¤ I WANT TO SPEND MY
LIFE, SPEND MY LIFE ¤
00:00:05.33\00:00:09.34
¤ MENDING BROKEN PEOPLE.
¤ I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE ¤
00:00:09.34\00:00:18.05
¤ REMOVING PAIN ¤ ¤
LORD, LET ME WORDS ¤
00:00:18.05\00:00:26.49
¤ LET MY WORDS ¤ ¤
HEAL UP HEARTS THAT HURT ¤
00:00:26.49\00:00:33.50
¤ I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE
¤ ¤ MENDING BROKEN PEOPLE ¤
00:00:33.50\00:00:46.88
¤ I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE
¤ ¤ MENDING BROKEN PEOPLE ¤
00:00:46.88\00:00:55.45
>> HELLO AND WELCOME
TO 3ABN "TODAY LIVE."
00:01:06.06\00:01:09.93
MY NAME IS YVONNE LEWIS AND I
AM WITH MY CO-HOSTS -- I CAN'T
00:01:09.93\00:01:14.07
BELIEVE HE IS CO-HOSTING.
>> I'M THE CO-HOST, YES.
00:01:14.07\00:01:18.17
>> DANNY SHELTON, WHO IS
OUR PRESIDENT AND FOUNDER.
00:01:18.17\00:01:21.28
>> WE HAVE SOME
SPECIAL GUESTS TONIGHT.
00:01:21.28\00:01:23.38
THIS PROGRAM IS
AN AMAZING PROGRAM.
00:01:23.38\00:01:25.28
WE WANT YOU TO CALL YOUR
FRIENDS, YOUR ENEMIES, EVERYBODY
00:01:25.28\00:01:28.22
YOU CAN THINK OF -- [ LAUGHTER ]
00:01:28.22\00:01:29.72
>> AND SAY YOU NEED TO TUNE IN
TO 3ABN TONIGHT, BECAUSE THIS IS
00:01:29.72\00:01:33.69
GOING TO BE, I PROMISE
YOU, AN AMAZING PROGRAM.
00:01:33.69\00:01:36.99
I HAVE DONE THOUSANDS OF
PROGRAMS, BUT THIS ONE IS
00:01:36.99\00:01:40.26
SPECIAL. AND YOU
KNOW I DON'T SAY THAT
00:01:40.26\00:01:42.73
VERY OFTEN. SO WHY
DON'T YOU INTRODUCE THE
00:01:42.73\00:01:45.40
GUESTS. AND
WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO
00:01:45.40\00:01:48.30
WATCH A FILL THAT THEY
MADE, WHICH IS INCREDIBLE.
00:01:48.30\00:01:54.74
BUT LET'S LET THEM
GET TO KNOW THESE FOLKS.
00:01:54.74\00:01:59.38
>> AND WE SHOULD TELL YOU THAT
3ABN RECOGNIZES THE IMPORTANCE
00:01:59.38\00:02:02.65
OF SHARING THE TOOLS TO OVERCOME
ALL TEMPTATION IN OUR LIFE IN
00:02:02.65\00:02:06.99
EVERY ARENA. SO THE
CONTEND OF THIS PROGRAM
00:02:06.99\00:02:10.09
IS SENSITIVE, SO
PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
00:02:10.09\00:02:13.90
WITH THAT BEING SAID, LET ME
INTRODUCE THE MEMBERS OF COMING
00:02:13.90\00:02:19.17
OUT MINISTRIES, WE HAVE
MICHAEL CARDUCCI, WAYNE BLAKELY,
00:02:19.17\00:02:29.34
DANIELLE HARRISON,
AND PASTOR RON WOOLSEY.
00:02:29.34\00:02:34.95
>> I HAVE KNOWN RON FOR A LONG
TIME, AND CLAUDIA, IF YOU ARE
00:02:34.95\00:02:39.09
WATCHING HELLO. [ LAUGHTER ]
00:02:39.09\00:02:41.42
>> NEXT TIME RON COMES
HERE, YOU HAVE TO COME WITH HIM.
00:02:41.42\00:02:45.29
>> AMEN. >> FOR
THOSE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW
00:02:45.29\00:02:47.60
ABOUT COMING OUT MINISTRIES, AND
THEN WE'RE GOING TO BE WATCHING
00:02:47.60\00:02:50.37
A FILM THAT YOU ALL MADE, AND
TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THAT,
00:02:50.37\00:02:54.10
SO WE'LL UNDERSTAND
WHAT WE'RE WATCHING.
00:02:54.10\00:02:57.17
>> GREAT. WELL,
COMING OUT MINISTRIES IS
00:02:57.17\00:02:58.51
THE FOUR OF US INDIVIDUALS
THAT HAVE COME TOGETHER THROUGH
00:02:58.51\00:03:03.95
DIVINE INTERVENTION, REALLY.
WE'RE LOCATED ALL ACROSS THE
00:03:03.95\00:03:08.18
UNITED STATES. I'M
IN TENNESSEE, WAYNE
00:03:08.18\00:03:12.92
WASHINGTON, DANIELLE GO
-- GEORGIA, AND RON ARKANSAS.
00:03:12.92\00:03:21.60
BUT THIS REALLY SEEMS TO TELL
THE FULLNESS OF JESUS CHRIST AND
00:03:21.60\00:03:26.23
HOW HE WORKS IN
OUR LIVES. >> ALL RIGH.
00:03:26.23\00:03:29.34
RON, TELL US A LITTLE BIT.
>> WELL, THE LAST-DAY MESSAGE
00:03:29.34\00:03:34.81
INVOLVES THE INVITATION, THE
CALL COME OUT MY PEOPLE, SO I
00:03:34.81\00:03:41.18
THINK THAT'S A PART OF
OUR MESSAGE IS TO GIVE THAT
00:03:41.18\00:03:44.15
INVITATION TO THE WORLD IS TO
COME OUT OF SIN, THE ADDICTION
00:03:44.15\00:03:47.96
YOU ARE IN, COME OUT OF
BABYLON. COME OUT OF CONFUSION.
00:03:47.96\00:03:51.96
AND WE'RE THRILLED TO PRESENT
THE GOSPEL FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE
00:03:51.96\00:03:57.80
AND EXPERIENCE WHICH I CALL
PRACTICAL THEOLOGY TO THE WORLD
00:03:57.80\00:04:03.61
AND HOPE WE CAN INSPIRE PEOPLE
TO TRULY COME OUT OF THEIR
00:04:03.61\00:04:09.08
DARKNESS INTO
GOD'S MARVELOUS LIGHT.
00:04:09.08\00:04:11.58
>> AMEN. >> WHAT
ABOUT YOU DANIELLE, WHAT
00:04:11.58\00:04:14.65
DO YOU THINK ABOUT J"JOURNEY
INTERRUPTED" WHICH IS THE NAME
00:04:14.65\00:04:20.32
OF THE FILM? >> I
THINK IT MEETS HEAD ON A
00:04:20.32\00:04:24.26
CRISIS WE ARE FACING IN
THE WORLD TODAY, THAT IS THIS
00:04:24.26\00:04:27.76
ELEMENT OF CONFUSION, WHEN IT
COMES TO SEXUALITY AND GENDER,
00:04:27.76\00:04:31.60
AND WE WANTED TO MAKE OUR
TESTIMONIES AVAILABLE, BECAUSE
00:04:31.60\00:04:34.87
GOD HAS GIVEN US SO
MANY VICTORIES IN OUR LIVES.
00:04:34.87\00:04:38.54
HE HAS GIVEN US A CLEARER
UNDERSTANDING OF HIS DESIRE, HIS
00:04:38.54\00:04:43.11
WILL FOR OUR SEXUALITY, AND FOR
OUR MINISTRY, FOR HIM, AND SO
00:04:43.11\00:04:48.15
THAT WAS WHAT WE WANTED TO MAKE
AVAILABLE THROUGH THIS FILM WAS
00:04:48.15\00:04:52.79
JUST THE STORIES OF WHAT GOD
HAS REALLY DONE IN EACH OF OUR
00:04:52.79\00:04:58.16
LIVES, AND HOPEFULLY INSPIRE
HOPE AND FAITH IN OTHER PEOPLE.
00:04:58.16\00:05:05.20
>> BEAUTIFULLY SAID. THANK YOU.
00:05:05.20\00:05:06.84
>> IT IS. AND
THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I
00:05:06.84\00:05:09.64
LOVE ABOUT THIS MINISTRY,
THAT IS EVEN THOUGH YOU DEAL
00:05:09.64\00:05:13.34
PRIMARILY WITH SEXUALITY.
WE ALL HAVE SIN IN OUR LIVES OF
00:05:13.34\00:05:18.85
SOME SORT, AND YOU GIVE THE
TOOLS TO OVERCOME SIN, WHETHER
00:05:18.85\00:05:24.09
IT'S SEXUALITY OR WHATEVER,
YOU GIVE THE TOOLS TO DEAL WITH
00:05:24.09\00:05:27.56
THAT, AND THAT'S WONDERFUL.
AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO
00:05:27.56\00:05:30.19
PLAY A PART IN THIS EVENING TOO,
BECAUSE WE HAVE QUESTIONS AND
00:05:30.19\00:05:35.50
ANSWERS. SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO
00:05:35.50\00:05:40.24
LIVE@3ABN.TV, OR -- YOU CAN
EMAIL THEM, OR YOU MAY CALL,
00:05:40.24\00:05:46.21
618-627-4651. WE WILL
BE ABLE TO ANSWER YOUR
00:05:46.21\00:05:48.14
QUESTIONS DURING THE SECOND HALF
OF THE PROGRAM, SO THIS IS SO
00:05:48.14\00:05:52.95
EXCITING. I'M
SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
00:05:52.95\00:05:55.68
>> IT IS. ABSOLUTELY.
00:05:55.68\00:05:57.45
WAYNE GIVE US -- WE HAVE A
MINUTE OR SO BEFORE WE GET INTO
00:05:57.45\00:06:01.92
IT. GIVE US YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
00:06:01.92\00:06:04.23
THIS WAS A BIG UNDERTAKING.
SO I ASSUME YOU ALL ARE
00:06:04.23\00:06:12.67
MULTI-MILLIONAIRES
AND YOU CAN DO WHATEVER.
00:06:12.67\00:06:14.17
>> RIGHT. RIGHT.
00:06:14.17\00:06:15.37
WE MADE A COUPLE OF ATTEMPTS
IN THE PAST AT FILMING OUR
00:06:15.37\00:06:20.51
TESTIMONIES AND THEY DIDN'T PAN
OUT, AND ONCE DAY I GOT A PHONE
00:06:20.51\00:06:23.91
CALL FROM ANN, WHO IS A BOARD
MEMBER, AND SHE AND HER HUSBAND
00:06:23.91\00:06:27.85
BOTH SAID YOU GUYS -- YOU NEED A
FILM TO SHARE WITH PEOPLE, WHAT
00:06:27.85\00:06:32.25
IS POSSIBLE THROUGH
JESUS CHRIST, AND SHE KNEW A
00:06:32.25\00:06:38.03
FILMMAKER, DANNY WOODS, WHO
IS THE AGAIN -- GENTLEMAN WHO
00:06:38.03\00:06:46.90
FILMED THIS. AND GOD
JUST TOOK OVER AT THAT
00:06:46.90\00:06:49.67
POINT. >> I WANT
TO SAY, THIS SUBJECT
00:06:49.67\00:06:51.34
THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
EVEN 20 YEARS AGO IN A CHURCH AS
00:06:51.34\00:06:55.68
CONSERVATIVE AS THE ADVENTIST
CHURCH, I WOULD HAVE NEVER
00:06:55.68\00:06:59.35
THOUGHT WHAT IS HAPPENING, HAS
HAPPENED TO FAST, AND PEOPLE'S
00:06:59.35\00:07:04.55
ATTITUDES ABOUT GENDER AND
SEXUALITY AND THESE THINGS, AND
00:07:04.55\00:07:07.22
STILL -- I SIT HERE, AND IT
TAKES A LOT, I'M AN OLD GUY, AND
00:07:07.22\00:07:12.96
IT TAKES A LOT TO SURPRISE ME
AND SHOCK ME, BUT I HAVE LEARNED
00:07:12.96\00:07:16.97
SOME THINGS THAT IS ABSOLUTELY
INCREDIBLE, BUT THIS IS A
00:07:16.97\00:07:20.47
MESSAGE THAT IS TRU. I
LOVE THE COMING OUT -- YOU
00:07:20.47\00:07:23.14
SAID, AND THE LORD SAYS COE OUT
OF HER MY PEOPLE, BABYLON HAS
00:07:23.14\00:07:28.34
FALLEN. AND
BABYLON IS CONFUSION, SO
00:07:28.34\00:07:30.11
WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS HELPING
THOSE OF US THAT -- IN THIS
00:07:30.11\00:07:34.85
PARTICULAR AREA.
NOW WE ALL HAVE SIN.
00:07:34.85\00:07:37.49
I'M GLAD YOU SAID IT, BECAUSE
NO ONE SHOULD BE JUDGING SOMEONE
00:07:37.49\00:07:40.99
ELSE. WE SEE PEOPLE.
00:07:40.99\00:07:41.82
AND I'M GUILTY. I DO IT
ALL THE TIME, AND PEOPLE
00:07:41.82\00:07:45.39
JUDGE ME, AND I HAVE TO ASK
GOD TO FORGIVE ME, SO WHAT WE'RE
00:07:45.39\00:07:51.73
GOING TO BE TALK ABOUT TONIGHT
ARE NOT INDIVIDUALS -- GOD HATES
00:07:51.73\00:07:56.07
SIN, BUT HE LOVES THE
SINNER. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
00:07:56.07\00:07:58.94
>> AND YOU KIND
OF ALLUDED TO THAT.
00:07:58.94\00:08:02.54
SO THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF COMING
OUT MINISTRIES IS NOT TO SAY
00:08:02.54\00:08:05.98
LOOK WHERE I AM, BUT IT'S
TO SAY LOOK WHAT GOD CAN DO.
00:08:05.98\00:08:10.72
BECAUSE IT'S WHAT HE CAN
DO -- WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR ME,
00:08:10.72\00:08:14.32
HE CAN DO FOR YOU. >> YES.
00:08:14.32\00:08:16.73
>> IT IS NO
SECRET WHAT GOD CAN DO.
00:08:16.73\00:08:19.63
>> AMEN. >> AND SO
I'M VERY THANKFUL THAT
00:08:19.63\00:08:22.10
YOU ALL ARE HERE, AND I HAVE
BEEN EDUCATED A LOT, BUT YVONNE
00:08:22.10\00:08:26.74
HAS TALKED ABOUT YOU FOR QUITE A
WHILE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE COME TO
00:08:26.74\00:08:30.67
DO A LOT WITH DARE TO DREAM, AND
SHE CONSIDERS YOU ALL BROTHERS
00:08:30.67\00:08:33.94
AND SISTERS IN
THE LORD, AND SO DO I.
00:08:33.94\00:08:39.78
SO YVONNE WITH YOUR PERMISSION,
WE'LL GO TO THE FILM, AND THEN
00:08:39.78\00:08:44.99
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS,
AND THEN WE'LL TAKE QUESTIONS
00:08:44.99\00:08:48.66
AND ANSWERS THE SECOND HOUR.
>> YES, IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY
00:08:48.66\00:08:52.13
GOOD. I'M EXCITED.
00:08:52.13\00:08:54.23
YAY! [ LAUGHTER ]
00:08:54.23\00:08:54.93
¤ >> WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, I
00:08:54.93\00:09:01.04
NEVER FOUND ANYONE REALLY
TALKING ABOUT THE GAY ISSUE.
00:09:01.04\00:09:04.21
IN FACT EVERY REFERENCE THAT
WAS MADE ABOUT THE GAY ISSUE IN
00:09:04.21\00:09:08.48
THOSE DAYS WAS -- A SLUR. ¤
00:09:08.48\00:09:14.88
>> I REMEMBER THINKING THAT
THERE WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT
00:09:14.88\00:09:19.22
ABOUT ME, SOMETHING WASN'T
RIGHT, AND THE OTHER KIDS IN THE
00:09:19.22\00:09:22.36
NEIGHBORHOOD STARTED TO PICK
UP ON IT TOO, SO THEY WOULD CALL
00:09:22.36\00:09:29.23
ME, SISSY, QUEER, FAGGOT, HOMO,
AND YET I COULDN'T HELP WHAT I
00:09:29.23\00:09:36.74
WAS ATTRACTED TO. >>
THERE'S SO MUCH CONFUSION
00:09:36.74\00:09:40.38
EVEN IN CHRISTIANITY ABOUT
HOMOSEXUALITY, BECAUSE FOR SO
00:09:40.38\00:09:44.51
LONG, NO ONE WANTED
TO ADDRESS THE TOPIC.
00:09:44.51\00:09:48.08
¤ >> THERE'S
SOMETHING THAT I WAS
00:09:48.08\00:09:50.55
MISSING ALL THOSE YEARS IN MY
STUDY AND IN MY STRUGGLE THAT I
00:09:50.55\00:09:55.59
CAME TO DISCOVER
AS I STUDIED JESUS.
00:09:55.59\00:09:58.59
¤->> I SHARE MY TESTIMONY TODAY,
THERE'S MANY PEOPLE THAT COME
00:09:58.59\00:10:04.83
AND DENFY WITH THE FACT THAT,
HEY, I'M NOT GAY, BUT YOU WERE
00:10:04.83\00:10:09.84
CERTAINLY TALKING TO ME. ¤
00:10:09.84\00:10:17.88
¤
00:10:26.12\00:10:34.50
>> IN TELLING MY STORY, I DON'T
WANT PEOPLE TO THINK IT'S ALL
00:10:52.31\00:10:56.18
DOOM AND GLOOM, AND A SAD STORY.
THERE WERE MANY GOOD EXPERIENCES
00:10:56.18\00:11:00.16
IN MY LIFE. HOWEVER,
THERE WERE THINGS THAT
00:11:00.16\00:11:05.13
HAPPENED IN MY EARLY CHILDHOOD
THAT REALLY DERAILED ME.
00:11:05.13\00:11:08.13
>> WHEN I WAS BORN, MY DAD
-- I'M SURE HAD GREAT PLANS
00:11:08.13\00:11:11.90
FOR ME. BEING
HIS ONLY SON OF FOUR
00:11:11.90\00:11:15.37
CHILDREN, AND WHEN I CAME ALONG,
MY DAD WAS SO PROUD THAT HE HAD
00:11:15.37\00:11:19.67
A SON THAT HE
ACTUALLY NAMED ME JUNIOR.
00:11:19.67\00:11:23.75
SO I AM MICHAEL
JAMES AFTER MY DAD.
00:11:23.75\00:11:26.38
IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE EVEN
TO THIS DAY, SOMETIMES I REALLY
00:11:26.38\00:11:29.55
REGRET MY NAME. >> MY
NATURAL MOTHER'S RELATIVES
00:11:29.55\00:11:34.12
WERE AROUND HER WHILE SHE WAS
CARRYING ME TO FULL TERM, AND
00:11:34.12\00:11:37.83
DURING THAT TIME, RELATIVES
WOULD SAY, SO, JAN, ARE YOU
00:11:37.83\00:11:41.30
GOING TO HAVE A BOY OR A GIRL?
AND SHE SAID WELL, THERE'S NO
00:11:41.30\00:11:46.70
WAY I'M HAVING A BOY. I'M
ONLY GOING TO HAVE A GIRL.
00:11:46.70\00:11:50.57
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
THERE WAS NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE.
00:11:50.57\00:11:55.04
SHE WAS JUST PLAIN
GOING TO HAVE A BABY GIRL.
00:11:55.04\00:11:58.01
SO MAY 6TH OF A
CERTAIN YEAR -- [ LAUGHTER ]
00:11:58.01\00:12:03.05
>> -- I WAS BORN. A BABY BOY.
00:12:03.05\00:12:06.25
>> WHEN I WAS BORN, I CAME INTO
A CHALLENGED FAMILY SITUATION.
00:12:06.25\00:12:11.69
MY SISTER AND BROTHER WERE
ALREADY SIX AND EIGHT YEARS OLD.
00:12:11.69\00:12:15.76
MY PARENTS WERE STRUGGLES IN
THEIR MARRIAGE, AND THEY REALLY
00:12:15.76\00:12:19.90
WEREN'T PLANNING ON
HAVING ANYMORE CHILDREN.
00:12:19.90\00:12:22.87
>> AS A LITTLE GIRL, AFTER
MY MOM INTRODUCED ME TO JESUS, I
00:12:22.87\00:12:27.81
WAS TOTALLY STOKED ABOUT IT.
I MEMORIZED BOOKS OF THE BIBLE,
00:12:27.81\00:12:33.11
AND COULD FLIP THROUGH SCRIPTURE
AND QUOTE OFF BIBLE VERSES TO
00:12:33.11\00:12:37.62
YOU WHEN I WAS LIKE, SIX.
AND MY MOM WAS TRULY EXCITED.
00:12:37.62\00:12:42.12
AND SHE WAS LIKE YOU ARE GOING
TO BECOME A MISSIONARY, AND
00:12:42.12\00:12:44.96
JESUS IS GOING TO WORK AMAZING
THINGS THROUGH YOUR LIFE.
00:12:44.96\00:12:49.03
AND AREN'T YOU EXCITED?
AND I WAS LIKE, I'M GOING TO BE
00:12:49.03\00:12:53.70
A MISSIONARY. >> I'M
SURE MY DAD HAD EVERY
00:12:53.70\00:12:57.74
INTENTION OF PLAYING FOOTBALL
WITH ME, AND DOING ALL OF THESE
00:12:57.74\00:13:00.94
MACHO THINGS THAT HE LIKED TO
DO, AND EVERYTHING THAT MY DAD
00:13:00.94\00:13:04.95
LIKED, I HATED. I
LIKED PLAYING WITH DOLLS.
00:13:04.95\00:13:08.42
I HAD THREE SISTERS, AND MY DAD
WOULD BE GONE A LOT OF TIMES, SO
00:13:08.42\00:13:13.39
MOST OF THE TIME, I WOULD BE
PLAYING WITH DOLLS OR DRESSING
00:13:13.39\00:13:17.39
UP IN MY SISTERS' CLOTHES OR
MY MOM'S CLOTHES, AND I BEGAN
00:13:17.39\00:13:25.53
GENDER
DISPHORIA AT AN EARLY AGE.
00:13:25.53\00:13:28.47
>> AS MY AUNT AND UNCLE ADOPTED
ME, THEY BEGAN TO SEE THAT
00:13:28.47\00:13:32.04
THINGS WERE
TAKING PLACE IN MY LIFE.
00:13:32.04\00:13:33.98
AT THE AGE OF THREE, I
WAS RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE
00:13:33.98\00:13:37.98
SCREAMING I WANT TO BE A GIRL.
I WAS PLAYING WITH SCARVES AND
00:13:37.98\00:13:42.28
DRESSES, AND I'M SURE THEY BEGAN
TO THINK, WOW, WHAT DID WE GET
-pOUR HANDS ON HERE?
00:13:42.28\00:13:49.79
PEOPLE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT
SAME-SEX ATTRACTION THEN.
00:13:49.79\00:13:52.53
>> I KNEW THAT BECAUSE I WOULD
GET PUNISHED IF I GOT CAUGHT
00:13:52.53\00:13:56.10
PLAYING DOLLS OR -- OR I WOULD
BE TEASED OR RIDICULED BY MY
00:13:56.10\00:14:02.34
DAD, MAINLY IF I WAS PLAYING
WITH MY SISTER'S BARBIES THAT I
00:14:02.34\00:14:07.21
KNEW SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT, AND
YET, I COULDN'T HELP WHAT I WAS
00:14:07.21\00:14:11.61
ATTRACTED TO. AND I
REMEMBER THINKING IF I WAS
00:14:11.61\00:14:15.25
A GIRL, I COULD DO IT
BETTER THAN MY SISTERS.
00:14:15.25\00:14:18.09
>> I WENT TO SCHOOL AND THEY
STARTED TEASING ME FROM THE VERY
00:14:18.09\00:14:21.46
FIRST DAY. I JUST
SAW IT TO BE AMAZING TO
00:14:21.46\00:14:28.20
BE ABLE TO ENDURE THE TEASING
AND THE HARASS THAT I GOT, EVEN
00:14:28.20\00:14:34.50
SOME OF MY TEACHERS, MOST
NOTABLY, MY BIBLE TEACHER WOULD
00:14:34.50\00:14:44.11
ENCOURAGE AND LAUGH ALONG WITH
THE GUYS WHO WERE TEASING ME.
00:14:44.11\00:14:48.02
I LOOKED TO
TEACHERS FOR SHELTER.
00:14:48.02\00:14:52.42
FOR HOPE. PROTECTION.
00:14:52.42\00:14:55.86
I REMEMBER I WOULD GO HOME
AND -- AND I WOULD GO INTO OUR
00:14:55.86\00:14:59.13
BATHROOM THAT HAD A DOOR ON
EITHER SIDE, AND I WOULD LOCK
00:14:59.13\00:15:02.36
BOTH DOORS, AND I WAS LOOK IN
THE MIRROR AND PUNCH MYSELF IN
00:15:02.36\00:15:06.84
THE FACE, AND I WOULD SCREAM
AT GOD AND YELL AT HIM, AND SAY
00:15:06.84\00:15:11.97
WHY, GOD, WHY? WHY DID
YOU CREATE A BOY WHEN I
00:15:11.97\00:15:14.88
WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GIRL?
>> I WAS ONLY FOUR YEARS OLD,
00:15:14.88\00:15:22.02
ONE OF SIX CHILDREN.
WE LIVED IN THE COUNTRY.
00:15:22.02\00:15:25.35
MY PARENTS HAD
MOVED TO THE COUNTRY.
00:15:25.35\00:15:28.49
THEY THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE
A SAFE PLACE TO RAISE THEIR
00:15:28.49\00:15:31.49
CHILDREN. AND MY
DAD WAS A DAIRY FARMER,
00:15:31.49\00:15:34.40
AND SO WE LIVED ON THIS BIG
FARM, AND IT WAS AT THAT TENDER
00:15:34.40\00:15:38.87
AGE OF FOUR THAT I WAS ACTUALLY
SEXUALLY MOLESTED BY ONE OF THE
00:15:38.87\00:15:43.77
FARM HANDS, AND
THAT REALLY CONFUSED ME.
00:15:43.77\00:15:47.11
>> SCHOOL WAS TOUGH, AND
EXTENDED FAMILY, WE HAD A ROUGH
00:15:47.11\00:15:52.95
RELATIONSHIP WITH EXTENDED
FAMILY, AND THEY GOT MORE
00:15:52.95\00:15:57.82
STRESSFUL WHEN MY OLDER COUSIN
STARTED MOLEST AND RAPING ME,
00:15:57.82\00:16:03.29
BUT I DIDN'T TRUST ANYBODY,
BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I COULDN'T
00:16:03.29\00:16:06.59
TELL ANYBODY, SO WE CONTINUED TO
HAVE VACATIONS WITH THEM, AND GO
00:16:06.59\00:16:11.73
PLACES WITH THEM, AND HE LIVED
AT OUR HOUSE FOR A WHILE, AND
00:16:11.73\00:16:15.57
NOBODY KNEW. IT WAS
FROM THE TIME THAT I WAS
00:16:15.57\00:16:18.27
7 UNTIL I WAS 13, AND IT
WAS EVERY TIME I SAW HIM.
00:16:18.27\00:16:22.01
SO MULTIPLE TIMES A YEAR.
AND I THOUGHT I WOULD GET IN
00:16:22.01\00:16:25.38
TROUBLE IF I TOLD SOMEBODY,
BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SAID IF YOU
00:16:25.38\00:16:28.75
TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS,
YOU'LL BREAK THE FAMILY UP.
00:16:28.75\00:16:31.65
>> THERE WA A GIRL
LIVING DOWN THE STREET.
00:16:31.65\00:16:34.12
SHE WAS THE SAME
AGE AS ME, SEVEN.
00:16:34.12\00:16:37.26
SHE INTRODUCED ME TO
SEXUAL EXPERIENCE, SO WE STARTED
00:16:37.26\00:16:42.40
EXPERIMENTING WITH EACH OTHER
PHYSICALLY, AND IT BECAME AN
00:16:42.40\00:16:45.27
ADDICTION FOR ME VERY QUICKLY.
ONE DAY FOR SOME REASON I ENDED
00:16:45.27\00:16:50.57
UP CON FIEZ -- CONFIDING WITH AN
OLDER KID IN ANY NEIGHBORHOOD.
00:16:50.57\00:16:57.45
AND HE ENDED UP TELLING MY
SISTER, AND MY SISTER TOLD MY
00:16:57.45\00:17:01.42
MOM. INSTEAD OF
MY MOM USING IT AS AN
00:17:01.42\00:17:04.19
OCCASION TO SIT DOWN AND TALK
TO ME ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF
00:17:04.19\00:17:07.92
SEXUAL PURITY -- MAYBE SHE
DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO REACT TO IT,
00:17:07.92\00:17:12.96
BUT FOR SOME REASON HER AND MY
SISTER USED IT AS AN OCCASION TO
00:17:12.96\00:17:18.63
POKE FUN OF ME, I THOUGHT REALLY
THIS IS SOMETHING I CAN'T TALK
00:17:18.63\00:17:24.84
TO ANYONE ABOUT.
>> MY DAD WAS SCARY.
00:17:24.84\00:17:28.54
WHEN HE WAS HOME
HE WOULD BE LOUD.
00:17:28.54\00:17:31.35
HIS DISCIPLINE WAS ABUSIVE.
HE WAS IN THE NAVY, AND HE WOULD
00:17:31.35\00:17:39.25
BE GONE TWO TO
SIX MONTHS A TIME.
00:17:39.25\00:17:42.76
I WANTED
NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
00:17:42.76\00:17:45.29
IF THAT WAS MY
GENDER, NO THANK YOU.
00:17:45.29\00:17:48.46
>> I THINK EVERY CHILD WANTS TO
KNOW THAT THEY WERE PLANNED FOR;
00:17:48.46\00:17:52.00
THAT THEY WERE WANTED.
MY MOTHER WAS DISTRAUGHT,
00:17:52.00\00:17:59.64
ANGERED, FULL OF GRIEF.
SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HOLD ME.
00:17:59.64\00:18:03.75
FROM THE TIME I WAS MOLESTED,
FROM THAT DAY FORWARD, MY MIND
00:18:03.75\00:18:09.28
WAS CONFUSED. I
HAD WILD IMAGINATIONS.
00:18:09.28\00:18:13.02
MY THOUGHTS WERE OUT OF
CONTROL, AND MY IMAGINATIONS AND
00:18:13.02\00:18:18.83
FANTASIES WERE TOWARDS THE SAME
TYPE OF PERSON THAT HAD MOLESTED
00:18:18.83\00:18:23.53
ME, WHICH WAS A MAN, BECAUSE
THAT WAS MY INTRODUCTION TO
00:18:23.53\00:18:28.90
SEXUAL BEHAVIOR. I
DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE.
00:18:28.90\00:18:32.21
>> AS A SMALL CHILD, MY PARENTS
HAD BEEN VERY GOOD AT INFORMING
00:18:32.21\00:18:39.05
US OF WHAT WAS RIGHT AND WRONG,
AND SO FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE, MY
00:18:39.05\00:18:43.62
PARENTS BOTH TOLD ME IF
ANYBODY EVER TOUCHES YOU
00:18:43.62\00:18:46.99
INAPPROPRIATELY, YOU TELL US,
BUT WHEN IT STARTED HAPPENING,
00:18:46.99\00:18:50.19
AT FIRST I WAS SO YOUNG THAT I
DIDN'T REALLY RECOGNIZE WHAT WAS
00:18:50.19\00:18:53.80
GOING ON, AND AS I GOT OLDER,
IT WAS MORE GUILT THAT I HADN'T
00:18:53.80\00:19:01.04
TOLD THEM WHEN
IT FIRST HAPPENED.
00:19:01.04\00:19:03.37
IT WAS MY FAULT, AND SO EVEN
AFTER TELLING SOMEBODY, THERE
00:19:03.37\00:19:07.58
WASN'T REALLY
LIKE CLOSURE TO IT.
00:19:07.58\00:19:11.25
THERE WASN'T ANY
UNDERSTANDING, WE'RE SORRY.
00:19:11.25\00:19:14.42
WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP YOU?
IT WAS WE FAILED AS PARENTS.
00:19:14.42\00:19:18.85
>> I DID KNOW AS A CHILD
THAT THIS WAS WRONG, WHAT HAD
00:19:18.85\00:19:22.82
HAPPENED, BUT AS A VICTIM, I
DID NOT WANT TO REVEAL WHAT HAD
00:19:22.82\00:19:27.03
HAPPENED, AND I FELT DIRTY.
I FELT -- WELL, I HAD BEEN -- I
00:19:27.03\00:19:32.20
HAD BEEN TAINTED, AND I FELT
VERY DIFFERENT FROM THAT DAY
00:19:32.20\00:19:38.31
FORWARD. >> NO
ONE EVER MOLESTED ME.
00:19:38.31\00:19:40.98
I WAS NEVER -- I WAS NEVER
BEATEN TO A PULP OR -- OR THAT
00:19:40.98\00:19:45.11
KIND OF THING, BUT THERE
WERE MANY AREAS OF NEGLECT.
00:19:45.11\00:19:48.85
I WAS IN SEVENTH GRADE, SO I WAS
ABOUT 13, AND WE WERE RUNNING
00:19:48.85\00:19:52.79
HOME, AND I TRIPPED
AND FELL AND BROKE MY ARM.
00:19:52.79\00:19:56.76
SO WHEN MY MOM CAME HOME THAT
NIGHT I WAS LAYING ON THE SOFA,
00:19:56.76\00:20:01.03
AND SHE SAID YOU
WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
00:20:01.03\00:20:02.66
IT IS PROBABLY NOT
BROKEN. SO MY MOTHER WENT OUT.
00:20:02.66\00:20:06.30
SHE HAD A DATE. LEFT
ME ON THE SOFA, AND CAME
00:20:06.30\00:20:09.67
BACK SUNDAY, AND I
WAS STILL ON THE SOFA.
00:20:09.67\00:20:13.34
I DON'T BLAME MY MOM. I
REALLY -- I'M NOT EVEN ANGRY
00:20:13.34\00:20:17.18
AT HER ANYMORE. BUT I
BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE OF
00:20:17.18\00:20:20.12
HER BROKENNESS, THERE WAS A
LIMIT TO WHAT SHE WAS ABLE TO
00:20:20.12\00:20:23.59
GIVE ME. >> AT
THE AGE OF 13, I WOULD
00:20:23.59\00:20:26.59
READ MY BIBLE, AND I BEGAN TO
READ TEXTS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY,
00:20:26.59\00:20:31.86
AND THE DESCRIPTIONS
ABOUT MEN WITH MEN, AND BY THIS
00:20:31.86\00:20:36.56
TIME -- WELL THERE WAS HARDLY A
DAY THAT I DIDN'T KNOW SAME-SEX
00:20:36.56\00:20:44.64
ATTRACTION, BUT I FOUND OUT
ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD
00:20:44.64\00:20:47.84
THIS WASN'T
ACCORDING TO HIS PLAN.
00:20:47.84\00:20:50.01
AND I THOUGHT,
WOW, HOW CAN THAT BE?
00:20:50.01\00:20:53.11
I DIDN'T ASK TOBE LIKE THIS.
>> I REMEMBER THIS ROOMMATE, WE
00:20:53.11\00:20:57.15
WOULD WRESTLE, AND ONE NIGHT
THIS WRESTLING TURNED SEXUAL.
00:20:57.15\00:21:01.06
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT
HAD HAPPENED THAT DAY.
00:21:01.06\00:21:03.79
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT GOT THAT
FAR OR WENT THAT FAR, AND THE
00:21:03.79\00:21:07.03
MOMENT IT WAS OVER, LIKE
ALL OF THIS GUILT CAME IN AND
00:21:07.03\00:21:13.64
CONDEMNATION AND -- AND THIS
SHOCK THAT I NOW WAS THE REALITY
00:21:13.64\00:21:17.44
OF WHAT ALL OF THOSE BOYS SAID
FOR ALL OF THOSE YEARS THAT I
00:21:17.44\00:21:21.48
WAS A SISSY, A
FAGGOT, A HOMO, GAY.
00:21:21.48\00:21:26.82
>> GROWING UP WITH THESE
ATTRACTIONS TOWARDS MEN INSTEAD
00:21:26.82\00:21:32.75
OF GIRLS, I REALLY DIDN'T
KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM.
00:21:32.75\00:21:37.33
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I
COULD TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT.
00:21:37.33\00:21:40.30
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF, AND
YET I FELT ASHAMED TO SHARE WHAT
00:21:40.30\00:21:46.70
I WAS FEELING WITH ANYONE ELSE.
>> I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY
00:21:46.70\00:21:53.31
PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT HAD
THESE FEELINGS, I THINK A LOT OF
00:21:53.31\00:21:56.98
I GOES AND GIRLS TOO MY AGE
AT THAT PARTICULAR TIME, THOUGHT
00:21:56.98\00:22:00.62
THEY WERE THE ONLY ONES IN
THE WORLD THAT HAD THESE THINGS
00:22:00.62\00:22:03.52
GOING ON, BECAUSE WE
DIDN'T DARE TALK ABOUT THEM.
00:22:03.52\00:22:06.05
>> I JUST GREW UP WITH
THAT EMOTIONAL CONFUSION, AND IT
00:22:06.05\00:22:10.09
FESTERED, JUST LIKE --
LIKE A SPLINTER IN THE THUMB.
00:22:10.09\00:22:13.09
IT WILL HAVE TO COME OUT SOONER
OR LATER, AND EVENTUALLY THAT'S
00:22:13.09\00:22:17.37
WHAT HAPPENED, BUT
THAT WAS MANY YEARS LATER.
00:22:17.37\00:22:19.87
¤ >> I MET A GUY WHO INTRODUCED
00:22:19.87\00:22:25.24
HIMSELF TO ME AND -- AND THE
DEPTH -- IDENTIFIED ME AS BEING
00:22:25.24\00:22:31.08
GAY. AND I SAID
WHAT DID YOU SAY I
00:22:31.08\00:22:32.78
WAS? HE SAID YOU ARE GAY.
00:22:32.78\00:22:34.85
AND I SAID WHAT IS THAT? IT
WAS AT THE TIME WHEN THE TERM
00:22:34.85\00:22:38.39
GAY WAS
ACTUALLY BEING DEVELOPED.
00:22:38.39\00:22:43.19
AND HE SAID, YOU
LIKE GUYS, DON'T YOU?
00:22:43.19\00:22:48.00
YOU ARE GAY. I'M GAY.
00:22:48.00\00:22:49.63
I GO TO COLLEGE WITH OTHER GUYS
WHO ARE GAY, AND THE CHURCH HAS
00:22:49.63\00:22:53.00
DONE A GOOD JOB AT TELLING
US THAT HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIOR IS
00:22:53.00\00:22:58.17
SINFUL. AND
THAT'S THE END OF THE
00:22:58.17\00:23:02.58
CONVERSATION. I
HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY.
00:23:02.58\00:23:05.18
>> AS I WAS A VERY ACTIVE MEMBER
IN THE CHURCH GROWING UP, I
00:23:05.18\00:23:09.82
NOTICED THERE WAS NO ONE TALKING
ABOUT THE GAY ISSUE, AND SO MY
00:23:09.82\00:23:13.32
FIRST INTRODUCTION TO THE
GAY ISSUE THROUGH PUBLICATION
00:23:13.32\00:23:17.13
HAPPENED TO COME THROUGH A TIME
MAGAZINE WHEN I WAS SITTING IN A
00:23:17.13\00:23:22.23
COLLEGE LIBRARY, WHERE I WAS
STUDYING THEOLOGY, AND WHEN I
00:23:22.23\00:23:26.03
SAW THAT MAGAZINE, AND I SAW
THAT THIS WAS A COVER STORY, I
00:23:26.03\00:23:30.91
WAS FASCINATED BY THE -- THE
PHOTOGRAPH ON THE COVER OF THAT
00:23:30.91\00:23:35.34
MAGAZINE, BECAUSE UP TO THAT
POINT, I FELT TOTALLY ALONE IN
00:23:35.34\00:23:40.22
MY MENTAL STRUGGLE,
AND IN MY CONFUSION.
00:23:40.22\00:23:43.59
I DIDN'T KNOW A
LIVING SOUL WHO WAS GAY.
00:23:43.59\00:23:46.32
>> I CAN REMEMBER MY PARENTS,
YOU KNOW, SAYING SOMETHING -- OR
00:23:46.32\00:23:49.56
OTHER PEOPLE WOULD ALSO SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT, YOU KNOW, WELL,
00:23:49.56\00:23:52.49
PEOPLE LIKE THAT, OR -- AND
I KNEW THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT
00:23:52.49\00:23:55.56
SOMEONE THAT WAS DEALING
WITH A HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCY OR
00:23:55.56\00:24:00.77
TEMPTATION, BUT
NOBODY WOULD GO FURTHER.
00:24:00.77\00:24:03.64
I WOULD BE ALL EARS, BUT
NO ONE WOULD SAY ANYTHING.
00:24:03.64\00:24:06.91
>> I THOUGHT I WAS
JUST BORN BISEXUAL.
00:24:06.91\00:24:10.68
THAT I WAS BORN GAY. IN
THAT THAT ATTRACTION HAD
00:24:10.68\00:24:13.85
ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME, SO
I THOUGHT I CAN'T -- I THOUGHT I
00:24:13.85\00:24:17.12
COULDN'T BE A CHRISTIAN,
AND -- AND IT PUSHED ME AWAY
00:24:17.12\00:24:21.06
FROM GOD. IF I'M
A LESBIAN, YOU KNOW,
00:24:21.06\00:24:23.86
THAT'S SIN, AND SIN EQUALS
DEATH, SO WHY WOULD I JOIN A
00:24:23.86\00:24:28.56
RELIGION THAT TELLS ME I'M JUST
GOING TO DIE FOR BEING WHO I AM.
00:24:28.56\00:24:31.93
>> FINALLY CAME OUT TO MY
PARENTS, AND THEY KICKED ME OUT
00:24:31.93\00:24:35.30
OF THE HOUE FOR A WEEK, AND
THEN MY PARENTS CALLED ME AND
00:24:35.30\00:24:41.31
SAID WHERE ARE YOU IN AND
I SAID CAN I COME BACK HOME?
00:24:41.31\00:24:46.85
DO I NEED TO FIND
SOMEWHERE TO STAY?
00:24:46.85\00:24:50.49
AND THEY SAID NO, COME HOME.
AND MY MOM STARTED CRYING AND
00:24:50.49\00:24:55.66
BEG BEGGING, AND BRINGING BIBLE
00:24:55.66\00:24:58.66
VERSES UP. AND SHE
WAS LIKE YOU ARE NOT
00:24:58.66\00:25:02.20
GOING TO BE IN HEAVEN
IF THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.
00:25:02.20\00:25:05.00
>> I HAD TO BE GOOD,
SO I GOT A GIRLFRIEND.
00:25:05.00\00:25:08.70
AND I PRAYED FOR
GOD TO MAKE ME STRAIGHT.
00:25:08.70\00:25:11.57
I DIDN'T WANT THIS. I
WANTED TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE
00:25:11.57\00:25:14.91
A FAMILY AND A WIFE. >>
ENDED UP BEING DRAFTED INTO
00:25:14.91\00:25:19.01
THE MILITARY, AND WOULDN'T YOU
KNOW, AGAIN, I WAS MESSED WITH
00:25:19.01\00:25:22.75
WHEN I WAS IN THE MILITARY,
AND HAD NO IDEA HOW TO DEAL WITH
00:25:22.75\00:25:27.89
THAT AS WELL, BUT STILL
MAINTAINING MY SPIRITUALITY.
00:25:27.89\00:25:31.13
I WAS A CHRISTIAN, I WANTED TO
BE A CHRISTIAN, AND I WANTED TO
00:25:31.13\00:25:36.16
BE RIGHT WITH GOD. I
THOUGHT IF I WERE JUST
00:25:36.16\00:25:39.83
MARRIED, IT WOULD TAKE
CARE OF THE WHOLE THING.
00:25:39.83\00:25:42.30
AND YET MARRIAGE WORKED FOR A
WHILE, AND THEN I REALIZED THAT
00:25:42.30\00:25:45.77
I HAD MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE,
AND THIS WOMAN, WHO LOVED ME
00:25:45.77\00:25:50.75
VERY MUCH, I REALIZED, I
WAS -- I WAS GOING TO BE A BIG
00:25:50.75\00:25:55.72
DISAPPOINTMENT TO HER. SO
I PRAYED, AND I SAID, I DON'T
00:25:55.72\00:25:58.79
WANT TO LIVE, LORD. IF I
HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS, I
00:25:58.79\00:26:01.69
DON'T WANT TO LIVE, AND I PRAYED
AND I SAID LORD, IF THIS IS THE
00:26:01.69\00:26:06.73
CLOSEST WE'RE GOING TO
BE, I SAID TAKE ME NOW.
00:26:06.73\00:26:09.93
I JUST DON'T WANT TO
GO THROUGH WHAT IS COMING.
00:26:09.93\00:26:13.03
BUT GOD DIDN'T TAKE MY LIFE, AND
I REMEMBER THE RESENTMENT THAT
00:26:13.03\00:26:18.61
CAME FEELING THAT
GOD MUST BE LIKE MY DAD.
00:26:18.61\00:26:22.38
BECAUSE HE CALLS HIMSELF FATHER,
AND I HAVE AT FAER, SO IF HE
00:26:22.38\00:26:26.45
DOESN'T HEAR OR ANSWER MY
PRAYER, THEN BASICALLY HE MUST
00:26:26.45\00:26:30.12
BE LIKE MY DAD, INDIFFERENT,
JUDGMENTAL ARBITRARY.
00:26:30.12\00:26:35.22
TODAY HE CARES AND TOMOROW
HE DOESN'T, AND SO I DETERMINE
00:26:35.22\00:26:38.49
THAT -- THAT EITHER I WASN'T
WORTHY OF HIS TIME, OR MAYBE HE
00:26:38.49\00:26:44.23
JUST DIDN'T CARE. >>
AFTER I STARTED GETTING
00:26:44.23\00:26:47.14
ABUSED, IT TURNED FROM BEING
TOTALLY STOKED ABOUT JESUS TO
00:26:47.14\00:26:52.67
WHY ISN'T JESUS HERE?
WHY ISN'T HE STOPPING THIS?
00:26:52.67\00:26:57.55
I'M CRYING IN MY BED AT NIGHT,
AND JESUS -- I CAN'T HEAR HIM
00:26:57.55\00:27:03.39
ANYMORE. LIKE
WHERE DID HE GO IN AND I
00:27:03.39\00:27:05.59
THOUGHT IN MY LITTLE
MIND, I HAD MADE JESUS MAD.
00:27:05.59\00:27:09.66
LIKE IS THIS A DIFFERENT GOD
THAN I WAS ACQUAINTED WITH WHEN
00:27:09.66\00:27:14.30
I WAS LITTLE? LIKE,
IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS
00:27:14.30\00:27:18.63
BUTTERFLIES ANYMORE.
IT'S TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN.
00:27:18.63\00:27:21.20
THERE ARE TERRIBLE
PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
00:27:21.20\00:27:24.84
AND IT'S STILL A STRUGGLE
TO KNOW WHY HE WOULD LET THOSE
00:27:24.84\00:27:29.71
THINGS HAPPEN TO LIKE
LITTLE SEVEN YEAR OLD KIDS.
00:27:29.71\00:27:32.58
>> I THOUGHT I NEEDED TO BE
HONEST WITH MY WIFE, AND I TOLD
00:27:32.58\00:27:37.12
HER. OF COURSE
SHE WAS DEVASTATED,
00:27:37.12\00:27:39.42
JUST BROKE HER HEART. AND
WE HAD THESE TWO CHILDREN,
00:27:39.42\00:27:44.33
VERY YOUNG CHILDREN, AND -- BUT
TO HER CREDIT, MY WIFE LOVED ME.
00:27:44.33\00:27:48.83
SHE WAS A CHRISTIAN.
SHE WAS WILLING TO FORGIVE.
00:27:48.83\00:27:52.83
SHE WAS WILLING
TO WORK THROUGH IT.
00:27:52.83\00:27:55.17
AND SHE WANTED TO STAY WITH
ME. SHE WANTED TO GO THROUGH
00:27:55.17\00:28:01.44
COUNSELING AND SEE IF
WE COULDN'T MAKE THIS WORK.
00:28:01.44\00:28:03.81
BUT WHEN PASTORS --
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT CHURCH
00:28:03.81\00:28:06.92
PEOPLE -- CHRISTIANS WOULD
COUNSEL MY WIFE TO DIVORCE THIS
00:28:06.92\00:28:13.69
MAN AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE,
THAT KIND CAN NEVER CHANGE, THAT
00:28:13.69\00:28:18.29
REALLY HURT ME AND ANGERED
ME. TO HEAR IT COMING FROM
00:28:18.29\00:28:22.36
PROFESSIONALS WHO SHOULD HAVE
ANSWERS, IT REALLY IMBITTERED ME
00:28:22.36\00:28:27.50
AGAINST THE CHURCH
AND AGAINST GOD HIMSELF.
00:28:27.50\00:28:29.57
>> IN THE BIBLE WHERE IT TALKED
ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY BEING AN
00:28:29.57\00:28:35.88
ABOMINATION. AND I
THOUGHT THAT'S NOT FAIR.
00:28:35.88\00:28:37.81
I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS THING. I
DIDN'T WANT THIS THING, AND AS
00:28:37.81\00:28:41.25
HARD AS I FOUGHT TO NOT BE THSE
THINGS, AND I PRAYED AND I ASKED
00:28:41.25\00:28:45.42
YOU TO CHANGE ME, YOU NEVER
DID, AND SO THS IS WHO I AM.
00:28:45.42\00:28:49.02
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. AND
EVENTUALLY I JUST GAVE UP.
00:28:49.02\00:28:53.29
I FINALLY STOPPED
FIGHTING MY INCLINATIONS.
00:28:53.29\00:28:57.93
I STOPPED PRAYING ABOUT IT.
ALL OF THOSE YEARS I PRAYED, THE
00:28:57.93\00:29:02.80
LORD COULD JUST TAKE THS AWAY.
HE DIDN'T JUST TAKE IT AWAY.
00:29:02.80\00:29:06.84
I FELT BECAUSE I CONTINUED
HAVING THESE STRONG DESIRES, AND
00:29:06.84\00:29:10.88
THESE -- THESE UNCONTROLLABLE
THOUGHTS THAT THAT'S JUST WH I
00:29:10.88\00:29:14.55
WAS, AND I FINALLY DECIDED TO
JUST ACCEPT WHO I WAS AND GIVE
00:29:14.55\00:29:19.72
UP. AND I
BROUGHT MY MARRIAGE TO A
00:29:19.72\00:29:23.96
DEVASTATING END. I
FELL HEADLONG INTO THE GAY
00:29:23.96\00:29:27.03
LIFE, AND THEN FOR ME
THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK.
00:29:27.03\00:29:29.63
I DID NOT WANT TO BE
GAY. I FELT I HAD NO CHOICE.
00:29:29.63\00:29:34.00
I WAS JUST ACCEPTING WHO I WAS
AND I NEEDED TO GET OVER IT, AND
00:29:34.00\00:29:39.14
SO DID EVERYONE ELSE,
BECAUSE I HAD NO ANSWERS.
00:29:39.14\00:29:42.08
>> WHAT HAPPENS TO THE THINGS
THAT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT -- WHAT
00:29:42.08\00:29:47.55
ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY, YOU
KNOW? WHAT ABOUT OVEREATING?
00:29:47.55\00:29:51.79
WHAT ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS THAT
SATAN HAS LAID OUT IN FRONT OF
00:29:51.79\00:29:55.52
US, AND HE HAS SOMETHING
FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.
00:29:55.52\00:29:58.19
AND WHEN YOU STOP AS THINK ABOUT
IT, AS LONG AS HE HAS DERECEIVED
00:29:58.19\00:30:04.93
YOU WITH YOUR FEELINGS, YOU ARE
DRAWN TO IT, AND SO I BELIEVED
00:30:04.93\00:30:10.11
MY FRIEND. I
BELIEVED THAT I WAS GAY, AND
00:30:10.11\00:30:13.17
THAT IT DIDN'T MATCH UP WITH
GOD'S WORD, AND I WAS LIKE, OH,
00:30:13.17\00:30:17.21
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT.
00:30:17.21\00:30:19.11
SO I WAS DONE -- I WAS DONE WITH
CHRISTIANITY, I WAS DONE WITH
00:30:19.11\00:30:24.99
GOD, AND I OPENLY
EMBRACED THE GAY COMMUNITY.
00:30:24.99\00:30:28.12
AND THEY OPENLY EMBRACED ME.
>> ONE DAY MY -- MY FATHER SAT
00:30:28.12\00:30:33.56
ME DOWN AND HE SAID DANIELLE, IF
THERE ARE WAYS IN WHICH YOU ARE
00:30:33.56\00:30:38.03
DIFFERENT FROM MOST EVERYONE
ELSE, IT'S OKAY, AND IF YOU CAN
00:30:38.03\00:30:43.54
YOU KNOW -- IF -- IT'S OKAY TO
BE AN INDIVIDUAL, AND NO MATTER
00:30:43.54\00:30:47.58
WHO YOU ARE, I'M
STILL GOING TO LOVE YOU.
00:30:47.58\00:30:50.45
AND HE DIDN'T COME OUT AND SAY
DANIELLE, IT'S OKAY IF YOU ARE
00:30:50.45\00:30:54.52
GAY, BUT WE BOTH KNEW THAT
THAT'S WHAT HE WAS GETTING AT.
00:30:54.52\00:30:58.72
SO I THOUGHT, WOW. OKAY.
00:30:58.72\00:31:00.96
I'M NOT GOING TO
HOLD BACK ANYMORE.
00:31:00.96\00:31:03.56
NOT JUST SEXUALLY, BUT
EXPRESSIVELY, IN -- IN ALL OF MY
00:31:03.56\00:31:08.26
LIFE. >> MY
SISTER MOVED DOWN FROM
00:31:08.26\00:31:11.23
OHIO, AND SHE WAS LIVING WIT
ME, AND I REMEMBER TELLING HER
00:31:11.23\00:31:14.27
THAT I WAS GAY. SHE HAD NO IDEA.
00:31:14.27\00:31:17.11
I WAS MYSTIFIED THAT THROUGH
ALL OF THE YEARS OF PLAYING WITH
00:31:17.11\00:31:20.58
DOLLS, AND CROSS-DRESSING THAT
IT NEVER OCCURRED TO HER THAT I
00:31:20.58\00:31:24.05
MIGHT BE GAY, AND SHE
WAS PROFOUNDLY SHOCKED.
00:31:24.05\00:31:28.12
SHE WAS SO KIND. >> AS
A SMALL CHILD, I WAS VERY
00:31:28.12\00:31:31.42
CLOSE TO MY MOTHER. SHE
WAS WHAT I THOUGHT EVERY MOM
00:31:31.42\00:31:35.86
NEEDED TO BE. AS I
STARTED GETTING OLDER, AND
00:31:35.86\00:31:42.23
STARTED CLOSING OFF TO PEOPLE,
I JUST PUSHED EVERYBODY ASIDE,
00:31:42.23\00:31:46.50
INCLUDING MY MOM, EVEN THOUGH
I REALLY HAD NO REASON TO.
00:31:46.50\00:31:49.94
I JUST FELT LIKE NOBODY ELSE
HAS BEEN THERE, WHY WOULD SHE?
00:31:49.94\00:31:55.74
¤
00:31:55.74\00:31:59.11
>> I DECIDED TO ACTUALLY
GIVE CHRISTIANITY A CHANCE.
00:32:01.42\00:32:05.35
I WOULD START READING INTO IT,
AND, YOU KNOW, READING THE BIBLE
00:32:05.35\00:32:10.39
AND ACTUALLY GOING TO CHURCH
WHEN THERE WAS SOMEONE THERE
00:32:10.39\00:32:13.90
THAT I TRUSTED. I WAS
TRYING TO BALANCE GOING MY
00:32:13.90\00:32:20.37
OWN WAY WITH, ALSO, TRYING TO
KEEP GOD IN THE PICTURE SOMEHOW,
00:32:20.37\00:32:24.74
BUT EVENTUALLY, I
STARTED SAYING, I CAN'T DO THIS.
00:32:24.74\00:32:28.11
I CAN'T BE A CHRISTIAN.
THIS MUST BE WHY I'M SO
00:32:28.11\00:32:32.91
DEPRESSED, BECAUSE THE BIBLE
TELLS ME TO BE THIS PERSON, AND
00:32:32.91\00:32:35.82
LIVE THIS WAY, BUT I CAN'T.
I TRY AND I FAIL, AND I CAN'T.
00:32:35.82\00:32:39.75
AND THAT'S WHY I'M SO DEPRESSED.
AND I WANTED TO BE A GOOD PERSON
00:32:39.75\00:32:43.79
AND MAKE GOOD DECISIONS, BUT I
ALWAYS MADE THE WRONG DECISIONS,
00:32:43.79\00:32:47.10
AND I WASN'T A GOOD
PERSON. I WASN'T A GOOD FRIEND.
00:32:47.10\00:32:50.20
SO I WAS ENTERING INTO
THIS STRUGGLE, WHO I AM?
00:32:50.20\00:32:54.40
WHO AM I INSIDE? SO I
STARTED REALLY BECOMING
00:32:54.40\00:32:58.54
MORE AND MORE EXTRAVAGANT
WITH MY DRESS AND MY MAKEUP.
00:32:58.54\00:33:02.11
IF I WOULD WALK DOWN THE STREET
AND A LITTLE CHILD WOULD LOOK AT
00:33:02.11\00:33:05.55
ME AND LOOK SCARED, I
THUGHT I LOOK GOOD TODAY.
00:33:05.55\00:33:09.55
>> IN A WAY, WHEN I WENT
INTO THE GAY LIFE, I FELT GREAT
00:33:09.55\00:33:14.66
RELIEF, BECAUSE I WAS NO LONGER
FIGHTING THIS THING, AND I KNEW
00:33:14.66\00:33:20.46
BIBLICALLY THAT
THIS LIFE WAS WRONG.
00:33:20.46\00:33:21.86
I WAS VERY WELL AWARE
OF ALL OF THE BIBLE TEXTS.
00:33:21.86\00:33:25.83
I JUST GAVE UP. AND
SO FOR NEARLY 40 YEARS, I
00:33:25.83\00:33:31.67
WAS IMMERSED IN --
IN THE GAY CULTURE.
00:33:31.67\00:33:35.08
I TOLD MY PARENTS, AND I TOLD
EVERYBODY ELSE, I'M GAY THERE IS
00:33:35.08\00:33:39.01
NOTHING YOU CAN DO
ABOUT IT. I HAVE COME OUT.
00:33:39.01\00:33:41.52
I EDED UP IN A
VERY PROMISCUOUS LIFE.
00:33:41.52\00:33:45.12
I KNOW THAT THERE ARE MANY TODAY
OUT THERE THAT -- THAT DON'T,
00:33:45.12\00:33:49.72
AND MANY PEOPLE THAT HAVE MAYBE
FALLEN IN LOVE WITH ONE PERSON,
00:33:49.72\00:33:54.36
AND MAYBE THAT'S BEEN SOMEONE
THEY HAVE BEEN WITH FOR 25 OR 30
00:33:54.36\00:33:58.17
YEARS, FROM ALL OF THE
RELATIONSHIPS I KNW OF THAT
00:33:58.17\00:34:02.17
HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT, THEY
WOULD SOMETIMES CLAIM TO BE
00:34:02.17\00:34:08.14
MONOGAMOUS, BUT I WAS
SLEEPING WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS.
00:34:08.14\00:34:11.48
>> I WOULD USE THE GYMS AS
PROBABLY THE SOMEBODY ONE SPOT
00:34:11.48\00:34:15.32
WHERE I WOULD PICK UP MEN.
WHERE I WAS ACTUALLY ACTING OUT
00:34:15.32\00:34:20.89
AS MANY AS THREE
TIMES IN A DAY WITH PEOPLE.
00:34:20.89\00:34:23.12
AND AS MANY AS THREE
OR FOUR TIMES A WEEK.
00:34:23.12\00:34:27.20
20 YEARS OF THAT. >>
WELL, YOU KNOW, THIS WENT ON
00:34:27.20\00:34:33.03
FOR -- FOR YEARS, AND ALL OF
A SUDDEN -- I MEAN, YOU KNOW, AT
00:34:33.03\00:34:38.67
FULL SPEED
TOWARDS ME WAS KILLER SEX.
00:34:38.67\00:34:42.34
AIDS. AND
SUDDENLY, MY CLOSEST FRIENDS
00:34:42.34\00:34:48.15
BEGAN TO START DIEING. ¤
00:34:48.15\00:34:51.79
>> AND I WAS ONLY 30 YEARS OLD
WHEN THIS BEGAN, AND I REMEMBER
00:34:51.79\00:34:56.76
CALLING MY PARENTS AND
SAYING WHAT IS GOING ON?
00:34:56.76\00:34:59.73
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO
ME? YOU ARE IN YOUR 50S, AND YOU
00:34:59.73\00:35:04.90
DON'T HAVE
ANYBODY WHO HAS DIED YET.
00:35:04.90\00:35:07.17
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
>> I WATCHED MY FRIENDS DROP
00:35:07.17\00:35:10.94
LIKE FLIES. I HAD
UNPROTECTED SEX WITH MEN
00:35:10.94\00:35:14.91
AND THEY WOULD BE
DEAD THREE MONTHS LATER.
00:35:14.91\00:35:17.51
AND YET I COULD NOT STOP.
MY ADDICTIVE DRIVE JUST KEPT ME
00:35:17.51\00:35:21.82
MOVING MORE AND MORE AND MORE,
AND NO MATTER HOW OFTEN I WOULD
00:35:21.82\00:35:25.25
FEEL AFTERWARDS, IT
WASN'T ENOUGH TO STOP ME.
00:35:25.25\00:35:27.59
>> I'M NOT SHARING THIS TODAY TO
SAY THAT THIS IS WHAT EVERY GAY
00:35:27.59\00:35:33.36
LIFE IS LIKE. I
MEAN THERE ARE SO MANY
00:35:33.36\00:35:35.80
DIFFERENT WAYS -- HETEROSEXUALS
ARE MESSED UP, WE'RE ALL MESSED
00:35:35.80\00:35:41.37
UP IF WE'E NOT LOOKING TO
THE ONE WHO CAN BRING ABOUT THE
00:35:41.37\00:35:44.44
HEALING THAT WE NEED NO
MATTER WHAT OUR MESS-UP IS.
00:35:44.44\00:35:47.84
I WANTED TO BE LOVED. I
THOUGHT THAT THAT MATTER.
00:35:47.84\00:35:51.65
>> I MET A GREAT GUY. BIG ARMS.
00:35:51.65\00:35:55.38
BIG BLUE EYES. HE
WAS A MILLIONAIRE.
00:35:55.38\00:35:57.79
HE DROVE A CONVERTIBLE MERCEDES.
HAD A BIG HOUSE WITH A POOL.
00:35:57.79\00:36:02.12
I REMEMBER
THINKING, WOW, I HIT PAY DIRT.
00:36:02.12\00:36:05.79
I HAVE ARRIVED.
ANYTHING WE WANTED.
00:36:05.79\00:36:10.03
AND I REMEMBER THINKING TO
MYSELF, IS THIS THE BEST IT IS
00:36:10.03\00:36:14.04
GOING TO BE? I
REMEMBER LAYING WITH MY
00:36:14.04\00:36:15.67
BOYFRIEND ON THE WITHINS, AND
HAVING THE POOL IN FRONT OF US,
00:36:15.67\00:36:19.34
AND THINKING TO MYSELF, I HAVE
EVERYTHING THAT THE WORLD SAYS
00:36:19.34\00:36:22.94
IS VALUABLE, AND YET IS
THAT IT? >> I THOUGHT THAT I WAS
00:36:22.94\00:36:27.82
EXPERIENCING A GREAT LEVEL OF
FREEDOM, AND -- IN DOING WHAT I
00:36:27.82\00:36:32.02
WAS DOING, LIVING THE
WAY THAT I WAS LIVING.
00:36:32.02\00:36:34.82
GOING OFF AND LIVING ON MY OWN,
MAKING MY OWN CHOICES, AND I
00:36:34.82\00:36:39.33
ALWAYS HAD THIS
DRIVE FOR SOMETHING MORE.
00:36:39.33\00:36:42.10
SOMETHING MORE EXPEOPLE,
SOMETHING MORE FULFILLING, AND I
00:36:42.10\00:36:46.10
NEVER FELT LIKE I REACHED
THAT PLACE OF CONTENTMENT.
00:36:46.10\00:36:49.57
>> IF I'M SEEKING FREEDOM FROM
GOD'S LAW, BECAUSE -- OF COURSE
00:36:49.57\00:36:54.94
IT'S ALL OF THOSE THOU SHALT
NOT, THOU SHALT NOT, AND BY
00:36:54.94\00:37:00.95
GIVING UP, AND GOING INTO THE
WORLD, I WAS NOW FREE FROM THAT
00:37:00.95\00:37:05.39
LAW, AND YET THE BIBLE SAYS
THE LAW OF GOD IS THE LAW OF
00:37:05.39\00:37:10.06
LIBERTY, SO IF I AM FREE
FROM LIBERTY, WHAT IS MY REAL
00:37:10.06\00:37:13.90
SITUATION? ¤
00:37:13.90\00:37:17.73
>> I HAD TWO SISTERS
THAT WERE PRAYING FOR ME.
00:37:17.73\00:37:20.47
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG.
I HAD A SISTER THAT WAS VERY
00:37:20.47\00:37:24.27
RELIGIOUS IN COLORADO, AND I
HAD ANOTHER SISTER THAT WAS IN
00:37:24.27\00:37:28.78
FLORIDA, WHO WAS WORKING SIDE BY
SIDE WITH ME IN -- IN MY SALON,
00:37:28.78\00:37:34.65
AND SHE WOULD ALWAYS INVITE
MY LOVERS AND ME OVER TO HOLIDAY
00:37:34.65\00:37:39.55
MEALS. SHE NEVER
KEPT ME FROM HOLDING
00:37:39.55\00:37:42.49
MY NEPHEW WHEN HE WAS A BABY.
AND I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT
00:37:42.49\00:37:46.09
SHE LOVED ME. BUT
THEY WERE PRAYING FOR ME.
00:37:46.09\00:37:48.63
>> AND I THINK PRAYER IS
A BIG PART OF THE ASPECT TO.
00:37:48.63\00:37:52.23
WE NEED TO PRAY FOR PEOPLE MORE
THAN SHAKING OUR FINGER AT THEM,
00:37:52.23\00:37:58.07
AND THAT'S WHAT CHRIST
DID. HE MINGLED WITH THE PEOPLE.
00:37:58.07\00:38:01.01
HE ADDRESSED THEIR NEEDS.
HE WON THEIR CONFIDENCE, AND
00:38:01.01\00:38:05.55
THEN HE BID THEM FOLLOW ME.
>> AND YET JESUS HAS BEEN ALL
00:38:05.55\00:38:09.75
ALONG TRYING TO SAY TO ME
FROM DAY ONE, IS THAT WAYNE, YOU
00:38:09.75\00:38:14.09
MATTER, YOU
BELONG, AND YOU ARE LOVED.
00:38:14.09\00:38:16.39
I COULDN'T SEE IT,
AND I WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
00:38:16.39\00:38:19.43
I WOULDN'T STOP LONG
ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO HIM.
00:38:19.43\00:38:22.20
I COULDN'T HEAR HIM BECAUSE I
WAS DROWNING MYSELF WITH MY OWN
00:38:22.20\00:38:27.74
VOICE, SO HE WAS LIKE, ALL
RIGHT, WAYNE, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
00:38:27.74\00:38:30.94
TO DO THAT, BUT I'M TRYING TO
REACH YOU, AND GUESS WHAT, THERE
00:38:30.94\00:38:34.34
ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO CARE
ABOUT YOU, AND THEY ARE ACTUALLY
00:38:34.34\00:38:37.08
PRAYING FOR YOU.->> AS I WAS
SPENDING ALL OF THOSE YEARS IN
00:38:37.08\00:38:42.42
THE GAY LIFE, BLAMING GOD FOR
EVERYTHING WRONG IN MY LIFE,
GIVING HIM NO CREDIT
00:38:42.42\00:38:45.39
FOR ANYTHING GOOD, I DIDN'T
REALIZE THAT MY PARENTS AND MY
00:38:45.39\00:38:51.03
FAMILY, AND SOME OF MY FORMER
FRIENDS WERE PRAYING FOR ME.
00:38:51.03\00:38:54.63
THE WAY THE LORD ANSWERS THOSE
PRAYERS, MANY TIMES, IS THAT HE
00:38:54.63\00:39:00.37
WILL LET A PERSON FALL SO LOW,
AND -- AND REACH BOTTOM TO THE
00:39:00.37\00:39:05.11
POINT THAT THE ONLY
WAY HE CAN LOOK IS UP.
00:39:05.11\00:39:08.11
>> IT TOOK A LONG TIME AFTER
THINGS STOPPING [ INAUDIBLE ]
00:39:08.11\00:39:15.42
STOPPING TO COME TO TERMS THAT
MAYBE SHE WAS STILL THAT MOM
00:39:15.42\00:39:20.56
THAT SHE WAS WHEN I WAS LITTLE;
THAT MAYBE NOTHING CHANGED IN
00:39:20.56\00:39:26.43
HER; THAT JUST
MAYBE I HAD CHANGED.
00:39:26.43\00:39:29.23
FINALLY ONE DAY I BROKE DOWN,
AND SHE CAME IN AND SHE JUST
00:39:29.23\00:39:32.80
HUGGED ME, AND SHE
SAID, CAN I PLEASE HELP YOU?
00:39:32.80\00:39:36.14
AND I SAID CAN YOU
PLEASE PRAY WITH ME?
00:39:36.14\00:39:38.97
LIKE I NEED -- I
NEED YOU TO HELP.
00:39:38.97\00:39:42.81
AND SHE SAID, YEAH. AND
SHE JUST WRAPPED HER ARMS
00:39:42.81\00:39:49.78
AROUND ME AND STRTED PRAYING
WITH ME, AND SHE SAID JESUS YOU
00:39:49.78\00:39:54.09
KNOW WHERE ANN IS, AND I REALLY
DON'T, BUT SHE NEEDS YOU TO HELP
00:39:54.09\00:39:58.49
HER, BECAUSE I CAN'T. AND
SHE JUST HELD ME AND I JUST
00:39:58.49\00:40:03.10
CRIED. AND SHE CRIED.
00:40:03.10\00:40:10.27
AND I STILL DIDN'T TRUST
HER FULLY, BUT I KNEW I NEEDED
00:40:10.27\00:40:14.38
SOMEBODY TO PRAY,
SHE STILL HAD MY BACK.
00:40:14.38\00:40:17.71
>> I STARTED TO -- TO DESIRE TO
LEARN WHO AND WHAT GOD IS, AND
00:40:17.71\00:40:23.49
WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON BEHIND
THE SCENES, BEHIND THE CLOUDS
00:40:23.49\00:40:26.89
KIND OF A THING, YOU KNOW?
WHAT THE MARINING OF LIFE REALLY
00:40:26.89\00:40:30.19
WAS, AND SO I STARTED LOOKING
INTO DIFFERENT RELIGIONS OF THE
00:40:30.19\00:40:34.10
WORLD, AND READING
INTO -- ESPECIALLY INTO WI
00:40:34.10\00:40:39.67
WICC WICCANISM, BECAUSE I COULD
00:40:39.67\00:40:44.14
RELATE TO WOMEN BETTER, SO
I PICTURED GOD AS A WOMAN MORE
00:40:44.14\00:40:52.65
EASILY. AND MY SISTER COULD SEE
00:40:52.65\00:40:54.15
SOMETHING WAS CHANGING. I
STARTED FINDING COMMON GROUND
00:40:54.15\00:40:59.59
WITH HER, BECAUSE I HAD
THIS NEWFOUND INTEREST IN -- IN
00:40:59.59\00:41:03.76
RECONNECTING TO MY FAMILY.
WHENEVER I HAD CHOSEN TO REJECT
00:41:03.76\00:41:08.40
GOD IN A WAY ALSO JUST TO
REJECT MY FAMILY IN A LARGE WAY,
00:41:08.40\00:41:12.13
BECAUSE MY SISTER AND MY
MOTHER HAD BECOME CHRISTIANS.
00:41:12.13\00:41:16.14
>> HERE I AM THIS HOT SHOT
HAIRDRESSER, AND MY SISTER CAME
00:41:16.14\00:41:19.81
UP TO ME -- AND THE LORD
HAD TOLD HER, TERE WAS AN
00:41:19.81\00:41:23.78
EVANGELISTIC SERIES GOING ON.
AND THE LORD SAID INVITE YOUR
00:41:23.78\00:41:28.85
BROTHER. AND SO
SHE SAID HEY, THERE IS
00:41:28.85\00:41:32.32
THIS EVANGELISTIC THING
GOING ON, DO YOU WANT TO GO?
00:41:32.32\00:41:35.39
AND I LOOKED AT HER --
AND OF COURSE I DIDN'T WANT TO
00:41:35.39\00:41:38.96
GO -- BUT I LOOKED AT
HER AND I SAID ALL RIGHT.
00:41:38.96\00:41:43.10
I'LL GO. >> THERE
WAS ONE PARTICULAR IN
00:41:43.10\00:41:46.10
PERSON THAT I REALLY SAW THE
CHARACTERISTICS OF CHRIST, AND
00:41:46.10\00:41:49.14
WE WOULD CROSS PATHS, AND
EXCHANGE WORS, AND THEN GO OUR
00:41:49.14\00:41:52.51
SEPARATE WAYS, AND I WOULD JUST
THINK EVERY TIME, I DON'T KNOW
00:41:52.51\00:41:55.78
WHAT THAT MAN HAS, BUT I WANT IT
TOO, AND EVENTUALLY I DECIDED I
00:41:55.78\00:41:59.81
WAS GOING TO GO TO CHURCH ONE
WEEKEND, BECAUSE I KNEW HE WAS
00:41:59.81\00:42:03.79
SPEAKING, AND I WANTED TO
HEAR WHAT WAS WORKING FOR HIM.
00:42:03.79\00:42:06.45
SO AS HE STARTED IN ON THAT
MESSAGE, THE FIRST THING THAT HE
00:42:06.45\00:42:10.79
SAID WAS TODAY WE'RE GOING
TO TALK ABOUT THE CRUICIFIXION.
00:42:10.79\00:42:18.70
AND I THOUGHT ANYTHING BUT THAT.
>> THE PREACHER WAS TAKING AN
00:42:18.70\00:42:24.07
ALTER CALL. AND AS
I WAS SITTING IN MY
00:42:24.07\00:42:26.51
CHAIR, I KNEW I WANTED TO ACCEPT
JESUS INTO MY HEART THAT NIGHT,
00:42:26.51\00:42:30.05
BUT WHEN I WAS THINKING ABOUT MY
BOYFRIEND AND HOW MY LIFE WAS,
00:42:30.05\00:42:34.72
THERE WAS NO WAY
I COULD GO UP THERE.
00:42:34.72\00:42:36.62
THERE WAS NO WAY I
COULD CHANGE MY LIFE.
00:42:36.62\00:42:38.82
AND SO JUST THEN, AS I
WAS SITTING IN THAT CHAIR, THE
00:42:38.82\00:42:42.22
PREACHER SAID, FOR SOME OF YOU
TONIGHT, HE SAID YOU WILL NEVER
00:42:42.22\00:42:46.83
HAVE ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO
ACCEPT THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOUR
00:42:46.83\00:42:50.87
LIFE. AND I SAID
LORD, I CAN'T GO UP
00:42:50.87\00:42:52.97
THERE, BUT I GIVE YOU MY HEART.
>> YOU SEE WHENEVER I THOUGHT
00:42:52.97\00:42:56.50
ABOUT GOD, I THOUGHT ABOUT LIGHT
AND LOVE AND JOY AND PEACE AND
00:42:56.50\00:43:02.11
GOODNESS, AND ALL OF THESE HAPPY
THINGS, AND THAT WAS GOD TO ME.
00:43:02.11\00:43:05.28
BUT WHEN I PICKED UP THE BIBLE,
AND I READ THE BIBLE, YOU KNOW,
00:43:05.28\00:43:09.82
I WOULD READ ABOUT TRIBULATION
AND STRUGGLE AND SIN AND WAR AND
00:43:09.82\00:43:13.62
DEATH AND THE CRUCIFIXION, AND
THERE WAS NO WAY IN MY MIND THAT
00:43:13.62\00:43:17.89
THOSE KIND OF STORIES
COULD RESINATE WITH GOD.
00:43:17.89\00:43:21.63
SO WHEN HE SAID THAT, I THOUGHT
ANYTHING BUT THE CRUCIFIXION.
00:43:21.63\00:43:26.33
AND THE NEXT THING HE SAID WAS,
YOU ARE PROBABLY THINKING THE
00:43:26.33\00:43:32.87
CRUCIFIXION, WHY
THAT? ANYTHING BUT THAT?
00:43:32.87\00:43:34.94
AND HE SAID
EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT.
00:43:34.94\00:43:37.55
SO THAT GOT MY ATTENTION.
AND I SAT UP AND I SAID GOD YOU
00:43:37.55\00:43:42.75
HAVE SOMETHING FOR ME TO HEAR
TODAY, AND I'M GONG TO LISTEN.
00:43:42.75\00:43:45.82
>> ONE DAY I SAT DOWN IN MY
BEDROOM, AND -- I DON'T KNOW, IT
00:43:45.82\00:43:56.67
WAS JUST -- I DON'T KNOW,
THE HOLY SPIRIT WAS THERE.
00:43:56.67\00:44:04.91
¤ >> AND I WAS SO INSPIRED AND
00:44:04.91\00:44:07.04
TROUBLED AND MOVED BY THAT
MESSAGE, I JUST SPENT ME WHOLE
00:44:07.04\00:44:10.85
REST OF THE DAY
WRESTLING WITH GOD.
00:44:10.85\00:44:13.18
I WAS SAYING, YOU
KNOW -- I WAS JUST PRAYING.
00:44:13.18\00:44:16.05
I WAS SAYING THIS
MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.
00:44:16.05\00:44:18.92
I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE
THAT THERE ARE DECISIONS THAT
00:44:18.92\00:44:21.72
SEPARATED ME FROM THE LIGHT
AND FORCED ME INTO THE DARKNESS.
00:44:21.72\00:44:24.86
THAT WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST
LESSONS OF NATURE THAT I REALLY
00:44:24.86\00:44:30.23
RESINATED WITH AT THE
TIME, WAS LIGHT AND DARKNESS.
00:44:30.23\00:44:33.37
>> WELL, I HAD THE CHRISTIAN
UPBRINGING, AND I KNEW FROM THE
00:44:33.37\00:44:36.77
WORD OF GOD THAT I WASN'T
PLEASING GOD, AND I KNEW THAT
00:44:36.77\00:44:40.64
THERE HAD TO BE A SOLUTION,
BECAUSE GOD DIDN'T CREATE THIS
00:44:40.64\00:44:44.71
WORLD AND LEAVE
ME WITH NO ANSWERS.
00:44:44.71\00:44:47.18
AND SO NOW, HE HAD A
CAPTIVE AUDIENCE, AND I BEGAN TO
00:44:47.18\00:44:54.79
CONTEMPLATE THE FACT THAT EVERY
SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS WERE
00:44:54.79\00:45:00.53
DEAD, ALL OF MY GAY FRIENDS,
AND I BEGAN TO THINK ABOUT MY
00:45:00.53\00:45:08.50
DESTINY, LIKE, OKAY, WAYNE
WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU?
00:45:08.50\00:45:11.21
HOW DOES IT TURN OUT?
HOW DOES THIS ALL END?
00:45:11.21\00:45:14.58
>> AND WHEN I STOPPED
BLAMING AND STARTED USING LOGIC.
00:45:14.58\00:45:20.08
I JUST STARTED
THINKING LOGICALLY.
00:45:20.08\00:45:22.85
HOW COULD I BE BORN GAY?
AND I STARTED REVIEWING MY LIFE
00:45:22.85\00:45:27.56
TO SEE IF I
COULD CONNECT THE DOTS.
00:45:27.56\00:45:30.03
AND THAT'S WHEN I REVIEWED
MY MOLESTATION, AND I CAME THE
00:45:30.03\00:45:40.87
REA REALIZATION
THAT I WAS DERAILED
00:45:40.87\00:45:46.11
IN MY LIFE. AND IF I
COULD BE DERAILED, WHY
00:45:46.11\00:45:52.01
COULDN'T BE, RERAILED. >>
THERE I WAS SITTING IN FRONT
00:45:52.01\00:45:56.08
OF GOD, AND I SIMPLY HEARD
HIM SAY, CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
00:45:56.08\00:46:00.66
YOU HAVE BEEN BLAMING ME YOUR
WHOLE LIFE FOR HAVING CAUSED
00:46:00.66\00:46:05.39
THIS. AND YOU
KNOW WHAT, WAYNE, SIN
00:46:05.39\00:46:10.77
CAUSED THIS, THE ENEMY. >>
I WAS INVOLVED IN A COMMITTED
00:46:10.77\00:46:15.20
RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS FOR LIFE,
AND WE LOVED EACH OTHER VERY
00:46:15.20\00:46:18.47
MUCH, BUT AS I STUDIED, I
BEGAN TO LOVE JESUS MORE, AND I
00:46:18.47\00:46:24.31
REALIZED, I HAVE TO MAKE A
CHOICE BETWEEN THESE TWO MEN.
00:46:24.31\00:46:27.72
THIS MAN THAT I'M INVOLVED WITH,
AND THEN THE RELATIONSHIP OF
00:46:27.72\00:46:32.19
WHICH GOD DOES NOT APPROVE, AND
THE MAN, JESUS WHO GAVE HIS LIFE
00:46:32.19\00:46:35.39
FOR ME. THAT --
THAT NIGHT IN THE
00:46:35.39\00:46:38.59
PARKING LOT, MY SISTER SAID SO
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT
00:46:38.59\00:46:42.76
YOUR BOYFRIEND? AND I
SAID NOTHING, I'M GAY.
00:46:42.76\00:46:45.17
THIS IS WHO I AM. I
PRAYED THAT THE LORD COULD
00:46:45.17\00:46:48.00
TAKE THIS AWAY. I
PRAYED THAT -- THAT -- THAT HE
00:46:48.00\00:46:53.17
WOULD HEAL ME AND HE NEVER DID.
ALL I KNOW IS I'M GAY, AND I WAS
00:46:53.17\00:46:58.31
BORN THIS WAY, AND I KNOW
JESUS LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM.
00:46:58.31\00:47:02.38
AND THE NEXT
MORNING I WAS BAPTIZED.
00:47:02.38\00:47:04.95
GOD WAS BEGINNING
A JOURNEY WITH ME.
00:47:04.95\00:47:07.16
I BELIEVE HE KNEW THAT HE HAD TO
GET ME INTO THAT BAPTISMAL POOL
00:47:07.16\00:47:13.36
TO MAKE THIS COMMITMENT TO
FOLLOW HIM AND WALK WITH HIM,
00:47:13.36\00:47:16.10
AND THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE WITH
ME IN ALL OF THE CONFUSION, AND
00:47:16.10\00:47:20.54
THAT HE WAS
GOING TO WALK WITH ME.
00:47:20.54\00:47:22.50
>> IT'S AS THOUGH THE DEVIL WAS
NOT GOING TO LET ME GO, AND IF
00:47:22.50\00:47:27.28
HE COULD DO NOT ENTICE ME
AND LURE ME, AND DECEIVE ME, HE
00:47:27.28\00:47:31.35
WOULD TURN TO VIOLENCE, AND THAT
MAN THAT I WAS DEEPLY IN LOVE
00:47:31.35\00:47:36.42
WITH TURNED ON ME, AND BY
THE TIME WE OT THROUGH WITH THAT
00:47:36.42\00:47:42.99
EPISODE, I LOOKED LIKE
I HAD BEEN IN A CAR WRECK.
00:47:42.99\00:47:48.03
I WAS ALMOST
KILLED IN THAT PROCESS.
00:47:48.03\00:47:50.37
THE LORD SPARED MY LIFE, BUT HE
LET ME GO THROUGH THAT TRAUMA,
00:47:50.37\00:47:54.10
AND I THINK HE ALLOWED ME TO GO
THROUGH THAT TRAUMA TO WAKE ME
00:47:54.10\00:48:00.21
UP TO SEE WHO I WAS REALLY
DEALING WITH, AND THAT I WAS
00:48:00.21\00:48:03.95
REALLY IN BONDAGE, AND I DID
NEED MIRACULOUS DELIVERANCE, AND
00:48:03.95\00:48:09.48
WHEN I WALKED AWAY FROM THAT
RELATIONSHIP TO ACCEPT JESUS
00:48:09.48\00:48:13.66
CHRIST, I TURNED
AWAY, AND NEVER WENT BACK
00:48:13.66\00:48:17.73
>> I WENT HOME AND ALL OF A
SUDDEN A REALITY HIT ME THAT
00:48:17.73\00:48:21.20
WAIT A MINUTE, AM I NEVER GOING
TO KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOVE
00:48:21.20\00:48:25.27
-AGAIN? AM I NEVER GOING TO HAVE
SOMEBODY HOLD ME IN THEIR ARMS
00:48:25.27\00:48:30.91
AND TELL ME THEY LOVE ME? AM
I NEVER GOING TO KNOW WHAT IT
00:48:30.91\00:48:34.04
IS LIKE TO HOLD SOMEBODY
AND LOVISH THEM WITH LOVE TOO.
00:48:34.04\00:48:37.81
I LOVED JESUS AND I WANTED TO
SERVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART,
00:48:37.81\00:48:43.72
AND IT WAS LIKE HOW COULD
YOU GIVE ME TO GIVE UP SOMETHING
00:48:43.72\00:48:47.32
THAT WAS SO GOOD. >>
ONE OF MY FRIENDS TOLD
00:48:47.32\00:48:49.76
ME -- I SAID HOW COULD GOD --
IF HE REALLY WANTS ME TO GIVE UP
00:48:49.76\00:48:54.23
BEING A HOMOSEXUAL, HOW COULD
HE ASK ME TO JUST GIVE THAT UP?
00:48:54.23\00:48:59.13
LIKE WHAT --
THAT'S LIKE WHO I AM.
00:48:59.13\00:49:01.84
HOW COULD HE ASK THAT OF ME?
AND SHE SAID, HOW CAN YOU GIVE
00:49:01.84\00:49:07.61
UP ANYTHING FOR
SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW?
00:49:07.61\00:49:12.35
AND I SAID I KNOW WHO GOD IS,
AND SHE SAID, NO, YOU KNOW ABOT
00:49:12.35\00:49:18.52
GOD. SHE SAID YOU
HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE
00:49:18.52\00:49:20.92
IS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE
00:49:20.92\00:49:22.89
CHARACTER OF GOD IS.
YOU DONE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
00:49:22.89\00:49:25.66
HIM. YOU KNOW
THAT HE CREATED THE
00:49:25.66\00:49:28.13
WORLD, WHICH YOU BELIEVE, AND
YOU ARE COMING TO TERMS WITH THE
00:49:28.13\00:49:32.33
FACT THAT HE IS NOT GOING
TO FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU
00:49:32.33\00:49:35.40
DON'T WANT TO DO. AND
SHE SAID THAT'S REALLY ALL
00:49:35.40\00:49:39.07
YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM,
AND THAT JUST BLEW MY MIND.
00:49:39.07\00:49:43.01
LIKE THAT THERE WAS MORE TO GOD
THAN I HAD EVER REALIZED; THAT
00:49:43.01\00:49:47.78
HE MAY POSSIBLY HAVE LIKE A
WHOLE PERSONA ABOUT HIM, THAT I
00:49:47.78\00:49:51.99
WAS JUST COMPLETELY UNAWARE.
AND THAT TOTALLY MADE SINCE, I
00:49:51.99\00:49:56.86
WOULD NEVER GIVE UP WHO I
AM FOR SOMEONE I DIDN'T KNOW.
00:49:56.86\00:50:01.03
>> I THOUGHT ALL ALONG THAT GOD
WANTED ME TO BE STRAIGHT, AND I
00:50:01.03\00:50:05.67
WAS PRAYING THAT PRAYER,
GOD PLEASE, MAKE ME STRAIGHT.
00:50:05.67\00:50:08.90
AND I KNOW SO MANY OUT THERE
THAT HAVE PRAYED THIS, LIKE, GOD
00:50:08.90\00:50:13.11
DIDN'T MAKE ME STRAIGHT,
SO IT'S HIS FAULT, NOT MINE.
00:50:13.11\00:50:17.25
AND IT WAS LIKE A
LIGHTNING BOLT EXPERIENCE TO ME.
00:50:17.25\00:50:22.18
GOD IS NOT ALL
ABOUT YOUR SEXUALITY.
00:50:22.18\00:50:26.52
THE ENEMY HAS CONVINCED YOU, HAS
CONVINCED ME THAT MY IDENTITY
00:50:26.52\00:50:31.66
WAS IN SEX, IN MY PERSUASIONS
AND MY QUESTS FOR WHERE I
00:50:31.66\00:50:37.47
MATCHED UP SEXUALLY RATHER THAN
IN MY IDENTITY IN JESUS CHRIST.
00:50:37.47\00:50:43.67
THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEXUAL
PERSUASION, BUT THIS IS SOMEBODY
00:50:43.67\00:50:49.81
FINDING OUT WHO I AM IN
ACCORDANCE WITH GOD'S PLAN.
00:50:49.81\00:50:53.58
>> AND I REMEMBER GOING INTO
MY KITCHEN AND MIXING MYSELF A
00:50:53.58\00:51:01.42
DOUBLE MARGARITA, AND I SAT DOWN
IN THE LIVING ROOM AND I LIT UP
00:51:01.42\00:51:06.29
A CIGARETTE, AND OPENED THE
WORD OF GOD AND STARTED READING.
00:51:06.29\00:51:10.00
I THINK THE LORD
JUST MET ME WHERE I WAS.
00:51:10.00\00:51:13.13
AND I WENT INTO THIS TREMBLING,
AND CERTAINLY NOT PERFECT, BUT I
00:51:13.13\00:51:19.91
BEGAN THIS COMMITMENT WITH
JESUS, AND IT WAS MESSY, I WOULD
00:51:19.91\00:51:24.31
GO TO CHURCH AND FEEL JUST GO
HOME AND SAY THIS IS WHO I AM.
00:51:24.31\00:51:38.63
THIS IS YOUR NEW
LITTLE LAMB FOR YOUR FLOCK.
00:51:38.63\00:51:42.30
AND I WOULD -- YOU KNOW,
JUST SAY, YOU STILL WANT ME?
00:51:42.30\00:51:45.77
BECAUSE EVERYBODY ELSE REJECTED
ME AND TURNED THEIR BACK ON ME.
00:51:45.77\00:51:49.77
YOU WANT TO GO TOO NOW?
AND EACH AND EVERY TIME, HIS
00:51:49.77\00:51:53.41
ANSWER WAS ALWAYS THE SAME.
I STILL HEAR, GET BACK UP, WALK
00:51:53.41\00:52:04.72
WITH ME. LET'S GO
THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
00:52:04.72\00:52:07.76
>> IT WASN'T UNTIL I -- I FOUND
THE ANSWER THEY WAS LOOKING FOR
00:52:07.76\00:52:11.39
IN THE FACE OF JESUS
CHRIST, THAT I REALLY STARTED
00:52:11.39\00:52:15.43
EXPERIENCING CONTENTMENT; THAT
LIFE WITH -- WITH CHRIST AND
00:52:15.43\00:52:20.57
BEING CLOSE TO GOD WAS ENOUGH. ¤
00:52:20.57\00:52:30.05
>> I FOUND MYSELF ON MY KNEES AT
THE END OF MY BED, AND I SAID,
00:52:30.05\00:52:36.32
GOD, HOW -- I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
COULD FORGIVE ME FOR DOING SO
00:52:36.32\00:52:41.06
MANY THINGS THAT BROUGHT SHAME
TO YOU, THAT HURT YOU, BECAUSE
00:52:41.06\00:52:45.23
THIS ISN'T WHAT
YOU WANTED FROM ME.
00:52:45.23\00:52:46.83
I HAVE WASTED ALL OF
THESE YEARS IN MY LIFE.
00:52:46.83\00:52:50.03
I HAVE DEDICATED MY LIFE TO SELF
PLEASURE, WHETHER IT WAS THROUGH
00:52:50.03\00:52:55.94
DRUGS OR ALCOHOL OR SEX OR
-- DOING ALL KINDS OF THINGS
00:52:55.94\00:52:59.51
TO GRATIFY ME,
CERTAINLY NOT TO PLEASE GOD.
00:52:59.51\00:53:02.98
¤ >> AND I HAD
READ ENOUGH AT THAT
00:53:02.98\00:53:06.78
POINT WHERE I KNEW THAT -- THAT
JESUS' WHOLE PURPOSE OF GOING TO
00:53:06.78\00:53:14.06
THE CROSS WAS TO PAY
FOR WHAT I HAD DONE TO HIM.
00:53:14.06\00:53:19.56
¤
00:53:19.56\00:53:26.00
>> HE SAYS, YOU ARE MY SON. I
DON'T CONDEMN YOU AS A SINNER.
00:53:38.01\00:53:44.75
I DIED FOR YOUR SINS.
BUT I ASK FOR YOU TO GIVE
00:53:44.75\00:53:50.29
YOURSELF OVER TO ME, BECAUSE
THERE'S A BETTER WAY THAN THE
00:53:50.29\00:53:53.16
WAY THAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED.
I SHED MY BLOOD FOR OU SO THAT
00:53:53.16\00:53:59.90
YOU CAN CLAIM THIS
VICTORY. IT'S FREELY YOURS.
00:53:59.90\00:54:03.54
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
GIVE YOUR HEART TO ME.
00:54:03.54\00:54:08.21
¤
00:54:08.21\00:54:09.74
>> THIS IS SO POWERFUL.
YOU KNOW, TO -- TO SEE THE
00:54:11.91\00:54:17.82
JOURNEY AND TO SEE HOW GOD
HAS JUST HAD HIS HAND ON YOU,
00:54:17.82\00:54:22.32
THROUGH YOUR WHOLE LIVES; THAT
HE DIDN'T LET YOU GUYS GO, EVER.
00:54:22.32\00:54:25.99
AND SO -- AND WE'RE STARTING
TO GET QUESTIONS, AND -- BUT FOR
00:54:25.99\00:54:31.23
THOSE OF YOU WHO JUST TUNED
IN. YOU ARE WATCHING "JOURNEY
00:54:31.23\00:54:36.67
INTERRUPTED" CAN
COMING OUT MINISTRIES.
00:54:36.67\00:54:38.07
AND I NEGLECTED TO SAY,
WELCOME TO DARE TO DREAM.
00:54:38.07\00:54:42.64
WE'RE SIMULCASTING
WITH DARE TO DREAM.
00:54:42.64\00:54:45.75
HI DARE TO DREAM
AUDIENCE! [ LAUGHTER ]
00:54:45.75\00:54:48.12
>> WELCOME TO THIS -- THIS
IMPORTANT FILM -- THIS IMPORTANT
00:54:48.12\00:54:54.86
PROGRAM, "JOURNEY INTERRUPTED"
WITH COMING OUT MINISTRIES.
00:54:54.86\00:54:57.06
>> AND THE BEST PART
IS, WE'RE NOT THOUGH YET.
00:54:57.06\00:55:00.16
WE HAVE ANOTHER 15 MINUTES
OR SO, THAT'S REALLY, I THINK,
00:55:00.16\00:55:03.90
GOING TO BRING
THIS ALL TOGETHER.
00:55:03.90\00:55:04.90
WE ARE GETTING
QUESTIONS ALREADY.
00:55:04.90\00:55:07.20
WHAT WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO DO
AFTER -- WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A
00:55:07.20\00:55:10.37
BREAK IN A COUPLE OF MOMENTS,
THEN RIGHT AFTER THAT, WE'RE
00:55:10.37\00:55:13.64
GOING TO SHOW YOU
THE REST OF THIS FILM.
00:55:13.64\00:55:16.08
IT'S ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.
WE KNOW IT'S ANOINTED.
00:55:16.08\00:55:20.25
GOD HAS PUT THIS THING TOGETHER
THROUGH A SERIES OF MIRACES,
00:55:20.25\00:55:23.52
AND WE KNOW IT'S FOR A SEASON
SUCH AS THIS, AN HOUR SUCH AS
00:55:23.52\00:55:28.79
THIS, CLOSING MOMENTS OF EARTH'S
HISTORY, SO MUCH CONFUSION ABOUT
00:55:28.79\00:55:33.70
THIS. EVEN WITHIN CHURCH.
00:55:33.70\00:55:35.03
I HEARD SOMEONE IN LEADERSHIP
SAID 49% OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE IN
00:55:35.03\00:55:40.87
OUR UNIVERSITIES SEE NOTHING
WRONG WITH SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.
00:55:40.87\00:55:44.41
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> I'M
OLD ENOUGH THAT THAT DOES
00:55:44.41\00:55:48.31
NOT COMPUTE.
THAT'S LIKE ARE YOU SURE
00:55:48.31\00:55:50.65
SOMEBODY SAID THAT? I
CAN'T IMAGINE ANYBODY, YOU
00:55:50.65\00:55:53.62
KNOW, SAYING THAT, BUT
YET, THOSE ARE FIGURES FROM
00:55:53.62\00:55:59.45
UNIVE
UNIVERSITIES, OURS INCLUDED, AND
00:55:59.45\00:56:02.16
THAT TO ME IS AMAZING.
THAT'S WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT
00:56:02.16\00:56:05.66
THAT WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.
NOW WHAT WE WANT YOU TO DO IS
00:56:05.66\00:56:10.57
BEGIN TO CALL IN YOUR
QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS.
00:56:10.57\00:56:13.10
WE JUST KIND OF TAKE
THEM FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE.
00:56:13.10\00:56:18.44
618-627-4651 OR
EMAIL US LIVE@3ABN.TV.
00:56:18.44\00:56:22.11
THE OTHER THING I'M GOING TO DO
TOWARDS THE END -- I WANT YOU TO
00:56:22.11\00:56:26.05
THINK ABOUT IT AND PRAY IT ABOUT
RIGHT NOW, WHAT THEY WOULD LIKE
00:56:26.05\00:56:29.35
TO DO, AND WHAT WE VERY MUCH
SUPPORT IS TO BE ABLE TO PUT OUT
00:56:29.35\00:56:34.49
THIS DVD LIKE
THE LEAVES OF AUTUMN.
00:56:34.49\00:56:37.43
I'M GOING TO BE ASKING YOU TO
THINK ABOUT AND ASKING THE HOLY
00:56:37.43\00:56:42.46
SPIRIT WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME
DO TO SUPPORT THIS MINISTRY, AND
00:56:42.46\00:56:46.94
THAT WILL ENABLE THEM TO BE ABLE
TO PUT THESE THINGS OUT, WE HOPE
00:56:46.94\00:56:52.51
BY THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS,
BECAUSE I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE
00:56:52.51\00:56:56.34
IS SUCH A NEED FOR TRUTH
EVEN WERE OUR OWN CHURCH.
00:56:56.34\00:57:00.52
SO MY EYES ARE BEING OPENED
UP, AND I HOPE OF YOURS ARE TOO.
00:57:00.52\00:57:04.65
THE ANSWER IS WE SERVE A SAVIOR
IN THE WORLD TODAY, AND THIS
00:57:04.65\00:57:08.52
SAVIOR DIED FOR YOU AND
ME, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE.
00:57:08.52\00:57:14.10
WE ALL HAVE
STRUGGLES AND DEAL WITH SIN.
00:57:14.10\00:57:16.40
BUT WHAT I'M HEARING FROM THESE
FOLK, GOD GIVES YOU VICTORY.
00:57:16.40\00:57:21.74
SO I'M EXCITED, AND CAN'T WAIT
UNTIL -- JUST A COUPLE OF MORE
00:57:21.74\00:57:27.18
MINUTES YVONNE. >> I KNOW.
00:57:27.18\00:57:29.61
I KNOW. I'M EXCITED TOO.
00:57:29.61\00:57:31.85
BECAUSE FOLKS NEED TO HEAR
THIS. WE NEED TO HEAR THIS.
00:57:31.85\00:57:35.18
SO STAY TUNED. ¤
00:57:35.18\00:57:37.35