Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Blondell Senior
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000049
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00:01 One third of all American children
00:03 are being raised in single-parent homes 00:04 with limited or no supervision. Our guest today 00:07 is the founder of a home for troubled teens. 00:10 Stay tuned to find out the causes and cures 00:13 for our troubled youth. My name is Yvonne Lewis 00:16 and you're watching Urban Report 00:41 Hello and welcome to Urban Report 00:43 There are numerous elements that contribute 00:45 to healthy human development such as spirituality, 00:49 family dynamics, support from community adults 00:52 school effectiveness, peer influence 00:55 values development and social skills. 00:58 Many troubled youth are missing some of these elements 01:01 causing them to act out. Today our guest is 01:04 Dr. Blondel Senior, Director and Founder of the 01:08 Advent Home and Learning Center. He's going to shed some light 01:11 on troubled youth, fatherlessness and suggestions 01:15 to help these troubled youth. Welcome to Urban Report 01:18 Dr. Senior... it's so good to have you 01:22 once again... You were here another time 01:25 and you had brought a young student with you, 01:29 and so I'm glad you could come back 01:31 and shed some more light on what's going on... 01:34 with our teenagers... Tell us, first of all, 01:37 about the Advent Home. What is that? 01:40 What do you do? Advent Home is a residential 01:43 Treatment program for kids who are at-risk... 01:47 at risk of dropping out of school, running away from home, 01:51 failing, you know, just not finishing basic High School 01:56 and they get into trouble... stealing, shop-lifting, 02:00 maybe getting pregnant, but kids who are at-risk 02:04 and they run the risk of dropping out then. 02:06 Parents need to intervene before it gets out of hand. 02:09 You have boys and girls? No... boys only... 02:11 Ah... boys only... The reason for that is 02:14 what you call a minimum distraction environment. 02:18 I can understand that... 02:20 Look at what's happening to kids these days... 02:21 they are being distracted... 02:23 Yes... You know with cell phone, 02:24 baggy pants, funny hairdos, drugs, alcohol, 02:27 and various other things... they have to remove 02:30 the distraction and re-give them a minimum distraction 02:33 remove the distractions... and I tell you, 02:36 it makes a big difference... And the opposite sex... 02:38 certainly can be a distraction, especially in the teen years 02:41 when hormones are raging... Yeah... yes... 02:43 Those are distractions... Yes... 02:45 So now, what is the age range of of children or teens 02:50 that you work with We take boys 12 to 17 02:53 Grades 6 to 12 and these are... this is a high-risk area 02:59 age group and mostly boys... 9 out of 10 boys suffer ADHD 03:08 attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder 03:10 and most of the kids who come to our program 03:13 are diagnosed ADHD... many other diagnoses 03:16 Conduct disorder, Bi-Polar, Tourette's syndrome 03:20 Aspergers... and various, but they come with 03:23 depression... they come with anger 03:25 and they come with basic school problems and social problems. 03:29 So what are the family dynamics 03:34 that are taking place, with most of the young men 03:37 that come to your school? Well, most of these kids... 03:41 9 out of 10 of these kids are from broken, divorced or 03:45 adopted homes... so there's a real problem there, 03:48 and many of them are from single-parent homes... 03:51 and, of course, most single-parent homes 03:54 are headed by mothers... females only 12% of homes, 03:59 single-parent homes are headed by men... 04:01 so now you have a mother who is working... 04:03 and she has to work long hours and so.. maybe start at 6:00 04:07 and work until 8:00 or 9:00 p. m. 04:09 and so there's a long period of lack of supervision... 04:13 and that creates problems for the kids... 04:15 US News and World Report... several years ago... 04:19 reported that the highest rate of pregnancy 04:21 is from 3:00 o'clock until 5:30 Monday to Thursday... 04:25 3:00 to 5:30... Yes... 04:29 Monday through Thursday... Monday through Thursday... right 04:33 how interesting... right after school... 04:34 right after school... the kids are left unsupervised, 04:37 teenagers are alone... and they get into trouble... 04:39 Yes... yes... Unsupervised... 04:41 What... would you say... when you work with these 04:46 young men... that have... all of this anger 04:50 do you also see Depression with that? 04:55 Yes... almost every child who comes to the Advent Home 04:59 is diagnosed as depressed... now you have to understand 05:03 the dynamics of depression... you have to back up a little bit 05:07 these kids like to stay up late, play video... listen to music, 05:11 play computer games... 05:13 and so the parents are harassing them... 05:16 "Go to bed, go to bed... " and they invent... 05:18 "I can't sleep... that's why I'm not going to bed. " 05:21 which is really a make-up so they stay up late 05:25 until 2:00 a. m. in the morning, almost every night... 05:28 and then they have to get up at 5:30 or 6:00 o'clock 05:31 in the morning... to catch a bus to go to school, 05:33 OK... and then they begin to be lethargic 05:36 now they're lethargic because they didn't get enough sleep 05:40 not because they are depressed, but the symptoms of depression 05:43 and lack of sleep... mimic each other 05:46 and they look alike... so they go to the doctor 05:49 because they can't sleep and they get sleeping pills 05:51 and they go to the doctor and they're lethargic 05:53 and they get depression pills, and they are diagnosed 05:55 Depression problems and Sleeping problems 05:57 when really they're tired... So they come to the Advent Home 06:01 with medication for sleeping... medication for depression, 06:05 and other medications... and because of the 06:08 nature of the program... the program is activity oriented 06:11 the campus is very big... lots of walking... 06:13 everyday there's recreation... there are outdoor activities 06:18 chores and gardening... so the kids play... 06:20 and in two or three days... they will lose their 06:24 depression... and lose their lack of sleep 06:26 and they'll beg to go to bed... Look at what you're saying... 06:29 Doctor Senior... this is so interesting to me 06:31 because... it's like one issue is compounding another... 06:37 Yes... yes... yes... So the first issue... 06:40 the very first issue... is the sleeplessness. 06:42 Lack of sleep... right.. because they are staying up 06:46 too late at night... and Science has been saying too 06:49 that sleep is so critical even in glucose metabolism... 06:53 So... because you can become pre-diabetic 06:56 from sleep deprivation... 06:59 so, now you're saying, these young boys... 07:02 are not getting enough sleep they're playing video games... 07:05 there should be... there should be a bed time... 07:08 Right... but because of a lack of 07:11 supervision or whatever... 07:13 there isn't... So the boys are not getting 07:16 enough sleep... and so... then they are medicated 07:18 Yes... That's Problem number Two 07:21 Right... right... So then they're medicated... 07:23 and the medication can cause a kind of disconnect 07:28 metabolically... so that... chemically... with them... 07:32 so that... now you've got sleep deprivation 07:35 you've got medication that also can have its side effects 07:38 And misdiagnosis... And misdiagnosis... 07:41 False diagnosis... Wow! 07:43 Right, so these problems begin to accumulate... 07:45 Yes... yes... And now it creates a problem 07:48 where they have to send a child to the Advent Home... 07:50 It's a big expense... especially for them... 07:52 Yes... yes... And they come and in... 07:54 I'd say... two days... three days the most... 07:57 they're off their medication, those medications... 08:00 and they're sleeping... 08:01 because they're tired... 08:03 Because you're working them... I'm working them... 08:06 Good... work is good... And that's another thing 08:09 that I noticed... in many homes... 08:11 there are no chores... Right... 08:13 Like what happened to chores... what happened to kids having to 08:16 do certain things in the home... that's not happening... 08:19 but your boys have chores... What do they do? 08:22 We'd like to say food is medicine 08:23 and work is medicine... 08:25 Yes.. yes... Nature is their physician... 08:27 Yes... yes... What do they do? 08:28 Just the size of the campus... walking to campus 08:31 is exercise... How far are the... for example, 08:34 the dorm from the School? Maybe one-eighth of a mile... 08:38 Ah... And they play... 08:40 It's a schedule... we're running a very 08:42 tight schedule from 6:00 a. m. until 9:30 p. m. every day... 08:46 tight schedule... you must move from 08:48 Point A to Point B... Point A to Point B... 08:50 Because these kids get into trouble... 08:52 if they have nothing to do... Yes... 08:54 So idleness... is not good... and they work... chores... 08:59 they have chores... they can even learn skills 09:02 we call them apprentices... they can learn to cook... 09:05 and we take the kids in the kitchen and teach them 09:08 food processing... from A to Z... 09:11 Oh... that's great... We also have a program called 09:13 Youth Leadership... Those that are more mature 09:15 and more stable... you can use them 09:17 to help to tutor other kids 09:19 and we're part of the Group Leadership 09:21 So each room... has a Group Leader... 09:23 a more mature student... helping out late at night 09:25 as extra eyes and ears when staff is not around... 09:28 We have gardening... they can learn gardening... 09:31 we have a six-month, twelve-month, twenty-four-month 09:33 gardening program where a person can actually 09:35 leave being a professional gardener... 09:37 with a certificate... 09:39 We have Auto Mechanic... where the kids can learn 09:41 to service a car... ten-point service... 09:43 twenty-point service... thirty-point service.. you know. 09:46 That's tremendous... And these are just 09:48 ordinary skills that you bump into... everyday. 09:50 Everyone has to take care of their car... 09:52 Yes... yes... Lot of services involved 09:55 Yeah... This is so important because 09:57 Number one... when they leave... 09:59 they'll have a sense of accomplishment... 10:02 I have done something... I have completed something... 10:04 I've been successful at something... 10:07 Which is, I think, an element that they hadn't had previously 10:11 Right... right... That feeling of being able to 10:13 accomplish something... So that's got to be 10:15 a great thing for them... Right... right... 10:17 When the kids leave... we do an exit survey... 10:20 Hmmmm... And we'll ask them... 10:21 What's the thing that was most important to you... 10:24 what's the thing that you learned best... 10:25 and they said... "Work" 10:27 They learned to work... they learned work ethics... 10:30 Critical... a critical piece... We'd like to say these kids 10:34 are allergic to work... they don't know what to do 10:36 with a tool, 10:37 and if you give them a dust pan and a broom 10:40 and say sweep, they can't coordinate it 10:42 they've never done it before... simple tasks... 10:45 Your kidding... No... no... 10:47 If you're going through a gate, like with a pick up truck 10:49 and ask the kid to open the gate drive through 10:51 and wait on the other side of the gate 10:52 then ask him to lock the gate, he'd lock himself 10:54 on the wrong side of the gate... Wow! 10:56 Lack of skills... 10:58 lack of skills, basic skills... 11:00 Yes... yes... You know, courtesy, politeness, 11:02 opening the door, you know, how to sit on a chair, 11:04 they'll sit crooked, you know, they're eating... 11:06 and they're sitting crooked... Yes, yes... 11:08 you have to go push the chair under them... 11:10 All... such basic things that I mentioned, 11:12 we teach basically four things... 11:14 we teach a lot of things... but we like to teach.. skills... 11:18 how to do things... how to wash dishes... 11:21 how to iron your clothes... you come in on Fridays 11:24 and they are preparing their clothes... 11:25 you know... to go to Church... and it's just amazing 11:27 seeing these boys... and they will be ironing... 11:30 and they need to do something, they take the iron... 11:32 and put it on the ground... waiting on it... 11:35 and, of course, there's a burnt-out iron marks 11:38 Oh! my goodness... If you go to their residence... 11:41 burnt out iron marks all over the place... 11:44 They haven't put together that the iron is hot 11:46 that it will burn the carpet... Yes... 11:48 ...and so forth... So, you teach them skills, 11:52 you teach them values... "Education is good... " 11:54 "You need to finish your High School Education" 11:57 not just the skills or education but the value 12:00 you need to be polite to your mother, 12:02 OK... many of these kids will hit and push their mothers... 12:05 and we'd like to say... that Hit? 12:07 Yes... below the belt... Oh... my... 12:10 Yes, that's trouble... When I was growing... 12:11 if I even looked at my mother in a certain way... forget it... 12:15 and my mother was really little, but she was not having 12:19 any disrespect whatsoever... and so 12:21 ...today... there's a lot of disrespect... 12:24 Yes, you do... I think because many times... 12:27 and you tell me if this is right parents often deal with their 12:31 children as though they are peers... 12:32 Yes... 12:33 ...and not this kind of relationship... 12:35 though the parent... should be respected... 12:38 Yes... yes... That is what God tells us 12:40 even in the Ten Commandments... 12:41 to honor your parents... Yes... yes... 12:43 And the parents should be more skillful 12:45 so they can pass on the skills to their children 12:47 the knowledge... and you start out very early... 12:50 you know... pick up your clothes put it in the laundry basket, 12:53 set the table... help with a meal... 12:56 and as the child gets older... you increase the workload... 13:01 or you increase the experience. How old... at what age, 13:05 do you think, chores should be given? 13:06 As soon as you can open and close your fingers... 13:09 Come on... come on.. Yes... yes... 13:11 Oh yes... Unpack that... 13:13 No, no... you tell the child... "Come with Mommy, 13:15 come with Daddy... pick up your clothes... 13:17 and you pick one up too... and you role play... 13:19 you role model... and the child will do it... 13:21 We started and taught our kids when they were teeny, weeny 13:24 and they had to pick up their clothes and drop it... 13:27 and they didn't do it right... and they had to get on the other 13:29 side of the bed to learn to make up the bed... 13:31 they didn't do it right... it's a learning process... 13:33 Yes... But it's a foundation... 13:35 and later on... you teach them... you know... 13:37 working in the kitchen... setting the table... 13:40 when our girls were 12 years old they could prepare for 30 people 13:44 coming to our home, That's tremendous... 13:46 That's right... 13:47 At 12... At 12... Hmmm, Hmmmm at 12... 13:48 and by the way... you know... I'll get into trouble for this, 13:51 but you can start teaching them to drive by age 8... 13:54 Oh... So that when they are 16, 13:57 they have 8 years of driving experience... 13:59 you just go way out in the country... 14:00 or you go to a big parking lot early Sunday morning... 14:04 at the shopping center... so there's nobody around... 14:07 you take them out in the woods, and you teach them to drive... 14:11 OK... just for our viewers... this is Dr. Senior saying this 14:15 this isn't Dare to Dream Network... 14:17 Not on the main highway... 14:18 We don't want anybody e- mailing us saying... 14:22 "You told us to do this... " "Oh yes, you know, kids... 14:24 I hear you... what you're saying is that 14:26 there are certain skills that you must impart to your children 14:30 at an early age... so that they will 14:33 incorporate them... and internalize them... 14:37 as they continue to grow... the work ethic is so critical 14:42 because one of the things that I see happening... 14:44 is that our boys are like... playing video games... 14:48 not understanding what is involved with being a man... 14:52 because many times... there is no man in their lives, 14:56 tell us the effect of fatherlessness on these boys... 15:01 First of all... what's the preponderance of it? 15:03 How many... what percentage of the boys that come to you 15:07 are fatherless? For the boys that have come to 15:10 us that are fatherless... 9 out of 10 are divorced 15:14 or adopted... right there... there's a problem 15:17 because their biological parents are not their parents. 15:20 Right... And divorce... it's broken... 15:23 so there are many types of "fatherless" 15:26 there's the divorced home... that's fatherless... 15:28 there's the adopted home... often is fatherless... 15:31 there's abandoned home... that is fatherless... 15:34 there's the negligent father... who is fatherless... 15:36 there's the dead-beat father... who is fatherless... 15:39 and so on... it goes on... you know... 15:40 so it comes in different forms, high percentage... 15:44 and fatherlessness has a significant impact on 15:47 on young people... Tell us about that... 15:51 A high percentage of African-American girls 15:54 like... 70 percent... of African-American girls 15:58 are having babies out-of-wedlock... 15:59 Hmmm... hmmm... So right there... 16:01 at the same time.. 32 percent of them are being divorced... 16:04 when you add those two things together... 16:07 it's more than 100%... OK. So 34 percent of 16:10 African-American women are getting divorced... 16:14 Yes... yes... And then over 70 percent 16:16 are having babies out of wedlock so we're looking at a really 16:20 deep systemic problem here... Yes... yes... systemic... yes... 16:23 And because the value among the African-American girls 16:28 is that... they don't have to get married, 16:30 and it's true... they can have a baby... 16:32 without getting married... But does this... 16:33 this does not actually translate across socio-economic lines 16:40 does it? 16:41 No... no... 16:42 Is it mostly lower socio-economic... 16:44 Mostly lower socio-economic lines... mostly lower... 16:46 For example... when education... just High School Education 16:50 is interjected in the family... many things happen... 16:54 Obesity goes down... Hmmmmmmm... 16:57 Obesity goes down... when education interjected... 17:00 the family is more stable... when a father is present... 17:04 it has a positive effect upon the family... 17:07 kids continue their schooling.. rather than dropping out... 17:10 So... a father in the home gives stability, 17:12 a father in the home gives security and greater discipline 17:16 I have something here to share with you... 17:19 63 percent of young people who commit suicide 17:21 are from fatherless homes... 63 percent! 17:25 Hmmmm... 63 percent! 17:26 Yes, if you have to line up a hundred kids out there 17:27 and divide them into 40 you know... plus 60, 17:30 a whole bulk of them commit suicide 17:33 from fatherless homes... another statistic I have... 17:36 listen to this... 90 percent of kids 17:39 who are homeless or run away... are from fatherless homes... 17:41 90 percent... 90 percent... 17:44 You know... well continue... and then I'll tell you something... 17:49 Here's another one... children with behavior disorders 17:52 63 percent... fatherless homes... 63 percent.. 17:57 Here's another one 80 percent of kids... 17:59 people who are rapists and have anger... 18:02 are from fatherless homes... 80 percent.. fatherless homes... 18:05 80 percent! 18:06 Yes... US census.. 71 percent 18:08 of High School dropouts... fatherless homes... 18:10 75 percent of adolescents who have drug problems... 18:17 are from fatherless homes. 75 percent! 18:20 Yes... and listen to this... 85 percent of kids 18:22 who are in prison... are from fatherless homes... 18:24 You know... I've heard this repeatedly 18:28 Yes... yes... that on Mother's Day... 18:31 you cannot... in prison... you cannot get to a phone... 18:35 because the guys are lined up to call their moms... 18:39 Yes... yes... But on Father's Day... 18:42 you can... the phones are free... 18:45 Right... Because... 18:46 the fathers have been absent... You know, we have, 18:48 in this country... we are... as Americans... 18:52 we are, I think, the highest or in the highest... 18:57 statistically... of those countries... 19:01 industrialized countries... that incarcerate people... 19:03 Right... right... right... ... so, when you look at the 19:06 disproportionate incarceration, of African-Americans... 19:09 the minorities... you look at that... 19:12 and then you look at what's going on... 19:15 in the Communities... the men are gone... 19:17 ...they're gone... 19:18 ...they are absent... and then the ones that are there... 19:21 bless their hearts... they might not have had a father 19:24 so they don't know... what does a father do? 19:27 one of the things that we're doing on Dare to Dream... 19:30 is... we are... in the process now of producing a program 19:33 called "The Father's Heart" which is going to teach 19:36 young men... what a father does... 19:39 because from what you're telling us... 19:43 there is just this big hole... this vacuum 19:47 that exists in the family... and the father needs to step up 19:52 to the plate... and take care.. of his family... 19:55 Right... right... right... So... what do you see, 19:57 tell us about some of the boys that you have personally 20:01 come into contact with... who have no relationship 20:05 with their dads... how do they.. when they come to the 20:08 Advent Home... how do they present... 20:10 They do not know how to relate, you know, and when you sort 20:15 it out... men to men... boys to boys 20:17 they do not know how to relate, occasionally... 20:19 we will break the group from all women 20:21 and just men... we will go out and talk... 20:23 and these boys will break down and cry... 20:26 something they won't do in front of female staff... 20:29 ...break down and cry... 'cause... you begin to talk 20:32 about things that you don't mention in the 20:34 presence of others... Such as... 20:36 Sexuality... dating... and... just... we call it "Men's Stuff" 20:44 and they don't know what to do... 20:46 they do not know how to be courageous 20:49 Hmmmmmmm... They do not know how to speak up 20:53 and speak like a man... they do not know 20:56 how to be a boy... and be a man... 20:59 they get confused with their role... 21:01 and you have to teach them... and... we see boys who will come 21:06 and they'll do things that are self-destructive... 21:09 Such as... 21:10 Oh... drop out of school is self-destructive 21:12 making poor grades is self-destructive... 21:15 failing before a performance... we will have a performance 21:20 for a young man... that is... 21:21 your parents are coming... we want you to do something 21:24 on the platform... and before that... 21:26 he'll act out... so you'll dismiss him... 21:28 Hmmmm... He will engineer his own failure 21:31 very common behavior... common behavior... 21:34 engineer his own failure... and in terms of 21:37 standing up and speaking up are real problems... 21:40 you know... so it muddles the role model 21:43 we have to provide them role models in our staff 21:46 and, you know, even staff have their sets of problems too. 21:50 But we have to be good examples, we have to teach them 21:53 how to dress up and look nice, you know and look spivvy 21:58 you have to teach them how to behave... 22:01 you know... one-on-one... there was a lady we had 22:04 who would take them to Valentine Programs 22:07 oh... that was so good... you know... 22:10 go to the Adventist Schools... and they would have dates 22:13 and that was so good... because first time... 22:16 these kids are dating... and dressing up and looking nice 22:19 they have to be polite and courteous to a girl... 22:20 and you teach them ahead of time and so much is missing... 22:26 It hurts my heart... as I'm listening to you... 22:30 I feel like crying... because there's so much 22:32 that these boys don't get... that they don't have at home 22:36 and it's like... I'm thankful for the Advent Home 22:40 and for what you're doing... providing an environment 22:44 for these boys... where they can learn basic skills 22:48 we're not talking about brain surgery... 22:51 we're talking about basic social skills that are missing 22:55 Yes, this should be learned from your mother or their dad 22:59 just to dress up and look like your dad... feels spivvy... 23:02 Yes... I have a young man I can 23:04 think of right now... he's 15 years old, 23:05 tall, handsome, good looking and all he wants to commit... 23:09 is crime... the next behavior... 23:11 How can I steal this? How can I rip off? 23:13 How can I break into his apartment? 23:15 you know... Where are you coming from? 23:17 How can I steal a car? they want to do negative things 23:21 and they get attention from negative things... 23:23 and it's a shame... it's a shame... 23:26 it's heartbreaking... it's heartbreaking 23:29 How do you discipline 23:31 the young people there... 23:33 because I'm sure... you have some issues... 23:35 where they have to be disciplined... 23:37 Yes... discipline should be "Cause and Effect... " 23:38 One of the writers in our Church talks about that... 23:40 Discipline should be... cause and effect... 23:41 we should give kids reasons for doing certain things... OK 23:44 if the person gets angry... and kicks the wall 23:48 and puts a hole in the sheet rock... 23:50 the discipline is... cause and effect... 23:51 he should repair it... put the wall back the way it was 23:55 so he has to use his allowance to buy sheet rock mud... 23:59 to fix it... and we work with him... 24:01 until he fixes it... so it might cost him 24:02 a hundred dollars... fifty dollars... depending... 24:05 cause and effect... and the child does not resent that... 24:08 if the child is angry and frustrated and wants to get 24:11 into a fight... we send him for a walk... 24:12 we call it a lap... we have a lap that is little 24:15 less than half a mile... he walks it... 24:17 he reduces his stress etc... if a student curses you out... 24:21 we ask him to write an essay, explaining how YOU feel 24:24 being cursed out... we don't ask the child to write 24:27 an essay... apologizing... 24:28 it's irrelevant... we ask him to write an essay 24:32 on how Dr. Lewis feels... being cursed out... 24:36 And you'll be amazed how difficult it is for me 24:38 to put myself in your place... I curse you... 24:41 then I must now write... how you feel... 24:42 Ah... so now you're teaching empathy... 24:44 Exactly.. correct... empathy... if he damages something 24:47 he pays for it... you know... he suffers the consequences... 24:51 if he uses his money to pay for something... 24:53 then he doesn't have money... to go shopping... 24:56 so when "shopping time" comes... he stays behind... 24:59 and if he stays behind... he has to pay a babysitter 25:02 to stay with him... Oh... hmmmm hmmmm 25:04 So it rolls... it rolls... it's like you speed... 25:06 and then get a ticket... it comes out of your budget... 25:09 your weekly budget... and you might not have the money 25:11 this week to buy the things you want to buy... 25:13 and you have to do without... so it's a 25:15 "cause and effect" relationship... 25:17 it's consequences... and the more you can teach 25:19 consequences... the wiser the child becomes... 25:22 Isn't that one of the things that's missing 25:25 in raising children? consequences... 25:28 Yes.. consequences... If you do this... 25:30 this is going to happen... and I'm not going to rescue you 25:34 No... you don't need to rescue the child... 25:36 because it makes sense now we call it... 25:38 "Teaching Maturity" our program is called... 25:41 "Maturation Therapy" we teach maturity... 25:44 maturity is taught... and it is taught 25:46 through experience... I don't give you maturity... 25:49 I let you experience the things to be mature... 25:52 So... you know... we like to see children play 25:55 "washing dishes" and play... they're learning... 25:58 so you have to work with them, you leave your bicycle outside 26:01 and it's stolen... you suffer the consequences... 26:03 of course, that's too expensive, so you pick up the bicycle 26:06 and charge the child... five dollars 26:08 OK... See what I mean... 26:09 So you have to engineer it... 26:11 it's deliberate... it's purposeful... 26:12 and there's a difference between discipline and punishment... 26:15 most people confuse them... most people say, 26:18 "I disciplined my child... " What did you do? 26:20 "I spanked him... " That's punishment... 26:22 Children don't need to be punished... 26:24 but they need to be disciplined... 26:25 That is... "Discipline is a training of the mind" 26:28 Training of the mind... so he gets anger... 26:31 you send him for a walk... he walks it on... 26:33 he talks to himself... and discovers that, you know, 26:35 when you're angry... you do things that are self-destructive 26:39 such as put a hole in the wall, such as.. punch the other person 26:43 such as... kick things over... and these are the common 26:47 characteristics and behaviors of these kids 26:49 who come to the Advent Home. What did you do at home? 26:51 You slammed the door... you kicked the furniture over 26:54 you put a hole in the wall, you push your mother down. 26:57 How are they helping you? So you work with the child 27:01 and then you talk about these things... 27:02 so... it's very purposeful... very meaningful... 27:04 It is... what you're doing is 27:08 so purposeful... and so meaningful... 27:11 and so needed... we... as we look at the erosion 27:15 of the family... we see that... the father... 27:18 it used to be where we thought 27:20 well the mother played the central role... 27:23 but you know what? that dad is critical... 27:25 he is as critical... if not more.. than the mother... 27:28 because he sets the tone... he teaches a male to be a man, 27:33 I don't believe... a woman can teach 27:36 a male to be a man... They are different roles... 27:38 Yes... They are different roles... 27:40 One writer says... the child in the womb... 27:42 responds to the fathers deep voice 27:45 and it gives a sense of security... 27:47 My... so even in the womb the father gives a sense of security 27:51 Yes... the child interacts with the parents before birth... 27:56 Wow! Thank you so much 27:57 thank you so much for being with us... 27:59 You're welcome... 28:00 Once again... our time has slipped away from us... 28:03 thanks so much for tuning in... 28:04 Join us next time... 28:05 It just wouldn't be the same... without you... |
Revised 2014-12-18