One in every 3 women that
you encounter has been abused.
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Stay tuned to meet a
woman who is determined
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to make a difference for
survivors of domestic violence.
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My name is Yvonne
Lewis and you're watching
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Urban Report...
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today is Alma G. Davis,
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CEO and Founder of the
Alma G. Davis Foundation.
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She is a visionary
and a motivational speaker
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her mission is to
educate, empower and celebrate.
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Welcome to Urban Report Alma.
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Thank you, thank you for
having me Dr. Lewis, yeah.
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I am so glad... call me Yvonne.
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Yvonne. I am so
glad that you are here
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with us to share
this important topic
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this topic is so critical
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tell us a little bit more
before we get into your story
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about domestic
violence in general
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how prevalent is it
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does it transcend
cultures, tell us about it.
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Domestic
violence is very prevalent
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more so than we even acknowledge
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and note... more
so... we talk about
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Every 9 seconds a
woman is assaulted
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or beaten in the
United States every 9 seconds
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so, if you start
looking at numbers
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it is estimated
that 1.3 million women
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are victims every year
so, it's so... and again
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95 percent of the
cases are never reported
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so that's just
based off the numbers
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that are reported so if
we really got into statistics
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how high would
those numbers really be?
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One out of every two?
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You know, so, it's a
tremendous problem here.
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That, you know...
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one of the things
that I've noticed Alma is
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this objectification of women
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in the music and
the media Hmmm...
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and making it seem like
it's okay to "slap your woman"
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"it's okay to
keep her in her place"
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I mean, we really we
really need to look at
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what we're watching,
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what we're letting
our children watch.
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Yes, absolutely...
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and I think the more we do
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the kind of work we do
in educating our young girls
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and our women of their
value and their self-worth
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then things may begin to change
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but again, it goes back to
what are we exposing our kids to
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what are our women
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agreeing to,
what are you agreeing
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saying that somehow
someone can talk to you?
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Oh! listen, I
remember seeing a scene where
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a famous rapper had
women on dog leashes
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walking them
around with dog leashes.
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Wow! Now, first of all,
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how do you let...
there's no amount of money
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that anybody can pay me
to be one of those women
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I'm not judging them,
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that was where they
were at that given time,
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doesn't mean they're there today
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but the fact that...
we have to look at...
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how do we look at ourselves,
what do we think about ourselves
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and what does God...
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what value does
God place upon us?
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Absolutely.
Because He gives us value.
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Yes, yes. So, I'm
loving what you're doing
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Thank you.
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Tell us about the Alma G.
Davis Foundation, what is it?
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The Foundation is
based off of the notion
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the premise of educating,
empowering and celebrating women
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and young girls
that are survivors
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that have either seen it
there, survivors themselves
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a lot of people don't understand
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that if you grow up in
that type of household,
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you are a survivor as well
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because you have witnessed it
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and you begin
the process of either
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completing that
cycle continuously,
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making the cycle the same
thing or you have to stop it,
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so, it's actually number
one, warning and teaching,
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again, our values and
our women, on who you are,
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who you are to God,
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and then once we
can captivate that,
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we pour more into you,
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so, for instance, we
work with a lot of women
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in educating them, on, you know,
if you've been in a situation
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a lot of times you are
tied to that person because of
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financial security,
you don't have finances
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so, we go in and teach
financial independence,
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how do you prepare
yourself for job readiness,
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how do you even
send out résumés',
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we go into Shelters
and we work one-on-one
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we take Corporations in and
we take their HR Departments
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and give them
one-on-one interviews
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mock interviews and
getting them prepped
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so educating them
about all the things
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that domestic violence does,
how do you protect yourself
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if you are in that situation,
how do you protect your children
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how do you do "plans
of action" of getting out
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and once we educate
them, we begin to empower them,
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we give them
outlets to come and say,
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"Hey, I've been
through this but I'm growing,
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I'm getting out
of this situation"
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bringing in the
Community to say,
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"Well, this is something that
I dealt with in my household
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here is my voice"
so, we are the voice
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for those that
don't have a voice at all.
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We do a big
luncheon on domestic violence
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bringing in different speakers
whether it's about legal issues
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understanding the damage
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domestic violence
does to your mental health
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as well as your physical health,
and that's how we empower them
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and then on top of
that through our Programs
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we celebrate them for being
survivors and for coming through
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Wow! you've given me so
much in what you just said
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because, let's go
back for a second,
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you go even to Businesses
and go to HR Departments
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Human Resources Departments Yes
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and train them as to
how to deal with their
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workers that are
experiencing domestic violence
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this is critical,
identifying the different people
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that are dealing
with domestic violence
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that is a critical piece there
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because an employer might not
know what to do, "What do I do?"
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Absolutely, and in return
we use those same Companies
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to come in a teach
survivors work skills
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finances, what a lot
of people don't know,
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there was a report done
last year by the White House
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and 5.8 billion dollars
per year is what the US loses
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in intimate partner violence
just through Corporations,
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4.1 billion is just for
medical, direct medical bills,
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and 1.8 billion is
for loss in productivity
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so over 5.8 billion dollars
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just in work alone
from domestic violence.
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That is... I don't
think that the average
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viewer knows how extensive
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this problem is. Yes.
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5.8 billion dollars is
lost from domestic violence.
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Yes, did you know
what that is in numbers?
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That's 8 million
days of paid leave
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so, if we looked at calculations
that's equivalent to
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32,000 full-time jobs
from domestic violence
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so, if we can
continue to educate people
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and make numbers
realistic so people can see how
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this is truly a number one issue
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going on in our
Country and abroad.
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Wow! I want to come back to
more of what the Foundation does
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but I want our
Viewers to understand
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why this is your
passion, why did you choose
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this particular
area to focus on?
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I am a survivor
of domestic violence,
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I grew up in a household
where I saw it every day
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I was a part of it,
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so by the time I
was 14 years old,
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I had my first set of black eyes
from another 14 year old male,
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he saw it every
day in his household,
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so, that became the norm,
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the functioning norm on
how you deal with issues
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how you deal with problems,
so here you have two children,
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that grew up in that
environment and again,
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if that's what they're taught,
that's what they would do
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and every day, from
14 until it was the time
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when I was about 18 years old,
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not only was I experiencing it
and fighting through it at home,
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but I was experiencing
it and fighting through it
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with a boyfriend
that's the same age as me,
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and so, it took
until I was 22 years old,
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number one, I truly
forgave my father and my mother
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for what I had to
experience and go through
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and it hit me one day that
how could I not forgive them
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when that was
their learned behavior
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that's what they grew up with,
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so, how can you
not forgive someone
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that doesn't know any better,
now once I got that revelation,
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I made a personal vow that
I would not let my daughter
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grow up in that
type of environment
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I was breaking the cycle.
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Yes, look at... look
at how God has led you
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out of that whole
lifestyle and into your purpose
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this is your
purpose, this is your passion,
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this is the path
that He has you on,
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"Hurt people... hurt people" Yes
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and so, you... we
praise God for this
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that He brought
you out from that
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you wanted to break the
"generational curse" so to speak
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because your parents had
seen it and then you saw it
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and then your daughter...
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had you not broken that cycle
your daughter could have seen it
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and she could have
passed it on, Absolutely
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we praise the Lord
that that didn't happen.
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What happens in the mind of a...
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first a child that is...
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well, first the child
that is witnessing abuse
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then the child that
is receiving the abuse
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when you were a teenager and
you were witnessing the abuse,
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what was going
through your head about that
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on what you deserved or
what you were supposed to get
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versus what you were getting?
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The first thing is it's
very confusing as a child
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because you
have no voice and so,
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it's confusing to
watch people that you love
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demonstrate
that type of behavior
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as one to resolve
issues, and so, from that,
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it's the "confusion factor"
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and then you start
to build in your mind
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"Well, I guess, if that's
the way to resolve things,
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I should expect that's
what's going to happen to me"
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and so, when it
first happened to me at 14
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it was the shock factor,
but instead of me saying,
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"No, this is not
functional, this is not normal,"
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I went right along and said,
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"Okay, this is what I've
seen so this is what happens"
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10 million children every
year witness domestic violence
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and people do not
understand, from that, the...
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what happens to
those innocent children
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because now, they face a life of
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"this is how I act
out when I get angry"
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so that's why we see so
much violence going around
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in our Communities,
because that's what they know
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that's what they're taught,
they are not taught to sit down
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and communicate, "It's okay
to disagree but there is a way
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to do it, you
don't have to yell at me
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you don't have to
call me out of my name,"
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and so, we, as a Community,
have to hold people accountable
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and responsible for
teaching our children
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and breaking these
dysfunctional cycles.
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Absolutely, absolutely, we
have to teach our Community
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how to handle
conflict, conflict resolution,
00:11:57.38\00:12:01.95
it does not have to be where,
00:12:01.98\00:12:04.55
"I'm going to fight you because
you looked at my sneakers,
00:12:04.59\00:12:07.32
you want my sneakers" or
"you gave me the wrong look"
00:12:07.36\00:12:10.49
or I mean, we have to teach,
and that's part of your mission,
00:12:10.53\00:12:18.57
to educate, right?
00:12:18.60\00:12:20.20
We have to teach our
folks how to resolve conflict
00:12:20.24\00:12:25.04
in a way that uses our
minds and not, just jump into
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a violent confrontation, Yeah.
00:12:29.88\00:12:32.71
and just what
you said is so true,
00:12:32.75\00:12:35.48
"that's what you see
so that's what you do"
00:12:35.55\00:12:38.65
but if we could
just train people that
00:12:38.69\00:12:43.12
that is not the only
way, that is not the way,
00:12:43.16\00:12:46.63
rather, not...
00:12:46.66\00:12:48.00
that is not the
way to handle conflict
00:12:48.03\00:12:50.70
it could be tremendous, so
that piece is super important
00:12:50.73\00:12:56.91
I got a call, last week
sometime about a young teenager
00:12:56.94\00:13:03.08
that had witnessed
domestic violence in the home
00:13:03.11\00:13:07.52
it wasn't her mother or father,
00:13:07.55\00:13:10.39
it was actually some
people that were living there
00:13:10.42\00:13:12.89
and so, she was watching
him, the man beat up this woman
00:13:12.92\00:13:17.99
and I mean, it's...
when you think about it,
00:13:18.03\00:13:21.00
how traumatic is
that for her to carry
00:13:21.03\00:13:24.00
it wasn't her mother or father,
but it still was in her home,
00:13:24.03\00:13:27.27
and she sees a
woman being beaten
00:13:27.30\00:13:30.27
by another person
in the household...
00:13:30.31\00:13:33.88
it's just... and
then the children are
00:13:33.91\00:13:36.61
expected to
leave that environment
00:13:36.64\00:13:39.25
and go to school
and function normally.
00:13:39.31\00:13:41.35
Right, absolutely, and
it goes back to, again,
00:13:41.38\00:13:45.05
"Who are the caregivers" and
00:13:45.09\00:13:46.79
"who are we holding
accountable for that"
00:13:46.82\00:13:49.26
because, in my mind, if
the child has to witness that
00:13:49.29\00:13:51.66
the adults have to be
there and they have to know
00:13:51.69\00:13:54.03
so what are we
saying to the child?
00:13:54.06\00:13:55.66
That that is okay... that
is okay for that to happen?
00:13:55.70\00:13:58.77
What are we teaching
our young kids and our boys
00:13:58.80\00:14:01.84
because again,
it teaches our boys,
00:14:01.90\00:14:04.24
"this is how you
deal with a woman
00:14:04.27\00:14:07.01
if you want to control her"
00:14:07.04\00:14:09.08
because domestic violence
is just not the physical,
00:14:09.11\00:14:12.01
I thought my biggest
thing is, the bruises go away
00:14:12.05\00:14:14.88
but once you've
embedded to me...
00:14:14.92\00:14:17.35
and to my mind,
that's worse than...
00:14:17.39\00:14:19.69
worse than you hitting me
00:14:19.72\00:14:21.22
so domestic
violence is a part of control
00:14:21.26\00:14:23.73
a major control factor,
and when we talk about our boys
00:14:23.76\00:14:27.63
63 percent of our boys
00:14:27.66\00:14:29.30
that are age 11
through 20 that commit murder,
00:14:29.36\00:14:32.07
murder the person that
was abusing their mother
00:14:32.13\00:14:35.20
so, as a mother, how do
you put that on your son,
00:14:35.24\00:14:38.17
where he feels like
he has to go and save you
00:14:38.21\00:14:41.01
and he has to kill this person,
00:14:41.04\00:14:42.68
and now his life is
ruined he's in prison.
00:14:42.74\00:14:44.85
That's right, that's
right, his life is ruined,
00:14:44.88\00:14:48.18
Yeah. you have
given him the message
00:14:48.22\00:14:52.15
by staying with the perpetrator
00:14:52.19\00:14:54.82
that it's okay to
treat your mom like this
00:14:54.86\00:14:57.86
I mean, it
just... we have to hold...
00:14:57.89\00:15:02.40
as women we have to
hold ourselves accountable
00:15:02.43\00:15:04.87
we have to think about
00:15:04.90\00:15:07.34
the messages that
we give to our children
00:15:07.37\00:15:09.70
whether it's spoken or unspoken.
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:15:09.77\00:15:14.94
So, what are the
stages in a relationship
00:15:15.01\00:15:18.45
with domestic
violence, give us, if you would,
00:15:18.48\00:15:21.88
how does it kind of evolve?
00:15:21.92\00:15:24.15
It normally first
begins with verbal,
00:15:24.19\00:15:27.49
some of the
things that we talk about
00:15:27.52\00:15:30.79
it may be, someone
teasing you, pinching you,
00:15:30.83\00:15:33.96
or just pulling on you,
00:15:34.00\00:15:36.36
and that's something that you
have to stop in the beginning
00:15:36.40\00:15:39.63
because at the end
it's like anything,
00:15:39.67\00:15:41.24
"If I can test the
waters to see how far I can go,
00:15:41.27\00:15:44.11
then I will continue"
and it will get aggressive
00:15:44.17\00:15:46.98
you may begin to see
if someone is being abused
00:15:47.01\00:15:50.45
they're being
pulled away from friends,
00:15:50.48\00:15:53.35
pulled away from family,
00:15:53.38\00:15:55.05
you'll begin to see the control
00:15:55.08\00:15:57.15
you'll begin to see that abuser
00:15:57.19\00:15:59.19
how to speak to that
person and it's almost like,
00:15:59.22\00:16:02.59
"Let me get you away
from anybody that may be
00:16:02.62\00:16:05.96
telling you
something different from me
00:16:05.99\00:16:07.70
so that I can
control you mentally"
00:16:07.73\00:16:09.36
So, it's isolation,
it's to isolate the victim.
00:16:09.40\00:16:13.37
Yes, and once
the isolation begins
00:16:13.40\00:16:16.27
the next step you will
begin to see is the verbal abuse
00:16:16.30\00:16:20.04
demeaning the victim,
00:16:20.08\00:16:22.44
telling them what
they are or are not,
00:16:22.48\00:16:25.05
who they're not, what
they will or will not do,
00:16:25.08\00:16:27.92
so the control, then,
just goes to a heightened level
00:16:27.95\00:16:31.02
and then the final part
that you'll begin to see
00:16:31.05\00:16:34.06
is the physical,
so there are steps,
00:16:34.09\00:16:36.93
not just letting him hit you,
00:16:36.96\00:16:38.53
and that's the
beginning of domestic violence
00:16:38.56\00:16:40.26
so when we see these
national cases come out,
00:16:40.30\00:16:42.20
and you see the incidents where
00:16:42.23\00:16:44.83
athletes have
had some major abuse,
00:16:44.87\00:16:48.70
that's not the first time,
because that's not how it starts
00:16:48.74\00:16:52.21
there's a definite
pattern of behavior, that
00:16:52.24\00:16:55.58
that is the last step.
00:16:55.61\00:16:56.95
Wow! so this is something
00:16:56.98\00:17:00.32
that has been brewing
that has been going from
00:17:00.35\00:17:03.25
step to step to step Yeah.
00:17:03.28\00:17:05.65
and you know what you
said earlier too, Alma
00:17:05.69\00:17:08.89
about the
physical, the bruises leave,
00:17:08.92\00:17:12.89
but the mental
bruising is what stays
00:17:12.93\00:17:16.56
I mean the mental,
00:17:16.60\00:17:17.93
that whole feeling
of being beaten down
00:17:17.97\00:17:21.07
not just
physically, but emotionally
00:17:21.10\00:17:24.11
where you get, you
know, the abuser might say,
00:17:24.17\00:17:27.08
"Well, nobody else
is going to want you,
00:17:27.11\00:17:29.38
who wants you,
00:17:29.41\00:17:30.75
who is going to
want you. " Right.
00:17:30.78\00:17:32.11
And so you begin to
internalize that low self-esteem
00:17:32.15\00:17:35.78
and you feel like,
"Where am I going to go?"
00:17:35.82\00:17:38.25
and then you also
mentioned about finances
00:17:38.32\00:17:40.72
Yeah. "I don't have any money
00:17:40.76\00:17:42.69
to go anywhere,
what am I going to do?"
00:17:42.72\00:17:45.13
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:17:45.19\00:17:46.90
If a woman is caught up
into an abusive situation
00:17:46.93\00:17:53.40
right now, what would you
say to the woman who's watching
00:17:53.44\00:17:57.51
who just accidently may
be when we say "accidently"
00:17:57.54\00:18:00.14
because we know, that
the Lord had her watch,
00:18:00.18\00:18:02.24
Yes, yes.
00:18:02.28\00:18:03.61
What would you say to
the woman who is caught up
00:18:03.65\00:18:05.81
into an abusive situation,
what would you tell her to do?
00:18:05.88\00:18:09.82
Number one, you have to
get out of that situation
00:18:09.85\00:18:13.86
that is not who you are
and if you have children,
00:18:13.89\00:18:17.83
you have to think enough about
yourself and save your children
00:18:17.86\00:18:22.33
you have to get out of it,
00:18:22.36\00:18:24.03
you have to get
out of that situation.
00:18:24.07\00:18:25.73
Number two, you are not alone,
00:18:25.77\00:18:27.57
so it's so easy to think
that no one is here to help you
00:18:27.60\00:18:30.41
there are people
here, there are resources
00:18:30.47\00:18:32.94
we are here and
this is an urgent need,
00:18:32.97\00:18:35.41
that you need to go right now
you need to dial 1-800-779-safe
00:18:35.44\00:18:39.98
that is the National
Domestic Violence Hotline
00:18:40.02\00:18:42.38
they can help you
find the nearest Shelter,
00:18:42.42\00:18:44.99
they can help you
get out immediately.
00:18:45.05\00:18:46.86
Give that number
again, please Alma.
00:18:46.89\00:18:48.69
Yes, 1-800-779-safe, SAFE
00:18:48.72\00:18:54.20
if this is something
that you're contemplating
00:18:54.23\00:18:58.67
you're not sure that
you're ready to make that call,
00:18:58.70\00:19:00.94
I want you to know
that we value your life,
00:19:00.97\00:19:03.61
God values your
life more than anything
00:19:03.64\00:19:06.34
you are not what
that person is telling you
00:19:06.37\00:19:09.01
there is so much more to
you, but you have to be here
00:19:09.04\00:19:12.05
so that we can see that,
00:19:12.08\00:19:13.45
you have to be
here for your children
00:19:13.48\00:19:15.42
there are so many
people counting on you
00:19:15.45\00:19:18.05
that you don't realize
and you are so much more
00:19:18.09\00:19:21.22
than what he or
she is saying to you,
00:19:21.26\00:19:23.66
and we want to help
you, we want to see you safe.
00:19:23.69\00:19:26.76
That's beautiful, thank you.
00:19:26.80\00:19:29.23
You're welcome.
00:19:29.26\00:19:30.83
Women who are in
that kind of situation...
00:19:30.87\00:19:35.74
we as women who are
not in that situation,
00:19:35.77\00:19:40.61
can reach out to them and say,
00:19:40.68\00:19:42.14
"Hey, there is a safe
place for you to be. "
00:19:42.21\00:19:44.41
Yes. You can go
somewhere and be safe
00:19:44.45\00:19:48.82
Yes. but there are so many
00:19:48.85\00:19:51.49
psychological reasons
00:19:51.55\00:19:54.12
why a women won't
venture out to do that,
00:19:54.16\00:19:56.93
once you've been
beaten down enough,
00:19:56.99\00:19:58.69
it's like... you have
the "battered woman syndrome"
00:19:58.73\00:20:01.33
mentally. Yes, it's real.
00:20:01.36\00:20:03.40
It's real. It is real.
00:20:03.43\00:20:05.37
It's a real
situation. It is real.
00:20:05.40\00:20:08.07
And even if you're
not in that situation,
00:20:08.10\00:20:10.67
if you have a
loved one that is...
00:20:10.71\00:20:12.54
we try to teach them also,
00:20:12.57\00:20:13.94
until that
person is ready mentally
00:20:13.98\00:20:16.51
they will not get
out of the situation
00:20:16.54\00:20:18.75
it has to be that
they are sick and tired
00:20:18.78\00:20:20.85
and sick and tired
of being beaten down.
00:20:20.92\00:20:23.39
And so, as a
loved one on the outside
00:20:23.45\00:20:25.95
we encourage you,
don't dispel that person
00:20:25.99\00:20:28.19
or push that
person aside and just say,
00:20:28.22\00:20:30.36
"Oh well, you have to learn.
" No! continue to show them love
00:20:30.39\00:20:33.50
because again,
you are counteracting
00:20:33.53\00:20:35.96
what has been
deposited in their mindset,
00:20:36.03\00:20:39.03
anything that's
repeated 21 times...
00:20:39.07\00:20:41.57
that's a pattern of behavior
so, when we teach our children
00:20:41.60\00:20:44.61
how to get potty-trained,
it is continuous...
00:20:44.64\00:20:46.68
put them on the
potty, put them on the potty,
00:20:46.71\00:20:49.01
so, if you put
yourself in their situation,
00:20:49.04\00:20:51.11
and someone has told them
all of these negative things
00:20:51.18\00:20:53.92
about themselves and
they feel that they are alone
00:20:53.95\00:20:56.58
you have to understand...
they don't need that from you.
00:20:56.62\00:20:59.85
They need for
you to engulf them,
00:20:59.89\00:21:02.72
love them and let them know,
00:21:02.76\00:21:04.59
"Hey, I know what
you're going through,
00:21:04.63\00:21:06.76
I'm here for you
for when you are ready,
00:21:06.80\00:21:08.83
and we are here to
support you, and we love you,
00:21:08.86\00:21:11.67
you don't have to go
through this by yourself. "
00:21:11.70\00:21:14.37
That is so true and so beautiful
because we're not here to...
00:21:14.40\00:21:21.44
many times when you have
not been abused yourself,
00:21:21.48\00:21:25.01
you can't "walk in
their shoes" so to speak
00:21:25.05\00:21:28.25
because you
really don't understand
00:21:28.28\00:21:30.29
so you'll say, "Why
don't they just leave?"
00:21:30.32\00:21:32.15
like, "What is wrong,
why don't you just leave?"
00:21:32.19\00:21:35.32
but it's so much...
it's like layers of an onion
00:21:35.36\00:21:38.36
there are is so much more to
it than just what meets the eye.
00:21:38.39\00:21:41.76
Yes, yes. And so,
to say to that person,
00:21:41.80\00:21:45.50
"We love you,
we're here for you,
00:21:45.53\00:21:48.57
you can talk to me any time
00:21:48.60\00:21:52.21
and I'll give you
whatever advice I can,
00:21:52.24\00:21:55.51
I'll pray with you. " Yes.
00:21:55.54\00:21:57.88
These are things that we
can do, if we see a loved one
00:21:57.91\00:22:01.25
that's in trouble,
give them that number,
00:22:01.28\00:22:04.02
that hotline number
00:22:04.09\00:22:05.65
so that they can do something.
00:22:05.69\00:22:08.16
I'm going to put your
website on the screen as well
00:22:08.19\00:22:11.49
with the Foundation,
tell us some more about
00:22:11.53\00:22:14.86
how the Foundation educates,
empowers and celebrates.
00:22:14.90\00:22:19.13
With our education... it
goes back to us reaching out
00:22:19.17\00:22:22.94
to survivors, or even
survivors reaching out to us,
00:22:23.00\00:22:26.71
we love it when our phone rings,
00:22:26.78\00:22:28.11
when our phone rings
all is fine at the office,
00:22:28.14\00:22:30.41
that means we're doing
what we're supposed to be doing,
00:22:30.45\00:22:32.88
and again, so
for us it's training,
00:22:32.91\00:22:35.15
it's training the Community,
letting them understand
00:22:35.18\00:22:38.09
through statistics,
00:22:38.15\00:22:39.49
"How are you aware
of what's going on?"
00:22:39.52\00:22:42.09
even for survivors, we
provide free self-defense,
00:22:42.12\00:22:45.93
and so, that's huge because
00:22:45.96\00:22:49.96
a lot of survivors don't
know how to protect themselves,
00:22:50.00\00:22:52.40
myself and I... I
have two daughters,
00:22:52.43\00:22:54.77
we both have... we take
the classes all the time
00:22:54.80\00:22:57.31
just to make sure
we're on top of what we know
00:22:57.34\00:22:59.84
and how to protect ourselves,
00:22:59.87\00:23:01.44
so that's a big part
of us... educating...
00:23:01.51\00:23:04.41
whatever I can teach
you to pour back into you
00:23:04.45\00:23:07.38
so that you don't have to
go back to that situation,
00:23:07.42\00:23:10.59
that is what we do,
through the education component,
00:23:10.62\00:23:13.76
and again, empowering
you, letting you know,
00:23:13.79\00:23:15.99
"There's a Community out
here that welcomes you. "
00:23:16.02\00:23:18.49
There are other
survivors that have come through
00:23:18.53\00:23:20.96
there are survivors that are
still trying to come through,
00:23:21.00\00:23:23.40
but we have to
embrace each other
00:23:23.43\00:23:25.00
and continuously
to remind each other
00:23:25.03\00:23:27.54
that we are not by ourselves,
there's somebody else.
00:23:27.57\00:23:30.04
"I understand what
you've been through
00:23:30.07\00:23:31.61
because I've gone through
it," so, understanding...
00:23:31.67\00:23:35.11
there is empowerment in that,
00:23:35.14\00:23:36.98
there's empowerment in knowing
that you are not by yourself
00:23:37.01\00:23:39.71
and the greatest peace for us is
00:23:39.75\00:23:41.65
celebrating you, honoring you,
00:23:41.68\00:23:43.52
showing you how
beautiful you are on the outside
00:23:43.55\00:23:46.86
and then we pour inside of you
00:23:46.89\00:23:48.82
because you made a big
step, it's not easy to do,
00:23:48.86\00:23:52.79
I know... it's not easy
to do, but we celebrate you
00:23:52.83\00:23:56.70
and we honor you
for being strong enough
00:23:56.77\00:23:58.97
and having the
courage to get out.
00:23:59.00\00:24:00.64
That's tremendous,
00:24:00.67\00:24:02.60
what a tremendous work
your Foundation is doing,
00:24:02.64\00:24:05.87
Thank you. and
how necessary it is.
00:24:05.91\00:24:08.94
Yes. What have your daughters
00:24:08.98\00:24:11.51
taken away from your experience,
and also the Foundation,
00:24:11.55\00:24:17.82
tell us about your daughters'
reaction to all of this.
00:24:17.85\00:24:20.72
My daughters love it,
00:24:20.76\00:24:22.99
I have always
included my two daughters
00:24:23.02\00:24:25.06
in everything that we have done,
00:24:25.09\00:24:26.76
they have been a
part of every project,
00:24:26.80\00:24:29.50
every event,
going into the Shelters,
00:24:29.53\00:24:32.20
so I have a 14-year-old
00:24:32.23\00:24:34.14
and I have a
19-year-old who is in college,
00:24:34.17\00:24:36.17
she's a freshman in college,
00:24:36.20\00:24:37.54
and so for my 14-year-old,
it's amazing to me that she goes
00:24:37.57\00:24:41.14
anytime she has to do
a presentation at school,
00:24:41.18\00:24:43.14
she talks about it, she
teaches other kids about it,
00:24:43.21\00:24:46.98
other warning signs,
she's witnessing it for herself
00:24:47.02\00:24:50.79
young girls that
are in a Shelter...
00:24:50.82\00:24:52.69
battered Children's Shelter
00:24:52.72\00:24:54.19
because this is what
they had to experience
00:24:54.22\00:24:56.06
so it opens her eyes up to know
00:24:56.12\00:24:59.43
how to be
treated as a young lady
00:24:59.46\00:25:01.46
because mommy lives her life,
00:25:01.50\00:25:03.33
to show them what
can and cannot happen
00:25:03.37\00:25:05.93
what needs to be done,
how someone values you,
00:25:05.97\00:25:09.04
how they treat you,
how they talk to you,
00:25:09.07\00:25:11.04
and for my oldest daughter,
for her to be in college,
00:25:11.07\00:25:13.84
she's doing the same thing,
00:25:13.88\00:25:16.24
she's teaching
other college girls
00:25:16.28\00:25:18.11
because domestic violence is
number one on college campuses
00:25:18.15\00:25:20.88
and most people don't know
that it could be your daughter,
00:25:20.92\00:25:23.62
and when you're
on a college campus,
00:25:23.65\00:25:26.15
this is your transition in life
00:25:26.22\00:25:28.69
of you becoming an adult,
00:25:28.72\00:25:30.06
trying to handle
things on your own,
00:25:30.09\00:25:31.79
and leaving mummy,
daddy and family behind
00:25:31.83\00:25:35.03
so to watch my daughter,
as this 19-year-old young girl
00:25:35.06\00:25:38.50
in college now,
teaching other young girls
00:25:38.53\00:25:41.57
even, this is the
first time she's dated, ever,
00:25:41.60\00:25:45.54
she will not let guys
say certain things to her
00:25:45.57\00:25:49.44
she looks at the warning signs
00:25:49.48\00:25:50.81
and it's taught my
children how to have
00:25:50.85\00:25:52.61
healthy relationships
00:25:52.65\00:25:54.38
what a lot of people
do not know how to do.
00:25:54.42\00:25:56.69
Absolutely, that is so true,
00:25:56.72\00:25:59.15
can you tell us what are
some of the warning signs,
00:25:59.19\00:26:02.32
what are the warning
signs of domestic violence?
00:26:02.39\00:26:05.49
It goes back to number one
00:26:05.53\00:26:07.90
if you're noticing that
the person that you're with
00:26:07.93\00:26:10.37
is beginning to isolate you
from family, friends, loved ones
00:26:10.40\00:26:14.54
they begin to
call you little names,
00:26:14.57\00:26:16.47
or they begin to
tug on you, pull on you,
00:26:16.50\00:26:18.97
pinch on you,
00:26:19.01\00:26:20.34
they want to control and
manipulate most of your time
00:26:20.38\00:26:23.85
those are
first-time warning signs
00:26:23.88\00:26:26.65
now, that doesn't mean that
this person is going to lead
00:26:26.68\00:26:29.38
automatically to abusing you,
00:26:29.42\00:26:30.75
but number one,
that's not healthy
00:26:30.79\00:26:32.62
in any relationship,
00:26:32.65\00:26:33.99
because no one should want
to have that much dominance
00:26:34.02\00:26:37.63
over another person, so
that's a big tell-tale sign
00:26:37.66\00:26:41.46
especially for our young girls
00:26:41.50\00:26:44.00
who are allowing
guys to call you names
00:26:44.03\00:26:46.43
to demean you, to
tell you what you're not...
00:26:46.47\00:26:49.50
if someone loves you,
00:26:49.54\00:26:50.87
they should always
be valuing who you are
00:26:50.91\00:26:52.94
and pouring "positive" into you,
00:26:52.97\00:26:55.44
not negative, not
trying to tear you down
00:26:55.48\00:26:57.98
so those are tell-tale signs
00:26:58.01\00:26:59.91
that tell you,
"Hey, these are red flags,
00:26:59.95\00:27:01.28
this is something that I need
to investigate a little more
00:27:01.32\00:27:04.49
I am big on
always asking questions,
00:27:04.55\00:27:07.26
"What is your relationship
like with your mother,
00:27:07.32\00:27:09.16
with your sister?"
00:27:09.19\00:27:10.53
My big question
even as a grown woman,
00:27:10.56\00:27:14.13
"If I had to talk to your
last girlfriend or ex-wife,
00:27:14.20\00:27:19.77
what would they say about you?"
00:27:19.80\00:27:21.44
Hmmm... that's a good one,
00:27:21.47\00:27:24.64
I ask people, "Hey,
how do you handle anger?"
00:27:24.67\00:27:28.11
different things like that
to help get some understanding
00:27:28.14\00:27:33.58
as to what may
or may not happen,
00:27:33.62\00:27:35.08
so again, first times
are the "control factor"
00:27:35.12\00:27:38.12
the control factor... Right...
00:27:38.15\00:27:39.69
Thank you...
00:27:39.72\00:27:41.42
Oh, I can't
believe our time is up
00:27:41.46\00:27:44.53
you have been
such a wonderful guest
00:27:44.59\00:27:47.60
and we just praise the
Lord for having you here
00:27:47.63\00:27:50.30
and for having
you on Urban Report.
00:27:50.33\00:27:52.57
Thank you... may God bless you.
00:27:52.60\00:27:54.90
Thank you for
having me. Oh, sure.
00:27:54.94\00:27:57.14
That's the end of our Program,
00:27:57.21\00:27:59.11
thanks for tuning
in, join us next time,
00:27:59.14\00:28:01.31
because it wouldn't
be the same without you.
00:28:01.34\00:28:03.48