Relationships aren't
always what they seem to be...
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Stay tuned to hear how one woman
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dealt with hers and
by the grace of God...
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came out on top...
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My name is Yvonne
Lewis and you're watching
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Urban Report...
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Hello and welcome
to Urban Report...
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My guest today is
Cheryl Roach-Thorpe...
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Author and Musical Evangelist,
welcome to Urban Report Cheryl.
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Thank you so much, it's
a pleasure to be here...
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Thank you... it's
so good to have you...
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You know, we had
your son and his group
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on Magnify Him...
Yes, I remember that...
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and he was so
excited to be here...
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Yes... Laos and Harmony right?
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Yes... And
then, you contacted me
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and you told me about
this book, Hmmm... hmm...
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and, I thought,
"Okay, it sounds like...
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she sounds like she's
really gung ho about it... "
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so, maybe it's really
good... and I got it...
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and I have to tell you...
Cheryl... it is riveting...
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it is a very, interesting
book, and as I read it...
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so many questions
popped into my head...
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so, I'm really glad
you're here today...
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because I think
you can shed some light
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on what was going
on... so, let's talk a bit
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about you and your
journey so that our viewers
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know who you are and
where you came from...
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Okay, first of all
I'd like to thank you
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so much for giving
me this privilege...
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thank you and God... Amen...
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I grew up in a
musical family, seven of us...
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and my father would take us
to the little country churches
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and had all of us
lined up playing with him...
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we could go in
the back of the truck
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and get to the Church
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and then we would have to
take up the entire day's program
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Playing what with him?
Playing different instruments...
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each of us played a
different instrument and we...
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most of us
played more than one...
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and we would also sing...
and we would put on the entire
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day's program
and it was a joy...
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we grew up doing that... at
least 3 Sabbaths every month
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we would end up going on a trip
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somewhere... to some church
to perform and to minister...
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I should say...
So, you grew up as a
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Seventh-day Adventist Christian
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yes... Yes...
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we grew up at the Caribbean
Union College Campus in Trinidad
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my parents lived in
Port-au-Spain and they moved
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to the campus... so that we
could get a better education
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and that's where
we grew up, yes...
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Okay... all right... so
you come from a musical family
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Hmmm... hmmm...
how did that impact
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your life later...
Oh... that's my pride and joy
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because I can't think
of my life without music...
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and because it led us to
minister so much in Church
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the God-given
talents that we had...
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we were able to
use them, every day...
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literally... every
day... to bless and bring people
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to Jesus... so, we
just picked up whatever
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instrument was
around... we taught on one...
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and whatever was
there we picked it up...
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so all of us played
different instruments...
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That's great... that's great...
so, you then... used your music
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there was kind of
like a back and forth
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reciprocal thing... your
music impacted your spirituality
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and your spirituality
impacted your music... correct?
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Right... yeah...
Absolutely, I would say that...
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All right... and so, how
did you meet your husband?
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Okay... he moved from the
southern part of the country
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and came to live on the
campus also... nearby...
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and he was my
brother's best friend...
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Okay... So, he
would be in and out of
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the house and we would just
be one big... happy group...
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and he also came
from a musical family...
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and we started a small
group and then it got bigger
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and over the years... he
ended up accompanying me...
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because my
brother was a musician...
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he played the piano
for me... and when...
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he had to leave the
country for a while...
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I asked him to teach
my husband all the songs
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that he was working with me...
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along with the
choir and for myself...
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and that's what he did...
and the story is history...
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so, then, you and your
husband developed a relationship
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through the music...
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Um... I could say that...
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yes... yes... because
he was around in the house
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just like another person
because he would be in and out,
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I didn't even realize when the
relationship was being developed
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to be honest... it just
happened one day... I said,
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"Wait a minute... it
looks like we are getting
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closer... " you know,
stuff like that happened...
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it just grew on us...
but we were always in the
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same musical group and
we would hang out in the
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same groups on
campus, so, because of that
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that's what... I
think... brought us together...
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so, how long after he
started kind of playing around
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and doing the music for
you, the accompaniment for you
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how long after
that... did you realize that
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"Hmmm... I think I
have feelings for this guy"
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Well, we knew each
other as children...
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so, we started
basically courting
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when we got to... maybe like...
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maybe 20 something... yeah...
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Okay... but he
was always part of
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the close circle... Right...
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So you weren't teenagers
when you started courting...
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Hmmm... I never checked the
dates... that's interesting...
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it just happened...
it's one of those things
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that just fell into
place... Okay... okay...
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so tell us about your
wedding... Wow, it's funny...
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we were walking on
the Beach in Tobago
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that's the sister
country... Trinidad...
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and we had gone there
to hang out with my brother
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and his friend...
and my proposal...
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a lot of people read the
book and they laugh at it...
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because... he didn't
go down on his knees...
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he just held my hand...
we were walking on the beach
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and he said, "I think it's
time for us to shack up... "
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anybody from Trinidad
would know what that meant...
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and that's what happened...
Well, wait... for those of us
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who aren't from Trinidad...
shack up has a whole big
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connotation... I know...
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so... we... and this is 3ABN...
Shack up... out of the Christian
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world would mean... just
going to live with somebody
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some woman or man that
you liked Right... right...
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but within the Christian
context of two young people
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who grew up in the system...
it's just time to shack up
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let's get
married... Okay... all right...
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at least that's
what I took it as...
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Okay... okay... and
although I would have
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loved to have the
romantic type of proposal...
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down on one knee and all that...
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good stuff
living... we didn't do that
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we never got engaged...
that was the engagement
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and we just went
back home to Trinidad...
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and I told my
parents... and he came and spoke
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with them... and we
made plans to get married
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and that's where it
flew... it was just natural...
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it just happened... And
did he say that he loved you
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Yes... oh, many
times... many times...
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Okay... okay... and
this is an important fact
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because as things
begin to unravel...
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that seemed like
a contradiction...
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so, you are on the beach,
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he says it's time to get married
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he goes back to your family,
he says, "Let's get married... "
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You get
married... Hmmm... hmmm...
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What happens
after you get married?
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I'm trying to think
where I should start...
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we had a lot in
common... a whole lot
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so, the first time...
he's a very friendly person
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and he always
boasts about the fact that
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he loves to see
what makes women tick...
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he just loves women...
not just to go be with them
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but he just loves God's
creation and he would always be
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questioning someone
or chatting with someone
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he was extremely
friendly... and to be honest...
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that's what
attracted me to him too...
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because he was so friendly
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he could make you feel
comfortable and relaxed and
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loved... he was
good with his words...
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so he knew
exactly the right words to
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make you blush... He
was a smooth talker...
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Yes... yes... Hmmm... hmmm...
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yes, that was one
of his many talents...
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being able to talk smoothly...
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Kind of really a
charmer... Yes...
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but now, what...
did you notice this
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before you got married...
that he had this affinity
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for women... that he
just kind of... had this...
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he wanted to know
what made women tick...
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or did you find
out about this...
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after you were married?
No, I actually found that out
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before... because
that's how he functioned...
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but it attracted me
to him because... I guess
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I was one of the people
that he made feel good too...
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and then... we had
all this in common...
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we did a lot of
ministry together...
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even from children...
because he was a member
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of my father's orchestra...
he played the Xylophone
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in my father's orchestra...
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in those days, he
didn't play the piano yet...
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but he played the xylophone
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and I would be next to him
playing the... what was it?
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I can't remember the name
of the instrument right now
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anyway, but we did a lot
of instruments together...
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and we would travel
together and I would see him
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functioning but it
was no problem because
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at that time... I
was not attracted to him
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in that sense... it
was just part of living
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he was just one of the bunch,
so that... when I look back now
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I can see... where the
signs were there from way before
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Hmmm... but, I
guess, because I wasn't
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serious then... about him...
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it didn't matter to me
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in that sense... he was
just another good friend.
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Right... He
became a good friend...
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Right... right...
So you weren't even
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thinking about the fact that
he's kind of a ladies' man...
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No... no...
no... Yeah... yeah...
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So after you got
married, what happened?
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when did the infidelity start?
Very early in the marriage
00:10:01.41\00:10:08.18
we had a Crusade...
and one of the young ladies
00:10:08.22\00:10:12.65
there would ask
him to get rides home
00:10:12.68\00:10:14.21
and stuff like that
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and before I knew it,
that was initially the first
00:10:15.34\00:10:18.62
problem that turned
up in the marriage...
00:10:18.65\00:10:22.44
the first official
problem, and that's where
00:10:22.47\00:10:26.23
the trouble began...
How did you deal with it?
00:10:26.27\00:10:29.96
My first, initial, angry thought
was... grounds for divorce...
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but I thought about it
and I knew that marriages
00:10:38.38\00:10:43.03
have problems and
I was committed...
00:10:43.07\00:10:45.30
I made up my mind
when I got married that
00:10:45.34\00:10:47.65
I was in it for the long
haul, I loved him and I believed
00:10:47.69\00:10:51.93
that he loved me...
and when I look at it...
00:10:51.97\00:10:55.59
I really kind of
compromised in my mind...
00:10:55.63\00:10:59.19
I'm saying... the same
thing that attracted me to him
00:10:59.22\00:11:02.84
would obviously
attract other women also...
00:11:02.88\00:11:04.64
and in all fairness to him,
I figured, I have to find a way
00:11:04.68\00:11:09.43
to work around that...
and that's what I did...
00:11:09.46\00:11:11.20
Work around...
Work around in the sense
00:11:11.24\00:11:14.53
that... I almost found myself
becoming friends with the people
00:11:14.57\00:11:19.54
I'm being honest... I
became friends with them
00:11:19.57\00:11:22.21
so that we'd be
in the same circles
00:11:22.25\00:11:23.31
and it wouldn't bother
me and now that I look back
00:11:23.34\00:11:25.90
and I analyze it... I
think that's what I did...
00:11:25.94\00:11:28.60
that was my method
of coping at the time...
00:11:28.64\00:11:30.93
because he always
boasted about being...
00:11:30.96\00:11:33.19
having more female
friends than male friends...
00:11:33.22\00:11:36.39
and this was a reality,
and so I had to get used to
00:11:36.42\00:11:39.56
the female clan
being around him...
00:11:39.60\00:11:42.46
and then I didn't mind that...
00:11:42.50\00:11:43.83
I'm a friendly
person myself and most times
00:11:43.86\00:11:47.12
they were always in my
circle so it wasn't hard
00:11:47.15\00:11:50.29
to just adapt and go
along... but my point was...
00:11:50.33\00:11:53.40
what I would tell him was...
"Listen, once I get my position
00:11:53.43\00:11:58.51
as number 1...
then... I have no problem...
00:11:58.54\00:12:00.85
because whatever else you do,
that's between you and God... "
00:12:00.89\00:12:02.95
that was my basic
bottom-line decision...
00:12:02.99\00:12:06.35
So, you didn't... and
I'm just going to come
00:12:06.39\00:12:09.50
from a another woman's
point of view... right...
00:12:09.54\00:12:12.58
so, you didn't say to him,
"Look, this has got to stop...
00:12:12.62\00:12:17.94
you cannot do this...
I'm not going to accept
00:12:17.98\00:12:20.88
this behavior from you...
if you do it... I'm out... "
00:12:20.92\00:12:23.79
Okay, I did say that...
00:12:23.82\00:12:26.42
we made a decision...
00:12:26.45\00:12:28.99
maybe certain
things that he did...
00:12:29.02\00:12:31.26
but it was not a general...
00:12:31.29\00:12:32.79
"you got to stop
talking to women"
00:12:32.83\00:12:33.94
I couldn't do
that... I couldn't see myself
00:12:33.97\00:12:35.13
doing that... if I would see him
00:12:35.17\00:12:39.33
chatting too long with
someone, stuff like that...
00:12:39.37\00:12:42.01
kind of...
obviously you're married
00:12:42.04\00:12:44.81
and you're over there talking
to this person all this time...
00:12:44.85\00:12:46.93
stuff like that... I would say,
00:12:46.97\00:12:48.43
"You know... that
doesn't look good...
00:12:48.46\00:12:49.71
you can't be doing
stuff like that... "
00:12:49.75\00:12:50.92
and then, the problem continued
because anytime you make
00:12:50.96\00:12:57.00
a woman feel good, or
anybody for that matter
00:12:57.03\00:12:59.78
they are attracted to you...
and these people would be drawn
00:12:59.81\00:13:02.65
towards him and that is
where the problems kept on just
00:13:02.69\00:13:05.79
getting bigger and
bigger... and we would drop
00:13:05.83\00:13:07.94
some of the friends
who could be dropped
00:13:07.97\00:13:09.48
for whatever reason,
00:13:09.52\00:13:10.65
either they die a natural death
00:13:10.69\00:13:12.89
or maybe because
I fussed about it
00:13:12.92\00:13:15.09
or maybe because
he just decided...
00:13:15.12\00:13:17.72
"Okay, let me stop...
" but the trend kept on
00:13:17.76\00:13:21.34
throughout the entire marriage,
that general friendliness
00:13:21.37\00:13:24.88
that he had... I
think he looked at it
00:13:24.92\00:13:27.82
as though it was
part of his make-up
00:13:27.85\00:13:30.68
like God put him there to
be able to help these people
00:13:30.71\00:13:33.39
in different ways... and
it's not just people that
00:13:33.43\00:13:36.07
were attracted to
him... he would help...
00:13:36.11\00:13:38.76
he would generally
just be helping any woman
00:13:38.79\00:13:41.37
out there with their
problem, that's what it was...
00:13:41.41\00:13:43.91
so, to be honest...
I wouldn't even call it
00:13:43.95\00:13:46.65
typically it would
sound as womanizing...
00:13:46.68\00:13:49.31
like he's a womanizer...
00:13:49.35\00:13:50.76
I didn't even put
him in that category...
00:13:50.80\00:13:52.67
I guess, that's why I
could last that long...
00:13:52.70\00:13:54.51
because... it was a genuine
love "he had to help people"
00:13:54.54\00:13:57.74
but it's just that
these people were always women
00:13:57.78\00:14:00.20
but I would tease him
00:14:00.24\00:14:03.31
and tell him, "When we
get back to get to heaven...
00:14:03.35\00:14:05.92
the stars in his crown
would have a different shape
00:14:05.95\00:14:08.59
because he would have
female stars in his crown... "
00:14:08.63\00:14:12.98
Oh my, well... well okay...
I don't know about that...
00:14:13.02\00:14:17.34
see, here's the
thing for me, it's like...
00:14:17.38\00:14:20.29
as I read this...
and being my age...
00:14:20.32\00:14:23.99
you don't get to this
age without having had some
00:14:24.03\00:14:27.50
trying relationships,
yes... yourself...
00:14:27.54\00:14:30.98
so, I can understand
00:14:31.01\00:14:33.14
you know, some of the
things that you go through
00:14:33.17\00:14:37.05
when you're in a relationship
00:14:37.09\00:14:39.10
a marriage... and
there's infidelity...
00:14:39.13\00:14:43.26
but at some
point... when do you say,
00:14:43.30\00:14:47.40
"Enough is enough...
" what did it take...
00:14:47.44\00:14:50.25
for you to say,
00:14:50.28\00:14:52.11
"I'm done... " how
many... well, first of all
00:14:52.15\00:14:54.17
let's go back for a
second how many infidelities
00:14:54.20\00:14:56.46
do you think there were? A
lot... a lot that I know of
00:14:56.50\00:15:01.18
Like more than 10?
Yes, I could say that...
00:15:01.22\00:15:08.36
Okay, so at what point
did you say in your heart
00:15:08.40\00:15:12.55
"I'm done with this...
00:15:12.58\00:15:14.55
I'm not going to deal
with this anymore... "
00:15:14.58\00:15:16.86
what did it take for you to
00:15:16.90\00:15:18.09
get there? Okay,
let me back up a bit
00:15:18.13\00:15:20.84
very early in the
marriage, he started using drugs
00:15:20.88\00:15:24.54
Okay... my brother was on drugs
00:15:24.57\00:15:26.72
my youngest brother who
was like a best friend to me
00:15:26.75\00:15:29.02
he started using drugs with
him, he was his best friend...
00:15:29.05\00:15:31.28
When you say
drugs... what was it?
00:15:31.32\00:15:34.71
Cocaine, cocaine... to be exact,
I guess they must have dabbled
00:15:34.74\00:15:36.78
with a lot of other stuff,
but cocaine was the choice
00:15:36.81\00:15:40.31
Okay... and he actually came and
00:15:40.35\00:15:43.47
admitted to me that
he was using the drugs...
00:15:43.51\00:15:45.27
the night... I never forgot...
the night we had the Crusade
00:15:45.31\00:15:48.71
and he came and told me
"Cheryl, I know you realize that
00:15:48.74\00:15:52.11
I've been out in
the night and stuff...
00:15:52.14\00:15:54.69
and rather than make you
think that I have another woman,
00:15:54.72\00:15:58.01
I want you to know that
I've been using drugs with
00:15:58.04\00:16:00.12
your brother and
the group of them... "
00:16:00.15\00:16:03.14
which I knew all of them
anyway, I knew who the friends
00:16:03.18\00:16:06.82
that he hung out with
and that really tore me apart
00:16:06.86\00:16:10.47
because on top of the
attraction to women...
00:16:10.50\00:16:13.58
that was a whole new ball game,
00:16:13.61\00:16:15.23
so, this continued
throughout the marriage
00:16:15.27\00:16:20.07
and I worked along
with a drug rehab group
00:16:20.11\00:16:24.77
that was formed in the
Conference in Trinidad...
00:16:24.81\00:16:26.79
and I was able to
see a lot of the people
00:16:26.97\00:16:30.82
that we worked
with, get "better"
00:16:30.86\00:16:32.37
you know... in quotes...
and they come off of the drugs
00:16:32.40\00:16:35.36
and it was so
difficult for me not to see
00:16:35.39\00:16:37.92
him and my brother be
blessed by what we were doing...
00:16:37.96\00:16:41.85
so, I blamed a lot
of what he was doing
00:16:41.89\00:16:46.10
on the drugs because I
know when you use drugs
00:16:46.19\00:16:49.18
that messes up the
whole thought process...
00:16:49.22\00:16:52.14
and a combination of
that and wanting to see him
00:16:52.17\00:16:57.11
off of the
drugs... and thinking that
00:16:57.14\00:16:59.23
if we could still
minister... now all this time
00:16:59.27\00:17:01.72
we are ministering... we
would be in Church on the stage
00:17:01.76\00:17:03.83
functioning and doing Crusades
00:17:03.87\00:17:06.25
part of the major
crusades in the Country
00:17:06.28\00:17:08.68
we would be on the stage... and
sincerely working for the Lord,
00:17:08.72\00:17:12.39
and what I would do...
whenever I noticed that
00:17:12.42\00:17:17.55
he was not making an
effort, in my honest admission
00:17:17.59\00:17:22.99
making an effort to
stop using the drugs
00:17:23.02\00:17:25.59
I would not let him play for me
to sing... not accompany me...
00:17:25.62\00:17:29.69
I would rather do solos,
00:17:29.73\00:17:31.97
I would just not...
00:17:32.01\00:17:33.48
I would turn the
accompaniment, turn it down...
00:17:33.51\00:17:35.33
Why? because,
00:17:35.37\00:17:37.19
I just felt that if he
was not making the effort
00:17:37.23\00:17:42.18
then, I didn't want him to be
part of that particular ministry
00:17:42.21\00:17:46.75
that I was doing that day...
because I want that ministry
00:17:46.78\00:17:49.24
to be honest and
coming from a good place...
00:17:49.28\00:17:52.06
and, I guess, I could
have been wrong sometimes
00:17:52.10\00:17:54.75
but I had to use what
I could see and feel...
00:17:54.78\00:17:57.35
to make my decisions...
so whenever I did accept an
00:17:57.39\00:18:02.20
appointment to
sing or to perform
00:18:02.23\00:18:04.87
because I was in charge
of the Junior Choir also
00:18:04.90\00:18:06.84
all the kids and everything...
going out to perform
00:18:06.87\00:18:08.94
I would use my judgment
00:18:08.98\00:18:12.69
to decide if we would do that
00:18:12.72\00:18:14.72
performance or not...
00:18:14.76\00:18:16.06
that ministry or not
at that point in time...
00:18:16.10\00:18:18.09
but that's how it went
00:18:18.13\00:18:21.06
for quite a while
for most of the marriage,
00:18:21.09\00:18:22.66
I would decide that if
he's not making an effort
00:18:22.70\00:18:25.45
if he is not
00:18:25.48\00:18:26.81
using the resources that
I think he should be using
00:18:26.84\00:18:30.79
at this
particular point in time...
00:18:30.82\00:18:32.21
so I would not go on the stage
to represent what I know...
00:18:32.24\00:18:38.13
Right... you didn't
want him before the people
00:18:38.16\00:18:40.62
kind of pretending
to be ministering...
00:18:40.66\00:18:46.51
when he had the secret
life, going on... yeah...
00:18:46.55\00:18:50.84
and that's understandable...
so, let's look at this now
00:18:50.87\00:18:56.58
so, here you are,
you're a mother...
00:18:56.62\00:18:59.80
you're a wife whose
husband is in ministry with you
00:18:59.83\00:19:05.37
but, on the side...
00:19:05.41\00:19:08.04
he's got these women friends
00:19:08.07\00:19:10.50
that he won't let go
of, and now, you're saying,
00:19:10.54\00:19:14.21
he's got a drug problem that
he also is not letting go of...
00:19:14.25\00:19:19.01
Hmmm... hmmm...
00:19:19.05\00:19:20.46
and you're still trying
00:19:20.50\00:19:23.27
to kind of...
make it fit... correct?
00:19:23.30\00:19:26.06
you're hanging in
there, you're trying to make it
00:19:26.09\00:19:28.44
you're trying to put that
square peg into the round hole,
00:19:28.48\00:19:34.15
trying to solve the problem,
but, again, at what point now
00:19:34.19\00:19:39.83
do you say...
it's... I'm done...
00:19:39.87\00:19:42.98
Okay, because I always
believed that God could heal him
00:19:43.02\00:19:46.66
and I would pray like
that... seriously pray...
00:19:46.70\00:19:49.69
do all I could
to get it to stop...
00:19:49.72\00:19:52.02
I would tell myself, "if
you could minister like this
00:19:52.05\00:19:56.77
and be so effective,
with the drug problem
00:19:56.80\00:19:59.61
and whatever
other problems we had,
00:19:59.64\00:20:02.37
could you imagine what
a glorious day it would be
00:20:02.41\00:20:07.00
if he got rid of all
these the female friends...
00:20:07.03\00:20:10.11
the problem with
the female friends
00:20:10.14\00:20:11.49
I should say... not
get rid of the friends...
00:20:11.53\00:20:13.11
but get rid of the
problems with them...
00:20:13.14\00:20:15.13
and the drugs... how dynamic
our ministry could be... "
00:20:15.16\00:20:18.08
because that was my
aim... because, to be honest,
00:20:18.12\00:20:20.91
I haven't found anybody
else who could play the chords
00:20:20.94\00:20:23.23
that I need for my song,
00:20:23.27\00:20:25.57
with the right mood
and everything else...
00:20:25.60\00:20:27.33
I've tried numerous musicians
00:20:27.37\00:20:29.25
who some people may
think are better than him...
00:20:29.28\00:20:32.15
but I get the... I
specialize in singing hymns...
00:20:32.18\00:20:34.98
just arranging them...
meditations and stuff like that
00:20:35.01\00:20:38.76
and the mood that I need,
I haven't found anybody else
00:20:38.80\00:20:42.37
that could do it... and
I guess, that was a kind of
00:20:42.40\00:20:44.24
of "staying point" for me...
00:20:44.27\00:20:48.99
I know some people
say, they stay in a marriage
00:20:49.03\00:20:51.22
because of the children...
for different reasons...
00:20:51.25\00:20:53.38
I think, one of the reasons
why I stayed in the marriage
00:20:53.41\00:20:55.72
was because of that
musical bond that we had...
00:20:55.76\00:20:58.23
Hmmm... hmmm... and
then that musical bond
00:20:58.26\00:20:59.84
was just a musical
bond for showing off...
00:20:59.88\00:21:01.39
it's a ministry that I
totally was dedicated to...
00:21:01.43\00:21:05.29
and he stuck with the ministry
00:21:05.33\00:21:07.40
in spite of all
that he was doing
00:21:07.43\00:21:09.00
never stopped going to Church,
00:21:09.04\00:21:10.58
my brother who
was his best friend...
00:21:10.61\00:21:13.79
whenever he went
back on the drugs
00:21:13.82\00:21:15.53
he would stop going
to Church altogether...
00:21:15.57\00:21:17.18
but he didn't
stop going to Church
00:21:17.21\00:21:18.86
he kept going... so I had...
00:21:18.90\00:21:21.37
I became an expert
at covering up stuff...
00:21:21.40\00:21:23.84
and not letting
people know... where he was
00:21:23.88\00:21:26.25
maybe the night before...
but it didn't happen every time
00:21:26.29\00:21:29.87
but a lot of times
when he had to perform,
00:21:29.91\00:21:31.94
I would have to go and get him
00:21:31.97\00:21:34.69
from the place where he was
hanging out the night before...
00:21:34.72\00:21:37.36
and talk, pray, fuss,
talk, pray, fuss, everything
00:21:37.40\00:21:42.39
whatever I had to do, and
he would be right on target
00:21:42.43\00:21:46.95
to perform the next
morning, but after a while...
00:21:46.99\00:21:51.45
I said, the Lord blessed
him... let me put it that way
00:21:51.48\00:21:58.69
that the Lord
worked a miracle for him...
00:21:58.72\00:22:00.77
and... he was
delivered from the jaws
00:22:00.80\00:22:02.82
one day he got up and he said,
00:22:02.85\00:22:03.95
"Cheryl, I don't have any
desire again... for the drugs"
00:22:03.98\00:22:07.59
and that was hallelujah for me
00:22:07.62\00:22:08.72
and I thought,
00:22:08.76\00:22:10.41
"Well, finally, after all the
years... it was worth it... "
00:22:10.44\00:22:12.81
Did you seek
counsel... We did...
00:22:12.84\00:22:16.32
did you go to
pastoral counsel or anything?
00:22:16.35\00:22:19.01
what happened with that
00:22:19.05\00:22:20.23
Most of them were
friends because...
00:22:20.27\00:22:21.89
we were always on
the street performing...
00:22:21.93\00:22:24.14
most of our
friends were ministers...
00:22:24.18\00:22:26.56
and I did go to a few of them,
00:22:26.59\00:22:32.63
and... when I look back
00:22:32.67\00:22:37.47
I don't think I got the
response that I really wanted...
00:22:37.50\00:22:40.18
but then, who am I to say
00:22:40.21\00:22:42.19
what God wanted me to
have in that point in time...
00:22:42.23\00:22:45.11
but they would talk to
me, they would all talk to me,
00:22:45.15\00:22:47.80
and go into all the
details of what should be done,
00:22:47.83\00:22:50.45
but to me... I
didn't get the follow up
00:22:50.48\00:22:52.47
as much as I would have liked,
that's me personally talking now
00:22:52.51\00:22:55.77
that I
expected... I guess because
00:22:55.80\00:22:58.85
he was my personal
concern, I would be happy
00:22:58.89\00:23:02.93
if they left everything
and just came and solved
00:23:02.96\00:23:05.31
the problem for
me, but I knew that
00:23:05.34\00:23:06.80
that's not how life is... so...
and then, he was really one of
00:23:06.84\00:23:11.94
the best musicians
around at that time...
00:23:11.97\00:23:13.46
and I always felt that
they were more concerned
00:23:13.50\00:23:17.57
about getting his performance
than really attending to
00:23:17.61\00:23:21.79
his spirituality...
00:23:21.83\00:23:23.66
it was more important
00:23:23.70\00:23:25.47
to get the Program
flowing smoothly...
00:23:25.50\00:23:28.12
and again... I'm
not condemning them...
00:23:28.15\00:23:30.74
but situations vary...
00:23:30.77\00:23:33.52
and when he did tell me
00:23:33.56\00:23:36.24
he was delivered from
that, I was so happy...
00:23:36.28\00:23:41.29
and unfortunately,
Satan put another female
00:23:41.33\00:23:46.27
right in position...
somebody that also needed help
00:23:46.31\00:23:50.34
for him to help...
and he started a whole new
00:23:50.37\00:23:55.23
friendship with this
person... so, instead of getting
00:23:55.27\00:23:57.79
a result that I
wanted... that I was hoping
00:23:57.83\00:24:00.42
and praying for... that...
his coming off of the drugs
00:24:00.46\00:24:04.17
didn't bring us any
closer... and at that point
00:24:04.20\00:24:06.65
I decided... "this is it...
" Okay... and how long had you
00:24:06.68\00:24:10.22
been married... by this time?
like 25... 24 or 25 years...
00:24:10.26\00:24:15.81
so you went through this...
00:24:15.84\00:24:18.26
this grueling up
and down relationship
00:24:18.30\00:24:22.77
and even... it sounds
to me... and this is not me
00:24:22.81\00:24:26.25
this is not me
sitting in judgment of you
00:24:26.29\00:24:29.42
because the Lord
knows I made mistakes too...
00:24:29.45\00:24:32.52
but...
00:24:32.55\00:24:33.68
it sounds as though
you kind of enabled him to
00:24:33.72\00:24:37.25
like you tried to become
friends with the women...
00:24:37.29\00:24:39.57
and all that...
because you were trying to
00:24:39.61\00:24:43.14
hang in there... and
trying to work it out...
00:24:43.17\00:24:46.67
trying to cope
with the situation...
00:24:46.70\00:24:48.67
instead of setting boundaries...
00:24:48.71\00:24:50.96
if you had it all
to do it over again...
00:24:51.00\00:24:53.39
what would you do differently?
00:24:53.42\00:24:56.36
I did set boundaries... but...
00:24:56.40\00:25:04.86
if I had to do
it all over again...
00:25:04.90\00:25:08.94
the thing is... I
don't really regret
00:25:08.98\00:25:12.99
what I've been
through... I would not choose
00:25:13.02\00:25:15.53
to live that life... I
would have chosen a totally
00:25:15.57\00:25:18.04
happy life with a
perfect husband and a
00:25:18.08\00:25:20.25
perfect piano player...
and just all romance and
00:25:20.28\00:25:23.99
Bible... but
00:25:24.03\00:25:27.04
that was not to be...
00:25:27.07\00:25:28.17
so, now I look
back at my life...
00:25:28.20\00:25:29.59
I cannot say
00:25:29.62\00:25:31.97
that I regret anything...
00:25:32.01\00:25:33.07
I could have done
stuff differently...
00:25:33.10\00:25:34.65
but the blessings that have come
00:25:34.68\00:25:41.41
out of this experience,
sharing the experience,
00:25:41.45\00:25:43.69
and making me stronger...
00:25:43.73\00:25:45.84
when I got the first copy
00:25:45.87\00:25:47.91
of the book done... I
signed it and autographed
00:25:47.95\00:25:51.04
in the book and
took it to him...
00:25:51.07\00:25:53.19
and what I wrote
on the book was...
00:25:53.22\00:25:55.27
"Thanks for the journey
that brought me closer to Jesus"
00:25:55.31\00:25:59.61
and I meant that
with all my heart...
00:25:59.64\00:26:01.69
when we finally separated...
it was really hard for me
00:26:01.72\00:26:06.20
to deal with... and I
was trying to figure out
00:26:06.24\00:26:08.79
"how could I... " you know...
00:26:08.82\00:26:12.72
"how could I get
this whole package
00:26:12.76\00:26:16.59
that I went
through for all those years
00:26:16.63\00:26:18.09
Hmmm... make sense of it...
00:26:18.12\00:26:19.69
the text Romans 8:28
"All things work together
00:26:19.72\00:26:23.98
for good to
those who love God...
00:26:24.01\00:26:25.56
As I said in the book... I
had a love/hate relationship
00:26:25.60\00:26:27.69
with that text for a
while... because all things
00:26:27.73\00:26:30.16
mean a lot of
things in the Bible...
00:26:30.20\00:26:31.48
and a lot of stuff that happens
you can't even figure out
00:26:31.51\00:26:35.79
why it's happening
and to you again...
00:26:35.83\00:26:38.77
I've been there in Church
00:26:38.81\00:26:41.14
all my life... with
Crusades and then Church and
00:26:41.18\00:26:43.57
worshipping and
praising and doing ministry
00:26:43.60\00:26:45.96
and yet, I can't
even have a comfortable,
00:26:46.00\00:26:49.45
happy married life...
but... along the way...
00:26:49.48\00:26:52.87
we had a lot of fun...
now, when you hear all these
00:26:52.90\00:26:56.68
problems you would
think that in our house
00:26:56.71\00:26:58.35
there would be a lot of tension
00:26:58.38\00:26:59.91
but there wasn't... Hmmm...
00:26:59.95\00:27:01.40
I guess because of the
blessings that God gave me
00:27:01.43\00:27:04.37
the kind of ability to
just deal with the problem
00:27:04.41\00:27:07.31
on the spot... and forget it...
00:27:07.35\00:27:09.92
2 minutes after... I'd
be laughing and talking
00:27:09.95\00:27:12.52
that's what we
did... so if you ask my son
00:27:12.55\00:27:15.08
how happy he
was... in the family...
00:27:15.11\00:27:17.13
he grew up in a happy home...
00:27:17.16\00:27:18.64
So, God has
brought you through...
00:27:18.68\00:27:20.02
Yes... that's the bottom line...
00:27:20.05\00:27:21.27
thank you so much for sharing...
00:27:21.30\00:27:22.41
the name of the book is
00:27:22.45\00:27:23.49
"You can't
pretend the Truth Away"
00:27:23.52\00:27:25.50
Thank you so much
Cheryl for being with us...
00:27:25.53\00:27:28.01
I appreciate it...
May God bless you...
00:27:28.04\00:27:29.82
Cheryl has
shared some intensely,
00:27:29.86\00:27:31.63
personal information with us...
00:27:31.66\00:27:33.37
not because she wants to
expose herself to the world,
00:27:33.40\00:27:36.32
but because she wants to
proclaim the redemptive power
00:27:36.35\00:27:39.23
of Jesus Christ...
if you're going through
00:27:39.27\00:27:41.78
repeated
infidelities by your spouse,
00:27:41.81\00:27:43.93
turn to Jesus...
ask Him for guidance...
00:27:43.97\00:27:46.06
He will guide
you by His spirit...
00:27:46.09\00:27:48.79
Well, that's it
for our Program...
00:27:48.83\00:27:51.08
thank you so
much for tuning in...
00:27:51.12\00:27:52.81
we hope that you were blessed,
00:27:52.85\00:27:54.64
we hope that this information
00:27:54.67\00:27:56.39
really you can
take and actually apply
00:27:56.43\00:27:59.33
the goodness of
Jesus to your life...
00:27:59.36\00:28:02.23
Join us next time...
00:28:02.26\00:28:03.59
It just wouldn't be
the same... without you...
00:28:03.63\00:28:05.14