Stay tuned to meet a couple
whose lives have been redeemed
00:00:01.36\00:00:04.07
by the Power of God.
00:00:04.10\00:00:05.43
My name is Yvonne Lewis
00:00:05.47\00:00:06.80
and you're
watching Urban Report.
00:00:06.84\00:00:08.50
Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
00:00:30.66\00:00:32.86
My guests today are
Xavier and Britanny Morales
00:00:32.89\00:00:35.96
Panelists on D2D's
Program, Pure Choices,
00:00:36.00\00:00:38.80
I went to their Set
to get their stories,
00:00:38.83\00:00:41.64
take a peak...
00:00:41.67\00:00:46.31
I'm so blessed to be here
on the Set of Pure Choices
00:00:46.34\00:00:51.18
with two of the Panelists
00:00:51.21\00:00:53.82
of one of my favorite
programs, Pure Choices.
00:00:53.85\00:00:56.65
Xavier Morales and
Britanny Hill-Morales,
00:00:56.69\00:01:00.56
welcome to Urban
Report on Pure Choices' Set.
00:01:00.59\00:01:03.93
You both...
00:01:03.96\00:01:07.53
have done a wonderful job,
00:01:07.56\00:01:09.66
you've been on
Pure Choices for a while
00:01:09.70\00:01:12.13
Britanny, you've been
on for... how many Seasons?
00:01:12.17\00:01:14.30
This will be my third...
00:01:14.34\00:01:15.67
we just finished
up our third Season.
00:01:15.70\00:01:17.04
And you Xavier?
00:01:17.07\00:01:18.81
This is my second Season.
00:01:18.87\00:01:21.01
It's so great to have you,
00:01:21.04\00:01:23.14
one of the things that I love
is to have married couples on...
00:01:23.18\00:01:27.25
young married couples who
have been through struggles
00:01:27.28\00:01:31.02
and God has
given you the victory
00:01:31.05\00:01:34.22
and you both had a
very interesting courtship
00:01:34.26\00:01:38.13
because, so many times
when people are courting,
00:01:38.16\00:01:42.03
they fall into sexual sin,
00:01:42.06\00:01:44.53
you guys were able to be
celibate during your courtship,
00:01:44.57\00:01:49.80
praise God, how did you do that?
00:01:49.84\00:01:52.77
Oh wow!
interesting... it was a struggle
00:01:52.81\00:01:58.11
because we had to
learn what boundaries to set
00:01:58.15\00:02:01.22
we had to have...
00:02:01.25\00:02:02.75
like a no-kissing
clause in our relationship
00:02:02.78\00:02:05.35
because we knew
how it would, I guess,
00:02:05.39\00:02:09.26
get us more
interested or more wound up
00:02:09.29\00:02:12.99
and want each other more,
so we had to set boundaries
00:02:13.03\00:02:15.96
set certain timeframes
00:02:16.00\00:02:18.27
for how long we'd
be around each other
00:02:18.30\00:02:20.24
and how late we'd
be around each other
00:02:20.27\00:02:22.20
and there was a
period when people thought
00:02:22.24\00:02:24.14
maybe I didn't like kissing
or he didn't like kissing
00:02:24.17\00:02:26.17
we're like, "No, we
just know each other
00:02:26.21\00:02:28.01
and we're trying to
have a certain framework. "
00:02:28.04\00:02:30.78
Yeah, I think it
was difficult for us too
00:02:30.81\00:02:33.48
because of our
pasts, our different pasts,
00:02:33.52\00:02:36.42
we wished... my
past and everything,
00:02:36.45\00:02:39.25
you had to, we just
prayed and asked God
00:02:39.29\00:02:43.63
about... individually...
individually, collectively
00:02:43.66\00:02:46.63
we prayed asking
God, "What should we do,
00:02:46.66\00:02:48.43
because not everything
that pertains to somebody
00:02:48.46\00:02:50.63
might pertain to us,
00:02:50.67\00:02:52.00
something might be a
stumbling block for them
00:02:52.03\00:02:54.20
but it's not for
us and vice versa
00:02:54.24\00:02:55.77
Hmmm... hmmm... so we
really had to hold down
00:02:55.80\00:02:57.97
and sit down and both of
us communicated as to the
00:02:58.01\00:03:00.51
boundaries to make sure
that we were one accord..
00:03:00.54\00:03:02.98
Definitely. So,
what you're telling me
00:03:03.01\00:03:06.01
is that you were
intentional about it.
00:03:06.08\00:03:08.22
Hmmm... hmmm...
00:03:08.25\00:03:09.58
It wasn't
something that you said,
00:03:09.62\00:03:10.95
"I just want to do this... "
00:03:10.99\00:03:12.99
no, you sought
God on how to do it,
00:03:13.02\00:03:16.52
and then, God gave you
the insight to set boundaries,
00:03:16.56\00:03:21.86
to set places that you
would go and wouldn't go
00:03:21.90\00:03:25.27
in your relationship, I
think this is so important
00:03:25.33\00:03:29.07
for young and old to
hear because it's so easy
00:03:29.10\00:03:32.84
to fall into that
00:03:32.87\00:03:34.81
and as we talk about
00:03:34.84\00:03:36.71
or you guys talk
about on Pure Choices,
00:03:36.75\00:03:38.91
you have to be intentional,
you have to seek God
00:03:38.95\00:03:43.45
and you have to know
00:03:43.49\00:03:44.82
that I'm not going
to do certain things
00:03:44.85\00:03:47.22
because it's not part of
God's perfect plan for me.
00:03:47.26\00:03:50.96
Hmmm... hmmm...
Yeah, and partially also,
00:03:50.99\00:03:53.63
I had to do a prayer saying,
00:03:53.66\00:03:55.33
"God, I'm attracted to
this person in this way,
00:03:55.36\00:03:57.50
dear Lord, hide my
desires, take it away
00:03:57.53\00:04:00.14
until our wedding day,
00:04:00.17\00:04:01.87
dear Lord, kind of,
put on a control, like...
00:04:01.90\00:04:04.61
make me not want him
at all, just remove it"
00:04:04.64\00:04:07.34
and I had to do
that prayer like...
00:04:07.38\00:04:08.71
over and over and over
again until one day I was like,
00:04:08.74\00:04:10.75
"Okay, I can be
around you, it's all right. "
00:04:10.78\00:04:12.95
It's kind of
neat too, like, for me
00:04:12.98\00:04:16.42
as, you have to be self-aware
00:04:16.45\00:04:18.02
and I know it sounds funny
talking about her sometimes
00:04:18.05\00:04:21.92
but, like in my
family, on my Dad's side,
00:04:21.96\00:04:24.39
we have a testosterone
issue where we overproduce
00:04:24.43\00:04:27.13
and overproducing
testosterone you know like,
00:04:27.16\00:04:29.90
you get that instinct
that urge and everything
00:04:29.93\00:04:32.63
so it's hard,
it's very difficult,
00:04:32.67\00:04:34.70
so you really, you know,
and again it sounds funny
00:04:34.74\00:04:38.34
but it does
pertain to me and it worked
00:04:38.37\00:04:40.28
I exercised a lot, I
did many different things
00:04:40.31\00:04:43.61
and prayed and just asked God
00:04:43.65\00:04:44.98
because I
generally wanted to show
00:04:45.01\00:04:48.08
my future spouse that respect
00:04:48.12\00:04:50.89
to her that she deserved.
00:04:50.95\00:04:52.65
Even though it was difficult
at times because you know
00:04:52.72\00:04:55.56
you're human,
that flesh kicks in
00:04:55.59\00:04:58.16
you really want to be
conscientious of respecting
00:04:58.19\00:05:01.40
and really, really, really
putting God in the middle.
00:05:01.43\00:05:04.73
Look at, you know, for
me, I'm so impressed by this
00:05:04.77\00:05:08.00
because, what
you're saying is that
00:05:08.04\00:05:10.57
you even fought
your own physiology
00:05:10.61\00:05:12.87
Hmmm... hmmm...
because there is that
00:05:12.91\00:05:15.08
excessive testosterone,
it's a hormonal thing,
00:05:15.14\00:05:18.25
you even, were
able, by the grace of God
00:05:18.28\00:05:20.82
to subdue the
flesh, both of you,
00:05:20.85\00:05:24.55
subdue the flesh and you said
00:05:24.59\00:05:27.19
you wanted to respect her
and how beautiful is that?
00:05:27.22\00:05:31.19
You wanted to
respect your future wife
00:05:31.23\00:05:34.06
and you were
respecting your future husband.
00:05:34.10\00:05:37.63
How do you think that
what you did in courtship
00:05:37.67\00:05:41.17
impacted your marriage?
00:05:41.20\00:05:43.47
Oooh, I think it
made our marriage better
00:05:43.51\00:05:47.28
How?
00:05:47.34\00:05:48.68
because we valued each other
00:05:48.71\00:05:51.18
and for me what
was most important
00:05:51.21\00:05:53.42
is valuing his
relationship with God
00:05:53.45\00:05:55.58
I didn't want to
00:05:55.62\00:05:57.09
be that
hindrance... that block...
00:05:57.15\00:05:59.39
that caused him to stumble
00:05:59.42\00:06:00.76
and not stay connected to Christ
00:06:00.79\00:06:03.19
so because that
principle was there,
00:06:03.22\00:06:05.66
before we got married,
it went into our marriage
00:06:05.69\00:06:10.10
and that allowed us to say,
00:06:10.17\00:06:12.03
"Okay God, what
do you want us to do,
00:06:12.07\00:06:13.64
even now that we're married,
how... we keep Him first,
00:06:13.67\00:06:17.21
so that was so crucial
that because we did that before,
00:06:17.24\00:06:20.71
and we had that mindset,
it just allowed it to flow
00:06:20.74\00:06:24.18
and it felt like our marriage
00:06:24.21\00:06:25.71
was just taking
its natural course
00:06:25.75\00:06:28.08
it seemed like it was
like a natural transition
00:06:28.12\00:06:31.45
like for some
people, it's harder because
00:06:31.49\00:06:33.69
you know, one
moment... you're not married
00:06:33.72\00:06:35.66
and the next
moment... it just seemed natural
00:06:35.69\00:06:37.49
it seemed like it was
just a perfect timing.
00:06:37.53\00:06:40.23
I think, for me,
because again, my past,
00:06:40.30\00:06:41.96
what I've been
through, I'd never taken my time
00:06:42.03\00:06:44.93
and this forced
me to take my time
00:06:44.97\00:06:47.57
and actually I was
enjoying it, you know,
00:06:47.64\00:06:50.24
I got to see... I
got to build a friendship
00:06:50.27\00:06:52.37
because my parents...
00:06:52.41\00:06:53.74
they had been
married for 39 years,
00:06:53.78\00:06:55.11
and they were going to
get divorced for a while,
00:06:55.14\00:06:58.35
and I asked them
what was their secret
00:06:58.38\00:07:00.12
and they said,
they were friends first,
00:07:00.15\00:07:02.08
and for us, it's
like, we established
00:07:02.12\00:07:03.99
a really strong
friendship foundation first,
00:07:04.02\00:07:06.76
to really just
get to know each other
00:07:06.79\00:07:09.46
and go with eyes wide open
00:07:09.52\00:07:10.99
to other red flags
and things like that
00:07:11.03\00:07:13.40
and also deal with our baggage,
because everybody brings baggage
00:07:13.43\00:07:16.23
so really deal with our baggage
00:07:16.26\00:07:18.23
before we got into the marriage.
00:07:18.27\00:07:20.07
Hmmm... hmmm...
00:07:20.10\00:07:21.44
That is so beautiful,
see, I want our Viewers to know
00:07:21.47\00:07:25.04
that if they're
in a relationship,
00:07:25.07\00:07:27.98
that is including sex
and they're not married yet
00:07:28.01\00:07:31.88
and they're...
they're fornicating,
00:07:31.91\00:07:33.88
that God can
deliver you from that,
00:07:33.92\00:07:35.82
then you can stop, you
have to be equally yoked,
00:07:35.85\00:07:39.22
so that your partner understands
00:07:39.25\00:07:42.12
and wants to also
stop and do the right thing
00:07:42.16\00:07:46.29
and you can, if
you have God in the mix
00:07:46.33\00:07:50.40
at the center of a
relationship, you can stop
00:07:50.43\00:07:54.20
and if you haven't
started, don't start,
00:07:54.24\00:07:58.01
let God lead and
follow this example
00:07:58.04\00:08:01.01
of being intentional and praying
00:08:01.04\00:08:03.21
and asking God for the strength
00:08:03.24\00:08:05.38
and it makes no sense for
God to withhold that from you
00:08:05.41\00:08:08.88
if you ask Him for it.
00:08:08.95\00:08:10.55
Definitely. Let's
talk a little bit about
00:08:10.59\00:08:12.72
the baggage that you mentioned
00:08:12.75\00:08:14.69
what did you... let's
hear a little bit about
00:08:14.72\00:08:17.19
your testimonies,
00:08:17.23\00:08:18.56
Britanny, tell us
where you came from
00:08:18.59\00:08:20.26
and some of the
challenges that you had
00:08:20.30\00:08:22.16
that made you a good
panelist for Pure Choices?
00:08:22.20\00:08:27.00
Some of the... wow...
I guess it even started
00:08:27.04\00:08:32.07
when I was a baby, not
really knowing my father
00:08:32.11\00:08:37.15
my mom says he was always around
00:08:37.18\00:08:39.91
but for me it
didn't seem that way
00:08:39.98\00:08:42.68
and then when I was
four I viewed my first...
00:08:42.72\00:08:46.35
it wasn't really a
pornographic movie,
00:08:46.39\00:08:48.62
my Grandma was
just watching something
00:08:48.66\00:08:50.86
and had a scene in
it, and from that moment
00:08:50.89\00:08:54.50
like something was in
my head, like... for years,
00:08:54.53\00:08:57.87
I think only now I
can say, I can firmly say,
00:08:57.90\00:09:00.87
I don't remember it,
but for all those years,
00:09:00.90\00:09:03.84
I could always
replay who was in it,
00:09:03.87\00:09:06.07
what they were
doing, what place they were,
00:09:06.14\00:09:08.58
and it just kept on progressing,
00:09:08.64\00:09:11.68
and when I was
about six years old,
00:09:11.71\00:09:14.72
a girl in my class
starting... was doing
00:09:14.75\00:09:17.92
the exact thing that
was in the movie to me...
00:09:17.95\00:09:19.95
and that... I had
no idea what this was,
00:09:20.02\00:09:24.16
it was doing
something to my body
00:09:24.19\00:09:26.56
and I had no idea
and I started acting out
00:09:26.59\00:09:30.47
in sexual ways, I
didn't know it was sexual
00:09:30.50\00:09:34.30
but I also knew I
shouldn't show my parents this
00:09:34.34\00:09:36.67
so I was acting very...
00:09:36.71\00:09:39.07
kind of like... a
little bit seductively
00:09:39.14\00:09:41.31
and they didn't
really understand why
00:09:41.34\00:09:43.51
and then as time progressed,
00:09:43.55\00:09:45.25
I think I was
around eight or nine,
00:09:45.28\00:09:47.08
more girls,
they... one day said,
00:09:47.12\00:09:49.55
"Hey, let's just have some fun"
00:09:49.58\00:09:52.79
I had no idea
what this "fun" was,
00:09:52.82\00:09:54.66
we started seeing
videos on the computer,
00:09:54.69\00:09:58.59
I had no idea
what this really is,
00:09:58.63\00:10:01.23
I knew it had to stay hidden,
00:10:01.26\00:10:03.20
but I didn't know what it
really was until I was eleven,
00:10:03.26\00:10:08.54
and we did... in our school,
00:10:08.57\00:10:11.67
when you turned Grade
Six, they give you books,
00:10:11.71\00:10:13.68
they give you information,
they tell you about your body
00:10:13.71\00:10:16.75
and I was like, "Oh,
that's what that was"
00:10:16.78\00:10:19.28
but I thought it was okay
because it wasn't with a guy
00:10:19.31\00:10:22.88
and it was okay
because I wasn't actually doing
00:10:22.92\00:10:26.99
hardcore stuff,
I was just looking,
00:10:27.02\00:10:29.22
I was just talking
to people, "it's okay"
00:10:29.26\00:10:32.49
I had no idea that
I was damaging myself
00:10:32.56\00:10:35.80
but I was so accustomed to it
00:10:35.83\00:10:38.70
that by the time I was 13 or 14,
00:10:38.73\00:10:41.54
and my uncle came
and he lived with us,
00:10:41.57\00:10:43.51
he was abusive in
how he spoke to me
00:10:43.54\00:10:45.91
and how he treated me,
00:10:45.94\00:10:47.68
he was my
favorite uncle for years,
00:10:47.74\00:10:49.44
and it was such a
switch to feel such...
00:10:49.48\00:10:52.35
like he clearly
told people he hated me
00:10:52.38\00:10:55.78
and it was so
hurtful, I felt so rejected
00:10:55.82\00:10:59.15
that I was
always hiding in my room
00:10:59.22\00:11:01.76
and because I was
hiding in my room,
00:11:01.79\00:11:04.33
I was watching pornography.
00:11:04.36\00:11:06.49
How old were you at this point?
00:11:06.53\00:11:08.63
Fourteen... thirteen...
I was hiding in my room
00:11:08.66\00:11:11.73
and probably my
parents just thought,
00:11:11.77\00:11:14.50
"Oh, she's just
there doing, you know,
00:11:14.54\00:11:16.50
whatever stuff
doing her schoolwork"
00:11:16.54\00:11:18.47
because I was
really a good student,
00:11:18.51\00:11:19.84
if you can go back a little bit,
00:11:19.87\00:11:22.64
that's kind of part
of my testimony too,
00:11:22.71\00:11:24.58
before I was a good
student and then I got baptized
00:11:24.61\00:11:28.05
and God
increased my intelligence
00:11:28.08\00:11:30.12
and I became First in my Class,
00:11:30.15\00:11:32.12
I was in the Top Ten in
the whole island of Antigua,
00:11:32.15\00:11:35.02
and God really increased it
00:11:35.06\00:11:36.62
but when this
abuse was happening
00:11:36.66\00:11:38.79
all these different
things were going on
00:11:38.83\00:11:40.70
and I was watching pornography,
sacrificing my schoolwork,
00:11:40.73\00:11:44.27
I kind of fell in my
academics and it was just
00:11:44.30\00:11:50.61
so crazy how
00:11:50.64\00:11:52.14
I started
talking to people online,
00:11:52.17\00:11:55.48
I wasn't sending them
any pictures of myself,
00:11:55.51\00:11:58.11
no video, no
nothing, but they were like...
00:11:58.15\00:12:00.75
I was like
sexting over the incident,
00:12:00.78\00:12:04.12
they were telling me what to do
00:12:04.19\00:12:05.62
and I was telling
them their responses,
00:12:05.65\00:12:07.59
and it was that
type of conversation
00:12:07.66\00:12:09.52
and then it turned
into more cyber sexting
00:12:09.56\00:12:11.69
and that's just what I was doing
00:12:11.73\00:12:14.33
to deal with
this abuse, hide away
00:12:14.36\00:12:16.93
and try to be okay.
00:12:16.97\00:12:19.03
Wow! that is so...
so, at what point did you
00:12:19.07\00:12:24.31
realize that, "Wait,
I'm being abused here"
00:12:24.34\00:12:28.71
did you ever realize
that this is not okay
00:12:28.74\00:12:33.11
there's something wrong here
00:12:33.15\00:12:34.58
and was it just verbal abuse
or did it become sexual abuse?
00:12:34.62\00:12:38.05
It was never
sexual, it was always verbal
00:12:38.09\00:12:41.56
and there were a few
cases where it was physical
00:12:41.59\00:12:44.36
where, if I was in the way,
00:12:44.39\00:12:46.39
I was being
pushed out of the way,
00:12:46.43\00:12:48.00
and if I was in the kitchen,
00:12:48.03\00:12:49.80
and I left like,
maybe just a fork,
00:12:49.83\00:12:51.53
"Oh why did you leave the
fork here, you're so nasty,
00:12:51.57\00:12:54.90
you're so this... " and
mainly if I was in the way,
00:12:54.97\00:12:58.17
I got the fridge
slammed on my hand
00:12:58.21\00:13:00.64
and because I was in the way
00:13:00.68\00:13:02.01
and it started
causing this tension
00:13:02.04\00:13:04.45
between my mom and her brother,
00:13:04.51\00:13:07.08
where there was a point
where he came in with a cutlass,
00:13:07.12\00:13:11.25
my mom pulled out her knife
and it seemed, for a moment,
00:13:11.29\00:13:14.69
there was going to be a...
like a really bloody fight,
00:13:14.72\00:13:18.09
and the police had
to... my mom and I...
00:13:18.13\00:13:20.40
my mom didn't do anything,
00:13:20.43\00:13:21.76
she said, "Honey get
dressed" we jumped in the car,
00:13:21.80\00:13:23.87
got the police, came back,
00:13:23.90\00:13:25.87
but because it
didn't escalate I guess,
00:13:25.90\00:13:29.30
to the way that they thought
it should have escalated,
00:13:29.34\00:13:31.27
they took him away, and I cried
00:13:31.31\00:13:33.98
but I was happy, but
then they brought him back
00:13:34.01\00:13:37.01
and in that
moment, my mom was like,
00:13:37.05\00:13:43.65
"We can't stay here anymore"
00:13:43.69\00:13:45.09
she was taking
care of my Grandma
00:13:45.12\00:13:46.45
she's like, "We
can't stay here anymore"
00:13:46.49\00:13:48.62
so, she had a land
00:13:48.66\00:13:50.69
and she started
building her house
00:13:50.73\00:13:52.09
and we moved out.
00:13:52.13\00:13:53.46
So, I knew it wasn't okay,
00:13:53.50\00:13:57.43
but that was also
my Grandma's favorite
00:13:57.47\00:13:59.37
so I know, he was
her only one and baby boy
00:13:59.40\00:14:01.77
so it was like,
00:14:01.80\00:14:03.61
"Okay, so I'm just
going to go to church,
00:14:03.64\00:14:05.21
smile, be happy,
get really active,
00:14:05.24\00:14:08.08
go to school, be really
active, be really happy,
00:14:08.11\00:14:11.91
and also because of
who my parents were,
00:14:11.95\00:14:15.38
I didn't really want anyone else
00:14:15.42\00:14:17.19
to really know what
was really happening
00:14:17.22\00:14:19.39
because I didn't want
them to look bad also.
00:14:19.42\00:14:21.52
Because your parents were
very prominent on the island?
00:14:21.59\00:14:24.76
Yes, they were, and
I didn't want anyone
00:14:24.79\00:14:27.73
to look down on our family,
00:14:27.76\00:14:29.10
so even though all of
these things were happening,
00:14:29.13\00:14:32.17
I said, I'm going to
make sure that people see us
00:14:32.20\00:14:35.24
as this great family,
00:14:35.27\00:14:36.97
Britanny is
this wonderful person
00:14:37.01\00:14:39.27
she was in the
Top Ten on the Island,
00:14:39.31\00:14:42.04
she was doing so
much things at church,
00:14:42.08\00:14:44.68
she's a singer, she
can probably preach,
00:14:44.71\00:14:47.25
she could get active, she
was Pathfinder of the Year,
00:14:47.28\00:14:49.98
she can do all
these different things
00:14:50.02\00:14:51.72
everything is great with
her, she's down-to-earth,
00:14:51.75\00:14:53.69
the guys think she's really cool
00:14:53.72\00:14:55.22
the girls think,
"Oh, she's nice too"
00:14:55.26\00:14:58.06
but I was hurting so much inside
00:14:58.09\00:15:00.83
that my place to
go to was pornography
00:15:00.86\00:15:03.30
and to be there and to,
what I thought was like,
00:15:03.37\00:15:07.20
coping with everything.
00:15:07.24\00:15:08.70
What impact does
pornography have on your spirit?
00:15:08.74\00:15:14.21
It makes you feel dirty,
00:15:14.24\00:15:18.45
it makes you wonder
what's wrong with you,
00:15:18.48\00:15:23.72
especially as a woman
00:15:23.75\00:15:25.52
because it's stated
that women don't really have
00:15:25.55\00:15:28.59
those sexual
desires so you're wondering,
00:15:28.62\00:15:31.86
"What's wrong with me, or,
00:15:31.89\00:15:33.23
maybe it's okay because
I'm not going all the way
00:15:33.26\00:15:35.80
so you start like trying
to rationalize it in your mind
00:15:35.83\00:15:39.70
but I think only as I got older
00:15:39.73\00:15:43.20
I realized how it
really truly affected me
00:15:43.24\00:15:45.87
where I'm looking around
and I'm looking at couples
00:15:45.94\00:15:48.74
and I'm wondering what
do they look like in bed,
00:15:48.78\00:15:51.58
that shouldn't even
be a thought in my mind
00:15:51.61\00:15:53.82
but I'm looking at people
and instead of hearing a sermon,
00:15:53.85\00:15:56.92
I'm wondering about this person,
00:15:56.95\00:15:58.55
and even started just hearing
a person saying, "I'm wondering"
00:15:58.59\00:16:01.96
so it kind of has that
00:16:01.99\00:16:03.73
hindrance on because
00:16:03.76\00:16:05.09
you can't fully
function in the way
00:16:05.13\00:16:07.60
that you're
supposed to fully function.
00:16:07.63\00:16:09.03
Very interesting, see I...
00:16:09.06\00:16:12.27
there are so many
young people, Britanny,
00:16:12.30\00:16:15.74
who are dealing
with similar situations
00:16:15.80\00:16:19.21
as far as
having drifted off into
00:16:19.24\00:16:22.41
pornography and also
having to keep up appearances
00:16:22.44\00:16:27.75
things are
going terribly at home
00:16:27.78\00:16:30.05
and yet, I've got to
act like it's all good,
00:16:30.09\00:16:33.76
and I've got to
put up that front
00:16:33.82\00:16:35.89
and so, if you don't have
anybody to talk to about it
00:16:35.92\00:16:40.20
and if your relationship
with Christ isn't...
00:16:40.23\00:16:42.20
if you're not centered in Him,
00:16:42.23\00:16:44.07
which, if you
were centered in Him,
00:16:44.10\00:16:45.63
you wouldn't
have the other issues
00:16:45.67\00:16:47.14
going on right... but if...
00:16:47.17\00:16:48.70
once you get centered
in Him, those issues can,
00:16:48.74\00:16:53.78
just kind of dissolve,
so how did you find Christ
00:16:53.81\00:16:58.75
and then I'm going
to talk to Xavier a bit.
00:16:58.81\00:17:00.62
The interesting thing is
Christ was always there with me
00:17:00.65\00:17:06.39
I was building a
relationship with Him
00:17:06.42\00:17:10.43
and kind of how
that kind of started was
00:17:10.46\00:17:14.40
I was suicidal for a
moment, and my friend told me
00:17:14.43\00:17:17.70
that if I get in
really, really good with God,
00:17:17.73\00:17:20.97
and I do it, then
I'll still be okay.
00:17:21.00\00:17:23.64
That was kind of the
philosophy, so I was like,
00:17:23.67\00:17:25.97
okay, I can get
really, really good with God,
00:17:26.04\00:17:28.18
and then when things
are really, really crazy
00:17:28.21\00:17:30.28
and I can't handle it
anymore, He'll still accept me
00:17:30.31\00:17:32.61
because I did this,
so there was that period
00:17:32.65\00:17:36.52
but as I was
getting to know God,
00:17:36.58\00:17:39.19
I was getting
to know God, Right.
00:17:39.22\00:17:41.76
and He was just comforting me
through the different situations
00:17:41.82\00:17:48.26
so... but I think what
most people don't understand
00:17:48.30\00:17:51.43
about porn addiction is
how it affects your mind
00:17:51.47\00:17:54.60
and how it's really a struggle
00:17:54.64\00:17:58.94
so even though I'm
in love with Christ,
00:17:58.97\00:18:02.98
I love Him, I'm
spending this time with Him,
00:18:03.01\00:18:05.21
I'm also fighting against myself
00:18:05.25\00:18:07.35
because sex is
something that's supposed to...
00:18:07.38\00:18:10.15
your sexuality is
natural but now it's perverted
00:18:10.19\00:18:12.92
to now, because I
don't have anyone to talk to,
00:18:12.95\00:18:15.66
I can't really tell anyone,
00:18:15.69\00:18:17.86
I'm trying to
figure out on my own
00:18:17.89\00:18:19.83
how do I figure out
00:18:19.86\00:18:22.46
the right form of
sexuality for myself,
00:18:22.50\00:18:25.70
and I've also
deluded myself into thinking
00:18:25.73\00:18:28.80
I can stop anytime,
so that was my period
00:18:28.84\00:18:31.84
I can stop
anytime, so, I stopped
00:18:31.87\00:18:34.51
and then for some
reason, three weeks later,
00:18:34.54\00:18:37.28
something happens and
I'm right back with it,
00:18:37.31\00:18:40.02
like... "Why am I
right back with it,
00:18:40.05\00:18:42.08
why did I just watch
this, what happened in my mind
00:18:42.12\00:18:46.62
to make me go straight
back?" and as time progressed,
00:18:46.65\00:18:50.76
I'd say Christ was my
own... He did a "rehab" with me
00:18:50.79\00:18:54.50
where He showed me all
the things that I repressed,
00:18:54.53\00:18:58.23
the abuse that happened
to me when I was a child
00:18:58.27\00:19:01.90
how I didn't
really think about it
00:19:01.94\00:19:03.74
and I tossed it to the
side, the issues with my father,
00:19:03.77\00:19:07.08
and how I felt like
he should have rescued me
00:19:07.11\00:19:10.85
through the abuse and how
I felt like he wasn't there
00:19:10.88\00:19:14.42
and He took me
through that process
00:19:14.45\00:19:17.05
where... and also He was
like, "Fall in love with me,
00:19:17.09\00:19:20.29
don't worry about, you know,
00:19:20.32\00:19:22.12
when you
stumble or when you fall
00:19:22.16\00:19:23.49
fall in love with
me, focus on that first,
00:19:23.53\00:19:25.59
and I was like,
"Okay, but I'm falling... "
00:19:25.63\00:19:27.66
but, "No, no, no,
focus on that first"
00:19:27.70\00:19:29.56
focus on my grace, and
I'm so grateful for that
00:19:29.60\00:19:33.50
because when I
truly was able to accept
00:19:33.54\00:19:37.21
that God loves me, for me,
00:19:37.24\00:19:41.28
He wants me and
because of that love
00:19:41.31\00:19:45.51
I grew for Him back,
00:19:45.55\00:19:47.32
it was a lot easier to say,
00:19:47.35\00:19:49.42
"I'm not going to
watch pornography right now"
00:19:49.45\00:19:51.69
yes, I really didn't want
to, my mind has all these sharps
00:19:51.72\00:19:54.39
"I'm not going to watch it
because it's going to hurt Him"
00:19:54.42\00:19:57.03
I had to truly learn
how to trust and love Him
00:19:57.06\00:20:00.53
so I was like, "Okay God,
00:20:00.56\00:20:01.90
I guess you did
have a perfect purpose
00:20:01.93\00:20:04.00
for you wanting me
to focus on you first,
00:20:04.03\00:20:06.07
instead of trying to
struggle with this on my own. "
00:20:06.13\00:20:09.77
That is so beautiful
because it's the grace of God
00:20:09.80\00:20:13.44
that leads us to Him,
00:20:13.48\00:20:16.41
it's the grace of
God that sustains us
00:20:16.44\00:20:18.71
that keeps us from going
back, falling back into it
00:20:18.78\00:20:23.62
because you... you love Him now
00:20:23.65\00:20:25.59
and you don't want to hurt
Him, that is so, so, so true
00:20:25.65\00:20:30.76
and so
beautiful. Hmmm... Hmmm...
00:20:30.79\00:20:32.29
What about you Xavier,
just give us like a synopsis
00:20:32.33\00:20:36.50
of your testimony
for those who never saw
00:20:36.53\00:20:38.43
that other Urban Report
where I interviewed you.
00:20:38.47\00:20:41.17
Sure, I grew up in the church
00:20:41.20\00:20:42.87
and did what every good
Adventist kid is supposed to do
00:20:42.90\00:20:46.14
vegetarian and
everything... the works...
00:20:46.17\00:20:47.74
I was a spick-and-span Christian
Pathfinders... all that,
00:20:47.78\00:20:51.41
through a series of
events in my early teens
00:20:51.45\00:20:55.18
I left the church,
along with my family and I
00:20:55.22\00:20:58.92
both... all three
of us left the church
00:20:58.95\00:21:01.56
and I sought out
rescue through Satanism
00:21:01.59\00:21:04.06
because I was a short, pudgy kid
00:21:04.09\00:21:07.10
that no girl wanted
00:21:07.13\00:21:08.93
so, in a mixture
between anger and hurt,
00:21:08.96\00:21:12.17
I just sought
out... I knew he existed...
00:21:12.20\00:21:15.34
I knew God existed, so
I knew the devil existed,
00:21:15.37\00:21:17.31
but God wasn't
giving me what I wanted so
00:21:17.37\00:21:19.57
I sought it out from elsewhere.
00:21:19.61\00:21:20.94
What did you want?
00:21:20.98\00:21:23.68
I wanted money, power
and girls, I mean, I was just
00:21:23.71\00:21:27.08
I didn't want to be
that short, pudgy kid
00:21:27.12\00:21:29.22
and then the
transformation began,
00:21:29.28\00:21:31.59
I wanted revenge, I wanted...
00:21:31.62\00:21:33.39
I didn't want sex, I
wanted to humiliate women,
00:21:33.42\00:21:37.19
I wanted to make
them pay, you know,
00:21:37.23\00:21:39.46
make them cry, like,
entice them and reel them in
00:21:39.49\00:21:42.43
and then, watch them cry
00:21:42.46\00:21:44.27
because I wasn't
that committed guy
00:21:44.30\00:21:46.33
I was just using them,
00:21:46.40\00:21:47.74
it was more
sadistic than anything else
00:21:47.77\00:21:50.61
and after that
00:21:50.64\00:21:52.37
in my 20s, I tried to be there
00:21:52.41\00:21:55.24
you know, tried to
come back and be good
00:21:55.28\00:21:57.45
and do the right thing, I
became a Police Officer too
00:21:57.51\00:22:00.62
and as a means to try to help
00:22:00.68\00:22:03.72
but the devil... I was
still with him, you know,
00:22:03.75\00:22:06.35
there was just no clear mind
00:22:06.39\00:22:09.06
I tried to commit
suicide with my gun
00:22:09.09\00:22:12.03
which obviously I'm
here so it never fired.
00:22:12.09\00:22:14.86
We're thankful for that.
00:22:14.90\00:22:17.23
So, it was
crazy but that baggage
00:22:17.27\00:22:21.10
and getting out
was... I ended up in jail,
00:22:21.14\00:22:24.34
that's where I met God
and then I got re-baptized
00:22:24.37\00:22:27.84
I started going back to church
00:22:27.88\00:22:29.54
after that I told God
I'd give Him one more try
00:22:29.58\00:22:33.08
and He revealed
Himself in various ways
00:22:33.11\00:22:36.35
and I just
established a relationship
00:22:36.38\00:22:38.75
the relationship
that I didn't have
00:22:38.79\00:22:41.02
I established a
relationship with Him
00:22:41.06\00:22:43.26
I didn't want to just
go through the motions
00:22:43.29\00:22:46.16
I wanted to be a
Christian for Him
00:22:46.19\00:22:48.20
not perfect, but I
was going to do better
00:22:48.23\00:22:50.43
than I did when I was a kid
00:22:50.47\00:22:51.80
and that's where... I
had watched pornography
00:22:51.83\00:22:55.50
during that time, even
when I became a Christian
00:22:55.54\00:22:59.11
I was still addicted,
that was a big show for me
00:22:59.14\00:23:02.68
it had a hold on
me that was just...
00:23:02.71\00:23:04.61
I gave up
alcohol, I gave up smoking,
00:23:04.65\00:23:06.65
but pornography
just had a hold on me
00:23:06.68\00:23:08.62
that would just not let
go, and I went through marriage
00:23:08.65\00:23:13.02
and divorce and it was just bad
00:23:13.05\00:23:15.76
I was so broken, I
have a little girl,
00:23:15.82\00:23:20.36
she's three years
old, I love her to death,
00:23:20.40\00:23:22.83
and God just asked me,
00:23:22.86\00:23:25.70
"Would you allow her to
marry somebody like you?"
00:23:25.73\00:23:28.30
and I said, "No God, help me"
00:23:28.34\00:23:30.54
and through a series
of events He helped me
00:23:30.57\00:23:33.81
he continued to help
me, I went to counseling,
00:23:33.84\00:23:37.05
I did everything...
every tool that God provided
00:23:37.08\00:23:40.25
I reached and used to be better
00:23:40.28\00:23:43.39
be different, and
really get in tune with God
00:23:43.82\00:23:48.32
and... not to be perfect but
00:23:48.36\00:23:50.09
to do better
than what I was doing
00:23:50.13\00:23:51.93
and that's when
God just really said,
00:23:51.99\00:23:53.73
"You know, I'm going to
keep helping you to grow"
00:23:53.76\00:23:56.56
and I'm totally different
now than what I was before.
00:23:56.63\00:23:59.40
Praise the Lord and look at you,
00:23:59.43\00:24:02.04
I mean, even the
way you're sitting
00:24:02.07\00:24:04.61
it's so precious, I
mean... you can tell...
00:24:04.64\00:24:07.78
sometimes you go to a restaurant
00:24:07.81\00:24:09.14
and you can tell,
00:24:09.18\00:24:10.51
who's been
married for a long time
00:24:10.55\00:24:11.88
and who's dating or
something, because the daters...
00:24:11.91\00:24:13.98
they're all looking into
each other's eyes and all that,
00:24:14.02\00:24:16.48
or if you look into
a car you can see...
00:24:16.52\00:24:20.19
like... if the people
are sitting at opposite ends,
00:24:20.22\00:24:22.96
they've probably
been married for years,
00:24:22.99\00:24:24.33
and if not... if
they're really into each other
00:24:24.39\00:24:26.93
they're sitting
closely, and you guys,
00:24:27.00\00:24:28.96
you have such great
stories, you have testimonies
00:24:29.00\00:24:35.04
rich testimonies
that show the powerful,
00:24:35.07\00:24:39.51
amazing
transforming ability of our God
00:24:39.54\00:24:43.95
and everybody has a testimony,
everybody has a story,
00:24:43.98\00:24:48.15
because our God has
shown Himself strong,
00:24:48.18\00:24:50.49
for all of us,
00:24:50.52\00:24:51.85
and so, I'm just so
grateful for what you have done
00:24:51.89\00:24:57.06
for what God has
done through you,
00:24:57.09\00:24:59.63
tell us what you're
doing now, what are you doing?
00:24:59.66\00:25:03.26
Right now, I started learning
more about family life ministry,
00:25:03.33\00:25:09.44
and that is my
passion... Family Life Ministry
00:25:09.50\00:25:12.11
because I realize so much
about how things happened to me
00:25:12.14\00:25:15.88
because of family,
and how it really affects
00:25:15.91\00:25:18.48
your growth and development
and being part of Pure Choices
00:25:18.51\00:25:21.58
I love this ministry,
because God revealed to me
00:25:21.62\00:25:24.79
when I started Andrews,
00:25:24.82\00:25:26.19
that He wanted to use
my addiction, my recovery,
00:25:26.25\00:25:30.73
as a testimony to help others
who are struggling with it
00:25:30.76\00:25:34.60
so I am doing that,
but in my other community
00:25:34.66\00:25:37.37
where it is a
fill of Christian women
00:25:37.40\00:25:39.37
who are
struggling with addiction.
00:25:39.40\00:25:41.27
That's tremendous
and we thank you so much
00:25:41.30\00:25:45.17
for all that you're doing,
00:25:45.21\00:25:46.74
what about you, Xavier?
00:25:46.78\00:25:48.24
I'm working with the
Youth, the Youth Leader,
00:25:48.28\00:25:50.58
I'm also the Outreach Leader,
I'm in charge of Outreach so
00:25:50.61\00:25:53.52
doing a lot with the Community,
00:25:53.55\00:25:54.88
Police Chaplaincy,
doing my Ph. D. in Psychology,
00:25:54.92\00:25:57.85
and working with a
lot of areas of 3ABN.
00:25:57.89\00:26:01.89
And that's a blessing
you know God has a way
00:26:01.92\00:26:05.89
of just sending who we need
00:26:05.93\00:26:08.66
and He has sent you to us
00:26:08.70\00:26:11.37
and we love you
and we're so grateful
00:26:11.40\00:26:14.20
that you are a part of
our Pure Choices Family
00:26:14.24\00:26:17.21
and we expect that you
will be doing a lot more
00:26:17.27\00:26:20.21
in the future,
00:26:20.24\00:26:22.04
and thank you so much
for watching this Segment
00:26:22.11\00:26:26.65
we know that someone
is going to be blessed
00:26:26.68\00:26:31.22
as a result of
watching this interview
00:26:31.25\00:26:34.32
whatever you're struggling with
00:26:34.36\00:26:36.12
know that God has
the answer for you
00:26:36.16\00:26:39.39
there is hope,
there is deliverance
00:26:39.43\00:26:42.63
and healing in our God.
00:26:42.66\00:26:49.47
Wow! powerful stories,
00:26:49.50\00:26:52.74
well join us
next time and remember
00:26:52.77\00:26:54.81
it just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:26:54.84\00:26:56.95