On Take it to the Bank,
00:00:01.36\00:00:02.70
you'll find ways
to get out of debt.
00:00:02.73\00:00:06.10
Solve your credit card problems.
00:00:09.54\00:00:11.77
How to make and
stick with the budget?
00:00:14.78\00:00:16.81
Simple ways to save.
00:00:19.88\00:00:21.88
Buying or selling a home,
and many more financial matters
00:00:24.99\00:00:29.46
on Take it to the Bank.
00:00:29.49\00:00:32.49
Hi, and welcome back
to Take it to the Bank.
00:00:32.53\00:00:34.90
My name is Cordell Thomas,
00:00:34.93\00:00:36.33
and I'm here to
talk to you about
00:00:36.36\00:00:37.70
something that's could be
considered a touchy issue,
00:00:37.73\00:00:40.44
but I think it's relevant
00:00:40.47\00:00:41.80
and something that
we need to talk about.
00:00:41.84\00:00:44.47
When you're looking
at financial problems
00:00:44.51\00:00:45.84
between married people,
00:00:45.87\00:00:47.21
it's something that
I am not accustom to
00:00:47.24\00:00:50.61
because I don't
have financial problems
00:00:50.65\00:00:52.48
between married people.
00:00:52.51\00:00:53.85
No, we all do, it's
a communications issue,
00:00:53.88\00:00:55.68
it's something that we
all should be talking about.
00:00:55.72\00:00:59.12
Here is my suggestion,
get a prenuptial agreement.
00:00:59.15\00:01:02.49
There. I'll talk to you later.
00:01:02.52\00:01:04.33
No, I'm just kidding.
00:01:04.36\00:01:05.69
The issue is a
lot deeper than that.
00:01:05.73\00:01:07.43
It's not just about
prenuptial agreements
00:01:07.46\00:01:09.76
and about the issue of what,
00:01:09.80\00:01:12.03
you know, this
is issue of savings,
00:01:12.07\00:01:14.67
and
communications, and issues about
00:01:14.70\00:01:18.14
the relationship
between two parties.
00:01:18.17\00:01:20.34
But it has a lot more to do with
00:01:20.38\00:01:22.44
how we deal with these crisis
00:01:22.48\00:01:26.18
that can cause things all
way up to divorce and death,
00:01:26.21\00:01:29.95
think about this.
00:01:29.98\00:01:31.32
When you look at this,
I received in the mail,
00:01:31.35\00:01:33.72
it talks about Avoiding
Christmas Heart Attacks,
00:01:33.76\00:01:37.99
Avoiding
Christmas Heart Attacks.
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Why they would,
they send it to that.
00:01:39.63\00:01:41.00
Well, it turns out
that more Americans die
00:01:41.03\00:01:44.10
form cardiac
arrest on Christmas day
00:01:44.13\00:01:47.00
than on any
other day of the year.
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Doctors have long speculated
00:01:48.50\00:01:50.21
on the cause for this
holiday heart syndrome,
00:01:50.24\00:01:52.91
attributing it
to the cold weather,
00:01:52.94\00:01:56.14
or financial and family stress,
00:01:56.18\00:02:02.02
or it could be excessive
eating or alcohol consumption.
00:02:02.05\00:02:05.75
But key:
financial and family stress
00:02:05.79\00:02:08.86
is one of the major causes
00:02:08.89\00:02:10.63
of heart attacks
on Christmas day.
00:02:10.66\00:02:13.93
And of course the
statistic is quite stark.
00:02:13.96\00:02:17.13
And it has to do with stress,
00:02:17.17\00:02:19.73
stress that can cause many
different issues and elements
00:02:19.77\00:02:22.90
are concerns
within a family group.
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Now, there's a
young lady in my life,
00:02:25.91\00:02:29.04
her name is irrelevant,
00:02:29.08\00:02:31.55
but she's my wife and my spouse,
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and she's
articulate psychologist.
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Because she makes me feel like
00:02:34.62\00:02:35.95
I'm in control of the
finances when I really am not.
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I have to think
about this, you know,
00:02:38.82\00:02:40.22
because it's the way she says,
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"Hey, honey, did
you pay the water bill?"
00:02:41.69\00:02:44.63
Oh, it's just
like, "Of course, I did.
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I took care of the water
bill, that's no big deal.
00:02:47.13\00:02:49.10
I took care, not a big issue."
00:02:49.13\00:02:51.03
Then she comes and
put questions like,
00:02:51.07\00:02:53.03
"Why was it so high last month?"
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Do I know all of these answers?
00:02:55.80\00:02:57.71
Of course, I don't
but it causes us to talk.
00:02:57.74\00:03:00.84
Now we can sit
down at the dinner table
00:03:00.88\00:03:03.28
and we can talk for hours.
00:03:03.31\00:03:04.95
Before we had kids, we
could just talk, and talk,
00:03:04.98\00:03:07.02
and talk, and talk, and talk.
00:03:07.05\00:03:08.42
But now we have
kids and they constantly,
00:03:08.45\00:03:09.85
it's strategic how
the children just walk in
00:03:09.88\00:03:12.12
and they see you talking
about something important,
00:03:12.15\00:03:13.99
and they just break right in,
00:03:14.02\00:03:16.26
and just tears your
conversation right up.
00:03:16.29\00:03:18.73
And that's whole other issue,
family finances and children,
00:03:18.76\00:03:22.53
which we can talk
about it at later time.
00:03:22.56\00:03:24.60
My major issue is to
say that your spouse and you
00:03:24.63\00:03:28.30
should have some
type of agreement
00:03:28.34\00:03:29.87
as you come into
any type of relationship
00:03:29.90\00:03:31.44
because it is
very, very important,
00:03:31.47\00:03:35.04
it's critical.
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Financial problems in marriage
00:03:36.44\00:03:37.78
sometimes mirror
other problems in life
00:03:37.81\00:03:40.88
that you deal with.
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Specifically,
things that are exacerbated
00:03:42.28\00:03:45.35
through communication.
00:03:45.39\00:03:46.72
If there is lack of
communication, if there is,
00:03:46.76\00:03:49.69
and there's a variety of
things I can label to you
00:03:49.72\00:03:52.26
that can cause strive
within a relationship.
00:03:52.29\00:03:56.56
Hebrews 12 is a
verse that I really love,
00:03:59.57\00:04:01.70
because I've run a marathon.
00:04:01.74\00:04:03.14
I know what running
marathons are about,
00:04:03.17\00:04:04.67
I know what the training takes,
00:04:04.71\00:04:06.27
it takes to run a marathon.
00:04:06.31\00:04:08.18
And marathons are
not easily completed,
00:04:08.21\00:04:10.65
you have to work
through that wall
00:04:10.68\00:04:13.15
that you hit it
mile 17th and 19th,
00:04:13.18\00:04:15.58
you have to make
it through the pain,
00:04:15.62\00:04:17.99
and the incessant pounding
of a pavement for 26.2 miles.
00:04:18.02\00:04:22.99
But when you complete
the process, it's great.
00:04:23.02\00:04:25.09
Hebrews 12 talks
about that, it's says."
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Therefore, since
we are surrounded by
00:04:27.10\00:04:29.23
such a great cloud of witnesses,
00:04:29.26\00:04:30.80
let us lay aside every weight
00:04:30.83\00:04:33.23
and sin which so
easily ensnare us
00:04:33.27\00:04:36.50
and let us run
with endurance to race
00:04:36.54\00:04:38.41
that is set before us,
00:04:38.44\00:04:39.77
the race that is set before us."
00:04:39.81\00:04:41.24
And the race can take on so
many different perspectives.
00:04:41.28\00:04:44.51
This race that
we're running in right now
00:04:44.55\00:04:46.58
to understanding our finances,
00:04:46.61\00:04:47.98
and this specific
race that each one of us
00:04:48.02\00:04:50.75
are talking about right now
00:04:50.79\00:04:52.35
as if you are in a relationship,
00:04:52.39\00:04:53.72
a marriage, a friendship.
00:04:53.76\00:04:55.49
If you're in a friendship
with someone, you know,
00:04:55.52\00:04:57.79
spend sometime
with their friendship,
00:04:57.83\00:04:59.43
get rid of the hormones,
00:04:59.46\00:05:00.80
and all the
excitement of the relationship
00:05:00.83\00:05:02.56
and start talking
about the serious issues,
00:05:02.60\00:05:04.90
if this is a
long-term relationship.
00:05:04.93\00:05:06.57
And you think this
is the guy or the girl,
00:05:06.60\00:05:08.94
you need to talk about finances,
00:05:08.97\00:05:10.84
you need to talk
about, are you a spender?
00:05:10.87\00:05:13.81
Are you a saver?
00:05:13.84\00:05:15.78
How do you work with money?
00:05:15.81\00:05:17.41
What do you do with money?
00:05:17.45\00:05:19.11
Make sure you understand
because many of these issues
00:05:19.15\00:05:21.62
become concerns in
this race called life.
00:05:21.65\00:05:27.79
Hebrews 12, read it through,
I read it through all the time,
00:05:27.82\00:05:30.93
you run with perseverance.
00:05:30.96\00:05:34.16
And as we talk about this issue,
00:05:34.20\00:05:36.97
financial problems
between married people,
00:05:37.00\00:05:41.00
if you have a specific
concern that you can't resolve,
00:05:41.04\00:05:47.08
I will say this,
00:05:47.11\00:05:49.84
if you need to resolve an issue,
00:05:49.88\00:05:52.61
talk to a professional.
00:05:52.65\00:05:55.25
Many of us will say
00:05:55.28\00:05:56.62
and you'll see in
some of our outtakes.
00:05:56.65\00:05:58.52
In the time you
go through a crisis,
00:05:58.55\00:06:02.02
who do you talk to,
00:06:02.06\00:06:03.39
who do you talk to
help you through crisis?
00:06:03.43\00:06:05.29
And people will not say that,
00:06:05.33\00:06:06.93
"I'll go to professional
and get a help that I need."
00:06:06.96\00:06:09.50
People will be
too proud to do that.
00:06:09.53\00:06:10.97
Do you know that when,
00:06:11.00\00:06:16.14
I work with several
financial literacy companies
00:06:16.17\00:06:18.84
and we talk a lot, we sit down
00:06:18.87\00:06:20.94
and hash out some of the
things we're dealing with.
00:06:20.98\00:06:22.34
I was asked to come in
00:06:22.38\00:06:23.75
and consult with an organization
00:06:23.78\00:06:26.88
and talked to them
about how we deal with
00:06:26.92\00:06:29.45
foster care young people,
00:06:29.48\00:06:30.82
and how we talked to them,
00:06:30.85\00:06:32.19
and how we address specific
financial literacy issues
00:06:32.22\00:06:35.36
with these young people.
00:06:35.39\00:06:36.73
And so we were
taking about other things
00:06:36.76\00:06:38.09
and sitting across the
table from the vice president,
00:06:38.13\00:06:39.69
and she was
willing to talk to me about
00:06:39.73\00:06:42.16
one of the board
president is a pastor,
00:06:42.20\00:06:44.37
a pastor of a major church.
00:06:44.40\00:06:48.07
And it's quite interesting,
00:06:48.10\00:06:49.44
the pastor as
they are talking about
00:06:49.47\00:06:51.37
specific financial
issues, started talking about
00:06:51.41\00:06:54.84
a concern that
came up at his church.
00:06:54.88\00:06:56.88
He says, "You know,
people are more willing
00:06:56.91\00:06:59.25
to come to me and talked about,
00:06:59.28\00:07:01.02
talk to me about private issues,
00:07:01.05\00:07:03.28
relationship
issues, intimacy issues.
00:07:03.32\00:07:05.75
And yet, when it comes to
00:07:05.79\00:07:07.19
at issue as
important as finance,
00:07:07.22\00:07:10.19
they're not willing to
talk about it so much so
00:07:10.23\00:07:13.03
that we began seeing
certain parishioners,
00:07:13.06\00:07:17.10
seeing certain parishioners
00:07:17.13\00:07:18.90
certain parishioners
started leaving the church
00:07:18.93\00:07:21.34
and relocating.
00:07:21.37\00:07:22.70
And he noted
that they were absent
00:07:22.74\00:07:25.11
so he asked the
question, where are they?
00:07:25.14\00:07:27.61
why aren't they attending?
00:07:27.64\00:07:29.08
The answer was "Oh, pastor
they went through a foreclosure
00:07:29.11\00:07:33.08
and they were so
embarrassed by it,
00:07:33.11\00:07:34.45
they didn't want
to talked to anyone,
00:07:34.48\00:07:35.82
they didn't want to see anyone,
00:07:35.85\00:07:37.19
and didn't want
anyone to know about it,
00:07:37.22\00:07:38.55
so they did
just left, relocated,
00:07:38.59\00:07:41.09
and went else where."
00:07:41.12\00:07:42.66
These financial
issues are critical,
00:07:42.69\00:07:45.69
they hurt people,
00:07:45.73\00:07:47.60
they are
psychological nightmares
00:07:47.63\00:07:49.06
that people go through
when you're dealing with
00:07:49.10\00:07:50.57
the foreclosure of a house,
or dealing with a divorce.
00:07:50.60\00:07:55.27
And in
different states, divorce,
00:07:55.30\00:07:57.01
if you stay with the person
with certain amount of time,
00:07:57.04\00:07:58.94
you're taking half from them,
if the children are involved
00:07:58.97\00:08:01.74
then you're dealing with issues
00:08:01.78\00:08:03.11
such as you know,
support, child support.
00:08:03.14\00:08:05.21
And we know of certain
famous football players
00:08:05.25\00:08:08.22
who are dealing with that issue.
00:08:08.25\00:08:09.92
They have two or
three or four different...
00:08:09.95\00:08:15.52
people that they
have had relationship with
00:08:15.56\00:08:17.83
and they have
four, five different kids
00:08:17.86\00:08:20.20
that they're all
paying child support on,
00:08:20.23\00:08:22.53
and they're running into
00:08:22.56\00:08:23.90
a financial nightmare and crisis
00:08:23.93\00:08:25.77
that they didn't take the time
00:08:25.80\00:08:28.87
before the breakup
of the relationship
00:08:28.90\00:08:31.47
to discuss these important
issues that are hurting them
00:08:31.51\00:08:36.24
and creating
stress in their lives.
00:08:36.28\00:08:39.35
So when I talk about,
00:08:39.38\00:08:40.72
this is something I
am not taking it lightly,
00:08:40.75\00:08:42.38
I'm not talking about in a way
that's making it's sound fun,
00:08:42.42\00:08:46.72
because on lot of us have gone
00:08:46.76\00:08:48.12
through those hurtful
relationship breakups,
00:08:48.16\00:08:51.69
and they've caused a
lot more hurt and pain,
00:08:51.73\00:08:54.86
and those
memories exists long-term.
00:08:54.90\00:08:59.23
So I am taking
this very seriously.
00:08:59.27\00:09:01.77
Oh, yes, I joke a lot
about it with my spouse
00:09:01.80\00:09:04.94
as we talk through
these different issues,
00:09:04.97\00:09:07.08
and try to plan and
prepare for our son's future,
00:09:07.11\00:09:09.61
and for our children,
and for the different things,
00:09:09.64\00:09:12.01
and emergency funds, and
a variety of other things
00:09:12.05\00:09:14.62
that we have to address.
00:09:14.65\00:09:16.38
But the key is understanding
that married people are going
00:09:16.42\00:09:20.56
to deal with
things a lot differently
00:09:20.59\00:09:22.56
if they don't
prepare for these strives...
00:09:22.59\00:09:28.56
crisis that can
happen on timely basis
00:09:28.60\00:09:32.43
in any type of relationship.
00:09:32.47\00:09:36.14
So what I like to do
is give you right now
00:09:36.17\00:09:39.04
the top 11 reasons
for marital divorce.
00:09:39.07\00:09:45.85
And I'll start with number 11.
00:09:45.88\00:09:48.35
Number 11 on the list is
00:09:48.38\00:09:52.22
where the wife is
richer than her husband.
00:09:52.25\00:09:57.26
That's the 11th most
prevalent reason divorce.
00:09:57.29\00:10:00.93
Now I am gonna read this
00:10:00.96\00:10:02.30
because I don't want
it to come across as I'm,
00:10:02.33\00:10:04.40
you know, putting a bias on it,
this is what it actually says.
00:10:04.43\00:10:08.44
It may happen when the
wife is richer than her husband,
00:10:08.47\00:10:12.17
and has more, a more
00:10:12.21\00:10:13.64
influential position in society.
00:10:13.68\00:10:15.91
There's pride in there.
00:10:15.94\00:10:17.55
These wives do not accept
00:10:17.58\00:10:19.41
inferior positions
than their husbands
00:10:19.45\00:10:22.58
and the husband thinks
he is the man of the house
00:10:22.62\00:10:26.65
and tries to show his ego.
00:10:26.69\00:10:29.72
The management of
this tussle continues
00:10:29.76\00:10:32.43
into a divorce, number 11.
00:10:32.46\00:10:36.70
Number 10, sexual abuse,
abuse within a relationship
00:10:36.73\00:10:42.20
is a 10th most
prevalent reason for divorce.
00:10:42.24\00:10:46.98
Number nine, unemployment.
00:10:47.01\00:10:51.21
After marriage, many
men may face unemployment.
00:10:51.25\00:10:55.08
Women cannot tolerate
or reside with a husband
00:10:55.12\00:10:58.79
who cannot
fulfill the requirements
00:10:58.82\00:11:01.92
without the job or
without the money coming in.
00:11:01.96\00:11:05.39
And that's a hurtful thing
00:11:05.43\00:11:06.76
because they don't
want to be unemployed,
00:11:06.80\00:11:09.60
but it happens, and
some people haven't talk
00:11:09.63\00:11:12.23
through this issue of
for richer, or for poor
00:11:12.27\00:11:16.30
and things happened.
00:11:16.34\00:11:18.67
Number eight, lust.
00:11:18.71\00:11:20.31
Lust is an
important reason for divorce.
00:11:20.34\00:11:22.94
A man sees a woman,
not realizing this lust,
00:11:22.98\00:11:25.81
finalizes it when he goes off
00:11:25.85\00:11:28.88
and has a relationship
00:11:28.92\00:11:30.89
outside of the
marriage relationship.
00:11:30.92\00:11:34.06
The real situation unfolds
and the marriage crashes,
00:11:34.09\00:11:38.39
and we see happen all the time.
00:11:38.43\00:11:41.06
And that's the
eighth most prevalent reason
00:11:41.10\00:11:44.10
for any type of divorce.
00:11:44.13\00:11:45.73
Number seven, and
we should take this
00:11:45.77\00:11:48.64
to heart is religious
and our cultural differences.
00:11:48.67\00:11:53.94
In recent years,
00:11:53.98\00:11:55.31
one comes across
cases were marriages
00:11:55.34\00:11:57.65
have taken place
between Europeans and Africans,
00:11:57.68\00:12:00.48
such people later realized that
there are cultural difference
00:12:00.52\00:12:05.42
between and sometimes
in order to avoid clashes
00:12:05.45\00:12:09.86
between families
and different cultures
00:12:09.89\00:12:12.06
they opt out for
divorce and part their ways.
00:12:12.09\00:12:16.87
Number six, bad guy syndrome.
00:12:16.90\00:12:22.60
Basically is
young lady sometimes
00:12:22.64\00:12:24.94
look out for the bad guy
00:12:24.97\00:12:26.31
or the challenging
guy in relationships
00:12:26.34\00:12:28.14
and one person looks at it
00:12:28.18\00:12:32.85
from the stand
point of moral history.
00:12:32.88\00:12:35.28
Here she cannot continue
to reside with the spouse
00:12:35.32\00:12:38.05
who has been
arrested for many crimes
00:12:38.09\00:12:40.76
and possibly incarceration.
00:12:40.79\00:12:42.52
And that's not saying
one thing or the other,
00:12:42.56\00:12:45.86
but its just
effects, they're gonna effect,
00:12:45.89\00:12:48.86
that the sixth most reason,
prevalent reason for divorce
00:12:48.90\00:12:52.83
is a moral history
where one of the two parties,
00:12:52.87\00:12:56.67
let's put it that way,
00:12:56.71\00:12:58.04
has a problem with violence,
crime and incarceration.
00:12:58.07\00:13:01.88
Number five, is
quite interesting,
00:13:01.91\00:13:04.28
and you take a
look at that rational,
00:13:04.31\00:13:07.08
its
incompatibility causes divorce.
00:13:07.12\00:13:10.15
What is incompatibility?
00:13:10.19\00:13:11.95
This may be one or
more the following forms,
00:13:11.99\00:13:15.02
such as moral, it
can go to the fact that
00:13:15.06\00:13:18.03
there is religious
and cultural differences,
00:13:18.06\00:13:20.20
there could be
mutual, exclusive,
00:13:20.23\00:13:21.70
or could be the same.
00:13:21.73\00:13:23.06
Could be spiritual,
it could be physical,
00:13:23.10\00:13:25.03
it could be sexual,
00:13:25.07\00:13:26.40
that is as this specific
information article states.
00:13:26.43\00:13:32.31
So incompatibility
can be rational for people
00:13:32.34\00:13:35.81
breaking up or parting ways.
00:13:35.84\00:13:37.91
Individuals where
the family background
00:13:37.95\00:13:41.92
has a gross
impact on him and/or her.
00:13:41.95\00:13:45.02
Family background.
00:13:45.05\00:13:46.45
If the parents of
one person are divorced,
00:13:46.49\00:13:49.09
the possibility
that these people
00:13:49.12\00:13:51.59
in the relationship
00:13:51.63\00:13:53.13
will also be divorced,
is has a higher possibility.
00:13:53.16\00:13:57.63
So family
history, family background,
00:13:57.67\00:14:00.90
it creates this
other possibility
00:14:00.94\00:14:04.77
if they believe things aren't
going in the right direction,
00:14:04.81\00:14:07.21
which causes the
concern realistically.
00:14:07.24\00:14:09.34
For this number four,
00:14:09.38\00:14:10.71
is people are
more likely to opt out
00:14:10.75\00:14:15.82
because it's
the easiest way out,
00:14:15.85\00:14:20.82
and are not
willing to work through
00:14:20.86\00:14:23.39
specific concerns with
any type of relationship.
00:14:23.43\00:14:27.66
Number three, expectations.
00:14:27.70\00:14:31.30
Individuals marry one another
00:14:31.33\00:14:32.83
with considerable
amount of expectations
00:14:32.87\00:14:35.94
from married life.
00:14:35.97\00:14:37.67
In case these
expectations are not fulfilled
00:14:37.71\00:14:39.97
or partially fulfilled
00:14:40.01\00:14:42.11
this may also result in divorce,
00:14:42.14\00:14:45.01
on that expectations.
00:14:45.05\00:14:47.35
Seems to getting
a little light now
00:14:47.38\00:14:48.92
because people now
are looking for reasons
00:14:48.95\00:14:51.42
to get out of
these relationships,
00:14:51.45\00:14:53.12
looking for reasons not to
be in a specific relationship,
00:14:53.15\00:14:57.03
and they are
taking the easy way out.
00:14:57.06\00:14:59.36
Marriage is not easy.
00:14:59.39\00:15:00.86
It's not hard if you
marry the right person,
00:15:00.90\00:15:03.93
but it's not easy it
takes the learning capacity
00:15:03.97\00:15:09.30
to look at that other
individual in the relationship
00:15:09.34\00:15:12.41
and learn as much
about them as you can.
00:15:12.44\00:15:15.44
For me, everyday is learning
experience with my spouse,
00:15:15.48\00:15:18.81
every day is a new
experience realizing that
00:15:18.85\00:15:21.15
she has a lot to offer,
she has a lot of wisdom,
00:15:21.18\00:15:25.19
she is the brilliant young lady,
00:15:25.22\00:15:26.99
and she has done a fantastic job
00:15:27.02\00:15:29.12
with these two young
people that I have in my life.
00:15:29.16\00:15:31.69
So I think when you're
looking at expectations,
00:15:31.73\00:15:34.53
give it a rest,
take time to learn about
00:15:34.56\00:15:38.00
the other
individual when you're dating,
00:15:38.03\00:15:39.93
and talk through the issues
that need to be talked about
00:15:39.97\00:15:44.67
when preparing for any
type of long-term relationship.
00:15:44.71\00:15:48.68
Oh, we're coming down to the
00:15:48.71\00:15:50.05
top two reasons for divorce.
00:15:50.08\00:15:53.82
And can you guess what
the number two reason is?
00:15:53.85\00:15:57.72
The number two reason
leading right up to number one
00:15:57.75\00:16:00.52
is death of communication.
00:16:00.56\00:16:03.93
They don't talk anymore.
00:16:03.96\00:16:05.39
One of the most
usual causes for divorce
00:16:05.43\00:16:08.50
is a lack of communication.
00:16:08.53\00:16:10.83
When it comes to
finalizing decisions
00:16:10.87\00:16:12.93
pertaining to children,
00:16:12.97\00:16:14.30
spouse has failed
to communicate openly
00:16:14.34\00:16:16.71
with each other.
00:16:16.74\00:16:18.07
When decisions are to be
made regarding shared finances,
00:16:18.11\00:16:22.54
several of the
couples do not communicate
00:16:22.58\00:16:25.58
properly with each other.
00:16:25.61\00:16:27.05
So when you're
talking about children,
00:16:27.08\00:16:28.95
when you're
talking about finances,
00:16:28.98\00:16:31.05
and then there are
many married couples
00:16:31.09\00:16:33.96
who have an
opinion that in a marriage
00:16:33.99\00:16:35.96
minor problems do occur
and these are insignificant.
00:16:35.99\00:16:40.46
There is no need
to talk about these.
00:16:40.50\00:16:43.20
However, lack of communications
regarding these "small issues,"
00:16:43.23\00:16:48.40
may lead to conflict
between the partners.
00:16:48.44\00:16:52.97
I'm not a
relationship therapist.
00:16:53.01\00:16:54.68
If you need a
relationship therapist,
00:16:54.71\00:16:56.04
I would asked you
to go and get someone
00:16:56.08\00:16:58.28
that knows psychology
and those type of thing.
00:16:58.31\00:17:01.28
All I'm telling you is this,
these are the stark statistics
00:17:01.32\00:17:05.29
about what happens
to drive people apart.
00:17:05.32\00:17:08.22
But I will say in
reference to this is
00:17:08.26\00:17:10.53
that there is
never a small issue
00:17:10.56\00:17:14.40
relating to any
type of relationship.
00:17:14.43\00:17:17.37
You should take
your spouse seriously,
00:17:17.40\00:17:19.53
about their concerns,
00:17:19.57\00:17:20.90
and when they mention
something off the cuff
00:17:20.94\00:17:23.17
or they're talking about
something that concerns them,
00:17:23.20\00:17:25.17
take it seriously,
weight it seriously,
00:17:25.21\00:17:27.74
talk to them about it seriously,
00:17:27.78\00:17:29.21
open up those
channels of communications
00:17:29.24\00:17:31.51
because those small
changes that you make in life.
00:17:31.55\00:17:37.82
Especially with this person
that you say you love so much,
00:17:37.85\00:17:40.89
will change things in a
dramatic and positive way.
00:17:40.92\00:17:43.93
Open up those
levels of communication.
00:17:43.96\00:17:46.13
And you know, one
good way of doing so
00:17:46.16\00:17:48.66
I found is when my wife
and I study the Bible together,
00:17:48.70\00:17:52.70
it opens up so many
00:17:52.73\00:17:54.44
different levels
of communications,
00:17:54.47\00:17:55.80
specially when
you're trying to learn
00:17:55.84\00:17:57.31
and trying to
make your life better
00:17:57.34\00:17:59.57
through Christ's leading,
that's one powerful way.
00:17:59.61\00:18:03.48
So if you
challenge with communication,
00:18:03.51\00:18:05.75
find something that
works with the both of you,
00:18:05.78\00:18:08.02
but find a way to
talk to each other.
00:18:08.05\00:18:11.02
And the drum roll, please.
00:18:11.05\00:18:14.46
The number one reason
for divorce, can you guess?
00:18:14.49\00:18:19.06
Can you guess, anyone?
00:18:19.09\00:18:20.43
Anyone?
00:18:20.46\00:18:22.53
Finance.
00:18:22.56\00:18:25.23
There is a saying that
00:18:25.27\00:18:27.30
"The love of money is
the root of all evil."
00:18:27.34\00:18:30.47
Respective of the
love between a couple,
00:18:30.51\00:18:35.94
money is required
to lead a normal life.
00:18:35.98\00:18:38.15
Money is the part
of what life is about.
00:18:38.18\00:18:42.42
But also
remember that even though
00:18:42.45\00:18:45.89
those issues abound the
Bible tells us specifically
00:18:45.92\00:18:49.56
that you have to take
care and guard against greed,
00:18:49.59\00:18:53.70
because one's
life doesn't consists
00:18:53.73\00:18:56.33
of one's
possessions, Luke 12:15.
00:18:56.36\00:18:59.43
We have to understand
that there is a balance.
00:18:59.47\00:19:01.54
That balance has to happen
00:19:01.57\00:19:02.90
between two
parties that are talking.
00:19:02.94\00:19:05.94
Talking about their
relationship with each other,
00:19:05.97\00:19:08.31
and their
relationship with Christ.
00:19:08.34\00:19:10.65
Then those are the
things that will save us
00:19:10.68\00:19:12.31
through all of these
dilemmas and stresses
00:19:12.35\00:19:15.05
that the world has to offer.
00:19:15.08\00:19:17.19
Because, the world is offering
00:19:17.22\00:19:18.89
a lot of stressful
situations for a lot of people.
00:19:18.92\00:19:21.96
And this divorce,
the top on 11 list
00:19:21.99\00:19:25.23
of why people
choose to part ways
00:19:25.26\00:19:27.90
is pretty significant.
00:19:27.93\00:19:29.80
When you even take a look
at how it impacts Christians,
00:19:29.83\00:19:35.70
divorce does impact Christians
as well as non-Christians.
00:19:35.74\00:19:38.11
And there is statistics
00:19:38.14\00:19:39.47
that are stark that
you should be aware of.
00:19:39.51\00:19:42.21
If there is no money
00:19:42.24\00:19:44.48
in a
relationship or in a marriage,
00:19:44.51\00:19:45.98
this can lead to disputes,
it can lead to arguments,
00:19:46.01\00:19:48.65
it can escalate,
it indents quarrels,
00:19:48.68\00:19:51.55
and finally
culminate in divorce.
00:19:51.59\00:19:55.86
These things happen,
and you wish they didn't,
00:19:55.89\00:19:58.69
but it's a part of life,
00:19:58.73\00:20:00.06
how the devil gets
himself into relationships.
00:20:00.10\00:20:02.83
Sometimes
overspending by one spouse
00:20:02.86\00:20:05.30
can put the
couple debt at times,
00:20:05.33\00:20:08.80
at the time of
marriage the money,
00:20:08.84\00:20:10.77
that seemed
adequate for the couple
00:20:10.81\00:20:13.78
appears insufficient for
a family after some years.
00:20:13.81\00:20:17.38
I can actually
identify with that.
00:20:17.41\00:20:20.52
If one spouse makes all
the financial decisions,
00:20:20.55\00:20:22.88
the other spouse may not
exceed to all of the decisions.
00:20:22.92\00:20:26.25
There's a lot in
those two last statements.
00:20:26.29\00:20:29.92
I'm traveling,
my wife is at home.
00:20:29.96\00:20:34.53
In the unforeseen circumstance
of me getting into an accident
00:20:34.56\00:20:38.23
or even not making
it home, she has to know
00:20:38.27\00:20:43.07
exactly where we are at
our financial standpoint.
00:20:43.10\00:20:45.87
She has to have access to
all of the account numbers,
00:20:45.91\00:20:50.75
and to all of the access codes,
the online banking information,
00:20:50.78\00:20:54.58
and to where things are at.
00:20:54.62\00:20:56.05
Because many of us in our lives,
00:20:56.08\00:20:58.75
and this is for a future show,
00:20:58.79\00:21:00.39
but are not prepared
for the crisis that happens
00:21:00.42\00:21:04.86
when something
happens where your spouse
00:21:04.89\00:21:08.56
or your family member
is taken away from you.
00:21:08.60\00:21:11.83
And we have to learn about
these things called insurance,
00:21:11.87\00:21:14.97
talking about a planning,
00:21:15.00\00:21:16.84
talking about
knowing what needs to happen
00:21:16.87\00:21:19.21
when certain crisis
happened in a person's life.
00:21:19.24\00:21:23.08
In this situation,
00:21:23.11\00:21:24.48
it makes sense that
you talk and communicate
00:21:24.51\00:21:27.45
so that the hurt
and pain of two people,
00:21:27.48\00:21:32.35
you loosing someone
important in your family
00:21:32.39\00:21:34.42
can be made less painful
00:21:34.46\00:21:38.89
by the fact that you
are prepared with the will,
00:21:38.93\00:21:42.33
you prepared with
elements of insurance.
00:21:42.36\00:21:45.80
You're making sure
that those concerns
00:21:45.83\00:21:47.87
can be taking care of
on a step by step basis
00:21:47.90\00:21:51.21
as you go through
the hurtful situation
00:21:51.24\00:21:53.81
that you probably dealing with.
00:21:53.84\00:21:56.58
So we take that step and look at
00:21:56.61\00:21:59.31
how couples deal
with changes in family.
00:21:59.35\00:22:06.05
I have two children.
00:22:06.09\00:22:07.42
When my wife and I were married,
00:22:07.46\00:22:08.79
it was easy, I was jump
in a car and go up north.
00:22:08.82\00:22:10.76
Jump in a car, go out east,
00:22:10.79\00:22:12.13
jump in a car
because we can't go west,
00:22:12.16\00:22:13.73
we're in the west
coast so, just a joke.
00:22:13.76\00:22:15.46
Oh, so anyway, we take sometime
00:22:15.50\00:22:18.33
and we do what we want to do.
00:22:18.37\00:22:20.44
And then, two
children showed up.
00:22:20.47\00:22:23.57
And it's amazing how
it changes your life.
00:22:23.61\00:22:26.01
It takes a lot longer
to get it into the car.
00:22:26.04\00:22:28.71
It takes a lot
longer to do the things
00:22:28.74\00:22:30.75
that were simple to do.
00:22:30.78\00:22:32.11
And going out to dinner
00:22:32.15\00:22:33.48
is not always
exciting as it used to be
00:22:33.52\00:22:35.58
because the romance is
gone with the food been thrown
00:22:35.62\00:22:37.75
and this and that or the other.
00:22:37.79\00:22:39.12
So it's quite
interesting when you look at
00:22:39.15\00:22:41.12
how these
changes in relationships
00:22:41.16\00:22:44.16
impact the
family, and in this case,
00:22:44.19\00:22:46.80
as marriage changes things
00:22:46.83\00:22:49.93
and as children come into play,
00:22:49.96\00:22:51.73
it changes the amount of money
00:22:51.77\00:22:53.50
you need to budget
on a monthly basis.
00:22:53.54\00:22:55.67
It changes the on going concerns
00:22:55.70\00:22:58.04
that you should be addressing
00:22:58.07\00:22:59.61
every single
month, every single year,
00:22:59.64\00:23:02.04
how much money
should I allocate to this,
00:23:02.08\00:23:04.51
how much money
should I be saving,
00:23:04.55\00:23:06.18
how much money
should I be budgeting
00:23:06.21\00:23:08.55
for these type of acquisitions?
00:23:08.58\00:23:10.29
What should we do
to plan for Christmas?
00:23:10.32\00:23:13.66
I take this heart attack
thing very seriously now.
00:23:13.69\00:23:16.76
So we plan for Christmas
00:23:16.79\00:23:18.19
because I don't
need to be partying ways
00:23:18.23\00:23:20.36
for the cardiac arrest,
00:23:20.40\00:23:21.73
just because I'm
having a financial stress.
00:23:21.76\00:23:24.60
These are things that we should
all concern ourselves with
00:23:24.63\00:23:27.47
because finance is the
top reason for divorce.
00:23:27.50\00:23:32.54
And we take a
look at the divorce
00:23:32.57\00:23:33.91
and we look at the
marital break down stats,
00:23:33.94\00:23:35.58
don't have that right now,
00:23:35.61\00:23:36.95
but I can tell you right
now in the future we will.
00:23:36.98\00:23:39.41
But in reference to
non-evangelical born
00:23:39.45\00:23:43.12
again Christians,
00:23:43.15\00:23:44.75
there are 33
percent divorce rate,
00:23:44.79\00:23:46.86
at a 33 percent divorce rate.
00:23:46.89\00:23:48.92
You look at
atheists and agnostics,
00:23:48.96\00:23:51.93
they are at 30
percent divorce rate.
00:23:51.96\00:23:54.93
There are things
that we, as Christians
00:23:54.96\00:23:57.93
need to be doing more so
00:23:57.97\00:23:59.30
in our relationships to
communicate with each other
00:23:59.33\00:24:01.90
and we really need to fit God in
00:24:01.94\00:24:04.41
as a part of the relationship
00:24:04.44\00:24:06.01
and the development
of that relationship.
00:24:06.04\00:24:07.81
Because if we don't,
we're pushing ourselves
00:24:07.84\00:24:10.35
into a direction
00:24:10.38\00:24:11.71
that's not so
easily to return from.
00:24:11.75\00:24:15.35
So those are the major issues.
00:24:15.38\00:24:17.72
Now, in reference to
these financial concerns
00:24:17.75\00:24:19.85
that we have
between married people,
00:24:19.89\00:24:21.22
I would say
there are four, four.
00:24:21.26\00:24:24.69
Combining your
finances is number one.
00:24:24.73\00:24:26.76
Number two is spending
versus savings, number two.
00:24:26.80\00:24:31.07
Number three is
dealing with debt.
00:24:31.10\00:24:35.10
And number four is
keeping financial secrets,
00:24:35.14\00:24:39.07
keeping financial secrets.
00:24:39.11\00:24:43.58
What I like to do is take you
00:24:43.61\00:24:45.15
through some of
the conversations
00:24:45.18\00:24:46.88
I had it when I speech.
00:24:46.92\00:24:48.25
We asked the questions about
the top stress in their life
00:24:48.28\00:24:50.49
and the top three crises
00:24:50.52\00:24:52.52
they think
families are dealing with.
00:24:52.55\00:24:54.59
I like to hear
what they have to say.
00:24:54.62\00:24:58.33
"Speaking with the Will today.
00:24:58.36\00:24:59.89
What would you
consider the top three crises
00:24:59.93\00:25:02.03
that families are
going through today?"
00:25:02.06\00:25:04.50
"Top three crises that families
are going through today are,
00:25:04.53\00:25:08.60
would be, one
financial situations
00:25:08.64\00:25:11.67
in the black communities
00:25:11.71\00:25:13.04
and the unfortunate communities,
00:25:13.07\00:25:16.44
two would be...
00:25:16.48\00:25:17.81
I'm not sure."
00:25:22.12\00:25:23.49
"That kind of
stressful, families,
00:25:23.52\00:25:25.75
or relationships maybe?"
00:25:25.79\00:25:28.02
"Yeah, relationships,
maybe a communication,
00:25:28.06\00:25:32.26
less
communication in the family,
00:25:32.29\00:25:33.70
a lot of
families tend grow apart
00:25:33.73\00:25:35.90
through marriages
or what not, you know.
00:25:35.93\00:25:40.00
So lack of communication."
00:25:40.04\00:25:41.37
"Early
pregnancy, stupidity, and...
00:25:44.47\00:25:49.58
jobs, lost of jobs."
00:25:49.61\00:25:52.55
"My friend, I
appreciate your time."
00:25:52.58\00:25:53.98
"Thank you."
00:25:54.02\00:25:55.45
"What do you
consider the top three crises
00:25:55.48\00:25:57.75
that families are
dealing with today?"
00:25:57.79\00:25:59.62
"Probably the top
three crises, money.
00:25:59.65\00:26:01.32
Money is one of them,
00:26:01.36\00:26:02.69
and then just like
inner family conflicts,
00:26:02.72\00:26:06.09
stuff like that I would say.
00:26:06.13\00:26:07.46
And probably the third one...
00:26:07.50\00:26:11.23
I don't know the third one,
00:26:11.27\00:26:12.60
just may be spending
time out together is,
00:26:12.63\00:26:14.54
like the old
families used to, you know."
00:26:14.57\00:26:17.14
"All right."
00:26:17.17\00:26:20.48
"Financial, separation,
00:26:20.51\00:26:24.81
and spirituality, to be honest.
00:26:24.85\00:26:28.85
Yeah."
00:26:28.88\00:26:30.79
"Honor Savage,
thank you for your time."
00:26:30.82\00:26:35.86
Interesting what
people are saying,
00:26:35.89\00:26:37.46
finances is always in
there, it's always an issue,
00:26:37.49\00:26:40.40
and it's something that
we should be talking about.
00:26:40.43\00:26:42.36
We should be talking
about with our spouse
00:26:42.40\00:26:43.80
or the significant other.
00:26:43.83\00:26:46.00
Combining finances always
happens when you get married.
00:26:46.03\00:26:50.81
It's something you
should talk through about
00:26:50.84\00:26:52.57
how you deal with the finances.
00:26:52.61\00:26:54.58
Maybe separate
accounts may ease the issue
00:26:54.61\00:26:56.68
and the transition.
00:26:56.71\00:26:58.05
Spending versus
savings, always a concern.
00:26:58.08\00:27:00.98
Are you a
spender? Are you a saver?
00:27:01.02\00:27:03.55
I remember coming home one day
00:27:03.59\00:27:05.02
after buying
spontaneously a DVD player,
00:27:05.05\00:27:08.72
my wife asked me
the question that
00:27:08.76\00:27:10.23
"We didn't budget for
it, why did you buy it?"
00:27:10.26\00:27:12.19
I had to answer the question.
00:27:12.23\00:27:13.73
I think I came in as a
spender, she's the savor.
00:27:13.76\00:27:16.77
And we had to dialogue
through those specific issues.
00:27:16.80\00:27:19.10
Three, we have to
do dealing with debt.
00:27:19.13\00:27:21.67
How are you dealing with debt?
00:27:21.70\00:27:23.04
Are you in debt?
00:27:23.07\00:27:24.41
Does one come to
the table with debt?
00:27:24.44\00:27:26.07
And how do you work together
to eradicate all of the debt?
00:27:26.11\00:27:29.81
And number four,
keeping financial secrets.
00:27:29.84\00:27:33.25
Financial
dishonesty can reek havoc
00:27:33.28\00:27:35.62
in any type of relationship.
00:27:35.65\00:27:37.85
Lying about the cost of an item,
00:27:37.89\00:27:39.72
hiding, or sneaking
purchases into the house
00:27:39.75\00:27:42.12
can have devastating effects
on any type of relationship.
00:27:42.16\00:27:46.06
I asked you take
a look at this issue
00:27:46.09\00:27:47.86
because it' s critical.
00:27:47.90\00:27:49.23
Financial problems between
married people are a big issue,
00:27:49.26\00:27:52.63
especially in our
Christian communities.
00:27:52.67\00:27:54.84
Let's makes
certain, we address the issue
00:27:54.87\00:27:56.81
and take it to the bank.
00:27:56.84\00:27:59.61
Bye-bye.
00:27:59.64\00:28:01.34