I would say,
00:34:12.75\00:34:15.48
I was kind of in the same
place where I wanted to change,
00:34:15.52\00:34:17.79
I wasn't focusing a lot on
00:34:17.82\00:34:19.25
the good decisions
that she was making,
00:34:19.29\00:34:21.42
I was just thinking like...
"Wow! she's a pretty good kid,"
00:34:21.46\00:34:24.03
because at that age, you
know, I was the opposite,
00:34:24.06\00:34:27.86
being forced to do
right, and being rebellious
00:34:27.90\00:34:31.67
and I remember
thinking I was crazy
00:34:31.70\00:34:33.10
because of the
things that she had seen
00:34:33.13\00:34:34.50
and the way she had grown
up with all these challenges
00:34:34.54\00:34:39.01
but I wanted to change also
because my daughter was born
00:34:39.04\00:34:43.38
and I felt like...
I really felt like...
00:34:43.41\00:34:45.58
like the lowest
thing on the earth
00:34:45.61\00:34:47.72
I was still
getting high everyday,
00:34:47.78\00:34:49.82
getting drunk every day,
running around with wild friends
00:34:49.85\00:34:52.15
looking for...
sneaking out of the house
00:34:52.19\00:34:53.76
not to my mother, now
I'm doing it to my wife
00:34:53.79\00:34:57.39
I'd let her fall asleep and
I'd get out this door somehow,
00:34:57.43\00:35:01.43
but I couldn't change, and
that was the thing, you know
00:35:01.46\00:35:05.40
you want to change but
you want to do it somehow
00:35:05.43\00:35:07.00
without God, I couldn't,
as a matter of fact I remember
00:35:07.04\00:35:10.31
one time when I was sixteen,
this is kind of going back,
00:35:10.34\00:35:13.54
I remember once
when I was sixteen,
00:35:13.58\00:35:15.11
I found myself in handcuffs,
00:35:15.14\00:35:16.91
I had committed a
crime with a firearm,
00:35:16.95\00:35:20.02
and I found myself handcuffed
00:35:20.05\00:35:24.59
and I was thinking,
"Man, I'm going to get
00:35:24.62\00:35:25.95
locked up for a while"
00:35:25.99\00:35:27.46
and I said, "God," I
hadn't prayed in a long time,
00:35:27.49\00:35:30.16
and I was like, "God, if you
get me out of these handcuffs
00:35:30.19\00:35:32.53
somehow, you
know, I'll stop it all,
00:35:32.59\00:35:35.30
I'll stop drugs,
I'll stop selling,
00:35:35.33\00:35:38.00
I'll stop carrying firearms,
I'll stop drinking, everything,
00:35:38.03\00:35:42.74
everything...
just whatever you want,
00:35:42.77\00:35:44.11
just get me out
of this situation"
00:35:44.14\00:35:45.47
and miraculously I
got out of that situation,
00:35:45.51\00:35:48.64
like literally,
like... I got out of that car,
00:35:48.68\00:35:51.95
there wasn't
like going to Court,
00:35:52.01\00:35:53.35
like... I got out, and
I remember being like...
00:35:53.38\00:35:57.45
"Oh man, now I
got to pay the piper"
00:35:57.49\00:35:59.42
so I tried and I
remember it lasted three months
00:35:59.45\00:36:04.16
and I just couldn't, it was...
00:36:04.23\00:36:06.29
I had already been living this
life for like... four years,
00:36:06.33\00:36:10.67
three or four years and
the addiction was too strong
00:36:10.70\00:36:14.14
and I couldn't stop so I fell
back into drugs, into alcohol
00:36:14.17\00:36:16.71
and every time I
tried to quit after that,
00:36:16.74\00:36:18.07
I would stop for
a very short time,
00:36:18.11\00:36:19.61
a couple of weeks I would last,
00:36:19.64\00:36:21.24
and I'll fall...
plunge in deeper than ever
00:36:21.28\00:36:23.38
the only times I was clean
00:36:23.41\00:36:24.91
was being the times
when I was locked up
00:36:24.95\00:36:27.12
so, it was one of these things
where life had proven to me
00:36:27.18\00:36:30.95
through time,
now I'm in my mid-20s
00:36:30.99\00:36:33.76
and life had proven to
me that the one thing I knew
00:36:33.79\00:36:36.12
was I didn't have
the power to change
00:36:36.16\00:36:37.99
and I want change but I
want to do it without God
00:36:38.03\00:36:41.80
so I never got changed
and now I'm seeing this kid,
00:36:41.86\00:36:45.37
my step-daughter,
making these good decisions
00:36:45.40\00:36:49.17
and it makes you feel
like even more of a scumball
00:36:49.20\00:36:52.47
because you just kind of
like, "Wow! I'm just really... "
00:36:52.51\00:36:55.74
you know... "I'm
just really not... "
00:36:55.78\00:36:58.15
"I'm just a
really negative force"
00:36:58.18\00:37:00.52
Right.
00:37:00.55\00:37:01.88
And so what was
going through your head
00:37:01.92\00:37:03.28
as all this was going on
00:37:03.32\00:37:04.65
because you were
kind of on the fence
00:37:04.69\00:37:07.72
and you saw your daughter
but then you saw him going out
00:37:07.79\00:37:13.40
I mean, what was
going on in your head?
00:37:13.43\00:37:15.76
I wanted to change, like I said,
00:37:15.80\00:37:18.40
and I said, "I need
God again, I need God"
00:37:18.43\00:37:22.64
so I remember one night
coming from partying all night
00:37:22.67\00:37:25.81
I got on my knees and I said,
"Lord, I'm so tired of this life
00:37:25.84\00:37:29.64
if you change me, I'll change,
00:37:29.68\00:37:31.58
I don't promise anything because
00:37:31.61\00:37:33.52
I know I have
tried so many times,
00:37:33.55\00:37:35.35
and I cannot change, so
if you can do it, prove it"
00:37:35.38\00:37:39.09
and then... I
just felt the desire
00:37:39.12\00:37:42.16
that I need to
give my life to God,
00:37:42.19\00:37:44.76
a desire that I
didn't have before,
00:37:44.79\00:37:48.26
and a couple of
months or a year maybe
00:37:48.30\00:37:51.70
after my daughter got baptized,
I started going to some...
00:37:51.73\00:37:57.01
what do they call,
prayer meetings, no...
00:37:57.04\00:37:59.77
Bullón Campaign...
00:37:59.84\00:38:01.71
Oh, Evangelistic Campaign...
00:38:01.74\00:38:03.48
With Alejandro Bullón,
I'm sure you've heard of him.
00:38:03.55\00:38:09.95
And every time
they make that call,
00:38:09.98\00:38:11.42
I felt like I couldn't stand,
00:38:11.45\00:38:12.79
I felt like
something holding me back
00:38:12.82\00:38:14.82
so I just prayed
in my head and said,
00:38:14.86\00:38:16.99
"Lord, you know, I
want to give you my life,
00:38:17.03\00:38:18.69
so I'm not going to stand
because I know Satan is here
00:38:18.73\00:38:22.16
and I don't want him to know
00:38:22.20\00:38:23.53
because every time I
try to make a change,
00:38:23.57\00:38:25.23
something worse happens"
00:38:25.27\00:38:26.60
and the day came that I decided
that I'm going to get baptized
00:38:26.63\00:38:31.81
and it was in the Campaign,
00:38:31.84\00:38:34.88
they didn't want to baptize me
00:38:34.91\00:38:36.24
that day because they said,
00:38:36.28\00:38:37.61
"Hey, you're not
going to be in the TV Show"
00:38:37.65\00:38:39.08
I said, "I don't
care about the TV Show,
00:38:39.11\00:38:40.55
I just want to get baptized. "
00:38:40.58\00:38:41.95
The thing is...
she said the TV show...
00:38:41.98\00:38:44.19
it's because I
actually just found out
00:38:44.22\00:38:46.39
a little while ago, is that
00:38:46.42\00:38:48.22
when they did that
Campaign, 3ABN was there
00:38:48.26\00:38:49.76
so they were recording it
00:38:49.79\00:38:51.13
so I guess
somebody got the impression
00:38:51.16\00:38:53.26
we didn't even
know what 3abn was,
00:38:53.29\00:38:55.56
at that time,
00:38:55.60\00:38:57.20
and I guess somebody...
somehow got the impression
00:38:57.23\00:39:00.84
or they just thought that
maybe she was wanting to do it
00:39:00.87\00:39:02.57
because it was a big deal,
00:39:02.60\00:39:03.94
they were doing it
out at Berean Church
00:39:03.97\00:39:05.34
and because it was on TV
00:39:05.37\00:39:08.81
but she didn't care about that.
00:39:08.84\00:39:10.18
No I didn't and
finally the Pastor said,
00:39:10.21\00:39:13.01
"Okay, but you have a
problem, you are not married
00:39:13.05\00:39:16.02
you need to solve that"
00:39:16.05\00:39:18.12
and I said, "Yeah, I'm
going to take care of that later
00:39:18.15\00:39:20.16
but I want to
get baptized today"
00:39:20.19\00:39:22.39
and the truth is...
00:39:22.42\00:39:24.53
that I felt like...
that was my last call
00:39:24.56\00:39:26.29
I felt like God told me,
"This is it, this is it,"
00:39:26.36\00:39:29.56
I mean, I felt like my eternity
life was playing right there,
00:39:29.63\00:39:34.47
yeah, it was tough.
00:39:34.50\00:39:36.10
The Holy Spirit was
working on you so profoundly
00:39:36.14\00:39:39.37
letting you know, "This is it. "
00:39:39.41\00:39:41.88
Yes, it was like that.
00:39:41.91\00:39:43.24
This is it, it's so
interesting to me that
00:39:43.28\00:39:46.18
both of you had tried
on so many other occasions
00:39:46.21\00:39:49.22
you were sick of your
life, you didn't want to...
00:39:49.25\00:39:52.55
you didn't want that
lifestyle but you couldn't stop
00:39:52.59\00:39:55.86
and you said it
Pastor, you said,
00:39:55.89\00:39:57.66
you tried it
without God Hmmm... hmmm...
00:39:57.69\00:40:01.80
and it only goes to
show that without God
00:40:01.83\00:40:05.40
we cannot make
these permanent changes.
00:40:05.43\00:40:08.60
Exactly, there's no
way... no you can't...
00:40:08.64\00:40:11.41
You can't... we're powerless,
00:40:11.44\00:40:13.04
when Satan has
you in his clutches,
00:40:13.07\00:40:15.78
you cannot get out without God.
00:40:15.81\00:40:18.45
We have to have
God, so at that point
00:40:18.48\00:40:21.95
you said, "I
have to do this now. "
00:40:21.98\00:40:25.39
Yes. And you got baptized?
00:40:25.42\00:40:28.19
Yes, and before
that, he called me that day
00:40:28.22\00:40:30.99
and he said, "I have
tickets to see this... Pitbull,"
00:40:31.03\00:40:34.56
Pitbull... and it was
free for me because he...
00:40:34.60\00:40:37.93
Free... like VIP tickets...
00:40:38.00\00:40:39.77
Oh! the Artiste...
Yeah the Artiste...
00:40:39.80\00:40:41.50
Oh! I thought you
were talking about a dog...
00:40:41.54\00:40:43.17
I thought you were
talking about a dog.
00:40:43.20\00:40:46.74
It was free tickets
with all free drinks
00:40:46.78\00:40:50.31
and it was supposed to
be like the weekend after...
00:40:50.35\00:40:53.78
I tried... I didn't know...
I forgot all about that...
00:40:53.82\00:40:57.22
I didn't even remember.
00:40:57.25\00:40:58.59
And I told him, "No,
I'm not going to see him"
00:40:58.62\00:41:00.02
I was trying to talk
her out of that... I said,
00:41:00.06\00:41:01.39
"Hold on a week
because we've got to go... "
00:41:01.42\00:41:02.76
He wanted me to
do that and I said,
00:41:02.79\00:41:06.59
"No, I'm not going, I
already made a promise
00:41:06.63\00:41:08.73
that I'm giving my life to God,
00:41:08.76\00:41:10.10
I'm not going to that concert"
00:41:10.13\00:41:11.53
and he tried to push me to go
00:41:11.57\00:41:13.10
and I have a feeling
if I had gone that day,
00:41:13.13\00:41:16.54
something would
have happened to me,
00:41:16.57\00:41:18.31
I don't know, maybe
God will reveal that to me
00:41:18.34\00:41:21.18
you know, later.
00:41:21.24\00:41:22.58
Another
interesting thing was, I guess,
00:41:22.61\00:41:25.35
right after she got baptized
and on our way to the house,
00:41:25.38\00:41:28.25
basically she was
like, "You got to go...
00:41:28.28\00:41:32.39
we weren't married so
we can't live together. "
00:41:32.42\00:41:36.16
I'm like, "That's ridiculous,
00:41:36.22\00:41:37.56
I mean, we've been
living together for a while now,
00:41:37.59\00:41:40.30
and we have a daughter together
that doesn't even make sense"
00:41:40.36\00:41:46.90
but she's like,
"No, but you got to go
00:41:46.94\00:41:51.27
or... until we're married...
" and so she kicked me out
00:41:51.31\00:41:56.41
and the way that my
mindset was in that time
00:41:56.44\00:41:58.41
I was just kind of like...
"All right, cool, whatever... "
00:41:58.48\00:42:00.65
because, you know, I
get to go for a while out
00:42:00.68\00:42:03.49
and live life the
way I want to do anyways
00:42:03.52\00:42:05.89
and then I'll just
drop in when I want to...
00:42:05.92\00:42:08.29
hey, better for
me... but I remember,
00:42:08.32\00:42:10.09
after a while, I was
sitting and thinking,
00:42:10.13\00:42:11.69
"Well, I don't want to
lose her" because she was good,
00:42:11.73\00:42:15.20
she was a good woman, I
mean, she is a good woman.
00:42:15.23\00:42:18.50
Xinia: she was...
00:42:18.53\00:42:20.84
You're going to
get into trouble buddy.
00:42:20.87\00:42:22.54
And so we wound
up getting married
00:42:22.57\00:42:29.54
not too long after that
00:42:29.58\00:42:31.05
but I just kept living my life
00:42:31.08\00:42:34.25
the way I'd always kind
of like... lived my life
00:42:34.28\00:42:37.05
and it was just...
00:42:37.09\00:42:38.42
I think I was
making her life hell
00:42:38.45\00:42:39.99
because she was a
recovering alcoholic
00:42:40.06\00:42:41.66
I was still an alcoholic,
00:42:41.69\00:42:43.32
she was trying to
be faithful to God
00:42:43.36\00:42:45.29
meanwhile, I wasn't even worried
00:42:45.33\00:42:47.33
about being faithful in my
marriage, you know what I mean?
00:42:47.36\00:42:49.70
You were on two
different pages...
00:42:49.73\00:42:51.70
On two
different pages and now...
00:42:51.73\00:42:53.57
it's kind of like the
whole family is switched
00:42:53.64\00:42:55.30
and I didn't want her
to get baptized initially
00:42:55.34\00:42:57.14
because I was
sitting there thinking,
00:42:57.17\00:42:58.51
"Man, I already grew
up with a fanatical mother
00:42:58.54\00:42:59.94
who is always like... praying,
00:42:59.97\00:43:02.11
who wants to run the
household in a particular way
00:43:02.14\00:43:04.51
and now my wife is
going to do the same thing,"
00:43:04.55\00:43:07.32
so now I wasn't... I
was... to a certain extent...
00:43:07.35\00:43:09.28
see... because you
grow up but it doesn't mean
00:43:09.32\00:43:11.25
you're an adult
or you're mature,
00:43:11.29\00:43:12.95
just because you're older,
so I was kind of like this thing
00:43:12.99\00:43:15.36
I was just a... I was a
"father" and a "husband"
00:43:15.42\00:43:18.59
but I was just an older
version of the kid that I was
00:43:18.63\00:43:23.10
in the house back then,
00:43:23.13\00:43:24.70
but I remember just drastically
wanting some kind of a change,
00:43:24.73\00:43:30.34
at one point my wife winds
up doing these... the church...
00:43:30.37\00:43:35.94
our church which is
the church that she went to
00:43:35.98\00:43:39.08
our home church,
my mother's church,
00:43:39.11\00:43:41.32
which was the
same church in Atlanta,
00:43:41.35\00:43:43.49
the same one, just relocated,
00:43:43.55\00:43:45.29
and they wound up doing these...
00:43:45.35\00:43:47.06
Evangelistic
Campaigns were from home
00:43:47.09\00:43:49.12
so people would...
different people in their homes
00:43:49.16\00:43:50.99
would host these campaigns,
00:43:51.03\00:43:52.36
my wife was telling me about
it, she was inviting me to it,
00:43:52.39\00:43:54.80
and I'm like, "Yeah, right,
00:43:54.83\00:43:56.16
that's like the last
thing I want to go to
00:43:56.20\00:43:57.53
and as a matter of fact,
00:43:57.57\00:43:58.90
I don't even
want it in my house"
00:43:58.93\00:44:00.44
because, you know,
00:44:00.47\00:44:01.80
I wanted to show up "high"
and drunk like I do every day
00:44:01.84\00:44:04.31
and I don't want people
sitting in my living room
00:44:04.37\00:44:08.08
like... I've seen
these campaigns before
00:44:08.11\00:44:09.44
this is the kind of stuff
my mother used to try to do
00:44:09.48\00:44:12.25
to reel me in, like... I
don't want that in my house,
00:44:12.28\00:44:15.28
so I wasn't going,
but I remember one day
00:44:15.32\00:44:17.49
I went out and... the
first day of it, I went out
00:44:17.52\00:44:21.09
and there was a football game
00:44:21.12\00:44:22.79
and we had gambled
on this football game
00:44:22.82\00:44:25.79
and won and I got
like... really intoxicated,
00:44:25.83\00:44:29.00
and I remember getting
emotional for some reason
00:44:29.03\00:44:32.13
you know, when
you've had just too much
00:44:32.17\00:44:34.30
and just thinking
about life and I remember
00:44:34.37\00:44:36.47
God telling me like...
00:44:36.50\00:44:38.57
"Man, you're a
real piece of work,
00:44:38.64\00:44:40.28
you're wife is
doing this for you
00:44:40.34\00:44:41.91
and you won't even
support her she held you down
00:44:41.94\00:44:44.65
when you were locked
up and she's a good mother
00:44:44.68\00:44:47.35
taking care of
the kids, working... "
00:44:47.38\00:44:48.75
so I called her up and I said,
00:44:48.78\00:44:50.99
"I'm sorry I didn't go tonight,
I'm going to go tomorrow
00:44:51.02\00:44:53.69
but I'm just going to
go to that one though...
00:44:53.72\00:44:56.02
so just don't get
like any crazy ideas,
00:44:56.06\00:44:57.73
this is only for one day... "
00:44:57.79\00:45:00.16
well, the next day I woke up and
I knew I had too much to drink
00:45:00.20\00:45:03.63
because I woke up and
remembered that I had promised
00:45:03.67\00:45:06.10
I would go to
this religious service
00:45:06.13\00:45:07.47
and I was like, "Oh,
man, I'll never drink again"
00:45:07.50\00:45:09.14
you know what I mean,
00:45:09.17\00:45:10.51
but I went after work that
night and it was probably like
00:45:10.54\00:45:14.48
you know, I was
always stopping to get drinks
00:45:14.51\00:45:17.85
and to get "high" but at
that night I went straight there
00:45:17.88\00:45:20.02
because we had this coming
up and I didn't want to show up
00:45:20.05\00:45:22.05
there intoxicated and we
showed up and it was like,
00:45:22.08\00:45:25.65
it was awkward
as I had expected,
00:45:25.69\00:45:28.02
and it was like the
worst preacher I'd ever heard,
00:45:28.06\00:45:30.76
like the dude who was doing it,
00:45:30.79\00:45:33.06
and he was sitting there like...
00:45:33.09\00:45:35.03
there were only
a few people there,
00:45:35.06\00:45:36.93
a few visitors there, and
he's sitting there like...
00:45:36.97\00:45:40.00
talking... and
he's like just looking
00:45:40.04\00:45:41.90
only at me and
making an appeal to me
00:45:41.94\00:45:43.74
and I was sitting there,
looking at the guy like...
00:45:43.77\00:45:45.37
"Yo, I've actually
drank with this guy before"
00:45:45.41\00:45:47.68
you know what I mean,
00:45:47.71\00:45:49.04
he used to hang
out with my brother...
00:45:49.08\00:45:50.41
and I'm sitting there...
00:45:50.45\00:45:51.85
Wow! Oh, he had his
life turned around or...?
00:45:51.88\00:45:53.21
Yeah, his life
was turned around,
00:45:53.25\00:45:54.58
his life was turned
around. Okay... okay.
00:45:54.62\00:45:56.62
But see... I wanted to turn
his life around some more...
00:45:56.65\00:45:59.65
in a different way,
because I'm sitting there like..
00:45:59.69\00:46:02.62
"Man, you know, this
brother is in my house,
00:46:02.66\00:46:04.16
putting me on the spot
00:46:04.19\00:46:05.53
about making this
decision for Jesus
00:46:05.56\00:46:07.06
and I'm only here
because I feel obligated... "
00:46:07.10\00:46:10.53
so anyway, the day went by,
I mean, the service finished
00:46:10.57\00:46:16.27
everybody went
home and I was like,
00:46:16.30\00:46:17.64
"Maybe this is
fine to go out and... "
00:46:17.67\00:46:20.28
it just felt wrong to
go out and get drunk now,
00:46:20.31\00:46:23.11
so I just went to sleep,
but I woke up the next day
00:46:23.14\00:46:25.91
and I don't know what it was,
00:46:25.95\00:46:28.22
but I felt this peace
like I never felt in my life,
00:46:28.25\00:46:30.95
I remember getting in the car
00:46:30.99\00:46:32.32
and I used to love to do
what they call, "wake and bake"
00:46:32.35\00:46:35.72
get "high" like...
first thing in the morning
00:46:35.76\00:46:39.33
I used to like that,
00:46:39.36\00:46:40.90
and I remember that morning
00:46:40.96\00:46:43.77
it felt like that but
a thousand times better
00:46:43.80\00:46:48.17
to the "worldly mindset. " Yeah.
00:46:48.20\00:46:50.21
It felt like
this ultimate peace,
00:46:50.24\00:46:52.17
it felt like the ultimate "high"
that I had always been chasing,
00:46:52.24\00:46:54.24
I felt so stretched
00:46:54.28\00:46:56.31
and I felt a feeling
that I had never felt before
00:46:56.34\00:46:58.01
I remember driving on my
way, I'm driving to work,
00:46:58.08\00:47:00.62
and God telling me
like, "You know that feeling?
00:47:00.65\00:47:03.15
That's me,
00:47:03.18\00:47:04.52
that's the feeling you've
been chasing your whole life
00:47:04.55\00:47:06.62
but you can't find
that... apart from me
00:47:06.65\00:47:08.56
I'm giving you a sample now,
00:47:08.59\00:47:10.86
you can have this but you
can't have it apart from me
00:47:10.89\00:47:14.86
and you've been chasing it,
00:47:14.90\00:47:16.26
but you can't
have it apart from me"
00:47:16.30\00:47:17.73
and I remember arguing with
God in the car the whole time
00:47:17.77\00:47:20.47
and the funny thing is,
00:47:20.50\00:47:21.84
I had hip hop
station on like I always do,
00:47:21.87\00:47:24.11
but I even stopped, I
turned it down because,
00:47:24.14\00:47:26.37
I'm sitting there like
having a conversation with God
00:47:26.41\00:47:28.91
and to be interrupted
with Young Jeezy or something
00:47:28.94\00:47:31.01
would be disrespectful
so I had to turn it down,
00:47:31.05\00:47:33.08
I remember even
stopping to put some gas
00:47:33.11\00:47:34.98
and I got back in the car
00:47:35.02\00:47:36.35
and when I got back
in the car at some point,
00:47:36.38\00:47:37.72
I turned the radio back up
and it was on a gospel station
00:47:37.75\00:47:39.62
it didn't even make sense.
00:47:39.65\00:47:40.99
So you hadn't changed the dial,
00:47:41.02\00:47:43.93
you had just
turned up the volume.
00:47:43.96\00:47:46.86
Yeah. And it's on
a new station now.
00:47:46.90\00:47:48.83
It's on a gospel
station now. Wow!
00:47:48.86\00:47:50.40
Because I had
like a Sirius XM Radio
00:47:50.43\00:47:51.90
and I remember driving
and I'm sitting there like...
00:47:51.93\00:47:56.50
"God, you know, I want you,
00:47:56.54\00:47:57.87
I want you in my life and I
want to be a better follower
00:47:57.91\00:47:59.31
and be a better this and
I want to be a better that
00:47:59.37\00:48:00.78
but I'm going... "
00:48:00.81\00:48:03.04
I started making
up all these excuses
00:48:03.08\00:48:05.95
and a song comes
on and the song was...
00:48:05.98\00:48:08.62
I never heard it before, I
didn't listen to gospel music
00:48:08.65\00:48:10.75
but the song, I found out later
00:48:10.79\00:48:12.39
was Dwaye Woods,
"Let go and Let God"
00:48:12.42\00:48:14.02
and God starts
talking to me through the song
00:48:14.06\00:48:17.19
and I'm making up excuses
00:48:17.23\00:48:18.56
and He's talking
to me through the song
00:48:18.59\00:48:19.93
I'm saying, "But I don't
want to lose all my friends"
00:48:19.96\00:48:21.30
He's like, "It's
okay, let go and let God"
00:48:21.33\00:48:22.73
I'm like, "Wait,
wait... but my family members...
00:48:22.76\00:48:24.60
they're just going to
turn their backs on me,
00:48:24.63\00:48:26.43
none of them are Christians,"
00:48:26.47\00:48:27.80
He's like, "Let go and let God"
00:48:27.84\00:48:29.17
I said, "But my
job, how about if I...
00:48:29.20\00:48:30.54
I got to quit
working on Sabbath"
00:48:30.57\00:48:31.91
He said, "Let go and let God"
00:48:31.94\00:48:33.98
for every excuse I'm making,
00:48:34.01\00:48:35.91
He's saying,
"Let go and let God"
00:48:35.94\00:48:37.28
so as I pulled to the
Parking Spot on my job
00:48:37.31\00:48:40.85
and I literally put my car
on Park and the song turns off
00:48:40.92\00:48:43.28
and I felt like God was
telling me the same thing.
00:48:43.35\00:48:45.39
He was saying, "Now or never"
00:48:45.42\00:48:46.76
so,
00:48:46.79\00:48:48.59
I made a decision right there,
00:48:48.62\00:48:50.23
I said, "Okay, I'm
going to make a decision"
00:48:50.26\00:48:51.59
and I made a decision
to follow Jesus Christ
00:48:51.63\00:48:53.80
but I said, "Now you know,
00:48:53.83\00:48:56.56
I got more than a decade
where I've been trying to stop
00:48:56.60\00:48:59.77
all these different
bad habits that I have,
00:48:59.83\00:49:01.90
I've been trying to
quit, but I can't quit,
00:49:01.94\00:49:04.01
so I'm not
making you any promises
00:49:04.04\00:49:05.64
because every time I made
you a promise, I failed you.
00:49:05.67\00:49:08.14
I'm just going
to let you know that
00:49:08.18\00:49:10.25
I'm putting it in your
hands and that's up to you
00:49:10.31\00:49:13.48
that... you know... that
following... doing that...
00:49:13.52\00:49:16.69
living a 'Christian
life,' that part is on you
00:49:16.72\00:49:19.22
all I'm saying is... I'm
putting my life in your hands"
00:49:19.25\00:49:22.99
and as the Lord is my witness,
00:49:23.02\00:49:27.56
God did something
miraculous that day,
00:49:27.60\00:49:29.86
it's like He stuck a
syringe in and extracted
00:49:29.90\00:49:32.83
every desire to
get "high" from me,
00:49:32.87\00:49:35.44
after 13 years of addiction
and every desire to drink...
00:49:35.47\00:49:39.14
That same day... that
very day. That same day.
00:49:39.17\00:49:41.71
That day, He took
the pornography addiction
00:49:41.74\00:49:44.25
and he took the
sexual addiction,
00:49:44.28\00:49:45.81
he took the alcoholism addiction
00:49:45.85\00:49:47.28
He took... you know...
00:49:47.32\00:49:50.85
I wasn't even convicted on the
need to stop smoking thing...
00:49:50.89\00:49:52.85
but by the end
of the week, I was
00:49:52.89\00:49:54.42
and He took that that
day when I handed that over,
00:49:54.46\00:49:57.49
He just taught me that,
00:49:57.53\00:49:58.86
"Yeah, you can't do
anything apart from me,
00:49:58.89\00:50:00.33
but with me,
you can do anything"
00:50:00.36\00:50:02.13
now, one powerful thing is
that I didn't realize is that
00:50:02.16\00:50:07.00
the day I said I was
going to give my life to Jesus,
00:50:07.04\00:50:11.84
and I went to the small group,
I went back to that small group
00:50:11.87\00:50:14.94
and I just made
mention of it there
00:50:14.98\00:50:19.35
and then I found out later on
00:50:19.38\00:50:20.72
that my wife had begun
a 40-day prayer and fast
00:50:20.75\00:50:24.92
because it was
just... I was just...
00:50:24.95\00:50:28.42
it was just too hard
carrying out this relationship,
00:50:28.46\00:50:31.43
it was her burden,
it was her cross and
00:50:31.46\00:50:32.89
she'd begun a pact with the
Lord 40-day prayer and fast,
00:50:32.93\00:50:37.37
and with 1/2 day fast and
prayer for our relationship
00:50:37.40\00:50:41.27
because she
couldn't take it anymore
00:50:41.30\00:50:42.64
and had said that in those 40
days if something didn't change,
00:50:42.67\00:50:44.14
she had to go or
something had to happen,
00:50:44.21\00:50:45.77
I didn't realize that the day
that I gave my life to the Lord
00:50:45.81\00:50:48.91
was the 40th
day. Hmmm... hmmm...
00:50:48.94\00:50:51.68
Wow! oh this is
so... you know...
00:50:51.71\00:50:54.38
if you're giving me chills
as we were talking about how...
00:50:54.42\00:50:57.89
I can't get over
how loving God is,
00:50:57.92\00:51:02.32
how He just... He
wants so badly to save us
00:51:02.36\00:51:05.83
and how He will just go
to all lengths to save us
00:51:05.86\00:51:09.73
and here you both
were, at a place where,
00:51:09.76\00:51:12.90
you know what, if
you didn't do it that day
00:51:12.93\00:51:15.97
it felt like, that was it.
00:51:16.00\00:51:17.51
That was it,
00:51:17.54\00:51:18.97
the Holy Spirit was
chip, chip, chipping away
00:51:19.01\00:51:20.84
that was it, and both of you
00:51:20.88\00:51:24.08
gave in to the Holy
Spirit, yielded to Him and
00:51:24.11\00:51:28.18
Xinia, you
interceded for your husband.
00:51:28.22\00:51:31.62
Hmmm... hmmm...
00:51:31.65\00:51:32.99
you interceded for your
husband and carried that,
00:51:33.02\00:51:35.99
what was going on...
when you heard that from him,
00:51:36.02\00:51:39.49
that that very day he
gave his heart to the Lord,
00:51:39.53\00:51:42.93
and that was the
end of your 40-day fast,
00:51:42.96\00:51:46.40
what went through your head?
00:51:46.43\00:51:47.94
I couldn't believe it,
I couldn't believe it...
00:51:48.00\00:51:50.61
I was like, "I think
he's just playing around"
00:51:50.64\00:51:53.58
She literally thought
that I was lying that day.
00:51:53.61\00:51:56.48
I couldn't
believe that, I'm like,
00:51:56.51\00:51:59.11
"No, he's just playing around,
00:51:59.15\00:52:00.48
he's trying to convince me
that he is going to change,
00:52:00.52\00:52:02.65
and... but
then... the next Sabbath,
00:52:02.68\00:52:05.35
he was with his
Bible in the church,
00:52:05.39\00:52:07.79
Sabbath School and I was like,
"Wait a minute, he's in church,
00:52:07.82\00:52:11.93
he's early... he's
carrying his Bible,
00:52:11.96\00:52:14.53
something is wrong,"
and I couldn't believe that
00:52:14.56\00:52:17.73
that God had made the change
00:52:17.77\00:52:19.70
and so that day, and you know...
00:52:19.73\00:52:22.17
By the end of that week, I
mean, by the end of the week
00:52:22.20\00:52:24.34
I had a friend that
I would get high with
00:52:24.37\00:52:25.71
every day and he was going...
00:52:25.74\00:52:27.08
he went to those meetings
by the end of that week,
00:52:27.11\00:52:28.58
you know what I mean, it was...
00:52:28.61\00:52:29.98
I mean, God really does a
work on us, a number on us,
00:52:30.01\00:52:33.82
I wanted to say about
the... now... about the feeling
00:52:33.85\00:52:36.82
like God was saying,
"Now, another thing... "
00:52:36.85\00:52:38.19
I felt like that
was a very real message
00:52:38.22\00:52:41.36
I understand it because I
remember even in hearing Him
00:52:41.39\00:52:44.26
in the car right that
day saying, "Now or never"
00:52:44.29\00:52:45.86
I was thinking, "Yeah, God,
but you don't work like that,
00:52:45.89\00:52:48.66
because I've heard enough people
trying to share the gospel
00:52:48.70\00:52:51.47
to know that you
never close your door on us,
00:52:51.50\00:52:54.57
that's not how you
work" but I felt it very loud,
00:52:54.60\00:52:57.47
"Now or never... " so I
made that decision that day
00:52:57.51\00:53:00.34
well about three
months down the line,
00:53:00.38\00:53:02.78
I wound up having to
switch jobs because of Sabbath
00:53:02.81\00:53:05.35
which is a whole
'nother cool story
00:53:05.41\00:53:06.98
about how God
opened up and got me a job
00:53:07.02\00:53:08.65
that I wasn't even qualified for
00:53:08.68\00:53:10.19
working at the
Home Depot Headquarters
00:53:10.22\00:53:13.02
doing Human Resources,
00:53:13.05\00:53:14.39
I was just really
unqualified for that
00:53:14.42\00:53:15.76
but I remember I had
just started that job
00:53:15.79\00:53:17.26
when I got a
phone call one morning
00:53:17.29\00:53:18.99
from a cousin of mine saying,
00:53:19.03\00:53:21.40
"Hey, hey, I wanted to
make sure you were all right"
00:53:21.43\00:53:23.43
I said, "Why?"
00:53:23.47\00:53:24.80
He said, "Man, because
they rounded everybody up,
00:53:24.83\00:53:26.17
they locked everybody up,"
00:53:26.20\00:53:27.54
I'm like, "What
are you talking about?"
00:53:27.57\00:53:28.90
He goes on to fill me in that
00:53:28.94\00:53:30.27
a lot of my closest friends
were like brothers to me,
00:53:30.31\00:53:33.14
they had all gotten rounded up
00:53:33.17\00:53:35.01
into some
drug-trafficking sting,
00:53:35.04\00:53:37.71
I had gotten a
call from one of them
00:53:37.75\00:53:40.35
just a month earlier,
not even a month earlier,
00:53:40.38\00:53:43.18
about going to
make the most money
00:53:43.22\00:53:44.65
that I would
ever make in my life,
00:53:44.69\00:53:46.29
something I
would have jumped on,
00:53:46.32\00:53:47.86
but because I had just
given my life to the Lord,
00:53:47.89\00:53:51.26
I said, "I won't,
I'm not going to do it,"
00:53:51.29\00:53:54.86
well, it turns out
they were all being...
00:53:54.90\00:53:58.43
there was surveillance going
on and all sorts of things,
00:53:58.47\00:54:00.74
they went and
scooped them all up,
00:54:00.77\00:54:02.54
ten years, fifteen
years, twenty-year sentences...
00:54:02.57\00:54:07.61
Wow! and I just think,
00:54:07.64\00:54:10.15
had I not given
my life to the Lord,
00:54:10.18\00:54:12.51
just a couple of months earlier,
00:54:12.55\00:54:14.82
as a matter of fact
when I got that phone call
00:54:14.85\00:54:16.25
the Lord is my witness,
00:54:16.28\00:54:17.62
I was literally giving
my first Bible Study ever
00:54:17.65\00:54:19.92
to a friend that day... Wow!
00:54:19.95\00:54:21.82
at the very moment,
when the phone rang,
00:54:21.86\00:54:24.43
so, you know, God
is just so good...
00:54:24.46\00:54:27.00
He is... Amen...
00:54:27.03\00:54:28.36
because His ways are
better than our ways...
00:54:28.40\00:54:30.07
Yes, yes, it was now or never...
00:54:30.10\00:54:33.57
And your testimonies
show how powerful God is,
00:54:33.60\00:54:39.31
how faithful God is, Yes...
00:54:39.34\00:54:41.01
and how God will
bless your efforts
00:54:41.04\00:54:43.71
when you earnestly seek Him,
00:54:43.75\00:54:45.45
you asked him to
change your life.
00:54:45.51\00:54:48.52
Amen, praise
God... Hmmm... hmmm...
00:54:48.55\00:54:51.55
That is so... so incredible...
00:54:51.59\00:54:53.32
I'd like for you to,
00:54:53.36\00:54:54.69
in the few
minutes that we have left,
00:54:54.72\00:54:56.56
both of you, one at a time,
00:54:56.59\00:54:58.69
look into your
camera over there,
00:54:58.73\00:55:00.40
and tell... for you Xinia,
00:55:00.46\00:55:02.93
tell that wife
that has a husband
00:55:02.96\00:55:07.00
who's not a
believer, get her to hold on...
00:55:07.04\00:55:10.31
tell her what to do,
00:55:10.34\00:55:11.67
and you,
00:55:11.71\00:55:13.68
Pastor, if you
would look into the camera
00:55:13.71\00:55:16.08
and tell that young
man that's searching
00:55:16.11\00:55:18.51
that's getting "high" every day,
that's doing... that's partying,
00:55:18.55\00:55:21.08
what he should do,
00:55:21.12\00:55:22.62
we have like 30 seconds a piece.
00:55:22.65\00:55:25.25
Never give up,
00:55:25.32\00:55:26.89
keep praying and
trust in the Lord
00:55:26.92\00:55:29.42
He will do a miracle.
00:55:29.46\00:55:30.79
Amen...
00:55:30.83\00:55:34.10
Well, to anybody out there
00:55:34.13\00:55:37.40
who is aimlessly
searching for satisfaction,
00:55:37.43\00:55:40.77
for fulfillment in something
that the world has to offer,
00:55:40.84\00:55:43.54
if you've been
doing it long enough,
00:55:43.57\00:55:45.54
you realize that
you're searching for a
00:55:45.57\00:55:47.08
pot of gold at the end of
the rainbow... it doesn't exist,
00:55:47.11\00:55:51.15
but just realize that God's
plans for you are so much better
00:55:51.18\00:55:55.18
than your own
plans for yourself,
00:55:55.22\00:55:56.55
I praise God I got
a beautiful family now
00:55:56.58\00:55:58.25
I got a great career,
00:55:58.29\00:56:00.56
now I've seen many
friends come to the Lord,
00:56:00.62\00:56:04.09
as has my wife,
and God is just so good
00:56:04.13\00:56:09.53
but there are areas in our lives
that we would love to change
00:56:09.56\00:56:12.97
and we can
change them momentarily
00:56:13.00\00:56:15.67
but we will always
revert back to our old ways
00:56:15.70\00:56:19.74
unless we
experience transformation
00:56:19.77\00:56:21.11
and transformation can
only come through Jesus Christ,
00:56:21.14\00:56:24.58
so my challenge to each
and every one of you listening
00:56:24.61\00:56:28.02
is to give Jesus a chance,
00:56:28.05\00:56:29.92
you don't have
to change yourself
00:56:29.95\00:56:31.29
and I think that's
what we hold back many times
00:56:31.32\00:56:32.85
we think, "Well I'm
not going to take that step
00:56:32.89\00:56:34.46
because I'm not ready
00:56:34.49\00:56:35.82
you'll never be
ready, you need to realize
00:56:35.86\00:56:38.36
that there is
nothing that you can do
00:56:38.39\00:56:40.23
and that Jesus
has to do it in you,
00:56:40.26\00:56:42.13
and the second you give up,
00:56:42.16\00:56:43.93
that's when God can
start doing something,
00:56:43.97\00:56:45.33
so the best
advice I can give you
00:56:45.37\00:56:47.47
is to go to
Him... but to give up...
00:56:47.54\00:56:49.57
leave it in His hands
and allow Him to do the work
00:56:49.60\00:56:53.01
and the transformation
that you can't do for yourself.
00:56:53.04\00:56:56.41
Amen, amen, let's
put your website up
00:56:56.44\00:56:58.51
because we have
a website for you.
00:56:58.58\00:57:00.28
Oh, I don't have a
website. Oh you don't?
00:57:00.32\00:57:01.92
I have an e-mail,
00:57:01.95\00:57:04.55
if somebody would
like to contact me
00:57:04.59\00:57:06.25
if I can pray for you,
00:57:06.29\00:57:07.62
if I can help in any
way that's my e-mail address
00:57:07.66\00:57:09.96
and also I can be
reached at 404-957-7409.
00:57:09.99\00:57:15.86
Thank you so much Pastor
00:57:15.90\00:57:18.53
and you are Pastor
and First Lady... where?
00:57:18.57\00:57:20.94
Yeah, I'm pastoring
right now in Vermont,
00:57:20.97\00:57:23.27
in Northern New
England Conference,
00:57:23.30\00:57:25.24
I have three churches out there
and we have a radio station
00:57:25.27\00:57:27.68
well, we stream
3ABN Radio out there,
00:57:27.71\00:57:30.15
School, Health Store Ministry
so, God is good, God is good.
00:57:30.18\00:57:35.22
God is so good, wait
there is so much more
00:57:35.28\00:57:37.05
that we could talk to
them about, right Jay?
00:57:37.09\00:57:38.85
Yeah, we can do
a two-hour Special.
00:57:38.89\00:57:40.32
I know, I know, we
should have done two hours
00:57:40.36\00:57:42.56
well, thank you so
very much for being with us,
00:57:42.59\00:57:44.69
and for being so transparent
00:57:44.73\00:57:46.53
and thank you so
much for tuning in,
00:57:46.59\00:57:49.36
I can't believe we're at
the end of another Program
00:57:49.40\00:57:51.80
please join us next time,
00:57:51.83\00:57:54.10
trust the Lord
00:57:54.14\00:57:55.47
and remember...
if you don't join us,
00:57:55.50\00:57:57.17
it just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:57:57.21\00:57:59.57