Stay tuned to meet a woman
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who overcame the throes
of drug and alcohol addiction
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and is now on
fire for Jesus Christ.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today
is Denise Sanderson,
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community
service center director
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for the Seventh-day
Adventist community center
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in Phoenix, Arizona.
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Welcome to Urban Report, Denise.
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Thanks, Yvonne.
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Thanks for having me here today.
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Oh, it's great to have you.
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I have heard such great
things about your testimony.
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Brian Hamilton, who is our
chief financial officer here,
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he is also very, very
involved in prison ministry.
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Yes, yes.
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And he was telling me about you
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and I just felt like I had
to have you on Urban Report
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so that our viewers
could hear your journey.
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Praise God.
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So let's talk a little
bit about your journey.
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Tell me about your
childhood, what was it like?
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Growing up as a child in
my home, there was no love.
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Where were you from?
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I'm from Austin, Texas. Okay.
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So my father was a military man.
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I had four siblings
and I was the only girl
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but I grew up in a home
where there was a lot of abuse.
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Sexual abuse, verbal
abuse and physical abuse
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so by the time that
I was seven years old,
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I had taken myself
to an extreme of drugs
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at that time which was
popping pills, huffing paint.
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Where did you get the pills?
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Basically, my
father was in the military,
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we were close to
an air force base
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and some of my
friends that I had,
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they, their parents
were doctors and nurses
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so of course when I went
over to my friends' house,
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I would've raid
the medicine cabinet
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and just start popping
pills just to medicate myself
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because there was a lot
of sexual abuse going on.
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I was molested from that time.
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I remember being
five, being molested,
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it could have went
on earlier than that
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but I remember
at the age of five
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my father molesting me so.
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So that's where it
actually started the pain...
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Yes.
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...from the molestation at five?
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Yes.
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And so that you were
trying to self medicate,
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trying to just ease that pain.
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Yes.
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And at seven, that has
to kind of sink into my head
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because usually,
you think of teenagers
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beginning to pop pills
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or, you know, teenagers
experimenting with drugs
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but you were seven
years old, a baby...
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Yes.
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Popping pills just
trying to get over that pain,
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so what happened from seven?
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You were popping pills,
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did anybody know
that you were doing this?
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My stepmother at that time,
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recognized there was a
behavior change in my life
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but I think because of the abuse
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that took on in our home daily,
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she was probably closed to it
because of her dealing with her
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own emotional issues
so nobody really knew
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what I was doing except me.
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Did anybody in your household
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know about the abuse
besides you and your father?
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No one. Nobody.
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He told me that if told
anyone that he would beat me
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and that people would
not believe it anyways
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so he put fear in
me at a very young age
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not to ever tell
anyone so I just did that.
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Did your father
abuse alcohol himself or--?
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He was an alcoholic. He
was a terrible alcoholic.
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Very physically
abusive, would come home
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and he had gotten to the point
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with his strictness
in being to the military
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if we didn't
have our beds made up
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and the way that he saw fit,
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if he threw the
quarter on the bed
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and it didn't
bounce, he would rip it off,
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you know, snatch the covers off
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and make us
come and do it again.
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I mean, he was just real evil.
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And he would go--
would he go into a rage?
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Yes.
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We would get
whipped with many things,
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tension cords,
whatever he could reach
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is what all of us
felt and my siblings and I.
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Where was your
biological mother?
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My biological
mother abandoned me
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when I was a baby
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because when my
father married her,
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she was 13 years
old and he was 23
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so she got pregnant
with me at the age of 14
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and had me at the age of 15.
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So he was overseas and the TDY,
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I guess it's what
they call it back then,
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and she was doing things
when she was only a child
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but CPS had came to take
me because of the neglect
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and the abuse of my mother
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and so she more
or less gave me up.
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So look at the environment
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out of which you
came, your dad was abusive,
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molesting you,
physically abusing you,
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sexually abusing
you, verbally abusing you,
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and your mom had abandoned you.
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All of this led
you into the lifestyle
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that you ended up being...
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Correct. Correct.
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So you started at 7,
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what happened by
the time you were 13?
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What were you doing?
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By the time that
I was 13 years old,
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I had tried to kill myself,
I tried to commit suicide.
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The pain was too
much, the drugs and alcohol
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that I were doing
at that time just,
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it wasn't enough to take
away all the hurt and things
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that were just
haunting me daily so.
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Did you have
anybody in your life that,
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at school were you
able to talk to a counselor,
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I mean, where was your
support system at this time?
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I didn't have
any and I didn't know
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that I had any,
let me just say that.
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I was afraid, I was ashamed,
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I'd blame myself
for me being molested
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that maybe I
shouldn't have had on the dress
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that day and things like that
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so I just kind of
withdrew myself from everyone.
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I withdrew from the world
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and everything just
began to come from within
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and I didn't want to
share anything on the outside.
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You know, Denise, to know
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that you went
through that kind of pain
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and had no one around you
and you didn't know the Lord
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so it wasn't as though you could
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or would call upon Him,
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you didn't know Him
at that point, correct?
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Or did you?
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Actually, I had went to church.
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I used to go to
church every Sunday.
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Okay.
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And I used to
hear in church that,
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you know, Jesus delivers
and heals and forgives and,
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but because every time
I'd come home from church,
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there my father
was waiting for me.
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Somehow, the thought of
even crying out to Jesus
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didn't seem like
there was any use,
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didn't make any
use for me to do that.
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Isn't it something that
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when we don't really know like
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we could have a
working knowledge
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but not really that intimate
relationship with the Lord
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that we don't really know
that we can depend upon Him
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and you were 13
so you really just,
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you're just kind of
out there feeling so alone.
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Yes. What did you do?
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How did you work
through this whole thing?
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Did you leave
home? What did you do?
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I ran and left my
home when I was 15.
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Okay.
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So I got tired
of the sexual abuse
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but when I ran away from home,
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because there
were so many things
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that were taking place,
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I kind of went into
some wrong roads of life
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when I ran away from home.
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Okay, let's talk
about that, what did you do?
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I got connected
up with bad people,
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one of the people
said, I didn't know,
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he was a gentleman
and I'd lived in Austin
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and I hitchhiked
to Houston, Texas.
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And when I got there,
it was a nice gentleman
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so I thought but I
was only 15, you know.
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He took me out to
streets and fed me
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and put me up in
a hotel for a week
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and I didn't know he was a pimp.
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I had no clue.
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So that lifestyle there was,
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you know, he wanted to put me
on the streets but I refused to
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so every time he put me
out there, I ran back away.
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He would always find me so,
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I mean, and my life
just began to spiral
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in the wrong
direction from that time on.
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I think one of the
things was just that
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I was just looking
for someone to love me.
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Yes, yes, and I think that
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that's what happen so
often with our young girls,
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with our-- Young girls and boys
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that run away from home,
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they're looking for
someone to love them
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and looking for love
in all the wrong places
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so to speak, yeah, right,
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so then you hookup with someone
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who you think has your
best interest at heart.
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Yes.
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And then you find out that
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this guy's no
different from my father.
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From my father, exactly.
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So you were continuing
the cycle at this point?
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Yes.
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Not, not because it's
your fault, by any means.
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Correct. 'Cause it wasn't.
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But you-- you
were still caught up
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in that same cycle of abuse.
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Yes.
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And you were
trying to kill yourself
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before the emptiness
that you must have felt,
00:09:07.21\00:09:11.85
the loneliness, tell
us a little bit about
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the depth that you
reached during that time.
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I had blamed myself
and there was so much guilt
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going on inside of me
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and I knew that my
mother had abandoned me
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and didn't want me.
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And I knew that I
was placed in a family
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where there was no moral values.
00:09:31.37\00:09:33.87
I didn't have
anyone to look up to.
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There was lying,
cheating, stealing,
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drinking and
abuse and everything
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and I had to grow up
in that for so many years
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and then when I ran into--
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'cause not only I tried to
kill myself once, I tried twice.
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The first time wasn't successful
00:09:48.85\00:09:50.09
neither was the second time
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but I had felt
such worthlessness.
00:09:51.32\00:09:56.09
I didn't feel like I mattered,
anything about me mattered
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and that's why I tried to
because in my mind's eyes,
00:10:00.63\00:10:04.47
at that time as
being young as I was,
00:10:04.50\00:10:06.80
I thought if I
did away with myself,
00:10:06.84\00:10:08.64
I wouldn't have to hurt anymore.
00:10:08.67\00:10:10.54
Yeah.
00:10:10.57\00:10:11.67
And that's what goes through
00:10:11.71\00:10:13.44
so many young people's
heads that attempt suicide,
00:10:13.48\00:10:17.81
some of whom are
successful with it.
00:10:17.85\00:10:20.58
But if they only knew
00:10:20.62\00:10:22.65
that there is a
better day coming...
00:10:22.68\00:10:23.92
Yes.
00:10:23.95\00:10:25.02
Tell us how your
life turned around.
00:10:25.05\00:10:27.96
Well, I had got
pregnant with my daughter,
00:10:27.99\00:10:32.46
when I was 20 years
old, I had met a gentleman
00:10:32.49\00:10:36.70
and I had prayed a prayer,
00:10:36.73\00:10:39.43
I said, "Lord, could
You give me someone to love?
00:10:39.47\00:10:41.90
Someone who would love me,
someone who wouldn't hurt me?"
00:10:41.94\00:10:44.61
And that one of those prayers
00:10:44.64\00:10:45.81
that I just shot up
that people do often.
00:10:45.84\00:10:49.41
But lo and behold,
I got pregnant and,
00:10:49.44\00:10:51.88
you know, when--
during that time,
00:10:51.91\00:10:52.98
I stopped using
drugs and alcohol
00:10:53.01\00:10:54.45
because there was a
life growing inside of me
00:10:54.48\00:10:56.89
that meant something to me.
00:10:56.92\00:10:58.82
You know, and so...
00:10:58.85\00:11:01.72
that was the beginning process
00:11:01.76\00:11:05.89
but yeah, there was still a
lot of darkness ahead for me,
00:11:05.93\00:11:07.86
after I had my daughter.
00:11:07.93\00:11:09.83
So your prayer
was answered in that
00:11:09.86\00:11:15.17
now you had someone to love,
00:11:15.20\00:11:17.81
that you could
love unconditionally,
00:11:17.84\00:11:20.88
that wouldn't hurt you,
that would just love you back.
00:11:20.91\00:11:24.98
Yes.
00:11:25.01\00:11:26.05
And so that in the
sense was an answer to prayer,
00:11:26.08\00:11:29.05
and it's interesting to me that
00:11:29.08\00:11:31.35
during the time
of your pregnancy,
00:11:31.39\00:11:33.09
you were able to
let go off the drugs,
00:11:33.12\00:11:36.46
let go off the alcohol
00:11:36.49\00:11:38.26
because there was something
more important there for you.
00:11:38.29\00:11:41.23
Yes.
00:11:41.26\00:11:43.20
To me, you were
filling a void with this--
00:11:43.23\00:11:48.34
with this baby, you
were filling that void
00:11:48.37\00:11:52.24
that you had in your soul
00:11:52.27\00:11:54.68
and so you were
able to let go off
00:11:54.71\00:11:58.05
the alcohol and the drugs
but then you find out that
00:11:58.08\00:12:01.38
really that void isn't filled
with any human relationship.
00:12:01.42\00:12:05.32
Correct.
00:12:05.35\00:12:06.79
What happened after
the birth of your daughter,
00:12:06.82\00:12:09.99
what happened in your life?
00:12:10.03\00:12:12.46
I got introduced
to crack cocaine.
00:12:12.49\00:12:14.96
Okay, okay.
00:12:15.00\00:12:16.83
I got introduced to
that with a friend of mine
00:12:16.87\00:12:19.30
which, today, I
know now is not a friend,
00:12:19.33\00:12:22.24
but I got to
introduced to crack cocaine
00:12:22.27\00:12:23.77
and I started
using recreationally,
00:12:23.81\00:12:27.11
a functioning worker, you know,
00:12:27.14\00:12:29.04
going to work everyday
and using it once a month,
00:12:29.08\00:12:32.98
you know, at parties
and events and things
00:12:33.01\00:12:35.62
like that but
within a few years,
00:12:35.65\00:12:37.62
the lie that I
told myself was this,
00:12:37.65\00:12:40.36
"I have this under
control" and that was a lie.
00:12:40.39\00:12:44.73
So you went from week--
00:12:44.76\00:12:47.23
like, once a month to how often?
00:12:47.30\00:12:50.90
Everyday all day.
00:12:50.93\00:12:53.34
That's what I went to
within four years, I believe.
00:12:53.37\00:12:57.01
Everyday all day long to where
00:12:57.04\00:13:00.91
that's all I thought
about because I had, once again,
00:13:00.94\00:13:03.71
found something to medicate me
00:13:03.75\00:13:06.08
from the hurt and the pain
that was still haunting me,
00:13:06.11\00:13:08.92
'cause I still had
to face molestation
00:13:08.95\00:13:11.02
and the self worth
and no value, you know.
00:13:11.05\00:13:16.86
You ugly, you-- everything that,
00:13:16.89\00:13:20.53
today I know it was the enemy
00:13:20.56\00:13:22.43
but then, I
didn't know who it was.
00:13:22.46\00:13:24.50
And I'm so glad
you said that because,
00:13:24.53\00:13:27.24
you know, all the
time on Urban Report,
00:13:27.27\00:13:30.84
I talk about God's plan for us.
00:13:30.87\00:13:33.68
But just as God
has a plan for us,
00:13:33.71\00:13:35.64
the enemy has a plan for us.
00:13:35.68\00:13:37.31
God's plan is to
prosper you, to give--
00:13:37.35\00:13:39.88
and I don't
necessarily mean materially.
00:13:39.91\00:13:42.25
But I mean to
give you a better life,
00:13:42.28\00:13:44.35
a more abundant life,
00:13:44.39\00:13:45.65
that's what Jesus
said He came to do.
00:13:45.69\00:13:48.02
But the enemy's deal is that
00:13:48.06\00:13:50.66
he wants to take you
on that downward spiral
00:13:50.69\00:13:53.50
and he'll take
his time but he will--
00:13:53.53\00:13:55.93
he'll have you starting out
00:13:55.96\00:13:57.37
as a recreational
crack user once a month,
00:13:57.40\00:14:00.54
but by the end of the deal,
00:14:00.57\00:14:02.30
you are doing it
everyday all day.
00:14:02.34\00:14:05.34
Because his plan
for you is destruction.
00:14:05.37\00:14:08.98
Yes.
00:14:09.01\00:14:10.08
And God says, you know, choose.
00:14:10.11\00:14:12.35
Yes. Choose.
00:14:12.38\00:14:13.75
Which plan do you want?
00:14:13.78\00:14:15.88
'Cause I have the one
that's gonna give you a future
00:14:15.92\00:14:17.92
and a hope and Satan has the one
00:14:17.95\00:14:20.72
that's gonna take
you into destruction.
00:14:20.76\00:14:22.82
So you were on
that road to destruction
00:14:22.86\00:14:28.06
doing crack everyday all day.
00:14:28.10\00:14:33.03
Tell us if you
would briefly like
00:14:33.07\00:14:34.97
what is it
about that whole thing
00:14:35.00\00:14:39.57
that draws you in with crack.
00:14:39.61\00:14:41.88
What draws you into it so much
00:14:41.91\00:14:44.28
that it consumes
your every thought?
00:14:44.31\00:14:47.38
The pain, hurting, the high
00:14:47.42\00:14:52.65
because once you take
the first hit from it,
00:14:52.69\00:14:55.66
you're always chasing
00:14:55.69\00:14:56.93
that kind of
particular feeling thereafter
00:14:56.96\00:14:59.59
and that's why
people continuously do it
00:14:59.63\00:15:02.50
because they're
looking for that first rush
00:15:02.53\00:15:05.43
that they had
for the first time.
00:15:05.47\00:15:07.47
And you don't ever find it.
00:15:07.50\00:15:08.60
And it never comes again.
You don't ever find it ever.
00:15:08.64\00:15:11.84
Wow, wow.
00:15:11.87\00:15:14.18
So how far did
you spiral downward?
00:15:14.21\00:15:17.51
To the point to
where it ended up
00:15:17.55\00:15:19.75
getting me incarcerated.
00:15:19.78\00:15:21.08
Okay.
00:15:21.12\00:15:22.72
Giving up my child,
abandoning my daughter,
00:15:22.75\00:15:29.06
just... it was horrible
00:15:29.09\00:15:31.86
and I'm reaping some
of those effects today
00:15:31.89\00:15:33.70
by the choices that I made,
00:15:33.73\00:15:34.93
you know, being a single mother,
00:15:34.96\00:15:37.37
raising my daughter,
trying to do it out of hurt
00:15:37.40\00:15:41.70
and whatever else
and you said it earlier,
00:15:41.74\00:15:46.27
it was just the void
00:15:46.31\00:15:47.24
that could not be
filled by human, you know.
00:15:47.28\00:15:51.65
So you ended up being
incarcerated for how long?
00:15:51.68\00:15:54.92
I was in and out of the jail
system for about five years.
00:15:54.95\00:15:58.39
I did a lot of time altogether
for five years, in and out.
00:15:58.42\00:16:02.19
What was it like in jail?
00:16:02.22\00:16:03.69
Oh, horrible. It was terrible.
00:16:03.73\00:16:07.46
But I was terrible
because when they arrested me,
00:16:07.50\00:16:11.03
I was high and drunk so I
went in there with spirits
00:16:11.07\00:16:15.04
that were just as
ugly as the other people
00:16:15.07\00:16:16.97
that were in the jails with me
00:16:17.01\00:16:18.94
and then when I
moved on to the tents
00:16:18.97\00:16:21.51
and the astray where
they had house ladies,
00:16:21.54\00:16:23.65
the women, I mean,
it was just horrible.
00:16:23.68\00:16:27.05
It was something that
00:16:27.08\00:16:28.38
I would not ever want
to go back and do again.
00:16:28.42\00:16:32.39
Yeah.
00:16:32.42\00:16:33.92
I mean, I've been
to jails, prisons,
00:16:33.96\00:16:38.36
you know, for prison ministry.
00:16:38.39\00:16:39.43
Right.
00:16:39.46\00:16:40.56
But never have I
seen the cells themselves,
00:16:40.60\00:16:43.30
you know, you go into a room
00:16:43.33\00:16:44.83
and you administer to
music or whatever there.
00:16:44.87\00:16:48.00
So I've never
seen the actual cells
00:16:48.04\00:16:50.54
except on
television or something
00:16:50.57\00:16:52.07
but they, it--
from what I understand,
00:16:52.11\00:16:54.78
it's just such a horrific way
to live every day of your life
00:16:54.81\00:17:00.52
in that kind of surroundings,
in that kind of environment
00:17:00.55\00:17:04.42
where there's a lot of anger
and rage and fighting and...
00:17:04.45\00:17:09.09
just all of that
and you're saying that
00:17:09.12\00:17:11.53
that's how you went
in, what changed your life?
00:17:11.56\00:17:16.26
That's when Jesus
introduced Himself to me.
00:17:16.30\00:17:19.27
It's when I was
locked up the final time
00:17:19.30\00:17:21.44
'cause I had been--
00:17:21.47\00:17:22.57
had pat on the
backs prior to that,
00:17:22.60\00:17:24.47
you know, doing
couple of months here
00:17:24.51\00:17:26.44
and a few weeks here and there
00:17:26.47\00:17:27.71
and nothing
really consistently long
00:17:27.74\00:17:30.71
but I had told my
daughter, she was 12 years old
00:17:30.75\00:17:33.55
'cause I had got
arrested and I told my daughter,
00:17:33.58\00:17:36.28
I said, "Well,
mama's coming home."
00:17:36.32\00:17:38.42
And I told her to come to court,
00:17:38.45\00:17:40.32
you know, and of
course, when she came to court
00:17:40.36\00:17:42.39
she heard all of my
charges which devastated me
00:17:42.42\00:17:44.49
because I didn't
want my daughter to know.
00:17:44.53\00:17:46.73
Some of the things that I'd did
00:17:46.76\00:17:48.73
but when the judge
hit the gavel and told me
00:17:48.76\00:17:52.07
that I wasn't
going home in no time,
00:17:52.10\00:17:53.97
I was
brokenhearted and devastated
00:17:54.00\00:17:55.70
because for real, this time
00:17:55.74\00:17:58.01
I was gonna be
separated from my daughter
00:17:58.04\00:18:00.54
but when being
incarcerated, I went to church
00:18:00.58\00:18:03.51
'cause they
called church in there,
00:18:03.55\00:18:04.61
you know, when you
have an opportunity
00:18:04.65\00:18:05.75
to go to church,
like of course you know,
00:18:05.78\00:18:08.02
and I went to church
and I had my own plans
00:18:08.05\00:18:11.29
to sit in the back
row and be disruptive
00:18:11.32\00:18:13.82
and, you know, do
the evil demonic things
00:18:13.86\00:18:16.32
that I was practicing, you know.
00:18:16.36\00:18:18.59
But God had another plan for me.
00:18:18.63\00:18:20.06
Come on, come on.
00:18:20.10\00:18:21.16
God had another
plan for me. Come on.
00:18:21.20\00:18:22.86
And there were two
women there that day
00:18:22.90\00:18:24.40
and they were preaching
and when they were sharing
00:18:24.43\00:18:27.77
what they were
teaching that day,
00:18:27.80\00:18:29.40
it was like my life story was
being exposed to everyone there
00:18:29.44\00:18:33.58
because everything
that they had talked about
00:18:33.61\00:18:35.94
is what I had did.
00:18:35.98\00:18:37.51
They were talking
about Mary Magdalene
00:18:37.55\00:18:39.85
and the things that she
had did and I began weeping.
00:18:39.88\00:18:43.42
And as I began weeping,
that's when the process began
00:18:43.45\00:18:46.39
for the Holy
Spirit to show me that.
00:18:46.42\00:18:48.96
"This was you
but you're gonna be
00:18:48.99\00:18:50.69
something
different when I get done."
00:18:50.73\00:18:53.66
How beautiful is that. Yes.
00:18:53.70\00:18:55.70
Really, how beautiful is that
00:18:55.73\00:18:57.40
that God would reach
into that prison and say,
00:18:57.43\00:19:00.90
"I've got something
better for you, I love you.
00:19:00.94\00:19:04.87
I have
something better for you."
00:19:04.91\00:19:07.01
Yes.
00:19:07.04\00:19:08.08
"And I will be
your Father." Yes.
00:19:08.11\00:19:12.28
How-- Was it
difficult for you to,
00:19:12.31\00:19:14.85
because of where you
had been with your father,
00:19:14.88\00:19:18.09
with your earthly
father, was it difficult for you
00:19:18.12\00:19:21.09
to accept the love
of your Heavenly Father?
00:19:21.12\00:19:25.56
Very difficult and there
are times today when I struggle.
00:19:25.59\00:19:29.53
When I read in the
Bible the word father,
00:19:29.56\00:19:31.53
I just, it just
caused me to crunch,
00:19:31.57\00:19:34.37
you know, and
it was a long str--
00:19:34.40\00:19:37.71
a long haul for
me because father
00:19:37.74\00:19:39.94
and the love and the acceptance
00:19:39.97\00:19:41.54
and because when I was a child,
00:19:41.58\00:19:43.18
I would do things to
try to make my father happy.
00:19:43.21\00:19:46.28
And I just grew
up into that behavior
00:19:46.31\00:19:48.95
so coming into this
Christian walk with Jesus,
00:19:48.98\00:19:53.32
I thought the same thing.
00:19:53.36\00:19:54.86
You know, let me do some things
00:19:54.89\00:19:56.22
that will make
Jesus happy so that,
00:19:56.26\00:19:58.49
you know, He'll love me.
00:19:58.53\00:20:00.26
Yes.
00:20:00.30\00:20:01.36
So that He'll love me. Yes.
00:20:01.40\00:20:02.83
Wanting to earn his love,
00:20:02.86\00:20:04.93
not knowing that
you already had it.
00:20:04.97\00:20:07.50
Didn't have a clue.
00:20:07.54\00:20:09.20
Even being incarcerated
and learning about His love,
00:20:09.24\00:20:12.74
that was a long road
Jesus had to allow me
00:20:12.77\00:20:16.28
to continue on the journey of,
00:20:16.31\00:20:18.85
"I'm not like
your earthly father.
00:20:18.88\00:20:20.58
Something totally
different and magnificent,"
00:20:20.62\00:20:23.45
which I've accepted
today and I love it today.
00:20:23.49\00:20:26.86
Yes, hallelujah,
that's such a beautiful thing.
00:20:26.89\00:20:30.16
Yes. Beautiful, beautiful.
00:20:30.19\00:20:32.53
So while you were at
that meeting, you heard--
00:20:32.56\00:20:36.97
the Holy Spirit
just worked on you.
00:20:37.00\00:20:38.57
Yes.
00:20:38.60\00:20:39.67
And you became convicted
00:20:39.70\00:20:40.94
and how did you
begin the walk from there?
00:20:40.97\00:20:45.14
I had a clergy that
came in to speak with me
00:20:45.17\00:20:47.28
and she told me
to read constantly
00:20:47.31\00:20:49.94
and so I did and I
treasured every word,
00:20:49.98\00:20:53.42
I hid it in my heart,
I-- 'cause that's all I had,
00:20:53.45\00:20:57.25
at that time I was separated
00:20:57.29\00:20:58.59
from the one person
that I knew loved me.
00:20:58.62\00:21:01.99
So I held on to every word
and it began a journey for me
00:21:02.02\00:21:06.90
but it was a journey
that once I got released,
00:21:06.93\00:21:10.23
of course, there was
challenges out there, you know.
00:21:10.27\00:21:12.93
You know, the
Bible says that if you,
00:21:12.97\00:21:16.84
it's about the
story about, you know,
00:21:16.87\00:21:18.27
the devil seeking around,
you get your house clean and--
00:21:18.31\00:21:20.58
Oh, yeah.
00:21:20.61\00:21:21.58
He comes back and he
finds your house clean,
00:21:21.61\00:21:23.24
he brings back
seven sp-- Seven... Yeah.
00:21:23.28\00:21:25.31
Well, that happened to me
00:21:25.35\00:21:26.38
because the
clergy forgot to tell me
00:21:26.41\00:21:27.88
before being
released, is to read your Bible
00:21:27.92\00:21:30.39
when you get out, and I didn't.
00:21:30.42\00:21:33.36
I took my Bible home with me
and I set it up on a bookshelf
00:21:33.39\00:21:37.26
and I just based
everything of what I knew
00:21:37.29\00:21:39.76
but I didn't know to continue
00:21:39.79\00:21:42.26
that relationship
being on the outside
00:21:42.30\00:21:44.97
so I ended up back into drugs.
00:21:45.00\00:21:47.44
But every time that I was using,
00:21:47.47\00:21:49.54
I heard this voice saying,
00:21:49.57\00:21:50.51
"What are you
doing? What are you doing?"
00:21:50.54\00:21:53.84
Because now you belonged to Him.
00:21:53.88\00:21:56.41
Yes.
00:21:56.44\00:21:57.48
And He wasn't
gonna let you just go.
00:21:57.51\00:22:00.28
Yes.
00:22:00.32\00:22:01.58
So you kept hearing
that little voice saying,
00:22:01.62\00:22:03.85
"What are you
doing? What are you doing?"
00:22:03.89\00:22:06.29
And so how did you-- how did He,
00:22:06.32\00:22:09.52
through you, turn
it around ultimately?
00:22:09.56\00:22:13.33
My daughter, after my
granddaughter was born,
00:22:13.36\00:22:17.57
she had purchased a car
00:22:17.60\00:22:18.97
and she had
called me and she said,
00:22:19.00\00:22:20.67
"Mom, should we get a car
00:22:20.70\00:22:22.04
'cause you want
to go to church?"
00:22:22.07\00:22:23.14
Well, she was
blinded by the love for me
00:22:23.17\00:22:25.47
'cause I was still,
you know, just, and I said,
00:22:25.51\00:22:28.01
"No, don't use
your money on that"
00:22:28.04\00:22:29.24
'cause I had other
plans for her check
00:22:29.28\00:22:30.65
and that was for me to use it.
00:22:30.68\00:22:32.55
But she ended up
buying a car anyway
00:22:32.58\00:22:33.95
and I used to take it to work
00:22:33.98\00:22:35.32
and it happened in
Phoenix, out in Mesa.
00:22:35.35\00:22:38.35
I would drop her off at work
and then I would go out to Mesa
00:22:38.39\00:22:40.49
and get my stuff
and go back home.
00:22:40.52\00:22:42.49
But my granddaughter
was nine months old
00:22:42.52\00:22:44.49
and I had a
miniature Doberman pinscher
00:22:44.53\00:22:46.16
and his name was Snoop Dogg.
00:22:46.19\00:22:49.10
Oh, like the artist. Yes.
00:22:49.13\00:22:52.47
And I has set them
in their play areas,
00:22:52.50\00:22:55.77
my grand baby in
her play area and my dog
00:22:55.80\00:22:58.17
and I would go in the
bathroom where I would do,
00:22:58.21\00:23:00.18
you know, my evil deeds,
and I would get ready to use it
00:23:00.21\00:23:03.61
and my granddaughter
would be at the door
00:23:03.65\00:23:05.05
crying at the top of her lungs
00:23:05.08\00:23:06.95
and my dog at
the door just barking
00:23:06.98\00:23:08.68
and I would open the door up
00:23:08.72\00:23:09.85
and she would have
this big old pretty smile,
00:23:09.88\00:23:12.15
she would stop crying
and my dog would stop barking
00:23:12.19\00:23:15.19
and I'm like,
"What is going on?"
00:23:15.22\00:23:17.06
You know, and so
I'd go and do that,
00:23:17.09\00:23:18.39
and I'd set them back
on her little play thing
00:23:18.43\00:23:20.36
and him and I'd go
back in the bathroom
00:23:20.40\00:23:22.76
and sure enough they
were right there at the door
00:23:22.80\00:23:25.20
just screaming at
the top of her lungs
00:23:25.23\00:23:27.50
and him just
barking as loud as he could.
00:23:27.54\00:23:30.24
And I would open the
door up and he would just be,
00:23:30.27\00:23:32.31
you know,
smiling and so would she
00:23:32.34\00:23:34.41
and so I stopped that day
00:23:34.44\00:23:35.51
and it went on for
three days straight.
00:23:35.54\00:23:37.65
Every day I take
my daughter to work
00:23:37.68\00:23:39.18
and every day I would go
there and go in that bathroom,
00:23:39.21\00:23:41.62
they would be
right there at that door
00:23:41.65\00:23:43.25
being real
distracters you know, just--
00:23:43.28\00:23:45.65
and I'd stop and
on the third day,
00:23:45.69\00:23:47.69
I was at the park and
I purchased some drugs
00:23:47.72\00:23:52.93
and I heard a voice very audible
00:23:52.96\00:23:56.06
like talking with you today,
"You will get high no more."
00:23:56.10\00:23:58.93
And I kind of looked around
and I'm like, "What is that?"
00:23:58.97\00:24:02.34
And it became even louder,
"You will get high no more."
00:24:02.37\00:24:06.54
And so I looked at
the crack in my hand,
00:24:06.57\00:24:08.88
and I kind of looked around
00:24:08.91\00:24:11.08
but I threw it down
and walked away from it
00:24:11.11\00:24:13.88
and I've been
clean for 16 years now.
00:24:13.92\00:24:18.09
Praise the-- look at
that, look at God, 16 years,
00:24:18.12\00:24:23.59
"You will get high no
more" and you never did again.
00:24:23.63\00:24:27.40
Never did it again.
00:24:27.46\00:24:29.33
Wow, that's
powerful, that is powerful.
00:24:29.36\00:24:32.27
Tell us what you're doing
now, what's your ministry now?
00:24:32.30\00:24:35.84
We have a prison
ministry in Phoenix
00:24:35.87\00:24:38.61
and I work at the
community service center.
00:24:38.64\00:24:40.91
I'm the director there
but we do three days a week
00:24:40.94\00:24:43.68
inside the
jails, do Bible studies.
00:24:43.71\00:24:48.68
I've just-- I'm filling my life
00:24:48.72\00:24:52.19
with those things
that are positive,
00:24:52.22\00:24:54.26
that have to do with Christ,
00:24:54.29\00:24:56.19
that helps me to
keep my eyes fixed on Him.
00:24:56.22\00:24:58.93
It's not an act of work...
00:24:58.96\00:25:01.63
anymore, it's an act of love
00:25:01.66\00:25:04.03
because now I
know that I'm loved
00:25:04.07\00:25:06.40
and I want other
people to know that.
00:25:06.43\00:25:08.77
Doesn't matter
how far you've went
00:25:08.80\00:25:10.47
and what you've
done, you're loved, too.
00:25:10.51\00:25:13.21
That's right, that's
right, that's the bottom line.
00:25:13.24\00:25:16.48
Look into that camera
there and tell someone
00:25:16.51\00:25:20.12
that needs to know about Jesus,
00:25:20.15\00:25:22.88
just take one
minute and tell them
00:25:22.92\00:25:27.19
that you-- what you went though
00:25:27.22\00:25:29.29
and what God has
in store for them
00:25:29.32\00:25:30.89
'cause somebody
out there is hurting.
00:25:30.93\00:25:33.63
Talk to that hurting
woman that's been abused.
00:25:33.66\00:25:36.50
Yes.
00:25:36.53\00:25:38.50
Yes, for the hurting men
00:25:38.53\00:25:41.47
or the hurting
women out there...
00:25:41.50\00:25:44.41
don't listen to
the lies that are being
00:25:44.44\00:25:46.81
told to you in your
head because they are lies.
00:25:46.84\00:25:50.51
I've listened to
it for so many years
00:25:50.55\00:25:52.31
and through those years,
00:25:52.35\00:25:53.88
I've missed the greatest
love that our Savior has for us.
00:25:53.92\00:25:57.75
Don't you miss it,
it's there for you.
00:25:57.79\00:26:01.39
Take it, embrace
it, cry out to Jesus,
00:26:01.42\00:26:05.13
cry out to God,
ask Him to help you
00:26:05.16\00:26:08.53
with whatever
you're struggling with,
00:26:08.56\00:26:10.23
unforgiveness in your own heart
00:26:10.27\00:26:11.93
for whoever may have
hurt you or low self esteem,
00:26:11.97\00:26:17.41
not being worthy
because you are worthy.
00:26:17.44\00:26:20.44
I thought that I wasn't worthy
00:26:20.48\00:26:21.81
because I was told
that when I was a kid
00:26:21.84\00:26:23.61
that I would
never amount to anything
00:26:23.65\00:26:25.98
and I believed that
all of my life but today,
00:26:26.01\00:26:29.78
I am somebody and I'm
only somebody because of Jesus.
00:26:29.82\00:26:33.72
And you are somebody
as well because of Christ.
00:26:33.76\00:26:36.96
He died for you.
00:26:36.99\00:26:38.76
I didn't know that His
death meant victory for me.
00:26:38.79\00:26:42.96
His death is victory for you.
00:26:43.00\00:26:45.90
You don't have to stay in sin.
00:26:45.93\00:26:48.27
You don't have to say
that I don't have anything else
00:26:48.30\00:26:50.97
or anyone else because you do.
00:26:51.01\00:26:53.78
I told myself, all of my
life, I didn't have anybody
00:26:53.81\00:26:58.08
but I always had Jesus
and the devil lied to me
00:26:58.11\00:27:01.38
and today if you're
listening to that voice,
00:27:01.42\00:27:03.85
he's lying to you.
00:27:03.89\00:27:06.35
Don't listen to the lie anymore,
00:27:06.39\00:27:08.52
grab a hold of
the unchanging hand,
00:27:08.56\00:27:11.63
if you have to do it
all day like I do sometimes,
00:27:11.66\00:27:14.13
do it all day long
because those voices
00:27:14.20\00:27:18.73
will tell you to let go
00:27:18.77\00:27:20.57
but don't ever let go
of the unchanging hand
00:27:20.60\00:27:23.41
and He'll take
you right through.
00:27:23.44\00:27:25.24
He'll take you
through your pain,
00:27:25.27\00:27:27.14
your sorrow and your hurt
00:27:27.18\00:27:29.21
and He'll begin
the healing process.
00:27:29.24\00:27:32.11
So look up to Jesus
and not to your problems.
00:27:32.15\00:27:36.69
Thank you so much.
00:27:36.72\00:27:37.95
Thank you so much,
Denise, for being here.
00:27:37.99\00:27:40.12
Thank you so very much.
What a blessing you are.
00:27:40.16\00:27:41.89
May God continue to
bless your ministry.
00:27:41.92\00:27:45.93
Don't forget that
God has a plan for you.
00:27:45.96\00:27:48.90
Just remember to choose God.
00:27:48.93\00:27:51.47
Well, that's the end
of our program for today.
00:27:51.50\00:27:53.74
Thank you so much for tuning in.
00:27:53.77\00:27:55.34
Join us next time
00:27:55.37\00:27:56.64
'cause it just wouldn't
be the same without you.
00:27:56.67\00:28:00.04