Stay tuned to meet a woman
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who overcame the throes
of drug and alcohol addiction
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and is now on
fire for Jesus Christ.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today
is Denise Sanderson,
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community
service center director
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for the Seventh-day
Adventist community center
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in Phoenix, Arizona.
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Welcome to Urban Report, Denise.
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Thanks, Yvonne.
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Thanks for having me here today.
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Oh, it's great to have you.
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I have heard such great
things about your testimony.
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Brian Hamilton, who is our
chief financial officer here,
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he is also very, very
involved in prison ministry.
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Yes, yes.
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And he was telling me about you
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and I just felt like I had
to have you on Urban Report
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so that our viewers
could hear your journey.
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Praise God.
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So let's talk a little
bit about your journey.
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Tell me about your
childhood, what was it like?
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Growing up as a child in
my home, there was no love.
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Where were you from?
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I'm from Austin, Texas. Okay.
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So my father was a military man.
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I had four siblings
and I was the only girl
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but I grew up in a home
where there was a lot of abuse.
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Sexual abuse, verbal
abuse and physical abuse
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so by the time that
I was seven years old,
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I had taken myself
to an extreme of drugs
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at that time which was
popping pills, huffing paint.
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Where did you get the pills?
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Basically, my
father was in the military,
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we were close to
an air force base
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and some of my
friends that I had,
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they, their parents
were doctors and nurses
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so of course when I went
over to my friends' house,
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I would've raid
the medicine cabinet
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and just start popping
pills just to medicate myself
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because there was a lot
of sexual abuse going on.
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I was molested from that time.
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I remember being
five, being molested,
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it could have went
on earlier than that
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but I remember
at the age of five
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my father molesting me so.
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So that's where it
actually started the pain...
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Yes.
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...from the molestation at five?
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Yes.
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And so that you were
trying to self medicate,
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trying to just ease that pain.
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Yes.
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And at seven, that has
to kind of sink into my head
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because usually,
you think of teenagers
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beginning to pop pills
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or, you know, teenagers
experimenting with drugs
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but you were seven
years old, a baby...
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Yes.
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Popping pills just
trying to get over that pain,
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so what happened from seven?
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You were popping pills,
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did anybody know
that you were doing this?
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My stepmother at that time,
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recognized there was a
behavior change in my life
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but I think because of the abuse
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that took on in our home daily,
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she was probably closed to it
because of her dealing with her
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own emotional issues
so nobody really knew
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what I was doing except me.
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Did anybody in your household
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know about the abuse
besides you and your father?
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No one. Nobody.
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He told me that if told
anyone that he would beat me
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and that people would
not believe it anyways
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so he put fear in
me at a very young age
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not to ever tell
anyone so I just did that.
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Did your father
abuse alcohol himself or--?
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He was an alcoholic. He
was a terrible alcoholic.
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Very physically
abusive, would come home
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and he had gotten to the point
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with his strictness
in being to the military
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if we didn't
have our beds made up
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and the way that he saw fit,
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if he threw the
quarter on the bed
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and it didn't
bounce, he would rip it off,
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you know, snatch the covers off
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and make us
come and do it again.
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I mean, he was just real evil.
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And he would go--
would he go into a rage?
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Yes.
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We would get
whipped with many things,
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tension cords,
whatever he could reach
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is what all of us
felt and my siblings and I.
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Where was your
biological mother?
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My biological
mother abandoned me
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when I was a baby
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because when my
father married her,
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she was 13 years
old and he was 23
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so she got pregnant
with me at the age of 14
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and had me at the age of 15.
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So he was overseas and the TDY,
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I guess it's what
they call it back then,
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and she was doing things
when she was only a child
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but CPS had came to take
me because of the neglect
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and the abuse of my mother
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and so she more
or less gave me up.
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So look at the environment
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out of which you
came, your dad was abusive,
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molesting you,
physically abusing you,
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sexually abusing
you, verbally abusing you,
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and your mom had abandoned you.
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All of this led
you into the lifestyle
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that you ended up being...
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Correct. Correct.
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So you started at 7,
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what happened by
the time you were 13?
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What were you doing?
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By the time that
I was 13 years old,
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I had tried to kill myself,
I tried to commit suicide.
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The pain was too
much, the drugs and alcohol
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that I were doing
at that time just,
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it wasn't enough to take
away all the hurt and things
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that were just
haunting me daily so.
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Did you have
anybody in your life that,
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at school were you
able to talk to a counselor,
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I mean, where was your
support system at this time?
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I didn't have
any and I didn't know
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that I had any,
let me just say that.
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I was afraid, I was ashamed,
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I'd blame myself
for me being molested
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that maybe I
shouldn't have had on the dress
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that day and things like that
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so I just kind of
withdrew myself from everyone.
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I withdrew from the world
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and everything just
began to come from within
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and I didn't want to
share anything on the outside.
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You know, Denise, to know
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that you went
through that kind of pain
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and had no one around you
and you didn't know the Lord
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so it wasn't as though you could
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or would call upon Him,
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you didn't know Him
at that point, correct?
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Or did you?
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Actually, I had went to church.
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I used to go to
church every Sunday.
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Okay.
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And I used to
hear in church that,
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you know, Jesus delivers
and heals and forgives and,
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but because every time
I'd come home from church,
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there my father
was waiting for me.
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Somehow, the thought of
even crying out to Jesus
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didn't seem like
there was any use,
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didn't make any
use for me to do that.
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Isn't it something that
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when we don't really know like
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we could have a
working knowledge
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but not really that intimate
relationship with the Lord
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that we don't really know
that we can depend upon Him
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and you were 13
so you really just,
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you're just kind of
out there feeling so alone.
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Yes. What did you do?
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How did you work
through this whole thing?
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Did you leave
home? What did you do?
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I ran and left my
home when I was 15.
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Okay.
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So I got tired
of the sexual abuse
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but when I ran away from home,
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because there
were so many things
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that were taking place,
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I kind of went into
some wrong roads of life
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when I ran away from home.
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Okay, let's talk
about that, what did you do?
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I got connected
up with bad people,
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one of the people
said, I didn't know,
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he was a gentleman
and I'd lived in Austin
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and I hitchhiked
to Houston, Texas.
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And when I got there,
it was a nice gentleman
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so I thought but I
was only 15, you know.
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He took me out to
streets and fed me
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and put me up in
a hotel for a week
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and I didn't know he was a pimp.
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I had no clue.
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So that lifestyle there was,
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you know, he wanted to put me
on the streets but I refused to
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so every time he put me
out there, I ran back away.
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He would always find me so,
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I mean, and my life
just began to spiral
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in the wrong
direction from that time on.
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I think one of the
things was just that
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I was just looking
for someone to love me.
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Yes, yes, and I think that
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that's what happen so
often with our young girls,
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with our-- Young girls and boys
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that run away from home,
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they're looking for
someone to love them
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and looking for love
in all the wrong places
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so to speak, yeah, right,
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so then you hookup with someone
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who you think has your
best interest at heart.
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Yes.
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And then you find out that
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this guy's no
different from my father.
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From my father, exactly.
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So you were continuing
the cycle at this point?
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Yes.
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Not, not because it's
your fault, by any means.
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Correct. 'Cause it wasn't.
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But you-- you
were still caught up
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in that same cycle of abuse.
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Yes.
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And you were
trying to kill yourself
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before the emptiness
that you must have felt,
00:09:07.31\00:09:11.94
the loneliness, tell
us a little bit about
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the depth that you
reached during that time.
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I had blamed myself
and there was so much guilt
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going on inside of me
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and I knew that my
mother had abandoned me
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and didn't want me.
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And I knew that I
was placed in a family
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where there was no moral values.
00:09:31.48\00:09:33.98
I didn't have
anyone to look up to.
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There was lying,
cheating, stealing,
00:09:36.22\00:09:38.74
drinking and
abuse and everything
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and I had to grow up
in that for so many years
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and then when I ran into--
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'cause not only I tried to
kill myself once, I tried twice.
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The first time wasn't successful
00:09:48.94\00:09:50.17
neither was the second time
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but I had felt
such worthlessness.
00:09:51.41\00:09:56.19
I didn't feel like I mattered,
anything about me mattered
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and that's why I tried to
because in my mind's eyes,
00:10:00.72\00:10:04.60
at that time as
being young as I was,
00:10:04.63\00:10:06.91
I thought if I
did away with myself,
00:10:06.94\00:10:08.75
I wouldn't have to hurt anymore.
00:10:08.78\00:10:10.66
Yeah.
00:10:10.69\00:10:11.79
And that's what goes through
00:10:11.82\00:10:13.56
so many young people's
heads that attempt suicide,
00:10:13.59\00:10:17.93
some of whom are
successful with it.
00:10:17.96\00:10:20.69
But if they only knew
00:10:20.72\00:10:22.76
that there is a
better day coming...
00:10:22.79\00:10:24.03
Yes.
00:10:24.06\00:10:25.12
Tell us how your
life turned around.
00:10:25.15\00:10:28.04
Well, I had got
pregnant with my daughter,
00:10:28.07\00:10:32.55
when I was 20 years
old, I had met a gentleman
00:10:32.58\00:10:36.83
and I had prayed a prayer,
00:10:36.86\00:10:39.55
I said, "Lord, could
You give me someone to love?
00:10:39.58\00:10:42.01
Someone who would love me,
someone who wouldn't hurt me?"
00:10:42.04\00:10:44.73
And that one of those prayers
00:10:44.76\00:10:45.92
that I just shot up
that people do often.
00:10:45.95\00:10:49.52
But lo and behold,
I got pregnant and,
00:10:49.55\00:10:51.99
you know, when--
during that time,
00:10:52.02\00:10:53.07
I stopped using
drugs and alcohol
00:10:53.10\00:10:54.56
because there was a
life growing inside of me
00:10:54.59\00:10:57.00
that meant something to me.
00:10:57.03\00:10:58.91
You know, and so...
00:10:58.94\00:11:01.81
that was the beginning process
00:11:01.84\00:11:05.99
but yeah, there was still a
lot of darkness ahead for me,
00:11:06.02\00:11:07.97
after I had my daughter.
00:11:08.00\00:11:09.95
So your prayer
was answered in that
00:11:09.98\00:11:15.28
now you had someone to love,
00:11:15.31\00:11:17.93
that you could
love unconditionally,
00:11:17.96\00:11:21.00
that wouldn't hurt you,
that would just love you back.
00:11:21.03\00:11:25.07
Yes.
00:11:25.10\00:11:26.13
And so that in the
sense was an answer to prayer,
00:11:26.16\00:11:29.15
and it's interesting to me that
00:11:29.18\00:11:31.44
during the time
of your pregnancy,
00:11:31.47\00:11:33.20
you were able to
let go off the drugs,
00:11:33.23\00:11:36.56
let go off the alcohol
00:11:36.59\00:11:38.36
because there was something
more important there for you.
00:11:38.39\00:11:41.34
Yes.
00:11:41.37\00:11:43.32
To me, you were
filling a void with this--
00:11:43.35\00:11:48.46
with this baby, you
were filling that void
00:11:48.49\00:11:52.35
that you had in your soul
00:11:52.38\00:11:54.79
and so you were
able to let go off
00:11:54.82\00:11:58.16
the alcohol and the drugs
but then you find out that
00:11:58.19\00:12:01.49
really that void isn't filled
with any human relationship.
00:12:01.52\00:12:05.43
Correct.
00:12:05.46\00:12:06.88
What happened after
the birth of your daughter,
00:12:06.91\00:12:10.10
what happened in your life?
00:12:10.13\00:12:12.54
I got introduced
to crack cocaine.
00:12:12.57\00:12:15.09
Okay, okay.
00:12:15.12\00:12:16.95
I got introduced to
that with a friend of mine
00:12:16.98\00:12:19.43
which, today, I
know now is not a friend,
00:12:19.46\00:12:22.36
but I got to
introduced to crack cocaine
00:12:22.39\00:12:23.90
and I started
using recreationally,
00:12:23.93\00:12:27.23
a functioning worker, you know,
00:12:27.26\00:12:29.14
going to work everyday
and using it once a month,
00:12:29.17\00:12:33.09
you know, at parties
and events and things
00:12:33.12\00:12:35.73
like that but
within a few years,
00:12:35.76\00:12:37.72
the lie that I
told myself was this,
00:12:37.75\00:12:40.45
"I have this under
control" and that was a lie.
00:12:40.48\00:12:44.82
So you went from week--
00:12:44.85\00:12:47.34
like, once a month to how often?
00:12:47.37\00:12:51.02
Everyday all day.
00:12:51.05\00:12:53.46
That's what I went to
within four years, I believe.
00:12:53.49\00:12:57.13
Everyday all day long to where
00:12:57.16\00:13:01.03
that's all I thought
about because I had, once again,
00:13:01.06\00:13:03.83
found something to medicate me
00:13:03.86\00:13:06.19
from the hurt and the pain
that was still haunting me,
00:13:06.22\00:13:09.03
'cause I still had
to face molestation
00:13:09.06\00:13:11.11
and the self worth
and no value, you know.
00:13:11.14\00:13:16.95
You ugly, you-- everything that,
00:13:16.98\00:13:20.62
today I know it was the enemy
00:13:20.65\00:13:22.56
but then, I
didn't know who it was.
00:13:22.59\00:13:24.63
And I'm so glad
you said that because,
00:13:24.66\00:13:27.34
you know, all the
time on Urban Report,
00:13:27.37\00:13:30.95
I talk about God's plan for us.
00:13:30.98\00:13:33.77
But just as God
has a plan for us,
00:13:33.80\00:13:35.74
the enemy has a plan for us.
00:13:35.77\00:13:37.41
God's plan is to
prosper you, to give--
00:13:37.44\00:13:40.00
and I don't
necessarily mean materially.
00:13:40.03\00:13:42.36
But I mean to
give you a better life,
00:13:42.39\00:13:44.46
a more abundant life,
00:13:44.49\00:13:45.75
that's what Jesus
said He came to do.
00:13:45.78\00:13:48.12
But the enemy's deal is that
00:13:48.15\00:13:50.74
he wants to take you
on that downward spiral
00:13:50.77\00:13:53.57
and he'll take
his time but he will--
00:13:53.60\00:13:56.06
he'll have you starting out
00:13:56.09\00:13:57.49
as a recreational
crack user once a month,
00:13:57.52\00:14:00.66
but by the end of the deal,
00:14:00.69\00:14:02.43
you are doing it
everyday all day.
00:14:02.46\00:14:05.45
Because his plan
for you is destruction.
00:14:05.48\00:14:09.08
Yes.
00:14:09.11\00:14:10.18
And God says, you know, choose.
00:14:10.21\00:14:12.44
Yes. Choose.
00:14:12.47\00:14:13.84
Which plan do you want?
00:14:13.87\00:14:16.00
'Cause I have the one
that's gonna give you a future
00:14:16.03\00:14:18.03
and a hope and Satan has the one
00:14:18.06\00:14:20.83
that's gonna take
you into destruction.
00:14:20.86\00:14:22.93
So you were on
that road to destruction
00:14:22.96\00:14:28.17
doing crack everyday all day.
00:14:28.20\00:14:33.14
Tell us if you
would briefly like
00:14:33.17\00:14:35.10
what is it
about that whole thing
00:14:35.13\00:14:39.68
that draws you in with crack.
00:14:39.71\00:14:41.99
What draws you into it so much
00:14:42.02\00:14:44.38
that it consumes
your every thought?
00:14:44.41\00:14:47.50
The pain, hurting, the high
00:14:47.53\00:14:52.76
because once you take
the first hit from it,
00:14:52.79\00:14:55.74
you're always chasing
00:14:55.77\00:14:57.01
that kind of
particular feeling thereafter
00:14:57.04\00:14:59.69
and that's why
people continuously do it
00:14:59.72\00:15:02.63
because they're
looking for that first rush
00:15:02.66\00:15:05.54
that they had
for the first time.
00:15:05.57\00:15:07.57
And you don't ever find it.
00:15:07.60\00:15:08.78
And it never comes again.
You don't ever find it ever.
00:15:08.81\00:15:11.95
Wow, wow.
00:15:11.98\00:15:14.27
So how far did
you spiral downward?
00:15:14.30\00:15:17.63
To the point to
where it ended up
00:15:17.66\00:15:19.86
getting me incarcerated.
00:15:19.89\00:15:21.17
Okay.
00:15:21.20\00:15:22.83
Giving up my child,
abandoning my daughter,
00:15:22.86\00:15:29.14
just... it was horrible
00:15:29.17\00:15:31.94
and I'm reaping some
of those effects today
00:15:31.97\00:15:33.78
by the choices that I made,
00:15:33.81\00:15:35.06
you know, being a single mother,
00:15:35.09\00:15:37.49
raising my daughter,
trying to do it out of hurt
00:15:37.52\00:15:41.83
and whatever else
and you said it earlier,
00:15:41.86\00:15:46.38
it was just the void
00:15:46.41\00:15:47.49
that could not be
filled by human, you know.
00:15:47.52\00:15:51.75
So you ended up being
incarcerated for how long?
00:15:51.78\00:15:55.01
I was in and out of the jail
system for about five years.
00:15:55.04\00:15:58.47
I did a lot of time altogether
for five years, in and out.
00:15:58.50\00:16:02.30
What was it like in jail?
00:16:02.33\00:16:03.77
Oh, horrible. It was terrible.
00:16:03.80\00:16:07.55
But I was terrible
because when they arrested me,
00:16:07.58\00:16:11.14
I was high and drunk so I
went in there with spirits
00:16:11.17\00:16:15.14
that were just as
ugly as the other people
00:16:15.17\00:16:17.10
that were in the jails with me
00:16:17.13\00:16:19.04
and then when I
moved on to the tents
00:16:19.07\00:16:21.61
and the astray where
they had house ladies,
00:16:21.64\00:16:23.76
the women, I mean,
it was just horrible.
00:16:23.79\00:16:27.16
It was something that
00:16:27.19\00:16:28.48
I would not ever want
to go back and do again.
00:16:28.51\00:16:32.50
Yeah.
00:16:32.53\00:16:34.02
I mean, I've been
to jails, prisons,
00:16:34.05\00:16:38.44
you know, for prison ministry.
00:16:38.47\00:16:39.52
Right.
00:16:39.55\00:16:40.66
But never have I
seen the cells themselves,
00:16:40.69\00:16:43.41
you know, you go into a room
00:16:43.44\00:16:44.96
and you administer to
music or whatever there.
00:16:44.99\00:16:48.11
So I've never
seen the actual cells
00:16:48.14\00:16:50.64
except on
television or something
00:16:50.67\00:16:52.20
but they, it--
from what I understand,
00:16:52.23\00:16:54.90
it's just such a horrific way
to live every day of your life
00:16:54.93\00:17:00.61
in that kind of surroundings,
in that kind of environment
00:17:00.64\00:17:04.51
where there's a lot of anger
and rage and fighting and...
00:17:04.54\00:17:09.17
just all of that
and you're saying that
00:17:09.20\00:17:11.61
that's how you went
in, what changed your life?
00:17:11.64\00:17:16.40
That's when Jesus
introduced Himself to me.
00:17:16.43\00:17:19.40
It's when I was
locked up the final time
00:17:19.43\00:17:21.54
'cause I had been--
00:17:21.57\00:17:22.69
had pat on the
backs prior to that,
00:17:22.72\00:17:24.57
you know, doing
couple of months here
00:17:24.60\00:17:26.56
and a few weeks here and there
00:17:26.59\00:17:27.83
and nothing
really consistently long
00:17:27.86\00:17:30.82
but I had told my
daughter, she was 12 years old
00:17:30.85\00:17:33.65
'cause I had got
arrested and I told my daughter,
00:17:33.68\00:17:36.39
I said, "Well,
mama's coming home."
00:17:36.42\00:17:38.53
And I told her to come to court,
00:17:38.56\00:17:40.43
you know, and of
course, when she came to court
00:17:40.46\00:17:42.47
she heard all of my
charges which devastated me
00:17:42.50\00:17:44.58
because I didn't
want my daughter to know.
00:17:44.61\00:17:46.82
Some of the things that I'd did
00:17:46.85\00:17:48.84
but when the judge
hit the gavel and told me
00:17:48.87\00:17:52.19
that I wasn't
going home in no time,
00:17:52.22\00:17:54.10
I was
brokenhearted and devastated
00:17:54.13\00:17:55.81
because for real, this time
00:17:55.84\00:17:58.13
I was gonna be
separated from my daughter
00:17:58.16\00:18:00.64
but when being
incarcerated, I went to church
00:18:00.67\00:18:03.62
'cause they
called church in there,
00:18:03.65\00:18:04.71
you know, when you
have an opportunity
00:18:04.74\00:18:05.85
to go to church,
like of course you know,
00:18:05.88\00:18:08.11
and I went to church
and I had my own plans
00:18:08.14\00:18:11.38
to sit in the back
row and be disruptive
00:18:11.41\00:18:13.91
and, you know, do
the evil demonic things
00:18:13.94\00:18:16.42
that I was practicing, you know.
00:18:16.45\00:18:18.68
But God had another plan for me.
00:18:18.71\00:18:20.16
Come on, come on.
00:18:20.19\00:18:21.27
God had another
plan for me. Come on.
00:18:21.30\00:18:22.99
And there were two
women there that day
00:18:23.02\00:18:24.52
and they were preaching
and when they were sharing
00:18:24.55\00:18:27.88
what they were
teaching that day,
00:18:27.91\00:18:29.51
it was like my life story was
being exposed to everyone there
00:18:29.54\00:18:33.67
because everything
that they had talked about
00:18:33.70\00:18:36.04
is what I had did.
00:18:36.07\00:18:37.62
They were talking
about Mary Magdalene
00:18:37.65\00:18:39.94
and the things that she
had did and I began weeping.
00:18:39.97\00:18:43.51
And as I began weeping,
that's when the process began
00:18:43.54\00:18:46.48
for the Holy
Spirit to show me that.
00:18:46.51\00:18:49.06
"This was you
but you're gonna be
00:18:49.09\00:18:50.78
something
different when I get done."
00:18:50.81\00:18:53.76
How beautiful is that. Yes.
00:18:53.79\00:18:55.81
Really, how beautiful is that
00:18:55.84\00:18:57.53
that God would reach
into that prison and say,
00:18:57.56\00:19:01.02
"I've got something
better for you, I love you.
00:19:01.05\00:19:04.97
I have
something better for you."
00:19:05.00\00:19:07.13
Yes.
00:19:07.16\00:19:08.20
"And I will be
your Father." Yes.
00:19:08.23\00:19:12.37
How-- Was it
difficult for you to,
00:19:12.40\00:19:14.94
because of where you
had been with your father,
00:19:14.97\00:19:18.18
with your earthly
father, was it difficult for you
00:19:18.21\00:19:21.19
to accept the love
of your Heavenly Father?
00:19:21.22\00:19:25.66
Very difficult and there
are times today when I struggle.
00:19:25.69\00:19:29.64
When I read in the
Bible the word father,
00:19:29.67\00:19:31.64
I just, it just
caused me to crunch,
00:19:31.67\00:19:34.48
you know, and
it was a long str--
00:19:34.51\00:19:37.81
a long haul for
me because father
00:19:37.84\00:19:40.05
and the love and the acceptance
00:19:40.08\00:19:41.66
and because when I was a child,
00:19:41.69\00:19:43.29
I would do things to
try to make my father happy.
00:19:43.32\00:19:46.40
And I just grew
up into that behavior
00:19:46.43\00:19:49.05
so coming into this
Christian walk with Jesus,
00:19:49.08\00:19:53.43
I thought the same thing.
00:19:53.46\00:19:54.95
You know, let me do some things
00:19:54.98\00:19:56.33
that will make
Jesus happy so that,
00:19:56.36\00:19:58.58
you know, He'll love me.
00:19:58.61\00:20:00.34
Yes.
00:20:00.37\00:20:01.47
So that He'll love me. Yes.
00:20:01.50\00:20:02.95
Wanting to earn his love,
00:20:02.98\00:20:05.06
not knowing that
you already had it.
00:20:05.09\00:20:07.63
Didn't have a clue.
00:20:07.66\00:20:09.33
Even being incarcerated
and learning about His love,
00:20:09.36\00:20:12.85
that was a long road
Jesus had to allow me
00:20:12.88\00:20:16.37
to continue on the journey of,
00:20:16.40\00:20:18.96
"I'm not like
your earthly father.
00:20:18.99\00:20:20.70
Something totally
different and magnificent,"
00:20:20.73\00:20:23.55
which I've accepted
today and I love it today.
00:20:23.58\00:20:26.95
Yes, hallelujah,
that's such a beautiful thing.
00:20:26.98\00:20:30.26
Yes. Beautiful, beautiful.
00:20:30.29\00:20:32.63
So while you were at
that meeting, you heard--
00:20:32.66\00:20:37.08
the Holy Spirit
just worked on you.
00:20:37.11\00:20:38.69
Yes.
00:20:38.72\00:20:39.77
And you became convicted
00:20:39.80\00:20:41.05
and how did you
begin the walk from there?
00:20:41.08\00:20:45.26
I had a clergy that
came in to speak with me
00:20:45.29\00:20:47.37
and she told me
to read constantly
00:20:47.40\00:20:50.06
and so I did and I
treasured every word,
00:20:50.09\00:20:53.51
I hid it in my heart,
I-- 'cause that's all I had,
00:20:53.54\00:20:57.34
at that time I was separated
00:20:57.37\00:20:58.68
from the one person
that I knew loved me.
00:20:58.71\00:21:02.07
So I held on to every word
and it began a journey for me
00:21:02.10\00:21:07.00
but it was a journey
that once I got released,
00:21:07.03\00:21:10.34
of course, there was
challenges out there, you know.
00:21:10.37\00:21:13.04
You know, the
Bible says that if you,
00:21:13.07\00:21:16.94
it's about the
story about, you know,
00:21:16.97\00:21:18.40
the devil seeking around,
you get your house clean and--
00:21:18.43\00:21:20.67
Oh, yeah.
00:21:20.70\00:21:21.80
He comes back and he
finds your house clean,
00:21:21.83\00:21:23.34
he brings back
seven sp-- Seven... Yeah.
00:21:23.37\00:21:25.41
Well, that happened to me
00:21:25.44\00:21:26.49
because the
clergy forgot to tell me
00:21:26.52\00:21:27.99
before being
released, is to read your Bible
00:21:28.02\00:21:30.49
when you get out, and I didn't.
00:21:30.52\00:21:33.46
I took my Bible home with me
and I set it up on a bookshelf
00:21:33.49\00:21:37.36
and I just based
everything of what I knew
00:21:37.39\00:21:39.84
but I didn't know to continue
00:21:39.87\00:21:42.39
that relationship
being on the outside
00:21:42.42\00:21:45.07
so I ended up back into drugs.
00:21:45.10\00:21:47.56
But every time that I was using,
00:21:47.59\00:21:49.64
I heard this voice saying,
00:21:49.67\00:21:50.76
"What are you
doing? What are you doing?"
00:21:50.79\00:21:53.96
Because now you belonged to Him.
00:21:53.99\00:21:56.51
Yes.
00:21:56.54\00:21:57.58
And He wasn't
gonna let you just go.
00:21:57.61\00:22:00.39
Yes.
00:22:00.42\00:22:01.67
So you kept hearing
that little voice saying,
00:22:01.70\00:22:03.94
"What are you
doing? What are you doing?"
00:22:03.97\00:22:06.39
And so how did you-- how did He,
00:22:06.42\00:22:09.61
through you, turn
it around ultimately?
00:22:09.64\00:22:13.42
My daughter, after my
granddaughter was born,
00:22:13.45\00:22:17.69
she had purchased a car
00:22:17.72\00:22:19.07
and she had
called me and she said,
00:22:19.10\00:22:20.77
"Mom, should we get a car
00:22:20.80\00:22:22.15
'cause you want
to go to church?"
00:22:22.18\00:22:23.25
Well, she was
blinded by the love for me
00:22:23.28\00:22:25.60
'cause I was still,
you know, just, and I said,
00:22:25.63\00:22:28.13
"No, don't use
your money on that"
00:22:28.16\00:22:29.34
'cause I had other
plans for her check
00:22:29.37\00:22:30.75
and that was for me to use it.
00:22:30.78\00:22:32.65
But she ended up
buying a car anyway
00:22:32.68\00:22:34.04
and I used to take it to work
00:22:34.07\00:22:35.41
and it happened in
Phoenix, out in Mesa.
00:22:35.44\00:22:38.45
I would drop her off at work
and then I would go out to Mesa
00:22:38.48\00:22:40.59
and get my stuff
and go back home.
00:22:40.62\00:22:42.60
But my granddaughter
was nine months old
00:22:42.63\00:22:44.59
and I had a
miniature Doberman pinscher
00:22:44.62\00:22:46.24
and his name was Snoop Dogg.
00:22:46.27\00:22:49.21
Oh, like the artist. Yes.
00:22:49.24\00:22:52.58
And I has set them
in their play areas,
00:22:52.61\00:22:55.89
my grand baby in
her play area and my dog
00:22:55.92\00:22:58.30
and I would go in the
bathroom where I would do,
00:22:58.33\00:23:00.29
you know, my evil deeds,
and I would get ready to use it
00:23:00.32\00:23:03.72
and my granddaughter
would be at the door
00:23:03.75\00:23:05.16
crying at the top of her lungs
00:23:05.19\00:23:07.06
and my dog at
the door just barking
00:23:07.09\00:23:08.77
and I would open the door up
00:23:08.80\00:23:09.94
and she would have
this big old pretty smile,
00:23:09.97\00:23:12.24
she would stop crying
and my dog would stop barking
00:23:12.27\00:23:15.27
and I'm like,
"What is going on?"
00:23:15.30\00:23:17.15
You know, and so
I'd go and do that,
00:23:17.18\00:23:18.48
and I'd set them back
on her little play thing
00:23:18.51\00:23:20.46
and him and I'd go
back in the bathroom
00:23:20.49\00:23:22.88
and sure enough they
were right there at the door
00:23:22.91\00:23:25.33
just screaming at
the top of her lungs
00:23:25.36\00:23:27.61
and him just
barking as loud as he could.
00:23:27.64\00:23:30.36
And I would open the
door up and he would just be,
00:23:30.39\00:23:32.43
you know,
smiling and so would she
00:23:32.46\00:23:34.53
and so I stopped that day
00:23:34.56\00:23:35.62
and it went on for
three days straight.
00:23:35.65\00:23:37.76
Every day I take
my daughter to work
00:23:37.79\00:23:39.29
and every day I would go
there and go in that bathroom,
00:23:39.32\00:23:41.73
they would be
right there at that door
00:23:41.76\00:23:43.34
being real
distracters you know, just--
00:23:43.37\00:23:45.75
and I'd stop and
on the third day,
00:23:45.78\00:23:47.79
I was at the park and
I purchased some drugs
00:23:47.82\00:23:53.01
and I heard a voice very audible
00:23:53.04\00:23:56.19
like talking with you today,
"You will get high no more."
00:23:56.22\00:23:59.06
And I kind of looked around
and I'm like, "What is that?"
00:23:59.09\00:24:02.44
And it became even louder,
"You will get high no more."
00:24:02.47\00:24:06.65
And so I looked at
the crack in my hand,
00:24:06.68\00:24:08.97
and I kind of looked around
00:24:09.00\00:24:11.19
but I threw it down
and walked away from it
00:24:11.22\00:24:14.00
and I've been
clean for 16 years now.
00:24:14.03\00:24:18.19
Praise the-- look at
that, look at God, 16 years,
00:24:18.22\00:24:23.68
"You will get high no
more" and you never did again.
00:24:23.71\00:24:27.51
Never did it again.
00:24:27.54\00:24:29.45
Wow, that's
powerful, that is powerful.
00:24:29.48\00:24:32.37
Tell us what you're doing
now, what's your ministry now?
00:24:32.40\00:24:35.94
We have a prison
ministry in Phoenix
00:24:35.97\00:24:38.72
and I work at the
community service center.
00:24:38.75\00:24:41.02
I'm the director there
but we do three days a week
00:24:41.05\00:24:43.80
inside the
jails, do Bible studies.
00:24:43.83\00:24:48.80
I've just-- I'm filling my life
00:24:48.83\00:24:52.28
with those things
that are positive,
00:24:52.31\00:24:54.35
that have to do with Christ,
00:24:54.38\00:24:56.28
that helps me to
keep my eyes fixed on Him.
00:24:56.31\00:24:59.03
It's not an act of work...
00:24:59.06\00:25:01.76
anymore, it's an act of love
00:25:01.79\00:25:04.15
because now I
know that I'm loved
00:25:04.18\00:25:06.53
and I want other
people to know that.
00:25:06.56\00:25:08.88
Doesn't matter
how far you've went
00:25:08.91\00:25:10.58
and what you've
done, you're loved, too.
00:25:10.61\00:25:13.31
That's right, that's
right, that's the bottom line.
00:25:13.34\00:25:16.58
Look into that camera
there and tell someone
00:25:16.61\00:25:20.21
that needs to know about Jesus,
00:25:20.24\00:25:23.00
just take one
minute and tell them
00:25:23.03\00:25:27.30
that you-- what you went though
00:25:27.33\00:25:29.38
and what God has
in store for them
00:25:29.41\00:25:30.98
'cause somebody
out there is hurting.
00:25:31.01\00:25:33.73
Talk to that hurting
woman that's been abused.
00:25:33.76\00:25:36.62
Yes.
00:25:36.65\00:25:38.62
Yes, for the hurting men
00:25:38.65\00:25:41.59
or the hurting
women out there...
00:25:41.62\00:25:44.51
don't listen to
the lies that are being
00:25:44.54\00:25:46.93
told to you in your
head because they are lies.
00:25:46.96\00:25:50.61
I've listened to
it for so many years
00:25:50.64\00:25:52.42
and through those years,
00:25:52.45\00:25:53.99
I've missed the greatest
love that our Savior has for us.
00:25:54.02\00:25:57.85
Don't you miss it,
it's there for you.
00:25:57.88\00:26:01.50
Take it, embrace
it, cry out to Jesus,
00:26:01.53\00:26:05.23
cry out to God,
ask Him to help you
00:26:05.26\00:26:08.65
with whatever
you're struggling with,
00:26:08.68\00:26:10.34
unforgiveness in your own heart
00:26:10.37\00:26:12.04
for whoever may have
hurt you or low self esteem,
00:26:12.07\00:26:17.52
not being worthy
because you are worthy.
00:26:17.55\00:26:20.54
I thought that I wasn't worthy
00:26:20.57\00:26:21.92
because I was told
that when I was a kid
00:26:21.95\00:26:23.71
that I would
never amount to anything
00:26:23.74\00:26:26.07
and I believed that
all of my life but today,
00:26:26.10\00:26:29.87
I am somebody and I'm
only somebody because of Jesus.
00:26:29.90\00:26:33.82
And you are somebody
as well because of Christ.
00:26:33.85\00:26:37.05
He died for you.
00:26:37.08\00:26:38.84
I didn't know that His
death meant victory for me.
00:26:38.87\00:26:43.07
His death is victory for you.
00:26:43.10\00:26:46.02
You don't have to stay in sin.
00:26:46.05\00:26:48.38
You don't have to say
that I don't have anything else
00:26:48.41\00:26:51.08
or anyone else because you do.
00:26:51.11\00:26:53.89
I told myself, all of my
life, I didn't have anybody
00:26:53.92\00:26:58.19
but I always had Jesus
and the devil lied to me
00:26:58.22\00:27:01.48
and today if you're
listening to that voice,
00:27:01.51\00:27:03.95
he's lying to you.
00:27:03.98\00:27:06.46
Don't listen to the lie anymore,
00:27:06.49\00:27:08.61
grab a hold of
the unchanging hand,
00:27:08.64\00:27:11.71
if you have to do it
all day like I do sometimes,
00:27:11.74\00:27:14.24
do it all day long
because those voices
00:27:14.27\00:27:18.84
will tell you to let go
00:27:18.87\00:27:20.69
but don't ever let go
of the unchanging hand
00:27:20.72\00:27:23.52
and He'll take
you right through.
00:27:23.55\00:27:25.35
He'll take you
through your pain,
00:27:25.38\00:27:27.24
your sorrow and your hurt
00:27:27.27\00:27:29.32
and He'll begin
the healing process.
00:27:29.35\00:27:32.22
So look up to Jesus
and not to your problems.
00:27:32.25\00:27:36.77
Thank you so much.
00:27:36.80\00:27:38.06
Thank you so much,
Denise, for being here.
00:27:38.09\00:27:40.21
Thank you so very much.
What a blessing you are.
00:27:40.24\00:27:42.00
May God continue to
bless your ministry.
00:27:42.03\00:27:46.03
Don't forget that
God has a plan for you.
00:27:46.06\00:27:49.01
Just remember to choose God.
00:27:49.04\00:27:51.59
Well, that's the end
of our program for today.
00:27:51.62\00:27:53.85
Thank you so much for tuning in.
00:27:53.88\00:27:55.46
Join us next time
00:27:55.49\00:27:56.76
'cause it just wouldn't
be the same without you.
00:27:56.79\00:28:00.02