On Take it to the Bank,
00:00:01.36\00:00:02.70
you'll find ways
to get out of debt.
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Solve your credit card problems,
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how to make and
stick with the budget,
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simple ways to save,
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buying or selling a home,
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and many more financial matters
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on Take it to the Bank.
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Hi, my name is Cordell Thomas
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and welcome to another
program of Take it to the Bank.
00:00:33.83\00:00:36.77
We have a really important
topic to talk about today
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and I'm not quite sure
how I'm going to approach it,
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but I think the
spirit will lead.
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What I'd like to do
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is give you a couple
of specific statistics.
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Did you know that
via the Canadian study,
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recent study,
they're saying that
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38% of all marriages
will end up in divorce
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before the 30th
year of marriage?
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That's a stark statistic.
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We have some numbers for you
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and we'll show that
to you a little later on,
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but let me give you
some other information.
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Keep in mind that wiring
money is like sending cash.
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The sender has no
protection against loss.
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How about this one?
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Don't respond to messages
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asking for your
personal financial information
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whether the
message comes from an email
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or phone call or a text message.
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Read your bills
on a monthly basis.
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Look at their
statements on a regular basis
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because scammers are out there
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to get information
and take your money.
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Remember there is no
such thing as a sure thing
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and in wake of
certain disasters...
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Make sure that you
check on the charities
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you actually
give your moneys to.
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Now this is things
to look at for fraud.
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But these are some
of the same warnings
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that they provide
you when you're dealing
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with marital breakdown.
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It's kind of interesting.
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So what we're trying to do today
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is I'm not going to be
the expert on marriage.
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I tell you that it's not
the best thing to go to a baker
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if you need
someone to build the house.
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I am not the person to go to
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for psychological
advice on marriage
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and that type of thing.
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But what I am talking to
you about is the top reasons
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for financial
concerns and crisis.
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What we do know is
stress is caused by finance,
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a top reason,
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and even the top
three reasons for stress
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is having to do with finances,
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it have the work
place environment,
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personal
relationships in a family.
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If fraud happens
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or someone steals your identity,
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they typically think
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it's someone
that is close to you.
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And then of
course, the top reasons
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for financial crises
or top reason for stress
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has to do with finance, finance.
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I think as we talk
through these specific issues,
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we begin to get our perspective
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of how much is
within our control
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as we look at the relationships
they get involved in
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and how much we
can, what we must do
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to put things in a
certain parameter of control.
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But what I like to
share with you today
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before we move any forward
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is to share with
you a Bible verse,
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a chapter actually.
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I was reading this
morning from Psalms, Psalms 100.
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"Make a joyful noise
unto the Lord, all ye lands.
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Serve the Lord with gladness:
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come into his
presence with singing.
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Know ye that the Lord he is God:
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it is he that has made
us, and not we ourselves,
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we are his people,
the sheep of his pasture.
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Enter his gates
with thanksgiving,
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and enter his
courts with praise:
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be thankful unto him,
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be thankful unto
him and bless his name.
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For the Lord is
good, for the Lord is good,
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his mercy is everlasting,
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and his truth
endureth to all generations."
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I was listening
coming into the studio today
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and I heard the song
on the radio, it says,
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Savior you can
move the mountains,
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my Lord is mighty to save,
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He is mighty to save.
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And if I can establish
anything in this program
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it's to say
that, we have a Savior
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that's willing to
help us and to motivate us,
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and to get us into a
place that He wants us to be
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in reference to our finances.
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And I ask you to pray
and to get in touch with Him
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and develop that
relationship with Him,
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because it's the key
focus that we should have
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knowing that Christ is
looking out for a best good,
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and that's where I
like to start this today.
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Before we go any further,
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but what I like to
do as we get started
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is to introduce
you to a Pastor Kelly
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as the resource of mine,
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senior pastor
at the Mt. Rubidoux
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Seventh-day Advantest Church.
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Now, we had a chance
to have a conversation.
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He has just done a
series called, "Life in Debt"
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and I had an
opportunity to speak to him
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about this specific issue
called debt and relationships.
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Let's go to that video.
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Cordell Thomas
with Pastor Kelly.
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You gonna be our expert here
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because you know you did
your Life in Debt series.
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Yes.
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And I have a couple
of questions for you
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but, you know, what,
what's interesting is,
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when most people
are talking about debt
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we don't realize what
$1 trillion is of debt.
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You know the country is
in $1.33 trillion of debt
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and what does that mean?
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So I started asking people
some questions on Venice Beach.
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If you spend a dollar a second,
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how long would it take
to spend a million dollars?
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You know my guess would,
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you know, I'm
thinking may be for some people
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may be a couple of hours.
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A million dollars?
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Yeah, but I have no idea,
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I never thought
about something like that.
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People don't conceptualize
those kind of things.
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And that's what's key,
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we don't understand
what a dollar actually is.
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Right.
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One million dollars
takes 12 days to spend.
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Twelve days.
Spending a dollar a second.
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A second. A dollar a second.
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How about one billion dollars?
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Okay, so if a
million was about 12 days,
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I'd have to say a billion,
let's say about 60 days,
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something like that.
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No, we're talking
about 1000 million, right,
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so we're upwards of 32 years.
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Gee.
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Thirty two years to
spend a dollar a second.
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And a trillion,
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the United States
deficit is $1.33 trillion.
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Can we put in into...
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I don't know if I could imagine
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because I mean the
million threw me off already.
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I mean what is,
what is a trillion?
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Thirty one thousand years.
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Thirty one thousand
years, that's a trillion,
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coming to a
trillion at dollar a second.
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And it's interesting
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because we're dealing
with this issue called debt.
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In the United States a big debt
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and then we see
personal lives are being changed
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all the time
with this debt issue.
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Can you address life in debt?
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I know you had a series,
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can you tell me some
attributes of families
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that may have a debt issue.
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Sure, you know,
one of the things
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that God laid on our heart,
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you know, as a church
is we're really concerned
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with the way that the finances
of God's people are going.
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We don't want
to go to the extent
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where people say,
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you know, serve
God and you get rich,
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we know that's not
biblical this prosperity gospel.
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But as you really look
through the scriptures,
00:07:06.49\00:07:07.86
you'll find that Jesus
has a lot to say about money.
00:07:07.89\00:07:11.36
And He doesn't just,
00:07:11.39\00:07:12.73
descriptions don't only
just talk about money itself
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but in particularly
they really talk about debt.
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The Bible really teaches us
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and really leads God's
children to say clear of debt.
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A very text throughout the Bible
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and in Proverbs they say,
00:07:24.77\00:07:26.31
the one who is
the borrower is slave,
00:07:26.34\00:07:29.41
you know, to the lender.
00:07:29.44\00:07:30.78
And so one of the
things that we find is,
00:07:30.81\00:07:32.45
a lot of our people in
church are enslaved to debt.
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You know, how we
tease in the series,
00:07:37.15\00:07:38.49
we say think about,
it's called master card.
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You know, it's your master.
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And the thing that we find is,
00:07:43.43\00:07:45.59
that lot of families
are using these credit cards
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that, you know, getting
different types of cards
00:07:48.43\00:07:50.17
whether it be for
department stores,
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may be just a
regular cards to buy things
00:07:53.47\00:07:56.47
that they really can't afford.
00:07:56.50\00:07:57.84
But it's kind of
interesting you say that
00:07:57.87\00:07:59.21
because the old way of
doing thing was save your money,
00:07:59.24\00:08:03.11
go and buy it, and
that's pretty much it.
00:08:03.14\00:08:05.41
Now, we're dealing
with an issue of immediacy.
00:08:05.45\00:08:08.48
Absolutely. We got
it consumer immediacy.
00:08:08.52\00:08:10.05
Yeah, it's neat thing,
00:08:10.09\00:08:11.45
I talk to some
of our young people,
00:08:11.49\00:08:12.95
I say, "Have you
heard of layaway?"
00:08:12.99\00:08:14.62
And they're like what is that?
00:08:14.66\00:08:16.49
I think you had
only had the idea
00:08:16.52\00:08:18.06
of I have to have it now.
00:08:18.09\00:08:19.69
And I think also,
00:08:19.73\00:08:21.06
especially as you know I
pastor in Southern California.
00:08:21.10\00:08:24.27
People like to
keep up with technology,
00:08:24.30\00:08:27.10
with what's happening,
00:08:27.14\00:08:28.47
If you know there's a
new TV that's coming out,
00:08:28.50\00:08:30.17
it seems almost
every other month.
00:08:30.21\00:08:31.94
And I don't want to wait,
I have to get it right now.
00:08:31.97\00:08:34.34
And so people in order to get,
00:08:34.38\00:08:36.14
sometimes it's tough
to get a certain status
00:08:36.18\00:08:38.31
are getting in debt,
00:08:38.35\00:08:39.68
and what they
don't understand is,
00:08:39.71\00:08:42.15
getting in debt when it comes
to money and financial issues,
00:08:42.18\00:08:44.72
you don't always see
00:08:44.75\00:08:46.09
the immediate
consequences of that.
00:08:46.12\00:08:49.29
I mean, you'll get in debt today
00:08:49.32\00:08:50.89
and you won't get to suffer
those consequences for a year,
00:08:50.93\00:08:53.83
two, three years from now.
00:08:53.86\00:08:55.20
So that's
really what's happening
00:08:55.23\00:08:56.56
through lot of our people.
00:08:56.60\00:08:57.93
So our series is
trying to teach people,
00:08:57.97\00:08:59.30
"Hey, let's use our
money, let's spend our money,
00:08:59.33\00:09:02.20
let's manage our money."
00:09:02.24\00:09:03.57
It's what Jesus
talks a lot about that,
00:09:03.61\00:09:04.94
managing money the
way that God wants us to,
00:09:04.97\00:09:07.34
and being in debt is definitely
not one of those things
00:09:07.38\00:09:09.11
that God will like to see.
00:09:09.14\00:09:10.48
Okay, so I have
something for you, pastor.
00:09:10.51\00:09:11.85
Okay.
00:09:11.88\00:09:13.21
Let me use this
term, prenuptial agreement.
00:09:13.25\00:09:14.58
Okay.
00:09:14.62\00:09:15.95
What is the concept come
across to you from whatever?
00:09:15.98\00:09:17.32
I've been using
with some of the people
00:09:17.35\00:09:18.69
that have called in about that,
00:09:18.72\00:09:20.06
but I say, you
know, we check out
00:09:20.09\00:09:21.66
our partner's past history
from the medical standpoint,
00:09:21.69\00:09:24.99
we check out so
many different issues.
00:09:25.03\00:09:26.80
But do we check out
their financial past
00:09:26.83\00:09:28.83
and what about
having a agreement,
00:09:28.86\00:09:31.70
not the typical
prenuptial issues,
00:09:31.73\00:09:33.74
but what are your
concepts about that?
00:09:33.77\00:09:35.10
Yeah, we know some
people tease and say,
00:09:35.14\00:09:36.54
Kobe Bryant
probably should have,
00:09:36.57\00:09:37.97
you know, got to
catch one of those.
00:09:38.01\00:09:40.68
But I think it's very important.
00:09:40.71\00:09:42.04
In our series we did talk
about the idea of checking up
00:09:42.08\00:09:46.78
on not just what
somebody's financial past
00:09:46.82\00:09:49.38
and history is about,
00:09:49.42\00:09:50.75
but what's their
philosophy on money?
00:09:50.79\00:09:52.89
Do they believe in
just running up credit?
00:09:52.92\00:09:55.19
Do they believe that
a good financial plan
00:09:55.22\00:09:57.19
is paying the minimum
00:09:57.23\00:09:58.56
on all their
credit cards and debt?
00:09:58.59\00:10:00.63
Because that's gonna
have an effect on your future
00:10:00.66\00:10:03.00
and not only your future
but our children's future.
00:10:03.03\00:10:06.30
And so I think
it's very important,
00:10:06.33\00:10:08.30
I wanna see what
kind of spender are you,
00:10:08.34\00:10:09.94
what kind of saver are you,
00:10:09.97\00:10:11.31
what kind of
philosophy do you have
00:10:11.34\00:10:12.67
when it comes to the way
you're gonna manage money
00:10:12.71\00:10:15.54
because one thing
that we really derive
00:10:15.58\00:10:17.55
homing that series is
the money is not ours.
00:10:17.58\00:10:20.45
We're stewards of
it, it belongs to God
00:10:20.48\00:10:22.38
and one day we're gonna
be asked to give an account.
00:10:22.42\00:10:24.79
What did you do?
00:10:24.82\00:10:26.15
God is gonna ask us,
what did you do with the money
00:10:26.19\00:10:27.99
I entrusted you with?
00:10:28.02\00:10:29.36
Fantastic.
00:10:29.39\00:10:30.73
Pastor Kelly,
thank you for your time.
00:10:30.76\00:10:32.09
I really
appreciate you being here
00:10:32.13\00:10:33.46
and discussing this with us.
00:10:33.50\00:10:34.83
And as we discuss
even this next few weeks
00:10:34.86\00:10:37.83
about credit, about saving,
00:10:37.87\00:10:39.97
about doing a variety of
things that can benefit you.
00:10:40.00\00:10:42.60
I ask you just to
Take it to the Bank,
00:10:42.64\00:10:45.54
save, spend some time with us
00:10:45.57\00:10:47.14
and I think you'll
learn something interesting.
00:10:47.18\00:10:48.54
Pastor Kelly, thanks so much.
00:10:48.58\00:10:49.91
Thank you so much.
Thank you. All right.
00:10:49.94\00:10:52.85
It was an
interesting conversation
00:10:52.88\00:10:54.22
because as we talk about
over the next view programs,
00:10:54.25\00:10:57.99
this thing called debt,
00:10:58.02\00:10:59.35
this thing called
financial problems,
00:10:59.39\00:11:00.72
we are actually focusing
on the top financial problems
00:11:00.76\00:11:03.43
that people have in their lives.
00:11:03.46\00:11:06.63
And it's pretty much generic
00:11:06.66\00:11:08.10
because it applies
to all of our lives
00:11:08.13\00:11:09.73
to some extent.
00:11:09.76\00:11:11.10
We can talk about
some of the stories
00:11:11.13\00:11:13.00
that are out there
in the media right now.
00:11:13.03\00:11:14.67
There is one interesting
story about happy people.
00:11:14.70\00:11:17.47
Happy people aren't
worried about their money,
00:11:17.51\00:11:19.91
happy people are
focused on their lives
00:11:19.94\00:11:22.88
and how they can make
life better for others.
00:11:22.91\00:11:25.15
And that's a
Christian experience,
00:11:25.18\00:11:26.51
that is what God
00:11:26.55\00:11:27.88
or how He wants us to focus on
is being settled in who we are,
00:11:27.92\00:11:32.65
being comfortable in
our relationship with Christ
00:11:32.69\00:11:34.96
and using the resources
00:11:34.99\00:11:36.36
that He gives us to
benefit other people.
00:11:36.39\00:11:38.79
And that's where we
should focus our attention
00:11:38.83\00:11:41.40
to become happy in Christ.
00:11:41.43\00:11:44.23
So those people that
have called and said,
00:11:44.27\00:11:45.83
"Cordell, you look like
00:11:45.87\00:11:47.20
you're having too
much fun on the show."
00:11:47.24\00:11:48.57
I'm having a great deal of fun.
00:11:48.60\00:11:50.51
Not with some of the topics,
00:11:50.54\00:11:52.11
but the fact that I'm sharing
00:11:52.14\00:11:54.44
and I'm telling
you that there are ways
00:11:54.48\00:11:56.75
to get in tune with
God's leading in your life
00:11:56.78\00:11:59.95
and utilizing the
resources He's given you
00:11:59.98\00:12:02.85
as Pastor Kelly even said,
00:12:02.88\00:12:04.45
using those resources
00:12:04.49\00:12:05.82
because we'll be held
accountable in the end.
00:12:05.85\00:12:08.16
What are the top
reasons for financial problems?
00:12:08.19\00:12:11.89
There are six of
them, I'm gonna lay out.
00:12:11.93\00:12:13.33
The causes for
financial problems
00:12:13.36\00:12:14.80
include personal planning,
or lack of personal planning.
00:12:14.83\00:12:19.13
The fact that we don' have a
budget is a big, big concern.
00:12:19.17\00:12:22.54
Many of us haven't started
by assessing where we are,
00:12:22.57\00:12:26.31
looking at how
much money goes out,
00:12:26.34\00:12:28.11
what our debt
ratio is to income,
00:12:28.14\00:12:31.68
and then we take a
look at what type of budget
00:12:31.71\00:12:35.48
we should have in
accordance to that to figure out
00:12:35.52\00:12:38.75
how much is coming
in, how much is going out,
00:12:38.79\00:12:41.22
therefore if I
have more coming in
00:12:41.26\00:12:42.89
than that's going out,
00:12:42.92\00:12:44.26
I know I have a buffer,
00:12:44.29\00:12:45.63
I have money that I
can put into savings.
00:12:45.66\00:12:47.70
I have money I can
invest into retirement.
00:12:47.73\00:12:50.30
I have money I can
use to acquire assets
00:12:50.33\00:12:53.74
or websites or domain names
00:12:53.77\00:12:56.47
or things that it can
help me build a business
00:12:56.50\00:12:59.91
that that can help me drive
revenue back to my bottom-line.
00:12:59.94\00:13:04.68
There is unemployment,
00:13:04.71\00:13:06.98
loss of income is another major
cause for financial stress.
00:13:07.02\00:13:10.29
When you lose a job,
00:13:10.32\00:13:11.92
if you haven't
plan with the budget
00:13:11.95\00:13:14.69
and put away
money for an emergency,
00:13:14.72\00:13:17.09
you are put in a
very stressful situation,
00:13:17.13\00:13:19.59
I was listening on
the radio last night,
00:13:19.63\00:13:21.13
driving back from dinner
00:13:21.16\00:13:23.50
was the context of
this family that said,
00:13:23.53\00:13:26.94
admitted on the
Christian radio station
00:13:26.97\00:13:29.04
that we didn't have any
emergency funds put away
00:13:29.07\00:13:32.21
and we lost the job.
00:13:32.24\00:13:33.58
The husband lost his job first
00:13:33.61\00:13:35.88
and then the wife three
months later lost her job,
00:13:35.91\00:13:38.51
and then they were
dealing with this issue,
00:13:38.55\00:13:40.35
a very stressful
issue of no income,
00:13:40.38\00:13:42.78
and of course,
the lack of savings,
00:13:42.82\00:13:44.75
personal emergency savings.
00:13:44.79\00:13:46.92
And they prayed about it
and God led in their lives
00:13:46.96\00:13:49.39
and led them back to
jobs that they needed
00:13:49.42\00:13:53.23
in reference to
keeping their lives going,
00:13:53.26\00:13:55.46
but it was
interesting that they said
00:13:55.50\00:13:57.33
the same things that
we're talking about here.
00:13:57.37\00:13:59.70
Number three is
expensive emergencies,
00:13:59.73\00:14:02.10
could be medical emergencies,
00:14:02.14\00:14:03.91
could be a
variety of other things,
00:14:03.94\00:14:05.84
the need of a hot
water heater in the house.
00:14:05.87\00:14:08.61
Those kinds of things
arise on ongoing basis.
00:14:08.64\00:14:12.31
When you consider the fourth
reason for financial crisis,
00:14:12.35\00:14:18.42
it is bad financial
advice, bad financial advice.
00:14:18.45\00:14:22.52
Who do you go to for advice?
00:14:22.56\00:14:25.49
I mean, do you go to a baker
to find out how to make bricks?
00:14:25.53\00:14:29.90
Well, actually brick makers bake
00:14:29.93\00:14:33.03
so that was a bad analogy.
00:14:33.07\00:14:34.67
So how about if
you went to a baker
00:14:34.70\00:14:37.14
to have them
give you legal advice,
00:14:37.17\00:14:39.94
they don't have training.
00:14:39.97\00:14:41.31
So the context is,
00:14:41.34\00:14:42.68
go to someone
that has expertise,
00:14:42.71\00:14:44.71
get the right type
of financial advice.
00:14:44.75\00:14:47.52
You can see in
some of our interviews
00:14:47.55\00:14:49.35
that we had that many
people are going to themselves
00:14:49.38\00:14:54.22
when they're
having financial crisis,
00:14:54.26\00:14:55.59
or going to their parents,
00:14:55.62\00:14:56.96
or going to people that
may not have the training
00:14:56.99\00:14:59.46
or the background to
give you quality advice
00:14:59.49\00:15:02.93
when you need it.
00:15:02.96\00:15:04.30
So bad financial advice is key
00:15:04.33\00:15:06.20
to some people's
financial crisis.
00:15:06.23\00:15:09.30
Risky investments
not being prepared,
00:15:09.34\00:15:11.84
it goes all the way
back to that budget,
00:15:11.87\00:15:14.54
assessing your debt,
knowing where you're at,
00:15:14.58\00:15:16.78
putting your
money away in savings
00:15:16.81\00:15:18.75
and having an emergency fund.
00:15:18.78\00:15:20.48
And then of course,
00:15:20.52\00:15:21.85
if you have additional
moneys that you can put away,
00:15:21.88\00:15:24.39
you can put it into investments.
00:15:24.42\00:15:26.22
The market is not ensured.
00:15:26.25\00:15:28.56
When you invest
in the market system,
00:15:28.59\00:15:30.83
you have to be able
to whether the long term,
00:15:30.86\00:15:33.60
take the loses
as well as the gains
00:15:33.63\00:15:35.86
and
understanding that is the key.
00:15:35.90\00:15:37.57
You can't do that
and you shouldn't do that
00:15:37.60\00:15:40.00
if you don't
know where you're at,
00:15:40.04\00:15:41.74
you don't know how
much you're spending
00:15:41.77\00:15:43.51
and you don't have an
emergency fund set aside.
00:15:43.54\00:15:46.21
And number six is inadequate
planning for retirement.
00:15:46.24\00:15:50.75
Those are the six
reasons for financial crisis.
00:15:50.78\00:15:55.38
But what we are focused on today
00:15:55.42\00:15:57.69
is marital breakdown,
00:15:57.72\00:16:00.06
marital breakdown
is one of the things
00:16:00.09\00:16:02.92
that result from a
crisis, the crisis in finance.
00:16:02.96\00:16:06.56
And we don't realize
how much of an impact
00:16:06.59\00:16:10.17
that finances have
with marital discord.
00:16:10.20\00:16:14.37
I'd like to put up on
screen that talks to divorce
00:16:14.40\00:16:20.18
in the United States
within Christian groups.
00:16:20.21\00:16:23.31
And if you take a
moment to look at it with me.
00:16:23.35\00:16:25.11
There are the top seven,
I would like to talk about
00:16:25.15\00:16:27.88
is the groups that
we have in Christianity
00:16:27.92\00:16:29.88
and their divorce rate.
00:16:29.92\00:16:31.25
Number one is Evangelical
Christians 26% divorce rate.
00:16:31.29\00:16:37.53
Non-Evangelical born
again Christians are at 33%.
00:16:37.56\00:16:43.83
Notional Christians are at 33%.
00:16:43.87\00:16:47.60
Associated with
Non Christian faith,
00:16:47.64\00:16:49.30
those who are associated
with non Christian faith
00:16:49.34\00:16:51.74
are at 38%.
00:16:51.77\00:16:54.08
And of course, we have atheists
or agnostics are at 30%,
00:16:54.11\00:16:57.65
that's interesting to see
00:16:57.68\00:16:59.01
because they are lower
than the Christians actually.
00:16:59.05\00:17:02.02
All born again
Christians are 32%
00:17:02.05\00:17:04.22
and then of course all
non born again Christians
00:17:04.25\00:17:07.26
are approximately 33%.
00:17:07.29\00:17:08.76
When you take a
look at breaking it down
00:17:08.79\00:17:11.33
between ethnicity,
00:17:11.36\00:17:13.73
you see whites or
Caucasians at 32%,
00:17:13.76\00:17:16.56
African-American communities
have a problem with this
00:17:16.60\00:17:19.70
where they are at 36%,
00:17:19.73\00:17:21.77
and then of course
the Hispanics at 31%
00:17:21.80\00:17:23.97
and Asians at 20%.
00:17:24.01\00:17:26.98
If you have a conservative
view point, you are 28%.
00:17:27.01\00:17:29.91
If you have a more
liberal perspective
00:17:29.94\00:17:31.81
you're at 37%.
00:17:31.85\00:17:33.48
They have these breakdowns
from a Borne It Out, Oregon,
00:17:33.52\00:17:36.35
and you can go and research
it online if you like to,
00:17:36.38\00:17:39.49
but when you take a
look at the statistics
00:17:39.52\00:17:41.89
that Canadian
researchers tell us
00:17:41.92\00:17:43.73
that 38% of
marriages will end in divorce
00:17:43.76\00:17:48.46
before the 30th anniversary
is key to understanding
00:17:48.50\00:17:51.73
that this issue of understanding
00:17:51.77\00:17:55.30
how we relate with each
other and finance is key.
00:17:55.34\00:17:58.24
Now, I pretty much let
the cat out of the bag,
00:17:58.27\00:17:59.91
because our next step
is to look at the top.
00:17:59.94\00:18:03.61
I think it's 11
reasons for divorce
00:18:03.65\00:18:06.25
and they are quite
stark when you take a look at,
00:18:06.28\00:18:09.55
the number 11 is
kind of interesting
00:18:09.58\00:18:12.19
where the wife is
richer than the husband.
00:18:12.22\00:18:14.19
That's one of the 11th most
prevalent reason for divorce
00:18:14.22\00:18:17.96
and of course,
they're more influential
00:18:17.99\00:18:19.33
on their position,
00:18:19.36\00:18:20.76
and the man of the
house wants to think
00:18:20.80\00:18:23.57
that he is in
control when he really isn't.
00:18:23.60\00:18:26.03
I'm the man of the house
and I know I'm not in control.
00:18:26.07\00:18:27.94
Hey, Cordell, what
you're gonna wear today?
00:18:27.97\00:18:31.07
I don't know honey,
what do you want me to wear?
00:18:31.11\00:18:33.44
There is the key,
ask the question back
00:18:33.48\00:18:35.64
and they'll tell you
00:18:35.68\00:18:37.01
because realistically
00:18:37.05\00:18:38.38
you can be humorous
from that standpoint,
00:18:38.41\00:18:39.75
but I don't care
what she wants me to wear,
00:18:39.78\00:18:41.48
I'm not there to
impress anybody else,
00:18:41.52\00:18:43.69
I'm there to impress her.
00:18:43.72\00:18:45.09
So I'll wear whatever tie,
00:18:45.12\00:18:46.45
and fortunately
she dresses me the way
00:18:46.49\00:18:48.62
I kind of like to be dressed now
00:18:48.66\00:18:50.06
so I figure everything is okay.
00:18:50.09\00:18:51.73
But the key is this,
00:18:51.76\00:18:53.50
if you get into that
type of power struggle
00:18:53.53\00:18:56.03
or you have one
wealthy than the other,
00:18:56.06\00:18:58.87
it is typically a
situation that will lead
00:18:58.90\00:19:01.90
to some type of discord.
00:19:01.94\00:19:03.27
And if not managed
well, it will lead to divorce.
00:19:03.30\00:19:05.37
Number ten, abuse
in the relationship.
00:19:05.41\00:19:08.78
I leave that alone.
00:19:08.81\00:19:10.15
It's a difficult situation
00:19:10.18\00:19:11.51
and I ask you,
00:19:11.55\00:19:12.88
if there is an
abusive relationship,
00:19:12.91\00:19:14.25
get out of it as
quickly as you possibly can.
00:19:14.28\00:19:16.12
Unemployment is number nine.
00:19:16.15\00:19:18.69
Unemployment is key,
and what is Unemployment?
00:19:18.72\00:19:21.82
It means no money is coming in.
00:19:21.86\00:19:23.76
It means there is
a financial crisis.
00:19:23.79\00:19:25.56
If no money is coming in
00:19:25.59\00:19:26.93
and you haven't
prepared for the crisis,
00:19:26.96\00:19:28.80
and if you haven't saved money,
00:19:28.83\00:19:30.37
and if you haven't put
aside in emergency fund,
00:19:30.40\00:19:32.97
it goes all the way
back to assessing your debt.
00:19:33.00\00:19:36.37
Where are you?
00:19:36.40\00:19:37.74
What are you doing right now
to plan develop the road map,
00:19:37.77\00:19:42.18
create the budget, save money
00:19:42.21\00:19:44.58
and go after
paying off the debt.
00:19:44.61\00:19:46.15
Those are major issues
that need to be addressed
00:19:46.18\00:19:48.62
and unemployment
00:19:48.65\00:19:49.98
then would definitely
be coming in the top ten
00:19:50.02\00:19:53.46
for reasons why people
end their relationships.
00:19:53.49\00:19:57.69
Number eight goes to lust.
00:19:57.73\00:20:00.83
Lust, extra marital affairs
when there is that distrust.
00:20:00.86\00:20:05.63
Distrust can crop up
in so many different ways,
00:20:05.67\00:20:08.87
can cause people to
stop talking to each other,
00:20:08.90\00:20:11.71
that lack of communication
leads to other issues,
00:20:11.74\00:20:14.68
and then of course will lead to,
00:20:14.71\00:20:17.38
lead to a break-up.
00:20:17.41\00:20:18.75
And that's why I
say it in this way,
00:20:18.78\00:20:21.15
I dress for her if
she likes the way I look
00:20:21.18\00:20:23.32
that's all that matters, really.
00:20:23.35\00:20:25.75
Okay, let's go to number seven,
00:20:25.79\00:20:27.66
religious and
cultural differences
00:20:27.69\00:20:29.02
which ties into number
five which is incompatibility.
00:20:29.06\00:20:32.03
But let's talk about
those cultural differences
00:20:32.06\00:20:34.16
between Europeans
and Africans for example.
00:20:34.20\00:20:36.53
There has been a
study in recent years
00:20:36.56\00:20:38.33
has come across those marriages
00:20:38.37\00:20:40.24
between those different cultures
00:20:40.27\00:20:42.14
and we've found that
some people later realize
00:20:42.17\00:20:44.54
that these differences clash
00:20:44.57\00:20:48.44
and people choose to opt out
by going their separate ways.
00:20:48.48\00:20:52.05
Number six is moral history.
00:20:52.08\00:20:54.72
He or she may have
00:20:54.75\00:20:56.08
a criminal history or background
00:20:56.12\00:20:57.45
that they can't get away from,
00:20:57.49\00:20:59.42
things that have
impacted their lives,
00:20:59.45\00:21:02.32
and that is one
major concern of break ups
00:21:02.36\00:21:06.06
when on party is incarcerated,
00:21:06.09\00:21:07.93
is constantly
dealing with the law
00:21:07.96\00:21:09.96
that has a major
impact on relationships.
00:21:10.00\00:21:12.80
Five, incompatibility,
we talked about that.
00:21:12.83\00:21:15.57
Number four has to do
with the family background
00:21:15.60\00:21:18.97
which is key.
00:21:19.01\00:21:20.34
A person evaluation
00:21:20.38\00:21:23.45
and what it says
here is how a family lives
00:21:23.48\00:21:27.75
and what their perspectives
are has a great deal to do
00:21:27.78\00:21:30.62
with the impact on
the people that you marry.
00:21:30.65\00:21:34.22
If the parents of a
person are divorced,
00:21:34.26\00:21:37.39
if their background is divorced,
00:21:37.43\00:21:40.13
the children
will probably follow
00:21:40.16\00:21:42.30
and probably opt
out for the same thing
00:21:42.33\00:21:44.20
because its path
leads to resistant.
00:21:44.23\00:21:45.83
So if one generation does it,
00:21:45.87\00:21:48.10
the other
generation will actually do it
00:21:48.14\00:21:50.44
which is very interesting.
00:21:50.47\00:21:51.81
We see the same
type of thing happening.
00:21:51.84\00:21:54.14
When we work with a lot
of foster care young people,
00:21:54.18\00:21:56.24
when you look at their history,
00:21:56.28\00:21:57.61
you find out they're
doing some of the same things
00:21:57.65\00:22:00.62
that their parents had done
00:22:00.65\00:22:02.68
and it's not in all situations
00:22:02.72\00:22:05.32
but the apple
doesn't necessarily fall
00:22:05.35\00:22:07.46
too far from the tree.
00:22:07.49\00:22:09.16
In fact, they have
statistics where young women
00:22:09.19\00:22:12.19
that emancipated out
of the foster care network
00:22:12.23\00:22:15.33
are typically
going to find themselves
00:22:15.36\00:22:19.13
expectant with child
within 18 to 24 months
00:22:19.17\00:22:22.20
after they leave the program.
00:22:22.24\00:22:23.84
And it's typical to find
out that child will end up
00:22:23.87\00:22:27.81
like the mom did going
into the foster care system,
00:22:27.84\00:22:30.88
it repeats itself.
00:22:30.91\00:22:32.25
So it's key to
keep that in mind.
00:22:32.28\00:22:33.72
Family background
00:22:33.75\00:22:35.08
and how things
have been in the past.
00:22:35.12\00:22:36.45
This key to understanding
00:22:36.48\00:22:37.82
what could possibly
happen in the future.
00:22:37.85\00:22:39.85
What is another key
statistic that comes out
00:22:39.89\00:22:42.42
that says that poverty
is a generational issue,
00:22:42.46\00:22:46.16
it will span generations.
00:22:46.19\00:22:47.96
If we're not able to address
the issue about finance now
00:22:48.00\00:22:52.03
and stop it in this generation,
00:22:52.07\00:22:53.60
it will recycle
itself in the future.
00:22:53.64\00:22:56.87
Family background is key.
00:22:56.91\00:22:58.67
And if you want to
stop it, it says stop,
00:22:58.71\00:23:01.58
I too ask you is to
stop the madness now
00:23:01.61\00:23:05.11
and let's try to figure out
00:23:05.15\00:23:06.95
simply by writing
down what your debts are?
00:23:06.98\00:23:10.65
Assess it, deal with it,
00:23:10.69\00:23:13.29
and create a
budget by just saying,
00:23:13.32\00:23:16.36
here is where my
money is coming from,
00:23:16.39\00:23:18.09
here is where my expenses are,
00:23:18.13\00:23:20.23
here are the places
that my expenses I can cut
00:23:20.26\00:23:22.46
and shave and
take something out,
00:23:22.50\00:23:24.07
so I can increase my savings
00:23:24.10\00:23:25.97
and then put money away
for emergency situations.
00:23:26.00\00:23:28.67
That is key, and I
can't keep repeating it
00:23:28.70\00:23:31.24
over and over and over again.
00:23:31.27\00:23:34.24
Number three is expectations.
00:23:34.28\00:23:36.21
Individuals come in
00:23:36.24\00:23:37.58
with these expectations
of a wonderful life.
00:23:37.61\00:23:39.51
And I'm gonna stop for a
second and talk about this.
00:23:39.55\00:23:43.49
When you start a relationship,
00:23:43.52\00:23:45.15
I remember in my
relationship with my spouse.
00:23:45.19\00:23:48.06
And I understand the context
00:23:48.09\00:23:49.42
of what she is
talking about when,
00:23:49.46\00:23:51.53
you know, it was
all these hormones
00:23:51.56\00:23:53.53
and yes, this
is the right person
00:23:53.56\00:23:55.43
and you get caught up.
00:23:55.46\00:23:56.80
And you forget
there're simple things
00:23:56.83\00:23:58.17
that you need to talk
about in relationship issues.
00:23:58.20\00:24:02.07
It's key that you begin
the process of dialoguing
00:24:02.10\00:24:05.87
and focusing on the
real key issue of money.
00:24:05.91\00:24:12.81
Talk about it, think about it,
00:24:12.85\00:24:16.08
discuss with your spouse,
00:24:16.12\00:24:17.69
discuss with the all elements
of what your expectations are
00:24:17.72\00:24:20.39
because you're coming
00:24:20.42\00:24:21.79
with two completely
different perspectives
00:24:21.82\00:24:24.13
into a relationship
that supposed to be as one.
00:24:24.16\00:24:26.80
And then of course,
we have the top two.
00:24:26.83\00:24:29.10
You have the
lack of communication
00:24:29.13\00:24:33.60
which I'm
talking about right now.
00:24:33.64\00:24:35.44
Discussing issues,
00:24:35.47\00:24:37.24
discussing concerns
before you get married.
00:24:37.27\00:24:39.94
And then the number one
reason for divorce is finance.
00:24:39.97\00:24:46.31
They say the love of
money is the route of all evil.
00:24:46.35\00:24:48.42
It's key in this case
where you realize that
00:24:48.45\00:24:51.65
unless you are able to
address these specific concerns,
00:24:51.69\00:24:55.72
you can find
00:24:55.76\00:24:57.09
that, that can create
the problems in the future.
00:24:57.13\00:24:59.63
So what do you do about it?
00:24:59.66\00:25:01.70
What can you do
in these situations
00:25:01.73\00:25:04.30
in dealing with
marital discordant.
00:25:04.33\00:25:06.30
I don't want to even talk about
the issue of the divorce issue
00:25:06.33\00:25:09.37
because if we begin to address
00:25:09.40\00:25:11.37
the key issues of
understanding where you are at
00:25:11.41\00:25:13.71
and opening up those
chains of communication,
00:25:13.74\00:25:16.28
you can better
understand what you can do
00:25:16.31\00:25:19.61
and how you can
better address these issues
00:25:19.65\00:25:22.85
and preempt that
concern over here
00:25:22.88\00:25:25.89
called the break
up in relationships.
00:25:25.92\00:25:28.49
What I like to do is go
to some of the interviews
00:25:28.52\00:25:30.76
we did on Venice Beach
00:25:30.79\00:25:32.39
and find their
answers to the questions
00:25:32.43\00:25:35.93
that we ask in reference to
who do you go to for advice?
00:25:35.96\00:25:41.50
So my parents do.
00:25:41.54\00:25:43.67
So they help me out.
00:25:43.71\00:25:45.04
When you consider a
stressful situation or crisis,
00:25:47.94\00:25:50.38
who do you go to for advice?
00:25:50.41\00:25:53.11
Myself actually, myself.
00:25:53.15\00:25:56.08
Commonsense, experience.
00:25:56.12\00:25:57.59
When you consider a
stressful situation,
00:26:00.72\00:26:02.62
who do you go to for advice?
00:26:02.66\00:26:04.89
One of the main
people I go to is my mother.
00:26:04.93\00:26:06.70
She always helps me out.
00:26:06.73\00:26:08.06
Whenever I'm in trouble,
00:26:08.10\00:26:09.43
she's always
there when I needed.
00:26:09.46\00:26:11.47
It was interesting
00:26:11.50\00:26:12.83
as we listen to each
one of these individuals.
00:26:12.87\00:26:15.34
We talk to many
more on the street
00:26:15.37\00:26:17.44
and we got the same
consistency in the answer.
00:26:17.47\00:26:20.74
The answer is,
00:26:20.78\00:26:22.11
if I need professional advice,
00:26:22.14\00:26:24.61
I am going to seek
it from individuals
00:26:24.65\00:26:26.98
that not
necessarily have the expertise
00:26:27.02\00:26:28.92
in giving me that advice,
00:26:28.95\00:26:30.99
and that I think is
key for us to understand
00:26:31.02\00:26:33.86
regardless of where
you're at in your personal life.
00:26:33.89\00:26:35.99
If you're
single, if you're dating,
00:26:36.02\00:26:38.66
if you're married,
00:26:38.69\00:26:40.23
there are
things that you can do.
00:26:40.26\00:26:41.60
If you're dating, the
greatest thing you can do
00:26:41.63\00:26:44.60
is open up a dialogue
with that significant other.
00:26:44.63\00:26:48.64
It is important that you
start talking through the issues
00:26:48.67\00:26:52.11
about of marriage.
00:26:52.14\00:26:53.68
Get through the hormonal issues
00:26:53.71\00:26:56.34
and the excitement
of the relationship
00:26:56.38\00:26:58.31
and get to the serious issues.
00:26:58.35\00:27:00.18
Long term,
00:27:00.22\00:27:01.55
it's good to talk
about where you wanna be,
00:27:01.58\00:27:04.19
develop some type of
agreement and understanding
00:27:04.22\00:27:06.79
of what you
wanna do as a spender
00:27:06.82\00:27:09.32
and you as a saver
in that relationship.
00:27:09.36\00:27:12.39
If you're married,
00:27:12.43\00:27:14.13
there are many
things that you can do.
00:27:14.16\00:27:16.43
It isn't the end of all
things because of finances.
00:27:16.46\00:27:22.27
We need to begin the process
of understanding number one,
00:27:22.30\00:27:25.24
who you can contact,
where the experts are?
00:27:25.27\00:27:27.88
I would suggest you
00:27:27.91\00:27:29.24
go to your local
Seventh-day Adventist Church,
00:27:29.28\00:27:30.61
that would be a
wonderful ideal place to start.
00:27:30.65\00:27:32.71
A local pastor will probably
be of assistance to you,
00:27:32.75\00:27:35.18
would be a wonderful resource
00:27:35.22\00:27:36.99
and can lead you to
someone that can assist
00:27:37.02\00:27:39.69
in this area that's very touchy
00:27:39.72\00:27:42.09
and can cause a lot
of heartbreak and pain.
00:27:42.12\00:27:45.09
But we can solve the problems
00:27:45.13\00:27:47.40
God has answers in
His word, the Bible.
00:27:47.43\00:27:50.30
Financial issues are
a major, major concern.
00:27:50.33\00:27:54.30
Let's take a focus on
those things in our lives,
00:27:54.34\00:27:57.17
and God bless you
taking it to the bank.
00:27:57.21\00:27:59.71