. 00:00:00.16\00:00:01.20 I want to spend my life mending broken people. 00:00:02.83\00:00:11.67 I want to spend my life. 00:00:13.94\00:00:17.28 I want to spend my life. 00:00:35.30\00:00:40.24 Mending broken. 00:00:40.84\00:00:42.34 I want to spend my life. 00:00:46.01\00:00:50.75 Hello, family. 00:01:06.29\00:01:07.60 I'm Jill Morikone. 00:01:07.86\00:01:08.86 We welcome you to our Thursday Night Live program. 00:01:08.93\00:01:11.80 Now, you might have seen on the jib shot coming in here, we're 00:01:11.97\00:01:15.10 not around the island, as we call it, in Studio A. 00:01:15.10\00:01:19.21 We're in Studio B tonight because I'm here with my 00:01:19.24\00:01:21.84 sisters, and tonight is our Women's Live program. 00:01:21.84\00:01:25.41 We're coming up this weekend as Mother's Day, and we always 00:01:25.58\00:01:28.58 like to do something extra special for all of our sisters 00:01:28.58\00:01:32.92 at home. 00:01:32.92\00:01:33.72 And if you're a man, this program might apply to you 00:01:34.06\00:01:37.63 because, Lord willing, you would be interacting with 00:01:37.63\00:01:40.70 women. 00:01:40.70\00:01:45.33 it's always better for that understanding as well. 00:01:45.33\00:01:48.04 But this program tonight is especially for the ladies, for 00:01:48.04\00:01:53.01 our sisters. 00:01:53.01\00:01:54.21 And if you're a man, you're welcome to listen in, but 00:01:54.38\00:01:57.15 especially it's for the woman. 00:01:57.15\00:01:58.65 Our title is Helper, Not Lesser, God's Purpose for 00:01:59.01\00:02:06.35 Woman. 00:02:06.35\00:02:07.16 So we're going to be talking tonight about biblical 00:02:07.46\00:02:10.03 definition of a helpmate. 00:02:10.03\00:02:12.86 What does that look like in the life of marriage or family, or 00:02:13.16\00:02:17.97 what if you're single? 00:02:17.97\00:02:19.03 What does that look like in the job, in the church, when you're 00:02:19.67\00:02:23.00 mentoring others? 00:02:23.00\00:02:24.07 And do we lose our identity when we become a helpmate? 00:02:24.34\00:02:28.04 Can we still have spiritual gifts that God has given to us 00:02:28.04\00:02:32.28 to utilize? 00:02:32.28\00:02:33.05 And how do we balance family and work and all of that? 00:02:33.68\00:02:37.45 So we're going to pack all of that. 00:02:37.49\00:02:39.02 I want to introduce you to my family, my sisters on the set 00:02:39.32\00:02:43.43 here this evening. 00:02:43.43\00:02:44.66 To my left, sis Angela Vander Valk. 00:02:44.89\00:02:47.66 And you work in our production department. 00:02:47.76\00:02:49.33 So glad to have you here. 00:02:49.43\00:02:50.43 I'm so happy to be here with my sisters in Christ. 00:02:50.57\00:02:53.44 Thank you for having me. 00:02:53.64\00:02:54.47 Amen. 00:02:54.57\00:02:55.24 Now, you and you've been here over four years. 00:02:55.60\00:03:00.04 Yeah, by fast. 00:03:00.44\00:03:01.78 God called you guys here. 00:03:02.21\00:03:03.65 Not a doubt in our mind. 00:03:03.75\00:03:04.88 And it's kind of the whole tribe moved up. 00:03:05.05\00:03:06.98 Yes, that was a blessing. 00:03:07.08\00:03:08.18 And my mom, my sister, my family, everyone. 00:03:08.42\00:03:10.89 It's a blessing. 00:03:11.22\00:03:11.82 Amen. 00:03:11.92\00:03:12.39 And then God made us family. 00:03:12.92\00:03:14.16 Yes, which is a beautiful thing. 00:03:14.36\00:03:16.29 You know, we can be sisters in Jesus. 00:03:16.46\00:03:18.56 Now we're jumping over here to Sister Fotini Martinez. 00:03:18.83\00:03:22.56 And we're so glad to have you here. 00:03:22.76\00:03:24.70 Sister Fotini works in our accounting department. 00:03:24.70\00:03:27.54 You might not always see her, but she's accounts receivable 00:03:27.57\00:03:30.61 and accounting analyst. 00:03:30.61\00:03:32.44 Is that right? 00:03:32.57\00:03:33.04 Yes. 00:03:33.27\00:03:33.68 Yes, that is. 00:03:33.71\00:03:34.28 Thank you very much, Jill. 00:03:34.34\00:03:35.51 I'm really excited to be here. 00:03:35.64\00:03:36.91 This is my first program. 00:03:36.91\00:03:38.05 And I hope it doesn't show that I'm too nervous. 00:03:38.75\00:03:41.18 But I'm very excited to see what God will do through this 00:03:41.85\00:03:45.79 program today. 00:03:45.79\00:03:46.55 Amen. 00:03:47.49\00:03:47.69 Each one of the women here on the set tonight, they're women 00:03:48.76\00:03:51.03 of God, women of faith, women of prayer, and women of the 00:03:51.03\00:03:54.83 word. 00:03:54.83\00:03:57.93 And Fotini, when did you come? 00:03:58.33\00:03:59.53 How long have you been here? 00:03:59.57\00:04:00.50 In September, it'll be about two years for my daughter and 00:04:01.54\00:04:05.41 myself. 00:04:05.41\00:04:05.87 Okay. 00:04:06.04\00:04:06.54 Wonderful. 00:04:07.18\00:04:07.78 And we should have said this before. 00:04:08.04\00:04:09.28 Angela, what's your topic tonight? 00:04:09.48\00:04:10.68 What are you talking about specifically? 00:04:10.68\00:04:11.88 It's about marriage. 00:04:12.68\00:04:13.92 It's about your husband and supporting your husband, being 00:04:15.12\00:04:18.42 that helpmate for your husband. 00:04:18.42\00:04:19.72 Okay, so if you're a wife, you've got to especially listen 00:04:19.72\00:04:23.22 to Angela's portion. 00:04:23.22\00:04:24.19 Yes. 00:04:24.43\00:04:26.09 I am speaking of biblical womanhood as a single woman, as 00:04:27.13\00:04:31.87 a single parent, and blending in some aspects of being the 00:04:31.87\00:04:38.61 spiritual household of not only your child, but also 00:04:38.61\00:04:42.11 specifically to a special needs child, because my daughter has 00:04:42.11\00:04:44.61 autism. 00:04:44.61\00:04:45.08 Okay, that'll be so insightful. 00:04:45.68\00:04:47.62 Thank you for being willing to share. 00:04:47.78\00:04:49.92 And I know we have many single moms out there, many single 00:04:50.02\00:04:54.12 parents who can really resonate and identify with what Fotini 00:04:54.12\00:04:57.96 is going to be sharing tonight. 00:04:57.96\00:04:59.43 This is Sasha Thomas, you and your husband Darrell. 00:05:00.53\00:05:04.60 Now, you work for us sometimes at 3ABN, but you're the 00:05:05.13\00:05:08.80 administrative assistant for the Thompsonville Christian 00:05:08.80\00:05:10.87 Junior Academy. 00:05:10.87\00:05:11.94 I hope I got that right. 00:05:12.24\00:05:13.01 Yeah. 00:05:13.27\00:05:14.88 That's It'll be four years in November. 00:05:16.61\00:05:19.61 Yeah, it's really been a pleasure. 00:05:20.22\00:05:22.05 Never imagined that we would be here. 00:05:22.22\00:05:24.15 Never imagined I would be sitting next to Joe Morricone 00:05:24.32\00:05:27.39 and these lovely ladies, but it's really been a pleasure. 00:05:27.39\00:05:30.26 Amen. 00:05:30.89\00:05:31.29 Amen. 00:05:31.69\00:05:32.09 So glad to have you. 00:05:32.23\00:05:33.09 And what are you talking about? 00:05:33.13\00:05:33.90 What's you're talking about? 00:05:34.00\00:05:38.47 how that can relate to the husband and, you know, without 00:05:38.47\00:05:41.80 overstepping bounds. 00:05:41.80\00:05:42.94 So looking forward to that. 00:05:43.30\00:05:44.57 Amen. 00:05:45.11\00:05:47.84 Yes, two children, one ten and one going seven next week. 00:05:48.48\00:05:51.61 Yay. 00:05:52.48\00:05:52.51 That's wonderful. 00:05:53.35\00:05:54.42 Last but not least in the middle, we have sister Terri 00:05:54.82\00:05:58.89 Stanley and Terri is a woman of God. 00:05:58.89\00:06:02.72 You have a lot of titles here. 00:06:02.99\00:06:04.36 I'm trying to think of everything she does because she 00:06:04.39\00:06:06.53 works in several different departments, but you work as a 00:06:06.53\00:06:09.70 3ABN call center representative. 00:06:09.70\00:06:11.23 She also answers calls and pastoral. 00:06:11.40\00:06:13.37 You help in production and she's radio host for a brand 00:06:13.37\00:06:18.27 new program on prayer that will be coming out for 3ABN radio. 00:06:18.27\00:06:22.68 So Terri, we're so glad you're here. 00:06:22.88\00:06:24.28 Jill, thank you for inviting me. 00:06:24.45\00:06:25.61 I'm so happy to be here and be a part of this discussion 00:06:25.65\00:06:27.75 tonight. 00:06:27.75\00:06:32.05 we become a widow and specifically how we can become 00:06:32.05\00:06:36.09 mentors to the younger women. 00:06:36.09\00:06:37.53 Yeah, that's powerful. 00:06:38.06\00:06:39.43 We need mentors. 00:06:39.53\00:06:40.40 Yeah, absolutely. 00:06:41.26\00:06:42.30 And what I'm talking about, I've got to look and see what 00:06:42.86\00:06:45.70 am I talking about? 00:06:45.70\00:06:46.87 Ah, the role of a helpmate in ministry. 00:06:47.27\00:06:50.24 What about if your spouse is involved in ministry and what 00:06:50.41\00:06:54.84 does that look like? 00:06:54.84\00:06:55.68 And we're going to have three keys. 00:06:55.68\00:06:57.55 You know, I like lists. 00:06:57.68\00:06:58.55 Three keys for the helpmate in ministry. 00:06:58.88\00:07:00.98 So before we jump in and kind of unpack this and talk more, 00:07:01.08\00:07:04.52 we want to go to the Lord in prayer. 00:07:04.55\00:07:05.85 We want any time when we open up the word of God, it's 00:07:06.15\00:07:09.39 important to pray. 00:07:09.39\00:07:10.26 And Foltini, would you pray for us? 00:07:10.26\00:07:11.89 Dear Heavenly Father, Lord, we thank you for all the ways that 00:07:14.36\00:07:18.07 you care for us, all the ways that you provide for us, that 00:07:18.07\00:07:22.00 being both in physical nourishment or clothing or 00:07:22.00\00:07:26.54 homes. 00:07:26.54\00:07:29.88 and give us courage to fill the roles that you have for us. 00:07:29.88\00:07:34.55 And we pray that blessing over today's Lord, we pray that you 00:07:34.58\00:07:39.82 calm our nerves. 00:07:39.82\00:07:40.82 We pray that you help us to fall into the background, Lord, 00:07:41.02\00:07:44.96 and stay focused on you and your word. 00:07:44.96\00:07:47.73 And we pray, Lord, that this is a blessing to those watching, 00:07:48.90\00:07:52.57 but also for us as well, Lord, help us grow. 00:07:52.57\00:07:55.30 And we pray this in the name of Jesus. 00:07:55.60\00:07:57.61 Amen. 00:07:57.71\00:07:58.11 Amen. 00:07:58.57\00:07:59.14 I love something you said in the prayer, help us grow. 00:07:59.74\00:08:02.01 You know, that's beautiful, you know, and I think as we are 00:08:02.91\00:08:05.38 here tonight, we want to be open and transparent about our 00:08:05.38\00:08:09.25 own journeys. 00:08:09.25\00:08:10.09 And we want to grow in the word and knowledge and as Christian 00:08:10.65\00:08:15.26 women. 00:08:15.26\00:08:15.69 So let's just start. 00:08:15.79\00:08:19.23 What is a biblical definition of a help me? 00:08:19.56\00:08:21.60 What does a help me mean? 00:08:21.70\00:08:23.16 And where do we get that in Scripture? 00:08:23.40\00:08:25.03 Well, we can start with Genesis 2 18, which says, And the Lord 00:08:25.80\00:08:29.97 God said, it is not good that man should be alone. 00:08:29.97\00:08:32.97 I will make him a helper comparable to him. 00:08:32.97\00:08:36.18 So you're a helper to your husband, not as a lesser, like 00:08:36.88\00:08:40.32 you said, but someone who helps him to fulfill his role and he 00:08:40.32\00:08:43.52 should help you to fulfill your role too. 00:08:43.52\00:08:45.65 I love that. 00:08:46.65\00:08:47.19 I love that someone to stand by their side. 00:08:47.86\00:08:51.96 And I'm no longer married. 00:08:53.19\00:08:55.50 I was married for 33 years, but my husband and I had a 00:08:55.73\00:08:58.20 beautiful relationship and we had our responsibilities in the 00:08:58.20\00:09:01.47 home. 00:09:01.47\00:09:04.47 together to make things smooth. 00:09:04.47\00:09:06.31 So yeah, a help mate to me is when times are hard, your 00:09:07.61\00:09:12.11 husband's there to help you and just lift each other up to 00:09:12.11\00:09:15.55 bring, you know, encourage each other, help each other and 00:09:15.55\00:09:19.15 whatever life throws at you, you have someone next to you by 00:09:19.15\00:09:22.86 your side, which I'm missing my help mate right now. 00:09:22.86\00:09:25.79 If I'm on, I'm with Ian. 00:09:25.96\00:09:27.30 So I usually miss him because he always, he helped me when 00:09:27.46\00:09:31.70 I'm on programs. 00:09:31.70\00:09:32.43 So I miss him. 00:09:32.83\00:09:33.74 Biblically, how I would understand that is also 00:09:37.34\00:09:40.04 providing help and support in a way that the other person can't 00:09:40.04\00:09:43.68 do for themselves. 00:09:43.68\00:09:44.88 Otherwise you're not helping really if it's something that 00:09:45.71\00:09:48.95 they can do on their own. 00:09:48.95\00:09:50.22 So comparable to Adam, yes, because they were both created 00:09:51.75\00:09:56.62 in God's image, right? 00:09:56.62\00:09:58.39 So you can definitely see equality running throughout 00:09:58.39\00:10:01.46 that as a golden thread, but also providing support and help 00:10:01.46\00:10:07.24 something that's missing, that's lacking in the man where 00:10:07.24\00:10:12.27 the woman needs to fill in that role as a helper. 00:10:12.27\00:10:15.31 That's beautiful. 00:10:15.78\00:10:16.58 You know, in Genesis, God says, let us make man in our image, 00:10:17.01\00:10:20.75 right? 00:10:21.18\00:10:25.12 How do you think marriage gives us that showcases or analogy of 00:10:25.32\00:10:31.46 the Godhead? 00:10:31.46\00:10:32.06 Do you see that or not? 00:10:32.99\00:10:34.46 Definitely yes. 00:10:36.30\00:10:37.53 I'd have to, I'm giving it some thought as I speak. 00:10:39.17\00:10:41.94 Good. 00:10:42.67\00:10:43.20 Well, as I was stating about my husband and I, each member of 00:10:46.91\00:10:50.31 the Godhead has its specific role, has his specific role. 00:10:50.31\00:10:55.48 The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 00:10:55.48\00:10:58.72 But their goal and their purpose in life is the same. 00:10:59.82\00:11:02.96 It's like when you're married, you have the same goal. 00:11:05.49\00:11:07.96 You can go up with Christ as he's the head. 00:11:08.06\00:11:11.17 We serve a God of order, right? 00:11:14.34\00:11:16.94 So naturally there should be, or it could be expected that 00:11:16.94\00:11:20.68 also the family unit has a particular order that helps it 00:11:20.68\00:11:24.58 function its best. 00:11:24.58\00:11:25.75 And that would be the wife being a help mate. 00:11:26.21\00:11:29.18 And the other thing that comes to my mind about the Godhead is 00:11:30.62\00:11:32.99 they're not focused on themselves. 00:11:32.99\00:11:34.62 Christ points to the Father, the Father points to the Son, 00:11:35.29\00:11:38.16 the Holy Spirit points to the Son and the Father. 00:11:38.23\00:11:40.76 So it's lifting each other up rather than having that self 00:11:42.03\00:11:46.07 -focus. 00:11:46.07\00:11:46.57 That's beautiful. 00:11:47.50\00:11:48.14 It reminds me of Ephesians 5. 00:11:48.20\00:11:49.70 You know Ephesians 5 says the husband should love the wife as 00:11:49.97\00:11:53.31 Christ loves the church. 00:11:53.31\00:11:54.38 And then it says the wife needs to submit to the husband. 00:11:54.48\00:11:58.41 But if you go back a couple of verses, Ephesians 5.21 says 00:11:59.25\00:12:02.72 submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord. 00:12:02.72\00:12:05.12 So what does that look like? 00:12:05.65\00:12:07.62 Because some people say the husband is always the top and 00:12:07.79\00:12:11.59 the wife can never even express a viewpoint. 00:12:11.59\00:12:14.56 Is that what we're saying here tonight? 00:12:14.86\00:12:16.36 Or what does that look like? 00:12:16.73\00:12:18.17 My testimony as far as marriage goes is that the best ideal 00:12:19.97\00:12:24.51 marriage is when Christ is at the center of the marriage. 00:12:24.51\00:12:26.84 Because when my husband and I got married, I was very young. 00:12:27.48\00:12:29.61 I was only 18 years old and neither one of us were walking 00:12:29.61\00:12:29.64 with the Lord. 00:12:33.31\00:12:33.92 We were doing the party thing. 00:12:34.02\00:12:35.32 We had a great relationship but I realized something was 00:12:35.68\00:12:39.19 missing and then I decided, you know, I need to have God in my 00:12:39.19\00:12:43.32 life. 00:12:43.32\00:12:46.13 through a time period where I was walking with the Lord but 00:12:46.13\00:12:49.13 he was still in the world. 00:12:49.13\00:12:50.23 That was a very strange relationship. 00:12:50.23\00:12:52.53 Prayed for him for about three and a half years and then he 00:12:53.37\00:12:56.00 gave his heart to Christ and became grounded in the gospel 00:12:56.00\00:12:59.87 of Jesus. 00:12:59.87\00:13:00.64 And that was the best part of our marriage ever because we 00:13:01.18\00:13:03.88 spent time in prayer. 00:13:03.88\00:13:04.95 When we had questions about anything we were going through, 00:13:05.18\00:13:07.85 we would go to the Lord in prayer and that was the 00:13:07.85\00:13:10.72 sweetest relationship that we experienced in our marriage. 00:13:10.72\00:13:14.59 I like that you brought up Ephesians 525. 00:13:16.66\00:13:19.29 That was something that came to my mind as well because it 00:13:19.29\00:13:23.57 explains the role of the husband as well. 00:13:23.57\00:13:25.77 When we think of submission and I speak Greek and I don't know 00:13:25.97\00:13:30.14 if I'm pronouncing this the same way that university Greek 00:13:30.14\00:13:33.51 would sound but submission is actually a military term in 00:13:33.51\00:13:38.58 Greek. 00:13:38.58\00:13:38.85 And it's a voluntary act of putting yourself under 00:13:41.15\00:13:46.72 leadership. 00:13:46.72\00:13:47.86 Right? 00:13:48.36\00:13:48.92 So it's not becoming a doormat because the leader obviously 00:13:49.59\00:13:52.59 has a role or a goal that he's trying to fulfill. 00:13:52.59\00:13:55.80 And we need to think of well what is the mission that I'm 00:13:56.63\00:14:00.40 supposed to be submitting to and that's what God tells us in 00:14:00.40\00:14:03.47 Ephesians 525. 00:14:03.47\00:14:04.87 The man's mission is or the husband's mission is to love 00:14:05.27\00:14:08.44 his wife the way love the way Jesus loved the church. 00:14:08.44\00:14:11.91 And so we see this kind of wonderful go around right where 00:14:12.05\00:14:17.12 the wife is submitted and she's submitted to the husband's 00:14:17.12\00:14:21.79 mission which is to love her and then it kind of goes around 00:14:21.79\00:14:24.99 like that and that's just a beautiful way that the Lord 00:14:24.99\00:14:28.50 illustrates that for us in his word. 00:14:28.50\00:14:30.57 Yeah, it's beautiful. 00:14:31.10\00:14:35.77 is under him have to say. 00:14:35.77\00:14:37.74 So a good husband will listen to and care about the viewpoint 00:14:38.01\00:14:40.81 of his wife and not try to force his viewpoint into the 00:14:40.81\00:14:44.81 relationship. 00:14:44.81\00:14:45.38 I love that. 00:14:46.38\00:14:49.92 wife's aspect does this mean since the husband is the head 00:14:49.92\00:14:53.99 we're talking in marriage here does that mean that if you 00:14:53.99\00:14:57.76 disagree on something the husband is the tiebreaker? 00:14:57.76\00:15:00.80 In my house, yes. 00:15:01.80\00:15:03.37 Okay, see this is where... 00:15:04.33\00:15:06.00 Yes, because there was a time in my life where I was a 00:15:06.50\00:15:10.47 spiritual leader and so it depends on what it was. 00:15:10.47\00:15:14.48 So if it wasn't going against God my husband had to last but 00:15:14.48\00:15:18.91 if it was going against God then I had to step in and I 00:15:18.91\00:15:23.05 guess put my foot down but since my husband's now the 00:15:23.05\00:15:26.25 leader of our home yes he's... 00:15:26.25\00:15:27.72 Daddy said it that's what it is. 00:15:28.86\00:15:30.66 And there are some things that they just have more knowledge 00:15:31.09\00:15:34.03 about. 00:15:34.03\00:15:38.03 after he died I called his best friend and I'm like I'm looking 00:15:38.03\00:15:40.70 at this vehicle can you please come check it out? 00:15:40.70\00:15:42.77 So you have to realize that we don't know everything and we 00:15:43.00\00:15:46.14 have to be able to surrender to their knowledge that they know 00:15:46.14\00:15:51.18 what's best and so I think it just depends again like you 00:15:51.18\00:15:54.78 said on the situation and what it is. 00:15:54.78\00:15:56.58 Is that always easy for you guys? 00:15:57.09\00:15:59.25 Okay. 00:15:59.52\00:15:59.82 I remember this is going back several years but I remember 00:16:03.16\00:16:06.93 Greg and I having a discussion on two different issues and we 00:16:06.93\00:16:10.77 disagreed on both of them and I held one opinion on issue one 00:16:10.77\00:16:15.47 just say and he held an opinion on issue two and we just 00:16:15.47\00:16:20.14 couldn't come to an agreement and I remember he said we need 00:16:20.14\00:16:25.35 to pray about it. 00:16:25.35\00:16:26.45 That's beautiful and so when I come to God in prayer the Holy 00:16:26.61\00:16:32.19 Spirit works to soften Jill's pride and Jill's stubbornness 00:16:32.19\00:16:35.86 and my all of that that's not godly and so we prayed said we 00:16:35.86\00:16:41.56 need to pray individually first and we took 24 hours that we 00:16:41.56\00:16:44.70 would just really pray over this and then we would come 00:16:44.70\00:16:47.64 together and I'll never forget so we had these two issues God 00:16:47.64\00:16:52.01 changed my mind on issue one to Greg's viewpoint but issue two 00:16:52.01\00:16:57.05 in my mind still needed to be the way I thought okay? 00:16:57.05\00:17:00.65 When we came back together and I understand that the husband 00:17:01.65\00:17:04.55 is a tiebreaker as far as that goes but in my heart I just 00:17:04.55\00:17:08.36 felt like it was wrong we should do this other thing so 00:17:08.36\00:17:11.09 when we came back together God changed Greg's mind on the 00:17:11.09\00:17:15.80 other issue where I was inflexible if you call it that 00:17:15.80\00:17:18.97 and then he anyway so our two I'm not explaining it well if I 00:17:18.97\00:17:24.07 told you the whole situation then it would make sense in 00:17:24.07\00:17:26.57 fact we're not going into that so but in issue one my mind 00:17:26.57\00:17:30.58 changed to Greg's viewpoint and in issue two his mind changed 00:17:30.58\00:17:33.82 to my viewpoint that's what I'm trying to say and so both of us 00:17:33.82\00:17:37.85 changed and adjusted But I do think, as long as it's not a 00:17:37.85\00:17:41.89 matter of principle, that the husband would be the 00:17:41.89\00:17:44.16 tiebreaker. 00:17:44.16\00:17:44.69 So, yeah, it was hard though. 00:17:44.86\00:17:45.96 I remember those 24 hours like, Oh, please God, can you 00:17:45.99\00:17:49.16 convince my husband? 00:17:49.16\00:17:50.37 Just convince him, you know, because we struggle with that. 00:17:50.80\00:17:53.87 And God said, Jill, I want to work in your heart. 00:17:54.07\00:17:56.44 And over the years, you know, I've encountered married 00:17:57.34\00:18:04.15 couples where the man tends to be more mild-mannered. 00:18:04.15\00:18:07.65 And you see the woman just takes advantage and walks all 00:18:07.65\00:18:11.02 over him. 00:18:11.02\00:18:14.52 know, just because your husband is soft-spoken or something 00:18:14.52\00:18:17.83 like that doesn't give you the permission and authority to 00:18:17.83\00:18:21.23 belittle him in public or overstep your boundaries as a 00:18:21.23\00:18:25.00 wife as well. 00:18:25.00\00:18:25.53 You have to respect him. 00:18:25.53\00:18:26.70 And I think that's what men want more than anything, is 00:18:26.70\00:18:29.34 just to know that they're respected by their wife. 00:18:29.34\00:18:31.44 Absolutely. 00:18:33.07\00:18:33.58 That's good. 00:18:33.64\00:18:38.45 who are strong women of faith and independent, that that's 00:18:38.45\00:18:42.45 important not to overstep, you know, that's beautiful. 00:18:42.45\00:18:45.15 And it's a struggle to, even with everyday interactions, to 00:18:45.82\00:18:50.99 give, and I understand that women are not called to submit 00:18:50.99\00:18:54.46 to men in general, it's wives to husbands. 00:18:54.46\00:18:56.63 But you still, as a single person, want to practice that 00:18:56.63\00:19:01.14 in your life, kind of adapting to a submissive role, because 00:19:01.14\00:19:07.11 we're called to do that over a general ledger to begin with. 00:19:07.11\00:19:11.31 And it's hard sometimes, especially when you're used to 00:19:12.01\00:19:15.35 making all of the decisions, when all of the responsibility 00:19:15.35\00:19:18.79 lies on you. 00:19:18.79\00:19:19.72 So it's a good thing to keep in the back of your mind to just 00:19:20.36\00:19:24.23 try and find that middle ground with other individuals or other 00:19:24.23\00:19:29.86 men at church or elders, for example, just to kind of have 00:19:29.86\00:19:35.67 the Lord work on you in that way. 00:19:35.67\00:19:37.54 That's very respectful. 00:19:38.21\00:19:39.17 Oh, that's good. 00:19:39.97\00:19:40.58 Absolutely. 00:19:40.84\00:19:41.28 Yeah. 00:19:41.88\00:19:45.61 never seen before. 00:19:45.61\00:19:46.72 So I just wanted to share briefly on the verse you read, 00:19:46.98\00:19:50.25 Sasha, where it says, So the Hebrew word there for helper or 00:19:50.45\00:19:58.56 helpmate or whatever is azer. 00:19:58.56\00:20:03.16 I don't pronounce Hebrew, but that's just my phonetic 00:20:03.40\00:20:06.94 definition. 00:20:06.94\00:20:08.10 It occurs 21 times in the Old Testament, 15 of the 21 times 00:20:08.30\00:20:13.51 it's God being a helper. 00:20:13.51\00:20:15.11 Now that is super fascinating to me. 00:20:15.94\00:20:19.75 It refers to, you know, in Psalm 121, I will lift up my 00:20:20.42\00:20:24.09 eyes to the hills from whence comes my help. 00:20:24.09\00:20:26.02 It's the same word. 00:20:26.09\00:20:26.69 Comes from Lord. 00:20:27.09\00:20:27.62 My help. 00:20:27.62\00:20:28.39 My help comes from the word. 00:20:28.62\00:20:30.19 Lord is the same word. 00:20:30.26\00:20:31.59 Psalm 70, it says, Lord, you are my help and my deliver. 00:20:32.76\00:20:36.90 It's the same word. 00:20:36.97\00:20:38.07 So what was interesting to me, the only two times it's applied 00:20:38.67\00:20:41.70 to women is right here in Genesis. 00:20:41.70\00:20:43.27 The other times it was applied to men or even in battle. 00:20:43.71\00:20:46.91 And then the rest is referring to God and the help God brings. 00:20:46.91\00:20:51.51 So to me, and it's derived from another Hebrew word, azer, 00:20:51.78\00:20:56.79 which is pronounced very similarly. 00:20:56.85\00:20:58.42 And that one, the root of it means to surround, to protect 00:20:58.65\00:21:04.16 or aid. 00:21:04.16\00:21:05.09 And so I was telling Greg about it last night as we were 00:21:05.46\00:21:08.73 talking about it. 00:21:08.73\00:21:09.93 And I just said, I wonder if that means God calls woman to 00:21:09.93\00:21:14.34 surround their husband with prayer. 00:21:14.34\00:21:16.54 To surround them with compassion and love, to 00:21:17.41\00:21:22.74 surround them with respect, to surround them with, I don't 00:21:22.74\00:21:28.78 know, lifting them up instead of tearing them down. 00:21:28.78\00:21:30.99 Like all those godly things we talk about. 00:21:31.09\00:21:33.02 To me, it was a brand new way of looking at it because we 00:21:33.19\00:21:37.33 often think, help me. 00:21:37.33\00:21:38.46 Okay, I'm just here and I'm helping you here. 00:21:38.73\00:21:42.06 But God actually helps as well. 00:21:42.56\00:21:45.53 And I think of when you said praying, I think of my husband, 00:21:46.20\00:21:50.11 like his family isn't Christian or Adventist. 00:21:50.17\00:21:53.91 So I'm like, I have to pray for my husband. 00:21:53.91\00:21:55.84 Who else is going to pray for my husband? 00:21:55.91\00:21:57.71 So it's so important with prayer, you know, how powerful 00:21:58.08\00:22:01.45 it is. 00:22:01.45\00:22:01.98 Prayer is so powerful. 00:22:01.98\00:22:03.05 I love that. 00:22:04.45\00:22:06.96 Any thoughts on that before we move on? 00:22:07.02\00:22:08.56 Well, what came to my mind is that God gave us the Holy 00:22:08.59\00:22:11.19 Spirit to be the helper and how he guides us through our life 00:22:11.19\00:22:15.43 and corrects us and that kind of thing. 00:22:15.43\00:22:16.97 And so as a helper to our husband, you know, he can take 00:22:17.13\00:22:21.84 what we have to say into consideration. 00:22:21.84\00:22:23.47 It can help guide him, too. 00:22:23.54\00:22:25.34 Amen. 00:22:25.87\00:22:26.41 And I think it speaks to the strength of the helper as well, 00:22:27.08\00:22:30.98 because the same word, as you brought out, is mentioned or is 00:22:31.05\00:22:35.78 used to describe our ultimate helper, our ultimate guide, 00:22:35.78\00:22:39.72 both God and the Holy Spirit. 00:22:39.82\00:22:41.66 And you need to have a strong biblical foundation in order to 00:22:42.69\00:22:47.66 do that. 00:22:47.66\00:22:52.07 to provide that support, both for your family in general, if 00:22:52.07\00:22:56.17 you're, you know, a single mom like I am, or for your husband. 00:22:56.17\00:22:59.77 Absolutely. 00:23:00.54\00:23:03.81 In relation to submitting, that also requires strength because 00:23:04.51\00:23:07.78 it's so much easier to not submit and just assert your 00:23:07.78\00:23:11.65 opinion. 00:23:11.65\00:23:15.59 submissive wife that He calls you to be. 00:23:15.59\00:23:17.33 Yes. 00:23:18.06\00:23:18.49 No, that's a good point. 00:23:18.89\00:23:19.96 It takes a lot of strength. 00:23:20.26\00:23:21.23 Yeah, absolutely. 00:23:21.66\00:23:22.50 I love that. 00:23:23.37\00:23:23.87 Great insight, ladies. 00:23:24.10\00:23:25.10 So let's move in. 00:23:25.57\00:23:26.67 Angela, let's start with you. 00:23:26.87\00:23:28.04 Can you talk to us about the role of a helpmate as a wife 00:23:28.04\00:23:31.24 and what God calls you? 00:23:31.24\00:23:33.01 Okay. 00:23:33.11\00:23:36.34 you want me to say? 00:23:36.34\00:23:37.38 I never know what to say. 00:23:37.98\00:23:39.48 So I was like, God. 00:23:39.75\00:23:40.55 So I was looking through my Bible. 00:23:40.55\00:23:42.98 I was looking through Ellen White and God put in my heart 00:23:43.02\00:23:45.72 to say this. 00:23:45.72\00:23:46.52 It's with a Venice Homes, page 107. 00:23:46.52\00:23:49.02 It says, neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for 00:23:49.22\00:23:52.73 rulership. 00:23:52.73\00:23:57.47 this matter. 00:23:57.47\00:24:03.94 church. 00:24:03.94\00:24:04.57 And the wife is to respect and love her husband. 00:24:05.01\00:24:08.21 Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being 00:24:08.71\00:24:12.18 determined never to grieve or injure the other. 00:24:12.18\00:24:14.85 Kind of like what we were talking about. 00:24:15.15\00:24:16.75 It's beautiful. 00:24:17.15\00:24:17.79 Do not try to compel each other to do as you wish. 00:24:18.19\00:24:21.12 You cannot do this and retain each other's love. 00:24:21.56\00:24:24.69 Manifestations of self-will destroy the peace and happiness 00:24:26.06\00:24:29.56 of the home. 00:24:29.56\00:24:30.30 Let not your marriage life, let not your married life be one of 00:24:30.97\00:24:35.84 contention. 00:24:35.84\00:24:36.71 If you do, you will be both be unhappy. 00:24:36.71\00:24:39.41 Be kind in speech and gentle in action. 00:24:39.74\00:24:43.55 Give up your own wishes. 00:24:43.98\00:24:45.55 Watch well your words, watch well your words for they have 00:24:46.15\00:24:50.02 powerful influence for good or for ill. 00:24:50.02\00:24:52.72 Allow no sharpness to come into your voices. 00:24:53.29\00:24:56.32 Bring into the unity life of fragrance of Christ like 00:24:56.42\00:25:01.00 -listen, like-listeness, Christ like-listeness. 00:25:01.00\00:25:04.50 Did I say that right? 00:25:04.73\00:25:07.14 -listeness. 00:25:07.14\00:25:07.40 Okay. 00:25:08.70\00:25:09.24 So I have, I came up with some focus points from reading that. 00:25:11.07\00:25:14.98 And the first one was no fighting for control. 00:25:15.04\00:25:17.38 Like marriage is a partnership, not a power struggle. 00:25:17.91\00:25:21.35 Neither the husband nor the wife should try to determine to 00:25:22.42\00:25:25.49 be the ruler or the boss in the marriage. 00:25:25.49\00:25:27.66 And that's something like we were talking about. 00:25:27.79\00:25:29.56 We need to lead in love, respect each other. 00:25:29.66\00:25:32.59 And you know what that makes me think of, Angel? 00:25:33.03\00:25:34.56 Is that God is not a God of force. 00:25:34.63\00:25:36.20 He gives us free will. 00:25:36.40\00:25:38.07 And so in all our relationships, we need to 00:25:38.27\00:25:40.47 respect the other person's freedom of choice. 00:25:40.47\00:25:42.40 Yes, absolutely. 00:25:42.70\00:25:43.44 Yes. 00:25:45.07\00:25:49.41 before I was spiritual leader in my home, when my husband 00:25:50.18\00:25:54.68 came, gave his heart to God, it was hard for me to let go of 00:25:54.68\00:25:59.29 that, you know, you know, before I was trying to make 00:25:59.29\00:26:02.72 sure the house and everything we did was like to honor Christ 00:26:02.72\00:26:06.46 and then my husband was like, you know, basically taking my 00:26:06.46\00:26:10.30 hand saying, you can let go now. 00:26:10.30\00:26:12.10 I got this. 00:26:12.13\00:26:13.13 And he would be like, let's have worship. 00:26:13.20\00:26:14.67 And it's so nice when you have a husband that leads and 00:26:14.97\00:26:18.37 encourages you and, you know, when he's like, let's like how 00:26:18.37\00:26:21.84 you said, Greg, let's pray about this, you know, and 00:26:21.84\00:26:24.38 before you're trying to pray and talk to God, but now you 00:26:24.38\00:26:27.05 have this helpmate that just, it's wonderful. 00:26:27.05\00:26:29.65 Man, I can't agree with that. 00:26:30.25\00:26:30.92 I went through the same thing. 00:26:30.92\00:26:31.95 So for single people, you know, God calls us to not be 00:26:33.59\00:26:37.96 unequally yoke with unbelievers. 00:26:37.96\00:26:39.96 So I praise God my marriage worked out, but did I have to 00:26:40.96\00:26:44.27 go through all that struggle? 00:26:44.27\00:26:45.43 Cause my marriage was really hard. 00:26:45.43\00:26:47.20 And my Ian's actually my second marriage. 00:26:48.27\00:26:50.64 My first marriage was even harder. 00:26:50.74\00:26:52.34 It was very abusive. 00:26:52.34\00:26:53.44 So, and I was both times unequally yoke. 00:26:53.71\00:26:56.54 So for single people, God instructs us to be with people 00:26:56.54\00:27:00.88 that are our spouses or whoever you're dating. 00:27:00.88\00:27:03.85 Don't date unless you're planning on marrying them. 00:27:03.85\00:27:06.22 And if you're planning on marrying them, make sure it's 00:27:06.25\00:27:09.19 someone that loves God, that loves God more than they love 00:27:09.19\00:27:13.80 you. 00:27:13.80\00:27:14.30 That's my prayer for y'all. 00:27:15.33\00:27:16.77 Can I ask a question? 00:27:17.03\00:27:18.27 Absolutely. 00:27:18.53\00:27:24.11 you're in an abusive relationship. 00:27:24.11\00:27:25.61 How do you even find identity of who you are as a woman? 00:27:25.87\00:27:29.58 Whew, that took a long time, but praise God I was raised in 00:27:30.71\00:27:33.75 a Christian home. 00:27:33.75\00:27:34.58 So as I was being abused and basically, he left me with no 00:27:35.25\00:27:40.26 car, nowhere, like not even food. 00:27:40.26\00:27:43.29 Like my mom once in a while would bring me food and stuff. 00:27:43.56\00:27:46.16 So I moved so many times, it was very abusive. 00:27:46.80\00:27:49.40 And so I looked to God for my strength. 00:27:49.40\00:27:53.97 And I remember just being in a little tiny room, I mean, 00:27:54.50\00:27:58.24 probably not bigger than this, no, the stage is probably 00:27:58.37\00:28:01.38 bigger. 00:28:01.38\00:28:06.21 would just open the word and just find comfort in him. 00:28:06.21\00:28:08.92 And then over time, God was healing me through that. 00:28:09.02\00:28:12.39 So he was, and then he was giving me the strength, praise 00:28:12.59\00:28:14.76 God, to leave him. 00:28:14.76\00:28:15.92 Yes. 00:28:15.99\00:28:19.89 but when he went to go hit my daughter, that's when God said 00:28:19.93\00:28:23.33 enough. 00:28:23.33\00:28:24.00 And he gave me the strength to leave. 00:28:24.93\00:28:26.50 Absolutely. 00:28:27.54\00:28:27.57 Let's, this is unusual, but let's pause a moment because I 00:28:29.54\00:28:32.01 think there's people right now watching who are in an abusive 00:28:32.01\00:28:34.54 relationship. 00:28:34.54\00:28:35.34 God does not want you to be in an abusive relationship. 00:28:35.71\00:28:38.51 You need to be in a safe place. 00:28:38.81\00:28:41.12 That's very important. 00:28:41.15\00:28:42.45 Forgiveness is powerful in a marriage and in a relationship, 00:28:42.45\00:28:45.89 but abuse is not acceptable. 00:28:46.22\00:28:48.16 So let's pray for someone right now who's in that battle. 00:28:48.52\00:28:51.79 Terri, you want to pray for our sisters? 00:28:51.86\00:28:53.36 Heavenly father, Lord, you hear our conversation taking place 00:28:54.93\00:29:00.04 right now. 00:29:00.04\00:29:04.17 listening to this, this talk and so Lord, we pray for them 00:29:04.21\00:29:07.71 in the name of Jesus. 00:29:07.71\00:29:09.31 We ask that you would just send your sweet Holy spirit to bring 00:29:09.61\00:29:12.08 comfort to them, give them the strength that they need, Lord, 00:29:12.08\00:29:15.68 to walk away from any physical abuse that is taking place. 00:29:16.05\00:29:20.49 We pray that you would send Holy angels to just surround 00:29:20.96\00:29:23.63 them and just draw them close to you, Lord, and set them 00:29:23.63\00:29:27.36 free. 00:29:27.36\00:29:27.86 And we thank thee in Jesus' name. 00:29:28.16\00:29:29.86 Amen. 00:29:30.07\00:29:30.40 Thank you. 00:29:31.23\00:29:32.43 Sorry. 00:29:32.60\00:29:32.77 No, thank you. 00:29:33.03\00:29:34.07 So my next focus point is in God's plan for marriage roles. 00:29:34.54\00:29:39.24 So the husband should love and care for the wife. 00:29:39.24\00:29:42.21 Like Jesus loves the church and the wife should respect and 00:29:42.44\00:29:45.91 love her husband. 00:29:45.91\00:29:50.35 earlier, that, you know, as married couples, you know, you 00:29:50.35\00:29:54.09 may not, this is a verse in the Bible in Ephesians 5, 25 00:29:54.09\00:29:57.49 through 28, that I think we need to read and look at more 00:29:57.49\00:30:00.96 often as our role as a married couple, as a husband and wife. 00:30:00.96\00:30:05.60 And for the husband, you should be the loving leadership. 00:30:06.23\00:30:10.54 And the Bible says husbands love your wives just as Christ 00:30:10.71\00:30:14.64 loved the church and gave himself for her to make her 00:30:14.64\00:30:18.35 holy in this same way. 00:30:18.35\00:30:19.98 Husband ought to love their wives as their own bodies. 00:30:20.38\00:30:24.12 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:30:24.59\00:30:27.49 And as for wives, we are to respect and support our 00:30:28.16\00:30:32.29 husbands. 00:30:32.29\00:30:37.37 your own husband, as you do to the Lord. 00:30:37.37\00:30:40.07 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head 00:30:40.54\00:30:44.34 of the church. 00:30:44.34\00:30:45.21 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves 00:30:45.81\00:30:49.88 himself. 00:30:49.88\00:30:50.75 And the wife must respect her husband. 00:30:50.78\00:30:53.31 And these verses reflect a mutual Christ centered 00:30:53.52\00:30:56.72 relationship marked by sacrificial love for the 00:30:56.72\00:30:59.79 husband and respect and support for the wife. 00:30:59.79\00:31:03.46 And in Venice Home, I love this quote that it says, 00:31:04.03\00:31:08.90 deeper and stronger. 00:31:28.68\00:31:29.98 And this actually sets home with me because, like I said 00:31:30.32\00:31:35.39 before, my husband, him and I were, you know, we weren't 00:31:35.39\00:31:39.76 always walking hand to hand and our love, we loved each other, 00:31:39.76\00:31:44.40 but we didn't have the love we have now. 00:31:44.43\00:31:46.47 Now, you know, when I'm running late, I'm sitting down doing my 00:31:46.87\00:31:51.37 makeup and here comes my sweet husband with breakfast for me. 00:31:51.37\00:31:54.91 And like, we just care so much. 00:31:55.34\00:31:57.15 It's a deeper love. 00:31:57.15\00:31:58.68 And I think we would never have reached that deeper love if we 00:31:59.18\00:32:02.52 never had Christ in our home and as a leadership in our 00:32:02.52\00:32:06.29 home. 00:32:06.29\00:32:10.69 for our children as well. 00:32:10.69\00:32:11.86 You don't, you stop being selfish. 00:32:12.29\00:32:14.30 You stop, it's not about you anymore. 00:32:14.50\00:32:16.80 It's about serving the other person. 00:32:16.90\00:32:18.90 And that's why this verse right here, I just love, and I need 00:32:19.07\00:32:22.77 to actually look more and more, like go back once in a while 00:32:22.77\00:32:25.84 and look at this verse. 00:32:25.84\00:32:27.01 You know, what really jumps out at me is that the man is to 00:32:27.01\00:32:30.01 love his wife as Christ loved the church. 00:32:30.01\00:32:31.71 When we come to Christ, we have not arrived to a state of 00:32:32.08\00:32:36.12 perfection. 00:32:36.12\00:32:36.62 He accepts us as we are. 00:32:36.85\00:32:38.32 He justifies us through his own blood, but then the 00:32:38.52\00:32:41.26 sanctification process begins. 00:32:41.26\00:32:42.96 And so when we come together as man and wife, neither party has 00:32:43.06\00:32:46.86 attained to perfection and so they're going to grow together. 00:32:46.86\00:32:49.83 And what I'm hearing is that you and Ian have experienced so 00:32:49.83\00:32:49.86 many things throughout the years of your marriage and 00:32:52.70\00:32:54.94 you're growing into that love relationship that Christ 00:32:54.94\00:32:57.81 intended for you. 00:32:57.81\00:32:58.64 We are, yes. 00:32:58.64\00:32:59.57 It's only been five years actually that we've been 00:32:59.74\00:33:02.58 together as he gave his heart to God and we've just been 00:33:02.58\00:33:05.98 growing together in Christ and do everything, and this is 00:33:05.98\00:33:09.35 another verse I need for myself, I don't know. 00:33:09.35\00:33:11.72 Guy gave me this topic not only for y'all, but for me too. 00:33:11.89\00:33:14.92 In Philippians 2, 14 it says, do everything without 00:33:16.49\00:33:18.99 complaining and arguing. 00:33:18.99\00:33:20.33 Sometimes, you know, as a wife, we need to not complain. 00:33:20.86\00:33:24.37 Even though sometimes a lot of the load is on us, we should be 00:33:25.00\00:33:28.87 happy that we have a house, we have a roof overhead, we have 00:33:28.87\00:33:32.37 dishes to clean, you know? 00:33:32.37\00:33:34.24 And in a lot of countries, they don't have what we have here. 00:33:34.61\00:33:37.55 And I'm just, you know, God's teaching me, you know, be 00:33:37.91\00:33:40.98 thankful you're clean and be thankful you have this. 00:33:40.98\00:33:43.32 I gave you this, you know, don't complain so much about 00:33:43.39\00:33:46.42 it. 00:33:46.42\00:33:46.92 Love to, you know, do that. 00:33:47.09\00:33:48.52 Be thankful you have a husband that you can clean for and how 00:33:48.72\00:33:52.63 he loves you and how he, you know, is thankful for that. 00:33:52.63\00:33:55.53 And we share our role as a couple. 00:33:55.60\00:33:58.00 Sometimes I do the dishes and sometimes he does the dishes. 00:33:58.40\00:34:01.00 And I learned not to complain about how he loads the 00:34:01.20\00:34:05.44 dishwasher. 00:34:05.44\00:34:05.61 So pick your battles. 00:34:07.64\00:34:09.21 Me too. 00:34:09.98\00:34:10.71 I just say, oh, that's how you want to do it, Stevie. 00:34:11.11\00:34:13.18 That's wonderful. 00:34:13.18\00:34:13.21 matter to him. 00:34:18.42\00:34:19.22 So then it shouldn't, it doesn't matter to me. 00:34:19.59\00:34:21.52 At least he's helping. 00:34:22.06\00:34:22.79 Praise the Lord. 00:34:22.79\00:34:23.86 It's good, sorry. 00:34:25.69\00:34:26.93 And it's good to acknowledge the underlying reason for 00:34:27.00\00:34:29.80 complaining, right? 00:34:29.80\00:34:30.97 Because a lot of times that comes from a place of not being 00:34:30.97\00:34:34.30 content, right? 00:34:34.30\00:34:35.34 You don't like the way the dishwasher is loaded. 00:34:35.34\00:34:38.17 You don't like the way your husband made the bed or even 00:34:38.27\00:34:41.58 your child, right? 00:34:41.58\00:34:42.68 And so you start grumbling, you start complaining and not being 00:34:42.94\00:34:45.95 really comes from a deeper, a deeper place of covetousness 00:34:46.51\00:34:54.06 because you're comparing what you have to something else and 00:34:54.06\00:34:56.96 it's not that other thing. 00:34:56.96\00:34:58.46 And so I really like how you brought out earlier that you 00:34:58.93\00:35:01.50 need to stay focused on Christ, right? 00:35:01.50\00:35:03.90 When you're both trying to attain the same thing, you're 00:35:03.90\00:35:06.97 not looking at other couples, you're not looking at even 00:35:06.97\00:35:10.57 reality TV shows or anything. 00:35:10.57\00:35:12.44 You're just focusing on Jesus and together you're growing and 00:35:12.44\00:35:16.81 there's no reason to complain. 00:35:16.81\00:35:18.21 At least you try to have a reason to complain. 00:35:18.35\00:35:22.62 I like how you brought that up with not looking at other 00:35:22.85\00:35:25.62 couples and comparing because, you know, before I'd be like, 00:35:25.62\00:35:29.29 oh, if I had a husband that loved the Lord, it would just 00:35:29.42\00:35:32.69 be, my life would be perfect. 00:35:32.69\00:35:34.46 But, you know, I had a good husband, you know, God was just 00:35:34.76\00:35:38.00 working on him. 00:35:38.00\00:35:42.24 the perfect marriage and stuff. 00:35:42.24\00:35:43.81 And it's like, no, just work on, pray for God to fix what 00:35:44.04\00:35:46.94 you have. 00:35:46.94\00:35:47.68 The grass is not greener on the other side. 00:35:47.88\00:35:49.98 And I tell couples that my husband, I counsel, I'm like, 00:35:50.05\00:35:53.08 if your house is broken, do you just throw it away? 00:35:53.38\00:35:55.92 No, you go and you fix it. 00:35:56.12\00:35:57.59 You fix what God has given you and you need to be thankful for 00:35:57.79\00:36:01.39 what God has given you and work together to fix that. 00:36:01.39\00:36:04.99 And, you know, sometimes when we point always at the other 00:36:04.99\00:36:08.53 person, it's us that we need to be praying, what's wrong with 00:36:08.53\00:36:12.33 us, that's causing maybe my husband to be like that. 00:36:12.33\00:36:15.40 And that honestly, ladies, when I started doing that, my 00:36:15.67\00:36:20.54 marriage became better because I was always pointing at my 00:36:20.54\00:36:23.01 husband, oh, you know, he drinks too much and, you know, 00:36:23.01\00:36:26.58 why is he doing all these things? 00:36:26.58\00:36:28.45 Am I being a helpmate? 00:36:28.75\00:36:30.05 Am I doing what God's calling me to do? 00:36:30.15\00:36:31.95 And honestly, I wasn't, even though I was calling myself 00:36:31.95\00:36:34.69 Christian, I wasn't being that helpmate and support person for 00:36:34.69\00:36:38.96 my husband. 00:36:38.96\00:36:39.73 So when I started doing that, our marriage, you know, started 00:36:40.20\00:36:43.13 changing. 00:36:43.13\00:36:43.77 So don't be so quick to point the finger. 00:36:44.10\00:36:47.00 And I would like that you pointed that out. 00:36:47.10\00:36:48.60 Right. 00:36:48.87\00:36:53.78 or a situation that I was in, I would have all of these 00:36:54.11\00:36:58.75 biblical concepts of what a man needs to be like, what a 00:36:58.75\00:37:01.65 husband needs to be like, and see like, oh, I don't see that 00:37:01.65\00:37:04.39 in him. 00:37:04.39\00:37:04.82 I don't see that in him. 00:37:04.95\00:37:05.69 I don't see that in him. 00:37:05.82\00:37:06.72 Well, we're all growing. 00:37:07.09\00:37:08.49 So I'm sure they look at me and we're like, you're not Proverbs 00:37:10.23\00:37:13.26 31 either. 00:37:13.26\00:37:14.00 You know, so we got to both kind of like find that middle 00:37:16.67\00:37:21.40 ground. 00:37:21.40\00:37:24.57 okay? 00:37:24.57\00:37:25.07 Absolutely. 00:37:26.68\00:37:29.88 shows, because I think as a woman, we can over romanticize 00:37:29.88\00:37:35.58 relationships and we say, Oh, but my husband's not as 00:37:35.58\00:37:39.29 handsome as this actor or my husband doesn't treat me like 00:37:39.29\00:37:42.49 whatever. 00:37:42.49\00:37:49.20 sorry, we're diverging. 00:37:49.20\00:37:50.27 For men, men can struggle with pornography, not all men, but 00:37:53.20\00:37:57.14 some men can struggle with that because they might be visually, 00:37:57.14\00:37:59.51 but for women, in my opinion, it's romance novels and soap 00:38:00.11\00:38:05.48 operas and romance TV programs where we idolize that. 00:38:05.48\00:38:10.72 And that's not biblical. 00:38:10.79\00:38:12.45 And it makes you discontent, as you said, with what God has 00:38:12.72\00:38:16.89 blessed you with instead of focusing on God. 00:38:16.89\00:38:18.69 Can I just add, a lot of times we see people and compare 00:38:18.69\00:38:22.00 ourselves to them, but that's what we see. 00:38:22.00\00:38:24.10 We don't see what happens behind closed doors. 00:38:24.13\00:38:26.13 So we're romanticizing this idea, Oh, I wish my 00:38:26.20\00:38:28.94 relationship was like that. 00:38:28.94\00:38:29.94 But behind closed doors, it might not be that way. 00:38:30.04\00:38:32.11 That's true. 00:38:32.77\00:38:33.58 It likely isn't, right? 00:38:33.98\00:38:35.08 Yes. 00:38:35.08\00:38:35.54 Yeah, that is so true. 00:38:36.08\00:38:37.51 And I have another focus point is be kind and gentle. 00:38:37.88\00:38:40.92 Don't force each other to do things your way. 00:38:41.28\00:38:43.89 Forcing your will leads to unhappiness and loss of love. 00:38:44.05\00:38:48.32 And another thing that Ellen White says is all should 00:38:48.66\00:38:51.59 cultivate patience by practicing patience. 00:38:51.59\00:38:54.66 And that's something I know I need to practice is patience. 00:38:55.10\00:38:58.70 And I have animals, so that, that I know that may not 00:38:58.97\00:39:03.64 pertain to that, but that's where my patience loses my, my 00:39:03.64\00:39:07.18 puppies, um, by being kind and forbearant, true love may be 00:39:07.18\00:39:11.11 kept warm and the heart and qualities will be developed 00:39:11.11\00:39:14.92 that heaven will approve. 00:39:14.92\00:39:17.09 I love that, that we need to practice patience and that if 00:39:17.09\00:39:20.79 we do, God's the qualities will be developed that heaven will 00:39:20.79\00:39:25.69 approve. 00:39:25.69\00:39:25.99 I love that. 00:39:26.23\00:39:26.66 Anybody has anything to say about gentleness and kindness? 00:39:28.83\00:39:31.33 I just think that it starts in the home. 00:39:32.37\00:39:34.40 And so we can come to work and be kind and patient with 00:39:35.27\00:39:38.37 everybody, but what are we like at home? 00:39:38.37\00:39:39.87 It's kind of easy to do that. 00:39:39.94\00:39:41.58 Easy to be kind with people who you don't live with, but once 00:39:41.64\00:39:45.61 you get him, because you know, your husband always loves you 00:39:45.61\00:39:48.58 or your spouse. 00:39:48.58\00:39:49.35 You know, and even children. 00:39:49.52\00:39:50.62 Yeah, yes, but you know, they love you and you can, but yes. 00:39:51.29\00:39:54.52 If I think the way we are at home, we need to be even, you 00:39:55.29\00:39:58.66 know, better at home because home is where everything 00:39:58.66\00:40:01.23 starts. 00:40:01.23\00:40:01.76 That's where everything begins. 00:40:02.03\00:40:03.83 I think it's important to note too, that we can't do it in our 00:40:04.40\00:40:06.87 own strength. 00:40:06.87\00:40:07.54 It's only as we stay connected to Christ. 00:40:07.80\00:40:09.80 And so that personal devotion time as a woman is so important 00:40:09.87\00:40:13.81 to have that connection with God and to ask him for the 00:40:13.81\00:40:17.11 strength that he has promised to give us to overcome these 00:40:17.11\00:40:20.68 poor character traits and become more like him, you know, 00:40:20.68\00:40:23.39 day by day. 00:40:23.52\00:40:24.25 Yep. 00:40:24.89\00:40:25.42 It's not a run, it's a walk. 00:40:25.55\00:40:26.69 I find that a personal struggle because I need to, as head of 00:40:26.79\00:40:31.09 the household, I'm responsible for being the breadwinner and 00:40:31.09\00:40:35.40 also being the feminine part or filling the motherly role at 00:40:35.40\00:40:40.40 home. 00:40:40.40\00:40:45.34 you know, however many hours and you go home, then you have 00:40:45.34\00:40:47.68 to make supper and then you clean up and all of these 00:40:47.68\00:40:49.61 things to still have that kindness just pour out of you. 00:40:49.61\00:40:55.25 And I'm not saying I'm deliberately mean to my kid, 00:40:55.25\00:40:57.25 that kind of sounds wrong, but definitely a little short, I 00:40:57.32\00:41:03.32 guess I would say. 00:41:03.32\00:41:04.39 I struggle with that particularly. 00:41:04.53\00:41:06.16 I don't know if, I know we're all working women. 00:41:06.46\00:41:08.96 It can be challenging, especially if you have a child 00:41:09.40\00:41:12.70 who can't do much for themselves at home and that air 00:41:12.70\00:41:15.44 in you and you're like, I have to do everything and then, you 00:41:15.44\00:41:17.51 know, you're running behind. 00:41:17.51\00:41:18.34 So that's something that I know I particularly need to grow in 00:41:18.74\00:41:22.01 is kind of exuding the kindness when I go home. 00:41:22.01\00:41:26.92 I can identify with what you're saying. 00:41:27.55\00:41:29.22 Even though I'm a widow, I'm raising my two grandchildren by 00:41:29.92\00:41:33.05 myself and they're eight and nine years old. 00:41:33.05\00:41:35.56 And so there's a lot to take care of in the course of a day. 00:41:35.82\00:41:38.73 And I relate with you saying sometimes you're not always, 00:41:38.73\00:41:41.93 you don't feel impatient, but you're just rushed. 00:41:42.30\00:41:44.97 So it comes out short because you're just trying to get A to 00:41:45.27\00:41:48.97 Z done in the time that you have. 00:41:48.97\00:41:50.67 Excuse me. 00:41:51.94\00:41:52.57 And so I'm just trying to put little things around the house 00:41:53.21\00:41:55.74 to help me to remember about my speech. 00:41:55.74\00:41:57.81 So I found this little thing that I put over my stove and 00:41:57.81\00:41:57.85 it's a little bumblebee and it just says, be kind. 00:42:00.62\00:42:03.02 So when I'm cooking, I can remember to be kind. 00:42:03.35\00:42:05.25 And over my sink, I put a little stone that I found at a 00:42:05.32\00:42:07.79 store and it just says, love is patient. 00:42:07.79\00:42:09.89 And so I'm putting little reminders around the house to 00:42:10.36\00:42:13.46 help me to remember how I'm speaking to the children. 00:42:13.46\00:42:15.96 I'm going to try that. 00:42:16.40\00:42:17.30 I need that. 00:42:18.37\00:42:19.17 You're fulfilling your role as the mentor. 00:42:19.77\00:42:21.54 See, that's beautiful. 00:42:23.74\00:42:24.64 I love that. 00:42:24.81\00:42:25.37 I think for me often, because we don't have children in the 00:42:26.07\00:42:30.45 home, but sometimes work is intense. 00:42:30.45\00:42:33.15 You know, you have a lot of meetings or you have a lot of 00:42:33.45\00:42:35.38 responsibility or a lot of things going on. 00:42:35.38\00:42:37.22 And sometimes what I find is when I interact with Greg, it 00:42:37.22\00:42:40.79 has nothing to do with Greg and it's me, my frustration or my 00:42:40.79\00:42:45.26 whatever, coming out from a previous situation. 00:42:45.26\00:42:47.66 So I think learning to recognize that and acknowledge 00:42:48.03\00:42:50.83 that. 00:42:50.83\00:42:54.10 irritated right now, but it has nothing to do with you. 00:42:54.10\00:42:56.47 I think it's coming out from something before and just being 00:42:56.64\00:42:59.87 open about, you know, that. 00:42:59.87\00:43:01.14 I say that to Ian all the time. 00:43:01.14\00:43:02.98 Yes. 00:43:04.11\00:43:04.58 And then going back to God. 00:43:04.78\00:43:06.38 God, I want to be fixed here, as you talked about. 00:43:06.38\00:43:08.48 I want to grow here. 00:43:08.58\00:43:10.05 And sometimes as a Christian woman, you're like, you know, 00:43:10.52\00:43:13.59 you're not supposed to have those feelings. 00:43:13.66\00:43:14.92 So you're, you feel so bad. 00:43:14.96\00:43:16.36 You have them. 00:43:16.36\00:43:17.26 I'm just like, God, help me. 00:43:17.29\00:43:18.49 I'm so sorry. 00:43:18.56\00:43:19.23 I feel like this. 00:43:19.26\00:43:20.20 And it's just a growth that we go through every day. 00:43:20.40\00:43:22.70 And I think, you know, that just helps us to lean on Christ 00:43:22.73\00:43:26.77 that we need him. 00:43:26.77\00:43:27.60 And speaking about that, my last focus point was be Christ 00:43:29.30\00:43:33.58 like in your marriage, show character of Jesus through your 00:43:33.58\00:43:37.15 actions and words. 00:43:37.15\00:43:38.48 Think more about each other's happiness than your own 00:43:39.01\00:43:42.18 desires. 00:43:42.18\00:43:42.82 And I think that's so true. 00:43:42.95\00:43:44.59 Um, when we think of each other, you know, when we think 00:43:45.85\00:43:48.59 of, like my husband, he knew I was going to be late or 00:43:48.59\00:43:51.96 whenever I'm late in the morning, he's, he goes and 00:43:51.96\00:43:54.96 he'll make me breakfast or he'll get the lunch and take 00:43:54.96\00:43:58.23 care of the animals. 00:43:58.23\00:43:59.13 And, you know, we think of each other and then same thing with 00:43:59.47\00:44:02.20 him when he has to study, I give him his quiet time, you 00:44:02.20\00:44:05.44 know, as married couples, sometimes we need that alone 00:44:05.44\00:44:08.78 time together and just, you know, just think, you know, 00:44:08.78\00:44:12.51 don't be there, you know, just help your husband be, give 00:44:12.58\00:44:16.99 them, you know, that space they need and just think of their 00:44:16.99\00:44:20.76 feelings, you know, instead of your own is what I get out of 00:44:20.76\00:44:23.56 this. 00:44:23.56\00:44:24.03 And any thoughts on that? 00:44:25.03\00:44:26.16 Absolutely. 00:44:28.36\00:44:32.97 Mind, Personality, Mind, Character and Personality, 00:44:32.97\00:44:36.71 Volume One, pretty much in the beginning where she talks 00:44:36.87\00:44:41.51 about, it's evangelizing in general, but understanding the 00:44:41.51\00:44:45.98 different ways that people think, you know, being 00:44:45.98\00:44:49.18 considerate of that. 00:44:49.18\00:44:50.49 And so I see that's what you're saying, like understanding what 00:44:50.69\00:44:53.82 the husband has gone through or what he's going through, what 00:44:53.82\00:44:56.73 he needs to do and being mindful of that instead of 00:44:56.73\00:45:00.63 understanding everything as a reaction to yourself. 00:45:00.63\00:45:02.90 And when you do that, they do it back to you. 00:45:03.20\00:45:05.33 They're like, Oh, that was so sweet of you. 00:45:05.47\00:45:06.87 And then they want to do something. 00:45:06.97\00:45:08.10 Same thing with your kids. 00:45:08.27\00:45:09.40 It's just a circle that, you know, just share the love and 00:45:09.50\00:45:12.17 the kindness in the house. 00:45:12.17\00:45:13.54 That's beautiful. 00:45:14.28\00:45:15.11 You know, we talk about negative cycles, right? 00:45:15.28\00:45:17.65 And the downward spiral, but you can have a positive cycle 00:45:17.65\00:45:20.78 and a positive spiral. 00:45:20.78\00:45:22.45 It goes toward Jesus, but each, Oh, what can I do to help you 00:45:22.45\00:45:26.39 today, honey? 00:45:26.39\00:45:27.16 And what can I do? 00:45:27.22\00:45:28.29 How can I support you and encourage you? 00:45:28.36\00:45:30.16 And then that makes him want to support you. 00:45:30.19\00:45:32.46 And then it's back and forth, but it gets better and better. 00:45:32.46\00:45:32.49 Yeah. 00:45:35.66\00:45:36.10 Praise God. 00:45:36.80\00:45:41.94 wish my husband would support me in this and that, but if we 00:45:41.94\00:45:45.57 would just take our time to do it and think about their needs, 00:45:45.57\00:45:48.34 then it would be reciprocated. 00:45:48.48\00:45:49.88 It's true. 00:45:49.98\00:45:50.58 It's very true. 00:45:50.78\00:45:51.38 I love that. 00:45:51.55\00:45:52.08 Thank you, sis Angela. 00:45:52.08\00:45:53.62 Oh, thank you. 00:45:53.68\00:45:54.48 Powerful. 00:45:54.48\00:45:58.79 unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 00:45:58.79\00:46:02.06 And then my final, my last thought I have is through 00:46:02.06\00:46:02.09 difficulties, perplexities and discouragement may arise. 00:46:06.86\00:46:10.83 Let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their 00:46:10.97\00:46:15.44 union is a mistake. 00:46:15.44\00:46:17.27 So God brought you together for a reason or a disappointment, 00:46:17.41\00:46:21.08 determined to be all that is, it is possible to be to each 00:46:21.54\00:46:26.95 other, continue the early attention in every way, 00:46:26.95\00:46:30.65 encourage each other in fighting and battles of life, 00:46:30.79\00:46:34.39 study to advance the happiness of each other. 00:46:35.46\00:46:38.46 And that's in counsels for the church. 00:46:38.49\00:46:40.40 So I really like that. 00:46:40.86\00:46:42.46 Some people are like, I don't know if we should be together 00:46:42.56\00:46:45.27 if, you know, and then I always pull this out, you know, no 00:46:45.27\00:46:48.17 marriage is a mistake. 00:46:48.17\00:46:49.37 Absolutely. 00:46:50.81\00:46:53.64 And when I was a new bride, I asked my grandma, what was the 00:46:54.61\00:46:57.88 secret of their happy marriage? 00:46:57.88\00:46:59.08 And she said, divorce was never an option. 00:46:59.08\00:47:01.78 That's so important. 00:47:03.49\00:47:04.35 They just worked at it. 00:47:04.49\00:47:05.62 Yes, absolutely. 00:47:06.25\00:47:07.02 Forgiveness, love, Christ's work in the heart makes 00:47:08.12\00:47:11.73 tremendous difference in the home. 00:47:11.73\00:47:14.10 I want to be clear, we're not talking about abuse though. 00:47:14.23\00:47:16.60 If there's abuse in the home and you're physically hurt, you 00:47:16.77\00:47:20.27 need to get out and be in a safe place. 00:47:20.27\00:47:22.54 But beyond that, it's amazing what God can do in marriages. 00:47:23.07\00:47:26.74 We're going to switch to Sister Fotini here. 00:47:27.18\00:47:29.48 And I know we're coming down to the end of the first hour. 00:47:29.68\00:47:31.88 So if we don't get to all of it in this hour, we can always 00:47:31.91\00:47:34.68 pick up with it at the start of the second hour as well. 00:47:34.68\00:47:36.95 But go ahead and share. 00:47:37.22\00:47:38.42 So my topic is on the role of a single mom and the helpmate 00:47:39.19\00:47:44.69 spirit. 00:47:44.69\00:47:45.46 Clearly there is no husband in the picture to bring that 00:47:45.89\00:47:49.83 towards. 00:47:49.83\00:47:50.27 But as a mom, especially since I've been blessed with a 00:47:51.00\00:47:56.07 differently abled child who I say raises me well, it's more 00:47:56.07\00:48:01.41 of a strategic planning because like I mentioned earlier, I 00:48:01.41\00:48:06.45 have to take care of everything and that fosters 00:48:06.45\00:48:09.88 characteristics that are good like resilience and I wish more 00:48:09.88\00:48:15.66 patience, but I'm still working on that. 00:48:15.66\00:48:17.59 But it brings along with it a lot of autonomy and a lot of 00:48:17.59\00:48:22.30 taking charge on your own. 00:48:22.30\00:48:24.47 So it's a bit of a challenge to marry that concept with being 00:48:25.47\00:48:30.14 submissive and being a helpmate. 00:48:30.14\00:48:32.47 And the most immediate or yeah, I guess the most immediate way 00:48:34.54\00:48:39.68 that I could do that or that I practice doing that is with my 00:48:39.68\00:48:43.25 child, right? 00:48:43.25\00:48:43.99 I help my child. 00:48:43.99\00:48:44.99 I know I'm going to be, I'm going to need to be in the 00:48:45.15\00:48:47.62 position to help my child for likely the rest of her life. 00:48:47.62\00:48:51.09 And that takes on mainly strategic planning. 00:48:52.16\00:48:56.87 I think I mentioned that earlier. 00:48:57.07\00:48:58.30 So that is making sure that she has the skills that she needs 00:48:58.77\00:49:03.87 to be successful the way that she can in life. 00:49:03.87\00:49:08.38 Praise the Lord. 00:49:09.28\00:49:10.21 I like to say we're on the better side of autism. 00:49:10.35\00:49:12.85 I know things can be a lot more struggling than we've 00:49:13.05\00:49:17.59 experienced so far. 00:49:17.59\00:49:18.85 But in that context, I provide a lot of social reinforcement 00:49:20.06\00:49:25.86 for her. 00:49:25.86\00:49:26.63 She doesn't do well with navigating social interactions. 00:49:28.60\00:49:32.70 And a lot of times people will say, oh, you know, we can't 00:49:32.87\00:49:35.84 even tell she has autism. 00:49:35.84\00:49:37.04 Praise the Lord because she's learned how to carry on a 00:49:37.67\00:49:40.31 conversation through scripts and things like that. 00:49:40.31\00:49:42.94 And so it's good to let her know, you know, what you're 00:49:42.94\00:49:46.58 doing now is appropriate or, you know, look at the other 00:49:46.58\00:49:49.95 person. 00:49:49.95\00:49:50.59 They don't seem interested. 00:49:50.62\00:49:51.55 You need to say excuse me and maybe leave. 00:49:51.59\00:49:53.99 I also don't want her to be in the position where people make 00:49:54.59\00:49:57.13 fun of her, where kids make fun of her. 00:49:57.13\00:49:59.36 And so unfortunately that's an area I have to touch on in 00:49:59.39\00:50:03.06 helping her. 00:50:03.06\00:50:03.83 But overall, the way I practice being help made as a single mom 00:50:04.33\00:50:10.34 is to my child. 00:50:10.34\00:50:11.74 And, well, I brought out the shielding and protecting aspect 00:50:14.34\00:50:19.11 of that. 00:50:19.11\00:50:19.75 Another way that I'm a help mate to her is not paying 00:50:20.28\00:50:25.29 attention to the advice of other people that I get for 00:50:25.29\00:50:29.02 raising her. 00:50:29.02\00:50:29.82 And a lot of parents with children on the autism spectrum 00:50:30.19\00:50:33.43 will relate to this because everybody has a good opinion of 00:50:33.43\00:50:37.63 what your child should be doing or what they shouldn't be doing 00:50:37.63\00:50:39.93 at that moment. 00:50:39.93\00:50:40.74 And even doctors. 00:50:41.14\00:50:43.04 I remember when we first got our diagnosis, Artemis was, I 00:50:43.51\00:50:50.01 think, two and a half years old and she was still in diapers 00:50:50.01\00:50:54.52 and she was growing out of the sizes that we could find in the 00:50:54.52\00:50:58.52 supermarket. 00:50:58.52\00:51:02.66 would we find bigger size diapers? 00:51:02.66\00:51:05.06 And also, did he have any advice for potty training? 00:51:05.46\00:51:09.16 I'm sorry, this is TMI probably for some people. 00:51:09.23\00:51:11.33 And he looked at me and still to this day, almost 12 years 00:51:12.50\00:51:16.74 later, or over 12 years later, I see him looking at me and 00:51:16.74\00:51:20.21 saying, don't worry about that. 00:51:20.21\00:51:22.18 That'll be the least of your concerns. 00:51:22.18\00:51:24.31 And that's just so crushing to hear as a parent, you know, 00:51:25.31\00:51:29.48 when you're just thinking of something very basic as using 00:51:29.48\00:51:33.69 the restroom, teaching your child how to use the restroom. 00:51:33.69\00:51:36.19 And so one way that I help her grow is to not limit her by not 00:51:36.62\00:51:44.57 even my own opinion, let alone something that we were advised 00:51:44.57\00:51:48.04 by, advised to as, what's the word, someone gave us the 00:51:48.04\00:51:54.11 advice 12 and a half years ago. 00:51:54.11\00:51:56.58 And who you would consider superior, right? 00:51:57.95\00:52:00.18 A doctor told me this. 00:52:00.18\00:52:01.72 And so I think one way of being a good help me to her is not 00:52:02.08\00:52:06.09 limiting her ability. 00:52:06.09\00:52:07.96 Can I jump in here? 00:52:08.46\00:52:09.89 You mentioned something I think is super important as woman. 00:52:09.96\00:52:12.76 That is, what is helpful comments? 00:52:14.10\00:52:16.43 And what is hurtful comments? 00:52:16.87\00:52:18.47 In other words, what is helpful in your situation? 00:52:18.77\00:52:21.67 What could we say? 00:52:21.77\00:52:22.94 What could we do that would be helpful? 00:52:23.30\00:52:25.04 And then what are comments that we need to keep our mouth shut 00:52:25.54\00:52:29.01 or need to learn how to be more tactful or, because it seems 00:52:29.01\00:52:33.05 like no matter what the situation, we all have good 00:52:33.05\00:52:35.48 advice that we want to give. 00:52:35.48\00:52:37.59 And so any perspectives on that? 00:52:37.59\00:52:40.09 Well, I agree with Fottini that you don't always have to take 00:52:40.59\00:52:43.89 everything everybody says to you to heart. 00:52:43.89\00:52:45.83 You have to evaluate it, pray about it, and move forward 00:52:46.23\00:52:49.16 based on your situation. 00:52:49.16\00:52:50.23 Because the bottom line is nobody has walked in your 00:52:50.30\00:52:52.87 identical shoes. 00:52:52.87\00:52:53.87 So they don't really know. 00:52:53.87\00:52:55.34 They don't really understand. 00:52:55.37\00:52:56.47 But it's important also to not hold it against that person 00:52:56.87\00:52:59.44 because often we just say things without thinking we've 00:52:59.44\00:53:02.34 all done that. 00:53:02.34\00:53:03.24 And so, yeah, we just move forward and let God be our our 00:53:03.55\00:53:08.02 ultimate guide. 00:53:08.02\00:53:09.05 And like that? 00:53:10.29\00:53:11.42 I would agree with that. 00:53:11.75\00:53:13.09 People are going to give their advice, but just say thank you 00:53:13.42\00:53:16.76 and take it to God in prayer if you think it's something that 00:53:16.76\00:53:19.76 needs prayer or maybe it's something that you've battled 00:53:19.76\00:53:22.13 with already with God and you already know the answer. 00:53:22.13\00:53:24.57 But, you know, be polite and And sometimes he will use other 00:53:24.70\00:53:27.87 people to teach you things. 00:53:27.87\00:53:29.20 So it's important to at least listen. 00:53:29.30\00:53:30.91 So what is helpful, like in your situation, Fottini, what 00:53:32.21\00:53:35.04 would be helpful for someone to say? 00:53:35.04\00:53:36.75 Or would it be like Fottini, we're just praying for you and 00:53:38.25\00:53:41.38 we're here for you? 00:53:41.38\00:53:42.58 Or would it be like, have you researched this on YouTube? 00:53:42.62\00:53:44.92 And have you listened to this? 00:53:45.25\00:53:46.72 Like, what is helpful? 00:53:47.06\00:53:48.19 I don't know if that's putting you on the spot. 00:53:49.39\00:53:50.69 No, no, not at all. 00:53:50.69\00:53:51.86 One thing that it wouldn't necessarily be something that 00:53:52.33\00:53:55.13 one says, more so what one does. 00:53:55.13\00:53:57.40 I think one thing that I never really appreciated was people 00:53:58.20\00:54:01.70 talking to me about Artemis while she was there. 00:54:01.70\00:54:06.11 So if you're going to interact with the person, interact with 00:54:06.78\00:54:11.11 the person. 00:54:11.11\00:54:14.88 included and treated like anybody else. 00:54:14.88\00:54:20.02 So that's good that I would have found that helpful from a 00:54:21.42\00:54:25.66 lot of people. 00:54:25.66\00:54:26.33 And even, you know, parents with children on the spectrum, 00:54:27.20\00:54:33.07 they know, they see what their kid is doing. 00:54:33.50\00:54:36.20 Don't point out to them that their kid is having a tantrum. 00:54:38.01\00:54:41.31 They know that. 00:54:41.51\00:54:42.34 And the best thing that you can do at the time is just nothing. 00:54:43.41\00:54:50.22 Well, since we're talking about it, sometimes specifically in 00:54:51.42\00:54:55.29 your situation, Artemis would do something and I would 00:54:55.29\00:54:58.56 chuckle. 00:54:58.56\00:54:59.36 And a lot of people would chuckle because it's funny, but 00:54:59.83\00:55:03.03 I don't know if that's offensive to you. 00:55:03.03\00:55:05.73 No, no, no, not at all. 00:55:05.73\00:55:08.40 No, that's a good question. 00:55:08.74\00:55:09.84 She's so sweet. 00:55:10.14\00:55:10.97 Yeah, she is. 00:55:11.17\00:55:11.87 She's very kind and loving. 00:55:12.27\00:55:13.44 And you're doing a wonderful job. 00:55:13.68\00:55:15.08 You are. 00:55:15.08\00:55:16.08 Yeah, I love her. 00:55:16.34\00:55:17.48 She's so sweet. 00:55:17.51\00:55:21.15 always so smiling and happy. 00:55:21.15\00:55:22.85 I never see her sad. 00:55:23.12\00:55:24.89 She's very sweet and happy. 00:55:25.12\00:55:26.82 And then the ones that nothing's wrong, they're all 00:55:27.06\00:55:28.96 miserable. 00:55:28.96\00:55:29.26 She always comes over and says hi to me. 00:55:32.16\00:55:34.46 She's precious. 00:55:34.46\00:55:35.56 She really is. 00:55:35.83\00:55:36.46 You're doing a good job. 00:55:36.67\00:55:37.37 You see how I say she raises me well. 00:55:37.77\00:55:39.37 I look at that and I'm like, I need to do that. 00:55:39.97\00:55:42.30 And she loves God. 00:55:43.27\00:55:44.34 You can see that in her. 00:55:44.44\00:55:45.51 Amen. 00:55:45.54\00:55:46.31 I actually have a testimony to that. 00:55:46.41\00:55:48.24 I'm not sure if this is the right time. 00:55:48.34\00:55:50.68 But so Artemis has had to struggle with like gluten and 00:55:51.61\00:55:57.32 dairy intolerance for most of her life and also that and 00:55:57.32\00:56:02.49 given her and struggled to understand abstract concepts 00:56:02.49\00:56:06.73 like God and spirituality and all of that stuff. 00:56:06.73\00:56:10.03 God has really demonstrated his existence and love and care for 00:56:11.13\00:56:15.04 her through very tangible ways. 00:56:15.04\00:56:16.91 And one of them is curing her of something that she struggled 00:56:16.97\00:56:21.34 with healthwise for a very long time. 00:56:21.34\00:56:23.98 And that was very immediate to her where she understood God 00:56:24.01\00:56:27.75 helps. 00:56:27.75\00:56:28.38 And it was just changed her after that. 00:56:29.02\00:56:31.85 So I hope I didn't go too off topic. 00:56:31.85\00:56:34.02 That's beautiful. 00:56:35.06\00:56:36.12 We're coming down to the end of this hour. 00:56:36.52\00:56:38.46 And so then we're going to put a pause on your story here and 00:56:38.69\00:56:42.43 pick it up at the start of the second hour because there's 00:56:42.43\00:56:44.80 still so much more to share about that. 00:56:44.80\00:56:46.77 I so appreciate all of you ladies for sharing. 00:56:47.20\00:56:49.57 And it's so insightful just to see how it looks in someone 00:56:49.57\00:56:53.78 else's world, you know, and what we can do as Christian 00:56:53.78\00:56:57.45 women to support each other, to pray for each other, to take 00:56:57.45\00:57:02.35 that time, to truly understand each other. 00:57:02.35\00:57:05.32 You know, sometimes we get involved in our own world and 00:57:05.42\00:57:08.39 our own things. 00:57:08.39\00:57:09.29 At least I do that sometimes. 00:57:09.59\00:57:10.76 And you forget, you know, to reach outside of yourself and 00:57:10.83\00:57:14.76 to reach into someone else's world and offer that support or 00:57:14.76\00:57:17.73 that prayer. 00:57:17.73\00:57:18.30 So it's really powerful. 00:57:18.50\00:57:20.14 I've been blessed this first hour. 00:57:20.20\00:57:21.54 We have a whole bunch more coming up the second hour. 00:57:21.84\00:57:24.87 More from Fottini. 00:57:25.14\00:57:26.37 We're going to hear from Sasha on parenting as well as Terri 00:57:26.37\00:57:26.41 and mentoring younger woman and then what it looks like in 00:57:30.75\00:57:35.42 ministry. 00:57:35.42\00:57:35.82 So don't go anywhere. 00:57:36.08\00:57:36.89 We will be right back with your 3ABN Ladies Night. 00:57:37.25\00:57:40.62