Participants:
Series Code: TDYL
Program Code: TDYL250009B
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00:10 Hello and welcome back to 3ABN Thursday Night Live, so glad
00:14 that you've joined us. 00:18 live program tonight. 00:19 We decided to make this one live, it's not pre-recorded, 00:22 it's live. 00:24 re -air on Sunday and Tuesday, so this is Thursday night here 00:27 in Southern Illinois. 00:29 You can reach out to us with your comments, questions, 00:33 prayer requests. 00:34 We mentioned at the end of the first hour, hey, what about 00:37 your favorite Bible scripture that has carried you through 00:39 those difficult times in your life? 00:41 So send those to us as well. 00:43 We have received a lot of prayer requests tonight. 00:46 Dr. Frank Causal is with us this evening. 00:48 We're talking about grief and I like the title of his book, 00:52 Love is Grief, Grace and Gratitude. 00:57 We have the book. 00:58 Jill will talk about that in just a minute, how you can 01:00 actually get that from 3ABN this evening. 01:03 Very exciting. 01:04 There's the graphic of the book right there. 01:07 But again, what a very helpful topic because we all deal with 01:10 grief, many different aspects of grief which we've talked 01:12 about. 01:15 and continue on with life and not let us take us down into 01:20 full depression. 01:21 So it's going to be, again, a really helpful second hour by 01:25 God's grace. 01:26 And again, we had a lot of prayer requests. 01:27 I think we have a few more we need to read and things. 01:29 But tell us about the book and how they can get it. 01:31 I don't even know. 01:33 evening plus the rest of the team. 01:35 I don't know how many have been ordered, Rachel and the team, 01:37 but I'm sure a lot have already been ordered already this 01:40 evening. 01:41 This book is powerful. 01:43 I like everything that Dr. Frank has written actually. 01:46 I think I have every single one of your books. 01:49 They've ministered to my life. 01:50 They've helped me in my journey with Jesus and my growth as a 01:55 Christian. 01:55 This book is no exception. 01:57 It's a powerful book. 01:58 Whether you've lost a spouse or a child or a parent, whether 02:02 you're dealing with other types of grief. 02:04 We all experience grief, different types of grief. 02:08 And so this book is powerful. 02:10 Love is a journey of grief, grace, and gratitude. 02:15 It's practical, it's biblical, it's a good read. 02:20 And it's encouraging. 02:22 So you can call us right now at the call center. 02:24 We have these books available. 02:26 Call us at 618-627-4651. 02:31 That number again is 618-627 -4651. 02:35 You can order the book. 02:36 You can give us your prayer request. 02:38 You can mention a Bible scripture that has helped you 02:43 in your own processing of grief or a time of sadness in your 02:47 life. 02:50 We always love to hear where you're from. 02:53 So if you want to give us your country or state, that's always 02:56 wonderful too. 02:57 You can order this book online as well. 02:59 You can go to our store, 3ABNstore.com. 03:03 That's 3ABNstore.com. 03:05 And you just order the book there. 03:07 You can do it that way. 03:08 You can also text in your prayer requests or questions, 03:12 618 -228-3975. 03:15 That's 618-228-3975. 03:19 Or you can email them in. 03:21 I think we've encompassed every way here. 03:24 That's live, L-I-V-E at 3ABN .TV. 03:29 Amen. 03:30 Yeah, you know, as I think about grief and all the aspects 03:35 of it, I think a lot of times as Christians, Dr. Frank, that 03:40 we say, shouldn't grieve, right? 03:44 It's almost like a bad thing. 03:47 So then as we're going through grief, we almost feel guilty or 03:50 could feel guilty. 03:52 Like, oh, I know I need to be hanging on the Lord. 03:55 And that's where the not so helpful person can say, just, 03:58 you know, stand on the Word of God. 04:00 He'll help you through this, right? 04:01 And so then you're like, oh, I know. 04:04 So talk to us about that. 04:05 What was your experience with that aspect? 04:08 Yes, good question. 04:10 And I think that that is something that we need to learn 04:12 as Christians. 04:14 Because we all know the words of the Apostle Paul in the book 04:18 of Philippians, that we should be joyful in everything, we 04:23 should give thanks to God. 04:26 And so we experience something and we don't feel that way and 04:30 we don't feel grateful and thankful at all. 04:35 And that makes some people feel guilty, spiritually guilty. 04:40 That we're experiencing something, I'm experiencing 04:42 something that I shouldn't. 04:48 And there are several things that I think that we need to 04:53 rediscover and learn anew in our dealing with grief. 05:00 One of them is what I call the biblical practice of lament. 05:06 Oh, okay. 05:09 So lament is something very interesting. 05:13 In fact, roughly one third of the 150 Psalms are Psalms of 05:19 lament. 05:21 If you read them, there's a whole biblical book called 05:25 Lamentations. 05:27 The purpose of that book is to express lament. 05:31 And you'll find lament throughout the Bible in many 05:34 places. 05:35 Lament is not unbiblical. 05:38 And people confuse lament with complaining. 05:42 Now complaining and lament are two completely different 05:45 things. 05:46 Wow, okay. 05:47 I would agree. 05:48 A lot of times you put those together. 05:49 If you complain, you're just negative, negative, negative. 05:52 You point out all the negative things. 05:55 Lament is something different. 05:57 Lament can actually be a very helpful spiritual experience 06:01 because you can only lament if you believe and you think that 06:12 God is good and that God is just and that God is almighty. 06:18 Only if you believe that can you lament. 06:21 Lament is the expression that something happened to you that 06:25 should not have happened. 06:27 Something happened to you that is not right. 06:29 Something happened to you that is not just. 06:36 Let's say even in this sinful world that we live in, children 06:42 should not die before their parents die. 06:44 That's right. 06:45 Correct. 06:45 Shouldn't be. 06:46 Yeah, that's right. 06:46 It should not be. 06:51 This is not right. 06:53 Even in a sinful world, this is not right. 06:56 Lament really expresses that something has happened to you 07:00 that is not right, that should not have happened. 07:04 But you express that lament towards God because you trust 07:10 that God ultimately is good and ultimately is able to deal with 07:15 the situation even though you experience something very 07:18 different right now. 07:19 This is the example of the biblical writers. 07:23 They express sometimes in words that make us blush. 07:30 They are so direct. 07:34 They speak out what is on their heart. 07:37 They don't pretend to be holy and perfect. 07:41 They say how they feel it. 07:43 And then the psalm writer says, but you know my heart and see 07:48 how I mean it and don't hold that against me and give me a 07:53 new heart and your perspective. 07:55 And that is you express what is not right. 07:58 You express the things that have happened to you that are 08:02 not just, that are not good. 08:05 And then you tell God, even though I don't know the answer 08:09 yet, even though I don't know and understand, I still commit 08:13 that into your hands. 08:16 And this can be a very healing first step in the process of 08:21 grieving. 08:22 Because if you pretend I shouldn't feel that way, you 08:26 still have to deal with these strong feelings. 08:29 It's just stuffed. 08:30 It's just stuffed and it breaks it open somewhere in an 08:34 unhealthy way. 08:36 This is the experience that many Christians have. 08:39 They think that I shouldn't feel that way, yet I do feel 08:42 that way. 08:44 Has God deserted me? 08:47 Has he forgotten anything? 08:48 Am I doing something wrong? 08:50 And no, these feelings are very natural. 08:54 They're normal, so to speak. 08:57 But you lament, you do not stay in the negative. 09:01 You commit it into the hands of God. 09:03 You commit and trust and express and trust that even 09:07 though you don't understand, you trust the person who 09:11 understands. 09:13 Even though you don't have an answer, you trust that there is 09:16 one in heaven who is called our Father who knows the answer. 09:23 And in the meantime, he invites us to trust him more fully. 09:29 So in that sense, I think lament is a very biblical 09:32 practice and a very healing exercise. 09:38 Because it's not just complaining about something 09:40 that you've lost. 09:42 It's not complaining about things that you can't enjoy 09:45 anymore. 09:49 But you address, acknowledge that something negative has 09:52 happened to you. 09:53 But you commit that into God's hands. 09:56 And in being honest with yourself and being honest with 09:59 God, you open up a door where God can intervene in your life 10:04 and can even give you a new perspective of things that you 10:07 didn't see before. 10:08 So I think that is something that needs to be rediscovered 10:13 with many Christians. 10:14 And we can experience a blessing in our lives if we 10:18 would practice that. 10:20 So when did you discover this? 10:23 Then was it actually before your wife passed away, this 10:25 whole process of lament? 10:27 Was it recent or during the process? 10:30 I cannot pinpoint a point in time where I says, this is when 10:34 I learned. 10:36 But as you deal with grief and this experience, you try to 10:41 find answers from other people. 10:44 So you read books. 10:45 I love to read books. 10:47 And sometimes once in a while, you come across something that 10:51 is helpful and that you find, or maybe it opens up a new 10:56 horizon of understanding. 10:59 And some of these things I have shared in my book because I 11:03 experienced that this has been helpful in my journey through 11:07 loss and grief. 11:08 And so maybe others can benefit from some of these insights as 11:13 well. 11:19 thing, every grieving process is different for every person. 11:23 So there is no timeline that every person has to go through. 11:27 When I was a teacher some years ago, I would teach my students 11:32 in counseling class the five stages of grief that Kübler 11:37 -Ross and others would promote. 11:40 And you go through different stages. 11:42 Now, having gone through a grieving process myself, I can 11:47 tell you that this is not how reality really works. 11:50 For one thing, there is no gradual stages that you pass 11:54 through and finally you've arrived at a stage where you 11:57 left grief behind and move on without grief. 12:02 Because for one thing, it's much more complicated and 12:05 complex and you have different stages at the same time. 12:08 But then this whole concept was developed with people who were 12:14 terminally ill and experienced that themselves. 12:17 It doesn't really describe the reality of people who have lost 12:20 a spouse or a child or another person they loved. 12:25 So we have to be careful not to be overly strict on a 12:32 particular thing. 12:33 And understanding that, and that is part of the title of 12:37 the book that love is, that grief exists only because you 12:42 have loved the person in the first place tells you that you 12:45 will not leave grief behind. 12:48 Grief will be with you. 12:49 Now, that might sound a little depressing at the moment, but 12:53 you would never ever say to a person, now, leave your love 12:59 behind, move on without your love. 13:01 Never would. 13:02 That's rude. 13:02 That's not fair. 13:03 So if you understand that grief is an expression of your love, 13:07 you will never say to a person, now, leave your grief behind, 13:10 move on. 13:11 No, you move on with your grief. 13:13 You integrate your grief into your life and you learn to live 13:17 your life with the reality of the absence of this person. 13:21 And you need to rediscover and rearrange your life in ways 13:24 that makes life possible again in ways that you've never 13:30 envisioned before. 13:32 And that is the challenge and the beauty of a grieving 13:37 process that we go through. 13:39 This question actually pertains to exactly what you were just 13:42 talking about now. 13:43 So I want to reference this. 13:44 This came from Bill. 13:45 He lives in Tennessee. 13:46 He lost his wife two years ago. 13:48 When he needs to ask her something and remember she's 13:51 not there, he bursts out crying. 13:53 And he wants to know if two years is too long for him to 13:56 still be crying like that. 13:57 No, not at all, Bill. 14:00 Two years is not at all. 14:01 And don't feel ashamed to cry even as a man. 14:06 We men need to learn to do that. 14:08 God has given us the ability. 14:10 And after all, David cried. 14:13 Jesus cried. 14:15 And if they can cry, you know, we have every reason to shed a 14:19 tear as well, especially over things. 14:21 Jesus was moved to tears when his friend Lazarus died. 14:26 Now, didn't he believe in the resurrection? 14:28 Absolutely. 14:28 Of course. 14:31 Why is that? 14:32 See, and that is something that I also learned. 14:34 Sometimes people would try to comfort me in my pain, in my 14:39 experience of grief. 14:40 And they would say, well, at least, that's another, at 14:43 least. 14:44 At least we have this hope, don't we, for the resurrection? 14:48 We do that a lot, especially at Seventh Avenue. 14:51 We do have the hope. 14:54 This was not helpful for me. 14:55 This was not consoling and comforting at all. 14:58 Why? 14:59 Not because I don't believe in the resurrection. 15:02 I firmly believe this. 15:03 I look forward to the moment where I will see her again. 15:08 But it is not helpful in the moment for a simple reason, 15:12 because we don't know when Jesus will come back. 15:17 This could be tomorrow, could be in a year, could be sometime 15:21 in the future. 15:23 It's undefined. 15:24 That's right. 15:25 We hope it's soon, but we never know. 15:28 But I do miss my partner right now. 15:31 I miss her counsel now. 15:32 I miss her smile now. 15:34 I miss her touch now. 15:35 I miss her input now. 15:37 I miss to discuss things with her now, and her wisdom and her 15:42 laughter. 15:43 And this is why we grieve, because we have loved the 15:47 person. 15:52 would live again. 15:53 And here's the resurrection. 15:55 So there is no discrepancy, and we should not feel bad as 15:59 Christians to feel that way. 16:05 You haven't lost your faith if you feel that way. 16:09 It's just a natural reaction to the absence of the person with 16:14 whom you shared so much. 16:17 And if we understand that dynamic, I think we can be a 16:19 little bit more gracious in our dealing with other people. 16:24 So then, from understanding correctly then, Bill was 16:27 asking, like bursting into tears two years after his 16:30 wife's passing, there really is no timeline. 16:32 In other words, a person could burst into tears 10 years after 16:35 something can bring up a memory. 16:38 In other words, you shouldn't be like, oh, after this amount 16:41 of time, you should not cry anymore. 16:43 And see, this grieving process is so unpredictable that you 16:47 cannot say, now I've mastered it, and now this will never 16:53 affect me anymore. 16:55 You know, the longer the time goes, the less acute the 17:01 initial pain you might feel. 17:06 But sometimes people say, oh, time heals our wounds. 17:09 I was just going to ask you what you think about that. 17:11 Okay. 17:15 sense, this is true because with passing time, the 17:21 immediate rawness of the event is no longer as sharp, as 17:26 painful as at the beginning. 17:29 So it becomes milder, but it never quite goes away 17:32 completely, I think. 17:35 And that, again, has to do with the love that we experienced. 17:41 But there was something else that I wanted to say, and I 17:45 lost the thought here. 17:48 Well, let's go to some prayer requests. 17:51 So is that okay? 17:52 Yes, yes. 17:53 And then we can come back to that. 17:55 Yeah, good. 17:57 read some of the contents. 17:59 actually the chapters in the book, too. 18:02 Sure, I like that. 18:03 Yeah. 18:05 Absolutely. 18:05 And comments. 18:09 So these needs, not only will we pray over them here tonight, 18:13 but our pastoral department will pray over them all next 18:17 week. 18:18 That's right. 18:22 week. 18:23 This is absolutely anonymous. 18:27 Prayer for her niece, Kim. 18:29 Her husband has cancer, which is advancing, and he's in a lot 18:33 of pain. 18:37 It's extremely painful when someone you love suffers, you 18:41 know, and experiences that, and you want to take it away and 18:45 can't. 18:49 immediately, but the relative, the family of relatives who was 18:53 worried about the well-being. 18:55 Correct. 18:56 Watching. 18:57 You're right. 18:57 Oh, yeah. 18:58 This is an anonymous mother. 19:00 Pray for my daughter who's alcoholic. 19:07 This one, my son had cancer and died back in July, and there's 19:11 some tragic circumstances surrounding that. 19:16 So, grieving and dealing with forgiveness as well in that 19:21 process. 19:23 This Anoria, asking for her family to be closer to Jesus. 19:28 Gail from Montana. 19:29 I wonder if that's Gail. 19:31 And Chuck. 19:32 Maybe. 19:33 If it's Gail and Chuck, we love you. 19:34 I don't know if it's Gail and Chuck. 19:36 Her friend Kathy has guardianship of five nieces and 19:40 nephews and recently lost her mother. 19:46 Anonymous, prayer for divine healing has Crohn's disease. 19:51 Friend Melanie battling stage four bone cancer. 19:56 Another friend who has Huntington's disease. 19:59 So that's a lot of sickness. 20:01 A lot of anonymous tonight, but just says, please pray for 20:05 contentment in Christ in singleness. 20:09 Okay, yeah. 20:11 Willingness to grow as God leads. 20:14 Also, thank you, Dr. Housel, for coming on and talking about 20:17 grieving. 20:19 Yes, it is okay to grieve, and it does not mean you are 20:22 lacking in faith. 20:23 Yes. 20:28 them. 20:29 May God be with all who are currently grieving. 20:33 Wow. 20:33 Yeah, that is powerful. 20:34 But yeah, that's a contentment in singleness. 20:36 And that's a good point too, because some have never 20:39 married, wanted to be married. 20:40 And that's another aspect of grieving, right? 20:42 And yeah, didn't have the opportunity to get married, 20:44 have children. 20:45 So many aspects, for sure. 20:48 Again, I know we have more here I want to read, but again, this 20:51 just happened tonight. 20:53 You know, this program is not about, hey, let's promote his 20:54 book, because this actually just happened today. 20:56 We're like, you know, Dr. Housel, would it be okay if we 20:58 actually carried this book in the call center so everyone 21:00 scrambled around? 21:01 Okay, we got a hundred of them coming. 21:03 So we wanted to have this program because of the Today 21:06 program. 21:08 Oh, yeah. 21:09 Maybe a year or so ago. 21:10 Was it a year ago? 21:11 Not that much, no. 21:12 Not quite that, but yeah, so well received. 21:14 But yeah, this book is available at the call center 21:17 this evening. 21:21 contents of this book. 21:22 And it's love is a journey of grief, grace, and gratitude 21:26 written by Dr. Housel. 21:27 And thank you again, Dr. Housel, for making this 21:29 available here at 3ABM. 21:31 Here are the chapters. 21:33 I'm sure you'd like to know just like I do. 21:35 And so it's chapter one, dealing with the unspeakable. 21:39 Tragic events often start unexpectedly. 21:43 Chapter three, diagnosis. 21:46 Chapter four, facing the unknown. 21:50 Hope frustrated. 21:52 Facets and feelings of loss and grief. 21:56 Learning to talk about death and grief. 21:59 That can be very difficult. 22:02 Death's impact. 22:03 A world turned inside out. 22:06 We're up to chapter nine now. 22:08 Myths and closure. 22:10 Learning lessons. 22:13 Lovingly moving forward. 22:15 Don't say it. 22:17 Helpful help. 22:18 We talked about that already a little bit. 22:20 Time is a wound. 22:22 Now that's interesting. 22:23 Time is a wound. 22:24 Yeah, this is the thought that I missed. 22:28 So many people say time will heal all wounds. 22:33 But in some sense, time is the wound. 22:38 Because, you know, there are some things that my wife will 22:42 never have the joy to experience. 22:44 So since she died, I had the joy to have a granddaughter. 22:52 It's a joy to see her and to interact with her and to see 22:57 the new life. 22:58 But she will never have the joy to hold her in our arms. 23:03 And so this is part of the grieving experience. 23:07 Often the greatest joys and grief are close together. 23:12 Because the things that give you great joy all of a sudden 23:14 make you realize that, oh, the other person is missing and the 23:19 other person cannot experience that. 23:21 And in that sense, time is the wound. 23:24 When my wife died, my youngest son was 11. 23:28 Now he's 27. 23:30 Will she even recognize him? 23:33 He has grown to a nice young man. 23:37 But there are changes in life that have changed me, that have 23:41 changed us as a family, that she has not had an opportunity 23:45 to experience and see and follow us through. 23:48 So in that sense, time doesn't just, wow, heal everything. 23:54 Sometimes time becomes the challenge, the wound that we 23:58 have to deal with at the same time. 24:02 I had not thought of that. 24:03 That's deep, actually. 24:05 Greatest joy and also grief right there together. 24:09 Just like love and grief together, joy and grief. 24:14 So usually we want to separate the two and we want to say you 24:19 leave grief behind, you just move on to the joy. 24:22 But this is not how life works. 24:24 This is not how life is. 24:26 In life, both are often closely connected and interrelated. 24:33 This is a good question. 24:36 They don't give their name. 24:37 They're from Indiana. 24:39 My husband died a few years ago. 24:41 He was actually verbally and physically abusive. 24:45 But he told me to only think of the good years. 24:49 But I just can't seem to find anything good to think of. 24:52 Is this bad of me? 24:54 So kind of feeling guilty, it seems like. 24:56 Yeah, because the husband said, just think of the good things. 24:59 He said, I can't think of the bad. 25:01 But is this bad for me? 25:03 So, wow, that's quite a lot to unpack. 25:06 That's a difficult situation and it's a very pertinent 25:13 question. 25:15 Because when you're in an abusive relationship, this is 25:21 not easy. 25:23 And you don't leave behind these impressions and the 25:26 memories easily. 25:28 This is something where you really need God's help, His 25:32 forgiveness and the grace to deal with that in healing ways. 25:38 And maybe even use the help of a trained counselor, a person 25:47 who is really able to help you process some of these things 25:52 that you alone are not in a position to handle and to 25:56 master. 25:57 This is not a sign of weakness. 26:00 This is not a sign of deficiency if we seek the help 26:04 of others who are trained in special ways to provide healing 26:10 and help. 26:11 And so I would encourage everyone who has experienced 26:15 traumatic things in life. 26:18 And death is a traumatic thing, for that matter, to seek the 26:23 help of professional people who can be with you on the journey 26:28 and guide you in processing some of the things that you 26:31 struggle with. 26:33 And sometimes this can be just an initial perspective that 26:37 helps you to see things with new eyes or to process things 26:43 differently than you were able so far. 26:46 That's really good. 26:47 And let's talk about that for a moment. 26:49 This is a Bible verse someone sent in that helped them 26:51 through their chemo. 26:52 So we'll share that in just a moment. 26:53 But speaking of counseling, I think sometimes as Christians, 26:59 we can say, well, God should be all I need. 27:04 I should be able to go to the Word and spend time in prayer. 27:08 And we believe in the Word of God and we believe in prayer. 27:11 So how do you reconcile those two? 27:15 Because sometimes we can think that or is there a deficiency 27:20 in me or am I not as strong as a Christian? 27:21 There is no deficiency, Jill. 27:25 There's no deficiency in thinking that way for a very 27:29 simple reason. 27:30 Yes, God is all I need. 27:33 I'm glad for his word in the Bible and I appreciate the 27:37 Bible. 27:40 There is no other book on the planet that can comfort in 27:45 sadness and in grief and in challenging times. 27:48 And even in death, like the Bible does. 27:52 So go to the Bible and use that. 27:55 But that doesn't mean that there is no need for other 28:00 people and there is no need for counseling and there is no need 28:03 for help for a simple reason. 28:05 Because God has created as human beings in fellowship. 28:11 We're not created as individuals isolated from the 28:14 rest of the world just by ourselves. 28:16 He has created us for community and we need that community and 28:21 we need the input, the wisdom and the insights of others in 28:25 order to grow ourselves spiritually. 28:27 That's why we have church. 28:29 That's why the church exists. 28:30 That is part of the church and an important part of community. 28:35 And so even in the grieving process, you know, you don't 28:39 just process grief just in isolation alone. 28:42 Hopefully, you will have other people with whom you are able 28:46 to talk things over, to share how you feel about things, even 28:51 to repeat some of the things, you know, because they were so 28:54 traumatic. 28:59 experienced, let's say, a traumatic car accident and you 29:03 share that experience with your friend, you will tell them and 29:07 you will tell them again and you will tell them again, 29:11 because this was not just a little scratch. 29:13 This was a major impact. 29:15 The greater the impact, the more the need to retell. 29:20 And this is not bad. 29:21 This is not a deficiency. 29:22 This is not a lack of faith. 29:25 This is just part of how we human beings are constructed, 29:28 so to speak, how God has created us. 29:30 And so there is nothing wrong if I repeat some of the things, 29:36 you know, and need to do that in order to process that for 29:40 me. 29:42 This is where we sometimes even need professional help. 29:45 And it's not a signal of weakness or deficiency. 29:50 No, by no means. 29:52 Now, you know, there's counseling and there's 29:55 counseling. 29:59 perspective, we want to encourage people who have a 30:03 Christian background and worldview. 30:05 Oh, that's right. 30:08 maybe in the wrong directions. 30:10 That are not so helpful from a spiritual, biblical 30:13 perspective. 30:14 But fortunately enough, there are many counselors who work 30:17 from a biblical worldview and a biblical perspective and seek 30:21 their help by all means, yes. 30:23 I want to go back to what you were talking about, like the 30:25 friends standing beside you just like to sit there not 30:28 saying anything because you could say, oh, you already told 30:31 me that already. 30:32 You know, I already know that. 30:33 You already told me that, you know. 30:34 So just let's move on to something else. 30:36 And if you go to the book of Job, you know, the best thing 30:40 that his friends could do at the beginning was just to sit 30:44 there and say nothing. 30:45 I hadn't thought about that. 30:46 That's good. 30:49 This is true, it began. 30:51 Sometimes, you know, we want to give an explanation and we want 30:55 to help even our own process of seeing somebody else grieve and 31:01 not see how the other person is really doing and what he or she 31:04 is doing. 31:07 the awkwardness, people don't really know what to do. 31:09 Well, that's okay. 31:10 Just be there. 31:11 Just be there, sit there. 31:12 And they often don't expect an explanation for things. 31:16 What they expect is that you listen, that you are attentive 31:22 and that you see that what needs to be done in order to 31:27 help the person in the situation. 31:29 Sometimes it just means that you offer to go for a little 31:33 stroll, for a little walk in nature. 31:35 Sometimes it means that the person, you know, that you 31:39 offer the person should we go together to the cemetery and 31:42 visit the grave. 31:44 It might be tough on me alone and if I have you at my side, 31:49 it might be easier for me to process and to face, you know, 31:54 or sometimes it means a little encouragement. 31:58 Let's go to your garden and plant a new rose bush. 32:02 Or in memory of, you know, or something where you actively 32:07 engage with the other person in things that start something new 32:13 that is helpful to them that is maybe an encouragement. 32:17 Amen. 32:17 That's good. 32:18 Great counsel. 32:19 I love that. 32:21 We should probably go to prayer again soon, shouldn't we? 32:22 Because there's quite a few. 32:24 Let me see if I just get through these here. 32:26 This is from Michelle in Pennsylvania. 32:28 Two-time cancer survivor. 32:30 Wow. 32:33 The Bible got her through her chemo and surgeries. 32:36 Proverbs 3, 5, and 6 is her verse. 32:39 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. 32:40 That's beautiful. 32:44 acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. 32:49 This is from Jamaica. 32:51 Pray for my body, soul, and mind. 32:57 This one's anonymous. 32:58 Pray for her daughter who's incarcerated. 33:03 That's painful. 33:04 That's a grief. 33:05 Wow. 33:06 And then her daughter's kids. 33:09 So she needs prayer for her grandkids because mama's in 33:13 jail right now or prison. 33:14 I'm not sure. 33:16 And then this is from Stuart from Mississippi. 33:20 Would like prayer, strength, and guidance, and healing. 33:23 This is what praying for healing for his wife who was 33:26 recently diagnosed with dementia. 33:30 So yeah, just strength, guidance, and healing for a 33:33 wife who's diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia. 33:36 So yeah, boy, a lot of hurt, a lot of grief. 33:40 And why don't you lead us in prayer again? 33:41 Sure. 33:42 If you don't mind, please. 33:45 Gracious Lord Jesus, we lift these people up in a very 33:51 special way knowing that you hear, that you understand, that 33:54 you care. 33:55 In ways that is impossible for us. 33:59 But help us to be a loving hand, a helping hand, a person 34:06 who encourages, a person who is there just to listen, a person 34:10 who is willing to go the extra mile in order to make the load 34:15 a little lighter. 34:17 So we ask for those who are facing the difficulty of seeing 34:24 their children incarcerated and having to deal with the 34:28 grandchildren, with those who are struggling with health 34:32 issues of various health issues and people who are lonely, who 34:38 have lost loved ones where they shared their life journey for a 34:42 considerable time. 34:44 And so we just lift up all the different people that have 34:49 submitted their prayer requests and ask that you will not just 34:53 answer their prayers, but that you will grant them the trust 34:59 that they can trust you, that they can see and experience 35:04 that you are at their side, that they are not alone and 35:08 that you care and understand because you have become one of 35:11 us human beings. 35:12 You've gone through separation and even death through your son 35:17 Jesus Christ. 35:19 So we ask Lord that you will be a mighty person in the heavenly 35:24 sanctuary to bring comfort and healing and strength and hope. 35:30 We pray in Jesus' name, amen. 35:32 Amen. 35:33 We've been talking tonight about grief and grace and 35:37 gratitude. 35:39 And let's talk about gratitude. 35:41 How, when you're in the middle of grief, can you even engage 35:46 in gratitude? 35:47 You know, the tooth, it's like an oxymoron. 35:50 When you're grieving, you don't want to be happy, but maybe 35:54 gratitude isn't a happiness necessarily. 35:56 So how do you even incorporate gratitude? 35:59 And what does that look like in the grief process? 36:02 Well, gratitude does not mean that I have to smile all the 36:05 day, all the time. 36:07 But gratitude is biblical. 36:10 God calls us to be grateful, repeatedly, so it's not wrong. 36:15 It's not a sin to be grateful. 36:18 True. 36:19 That's good. 36:20 Yes. 36:20 Amen. 36:27 I mean, there are scientific studies that confirm the health 36:31 benefits that a person gets from a grateful attitude 36:36 towards life, sharing thankfulness and appreciation. 36:41 Wow, health, actual health benefits. 36:42 Health, physical health. 36:43 Wow. 36:44 It impacts you. 36:46 There are studies at Harvard University and others. 36:50 And... 36:53 in medicine and all that kind of... 36:54 Well, that's a proverbial, you know, knowledge, and inside 37:01 that is true, but it actually has been scientifically 37:05 substantiated in amazing ways. 37:11 So gratitude does something to you for the better. 37:15 And this is also my experience and something that I can 37:20 encourage people to give a try. 37:23 It's a very simple exercise, a very simple practice, but it's 37:26 so powerful. 37:29 It just has one significant drawback, and that is it's 37:34 absolutely free. 37:37 Doesn't cost you a penny. 37:37 You don't have to pay for anything. 37:39 Thank you, Ian. 37:43 it that much and don't give it a try. 37:46 It doesn't cost. 37:47 But I learned this actually from my aunt who also lost her 37:52 husband in a tragic car accident several years ago. 37:56 And she has become a role model for me in how to handle life as 38:02 a widow, as a person who has lost a spouse. 38:07 And part of the exercise that helped her to stay sane, 38:11 spiritually sane, you know, you can lose your faith over an 38:14 experience like that. 38:15 You can go crazy, really. 38:18 And so how do you maintain your spiritual 38:26 saneness, so to speak, you know. 38:28 This is the exercise that really has helped me 38:31 tremendously and many other people as well. 38:34 You take a sheet of paper and on the sheet of paper, you just 38:38 write down 10 words, 10 words for which you are grateful for. 38:45 So that is a real challenge because at the moment when you 38:50 experience loss, you're not thinking gratefulness. 38:53 You're not thinking this, I'm thankful for this. 38:55 All you think is the things that I don't have anymore. 38:59 All you think is what I have lost. 39:02 All the things that you focus on are the things that you 39:06 cannot do anymore. 39:08 And it requires a real determination in your thinking 39:12 process to actually think about things for which you can still 39:16 be grateful for. 39:17 And you start small, you don't start the big things, just 39:21 small, you know. 39:23 You're grateful for your hands. 39:25 Wow. 39:29 So you write down eyes. 39:31 You're grateful for a bed that you can sleep in. 39:35 You're grateful for your toothbrush, let's say, you 39:38 know. 39:39 And then you have the word and then from every little word you 39:43 create a small sentence that expresses why you're grateful 39:48 for that particular thing. 39:50 So I'm grateful for my hands so that I can take a book, can 39:53 open the book, that I can touch another person, that I can play 39:58 the piano or music instrument. 40:01 I'm grateful for my eyes so that I can see the colors in 40:05 nature, that I can see where I go, that not everything is 40:08 black. 40:09 I'm grateful for my toothbrush so that I have a fresh air, you 40:14 know, in my mouth in the morning and I'm grateful I 40:17 don't have to sleep on the cold floor, etc. 40:20 So you create a small sentence and once you've written down 40:25 the sentence you speak out the sentence aloud. 40:29 Aloud means that you can hear yourself speak the words. 40:35 Why is that important? 40:36 Because the more of your senses are involved the deeper the 40:41 process of creating gratefulness in your heart. 40:45 So you write, you see what you write, you hear what you speak, 40:51 you speak, you know. 40:54 And so you have 10 reasons for which you're grateful for that 40:58 particular day. 40:59 The next day you take a new sheet of paper. 41:01 Ten new ones? 41:01 Ten new ones, wow. 41:05 And the same procedure, you create a short sentence, you 41:08 speak the sentence and you express why you're grateful for 41:12 that particular thing. 41:13 You're grateful for glasses that you can see, you know, 41:16 better and things like that. 41:18 So if you want to intensify the process you'll repeat the 10 41:23 reasons from the previous day, you know. 41:25 And at the end of just one week you have 70 reasons for which 41:31 you are grateful for. 41:33 And I can tell you I'm not a prophet, you know, I'm a son of 41:38 a prophet, but I can tell you that if you exercise this with 41:42 an open mind it'll change your attitude, it'll change your 41:46 perspective. 41:48 It opens your seeing that there is still beauty in the world to 41:53 be discovered, that there is still goodness out there, that 41:56 there is still so many things for which you can be grateful. 42:00 And it changes your perspective on life. 42:04 It improves your health, your physical health, your spiritual 42:07 health. 42:09 It makes you a better person. 42:12 Did you practice this in the middle of your journey? 42:16 I practiced that in the middle of my journey and it worked. 42:19 Wow. 42:20 And I have shared this simple exercise with many other people 42:24 and the result is always the same. 42:26 It's amazing. 42:28 Did you count how many of those you ended up writing down? 42:30 Because you said in a week and 70 a lot of them, I'm sure. 42:34 I wish I could tell you a specific number, no, but I did 42:37 the exercise and I did it over a considerable period of time 42:40 and it changed my perspective on life and it made me more 42:45 happy. 42:47 It made me more content, it made me more satisfied, it made 42:51 me healthier. 42:53 You can tell just by looking at the face, at the person, if the 43:01 person is harboring grudgeful feelings, negativity, or if the 43:07 person has a positive outlook on life. 43:11 This is a great practice even if you're not going through any 43:13 major grief. 43:15 It's a great practice in any circumstances. 43:18 Yes, absolutely. 43:19 I like that. 43:20 So it's not just writing down a word, it's writing down a word 43:23 but then a sentence that goes with the word but then you 43:26 speak it so you're saying it and you're hearing it. 43:29 You're right. 43:31 It's good. 43:32 I like it. 43:32 Ten a day. 43:33 Ten a day. 43:34 That's awesome. 43:34 Not ten total, ten a day. 43:35 I love that. 43:36 That's great. 43:37 It's a good assignment for us. 43:38 You all right? 43:39 You all heard this. 43:40 Okay, so ten a day. 43:42 to do. 43:45 Excellent. 43:46 So is it possible to be going through the gratitude aspect 43:50 and the lament all in the same day? 43:52 Yes, it's possible. 43:53 Yes, it's possible. 43:55 Yep, that you can be like... 43:56 You know, lament is not just on your negativity. 43:59 Lament is not just complaining about the things you don't have 44:02 anymore. 44:08 something happened to you that is not right. 44:11 It's directing your concern towards God, trusting that God 44:16 is good, trusting that he is love, trusting that he is all 44:20 -powerful, trusting that he can take care of that in his own 44:24 time and with his own means. 44:26 You know, in that sense, lament and developing an attitude of 44:33 gratitude can coexist. 44:36 Together. 44:37 And it's not a contradiction in terms, no. 44:41 Did your... 44:42 I'm just talking for your personal experience. 44:44 I know each person is different, but did your faith 44:47 or trust in God ever waver in the process of your wife's 44:51 diagnosis, the whole process of the treatments or whatever, and 44:56 then she passes? 44:57 Hope that's not too personal of a question. 45:00 It is a personal question. 45:01 It's a personal question, yes. 45:03 You know, every person, if you're honest, every person who 45:07 goes through an experience like that has significant questions, 45:11 spiritual questions, questions about God, about his justice 45:14 and his love, etc. 45:16 I have had those questions as well. 45:22 You know, if you pretend that you don't have these questions, 45:25 something is wrong. 45:27 Thank you for being real. 45:29 Thank you for being real. 45:32 It's not sinful to have these questions, but if you just stop 45:36 at these questions and don't see the broader picture and 45:40 don't see the reality of who God really is at the same time, 45:47 that can become a huge problem. 45:50 And so, yes, I had these questions as well, but 45:53 fortunately, we were not stuck in these why questions. 45:58 These why questions are questions where you don't have 46:00 easy answers and sometimes they just draw you down into 46:06 negativity, and we raised our own set of why questions. 46:11 Why should that happen only to other people and not to us? 46:15 Why should only other people get sick and not we? 46:18 We live in a sinful world. 46:19 And so, you know, the why questions are, there is more to 46:24 the why questions than just the why questions that focus on me 46:28 and my deficiencies and the things that I don't see 46:31 anymore. 46:33 But yeah. 46:34 The key is not to get stuck and drawn down. 46:36 Go ahead. 46:38 And if I may just share an additional little detail that I 46:42 found very helpful and intriguing and that I exercised 46:47 also to some degree is, you know, it's helpful against 46:53 getting too depressed over this whole situation and not getting 46:58 stuck in negativity. 47:00 And that is the blessing of music. 47:05 We have not talked about this. 47:06 No, we haven't. 47:07 You're right. 47:08 That's good. 47:08 Thank you. 47:09 You know, not just listening to good music. 47:12 I started to listen to a lot of music and there is beautiful 47:16 music out there and encouraging music out there and sometimes 47:20 music that touches your heart and makes you cry because you 47:24 experience that the person who wrote the music went through a 47:27 similar experience like you did. 47:30 And you know, some of our most beautiful hymns in our hymn 47:33 books are written by people who have experienced great pain and 47:38 great loss. 47:40 And we sing these hymns and sometimes we sing them so 47:43 thoughtless that I sometimes wonder, are you really aware of 47:48 what you're singing? 47:49 Are you really aware of the words of this song? 47:54 So, music can have a very healing effect on you. 48:01 And if you start singing yourself, the healing effect of 48:07 music is even greater. 48:08 Believe me. 48:10 I'm not a great singer, you know. 48:13 I will never perform in public. 48:15 We can all make a joyful noise. 48:17 We can make a joyful noise and I'll just encourage everyone, 48:21 you know, to sing a joyful song. 48:27 You cannot stay in your negativity if you sing a joyful 48:33 song with an open heart and an open mind, you know. 48:37 If you sing it as you mean it, it'll does something to you and 48:41 the process of singing, there are scientific studies to 48:45 support that. 48:51 your health, physical health. 48:54 And if you sing, you know, I still remember, you know, I had 49:00 to drive with my car to different destinations, part of 49:03 my work, preaching different churches, etc. 49:06 And sometimes I would just tune in and play some of the songs 49:11 that I like that were meaningful to me. 49:14 And I would stand alone in the car, nobody with me, you know, 49:19 to be bothered, you know. 49:20 I would just start singing, you know, and sing and it would 49:24 bring me to tears. 49:26 It would make me cry. 49:29 And that, at the same time, it was a healing process that was 49:32 freeing myself from some of these impressions, yes. 49:39 So music is beautiful. 49:40 Yes, it's powerful. 49:43 I want to read this, it just came in from Shirley. 49:46 She lost one son in June and another son in July. 49:51 And then she lost her eyesight and she blames God. 49:57 Four powerful words at the end, please pray for me. 50:02 It certainly is not God who sent that. 50:05 We can be sure of that. 50:07 God does not rejoice in suffering. 50:11 He does not rejoice in pain. 50:13 He is not inflicting that on us. 50:16 It's the devil who rejoices in that. 50:18 And we should not give the devil the pleasure of seeing 50:23 him succeed in us losing faith in God over these things that 50:27 he actually brings into this world. 50:30 Just remember that. 50:31 Good point. 50:31 I think that's so powerful. 50:34 That's really important because so many times Satan can twist 50:38 that and make us think that God caused or God allowed or God 50:43 something. 50:44 But Satan's the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. 50:46 He's the enemy. 50:49 Matthew says an enemy has done this. 50:50 He's the one who brings evil. 50:53 He's the one who brings sin and suffering, not God. 50:56 Absolutely. 50:58 One more here. 50:59 This is Joy, a prayer request for a beautiful young woman 51:05 named Jeannie who's struggling with alcoholism. 51:10 Abandoned treatment places and then she'll relapse. 51:13 So she just entered another one today. 51:16 So they just want healing and deliverance from the addiction 51:21 of alcohol. 51:22 Yes, I think before we pray one more time, I think Dr. Hossel, 51:26 is there anything? 51:29 program, but is there anything that we haven't really covered 51:30 or something that you'd like to go over again or something that 51:33 you want to just share here Thank you for that opportunity. 51:37 Just a little thought at the end. 51:39 We haven't talked about this yet and that is another very 51:43 helpful and healing approach to the grieving process. 51:48 And that is physical exercise. 51:51 Physical exercise out in nature, if possible. 51:54 If you have an opportunity to go out in nature and just 51:57 listen to the birds sing, you don't have to run. 52:01 Just go for a brisk walk. 52:04 Fresh air, sunlight, physical exercise is so important to 52:11 process things differently. 52:13 You know, even if you're grieving, if you just sit at 52:16 home and you don't get out of your little house and 52:21 surroundings, you know. 52:24 But the moment you move physically, the moment you 52:28 start exercising, you process your thinking differently. 52:32 That's good. 52:33 It helps you in a tremendous way. 52:36 It's also helpful to relieve stress. 52:39 If you are exercising, you get an input of oxygen and 52:47 endorphins and all the good things that our creator has 52:53 given us, how he has created us. 52:55 And so if you have an opportunity to do that, start 52:59 maybe a new exercise with somebody else. 53:01 Sport exercise, do some pickleball. 53:06 You don't have to be a professional. 53:10 Even if it's just doing a little golf, I don't know what 53:14 your favorite sports is or just start gardening. 53:19 To see things grow and to work with your hands and to be at 53:23 the fresh air and the sunlight, it's tremendous. 53:29 Just to get your thoughts in a different direction and to help 53:34 you to gain new physical strength because this is 53:37 training and this is experience. 53:40 Rest, by the way, is just as well and important. 53:44 Enough sleep is important. 53:46 Sometimes it's difficult if you're just an over thinker and 53:49 you think and think and think. 53:51 But try... 53:53 Yes. 53:56 Exactly. 54:03 than if you don't. 54:05 So I think God has given us these basic simple things. 54:11 If we just were to practice them, we would be blessed. 54:15 So I'm going to ask him one more question. 54:17 Is that all right? 54:19 two minutes and 45 seconds. 54:21 So like in a minute, so you've got someone right now at home 54:23 that's just gone through a terrible loss. 54:25 What would you say to them? 54:28 Word of encouragement, something they're going 54:29 through, like they're just looking at the TV right now, 54:32 like in looking for hope. 54:33 Yes. 54:35 The word that I would say to you is don't despair. 54:40 Wow. 54:42 You are not alone. 54:44 Wow. 54:44 Amen. 54:45 There are others who have felt the same thing. 54:47 Sometimes you feel I'm the only person who is going through 54:50 that. 54:51 No, you are not alone. 54:52 There are others. 54:53 And of course you're not alone because God knows about you and 54:58 he loves you. 54:59 And think about it. 55:04 You are still needed. 55:07 People still need you. 55:09 And even if you can't leave your home, if you're even bound 55:14 to a wheelchair, people need your prayers. 55:19 And God needs you and he loves you. 55:21 So this is my little message of encouragement to you at the end 55:26 of our meeting. 55:27 You are not alone. 55:27 You are still needed. 55:30 We'll have a time of prayer here at the end. 55:34 All right. 55:34 Father in heaven, Lord, we're grateful. 55:37 Grateful that you are still on the throne. 55:39 Father, we're all going through different aspects of grief and 55:42 we've heard so many prayer requests this evening. 55:46 Thank you, Father, that you know each one. 55:47 You know the miracle that needs to happen in each situation. 55:50 We lay them before you, trusting you. 55:54 And even when we feel we cannot get up, Lord, we know with your 55:56 strength we can. 55:58 Thank you again for Dr. Hauser's openness, his 56:01 transparency, and Lord, continue to bless him and his 56:04 life and his ministry in Jesus' name. 56:06 Amen. 56:07 I can't believe we're all the way down to the end of the 56:10 program. 56:12 Thank you, Dr. Hauser, for coming, for being willing to 56:15 share your transparency, the wisdom that God has given you 56:19 as you journeyed through this. 56:20 I was just reminded Paul, you know, he tells us that God 56:24 comforts us in our time of grief so that we can in turn 56:28 extend that comfort. 56:29 This is Jill's paraphrase. 56:31 Extend that comfort to someone else and thinking about the 56:35 pain that you have been through in the grief and yet out of 56:39 that, the growth of this book, out of that, the other people, 56:43 even people tonight we heard, who've been blessed and touched 56:46 and ministered by that. 56:47 It is so encouraging for me and a blessing to hear that others 56:51 have been blessed already. 56:53 Amen. 56:54 Praise Jesus. 56:55 So know that you are not alone and you are needed and you are 56:58 part of the 3ABN family. 57:01 We love you and we will see you next time. 57:04 Good night. |
Revised 2025-03-14