One in every 3 women that
you encounter has been abused.
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Stay tuned to meet a
woman who is determined
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to make a difference for
survivors of domestic violence.
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My name is Yvonne
Lewis and you're watching
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Urban Report...
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today is Alma G. Davis,
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CEO and Founder of the
Alma G. Davis Foundation.
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She is a visionary
and a motivational speaker
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her mission is to
educate, empower and celebrate.
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Welcome to Urban Report Alma.
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Thank you, thank you for
having me Dr. Lewis, yeah.
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I am so glad... call me Yvonne.
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Yvonne. I am so
glad that you are here
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with us to share
this important topic
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this topic is so critical
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tell us a little bit more
before we get into your story
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about domestic
violence in general
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how prevalent is it
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does it transcend
cultures, tell us about it.
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Domestic
violence is very prevalent
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more so than we even acknowledge
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and note... more
so... we talk about
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Every 9 seconds a
woman is assaulted
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or beaten in the
United States every 9 seconds
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so, if you start
looking at numbers
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it is estimated
that 1.3 million women
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are victims every year
so, it's so... and again
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95 percent of the
cases are never reported
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so that's just
based off the numbers
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that are reported so if
we really got into statistics
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how high would
those numbers really be?
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One out of every two?
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You know, so, it's a
tremendous problem here.
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That, you know...
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one of the things
that I've noticed Alma is
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this objectification of women
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in the music and
the media Hmmm...
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and making it seem like
it's okay to "slap your woman"
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"it's okay to
keep her in her place"
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I mean, we really we
really need to look at
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what we're watching,
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what we're letting
our children watch.
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Yes, absolutely...
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and I think the more we do
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the kind of work we do
in educating our young girls
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and our women of their
value and their self-worth
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then things may begin to change
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but again, it goes back to
what are we exposing our kids to
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what are our women
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agreeing to,
what are you agreeing
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saying that somehow
someone can talk to you?
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Oh! listen, I
remember seeing a scene where
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a famous rapper had
women on dog leashes
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walking them
around with dog leashes.
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Wow! Now, first of all,
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how do you let...
there's no amount of money
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that anybody can pay me
to be one of those women
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I'm not judging them,
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that was where they
were at that given time,
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doesn't mean they're there today
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but the fact that...
we have to look at...
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how do we look at ourselves,
what do we think about ourselves
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and what does God...
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what value does
God place upon us?
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Absolutely.
Because He gives us value.
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Yes, yes. So, I'm
loving what you're doing
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Thank you.
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Tell us about the Alma G.
Davis Foundation, what is it?
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The Foundation is
based off of the notion
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the premise of educating,
empowering and celebrating women
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and young girls
that are survivors
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that have either seen it
there, survivors themselves
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a lot of people don't understand
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that if you grow up in
that type of household,
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you are a survivor as well
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because you have witnessed it
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and you begin
the process of either
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completing that
cycle continuously,
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making the cycle the same
thing or you have to stop it,
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so, it's actually number
one, warning and teaching,
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again, our values and
our women, on who you are,
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who you are to God,
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and then once we
can captivate that,
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we pour more into you,
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so, for instance, we
work with a lot of women
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in educating them, on, you know,
if you've been in a situation
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a lot of times you are
tied to that person because of
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financial security,
you don't have finances
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so, we go in and teach
financial independence,
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how do you prepare
yourself for job readiness,
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how do you even
send out résumés',
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we go into Shelters
and we work one-on-one
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we take Corporations in and
we take their HR Departments
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and give them
one-on-one interviews
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mock interviews and
getting them prepped
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so educating them
about all the things
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that domestic violence does,
how do you protect yourself
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if you are in that situation,
how do you protect your children
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how do you do "plans
of action" of getting out
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and once we educate
them, we begin to empower them,
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we give them
outlets to come and say,
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"Hey, I've been
through this but I'm growing,
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I'm getting out
of this situation"
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bringing in the
Community to say,
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"Well, this is something that
I dealt with in my household
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here is my voice"
so, we are the voice
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for those that
don't have a voice at all.
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We do a big
luncheon on domestic violence
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bringing in different speakers
whether it's about legal issues
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understanding the damage
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domestic violence
does to your mental health
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as well as your physical health,
and that's how we empower them
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and then on top of
that through our Programs
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we celebrate them for being
survivors and for coming through
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Wow! you've given me so
much in what you just said
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because, let's go
back for a second,
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you go even to Businesses
and go to HR Departments
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Human Resources Departments Yes
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and train them as to
how to deal with their
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workers that are
experiencing domestic violence
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this is critical,
identifying the different people
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that are dealing
with domestic violence
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that is a critical piece there
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because an employer might not
know what to do, "What do I do?"
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Absolutely, and in return
we use those same Companies
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to come in a teach
survivors work skills
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finances, what a lot
of people don't know,
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there was a report done
last year by the White House
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and 5.8 billion dollars
per year is what the US loses
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in intimate partner violence
just through Corporations,
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4.1 billion is just for
medical, direct medical bills,
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and 1.8 billion is
for loss in productivity
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so over 5.8 billion dollars
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just in work alone
from domestic violence.
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That is... I don't
think that the average
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viewer knows how extensive
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this problem is. Yes.
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5.8 billion dollars is
lost from domestic violence.
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Yes, did you know
what that is in numbers?
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That's 8 million
days of paid leave
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so, if we looked at calculations
that's equivalent to
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32,000 full-time jobs
from domestic violence
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so, if we can
continue to educate people
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and make numbers
realistic so people can see how
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this is truly a number one issue
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going on in our
Country and abroad.
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Wow! I want to come back to
more of what the Foundation does
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but I want our
Viewers to understand
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why this is your
passion, why did you choose
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this particular
area to focus on?
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I am a survivor
of domestic violence,
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I grew up in a household
where I saw it every day
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I was a part of it,
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so by the time I
was 14 years old,
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I had my first set of black eyes
from another 14 year old male,
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he saw it every
day in his household,
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so, that became the norm,
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the functioning norm on
how you deal with issues
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how you deal with problems,
so here you have two children,
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that grew up in that
environment and again,
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if that's what they're taught,
that's what they would do
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and every day, from
14 until it was the time
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when I was about 18 years old,
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not only was I experiencing it
and fighting through it at home,
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but I was experiencing
it and fighting through it
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with a boyfriend
that's the same age as me,
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and so, it took
until I was 22 years old,
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number one, I truly
forgave my father and my mother
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for what I had to
experience and go through
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and it hit me one day that
how could I not forgive them
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when that was
their learned behavior
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that's what they grew up with,
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so, how can you
not forgive someone
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that doesn't know any better,
now once I got that revelation,
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I made a personal vow that
I would not let my daughter
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grow up in that
type of environment
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I was breaking the cycle.
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Yes, look at... look
at how God has led you
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out of that whole
lifestyle and into your purpose
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this is your
purpose, this is your passion,
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this is the path
that He has you on,
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"Hurt people... hurt people" Yes
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and so, you... we
praise God for this
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that He brought
you out from that
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you wanted to break the
"generational curse" so to speak
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because your parents had
seen it and then you saw it
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and then your daughter...
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had you not broken that cycle
your daughter could have seen it
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and she could have
passed it on, Absolutely
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we praise the Lord
that that didn't happen.
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What happens in the mind of a...
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first a child that is...
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well, first the child
that is witnessing abuse
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then the child that
is receiving the abuse
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when you were a teenager and
you were witnessing the abuse,
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what was going
through your head about that
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on what you deserved or
what you were supposed to get
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versus what you were getting?
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The first thing is it's
very confusing as a child
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because you
have no voice and so,
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it's confusing to
watch people that you love
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demonstrate
that type of behavior
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as one to resolve
issues, and so, from that,
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it's the "confusion factor"
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and then you start
to build in your mind
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"Well, I guess, if that's
the way to resolve things,
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I should expect that's
what's going to happen to me"
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and so, when it
first happened to me at 14
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it was the shock factor,
but instead of me saying,
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"No, this is not
functional, this is not normal,"
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I went right along and said,
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"Okay, this is what I've
seen so this is what happens"
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10 million children every
year witness domestic violence
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and people do not
understand, from that, the...
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what happens to
those innocent children
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because now, they face a life of
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"this is how I act
out when I get angry"
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so that's why we see so
much violence going around
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in our Communities,
because that's what they know
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that's what they're taught,
they are not taught to sit down
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and communicate, "It's okay
to disagree but there is a way
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to do it, you
don't have to yell at me
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you don't have to
call me out of my name,"
00:11:35.96\00:11:37.49
and so, we, as a Community,
have to hold people accountable
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and responsible for
teaching our children
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and breaking these
dysfunctional cycles.
00:11:44.87\00:11:47.74
Absolutely, absolutely, we
have to teach our Community
00:11:47.77\00:11:57.28
how to handle
conflict, conflict resolution,
00:11:57.31\00:12:01.92
it does not have to be where,
00:12:01.95\00:12:04.52
"I'm going to fight you because
you looked at my sneakers,
00:12:04.55\00:12:07.29
you want my sneakers" or
"you gave me the wrong look"
00:12:07.36\00:12:10.46
or I mean, we have to teach,
and that's part of your mission,
00:12:10.53\00:12:18.50
to educate, right?
00:12:18.53\00:12:20.14
We have to teach our
folks how to resolve conflict
00:12:20.20\00:12:24.97
in a way that uses our
minds and not, just jump into
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a violent confrontation, Yeah.
00:12:29.81\00:12:32.65
and just what
you said is so true,
00:12:32.68\00:12:35.42
"that's what you see
so that's what you do"
00:12:35.48\00:12:38.59
but if we could
just train people that
00:12:38.62\00:12:43.06
that is not the only
way, that is not the way,
00:12:43.09\00:12:46.56
rather, not...
00:12:46.59\00:12:47.93
that is not the
way to handle conflict
00:12:47.96\00:12:50.60
it could be tremendous, so
that piece is super important
00:12:50.63\00:12:56.84
I got a call, last week
sometime about a young teenager
00:12:56.87\00:13:03.04
that had witnessed
domestic violence in the home
00:13:03.08\00:13:07.52
it wasn't her mother or father,
00:13:07.55\00:13:10.39
it was actually some
people that were living there
00:13:10.42\00:13:12.85
and so, she was watching
him, the man beat up this woman
00:13:12.89\00:13:17.96
and I mean, it's...
when you think about it,
00:13:17.99\00:13:20.96
how traumatic is
that for her to carry
00:13:20.96\00:13:23.93
it wasn't her mother or father,
but it still was in her home,
00:13:23.97\00:13:27.20
and she sees a
woman being beaten
00:13:27.24\00:13:30.21
by another person
in the household...
00:13:30.27\00:13:33.84
it's just... and
then the children are
00:13:33.88\00:13:36.54
expected to
leave that environment
00:13:36.58\00:13:39.18
and go to school
and function normally.
00:13:39.25\00:13:41.28
Right, absolutely, and
it goes back to, again,
00:13:41.32\00:13:44.99
"Who are the caregivers" and
00:13:45.02\00:13:46.72
"who are we holding
accountable for that"
00:13:46.76\00:13:49.19
because, in my mind, if
the child has to witness that
00:13:49.22\00:13:51.59
the adults have to be
there and they have to know
00:13:51.63\00:13:53.96
so what are we
saying to the child?
00:13:54.00\00:13:55.56
That that is okay... that
is okay for that to happen?
00:13:55.60\00:13:58.67
What are we teaching
our young kids and our boys
00:13:58.70\00:14:01.80
because again,
it teaches our boys,
00:14:01.87\00:14:04.21
"this is how you
deal with a woman
00:14:04.24\00:14:06.98
if you want to control her"
00:14:07.01\00:14:09.04
because domestic violence
is just not the physical,
00:14:09.08\00:14:11.98
I thought my biggest
thing is, the bruises go away
00:14:12.01\00:14:14.85
but once you've
embedded to me...
00:14:14.88\00:14:17.32
and to my mind,
that's worse than...
00:14:17.39\00:14:19.65
worse than you hitting me
00:14:19.69\00:14:21.19
so domestic
violence is a part of control
00:14:21.22\00:14:23.73
a major control factor,
and when we talk about our boys
00:14:23.76\00:14:27.60
63 percent of our boys
00:14:27.60\00:14:29.23
that are age 11
through 20 that commit murder,
00:14:29.30\00:14:32.00
murder the person that
was abusing their mother
00:14:32.07\00:14:35.14
so, as a mother, how do
you put that on your son,
00:14:35.17\00:14:38.11
where he feels like
he has to go and save you
00:14:38.14\00:14:40.94
and he has to kill this person,
00:14:40.98\00:14:42.61
and now his life is
ruined he's in prison.
00:14:42.68\00:14:44.78
That's right, that's
right, his life is ruined,
00:14:44.81\00:14:48.12
Yeah. you have
given him the message
00:14:48.15\00:14:52.09
by staying with the perpetrator
00:14:52.12\00:14:54.76
that it's okay to
treat your mom like this
00:14:54.79\00:14:57.79
I mean, it
just... we have to hold...
00:14:57.83\00:15:02.36
as women we have to
hold ourselves accountable
00:15:02.40\00:15:04.83
we have to think about
00:15:04.87\00:15:07.34
the messages that
we give to our children
00:15:07.37\00:15:09.67
whether it's spoken or unspoken.
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:15:09.74\00:15:14.91
So, what are the
stages in a relationship
00:15:14.98\00:15:18.41
with domestic
violence, give us, if you would,
00:15:18.45\00:15:21.85
how does it kind of evolve?
00:15:21.88\00:15:24.12
It normally first
begins with verbal,
00:15:24.19\00:15:27.46
some of the
things that we talk about
00:15:27.49\00:15:30.76
it may be, someone
teasing you, pinching you,
00:15:30.83\00:15:33.93
or just pulling on you,
00:15:34.00\00:15:36.30
and that's something that you
have to stop in the beginning
00:15:36.33\00:15:39.57
because at the end
it's like anything,
00:15:39.60\00:15:41.17
"If I can test the
waters to see how far I can go,
00:15:41.20\00:15:44.07
then I will continue"
and it will get aggressive
00:15:44.11\00:15:46.94
you may begin to see
if someone is being abused
00:15:46.98\00:15:50.41
they're being
pulled away from friends,
00:15:50.45\00:15:53.28
pulled away from family,
00:15:53.31\00:15:54.98
you'll begin to see the control
00:15:55.02\00:15:57.09
you'll begin to see that abuser
00:15:57.15\00:15:59.12
how to speak to that
person and it's almost like,
00:15:59.15\00:16:02.59
"Let me get you away
from anybody that may be
00:16:02.62\00:16:05.96
telling you
something different from me
00:16:05.99\00:16:07.66
so that I can
control you mentally"
00:16:07.73\00:16:09.33
So, it's isolation,
it's to isolate the victim.
00:16:09.36\00:16:13.34
Yes, and once
the isolation begins
00:16:13.37\00:16:16.24
the next step you will
begin to see is the verbal abuse
00:16:16.27\00:16:20.01
demeaning the victim,
00:16:20.08\00:16:22.41
telling them what
they are or are not,
00:16:22.44\00:16:25.01
who they're not, what
they will or will not do,
00:16:25.05\00:16:27.88
so the control, then,
just goes to a heightened level
00:16:27.92\00:16:30.99
and then the final part
that you'll begin to see
00:16:31.02\00:16:34.06
is the physical,
so there are steps,
00:16:34.09\00:16:36.93
not just letting him hit you,
00:16:36.96\00:16:38.49
and that's the
beginning of domestic violence
00:16:38.53\00:16:40.23
so when we see these
national cases come out,
00:16:40.30\00:16:42.13
and you see the incidents where
00:16:42.16\00:16:44.77
athletes have
had some major abuse,
00:16:44.80\00:16:48.64
that's not the first time,
because that's not how it starts
00:16:48.67\00:16:52.14
there's a definite
pattern of behavior, that
00:16:52.17\00:16:55.51
that is the last step.
00:16:55.54\00:16:56.91
Wow! so this is something
00:16:56.95\00:17:00.35
that has been brewing
that has been going from
00:17:00.38\00:17:03.25
step to step to step Yeah.
00:17:03.28\00:17:05.65
and you know what you
said earlier too, Alma
00:17:05.69\00:17:08.89
about the
physical, the bruises leave,
00:17:08.92\00:17:12.89
but the mental
bruising is what stays
00:17:12.93\00:17:16.53
I mean the mental,
00:17:16.56\00:17:17.90
that whole feeling
of being beaten down
00:17:17.93\00:17:21.04
not just
physically, but emotionally
00:17:21.07\00:17:24.11
where you get, you
know, the abuser might say,
00:17:24.14\00:17:27.08
"Well, nobody else
is going to want you,
00:17:27.11\00:17:29.34
who wants you,
00:17:29.38\00:17:30.75
who is going to
want you. " Right.
00:17:30.78\00:17:32.11
And so you begin to
internalize that low self-esteem
00:17:32.15\00:17:35.75
and you feel like,
"Where am I going to go?"
00:17:35.78\00:17:38.22
and then you also
mentioned about finances
00:17:38.29\00:17:40.69
Yeah. "I don't have any money
00:17:40.76\00:17:42.66
to go anywhere,
what am I going to do?"
00:17:42.69\00:17:45.09
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:17:45.16\00:17:46.90
If a woman is caught up
into an abusive situation
00:17:46.93\00:17:53.34
right now, what would you
say to the woman who's watching
00:17:53.40\00:17:57.47
who just accidently may
be when we say "accidently"
00:17:57.51\00:18:00.14
because we know, that
the Lord had her watch,
00:18:00.21\00:18:02.24
Yes, yes.
00:18:02.28\00:18:03.61
What would you say to
the woman who is caught up
00:18:03.68\00:18:05.81
into an abusive situation,
what would you tell her to do?
00:18:05.88\00:18:09.82
Number one, you have to
get out of that situation
00:18:09.85\00:18:13.89
that is not who you are
and if you have children,
00:18:13.92\00:18:17.83
you have to think enough about
yourself and save your children
00:18:17.86\00:18:22.30
you have to get out of it,
00:18:22.33\00:18:24.00
you have to get
out of that situation.
00:18:24.07\00:18:25.70
Number two, you are not alone,
00:18:25.73\00:18:27.54
so it's so easy to think
that no one is here to help you
00:18:27.57\00:18:30.41
there are people
here, there are resources
00:18:30.44\00:18:32.91
we are here and
this is an urgent need,
00:18:32.94\00:18:35.38
that you need to go right now
you need to dial 1-800-779-safe
00:18:35.41\00:18:39.95
that is the National
Domestic Violence Hotline
00:18:40.02\00:18:42.35
they can help you
find the nearest Shelter,
00:18:42.38\00:18:44.95
they can help you
get out immediately.
00:18:45.02\00:18:46.86
Give that number
again, please Alma.
00:18:46.89\00:18:48.66
Yes, 1-800-779-safe, SAFE
00:18:48.69\00:18:54.20
if this is something
that you're contemplating
00:18:54.20\00:18:58.60
you're not sure that
you're ready to make that call,
00:18:58.63\00:19:00.97
I want you to know
that we value your life,
00:19:01.00\00:19:03.64
God values your
life more than anything
00:19:03.67\00:19:06.34
you are not what
that person is telling you
00:19:06.37\00:19:09.01
there is so much more to
you, but you have to be here
00:19:09.04\00:19:12.05
so that we can see that,
00:19:12.08\00:19:13.45
you have to be
here for your children
00:19:13.48\00:19:15.42
there are so many
people counting on you
00:19:15.45\00:19:18.05
that you don't realize
and you are so much more
00:19:18.09\00:19:21.22
than what he or
she is saying to you,
00:19:21.26\00:19:23.66
and we want to help
you, we want to see you safe.
00:19:23.69\00:19:26.76
That's beautiful, thank you.
00:19:26.83\00:19:29.20
You're welcome.
00:19:29.23\00:19:30.80
Women who are in
that kind of situation...
00:19:30.87\00:19:35.70
we as women who are
not in that situation,
00:19:35.74\00:19:40.58
can reach out to them and say,
00:19:40.68\00:19:42.11
"Hey, there is a safe
place for you to be. "
00:19:42.18\00:19:44.38
Yes. You can go
somewhere and be safe
00:19:44.41\00:19:48.78
Yes. but there are so many
00:19:48.82\00:19:51.45
psychological reasons
00:19:51.52\00:19:54.09
why a women won't
venture out to do that,
00:19:54.16\00:19:56.93
once you've been
beaten down enough,
00:19:56.96\00:19:58.66
it's like... you have
the "battered woman syndrome"
00:19:58.69\00:20:01.26
mentally. Yes, it's real.
00:20:01.30\00:20:03.33
It's real. It is real.
00:20:03.37\00:20:05.30
It's a real
situation. It is real.
00:20:05.33\00:20:08.00
And even if you're
not in that situation,
00:20:08.04\00:20:10.61
if you have a
loved one that is...
00:20:10.67\00:20:12.47
we try to teach them also,
00:20:12.51\00:20:13.88
until that
person is ready mentally
00:20:13.94\00:20:16.44
they will not get
out of the situation
00:20:16.48\00:20:18.68
it has to be that
they are sick and tired
00:20:18.71\00:20:20.78
and sick and tired
of being beaten down.
00:20:20.88\00:20:23.35
And so, as a
loved one on the outside
00:20:23.39\00:20:25.89
we encourage you,
don't dispel that person
00:20:25.92\00:20:28.12
or push that
person aside and just say,
00:20:28.16\00:20:30.29
"Oh well, you have to learn.
" No! continue to show them love
00:20:30.33\00:20:33.46
because again,
you are counteracting
00:20:33.50\00:20:35.86
what has been
deposited in their mindset,
00:20:35.93\00:20:38.93
anything that's
repeated 21 times...
00:20:38.97\00:20:41.47
that's a pattern of behavior
so, when we teach our children
00:20:41.50\00:20:44.51
how to get potty-trained,
it is continuous...
00:20:44.54\00:20:46.61
put them on the
potty, put them on the potty,
00:20:46.64\00:20:48.91
so, if you put
yourself in their situation,
00:20:48.94\00:20:51.01
and someone has told them
all of these negative things
00:20:51.08\00:20:53.85
about themselves and
they feel that they are alone
00:20:53.88\00:20:56.48
you have to understand...
they don't need that from you.
00:20:56.52\00:20:59.75
They need for
you to engulf them,
00:20:59.79\00:21:02.69
love them and let them know,
00:21:02.72\00:21:04.56
"Hey, I know what
you're going through,
00:21:04.59\00:21:06.73
I'm here for you
for when you are ready,
00:21:06.80\00:21:08.76
and we are here to
support you, and we love you,
00:21:08.80\00:21:11.60
you don't have to go
through this by yourself. "
00:21:11.63\00:21:14.30
That is so true and so beautiful
because we're not here to...
00:21:14.34\00:21:21.38
many times when you have
not been abused yourself,
00:21:21.41\00:21:24.95
you can't "walk in
their shoes" so to speak
00:21:24.98\00:21:28.18
because you
really don't understand
00:21:28.22\00:21:30.25
so you'll say, "Why
don't they just leave?"
00:21:30.29\00:21:32.09
like, "What is wrong,
why don't you just leave?"
00:21:32.12\00:21:35.26
but it's so much...
it's like layers of an onion
00:21:35.29\00:21:38.29
there are is so much more to
it than just what meets the eye.
00:21:38.33\00:21:41.66
Yes, yes. And so,
to say to that person,
00:21:41.70\00:21:45.40
"We love you,
we're here for you,
00:21:45.43\00:21:48.47
you can talk to me any time
00:21:48.50\00:21:52.11
and I'll give you
whatever advice I can,
00:21:52.14\00:21:55.41
I'll pray with you. " Yes.
00:21:55.44\00:21:57.78
These are things that we
can do, if we see a loved one
00:21:57.81\00:22:01.22
that's in trouble,
give them that number,
00:22:01.25\00:22:03.99
that hotline number
00:22:04.09\00:22:05.62
so that they can do something.
00:22:05.65\00:22:08.12
I'm going to put your
website on the screen as well
00:22:08.16\00:22:11.46
with the Foundation,
tell us some more about
00:22:11.49\00:22:14.83
how the Foundation educates,
empowers and celebrates.
00:22:14.83\00:22:19.07
With our education... it
goes back to us reaching out
00:22:19.10\00:22:22.87
to survivors, or even
survivors reaching out to us,
00:22:22.94\00:22:26.64
we love it when our phone rings,
00:22:26.74\00:22:28.08
when our phone rings
all is fine at the office,
00:22:28.11\00:22:30.35
that means we're doing
what we're supposed to be doing,
00:22:30.41\00:22:32.81
and again, so
for us it's training,
00:22:32.85\00:22:35.08
it's training the Community,
letting them understand
00:22:35.12\00:22:38.02
through statistics,
00:22:38.09\00:22:39.42
"How are you aware
of what's going on?"
00:22:39.45\00:22:42.02
even for survivors, we
provide free self-defense,
00:22:42.06\00:22:45.86
and so, that's huge because
00:22:45.89\00:22:49.86
a lot of survivors don't
know how to protect themselves,
00:22:49.90\00:22:52.30
myself and I... I
have two daughters,
00:22:52.33\00:22:54.67
we both have... we take
the classes all the time
00:22:54.70\00:22:57.24
just to make sure
we're on top of what we know
00:22:57.27\00:22:59.74
and how to protect ourselves,
00:22:59.77\00:23:01.41
so that's a big part
of us... educating...
00:23:01.48\00:23:04.38
whatever I can teach
you to pour back into you
00:23:04.41\00:23:07.35
so that you don't have to
go back to that situation,
00:23:07.42\00:23:10.59
that is what we do,
through the education component,
00:23:10.62\00:23:13.76
and again, empowering
you, letting you know,
00:23:13.79\00:23:15.96
"There's a Community out
here that welcomes you. "
00:23:15.99\00:23:18.46
There are other
survivors that have come through
00:23:18.49\00:23:20.93
there are survivors that are
still trying to come through,
00:23:20.96\00:23:23.33
but we have to
embrace each other
00:23:23.37\00:23:24.93
and continuously
to remind each other
00:23:24.97\00:23:27.50
that we are not by ourselves,
there's somebody else.
00:23:27.54\00:23:29.97
"I understand what
you've been through
00:23:30.01\00:23:31.54
because I've gone through
it," so, understanding...
00:23:31.61\00:23:35.04
there is empowerment in that,
00:23:35.08\00:23:36.91
there's empowerment in knowing
that you are not by yourself
00:23:36.95\00:23:39.65
and the greatest peace for us is
00:23:39.68\00:23:41.58
celebrating you, honoring you,
00:23:41.62\00:23:43.45
showing you how
beautiful you are on the outside
00:23:43.49\00:23:46.82
and then we pour inside of you
00:23:46.86\00:23:48.76
because you made a big
step, it's not easy to do,
00:23:48.79\00:23:52.73
I know... it's not easy
to do, but we celebrate you
00:23:52.76\00:23:56.60
and we honor you
for being strong enough
00:23:56.70\00:23:58.87
and having the
courage to get out.
00:23:58.90\00:24:00.64
That's tremendous,
00:24:00.67\00:24:02.57
what a tremendous work
your Foundation is doing,
00:24:02.60\00:24:05.84
Thank you. and
how necessary it is.
00:24:05.87\00:24:08.91
Yes. What have your daughters
00:24:08.94\00:24:11.48
taken away from your experience,
and also the Foundation,
00:24:11.51\00:24:17.79
tell us about your daughters'
reaction to all of this.
00:24:17.82\00:24:20.69
My daughters love it,
00:24:20.76\00:24:22.96
I have always
included my two daughters
00:24:22.99\00:24:25.03
in everything that we have done,
00:24:25.06\00:24:26.73
they have been a
part of every project,
00:24:26.80\00:24:29.43
every event,
going into the Shelters,
00:24:29.46\00:24:32.13
so I have a 14-year-old
00:24:32.17\00:24:34.10
and I have a
19-year-old who is in college,
00:24:34.14\00:24:36.10
she's a freshman in college,
00:24:36.14\00:24:37.47
and so for my 14-year-old,
it's amazing to me that she goes
00:24:37.51\00:24:41.08
anytime she has to do
a presentation at school,
00:24:41.11\00:24:43.08
she talks about it, she
teaches other kids about it,
00:24:43.14\00:24:46.92
other warning signs,
she's witnessing it for herself
00:24:46.98\00:24:50.75
young girls that
are in a Shelter...
00:24:50.79\00:24:52.62
battered Children's Shelter
00:24:52.65\00:24:54.12
because this is what
they had to experience
00:24:54.16\00:24:55.99
so it opens her eyes up to know
00:24:56.06\00:24:59.36
how to be
treated as a young lady
00:24:59.39\00:25:01.43
because mommy lives her life,
00:25:01.46\00:25:03.30
to show them what
can and cannot happen
00:25:03.37\00:25:05.90
what needs to be done,
how someone values you,
00:25:05.93\00:25:09.00
how they treat you,
how they talk to you,
00:25:09.04\00:25:11.01
and for my oldest daughter,
for her to be in college,
00:25:11.04\00:25:13.81
she's doing the same thing,
00:25:13.88\00:25:16.21
she's teaching
other college girls
00:25:16.24\00:25:18.08
because domestic violence is
number one on college campuses
00:25:18.11\00:25:20.85
and most people don't know
that it could be your daughter,
00:25:20.92\00:25:23.59
and when you're
on a college campus,
00:25:23.62\00:25:26.12
this is your transition in life
00:25:26.19\00:25:28.66
of you becoming an adult,
00:25:28.69\00:25:30.03
trying to handle
things on your own,
00:25:30.06\00:25:31.76
and leaving mummy,
daddy and family behind
00:25:31.79\00:25:34.96
so to watch my daughter,
as this 19-year-old young girl
00:25:35.00\00:25:38.43
in college now,
teaching other young girls
00:25:38.47\00:25:41.50
even, this is the
first time she's dated, ever,
00:25:41.54\00:25:45.47
she will not let guys
say certain things to her
00:25:45.51\00:25:49.38
she looks at the warning signs
00:25:49.41\00:25:50.75
and it's taught my
children how to have
00:25:50.81\00:25:52.55
healthy relationships
00:25:52.58\00:25:54.32
what a lot of people
do not know how to do.
00:25:54.35\00:25:56.65
Absolutely, that is so true,
00:25:56.69\00:25:59.09
can you tell us what are
some of the warning signs,
00:25:59.12\00:26:02.32
what are the warning
signs of domestic violence?
00:26:02.39\00:26:05.49
It goes back to number one
00:26:05.53\00:26:07.86
if you're noticing that
the person that you're with
00:26:07.93\00:26:10.37
is beginning to isolate you
from family, friends, loved ones
00:26:10.40\00:26:14.50
they begin to
call you little names,
00:26:14.54\00:26:16.44
or they begin to
tug on you, pull on you,
00:26:16.47\00:26:18.94
pinch on you,
00:26:18.97\00:26:20.31
they want to control and
manipulate most of your time
00:26:20.38\00:26:23.85
those are
first-time warning signs
00:26:23.88\00:26:26.61
now, that doesn't mean that
this person is going to lead
00:26:26.65\00:26:29.35
automatically to abusing you,
00:26:29.38\00:26:30.72
but number one,
that's not healthy
00:26:30.79\00:26:32.59
in any relationship,
00:26:32.62\00:26:33.96
because no one should want
to have that much dominance
00:26:33.99\00:26:37.63
over another person, so
that's a big tell-tale sign
00:26:37.66\00:26:41.40
especially for our young girls
00:26:41.43\00:26:43.93
who are allowing
guys to call you names
00:26:43.97\00:26:46.37
to demean you, to
tell you what you're not...
00:26:46.40\00:26:49.44
if someone loves you,
00:26:49.47\00:26:50.81
they should always
be valuing who you are
00:26:50.87\00:26:52.87
and pouring "positive" into you,
00:26:52.91\00:26:55.38
not negative, not
trying to tear you down
00:26:55.41\00:26:57.91
so those are tell-tale signs
00:26:57.95\00:26:59.85
that tell you,
"Hey, these are red flags,
00:26:59.88\00:27:01.28
this is something that I need
to investigate a little more
00:27:01.32\00:27:04.49
I am big on
always asking questions,
00:27:04.55\00:27:07.29
"What is your relationship
like with your mother,
00:27:07.32\00:27:09.16
with your sister?"
00:27:09.19\00:27:10.56
My big question
even as a grown woman,
00:27:10.59\00:27:14.10
"If I had to talk to your
last girlfriend or ex-wife,
00:27:14.20\00:27:19.73
what would they say about you?"
00:27:19.77\00:27:21.40
Hmmm... that's a good one,
00:27:21.44\00:27:24.61
I ask people, "Hey,
how do you handle anger?"
00:27:24.64\00:27:28.08
different things like that
to help get some understanding
00:27:28.11\00:27:33.55
as to what may
or may not happen,
00:27:33.62\00:27:35.05
so again, first times
are the "control factor"
00:27:35.08\00:27:38.09
the control factor... Right...
00:27:38.12\00:27:39.65
Thank you...
00:27:39.69\00:27:41.39
Oh, I can't
believe our time is up
00:27:41.42\00:27:44.49
you have been
such a wonderful guest
00:27:44.56\00:27:47.60
and we just praise the
Lord for having you here
00:27:47.60\00:27:50.23
and for having
you on Urban Report.
00:27:50.27\00:27:52.50
Thank you... may God bless you.
00:27:52.53\00:27:54.84
Thank you for
having me. Oh, sure.
00:27:54.87\00:27:57.07
That's the end of our Program,
00:27:57.17\00:27:59.04
thanks for tuning
in, join us next time,
00:27:59.07\00:28:01.31
because it wouldn't
be the same without you.
00:28:01.34\00:28:03.48