Are you single and wondering
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if you'll ever meet
that special someone?
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Well, stay tuned to meet
a woman who made the most
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of her single life
and shares her journey
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in a great new
eBook... My name is Yvonne Lewis
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and you're
watching Urban Report.
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Hello and welcome
to Urban Report...
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My guest today is
Patti Conwell, author of
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"Nobody Ever Told Me
I Might Not Get Married"
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an Associate
Professor of Communication
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in Oakwood University.
Welcome to Urban Report Patti...
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Thank you Yvonne...
Yeah... I'm so happy you're here
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Okay, so I have to tell
you this is my first cousin...
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but she really
would not be on...
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if she couldn't cut the mustard.
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Just assure everybody of that...
Yeah... absolutely... absolutely
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So, you wrote this book,
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"Nobody Ever Told Me
I Might Not Get Married"
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What inspired that?
Well, when I wrote the book
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back in 1991... I was
getting ready to turn 30
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and doing that typical mid-life
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assessment of where I
am... versus where I thought
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I would be... at 30... and so...
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as I was doing that assessment,
and I'm looking at the career
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that I thought I would
have... but didn't quite have...
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and the financial stability
that I thought I would have...
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that I didn't quite
have... because you know,
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when you're like
15... and you'd see 30...
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they're like really
old... and mature and settled
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and everybody is
married... with the 2.5 kids
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and the fenced-in
yard and all that...
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and my life looked
nothing like that...
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and I started to think...
"Wow, I wasn't prepared for this
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nobody told me that
it would look like this
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nobody told me I
might not be married. "
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You know, that's such a good
point because as you grow up
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it's always...
when you get married...
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and when you have this baby,
and when you do this and that,
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so... When you're a wife and
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when you're a mother,
when you have your own home
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Yes... When...
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When... That's the key word...
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Absolutely... not
if... but... when...
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Exactly... so it sets up
an expectation right away
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that life is going to
go down a certain path...
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it's is going to
follow a certain path
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and it's not going to
deviate... Right... right...
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and so when you
got to that "30 place"
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where was your
head at that point...
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where you
depressed about being single?
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I wasn't really depressed
about I wasn't depressed
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about turning 30...
which you hear a lot of people
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kind of go
through... especially women...
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and I wasn't
depressed about being single...
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but I wanted to be married,
I wanted to try... marriage...
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my parents have had a wonderful
marriage for almost 48 years,
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and so I wanted to try that,
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I had a
yearning... to be married
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it was not an all consuming
desire... but I wanted to try it
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and I was not in a
relationship at the time...
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I was not
dating... at the time...
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socially or seriously...
so, I was in my little valley
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of total singleness...
and I was wondering...
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you know, by the time you
reach 30... you've gone through
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quite a few dates and
setups and all of that...
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and nobody had materialized
that I felt connected with
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or if I felt connected with him,
he didn't feel connected with me
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so, you know, I was in
my dry valley and thinking,
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"Will this ever really happen?"
I wasn't too sure about it...
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Yeah, you know, when
you... okay... so you
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go through High School and
then you go through College
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and usually during that College
time you meet somebody...
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you hook up... you get
married, right after College...
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It's almost an expectation
that you will meet somebody
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in College... because...
the College I went to...
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was the one place where
you're going to have the most
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variety of people
who... possibly think like you
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have the same values and goals
as you and so the expectation is
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"Oh, you're going there...
" and it still exists today...
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"you're going there to
find a man or find a husband,"
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so, when you see other friends
hooking up... then they graduate
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and then they're
engaged right away...
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they get married a few
months after they graduate...
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that's the way it's
supposed to happen...
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Right... right... It
did not happen that way
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for me... And even, you know...
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even among some family members
tell us about what happened
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with your niece... Well,
she was about 7-years-old
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her family had come to
visit us where we were living
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and we were in
Church... and I had
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three brothers at the
time who were married...
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including her dad...
and I was not married...
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even a brother... younger than I
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was married at the time...
so, we're sitting in Church...
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So, you're the
only one not married...
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Well, I'm not married
and our youngest brother...
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who was a teenager at
that time, was not married...
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but I'm supposed to be married,
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according to...
how everything looks...
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so, anyway, we're
sitting in Church and, you know,
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her legs are sticking
out in front of her...
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because she's too
little to touch the floor
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Right... and she's
got her legs crossed
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and... just out of
the blue... she says...
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"So, Aunt Patti...
why aren't you married?"
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and I was in shock... I
mean... we weren't discussing
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anything... around that topic...
she just matter-of-factly
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asked me the question...
and so, I'm trying to remain
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calm... not that I
was mad or anything...
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I was just in shock...
but I didn't want her to see
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anything outwardly about
how her question affected me...
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so, I said, "Well, I haven't
found the right person yet... "
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and she says, "Well,
what are you looking for?"
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and I'm thinking...
"Okay... what do I tell
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a 7-year-old about the
complexities of how you meet
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someone to... " you
know... so she filled in the gap
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as I was trying to
think on my feet...
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and she says, "Oh, I know...
you want somebody who's cute
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don't you?" and I said,
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"Well, looks have
their place. " you know
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I didn't want
to sound shallow...
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that looks were everything, so,
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"Looks have their place,
but that's not everything...
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that's not the only thing
that a person looks for... "
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"Well, what else... oh, I know
you want somebody who's famous
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like Uncle David. "
and that's my brother
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who sings in a
group who at that time
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was just getting started...
and their notoriety was growing
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so, as far as she was
concerned, he was famous...
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and I said, you
know, I'm thinking,
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"Well, that's not bad,"
"But, no, it's not really... "
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you know, and so she
went through this whole list
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of looks and money and fame and
everything that she processed
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would be
suitable for a husband...
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and finally... she got
exasperated and she says,
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"Well, what are
you looking for?"
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and again... I'm stumped...
because what do you tell
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a 7-year-old girl about
what you're looking for in a man
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but it really got
me to thinking about
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what my expectations were...
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were they too high...
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were they too... you
know, were they realistic,
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you know, for that
"ideal" or "perfect man"
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that everybody wants to
find or even with men...
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wanting to look for the
"ideal" or "perfect woman"
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and so it kind of got
the ball rolling in my head
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about assessing even...
what my expectations were...
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in a man... And
so, at that point
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did you have like
a little list going?
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I don't think I
really had a list, per se...
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there were a few things based
on what I know about myself
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what I knew about myself then...
that I felt... would work
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best for me... Hmmm... hmmm...
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Yes, everybody wants
the physical attraction
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but it wasn't so
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it wasn't so
detailed or specific...
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that he had to be
a certain height...
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or he had to be
a certain skin tone
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or he had to have a certain
kind of hair or whatever...
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it wasn't like that...
really... more... who was going
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to fit best with the
character that I have
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and the strength and
weaknesses that I have...
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but that was a process too...
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and I was going to
say, you know, what...
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and you bring this out
in the eBook too... which
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I mean, really... that eBook...
you want to just keep reading
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it is so good...
That's good, that's good...
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I know... I know...
it's so good... it's funny...
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I was laughing
out loud in places...
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and yet... you keep bringing
people back to the idea that
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God is really your source...
and we're going to talk more
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about that... in a
bit... Absolutely...
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but one of the
things that I realized
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and I know that you did too
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because you brought it
out in the book is that
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what you wanted...
at 15 or 20 is not what
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you wanted at maybe 18 which
is not what you wanted at 30
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Hopefully not...
hopefully it's not the same...
00:09:07.24\00:09:11.68
but for me... no,
it was not the same...
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and I do talk about my evolution
of what I'm looking for,
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you know, starting with
my crush on Speed Racer,
00:09:18.05\00:09:21.39
who, if you're in my age range,
you know, is a cartoon character
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but he was a very
cute cartoon character...
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Was he... He
was... and so, you know,
00:09:29.73\00:09:32.23
but on through the typical
list of celebrities that you see
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on TV and my Latin phase
and, you know, so, you do evolve
00:09:36.50\00:09:42.44
through a fascination of looks
and then a fascination of money
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or security, you know, the
nice car, the nice clothes,
00:09:47.82\00:09:51.95
that kind of thing but I think
00:09:51.99\00:09:54.86
by the time you
hit 30... it's like...
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your list starts to whittle down
from all of the surface stuff
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because... there's
no one right now...
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Yes... ... you know, and it does
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make you to start to
think about what's really
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the top priority... in a mate...
00:10:07.27\00:10:09.54
and so, you got out
of College, right...
00:10:09.57\00:10:12.87
Right... ...
you're not dating anybody
00:10:12.91\00:10:16.21
No... 20 comes, 22 comes,
00:10:16.24\00:10:20.62
25 comes, Hmmm... hmmm...
00:10:20.65\00:10:22.48
30 comes... and let me say
that at that time... in 1991
00:10:22.52\00:10:27.16
the average marrying
age for women was 24...
00:10:27.19\00:10:31.36
Hmmm... ... so... I'm at 30...
00:10:31.39\00:10:33.70
Hmmm... ... so the 6 years
00:10:33.73\00:10:35.90
makes a big difference... Yes...
00:10:35.93\00:10:37.40
You know... Yes... yes...
00:10:37.43\00:10:38.53
So tell us some of the
things that you would go through
00:10:38.57\00:10:42.14
with friends and well-meaning
family and all of that...
00:10:42.17\00:10:45.71
once you've hit
that 25-year-mark...
00:10:45.74\00:10:50.55
and you're not married...
00:10:50.58\00:10:51.75
Well, any single person
can attest to the setups, okay,
00:10:51.78\00:10:55.48
Okay... I mean,
because everyone wants
00:10:55.52\00:10:57.75
you to be married... they
feel like they need to help
00:10:57.79\00:11:01.06
find you that person... Okay...
00:11:01.09\00:11:03.22
and so, I remember
distinctly one evening...
00:11:03.26\00:11:07.93
and I had family visiting me
in Maryland where I was living,
00:11:07.96\00:11:11.07
and one evening, the phone
rang, and I pick up the phone
00:11:11.10\00:11:14.00
and you know,
"Hello" and this deep voice
00:11:14.04\00:11:18.27
you know, a
Barry White-type voice
00:11:18.31\00:11:20.78
or a Whintley
Phipps-type voice okay...
00:11:20.81\00:11:23.11
a Whintley Phipps-type voice...
- just brings you back to Church
00:11:23.14\00:11:27.52
says, "Hello, may
I speak to Patti?"
00:11:27.55\00:11:32.05
and I did not
recognize the voice at all...
00:11:32.09\00:11:35.29
nice British accent...
you know, and I'm like,
00:11:35.32\00:11:38.53
"This is Patti" and
he starts talking and
00:11:38.56\00:11:42.26
like he knows me... and I say,
00:11:42.30\00:11:44.60
"Who is this please?"
and he gives me a name...
00:11:44.63\00:11:47.97
I don't know him at
all... but he calls my number
00:11:48.00\00:11:51.34
and so... in
conversation beginning I say,
00:11:51.37\00:11:54.61
"How... why are
you calling me...
00:11:54.64\00:11:57.35
why are you calling me... where
did you get my number from?"
00:11:57.38\00:12:01.82
"Oh, I got your number
from... " a cousin of mine...
00:12:01.85\00:12:06.79
who was a friend of
his... who gave him my number...
00:12:06.82\00:12:11.79
because she thought that
we could talk and hit it off
00:12:11.83\00:12:16.73
and I...
00:12:16.77\00:12:18.90
it was a little disconcerting
that my number is floating
00:12:18.93\00:12:21.87
around... this was before
cell phones and all of that...
00:12:21.90\00:12:24.84
Right... ... you
know, that my number is
00:12:24.87\00:12:26.44
floating around because
of well-meaning family who,
00:12:26.47\00:12:29.71
"Oh, I have a
cousin... who's 30 and
00:12:29.74\00:12:33.35
she's not dating anyone and
here, let me give you her number
00:12:33.38\00:12:36.38
give her a call... "
... it was a little weird
00:12:36.42\00:12:38.05
but, he and I actually
became very good friends...
00:12:38.09\00:12:41.56
there was no love connection
there... but we became very
00:12:41.59\00:12:44.79
good friends and so...
that's just one of many...
00:12:44.83\00:12:47.66
I think I flew around
the Country many times
00:12:47.73\00:12:50.30
you know, my brother
lived in Buffalo and his wife
00:12:50.33\00:12:53.64
saw somebody there... so
they brought me to Buffalo
00:12:53.67\00:12:56.91
it didn't even matter that
I didn't have any money to go
00:12:56.94\00:12:58.61
"Oh, we'll pay for you...
we'll pay for you to come"
00:12:58.64\00:13:01.88
and visit... so you
can meet this guy...
00:13:01.91\00:13:04.68
and the last one...
another sister-in-law
00:13:04.71\00:13:07.12
calls me up... she
was living in Nashville,
00:13:07.15\00:13:09.48
and said, "Patti, stop looking,
I've got him, I've found the one
00:13:09.52\00:13:13.79
you can just stop
looking... here... this is it...
00:13:13.82\00:13:16.39
you're going to thank
me when it's over... "
00:13:16.42\00:13:17.79
and I'm like,
"What!" and of course...
00:13:17.83\00:13:20.40
Well, did I end up visiting?
I had to visit Nashville...
00:13:20.43\00:13:23.16
and again... no love connection,
met a lot of nice guys
00:13:23.20\00:13:27.50
who became good
friends... you know,
00:13:27.54\00:13:29.77
but that's just typical
for your family and friends
00:13:29.80\00:13:34.34
who want you to
get married and then...
00:13:34.38\00:13:36.18
especially if they know
that you want to be married...
00:13:36.21\00:13:38.58
and they have to help
you out a little bit...
00:13:38.61\00:13:40.42
Yes... yes... yes...
so, how did you navigate
00:13:40.45\00:13:44.45
through those
years of being alone...
00:13:44.49\00:13:48.09
'cause you have always been
a very independent-type person
00:13:48.12\00:13:53.60
a very solid person...
you know, you're not...
00:13:53.63\00:13:56.77
you know I love
you... not that...
00:13:56.80\00:13:58.83
seriously... not
flighty... just very solid...
00:13:58.87\00:14:02.10
how did you... and
I know that has to do
00:14:02.14\00:14:05.34
with your upbringing too...
how did you navigate that...
00:14:05.37\00:14:08.84
how did you
maintain your spirituality
00:14:08.88\00:14:11.98
while you were meeting people,
dating... that kind of thing...
00:14:12.01\00:14:16.58
Well, I think the key for
me staying solid through that
00:14:16.62\00:14:22.02
period of time...
was... keeping my spiritual
00:14:22.06\00:14:26.03
connection with God...
being brought up in the Church
00:14:26.06\00:14:30.73
and wanting to
maintain that connection...
00:14:30.77\00:14:33.90
not to say that it's
been a perfect connection
00:14:33.94\00:14:36.91
and still not...
but always striving...
00:14:36.94\00:14:40.11
but my foundation...
my core... was always
00:14:40.14\00:14:43.28
my spiritual connection to God,
and still wanting to maintain
00:14:43.31\00:14:49.28
a lifestyle that would
honor Him and again, you know,
00:14:49.32\00:14:54.86
even with missteps or
not that was my desire
00:14:54.89\00:14:57.46
and that was the path
that I tried to stay on...
00:14:57.49\00:14:59.93
along with that...
is keeping... busy...
00:14:59.96\00:15:03.47
staying involved in
things outside of myself...
00:15:03.50\00:15:06.53
Hmmm... I was mentoring a
00:15:06.57\00:15:09.47
Baltimore-city Public
School Middle School student
00:15:09.50\00:15:12.01
a young lady for several years,
I got involved in adult literacy
00:15:12.04\00:15:16.14
I went to the
training and began to teach
00:15:16.18\00:15:18.55
adults how to read...
maintained a nice circle
00:15:18.58\00:15:22.72
of friends... most
of whom are married...
00:15:22.75\00:15:24.29
but, you know, traveling a lot,
I was in Maryland traveling to
00:15:24.32\00:15:30.36
New York... to stay with
our grandmother or to see you
00:15:30.39\00:15:33.09
or see other family
members, and just, you know,
00:15:33.13\00:15:35.73
just staying busy... I
think, the more that single
00:15:35.76\00:15:39.60
women and men... can
stay involved in things
00:15:39.63\00:15:43.97
that take your
eyes off of you...
00:15:44.01\00:15:45.77
Hmmm... ... and where you are...
00:15:45.81\00:15:47.48
it's easier...
Now granted I think
00:15:47.51\00:15:49.78
there are some personalities
that deal with singleness
00:15:49.81\00:15:53.58
better than
others... Hmmm... hmmm...
00:15:53.62\00:15:55.55
but staying
involved and keeping busy
00:15:55.58\00:15:57.52
in causes and things of service
00:15:57.55\00:15:59.92
is really a key to being
able to handle being single...
00:15:59.95\00:16:06.13
That's such a great point
00:16:06.16\00:16:07.30
service to others...
00:16:07.36\00:16:08.96
which is a Biblical
principle... Absolutely...
00:16:09.00\00:16:11.17
it keeps you from being
too narcissistic... right...
00:16:11.20\00:16:15.30
Hmmm... hmmm...
... self-absorbed...
00:16:15.34\00:16:16.74
you know when you're
doing something for someone else
00:16:16.77\00:16:20.24
and so, early on, you realized
that... that was something
00:16:20.28\00:16:23.71
that you needed to do...
it made you feel better...
00:16:23.75\00:16:26.48
I would think... Absolutely...
00:16:26.51\00:16:27.75
when you're not focused on the
fact that I don't have a man,
00:16:27.78\00:16:30.39
Hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...
00:16:30.42\00:16:32.35
then you're not
allowing yourself to feel
00:16:32.39\00:16:35.22
the emotions that come
along with focusing on the fact
00:16:35.26\00:16:38.59
that I don't
have a man... Yes...
00:16:38.63\00:16:40.10
not to say that you
don't ever have those emotions
00:16:40.13\00:16:42.73
but at least... they
come in little waves...
00:16:42.76\00:16:46.94
just like intermittently...
but it's not a constant...
00:16:46.97\00:16:50.27
because to me... if
you're constantly focused
00:16:50.31\00:16:52.91
on the fact that you're single
then, you open yourself up
00:16:52.94\00:16:57.08
to a certain desperate-type
of attitude or feeling
00:16:57.11\00:17:03.49
that I think... can emit itself
outward to other people...
00:17:03.52\00:17:07.49
Absolutely... ...
and then you're also
00:17:07.52\00:17:09.56
clouding your
ability to use good judgment
00:17:09.59\00:17:11.53
in who you're dating or seeing,
and making decisions about
00:17:11.56\00:17:16.00
because what you're driving is,
00:17:16.03\00:17:18.63
is the despair
or the desperation
00:17:18.67\00:17:21.20
or the loneliness...
and not the fact that
00:17:21.24\00:17:23.87
I need a mate
who is going to be a
00:17:23.91\00:17:26.01
good partner... who
will help establish a
00:17:26.04\00:17:29.34
solid home... Hmmm... hmmm...
00:17:29.38\00:17:32.58
...for both of us...
you know, it's a different
00:17:32.61\00:17:35.02
mentality and
emotion that drives it
00:17:35.05\00:17:38.22
so I needed to stay busy...
And you did... and you traveled
00:17:38.25\00:17:42.52
a lot and you did a
lot of great things...
00:17:42.56\00:17:45.99
you got involved in good
causes, what would you say
00:17:46.03\00:17:49.86
to women now...
and I know that...
00:17:49.90\00:17:52.27
that's what this book is about,
this eBook... is about really
00:17:52.30\00:17:56.57
focusing on
women who are single...
00:17:56.60\00:17:59.47
who aren't in a relationship,
what would you say to them
00:17:59.51\00:18:02.64
Patti, as to how to
00:18:02.68\00:18:04.95
kind of navigate through
that... they want someone...
00:18:04.98\00:18:09.35
but they just don't have anybody
00:18:09.38\00:18:11.32
would you recommend
online dating services,
00:18:11.35\00:18:14.36
would you... how
would you recommend
00:18:14.39\00:18:17.59
that they proceed,
00:18:17.63\00:18:18.73
Well, here's the thing...
I don't necessarily want to
00:18:18.76\00:18:21.03
recommend... the
book is using my story
00:18:21.06\00:18:24.37
and what I did to have a
content, joyful, single life...
00:18:24.40\00:18:32.44
Hmmm... ... and
hopefully as they
00:18:32.47\00:18:35.51
read it... they
can get some ideas,
00:18:35.54\00:18:38.55
try things they think
would work for them...
00:18:38.58\00:18:40.68
or things they
haven't thought of before...
00:18:40.72\00:18:42.72
because I don't consider myself
an "expert" at telling you
00:18:42.75\00:18:46.96
what to do... but I feel
that because I was single
00:18:46.99\00:18:51.23
and I have to
say, I did get married,
00:18:51.26\00:18:53.60
And we're going to
talk about that too...
00:18:53.63\00:18:55.90
...but at the time
when I wrote the book
00:18:55.93\00:18:58.37
that was nowhere
on the horizon...
00:18:58.40\00:19:00.14
Hmmm... hmmm...
You know, I couldn't...
00:19:00.17\00:19:02.17
I didn't see the
future and know that
00:19:02.20\00:19:04.17
that was in my future,
and so, what I would say is,
00:19:04.21\00:19:08.08
my burden for writing the
book is... I want single women
00:19:08.11\00:19:14.62
and men... but mostly
talking to single women
00:19:14.65\00:19:17.59
and specifically to
"never married women"
00:19:17.62\00:19:20.52
that there is
contentment, and joy
00:19:20.56\00:19:24.79
in your life as it is... right
now... whatever the hope is
00:19:24.83\00:19:29.00
I'm not saying that you
should not remain hopeful...
00:19:29.03\00:19:32.07
Hmmm... hmmm...
... but I don't think
00:19:32.10\00:19:33.57
the hope should drive
the decisions that you make
00:19:33.60\00:19:36.50
for yourself right
now... I did not want the hope
00:19:36.54\00:19:39.44
to drive the
decisions I made in dating...
00:19:39.47\00:19:42.94
or in my personal
life... you know, I have,
00:19:42.98\00:19:46.05
former students now,
since I've been teaching
00:19:46.08\00:19:49.15
at Oakwood
University for 16 years...
00:19:49.18\00:19:51.29
and a former
student... called up...
00:19:51.32\00:19:53.69
and, sometimes, you
know, they do that... and chat
00:19:53.72\00:19:55.76
and tell me what's going on
and she was considering buying
00:19:55.79\00:19:59.13
a house... and
some advice that she was
00:19:59.16\00:20:02.16
getting from
very close people was,
00:20:02.20\00:20:05.23
"Don't do that...
don't buy a house...
00:20:05.27\00:20:08.10
I mean... if you buy a house,
00:20:08.14\00:20:10.54
what man is going to think
00:20:10.57\00:20:12.87
that he can give you
anything, if you have everything
00:20:12.91\00:20:15.51
for yourself, then what's
he going to be able to do?"
00:20:15.54\00:20:19.18
Hmmm... ... and
that's a very real line
00:20:19.21\00:20:22.42
of thinking that people
have, but my feeling or position
00:20:22.45\00:20:27.29
was a little different...
because, my thing is,
00:20:27.32\00:20:30.36
if it's financially viable,
if it's a good investment
00:20:30.39\00:20:34.76
for you to do that, do it...
00:20:34.83\00:20:36.67
Hmmm... hmmm... ...
because you can't...
00:20:36.70\00:20:38.20
put anything on hold
00:20:38.23\00:20:40.14
in the hopes that...
00:20:40.17\00:20:42.00
this mate is
going to come along...
00:20:42.04\00:20:44.57
That's right... ...
and I don't ascribe to that
00:20:44.61\00:20:47.84
line of thinking at all...
00:20:47.88\00:20:48.98
I feel... as long as
you're praying and making steps
00:20:49.01\00:20:52.41
that the Lord
says you should make,
00:20:52.45\00:20:55.25
buy that house... you
know, and if the guy comes
00:20:55.28\00:20:58.49
along or if the mate comes
along... then you talk about
00:20:58.52\00:21:02.22
what you do with
that house... you know,
00:21:02.26\00:21:04.03
Yeah... ... cross that bridge
00:21:04.06\00:21:05.03
when you get to it...
but don't make decisions
00:21:05.06\00:21:08.00
with this thought
of... getting a man...
00:21:08.03\00:21:10.67
Right... ... you
know, live your life
00:21:10.70\00:21:12.90
...live your
life... Live your life...
00:21:12.93\00:21:15.07
...live your life to
the fullest extent...
00:21:15.10\00:21:17.27
Yes, yes, yes, so, when
and how did you meet Al?
00:21:17.31\00:21:23.75
Funny... I met Al
through a setup...
00:21:23.78\00:21:26.82
a setup that worked...
Finally, thank you Lord...
00:21:30.52\00:21:35.56
so through mutual friends...
actually, I had finished
00:21:36.66\00:21:41.63
the book... it
was about a year...
00:21:41.66\00:21:42.93
after I had finished the book,
the manuscript... I should say,
00:21:42.96\00:21:46.17
that we met...
and in another year,
00:21:46.20\00:21:50.94
before we were married,
so two years after finishing
00:21:50.97\00:21:53.98
the manuscript... I
was married... and...
00:21:54.01\00:21:56.51
will have been married
20 years... October the 3rd
00:21:56.54\00:21:59.88
Praise the Lord... and to a
wonderful man... I must say...
00:21:59.91\00:22:02.98
Absolutely wonderful...
He just fits right into
00:22:03.02\00:22:05.02
the family... ... he
does... he does... and
00:22:05.05\00:22:07.06
all the qualities that I wanted
00:22:07.09\00:22:09.49
but I had to have an open mind
00:22:09.52\00:22:11.86
when I met him...
for the first time...
00:22:11.89\00:22:13.86
and I'm not going to
say too much about that
00:22:13.90\00:22:15.60
because that's book two...
Oh... I think you're trying
00:22:15.63\00:22:19.60
to get another
interview... Awesome, awesome...
00:22:19.63\00:22:23.81
Now, what are you
doing now as far as the eBook
00:22:23.84\00:22:27.98
is concerned... how
can people get it...
00:22:28.01\00:22:29.91
because it's... at the end...
00:22:29.94\00:22:32.61
I have to tell the viewers,
at the end of each chapter
00:22:32.65\00:22:35.15
there's a question,
for you to ponder...
00:22:35.18\00:22:37.55
I love this eBook...
and you know, I wouldn't...
00:22:37.59\00:22:39.99
honestly Patti, you know me...
I wouldn't even say that...
00:22:40.02\00:22:42.26
No, I believe
you... you tell me...
00:22:42.29\00:22:43.89
you know, you give me
the correct criticism...
00:22:43.93\00:22:46.03
I would... I
would... I would not say that
00:22:46.06\00:22:48.00
it if weren't
good... it is really good...
00:22:48.03\00:22:49.90
Thank you... And
it has such value...
00:22:49.93\00:22:51.40
spiritually... because I
think you let the reader know
00:22:51.43\00:22:56.47
that staying in
touch with God is key...
00:22:56.50\00:23:00.64
It's key... Tell us why...
00:23:00.68\00:23:02.31
It's key because God is
there through the whole process
00:23:02.34\00:23:08.55
Hmmm... hmmm... ...
and when you're in those
00:23:08.58\00:23:11.12
down times... when
you are depressed...
00:23:11.15\00:23:14.09
and you're tired of
coming home to just the house,
00:23:14.12\00:23:17.79
and your TV, or your music,
00:23:17.83\00:23:23.37
your MP3 or your...
you know, whatever you use,
00:23:23.40\00:23:26.20
when you've had a hard day,
00:23:26.23\00:23:28.87
and all you would like
00:23:28.90\00:23:30.61
is to just have
somebody there to rub your feet
00:23:30.64\00:23:33.88
or cuddle you up and
give you his or her strength
00:23:33.91\00:23:37.95
that's hard, but God is there...
and even though, in those times,
00:23:37.98\00:23:44.42
when I felt that way, and I
didn't want to hear about God
00:23:44.45\00:23:47.26
"Yeah, I know He's
there, He's always there,
00:23:47.29\00:23:49.42
but I don't want to
hear that right now...
00:23:49.46\00:23:51.56
you know, I want to cuddle,
00:23:51.59\00:23:53.50
I want a human being, I
want a body right there... "
00:23:53.53\00:23:57.00
you know, and I would
go through those moments
00:23:57.03\00:24:00.07
because that's natural, Right...
00:24:00.10\00:24:01.64
...but after I would
have my pity party...
00:24:01.67\00:24:04.27
and listen to all the
love songs in the dark
00:24:04.31\00:24:06.88
and I'd have my
tissue and my ice cream
00:24:06.91\00:24:08.98
and, you know, have your
pity party for a while...
00:24:09.01\00:24:13.11
a day or so... then
I could climb out of it
00:24:13.15\00:24:15.68
and go, "You know
what... God is there... "
00:24:15.72\00:24:18.92
and I read my
scriptures that are, you know,
00:24:18.95\00:24:22.12
soothing to me...
and Psalms and Proverbs
00:24:22.16\00:24:25.26
and the promises of
Him always being there and
00:24:25.29\00:24:30.57
and that would
make me feel better
00:24:30.60\00:24:32.57
and give me the renewed energy
00:24:32.60\00:24:34.54
to pick myself up
out of that little hole,
00:24:34.57\00:24:37.74
and get to moving again,
you know, and so, that's just...
00:24:37.77\00:24:42.01
so Church, for me, was
important and staying connected
00:24:42.04\00:24:46.25
with friends in the Church and
staying connected with my family
00:24:46.28\00:24:50.79
and just keeping
all the connections
00:24:50.82\00:24:54.26
that help you become who
you are and maintain yourself...
00:24:54.29\00:24:58.29
it's very important...
It is... so that you don't
00:24:58.33\00:25:01.26
become isolated... Right...
00:25:01.30\00:25:02.66
because it's
very easy to isolate
00:25:02.70\00:25:04.80
very easy... and
you don't want to be...
00:25:04.83\00:25:07.04
if you want to be married, you
got to keep yourself out there
00:25:07.07\00:25:10.37
You don't need to isolate...
... you can't be a hermit
00:25:10.41\00:25:13.68
in your house and think
that you're really going to find
00:25:13.71\00:25:16.41
somebody... that
doesn't work well...
00:25:16.44\00:25:17.95
It doesn't work well...
So, how can we get your eBook?
00:25:17.98\00:25:20.98
You can get it on any
site that sells eBooks
00:25:21.02\00:25:26.09
such as Barnes and Noble's Nook,
Amazon's Kindle, iBooks, Sony,
00:25:26.12\00:25:32.83
Script, COPIA, Kobo,
I'm trying to think of
00:25:32.86\00:25:38.63
some others... I think
it's Baker and Taylor...
00:25:38.67\00:25:41.80
so the main ones that
everybody knows... Amazon...
00:25:41.84\00:25:44.77
Barnes and Noble Nook...
if you have the Nook App,
00:25:44.81\00:25:47.74
if you have the
Kindle App, or iBooks...
00:25:47.78\00:25:49.78
if you have an iPhone or
iPad... Awesome... I'm so glad
00:25:49.81\00:25:53.18
you wrote this
book... Thank you...
00:25:53.21\00:25:54.68
it is really, really a blessing.
Thank you... and I hope that it
00:25:54.72\00:25:58.09
really ministers to anybody
who buys it... to read it...
00:25:58.12\00:26:01.99
What are you
looking to achieve with it?
00:26:02.02\00:26:03.86
I want to start a
dialogue really... about...
00:26:03.89\00:26:07.66
first of all... should we
be setting up an expectation
00:26:07.66\00:26:11.80
that everybody is
going to get married?
00:26:11.83\00:26:13.80
Hmmm... Because
current statistics are
00:26:13.84\00:26:15.70
showing that its...
August 2013 article in USA Today
00:26:15.74\00:26:22.34
said, "One in four
households are single... "
00:26:22.38\00:26:24.68
One in four...
00:26:24.71\00:26:26.01
One in four
households are single...
00:26:26.05\00:26:27.88
that's since 1970
that single households have
00:26:27.92\00:26:31.32
more than doubled
to over 30 million...
00:26:31.35\00:26:33.92
you know, other statistics
say that 40 percent of all women
00:26:33.96\00:26:37.86
have never married... so...
00:26:37.89\00:26:39.56
And in the
African-American Community...
00:26:39.59\00:26:41.36
...it's even
higher... It's even higher...
00:26:41.40\00:26:42.93
...it's even higher... Yeah...
00:26:42.96\00:26:44.07
...and not that...
people need to get stuck
00:26:44.10\00:26:46.33
in the statistics and
go, "Oh, I have no chance,
00:26:46.37\00:26:49.04
because 55 percent of
African American women are... "
00:26:49.07\00:26:51.77
It's easier to be
struck by lightening...
00:26:51.81\00:26:53.31
Yeah, you know,
it's not about that...
00:26:53.34\00:26:54.78
it's just about being
aware of what reality is...
00:26:54.81\00:26:57.95
Right... ... and
the fact that people
00:26:57.98\00:26:59.48
may be getting married later,
but in the interim... you know,
00:26:59.51\00:27:03.92
let's learn how to
process where we are...
00:27:03.95\00:27:07.46
so that we can get
contented and joyful right now.
00:27:07.49\00:27:11.76
Yes, in whatever
situation we're in...
00:27:11.79\00:27:15.66
And doesn't
Paul say that? Yes...
00:27:15.70\00:27:17.47
However I am... I
need to be content...
00:27:17.50\00:27:19.80
Exactly... Absolutely...
00:27:19.83\00:27:21.10
Thank you so
much... You're welcome...
00:27:21.14\00:27:22.80
Patti, I love you...
Thank you for having me on,
00:27:22.84\00:27:25.11
I'm so glad you're
here... Well, in the NIV...
00:27:25.14\00:27:28.38
New International Version,
Psalm 68:6 it says that,
00:27:28.41\00:27:32.65
"The Lord puts the
lonely in families... "
00:27:32.68\00:27:35.58
So, if you're
lonely... go to God...
00:27:35.62\00:27:37.29
talk to Him... get
involved in service for others
00:27:37.32\00:27:40.59
and trust that your best
life can be found in Him...
00:27:40.62\00:27:43.89
God's got a plan for
you, and if it's meant to be
00:27:43.93\00:27:47.03
He's got that
someone for you and if not...
00:27:47.03\00:27:50.20
He will be your
everything. Well, once again...
00:27:50.23\00:27:53.10
it's time to go...
Thanks so much for tuning in.
00:27:53.13\00:27:55.74
Join us next time...
because you know what...
00:27:55.77\00:27:58.34
it just wouldn't be
the same without you...
00:27:58.37\00:28:01.14