TEEN PATHWAYS
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with Cheri Peters
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Hi! Hey you guys!
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How are you?
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We're all right.
How about yourself?
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Cool!
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I don't even know
if you want to sit down
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The topic today is "ANGER"
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And so...
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The topic today is "anger",
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so I wanna say
welcome to "Teen Pathways"
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And before we start again,
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we have people from
all-over the country
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that I've met in various places,
that have various backgrounds
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that have something to bring.
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So, I want to
introduce everybody
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Can we start with you?
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Yeah. My name is Tim Blackburn
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and I'm from Eagle, Idaho
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and... I guess that's just me
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and where I'm from
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My name is Gavin Sailsbery,
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and I'm from Yakima, Washington
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and a little
something about myself is
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"I only buy it sometimes"
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Just take it away!
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My name is Patrick Earl
and I'm from Salmon, Idaho
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and I'm ready to do this
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I'm Jessica Anguiano.
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I'm from Texas and I've
just recently moved to Frankton.
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My name is Lori Sproat
and I'm from Eagle, Idaho
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and I have a lot
of fun doing this
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...meeting new people
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My name is Carla
Weich and I'm from Canada
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and I just hope
that we can do this
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Canada? That's great!
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It's all right. So,
anger... I would say that
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That is the hardest
thing that I ever doubt with
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For first, break
in denial on my anger
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It's like I had all of this
stuff and I was a drug addict
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and my family were
addicts and everybody was a mess
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I met God and I
tried to do the right thing
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I just was total in denial about
how much rage and anger I had
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Before we get into
what fixes it what helps us
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I wanna know from each of you,
if it's ok, what did your anger
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look like and where
did you think it came from?
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Does anybody
wanna start with that?
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My anger was more of...
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it came from not having a dad
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to be there, because he was sued
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our family was falling apart
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and that's what made me angry.
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It stored up inside
of me, it hurt me and so,
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it just build up and...
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So, before you got
sued, before that happened,
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what was your family like?
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We'd do things together,
we'd go and walk together
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we'd go out to
eat together we'd...
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we'd sit around at the
table, make jokes, have fun
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We'd be a family.
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But now, it would
be this group over here
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this group over here
and this group over here
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and we were broken
up and that hurt me
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Because I want to be a family
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I totally agree with that.
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Because my family was...
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kind of broken up as
well, cause my family was
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drug addicts and
smokers and stuff
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and I grew up not
having a family around
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I only had one parent
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My real dad died,
because he drowned
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Was he high when he drowned?
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Yes.
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And he... he didn't
really know how to swim
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He was with his buddies,
just drinking and he drowned.
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I just never
realized I was so angry for
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what my mom did and
how she treated me, that
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I totally blew on
my adoptive parents
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You were real
young when your dad died
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and you ended up in adoption
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You ended up in
another placement
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I was actually...
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I switched to 7 or 8 different
homes to find a real one
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that could take care of me
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and love me as much as
all the love that I missed
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It's like... What
did I do to deserve this?
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Why am I getting
this? I don't deserve this.
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I deserve a family.
I deserve to be loved.
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and if you're gonna give me this
then I'm gonna give you anger
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Exactly! And that's from a kid
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That's from a kid saying: 'This
is not fair. This is not right.'
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So what you're saying is that
all of a sudden you realize that
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'I don't deserve this and this
is really making me angry. '
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So, listening to you talk, Carla
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I was always getting angry
from listening to you talk.
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How old were you when
you went into placement?
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I was 4 years old
when I got adopted.
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Wow!
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So, anybody else... anger...
What does yours look like?
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My anger came from
being depressed a lot
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and I'd brush things
off I'd store things inside
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I'd store things inside
until one day I'd explode
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and everything
would just come flying out
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If the littlest things would
make mad I'd just brush them and
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put'em inside, put'em
inside, put'em inside and...
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finally, you know, someday,
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every six months, pop!
Everything would just come out
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I would just explode
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It's like you'd
have all this anger
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and little things hit you
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and you just take them
and store them inside of you
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and then pretty soon you just
get so stressed and it's so hard
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that you finally say
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This is too much. I
can't do it. And you just blow
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And then you hurt
somebody, you hurt some animal
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you hurt someone like me
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You hurt'em physically,
You hurt'em spiritually
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and some times emotionally
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'I'll give it to you
cause that's what you deserve. '
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'That's what I got,
this is what you deserve'
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You see, that was my thing too
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If somebody would get mad at me
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or I'd get
aggravated at something
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I wouldn't hold it.
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I'd go right along and
take it to somebody else
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I wouldn't wait
for it to build up.
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but mine was never a physical
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it was always a bit verbal
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I mean, I could
pinpoint what hurt a person
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what their deeper fear was
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and I could find it, and I
would know every single time
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and I could hit it, and
hit it, and hit it, and hit it
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and say something
that would hurt you so bad
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that you couldn't of
been mad enough to fight me
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You could have
been so aggravated
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I could have dragged you
down to the depths of despair
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And I did that.
And most of the time
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I winded up doing it to
my family, cause they were
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the convenient ones
around who wouldn't fight back
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and they couldn't.
And they still love you.
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And they still loved me.
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And that was my saving
grace - their forgiveness.
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So, that's what
your anger looked like.
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Where did it come from? Where
did that much anger come from?
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I can't say that
it was from my mother
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because I have the best
mother in the whole wide world
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and I hope she's
watching. Hi mom!
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That's sweet, Gavin.
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My step father...
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we didn't get along very well
for the time I was growing up
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I lived with him
for about twelve years
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and I had a hard
time with some of it
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because we weren't
really accepted into the church
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They'd have church barbecues
or something and they just
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wouldn't invite us kids.
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For a long time, that
really bugged me and I
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I wouldn't tell them,
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because that would
lead back on my parents
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And so, finally, my mom divorced
this guy and left the church
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and a man named Pat
Thrupe took care of me
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so he's the most kind
and wonderful man on Earth
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He taught me how to deal with it
and then I could finally admit
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that I had anger and then
I could finally let it go.
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He'd sit there and listen to me.
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And that's where
I finally put it all
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I wouldn't accept the
way they were accepting me
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I wouldn't settle for that.
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Again, it sounds like a
kind of 'It wasn't fair'
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No, it wasn't fair.
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I think all anger
comes from not being fair.
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'They did that to me
and I didn't deserve it' or
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'They took that from me
and I didn't deserve that'
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Or not having a relationship
with someone that you want
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It wasn't fair.
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Like with your family or someone
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It wasn't your
fault that it happened
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How about
Jessica. How about you?
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My family was...
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My mom and my dad
have always loved me.
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With my parents
I've never had a problem.
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But, I was never really close
to my sisters until now, because
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when I was growing up,
most of them were married
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or they were too
old to hang out with
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So, I'd always be with
my friends in the street.
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I don't know. I guess it was
just being without my sisters
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and my brother being
the only guy in the family
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and me being the
youngest, especially
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Whenever something happened in
the family or something I'd just
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hold it inside.
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And now, a lot of
things have gone on
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being gotten hold
of the wrong crowd
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And I was not even funny.
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I saw so many things go on that
after a while I didn't care.
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So, once you jumped
out into that crowd,
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then you learned
a lot about anger
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and that kind of
"really out-there anger".
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Yeah.
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And I blew it on anybody
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mostly on my sister,
and I feel sorry for her
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for having to put out with me.
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And now that I'm here,
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I just feel bad
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I see your point.
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I never put out anger
and not feel sorry for it.
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I've always felt bad, every
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time. Even if it was something
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minute I know I did it.
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Maybe I wouldn't
even admit it to you
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to anybody who
asked, to my parents.
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I wouldn't admit it to God
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But I was sorry for it.
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It didn't mean I could change it
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It didn't always mean I
said I was sorry, but I was.
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Most of the anger
comes out in the family area
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It comes around at the
friends and other things
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but it's mostly in the family.
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It also comes off on
other people around you.
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If you're a certain
kind of person like me,
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it came off on
animals, I'd hurt animals
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or I'd hurt my little brother
because he was aggravating me.
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It was like: 'You want
it, I'll give it to you. '
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It was just that kind of thing.
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Sometimes you don't
feel sorry for anger.
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For me personally, I
didn't feel sorry for my anger.
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I held a lot of resentment and
I didn't feel sorry for anything
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for any thought
that crossed my mind
00:11:05.90\00:11:07.47
about something that
I would do to somebody.
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I never felt that kind
of pain for anybody else,
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because I figured
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'All the stuff that
they have done to me,
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they'd deserve anything
that I would give them. '
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So, what have they done to you?
00:11:20.77\00:11:22.85
I was abused sexually, verbally,
emotionally and physically
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and I hung out
in the wrong crowd
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I got involved with
gangs and with drugs
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but that was
part of my anger too.
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It was just 'To let off steam
just go and do the drugs. '
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Everything build
up more and more.
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My adoptive mom - because I
was adopted too, that brought on
00:11:51.42\00:11:54.39
a lot of anger
later on in my life.
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My adoptive mom got
cancer and suddenly died.
00:11:56.98\00:12:01.49
I'd always said that we hated
each other at the time, because
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I was in my early teens
and you go through that stage
00:12:04.85\00:12:08.16
when you are like that.
00:12:08.19\00:12:10.74
We didn't get along
and I said I hated her
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and she didn't really
approved of anything I did
00:12:15.68\00:12:18.69
and we didn't have a
very good relationship at all.
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There were too many boundaries,
barriers that have been
00:12:22.10\00:12:24.58
torn down because of
abuse and stuff like that
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and things that went on at home.
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I just got so angry
that I didn't even care what
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I did to anyone
anymore, or to myself.
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I heard you talk one time
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and you said that
sometimes you would even laugh.
00:12:38.53\00:12:40.57
Yeah.
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You were like:
'It's no big deal. '
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Anybody relate to that if
sometimes you would just see you
00:12:43.18\00:12:45.31
hurt yourself and
then anyway just laugh.
00:12:45.34\00:12:47.12
Sometimes it took a while to
realize that I did something.
00:12:47.76\00:12:50.84
Yeah. It usually
took a while for me.
00:12:50.87\00:12:52.84
Sometimes I would blow it off.
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I was sorry, but I'd blow it
up, it wasn't that important.
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It was something
minor, nobody died.
00:12:57.40\00:12:59.99
You feel bad
about what you've done.
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If you'd let your anger
out and you'd hurt someone
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then it comes back
as anger after that hurt
00:13:06.40\00:13:11.23
because you just
store it back up.
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It's like a cycle.
00:13:13.04\00:13:14.20
You pick it up.
00:13:14.23\00:13:15.32
You gotta get rid of
it right then and there.
00:13:15.36\00:13:16.91
You gotta talk to somebody.
00:13:16.94\00:13:18.08
You gotta tell
someone how you're feeling.
00:13:18.12\00:13:20.14
You don't put it
back into your system
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so it gets stored in
there and it just blows.
00:13:22.17\00:13:24.19
I wanna say something.
00:13:24.22\00:13:25.21
Patrick, just a
little bit that I know you,
00:13:25.25\00:13:27.66
I don't see you as that.
00:13:27.69\00:13:29.48
Did something happen?
00:13:29.52\00:13:31.24
How did you
deal with your anger?
00:13:31.28\00:13:33.40
I went to a facility
in Garden Valley, Idaho
00:13:33.82\00:13:36.58
called "Project Patch".
00:13:36.61\00:13:39.47
It's a facility for
kids that have problems
00:13:39.78\00:13:43.12
to bring out their real selves,
00:13:43.15\00:13:45.39
to get rid of depression
and anger, help them understand
00:13:45.43\00:13:47.90
that they can be loved and
that there's someone up there
00:13:47.93\00:13:50.37
who loves you,
and His name is God.
00:13:50.40\00:13:52.45
You are special.
00:13:53.91\00:13:55.03
People can care for you and
you can care for other people.
00:13:55.07\00:13:57.37
Was it hard to believe that
God loved you, when you knew
00:13:57.41\00:13:59.68
the stuff you did to
yourself and to your animals
00:13:59.71\00:14:02.09
and to your brother
00:14:02.12\00:14:03.32
Was it hard for you to buy
the fact that God loves you?
00:14:03.36\00:14:05.68
Yeah.
00:14:06.02\00:14:06.99
Sometimes I was just angry at
God but I knew that He loved me
00:14:07.00\00:14:10.71
even when I was
doing those things.
00:14:10.74\00:14:12.40
But He also kept teaching
me there that He loves us
00:14:13.71\00:14:18.27
no matter what we do.
00:14:18.30\00:14:19.43
He feels sad when we do it, but
He loves us and He cares for us.
00:14:19.91\00:14:24.03
And we may hurt Him,
but He still loves us.
00:14:24.45\00:14:26.91
It sounds like "Project
Patch" really helped you a lot.
00:14:27.17\00:14:28.88
Yes, it did.
00:14:28.91\00:14:29.88
It really made a
big change in my life.
00:14:29.89\00:14:31.12
It really changed me into
a different kind of person
00:14:31.16\00:14:33.30
and showed my real
self and who I really am.
00:14:33.33\00:14:36.05
Isn't that funny?
00:14:36.08\00:14:37.05
Cause, I thought I was
the self that was messed up.
00:14:37.06\00:14:40.05
So, you're saying
that that's not true.
00:14:40.41\00:14:41.83
No.
00:14:41.86\00:14:42.83
Anybody else?
00:14:42.87\00:14:43.84
Carla did you get a patch?
00:14:43.85\00:14:44.90
Yes, I did.
00:14:44.93\00:14:46.30
I've been there for
a year and six months.
00:14:48.65\00:14:51.53
It showed me that
00:14:53.68\00:14:55.98
I don't really have to
take it out on other people.
00:14:56.02\00:15:00.04
Like anger and my
frustrations on humans.
00:15:00.07\00:15:06.68
Because I used
to yell and scream
00:15:07.09\00:15:12.15
when I was going mad.
00:15:13.39\00:15:15.34
I used to scream at people
00:15:15.38\00:15:17.50
It showed me that
there are people that care
00:15:18.27\00:15:22.09
and that I don't have
to treat people how I want
00:15:23.39\00:15:27.99
but I should at least
respect that they're humans
00:15:28.56\00:15:32.51
and not dogs or
some animal or something
00:15:32.54\00:15:36.63
that I should at least
think that God's people
00:15:37.71\00:15:42.10
are my friends and I
should treat them with respect.
00:15:43.76\00:15:48.72
It sounds like you learned
a lot from "Project Patch".
00:15:49.29\00:15:52.68
I have to say that I was lucky
enough to go visit there once
00:15:52.72\00:15:55.74
and "Project Patch" is a
treatment facility in Idaho.
00:15:55.77\00:15:59.12
There's people from all over
the United States, I thought
00:15:59.15\00:16:02.09
but you're from Canada, so
it's from all over the place
00:16:02.13\00:16:05.04
and they come to
learn different things
00:16:05.32\00:16:07.11
and what I liked about what they
did the day that I was there,
00:16:07.15\00:16:10.96
is that I watched them run
groups on how to do a thing or
00:16:10.99\00:16:13.54
how to accept
yourself, how to learn respect.
00:16:13.57\00:16:16.48
Why should I deal with my anger,
if I don't have respect for
00:16:16.52\00:16:19.59
the people around me?
00:16:19.62\00:16:20.84
And I was really proud of them
for what they offered you guys
00:16:21.12\00:16:24.89
I was really proud of the
kids there or the teens there
00:16:24.92\00:16:27.91
for the amount of work.
00:16:27.94\00:16:30.02
Who doesn't know that learning
a different way to handle things
00:16:30.26\00:16:33.77
is a lot of work.
00:16:33.80\00:16:35.58
Oh, boy.
00:16:35.83\00:16:37.20
It's a bunch.
00:16:39.08\00:16:40.50
It's really hard to
learn different ways.
00:16:40.54\00:16:44.74
For me it was...
00:16:44.77\00:16:46.07
When I first got there,
00:16:46.11\00:16:47.92
I was like: 'What
ways can I learn?'
00:16:48.95\00:16:52.08
I only learned one or two
ways and I was like 'Wow!'
00:16:53.07\00:16:57.35
And next you take
it out on a person.
00:16:57.38\00:16:59.40
'You're gonna get this and
this is how I vent my anger
00:16:59.92\00:17:03.85
so I'm gonna get it on
you, I'm gonna turn on you
00:17:03.88\00:17:05.96
and I'm gonna hurt you. '
00:17:05.99\00:17:07.11
My problem was just that I
was angry and I didn't care
00:17:08.81\00:17:11.43
about if they liked it or not.
00:17:11.46\00:17:13.09
That was the whole point.
00:17:13.12\00:17:14.41
I didn't care if it hurt them.
00:17:15.01\00:17:16.92
That's what I was aiming for.
00:17:17.50\00:17:19.28
To take my hurt and vent it
on X person as hard and as fast
00:17:19.71\00:17:27.56
and as viciously as I could
00:17:28.08\00:17:29.75
And I was good at it.
I was really good at it.
00:17:29.79\00:17:32.11
It's amazing to me, as I've
met people that do it that way,
00:17:32.36\00:17:35.29
the way you were talking about
00:17:35.32\00:17:38.04
They're in somebody's face
either verbally or physically
00:17:38.08\00:17:40.13
like what you were
saying too, Patrick.
00:17:40.16\00:17:41.53
Or, they don't care.
00:17:41.99\00:17:45.36
It's all this different ways.
00:17:46.34\00:17:48.62
But I've seen people actually to
start cutting on themselves too.
00:17:48.66\00:17:51.15
'I've got to, somehow,
make myself feel better'
00:17:51.18\00:17:53.77
I wanna ask another question.
00:17:54.59\00:17:56.29
Does anybody know what
the Bible says about anger?
00:17:56.33\00:17:58.92
Is there any script or
reference to anger in the Bible?
00:17:58.96\00:18:02.61
Actually, yes.
00:18:02.89\00:18:04.06
Oh, so we have tons. Good!
00:18:04.55\00:18:05.73
Because I think that what
happened to me is when I learned
00:18:05.76\00:18:08.78
What does God say about anger?
00:18:08.81\00:18:09.84
I mean, does He
even talk about it?
00:18:09.88\00:18:12.02
Does He even admit it?
00:18:12.05\00:18:14.25
So, Lori, will you start?
00:18:15.53\00:18:17.04
Yeah.
00:18:17.16\00:18:18.17
The one I have is
Matthew 5, versus 21 and 22
00:18:19.10\00:18:24.27
It says: "You have heard that it
was said to the people long ago
00:18:25.05\00:18:27.92
Do not murder and
anyone who murders
00:18:28.58\00:18:30.65
will be subject to judgment.
00:18:30.68\00:18:32.36
But I tell you, that anyone
who is angry with his brother
00:18:32.69\00:18:35.51
will be subject to judgment.
00:18:35.54\00:18:37.29
Again, anyone who
says to his brother
00:18:37.72\00:18:39.73
'Raca' is
answerable to the Sanhedrin
00:18:40.18\00:18:42.94
But anyone who says, 'You fool!'
00:18:42.97\00:18:44.50
will be in danger
of the fire of hell. "
00:18:44.54\00:18:46.66
That's amazing!
00:18:47.19\00:18:48.16
Anyone who says 'You fool!' will
be in danger of the hell fires.
00:18:48.17\00:18:50.53
And I think, how many times
have I called somebody like
00:18:50.56\00:18:53.45
'You're so stupid' or
all that kind of stuff
00:18:53.48\00:18:56.71
and what surprised me
is that God was saying
00:18:56.74\00:19:00.02
this is a big deal, we
need to check ourselves.
00:19:00.06\00:19:03.31
That helped me to
realize that it was a big deal.
00:19:04.14\00:19:06.04
Do you have something Tim?
00:19:06.68\00:19:07.86
Yeah.
00:19:07.89\00:19:08.86
In Proverbs 29, 11
00:19:08.87\00:19:11.74
"A fool uttereth all his mind,
00:19:12.05\00:19:14.76
but a wise man keepeth
it in till afterwards. "
00:19:14.80\00:19:18.31
Ok. So, does that make sense?
00:19:19.48\00:19:21.01
King James is a hard one.
00:19:21.04\00:19:22.46
And I love King James, because
I think it sounds so cool.
00:19:23.06\00:19:25.65
But does anybody have
that verse in another version?
00:19:25.69\00:19:28.25
I do.
00:19:28.40\00:19:29.37
Can we get at Proverbs 29, 11?
00:19:29.38\00:19:32.17
"A fool gives
full vent to his anger,
00:19:33.67\00:19:36.12
but a wise man keeps
himself under control. "
00:19:36.16\00:19:39.08
So, that's pretty much:
00:19:39.63\00:19:41.24
Someone who's wise
they'll give it to you
00:19:41.28\00:19:45.73
The other guy is like: '
I'm gonna get you good. '
00:19:46.75\00:19:49.43
One does it the right way
00:19:51.29\00:19:52.67
and the other one
does it the wrong way
00:19:52.71\00:19:53.99
and then someone hurts someone
00:19:54.02\00:19:55.22
or someone keeps
their feelings safe.
00:19:55.26\00:19:57.92
When I hear that, I think
that some people tell you that
00:19:59.14\00:20:03.95
to turn the other
chick and to just walk away
00:20:03.98\00:20:06.22
and it takes a
bigger man or woman
00:20:06.25\00:20:10.39
to turn and walk
away from this situation
00:20:10.91\00:20:14.02
from the verbal argument
or from the physical argument.
00:20:14.06\00:20:17.18
It's a lot harder. It really is.
00:20:18.29\00:20:20.16
But if you are able to
just turn and walk away,
00:20:20.43\00:20:22.88
I think that's kind
of what this verse says.
00:20:22.91\00:20:25.33
Because, you see,
He gave us a wise man.
00:20:25.87\00:20:27.94
And how many people
classify themselves as wise?
00:20:28.81\00:20:31.44
Not many.
00:20:32.10\00:20:33.67
It is hard. It is
an accomplishment.
00:20:35.21\00:20:37.53
It is something to be
proud of if you accomplish it.
00:20:37.81\00:20:40.47
And I think that's
kind of uplifting, because
00:20:41.12\00:20:43.33
now, that I finally
have a vent on my anger
00:20:43.37\00:20:45.55
hearing something like
that it's uplifting going
00:20:47.21\00:20:50.02
It's like a path
on the back from God.
00:20:50.05\00:20:52.65
In a verbal sort of way.
00:20:53.92\00:20:56.44
Has everybody here gone
from being angry and act enough
00:20:57.20\00:21:00.68
to finding God?
00:21:00.71\00:21:01.95
Have you found God, Gavin?
00:21:01.99\00:21:03.64
I have, to some extent.
00:21:04.00\00:21:05.69
Although, I'm still not perfect.
00:21:06.57\00:21:08.80
But I've got quite a
bit more control on it.
00:21:09.29\00:21:12.40
Even if I do get
mad, I go for a walk
00:21:12.73\00:21:16.51
go draw or something,
anything to keep me from...
00:21:16.55\00:21:20.04
Because I would
tear somebody to shreds.
00:21:20.90\00:21:23.63
So you're saying that
because it was such a habit
00:21:23.67\00:21:25.57
it's really tough for you to say
00:21:25.60\00:21:27.51
' I am choosing to do
what God is leading me to do
00:21:27.55\00:21:30.76
but it's a habit, it's hard. '
00:21:30.79\00:21:32.15
But it wasn't once every
six months or once a week
00:21:32.19\00:21:36.41
or once a year
00:21:36.44\00:21:37.53
It was like 20-30 times a day.
00:21:37.57\00:21:40.11
Everybody I'd run
into, who displeased me
00:21:40.60\00:21:43.14
or I wasn't happy with or I
wasn't content after something
00:21:43.64\00:21:46.82
they were getting it.
00:21:46.85\00:21:48.41
That was weird.
00:21:49.30\00:21:50.45
Anybody else have a
text that they wanna share?
00:21:50.49\00:21:52.22
Go ahead, Carla.
00:21:52.25\00:21:54.46
This is Proverbs 29, 8
00:21:55.20\00:21:57.35
"Mockers stir up a city,
but wise men turn away anger. "
00:21:58.08\00:22:04.16
And to me that's like
00:22:05.12\00:22:07.69
somebody trying to control their
anger and not trying to blow up
00:22:11.30\00:22:16.04
that's what other people
are doing to other people
00:22:16.99\00:22:20.29
or even to themselves.
00:22:20.32\00:22:22.01
It's really nice that
God is there for everybody
00:22:24.48\00:22:29.60
You know what's funny
about that text to me?
00:22:30.20\00:22:33.69
Is that I have been around
folks or people that were coming
00:22:33.73\00:22:37.66
and the whole group
was kind of peaceful
00:22:37.69\00:22:39.66
and we were laughing
about different things
00:22:39.69\00:22:41.63
and pretty soon
everybody is angry
00:22:41.66\00:22:43.29
and it's one
person that would say:
00:22:43.32\00:22:44.88
' Did you see the
way someone said that? '
00:22:44.92\00:22:47.18
' Were they kind
of putting you down? '
00:22:47.49\00:22:49.05
And all of a sudden you think
00:22:49.45\00:22:50.42
' Well, maybe they
were putting me down. '
00:22:50.43\00:22:52.08
One person can
change the whole mood.
00:22:52.11\00:22:54.89
I think that's what it
says, that a fool would come in
00:22:54.93\00:22:57.52
and do all that dissension.
00:22:57.55\00:22:58.68
A fool would come in
and get everybody going.
00:22:58.72\00:23:01.12
And Gavin, you
said that one time
00:23:01.15\00:23:02.75
you knew exactly how to do that.
00:23:02.79\00:23:04.36
And there's some damage,
00:23:04.39\00:23:05.61
because I work with
some kids from abused homes
00:23:05.65\00:23:07.78
and they're 2 and 3 years old
00:23:07.81\00:23:08.98
and they know
exactly how to nail you
00:23:09.02\00:23:10.77
Pretty soon you're mad at
this little kid and you think
00:23:11.43\00:23:13.41
' What happened? '
00:23:13.44\00:23:15.38
And it's a defense
thing. They know how to do that.
00:23:16.10\00:23:18.60
And I think it says that
that's an easy thing to do
00:23:18.91\00:23:22.90
but it definitely is
not a wise thing to do.
00:23:22.93\00:23:24.69
No.
00:23:24.72\00:23:25.69
So, you've got one Gavin?
00:23:25.82\00:23:26.93
Actually I have one
covering the anger of speech
00:23:27.13\00:23:31.06
It's in
Colossians, chapter 3, verse 8
00:23:32.12\00:23:35.01
It says: " But now ye
also put off all these
00:23:35.74\00:23:38.25
anger, wrath, malice,
blasphemy, filthy communication
00:23:38.52\00:23:43.57
out of your mouth. "
00:23:43.60\00:23:45.01
That's kind of powerful.
00:23:45.69\00:23:46.98
You're going: '
That is really wrong! '
00:23:47.02\00:23:49.23
It's like that one
that I believe you had Lori.
00:23:49.56\00:23:53.98
The one where a fool...
00:23:54.34\00:23:56.78
They all tie in.
00:23:58.49\00:24:00.62
It's powerful.
00:24:00.65\00:24:01.77
God knows what
He's doing up there.
00:24:01.81\00:24:03.21
Oh boy, oh boy!
00:24:03.24\00:24:04.21
We sometimes don't know
what we're doing but we think
00:24:05.62\00:24:09.42
that depending on what kind
of environment you grow up in
00:24:09.45\00:24:13.22
you learn to react in that way.
00:24:13.25\00:24:15.28
Like if you are abused, you
learn to react in an abusive way
00:24:15.32\00:24:18.77
So in order to make up for
everything they've ever done
00:24:18.80\00:24:21.95
to you, you rush out at the
next person that comes along,
00:24:21.99\00:24:25.11
like Gavin was saying.
00:24:25.14\00:24:26.25
You just take it out verbally
or physically or however was
00:24:26.69\00:24:29.54
that you were
taught in your environment
00:24:29.57\00:24:31.88
or however was you picked it up.
00:24:31.91\00:24:33.77
I like the idea
that... Sometimes I think that
00:24:34.06\00:24:37.64
I'm gonna be able to get well
just by thinking of it on my own
00:24:37.95\00:24:41.04
So my mind is so
messed up and I'm thinking
00:24:41.07\00:24:43.54
' How did I figure this out?'
00:24:43.57\00:24:45.17
It's such a silly thing.
00:24:46.14\00:24:47.50
God would tell me:
' Cheri, I love you,
00:24:47.54\00:24:49.75
and I do think you're bright
but you can't figure this out.
00:24:49.79\00:24:52.46
If you could have,
you would have changed. '
00:24:52.49\00:24:54.67
And so, I was
surprised when I read the Bible
00:24:54.70\00:24:56.81
and started seeing that
it actually talks about anger
00:24:56.85\00:24:58.97
It talks about ways to
think about it, to explore it.
00:24:59.30\00:25:03.44
Ways that are going
to help you understand
00:25:03.47\00:25:05.81
' Why is it that I need to
put energy in the change? '
00:25:05.85\00:25:08.88
What do you guys think?
00:25:08.91\00:25:10.17
Is it energy, to
change? I mean, does it work?
00:25:10.21\00:25:12.95
It's a lot of it.
00:25:13.58\00:25:14.55
You definitely have to try.
00:25:14.65\00:25:16.22
It's not just
like: ' I'm sorry! '
00:25:16.26\00:25:19.08
You just wake up one morning
and you're gonna be perfect.
00:25:19.41\00:25:22.19
I think that it's more
about wanting to change.
00:25:22.44\00:25:25.68
You can't do it through yourself
00:25:26.30\00:25:28.78
You can't do it for
somebody else either.
00:25:29.25\00:25:30.70
If you ask for God's help,
He can help you in a lot of ways
00:25:31.20\00:25:35.74
You can do a lot of things,
only that you have to want to.
00:25:36.07\00:25:40.77
If you don't
want to do something
00:25:41.98\00:25:44.72
nothing's gonna change.
00:25:44.82\00:25:45.95
When I got angry,
things that would help me...
00:25:45.99\00:25:48.33
When I got angry, I went to a
person, the person that hurt me
00:25:49.02\00:25:52.22
and I talked to
that person, and said:
00:25:52.25\00:25:54.00
' This is what you
did, and you hurt me
00:25:54.03\00:25:55.71
and we need to make this up
before something bad happens
00:25:55.75\00:25:58.23
before this builds up
inside of us and explodes. '
00:25:58.26\00:26:01.30
And that's
something that helped me
00:26:01.89\00:26:03.30
Or going for a walk in
the woods, or praying to God,
00:26:03.34\00:26:06.04
or talking to Him
just like to a friend
00:26:06.07\00:26:07.90
' I'm having some
trouble God, I need some help. '
00:26:07.94\00:26:10.03
Or going to the person
and tell him that I need help.
00:26:10.58\00:26:13.50
Talking to God
is a really good way
00:26:13.53\00:26:15.61
But sometimes I would take
00:26:16.16\00:26:17.64
whatever problem it was I was
having with a particular person
00:26:17.68\00:26:21.07
I would take it
out on God, and then
00:26:21.10\00:26:22.99
I'd move that anger to God,
00:26:23.10\00:26:25.28
because He was the only
person around at the time
00:26:25.32\00:26:28.12
So I'd yell at God.
00:26:28.15\00:26:29.92
You can't really throw
stuff at God but I'd try.
00:26:30.84\00:26:33.26
Luckily with that kind of stuff
00:26:34.02\00:26:35.77
I think God loves us
enough that He can take that
00:26:35.81\00:26:38.09
I wanna say I wish we
had hours to cover this
00:26:38.49\00:26:42.30
because it's hard to
cover something this intense
00:26:42.34\00:26:46.12
in a short period of time.
00:26:46.15\00:26:47.54
But it sounds to me that most
of the issues that we discussed
00:26:47.91\00:26:53.02
right now, including my
own, is a sense of unfairness.
00:26:53.05\00:26:56.30
It's a sense of: ' Somehow,
life has been unfair to me. '
00:26:56.34\00:26:59.56
And most of the time, it has.
00:26:59.59\00:27:01.47
Most of the time
it's not ok to be abused
00:27:01.51\00:27:04.69
it's not ok to be abandoned,
or adopted or feel rejection
00:27:04.73\00:27:08.31
from family members or to even
perceive that that's the issue.
00:27:08.35\00:27:11.84
And so anger just develops.
00:27:12.10\00:27:14.40
But what I do know, more
than I know anything else,
00:27:15.04\00:27:18.05
is that we can't figure it out
on our own and it's in the Bible
00:27:18.09\00:27:20.58
It's in the Bible
how to deal with it,
00:27:20.61\00:27:22.10
there's ways to deal with it,
00:27:22.13\00:27:23.17
there's people that can
teach us to deal with it,
00:27:23.21\00:27:25.34
and most of all,
God can teach us.
00:27:25.37\00:27:27.01
Which I have to
lean on sometimes.
00:27:27.28\00:27:29.54
Sometimes I have to
just get on my knees and say:
00:27:29.58\00:27:31.39
' You know what? I
wanna hurt this person. '
00:27:31.42\00:27:33.56
' God, please help me! '
00:27:34.03\00:27:35.25
So, please, take it to God.
00:27:35.29\00:27:36.44
Open your Bible and figure
out how to deal with this.
00:27:36.48\00:27:39.33
Thank you for
joining us on "Teen Pathways"
00:27:39.36\00:27:41.64
See you next time!
00:27:41.67\00:27:44.38