In one small word... there's something that's 00:00:01.06\00:00:03.44 responsible for destroying relationships 00:00:03.48\00:00:05.96 choking off success and preventing 00:00:06.00\00:00:08.22 any number of positive changes, stay tuned to find out 00:00:08.26\00:00:11.79 what that word is... and how it affects you... 00:00:11.82\00:00:14.26 My name is Yvonne Lewis, and you're watching 00:00:14.30\00:00:16.70 Urban Report... 00:00:16.74\00:00:17.91 Hello and welcome to Urban Report... 00:00:38.51\00:00:41.32 Today our guest is Dr. Casalnnie Henry, 00:00:41.35\00:00:44.06 Author, Counselor, Pastor and Lecturer... 00:00:44.09\00:00:46.76 Welcome Dr. Henry... 00:00:46.79\00:00:48.81 It's good to be here, thanks for having me... 00:00:48.84\00:00:52.70 Oh... you are so welcome... 00:00:52.74\00:00:53.88 thank you for taking the time out to talk to us today... 00:00:53.91\00:00:56.67 you have really focused on 00:00:56.70\00:01:01.42 this idea of fear... the concept of fear... 00:01:01.45\00:01:06.89 you've written two books about it... 00:01:06.93\00:01:08.32 "Neutralizing the Power of Fear" and "Avoiding the Fear Trap" 00:01:08.35\00:01:11.34 why did you 00:01:11.37\00:01:13.34 decide to talk about fear... 00:01:13.38\00:01:15.08 because that is the word that can just destroy 00:01:15.11\00:01:17.99 so many things why did you focus on fear? 00:01:18.02\00:01:20.58 Well, the focus on fear was born out of an experience 00:01:20.61\00:01:27.68 that I had... initially, when I was about 00:01:27.72\00:01:31.39 thirteen... and then it developed 00:01:31.42\00:01:36.86 so that I had that experience again, 00:01:36.90\00:01:39.96 maybe two or three times 00:01:39.99\00:01:42.29 and out of that... I discovered 00:01:42.32\00:01:45.97 that I had to do certain things in order to address that... 00:01:46.01\00:01:50.05 the issue of fear in my life... 00:01:50.08\00:01:52.53 Tell us what that experience was if you would... 00:01:52.57\00:01:55.26 Well, when I was about 13... 00:01:55.30\00:01:59.05 at the school I attended, 00:01:59.09\00:02:02.78 we had a Fair... and all the 00:02:02.81\00:02:06.13 kids went to the Fair 00:02:06.16\00:02:09.34 and of course, I went, 00:02:09.38\00:02:11.42 and they had a Ferris Wheel... 00:02:11.45\00:02:13.84 and everyone was getting on the Ferris Wheel... 00:02:13.88\00:02:16.76 and riding... they seemed to be happy... 00:02:16.80\00:02:19.11 and I had never been on a Ferris Wheel before... 00:02:19.15\00:02:21.67 and so, I thought that I would get on the Ferris Wheel... 00:02:21.71\00:02:25.81 I got on there... and, of course, you know, 00:02:25.85\00:02:28.79 it turns slowly... until everyone was on board... 00:02:28.83\00:02:34.93 and then... it began... but I was so relaxed 00:02:34.96\00:02:37.97 that I didn't realize that it was time for it to begin... 00:02:38.00\00:02:40.84 and when it started... I just felt that 00:02:40.88\00:02:43.84 I left my stomach up in the air... 00:02:43.87\00:02:47.98 and since that time... I decided, 00:02:48.01\00:02:52.04 "Well, no, that wasn't for me" then I also traveled 00:02:52.08\00:02:56.54 to the Bahamas... and in flight... 00:02:56.57\00:02:59.60 I had a lot of experiences with the air pocket and all that... 00:02:59.63\00:03:05.05 and that same experience came back 00:03:05.09\00:03:08.48 and so the fear of flying... began to take root... 00:03:08.52\00:03:13.62 and then... it just developed more and more 00:03:13.66\00:03:21.15 until I came to the United States 00:03:21.19\00:03:24.23 and, of course, I didn't want to fly... after that... and 00:03:24.26\00:03:31.98 and I think the first time I flew back to Jamaica... 00:03:32.02\00:03:36.54 after 29 years... it was after 29 years... 00:03:36.57\00:03:41.52 and while I was on the plane, the plane just delayed 00:03:41.56\00:03:48.43 for a while... before taking off... 00:03:48.46\00:03:51.75 and that sensation came back to me... 00:03:51.78\00:03:54.99 and to compound it, I was in a confined area... 00:03:55.03\00:04:00.73 Ah... so, you're talking about 00:04:00.77\00:04:03.36 claustrophobia also... Yes... 00:04:03.40\00:04:05.53 and so, I had a problem there... and I had to reach down 00:04:05.57\00:04:13.55 in order to address that fear in me... 00:04:13.58\00:04:17.91 and it's out of that... that I decided, 00:04:17.94\00:04:21.08 that it was a topic for me to write on... 00:04:21.11\00:04:24.59 Wow! that's so interesting, and you know... 00:04:24.62\00:04:27.60 you also, and I'd like for you to share this... 00:04:27.63\00:04:30.23 with our viewers as well, you had an episode as a teenager 00:04:30.26\00:04:35.22 swimming... would you share that with us as well? 00:04:35.25\00:04:38.55 Yes... we went to the... my Class went on a Field Trip 00:04:38.58\00:04:45.94 and it was a place... I think the name was, 00:04:45.97\00:04:50.85 "Black River" nevertheless, at that river, 00:04:50.88\00:04:53.94 we all really had fun and everyone was just diving in 00:04:53.98\00:04:59.84 into the water... and swimming across and 00:04:59.88\00:05:02.33 and I thought... 00:05:02.36\00:05:03.56 "Well, that looks easy, it was good... " 00:05:03.59\00:05:07.05 so, I dove in... and swam across to the other side... 00:05:07.09\00:05:11.90 even though... it was rumored 00:05:11.93\00:05:14.64 that alligators were in that area 00:05:14.68\00:05:18.32 but we were fearless in that regard... 00:05:18.35\00:05:21.96 and so we just kept swimming back and forth... 00:05:22.00\00:05:25.21 but when I decided to come back across to the other side... 00:05:25.24\00:05:30.79 I dove in... and I came up in a vertical position 00:05:30.83\00:05:37.90 if I had come up in a horizontal position, 00:05:37.94\00:05:41.46 I could have swum out... but, I came out in a 00:05:41.49\00:05:45.09 vertical position, and with the undercurrent... 00:05:45.13\00:05:48.70 that was kind of strong... I was unable to 00:05:48.74\00:05:53.14 just straighten out myself and to begin swimming... 00:05:53.18\00:05:56.57 and I was there struggling... and I was struggling... 00:05:56.60\00:05:59.96 but the thought that I should call for help, 00:05:59.99\00:06:05.07 came to my mind... but if I called for help, 00:06:05.10\00:06:10.14 I thought, the guys would think, 00:06:10.17\00:06:12.84 "Oh, he's just a coward... " 00:06:12.88\00:06:15.83 and you know... as a teenager 00:06:15.87\00:06:18.75 you don't want anyone to think that you're not a strong, 00:06:18.79\00:06:23.03 manly young man... so I decided to struggle... 00:06:23.06\00:06:29.19 the fear of them ostracizing me or criticizing me 00:06:29.23\00:06:34.49 seemed to have trumped the fear of drowning... 00:06:34.52\00:06:39.71 Yes... So, I was there... 00:06:39.74\00:06:41.36 I was there just struggling... 00:06:41.40\00:06:45.43 until one of the boys there 00:06:45.46\00:06:49.43 either saw me struggling or just wandered out there... 00:06:49.46\00:06:54.17 but he came out there and just pushed me 00:06:54.21\00:06:56.61 and I was able to swim to shore, and that was an experience 00:06:56.65\00:07:03.46 because I would have drowned, by feeling that it was better 00:07:03.50\00:07:10.21 not to call out for help and to drown 00:07:10.24\00:07:13.76 you know, just struggling on my own 00:07:13.79\00:07:17.20 and that's what fear can do 00:07:17.23\00:07:18.59 to some of us... it can paralyze you... 00:07:18.62\00:07:22.05 it makes you feel as if 00:07:22.08\00:07:24.38 "Wow, there is no way out of this situation" 00:07:24.42\00:07:29.36 and sometimes you decide 00:07:29.40\00:07:31.93 that you would just do the 00:07:31.97\00:07:34.26 wrong thing... just because 00:07:34.30\00:07:36.53 you're fearful of the consequence 00:07:36.56\00:07:39.41 of doing the right thing... 00:07:39.44\00:07:40.69 Yes, you know what... you brought out so many points 00:07:40.72\00:07:43.34 oh, I could just like... dissect this... 00:07:43.37\00:07:46.52 first of all... the first thing is that 00:07:46.56\00:07:49.63 this whole project was born out of various... 00:07:49.67\00:07:54.44 kinds of events in your life... 00:07:54.48\00:07:57.73 that actually helped you to focus on that 00:07:57.77\00:08:00.43 which would help so many people, I mean, so many people 00:08:00.47\00:08:03.59 are paralyzed by fear, so the fact that 00:08:03.63\00:08:06.69 you took something bad that had happened to you... 00:08:06.73\00:08:10.51 a few things that had happened and actually sublimated them 00:08:10.55\00:08:13.57 into something... really positive 00:08:13.61\00:08:16.10 that can really help others... that's wonderful... 00:08:16.14\00:08:18.28 secondly, I was thinking about the fact that fear... 00:08:18.31\00:08:24.39 one fear can trump another one. Yes... 00:08:24.43\00:08:27.95 you mentioned that in the book, and I thought that 00:08:27.99\00:08:30.74 that was such a profound thought because, as you mentioned, 00:08:30.78\00:08:34.04 you give another illustration also in the book that 00:08:34.07\00:08:36.22 in avoiding the fear trap, that, you know, 00:08:36.25\00:08:39.19 a person will jump out of a building... 00:08:39.22\00:08:42.03 from the 20th Floor... that's on fire... 00:08:42.07\00:08:44.56 knowing that they are going to die... 00:08:44.60\00:08:47.05 as they jump... but taking a risk 00:08:47.08\00:08:49.47 because that fear of getting burned to death 00:08:49.50\00:08:52.60 actually trumps the fear of falling... 00:08:52.63\00:08:55.27 That's right... and if I may go back to the fear of flying, 00:08:55.31\00:08:59.84 Yes... there are so many people 00:08:59.87\00:09:02.94 who have that fear... the fear of flying... 00:09:02.98\00:09:06.77 they don't want to fly... let me mention this 00:09:06.81\00:09:10.57 my mother... my mother passed away 00:09:10.60\00:09:15.30 while I was in the United States she was in Jamaica, 00:09:15.33\00:09:17.68 and because 00:09:17.71\00:09:20.54 I had the fear of flying, 00:09:20.57\00:09:22.48 and there was no way to get to her, 00:09:22.52\00:09:26.08 to get to her funeral, 00:09:26.11\00:09:27.87 I did not go to my mother's funeral, 00:09:27.90\00:09:31.22 Hmmm... because I had the fear of flying 00:09:31.26\00:09:34.72 and I thought that by writing this book... 00:09:34.76\00:09:38.19 it would address some of those issues 00:09:38.23\00:09:40.22 that people who have that fear can find some comfort 00:09:40.26\00:09:45.91 in the fact that they can overcome that fear, 00:09:45.94\00:09:48.85 that they can find release, because now... 00:09:48.88\00:09:52.77 I'll fly anywhere... 00:09:52.80\00:09:54.77 Oh, that's wonderful... so you don't even have the same 00:09:54.80\00:09:58.62 visceral effects from flying that you used to... 00:09:58.65\00:10:01.47 like heart pounding and that kind of... 00:10:01.50\00:10:03.87 you don't get that anymore? 00:10:03.90\00:10:05.07 No, I don't get that anymore, because I had to 00:10:05.10\00:10:09.95 reach for some principles, Biblical principles, 00:10:09.99\00:10:14.77 Oh, come on now, Doc... come on now, all right all right 00:10:14.81\00:10:18.44 I had to reach for some Biblical principles 00:10:18.47\00:10:21.29 while I was in that plane, confined, tense, heart pounding, 00:10:21.32\00:10:26.53 palpitation, I'm there sweating and everything... 00:10:26.56\00:10:31.04 I had to reach down... and I started to think of Psalm 91 00:10:31.07\00:10:36.81 Oh, come on now, come on, tell us, tell us... 00:10:36.85\00:10:39.43 "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High... " 00:10:39.47\00:10:42.72 Yes... yes... come on... 00:10:42.76\00:10:43.93 "shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty... " 00:10:43.96\00:10:46.41 Yes... and I learned that Psalm... 00:10:46.44\00:10:50.14 when I was a child... and I was able to say the Psalm 00:10:50.18\00:10:54.26 right through... and then I thought of Psalm 23... 00:10:54.30\00:10:58.35 "The Lord is my shepherd," Yes... 00:10:58.39\00:11:02.08 He's a guide... He's a comfort, Psalm 34 and verse 4... 00:11:02.12\00:11:08.57 David said that... 00:11:08.61\00:11:11.98 "I sought the Lord, and he delivered me, from all my fears" 00:11:12.02\00:11:18.04 Come on now... so you're telling us now... 00:11:18.08\00:11:21.32 that we can use the Bible to get over fear? 00:11:21.35\00:11:24.08 Is that what you're telling us? Yes, yes... 00:11:24.12\00:11:26.81 Oh yes... that was what I did. 00:11:26.84\00:11:28.09 Give us some more, give us some more, 00:11:28.13\00:11:29.63 that's good stuff... give us some more... 00:11:29.67\00:11:31.15 Yes... so all these... 00:11:31.18\00:11:34.66 during this time 00:11:34.70\00:11:36.51 that I had been suffering from fear... 00:11:36.55\00:11:38.89 I really never thought of a way to address those fears, 00:11:38.92\00:11:45.13 Hmmm... and that is the situation 00:11:45.16\00:11:47.26 with many people... they are going through, 00:11:47.30\00:11:51.03 their experiences... they are having difficulty 00:11:51.07\00:11:54.83 dealing with their fears... but they don't know 00:11:54.86\00:11:58.56 what to do... and so... it was when I was in that plane, 00:11:58.59\00:12:03.92 confined... if the plane had taken off, 00:12:03.96\00:12:07.11 immediately as I got in, 00:12:07.14\00:12:09.05 I would not have been able to address the fear, 00:12:09.09\00:12:11.35 because I would be thinking of just... 00:12:11.39\00:12:14.84 how am I going to deal with the experience 00:12:14.87\00:12:18.26 while I was in the air, but because I was on the ground 00:12:18.29\00:12:23.58 in the plane, waiting, I had time to think... 00:12:23.62\00:12:28.50 Yes... I could think and I was able to 00:12:28.53\00:12:32.93 just reach out to God in that way 00:12:32.97\00:12:37.30 by accessing the Biblical principles... 00:12:37.33\00:12:40.86 that I had learned when I was young... 00:12:40.90\00:12:44.45 Oh... so no wonder the Scripture says, 00:12:44.48\00:12:47.96 "Remember now thy Creator, in the days of thy youth... " 00:12:48.00\00:12:52.69 Yes... yes... so... look at God, look at how 00:12:52.72\00:12:56.19 He took you... you were in the grips of a fearful experience 00:12:56.23\00:13:03.56 and He sent the Holy Spirit to you... 00:13:03.60\00:13:07.25 with these principles, so that... 00:13:07.29\00:13:10.88 this is... this is interesting too, 00:13:10.91\00:13:14.43 because there is an emotion attached to the principle 00:13:14.47\00:13:18.24 so now, that principle is going to be 00:13:18.27\00:13:21.28 you're going to actually hook on to that principle, 00:13:21.32\00:13:27.40 and it becomes a part of you... 00:13:27.43\00:13:29.62 And that's what happened because... really... 00:13:29.66\00:13:34.02 a short definition of fear... 00:13:34.05\00:13:36.63 is that... "Fear is a negative thought process that generates 00:13:36.66\00:13:44.16 abnormal or unusual emotional responses... 00:13:44.19\00:13:49.78 so that you want to be away from that place... 00:13:49.82\00:13:55.34 or that situation... that you are experiencing... " 00:13:55.37\00:14:00.70 so, it causes this abnormal reaction... you know... 00:14:00.74\00:14:06.04 sweaty palms... palpitation of the heart... 00:14:06.07\00:14:09.95 dry mouth... sometimes incoherency 00:14:09.99\00:14:15.22 Hmmm... you are not able to think 00:14:15.25\00:14:18.31 properly... I remember going to Disney World 00:14:18.34\00:14:23.14 my family and I went to Disney World 00:14:23.17\00:14:25.90 and we were going on a ride, 00:14:25.94\00:14:29.87 I don't remember the right name of the ride but 00:14:29.90\00:14:32.33 we were going on this ride and it would go through a tunnel 00:14:32.37\00:14:35.93 and then, it would appear as if 00:14:35.96\00:14:41.12 you are in Outer Space 00:14:41.15\00:14:42.78 while you're in there... and because it looked so dark 00:14:42.82\00:14:46.77 and I was going to be going out... in that area... 00:14:46.81\00:14:50.72 I didn't know how I would feel and so 00:14:50.76\00:14:52.94 I actually left my family there and went back 00:14:52.97\00:14:56.75 but afterwards, I just thought about it... 00:14:56.78\00:15:00.49 "Well, they need me" and so I went back and decided 00:15:00.52\00:15:05.21 to just endure the situation, but I was very fearful... 00:15:05.24\00:15:09.00 I use that illustration to say that there are people 00:15:09.03\00:15:12.76 who are in similar situations... they want to make progress, 00:15:12.80\00:15:19.38 they want to get ahead, 00:15:19.41\00:15:20.49 they want to be successful in business... 00:15:20.53\00:15:23.15 but fear is stymying their progress 00:15:23.19\00:15:26.36 Hmmm... so we're not just talking about 00:15:26.40\00:15:29.54 the fear of heights or the fear of flying 00:15:29.58\00:15:32.63 we're also talking about the fear of success, 00:15:32.66\00:15:35.73 Yes... the fear of... perhaps... 00:15:35.77\00:15:38.28 of losing a loved one, the fear, when you hear of a 00:15:38.31\00:15:42.69 negative diagnosis from your doctor... 00:15:42.73\00:15:44.98 the fear that is elicited then... 00:15:45.02\00:15:47.20 so, tell us then... what is the... number one... 00:15:47.24\00:15:52.41 what is the modality or the theory that you use 00:15:52.44\00:15:57.58 I think it's SET... 00:15:57.62\00:15:59.35 is that what you use? Yes... yes... 00:15:59.39\00:16:00.80 what is that... what does it stand for and what is it? 00:16:00.83\00:16:03.04 S E T is Spiritual Euphoric Therapy 00:16:03.08\00:16:07.91 Okay... Spiritual Euphoric Therapy 00:16:07.94\00:16:12.74 is a new therapeutic approach 00:16:12.77\00:16:17.63 to psychological and physical, mental healing... 00:16:17.66\00:16:24.43 it's based on the "Merry heart" 00:16:24.47\00:16:28.30 principle of Proverbs 17 and verse 22 00:16:28.33\00:16:31.65 that says, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... " 00:16:31.69\00:16:36.08 Yes... Yes, and so when you address 00:16:36.12\00:16:41.42 the fears... first you have to be able to determine 00:16:41.45\00:16:45.20 what fears you have... 00:16:45.24\00:16:46.97 because sometimes people will say to you, 00:16:47.01\00:16:49.92 "Well, I don't want to do such and such a thing" 00:16:49.95\00:16:52.81 it's not that they just don't want to do it, 00:16:52.85\00:16:55.64 it is because there is a fear behind that hesitation 00:16:55.68\00:17:00.45 that would not let us to move ahead... 00:17:00.48\00:17:03.72 and so you have to determine what fears are hampering 00:17:03.75\00:17:08.41 this individual... and then... 00:17:08.44\00:17:11.39 because of tool testing or interview 00:17:11.42\00:17:15.45 you are able to ascertain that information... 00:17:15.48\00:17:20.76 and then you do an evaluation, you'll take a look at 00:17:20.79\00:17:24.56 what is bothering this person, and why... this person is 00:17:24.60\00:17:29.06 experiencing what they are experiencing... 00:17:29.10\00:17:31.86 and then, of course, you will go into 00:17:31.90\00:17:34.54 developing an approach 00:17:34.58\00:17:37.61 to solving the problem, if the person accepts 00:17:37.65\00:17:41.29 the approach... then of course, you can move ahead 00:17:41.32\00:17:44.89 and include it in this 00:17:44.93\00:17:47.91 approach... you will have a SET Principles 00:17:47.94\00:17:51.10 which... there are 9 principles involved... 00:17:51.14\00:17:55.15 the 8 Laws of Health, of course, Oh good, good... 00:17:55.18\00:17:59.91 and then... the one to make nine is the "Selflessness" 00:17:59.94\00:18:08.14 "Selfless Giving" Come on now... 00:18:08.17\00:18:11.37 So, the 8 Laws, of course, for which the acronym is NEW START 00:18:11.40\00:18:16.43 Right... Nutrition, Exercise, Water, 00:18:16.47\00:18:22.39 Sunlight, Temperance, Air, Rest and Trust in Divine Power, 00:18:22.43\00:18:30.51 and then of course the Selfless Giving... 00:18:30.55\00:18:35.77 it's amazing what happens when you activate 00:18:35.81\00:18:40.97 especially that last point, Trust in Divine Power 00:18:41.00\00:18:45.27 and the Selfless Giving, it's amazing what happens 00:18:45.31\00:18:49.54 of course, the other portions of it... 00:18:49.58\00:18:53.01 are to be able to help you to be healthy... 00:18:53.04\00:18:57.19 and we can go into each of those... 00:18:57.22\00:18:59.92 there's a lot involved in each of those... 00:18:59.96\00:19:02.29 things... Nutrition... 00:19:02.33\00:19:04.20 that without proper nutrition 00:19:04.24\00:19:06.75 you are unable to think well... That's right... 00:19:06.79\00:19:09.73 you are chemically out of balance... 00:19:09.77\00:19:11.33 Yes, because even B12 00:19:11.36\00:19:13.86 the B vitamins... it is proven that 00:19:13.89\00:19:18.05 B vitamins... even with pregnant women 00:19:18.09\00:19:22.15 if they lack the B vitamins, they can have different issues 00:19:22.19\00:19:28.93 with the birth... Yes... like Folic acid 00:19:28.97\00:19:31.32 is important for pregnant women because Spina Bifida 00:19:31.36\00:19:34.76 can be an issue without Folic Acid... 00:19:34.80\00:19:37.41 Depression... because you don't have... 00:19:37.44\00:19:40.02 because it eats up the B vitamins 00:19:40.06\00:19:42.05 That's right... Stress... depletes the body 00:19:42.08\00:19:45.03 of your B vitamins... so, you're absolutely right... 00:19:45.07\00:19:49.44 So, all right... so... I come to you... I am afraid to 00:19:49.48\00:19:53.63 okay, I'm going to come up with a hypothetical situation, 00:19:53.66\00:19:57.47 everybody knows I'm single, so I'm going to pretend 00:19:57.51\00:19:59.73 I'm married right now, so I come to you... 00:19:59.77\00:20:01.27 and I say, "My husband is leaving me because he just... 00:20:01.30\00:20:07.68 is having a mid-life crisis, and I'm afraid 00:20:07.72\00:20:10.24 that he's going to leave... would you walk me through 00:20:10.27\00:20:14.90 walk me through the steps now, if I come to you for counseling, 00:20:14.93\00:20:18.19 and I say, "I'm just afraid my husband is going to leave me 00:20:18.22\00:20:21.93 because, I think, he's having an affair with his secretary" 00:20:21.96\00:20:25.64 how's that... we'll do that one... 00:20:25.67\00:20:27.45 because that's kind of a common one... unfortunately... 00:20:27.49\00:20:29.92 so let's do that... I'm afraid my husband is going 00:20:29.95\00:20:32.31 to leave me... how would you... walk me through the process... 00:20:32.34\00:20:36.87 of S E T with that... 00:20:36.90\00:20:38.58 Yes, well, the first thing is to determine... 00:20:38.62\00:20:43.07 certain factors within this woman... 00:20:43.10\00:20:50.22 she is experiencing withdrawal by her husband... 00:20:50.26\00:20:55.86 and the question is... 00:20:55.90\00:20:57.39 is it really the wife that is 00:20:57.42\00:21:01.43 causing that... or the husband, because sometimes... 00:21:01.47\00:21:04.71 while it is wrong for the husband to withdraw 00:21:04.74\00:21:09.89 from his wife... and to having fear... 00:21:09.92\00:21:12.60 but... you have to look at the entire picture to see 00:21:12.64\00:21:16.15 where you can make an in-road to bring back the situation 00:21:16.19\00:21:22.47 into wholeness... so, as you explore... 00:21:22.50\00:21:27.55 the woman's 00:21:27.58\00:21:29.24 position in the home... 00:21:29.28\00:21:32.39 how does she relate to the husband... 00:21:32.43\00:21:35.63 do both of them work outside of the home... 00:21:35.67\00:21:40.36 what is their lifestyle like... when you come in... what happens 00:21:40.39\00:21:48.60 does one come in before the other 00:21:48.63\00:21:51.56 and when the other one comes in, how do you greet each other... 00:21:51.59\00:21:56.25 do you have a loving relationship in that regard... 00:21:56.28\00:22:02.11 do you study the Scriptures together... 00:22:02.14\00:22:06.29 do you have devotions? Because... devotions... 00:22:06.32\00:22:10.16 believe it or not... some people don't understand 00:22:10.19\00:22:13.56 that having devotions together can really do a great deal 00:22:13.60\00:22:18.89 for the family... because when you talk to the Lord 00:22:18.93\00:22:23.34 and you talk to each other, and you get down on your knees 00:22:23.38\00:22:28.33 and you pray... when you get up 00:22:28.36\00:22:30.52 I don't know if you've ever seen two teenagers 00:22:30.56\00:22:33.82 who are at odds with each other, and after devotion 00:22:33.85\00:22:38.65 you may say, "Well, hug each other... " 00:22:38.68\00:22:41.46 because that has been the practice in our home... 00:22:41.49\00:22:43.07 hug each other... and they give just kind of 00:22:43.10\00:22:47.02 barely a hug... they keep their hands by their sides 00:22:47.05\00:22:51.73 and I say, "No, I want you to just caress the person... " 00:22:51.76\00:22:57.21 Well, when a husband and a wife kneel down to pray 00:22:57.24\00:23:02.45 and they get up... they are to hug each other 00:23:02.49\00:23:08.07 like a bear hug... and that helps to keep that 00:23:08.10\00:23:13.61 relationship together... it's not a repelling experience 00:23:13.65\00:23:18.57 and that is just one part of it... 00:23:18.61\00:23:21.68 but, of course, the normal duties that a woman would do 00:23:21.72\00:23:29.01 a wife would do... and for the husband 00:23:29.04\00:23:32.82 find out whether their experience... 00:23:32.86\00:23:36.57 their marital experience in the bedroom... 00:23:36.60\00:23:40.30 how is that? Because I have, what is called, 00:23:40.33\00:23:44.66 "Wheel of intimacy" and sometimes a woman is 00:23:44.70\00:23:50.85 a woman is unfulfilled and does not divulge it to 00:23:50.88\00:23:55.79 the husband... for him to understand 00:23:55.83\00:23:59.51 what he needs to do... then he sees her 00:23:59.55\00:24:03.24 kind of not acting the way he thinks that she should act, 00:24:03.27\00:24:09.81 he withdraws... and then... he starts staying out late 00:24:09.85\00:24:16.45 because when he comes home, 00:24:16.48\00:24:18.07 he doesn't know how to handle it... 00:24:18.10\00:24:19.99 and he tries to come home 00:24:20.02\00:24:22.77 while she's asleep, so that he doesn't have to deal 00:24:22.81\00:24:26.54 with it... Hmmm... hmmm... 00:24:26.58\00:24:27.91 there are just many facets 00:24:27.94\00:24:31.57 to this relationship and fear situation... 00:24:31.60\00:24:35.16 because the fear in the wife can cause the husband to react, 00:24:35.20\00:24:39.99 and the fear in the husband 00:24:40.03\00:24:42.57 can cause the wife to withdraw 00:24:42.61\00:24:45.10 or be cold... or indifferent... 00:24:45.14\00:24:47.56 sometimes that relationship can be brought together 00:24:47.59\00:24:52.51 even through the study of the Scriptures... 00:24:52.54\00:24:56.21 That's wonderful... I love the way you continuously 00:24:56.25\00:25:00.93 bring the Lord into the center because that... 00:25:00.97\00:25:03.97 if He is at the center of the relationship... 00:25:04.00\00:25:06.97 it has to be able to repair... because if you're focusing on 00:25:07.01\00:25:12.62 Him and that whole concept of "Selflessness" 00:25:12.65\00:25:15.75 it's a very important concept... in marriage 00:25:15.79\00:25:18.86 and just in everyday life... it's a very important concept. 00:25:18.89\00:25:23.46 One more question before we go, 00:25:23.49\00:25:25.31 with children... 00:25:25.35\00:25:27.59 how can parents and teachers 00:25:27.63\00:25:30.77 detect the whole "fear factor" in children... 00:25:30.81\00:25:34.89 and what can they do? One way to detect that... is... 00:25:34.92\00:25:39.24 the child would sometimes 00:25:39.28\00:25:42.64 just not want to respond to questions that are asked... 00:25:42.68\00:25:48.18 Hmmm... a kind of withdrawal... 00:25:48.22\00:25:52.16 a kind of... not wanting to associate with others 00:25:52.20\00:25:57.05 there is something that is going on there... 00:25:57.09\00:25:59.86 and maybe because that child is fearful 00:25:59.90\00:26:03.45 that he or she will not be accepted... 00:26:03.49\00:26:07.30 and perhaps... all of that came out of 00:26:07.34\00:26:11.08 some relationship at home where the child is told 00:26:11.11\00:26:15.11 certain things... Hmmm... 00:26:15.14\00:26:16.33 "You are not good enough, 00:26:16.36\00:26:18.74 you came home with an "A" 00:26:18.77\00:26:21.08 a "B" and you got a "C" why did you get a "C"? 00:26:21.11\00:26:24.32 You ought to bring up that grade... " 00:26:24.35\00:26:26.35 instead of giving the child 00:26:26.38\00:26:28.94 accolades for doing well in the other two subjects... 00:26:28.97\00:26:32.39 Yes... All those things... 00:26:32.43\00:26:34.14 or maybe just seeing the parents having heated conversations 00:26:34.17\00:26:40.18 at home... the fear of divorce, my parents want to be divorced, 00:26:40.21\00:26:46.18 what am I going to do... Yes... 00:26:46.22\00:26:47.54 but at school it carries over into... 00:26:47.57\00:26:50.56 and so they cannot focus... on their studies at school... 00:26:50.59\00:26:54.51 Right... right... Dr. Henry... I'm sorry, 00:26:54.55\00:26:56.85 I'm sorry... Dr. Henry, I can't believe it 00:26:56.89\00:26:59.27 our time is up... I hate to even interrupt you 00:26:59.31\00:27:02.01 but I don't even know where the time went... 00:27:02.04\00:27:04.93 Thank you so much for being with us today... 00:27:04.97\00:27:07.60 you've been just a wealth of information... 00:27:07.63\00:27:10.23 Thank you... and will you come back? 00:27:10.27\00:27:11.53 I certainly will... thanks for having me too... 00:27:11.56\00:27:14.72 Thank you... we'll bring you back to talk some more 00:27:14.75\00:27:17.87 about this issue... it's very important... 00:27:17.90\00:27:19.50 It will be my pleasure... 00:27:19.53\00:27:20.79 So Viewer, is your fear blocking you from being the best 00:27:20.83\00:27:24.94 that you can be? 00:27:24.98\00:27:26.15 Jesus wants to calm your fears 00:27:26.18\00:27:28.82 he wants to speak to the storms in your life... 00:27:28.85\00:27:31.24 and give you peace... don't be afraid... 00:27:31.28\00:27:33.95 the Savior will bring you through every situation... 00:27:33.98\00:27:37.29 place all of your trust in Him, 00:27:37.32\00:27:39.76 and He'll never let you down, 00:27:39.79\00:27:42.16 He says, "I'll never leave you or forsake you... " 00:27:42.20\00:27:46.34 the Word says... if we cast our cares upon Him... 00:27:46.37\00:27:50.31 because He cares for us... so know that 00:27:50.34\00:27:53.75 perfect love casts out all fear. 00:27:53.79\00:27:56.38 Well, that's the end of our Program for today... 00:27:56.41\00:28:00.49 Thanks for tuning in... 00:28:00.52\00:28:02.23 it just wouldn't be the same... without you... 00:28:02.26\00:28:04.53