Have you met the man that
we at Dare to Dream call the
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Love Doctor?
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Well, stay tuned to
hear what he's been doing on
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the Road 2 Romance.
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My name is Yvonne Lewis and
you are watching Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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My guest today
is Dr. John Jacob,
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founding director
of the Jacob Institute.
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President of XY matchquest.com,
author of the XY Theory,
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and last but not least,
host of Dare to Dream's program
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Road 2 Romance.
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Yeahhh! Dr. Jacob, it is
so good to have you here.
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Thank you for having me.
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You were here before.
Yes. And we about the XY theory
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and I am telling you,
our viewers and even our crew
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were so impressed with
the information that you gave
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that we decided by the
grace of God to do a program
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called The Road 2 Romance.
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And I am so excited about it
because I really think that it's
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going to be a
blessing to our viewers.
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So let's kind of go back
a little bit and talk about
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the XY theory because I
think that will kind of lay the
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foundation for what the
Road 2 Romance is all about.
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Sure. Tell us,
what is the XY theory?
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Well a few years ago, folks
were complaining about having
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different experiences
when they are dating.
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Having someone present a
certain side of themselves
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that was very positive.
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And then they would get
into the relationship and find
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that they were with
someone totally different.
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Stranger even.
Like who is this person?
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And so I did some research,
about 5 years' worth of research
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and actually found that we
have a separate personality,
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a relationship
personality that only emerges
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when we get inside
of the relationship.
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So, this is so
interesting to me because
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in my own personal life in the
past, I have seen that happen.
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You are dating someone
and they present one thing
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and then you marry them
and they present another
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totally different personality,
so you are telling us
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that there is a way to discover
this relationship personality
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before...Exactly.
you get married. Yes.
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Tell us about the XY theory.
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So before you actually get
married, the person is using
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what we call a
social personality.
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And they are not being
malicious, they are not faking,
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they are not really pretending,
they actually have a host of
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hormones that enable them to
present a certain side to you
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that makes them
look very attractive.
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Wow, so now we're
talking about a chemical aspect,
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a biological aspect to
this relationship personality.
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Tell us a little
bit more about that.
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So we date using
the social personality,
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as a matter of fact
we do everything with the
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social personality. It's the
reason why we are able to go to
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work and keep our jobs.
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If the boss upsets us, we
don't let him know because
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we are operating under
the social personality which
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always does what is
in our best interest.
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Hah! That is so interesting.
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It always does what
is in our best interest.
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Yes. Verses when you get
into a relationship and a new
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personality emerges. Right.
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It's very goal oriented so
if the goal is to meet you,
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hopefully to court
you and to marry you.
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Well the social personality
will make this happen.
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Represent you in any light
that is necessary to have this
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fall for you and fall
in love with you. Wow.
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But the problem is, those
hormones have a half-life,
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they don't stay around forever.
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After a little while
your body gets used to them
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and they disappear.
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So you've heard the
cliché, Love is blind,
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now we know that love is really
blind because there is a hormone
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that actually blinds you
to the faults of the person
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that you are dating. Wow!
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So that's why they
say love is blind. Yes!
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That's why you don't see who
it is you are really with until
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later because those
hormones are now not functioning
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like they were before. Exactly.
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So people can find themselves
in the beginning parts of a
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relationship and they are
maybe other people will see,
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that guy is not for you,
what are you doing with him?
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But you don't see it. Or that
girl is not the one for you,
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but you are so blind because
she is cute or whatever. Right.
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Right. You don't see it. Right.
So you are telling us that these
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hormones then, they're active...
Yes. At the beginning part
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of the relationship
and then after a while,
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they just kind of die out.
They die out like any other
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chemical in the body,
your body gets used to it
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and once it gets used
to it, it's ineffective
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Well the social personality of
course hopes that by that time
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you're married. (Laughing)
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If it's too late and
so it's done its part,
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it could go away with it's
hormones and you are now in a
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relationship with someone
who can be a virtual stranger to
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you. Wow. Is all of this
operating on a sub or
pre-conscious level?
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Totally pre-conscious.
Because the parties involved
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aren't aware of it.
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Now there are some folks
that use a social personality
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and they are a little aware
that they are not presenting
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the total truth. But the
real truth is, to some degree
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they are being pushed by their
hormones to act in a certain
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way, to achieve a certain goal.
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And once that goal is
achieved, they're either married
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or they are very
committed to the relationship
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or someone has fallen in
love and now no longer wants to
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consider the
possibility of walking away
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even after discovering
that this is not who I met
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six months ago.
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Wow! See, this is so important
because this information,
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when you can find out
the relational personality,
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you can find out who
it is you are really with.
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Right. And can you
really deal with that person
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on a long term basis. Exactly.
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Yes. And that's
what your XY theory does?
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This is what XY
theory is all about,
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so I took about five
years to develop a test
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because I wanted folks to test
someone before they even wasted
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the six months of getting to
know you, or the two years of
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I'm using my
hormones to fool you.
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Before all of that, if you
were able to give this person
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a test, a test that
would jump over all of this,
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what some people
call the honeymoon period.
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You know, when you are still
euphoric because you just met
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and it jumps all over that
and it will actually measure how
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you will be when those
hormones have disappeared.
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Wow! This is gr...This is
such...This is cutting edge
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right here. Yes. It's
cutting edge because you can cut
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through all that
other superfluous stuff
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and find out who
this person really is.
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And you don't have to
meet them, you don't have to go
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on that first
date or the blind date.
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In fact I tell people, if
you are dating on the internet,
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never go on an internet
date, or even start an internet
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relationship without
having this person take the test
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because it's very
simple, it takes 10 minutes,
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and you will find that no matter
what this person is saying to
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you, you would find out
what the intentions surely are
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down the road, or what
they are capable of doing
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in a relationship.
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Wow! See, can't you just
see people like you know...
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meeting somebody and bring a
copy of the test to the first
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date or something...and saying
would you just take this test
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for me? Just to find
out just what's going on?
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Well, they won't have
to even bring that test
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because right now we
are working on an app.
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Come on now...It's going
to be on your phone in about
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a few months and that
app will allow you to...
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as a matter of fact you
don't even have to do much,
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you can put you phone
on the desk right here.
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If you had your phone, you
can put it right next there.
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The phones will communicate and
in seconds they will actually
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vibrate and tell you
whether you two are a match.
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Oh you know what, this
is too scientific for me,
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this is too
techno-savvy for me. Wow!
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That is incredible.
They are using technology for
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everything else. Yes. So
why not use it for dating
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and save us the middle man.
Take the middle man out of it,
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save us the trouble of
having to play Russian Roulette
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because that is
what we are doing? Right.
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Our studies show that we have
a one in four chance of finding
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someone who is a
perfect match. One in four.
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Just a 25% chance.
So there is a 75% chance
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that won't. That you won't.
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And low and behold
when we test couples,
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what we call XY
couples, which simply means
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one person has an
X type personality
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and the other has
a Y type personality.
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Um, just some examples, X
types for instance need a lot of
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communication to keep
the relationship going
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and Y types do not.
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Y types on the other
hand need space and solitude,
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they process
problems in a different way.
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Everything about X's
and Y's are very different.
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X's tend to want to resolve
a problem as soon as it occurs
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and they want to get into
detail and they want to discuss
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and they want to process.
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The Y types prefer
to process on their own,
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and then bring
the solutions to you.
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Umm! So if you are with
some- one, you are an X type
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and you want to,
let's just work this out,
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let's just figure
out what is going on,
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and they are a Y type and they
want to sit and think it through
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first...Conflict! Yes!
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Huge conflict because you
are thinking as an X type,
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well, you don't really love
me, you don't care about this
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relationship or you would
try to resolve our problems.
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...yourself, no
problems. Umm, um hum.
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Well, he or she is resolving
the problem but in a completely
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different way that is foreign
to you and objectionable.
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Right. Right. So the
app will even actually
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tell you whether or not
this person has that style
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of conflict resolution. Wow!
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This is awesome.
This is incredible,
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and this is all coming out
of the Jacob Research Institute?
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It's coming out of the
Jacob Research Institute
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and in a matter of months.
It is in production right now.
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Yes. It's being
developed right now.
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That is such a blessing.
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Yes. So tell us a
little bit more if you would
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about X's and Y's, and
XY's, and those different types.
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Yes. About 75 to 85% of
couples that we have tested
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and we have tested somewhere
now in the vicinity of 1,000.
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Seventy five to eighty five
percent of them are what we call
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XY relationships, which simply
means again that one person
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really needs communication
to feel close, to feel bonded
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and the other
person actually does not.
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The other person values
independence and prefer that you
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would allow him or
her a little bit of space,
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but here's the
thing that we didn't know.
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While I was doing all of
this research, other scientists
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were doing similar research,
but not toward relationships,
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they were applying it in
different social psychology
00:11:08.53\00:11:12.03
areas. And what they
found is the communication
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and the intimacy that I found
that couples actually needed...
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they found that those very
two things produce what we call
00:11:18.74\00:11:22.08
Oxytocin, it's
a bonding hormone.
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And when they checked every
other mammal that is monogamous,
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you know, one male, one
female, every single one of them
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had high levels of oxytocin.
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Wow, look at that.
You know what, when I hear
00:11:35.19\00:11:40.83
things like this, it's so
reinforces my just awe of God.
00:11:40.86\00:11:46.50
Yes. Because God created
this oxytocin for one man and
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one woman to bond
and to be monogamous.
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Absolutely. That's tremendous.
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So all the mammals that
are monogamous have oxytocin.
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And ones that do not,
do not. Is that amazing?
00:12:03.32\00:12:07.96
And but now there
is a cautionary...here.
00:12:07.99\00:12:10.49
So God did create
Adam & Eve to be monogamous
00:12:10.53\00:12:13.50
and to help them,
He gave them oxytocin
00:12:13.53\00:12:16.60
because oxytocin makes it really
easy, makes it effortless.
00:12:16.63\00:12:19.13
But here's the thing, Adam & Eve
were intended to live forever
00:12:19.17\00:12:22.34
so imagine the strength of
the potency of that hormone
00:12:22.37\00:12:26.88
God had put inside of them
to enable them to stay together
00:12:26.91\00:12:30.65
forever.
00:12:30.68\00:12:32.01
Ummm. Um hum. So after the fall,
00:12:32.05\00:12:35.52
the hormone wasn't
withdrawn, we still have it,
00:12:35.55\00:12:38.59
but we find ourselves forming
bonds with folks who don't have
00:12:38.62\00:12:43.59
the oxytocin that we
have, but we have oxytocin that
00:12:43.63\00:12:46.09
has the power of crazy glue.
00:12:46.13\00:12:47.80
Wow. Now when you
say we, what do you mean?
00:12:47.83\00:12:51.87
Any of us that are X types.
Ok. Any of us, I mean anyone
00:12:51.90\00:12:56.24
that's an X type, they have high
levels of oxytocin naturally
00:12:56.27\00:12:59.54
produced in their body
that would allow them when they
00:12:59.57\00:13:02.14
meet someone to
bond like super glue.
00:13:02.18\00:13:05.35
So X types have higher
levels of oxytocin than Y types.
00:13:05.38\00:13:10.62
Yes, than Y types.
And they bond differently.
00:13:10.65\00:13:12.95
So then they absolutely
need communication and intimacy.
00:13:12.99\00:13:16.06
There was a time that we
felt... Ok, if you met someone
00:13:16.09\00:13:18.73
and they said, you know, I
don't really enjoy holding hands
00:13:18.76\00:13:20.66
and you just though, well
this is who he is, this is his
00:13:20.70\00:13:23.73
personality, his disposition,
whatever...and then someone else
00:13:23.77\00:13:26.77
might say, I'm just a
quiet, a strong quiet type
00:13:26.87\00:13:29.27
I don't talk much. And
so you talk too much for me,
00:13:29.30\00:13:33.24
in fact, I had a call
just yesterday from a friend
00:13:33.27\00:13:35.64
who was dating a guy
and the guy said you know,
00:13:35.68\00:13:38.88
you talk an awful lot. Whoa.
00:13:38.91\00:13:41.88
So she was slightly offended
and I had to explain to her,
00:13:41.92\00:13:44.52
I said do you understand
this comment is coming from
00:13:44.55\00:13:48.62
his physiology? It's
not coming from meanness,
00:13:48.66\00:13:52.59
it's coming from the fact
that he doesn't need as much
00:13:52.63\00:13:55.63
communication as you need and
you need what you need because
00:13:55.66\00:13:58.33
it's producing
hormones that bond you to him.
00:13:58.37\00:14:02.14
Is this not a red
flag for her though?
00:14:02.17\00:14:06.34
Because if she needs to talk
and he needs for her to shut up,
00:14:06.37\00:14:13.08
I mean Bam, you have a
real source of conflict here
00:14:13.11\00:14:17.89
because that's her nature and
his nature is kind of repulsed
00:14:17.92\00:14:22.09
by all the talking. Yes. So
isn't that an instant red flag?
00:14:22.12\00:14:26.16
It is, but she likes him a lot.
So I'm kind of supporting her
00:14:26.19\00:14:30.87
and giving her tips
and techniques how to make
00:14:30.90\00:14:34.30
adjustments. So far
she hasn't been making many
00:14:34.34\00:14:37.17
of the adjustments I've
been suggesting, but there are
00:14:37.21\00:14:40.81
adjustments that she needs
to make...Actually they both do.
00:14:40.84\00:14:44.55
Such as. Oh, very simply.
Um, what actually happened
00:14:44.58\00:14:49.42
with them is he said,
you talk an awful lot.
00:14:49.45\00:14:52.52
So she got a little offended
and he loves her so he noticed
00:14:52.55\00:14:55.26
that, you know, maybe I
shouldn't have gone there.
00:14:55.29\00:14:58.33
So now he flipped it and he
says...um, when she showed...
00:14:58.36\00:15:03.23
...so she shortens everything.
00:15:03.26\00:15:05.50
She summarizes everything,
she doesn't elaborate
00:15:05.53\00:15:07.90
on anything. She,
coming home from her day,
00:15:07.94\00:15:10.94
she would like to talk about
her co-workers and talk about
00:15:10.97\00:15:13.38
what happened to Mary
and what happened to Joe
00:15:13.41\00:15:15.14
and he's completely uninterested
because Y types are not.
00:15:15.18\00:15:18.58
Their
communication is functional,
00:15:18.61\00:15:20.12
it has to be functional, it
has to serve some sort of an
00:15:20.15\00:15:27.42
interest, so it is
not wise, don't talk.
00:15:27.46\00:15:30.16
But they have very narrow self
interest...topics that they like
00:15:30.19\00:15:34.33
to talk about,
their little pet topics.
00:15:34.36\00:15:36.83
So are they a
little bit narcissistic?
00:15:36.87\00:15:39.47
Well, straw tale. I guess I
shouldn't say that because...
00:15:39.50\00:15:43.71
Since it's a clinical
trial, I don't want to say so
00:15:43.74\00:15:46.21
but they...in the book XY
Theory, they actually have a
00:15:46.24\00:15:52.25
chapter where I
compared Y types to some of the
00:15:52.28\00:15:56.42
characteristics with some
of the people with Asperger's.
00:15:56.45\00:15:58.72
Umm. And because some
of it is similar, you know
00:15:58.75\00:16:03.36
if you have autism spectrum, you
have a communication disorder,
00:16:03.39\00:16:10.30
you are not very touchy feely,
and also you have a rigidity
00:16:10.33\00:16:14.74
with routines. Umm. Most
of them like to focus on a few
00:16:14.77\00:16:19.87
narrow things that
they will obsess about.
00:16:19.91\00:16:21.61
So I made a comparison that...I
am not saying that they have
00:16:21.64\00:16:25.58
Asperger's...Right.
But as a comparison.
00:16:25.61\00:16:27.45
Lo and behold,
someone did a study in the UK
00:16:27.48\00:16:31.85
and found that there is a
comparison between folks with
00:16:31.89\00:16:38.09
autism or Asperger's and
what I am describing as Y type
00:16:38.13\00:16:42.86
personality behavior and that
can be discovered in the womb.
00:16:42.90\00:16:48.04
Wow. So now we can use science
to actually say whether someone
00:16:48.07\00:16:56.14
has a tendency more
towards X type or Y type.
00:16:56.18\00:16:59.21
From the time they are
born. Amazing. You can test them
00:16:59.25\00:17:02.58
from the time...because
it doesn't change.
00:17:02.62\00:17:04.19
This is genetic, it's
physiological, it's who they
00:17:04.22\00:17:08.12
are. Now this isn't bad news
for couples, if folks already
00:17:08.16\00:17:12.69
married as I said there,
the adjustments that can be made
00:17:12.73\00:17:15.36
like my friend that I
was telling you about.
00:17:15.40\00:17:16.87
She has to shorten her
conversation. That's ok.
00:17:16.90\00:17:20.44
And she has to make
them more functional.
00:17:20.47\00:17:22.14
Now, they're in love, right,
this couple is in love? Yes.
00:17:22.17\00:17:25.14
Ok. Which is why I
continue to support them.
00:17:25.17\00:17:27.71
If they weren't, or one was
trifling I would say you know
00:17:27.74\00:17:31.01
you guys just need to
go your separate ways.
00:17:31.05\00:17:32.38
But they're really in
love and he's really trying,
00:17:32.41\00:17:35.72
so since he is trying and
she says now don't shorten
00:17:35.75\00:17:38.75
your story, tell me more.
00:17:38.79\00:17:40.12
But I had to explain to
her that she has to interpret
00:17:40.16\00:17:45.26
what he needs
and not what he says.
00:17:45.29\00:17:48.90
Because he is saying what
he needs to say to keep her.
00:17:48.93\00:17:53.67
Remember social
personality. Right.
00:17:53.70\00:17:56.00
But she having tested him,
she knows what he needs and what
00:17:56.04\00:18:00.24
he needs is none
of that elaboration.
00:18:00.28\00:18:03.01
So even though he says,
tell me more, keep it brief.
00:18:03.04\00:18:08.02
Yes. Oh, okay. This is what
is wonderful about XY theory,
00:18:08.05\00:18:10.99
XY theory will tell you
what your husband is thinking.
00:18:11.02\00:18:13.56
Umm. You will know what he
really feels, not what he says.
00:18:13.59\00:18:17.23
Sixty six percent of men
get a surprise in divorce.
00:18:17.26\00:18:23.73
I don't know if before
notice, but divorce filings,
00:18:23.77\00:18:27.67
66% of the time they
are filed by the woman.
00:18:27.70\00:18:29.97
Sixty six percent. Not the
man. It's a myth that man go out
00:18:30.01\00:18:33.84
there and find themselves
models and I want to trade up.
00:18:33.88\00:18:36.95
No, no, no. Sixty six percent
of the time both in the UK
00:18:36.98\00:18:40.12
and in the US, 66% of
the time is the female,
00:18:40.15\00:18:43.02
and more than half the
time the man is blindsided.
00:18:43.05\00:18:46.55
He has no idea. So the
man is unaware of the woman's,
00:18:46.59\00:18:50.76
the depth or the breath of
her misery in the relationship?
00:18:50.79\00:18:54.46
Yes, because, remember,
most of the men are Y types.
00:18:54.50\00:18:57.33
Ok. Still about 75%. So he
is unaware of what she needs
00:18:57.37\00:19:03.30
to bond and only now, only
in the 21st century is science
00:19:03.34\00:19:08.84
showing us that
it is not optional,
00:19:08.88\00:19:12.28
it's actually physiological
and absolutely necessary
00:19:12.31\00:19:18.22
for bonding. Wow. So men
have to make more of an effort
00:19:18.25\00:19:22.86
to provide for the
needs of their wives,
00:19:22.89\00:19:25.69
and the needs are many, they're
at least fifteen of them.
00:19:25.73\00:19:29.80
So there's a whole
list of them in the book,
00:19:29.83\00:19:31.70
but you have to find out
which... Because like anything
00:19:31.73\00:19:34.24
else, nobody has 100%.
Right. So unless they are 15,
00:19:34.27\00:19:37.27
maybe you have ten
things that you need.
00:19:37.31\00:19:38.74
But I have to find out
what you need because if I am
00:19:38.77\00:19:41.44
providing what you don't
need, I am still not getting any
00:19:41.48\00:19:44.51
bonding off of it.
00:19:44.55\00:19:45.88
That's right,
that's right. You know.
00:19:45.91\00:19:47.42
So we're speaking different
love languages so to speak.
00:19:47.45\00:19:49.68
Exactly, exactly. Except they
own five, they are more like
00:19:49.72\00:19:52.62
fifteen. Right.
Which there are only five.
00:19:52.65\00:19:55.66
Right. But there are
fifteen to worry about
00:19:55.69\00:19:57.79
and fifteen on both sides.
00:19:57.83\00:19:59.43
X's have 15 things that
they need, Y's have 15 things
00:19:59.46\00:20:01.96
that they need, so that's like
30 things that you have to be
00:20:02.00\00:20:04.07
concerned about. But you don't
really have to worry about it
00:20:04.10\00:20:06.23
because the test
can do that for you.
00:20:06.27\00:20:08.47
Hmmm. It will tell you
exactly what you need to step up
00:20:08.50\00:20:10.77
and what you need to tone down.
00:20:10.81\00:20:12.74
Kind of like a fine tuned
machine, fine-tuned instrument.
00:20:12.77\00:20:15.84
For your particular
relationship. Exactly.
00:20:15.88\00:20:19.55
Because one size
does not fit all.
00:20:19.58\00:20:21.68
No it doesn't and
that's why we created the app.
00:20:21.72\00:20:23.65
because folks were beginning
to say well let me just take
00:20:23.69\00:20:25.55
the test. Well you could take
the test but how do you compare
00:20:25.59\00:20:29.29
relative to this new boyfriend
you have or this other person?
00:20:29.32\00:20:32.53
So every single time you meet
someone, you've got to do the
00:20:32.56\00:20:37.10
phone tap thing. You've
got to tap those phones and see
00:20:37.13\00:20:40.07
what is says about
this particular match up,
00:20:40.10\00:20:42.47
not the one you
had before. Right.
00:20:42.50\00:20:44.37
Right, but this
combination. This combination...
00:20:44.41\00:20:46.78
Every time you change
partners, you have a new dynamic
00:20:46.81\00:20:52.28
where the personalities are
interacting in different ways
00:20:52.31\00:20:56.32
and you need to be able to
figure that out, or at least
00:20:56.35\00:20:58.92
roll it over to something that
can, you know. Right, right,
00:20:58.95\00:21:02.36
right. Right. But yes, the
guesswork is going to be taken
00:21:02.39\00:21:06.93
out. I am absolutely certain
it is going to be taken out of
00:21:06.96\00:21:09.26
relationships. If we have
bad relationships from here on,
00:21:09.30\00:21:13.00
for those of us who are not
married, it's simply because
00:21:13.03\00:21:15.94
we chose...We chose to
choose for ourselves. Right.
00:21:15.97\00:21:19.11
Right. Right. Without
the tools. Without the tools.
00:21:19.14\00:21:22.04
Because you are offering...
See, that's why we call it
00:21:22.08\00:21:24.31
The Love Doctor. (Laughing)
That's why you are a Love Doctor
00:21:24.35\00:21:28.75
and the host of our new
program, Road 2 Romance.
00:21:28.78\00:21:32.05
Tell us a bit about how
that program is structured.
00:21:32.09\00:21:35.72
Well, it's a coaching program.
So we try to have three groups
00:21:35.76\00:21:41.96
on the show, on the program.
We have singles, because singles
00:21:42.00\00:21:46.43
are biggest strugglers. I
mean they are the ones that
00:21:46.47\00:21:49.10
have the six to one
ratio in most of our churches
00:21:49.14\00:21:51.54
and they are suffering.
00:21:51.57\00:21:52.91
And so a lot of them can do
some things to improve their
00:21:52.94\00:21:55.81
situation. So we have them
on the program and we teach them
00:21:55.84\00:21:59.91
techniques. And then we
have of course couples who are
00:21:59.95\00:22:02.52
already in it but need
to be taught how to adjust
00:22:02.55\00:22:05.72
because they haven't heard
before about the whole XY thing.
00:22:05.75\00:22:09.09
So simple adjustments can
really fix those marriages.
00:22:09.12\00:22:12.66
And then the
pre-engaged couples,
00:22:12.69\00:22:14.46
because we are finding
out that couples who know what
00:22:14.50\00:22:17.53
they are getting
into before they say I do,
00:22:17.57\00:22:19.80
have a 90% chance of staying
together, as opposed to the 50%
00:22:19.83\00:22:23.97
chance that the
world now offers.
00:22:24.01\00:22:25.67
Yeah. Look at...Look at
how this could really benefit
00:22:25.71\00:22:30.55
our communities. because as
you know, in our communities
00:22:30.58\00:22:33.01
we have the
erosion of the family.
00:22:33.05\00:22:34.75
If we can do something,
which is what the Road 2 Romance
00:22:34.78\00:22:37.79
is doing to
buttress those relationships,
00:22:37.82\00:22:41.16
then we can by the grace
of God make a difference.
00:22:41.19\00:22:44.69
And we are using science
and technology to do that,
00:22:44.73\00:22:49.30
and the Bible of course. Of
course. And that is tremendous
00:22:49.33\00:22:52.70
and on the Road 2 Romance
we also have that spiritual
00:22:52.73\00:22:55.30
component which kind of ties it
all together from the spiritual
00:22:55.34\00:22:58.71
perspective, so
that is a blessing.
00:22:58.74\00:23:01.58
Tell us, do you need more
people for the Road 2 Romance?
00:23:01.61\00:23:05.71
We do, because folks...um,
when they come on the program,
00:23:05.75\00:23:10.02
it's free coaching. It
would probably be $2,500 or so
00:23:10.05\00:23:12.82
if you were to do it yourself,
but we need more participants.
00:23:12.85\00:23:17.23
We need more applicants. I think
folks are afraid of the process
00:23:17.26\00:23:22.13
and there is nothing to be
afraid of the process when,
00:23:22.16\00:23:24.67
when they see the process
and they see how it works,
00:23:24.70\00:23:27.50
they will realize
that it's changing lives,
00:23:27.54\00:23:29.74
it's changing marriages, and
you are not coming on the show,
00:23:29.77\00:23:33.68
on the program to actually
divulge personal information.
00:23:33.71\00:23:38.01
Right. No, that is not how
it is at all, it's finding out
00:23:38.05\00:23:40.75
what your personality type
is and you and your partner
00:23:40.78\00:23:44.52
finding out what you
need to provide for each other
00:23:44.55\00:23:47.36
to sustain a
life time of marriage.
00:23:47.39\00:23:49.99
And I think that is such a good
point because I think people
00:23:50.03\00:23:52.69
will need to understand, this
is not where this is a tell all.
00:23:52.73\00:23:56.67
Oh no, no, no. Where you telling
all your personal business.
00:23:56.70\00:23:58.90
No, this is something that
can give you the tools to have
00:23:58.93\00:24:03.00
a marriage that really
works to beat those percentages,
00:24:03.04\00:24:07.64
those odds so to speak, of
the failed relationships. Yeah.
00:24:07.68\00:24:11.55
So you are just giving
tools and people are allowing
00:24:11.58\00:24:14.98
other people who have similar
dynamics in their relationships
00:24:15.02\00:24:18.92
to see, this is how it works.
00:24:18.95\00:24:21.09
So if they would contact
you at your website...Yes.
00:24:21.12\00:24:27.00
It's the
jacobresearchinstitute.net
00:24:27.03\00:24:29.80
and it's very well
optimized. As soon as you put ja
00:24:29.83\00:24:33.44
into Google, it comes up. So
yes, and they can go on there
00:24:33.47\00:24:37.44
and they see where they
can apply to be on the program.
00:24:37.47\00:24:40.44
That's awesome, because we
need some people. We need more
00:24:40.48\00:24:44.21
applicants. We do. We do.
For people to see how this works
00:24:44.25\00:24:48.12
and to help them
in their relationship.
00:24:48.15\00:24:51.39
Yes. And others around the world
so this would be tremendous.
00:24:51.42\00:24:55.59
Tell us what you are
doing with your seminars,
00:24:55.62\00:24:58.39
I know that you go around
the country and do seminars.
00:24:58.43\00:25:01.66
Yes, we've been going to
mostly churches at the moment,
00:25:01.70\00:25:04.73
but sometimes we get
invited to conferences.
00:25:04.77\00:25:07.90
And it has been very very
exciting because it's received
00:25:07.94\00:25:11.47
well and folks are in awe
and they are really surprised
00:25:11.51\00:25:15.54
because they didn't know how
predetermined our compatibility
00:25:15.58\00:25:22.28
might be. So when they find
out, they are very enthralled.
00:25:22.32\00:25:26.22
Um, but what has happened lately
is I've had ministers who've
00:25:26.25\00:25:30.13
been asking, do you have
any curriculum for ministers
00:25:30.16\00:25:32.89
so we can help
our congregations?
00:25:32.93\00:25:34.70
So they can kind of do
what we're doing here on
00:25:34.73\00:25:37.00
Road 2 Romance as well.
So myself and a few of my
00:25:37.03\00:25:40.90
clinical friends...we
have created a training program
00:25:40.94\00:25:44.24
starting this this, this year.
00:25:44.27\00:25:46.64
And we are going to various
cities and training folks
00:25:46.68\00:25:51.95
to become...training
both therapists, coaches,
00:25:51.98\00:25:55.88
just lay people, ministers,
anyone who is interested
00:25:55.92\00:25:59.25
to become a coach.
00:25:59.29\00:26:00.62
Because what has been happening
is when I do my seminars,
00:26:00.66\00:26:02.76
I live in California, so as
soon as I get back to California
00:26:02.79\00:26:05.33
my phone is
ringing off the hook.
00:26:05.36\00:26:06.70
This happened recently,
and there were like two dozen
00:26:06.73\00:26:11.73
people, can we start a
session with you right away?
00:26:11.77\00:26:14.47
Well now I'm three thousand
miles away. Right. Right.
00:26:14.50\00:26:18.14
And they want something
in person and we can do it by
00:26:18.17\00:26:20.88
Skype, so those who like Skype
you know that works for them,
00:26:20.91\00:26:23.48
but it doesn't
work for everyone.
00:26:23.51\00:26:24.85
So we came up with the
idea then that we need to have
00:26:24.88\00:26:28.42
in each of our churches
and in each of our cities,
00:26:28.45\00:26:30.49
we need to have XY coaches
and XY therapists, XY trained
00:26:30.52\00:26:35.82
therapists so that when I am
not there, they can still keep
00:26:35.86\00:26:38.46
the work going because
our goal is to save marriages
00:26:38.49\00:26:41.23
and save relationships.
00:26:41.26\00:26:42.60
What a tremendous thing to do.
00:26:42.63\00:26:44.83
I mean really,
when you think about it,
00:26:44.87\00:26:46.63
that is just an
incredible thing to do.
00:26:46.67\00:26:49.17
So now, your efforts are
replicated around the world
00:26:49.20\00:26:53.68
really, because this program
is going to be shown everywhere,
00:26:53.71\00:26:56.41
by the grace of God, so
your efforts can be replicated
00:26:56.44\00:27:00.28
around the world and
marriages can be saved,
00:27:00.32\00:27:02.62
and relationships can be saved.
That is...Thank you for making
00:27:02.65\00:27:06.76
this possible...
00:27:07.22\00:27:08.56
Oh, well we
just praise the Lord.
00:27:08.59\00:27:09.92
We praise the Lord that God
has given us the opportunity
00:27:09.96\00:27:12.33
to offer this
platform to help relationships,
00:27:12.36\00:27:16.26
that's what we do at Dare2Dream,
we want to make a difference
00:27:16.30\00:27:19.57
and we see that you
have made a difference.
00:27:19.60\00:27:21.50
Thank you so much
for being with us.
00:27:21.54\00:27:23.87
Continue...Thank
you! working for God...
00:27:23.91\00:27:26.54
because this is ultimately
going to benefit the world
00:27:26.57\00:27:30.11
and so we thank you so much.
00:27:30.15\00:27:31.81
Well, that's the end
of our program for today.
00:27:31.85\00:27:34.95
You know, we found
that relationships are just
00:27:34.98\00:27:38.59
so fragile and yet we've got
some tools now that can make a
00:27:38.62\00:27:43.83
difference. Dr. Jacob is
really working in the vineyard
00:27:43.86\00:27:47.80
to make a difference and
to let people know that your
00:27:47.83\00:27:52.43
relationship can be
saved with a little tweaking
00:27:52.47\00:27:55.40
and some changes that
can be made and some tips...
00:27:55.44\00:27:58.87
it can be saved.
00:27:58.91\00:28:00.48
So, thanks for
tuning in, join us next time
00:28:00.51\00:28:03.58
it just wouldn't be
the same without you.
00:28:03.61\00:28:06.78