Do you want to hear some secrets
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to finding and
keeping a great mate?
00:00:02.75\00:00:04.62
Well, stay tuned to
meet an amazing couple
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that's dedicated to
each other and to God...
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My name is Yvonne
Lewis and you're watching
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Urban Report.
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report.
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While at Oakwood
University's Pell Conference
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I met a wonderful couple
with a very interesting story...
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Let me introduce them to you...
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Welcome to Urban Report
Dr. Ty-Ron and Bobbie Douglas
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Yeah... Thank
you for having us...
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It's so great to have
you here because you guys...
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as I've told you in
the private conversations
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you really epitomize
what we're trying to convey
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with Dare to Dream and that is
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to support the family...
to show what love really is...
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so, I want our viewers to
know who are Bobbie and Ty...
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I know that you're Dr.
Ty but may I call you Ty?
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All right... that's
fine... Okay good...
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Tell us a little bit
about your background...
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let's start with
Bobbie... Well, I'm from Bermuda
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and I am a mom, of
course, of two handsome boys
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I know, I met
them... they are...
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and I actually teach the
youngest one at home right now
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he's five... and that's...
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that's what I do...
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so you are... a
stay-at-home mom... really
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Yeah... and you
are homeschooling
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Yes... your younger son...
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Your older son... is he...
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he's a student at
Oakwood University.
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Oh, okay... that's awesome
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awesome... what
about you Dr. Ty?
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I'm actually a
Professor of Educational,
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Leadership and Policy Analysis
at a public research university.
00:02:02.59\00:02:05.71
Wow, that's a heavy-duty title..
In fact, I have a class tonight.
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Really? Oh wow... Yeah...
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Oh, that sounds amazing...
okay so, we got to know...
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how did you guys meet?
give us this... because...
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I love like...
"how people met stories"
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tell us how you met...
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There's a lot of context
to that we've known each other
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for a number of years...
my wife... she mentioned that
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she's a stay-at-home mom...
but she's an amazing wife,
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and an amazing woman...
and I actually knew that
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previously because
she was married previously
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and I knew her then
and her first husband
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quite well... and so, we
met through mutual friendships
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at Church and our
lives sort of intersected
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as friends in the
past... and then, you know,
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as the story sort of
unfolds after that...
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into a relationship
that is so amazing...
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Yes, yes... Bobbie,
you knew Ty... years ago...
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tell us about... your journey...
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because you have an
interesting journey...
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tell us about... that journey...
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Well I... I
was... like he said...
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I was married before...
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I got... well, where do I begin?
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just as a child... coming along
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I was a pretty little girl...
I was told by a lot of people
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but at the same time... I
had a lot of, like, predators,
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if you will... always
saying, "You're so pretty and
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you're going to
be this and that... "
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inappropriate things were said
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to me... at
times... Were you molested?
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No, I wasn't molested... I
nearly... I could have been...
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I escaped... if you
will.. once, someone... and...
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thank God for that...
I prayed, I was raised...
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I was taken to Sabbath School,
I went to Christian Schools...
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so, I knew how to
pray and I learned to pray
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very young...
and that's amazing...
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because I could have
been turned off from men...
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as a child... but
instead... I wasn't...
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and... so
yeah... I got married...
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Well, before you tell us that
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you got married...
tell us how you met
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your first husband
because I found that
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to be very interesting...
That's very interesting...
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well, I was in high school
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and he was my History
teacher in high school
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Wow... Now, when I was in the
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younger grades... he actually
attended the same school as me
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so then he went abroad and
then he came back... to teach
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so that was interesting...
you know, it was like,
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"Hey, you were in
school with us... "
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So, he wasn't that
much older than you...
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No, he wasn't...
that much... Okay...
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So, yeah, and so towards the
end... like my senior year...
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I was like... I had a
crush on him and what not...
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and then, once I graduated...
we started dating and
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it just turned
into... we got married...
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So, you got
married... and you were married
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for how long?
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Almost 11 years...
it was like a month...
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that we almost made
it to eleven years...
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Tell us what happened...
Well, I had prayed for him
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when I was young
and so we were having
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a wonderful marriage...
people used to comment about
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that even... he was a Godly man
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he became the Vice-Principal
of the School where he was at...
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and he was an
Elder in the Church...
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and so we were
having a great marriage...
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we had a son... Jaylen...
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and I think that
idea... I must say,
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that I started to
get just comfortable...
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you know, I was
happy and not so much...
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probably not
meaning to praying as much
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and got comfortable... he
was very... like I said...
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dedicated and he had a close
spiritual walk with Christ...
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and then one
day... out of the blue...
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he just got
sick... he was vomiting...
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and I hadn't
seen him vomit ever...
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I never... and then that
just turned into a long...
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I would say...
maybe two years maybe...
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we just went to the hospital
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we went abroad...
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we sent him abroad and
found out he had colon cancer...
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and that was just devastating...
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I mean... he wasn't a person
that would smoke or drink...
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he came up in the Church as well
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and he didn't eat meat
and he was playing sports
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and... so it just
came out of the blue...
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and it was
devastating... So what, wow, so,
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so you met... you already
knew him because you had gone
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to school with him... then
he was your history teacher
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Hmmm... hmmm... and
then you guys got married...
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you ended up
dating... and got married...
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had a great marriage... Yeah...
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and then... from
nowhere... he was very spiritual
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but you're telling us
that you got too comfortable
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you began to get a
little complacent...
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Yes... so he had a
very spiritual walk
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and yours was just kind of
lukewarm maybe at that time?
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Yeah, yeah... I would say that.
So, when this illness hit...
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did this bring you closer to God
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or did it pull
you away from God?
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Oh no... closer...
definitely, I, you know,
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I wanted to
straighten up immediately...
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I was like, "Okay
God, you got my attention,"
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Hmmm... you know,
"I see what this is...
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I'm not going to
make it on his coattail...
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I'm going to have to
have my own relationship... "
00:07:32.61\00:07:34.83
Hmmm... and so,
yeah, that definitely
00:07:34.87\00:07:37.52
brought me closer... yeah...
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And where were
you during this time,
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when he was ill and... what
were you doing with your life?
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During that time... I
was actually in University...
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and so, we had
sort of lost touch...
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the interesting context
of this story is that...
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it's a sort of a
Ruth-and-Boaz-type thing
00:07:55.70\00:07:58.12
he was actually an
older cousin of mine...
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Ah... and... and in some ways
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a mentor and a friend...
so we spent a lot of time
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together... talking about life
and marriage and those things...
00:08:04.35\00:08:07.17
with them at their house...
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and so, you know, I was in
school and like everyone else
00:08:08.87\00:08:12.17
just wrestling with the reality
that someone that we really love
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could potentially die...
and so, I remember, September 11
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you know, being in the
University and hearing about the
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prognosis and
just having to accept
00:08:24.37\00:08:26.86
that it was
possible... he may pass...
00:08:26.89\00:08:29.30
and so, Bobbie and I
had sort of lost contact
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because she was
doing what she does
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and that's be a great wife,
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she was very supportive of
him, you know, around the clock,
00:08:35.38\00:08:38.83
supported him,
encouraging, taking care of him,
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even up unto
the day he passed...
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she was there with
him... and so, understandably
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we didn't get to talk
as much during that time...
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but we always had
a great friendship
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just strictly healthy, platonic,
there was never anything
00:08:50.11\00:08:53.16
inappropriate... you know...
we would... and we still...
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even to this day we
look at each other...
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and we're like...
"Do you know what I am?"
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We do... I mean,
it was amazing...
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yeah, so that's where I was...
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at the time... I had, you know,
00:09:02.72\00:09:04.16
my own relationships and
things going on... in my life...
00:09:04.20\00:09:06.25
and so, you know, I was
somewhat disconnected...
00:09:06.28\00:09:09.38
but still connected...
but I was in the United States
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and they were in
Bermuda at that time...
00:09:11.90\00:09:14.62
Hmmm... hmmm...
so, he got very ill...
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he was ill for...
did you said two years...
00:09:17.34\00:09:19.60
Yeah... it would say it was 2...
And then, tell us how things
00:09:19.63\00:09:22.94
spiraled from there...
Well, it actually happened
00:09:22.98\00:09:27.22
around September the
11th... the incident...
00:09:27.25\00:09:30.62
we were in Boston... and
he had a tumor removed there
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so, that was helpful...
he sort of came around
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if you will... a
bit... he went back to work
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for a little while...
and then... months later...
00:09:40.38\00:09:44.01
he started feeling unwell
again, so we took him to a few
00:09:44.05\00:09:50.34
of these health
places... Hmmm... hmmm...
00:09:50.37\00:09:53.25
where they treat
the natural way...
00:09:53.29\00:09:56.69
and he just got
progressively worse...
00:09:56.73\00:10:00.06
and I had believed that
God was going to heal him...
00:10:00.10\00:10:06.47
I believed it
with all of my heart...
00:10:06.50\00:10:08.89
and... somehow I believe
00:10:08.93\00:10:11.04
God allowed me
to believe that...
00:10:11.07\00:10:12.69
because... that's what kept
me.. keeping him positive...
00:10:12.72\00:10:17.56
if I had believed
that he was going to die...
00:10:17.59\00:10:19.74
I think I would have
fallen apart much earlier...
00:10:19.78\00:10:21.89
Hmmm... and I
wouldn't have been able
00:10:21.93\00:10:23.07
to do what I did...
00:10:23.10\00:10:24.60
Hmmm... hmmm... I
just, you know, constantly
00:10:24.63\00:10:26.79
thought that he was
going to be healed...
00:10:26.83\00:10:28.61
and that's how I
took care of him...
00:10:28.64\00:10:30.35
And you know Bobbie...
that's a really good point
00:10:30.39\00:10:32.44
because... many
times... and I've heard it
00:10:32.47\00:10:36.02
over and over again...
we really pray for healing
00:10:36.05\00:10:39.46
we really believe
that God would heal...
00:10:39.49\00:10:42.70
and God can heal...
but sometimes He chooses
00:10:42.74\00:10:45.85
not to heal... then...
we know that the ultimate
00:10:45.89\00:10:48.97
healing for the
believer... is in heaven...
00:10:49.01\00:10:52.44
Hmmm... hmmm... but sometimes...
00:10:52.48\00:10:54.81
God intervenes and heals... here
00:10:54.84\00:10:57.10
and sometimes He says, "No"
and so, it's not a measure of
00:10:57.13\00:11:03.05
a lack of faith on
your part or... some...
00:11:03.09\00:11:05.71
we want the
viewers to understand that
00:11:05.74\00:11:08.30
that sometimes you have
someone that you're praying for
00:11:08.33\00:11:12.70
and God allows
them to go to sleep...
00:11:12.74\00:11:15.47
and you don't understand why...
but that's where your faith
00:11:15.50\00:11:19.58
comes in... because
that's where you have to accept
00:11:19.61\00:11:22.87
the sovereignty
of God and know that
00:11:22.91\00:11:25.88
He allowed this for a
reason... Absolutely...
00:11:25.92\00:11:29.63
and your husband
was ready... Yes...
00:11:29.67\00:11:31.97
by the grace of God... to go...
00:11:32.01\00:11:33.77
Yes... ... he
was a spiritual man
00:11:33.80\00:11:35.49
and he was your
friend, your cousin...
00:11:35.52\00:11:37.30
Absolutely... as
well... so that's interesting
00:11:37.33\00:11:40.23
to me too... because you
guys have him in common...
00:11:40.27\00:11:43.02
Absolutely... absolutely...
so you could really support
00:11:43.05\00:11:47.66
her hurting... innocently...
It was interesting because
00:11:47.70\00:11:52.27
when we
reconnected... I, ironically...
00:11:52.31\00:11:54.75
there was a sort
of a Moses and Joshua
00:11:54.78\00:11:56.82
sort of
transition that took place
00:11:56.85\00:11:58.81
because the first year
that he wasn't at the school
00:11:58.85\00:12:02.24
that he taught at... where
he was the Vice-Principal for...
00:12:02.27\00:12:04.09
the first time he
wasn't there in 20 years
00:12:04.13\00:12:05.72
was my first year being
a teacher in that school
00:12:05.75\00:12:08.43
Oh... and so
there was this vacuum
00:12:08.46\00:12:10.06
where this giant of a man
who had led out on the campus
00:12:10.09\00:12:13.07
wasn't there anymore...
and here you have this
00:12:13.11\00:12:14.99
young buck coming on campus
and having to fill a role...
00:12:15.02\00:12:18.22
a role that I didn't ask for
but it was a role that God was
00:12:18.25\00:12:21.32
preparing me for... in
my interactions with him...
00:12:21.35\00:12:23.54
he and I never stood on
the campus at the same time
00:12:23.57\00:12:25.69
we had maybe... we talked
about a lot of things in life
00:12:25.72\00:12:28.42
but we talked about
education... maybe once...
00:12:28.46\00:12:30.27
and he just said... he had a...
00:12:30.31\00:12:31.68
he called me "Ty's
sphere " or Ty's Berger"
00:12:31.72\00:12:33.60
it was just funny, he
had a nickname for everybody
00:12:33.64\00:12:35.42
and he said,
"Ty, listen, you know,
00:12:35.45\00:12:37.51
have a few rules... and
whatever rules you have,
00:12:37.55\00:12:40.16
you know, be
consistent and be fair...
00:12:40.19\00:12:41.84
and that was pretty much it...
I mean, we didn't have a chance
00:12:41.87\00:12:43.65
to really talk
about a whole lot of...
00:12:43.69\00:12:45.31
it was, as if, I
remember asking him...
00:12:45.35\00:12:46.58
"What do you
think is going to happen
00:12:46.62\00:12:47.76
in certain things in life...
" because he was really sick
00:12:47.79\00:12:49.94
at the time... he
said... "Ty Berger... I can't...
00:12:49.97\00:12:52.08
I can't tell you
what's going to happen... "
00:12:52.12\00:12:54.07
and it was, as if, I
remember that moment...
00:12:54.11\00:12:55.71
thinking... you know...
my teacher... if you will
00:12:55.74\00:12:57.77
my mentor... if you will...
has taught me his last lesson...
00:12:57.81\00:13:00.18
Hmmm... hmmm... and
it was time to grow up...
00:13:00.21\00:13:02.87
and so... when I came home...
that October he passed...
00:13:02.90\00:13:05.75
you know, I was a
teacher at the school...
00:13:05.78\00:13:09.25
and I remember
going to see Bobbie...
00:13:09.29\00:13:11.71
we were just talking...
and I remember saying to her
00:13:11.75\00:13:15.05
it was... ironically...
I said to her... you know
00:13:15.09\00:13:18.36
I said, "Well, who is to say
00:13:18.39\00:13:20.15
that God can't... give you
another great marriage... "
00:13:20.19\00:13:22.47
I was... like I said... I
had my own life going on...
00:13:22.51\00:13:24.76
I had other relationships...
00:13:24.80\00:13:26.93
Right... you weren't
even talking about myself...
00:13:26.97\00:13:28.07
I wasn't even
talking about myself...
00:13:28.11\00:13:29.83
but I guess the
innocence of faith
00:13:29.86\00:13:31.36
I just said, "Listen, if
God can do it for you before...
00:13:31.39\00:13:33.38
why can't He do it
again?" maybe God heard that
00:13:33.41\00:13:36.15
and said, "Okay, Son... you
got enough to believe that..
00:13:36.19\00:13:38.89
well then... " He
must be laughing...
00:13:38.92\00:13:40.18
God has a sense of humor...
00:13:40.21\00:13:41.41
I believe... I do too...
00:13:41.45\00:13:42.57
and we just... so I just
encouraged her with that...
00:13:42.61\00:13:45.47
and it was just great
to sit and actually talk...
00:13:45.50\00:13:48.44
but there was still nothing...
you know, like I said,
00:13:48.48\00:13:51.22
the Lord was having to deal with
me in my own spiritual walk...
00:13:51.25\00:13:54.26
here I am, I'm a teacher
in an Adventist institution
00:13:54.29\00:13:57.83
and still trying to come
to my own mature relationship
00:13:57.86\00:14:01.37
with Christ...
telling young people
00:14:01.40\00:14:02.63
about a God that I
scarcely knew Hmmm...
00:14:02.67\00:14:04.34
and being forced to
have to make some changes
00:14:04.37\00:14:06.76
in my life... and
so, God was leading me
00:14:06.79\00:14:09.10
in my own journey as
He was also transitioning
00:14:09.14\00:14:11.31
Bobbie in a very
difficult season in her life...
00:14:11.35\00:14:13.48
and we were just
friends... through it...
00:14:13.52\00:14:15.57
Isn't it
interesting how God grows us...
00:14:15.61\00:14:18.26
you know, He sees
us where we are...
00:14:18.29\00:14:20.87
Hmmm... hmmm... and He
loves us... where we are
00:14:20.91\00:14:23.47
Absolutely... but
He doesn't leave us
00:14:23.51\00:14:25.37
where we are... so He
just brings us up, up, up,
00:14:25.40\00:14:29.89
Yeah... and the enemy brings us
00:14:29.92\00:14:32.64
down, down, down...
so, if we follow God's plan
00:14:32.67\00:14:36.04
we're going to grow... if
we follow the enemy's plan
00:14:36.08\00:14:39.05
we're going to go down...
so, you were being groomed
00:14:39.08\00:14:42.02
I believe, you
weren't ready, Hmmm... hmmm...
00:14:42.05\00:14:44.99
it was too soon...
Bobbie had to heal and all that
00:14:45.03\00:14:47.99
and you weren't ready
because your spiritual walk
00:14:48.03\00:14:50.95
wasn't where you
needed for it to be...
00:14:50.99\00:14:53.95
Absolutely... or where
God needed for it to be
00:14:53.99\00:14:56.42
before you could take
on... you know, a family...
00:14:56.45\00:14:59.68
Right... yeah... So,
how did you two... hook up?
00:14:59.71\00:15:02.90
Well, you want to start, baby...
00:15:02.94\00:15:05.21
Well... I can say... I
mean... I had no intentions
00:15:05.25\00:15:09.18
of doing it again, I felt...
00:15:09.21\00:15:11.76
I almost felt punished
00:15:11.80\00:15:14.04
and said, "Okay God, you
must be punishing me... "
00:15:14.07\00:15:17.62
I did everything right,
you know... when I was young...
00:15:17.66\00:15:22.07
I said, "I'm not going to have
any kids before I get married"
00:15:22.10\00:15:24.52
I don't want to party
and do all those things...
00:15:24.56\00:15:27.38
because I want to be... you
know, keep myself as nice...
00:15:27.41\00:15:30.25
for my husband... and
then you give me a husband
00:15:30.28\00:15:32.83
and then you take him...
you've taken him away... "
00:15:32.87\00:15:35.35
and I just felt like, "That's
it I will never do it again. "
00:15:35.38\00:15:37.95
Were you angry with God a bit?
00:15:37.98\00:15:39.25
I can't say that I
was angry, disappointed...
00:15:39.29\00:15:44.35
but I can't say
I was ever angry...
00:15:44.38\00:15:46.34
you know what I mean...
because... I... I... God is...
00:15:46.38\00:15:48.66
no, I was never
angry... and my then-husband...
00:15:48.70\00:15:53.69
I used to go and say,
"Do you want to be healed?"
00:15:53.72\00:15:56.46
and he said, "I just
want to be saved... "
00:15:56.50\00:15:58.10
you know... he
said things like...
00:15:58.14\00:16:01.41
I said, "You know...
00:16:01.44\00:16:02.63
he would say "Well, why not me?"
00:16:02.66\00:16:04.33
I'd say, "Why
would God do this?"
00:16:04.36\00:16:05.96
he'd say, "Well,
why not me... who else"
00:16:05.99\00:16:07.71
Hmmm... hmmm... and
I felt like... "Wow...
00:16:07.74\00:16:10.96
that's good but that's not
where I'm at... " you know...
00:16:11.00\00:16:14.48
Yeah... yeah... so,
I had no intentions...
00:16:14.51\00:16:17.58
so, when Ty said that to me...
00:16:17.61\00:16:19.30
I always said,
"Oh, please... please...
00:16:19.34\00:16:21.65
that's not going to happen...
00:16:21.68\00:16:23.30
I'm never going to do
this again... " you know...
00:16:23.33\00:16:25.15
So how did we hook up?
00:16:25.19\00:16:26.93
I remember a day she came by...
00:16:26.96\00:16:31.01
to visit... so he passed in
2003 and it was early in 2004
00:16:31.05\00:16:37.47
and she came
by... she called me...
00:16:37.50\00:16:39.11
and I was watering
my grandmother's plants
00:16:39.15\00:16:42.70
I was actually staying with
my grandmother at the time...
00:16:42.74\00:16:44.91
and I think that
impressed her or something...
00:16:44.95\00:16:48.72
I remember her saying...
after the fact... right...
00:16:48.75\00:16:50.72
I needed to come and
see a man who waters his
00:16:50.75\00:16:52.18
grandmother's plants...
but it was just for fun...
00:16:52.22\00:16:54.68
she just came and
hanged out and talked
00:16:54.72\00:16:56.79
and I had... it's interesting
00:16:56.82\00:16:58.73
you know... I don't know why...
00:16:58.76\00:17:00.34
I mean... but on that
day... I had on a tank top
00:17:00.37\00:17:02.75
you know, I don't think I
did any push-ups before she came
00:17:02.79\00:17:05.96
but... I can't explain
why I thought a tank top was
00:17:06.00\00:17:08.96
was appropriate
attire... you know... I mean...
00:17:08.99\00:17:11.67
perhaps... she was single
now and I had no intentions but
00:17:11.70\00:17:15.64
I must admit... that day...
you know... it was just...
00:17:15.67\00:17:18.85
she says... it sounded
like I was interviewing her
00:17:18.88\00:17:21.51
but I guess... I was
in my own transitions...
00:17:21.55\00:17:25.06
and... I remember
she saw that my name was
00:17:25.09\00:17:28.21
Oshea on the
envelope... my middle name...
00:17:28.24\00:17:30.62
is... one of my
middle names is Oshea...
00:17:30.66\00:17:33.00
which is... now I know it...
00:17:33.04\00:17:35.23
it is also the original name of
Joshua... which is interesting
00:17:35.27\00:17:38.44
Ah... and so...
we began to become
00:17:38.47\00:17:40.81
friends and hang out... and,
I think, it was almost as if
00:17:40.85\00:17:43.51
the Lord removed
the scales off our eyes
00:17:43.55\00:17:46.06
and we saw each
other in a different light
00:17:46.10\00:17:47.84
than we had
previously seen each other...
00:17:47.88\00:17:50.02
That day... Not that day...
00:17:50.05\00:17:52.39
well, that day was the beginning
of... sort of... I think...
00:17:52.42\00:17:55.11
you know... it was
just... it was different...
00:17:55.15\00:17:57.23
it was different...
but as it progressed
00:17:57.27\00:17:59.16
and then soon thereafter...
the relationship began
00:17:59.19\00:18:01.58
to transition but
it was difficult...
00:18:01.62\00:18:03.07
because now you're talking about
00:18:03.11\00:18:04.61
you know... in a small community
00:18:04.64\00:18:06.07
I'm working in the environment
where he used to work...
00:18:06.11\00:18:08.85
you're talking about
the family dynamics...
00:18:08.88\00:18:11.15
it got really,
really intense... Yeah...
00:18:11.18\00:18:13.37
you know... and so... for
me... there were many people...
00:18:13.41\00:18:15.46
were saying
"You're a professor... "
00:18:15.49\00:18:17.25
I wasn't a professor... I
was a teacher at the time...
00:18:17.29\00:18:19.02
"You should probably be looking
at this type of person or... "
00:18:19.05\00:18:23.05
there were individuals
who had a lot of opinions
00:18:23.08\00:18:24.90
about what we
should or shouldn't do...
00:18:24.94\00:18:26.84
and suddenly...
because of his stature...
00:18:26.87\00:18:28.71
and because of the great
guy and man that he was...
00:18:28.74\00:18:30.50
there were many who
didn't want her to move on
00:18:30.54\00:18:32.66
Hmmm... Hmmm... and
certainly not move on
00:18:32.70\00:18:34.36
with Ty... Hmmm...
00:18:34.40\00:18:36.93
because, you know,
it was just... I mean...
00:18:36.96\00:18:39.29
it was very difficult...
00:18:39.33\00:18:40.42
there were many who felt like...
"Hey, who can fill his shoes"
00:18:40.45\00:18:42.88
and that wasn't my
intention... and there was never
00:18:42.92\00:18:44.62
any type of pressure...
that she put on anyone...
00:18:44.66\00:18:46.27
Right... but there
were also many people
00:18:46.30\00:18:47.61
who were also struggling
to heal... and to move forward
00:18:47.64\00:18:50.14
and in so doing... I
think they wanted to keep
00:18:50.17\00:18:52.63
her stuck... and
that's not how I wanted it...
00:18:52.66\00:18:56.13
Their position on
her... Exactly... exactly...
00:18:56.17\00:18:58.68
so we had to make some difficult
decisions and it got tough...
00:18:58.71\00:19:00.73
I mean... a lot of my
personal relationships...
00:19:00.77\00:19:02.37
life changed... in fact...
God used those dynamics to bring
00:19:02.40\00:19:05.95
about my conversion experience
because I got to a place
00:19:05.99\00:19:07.95
where I was alone... I
had to cry out to God...
00:19:07.99\00:19:12.05
I'm saying "God, what
do... " like... "Where are you?"
00:19:12.09\00:19:14.16
"this is huge... " Hmmm...
00:19:14.19\00:19:16.06
"You're talking
about marrying someone...
00:19:16.09\00:19:18.22
you're talking about
father of a 9-year-old...
00:19:18.26\00:19:20.05
you're talking about... "
all the different things...
00:19:20.08\00:19:22.08
I mean... I had... some
picket-fence dreams there
00:19:22.11\00:19:23.68
and it wasn't... the
dream wasn't to take on
00:19:23.71\00:19:26.08
anybody else's
child... Hmmm... hmmm...
00:19:26.12\00:19:27.84
and I remember God
saying to me explicitly...
00:19:27.88\00:19:29.95
"How dare you?" Hmmm...
00:19:29.99\00:19:31.81
because in my own journey...
I was adopted by my dad...
00:19:31.85\00:19:35.56
my mom's
husband... who was my dad...
00:19:35.60\00:19:37.53
who took me in
at 2- years-old...
00:19:37.56\00:19:39.22
Okay... what we're talking about
00:19:39.26\00:19:40.83
it's so
amazing... like a ministry...
00:19:40.87\00:19:42.53
it's a marriage but
it's so much bigger...
00:19:42.57\00:19:44.20
you know I'm the
son of an amazing woman
00:19:44.23\00:19:46.38
who got pregnant with me
while she was in University
00:19:46.41\00:19:48.98
and at 19-years-old...
she found herself
00:19:49.01\00:19:52.48
in an abortion clinic... and
thinking to do the unthinkable..
00:19:52.51\00:19:55.86
Yes... but she
said that she felt a
00:19:55.89\00:19:57.54
flutter in her stomach
and knew she couldn't do it...
00:19:57.57\00:19:59.85
Hmmm... hmmm... so
we're talking about destiny..
00:19:59.89\00:20:02.59
which is so amazing...
like... speaking of marriage...
00:20:02.62\00:20:04.58
we're excited about
life... because we know...
00:20:04.61\00:20:06.29
that we're here by design...
so we share our testimony...
00:20:06.32\00:20:08.93
we need people to
know that God is amazing...
00:20:08.97\00:20:10.68
Yes... and so
that she came home...
00:20:10.72\00:20:12.79
to the school and the
church members and other
00:20:12.83\00:20:15.40
individuals... you
know... how we used to do...
00:20:15.44\00:20:16.99
sometimes we
would bless the kids
00:20:17.03\00:20:19.14
who were born outside of
wedlock after the service...
00:20:19.18\00:20:21.24
Yes... there was a
mother who, you know
00:20:21.28\00:20:22.78
she was dis-fellowshipped...
it was a whole lot of stuff
00:20:22.82\00:20:24.98
that took place...
but I also had a dad...
00:20:25.02\00:20:27.04
who came into my life and
took me on... as his own...
00:20:27.08\00:20:29.67
Hmmm... hmmm...
and so it was as if...
00:20:29.71\00:20:31.73
God repeated
that cycle and said,
00:20:31.77\00:20:33.45
"Now, I need you to do
that for somebody else... "
00:20:33.48\00:20:35.31
Wow... and just
amazing because...
00:20:35.35\00:20:37.42
when you think about...
00:20:37.46\00:20:38.54
and I know that there are
many other individuals out there
00:20:38.58\00:20:40.09
who do this... to take
on someone else's child
00:20:40.13\00:20:42.80
and to embrace them as your own,
I believe that I'm an answer to
00:20:42.83\00:20:49.92
a dying man's
prayer... I knew my cousin...
00:20:49.95\00:20:52.16
and I knew that he
prayed for his son...
00:20:52.20\00:20:54.34
our son... and so... one
of the greatest privileges
00:20:54.38\00:20:56.42
that I have in this
life is to be able to point
00:20:56.45\00:20:58.42
to a young man whom I love,
but I also loved his father
00:20:58.46\00:21:01.06
my greatest
desire... I can't wait...
00:21:01.10\00:21:03.13
to get to heaven... and
to be able to deliver him
00:21:03.16\00:21:05.49
to his father and to
say, "We're here... "
00:21:05.53\00:21:09.13
Come on now... that
is so, so beautiful...
00:21:09.16\00:21:12.69
really... because...
in a world... like ours...
00:21:12.73\00:21:17.09
where fatherlessness...
is such a big deal...
00:21:17.12\00:21:21.45
Absolutely... to know that...
00:21:21.48\00:21:23.68
you just dropped so much...
00:21:23.71\00:21:25.70
interesting, good stuff...
on it to know that your mom
00:21:25.74\00:21:29.04
held on to you... in
the midst of the scorn
00:21:29.07\00:21:33.40
and ridicule because
she felt that life in her...
00:21:33.44\00:21:37.14
and then... to know
that God sent a man...
00:21:37.18\00:21:41.08
to you... to be a dad to
you... and then sent you...
00:21:41.11\00:21:45.51
to Jaylen... to
be a dad to him...
00:21:45.55\00:21:48.49
Yeah... because
God puts the lonely
00:21:48.52\00:21:51.07
in families... Yeah...
yeah... Hmmm... Hmmm...
00:21:51.10\00:21:53.01
so... He made
sure that, you know,
00:21:53.04\00:21:55.43
that your first
husband's prayer was answered...
00:21:55.46\00:22:00.28
Hmmm... hmmm... Yeah...
00:22:00.32\00:22:01.40
because that's another thing...
00:22:01.43\00:22:02.64
and that's another
beautiful thing about God...
00:22:02.68\00:22:04.97
that... I've seen this at...
the prayers of the righteous
00:22:05.00\00:22:09.14
even though they go to sleep,
He honors those prayers...
00:22:09.17\00:22:13.12
He doesn't forget them...
just because they're sleeping
00:22:13.15\00:22:16.12
He doesn't forget
them... That's right...
00:22:16.15\00:22:17.95
so how beautiful is that...
so you... God said to you...
00:22:17.98\00:22:23.09
"How dare you... do this...?"
00:22:23.12\00:22:25.60
and that was an awakening
for you... wasn't it...
00:22:25.64\00:22:27.89
Absolutely... it was...
it still wasn't sufficient
00:22:27.93\00:22:30.32
you know... you're
talking about a big decision...
00:22:30.35\00:22:32.87
and I'll say this...
there's a lot of bad information
00:22:32.90\00:22:35.35
out there about marriage...
or even how to find a spouse...
00:22:35.39\00:22:38.04
Hmmm... hmmm... we
got information from
00:22:38.08\00:22:39.58
individuals who said...
"Why listen.. God's up high
00:22:39.61\00:22:41.47
and you're the one that's
got to live with the person,
00:22:41.50\00:22:43.33
so you have to
choose... " and I thought...
00:22:43.36\00:22:44.73
"Hmmm... it doesn't sound right"
00:22:44.76\00:22:46.67
Hmmm... I
remember reading Adventists
00:22:46.71\00:22:48.55
Home from cover to
cover and my cousin...
00:22:48.58\00:22:50.20
he did that as well...
and I remember him telling us
00:22:50.23\00:22:52.42
about that and...
you know... but...
00:22:52.45\00:22:55.01
Bobbie has an amazing
connection with God...
00:22:55.04\00:22:57.84
and she prays often
00:22:57.88\00:22:59.56
and so... even for those who
are out there who are wondering
00:22:59.59\00:23:01.68
how do you find and keep a great
man... I believe, that prayer...
00:23:01.72\00:23:04.41
and how to find and
keep a great woman...
00:23:04.45\00:23:06.56
because I mean...
it's a two-way street.
00:23:06.59\00:23:07.88
That's right... It's
about praying and asking
00:23:07.92\00:23:10.20
God specifically,
"Lord, who did you create
00:23:10.24\00:23:12.01
for me... from the
foundation of the earth?"
00:23:12.05\00:23:13.75
there are many people out there
who believe you can find many
00:23:13.79\00:23:16.71
other people to suit your fancy
00:23:16.75\00:23:18.21
and God can work
with another Plan...
00:23:18.24\00:23:19.64
that's fine... but
for me... I wanted Plan A
00:23:19.68\00:23:21.97
I don't want Plan B
or C or D... Come on...
00:23:22.00\00:23:23.74
I didn't want any alternatives..
00:23:23.77\00:23:25.11
I want it like... "when
you created me Lord... "
00:23:25.15\00:23:27.32
Yes... "I want
the woman that you
00:23:27.35\00:23:29.13
thought for me...
when you created me... "
00:23:29.17\00:23:30.59
Come on... and
now... what makes that
00:23:30.63\00:23:31.98
so deep... is that she
was that for... my cousin
00:23:32.02\00:23:35.92
but God so amazed me...
00:23:35.95\00:23:38.48
He can recreate and
then make her over for me...
00:23:38.51\00:23:41.63
Yes... come one...
now... Oh, I'm loving this...
00:23:41.66\00:23:45.13
I'm loving this... and
that's what is so amazing...
00:23:45.17\00:23:48.61
so amazing like
many of the books say
00:23:48.64\00:23:50.55
"How to find and
keep a great man... "
00:23:50.59\00:23:52.47
anything that's
great comes from God
00:23:52.50\00:23:54.13
Yes... God is so amazing...
00:23:54.17\00:23:55.38
and so she had an
amazing connection with God
00:23:55.42\00:23:57.55
through prayer and I remember
her getting a little bit
00:23:57.58\00:24:00.14
frustrated waiting for me
to try to figure out what I
00:24:00.17\00:24:02.70
was going to do... you know...
00:24:02.74\00:24:03.97
like.. I was vacillating between
many different opinions...
00:24:04.01\00:24:06.50
Ah ha... and circumstances...
00:24:06.54\00:24:07.88
and I'll let her tell
you about that... and she...
00:24:07.92\00:24:09.79
God confirmed some
things that sort of really
00:24:09.83\00:24:12.26
just took us to another level...
00:24:12.30\00:24:13.34
And tell us... and
we're down to like 2 minutes
00:24:13.37\00:24:16.13
which is crazy... so...
Oh wow... well, that whole
00:24:16.17\00:24:18.90
"God will tell you
who the person is... "
00:24:18.93\00:24:20.65
like he said... I found
out that he was Oshea...
00:24:20.69\00:24:24.07
and I loved it...
and I just said...
00:24:24.11\00:24:25.73
"Okay, that's my name...
I'm going to call him Oshea
00:24:25.77\00:24:29.02
from here on out... and then...
00:24:29.05\00:24:30.26
like he said... when we
were getting towards the end
00:24:30.29\00:24:33.57
sort of... decision to
be together finally came...
00:24:33.60\00:24:36.84
one day... I was at
home and had my Bible and
00:24:36.87\00:24:40.53
my Sabbath School
lesson out and he was abroad...
00:24:40.57\00:24:43.74
and I said, "You know
what Lord... this is it...
00:24:43.78\00:24:46.74
this is the deal
here... I need you to... "
00:24:46.77\00:24:48.77
because I had signs
all along the way...
00:24:48.80\00:24:51.10
but this was it... I
said, "Lord, I need you
00:24:51.13\00:24:53.36
to tell me for sure...
because if this is not right...
00:24:53.39\00:24:57.67
you know what...
I'll still serve you...
00:24:57.71\00:24:59.02
that's where I'm at...
I'll still be with you...
00:24:59.06\00:25:01.85
I'll say, okay, I made a
mistake... this is not...
00:25:01.88\00:25:04.75
I'll accept whatever
you say at this point... "
00:25:04.79\00:25:07.63
and I'm telling you
00:25:07.66\00:25:09.28
he just said, "You know
just open up the Word... "
00:25:09.32\00:25:12.46
and I opened it up...
and it was in Numbers...
00:25:12.49\00:25:15.60
and it said...
00:25:15.64\00:25:16.95
"Oshea, son of Nun...
00:25:16.99\00:25:20.28
his name was
changed to Joshua... "
00:25:20.32\00:25:22.74
Moses had changed it...
00:25:22.77\00:25:24.00
or something like
that... I said, "Oshea"
00:25:24.04\00:25:26.27
I said... "This is
it... " it was just Oshea...
00:25:26.30\00:25:29.88
it said Oshea... I
said, "I'd never seen
00:25:29.92\00:25:32.07
Oshea in the
Bible in my life... "
00:25:32.10\00:25:34.66
Right... and I called him...
00:25:34.69\00:25:37.18
and I said, "You
get yourself home...
00:25:37.22\00:25:39.41
You're my husband...
" You are my husband...
00:25:39.45\00:25:41.47
let's go... All right...
00:25:41.50\00:25:43.35
And the amazing thing
is... that... she had been asked
00:25:43.39\00:25:45.89
to read the story of
Joshua a lot around that time...
00:25:45.92\00:25:47.98
somebody had asked her to
read the Scripture reading
00:25:48.01\00:25:49.88
and it was Joshua 1...
and so there was a lot of
00:25:49.92\00:25:51.72
discussion over Joshua...
but what neither of us knew
00:25:51.76\00:25:54.29
the connection between
the name Joshua and Oshea
00:25:54.33\00:25:56.56
until that confirmation...
00:25:56.60\00:25:57.89
it was difficult to
sort of fight against that...
00:25:57.92\00:25:59.82
it was aww... wow... okay...
00:25:59.85\00:26:02.24
What can you say
against that right...
00:26:02.27\00:26:03.96
We can't argue with
that... Oh... praise the Lord
00:26:04.00\00:26:06.47
so, summarize...
what makes a good marriage
00:26:06.50\00:26:11.21
what makes for a good marriage?
I believe that God is love
00:26:11.24\00:26:15.49
and I believe that
love comes from God...
00:26:15.52\00:26:17.29
what makes a
good... a great marriage...
00:26:17.32\00:26:18.56
a so-amazing marriage
is... two individuals who are
00:26:18.60\00:26:22.08
pursuing Christ
together... and I believe
00:26:22.11\00:26:24.03
that He then brings
the oneness between them...
00:26:24.07\00:26:26.17
I believe that a
great marriage is...
00:26:26.21\00:26:28.08
is people giving 100... 100...
00:26:28.11\00:26:29.88
you know a lot of
people talk about 50... 50...
00:26:29.91\00:26:31.55
we don't agree with
that... 100... 100...
00:26:31.58\00:26:34.49
Yeah and making it a
priority... you know...
00:26:34.52\00:26:37.36
my wife is an amazing
student of marriage...
00:26:37.40\00:26:39.58
Hmmm... you know, I
think it's important
00:26:39.61\00:26:41.73
to observe... those around
you, those older than you,
00:26:41.76\00:26:44.78
and see... you know...
picking the good characteristics
00:26:44.81\00:26:47.56
that you see in different
spaces neither of us saw the
00:26:47.59\00:26:50.31
the marriage that we desired...
00:26:50.34\00:26:51.83
when we were growing
up... in one place...
00:26:51.87\00:26:53.52
we saw pieces... and I
think we've been blessed
00:26:53.56\00:26:55.91
to be able to allow
God to amalgamate the best
00:26:55.94\00:26:58.22
that we've seen... and
He's done something amazing...
00:26:58.25\00:27:00.47
that we can experience
that on a daily basis...
00:27:00.50\00:27:02.18
And now you
have... a ministry...
00:27:02.21\00:27:04.20
tell us what your ministry is.
00:27:04.23\00:27:06.10
Yeah, the ministry is called
00:27:06.14\00:27:07.94
So Amazing Life Ministries...
00:27:07.98\00:27:09.30
and it's a
multi-faceted ministry
00:27:09.34\00:27:11.25
and incorporates
obviously marriage ministry...
00:27:11.29\00:27:13.47
I think a lot of times,
people think that marriage is
00:27:13.50\00:27:15.92
just for... to be talked
about by older individuals...
00:27:15.95\00:27:18.30
but how do you choose and
find a great husband or wife...
00:27:18.33\00:27:21.20
can it be
cool... can it be sexy...
00:27:21.23\00:27:24.24
can you dress
nicely... can you... I mean...
00:27:24.28\00:27:26.22
can you enjoy each
other... you know...
00:27:26.26\00:27:28.06
we want to change the face
of marriage and choose it again
00:27:28.09\00:27:30.82
because it's just
not for the world,
00:27:30.85\00:27:32.49
marriage was created by
God and it's something that
00:27:32.53\00:27:34.31
He wants to also
get us to embrace
00:27:34.34\00:27:36.47
as amazing again...
it also incorporates
00:27:36.50\00:27:38.65
some of the
educational pieces you know...
00:27:38.68\00:27:40.79
speaking to men... to women...
00:27:40.82\00:27:42.00
I bring in a lot of my
research that I do with men...
00:27:42.04\00:27:44.72
I love my academic
records also in the area...
00:27:44.76\00:27:47.23
so it's a multi-faceted
mission our sons are involved
00:27:47.26\00:27:49.82
we have two amazing sons
00:27:49.86\00:27:51.81
we're just grateful for what
God is doing in Jaylen's life...
00:27:51.85\00:27:53.78
and then we have a
5-year-old who will soon be 6...
00:27:53.81\00:27:56.10
he loves music... and so
it's just a multi-faceted
00:27:56.14\00:27:58.39
family
ministry... That's awesome...
00:27:58.43\00:28:00.19
Thank you so much
for being with us...
00:28:00.23\00:28:02.31
and thank you...
join us next time...
00:28:02.34\00:28:04.33
it wouldn't be the
same without you...
00:28:04.36\00:28:06.31