Have you ever wished your child came with a user's guide? 00:00:23.95\00:00:27.49 Have you ever wondered how to motivate them to do their best? 00:00:27.52\00:00:31.56 I am sure we are all hoping to raise healthy, happy, 00:00:31.59\00:00:35.00 well-adjusted children. But it can seem like an overwhelming 00:00:35.03\00:00:39.43 challenge for parents today. 00:00:39.47\00:00:41.60 The changing family structure, work pressures, technology, 00:00:41.64\00:00:46.94 and social influences are among a host of other problems 00:00:46.98\00:00:51.05 that are leaving parents stressed out and worried about 00:00:51.08\00:00:54.92 the future of their children. Is it possible among all the 00:00:54.95\00:00:59.52 turmoil that happens around us to have a truly happy family? 00:00:59.55\00:01:04.79 And if it was, would you like to know the secrets of a 00:01:04.83\00:01:09.66 happy family, a family that enjoyed spending time together 00:01:09.70\00:01:13.50 and where there was love, trust, and respect. 00:01:13.54\00:01:17.01 Well, join me, Gary Kent as we meet with a world-renown 00:01:17.04\00:01:22.18 doctor who has uncovered important research on this topic 00:01:22.21\00:01:25.85 his information may just change your life of your family. 00:01:25.88\00:01:31.09 It has been said that families are the glue that holds 00:01:52.04\00:01:59.08 society together. 00:01:59.11\00:02:00.45 Being a part of a family gives us a sense of identity and worth 00:02:00.48\00:02:05.59 and helps to shape us into the person we are destined 00:02:05.62\00:02:09.32 to become. Knowing that someone loves us and always has 00:02:09.36\00:02:13.93 our back whether we are wildly successful or struggling just 00:02:13.96\00:02:17.80 to put one foot in front of the other. 00:02:17.83\00:02:19.67 Being loved unconditionally is one of the most desirable 00:02:19.70\00:02:24.44 benefits of being part of a family. 00:02:24.47\00:02:26.88 But our world is changing very fast, the evening time 00:02:26.91\00:02:32.65 that used to be spent conversing with mom and dad at the table 00:02:32.68\00:02:36.15 about the day's events, is now spent largely in front of the 00:02:36.18\00:02:40.49 television. At least 50% of the families are breaking up 00:02:40.52\00:02:45.39 and even if a family stays together, or forms a blended 00:02:45.43\00:02:49.26 family in a new relationship, many of them are disconnected. 00:02:49.30\00:02:53.10 Spending more time on their devices and interacting on 00:02:53.13\00:02:56.87 social media than they do with the people that live 00:02:56.91\00:03:00.28 right beside them. So what are the secrets of having a 00:03:00.31\00:03:04.58 happy family? Well, join me as we discuss families with 00:03:04.61\00:03:09.55 Dr. Neil Nedley, a medical doctor who has uncovered some 00:03:09.58\00:03:13.52 fascinating research that shows the lifestyle and habits 00:03:13.56\00:03:17.53 of happy families. 00:03:17.56\00:03:19.03 Dr. Nedley, welcome to our program today. 00:03:19.06\00:03:23.16 What does your research show about happy families? 00:03:23.20\00:03:26.80 Well, a happy family has to start out with a happy marriage 00:03:26.84\00:03:31.87 and the husband/wife relation- ship if its trusting, 00:03:31.91\00:03:37.01 if its loving, if there are definite positives and strengths 00:03:37.05\00:03:44.19 are combined in regards to roles and functions, 00:03:44.22\00:03:48.82 that is the set-up for a very happy family. 00:03:48.86\00:03:52.83 And then we can talk about the studies in regards to good 00:03:52.86\00:03:58.60 relationships with children and how important that is as well. 00:03:58.63\00:04:01.10 How important are families to society? 00:04:01.14\00:04:04.77 Families to society are really the basis of a successful 00:04:04.81\00:04:09.71 productive society. If we have very happy, productive, 00:04:09.74\00:04:14.95 functional families, we are going to have great societies. 00:04:14.98\00:04:18.95 And this is not only based on research but many great 00:04:18.99\00:04:23.93 individuals over time have recognized this. 00:04:23.96\00:04:27.73 I mean Supreme Court justices, Presidents and others 00:04:27.76\00:04:31.40 have talked about this... we kind of ignore family in regards 00:04:31.43\00:04:35.50 to politics and those sorts of things but it is a crucial 00:04:35.54\00:04:39.64 element and If we are going to have successful government, 00:04:39.67\00:04:42.81 even the foundation of our government is happy functional 00:04:42.84\00:04:47.38 families. How important are happy families to children? 00:04:47.42\00:04:52.19 Happy families are crucial for children's intellectual and 00:04:52.22\00:04:57.53 emotional development. And when there is trust in the home, 00:04:57.56\00:05:03.26 when there is safety in the home, when the children know 00:05:03.30\00:05:07.34 that meals are going to be served on time, 00:05:07.37\00:05:09.54 that they are going to be taken care of, 00:05:09.57\00:05:11.71 that they don't have to worry about where their next meal 00:05:11.74\00:05:15.24 is going to come from or if they are going to have good 00:05:15.28\00:05:21.12 authoritative parents when they wake up and live in a 00:05:21.15\00:05:24.29 structured environment, these are all crucial for the 00:05:24.32\00:05:27.92 developing children's mind. And it turns out 00:05:27.96\00:05:31.26 it's not so much the comradery, comradery is important 00:05:31.29\00:05:35.76 but it turns out it's a loving authoritative parent/child 00:05:35.80\00:05:41.40 relationship that works the best. 00:05:41.44\00:05:43.61 And so, yes, we want to play with our kids, we want to have 00:05:43.64\00:05:49.04 that nice trusting, pleasant environment where we can get 00:05:49.08\00:05:56.08 down and be lateral with our kids, but sometimes there is 00:05:56.12\00:05:59.15 over-emphasis on that and not enough emphasis on what 00:05:59.19\00:06:03.73 authoritative loving parents look like and that means that 00:06:03.76\00:06:08.70 there is role distinctions, that there is authority, 00:06:08.73\00:06:13.40 there is family government and that produces great function. 00:06:13.44\00:06:17.47 There is great research showing that happy families are 00:06:17.51\00:06:22.71 very connected to physical and emotional well-being of children 00:06:22.74\00:06:27.92 not only during their childhood, but actually way later into 00:06:27.95\00:06:32.59 their adulthood. 00:06:32.62\00:06:33.96 There was a study for instance by Harvard, its often quoted, 00:06:33.99\00:06:37.26 it's called: 00:06:37.29\00:06:40.93 and it actually just looked at a few simple questions, 00:06:40.96\00:06:45.70 this was questioning adults now about their childhood. 00:06:45.73\00:06:49.24 But they found out that: 00:06:49.27\00:06:51.41 So they'll have lived a very happy, healthy life both 00:07:05.95\00:07:10.03 emotionally and physically. Now there is one if four 00:07:10.06\00:07:13.73 there still going to have issues even though they do have 00:07:13.76\00:07:16.10 a good relationship with mom and dad. But if they have 00:07:16.13\00:07:19.63 a good relationship with just one of them, 50% chance... 00:07:19.67\00:07:25.31 You can flip a coin that they're a serious illness. 00:07:25.34\00:07:28.71 Either a serious mental illness or a serious Physical illness 00:07:28.74\00:07:32.98 by age 50. And if they now don't have a good relationship with 00:07:33.01\00:07:38.02 either mom or dad, it's now 90% chance physical or emotional 00:07:38.05\00:07:44.59 illness, significant by age 50. So you can see: 00:07:44.63\00:07:51.63 just on the basis on how good a relationship you have had 00:07:51.67\00:07:57.04 with your mom and dad. 00:07:57.07\00:07:59.01 And so that of course goes both ways, we want mom and dads 00:07:59.04\00:08:03.85 to foster those good relationships but it's also 00:08:03.88\00:08:07.35 very important for children to recognize that these are 00:08:07.38\00:08:11.32 my parents, they love me, they.. I need to have trust. 00:08:11.35\00:08:15.52 that they're recommending that I do things that are actually 00:08:15.56\00:08:18.86 best for me and their accountability is actually 00:08:18.89\00:08:21.16 for my own good. If they develop that trust relationship 00:08:21.20\00:08:25.07 there's going to be a bond that forms there and it's gonna 00:08:25.10\00:08:27.90 help them physically and mentally really for the rest of 00:08:27.94\00:08:31.34 their life. What can fathers do to get more involved with 00:08:31.37\00:08:35.38 their children? Well, its extremely important for fathers 00:08:35.41\00:08:39.28 to be involved in their children, in other words, 00:08:39.31\00:08:41.48 we want to know what they are taking in school, 00:08:41.52\00:08:44.29 how well they are doing in school, what their strengths 00:08:44.32\00:08:47.26 and weaknesses are, how we can guide them forward 00:08:47.29\00:08:50.89 in regard to those weaknesses in a loving yet accountable way. 00:08:50.93\00:08:56.06 But one of the most primary things that fathers can do 00:08:56.10\00:08:59.73 to be involved with their children is to be involved 00:08:59.77\00:09:04.14 with a loving spouse that will help give them access 00:09:04.17\00:09:09.18 and good access to those children. 00:09:09.21\00:09:11.11 It turns out if you're not getting along with the mother 00:09:11.15\00:09:13.78 of those children, chances are, you are not really involved 00:09:13.82\00:09:18.02 to the extent that you should be in those children. 00:09:18.05\00:09:20.96 And if mother doesn't trust father, mother is going to 00:09:20.99\00:09:24.13 try to limit access for you. Mother doesn't often recognize 00:09:24.16\00:09:28.43 the problems of that because she's thinking this guy's not 00:09:28.46\00:09:32.50 trustworthy, I don't want him to be influencing our kids. 00:09:32.53\00:09:35.90 There's lots of bad things that happen that we just 00:09:39.64\00:09:42.14 talked about you know. 00:09:42.18\00:09:43.51 All of those things. so when we think we are protecting our 00:09:51.69\00:09:54.26 children by keeping them away from their father, 00:09:54.29\00:09:56.62 we're actually not, unless the father truly is a bad man. 00:09:56.66\00:10:00.30 If he is a criminal, if he is abusive, those type of things, 00:10:00.33\00:10:03.06 yes, we need to protect that but then we may need to find 00:10:03.10\00:10:08.70 someone else that could take that loving, authoritative 00:10:08.74\00:10:13.14 father role. And so, it's important for fathers to have 00:10:13.17\00:10:21.85 the access that they need to make their children successful. 00:10:21.88\00:10:25.52 Sometimes, motherhood is just as important, I don't want to 00:10:25.55\00:10:29.19 mention that, that it is some- how inferior. No, motherhood, 00:10:29.22\00:10:33.60 we can't say enough importance in regards to this loving mother 00:10:33.63\00:10:37.57 as well. But often we think that's enough, 00:10:37.60\00:10:40.44 If they've got a loving mother, they don't need these men 00:10:40.47\00:10:43.44 in their life. Not true. The research is very clear 00:10:43.47\00:10:47.04 that they need a good loving, authoritative father figure 00:10:47.08\00:10:51.85 in their life in order to come out balanced, emotionally stable 00:10:51.88\00:10:56.35 and able to handle tough situations. 00:10:56.38\00:10:59.55 Well, I can tell you as far as loving, authoritative 00:10:59.59\00:11:03.39 two biological parent homes that are raised from 0 to 18, 00:11:03.43\00:11:08.76 that's the ideal functional homes is now down to about 20% 00:11:08.80\00:11:14.04 in the western society. 00:11:14.07\00:11:15.67 So that means that only 20% of our daughters and sons 00:11:15.70\00:11:20.21 are being raised with the full advantage of a great family. 00:11:20.24\00:11:24.71 And that means there are a lot of dysfunctional homes 00:11:24.75\00:11:27.98 and hurting home out there and that takes up the other 80% 00:11:28.02\00:11:32.05 and what we want to recognize too, some people might have 00:11:32.09\00:11:35.56 gotten discouraged over the fact that if you don't have a good 00:11:35.59\00:11:38.09 relationship with your mother and father, 90% chance 00:11:38.13\00:11:41.50 you are going to have a serious disease by the age 50 00:11:41.53\00:11:43.60 that's true. And we might talk about the reverse end, 00:11:43.67\00:11:46.27 there's 10% that still didn't have disease. 00:11:46.30\00:11:49.80 What about those 10%? Those 10% actually had good 00:11:49.84\00:11:54.58 replacement figures that were trusting in their life. 00:11:54.61\00:11:58.21 They were able to overcome the obstacles of a dysfunctional 00:11:58.25\00:12:02.98 family by paying attention to their own physical health, 00:12:03.02\00:12:07.39 their own emotional health and well-being and making sure 00:12:07.42\00:12:10.76 they have the right trusting mentors involved 00:12:10.79\00:12:13.43 that can help develop them into very successful people. 00:12:13.46\00:12:17.50 And so, if you don't have a good mom or dad, 00:12:17.53\00:12:20.54 or if your husband and the father of your own children 00:12:20.57\00:12:25.01 was in jail somewhere and can't be available at all... 00:12:25.04\00:12:28.24 It's important, this is where even the importance 00:12:28.28\00:12:30.35 of where church comes in. When you have a loving 00:12:30.38\00:12:32.51 authoritative pastor or a youth pastor, or someone in the 00:12:32.55\00:12:35.82 Sunday School or whatever that can help mentor these kids 00:12:35.85\00:12:41.62 in the right direction, good teachers, good educators, 00:12:41.66\00:12:44.96 that are more than just doing their job as far as educating. 00:12:44.99\00:12:48.30 But actually providing the good empathy and warmth. 00:12:48.33\00:12:52.50 That sort of thing can help the other 80% to be able to 00:12:52.53\00:12:57.51 mitigate against all these increase risks they're under 00:12:57.54\00:13:00.64 by not having a good two parent home. 00:13:00.68\00:13:03.95 Dr. Nedley, do you have any advice for us regarding 00:13:03.98\00:13:07.68 resolving conflict in families? 00:13:07.72\00:13:10.02 I think it's very important to resolve conflicts 00:13:10.05\00:13:13.42 in families, that we look at the mental health of the father 00:13:13.46\00:13:18.79 and mother, very often problems in a home result from mental 00:13:18.83\00:13:24.90 health issues in regards to one or both of the parents. 00:13:24.93\00:13:29.47 And this is why in our program of course we're dealing with 00:13:29.50\00:13:33.24 families but our programs are centered primarily on Depression 00:13:33.27\00:13:36.78 and Anxiety Recovery and the parents who come to our program 00:13:36.81\00:13:40.95 say this is the best Marriage Enrichment program I've ever 00:13:40.98\00:13:44.89 been through. We're not really addressing the marriage so much, 00:13:44.92\00:13:47.86 yes, we are addressing some of the aspects of the marriage 00:13:47.89\00:13:50.13 but we're doing things to get them bio-chemically 00:13:50.16\00:13:54.00 and also thinking-wise to have a balanced mind. 00:13:54.03\00:13:58.37 And once you have a balanced mind, it's a whole lot easier 00:13:58.40\00:14:01.70 to work out your differences. 00:14:01.74\00:14:03.10 And actually it becomes far more simple than we might think. 00:14:03.14\00:14:06.91 Another aspect of resolving conflicts is the home is mom 00:14:06.94\00:14:11.95 and dad have to develop their ability to manage their emotions 00:14:11.98\00:14:16.69 and self-control. Lack of self- control causes problems in the 00:14:16.72\00:14:21.42 family. Particularly when it is mom or dad. 00:14:21.46\00:14:23.79 If we are having problems of self-control of our kids, 00:14:23.83\00:14:26.86 we need to recognize that often that starts from above. 00:14:26.90\00:14:30.40 And how can we be managing the lack of control of our kids 00:14:30.43\00:14:35.17 when we don't have it ourselves. 00:14:35.20\00:14:36.54 And so this is why emotional wellness and the ability to 00:14:36.57\00:14:40.34 manage our emotions...Improving the frontal lobe, where we can 00:14:40.38\00:14:44.51 have more empathy for our children and then recognizing 00:14:44.55\00:14:48.28 the vital aspect that parent- hood will bring 00:14:48.32\00:14:52.75 to our children's successful life. That means it is well- 00:14:52.79\00:14:57.13 worth resolving any conflicts for the benefit of our own 00:14:57.16\00:15:00.13 children. And of course, it will benefit our own lives. 00:15:00.16\00:15:02.86 When we have good relationships with our spouse 00:15:02.90\00:15:05.13 and with our kids...I mean that is something that is going to 00:15:05.17\00:15:08.60 pay dividends a million-fold as time goes on. 00:15:08.64\00:15:12.31 And so, do what it takes, don't be self-centered and say 00:15:12.34\00:15:15.88 I'm just pulling out of here because I want to do this 00:15:15.91\00:15:18.88 and that for me and they're getting in the way of my 00:15:18.91\00:15:21.32 happiness. You need to recognize that short-term happiness 00:15:21.35\00:15:24.39 and that is long-term problems. You think you are going to be 00:15:24.42\00:15:27.82 better-off, you're not going to be better off. 00:15:27.86\00:15:30.13 It's better to resolve those conflicts and do what it takes 00:15:30.16\00:15:33.60 to get your own brain and the brain of your spouse 00:15:33.63\00:15:36.40 functioning optimally. 00:15:36.43\00:15:38.73 What can a dysfunctional family do to become a functional 00:15:38.77\00:15:43.34 family? Well that's a great question, first of all what is 00:15:43.37\00:15:46.44 a dysfunctional family. A dysfunctional family, 00:15:46.47\00:15:50.18 there's a lot of signs of it but that's when meals are not 00:15:50.21\00:15:53.55 served on time. That's when there's not food or 00:15:53.58\00:15:56.92 transportation, clothing issues, and schedules are all over 00:15:56.95\00:16:02.02 the map, it's kind of everyone for themselves in the home. 00:16:02.06\00:16:05.36 That's the sign of a dysfunctional family. 00:16:05.39\00:16:07.43 And kids need structure and if they are not getting regular 00:16:07.46\00:16:11.10 structure, their schedules are going to actually 00:16:11.13\00:16:14.10 adversely affect their own brain. 00:16:14.14\00:16:16.64 Also, who's in charge in the household? 00:16:16.67\00:16:20.04 Are the kids actually the ones in charge? 00:16:20.08\00:16:22.24 That is a sign of a dysfunctional family. 00:16:22.28\00:16:24.75 And yes, they are going to try to exert themselves 00:16:24.78\00:16:27.32 to be in charge, they think they are on a lateral level 00:16:27.35\00:16:29.88 of their parents, but they need to learn in loving ways 00:16:29.92\00:16:33.25 that they're not. Their parents are trustworthy but yet 00:16:33.29\00:16:37.06 the parents are the ones in charge of the household. 00:16:37.09\00:16:40.40 And don't let the kids rule per se. We can have them 00:16:40.43\00:16:44.97 in family government, we can have them involved in even 00:16:45.00\00:16:48.54 deciding what their punishments might be...This doesn't mean 00:16:48.57\00:16:51.87 we become violent in the house- hold and have to do spankings 00:16:51.91\00:16:55.94 and things like that. There's hundreds of other ways that we 00:16:55.98\00:16:58.41 can discipline kids beside that sort of thing. But we need to 00:16:58.45\00:17:04.09 actually decide alright, when these rules are broken, 00:17:04.12\00:17:06.65 how is this going to be dealt with and all of that... 00:17:06.69\00:17:09.82 What I've noticed is my own kids sometimes come up with 00:17:09.86\00:17:12.93 punishments that are far more worse than what I would have 00:17:12.96\00:17:15.66 come up with and I have to try to soften it up because 00:17:15.70\00:17:18.13 on the front end, they want to have some accountability 00:17:18.17\00:17:20.90 too. And so when we involve our kids in family government, 00:17:20.94\00:17:26.44 but the parents are still the ultimate authority in the home, 00:17:26.47\00:17:30.28 that is a sign of a functional family. An outburst of temper 00:17:30.31\00:17:35.28 tantrums, all those things get a whole lot better. 00:17:35.32\00:17:38.75 There might be a first when we exert our authority 00:17:38.79\00:17:40.76 if we haven't been exerting it the right way before 00:17:40.79\00:17:43.26 but it will be well worth lasting through that and still 00:17:43.29\00:17:47.10 making sure that the parents are in charge of the household. 00:17:47.13\00:17:52.37 So, if you notice that your family is dysfunctional, 00:17:52.40\00:17:58.11 don't give up, dysfunctional families can become functional 00:17:58.14\00:18:03.78 families. And by the way functional families can become 00:18:03.81\00:18:06.92 dysfunctional families too. We have to act... 00:18:06.95\00:18:09.05 If we've got a functional family, it takes some work 00:18:09.08\00:18:11.22 to maintain that, particularly the way the functional family 00:18:11.25\00:18:15.42 become dysfunctional is when one of the parents starts 00:18:15.46\00:18:17.93 getting addicted to something. 00:18:17.96\00:18:19.29 That's going to produce a dysfunctional family. 00:18:19.33\00:18:23.37 But what can happen when you have a dysfunctional family? 00:18:23.40\00:18:25.67 How can you get it functional again? 00:18:25.70\00:18:27.34 That's when you need to have a family council meeting and say 00:18:27.37\00:18:30.61 you know what? We have a dysfunctional family, 00:18:30.64\00:18:33.11 what can we do to get this functional again? 00:18:33.14\00:18:36.34 What can we do to have enough proper planning, to have meals 00:18:36.38\00:18:40.38 to be a family event and we're eating together and it's being 00:18:40.42\00:18:44.12 served on time. What can we do as a group to come together 00:18:44.15\00:18:48.42 and have this happen? What can we do to make sure the 00:18:48.46\00:18:51.56 transportation to school is on time? What can we do 00:18:51.59\00:18:55.56 to make sure that we're including the spiritual part 00:18:55.60\00:18:58.77 in our life? And we're having some meaning and purpose 00:18:58.80\00:19:01.60 in our household and then if one of the parents does have 00:19:01.64\00:19:06.37 an addiction, let's address that. What can we do to have you 00:19:06.41\00:19:10.85 overcome this addiction that is inhibiting our ability to have a 00:19:10.88\00:19:14.95 functional family in our home. And go to a depression or 00:19:14.98\00:19:19.09 anxiety recovery program locally. Do the things that 00:19:19.12\00:19:21.92 are necessary so that the mental health of the parents can be 00:19:21.96\00:19:25.39 of such that they can institute a functional family. 00:19:25.43\00:19:28.13 And dysfunctional families can turn into functional families 00:19:28.16\00:19:30.90 within a matter of a few days to weeks. 00:19:30.93\00:19:33.23 But we have to be intentional on working on it and it is 00:19:33.27\00:19:36.27 well worth the effort from all the research I presented here 00:19:36.30\00:19:39.41 today. What's EQ got to do with happy families? 00:19:39.44\00:19:43.45 Emotional intelligence does have a vital role to play in happy 00:19:43.48\00:19:47.62 families. Emotional intelligence is not only knowing our emotions 00:19:47.65\00:19:51.75 but also the emotions of others. So we need to understand when 00:19:51.79\00:19:56.59 our kids are having outbursts, what their thought are behind 00:19:56.62\00:20:00.83 those feelings that are bringing it about. 00:20:00.86\00:20:02.80 And actually instead of us responding by escalating our own 00:20:02.83\00:20:06.84 lack of frustration on the situation, to be able to manage 00:20:06.87\00:20:11.84 our own emotions when our kids are not managing theirs. 00:20:11.87\00:20:15.24 That's another sign of a dysfunctional family by the way 00:20:15.28\00:20:18.25 when the kid's quit managing their emotions, 00:20:18.28\00:20:20.15 the parents also quit managing theirs, that's a set-up for 00:20:20.18\00:20:23.62 disaster. As so, we want to still have the parents in charge 00:20:23.65\00:20:27.12 of their emotions and also to be able to properly read our 00:20:27.16\00:20:31.89 kid's correctly. This is one of the issues that have been 00:20:31.93\00:20:36.20 talked about in regards to when we have adopted parents 00:20:36.23\00:20:41.40 for instance. Studies have shown that adopted parents don't do 00:20:41.44\00:20:46.51 quite as well and biological parents. And it's not because 00:20:46.54\00:20:50.85 they're not as involved... Here's the problem, 00:20:50.88\00:20:54.55 because they don't have the same genetics, 00:20:54.58\00:20:56.82 they're not able to as accurately mind read. 00:20:56.85\00:21:00.66 Because they are thinking, if I had that expression on my face, 00:21:00.69\00:21:04.26 this is what I'd be thinking. But when we have a different 00:21:04.29\00:21:07.50 genetic make-up, we actually might be reading them wrong. 00:21:07.53\00:21:10.23 And so biological parents are much more able to accurately 00:21:10.27\00:21:14.24 mind-read their children. In fact children are often 00:21:14.27\00:21:16.74 wondering, how did you know that was what I was thinking? 00:21:16.77\00:21:18.94 They'll even deny it, I was not thinking that, underneath they 00:21:18.97\00:21:22.11 are saying, boy dad knows exactly what I am thinking. 00:21:22.14\00:21:24.81 So that means we have to be a little bit more patient, 00:21:24.85\00:21:29.98 we have to actually ask some questions... 00:21:30.02\00:21:31.75 What are you thinking? Why was it that you did this? 00:21:31.79\00:21:36.62 What's going on in your head? And help them to be able to 00:21:36.66\00:21:41.70 soften their irrational thoughts because when we have irrational 00:21:41.73\00:21:46.50 thoughts, bad emotions come about. We have rational thoughts 00:21:46.53\00:21:50.61 it's much more balanced. 00:21:50.64\00:21:52.07 And so we can help our own kids recognize the connection between 00:21:52.11\00:21:56.71 thoughts and emotions and when we're emotionally intelligent, 00:21:56.75\00:22:00.62 we're set up to produce and guide emotional intelligence 00:22:00.65\00:22:06.45 of our children to be enhanced. 00:22:06.49\00:22:08.76 Dr. Nedley, do you have a special message to families 00:22:08.79\00:22:12.73 today? The message for families today is to lets with pride 00:22:12.76\00:22:20.47 enjoy, embrace our families. 00:22:20.50\00:22:23.34 You know, we start out in this world with families, 00:22:23.37\00:22:27.21 and when we leave this world, who's going to be there? 00:22:27.24\00:22:31.15 is family and in between is also very important. 00:22:31.18\00:22:35.68 Let's love and embrace our spouses lets support them, 00:22:35.72\00:22:41.49 let's love and embrace our children, let's not subject 00:22:41.52\00:22:45.89 or give up our role of authority, loving authority 00:22:45.93\00:22:49.63 over our children. There are lots of pressures for us to go 00:22:49.66\00:22:52.80 a different way but I can tell you, it is well worth having 00:22:52.83\00:22:58.34 and embracing that loving family unit that will actually 00:22:58.37\00:23:04.58 help us even spiritually as well and by the way, the spiritual 00:23:04.61\00:23:08.12 part helps the loving families. 00:23:08.15\00:23:10.29 And so, being a part of a church family can help us in regards to 00:23:10.32\00:23:17.66 growing our own families, getting this overall meaning 00:23:17.69\00:23:21.76 and purpose of our families achieving great good in this 00:23:21.80\00:23:25.77 world. Not just for their own success but helping other 00:23:25.80\00:23:28.94 families, helping others in need, teaching our children 00:23:28.97\00:23:32.44 to do those types of things. When we live a selfless life 00:23:32.47\00:23:37.58 as parents prioritizing our kids, we will not be 00:23:37.61\00:23:43.15 disappointed. Dr. Nedley, thank you for joining us 00:23:43.18\00:23:46.25 on our program today and for sharing such valuable 00:23:46.29\00:23:49.69 information with us. It's been great being here Gary 00:23:49.72\00:23:53.03 thank you so much for having me. 00:23:53.06\00:23:54.40 Sometimes we feel overwhelmed and inadequate with our role 00:23:54.43\00:24:00.50 as the parent. Sometimes we are concerned that we haven't 00:24:00.54\00:24:04.31 quite been the ideal parent we'd like to be 00:24:04.34\00:24:07.41 for our children. In fact, the Bible is full of stories 00:24:07.44\00:24:11.65 of people who have been less than perfect. 00:24:11.68\00:24:14.25 They made mistakes and their families suffer and yet 00:24:14.28\00:24:18.65 when they gave their inadequacies and insecurities 00:24:18.69\00:24:21.96 to God, He found ways to mend their brokeness. 00:24:21.99\00:24:26.13 There's a story in the Bible Book of I Kings 18 about how God 00:24:26.16\00:24:31.80 brought the children of Israel back to being connected 00:24:31.83\00:24:35.74 with Him. God asked His loyal friend Elijah to call a 00:24:35.77\00:24:39.67 gathering and to provide a space for them to 00:24:39.71\00:24:42.21 re-connect with Him again. 00:24:42.24\00:24:44.41 Throughout the events of the day, the people we led to 00:24:44.45\00:24:48.05 realize the futility of putting worthless things in the place 00:24:48.08\00:24:53.02 of God. They came to realize that God needed to be at the 00:24:53.05\00:24:58.19 center of their lives. 00:24:58.23\00:25:00.66 Notice in the story that when the people gathered around 00:25:14.34\00:25:17.78 the altar to pray to God, it automatically brought them 00:25:17.81\00:25:21.88 closer to each other. That's what connecting to God does, 00:25:21.92\00:25:26.42 it helps us repair damaged relationships so that we can 00:25:26.45\00:25:30.43 live in harmony. 00:25:30.46\00:25:32.19 In an online forum designed for parents to connect and share, 00:25:32.23\00:25:38.07 families were asked to post their biggest parenting 00:25:38.13\00:25:41.14 challenges. One mom shared these sentiments: 00:25:41.17\00:25:44.27 Perhaps that's how you feel, but if you would like support 00:25:57.75\00:26:01.22 and encouragement to be the best parent you can, 00:26:01.26\00:26:04.46 to raise children to become well-adjusted, caring and 00:26:04.49\00:26:08.86 independent adults, then I'd like to recommend a free 00:26:08.90\00:26:12.27 gift we have for all our Incredible Journey 00:26:12.30\00:26:15.20 viewers today. It's a booklet called Raising Happy Families 00:26:15.24\00:26:21.01 In a Modern World. This booklet is our gift to you 00:26:21.04\00:26:24.91 and it's absolutely free. I guarantee there are no costs 00:26:24.95\00:26:29.08 or obligations whatsoever. So, make the most of this 00:26:29.12\00:26:33.39 wonderful opportunity to receive the gift we have for you 00:26:33.42\00:26:37.39 today. Phone or text us at: 0436333555 in Australia 00:26:37.43\00:26:45.13 or 0204222042 in New Zealand. Or visit our website tij.tv 00:26:45.17\00:26:53.98 to request today's free offer and we'll send it to you 00:26:54.01\00:26:57.11 totally free of charge and with no obligation. 00:26:57.15\00:27:00.08 Write to us at GPO Box 274 Sydney NSW, 2001, Australia. 00:27:00.12\00:27:07.19 Or PO Box 76673, Manukau, Auckland 2241, New Zealand. 00:27:07.22\00:27:14.40 Don't Delay. Call or text us now. 00:27:14.43\00:27:17.10 If you've enjoyed today's journey into the world of 00:27:20.60\00:27:23.30 Modern Families and our reflections on the secrets 00:27:23.34\00:27:26.44 of a happy family and how God cares for us, 00:27:26.47\00:27:29.61 then be sure to join us again next week when we will share 00:27:29.64\00:27:33.75 another of life's journey's together. 00:27:33.78\00:27:36.28 you to join me as we pray and ask for a special blessing 00:27:38.12\00:27:41.66 on our families that is found in the Bible Book of 00:27:41.69\00:27:44.69 Numbers 6:24-26. 00:27:44.73\00:27:48.46 And we pray this in Jesus name. Amen. 00:28:01.11\00:28:04.81