What would you do if
you were so depressed
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that you
couldn't get out of bed...
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Stay tuned to meet a
mental health advocate
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that, herself, overcame
the grip of depression...
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My name is Yvonne Lewis and
you're watching Urban Report
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report
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my guest today is a
friend that I met years ago
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while in the
entertainment industry
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I recently ran into her at
the National Action Network
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Convention in New York
and when I spoke to her
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I knew that she had some
vital points to share with our
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Urban Report viewers...
so let me just tell you
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a little bit about her...
She is one of Ebony magazine's
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Power 150 for
activism... Woman's Day magazine
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hails her as one of 50 women
on a mission to change the world
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and she's a Black
History Maker's Honoree
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on the 2013 The
Grio one hundred list
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she's a mental health
advocate author of several
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acclaimed books and
the Founder and President
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of the Terrie Williams Agency
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I'm pleased to welcome
Terrie Williams to Urban Report.
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Welcome Terrie...
yeah... We made it...
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I'm so happy to be with you...
Oh, thank you... I am so happy
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to have you
here... and I know that
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once our viewers hear
what you have to say...
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they are going to be so blessed
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by the
information that you share...
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you know, when I met
you Terrie and you know,
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you and I have never really
had like a lot of conversations
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or anything but I
watched your career from afar
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and I saw that that you
were this high-powered woman
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you were representing
Eddie Murphy and Miles Davis and
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doing all of these great things
but while that was happening
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something else was
happening with you...
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Tell us about... your journey...
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I was dying on the inside...
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I was wearing my mask
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which most of us do...
we wear a mask everyday
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and we are smiling and
people say, "How are you doing?"
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and we say, "Fine" and the
reality is many of us are hiding
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a multitude of issues,
unresolved pain, wounds, traumas
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scars from our past...
and we're pretending that
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we're fine... and so that's what
I did for many, many, many years
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and it nearly destroyed me...
to make the long story short
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about... I think it was
maybe about 10 years ago,
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I suffered from just very,
very, debilitating depression
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and for me...
what it looked like was
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waking up... first of
all... not wanting to wake up...
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I didn't want to see the
sun... because that then meant
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I had to get into my performance
role and face a lot of things
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that I just really
didn't want to face...
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and so I would lie there
in bed and really kind of like
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in a fetal position
with tremendous anxiety
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knots in my stomach,
in tears, and it took me
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ridiculous
amount of time to get up
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out of the bed...
to shower, to dress,
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and then put the mask on...
Now, Terrie, was this a gradual
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thing or did this
happen... was this just like...
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one event that just triggered
it was this a gradual...
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No... I would say that it
was very gradual because the way
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that we move through
the world has to do with
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how we grew up... and
it also has to do with
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the forces around us...
whether or not we are doing
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the things that we are called
to do... that we enjoy to do
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whether or not we have
toxic people in our lives
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whether or not we
are doing too many things
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running away from those issues
that just all of a sudden...
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hit you at the same time...
and you are like... immobilized
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Hmmmm... and
that's what happened to me
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and I... at some
point... I just... I remember...
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excuse me...
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sometimes... when I
talk about the journey...
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Yes... ... it's
very, very emotional
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because I can feel, right now,
what that was like... for me...
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Yes... yes... ...
what I do know is...
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that it's
necessary to talk about it...
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and I remember clearly...
hearing one day, when God said,
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"You have to share your story"
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and first of
all... and you know...
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whenever people would say
to me they heard God tell them
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something... I was
like... I believed in God
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but I never heard Him
tell me anything... right...
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Like people hearing
voices... like hallucination...
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I thought something
was wrong with me...
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I was just, you know, like
a fake Christian or something
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so, what I heard... very clearly
"You have to tell your story"
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and it was at that
moment... that I knew that I was
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supposed to do
that... and I happened to be
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in on a panel for C-Span
and they were talking about...
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it was about HIV and AIDS,
there were about 8 panelists...
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and what I spoke
about was the fact that
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when we don't
deal with our issues
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then we self-medicate with
promiscuous unprotected sex,
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shopping when we
don't have any money...
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gambling, drinking, overeating,
there are a myriad of things
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that we will do... to
not feel the actual pain
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that we are in. Hmmmm...
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And so, the then
editor-in-chief from Essence
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she was there with
her 13-year-old daughter
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and she had never heard about
depression and she asked me
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if I would share it... and...
her name was Diane Weathers
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and she said to me, "I'm
stunned... stunned to hear
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that you suffer from
depression" but it's...
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everybody that you know
is going through something...
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and you can't tell... you
look at the person next to you
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who might seem to
have a myriad of riches
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might seem to be that nothing
can ever go wrong with them
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but you never know
what is underneath that mask
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because we all wear
one... You know what Terrie...
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that is so true... and
the more... you know...
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we're always
juggling... so we're juggling
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what happens with
home, what happens with work,
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what happens with our
personal relationships...
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if we're parents,
we're juggling that...
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and so we're always
quote "wearing the mask"
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so, when people...
when you're at work...
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I remember when I
was in the music business
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and I'd go to work
and people would say,
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"Oh, how're you doing?"
I'd say, "Oh, great, everything
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is fine... " you're
wearing that mask...
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and you could be
crumbling inside...
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That's right... that's
right... and you're doing
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all of these things... and
with you... in the position
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that you have been
in for all these years,
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you know, a position of
being a high-powered woman...
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that's who you are...
you wear a lot of hats...
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and it begins to wear
on you, so, this is what
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you're telling us...
you were wearing that mask
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and we appreciate... so much...
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your sharing your
journey, by-the-way because
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so many people... need to hear
this because they're dealing
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with it too...
Exactly, you know.. you're right
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it's absolutely
where the healing begins...
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because if we keep silent...
which is why... I'm really...
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sometimes I speak in
front of thousands of people
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and I never know when the
emotions of what I went through
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in the early stages... I
never know how it might hit me
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but, if the tears
flow... the tears flow...
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because, you have to
see it all, you have to know
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that you are not alone
and how you are feeling...
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and so... that's my mission...
I'm a woman on fire...
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because it's
almost as if I saw someone
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about the cross the
street and the car was coming...
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and for me... to not try to pull
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that person back or say,
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"Watch out" would be just
the height of irresponsibility
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so, what I know
is... that I use my voice
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and my experience
to let people know...
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that they are not
alone... and that there is joy
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on the other side... of
dealing with your issues,
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and if we don't we can never be
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all that God has
called us to be Yes...
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...we're nothing
without our mental
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and emotional health... so
when we are wearing that mask
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because we have one for
every different occasion
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as you said...
and in so many cases
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it's plastered on our
faces, and so, you know,
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unless we deal with
those issues like, you know,
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talking to a therapist...
which many of us, you know,
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feel like it's
a sign of weakness
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Its... I think we have to
redefine what "strong" is...
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and "strong"
means... to let the tears flow
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strong means... to
share your story with someone
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and to also try to get
to the bottom of why you are
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the way that you are... through
the counsel of a professional.
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Yes... and that is such
a good point because we,
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as African Americans...
we tend to put our health...
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whether it's physical
health, mental health...
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on the back
burner... we are always doing
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so many other things...
that we will get to that...
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or... it's not that
deep... or... it will be Okay...
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somehow it will just
be okay... you know...
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That's right... ... and
so.. this is why again..
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I so appreciate what
you're saying because
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it is a journey...
and your transparency
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will help others who
are dealing with this...
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so, let's go back to
your journey for a second...
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because I really
want people to understand
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the grip... that this
depression had on you...
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so one morning... in particular,
you woke up and it was just
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too much... at
that point... correct?
00:10:06.40\00:10:09.20
Yes, I mean... it was everyday,
really... and I just remember
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at some point... I
don't know why I'm so
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emotional today about
this... but in any case...
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I would just... it was like...
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everyday I would wake up
that way... and then one day
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I just said to
myself... "This can't be normal
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to wake up every day like this,
this just can't be normal... "
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and I mean, you know... I
have a Master of Science degree
00:10:35.93\00:10:39.83
in Social Work
and in Counseling...
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I'm supposed to know what the
signs are... of depression...
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but when it hits you up-side
00:10:45.51\00:10:47.98
your own educated head...
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it doesn't matter because
you are just a human being...
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but I do remember
that very clearly...
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something isn't right
about waking up like this
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every morning... and I
can't tell you the days
00:10:59.09\00:11:01.66
that I trudged through...
I might have had a speaking
00:11:01.69\00:11:06.70
engagement and it
took all that I had
00:11:06.73\00:11:09.03
to get up out of the bed
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and so, it was the
grace of God that got me
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to wherever it was
that I was supposed to be...
00:11:12.97\00:11:15.74
because I was feeling so badly
but I remember some friends,
00:11:15.77\00:11:18.41
you know... I wasn't
answering the door at one point
00:11:18.44\00:11:21.31
and some friends
got me to a psychiatrist
00:11:21.34\00:11:25.51
and I literally fell
in her chair sobbing...
00:11:25.55\00:11:29.28
and she just... she
saw me and she was like...
00:11:29.32\00:11:32.99
clinical
depression... and I was like...
00:11:33.02\00:11:36.26
at the same time that
I was really emotional...
00:11:36.29\00:11:39.39
I was like, "Thank you
God I know this name...
00:11:39.43\00:11:42.20
I know what
depression is but I didn't know
00:11:42.23\00:11:44.77
it had it's grip on
me... " Yes... yes...
00:11:44.80\00:11:47.84
so, for many
people... in the work that...
00:11:47.87\00:11:50.84
oh excuse me... That's fine...
00:11:50.87\00:11:56.24
...in the work that
I have been doing...
00:11:56.28\00:11:58.78
in the book that I wrote
"Black Pain: It just Looks Like
00:11:58.81\00:12:02.12
We're Not Hurting"
and my speaking around the
00:12:02.15\00:12:04.02
country... in many corporations
in their Employee Relations
00:12:04.05\00:12:08.56
Department... I see what happens
00:12:08.59\00:12:12.26
when somebody else
shares their story...
00:12:12.29\00:12:15.36
you see other faces...
they start nodding their heads
00:12:15.40\00:12:18.77
they start
smiling... they start crying...
00:12:18.80\00:12:22.04
and they say,
"That's me" we need to know
00:12:22.07\00:12:25.27
that we're not
alone in this journey...
00:12:25.31\00:12:27.64
and that
everybody that you know...
00:12:27.68\00:12:29.91
I don't care who they
are or what they do...
00:12:29.94\00:12:32.25
is dealing with the same
stuff, and the more wealth
00:12:32.28\00:12:36.12
that you have...
that's the more money
00:12:36.15\00:12:38.95
that you have
to self-medicate...
00:12:38.99\00:12:40.42
and we see it
splashed all over the pages...
00:12:40.46\00:12:42.66
every single
day... Absolutely...
00:12:42.69\00:12:45.03
Michael Jackson... you
know... poor Michael...
00:12:45.06\00:12:47.86
and Whitney
Houston and Lindsay Lohan
00:12:47.86\00:12:50.00
and every time we turn
around she... it plays out...
00:12:50.03\00:12:54.47
but the more money you have...
00:12:54.50\00:12:55.77
the more money you
have to self-medicate
00:12:55.80\00:12:57.47
And you know... that's
such a good point because
00:12:57.51\00:12:59.84
so many people...
especially younger people
00:12:59.87\00:13:03.08
think that money is
going to be the answer
00:13:03.11\00:13:06.28
to all of their issues...
let me just get some money...
00:13:06.31\00:13:09.65
let me just get rich... let me
just get rich or die trying...
00:13:09.68\00:13:12.69
Exactly... exactly...
and what it does is magnify
00:13:12.72\00:13:15.96
what it really does is
magnify who you really are...
00:13:15.99\00:13:19.19
Yes... yes... The
more that you are...
00:13:19.23\00:13:20.40
it magnifies
it... it just sad...
00:13:20.43\00:13:21.96
when you have money...
you can buy... anything...
00:13:22.00\00:13:25.83
we will do any thing...
to not feel the real pain...
00:13:25.87\00:13:29.77
you know.. anorexia and
bulimia is a much larger issue
00:13:29.80\00:13:33.07
in the African-American
Community than it used to be,
00:13:33.11\00:13:36.34
you know... where you eat...
and then you put your finger
00:13:36.38\00:13:39.15
down your throat and
then you throw everything
00:13:39.18\00:13:41.68
back up... again...
you know... so, those...
00:13:41.72\00:13:44.22
so, we will just.. the act
of... many people end up having
00:13:44.25\00:13:48.66
esophagus
problems who suffer with
00:13:48.69\00:13:51.99
anorexia or bulimia
00:13:52.03\00:13:53.63
there are a whole host of
ways in which we suffer...
00:13:53.66\00:13:56.16
but that is more preferable
than the emotional pain
00:13:56.20\00:13:59.90
that we experience...
Yes... they're trying to
00:13:59.93\00:14:03.71
resolve... to ease the
pain... To numb the pain...
00:14:03.74\00:14:06.11
Yes... yes...
So, let's look at the
00:14:06.14\00:14:09.94
African-American
Community as a whole...
00:14:09.98\00:14:12.75
what is the
preponderance of depression
00:14:12.78\00:14:15.52
in the
African-American Community?
00:14:15.55\00:14:17.65
Oh, where do we begin...
one of the areas that we learn
00:14:17.69\00:14:24.46
very quickly that...
we really don't matter...
00:14:24.49\00:14:27.56
the most recent passing...
the killing of Trayvon Martin
00:14:27.60\00:14:33.23
but there is Oscar
Grant in upper California
00:14:33.27\00:14:37.87
who was shot in the
back in a subway station,
00:14:37.91\00:14:40.81
there's a movie now about
his life... Fruitvale Station
00:14:40.84\00:14:43.55
but there are a myriad of us
00:14:43.58\00:14:46.08
who have been
taken out unfairly...
00:14:46.11\00:14:48.38
simply because of
the color of our skin...
00:14:48.42\00:14:51.32
and the reality is...
that... we learn... early on
00:14:51.35\00:14:57.13
that we're almost invisible
00:14:57.16\00:14:58.79
that... other
people don't see us
00:14:58.83\00:15:01.33
or they are
afraid of us, you know,
00:15:01.36\00:15:03.83
and so you
understand that you're like...
00:15:03.87\00:15:07.24
if you are a young black
man or an older black man
00:15:07.27\00:15:09.54
in this country...
you know it's warfare...
00:15:09.57\00:15:12.47
it's not just from other
people we kill our own...
00:15:12.51\00:15:18.98
Yes, yes... you
know... and it's because
00:15:19.01\00:15:21.75
I'll give you... for
instance... I created some
00:15:21.78\00:15:25.85
Public Service Announcements
that were done with SAMHSA,
00:15:25.89\00:15:30.23
the Governmental Agency...
and I move around the country
00:15:30.26\00:15:34.56
taught children spots...
I was in Atlas High School
00:15:34.56\00:15:37.17
there were about 60 kids
they were watching spots...
00:15:37.20\00:15:39.77
they were crying and talking
00:15:39.80\00:15:42.17
and one young man gets up
00:15:42.20\00:15:44.54
15-years-old... very
courageous, and he said that he
00:15:44.57\00:15:47.74
stabbed someone seven times...
another young man... seven times
00:15:47.78\00:15:51.55
did not kill him but what
he said after that is what...
00:15:51.58\00:15:54.52
it pierced my spirit...
but it said everything...
00:15:54.55\00:15:57.62
he said... "And he wasn't even
the one that I was mad at... "
00:15:57.65\00:16:00.62
Oh... And so,
that's the thing...
00:16:00.66\00:16:04.49
that we need to be kind...
we need to be kind and gentle
00:16:04.53\00:16:07.13
with one another... even
if you're walking down the
00:16:07.20\00:16:09.40
street and you see
somebody pass your way...
00:16:09.43\00:16:11.60
you can look that person in
the eye, smile and say, "Hello"
00:16:11.63\00:16:14.57
they might turn around to
see who you're talking to...
00:16:14.60\00:16:17.51
because surely
you're not talking to me...
00:16:17.54\00:16:18.61
because... I don't
matter... what we don't know...
00:16:18.64\00:16:22.18
we have to be
careful how we treat people
00:16:22.21\00:16:24.55
because we don't know
what their journey has been...
00:16:24.58\00:16:27.75
and when you can't get at
the person who has violated
00:16:27.78\00:16:29.95
your body... or
violated your spirit...
00:16:29.98\00:16:32.79
then you will take it out
on whoever is closest to you
00:16:32.82\00:16:37.06
at the moment that
you get a trigger...
00:16:37.09\00:16:39.29
You know, this is
such a good point because
00:16:39.33\00:16:44.23
there is such self-loathing and
you know, here at Dare to Dream
00:16:44.27\00:16:50.01
one of the things that we
really promote is the fact that
00:16:50.04\00:16:54.28
God has a plan for each of
us, and we want our young people
00:16:54.31\00:16:58.48
to know that there is a
divine plan for their lives...
00:16:58.51\00:17:02.55
but there is such a feeling
of desperation and hopelessness
00:17:02.58\00:17:08.46
I was talking to a young
man who is seventeen, Terrie,
00:17:08.49\00:17:12.46
and he was a gang
banger... and he was saying...
00:17:12.49\00:17:15.60
"I don't care if I
die... I don't care... "
00:17:15.63\00:17:18.47
That's right... that's right...
and going into enemy territory
00:17:18.50\00:17:22.90
is committing suicide
they do this everyday...
00:17:22.94\00:17:26.11
they suffered... gang members...
00:17:26.14\00:17:27.28
because I mentor a
number of young brothers
00:17:27.31\00:17:29.28
who are members of the Bloods...
00:17:29.31\00:17:30.68
and even created an opportunity
for them to have therapy
00:17:30.71\00:17:35.52
with a friend of
mine who a psychiatrist
00:17:35.55\00:17:37.92
who specializes
in trauma victims...
00:17:37.95\00:17:40.26
but gang members
suffer from very, very severe
00:17:40.29\00:17:43.19
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
and nobody is getting any help
00:17:43.22\00:17:46.70
Hmmmmm... ...
And so, it's not just
00:17:46.73\00:17:50.70
the gang members who
maybe don't want to be here
00:17:50.73\00:17:53.57
and go into enemy territory...
00:17:53.60\00:17:54.94
they know that
they're going to be killed
00:17:54.97\00:17:56.10
it's also... when you...
00:17:56.14\00:18:00.24
when you just do things
00:18:00.28\00:18:04.31
that you know... to
know... are going to get
00:18:04.35\00:18:07.62
you in trouble... Yes,
it's a kind of recklessness
00:18:07.65\00:18:11.75
Yes, it is because it's just...
you don't want to necessarily
00:18:11.79\00:18:16.76
take yourself out...
but you put yourself in a
00:18:16.79\00:18:18.96
position to be
taken out... Yes...
00:18:18.99\00:18:21.03
...you know... and
there are so many of us,
00:18:21.06\00:18:22.63
not just gang members...
because there is such a
00:18:22.66\00:18:25.60
high level of
violence everywhere we turn,
00:18:25.63\00:18:27.54
we have people who see
somebody shot and killed...
00:18:27.57\00:18:31.01
adults and children...
they witness somebody
00:18:31.04\00:18:34.11
shot and killed
right in front of them
00:18:34.14\00:18:35.68
whether it's a family
member or not, and then,
00:18:35.71\00:18:38.21
they get up and go to work
or go to school the next day...
00:18:38.25\00:18:41.58
like they didn't just witness
00:18:41.62\00:18:43.22
the most horrific
thing on God's earth...
00:18:43.25\00:18:45.99
Hmmm... ... so,
when you get to work
00:18:46.02\00:18:48.29
or school... you
can't concentrate
00:18:48.32\00:18:50.59
because of what you just saw,
00:18:50.63\00:18:52.09
and you haven't talked
to anyone about it... so...
00:18:52.13\00:18:55.23
you start to act out...
you're disruptive in the
00:18:55.26\00:18:58.27
classroom or you can't focus
when you're at your desk...
00:18:58.30\00:19:01.10
and when we are diagnosed with,
they tend to diagnose us with...
00:19:01.14\00:19:05.87
what do you call
it... one of those things...
00:19:05.91\00:19:07.64
ADHD and... AD... AD... ADHD...
00:19:07.68\00:19:11.48
sometimes we get relegated
to Special-Education Classes
00:19:11.51\00:19:14.92
all because we were traumatized
and didn't get any help...
00:19:14.95\00:19:18.32
Right... Recently
a 2-year-old was shot
00:19:18.35\00:19:20.42
in the playground
up-town... in Manhattan...
00:19:20.46\00:19:23.49
and her mother saw an
article in the paper...
00:19:23.53\00:19:26.19
and her mother said that
that every time she hears a
00:19:26.23\00:19:28.83
loud noise in the
house or outside...
00:19:28.86\00:19:30.97
she starts screaming
and crying, but I bet...
00:19:31.00\00:19:35.94
that nobody has
identified it as PTSD and I know
00:19:35.97\00:19:40.88
that she didn't get routed to
a child psychiatrist who would
00:19:40.91\00:19:44.21
have her draw pictures
about how she was feeling...
00:19:44.25\00:19:47.55
and so we don't get
the help that we need...
00:19:47.58\00:19:50.05
Yes... ... and we're dying...
00:19:50.09\00:19:51.45
And we are dying... ...
and getting diagnosed early
00:19:51.49\00:19:55.89
like that with maybe, you know,
ADD and those kinds of disorders
00:19:55.92\00:20:01.66
that is the first pipeline to
00:20:01.70\00:20:04.90
prison and the grave
00:20:04.93\00:20:06.07
Hmmmm... hmmmm.. ...
because you never get the
00:20:06.10\00:20:08.64
help that you need... and
babies who are having babies
00:20:08.67\00:20:11.51
they have their own stuff
that they have not dealt with
00:20:11.54\00:20:14.34
and so they're certainly
not going to be in a position
00:20:14.38\00:20:16.54
to raise their own
children properly...
00:20:16.58\00:20:20.18
That's right... ...
many of them will not know
00:20:20.22\00:20:22.58
how to do that...
they have never been to a
00:20:22.62\00:20:24.92
Counselor or would never go...
or think that you would be crazy
00:20:24.95\00:20:27.42
to go... when in fact...
it's how it helps you to breath
00:20:27.46\00:20:31.63
to get some... some
kind of an understanding
00:20:31.66\00:20:35.86
of why you're the way you are,
your daddy wasn't in your life
00:20:35.90\00:20:39.20
we don't talk enough
about fatherlessness...
00:20:39.23\00:20:41.27
Oh... my... ... and
how it affects girls
00:20:41.30\00:20:43.27
and boys differently... but
if you don't have your daddy
00:20:43.30\00:20:46.74
in your life and you
don't even have an explanation
00:20:46.78\00:20:48.78
you experience it
as... abandonment...
00:20:48.81\00:20:55.08
depression... Rejection...
00:20:55.12\00:20:57.55
...rejection... exactly...
and you have nowhere to go...
00:20:57.59\00:21:00.46
and because we tend
not to explain to the child
00:21:00.49\00:21:06.49
because they don't
understand their feelings...
00:21:06.53\00:21:08.70
they don't understand why
they just punched a hole...
00:21:08.73\00:21:10.43
in the wall... they
don't understand that...
00:21:10.47\00:21:12.17
so we have to frame the
issue for the child and say,
00:21:12.20\00:21:15.00
"You know what, your
daddy is not in your life...
00:21:15.04\00:21:17.77
he is having his own issues
he doesn't know how to be with
00:21:17.81\00:21:21.91
you at this time...
but I want you to know that
00:21:21.94\00:21:24.58
in his own way.. he loves
you and that you will sometimes
00:21:24.61\00:21:29.08
feel like you're
angry for no reason...
00:21:29.12\00:21:31.72
but you have reason...
and so, if you feel that way,
00:21:31.75\00:21:34.82
come and talk to
me" but those are the...
00:21:34.86\00:21:36.22
we have to frame the
issue... so that they understand
00:21:36.26\00:21:39.73
But so often, we don't
even know to do that...
00:21:39.76\00:21:42.40
see, that is such a critical
piece... it needs to be framed
00:21:42.43\00:21:46.23
and the child needs to be...
to understand that it's not
00:21:46.27\00:21:49.84
your fault... there's nothing
intrinsically wrong with you
00:21:49.87\00:21:53.44
that would lead your
daddy to not be here...
00:21:53.48\00:21:56.04
That's right... You
know, mommy and daddy
00:21:56.08\00:21:58.58
couldn't get along or
something but it's not you...
00:21:58.61\00:22:01.58
we need to frame
that... that is a critical piece
00:22:01.62\00:22:05.09
and we're not doing
that... the fatherlessness issue
00:22:05.12\00:22:09.56
is a huge, huge issue...
and now I'm involved with
00:22:09.59\00:22:14.00
an Organization that
deals with fatherlessness...
00:22:14.03\00:22:18.47
because it is a critical
piece, what would you say...
00:22:18.50\00:22:21.77
what are some of the strategies
that... if someone is dealing
00:22:21.80\00:22:25.07
with depression right now...
well, first, what are some of
00:22:25.11\00:22:28.34
the symptoms of depression
and then let's look at the
00:22:28.38\00:22:30.51
strategies for addressing them.
Well, the first one that I would
00:22:30.55\00:22:35.32
just mention is...
the obvious ways that we
00:22:35.35\00:22:37.19
self-medicate... you
know, to not feel the real pain
00:22:37.22\00:22:40.22
if you see someone who is
constantly drinking or eating
00:22:40.26\00:22:43.29
or working... because working
is an addiction as well...
00:22:43.32\00:22:46.70
that is someone who is
running away from their pain...
00:22:46.73\00:22:49.96
I don't want to see
anybody in the office at
00:22:50.00\00:22:52.37
like 8 O'clock in the morning
00:22:52.40\00:22:53.90
and they are there
11 O'clock at night
00:22:53.94\00:22:55.37
Hmmm... ...
sounds like Terrie...
00:22:55.40\00:22:56.87
for a minute there
huh... what I'm saying is
00:22:56.91\00:22:59.67
you're running from
something... you know...
00:22:59.71\00:23:02.38
that it's not an
employee to uplift
00:23:02.41\00:23:04.31
it's someone who is running
00:23:04.35\00:23:05.98
from their
things... it's being sad,
00:23:06.01\00:23:09.18
crying for apparently
no reason over a period of
00:23:09.22\00:23:13.39
two to three weeks...
you're not enjoying the things
00:23:13.42\00:23:15.72
that you used to...
enjoy... you find yourself
00:23:15.76\00:23:18.99
lashing out at people
because you're not getting
00:23:19.03\00:23:21.26
at what's really bothering
you, you call in sick to work...
00:23:21.30\00:23:26.40
just a myriad of things
will change and you can see
00:23:26.43\00:23:30.84
something in many people's
eyes that they are not...
00:23:30.87\00:23:34.18
they don't do the
things that they used to do...
00:23:34.21\00:23:37.51
that brought
them joy... you know,
00:23:37.55\00:23:39.75
and getting pregnant...
having 3, 4, 5 kids with
00:23:39.78\00:23:45.05
different baby daddies...
do you know what I'm saying...
00:23:45.09\00:23:48.12
Yes... yes... yes... ...
because those are just some
00:23:48.16\00:23:51.19
of the things... and
I go into great detail
00:23:51.23\00:23:53.16
about that, you know,
in my book Hmmm... hmmm...
00:23:53.19\00:23:56.70
but it's a feeling like
you don't want to be here
00:23:56.73\00:24:00.24
on the planet...
you can't get up...
00:24:00.27\00:24:02.40
you can't get to sleep
at night everything is off
00:24:02.44\00:24:07.34
and if you feel like
something is wrong...
00:24:07.38\00:24:11.11
something is wrong...
Hmm... oh that's a great point
00:24:11.15\00:24:15.15
and I think that a lot of
times that we know something's
00:24:15.18\00:24:19.45
not quite right
but we don't want to...
00:24:19.49\00:24:22.59
like for the last few
days I've been feeling like...
00:24:22.62\00:24:25.66
not quite myself... and
I was spending some quiet
00:24:25.69\00:24:28.66
time with God and I was
just... "What's bothering you?"
00:24:28.70\00:24:31.93
"Did you say 'yes' to something
that you wanted to say 'no' to"
00:24:31.97\00:24:36.44
because if that's true...
because that has been an issue
00:24:36.47\00:24:39.07
for me... because
of how I grew up...
00:24:39.11\00:24:41.04
wanting to please... and
this is in all love because
00:24:41.08\00:24:46.45
what I'm about to say is
that my mother was very stern,
00:24:46.48\00:24:50.32
her father abandoned
nine kids she was the only one
00:24:50.35\00:24:54.19
who graduated out of
the 9 kids in her family,
00:24:54.22\00:24:55.99
and it left a scar that
has made her very, very bitter
00:24:56.02\00:25:00.86
Hmmm... and so, I
learned very early on
00:25:00.90\00:25:06.17
and the reason I'm saying
that is because I always felt
00:25:06.20\00:25:09.20
like I had to please her...
because, I wanted her to approve
00:25:09.24\00:25:15.78
of me... so that... it
made me a people-pleaser
00:25:15.81\00:25:19.58
so, when you're a people-pleaser
you're going to do and say
00:25:19.61\00:25:24.35
anything... sorry about
that, you're going to do and say
00:25:24.39\00:25:29.06
anything... that will
please the other person...
00:25:29.09\00:25:31.76
meanwhile... you...
are nothing, Hmmm...
00:25:31.79\00:25:35.26
...because you're busy
doing what everybody else
00:25:35.30\00:25:38.10
wants you to do... and to
be... and as I say this...
00:25:38.13\00:25:40.90
it's not a
criticism of my mother...
00:25:40.94\00:25:42.90
it is the
reality... our parents do
00:25:42.94\00:25:46.41
the very best... they can do...
Yes, and you have to start there
00:25:46.44\00:25:50.85
with the acknowledgement
of what has happened...
00:25:50.88\00:25:54.28
in your life... to
create certain issues...
00:25:54.32\00:25:58.25
Yes... ... you start there...
00:25:58.29\00:25:59.75
you have to acknowledge
that, you know what, Terrie,
00:25:59.79\00:26:02.99
we only have two minutes
left, I cannot believe...
00:26:03.02\00:26:06.09
because there are so many
things I want to get to...
00:26:06.13\00:26:09.10
I'm going to have to
bring you back... so...
00:26:09.13\00:26:12.13
you're going to have to
come back again and give us
00:26:12.17\00:26:14.80
some more insight...
but which strategies...
00:26:14.84\00:26:17.11
can you recommend to
people who are in the throes
00:26:17.14\00:26:21.14
of depression right
now... First, I want to just say
00:26:21.18\00:26:25.15
to read the book...
because it will tell you
00:26:25.18\00:26:28.72
everything that you need to
know about how you're living
00:26:28.75\00:26:33.15
how you're moving...
you will see yourself
00:26:33.19\00:26:35.82
and everyone that you
know, and to understand
00:26:35.86\00:26:38.49
that there is
joy on the other side
00:26:38.53\00:26:41.66
of addressing your issues...
being honest with yourself
00:26:41.70\00:26:44.53
and seeing a professional...
it's great to have friends
00:26:44.57\00:26:47.20
but nothing can take the
place... of a professional
00:26:47.24\00:26:49.87
who can guide you
with certain questions...
00:26:49.90\00:26:51.74
my therapist asked
me something one day
00:26:51.77\00:26:53.58
she said, "I know about
your issues with your mother,
00:26:53.61\00:26:55.78
what about... with your
dad... and just like that...
00:26:55.81\00:26:57.98
my hand went to my
head and it was like
00:26:58.01\00:26:59.91
I knew immediately what
she was talking about...
00:26:59.95\00:27:02.92
Hmmm... ... it
wouldn't have hit me
00:27:02.95\00:27:04.69
like that if I had
not had guidance...
00:27:04.72\00:27:06.49
Yes... ... one
thing that I want to say
00:27:06.52\00:27:09.56
is that racism
kills, it just kills...
00:27:09.59\00:27:12.53
when you know that
you're treated differently
00:27:12.56\00:27:14.66
when you walk
into... if you're...
00:27:14.73\00:27:16.43
say a big, tall,
black man dark skinned...
00:27:16.46\00:27:18.37
you walk into Corporate America
00:27:18.40\00:27:19.80
you end up... you
have a booming voice
00:27:19.83\00:27:21.87
you lower your
voice... so that you're not as
00:27:21.90\00:27:23.91
intimidating to
others... you smile extra...
00:27:23.94\00:27:25.87
you stand differently...
and just because you can do that
00:27:25.91\00:27:29.01
when you walk in
the door everyday
00:27:29.04\00:27:30.81
doesn't mean that it doesn't
take something out of you...
00:27:30.85\00:27:33.11
Yes... yes...
00:27:33.15\00:27:34.68
...and if you don't believe
in going to a therapist...
00:27:34.72\00:27:36.05
then you end up
taking things like that
00:27:36.08\00:27:38.52
out at home... to
people who don't deserve it.
00:27:38.55\00:27:41.12
Right, right...
exactly... ... so we need God,
00:27:41.16\00:27:43.63
he puts people in our
lives, we sometimes...
00:27:43.66\00:27:46.06
because of religion,
we'll say "Oh, well, God will...
00:27:46.09\00:27:48.43
God will... I'll
just prayed it away... "
00:27:48.46\00:27:50.07
God sends the right people...
00:27:50.10\00:27:51.73
Yes, and He send us
to to the right people...
00:27:51.77\00:27:54.40
Terrie, thank you so
much for being with us today.
00:27:54.44\00:27:57.87
Thank you Yvonne, it
was an honor and a blessing.
00:27:57.91\00:28:01.34
And thank you
for being with us...
00:28:01.38\00:28:04.08
Tune in next time... it
just wouldn't be the same
00:28:04.11\00:28:06.18
without you...
00:28:06.21\00:28:08.12