The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
00:00:01.06\00:00:03.21
Parents are
cautioned that some material
00:00:03.25\00:00:05.33
may be too candid
for younger children.
00:00:05.37\00:00:07.39
Stay tuned to meet a
young woman who was in darkness
00:00:07.42\00:00:14.46
and is now walking in
God's marvelous light...
00:00:14.50\00:00:17.21
My name is Yvonne
Lewis and you're watching
00:00:17.25\00:00:19.93
Urban Report...
00:00:19.96\00:00:21.19
Hello and welcome
to Urban Report...
00:00:44.39\00:00:46.97
My guest today
is Danielle Harrison
00:00:47.00\00:00:49.63
Founder of Into
His Light Ministry...
00:00:49.67\00:00:52.03
Welcome to Urban
Report Danielle...
00:00:52.06\00:00:54.39
Thank you for having me Yvonne,
it's really a privilege...
00:00:54.43\00:00:58.09
It's a blessing for
us to have you here...
00:00:58.12\00:01:00.75
I'm so thankful that
you're going to share your story
00:01:00.78\00:01:05.67
with us because
there are so many people
00:01:05.71\00:01:07.79
that need to hear it...
00:01:07.82\00:01:09.76
and they're struggling
with the same kind of bondage
00:01:09.79\00:01:13.02
and so, I just really
appreciate your being here...
00:01:13.05\00:01:16.25
thank you... Thank
you for having me...
00:01:16.28\00:01:18.67
So, give us a little bit of
history into your background
00:01:18.71\00:01:23.95
let's hear some
of your background
00:01:23.99\00:01:26.23
and get into your testimony...
00:01:26.27\00:01:28.79
Okay, well,
growing up as a child...
00:01:28.83\00:01:33.14
my first love was music...
00:01:33.17\00:01:35.11
when I asked my
mom about my character
00:01:35.15\00:01:37.85
as a baby and a young girl
00:01:37.88\00:01:39.63
she says I was
always singing and dancing
00:01:39.66\00:01:41.97
everywhere that I
went... and also that
00:01:42.00\00:01:44.23
that I liked to be
outdoors out in nature...
00:01:44.27\00:01:48.12
and that I was
always very happy...
00:01:48.15\00:01:49.95
unfortunately, my parents were
struggling in their marriage
00:01:49.98\00:01:54.52
by the time I came around
00:01:54.56\00:01:55.89
they weren't planning
on having another child...
00:01:55.92\00:01:57.94
and so... my parents separated
when I was only 6 years old...
00:01:57.98\00:02:02.87
and as a result
of that separation...
00:02:02.90\00:02:06.13
we moved into a neighboring town
00:02:06.17\00:02:08.74
we chose some low-income housing
my mother and my siblings and I,
00:02:08.78\00:02:11.93
and it was actually
in that apartment complex
00:02:11.96\00:02:14.71
where I made friends
with a girl down the street...
00:02:14.75\00:02:16.77
and through that friendship
00:02:16.80\00:02:18.83
her and I started having
00:02:18.86\00:02:20.53
sexual interactions...
when I was only seven...
00:02:20.56\00:02:23.07
when we started
interacting sexually...
00:02:23.11\00:02:25.39
So, you were 7 years
old... when you actually had
00:02:25.43\00:02:30.01
your first sexual
experience, Hmmm... hmmm...
00:02:30.05\00:02:33.94
and it was with
a female... Yes...
00:02:33.98\00:02:36.75
we have a picture of you
when you were about that age
00:02:36.79\00:02:40.14
and this is you
when you were seven?
00:02:40.17\00:02:43.28
Yes... This is
how... young you were
00:02:43.31\00:02:45.93
when you had that
first experience...
00:02:45.97\00:02:49.00
Yeah, that's right...
00:02:49.04\00:02:50.18
So, what happened after that?
00:02:50.21\00:02:52.26
What did that
experience do to you?
00:02:52.30\00:02:55.56
Well, I think that,
you know, it really...
00:02:55.59\00:03:00.09
it colored... to a large degree
my thoughts towards sexuality
00:03:00.12\00:03:06.99
because I was only...
00:03:07.02\00:03:10.90
I was so young when I started
having these experiences,
00:03:10.93\00:03:14.03
and so, I
mean... later on in life
00:03:14.06\00:03:18.42
I just really
thought that I was born gay
00:03:18.46\00:03:21.67
because those things
started happening so early...
00:03:21.71\00:03:24.78
and I look back
and I acknowledge
00:03:24.82\00:03:27.02
that there are other
things that kind of shape
00:03:27.06\00:03:29.84
that view in my
life... but I think...
00:03:29.87\00:03:31.47
to a large extent...
it was that interaction...
00:03:31.50\00:03:35.43
And how old was she...
how old was the female?
00:03:35.46\00:03:37.76
She was the same age... Okay...
00:03:37.80\00:03:39.73
So she was a
playmate? She was... yeah...
00:03:39.77\00:03:43.74
and so, as a result
of those interactions...
00:03:43.78\00:03:47.72
I was learning
things about my body
00:03:47.75\00:03:49.94
that I shouldn't have known...
00:03:49.98\00:03:51.15
and so masturbation
became an addiction for me
00:03:51.18\00:03:54.04
very early on in life...
and because it was... you know
00:03:54.08\00:03:58.13
I continued
having these interactions
00:03:58.17\00:04:00.78
with her and then other girls
came and went in my life...
00:04:00.82\00:04:03.03
and because it was easy for me
00:04:03.07\00:04:05.21
to interact sexually
with my girlfriends...
00:04:05.24\00:04:07.39
I was probably only about 14
00:04:07.43\00:04:09.69
when I started interacting
sexually with guy friends too...
00:04:09.72\00:04:13.09
and so I became very
flirtatious in High School...
00:04:13.12\00:04:16.54
and I was only 16 years
old when I lost my virginity...
00:04:16.58\00:04:19.64
you know, at that
point I had lost all sight of
00:04:19.67\00:04:23.37
staying "pure" because
I had shared sexual things
00:04:23.40\00:04:27.07
with so many different people.
00:04:27.10\00:04:28.44
What was your home life like...
I mean, your dad was gone now
00:04:28.48\00:04:35.85
it was just your
mom as a single parent
00:04:35.89\00:04:38.03
what was going on in the home...
00:04:38.07\00:04:40.50
and do you feel that
that was contributing
00:04:40.54\00:04:43.90
to your sexual expression?
00:04:43.93\00:04:47.73
Well, I think the fact
that dad was out of the picture,
00:04:47.76\00:04:52.54
kind of left a
vacancy... in my heart...
00:04:52.57\00:04:56.54
and in my life... as
far as, how, you know,
00:04:56.58\00:04:59.82
to react with men
on a healthy level...
00:04:59.86\00:05:03.03
I remember that my
mother and my sister found out
00:05:03.06\00:05:07.01
about my
interactions with this girl
00:05:07.05\00:05:09.36
through another young
man in the neighborhood...
00:05:09.39\00:05:15.72
he was probably about 12...
00:05:15.76\00:05:16.79
so, "another kid" is a
more accurate term for him...
00:05:16.82\00:05:20.14
but for them, they...
00:05:20.17\00:05:22.47
I think that they
just didn't really know
00:05:22.51\00:05:25.35
how to address the
situation, and maybe they were
00:05:25.38\00:05:29.01
a little bit
intimidated by that fact...
00:05:29.05\00:05:31.55
but they just kind of
started poking fun at me...
00:05:31.58\00:05:33.78
for kissing girls and so,
that caused even more confusion
00:05:33.81\00:05:39.51
about my sexuality...
00:05:39.55\00:05:41.04
and about my
attractions to the same sex...
00:05:41.07\00:05:43.82
and so, I thought that this
was something that I had to hide
00:05:43.86\00:05:46.72
and so, because of those
dynamics I think that it was...
00:05:46.76\00:05:49.74
it was hard for me to
understand how to relate to
00:05:49.78\00:05:52.73
to femininity and to
masculinity at a young age
00:05:52.76\00:05:57.11
and I never really had...
00:05:57.15\00:05:58.19
I never really
had Gender Dysphoria
00:05:58.23\00:06:02.84
where I wanted to be a boy...
00:06:02.87\00:06:04.78
but I think that I didn't really
know how to relate to the sexes
00:06:04.81\00:06:08.61
in a healthy way...
00:06:08.65\00:06:10.61
that God would have
us relate to them...
00:06:10.65\00:06:12.73
Right... and so... at that
point when you were 13 or 14...
00:06:12.76\00:06:17.76
you weren't
comfortable talking to your mom
00:06:17.79\00:06:21.08
about your sexuality?
00:06:21.12\00:06:22.61
Well, we moved in
with my father probably...
00:06:22.64\00:06:26.48
a few years after the separation
maybe 3 years or so...
00:06:26.51\00:06:31.45
2 or 3... and
that was mostly because
00:06:31.49\00:06:34.06
it was easier for dad to
support us financially...
00:06:34.09\00:06:36.52
and so, my mother moved...
00:06:36.56\00:06:39.49
back to where most
of her family lived...
00:06:39.53\00:06:43.56
not very long after we
moved back in with our dad so...
00:06:43.59\00:06:47.28
as I got older and, you know,
00:06:47.32\00:06:51.53
I always knew that mom would
call and ask me about my grades
00:06:51.57\00:06:55.02
and asked me how I was
doing and well, by this age,
00:06:55.05\00:07:00.10
being distracted more by
boyfriends and making friends
00:07:00.14\00:07:05.16
and fitting in
and stuff like that...
00:07:05.19\00:07:06.64
I wasn't doing as good in School
00:07:06.68\00:07:08.47
and I really didn't
want to call and tell her
00:07:08.51\00:07:11.65
that I was flunking my classes,
00:07:11.69\00:07:14.39
I didn't want to tell her
that I was addicted to marijuana
00:07:14.42\00:07:17.42
and doing these things
00:07:17.46\00:07:19.50
that I knew she
would disapprove of
00:07:19.53\00:07:21.42
and so... it was
easier for me just not to...
00:07:21.46\00:07:24.09
not to talk to her and
I really distanced myself
00:07:24.13\00:07:27.24
from her through my teen years
00:07:27.27\00:07:29.10
and my early-twenties years...
00:07:29.13\00:07:30.89
my father on the other
hand, he's not a Christian
00:07:30.93\00:07:34.58
and I remember
being 16 years old
00:07:34.61\00:07:37.35
when he came and told
me, "You know, Danielle... "
00:07:37.38\00:07:40.13
he could see the
posters I had on my wall...
00:07:40.17\00:07:42.11
and he said,
"Danielle, if there are ways
00:07:42.14\00:07:44.01
in which you're different
from most everybody else...
00:07:44.05\00:07:46.20
that's okay... no
matter who you are,
00:07:46.24\00:07:47.96
I'm still going to love
you... " so, he never came out
00:07:48.00\00:07:50.91
and said, "it's
okay if you're gay"
00:07:50.95\00:07:52.32
well, we basically both
knew what he was talking about
00:07:52.36\00:07:56.25
and so, for me there was
a greater level of freedom
00:07:56.29\00:07:59.47
in my father's home,
and I think that he was just
00:07:59.51\00:08:02.66
trying to nurture me
into being who I was...
00:08:02.69\00:08:06.91
so, I didn't talk to
my mother about it a lot
00:08:06.94\00:08:11.09
but the conversations
that I did have with my father
00:08:11.12\00:08:13.97
which were limited at
that, he was very accepting
00:08:14.01\00:08:16.82
and it was okay to be who I was
00:08:16.85\00:08:19.12
Now, let me ask
you something Danielle,
00:08:19.15\00:08:21.87
because we often hear about
00:08:21.91\00:08:25.33
kids that "come
out" to their parents
00:08:25.37\00:08:28.34
and there's not acceptance,
or there's hostility...
00:08:28.37\00:08:33.47
or there's...
what would you say to
00:08:33.51\00:08:37.03
a Christian parent...
whose child "comes out" to them?
00:08:37.07\00:08:41.37
how should the Christian...
00:08:41.40\00:08:42.89
it's a different thing
from a parent in the world
00:08:42.92\00:08:46.50
but how should a
Christian parent respond
00:08:46.53\00:08:49.71
to a young person
that "comes out" to them?
00:08:49.75\00:08:52.85
I appreciate your asking
that question because I think
00:08:52.89\00:08:56.31
that's it's important
for the child's benefit
00:08:56.35\00:08:59.34
and for the
parent's benefit to kind of
00:08:59.37\00:09:02.32
know a perspective like mine...
00:09:02.36\00:09:04.31
I think that a lot of
the times as Christians...
00:09:04.34\00:09:07.87
we feel like... we can't
accept that part of their life
00:09:07.90\00:09:12.24
in any way, shape or form...
00:09:12.27\00:09:13.41
or that means that
we're saying that "it's okay"
00:09:13.45\00:09:16.03
so a lot of the times
Christian parents will
00:09:16.07\00:09:19.51
as far as what I've
heard, other people say
00:09:19.55\00:09:22.18
that happened to
them when they "came out"
00:09:22.22\00:09:24.78
often, Christian parents will
emotionally distance themselves
00:09:24.81\00:09:30.34
from that child or
they will kick them
00:09:30.38\00:09:32.73
out of the house or...
you know things like this
00:09:32.77\00:09:36.51
that end up only
injuring the person even more...
00:09:36.55\00:09:40.21
I think that... kicking
a person out of the house
00:09:40.25\00:09:44.71
is only going to thrust
them into that "lifestyle"
00:09:44.75\00:09:49.06
or culture that is so
prevalent in homosexuality today
00:09:49.10\00:09:53.90
and it's just going to further
that rejection that they...
00:09:53.93\00:09:58.69
that a lot of people are
really struggling against...
00:09:58.73\00:10:03.35
when you're coming of age...
00:10:03.39\00:10:05.68
and you want to
find "who you are"
00:10:05.71\00:10:07.65
and you want to fit in...
rejection is really a hard thing
00:10:07.69\00:10:11.87
to experience...
well, for all of us
00:10:11.90\00:10:13.34
no matter where we are in life
00:10:13.37\00:10:14.79
so, I would encourage them
not to emotionally reject them
00:10:14.83\00:10:19.82
or physically reject them,
but to express clearly to them
00:10:19.86\00:10:24.92
that you don't approve of
the choice that they've made,
00:10:24.95\00:10:29.98
and explain to them Biblically
why God doesn't approve
00:10:30.01\00:10:33.89
of the choice that they've
made and then at that point
00:10:33.92\00:10:37.77
do your best...
not to reform them...
00:10:37.80\00:10:41.14
but to love them...
and to be there for them
00:10:41.17\00:10:46.54
and continue to be
a parent for them...
00:10:46.57\00:10:48.57
and that doesn't mean
making compromises in your home
00:10:48.60\00:10:52.77
that allow that kind of behavior
00:10:52.81\00:10:54.77
but still being a
parent for them and continuing,
00:10:54.80\00:10:58.63
continuing,
continuing to pray for them...
00:10:58.67\00:11:01.36
because myself and
all of my colleagues
00:11:01.39\00:11:03.67
in 'Coming Out'
Ministries know that...
00:11:03.70\00:11:05.46
we're in the
Church today because
00:11:05.49\00:11:06.81
people were praying for
us, our mothers, our fathers,
00:11:06.85\00:11:10.35
our siblings
continued to pray for us...
00:11:10.38\00:11:12.74
and sometimes we look at
prayer as our "last resort"
00:11:12.77\00:11:16.55
instead of our "first defense"
but really... you know...
00:11:16.58\00:11:20.32
if a person isn't
coming to you with an open hand
00:11:20.36\00:11:22.60
asking for
information, then they're not...
00:11:22.63\00:11:25.27
chances are...
they're not going to be ready
00:11:25.30\00:11:27.90
for it... but if
you just pray the
00:11:27.93\00:11:29.31
Holy Spirit into their lives...
00:11:29.34\00:11:30.65
then, when they're
looking for answers,
00:11:30.69\00:11:32.66
they'll know that
they can come to you
00:11:32.70\00:11:34.66
that you're a safe place
00:11:34.69\00:11:35.85
for them... to come to
you... for those answers
00:11:35.88\00:11:37.57
and then their hand will be open
00:11:37.61\00:11:38.96
and they'll be
able to receive it...
00:11:38.99\00:11:40.44
I think that's a
great answer but you know...
00:11:40.48\00:11:43.90
as I was listening
to you talk about...
00:11:43.94\00:11:46.26
what your dad did... so your dad
00:11:46.30\00:11:48.93
had a piece of it... correct...
00:11:48.97\00:11:51.54
he showed that he
loved you no matter what...
00:11:51.57\00:11:54.80
he loved you...
no matter what...
00:11:54.84\00:11:56.83
and he did not, however,
express concern about the choice
00:11:56.86\00:12:02.21
and he did not have a
Biblical basis... you know...
00:12:02.24\00:12:05.82
that foundation for you,
but he did show you love,
00:12:05.86\00:12:09.34
and I think... that
is a very important thing
00:12:09.38\00:12:11.94
because there's
so much rejection
00:12:11.98\00:12:14.46
and hostility
that's shown to people
00:12:14.50\00:12:16.96
who are in that
lifestyle... that... you know...
00:12:16.99\00:12:20.98
you have to have a
safe place to be...
00:12:21.02\00:12:23.66
and if your parents
would say, "I love you"
00:12:23.69\00:12:26.82
even if you're
making this choice...
00:12:26.85\00:12:28.51
I still love you... but I
don't approve of the choice
00:12:28.55\00:12:31.21
I think that's a
healthy response...
00:12:31.25\00:12:33.85
versus kicking them out...
and abusing them further...
00:12:33.89\00:12:38.47
I think that can just lead to
00:12:38.51\00:12:40.52
suicide and all
kinds of negative things...
00:12:40.56\00:12:43.56
Yes... so, I
think that's really,
00:12:43.60\00:12:45.93
really good...
so your dad then...
00:12:45.97\00:12:48.24
and we have a picture
of you in your teens...
00:12:48.27\00:12:51.27
we want to show...
when you had actually begun
00:12:51.30\00:12:54.64
living that whole lifestyle...
your dad showed you love,
00:12:54.68\00:13:02.26
but he still didn't
lay a foundation for you...
00:13:02.29\00:13:06.99
so, where was God
in this whole thing...
00:13:07.03\00:13:10.01
where was your...
spiritual life during this time?
00:13:10.04\00:13:14.43
Sure, well when I was 9
years old I had been baptized
00:13:14.47\00:13:18.63
I had just been infrequently
attending a Baptist Church and
00:13:18.67\00:13:22.00
and they sat myself
00:13:22.03\00:13:23.52
and a friend down... and said,
00:13:23.55\00:13:25.76
"Do you love Jesus, and
do you believe that He exists
00:13:25.79\00:13:29.94
and that you want
him to be your Savior?"
00:13:29.97\00:13:31.50
and we did... so
we were baptized...
00:13:31.54\00:13:32.83
but... it wasn't that I
had a relationship with Jesus
00:13:32.87\00:13:36.67
I didn't have a
prayer life or read the Bible
00:13:36.70\00:13:39.63
so I didn't have that
foundation in Christ...
00:13:39.66\00:13:42.08
so I didn't have His
hand to hold on to...
00:13:42.12\00:13:44.47
around this time... as I
was kind of transitioning
00:13:44.50\00:13:48.97
towards the world...
what was happening was
00:13:49.01\00:13:51.31
we had moved next door
to an Adventist family...
00:13:51.35\00:13:55.46
and my sister had started
00:13:55.49\00:13:57.14
to study the Bible
with one of their sons...
00:13:57.18\00:13:59.76
but for me it was like
00:13:59.79\00:14:02.15
my sister was
accepting the truth
00:14:02.19\00:14:03.87
that she was receiving
and she was being baptized...
00:14:03.90\00:14:06.51
but for me... it was like I
was sitting down and thinking,
00:14:06.55\00:14:10.61
"You know what...
I don't have to do
00:14:10.65\00:14:12.36
what everybody
tells me I need to do...
00:14:12.40\00:14:14.08
I can make my own decisions,
00:14:14.12\00:14:15.65
I know the difference
between right and wrong
00:14:15.69\00:14:17.35
and what's the
worst that can happen?
00:14:17.38\00:14:18.62
I can be crazy and
at the end of the day...
00:14:18.65\00:14:21.96
everything will be fine...
00:14:22.00\00:14:23.35
what's the worst thing
that can happen... so...
00:14:23.39\00:14:25.69
for me... as I was transitioning
turning away from God
00:14:25.73\00:14:30.15
and kind of rejecting the light
that I had been receiving...
00:14:30.19\00:14:32.79
of course, a lot of
depression and anxiety
00:14:32.83\00:14:35.68
and uneasiness
came... settling in on me
00:14:35.71\00:14:38.49
because I was turning
away from those convictions...
00:14:38.53\00:14:41.09
and then I started blaming God
00:14:41.13\00:14:44.37
for that depression
00:14:44.41\00:14:48.49
for those things and I
thought "I can't be the person
00:14:48.52\00:14:51.19
that the Bible tells
me that I need to be... "
00:14:51.23\00:14:52.82
so I just kind of
left it all behind...
00:14:52.86\00:14:54.84
and I just really went
headstrong out into the world
00:14:54.87\00:15:00.22
at that point...
and extravagant hair,
00:15:00.25\00:15:03.45
make up and dress
became a big part of my life
00:15:03.49\00:15:06.41
because art and music
were really the only things
00:15:06.45\00:15:09.34
that made sense to me anymore,
00:15:09.37\00:15:10.78
they were my solace and my
comfort that I could run to...
00:15:10.81\00:15:13.79
What kind of music...
00:15:13.83\00:15:14.96
what kind of music
were you listening to?
00:15:14.99\00:15:16.83
Well, you know, at
first... in my teenage years
00:15:16.87\00:15:20.37
it was just kind
of... the popular music
00:15:20.40\00:15:23.94
that was on the radio
00:15:23.97\00:15:25.02
which is really... I mean,
when I look back at the music
00:15:25.06\00:15:27.44
I was listening
to... even the "tame stuff"
00:15:27.48\00:15:30.06
that they play on
the radio it's very...
00:15:30.10\00:15:32.52
it's very sensual...
00:15:32.56\00:15:35.51
it's very rebellious and so I
just kind of started with that
00:15:35.55\00:15:40.18
but as I had moved to
the Pacific Northwest...
00:15:40.22\00:15:42.73
there was such a huge local
music scene out there in Seattle
00:15:42.77\00:15:47.36
and I started getting into
that and I think to the world
00:15:47.40\00:15:52.17
to a great extent... God
and Satan are just, you know
00:15:52.21\00:15:56.93
characters in a Fairy Tale
and so, it's almost something
00:15:56.96\00:16:01.65
to joke about... and
so I even got to the point
00:16:01.69\00:16:04.84
where I was listening to very
openly rebellious, blasphemous
00:16:04.88\00:16:09.19
and even Satanic
music at that time
00:16:09.23\00:16:12.75
and I say Satanic because...
you know, in some of their songs
00:16:12.78\00:16:16.48
they would even
talk about the devil...
00:16:16.52\00:16:18.91
"The following one... he
always gets what he wants
00:16:18.95\00:16:21.22
this is your time to repent... "
is one of the lyrics I remember
00:16:21.26\00:16:24.27
from my favorite
band and they said,
00:16:24.30\00:16:28.03
"I am the devil and I've
come to do the devil's work...
00:16:28.06\00:16:30.61
death seduces
generations... " you know,
00:16:30.64\00:16:33.20
so I first
started out listening to
00:16:33.24\00:16:35.73
some of the more
risqué music on the radio
00:16:35.76\00:16:38.57
but this was where I
ended up in the end...
00:16:38.60\00:16:41.00
listening to this kind of music
00:16:41.03\00:16:42.70
that was very
dark and very scary
00:16:42.73\00:16:44.94
and I think that... that music
00:16:44.97\00:16:47.11
it tells us in
"The Great Controversy"
00:16:47.14\00:16:49.39
that by beholding...
we become changed...
00:16:49.43\00:16:51.65
the mind gradually adapts itself
00:16:51.68\00:16:53.74
to the subjects upon
which it is allowed to dwell...
00:16:53.78\00:16:56.33
and at this point...
00:16:56.37\00:16:57.87
the music that I was
listening to... really reflected
00:16:57.91\00:17:00.64
what was going on in my
heart, and had changed me
00:17:00.67\00:17:03.33
and I was... at this point,
I was talking about the very
00:17:03.37\00:17:07.70
extravagant
hair, makeup and dress
00:17:07.73\00:17:09.39
but now I would draw
stitches across my face,
00:17:09.42\00:17:12.98
with sharpie pens...
write song lyrics up and down my
00:17:13.02\00:17:15.73
arms and legs and
even wear devil horns...
00:17:15.76\00:17:18.40
I had a few different
sets of devil horns that I...
00:17:18.43\00:17:20.46
at first was wearing
to concerts and raves
00:17:20.49\00:17:22.88
but then eventually...
just out to the store...
00:17:22.91\00:17:25.33
on a Tuesday afternoon...
00:17:25.37\00:17:26.81
this was just
kind of who I became
00:17:26.84\00:17:28.98
I was a
billboard for the enemy...
00:17:29.02\00:17:31.09
You know... that's
wow! you gave us some really
00:17:31.12\00:17:35.41
interesting points here because
00:17:35.45\00:17:38.79
each scene reinforced the other
00:17:38.82\00:17:42.09
so, the music was
reinforcing of the rebellion...
00:17:42.13\00:17:48.06
and the
lifestyle was reinforcing
00:17:48.10\00:17:51.04
and the music was
reinforcing the lifestyle...
00:17:51.08\00:17:53.87
so it all kind of
worked together...
00:17:53.91\00:17:56.03
as we know the enemy does...
00:17:56.07\00:17:57.76
he just piles some
things up on each other...
00:17:57.79\00:18:02.45
to further cement his
ways into our psyche...
00:18:02.49\00:18:07.12
and so, what you're saying is...
00:18:07.15\00:18:09.11
you started doing all
these different things
00:18:09.14\00:18:11.08
even putting
things on your cheek...
00:18:11.11\00:18:12.83
I think we have a picture of you
00:18:12.87\00:18:15.30
with some markings on your cheek
00:18:15.33\00:18:17.69
was this when you were
at the peak, so to speak,
00:18:17.73\00:18:21.52
or at the depths... depending
on how you want to look at it...
00:18:21.56\00:18:25.35
of your lifestyle...
where were you in this picture?
00:18:25.38\00:18:29.42
Yeah, so that photo, I
think I was probably around
00:18:29.46\00:18:32.99
22 years old... so
that would have been
00:18:33.02\00:18:36.12
the darkest
place... in my journey...
00:18:36.16\00:18:39.13
so, you had...
you had the music...
00:18:39.17\00:18:42.10
you had the bisexual lifestyle,
00:18:42.14\00:18:44.69
and you also got into the
New Age Movement at bit...
00:18:44.73\00:18:50.45
tell us a bit about that...
00:18:50.49\00:18:51.80
Yeah, so, as I was...
00:18:51.84\00:18:54.73
as I was in that deep,
dark place in my life...
00:18:54.76\00:18:58.53
one morning I woke up
00:18:58.56\00:19:00.05
and I just couldn't even
look in the mirror anymore...
00:19:00.09\00:19:03.92
I was so struggling with
anxiety attacks and depression
00:19:03.96\00:19:07.75
and even hearing voices...
00:19:07.79\00:19:10.01
I was really
just... going insane
00:19:10.05\00:19:12.49
and I woke up one morning
and I was just contemplating
00:19:12.53\00:19:15.14
my life... and I heard
this thought in my mind...
00:19:15.18\00:19:17.46
and it was clearer and
stronger than any other thought
00:19:17.49\00:19:20.93
that I had heard
thought before... and it said,
00:19:20.96\00:19:22.02
"Danielle, you've got to change
or you are going to die... "
00:19:22.06\00:19:24.18
and that was when I knew
00:19:24.21\00:19:25.90
I had an
important decision to make
00:19:25.93\00:19:27.65
whether I was going to stay
on the path that I was in...
00:19:27.68\00:19:30.30
or I was going to
turn away from it...
00:19:30.33\00:19:32.33
and I answered that call
00:19:32.37\00:19:34.65
and I moved back
in with my father...
00:19:34.69\00:19:36.11
and I decided that I was
going to try to get off of...
00:19:36.15\00:19:38.83
all of the drugs... get
myself out of this scene
00:19:38.87\00:19:42.78
completely... in the city...
00:19:42.82\00:19:44.10
and just really
try and find God...
00:19:44.13\00:19:47.34
because Christianity hadn't
worked for me... I thought...
00:19:47.38\00:19:51.07
I would search into
different religions of the world
00:19:51.11\00:19:53.84
I was looking
especially into Wiccanism...
00:19:53.88\00:19:56.98
and Native American Spirituality
00:19:57.01\00:19:58.80
eventually
Buddhism and then Hinduism
00:19:58.84\00:20:01.50
and as I was doing my studies
00:20:01.53\00:20:03.37
I found the New Age
Spirituality Movement
00:20:03.40\00:20:05.97
and I related to God...
as a "woman" more in my mind
00:20:06.01\00:20:11.45
because I naturally
related more to women...
00:20:11.48\00:20:13.82
and so, these spiritualities
were so intriguing for me
00:20:13.85\00:20:18.82
and I felt at home
there... in those beliefs
00:20:18.85\00:20:21.72
and as I
continued to read into them
00:20:21.76\00:20:25.91
I think that a lot of lesbians
00:20:25.95\00:20:28.99
gravitate to
those kinds of religions
00:20:29.03\00:20:31.63
because... they can
relate easier to women in it
00:20:31.66\00:20:34.97
so they relate to
God... easier that way...
00:20:35.01\00:20:37.53
and as I was reading
into these different religions
00:20:37.57\00:20:40.58
I found that a lot of lesbians
00:20:40.61\00:20:43.52
had that kind of mentality...
00:20:43.56\00:20:46.40
and so, as I was
stepping out of the world...
00:20:46.44\00:20:48.41
I was kind of stepping also
out of this chapter in my life
00:20:48.44\00:20:51.93
where I was very promiscuous...
00:20:51.97\00:20:53.23
having a lot of different
relationships in and out...
00:20:53.26\00:20:56.44
with men and
women... and I was kind of...
00:20:56.48\00:20:59.61
I'm stepping into this
more subtled spiritual place
00:20:59.64\00:21:05.35
in my life and I
was also trying...
00:21:05.39\00:21:07.20
I was wrestling
between these two decisions
00:21:07.24\00:21:09.46
whether or not I was
going to be celibate because
00:21:09.49\00:21:14.34
I just had this
calling on my heart...
00:21:14.37\00:21:16.23
that in order to grow
spiritually the way I decided to
00:21:16.27\00:21:19.48
I needed to be celibate...
00:21:19.52\00:21:20.67
or on the other hand...
I was thinking, you know,
00:21:20.71\00:21:23.97
I'm usually in
relationships with guys because
00:21:24.00\00:21:26.96
it's easier for me...
00:21:26.99\00:21:28.72
even though I
related to women easier,
00:21:28.76\00:21:31.51
I was more awkward and shy
around girls that I liked...
00:21:31.55\00:21:34.90
so, it was easier for me
to stumble into relationships
00:21:34.94\00:21:38.26
with the guys... so
I thought you know...
00:21:38.29\00:21:39.97
"maybe if I just found a
woman to commit myself to...
00:21:40.00\00:21:42.75
I could actually have a
healthy relationship... "
00:21:42.79\00:21:45.33
so, I was battling between
the decision to be celibate
00:21:45.36\00:21:47.87
or to be a
lesbian... and so that's kind of
00:21:47.91\00:21:50.92
the place that I was
at... spiritually and sexually
00:21:50.96\00:21:55.42
when God saw that my
heart was softening...
00:21:55.46\00:21:59.10
and He decided that He was going
to... kind of "re-place" me
00:21:59.14\00:22:03.19
in a new setting where I can
00:22:03.23\00:22:04.90
"be still and
know that He was God"
00:22:04.93\00:22:06.86
and learn of Him... and
that was a whole new chapter
00:22:06.89\00:22:10.45
in life that God was getting
ready to start me out on.
00:22:10.49\00:22:14.19
So, how did He do it...
what did He do... tell us...
00:22:14.23\00:22:17.90
Well, my sister and her husband
00:22:17.94\00:22:21.34
so that gentleman that she
was studying the Bible with
00:22:21.38\00:22:25.20
that neighbor boy...
she ended up marrying him...
00:22:25.24\00:22:27.92
and this specific summer...
00:22:27.96\00:22:32.06
they were going to
go out to South Dakota
00:22:32.09\00:22:35.96
to go to the Black Hills
Health and Education Center...
00:22:36.00\00:22:38.47
for her husband to do an
internship on the farm...
00:22:38.51\00:22:42.01
and my sister, I think,
she could see that my heart was
00:22:42.04\00:22:44.64
kind of softening because before
00:22:44.68\00:22:46.44
when I was
wearing the devil horns...
00:22:46.47\00:22:47.96
I didn't want to
talk about God at all...
00:22:48.00\00:22:49.92
but now I was
searching and opening up
00:22:49.95\00:22:51.80
and so she invited me
to go out there with them
00:22:51.84\00:22:54.20
for the summer... and
that was kind of a decision
00:22:54.24\00:22:56.65
that I really wrestled with...
and in the end I decided to go
00:22:56.68\00:23:00.21
and it was while I was out there
for volunteering on the farm
00:23:00.24\00:23:03.04
for six months that...
00:23:03.08\00:23:05.07
I was learning
spiritual object lessons
00:23:05.11\00:23:08.18
about my Creator
through His nature...
00:23:08.22\00:23:11.23
out there on the farm
and that was really softening
00:23:11.26\00:23:17.68
my heart more and
more to a Creator God...
00:23:17.72\00:23:19.91
and really understanding that
00:23:19.95\00:23:22.52
kind of worshipping
these things around me as gods
00:23:22.56\00:23:25.15
but there must be something
more to the equation...
00:23:25.19\00:23:29.24
and so... then as I
continued to develop friendships
00:23:29.28\00:23:33.23
with the Christians
out there on campus...
00:23:33.26\00:23:35.54
I started to see
that... you know...
00:23:35.57\00:23:37.71
I was in the struggle between
the person that I wanted to be
00:23:37.75\00:23:41.12
the good person
that I wanted to be
00:23:41.15\00:23:43.22
and the person
that I naturally was...
00:23:43.26\00:23:45.30
and as I had
looked at Christians
00:23:45.34\00:23:47.62
to a large degree before
00:23:47.65\00:23:48.89
as just hypocrites and robots...
00:23:48.93\00:23:50.74
I started to see...
00:23:50.78\00:23:52.34
through these Christian lives
00:23:52.37\00:23:53.76
that they were in the
same battle that I was...
00:23:53.79\00:23:55.75
and they were all
trying to be good people...
00:23:55.79\00:23:58.06
and it kind of softened my
heart towards Christians...
00:23:58.10\00:24:01.56
and then God was
showing me other truths
00:24:01.59\00:24:04.57
gently... as I was
opened to hear them
00:24:04.60\00:24:07.51
more and more truths
about Christianity as well...
00:24:07.55\00:24:11.02
and so my heart was really,
really starting to change
00:24:11.05\00:24:14.49
towards God... and
then the most amazing
00:24:14.53\00:24:17.26
part to me was that...
00:24:17.29\00:24:18.63
He brought
something into my life
00:24:18.67\00:24:20.33
that was so humble... that
I wasn't expecting it to be
00:24:20.37\00:24:24.33
an earth-shattering truth for me
00:24:24.36\00:24:26.40
and that was
when I got my hands on
00:24:26.43\00:24:28.93
five documentaries
and presentations by
00:24:28.97\00:24:31.43
"Little Light Studios"
00:24:31.46\00:24:32.88
and when I watched
the "Magic Kingdom" DVD
00:24:32.91\00:24:37.95
that they put together...
00:24:37.98\00:24:39.35
kind of disclosing the
dangers of Disney movies...
00:24:39.39\00:24:43.30
I started to see that
my mind had been programmed
00:24:43.33\00:24:47.17
from a young age... to
view life the way that I did
00:24:47.21\00:24:50.32
to view sexuality
the way that I did,
00:24:50.35\00:24:52.86
and to view spirituality
the way that I did...
00:24:52.89\00:24:54.62
I saw the kind of
great controversy...
00:24:54.66\00:24:57.45
kind of blossom open...
and see the truth of it...
00:24:57.49\00:25:00.53
through this documentary
and as I started to realize that
00:25:00.57\00:25:04.48
I couldn't trust my own
heart and my own mind...
00:25:04.51\00:25:06.40
to find God and
figure out the universe...
00:25:06.44\00:25:09.69
then I started to also realize
that it wasn't God's plan for me
00:25:09.73\00:25:16.32
to be a lesbian and that was
00:25:16.35\00:25:20.11
namely, I mean, through a
Disney documentary... right...
00:25:20.14\00:25:22.74
mainly I was impressed of that
by how they were talking about
00:25:22.77\00:25:28.00
how Disney
portrays the woman's body...
00:25:28.03\00:25:30.02
with a... you know...
00:25:30.05\00:25:31.42
whether you're watching an
old Disney movie or new one...
00:25:31.45\00:25:33.92
they have that...
very hourglass figure
00:25:33.95\00:25:36.19
that coy and
seductive facial expression
00:25:36.22\00:25:38.42
and very sensual body language
00:25:38.46\00:25:40.54
and they were just talking
about how this is dangerous
00:25:40.58\00:25:43.28
for young girls to learn to
00:25:43.32\00:25:44.74
relate to the
woman's body that way...
00:25:44.78\00:25:46.54
but that was what really...
00:25:46.57\00:25:49.29
the Holy Spirit
spoke to me and said...
00:25:49.32\00:25:51.12
"You know... this
has programmed you
00:25:51.16\00:25:52.78
to view the
woman's body this way... "
00:25:52.81\00:25:54.36
and that was really a point
of kind of surrender for me
00:25:54.40\00:25:57.50
because I realized that I
couldn't cling to my desires
00:25:57.54\00:26:00.61
anymore but that I had
to invite God to lead me
00:26:00.64\00:26:03.89
in His will for my life...
00:26:03.92\00:26:05.70
And praise the Lord for
that... so did the attractions
00:26:05.74\00:26:10.82
the same-sex attraction...
00:26:10.86\00:26:12.97
did they just
immediately go away
00:26:13.01\00:26:14.75
or... what happened with
that... we have about one minute
00:26:14.78\00:26:17.63
I can't believe
our time is about up...
00:26:17.66\00:26:20.23
What happened to
the same-sex attraction?
00:26:20.27\00:26:22.80
Sure, you know,
00:26:22.83\00:26:24.31
those attractions
didn't just melt away...
00:26:24.35\00:26:27.70
I think in God's
mercy and love for me...
00:26:27.74\00:26:31.03
what He did was, He
took my desire for the things
00:26:31.06\00:26:34.31
that go against His
expressed will away...
00:26:34.35\00:26:37.43
and so I didn't... my
mind wasn't so focused
00:26:37.47\00:26:40.48
towards that anymore...
but I did realize very quickly
00:26:40.51\00:26:44.10
that I had to guard
the avenues of my soul
00:26:44.13\00:26:46.16
I had to become mindful of
where I was looking at... and
00:26:46.19\00:26:49.49
what I was thinking...
otherwise, those attractions
00:26:49.52\00:26:53.38
would start to come up
again... and so, even today,
00:26:53.42\00:26:57.24
I might look at
a woman and think,
00:26:57.28\00:26:59.02
"She's really beautiful...
" but then I just think
00:26:59.05\00:27:01.64
"God created beauty and it's
okay for her to be beautiful...
00:27:01.67\00:27:05.15
and I'm not going to
indulge in that thought
00:27:05.19\00:27:07.06
and continue in that thought
00:27:07.10\00:27:08.68
but I'm just going to
thank God for the beauty
00:27:08.72\00:27:10.81
and move on... " and
so, that's kind of where
00:27:10.84\00:27:12.87
I had to come in my life to
realize that I don't have to
00:27:12.90\00:27:15.98
identify myself by my temptation
but what I identify in now is
00:27:16.01\00:27:22.67
that I'm a new
creature in Christ
00:27:22.71\00:27:24.48
and that He's able to keep
me if I would just continue
00:27:24.52\00:27:27.36
to submit it to Him...
00:27:27.39\00:27:28.68
every time the
temptation comes in.
00:27:28.72\00:27:29.85
That is wonderful...
00:27:29.88\00:27:32.11
and that is wonderful advice
for someone who is battling
00:27:32.15\00:27:36.59
with the same issues...
00:27:36.62\00:27:38.00
now you're with
'Coming Out' Ministries
00:27:38.03\00:27:40.17
and I recommend that our
Viewers go to that website
00:27:40.21\00:27:45.27
check them out
00:27:45.31\00:27:46.38
and I want to thank you so much
Danielle... for being with us...
00:27:46.42\00:27:49.89
Thank you... may God bless
you and continue to bless you...
00:27:49.93\00:27:53.08
thank you so
much... Thank you...
00:27:53.11\00:27:55.60
All of us have been in
some kind of darkness...
00:27:55.63\00:27:58.91
that's why we need a Savior...
Jesus Christ the righteous...
00:27:58.95\00:28:02.42
If you're still in a dark place
00:28:02.45\00:28:04.37
ask Jesus to
come into your heart
00:28:04.41\00:28:06.26
and watch how your life...
your life will just change...
00:28:06.30\00:28:10.14
Thank you so much
for being with us...
00:28:10.18\00:28:12.02
join us next time...
because it wouldn't be the same
00:28:12.05\00:28:14.09
without you...
00:28:14.12\00:28:15.68