I want to spend my life.
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Mending broken,
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I want to spend my life.
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I want to spend my life.
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Mending broken,
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I want to spend my life.
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Hello, I'm Shelly Quinn.
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I'm J.D.
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Quinn.
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We're going to have a
lively time tonight because our
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special guest.
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So let me go ahead and
introduce her without ado.
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This is someone, if you've been
watching 3ABN for years, you've
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seen her on 3ABN.
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Over 20 years
she's been on 3ABN.
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And just my dear, dear friend,
I love you dearly, Cherie
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Peters, who is an author,
a speaker, and the host of
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Celebrating Life, Enrique.
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Healing Beyond Trauma.
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Healing, Celebrating
Life, Healing Beyond Trauma.
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And that is a brand new program.
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And so I've got to say
thank you for the introduction
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because you
know I love you both.
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Amen.
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And it feels like family.
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I feel like every time I
come back I get to just hang out
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with family.
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And so it is a blessing.
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I'm so glad to be here.
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Your series Celebrating
Life and Recovery was incredibly
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popular and we did
many seasons of that.
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We're going to come back
and get just a Reader's Digest
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version of Cherie's life and
how the Lord led her into this
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ministry.
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and tell you what tonight's
program is going to be about.
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The scripture is
Hebrews 11 and it's at verse 25.
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It says that Moses chose
to suffer affliction with the
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people of God rather than to
enjoy the passing pleasures of
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sin.
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talking about is dopamine,
which is a neurotransmitter and
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it has to do with the pain and
the pleasure side of the brain.
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It's a chemical in the brain.
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God created us to experience
reward, the pleasure and pain
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and they're both
beneficial to us.
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But this chemical, God wants
to keep it in homeostasis, a
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balanced state and
this is interesting.
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I've been talking with a
dear friend who's going for her
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master's in trauma recovery and
she just keeps telling me about
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all of these studies that
they've been doing that show
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that this neurotransmitter,
dopamine, is activated through
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spiritual exercises like
praying and reading the Word
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and drawing near
to God and meditation.
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So it activates the
reward system of the brain and
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increases dopamine that stays
at a level that isn't going to
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excite the body to
crash, I'll put it that way.
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But anyway, I'm
getting ahead of myself.
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I just want you to stay tuned
because this is going to be a
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program that we're going to
see how addicted our world is to
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dopamine.
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and the Drive to Numb,
Healing in a World Drowning in
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Dopamine.
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Whoa, that's a long title,
but that tells you what's coming
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up.
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I can just dumb it down.
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This is good stuff that
you're going to be hearing.
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This is PhD stuff that's
bringing it down so that we
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understand.
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So this is going to
be a special program.
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It will be.
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And everybody loves music
and we love our pastor, John
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Lomacane.
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Be still and
know that he is God.
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Be still and
know that he is holy.
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Be still, O
rest, O soul of mine.
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Bow before the Prince of Peace.
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Let the noise and clamor cease.
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Be still and
know that he is God.
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Be still and know
that he is faithful.
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Consider all that he has done.
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Stand in awe and be amazed.
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And know that he
will never change.
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Be still.
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Be still and
know that he is God.
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Be still.
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And know that he is God.
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Be still.
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And know that he is God.
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Be still.
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Be speechless.
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Be still and
know that he is God.
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Be still and
know he is our Father.
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Come rest your
head upon his breast.
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Listen to the rhythm of
his unfailing heart of love.
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Beating for his little ones,
calling each of us to come.
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Be still.
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Be still.
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That's touching,
very, very touching.
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It's beautiful
and it is so true.
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Sheree, let's
just kick this off.
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Tell us about the trauma in
your life that brought you into
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ministry of celebrating life
and recovery and celebrating
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life, and that is Healing
Beyond Trauma, which is a new
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series that will
be coming up soon.
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You know what's interesting,
whenever I think about that is
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that I was raised by a mother
who, when she had me, I was her
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second child, she was a kid,
and my dad was an abuser, so my
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dad was a perpetrator, and so
my mom was crashing, she didn't
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know how to love any of
us, especially me as her second
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child, and I was born into
that, so I didn't get touched,
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held, barely, I don't even
think that she was responsible
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for, like,
feeding any of that stuff.
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I remember just not being loved
at all, and when other kids
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came along, because my mom had
five kids before she was in her
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early twenties,
I was the second.
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She says 15, the dates add
up to about 14 years old in my
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mind, but she was young.
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So I was born, and she
just didn't know how to love.
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She was being abused by my dad.
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She was a kid.
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She was already married.
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She had five kids, like I said,
before she was of age at all,
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and so I grew up just
desperately wanting to be
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loved.
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like, sometimes standing when
I was three or so, standing in
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front of a mirror and saying,
like, what is wrong with me
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that she can't touch me?
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And I would have given anything
just for her to touch my face.
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Like, I just wanted to sit next
to her and feel her, and the
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other kids would run up to
her, and she would not have a
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problem.
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hang on me?
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I mean, like, I
just remember that.
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I remember probably the
time that I felt like my life
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changed is I was six years old.
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We were watching a movie,
and the TVs were on the floor at
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the time, and we were watching
a movie, and I shouldn't have
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been watching it.
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everybody.
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It was called The Bad Seed, and
I remember watching this movie
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thinking, I was scared.
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I knew she was going to
kill someone else, and she was a
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little blonde kid, and she
was just killing everybody.
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And so somebody got a medal at
her school, and she thought she
00:10:48.64\00:10:52.71
should have got the medal,
so she killed him and got the
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medal.
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the landlord died that
night, and she got the parakeet.
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So I mean, it was like
this was a horrendous movie.
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And towards the end of the
movie, the mother was going to
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kill the little girl
and then commit suicide.
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And my mom simply said to me,
I was petrified watching this
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movie, and my mom
said, You're the bad seed.
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And I remember being six, and
I remember thinking, that's why
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you don't love me.
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And I believed it so much
that I then went into hiding.
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Like, I didn't want anyone to
know that I was actually just a
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bad seed.
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And so I kind of hid that.
00:11:32.22\00:11:33.89
I ended up getting moved to
Canada to live with an aunt.
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I tried to commit
suicide a number of times.
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I ended up
homeless by the age of 13.
00:11:43.13\00:11:45.23
And everything kind of changed.
00:11:46.13\00:11:47.50
But even in the back of my
mind, I always knew that I was
00:11:47.64\00:11:51.01
a bad seed.
00:11:51.01\00:11:51.64
And I always ran from that.
00:11:51.64\00:11:53.07
I didn't want anyone to know.
00:11:53.17\00:11:54.58
I ran from that.
00:11:54.68\00:11:55.68
I tried to hide.
00:11:56.21\00:11:57.01
The first time I did drugs,
I felt like I could survive.
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And I just stayed
high for the next 10 years.
00:12:00.68\00:12:04.49
And on the streets of Los
Angeles is where I ended up.
00:12:05.79\00:12:09.19
There was probably
80,000 kids like me.
00:12:09.19\00:12:09.22
So I wasn't the only runaway
or the only homeless kid on the
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streets of L.A.
00:12:15.33\00:12:16.33
But I always felt desperately
broken, desperately broken.
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And so when I
was 23, I was done.
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I was tired.
00:12:28.41\00:12:29.54
I had seen, you know, I
was kidnapped by bikers at one
00:12:29.54\00:12:32.85
point.
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for new members.
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I mean, all of
that kind of stuff.
00:12:38.05\00:12:39.32
Because living on the street
as a kid, you are funneled into
00:12:39.45\00:12:42.66
industries that are very dark.
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So I saw all of the darker
parts of, I think, humanity.
00:12:44.66\00:12:48.20
And by the time I
was 23, I was just done.
00:12:49.26\00:12:51.37
Like, I don't want
to do this anymore.
00:12:51.40\00:12:52.73
And a guy came over to put a
gun to my head and he said, I'm
00:12:53.07\00:12:56.87
going to blow your head off.
00:12:56.87\00:12:58.11
He thought I stole money from
him and nobody steals from me.
00:12:58.11\00:13:01.04
And I was so grateful.
00:13:01.28\00:13:02.58
Like, I just remember feeling
so grateful because I haven't
00:13:02.71\00:13:05.78
been successful
at killing myself.
00:13:05.78\00:13:08.08
And so I just thought,
you know, pull the trigger.
00:13:08.48\00:13:11.89
Thank you.
00:13:12.22\00:13:12.75
Like, pull the trigger.
00:13:12.75\00:13:12.79
And then I realized he
was just trying to scare me.
00:13:13.99\00:13:16.26
And I've said this a lot of
times, but I wanted to scream.
00:13:16.29\00:13:18.89
My next breath scares me.
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I don't want to be here.
00:13:21.50\00:13:22.60
I don't want to do this anymore.
00:13:22.70\00:13:23.90
I don't belong here.
00:13:23.97\00:13:24.97
I am not good.
00:13:25.03\00:13:26.13
And so I just remember
just wanting him to pull the
00:13:26.13\00:13:29.14
trigger.
00:13:29.14\00:13:29.30
And he didn't.
00:13:29.57\00:13:33.91
money.
00:13:33.91\00:13:37.08
I don't know how to do life.
00:13:37.11\00:13:39.08
I don't know how.
00:13:39.25\00:13:40.12
I don't belong anywhere.
00:13:41.05\00:13:42.05
I had, you know, 42
warrants for my arrest.
00:13:42.85\00:13:45.25
I lived in a drug house.
00:13:45.32\00:13:46.86
I was strung out on
heroin by that time.
00:13:46.86\00:13:48.96
When I got kidnapped by the
motorcycle gang, I got hit in
00:13:49.22\00:13:52.16
the mouth and, you know,
a couple of teeth missing.
00:13:52.16\00:13:54.30
I mean, it was just a
really horribly dark time.
00:13:54.30\00:13:58.53
And so I thought I need to
go somewhere where somebody will
00:13:58.80\00:14:02.67
say, you know, they love me.
00:14:02.67\00:14:05.21
I mean, and this sounds crazy,
but my heart's cry was I wanted
00:14:05.37\00:14:09.68
someone to say, I'm
sorry and I love you.
00:14:09.68\00:14:13.01
So I went back
to my mom's house.
00:14:13.01\00:14:13.05
I don't know why, but I
went back to my mom's house and
00:14:15.98\00:14:19.59
everything was kind
of the normal thing.
00:14:19.59\00:14:21.22
My dad was then moved out.
00:14:21.36\00:14:23.02
My mom had a boyfriend
there and everything was normal.
00:14:23.02\00:14:27.13
It was dark.
00:14:27.23\00:14:28.53
The house is dirty.
00:14:28.60\00:14:30.97
And I remember walking in and
everybody saying, well, how are
00:14:31.93\00:14:35.44
you doing?
00:14:35.44\00:14:40.04
But I said, it's
verbal camouflage.
00:14:40.61\00:14:42.41
You're screaming.
00:14:44.55\00:14:45.71
Your heart is screaming on the
inside, but you have to smile
00:14:45.81\00:14:49.75
and put forward.
00:14:49.75\00:14:50.75
I wanted to throw
myself in front of a train.
00:14:50.79\00:14:52.75
I literally and to sit through,
I just remember sitting there
00:14:52.75\00:14:57.36
as long as I could.
00:14:57.36\00:14:58.06
And then I said
nothing had changed.
00:14:58.23\00:15:00.06
And I said, you
know, I got to go.
00:15:00.06\00:15:01.70
And I got ready to leave.
00:15:02.53\00:15:04.07
And my mom said that she had
something for me and she went
00:15:04.17\00:15:08.40
in the bedroom and got a Manila
envelope and she handed it to
00:15:08.40\00:15:11.47
me.
00:15:11.47\00:15:14.64
with you.
00:15:14.64\00:15:18.05
saw you.
00:15:18.05\00:15:18.68
And my mom's life is horrendous.
00:15:18.85\00:15:21.55
Right.
00:15:21.65\00:15:24.72
And she said, yes.
00:15:24.79\00:15:25.69
I said, what are
you taking in school?
00:15:26.02\00:15:27.66
And she said social work.
00:15:27.99\00:15:29.46
And I wanted to scream
like, are you kidding me?
00:15:29.59\00:15:32.26
Social work?
00:15:32.63\00:15:33.53
You're going to teach
another kid how to be loved?
00:15:33.73\00:15:35.70
I mean, I was my whole inside.
00:15:36.06\00:15:38.53
I remember feeling furious like
I didn't say anything because
00:15:38.80\00:15:43.24
in those days we didn't
talk back to our parents.
00:15:43.24\00:15:45.31
But you know what?
00:15:46.14\00:15:48.88
I understood every crime where
somebody gets stabbed like 300
00:15:48.88\00:15:52.95
times.
00:15:52.95\00:15:57.92
And all I said was
good luck with that.
00:15:58.02\00:16:00.72
And I walked away, went back to
the drug house, wanted to kill
00:16:00.92\00:16:04.46
myself, looking
for something to use.
00:16:04.46\00:16:06.39
And I had just done a major
drug deal that that's where
00:16:06.63\00:16:10.43
this guy thought
I sold his money.
00:16:10.43\00:16:11.97
And I just did a major drug
deal and I didn't have enough
00:16:12.30\00:16:15.47
drugs that would kill me.
00:16:15.47\00:16:16.47
And I thought,
what am I going to do?
00:16:16.71\00:16:18.27
And I didn't have
anything like I'm not a cutter.
00:16:18.27\00:16:21.71
I don't like pain.
00:16:21.91\00:16:23.01
In fact, when I was eight years
old, I tried to kill myself.
00:16:23.11\00:16:25.48
I jumped off the roof of my
house and put a mattress down
00:16:25.61\00:16:28.78
so I wouldn't get hurt.
00:16:28.78\00:16:29.88
I mean, like, I
just don't do this well.
00:16:29.88\00:16:31.85
And so I was looking for
anything and I found some
00:16:32.09\00:16:35.89
syringes and I was going to
pump air into my veins until my
00:16:35.89\00:16:39.39
heart exploded.
00:16:39.39\00:16:40.26
I don't know why, but
that's what I was going to do.
00:16:40.53\00:16:43.50
And I turned around and I had
thrown the manila envelope on
00:16:43.83\00:16:47.24
the bed.
00:16:47.24\00:16:51.27
I thought nobody
has ever loved me.
00:16:51.57\00:16:53.41
I mean, I've not been loved.
00:16:53.61\00:16:54.88
My dad is a molester.
00:16:54.91\00:16:56.01
I've been molested
since I was three months old.
00:16:56.11\00:16:58.11
So I don't know a
mother or a father.
00:16:58.11\00:16:58.15
And now I'm on the streets
being used by perpetrators, by
00:17:00.92\00:17:04.75
being used by people in
industries that use kids.
00:17:04.75\00:17:07.56
And so I'm looking at this
thing and I just want to rip it
00:17:07.99\00:17:10.53
into my hands bleed.
00:17:10.53\00:17:11.56
I'm so angry, like I don't
want to just rip it in half.
00:17:11.66\00:17:14.36
I'm just so angry and I go
over and I pick it up and I feel
00:17:14.36\00:17:19.43
God's presence for
the first time ever.
00:17:19.43\00:17:21.54
And even to this day when I
think about that for the first
00:17:21.87\00:17:24.71
time ever, somebody said,
How did you know it was God?
00:17:24.71\00:17:26.84
I don't know.
00:17:26.94\00:17:27.81
I wasn't raised a Christian.
00:17:28.01\00:17:29.24
I don't have that kind of
background, but I felt loved
00:17:29.44\00:17:32.68
and at peace for the first time.
00:17:32.68\00:17:36.08
And I just
thought, what is going on?
00:17:36.08\00:17:38.25
And I felt like the Holy Spirit
said, not a voice, but the Holy
00:17:38.25\00:17:38.29
Spirit said, open the envelope.
00:17:41.79\00:17:43.12
And I opened it and took it out.
00:17:43.12\00:17:45.73
I could barely read.
00:17:45.93\00:17:47.10
I wasn't a proficient reader,
but I went through it the best
00:17:47.20\00:17:50.70
I could.
00:17:50.70\00:17:53.97
My mom had an
abusive background.
00:17:54.07\00:17:57.77
She was passed on to aunties
while her mom was, I hate to
00:17:58.54\00:18:02.54
say partying, but
that's what she was doing.
00:18:02.54\00:18:04.08
And then her mom got pregnant
and moved her to the United
00:18:04.18\00:18:06.92
States from Canada.
00:18:06.92\00:18:07.78
And, you know, her whole life
was uprooted and talked about
00:18:08.28\00:18:11.19
that, talked
about meeting my father.
00:18:11.19\00:18:13.05
Who was a perpetrator
and was abusive to her.
00:18:13.15\00:18:16.59
And then my stepfather, who was
an alcoholic and smoked weed.
00:18:16.86\00:18:20.40
And so it talked
about all that stuff.
00:18:20.93\00:18:22.53
And on the third page, I turned
to the third page and before I
00:18:22.73\00:18:27.14
turned, I remember thinking,
I wish she would have told me
00:18:27.14\00:18:30.04
this because I would
have told her I love her.
00:18:30.04\00:18:32.61
I would have told her it's okay.
00:18:32.61\00:18:34.91
But I turned to the third page
and she said, the only reason I
00:18:35.31\00:18:38.08
survived any of this, I took
my anger and hatred on my second
00:18:38.08\00:18:41.58
child and I ruined her life.
00:18:41.58\00:18:42.92
And I couldn't hardly breathe.
00:18:43.12\00:18:45.12
I've been
screaming my whole life.
00:18:45.55\00:18:47.29
What is wrong with me?
00:18:47.62\00:18:48.89
And God said it
was never about you.
00:18:49.22\00:18:51.13
And I felt like I heard him
clearly say it was never about
00:18:51.16\00:18:54.40
you.
00:18:54.40\00:18:58.77
And I just cried.
00:18:58.93\00:19:00.20
I thought not
even God can help me.
00:19:00.40\00:19:03.10
Like, look at me.
00:19:03.20\00:19:04.17
I am not loved.
00:19:04.17\00:19:04.21
I'm in my mind, the bad seed.
00:19:05.77\00:19:07.98
And I'm thinking,
God can't do this.
00:19:08.11\00:19:11.91
God can't do anything.
00:19:12.15\00:19:13.08
I have all these warrants.
00:19:13.08\00:19:14.12
I'm living in a drug house.
00:19:14.22\00:19:15.18
I can barely read.
00:19:15.32\00:19:16.22
And what he said
is, I said, look at me.
00:19:16.92\00:19:19.12
And I remember in my
mind saying, look at me.
00:19:19.25\00:19:21.29
And he's like, can I show you
who I see when I look at you?
00:19:21.46\00:19:24.69
And I thought I was
afraid because what if he sees
00:19:25.76\00:19:28.26
something
darker than what I see?
00:19:28.26\00:19:30.53
And what he showed me is who
I am the day after resurrection.
00:19:30.93\00:19:33.67
Wow.
00:19:34.30\00:19:35.00
Not the day I pull a
needle out of my arm.
00:19:35.20\00:19:36.71
Not the day that I
figure out how to be good.
00:19:36.97\00:19:39.24
The day after resurrection,
I am loved with an everlasting
00:19:39.74\00:19:43.91
love.
00:19:43.91\00:19:49.35
and beauty of the image
he showed me, even though I
00:19:49.35\00:19:51.72
couldn't see the whole thing.
00:19:51.72\00:19:52.82
I just felt like I
couldn't see the whole thing.
00:19:53.02\00:19:55.42
But I saw innocence and beauty.
00:19:55.69\00:19:57.23
And that's where he
said, I'll get you home.
00:19:57.46\00:19:59.43
And so not I'll get you clean.
00:19:59.89\00:20:01.43
I'll get you home.
00:20:01.83\00:20:02.80
He never said, I will
love you if you stop lying.
00:20:03.03\00:20:05.83
I will love you if
you stop using drugs.
00:20:05.93\00:20:07.84
I will love you if you...
00:20:07.84\00:20:09.84
He didn't say any of that.
00:20:09.84\00:20:10.87
He said, I love you
and I will get you home.
00:20:10.94\00:20:13.31
And that was
life-changing for me.
00:20:13.54\00:20:15.58
And when we're talking
about even this whole thing on
00:20:15.81\00:20:19.75
trauma, when we're talking
about that, I remember having
00:20:19.75\00:20:24.05
to figure out where
I'm going to go now.
00:20:24.05\00:20:27.29
Because I mean, my whole
life until that point has been
00:20:27.96\00:20:31.86
trauma.
00:20:31.86\00:20:32.69
Even what I saw on the streets,
what happened to me on the
00:20:33.33\00:20:36.00
streets, what happened to me
at home, like all of it has been
00:20:36.00\00:20:39.73
trauma.
00:20:39.73\00:20:40.17
And so now God
is saying, trust me.
00:20:40.54\00:20:42.70
And even when he says
that, like, trust what?
00:20:43.04\00:20:45.97
Like, are you kidding me?
00:20:46.57\00:20:47.71
I don't trust anybody.
00:20:47.71\00:20:49.08
I don't even know how to trust.
00:20:49.24\00:20:51.15
I have never.
00:20:51.48\00:20:52.41
And I don't think even
when I say it now, I don't think
00:20:52.68\00:20:55.82
people can imagine what it
feels like to never be loved,
00:20:55.82\00:21:00.09
ever be loved.
00:21:00.82\00:21:01.72
And that's what I felt like.
00:21:01.72\00:21:03.43
I didn't have
anything to bring to the table.
00:21:04.03\00:21:06.56
And I called the people I knew,
which were drug addicts and
00:21:07.03\00:21:10.33
prostitutes and club owners.
00:21:10.33\00:21:12.97
I mean, I didn't
know any normal people.
00:21:13.23\00:21:15.14
And I said, I need to go
somewhere to do recovery.
00:21:15.40\00:21:18.21
And so some guy said, I called
my sister and she said, you can
00:21:18.91\00:21:22.38
go to her house.
00:21:22.38\00:21:23.31
Well, I get to her house, which
was seven, eight hours away
00:21:23.98\00:21:26.85
from Los Angeles.
00:21:26.85\00:21:27.82
It was Placerville, California,
drive all the way there.
00:21:27.98\00:21:30.99
I don't take any drugs, right?
00:21:30.99\00:21:32.55
I just because I think God
didn't say I want you to stop
00:21:32.69\00:21:35.22
doing drugs.
00:21:35.22\00:21:35.69
He never said that.
00:21:35.76\00:21:36.76
But when he said, I love
you, I wanted to stop doing
00:21:37.13\00:21:39.43
everything.
00:21:39.43\00:21:39.89
I wanted to be the
image that he showed me.
00:21:40.43\00:21:44.43
I wanted to be
innocent and beautiful.
00:21:44.43\00:21:44.47
And I just
wanted to be all that.
00:21:47.44\00:21:49.50
So I didn't take
anything with me.
00:21:49.50\00:21:49.54
I get to her house
and I'm going to withdraw.
00:21:51.21\00:21:53.61
I was like, crazy.
00:21:53.74\00:21:54.74
I can't even I
can't even tell you.
00:21:54.98\00:21:56.88
I can't imagine even like
I didn't know what to say.
00:21:56.98\00:22:01.22
I'm at the door.
00:22:01.38\00:22:01.98
She says, I love you.
00:22:02.15\00:22:03.39
Come on in.
00:22:03.52\00:22:04.25
I'm just thinking
you don't even know me.
00:22:04.49\00:22:06.39
How do you say you love me?
00:22:07.49\00:22:09.12
My mama doesn't even love me.
00:22:09.22\00:22:10.43
And I remember just being so
angry that I just didn't know
00:22:10.43\00:22:10.46
how to act.
00:22:15.10\00:22:15.70
And I'm going to withdraw.
00:22:15.70\00:22:15.73
And she was getting
ready for the Sabbath.
00:22:17.20\00:22:19.37
Does that mean she's
getting ready for the Sabbath?
00:22:21.00\00:22:23.84
And I'm asking her
like, do you have any coffee?
00:22:23.87\00:22:27.04
Do you have any tea?
00:22:27.21\00:22:28.08
Do you have any anything?
00:22:28.18\00:22:29.44
And she says, I have lentils.
00:22:29.44\00:22:32.08
And I remember just
thinking, that looks terrible.
00:22:32.28\00:22:35.55
Who wants that?
00:22:36.25\00:22:37.45
And then she even
said, do you want some water?
00:22:38.09\00:22:40.89
And I said, I just
can't stomach water.
00:22:40.96\00:22:43.09
Like, you know,
she's really kind.
00:22:44.06\00:22:45.89
She says, do you drink alcohol?
00:22:46.06\00:22:47.83
And I think, yeah.
00:22:47.93\00:22:49.06
And she says, did it take you
a while to get used to the taste
00:22:49.13\00:22:51.90
of that?
00:22:51.90\00:22:52.30
And I said, yes.
00:22:52.30\00:22:53.07
And she said, water's like that.
00:22:53.07\00:22:54.40
You'll get used to it.
00:22:55.24\00:22:56.50
And I remember she
said, I'm a vegan vegetarian.
00:22:56.50\00:23:00.14
And I thought, am I in hell?
00:23:00.94\00:23:03.11
Because is this where you go
when you misbehave your entire
00:23:03.85\00:23:06.88
life?
00:23:06.88\00:23:08.62
And I remember just
thinking that this is crazy.
00:23:08.78\00:23:12.09
But to this day, I know that
God put me in the safest place
00:23:13.12\00:23:17.43
I could be in.
00:23:17.43\00:23:18.53
To do withdraws, to have
somebody that says, here's some
00:23:18.53\00:23:18.56
water.
00:23:21.53\00:23:21.83
Here's some cantaloupe.
00:23:22.10\00:23:23.10
Go take a shower and
shower the drugs off your skin.
00:23:23.16\00:23:26.17
It was the most amazing journey
to say that there's a God that
00:23:26.53\00:23:31.51
sees me and will literally walk
me into everything from that
00:23:31.51\00:23:36.28
point on.
00:23:36.28\00:23:41.58
he said, can I fix your teeth?
00:23:41.62\00:23:43.62
Right?
00:23:44.89\00:23:48.39
And I said, I
don't have insurance.
00:23:49.52\00:23:51.63
I know that was a shock to him.
00:23:51.69\00:23:53.36
I don't have insurance.
00:23:54.36\00:23:55.50
I don't have anything.
00:23:55.50\00:23:56.40
And he said, I know, I know.
00:23:56.43\00:23:57.57
So he took me in to
the dentist's office.
00:23:57.70\00:23:59.87
He was a dentist and literally
said that your face is rotted.
00:23:59.87\00:24:06.44
Like not my teeth are rotted.
00:24:06.94\00:24:08.71
Because when you do a
lot of drugs and when you got
00:24:08.88\00:24:11.08
malnutrition and we haven't
taken care of yourself, your
00:24:11.08\00:24:13.65
teeth rot from the bone down.
00:24:13.65\00:24:15.35
I mean, it literally is not
something you're going to see
00:24:15.55\00:24:17.95
on the outside for a while.
00:24:17.95\00:24:19.39
And so what he said is, I
don't know how many I can save.
00:24:19.42\00:24:22.36
I don't know what I can do.
00:24:22.56\00:24:23.66
I'm 23 years old at this
time and I wanted to sweep.
00:24:23.66\00:24:26.93
And he said, I
will do whatever I can.
00:24:27.36\00:24:29.60
When he said that,
I said, can I watch?
00:24:31.20\00:24:34.44
And he said, it's
going to be intense.
00:24:35.30\00:24:36.91
Like I'm going to have to cut
on the inside of your gums all
00:24:37.47\00:24:40.31
the way across and literally
kind of scrape the bone.
00:24:40.31\00:24:42.98
And I thought, I just wanted
to see everything that God was
00:24:43.11\00:24:46.55
going to do.
00:24:46.55\00:24:47.18
Because I was so,
how does God do that?
00:24:47.45\00:24:50.22
I know people
hear stories like this.
00:24:50.25\00:24:52.49
But when you're nothing and
God says, let me get your teeth
00:24:52.49\00:24:58.53
fixed and a place to live and
a place to do recovery, it is
00:24:58.53\00:25:02.16
unbelievably mind blowing.
00:25:02.16\00:25:03.87
And so he said, yes.
00:25:04.17\00:25:05.30
And so he sets up.
00:25:05.37\00:25:06.53
He's got this whole big balloon
thing over my mouth and he's
00:25:06.53\00:25:10.31
getting ready to do the surgery.
00:25:10.31\00:25:11.47
And I've got a mirror right
there that he set up so I could
00:25:11.47\00:25:11.51
watch.
00:25:13.94\00:25:14.58
And I remember watching and
then all of a sudden I thought,
00:25:15.14\00:25:17.71
that's my face and
I almost passed out.
00:25:18.31\00:25:22.02
But you know, all of those
things, every step from the
00:25:22.55\00:25:26.35
time that I met God to the next
day, to the next day, to the
00:25:26.35\00:25:30.89
next day, I felt like I had a
father that said, I can't wait.
00:25:30.89\00:25:34.83
I can't wait to love you.
00:25:35.13\00:25:37.03
I can't wait to show you this.
00:25:37.20\00:25:38.77
I can't wait to
help you with this.
00:25:38.87\00:25:41.87
So I think that that was
amazing to me to come out of
00:25:42.17\00:25:46.61
all of that trauma and meet God.
00:25:46.61\00:25:49.48
Unfortunately, what I
think happened, even I did the
00:25:50.01\00:25:53.72
recovery.
00:25:53.72\00:25:54.15
I worked with Donna.
00:25:54.58\00:25:55.58
She taught me.
00:25:55.85\00:25:56.99
Soon as she realized that I
was trusting her, she went like
00:25:57.05\00:26:00.96
this and a Bible
slid out of her sleeve.
00:26:00.96\00:26:02.86
We're in the
middle of Bible study.
00:26:03.39\00:26:04.83
I don't know how you guys
do that, but it was like pretty
00:26:04.93\00:26:07.20
slick, you know?
00:26:07.20\00:26:08.23
And so she's like teaching me
the Bible and I'm thinking that
00:26:08.40\00:26:11.43
is a funniest thing.
00:26:11.43\00:26:12.57
And from that, she literally
says, now you got to go find
00:26:13.07\00:26:16.60
your church, right?
00:26:16.60\00:26:17.71
A church.
00:26:17.71\00:26:25.41
thought they were saying was
don't talk about any of this.
00:26:25.41\00:26:29.18
All you have to do is pray
and God will fix everything.
00:26:29.52\00:26:32.25
So don't deal with your trauma.
00:26:32.69\00:26:34.79
Don't talk about it.
00:26:34.92\00:26:36.42
Pray harder and
all of those things.
00:26:36.59\00:26:39.23
And I did that for
years and years and years.
00:26:39.23\00:26:39.26
And I got some recovery.
00:26:42.23\00:26:44.13
I mean, I got blessed.
00:26:44.33\00:26:46.17
I changed lives.
00:26:46.47\00:26:47.94
I went back to school and got
a nursing degree and all of that
00:26:47.94\00:26:50.54
kind of stuff was amazing.
00:26:50.54\00:26:52.87
But I think we
can't tell people that.
00:26:53.74\00:26:56.95
We can't be afraid of
our trauma and our grief.
00:26:56.98\00:26:59.71
Grief will not be denied.
00:27:01.38\00:27:03.02
And when people try to tell
others just don't think about
00:27:03.82\00:27:08.42
it, you've just got to forgive
and forget and all of this.
00:27:08.42\00:27:13.93
We don't forgive and forget
because if we forgot, we'd
00:27:14.30\00:27:17.73
never learn by experience.
00:27:17.73\00:27:19.30
They said the body keeps score.
00:27:19.37\00:27:20.80
Yes, it does.
00:27:21.00\00:27:21.84
And that I think is
an incredible thing.
00:27:21.94\00:27:23.51
But this is just to tell you
how much I didn't deal with any
00:27:23.87\00:27:27.71
of this is that I like working
with Special Olympics and I
00:27:27.71\00:27:32.38
work with neurodiverse kids
at times and that kind of thing.
00:27:32.38\00:27:35.68
So I'm working with this girl
Hope and this was not too long
00:27:35.72\00:27:38.52
ago, a few years ago.
00:27:38.52\00:27:40.39
And I'm working with her and
I take her to a hot air balloon
00:27:40.86\00:27:44.36
festival.
00:27:44.36\00:27:44.96
She is amazing.
00:27:44.96\00:27:47.66
She's a savant as
far as artwork goes.
00:27:47.93\00:27:49.80
But in her head, I don't
know what age she is or what she
00:27:50.20\00:27:52.57
understands.
00:27:52.57\00:27:53.10
But she loves me and I love her.
00:27:53.64\00:27:55.70
So we go to see these hot
air balloons and there's like a
00:27:55.77\00:27:59.61
million people there.
00:27:59.61\00:28:00.44
I mean, it's a huge festival.
00:28:00.54\00:28:01.91
And on the way out, I knew
she's going to get lost and if
00:28:02.28\00:28:05.05
she gets lost,
she's going to panic.
00:28:05.05\00:28:07.32
It's confusing.
00:28:08.52\00:28:09.48
So I said to
her, hold my jacket.
00:28:09.92\00:28:12.22
And she held it.
00:28:12.95\00:28:14.32
And then I started to
walk away and she let go.
00:28:14.32\00:28:16.39
And I did that a number
of times, realized that's not
00:28:16.46\00:28:18.86
going to work.
00:28:18.86\00:28:19.43
So I said, can I
hold your jacket?
00:28:19.69\00:28:21.00
And we did that a few times
and that wasn't going to work.
00:28:21.16\00:28:24.17
And so I said, oh, have
you ever skipped with someone
00:28:24.20\00:28:28.30
before?
00:28:28.30\00:28:28.87
And she said, no.
00:28:29.24\00:28:30.37
And I said, when you skip,
you hold hands and it's so fun.
00:28:30.71\00:28:33.38
Let's skip all the way out.
00:28:33.44\00:28:34.91
And so she just grabbed my
hand and we laughed and sang and
00:28:35.34\00:28:38.45
skipped all the way out like
probably a half a mile out of
00:28:38.45\00:28:41.72
this park across the street.
00:28:41.72\00:28:43.45
Now we're going to wait
for our Uber ride, right?
00:28:43.45\00:28:46.35
Because I didn't bring my car.
00:28:46.35\00:28:47.69
It was too much traffic.
00:28:47.79\00:28:48.69
And so I let go of her hand and
all of a sudden she says, Miss
00:28:49.19\00:28:54.36
Cherie?
00:28:54.36\00:28:54.60
And I said, what?
00:28:55.33\00:28:56.13
And she said, can
we still hold hands?
00:28:56.16\00:28:57.53
And I said, oh, yes.
00:28:57.90\00:28:59.37
And so we held
hands and just laughed.
00:28:59.43\00:29:01.14
And I took her home and
got my car and I went home.
00:29:01.54\00:29:05.17
And in the middle of the night,
like 3.30 in the morning, 4 o
00:29:05.24\00:29:09.18
'clock in the morning,
I woke up and I'm sobbing.
00:29:09.18\00:29:12.21
I mean, I am sobbing.
00:29:12.21\00:29:13.75
And I said, I'm not a crier.
00:29:14.12\00:29:15.68
So I'm like, God, what's up?
00:29:15.72\00:29:17.42
I mean, sobbing where your
pillow is wet kind of thing.
00:29:17.69\00:29:20.36
And I heard the Holy Spirit
said, nobody held your hand
00:29:20.66\00:29:24.23
ever.
00:29:24.23\00:29:24.86
And I just cried because I
thought I never realized the
00:29:26.59\00:29:30.67
pain of that is those intimate
moments that some people get.
00:29:30.67\00:29:34.54
I just have never gotten.
00:29:34.80\00:29:36.17
And I've never gotten as
an adult because people don't
00:29:36.47\00:29:38.71
think you need it, right?
00:29:38.71\00:29:39.91
I mean, you just don't.
00:29:39.97\00:29:41.34
But I just wept and wept.
00:29:41.34\00:29:43.75
And I remember God
saying, don't be afraid to weep.
00:29:44.28\00:29:47.15
There's more dopamine in
tears than there is in laughter.
00:29:48.12\00:29:52.12
And like I found out later
in research, but tears and grief
00:29:52.32\00:29:56.62
and the work that we do when
we just admit that maybe that
00:29:56.62\00:30:01.10
grief needs to be shared or
needs to be cried out or needs
00:30:01.10\00:30:05.87
to be acknowledged.
00:30:05.87\00:30:07.14
And I think acknowledging
that was so healing for me.
00:30:07.54\00:30:10.47
I can't wait for your series.
00:30:10.47\00:30:12.74
I have to tell you, first
of all, every time I hear you
00:30:12.81\00:30:16.41
talk, even though I've heard
your story so many times, I
00:30:16.41\00:30:20.08
always there's something a
little different that I pick
00:30:20.08\00:30:22.82
up.
00:30:22.82\00:30:23.18
I just want you to know.
00:30:23.72\00:30:24.69
I mean, I know I came from a
dysfunctional background, but I
00:30:24.92\00:30:28.89
can't imagine
what you went through.
00:30:28.89\00:30:31.69
I really can't.
00:30:31.79\00:30:32.59
Let me take just this one
second real quick, and then
00:30:33.33\00:30:35.76
let's pick up here.
00:30:35.76\00:30:36.70
This is a live program.
00:30:37.23\00:30:38.93
And what information this is.
00:30:39.90\00:30:42.00
I mean, this
brings tears to our eyes.
00:30:42.07\00:30:43.47
But we are taking questions.
00:30:43.64\00:30:45.21
So if something's catching
your attention here, please send
00:30:46.47\00:30:48.94
those questions in.
00:30:48.94\00:30:49.88
It's live at 3ABN.TV.
00:30:50.78\00:30:53.92
Once again, live at 3ABN.TV.
00:30:54.22\00:30:57.02
Or if you'd like to send
them in, it's 618-228-3975.
00:30:57.35\00:31:04.33
I hate to break that moment.
00:31:05.13\00:31:06.09
And send it in even if
you just want to say hi.
00:31:06.09\00:31:08.50
Because we are family.
00:31:08.50\00:31:10.43
That's exactly right.
00:31:10.97\00:31:12.07
But what I wanted to say was,
I'm sorry that you went through
00:31:12.20\00:31:17.64
that.
00:31:17.64\00:31:17.94
I am.
00:31:18.91\00:31:19.51
I mean, it's
just, and I love you.
00:31:19.74\00:31:22.08
I do want you to
know I love you so much.
00:31:22.44\00:31:25.05
I do know that.
00:31:25.45\00:31:26.35
And it's something that we
could spend the whole two hours
00:31:27.22\00:31:30.55
talking about your life story.
00:31:30.55\00:31:32.35
Hold on though, JD, I don't
want to miss you, because I
00:31:32.35\00:31:36.06
have felt loved and accepted
by you since the day we met.
00:31:36.06\00:31:38.83
And so just know there are
people in my life that even
00:31:39.46\00:31:42.40
though we don't remember
the depth of our pain sometimes,
00:31:42.40\00:31:46.10
that the realness of
our relationship is there.
00:31:46.90\00:31:49.17
So thank you for that.
00:31:49.57\00:31:50.54
And I think that
ditto is a real word.
00:31:50.74\00:31:53.04
And I'm saying
ditto, ditto, ditto.
00:31:53.41\00:31:55.48
Thank you.
00:31:55.58\00:31:56.24
Thank you.
00:31:56.24\00:31:57.18
So let's talk about trauma
and how does trauma affect the
00:31:57.75\00:32:07.62
brain with, you know, God
created us in such an amazing
00:32:07.62\00:32:11.63
way with these brain chemicals.
00:32:11.63\00:32:13.36
But particularly,
let's talk about dopamine.
00:32:13.96\00:32:15.90
Well, let me first, there's
a graphic that we have that I'd
00:32:16.43\00:32:19.97
like to bring up.
00:32:19.97\00:32:20.94
And that's just all
the things that we chase.
00:32:20.97\00:32:22.57
So when I became a Christian
and when I literally started to
00:32:23.34\00:32:27.61
come into my relationship
with God, I started chasing
00:32:27.61\00:32:30.95
everything.
00:32:30.95\00:32:34.52
the trauma background.
00:32:34.52\00:32:35.92
But I chase.
00:32:36.38\00:32:40.29
To numb the pain.
00:32:40.36\00:32:40.76
And that's the dopamine.
00:32:40.92\00:32:41.52
And so the dopamine, let
me make sure we're saying this
00:32:42.22\00:32:46.56
right.
00:32:46.56\00:32:52.53
dopamine.
00:32:52.53\00:32:53.00
You feel a reward.
00:32:53.00\00:32:54.70
You feel pleasure.
00:32:54.90\00:32:55.74
But then there's that crash.
00:32:56.30\00:32:57.61
So people are chasing after
something to numb the pain.
00:32:58.21\00:33:01.81
But even in the U.S.
00:33:01.84\00:33:03.11
and the U.K.
00:33:03.21\00:33:08.15
medications that
increase their dopamine, right?
00:33:08.15\00:33:10.95
One in six.
00:33:11.19\00:33:12.09
I mean, that's huge worldwide.
00:33:12.19\00:33:14.36
And so we're chasing dopamine.
00:33:15.02\00:33:18.76
So with the Prozax and the
different drugs that we have,
00:33:18.99\00:33:21.93
that increases our dopamine,
let's say, by 6-10 percent,
00:33:21.93\00:33:25.13
right?
00:33:25.23\00:33:25.87
We get into a
drug like amphetamines.
00:33:26.07\00:33:29.47
It increases our dopamine
by a thousand percent, right?
00:33:29.70\00:33:33.04
So we've got these
drugs that do a little bit.
00:33:33.27\00:33:35.81
And then we've got these drugs
here that will increase it by
00:33:35.98\00:33:39.15
tons, right?
00:33:39.15\00:33:40.25
And so that if I'm lacking
dopamine because of abuse or
00:33:40.32\00:33:44.05
trauma or childhood stuff or
neglect, and I find something
00:33:44.05\00:33:48.06
that's going to increase my
dopamine by a thousand percent,
00:33:48.06\00:33:50.93
I will kill you rather
than give it up, right?
00:33:50.93\00:33:53.83
So because I feel so deficient
and I found something that
00:33:54.00\00:33:59.03
works, the first time I took
a drug when I was 12 years old
00:33:59.03\00:34:02.17
and I didn't feel like killing
myself, it was like a miracle
00:34:02.17\00:34:05.34
to me.
00:34:05.34\00:34:08.91
this drug for
the rest of my life.
00:34:08.91\00:34:11.08
So I chased after whatever
stopped the pain, whatever
00:34:11.25\00:34:14.85
actually numbed that.
00:34:14.85\00:34:16.92
And some people chase after
sex, some people gambling, some
00:34:17.22\00:34:21.02
people religion, some
people chase after whatever.
00:34:21.02\00:34:26.70
Alcohol, you know, we'll chase
after whatever works because
00:34:27.03\00:34:29.90
what increases your dopamine
may not increase mine, but
00:34:29.90\00:34:33.54
that's what we're
looking for is that hit.
00:34:33.54\00:34:35.37
Some people get a hit from
their likes on Facebook, I mean
00:34:35.37\00:34:41.04
scrolling, so that
would be a dopamine thing.
00:34:41.04\00:34:44.11
So are you saying that
most of us are addicted?
00:34:44.38\00:34:46.55
Yeah, in this world, from the
60s or 70s on, when marketers
00:34:46.55\00:34:53.52
realized that dopamine was
really a driving force for a
00:34:53.52\00:34:57.29
lot of us,
dopamine became currency.
00:34:57.29\00:34:59.69
So now marketers, especially
online stuff, especially like
00:35:01.10\00:35:05.00
when I can't stop scrolling,
when I can't stop watching
00:35:05.00\00:35:08.67
YouTube stuff, when I can't
stop gaming, there are people
00:35:08.67\00:35:12.11
that get paid big bucks to
make sure that I get those hits
00:35:12.11\00:35:16.78
because they know that that hit
is so addictive that a rat will
00:35:16.78\00:35:20.98
die rather than not
get his dopamine fix.
00:35:20.98\00:35:23.99
So I mean, when they found
that out, they started using
00:35:24.22\00:35:27.09
dopamine in all kinds of
ways and so now we're chasing
00:35:27.09\00:35:31.49
dopamine, not realizing
that we're just not made to be
00:35:31.49\00:35:36.23
flooded.
00:35:36.23\00:35:36.63
We are drowning in dopamine.
00:35:36.90\00:35:38.10
We literally are going for the
next fix and the next fix and
00:35:38.17\00:35:41.74
the next fix because I don't
want to be alone with myself.
00:35:41.74\00:35:44.57
I don't want to
have those thoughts.
00:35:44.74\00:35:45.91
I don't want to deal with the
sadness of not having my hand
00:35:46.01\00:35:49.21
held.
00:35:49.21\00:35:54.08
feel them, I will chase this
over here and this never works.
00:35:54.08\00:35:58.35
It never works for a
lot of different reasons.
00:35:58.65\00:36:00.86
So really when we're
sitting here thinking, well, it
00:36:01.06\00:36:04.43
doesn't, and I don't even know
what I'm talking about here.
00:36:04.43\00:36:07.13
I want to clarify that, but
some people you'd think that
00:36:07.13\00:36:10.17
methamphetamines would be
the worst thing you could take.
00:36:10.17\00:36:13.87
That's not necessarily
the thing at all because we're
00:36:14.17\00:36:17.11
dealing with this dopamine,
which is a natural product that
00:36:17.11\00:36:21.31
we're finding a
weak area in our makeup.
00:36:21.31\00:36:25.08
So it's not just drugs per se.
00:36:26.95\00:36:30.69
I mean, this
could be our lifestyle.
00:36:30.79\00:36:32.35
As we go through, we're going
to find out that they are a
00:36:33.12\00:36:36.69
temporary pleasure like Moses.
00:36:36.69\00:36:38.43
Even when you said that what
we're finding out is that you
00:36:38.43\00:36:43.10
talk about we live in a world
that has a lot of trauma in it,
00:36:43.10\00:36:48.27
but instead of learning how
to deal with that trauma in a
00:36:48.54\00:36:51.74
healthy way, we are marketed to.
00:36:51.74\00:36:54.34
We get another
gallon of ice cream.
00:36:54.61\00:36:56.85
We go buy some outfit.
00:36:57.15\00:36:58.78
We take a couple
shots of tequila.
00:36:59.45\00:37:01.58
I fall in love
with somebody on Tinder.
00:37:02.12\00:37:04.22
You know what I mean?
00:37:04.49\00:37:09.39
chase, and I'm chasing
it because I am dealing with
00:37:09.39\00:37:14.23
whatever,
whatever, whatever trauma.
00:37:14.23\00:37:16.56
Okay, so some people...
00:37:16.73\00:37:18.40
The whole reason that we wanted
to do this new series with
00:37:19.30\00:37:24.31
Cherie, most of the world, this
is a saying, treat everybody as
00:37:24.31\00:37:31.45
if their heart is
breaking because it probably is.
00:37:31.45\00:37:34.42
Most people are dealing or not
dealing with their trauma, and
00:37:34.42\00:37:43.59
we wanted to make...
00:37:43.59\00:37:46.23
We want to become not
just trauma aware, but trauma
00:37:46.23\00:37:51.70
responsive because we do a lot
of things wrong in the church
00:37:51.70\00:37:55.97
for people who are in trauma.
00:37:55.97\00:37:58.67
Talk to us, explain the fine
trauma and what it does to the
00:37:59.31\00:38:03.61
brain.
00:38:03.61\00:38:05.58
There's complex trauma,
and that's childhood stuff that
00:38:05.81\00:38:09.02
I've talked about in my own
life, and that's where it's a
00:38:09.02\00:38:12.25
constant, a constant thing
like a drip, that you're getting
00:38:12.25\00:38:17.53
abused in a
number of different ways.
00:38:17.53\00:38:19.06
I have...
00:38:19.39\00:38:19.69
I thought I had...
00:38:20.96\00:38:22.50
I think God has healed this,
but I had a chaotic, chaotic
00:38:23.26\00:38:27.10
attachment disorder, meaning
that as a kid, I would try to
00:38:27.10\00:38:30.57
fix it doing this, and it
didn't work, so I would do
00:38:30.57\00:38:33.41
this, and do this, and do this,
so that was very chaotic in the
00:38:33.41\00:38:36.91
way I would respond to trauma,
and so I think that that kind
00:38:36.91\00:38:40.38
of complex PTSD or complex
trauma is that constant trauma
00:38:40.38\00:38:45.25
that some kids experience.
00:38:45.25\00:38:46.92
Then there's just that trauma
that is just a sudden thing.
00:38:47.22\00:38:51.23
You get in a car accident or
there's a natural disaster, and
00:38:51.43\00:38:54.93
so those traumas, it's once,
it's sudden, and I don't want
00:38:54.93\00:38:58.20
to discount it that it's
not constant because trauma is
00:38:58.20\00:39:00.67
trauma, and then you get into
traumas where you are, you are
00:39:00.67\00:39:06.94
almost viciously attacked
in some way, and your life
00:39:06.94\00:39:11.61
changes, so those, there's
so many different things.
00:39:11.61\00:39:14.22
Politically, I think we are
traumatized as a nation, not
00:39:14.55\00:39:17.99
because any one side, and I
don't want to get into that at
00:39:17.99\00:39:20.59
all, but I mean, we're living,
we're constantly, if you turn
00:39:20.59\00:39:24.26
on the news, or if you turn
on, you know, there's a meteor,
00:39:24.26\00:39:27.00
right, that's coming to the
Earth, or, you know, so, you
00:39:27.10\00:39:29.36
know, there's all...
00:39:29.36\00:39:30.50
whiplash, you know, there's
something new every night.
00:39:30.50\00:39:32.83
You just get whiplash, and
so it's really a sense of, we're
00:39:32.83\00:39:32.87
getting hit in so many
different ways, and so anything
00:39:39.34\00:39:41.98
that actually takes us
from that trauma is going to be
00:39:41.98\00:39:45.61
rewarding, right, and so
anything, I could take some
00:39:45.61\00:39:49.08
sugar, I can take a good
strawberry shortcake, I could
00:39:49.08\00:39:52.42
take a gallon of ice cream,
I could take a drug, I can, you
00:39:52.42\00:39:56.99
know what I mean, it's
like anything that gives us that
00:39:56.99\00:39:59.63
break, I can get online in
school, I can get a like, I can
00:39:59.63\00:40:03.20
do a game.
00:40:03.20\00:40:04.80
You know what I mean is that we
have access to things in a way
00:40:05.10\00:40:09.30
that we've not had access.
00:40:09.30\00:40:10.64
This is a whole different time,
worldwide, we've never been
00:40:10.67\00:40:14.21
here.
00:40:14.21\00:40:17.58
available.
00:40:17.58\00:40:18.11
Everything's available, and
boy, Sodom and Gomorrah just
00:40:19.15\00:40:22.18
came to my mind, you know,
I don't know what it was like
00:40:22.18\00:40:26.92
then, maybe everything was
available, but I mean, this is
00:40:26.92\00:40:33.16
very complex.
00:40:33.16\00:40:35.30
Even in Dopamine Nation, which
is a book that I love, but in
00:40:35.36\00:40:38.90
that book, it talks about
drowning in dopamine, that we
00:40:38.90\00:40:42.04
are drowning in dopamine, but
unfortunately, can I just show
00:40:42.04\00:40:45.71
you something?
00:40:45.71\00:40:46.24
Unfortunately, our bodies don't
respond well to that, so I'm
00:40:46.91\00:40:50.65
going to show it to
you by just an example.
00:40:50.65\00:40:52.41
So this is a scale, and our
bodies, God made us in such an
00:40:52.81\00:40:56.28
amazing way, and so our body
says, dopamine is good, it's
00:40:56.28\00:41:00.19
how we were made, and it's how
we really are motivated to get
00:41:00.19\00:41:04.69
up and go to work.
00:41:04.69\00:41:06.16
And dopamine is a good thing.
00:41:06.46\00:41:07.50
It's a good thing.
00:41:07.66\00:41:08.43
So let's say that I do
something, and I say, oh man,
00:41:08.76\00:41:11.83
that is good, and I get a
little dopamine, so I'm going
00:41:12.33\00:41:15.07
to do it again.
00:41:15.07\00:41:16.60
Oh wait, so your body says,
oops, wait a minute, because
00:41:17.01\00:41:20.91
your body has to have, your
body has a natural balance, so
00:41:20.91\00:41:24.61
the dopamine coming out here,
your body says, oh too much, so
00:41:24.61\00:41:29.15
I'd like to balance over here,
and what balance is over here
00:41:29.15\00:41:32.19
is discomfort or pain, right?
00:41:32.19\00:41:34.26
And we're afraid of that.
00:41:34.66\00:41:36.02
We don't want to deal with pain
or discomfort, but your body
00:41:36.09\00:41:38.83
says, there's too much here, so
I would like to balance, and so
00:41:38.83\00:41:42.40
somebody, this one author that
I love said, it's like little
00:41:42.40\00:41:46.94
gremlins want to get on this
side and just balance it out
00:41:46.94\00:41:49.67
for you a little bit,
and so that doesn't balance.
00:41:49.67\00:41:52.04
You get a little bit more, when
you get through withdraws with
00:41:52.11\00:41:55.18
a drug, like if I do too
much drugs and my body gets
00:41:55.18\00:41:58.38
inundated with dopamine,
what your brain does is that you
00:41:58.38\00:42:01.95
have synapses like here and
the dopamine goes across these
00:42:01.95\00:42:04.69
synapses, right?
00:42:04.69\00:42:05.85
And your brain has receptors
that will take the dopamine
00:42:05.99\00:42:09.96
here and take it
through your body.
00:42:09.96\00:42:11.59
Your body sucks in those
receptors if you get too much.
00:42:12.23\00:42:15.93
Wow.
00:42:16.50\00:42:20.37
that area waiting to be sucked
in, but it cannot be anymore
00:42:20.37\00:42:23.34
because your body says it's
too much, so you start going
00:42:23.34\00:42:27.08
through a natural withdrawal,
doesn't feel comfortable, and
00:42:27.08\00:42:30.98
so you start watching the
scales, just not balance, and
00:42:30.98\00:42:33.78
so the scales go right here,
but the scales don't go even
00:42:33.78\00:42:37.12
when this happens.
00:42:37.12\00:42:38.25
The scale goes to the same
extent that the pleasure went,
00:42:38.79\00:42:42.49
so your pain or your
discomfort, your withdraws,
00:42:42.86\00:42:46.56
your agitation, your
irritability actually comes up
00:42:46.56\00:42:46.59
more, and so it lasts that
way for a little bit, and then
00:42:50.60\00:42:54.94
those gremlins literally start
to jump off, let me get one at
00:42:54.94\00:43:00.08
a time, so they jump off,
and it becomes balanced, so your
00:43:00.08\00:43:03.65
body naturally
goes back into balance.
00:43:03.65\00:43:06.75
It doesn't happen if you do
the dopamine naturally, that
00:43:07.68\00:43:11.69
doesn't happen, but if you do
it artificially, Okay, so hang
00:43:11.69\00:43:17.19
on just a second, so that's
what these studies are showing
00:43:17.19\00:43:19.93
that God created us.
00:43:19.93\00:43:21.93
You know, pain
is not a bad thing.
00:43:22.00\00:43:23.87
I remember when my sister broke
her leg, and she was up and
00:43:23.87\00:43:23.90
around on it, and she came from
a drug background, and she got
00:43:28.00\00:43:33.58
out of drugs, but prescription
meds, she had a tendency to
00:43:33.58\00:43:38.21
abuse, and so she was taking
these pain pills, and she's up
00:43:38.21\00:43:44.72
doing everything, and I'm
going, you know, pain is a gift
00:43:44.72\00:43:48.56
from God to let us know
what needs to be changed in our
00:43:48.56\00:43:52.49
life, or what we
shouldn't be doing it.
00:43:52.49\00:43:54.30
Sometimes we're
so afraid of pain.
00:43:54.30\00:43:56.33
We're so afraid of that, and
even when I had to look at the
00:43:56.73\00:44:01.10
pain of not being loved or not
having my hand held, is God, I
00:44:01.10\00:44:05.41
believe, held me during that
moment where I had to look at
00:44:05.41\00:44:08.48
that, and he said, don't be
afraid of that, and he actually
00:44:08.48\00:44:11.11
brought a scripture from
the Bible that says, don't back
00:44:11.11\00:44:13.85
away from pain or tribulation
too fast, because it develops
00:44:13.85\00:44:17.82
character.
00:44:17.82\00:44:18.72
There's dopamine in our tears
as much as in our laughter, so
00:44:19.09\00:44:22.49
I mean, literally, we are made
to feel both, but if we always
00:44:22.49\00:44:26.63
run from insight or pain or
grief, we will never have these
00:44:26.63\00:44:30.80
scales balanced, that one
is not good and one is not bad.
00:44:30.80\00:44:33.57
It feels better to laugh than
it does to cry at times, but
00:44:33.94\00:44:38.64
they're both good for us.
00:44:38.64\00:44:39.94
They're both necessary for us.
00:44:39.97\00:44:42.08
So the way I'm looking at this,
it's kind of like when you are
00:44:42.28\00:44:46.65
doing something to get rid
of the pain, it's like you're
00:44:46.65\00:44:50.09
stepping on the accelerator,
your dopamine is through the
00:44:50.09\00:44:54.59
roof, but as soon as you let
your foot up, it's like you're
00:44:54.59\00:44:57.86
a tank that just stops and
then you've got this imbalance.
00:44:57.86\00:45:02.03
You've got to dive.
00:45:02.23\00:45:03.16
Okay, but that doesn't
happen with the Lord, the way he
00:45:03.97\00:45:07.67
intended for us to be is
staying in homeostasis to stay
00:45:07.67\00:45:12.37
level.
00:45:12.37\00:45:15.28
crashes, which is amazing.
00:45:15.28\00:45:16.85
I think it's an amazing quote
that you had in here from Dr.
00:45:17.05\00:45:21.58
Limke.
00:45:22.18\00:45:29.12
we can never
recover from her trauma.
00:45:29.39\00:45:32.09
And what's really
crazy, we run from everything.
00:45:32.93\00:45:35.43
We run from aging.
00:45:35.60\00:45:36.53
We run from trauma.
00:45:36.93\00:45:38.03
We run from the
pain of a loss of a job.
00:45:38.23\00:45:42.47
We run from all that.
00:45:42.64\00:45:46.51
as possible, which is fine,
but do it in a way that you
00:45:46.51\00:45:50.58
acknowledge.
00:45:50.58\00:45:51.35
Like I had to acknowledge the
sadness of what I didn't get.
00:45:51.85\00:45:55.55
And when I started doing my own
grief work, I was amazed at the
00:45:57.12\00:46:01.19
healing of that and the sense
of being in my own skin, like
00:46:01.19\00:46:04.73
all of a sudden knowing that
I'm in my own skin and I don't
00:46:04.73\00:46:07.96
have to hide.
00:46:07.96\00:46:08.80
When I was seeing a therapist
and she said, I told her the
00:46:09.16\00:46:12.07
bad seed story
and I started weeping.
00:46:12.07\00:46:14.20
And she said, you
believe that still, don't you?
00:46:14.57\00:46:17.57
And I thought, you know, I do.
00:46:17.57\00:46:20.38
And she said, it's a lie.
00:46:20.81\00:46:22.24
You know, like I
can't even understand.
00:46:22.51\00:46:24.95
Like she looked at me as an
adult woman, knowing what I do
00:46:25.45\00:46:28.55
in my life, knowing
how my life has been.
00:46:28.55\00:46:31.15
And she's like, she was shocked.
00:46:31.22\00:46:33.36
You still believe that.
00:46:33.39\00:46:34.39
But I had to look at the
sadness of hearing that from my
00:46:34.52\00:46:38.09
mom at six years old.
00:46:38.09\00:46:40.36
That six-year-old shut
off, didn't grow, literally got
00:46:40.66\00:46:46.23
wounded to the point where I
hid for until I was 33, when I
00:46:46.23\00:46:50.27
finally dealt with that.
00:46:50.27\00:46:51.27
So I think that that we're
so afraid of pain and sometimes
00:46:51.51\00:46:54.58
we're so young and vulnerable.
00:46:54.58\00:46:56.18
We don't even know
how to deal with it.
00:46:56.34\00:46:58.78
But, you know, God says, I
promise you, I will walk you
00:46:59.05\00:47:02.25
through the valley.
00:47:02.25\00:47:03.25
Yeah, Psalm 23, Amen.
00:47:04.29\00:47:05.92
And even with mine is that, you
know, I'll walk you through the
00:47:05.99\00:47:09.79
shadow of death and you fear
no evil, all of that kind of
00:47:09.79\00:47:12.79
stuff.
00:47:12.79\00:47:15.46
me all the days of my life.
00:47:15.46\00:47:17.27
And I would dwell in the
house of the Lord forever.
00:47:17.40\00:47:19.27
So, like, even as I'm dealing
with some pretty horrendous
00:47:19.57\00:47:22.70
things, is God is showing me
more and more who I am and more
00:47:22.70\00:47:26.81
and more of the grief
work that needs to be done.
00:47:26.81\00:47:30.65
And I avoided grief work like
the plague, like just didn't
00:47:30.85\00:47:35.58
understand how we're made,
didn't understand that that you
00:47:35.58\00:47:40.22
can't, you can't not look at
the sadnesses of your life and
00:47:40.22\00:47:44.63
the sadnesses of your
life are not going to kill you.
00:47:44.63\00:47:47.40
Get with somebody that you
love, get with somebody that
00:47:47.76\00:47:50.40
can take you to God, get
with somebody that has survived
00:47:50.40\00:47:54.17
something that you disrespect
how they did it and say out
00:47:54.17\00:47:58.64
loud, this is
what I'm dealing with.
00:47:58.64\00:48:00.44
And I promise you, when that
happens, if I get to get with
00:48:00.54\00:48:03.65
somebody or somebody gets
with me, I just feel like God is
00:48:03.65\00:48:07.42
able to then walk us out of
that valley into a place where
00:48:07.42\00:48:11.85
we are in our own
skin and we can be, yeah.
00:48:11.85\00:48:15.56
So let me share this real quick.
00:48:16.32\00:48:18.69
Enoch walked with God.
00:48:20.26\00:48:21.76
So I would imagine the scales
were quite level right there.
00:48:23.57\00:48:28.67
Amen.
00:48:28.67\00:48:28.70
beginning?
00:48:32.97\00:48:36.95
looked at Moses and the fact
that he didn't get to go to the
00:48:36.95\00:48:39.38
promised land and all that
stuff and I felt bad for him.
00:48:39.38\00:48:41.68
But he got to minister to Jesus
when he was going through that.
00:48:41.88\00:48:46.69
And I thought, did he know?
00:48:46.79\00:48:47.69
He got to be resurrected.
00:48:47.69\00:48:49.12
He got to be resurrected
and right there with Jesus.
00:48:49.19\00:48:52.16
And I thought, did he know
at the time where God said, I'm
00:48:52.23\00:48:55.03
sorry, but I
can't take you here.
00:48:55.03\00:48:56.43
He had no idea that God
was going to use him to comfort
00:48:56.70\00:49:01.30
Christ.
00:49:01.30\00:49:02.20
And I thought, man, I have
to just trust God that even when
00:49:02.57\00:49:06.88
I'm dealing with trauma, I
have a God that has my best
00:49:06.88\00:49:11.15
interests in his heart always.
00:49:11.15\00:49:13.92
So let me ask this question
because we're getting only
00:49:14.45\00:49:18.22
eight minutes left.
00:49:18.22\00:49:19.42
If somebody is watching
and they've been through some
00:49:21.06\00:49:24.86
trauma and you know, sometimes
trauma, the body keeps a score
00:49:24.86\00:49:30.00
and it's the story of
epigenetics that when you are
00:49:30.00\00:49:34.67
going through trauma, it
doesn't change your DNA, but it
00:49:34.67\00:49:39.14
changes your gene expression.
00:49:39.14\00:49:41.21
So think of your genes here
and they're going through trauma
00:49:41.21\00:49:44.58
and they've got this red flag
up and it can be passed down.
00:49:44.58\00:49:48.28
It's just amazing that it can
be passed down from generation
00:49:48.68\00:49:52.95
to generation.
00:49:52.95\00:49:53.99
But there are people out there.
00:49:54.49\00:49:56.83
What are some of the symptoms
of being dopamine deficient?
00:49:57.03\00:50:05.37
If there's somebody that's
watching and we're going to
00:50:05.70\00:50:09.17
talk about how to increase
this, but what are some of the
00:50:09.17\00:50:13.44
symptoms?
00:50:13.44\00:50:14.08
What's really interesting
is that for me, the biggest
00:50:14.58\00:50:18.05
symptom that I had is when
I emotionally dysregulated.
00:50:18.05\00:50:21.95
So like all of a sudden I
would get triggered and my
00:50:22.52\00:50:25.32
handwriting changes.
00:50:25.32\00:50:26.45
My skin feels numb.
00:50:26.96\00:50:28.69
I feel like I've got brain fog.
00:50:29.06\00:50:31.19
There's all of this stuff that
I feel like totally detached.
00:50:31.59\00:50:36.00
So trauma sometimes will make
you feel like you're not able
00:50:36.50\00:50:41.04
to connect with the things
around you or the people around
00:50:41.04\00:50:43.30
you.
00:50:43.30\00:50:43.74
Some people feel agitated.
00:50:43.94\00:50:45.17
They feel angry.
00:50:45.21\00:50:46.34
All of a sudden their emotions
are all over the place and
00:50:46.41\00:50:49.04
that's a trauma
response or a trigger.
00:50:49.04\00:50:51.78
Some folks are depressed.
00:50:52.58\00:50:55.38
They're taking anti-depressants
which cause you to be numb
00:50:55.68\00:51:00.19
anyway.
00:51:00.19\00:51:00.79
So now you're
numb with sexually.
00:51:00.96\00:51:02.72
It interferes with all of that.
00:51:02.89\00:51:04.09
And so some of the things
that we do to help ourselves
00:51:04.23\00:51:07.00
actually cause more trauma.
00:51:07.00\00:51:08.60
That trauma, depending on
who you are, really changes.
00:51:08.90\00:51:12.30
And when you talk about
epigenetics and gene expression
00:51:12.67\00:51:16.27
that it's almost like
when I emotionally dysregulate
00:51:16.27\00:51:20.08
literally I can write something
and I think that my handwriting
00:51:21.21\00:51:24.91
is different.
00:51:24.91\00:51:25.55
Like I feel like
that has changed.
00:51:25.75\00:51:27.35
And so a lot of things change
but that's how your mind is
00:51:27.85\00:51:31.25
actually now talking to itself
is that you're not able to make
00:51:31.25\00:51:35.76
sense.
00:51:35.76\00:51:36.36
Somebody may feel like
they did that on purpose.
00:51:36.76\00:51:39.79
You're just trying to make me
feel bad and they have no idea
00:51:40.23\00:51:43.30
your trauma.
00:51:43.30\00:51:46.37
Right.
00:51:47.04\00:51:50.31
it's like when I go into
that trauma response all of the
00:51:50.31\00:51:53.64
stuff from my
childhood comes up.
00:51:53.64\00:51:55.08
I'm not loved.
00:51:55.08\00:51:55.81
I'll never be loved.
00:51:55.94\00:51:56.88
This is sad.
00:51:57.35\00:51:58.38
I'm gonna...
00:51:58.55\00:52:01.95
seed.
00:52:01.95\00:52:05.39
up the world isn't safe.
00:52:05.39\00:52:08.09
I'm not safe.
00:52:08.49\00:52:09.82
Men are not safe.
00:52:10.99\00:52:11.93
Women are not safe.
00:52:11.96\00:52:12.99
I mean whatever you tell
yourself all of those lies will
00:52:13.09\00:52:16.03
then start coming up
in a trauma response.
00:52:16.03\00:52:18.10
So what happens when
somebody says just pray harder.
00:52:18.40\00:52:21.44
You know that is so sad because
then you think I'm not praying
00:52:22.60\00:52:26.01
hard enough.
00:52:26.01\00:52:26.57
I'm not a good Christian.
00:52:26.88\00:52:28.01
Maybe I never was a Christian.
00:52:28.11\00:52:29.58
So all of it just confuses
everything and I think when God
00:52:29.61\00:52:33.35
says please come sit with me
just come sit with a while and
00:52:33.35\00:52:37.42
the song that we heard at the
beginning be still be still and
00:52:37.42\00:52:40.66
know that I am God.
00:52:40.66\00:52:46.13
each other in our trauma that
is going to bring us to a place
00:52:46.13\00:52:49.40
of recovery.
00:52:49.40\00:52:50.37
And I would just want to remind
people right now we're getting
00:52:51.93\00:52:54.44
ready to get up
close to taking a break.
00:52:54.44\00:52:57.37
We are taking questions.
00:52:57.71\00:52:59.01
This is a live program.
00:52:59.07\00:53:00.31
So if you'd like to submit a
question or a comment live at
00:53:00.38\00:53:05.05
3ABN.TV or by
phone 618-228 -3975.
00:53:05.05\00:53:12.52
Anyway.
00:53:13.22\00:53:17.46
therapist off and on through
the years but until I found
00:53:17.46\00:53:21.30
somebody that allowed me to
process my grief work there's a
00:53:21.30\00:53:25.50
lot of sadness of what I didn't
get and I had to say that out
00:53:25.50\00:53:29.24
loud to someone and I had
to like even with what you did
00:53:29.24\00:53:32.07
Shelley just a little while
ago your eyes were filled with
00:53:32.07\00:53:34.51
tears and you said I'm sorry.
00:53:34.51\00:53:36.41
Something about that is healing
to somebody in trauma just not
00:53:36.98\00:53:41.78
even an explanation I can't
make it right but just that I'm
00:53:41.78\00:53:45.29
sorry and I see you.
00:53:45.29\00:53:46.35
So I think that the grief work
was probably the most important
00:53:46.52\00:53:49.52
thing for me even though I
did a lot of work along the way.
00:53:49.52\00:53:52.39
So see a therapist talk to
somebody when the Bible says
00:53:52.63\00:53:56.56
confess to one another and
not our sins in the sense that
00:53:56.56\00:54:00.30
you're doing something
even though some of us do sinful
00:54:00.30\00:54:03.77
things in our trauma but he
says confess your sins one to
00:54:03.77\00:54:06.81
another pray for each
other so that you may be healed.
00:54:06.81\00:54:09.34
There's something about just
saying to another human being
00:54:09.61\00:54:12.55
man this hurt this was hard.
00:54:14.08\00:54:17.05
And you know something the
worst thing that we can do when
00:54:17.69\00:54:21.02
someone is having a difficult
time is to tell them you know
00:54:21.02\00:54:26.39
pull yourself up by the
boot act like we understand.
00:54:26.39\00:54:30.17
You know well I know what
you're going through I've been
00:54:30.40\00:54:32.43
there before or something.
00:54:32.43\00:54:33.44
None of us nobody knows but God
but the good news is God does
00:54:34.64\00:54:39.24
know because it says in Isaiah
63 9 I believe it is that all
00:54:39.24\00:54:44.68
all of our afflictions he is
afflicted with he feels all of
00:54:44.68\00:54:50.32
our discomfort and
only God really knows.
00:54:50.32\00:54:52.85
So we need to learn as a people
as a church as a Christian to
00:54:53.09\00:55:00.13
give people
permission and not shame them.
00:55:00.13\00:55:05.70
You know when we tell them oh
just pray harder you're shaming
00:55:05.77\00:55:09.50
them.
00:55:09.50\00:55:14.51
are told to go you're just not
loving him you know enough you
00:55:14.51\00:55:19.95
got to be a better wife or
something and they're living in
00:55:19.95\00:55:22.98
that and God doesn't want you
to be in that but I'm so glad
00:55:22.98\00:55:27.22
that you're open about the
therapy because that's quite
00:55:27.22\00:55:30.46
needed in cases.
00:55:30.46\00:55:31.56
I was really lucky and found
some incredible therapists and
00:55:32.09\00:55:35.13
friends and I don't know
and I've said this before but I
00:55:35.13\00:55:41.04
don't know if people at 3ABN
realize how important you were
00:55:41.04\00:55:45.07
in my life because I
walked in and was accepted.
00:55:45.07\00:55:48.78
I walked in and
was given a seat.
00:55:48.98\00:55:51.15
I walked in and somebody said
hey sit here and I hadn't had
00:55:51.21\00:55:55.75
that in my life and so the fact
that that was so easy and it
00:55:55.75\00:55:59.32
was done I felt in such a real
way that even though I didn't
00:55:59.32\00:56:04.76
say out loud man I need that
I didn't run over and sit on
00:56:04.76\00:56:07.46
everybody's lap which I wanted
to but you know what I mean
00:56:07.46\00:56:11.87
it's like I think that
sometimes just loving each
00:56:11.87\00:56:14.20
other and that's what God wants
us to do so you said something
00:56:14.20\00:56:18.64
earlier we've only got one
minute we're gonna get to this
00:56:18.64\00:56:21.94
and we'll come hold that
thought and we'll come back to
00:56:21.94\00:56:24.38
it this is a live program you
can send your questions we're
00:56:24.38\00:56:28.62
gonna get into little more
of dopamine regulation and what
00:56:28.62\00:56:33.19
you can do for healing, how God
can heal you, and you can go to
00:56:33.19\00:56:38.16
him, but send your questions to
email or to email them to live
00:56:38.16\00:56:44.20
at 3ABN.tv, that's live at 3ABN
.tv, or text at 618-228-3975.
00:56:44.20\00:56:54.88
And before we go out, in
case you can't join us for this
00:56:54.88\00:57:00.32
second hour, I wanted to put
up Cherise, how you can contact
00:57:00.32\00:57:06.19
her by email, because you
may want to invite her to come
00:57:06.19\00:57:09.96
speak at your church or come
lead a seminar, and her email
00:57:09.96\00:57:14.23
is truestep, T-R-U-E, truestep,
S-T-E-P, true step office at
00:57:14.23\00:57:22.37
gmail.com and that's how you
can get in touch with Sheree.
00:57:22.37\00:57:27.71
We're going to come back
in just a moment and she's got
00:57:27.91\00:57:31.21
some resources that we carry
here at 3ABN that we want to
00:57:31.21\00:57:35.05
tell you about and we're going
to get a little deeper into how
00:57:35.05\00:57:41.52
healing can happen through
the grace of our Lord and Savior
00:57:41.52\00:57:45.89