What would you do if
you were so depressed
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that you
couldn't get out of bed...
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Stay tuned to meet a
mental health advocate
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that, herself, overcame
the grip of depression...
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My name is Yvonne Lewis and
you're watching Urban Report
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Hello and
welcome to Urban Report
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my guest today is a
friend that I met years ago
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while in the
entertainment industry
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I recently ran into her at
the National Action Network
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Convention in New York
and when I spoke to her
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I knew that she had some
vital points to share with our
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Urban Report viewers...
so let me just tell you
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a little bit about her...
She is one of Ebony magazine's
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Power 150 for
activism... Woman's Day magazine
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hails her as one of 50 women
on a mission to change the world
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and she's a Black
History Maker's Honoree
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on the 2013 The
Grio one hundred list
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she's a mental health
advocate author of several
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acclaimed books and
the Founder and President
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of the Terrie Williams Agency
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I'm pleased to welcome
Terrie Williams to Urban Report.
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Welcome Terrie...
yeah... We made it...
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I'm so happy to be with you...
Oh, thank you... I am so happy
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to have you
here... and I know that
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once our viewers hear
what you have to say...
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they are going to be so blessed
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by the
information that you share...
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you know, when I met
you Terrie and you know,
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you and I have never really
had like a lot of conversations
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or anything but I
watched your career from afar
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and I saw that that you
were this high-powered woman
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you were representing
Eddie Murphy and Miles Davis and
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doing all of these great things
but while that was happening
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something else was
happening with you...
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Tell us about... your journey...
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I was dying on the inside...
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I was wearing my mask
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which most of us do...
we wear a mask everyday
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and we are smiling and
people say, "How are you doing?"
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and we say, "Fine" and the
reality is many of us are hiding
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a multitude of issues,
unresolved pain, wounds, traumas
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scars from our past...
and we're pretending that
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we're fine... and so that's what
I did for many, many, many years
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and it nearly destroyed me...
to make the long story short
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about... I think it was
maybe about 10 years ago,
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I suffered from just very,
very, debilitating depression
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and for me...
what it looked like was
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waking up... first of
all... not wanting to wake up...
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I didn't want to see the
sun... because that then meant
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I had to get into my performance
role and face a lot of things
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that I just really
didn't want to face...
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and so I would lie there
in bed and really kind of like
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in a fetal position
with tremendous anxiety
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knots in my stomach,
in tears, and it took me
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ridiculous
amount of time to get up
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out of the bed...
to shower, to dress,
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and then put the mask on...
Now, Terrie, was this a gradual
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thing or did this
happen... was this just like...
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one event that just triggered
it was this a gradual...
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No... I would say that it
was very gradual because the way
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that we move through
the world has to do with
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how we grew up... and
it also has to do with
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the forces around us...
whether or not we are doing
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the things that we are called
to do... that we enjoy to do
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whether or not we have
toxic people in our lives
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whether or not we
are doing too many things
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running away from those issues
that just all of a sudden...
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hit you at the same time...
and you are like... immobilized
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Hmmmm... and
that's what happened to me
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and I... at some
point... I just... I remember...
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excuse me...
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sometimes... when I
talk about the journey...
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Yes... ... it's
very, very emotional
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because I can feel, right now,
what that was like... for me...
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Yes... yes... ...
what I do know is...
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that it's
necessary to talk about it...
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and I remember clearly...
hearing one day, when God said,
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"You have to share your story"
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and first of
all... and you know...
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whenever people would say
to me they heard God tell them
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something... I was
like... I believed in God
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but I never heard Him
tell me anything... right...
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Like people hearing
voices... like hallucination...
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I thought something
was wrong with me...
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I was just, you know, like
a fake Christian or something
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so, what I heard... very clearly
"You have to tell your story"
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and it was at that
moment... that I knew that I was
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supposed to do
that... and I happened to be
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in on a panel for C-Span
and they were talking about...
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it was about HIV and AIDS,
there were about 8 panelists...
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and what I spoke
about was the fact that
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when we don't
deal with our issues
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then we self-medicate with
promiscuous unprotected sex,
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shopping when we
don't have any money...
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gambling, drinking, overeating,
there are a myriad of things
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that we will do... to
not feel the actual pain
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that we are in. Hmmmm...
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And so, the then
editor-in-chief from Essence
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she was there with
her 13-year-old daughter
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and she had never heard about
depression and she asked me
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if I would share it... and...
her name was Diane Weathers
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and she said to me, "I'm
stunned... stunned to hear
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that you suffer from
depression" but it's...
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everybody that you know
is going through something...
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and you can't tell... you
look at the person next to you
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who might seem to
have a myriad of riches
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might seem to be that nothing
can ever go wrong with them
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but you never know
what is underneath that mask
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because we all wear
one... You know what Terrie...
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that is so true... and
the more... you know...
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we're always
juggling... so we're juggling
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what happens with
home, what happens with work,
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what happens with our
personal relationships...
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if we're parents,
we're juggling that...
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and so we're always
quote "wearing the mask"
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so, when people...
when you're at work...
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I remember when I
was in the music business
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and I'd go to work
and people would say,
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"Oh, how're you doing?"
I'd say, "Oh, great, everything
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is fine... " you're
wearing that mask...
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and you could be
crumbling inside...
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That's right... that's
right... and you're doing
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all of these things... and
with you... in the position
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that you have been
in for all these years,
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you know, a position of
being a high-powered woman...
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that's who you are...
you wear a lot of hats...
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and it begins to wear
on you, so, this is what
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you're telling us...
you were wearing that mask
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and we appreciate... so much...
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your sharing your
journey, by-the-way because
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so many people... need to hear
this because they're dealing
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with it too...
Exactly, you know.. you're right
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it's absolutely
where the healing begins...
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because if we keep silent...
which is why... I'm really...
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sometimes I speak in
front of thousands of people
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and I never know when the
emotions of what I went through
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in the early stages... I
never know how it might hit me
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but, if the tears
flow... the tears flow...
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because, you have to
see it all, you have to know
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that you are not alone
and how you are feeling...
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and so... that's my mission...
I'm a woman on fire...
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because it's
almost as if I saw someone
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about the cross the
street and the car was coming...
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and for me... to not try to pull
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that person back or say,
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"Watch out" would be just
the height of irresponsibility
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so, what I know
is... that I use my voice
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and my experience
to let people know...
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that they are not
alone... and that there is joy
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on the other side... of
dealing with your issues,
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and if we don't we can never be
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all that God has
called us to be Yes...
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...we're nothing
without our mental
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and emotional health... so
when we are wearing that mask
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because we have one for
every different occasion
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as you said...
and in so many cases
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it's plastered on our
faces, and so, you know,
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unless we deal with
those issues like, you know,
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talking to a therapist...
which many of us, you know,
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feel like it's
a sign of weakness
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Its... I think we have to
redefine what "strong" is...
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and "strong"
means... to let the tears flow
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strong means... to
share your story with someone
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and to also try to get
to the bottom of why you are
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the way that you are... through
the counsel of a professional.
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Yes... and that is such
a good point because we,
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as African Americans...
we tend to put our health...
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whether it's physical
health, mental health...
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on the back
burner... we are always doing
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so many other things...
that we will get to that...
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or... it's not that
deep... or... it will be Okay...
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somehow it will just
be okay... you know...
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That's right... ... and
so.. this is why again..
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I so appreciate what
you're saying because
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it is a journey...
and your transparency
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will help others who
are dealing with this...
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so, let's go back to
your journey for a second...
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because I really
want people to understand
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the grip... that this
depression had on you...
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so one morning... in particular,
you woke up and it was just
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too much... at
that point... correct?
00:10:06.51\00:10:09.33
Yes, I mean... it was everyday,
really... and I just remember
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at some point... I
don't know why I'm so
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emotional today about
this... but in any case...
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I would just... it was like...
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everyday I would wake up
that way... and then one day
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I just said to
myself... "This can't be normal
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to wake up every day like this,
this just can't be normal... "
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and I mean, you know... I
have a Master of Science degree
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in Social Work
and in Counseling...
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I'm supposed to know what the
signs are... of depression...
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but when it hits you up-side
00:10:45.60\00:10:48.08
your own educated head...
00:10:48.12\00:10:50.53
it doesn't matter because
you are just a human being...
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but I do remember
that very clearly...
00:10:53.58\00:10:56.48
something isn't right
about waking up like this
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every morning... and I
can't tell you the days
00:10:59.19\00:11:01.76
that I trudged through...
I might have had a speaking
00:11:01.79\00:11:06.79
engagement and it
took all that I had
00:11:06.83\00:11:09.15
to get up out of the bed
00:11:09.19\00:11:10.23
and so, it was the
grace of God that got me
00:11:10.26\00:11:13.05
to wherever it was
that I was supposed to be...
00:11:13.09\00:11:15.84
because I was feeling so badly
but I remember some friends,
00:11:15.88\00:11:18.51
you know... I wasn't
answering the door at one point
00:11:18.54\00:11:21.42
and some friends
got me to a psychiatrist
00:11:21.46\00:11:25.62
and I literally fell
in her chair sobbing...
00:11:25.66\00:11:29.36
and she just... she
saw me and she was like...
00:11:29.40\00:11:33.07
clinical
depression... and I was like...
00:11:33.11\00:11:36.36
at the same time that
I was really emotional...
00:11:36.39\00:11:39.48
I was like, "Thank you
God I know this name...
00:11:39.51\00:11:42.31
I know what
depression is but I didn't know
00:11:42.35\00:11:44.89
it had it's grip on
me... " Yes... yes...
00:11:44.93\00:11:47.94
so, for many
people... in the work that...
00:11:47.97\00:11:50.95
oh excuse me... That's fine...
00:11:50.98\00:11:56.34
...in the work that
I have been doing...
00:11:56.38\00:11:58.89
in the book that I wrote
"Black Pain: It just Looks Like
00:11:58.92\00:12:02.20
We're Not Hurting"
and my speaking around the
00:12:02.24\00:12:04.11
country... in many corporations
in their Employee Relations
00:12:04.15\00:12:08.63
Department... I see what happens
00:12:08.67\00:12:12.34
when somebody else
shares their story...
00:12:12.37\00:12:15.48
you see other faces...
they start nodding their heads
00:12:15.52\00:12:18.89
they start
smiling... they start crying...
00:12:18.92\00:12:22.15
and they say,
"That's me" we need to know
00:12:22.18\00:12:25.38
that we're not
alone in this journey...
00:12:25.42\00:12:27.74
and that
everybody that you know...
00:12:27.77\00:12:30.02
I don't care who they
are or what they do...
00:12:30.06\00:12:32.36
is dealing with the same
stuff, and the more wealth
00:12:32.39\00:12:36.20
that you have...
that's the more money
00:12:36.24\00:12:39.05
that you have
to self-medicate...
00:12:39.09\00:12:40.50
and we see it
splashed all over the pages...
00:12:40.54\00:12:42.74
every single
day... Absolutely...
00:12:42.78\00:12:45.12
Michael Jackson... you
know... poor Michael...
00:12:45.16\00:12:47.96
and Whitney
Houston and Lindsay Lohan
00:12:47.99\00:12:50.11
and every time we turn
around she... it plays out...
00:12:50.14\00:12:54.56
but the more money you have...
00:12:54.60\00:12:55.87
the more money you
have to self-medicate
00:12:55.90\00:12:57.58
And you know... that's
such a good point because
00:12:57.61\00:12:59.95
so many people...
especially younger people
00:12:59.98\00:13:03.19
think that money is
going to be the answer
00:13:03.23\00:13:06.37
to all of their issues...
let me just get some money...
00:13:06.41\00:13:09.74
let me just get rich... let me
just get rich or die trying...
00:13:09.77\00:13:12.76
Exactly... exactly...
and what it does is magnify
00:13:12.80\00:13:16.04
what it really does is
magnify who you really are...
00:13:16.08\00:13:19.29
Yes... yes... The
more that you are...
00:13:19.32\00:13:20.46
it magnifies
it... it just sad...
00:13:20.50\00:13:22.07
when you have money...
you can buy... anything...
00:13:22.11\00:13:25.96
we will do any thing...
to not feel the real pain...
00:13:25.99\00:13:29.89
you know.. anorexia and
bulimia is a much larger issue
00:13:29.92\00:13:33.18
in the African-American
Community than it used to be,
00:13:33.22\00:13:36.44
you know... where you eat...
and then you put your finger
00:13:36.48\00:13:39.23
down your throat and
then you throw everything
00:13:39.27\00:13:41.79
back up... again...
you know... so, those...
00:13:41.83\00:13:44.32
so, we will just.. the act
of... many people end up having
00:13:44.35\00:13:48.75
esophagus
problems who suffer with
00:13:48.78\00:13:52.08
anorexia or bulimia
00:13:52.12\00:13:53.72
there are a whole host of
ways in which we suffer...
00:13:53.75\00:13:56.27
but that is more preferable
than the emotional pain
00:13:56.31\00:14:00.10
that we experience...
Yes... they're trying to
00:14:00.13\00:14:03.82
resolve... to ease the
pain... To numb the pain...
00:14:03.85\00:14:06.22
Yes... yes...
So, let's look at the
00:14:06.26\00:14:10.04
African-American
Community as a whole...
00:14:10.07\00:14:12.84
what is the
preponderance of depression
00:14:12.88\00:14:15.61
in the
African-American Community?
00:14:15.65\00:14:17.74
Oh, where do we begin...
one of the areas that we learn
00:14:17.78\00:14:24.55
very quickly that...
we really don't matter...
00:14:24.59\00:14:27.66
the most recent passing...
the killing of Trayvon Martin
00:14:27.69\00:14:33.33
but there is Oscar
Grant in upper California
00:14:33.37\00:14:37.96
who was shot in the
back in a subway station,
00:14:38.00\00:14:40.91
there's a movie now about
his life... Fruitvale Station
00:14:40.94\00:14:43.65
but there are a myriad of us
00:14:43.69\00:14:46.19
who have been
taken out unfairly...
00:14:46.23\00:14:48.49
simply because of
the color of our skin...
00:14:48.52\00:14:51.43
and the reality is...
that... we learn... early on
00:14:51.46\00:14:57.21
that we're almost invisible
00:14:57.25\00:14:58.87
that... other
people don't see us
00:14:58.90\00:15:01.44
or they are
afraid of us, you know,
00:15:01.47\00:15:03.93
and so you
understand that you're like...
00:15:03.97\00:15:07.33
if you are a young black
man or an older black man
00:15:07.37\00:15:09.65
in this country...
you know it's warfare...
00:15:09.69\00:15:12.59
it's not just from other
people we kill our own...
00:15:12.62\00:15:19.10
Yes, yes... you
know... and it's because
00:15:19.13\00:15:21.85
I'll give you... for
instance... I created some
00:15:21.89\00:15:25.95
Public Service Announcements
that were done with SAMHSA,
00:15:25.99\00:15:30.32
the Governmental Agency...
and I move around the country
00:15:30.35\00:15:34.65
taught children spots...
I was in Atlas High School
00:15:34.69\00:15:37.28
there were about 60 kids
they were watching spots...
00:15:37.31\00:15:39.87
they were crying and talking
00:15:39.90\00:15:42.30
and one young man gets up
00:15:42.33\00:15:44.65
15-years-old... very
courageous, and he said that he
00:15:44.69\00:15:47.84
stabbed someone seven times...
another young man... seven times
00:15:47.88\00:15:51.64
did not kill him but what
he said after that is what...
00:15:51.67\00:15:54.60
it pierced my spirit...
but it said everything...
00:15:54.64\00:15:57.71
he said... "And he wasn't even
the one that I was mad at... "
00:15:57.75\00:16:00.72
Oh... And so,
that's the thing...
00:16:00.75\00:16:04.57
that we need to be kind...
we need to be kind and gentle
00:16:04.61\00:16:07.26
with one another... even
if you're walking down the
00:16:07.29\00:16:09.52
street and you see
somebody pass your way...
00:16:09.56\00:16:11.71
you can look that person in
the eye, smile and say, "Hello"
00:16:11.75\00:16:14.67
they might turn around to
see who you're talking to...
00:16:14.70\00:16:17.61
because surely
you're not talking to me...
00:16:17.64\00:16:18.80
because... I don't
matter... what we don't know...
00:16:18.84\00:16:22.28
we have to be
careful how we treat people
00:16:22.32\00:16:24.64
because we don't know
what their journey has been...
00:16:24.67\00:16:27.84
and when you can't get at
the person who has violated
00:16:27.88\00:16:30.06
your body... or
violated your spirit...
00:16:30.09\00:16:32.89
then you will take it out
on whoever is closest to you
00:16:32.93\00:16:37.14
at the moment that
you get a trigger...
00:16:37.17\00:16:39.36
You know, this is
such a good point because
00:16:39.40\00:16:44.35
there is such self-loathing and
you know, here at Dare to Dream
00:16:44.39\00:16:50.11
one of the things that we
really promote is the fact that
00:16:50.15\00:16:54.37
God has a plan for each of
us, and we want our young people
00:16:54.40\00:16:58.58
to know that there is a
divine plan for their lives...
00:16:58.62\00:17:02.63
but there is such a feeling
of desperation and hopelessness
00:17:02.67\00:17:08.55
I was talking to a young
man who is seventeen, Terrie,
00:17:08.58\00:17:12.56
and he was a gang
banger... and he was saying...
00:17:12.59\00:17:15.73
"I don't care if I
die... I don't care... "
00:17:15.76\00:17:18.60
That's right... that's right...
and going into enemy territory
00:17:18.63\00:17:23.01
is committing suicide
they do this everyday...
00:17:23.05\00:17:26.23
they suffered... gang members...
00:17:26.26\00:17:27.37
because I mentor a
number of young brothers
00:17:27.41\00:17:29.40
who are members of the Bloods...
00:17:29.43\00:17:30.76
and even created an opportunity
for them to have therapy
00:17:30.80\00:17:35.61
with a friend of
mine who a psychiatrist
00:17:35.65\00:17:38.02
who specializes
in trauma victims...
00:17:38.05\00:17:40.36
but gang members
suffer from very, very severe
00:17:40.39\00:17:43.27
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
and nobody is getting any help
00:17:43.30\00:17:46.77
Hmmmmm... ...
And so, it's not just
00:17:46.80\00:17:50.82
the gang members who
maybe don't want to be here
00:17:50.86\00:17:53.66
and go into enemy territory...
00:17:53.70\00:17:55.04
they know that
they're going to be killed
00:17:55.08\00:17:56.20
it's also... when you...
00:17:56.24\00:18:00.35
when you just do things
00:18:00.38\00:18:04.42
that you know... to
know... are going to get
00:18:04.46\00:18:07.73
you in trouble... Yes,
it's a kind of recklessness
00:18:07.76\00:18:11.85
Yes, it is because it's just...
you don't want to necessarily
00:18:11.89\00:18:16.85
take yourself out...
but you put yourself in a
00:18:16.89\00:18:19.03
position to be
taken out... Yes...
00:18:19.07\00:18:21.14
...you know... and
there are so many of us,
00:18:21.18\00:18:22.73
not just gang members...
because there is such a
00:18:22.77\00:18:25.72
high level of
violence everywhere we turn,
00:18:25.76\00:18:27.63
we have people who see
somebody shot and killed...
00:18:27.67\00:18:31.10
adults and children...
they witness somebody
00:18:31.14\00:18:34.22
shot and killed
right in front of them
00:18:34.26\00:18:35.76
whether it's a family
member or not, and then,
00:18:35.80\00:18:38.31
they get up and go to work
or go to school the next day...
00:18:38.34\00:18:41.69
like they didn't just witness
00:18:41.73\00:18:43.31
the most horrific
thing on God's earth...
00:18:43.34\00:18:46.09
Hmmm... ... so,
when you get to work
00:18:46.12\00:18:48.40
or school... you
can't concentrate
00:18:48.43\00:18:50.68
because of what you just saw,
00:18:50.71\00:18:52.16
and you haven't talked
to anyone about it... so...
00:18:52.20\00:18:55.35
you start to act out...
you're disruptive in the
00:18:55.39\00:18:58.38
classroom or you can't focus
when you're at your desk...
00:18:58.42\00:19:01.23
and when we are diagnosed with,
they tend to diagnose us with...
00:19:01.26\00:19:05.99
what do you call
it... one of those things...
00:19:06.03\00:19:07.74
ADHD and... AD... AD... ADHD...
00:19:07.78\00:19:11.57
sometimes we get relegated
to Special-Education Classes
00:19:11.60\00:19:15.01
all because we were traumatized
and didn't get any help...
00:19:15.05\00:19:18.43
Right... Recently
a 2-year-old was shot
00:19:18.46\00:19:20.52
in the playground
up-town... in Manhattan...
00:19:20.56\00:19:23.59
and her mother saw an
article in the paper...
00:19:23.63\00:19:26.29
and her mother said that
that every time she hears a
00:19:26.32\00:19:28.95
loud noise in the
house or outside...
00:19:28.99\00:19:31.07
she starts screaming
and crying, but I bet...
00:19:31.11\00:19:36.04
that nobody has
identified it as PTSD and I know
00:19:36.08\00:19:40.98
that she didn't get routed to
a child psychiatrist who would
00:19:41.01\00:19:44.32
have her draw pictures
about how she was feeling...
00:19:44.35\00:19:47.64
and so we don't get
the help that we need...
00:19:47.67\00:19:50.14
Yes... ... and we're dying...
00:19:50.17\00:19:51.53
And we are dying... ...
and getting diagnosed early
00:19:51.57\00:19:56.00
like that with maybe, you know,
ADD and those kinds of disorders
00:19:56.03\00:20:01.78
that is the first pipeline to
00:20:01.82\00:20:05.02
prison and the grave
00:20:05.06\00:20:06.17
Hmmmm... hmmmm.. ...
because you never get the
00:20:06.20\00:20:08.74
help that you need... and
babies who are having babies
00:20:08.78\00:20:11.61
they have their own stuff
that they have not dealt with
00:20:11.65\00:20:14.44
and so they're certainly
not going to be in a position
00:20:14.48\00:20:16.65
to raise their own
children properly...
00:20:16.69\00:20:20.27
That's right... ...
many of them will not know
00:20:20.30\00:20:22.68
how to do that...
they have never been to a
00:20:22.71\00:20:25.02
Counselor or would never go...
or think that you would be crazy
00:20:25.06\00:20:27.52
to go... when in fact...
it's how it helps you to breath
00:20:27.56\00:20:31.73
to get some... some
kind of an understanding
00:20:31.76\00:20:35.99
of why you're the way you are,
your daddy wasn't in your life
00:20:36.03\00:20:39.33
we don't talk enough
about fatherlessness...
00:20:39.36\00:20:41.39
Oh... my... ... and
how it affects girls
00:20:41.42\00:20:43.38
and boys differently... but
if you don't have your daddy
00:20:43.41\00:20:46.84
in your life and you
don't even have an explanation
00:20:46.88\00:20:48.89
you experience it
as... abandonment...
00:20:48.92\00:20:55.18
depression... Rejection...
00:20:55.21\00:20:57.63
...rejection... exactly...
and you have nowhere to go...
00:20:57.67\00:21:00.55
and because we tend
not to explain to the child
00:21:00.59\00:21:06.58
because they don't
understand their feelings...
00:21:06.61\00:21:08.81
they don't understand why
they just punched a hole...
00:21:08.84\00:21:10.54
in the wall... they
don't understand that...
00:21:10.57\00:21:12.30
so we have to frame the
issue for the child and say,
00:21:12.33\00:21:15.12
"You know what, your
daddy is not in your life...
00:21:15.16\00:21:17.88
he is having his own issues
he doesn't know how to be with
00:21:17.92\00:21:22.02
you at this time...
but I want you to know that
00:21:22.06\00:21:24.69
in his own way.. he loves
you and that you will sometimes
00:21:24.73\00:21:29.19
feel like you're
angry for no reason...
00:21:29.22\00:21:31.83
but you have reason...
and so, if you feel that way,
00:21:31.86\00:21:34.90
come and talk to
me" but those are the...
00:21:34.94\00:21:36.30
we have to frame the
issue... so that they understand
00:21:36.34\00:21:39.81
But so often, we don't
even know to do that...
00:21:39.85\00:21:42.51
see, that is such a critical
piece... it needs to be framed
00:21:42.54\00:21:46.34
and the child needs to be...
to understand that it's not
00:21:46.37\00:21:49.96
your fault... there's nothing
intrinsically wrong with you
00:21:49.99\00:21:53.54
that would lead your
daddy to not be here...
00:21:53.57\00:21:56.15
That's right... You
know, mommy and daddy
00:21:56.18\00:21:58.69
couldn't get along or
something but it's not you...
00:21:58.72\00:22:01.68
we need to frame
that... that is a critical piece
00:22:01.71\00:22:05.17
and we're not doing
that... the fatherlessness issue
00:22:05.20\00:22:09.66
is a huge, huge issue...
and now I'm involved with
00:22:09.69\00:22:14.12
an Organization that
deals with fatherlessness...
00:22:14.15\00:22:18.59
because it is a critical
piece, what would you say...
00:22:18.63\00:22:21.86
what are some of the strategies
that... if someone is dealing
00:22:21.90\00:22:25.18
with depression right now...
well, first, what are some of
00:22:25.21\00:22:28.46
the symptoms of depression
and then let's look at the
00:22:28.49\00:22:30.62
strategies for addressing them.
Well, the first one that I would
00:22:30.66\00:22:35.41
just mention is...
the obvious ways that we
00:22:35.45\00:22:37.28
self-medicate... you
know, to not feel the real pain
00:22:37.31\00:22:40.32
if you see someone who is
constantly drinking or eating
00:22:40.35\00:22:43.38
or working... because working
is an addiction as well...
00:22:43.41\00:22:46.79
that is someone who is
running away from their pain...
00:22:46.82\00:22:50.09
I don't want to see
anybody in the office at
00:22:50.12\00:22:52.50
like 8 O'clock in the morning
00:22:52.53\00:22:54.01
and they are there
11 O'clock at night
00:22:54.05\00:22:55.41
Hmmm... ...
sounds like Terrie...
00:22:55.52\00:22:56.97
for a minute there
huh... what I'm saying is
00:22:57.00\00:22:59.77
you're running from
something... you know...
00:22:59.80\00:23:02.50
that it's not an
employee to uplift
00:23:02.53\00:23:04.41
it's someone who is running
00:23:04.45\00:23:06.08
from their
things... it's being sad,
00:23:06.12\00:23:09.26
crying for apparently
no reason over a period of
00:23:09.30\00:23:13.47
two to three weeks...
you're not enjoying the things
00:23:13.50\00:23:15.81
that you used to...
enjoy... you find yourself
00:23:15.84\00:23:19.10
lashing out at people
because you're not getting
00:23:19.13\00:23:21.37
at what's really bothering
you, you call in sick to work...
00:23:21.41\00:23:26.50
just a myriad of things
will change and you can see
00:23:26.54\00:23:30.94
something in many people's
eyes that they are not...
00:23:30.98\00:23:34.30
they don't do the
things that they used to do...
00:23:34.33\00:23:37.62
that brought
them joy... you know,
00:23:37.65\00:23:39.85
and getting pregnant...
having 3, 4, 5 kids with
00:23:39.88\00:23:45.14
different baby daddies...
do you know what I'm saying...
00:23:45.17\00:23:48.23
Yes... yes... yes... ...
because those are just some
00:23:48.26\00:23:51.29
of the things... and
I go into great detail
00:23:51.32\00:23:53.24
about that, you know,
in my book Hmmm... hmmm...
00:23:53.28\00:23:56.81
but it's a feeling like
you don't want to be here
00:23:56.85\00:24:00.35
on the planet...
you can't get up...
00:24:00.39\00:24:02.52
you can't get to sleep
at night everything is off
00:24:02.55\00:24:07.44
and if you feel like
something is wrong...
00:24:07.48\00:24:11.21
something is wrong...
Hmm... oh that's a great point
00:24:11.24\00:24:15.24
and I think that a lot of
times that we know something's
00:24:15.27\00:24:19.54
not quite right
but we don't want to...
00:24:19.57\00:24:22.70
like for the last few
days I've been feeling like...
00:24:22.73\00:24:25.75
not quite myself... and
I was spending some quiet
00:24:25.78\00:24:28.76
time with God and I was
just... "What's bothering you?"
00:24:28.80\00:24:32.04
"Did you say 'yes' to something
that you wanted to say 'no' to"
00:24:32.07\00:24:36.55
because if that's true...
because that has been an issue
00:24:36.59\00:24:39.19
for me... because
of how I grew up...
00:24:39.23\00:24:41.15
wanting to please... and
this is in all love because
00:24:41.19\00:24:46.54
what I'm about to say is
that my mother was very stern,
00:24:46.58\00:24:50.42
her father abandoned
nine kids she was the only one
00:24:50.46\00:24:54.27
who graduated out of
the 9 kids in her family,
00:24:54.30\00:24:56.07
and it left a scar that
has made her very, very bitter
00:24:56.11\00:25:00.94
Hmmm... and so, I
learned very early on
00:25:00.97\00:25:06.28
and the reason I'm saying
that is because I always felt
00:25:06.32\00:25:09.32
like I had to please her...
because, I wanted her to approve
00:25:09.36\00:25:15.87
of me... so that... it
made me a people-pleaser
00:25:15.90\00:25:19.70
so, when you're a people-pleaser
you're going to do and say
00:25:19.73\00:25:24.44
anything... sorry about
that, you're going to do and say
00:25:24.47\00:25:29.15
anything... that will
please the other person...
00:25:29.18\00:25:31.85
meanwhile... you...
are nothing, Hmmm...
00:25:31.89\00:25:35.40
...because you're busy
doing what everybody else
00:25:35.43\00:25:38.22
wants you to do... and to
be... and as I say this...
00:25:38.25\00:25:41.00
it's not a
criticism of my mother...
00:25:41.04\00:25:43.01
it is the
reality... our parents do
00:25:43.04\00:25:46.53
the very best... they can do...
Yes, and you have to start there
00:25:46.56\00:25:50.95
with the acknowledgement
of what has happened...
00:25:50.99\00:25:54.37
in your life... to
create certain issues...
00:25:54.41\00:25:58.36
Yes... ... you start there...
00:25:58.39\00:25:59.85
you have to acknowledge
that, you know what, Terrie,
00:25:59.89\00:26:03.10
we only have two minutes
left, I cannot believe...
00:26:03.13\00:26:06.17
because there are so many
things I want to get to...
00:26:06.20\00:26:09.20
I'm going to have to
bring you back... so...
00:26:09.24\00:26:12.24
you're going to have to
come back again and give us
00:26:12.28\00:26:14.93
some more insight...
but which strategies...
00:26:14.96\00:26:17.20
can you recommend to
people who are in the throes
00:26:17.24\00:26:21.25
of depression right
now... First, I want to just say
00:26:21.28\00:26:25.26
to read the book...
because it will tell you
00:26:25.29\00:26:28.81
everything that you need to
know about how you're living
00:26:28.85\00:26:33.24
how you're moving...
you will see yourself
00:26:33.27\00:26:35.92
and everyone that you
know, and to understand
00:26:35.95\00:26:38.56
that there is
joy on the other side
00:26:38.60\00:26:41.77
of addressing your issues...
being honest with yourself
00:26:41.80\00:26:44.64
and seeing a professional...
it's great to have friends
00:26:44.67\00:26:47.32
but nothing can take the
place... of a professional
00:26:47.36\00:26:49.97
who can guide you
with certain questions...
00:26:50.00\00:26:51.85
my therapist asked
me something one day
00:26:51.89\00:26:53.67
she said, "I know about
your issues with your mother,
00:26:53.70\00:26:55.89
what about... with your
dad... and just like that...
00:26:55.93\00:26:58.08
my hand went to my
head and it was like
00:26:58.11\00:27:00.08
I knew immediately what
she was talking about...
00:27:00.12\00:27:03.01
Hmmm... ... it
wouldn't have hit me
00:27:03.05\00:27:04.78
like that if I had
not had guidance...
00:27:04.81\00:27:06.59
Yes... ... one
thing that I want to say
00:27:06.63\00:27:09.65
is that racism
kills, it just kills...
00:27:09.68\00:27:12.63
when you know that
you're treated differently
00:27:12.66\00:27:14.78
when you walk
into... if you're...
00:27:14.82\00:27:16.54
say a big, tall,
black man dark skinned...
00:27:16.57\00:27:18.46
you walk into Corporate America
00:27:18.50\00:27:19.91
you end up... you
have a booming voice
00:27:19.95\00:27:21.98
you lower your
voice... so that you're not as
00:27:22.02\00:27:24.02
intimidating to
others... you smile extra...
00:27:24.06\00:27:25.99
you stand differently...
and just because you can do that
00:27:26.03\00:27:29.10
when you walk in
the door everyday
00:27:29.14\00:27:30.92
doesn't mean that it doesn't
take something out of you...
00:27:30.96\00:27:33.21
Yes... yes...
00:27:33.24\00:27:34.80
...and if you don't believe
in going to a therapist...
00:27:34.83\00:27:36.15
then you end up
taking things like that
00:27:36.18\00:27:38.63
out at home... to
people who don't deserve it.
00:27:38.66\00:27:41.21
Right, right...
exactly... ... so we need God,
00:27:41.25\00:27:43.71
he puts people in our
lives, we sometimes...
00:27:43.75\00:27:46.14
because of religion,
we'll say "Oh, well, God will...
00:27:46.18\00:27:48.55
God will... I'll
just prayed it away... "
00:27:48.59\00:27:50.17
God sends the right people...
00:27:50.20\00:27:51.84
Yes, and He send us
to to the right people...
00:27:51.88\00:27:54.52
Terrie, thank you so
much for being with us today.
00:27:54.55\00:27:58.00
Thank you Yvonne, it
was an honor and a blessing.
00:27:58.03\00:28:01.44
And thank you
for being with us...
00:28:01.47\00:28:04.18
Tune in next time... it
just wouldn't be the same
00:28:04.21\00:28:06.27
without you...
00:28:06.30\00:28:08.15