Hello and welcome back to 3ABN
Thursday Night Live, so glad
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that you've joined us.
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live program tonight.
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We decided to make this one
live, it's not pre-recorded,
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it's live.
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re -air on Sunday and Tuesday,
so this is Thursday night here
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in Southern Illinois.
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You can reach out to us
with your comments, questions,
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prayer requests.
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We mentioned at the end of
the first hour, hey, what about
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your favorite Bible scripture
that has carried you through
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those difficult
times in your life?
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So send those to us as well.
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We have received a lot
of prayer requests tonight.
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Dr. Frank Causal is
with us this evening.
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We're talking about grief and
I like the title of his book,
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Love is Grief,
Grace and Gratitude.
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We have the book.
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Jill will talk about that
in just a minute, how you can
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actually get that
from 3ABN this evening.
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Very exciting.
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There's the graphic
of the book right there.
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But again, what a very helpful
topic because we all deal with
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grief, many different aspects
of grief which we've talked
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about.
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and continue on with life
and not let us take us down into
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full depression.
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So it's going to be, again,
a really helpful second hour by
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God's grace.
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And again, we had a
lot of prayer requests.
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I think we have a few more
we need to read and things.
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But tell us about the
book and how they can get it.
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I don't even know.
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evening plus the
rest of the team.
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I don't know how many have been
ordered, Rachel and the team,
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but I'm sure a lot have already
been ordered already this
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evening.
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This book is powerful.
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I like everything that Dr.
Frank has written actually.
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I think I have every
single one of your books.
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They've ministered to my life.
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They've helped me in my journey
with Jesus and my growth as a
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Christian.
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This book is no exception.
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It's a powerful book.
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Whether you've lost a spouse
or a child or a parent, whether
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you're dealing with
other types of grief.
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We all experience grief,
different types of grief.
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And so this book is powerful.
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Love is a journey of
grief, grace, and gratitude.
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It's practical, it's
biblical, it's a good read.
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And it's encouraging.
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So you can call us
right now at the call center.
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We have these books available.
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Call us at 618-627-4651.
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That number
again is 618-627 -4651.
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You can order the book.
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You can give us
your prayer request.
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You can mention a Bible
scripture that has helped you
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in your own processing of grief
or a time of sadness in your
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life.
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We always love to
hear where you're from.
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So if you want to give us your
country or state, that's always
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wonderful too.
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You can order this
book online as well.
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You can go to our
store, 3ABNstore.com.
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That's 3ABNstore.com.
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And you just
order the book there.
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You can do it that way.
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You can also text in your
prayer requests or questions,
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618 -228-3975.
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That's 618-228-3975.
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Or you can email them in.
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I think we've
encompassed every way here.
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That's live,
L-I-V-E at 3ABN .TV.
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Amen.
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Yeah, you know, as I think
about grief and all the aspects
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of it, I think a lot of times
as Christians, Dr. Frank, that
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we say, shouldn't grieve, right?
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It's almost like a bad thing.
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So then as we're going through
grief, we almost feel guilty or
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could feel guilty.
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Like, oh, I know I need
to be hanging on the Lord.
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And that's where the not so
helpful person can say, just,
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you know, stand
on the Word of God.
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He'll help you
through this, right?
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And so then
you're like, oh, I know.
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So talk to us about that.
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What was your
experience with that aspect?
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Yes, good question.
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And I think that that is
something that we need to learn
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as Christians.
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Because we all know the words
of the Apostle Paul in the book
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of Philippians, that we should
be joyful in everything, we
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should give thanks to God.
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And so we experience something
and we don't feel that way and
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we don't feel
grateful and thankful at all.
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And that makes some people
feel guilty, spiritually guilty.
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That we're experiencing
something, I'm experiencing
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something that I shouldn't.
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And there are several things
that I think that we need to
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rediscover and learn anew
in our dealing with grief.
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One of them is what I call
the biblical practice of lament.
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Oh, okay.
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So lament is
something very interesting.
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In fact, roughly one third
of the 150 Psalms are Psalms of
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lament.
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If you read them, there's
a whole biblical book called
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Lamentations.
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The purpose of that
book is to express lament.
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And you'll find lament
throughout the Bible in many
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places.
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Lament is not unbiblical.
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And people confuse
lament with complaining.
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Now complaining and lament
are two completely different
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things.
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Wow, okay.
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I would agree.
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A lot of times you
put those together.
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If you complain, you're just
negative, negative, negative.
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You point out all
the negative things.
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Lament is something different.
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Lament can actually be a very
helpful spiritual experience
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because you can only lament if
you believe and you think that
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God is good and that God is
just and that God is almighty.
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Only if you believe
that can you lament.
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Lament is the expression that
something happened to you that
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should not have happened.
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Something happened to
you that is not right.
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Something happened
to you that is not just.
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Let's say even in this sinful
world that we live in, children
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should not die
before their parents die.
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That's right.
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Correct.
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Shouldn't be.
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Yeah, that's right.
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It should not be.
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This is not right.
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Even in a sinful
world, this is not right.
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Lament really expresses that
something has happened to you
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that is not right, that
should not have happened.
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But you express that lament
towards God because you trust
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that God ultimately is good and
ultimately is able to deal with
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the situation even though
you experience something very
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different right now.
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This is the example
of the biblical writers.
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They express sometimes
in words that make us blush.
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They are so direct.
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They speak out
what is on their heart.
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They don't pretend
to be holy and perfect.
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They say how they feel it.
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And then the psalm writer says,
but you know my heart and see
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how I mean it and don't hold
that against me and give me a
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new heart and your perspective.
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And that is you
express what is not right.
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You express the things that
have happened to you that are
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not just, that are not good.
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And then you tell God, even
though I don't know the answer
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yet, even though I don't know
and understand, I still commit
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that into your hands.
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And this can be a very healing
first step in the process of
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grieving.
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Because if you pretend I
shouldn't feel that way, you
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still have to deal
with these strong feelings.
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It's just stuffed.
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It's just stuffed and it
breaks it open somewhere in an
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unhealthy way.
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This is the experience
that many Christians have.
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They think that I shouldn't
feel that way, yet I do feel
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that way.
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Has God deserted me?
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Has he forgotten anything?
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Am I doing something wrong?
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And no, these
feelings are very natural.
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They're normal, so to speak.
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But you lament, you do
not stay in the negative.
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You commit it
into the hands of God.
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You commit and trust and
express and trust that even
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though you don't understand,
you trust the person who
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understands.
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Even though you don't have an
answer, you trust that there is
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one in heaven who is called
our Father who knows the answer.
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And in the meantime, he invites
us to trust him more fully.
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So in that sense, I
think lament is a very biblical
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practice and a
very healing exercise.
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Because it's not just
complaining about something
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that you've lost.
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It's not complaining about
things that you can't enjoy
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anymore.
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But you address, acknowledge
that something negative has
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happened to you.
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But you commit
that into God's hands.
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And in being honest with
yourself and being honest with
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God, you open up a door where
God can intervene in your life
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and can even give you a new
perspective of things that you
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didn't see before.
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So I think that is something
that needs to be rediscovered
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with many Christians.
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And we can experience a
blessing in our lives if we
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would practice that.
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So when did you discover this?
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Then was it actually before
your wife passed away, this
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whole process of lament?
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Was it recent or
during the process?
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I cannot pinpoint a point in
time where I says, this is when
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I learned.
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But as you deal with grief
and this experience, you try to
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find answers from other people.
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So you read books.
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I love to read books.
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And sometimes once in a while,
you come across something that
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is helpful and that you
find, or maybe it opens up a new
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horizon of understanding.
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And some of these things I
have shared in my book because I
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experienced that this has been
helpful in my journey through
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loss and grief.
00:11:07.36\00:11:08.30
And so maybe others can benefit
from some of these insights as
00:11:08.90\00:11:13.34
well.
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thing, every grieving process
is different for every person.
00:11:19.27\00:11:22.91
So there is no timeline that
every person has to go through.
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When I was a teacher some years
ago, I would teach my students
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in counseling class the
five stages of grief that Kübler
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-Ross and others would promote.
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And you go
through different stages.
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Now, having gone through a
grieving process myself, I can
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tell you that this is
not how reality really works.
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For one thing, there is no
gradual stages that you pass
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through and finally you've
arrived at a stage where you
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left grief behind and
move on without grief.
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Because for one thing,
it's much more complicated and
00:12:02.15\00:12:05.39
complex and you have different
stages at the same time.
00:12:05.39\00:12:08.66
But then this whole concept was
developed with people who were
00:12:08.66\00:12:14.56
terminally ill and
experienced that themselves.
00:12:14.56\00:12:16.90
It doesn't really describe the
reality of people who have lost
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a spouse or a child or
another person they loved.
00:12:20.87\00:12:25.21
So we have to be careful
not to be overly strict on a
00:12:25.81\00:12:32.05
particular thing.
00:12:32.05\00:12:32.85
And understanding that, and
that is part of the title of
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the book that love is, that
grief exists only because you
00:12:37.59\00:12:42.02
have loved the person in the
first place tells you that you
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will not leave grief behind.
00:12:45.93\00:12:48.03
Grief will be with you.
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Now, that might sound a little
depressing at the moment, but
00:12:49.73\00:12:53.50
you would never ever say to
a person, now, leave your love
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behind, move on
without your love.
00:12:59.41\00:13:01.38
Never would.
00:13:01.41\00:13:01.78
That's rude.
00:13:02.04\00:13:02.68
That's not fair.
00:13:02.74\00:13:03.68
So if you understand that grief
is an expression of your love,
00:13:03.98\00:13:07.08
you will never say to a person,
now, leave your grief behind,
00:13:07.08\00:13:10.09
move on.
00:13:10.35\00:13:10.99
No, you move on with your grief.
00:13:11.15\00:13:13.72
You integrate your grief into
your life and you learn to live
00:13:13.96\00:13:17.73
your life with the reality
of the absence of this person.
00:13:17.73\00:13:21.00
And you need to rediscover
and rearrange your life in ways
00:13:21.53\00:13:24.90
that makes life possible
again in ways that you've never
00:13:24.90\00:13:30.77
envisioned before.
00:13:30.77\00:13:31.77
And that is the challenge
and the beauty of a grieving
00:13:32.67\00:13:37.68
process that we go through.
00:13:37.68\00:13:39.45
This question actually pertains
to exactly what you were just
00:13:39.71\00:13:42.58
talking about now.
00:13:42.58\00:13:43.32
So I want to reference this.
00:13:43.32\00:13:44.35
This came from Bill.
00:13:44.35\00:13:45.19
He lives in Tennessee.
00:13:45.29\00:13:46.25
He lost his wife two years ago.
00:13:46.76\00:13:48.42
When he needs to ask her
something and remember she's
00:13:48.89\00:13:51.09
not there, he bursts out crying.
00:13:51.09\00:13:52.79
And he wants to know if two
years is too long for him to
00:13:53.13\00:13:56.30
still be crying like that.
00:13:56.30\00:13:57.67
No, not at all, Bill.
00:13:57.93\00:13:59.10
Two years is not at all.
00:14:00.10\00:14:01.17
And don't feel
ashamed to cry even as a man.
00:14:01.80\00:14:05.81
We men need to learn to do that.
00:14:06.57\00:14:08.84
God has given us the ability.
00:14:08.91\00:14:10.21
And after all, David cried.
00:14:10.68\00:14:12.65
Jesus cried.
00:14:13.35\00:14:14.22
And if they can cry, you know,
we have every reason to shed a
00:14:15.08\00:14:19.19
tear as well,
especially over things.
00:14:19.19\00:14:21.62
Jesus was moved to tears
when his friend Lazarus died.
00:14:21.72\00:14:25.63
Now, didn't he
believe in the resurrection?
00:14:26.33\00:14:27.83
Absolutely.
00:14:28.03\00:14:28.53
Of course.
00:14:28.73\00:14:31.63
Why is that?
00:14:31.97\00:14:32.60
See, and that is
something that I also learned.
00:14:32.97\00:14:34.57
Sometimes people would try
to comfort me in my pain, in my
00:14:34.57\00:14:39.67
experience of grief.
00:14:39.67\00:14:40.78
And they would say, well,
at least, that's another, at
00:14:40.84\00:14:43.48
least.
00:14:43.48\00:14:44.05
At least we have this hope,
don't we, for the resurrection?
00:14:44.68\00:14:48.88
We do that a lot,
especially at Seventh Avenue.
00:14:48.88\00:14:50.82
We do have the hope.
00:14:51.79\00:14:53.09
This was not helpful for me.
00:14:54.16\00:14:55.96
This was not
consoling and comforting at all.
00:14:55.96\00:14:58.79
Why?
00:14:58.79\00:14:59.26
Not because I don't
believe in the resurrection.
00:14:59.86\00:15:01.80
I firmly believe this.
00:15:02.03\00:15:03.33
I look forward to the moment
where I will see her again.
00:15:03.33\00:15:07.67
But it is not helpful in
the moment for a simple reason,
00:15:08.67\00:15:12.47
because we don't know
when Jesus will come back.
00:15:12.74\00:15:16.38
This could be tomorrow, could
be in a year, could be sometime
00:15:17.18\00:15:21.52
in the future.
00:15:21.52\00:15:22.32
It's undefined.
00:15:23.35\00:15:24.55
That's right.
00:15:24.55\00:15:25.02
We hope it's
soon, but we never know.
00:15:25.52\00:15:28.09
But I do miss my
partner right now.
00:15:28.79\00:15:31.13
I miss her counsel now.
00:15:31.63\00:15:32.96
I miss her smile now.
00:15:32.96\00:15:34.30
I miss her touch now.
00:15:34.36\00:15:35.46
I miss her input now.
00:15:35.56\00:15:36.93
I miss to discuss things with
her now, and her wisdom and her
00:15:37.27\00:15:42.27
laughter.
00:15:42.27\00:15:42.67
And this is why we grieve,
because we have loved the
00:15:43.41\00:15:47.54
person.
00:15:47.54\00:15:52.01
would live again.
00:15:52.01\00:15:53.82
And here's the resurrection.
00:15:53.85\00:15:55.28
So there is no discrepancy,
and we should not feel bad as
00:15:55.52\00:15:59.22
Christians to feel that way.
00:15:59.22\00:16:03.12
You haven't lost your
faith if you feel that way.
00:16:05.06\00:16:08.83
It's just a natural reaction to
the absence of the person with
00:16:09.70\00:16:14.60
whom you shared so much.
00:16:14.60\00:16:16.24
And if we understand that
dynamic, I think we can be a
00:16:17.14\00:16:19.91
little bit more gracious in
our dealing with other people.
00:16:19.91\00:16:24.25
So then, from understanding
correctly then, Bill was
00:16:24.75\00:16:27.52
asking, like bursting
into tears two years after his
00:16:27.52\00:16:30.59
wife's passing, there
really is no timeline.
00:16:30.59\00:16:32.82
In other words, a person could
burst into tears 10 years after
00:16:32.99\00:16:35.92
something can bring up a memory.
00:16:35.92\00:16:37.76
In other words, you shouldn't
be like, oh, after this amount
00:16:38.23\00:16:41.26
of time, you
should not cry anymore.
00:16:41.26\00:16:42.63
And see, this grieving process
is so unpredictable that you
00:16:43.00\00:16:47.97
cannot say, now I've mastered
it, and now this will never
00:16:47.97\00:16:53.94
affect me anymore.
00:16:53.94\00:16:55.08
You know, the longer the
time goes, the less acute the
00:16:55.08\00:17:01.82
initial pain you might feel.
00:17:01.82\00:17:05.25
But sometimes people say,
oh, time heals our wounds.
00:17:06.25\00:17:09.42
I was just going to ask
you what you think about that.
00:17:09.42\00:17:11.86
Okay.
00:17:11.86\00:17:15.90
sense, this is true
because with passing time, the
00:17:15.90\00:17:21.60
immediate rawness of the
event is no longer as sharp, as
00:17:21.60\00:17:26.11
painful as at the beginning.
00:17:26.11\00:17:28.34
So it becomes milder,
but it never quite goes away
00:17:29.01\00:17:32.95
completely, I think.
00:17:32.95\00:17:34.18
And that, again, has to do with
the love that we experienced.
00:17:35.15\00:17:38.65
But there was something
else that I wanted to say, and I
00:17:41.89\00:17:45.13
lost the thought here.
00:17:45.13\00:17:47.03
Well, let's go to
some prayer requests.
00:17:48.63\00:17:51.30
So is that okay?
00:17:51.50\00:17:52.23
Yes, yes.
00:17:52.57\00:17:53.37
And then we can
come back to that.
00:17:53.37\00:17:55.07
Yeah, good.
00:17:55.44\00:17:57.34
read some of the contents.
00:17:57.34\00:17:59.87
actually the
chapters in the book, too.
00:17:59.87\00:18:01.84
Sure, I like that.
00:18:02.18\00:18:02.84
Yeah.
00:18:03.08\00:18:05.55
Absolutely.
00:18:05.55\00:18:05.95
And comments.
00:18:05.95\00:18:09.72
So these needs, not only will
we pray over them here tonight,
00:18:09.82\00:18:13.62
but our pastoral department
will pray over them all next
00:18:13.72\00:18:17.76
week.
00:18:17.76\00:18:18.16
That's right.
00:18:18.16\00:18:22.43
week.
00:18:22.43\00:18:23.10
This is absolutely anonymous.
00:18:23.10\00:18:26.60
Prayer for her niece, Kim.
00:18:27.50\00:18:29.00
Her husband has cancer, which
is advancing, and he's in a lot
00:18:29.64\00:18:33.21
of pain.
00:18:33.21\00:18:33.74
It's extremely painful when
someone you love suffers, you
00:18:37.65\00:18:41.32
know, and experiences that,
and you want to take it away and
00:18:41.32\00:18:45.02
can't.
00:18:45.02\00:18:49.39
immediately, but the relative,
the family of relatives who was
00:18:49.39\00:18:53.63
worried about the well-being.
00:18:53.63\00:18:55.50
Correct.
00:18:55.50\00:18:56.06
Watching.
00:18:56.77\00:18:57.17
You're right.
00:18:57.17\00:18:57.50
Oh, yeah.
00:18:57.83\00:18:58.30
This is an anonymous mother.
00:18:58.93\00:19:00.74
Pray for my
daughter who's alcoholic.
00:19:00.74\00:19:02.97
This one, my son had cancer and
died back in July, and there's
00:19:07.81\00:19:11.88
some tragic
circumstances surrounding that.
00:19:11.88\00:19:14.62
So, grieving and dealing
with forgiveness as well in that
00:19:16.89\00:19:21.02
process.
00:19:21.02\00:19:21.72
This Anoria, asking for her
family to be closer to Jesus.
00:19:23.02\00:19:27.50
Gail from Montana.
00:19:28.33\00:19:29.66
I wonder if that's Gail.
00:19:29.90\00:19:30.97
And Chuck.
00:19:31.73\00:19:32.07
Maybe.
00:19:32.47\00:19:33.13
If it's Gail and
Chuck, we love you.
00:19:33.27\00:19:34.64
I don't know if
it's Gail and Chuck.
00:19:34.70\00:19:36.00
Her friend Kathy has
guardianship of five nieces and
00:19:36.77\00:19:40.98
nephews and
recently lost her mother.
00:19:40.98\00:19:43.81
Anonymous, prayer for divine
healing has Crohn's disease.
00:19:46.92\00:19:51.22
Friend Melanie
battling stage four bone cancer.
00:19:51.82\00:19:55.36
Another friend who
has Huntington's disease.
00:19:56.02\00:19:59.06
So that's a lot of sickness.
00:19:59.09\00:20:00.86
A lot of anonymous tonight,
but just says, please pray for
00:20:01.73\00:20:05.77
contentment in
Christ in singleness.
00:20:05.77\00:20:08.34
Okay, yeah.
00:20:09.57\00:20:11.54
Willingness to
grow as God leads.
00:20:11.74\00:20:13.68
Also, thank you, Dr. Housel,
for coming on and talking about
00:20:14.01\00:20:17.85
grieving.
00:20:17.85\00:20:18.38
Yes, it is okay to grieve,
and it does not mean you are
00:20:19.01\00:20:22.32
lacking in faith.
00:20:22.32\00:20:23.15
Yes.
00:20:23.85\00:20:28.06
them.
00:20:28.06\00:20:28.46
May God be with all
who are currently grieving.
00:20:29.36\00:20:32.89
Wow.
00:20:33.09\00:20:33.63
Yeah, that is powerful.
00:20:33.66\00:20:34.46
But yeah, that's a
contentment in singleness.
00:20:34.63\00:20:36.56
And that's a good point
too, because some have never
00:20:36.60\00:20:39.13
married, wanted to be married.
00:20:39.13\00:20:40.37
And that's another
aspect of grieving, right?
00:20:40.37\00:20:42.17
And yeah, didn't have the
opportunity to get married,
00:20:42.17\00:20:44.24
have children.
00:20:44.34\00:20:44.91
So many aspects, for sure.
00:20:45.27\00:20:47.68
Again, I know we have more here
I want to read, but again, this
00:20:48.21\00:20:51.91
just happened tonight.
00:20:51.91\00:20:53.01
You know, this program is not
about, hey, let's promote his
00:20:53.18\00:20:54.92
book, because this
actually just happened today.
00:20:54.92\00:20:56.69
We're like, you know, Dr.
Housel, would it be okay if we
00:20:56.72\00:20:58.82
actually carried this book
in the call center so everyone
00:20:58.82\00:21:00.72
scrambled around?
00:21:00.72\00:21:01.52
Okay, we got a
hundred of them coming.
00:21:01.62\00:21:02.92
So we wanted to have this
program because of the Today
00:21:03.22\00:21:06.13
program.
00:21:06.13\00:21:08.80
Oh, yeah.
00:21:08.80\00:21:09.33
Maybe a year or so ago.
00:21:09.36\00:21:10.93
Was it a year ago?
00:21:10.93\00:21:11.13
Not that much, no.
00:21:11.60\00:21:12.53
Not quite that, but
yeah, so well received.
00:21:12.53\00:21:14.57
But yeah, this book is
available at the call center
00:21:14.74\00:21:17.47
this evening.
00:21:17.47\00:21:21.41
contents of this book.
00:21:21.41\00:21:22.48
And it's love is a journey
of grief, grace, and gratitude
00:21:22.64\00:21:26.72
written by Dr. Housel.
00:21:26.72\00:21:27.98
And thank you again,
Dr. Housel, for making this
00:21:27.98\00:21:29.65
available here at 3ABM.
00:21:29.65\00:21:31.02
Here are the chapters.
00:21:31.55\00:21:32.89
I'm sure you'd like
to know just like I do.
00:21:33.15\00:21:35.49
And so it's chapter one,
dealing with the unspeakable.
00:21:35.69\00:21:38.59
Tragic events
often start unexpectedly.
00:21:39.83\00:21:43.00
Chapter three, diagnosis.
00:21:43.83\00:21:45.50
Chapter four,
facing the unknown.
00:21:46.47\00:21:48.90
Hope frustrated.
00:21:50.11\00:21:51.54
Facets and
feelings of loss and grief.
00:21:52.27\00:21:55.48
Learning to talk
about death and grief.
00:21:56.28\00:21:58.51
That can be very difficult.
00:21:59.11\00:22:01.08
Death's impact.
00:22:02.08\00:22:02.95
A world turned inside out.
00:22:03.45\00:22:05.89
We're up to chapter nine now.
00:22:06.49\00:22:07.92
Myths and closure.
00:22:08.39\00:22:09.72
Learning lessons.
00:22:10.79\00:22:12.03
Lovingly moving forward.
00:22:13.13\00:22:15.03
Don't say it.
00:22:15.53\00:22:16.67
Helpful help.
00:22:17.07\00:22:17.73
We talked about that
already a little bit.
00:22:18.03\00:22:19.73
Time is a wound.
00:22:20.34\00:22:21.84
Now that's interesting.
00:22:22.20\00:22:22.97
Time is a wound.
00:22:23.27\00:22:24.07
Yeah, this is the
thought that I missed.
00:22:24.87\00:22:27.54
So many people say
time will heal all wounds.
00:22:28.51\00:22:32.78
But in some
sense, time is the wound.
00:22:33.95\00:22:36.45
Because, you know, there are
some things that my wife will
00:22:38.65\00:22:42.46
never have the
joy to experience.
00:22:42.46\00:22:44.19
So since she died, I had
the joy to have a granddaughter.
00:22:44.69\00:22:51.07
It's a joy to see her and
to interact with her and to see
00:22:52.63\00:22:57.21
the new life.
00:22:57.21\00:22:58.14
But she will never have the
joy to hold her in our arms.
00:22:58.91\00:23:02.14
And so this is part of
the grieving experience.
00:23:03.38\00:23:06.58
Often the greatest joys
and grief are close together.
00:23:07.25\00:23:11.49
Because the things that give
you great joy all of a sudden
00:23:12.09\00:23:14.92
make you realize that, oh, the
other person is missing and the
00:23:14.92\00:23:19.23
other person
cannot experience that.
00:23:19.23\00:23:21.10
And in that
sense, time is the wound.
00:23:21.50\00:23:24.23
When my wife died,
my youngest son was 11.
00:23:24.73\00:23:27.64
Now he's 27.
00:23:28.74\00:23:29.84
Will she even recognize him?
00:23:30.67\00:23:32.84
He has grown to
a nice young man.
00:23:33.01\00:23:35.98
But there are changes in life
that have changed me, that have
00:23:37.35\00:23:41.12
changed us as a family, that
she has not had an opportunity
00:23:41.12\00:23:45.09
to experience and see
and follow us through.
00:23:45.09\00:23:47.86
So in that sense, time doesn't
just, wow, heal everything.
00:23:48.36\00:23:54.03
Sometimes time becomes the
challenge, the wound that we
00:23:54.46\00:23:58.63
have to deal
with at the same time.
00:23:58.63\00:24:00.70
I had not thought of that.
00:24:02.10\00:24:03.54
That's deep, actually.
00:24:03.67\00:24:05.11
Greatest joy and also
grief right there together.
00:24:05.41\00:24:09.14
Just like love and
grief together, joy and grief.
00:24:09.14\00:24:13.38
So usually we want to separate
the two and we want to say you
00:24:14.82\00:24:19.69
leave grief behind, you
just move on to the joy.
00:24:19.69\00:24:22.39
But this is not how life works.
00:24:22.82\00:24:24.39
This is not how life is.
00:24:24.59\00:24:26.43
In life, both are often closely
connected and interrelated.
00:24:26.70\00:24:31.13
This is a good question.
00:24:33.64\00:24:36.34
They don't give their name.
00:24:36.97\00:24:37.77
They're from Indiana.
00:24:37.84\00:24:38.51
My husband died a few years ago.
00:24:39.21\00:24:40.98
He was actually
verbally and physically abusive.
00:24:41.71\00:24:44.48
But he told me to only
think of the good years.
00:24:45.05\00:24:48.65
But I just can't seem to
find anything good to think of.
00:24:49.72\00:24:52.25
Is this bad of me?
00:24:52.65\00:24:54.89
So kind of feeling
guilty, it seems like.
00:24:54.92\00:24:56.79
Yeah, because the husband said,
just think of the good things.
00:24:56.93\00:24:58.83
He said, I can't
think of the bad.
00:24:59.03\00:25:01.33
But is this bad for me?
00:25:01.43\00:25:02.96
So, wow, that's
quite a lot to unpack.
00:25:03.23\00:25:06.60
That's a difficult situation
and it's a very pertinent
00:25:06.60\00:25:13.04
question.
00:25:13.04\00:25:13.51
Because when you're in an
abusive relationship, this is
00:25:15.58\00:25:21.15
not easy.
00:25:21.15\00:25:21.78
And you don't leave
behind these impressions and the
00:25:23.08\00:25:26.05
memories easily.
00:25:26.05\00:25:27.52
This is something where
you really need God's help, His
00:25:28.22\00:25:32.06
forgiveness and the grace to
deal with that in healing ways.
00:25:32.06\00:25:37.90
And maybe even use the help
of a trained counselor, a person
00:25:38.17\00:25:47.14
who is really able to help
you process some of these things
00:25:47.14\00:25:52.38
that you alone are not in
a position to handle and to
00:25:52.38\00:25:56.75
master.
00:25:56.75\00:25:57.09
This is not a sign of weakness.
00:25:57.62\00:26:00.82
This is not a sign of
deficiency if we seek the help
00:26:00.82\00:26:04.09
of others who are trained in
special ways to provide healing
00:26:04.09\00:26:10.03
and help.
00:26:10.03\00:26:10.57
And so I would encourage
everyone who has experienced
00:26:11.27\00:26:15.27
traumatic things in life.
00:26:15.27\00:26:17.41
And death is a traumatic thing,
for that matter, to seek the
00:26:18.81\00:26:23.04
help of professional people who
can be with you on the journey
00:26:23.04\00:26:28.05
and guide you in processing
some of the things that you
00:26:28.05\00:26:31.89
struggle with.
00:26:31.89\00:26:32.65
And sometimes this can be
just an initial perspective that
00:26:33.12\00:26:37.69
helps you to see things with
new eyes or to process things
00:26:37.69\00:26:43.40
differently than
you were able so far.
00:26:43.40\00:26:46.00
That's really good.
00:26:46.33\00:26:47.40
And let's talk
about that for a moment.
00:26:47.54\00:26:49.00
This is a Bible verse
someone sent in that helped them
00:26:49.07\00:26:51.37
through their chemo.
00:26:51.37\00:26:52.24
So we'll share
that in just a moment.
00:26:52.27\00:26:53.71
But speaking of counseling, I
think sometimes as Christians,
00:26:53.71\00:26:58.11
we can say, well,
God should be all I need.
00:26:59.25\00:27:03.62
I should be able to go to the
Word and spend time in prayer.
00:27:04.42\00:27:08.19
And we believe in the Word
of God and we believe in prayer.
00:27:08.26\00:27:10.96
So how do you
reconcile those two?
00:27:11.36\00:27:14.30
Because sometimes we can think
that or is there a deficiency
00:27:15.36\00:27:20.20
in me or am I not as
strong as a Christian?
00:27:20.20\00:27:21.87
There is no deficiency, Jill.
00:27:21.87\00:27:25.44
There's no deficiency in
thinking that way for a very
00:27:25.47\00:27:29.51
simple reason.
00:27:29.51\00:27:30.25
Yes, God is all I need.
00:27:30.78\00:27:32.11
I'm glad for his word in
the Bible and I appreciate the
00:27:33.82\00:27:37.65
Bible.
00:27:37.65\00:27:39.69
There is no other book on
the planet that can comfort in
00:27:40.26\00:27:45.53
sadness and in grief
and in challenging times.
00:27:45.53\00:27:48.50
And even in death,
like the Bible does.
00:27:48.50\00:27:52.67
So go to the Bible and use that.
00:27:52.87\00:27:55.10
But that doesn't mean
that there is no need for other
00:27:55.47\00:28:00.54
people and there is no need for
counseling and there is no need
00:28:00.54\00:28:03.28
for help for a simple reason.
00:28:03.28\00:28:04.95
Because God has created as
human beings in fellowship.
00:28:05.28\00:28:10.32
We're not created as
individuals isolated from the
00:28:11.39\00:28:14.66
rest of the world
just by ourselves.
00:28:14.66\00:28:16.52
He has created us for community
and we need that community and
00:28:16.52\00:28:21.23
we need the input, the wisdom
and the insights of others in
00:28:21.23\00:28:25.17
order to grow
ourselves spiritually.
00:28:25.17\00:28:27.50
That's why we have church.
00:28:27.87\00:28:29.07
That's why the church exists.
00:28:29.27\00:28:30.67
That is part of the church and
an important part of community.
00:28:30.97\00:28:35.18
And so even in the grieving
process, you know, you don't
00:28:35.54\00:28:39.21
just process grief
just in isolation alone.
00:28:39.21\00:28:42.48
Hopefully, you will have other
people with whom you are able
00:28:42.48\00:28:46.32
to talk things over, to share
how you feel about things, even
00:28:46.32\00:28:51.03
to repeat some of the things,
you know, because they were so
00:28:51.03\00:28:54.23
traumatic.
00:28:54.23\00:28:59.50
experienced, let's say, a
traumatic car accident and you
00:28:59.50\00:29:03.34
share that experience with your
friend, you will tell them and
00:29:03.34\00:29:07.88
you will tell them again
and you will tell them again,
00:29:07.88\00:29:11.05
because this was not
just a little scratch.
00:29:11.05\00:29:13.28
This was a major impact.
00:29:13.38\00:29:14.72
The greater the impact,
the more the need to retell.
00:29:15.45\00:29:19.52
And this is not bad.
00:29:20.19\00:29:21.19
This is not a deficiency.
00:29:21.22\00:29:22.32
This is not a lack of faith.
00:29:22.46\00:29:24.63
This is just part of how we
human beings are constructed,
00:29:25.03\00:29:28.26
so to speak, how
God has created us.
00:29:28.26\00:29:30.57
And so there is nothing wrong
if I repeat some of the things,
00:29:30.87\00:29:36.27
you know, and need to do that
in order to process that for
00:29:36.27\00:29:40.28
me.
00:29:40.28\00:29:42.74
This is where we sometimes
even need professional help.
00:29:42.88\00:29:45.61
And it's not a signal
of weakness or deficiency.
00:29:45.95\00:29:50.79
No, by no means.
00:29:50.89\00:29:52.09
Now, you know,
there's counseling and there's
00:29:52.52\00:29:55.99
counseling.
00:29:55.99\00:29:59.16
perspective, we want to
encourage people who have a
00:29:59.16\00:30:03.16
Christian
background and worldview.
00:30:03.16\00:30:05.47
Oh, that's right.
00:30:05.70\00:30:08.64
maybe in the wrong directions.
00:30:08.67\00:30:10.07
That are not so helpful
from a spiritual, biblical
00:30:10.07\00:30:13.27
perspective.
00:30:13.27\00:30:13.88
But fortunately enough, there
are many counselors who work
00:30:14.68\00:30:17.48
from a biblical worldview and
a biblical perspective and seek
00:30:17.48\00:30:21.42
their help by all means, yes.
00:30:21.42\00:30:23.28
I want to go back to what
you were talking about, like the
00:30:23.79\00:30:25.59
friends standing beside
you just like to sit there not
00:30:25.59\00:30:28.59
saying anything because you
could say, oh, you already told
00:30:28.59\00:30:31.36
me that already.
00:30:31.36\00:30:32.19
You know, I already know that.
00:30:32.49\00:30:33.63
You already told
me that, you know.
00:30:33.70\00:30:34.73
So just let's move
on to something else.
00:30:34.73\00:30:36.46
And if you go to the book of
Job, you know, the best thing
00:30:36.50\00:30:40.90
that his friends could do at
the beginning was just to sit
00:30:40.90\00:30:44.21
there and say nothing.
00:30:44.21\00:30:45.11
I hadn't thought about that.
00:30:45.54\00:30:46.44
That's good.
00:30:46.57\00:30:49.34
This is true, it began.
00:30:49.34\00:30:50.81
Sometimes, you know, we want to
give an explanation and we want
00:30:51.68\00:30:55.32
to help even our own process of
seeing somebody else grieve and
00:30:55.32\00:31:01.19
not see how the other person is
really doing and what he or she
00:31:01.19\00:31:04.76
is doing.
00:31:04.76\00:31:07.76
the awkwardness, people
don't really know what to do.
00:31:07.76\00:31:09.50
Well, that's okay.
00:31:09.56\00:31:10.13
Just be there.
00:31:10.40\00:31:11.00
Just be there, sit there.
00:31:11.17\00:31:12.47
And they often don't expect
an explanation for things.
00:31:12.73\00:31:16.17
What they expect is that you
listen, that you are attentive
00:31:16.91\00:31:21.84
and that you see that what
needs to be done in order to
00:31:22.44\00:31:27.85
help the person
in the situation.
00:31:27.85\00:31:29.22
Sometimes it just means that
you offer to go for a little
00:31:29.28\00:31:33.59
stroll, for a
little walk in nature.
00:31:33.59\00:31:35.99
Sometimes it means that
the person, you know, that you
00:31:35.99\00:31:39.53
offer the person should we
go together to the cemetery and
00:31:39.53\00:31:42.96
visit the grave.
00:31:42.96\00:31:43.73
It might be tough on me alone
and if I have you at my side,
00:31:44.97\00:31:49.54
it might be easier for me to
process and to face, you know,
00:31:49.67\00:31:54.41
or sometimes it means
a little encouragement.
00:31:54.41\00:31:54.44
Let's go to your garden
and plant a new rose bush.
00:31:58.28\00:32:01.98
Or in memory of, you know,
or something where you actively
00:32:02.65\00:32:07.02
engage with the other person in
things that start something new
00:32:07.02\00:32:12.33
that is helpful to them
that is maybe an encouragement.
00:32:13.86\00:32:17.07
Amen.
00:32:17.50\00:32:17.87
That's good.
00:32:17.87\00:32:18.10
Great counsel.
00:32:18.30\00:32:18.83
I love that.
00:32:19.47\00:32:20.27
We should probably go to
prayer again soon, shouldn't we?
00:32:21.04\00:32:22.84
Because there's quite a few.
00:32:22.97\00:32:24.11
Let me see if I just
get through these here.
00:32:24.47\00:32:25.57
This is from
Michelle in Pennsylvania.
00:32:26.78\00:32:28.51
Two-time cancer survivor.
00:32:28.94\00:32:30.91
Wow.
00:32:30.91\00:32:31.58
The Bible got her
through her chemo and surgeries.
00:32:33.01\00:32:35.95
Proverbs 3, 5,
and 6 is her verse.
00:32:36.48\00:32:38.79
Trust in the Lord
with all your heart.
00:32:39.22\00:32:40.89
That's beautiful.
00:32:40.89\00:32:44.33
acknowledge him and he
shall direct your path.
00:32:44.33\00:32:48.33
This is from Jamaica.
00:32:49.06\00:32:50.63
Pray for my
body, soul, and mind.
00:32:51.43\00:32:55.54
This one's anonymous.
00:32:57.21\00:32:58.37
Pray for her
daughter who's incarcerated.
00:32:58.37\00:33:01.41
That's painful.
00:33:03.28\00:33:03.98
That's a grief.
00:33:04.11\00:33:04.95
Wow.
00:33:05.35\00:33:05.95
And then her daughter's kids.
00:33:06.15\00:33:08.55
So she needs prayer for
her grandkids because mama's in
00:33:09.08\00:33:13.02
jail right now or prison.
00:33:13.02\00:33:14.29
I'm not sure.
00:33:14.49\00:33:15.19
And then this is from
Stuart from Mississippi.
00:33:16.42\00:33:19.73
Would like prayer, strength,
and guidance, and healing.
00:33:20.63\00:33:23.73
This is what praying for
healing for his wife who was
00:33:23.90\00:33:26.53
recently
diagnosed with dementia.
00:33:26.53\00:33:28.74
So yeah, just strength,
guidance, and healing for a
00:33:30.17\00:33:33.61
wife who's diagnosed
with frontal lobe dementia.
00:33:33.61\00:33:36.18
So yeah, boy, a lot
of hurt, a lot of grief.
00:33:36.75\00:33:39.38
And why don't you
lead us in prayer again?
00:33:40.25\00:33:41.42
Sure.
00:33:41.42\00:33:42.02
If you don't mind, please.
00:33:42.02\00:33:42.05
Gracious Lord Jesus, we
lift these people up in a very
00:33:45.15\00:33:51.19
special way knowing that you
hear, that you understand, that
00:33:51.19\00:33:54.96
you care.
00:33:54.96\00:33:55.60
In ways that is
impossible for us.
00:33:55.96\00:33:58.80
But help us to be a loving
hand, a helping hand, a person
00:33:59.37\00:34:06.47
who encourages, a person who is
there just to listen, a person
00:34:06.47\00:34:10.15
who is willing to go the extra
mile in order to make the load
00:34:10.15\00:34:15.95
a little lighter.
00:34:15.95\00:34:16.85
So we ask for those who are
facing the difficulty of seeing
00:34:17.15\00:34:24.03
their children incarcerated
and having to deal with the
00:34:24.03\00:34:28.73
grandchildren, with those
who are struggling with health
00:34:28.73\00:34:32.27
issues of various health issues
and people who are lonely, who
00:34:32.27\00:34:38.44
have lost loved ones where they
shared their life journey for a
00:34:38.44\00:34:42.91
considerable time.
00:34:42.91\00:34:44.01
And so we just lift up all
the different people that have
00:34:44.21\00:34:49.35
submitted their prayer requests
and ask that you will not just
00:34:49.35\00:34:53.92
answer their prayers, but that
you will grant them the trust
00:34:53.92\00:34:58.29
that they can trust you,
that they can see and experience
00:34:59.03\00:35:04.67
that you are at their side,
that they are not alone and
00:35:04.67\00:35:08.00
that you care and understand
because you have become one of
00:35:08.00\00:35:11.17
us human beings.
00:35:11.17\00:35:12.74
You've gone through separation
and even death through your son
00:35:12.84\00:35:17.85
Jesus Christ.
00:35:17.85\00:35:18.71
So we ask Lord that you will be
a mighty person in the heavenly
00:35:19.25\00:35:24.75
sanctuary to bring comfort and
healing and strength and hope.
00:35:24.75\00:35:30.09
We pray in Jesus' name, amen.
00:35:30.43\00:35:32.13
Amen.
00:35:32.13\00:35:32.69
We've been talking tonight
about grief and grace and
00:35:33.36\00:35:37.97
gratitude.
00:35:37.97\00:35:38.53
And let's talk about gratitude.
00:35:39.10\00:35:41.04
How, when you're in the middle
of grief, can you even engage
00:35:41.80\00:35:46.07
in gratitude?
00:35:46.07\00:35:46.84
You know, the tooth,
it's like an oxymoron.
00:35:47.04\00:35:50.01
When you're grieving, you don't
want to be happy, but maybe
00:35:50.85\00:35:54.22
gratitude isn't a
happiness necessarily.
00:35:54.22\00:35:56.25
So how do you even
incorporate gratitude?
00:35:56.32\00:35:58.72
And what does that look
like in the grief process?
00:35:59.12\00:36:01.66
Well, gratitude does not mean
that I have to smile all the
00:36:02.22\00:36:05.56
day, all the time.
00:36:05.56\00:36:06.59
But gratitude is biblical.
00:36:07.83\00:36:09.16
God calls us to be grateful,
repeatedly, so it's not wrong.
00:36:10.10\00:36:14.87
It's not a sin to be grateful.
00:36:15.27\00:36:17.67
True.
00:36:18.64\00:36:19.21
That's good.
00:36:19.44\00:36:20.14
Yes.
00:36:20.38\00:36:20.64
Amen.
00:36:20.64\00:36:26.85
I mean, there are scientific
studies that confirm the health
00:36:27.42\00:36:31.59
benefits that a person
gets from a grateful attitude
00:36:31.59\00:36:36.73
towards life, sharing
thankfulness and appreciation.
00:36:36.73\00:36:41.03
Wow, health,
actual health benefits.
00:36:41.06\00:36:42.23
Health, physical health.
00:36:42.23\00:36:43.50
Wow.
00:36:43.50\00:36:44.13
It impacts you.
00:36:44.53\00:36:46.27
There are studies at
Harvard University and others.
00:36:46.53\00:36:48.74
And...
00:36:50.44\00:36:53.04
in medicine and
all that kind of...
00:36:53.04\00:36:54.38
Well, that's a proverbial,
you know, knowledge, and inside
00:36:54.38\00:37:01.08
that is true, but it
actually has been scientifically
00:37:01.08\00:37:05.42
substantiated in amazing ways.
00:37:05.42\00:37:08.66
So gratitude does
something to you for the better.
00:37:11.16\00:37:14.56
And this is also my experience
and something that I can
00:37:15.96\00:37:20.37
encourage people to give a try.
00:37:20.37\00:37:22.57
It's a very simple exercise,
a very simple practice, but it's
00:37:23.24\00:37:26.98
so powerful.
00:37:26.98\00:37:27.88
It just has one significant
drawback, and that is it's
00:37:29.51\00:37:34.58
absolutely free.
00:37:34.58\00:37:35.55
Doesn't cost you a penny.
00:37:37.05\00:37:37.89
You don't have
to pay for anything.
00:37:37.92\00:37:39.12
Thank you, Ian.
00:37:39.39\00:37:43.73
it that much and
don't give it a try.
00:37:43.73\00:37:45.96
It doesn't cost.
00:37:46.06\00:37:46.56
But I learned this actually
from my aunt who also lost her
00:37:47.30\00:37:52.27
husband in a tragic car
accident several years ago.
00:37:52.27\00:37:55.57
And she has become a role model
for me in how to handle life as
00:37:56.34\00:38:02.24
a widow, as a person
who has lost a spouse.
00:38:02.24\00:38:05.35
And part of the exercise
that helped her to stay sane,
00:38:07.02\00:38:10.99
spiritually sane, you know,
you can lose your faith over an
00:38:11.29\00:38:14.76
experience like that.
00:38:14.76\00:38:15.52
You can go crazy, really.
00:38:15.52\00:38:17.39
And so how do you
maintain your spiritual
00:38:18.46\00:38:21.96
saneness, so to speak, you know.
00:38:26.13\00:38:27.80
This is the exercise
that really has helped me
00:38:28.80\00:38:31.71
tremendously and
many other people as well.
00:38:31.71\00:38:33.74
You take a sheet of paper and
on the sheet of paper, you just
00:38:34.51\00:38:38.91
write down 10 words, 10 words
for which you are grateful for.
00:38:38.91\00:38:44.85
So that is a real challenge
because at the moment when you
00:38:45.55\00:38:50.43
experience loss, you're
not thinking gratefulness.
00:38:50.43\00:38:53.26
You're not thinking
this, I'm thankful for this.
00:38:53.29\00:38:55.56
All you think is the things
that I don't have anymore.
00:38:55.93\00:38:59.67
All you think is
what I have lost.
00:38:59.93\00:39:01.97
All the things that you
focus on are the things that you
00:39:02.40\00:39:06.14
cannot do anymore.
00:39:06.14\00:39:07.04
And it requires a real
determination in your thinking
00:39:08.48\00:39:12.48
process to actually think about
things for which you can still
00:39:12.48\00:39:16.38
be grateful for.
00:39:16.38\00:39:17.49
And you start small, you
don't start the big things, just
00:39:17.89\00:39:21.99
small, you know.
00:39:21.99\00:39:23.02
You're grateful for your hands.
00:39:23.02\00:39:24.76
Wow.
00:39:25.66\00:39:29.13
So you write down eyes.
00:39:29.66\00:39:30.87
You're grateful for a
bed that you can sleep in.
00:39:31.33\00:39:35.20
You're grateful for your
toothbrush, let's say, you
00:39:35.80\00:39:38.37
know.
00:39:38.37\00:39:38.94
And then you have the word and
then from every little word you
00:39:39.61\00:39:43.01
create a small sentence that
expresses why you're grateful
00:39:43.01\00:39:48.48
for that particular thing.
00:39:48.48\00:39:49.85
So I'm grateful for my hands
so that I can take a book, can
00:39:50.15\00:39:53.79
open the book, that I can touch
another person, that I can play
00:39:53.79\00:39:58.53
the piano or music instrument.
00:39:58.53\00:40:01.03
I'm grateful for my eyes so
that I can see the colors in
00:40:01.23\00:40:05.10
nature, that I can see where
I go, that not everything is
00:40:05.10\00:40:08.14
black.
00:40:08.14\00:40:08.57
I'm grateful for my toothbrush
so that I have a fresh air, you
00:40:09.37\00:40:14.61
know, in my mouth in the
morning and I'm grateful I
00:40:14.61\00:40:17.75
don't have to sleep
on the cold floor, etc.
00:40:17.75\00:40:20.55
So you create a small sentence
and once you've written down
00:40:20.75\00:40:25.05
the sentence you speak
out the sentence aloud.
00:40:25.05\00:40:28.96
Aloud means that you can
hear yourself speak the words.
00:40:29.56\00:40:33.26
Why is that important?
00:40:35.60\00:40:36.77
Because the more of your senses
are involved the deeper the
00:40:36.77\00:40:36.80
process of creating
gratefulness in your heart.
00:40:41.90\00:40:44.84
So you write, you see what you
write, you hear what you speak,
00:40:45.31\00:40:50.98
you speak, you know.
00:40:51.08\00:40:52.28
And so you have 10 reasons for
which you're grateful for that
00:40:54.25\00:40:58.19
particular day.
00:40:58.19\00:40:59.09
The next day you
take a new sheet of paper.
00:40:59.19\00:41:00.86
Ten new ones?
00:41:01.16\00:41:01.89
Ten new ones, wow.
00:41:01.99\00:41:04.49
And the same procedure, you
create a short sentence, you
00:41:05.59\00:41:08.76
speak the sentence and you
express why you're grateful for
00:41:08.76\00:41:12.30
that particular thing.
00:41:12.30\00:41:13.34
You're grateful for glasses
that you can see, you know,
00:41:13.87\00:41:16.27
better and things like that.
00:41:16.47\00:41:17.77
So if you want to intensify
the process you'll repeat the 10
00:41:18.24\00:41:23.38
reasons from the
previous day, you know.
00:41:23.38\00:41:25.58
And at the end of just one week
you have 70 reasons for which
00:41:25.75\00:41:31.82
you are grateful for.
00:41:31.82\00:41:33.09
And I can tell you I'm not a
prophet, you know, I'm a son of
00:41:33.72\00:41:38.29
a prophet, but I can tell you
that if you exercise this with
00:41:38.29\00:41:42.26
an open mind it'll change
your attitude, it'll change your
00:41:42.26\00:41:46.60
perspective.
00:41:46.60\00:41:47.24
It opens your seeing that there
is still beauty in the world to
00:41:48.17\00:41:53.61
be discovered, that there is
still goodness out there, that
00:41:53.61\00:41:56.41
there is still so many things
for which you can be grateful.
00:41:56.41\00:41:59.91
And it changes your
perspective on life.
00:42:00.58\00:42:03.32
It improves your health, your
physical health, your spiritual
00:42:04.05\00:42:07.32
health.
00:42:07.32\00:42:07.92
It makes you a better person.
00:42:09.66\00:42:11.53
Did you practice this in
the middle of your journey?
00:42:12.43\00:42:15.70
I practiced that in the middle
of my journey and it worked.
00:42:16.06\00:42:19.23
Wow.
00:42:19.63\00:42:20.47
And I have shared this simple
exercise with many other people
00:42:20.87\00:42:24.04
and the result
is always the same.
00:42:24.04\00:42:26.74
It's amazing.
00:42:26.94\00:42:27.84
Did you count how many of
those you ended up writing down?
00:42:28.11\00:42:30.68
Because you said in a week
and 70 a lot of them, I'm sure.
00:42:30.78\00:42:34.02
I wish I could tell you a
specific number, no, but I did
00:42:34.05\00:42:37.52
the exercise and I did it over
a considerable period of time
00:42:37.52\00:42:40.92
and it changed my perspective
on life and it made me more
00:42:40.92\00:42:45.86
happy.
00:42:45.86\00:42:46.46
It made me more content, it
made me more satisfied, it made
00:42:47.03\00:42:51.13
me healthier.
00:42:51.13\00:42:52.63
You can tell just by looking at
the face, at the person, if the
00:42:53.87\00:43:01.08
person is harboring grudgeful
feelings, negativity, or if the
00:43:01.08\00:43:07.98
person has a
positive outlook on life.
00:43:07.98\00:43:11.12
This is a great practice even
if you're not going through any
00:43:11.55\00:43:13.86
major grief.
00:43:13.86\00:43:14.36
It's a great
practice in any circumstances.
00:43:15.89\00:43:17.99
Yes, absolutely.
00:43:18.59\00:43:19.36
I like that.
00:43:19.56\00:43:20.63
So it's not just writing down
a word, it's writing down a word
00:43:20.80\00:43:23.97
but then a sentence that
goes with the word but then you
00:43:23.97\00:43:26.27
speak it so you're
saying it and you're hearing it.
00:43:26.27\00:43:29.17
You're right.
00:43:29.74\00:43:30.24
It's good.
00:43:31.11\00:43:31.61
I like it.
00:43:32.04\00:43:32.77
Ten a day.
00:43:32.77\00:43:33.11
Ten a day.
00:43:33.14\00:43:33.78
That's awesome.
00:43:34.08\00:43:34.68
Not ten total, ten a day.
00:43:34.71\00:43:35.74
I love that.
00:43:35.74\00:43:35.78
That's great.
00:43:36.51\00:43:37.11
It's a good assignment for us.
00:43:37.51\00:43:38.75
You all right?
00:43:38.91\00:43:39.38
You all heard this.
00:43:39.45\00:43:39.91
Okay, so ten a day.
00:43:40.28\00:43:42.35
to do.
00:43:42.35\00:43:43.89
Excellent.
00:43:45.15\00:43:45.85
So is it possible to be going
through the gratitude aspect
00:43:46.39\00:43:50.29
and the lament
all in the same day?
00:43:50.29\00:43:52.73
Yes, it's possible.
00:43:52.73\00:43:53.76
Yes, it's possible.
00:43:53.90\00:43:54.93
Yep, that you can be like...
00:43:55.10\00:43:56.90
You know, lament is not
just on your negativity.
00:43:56.90\00:43:59.53
Lament is not just complaining
about the things you don't have
00:43:59.80\00:44:02.70
anymore.
00:44:02.70\00:44:08.44
something happened to
you that is not right.
00:44:08.44\00:44:10.71
It's directing your concern
towards God, trusting that God
00:44:11.35\00:44:16.25
is good, trusting that he is
love, trusting that he is all
00:44:16.25\00:44:20.12
-powerful, trusting that he
can take care of that in his own
00:44:20.12\00:44:24.39
time and with his own means.
00:44:24.39\00:44:26.73
You know, in that sense, lament
and developing an attitude of
00:44:26.73\00:44:33.13
gratitude can coexist.
00:44:33.13\00:44:35.84
Together.
00:44:36.00\00:44:36.54
And it's not a
contradiction in terms, no.
00:44:37.74\00:44:41.08
Did your...
00:44:41.61\00:44:42.61
I'm just talking for
your personal experience.
00:44:42.61\00:44:44.18
I know each person is
different, but did your faith
00:44:44.28\00:44:47.48
or trust in God ever waver
in the process of your wife's
00:44:47.48\00:44:51.29
diagnosis, the whole process of
the treatments or whatever, and
00:44:51.29\00:44:56.29
then she passes?
00:44:56.29\00:44:57.26
Hope that's not too
personal of a question.
00:44:57.96\00:44:59.53
It is a personal question.
00:45:00.06\00:45:01.63
It's a personal question, yes.
00:45:01.66\00:45:03.06
You know, every person, if
you're honest, every person who
00:45:03.67\00:45:07.07
goes through an experience like
that has significant questions,
00:45:07.07\00:45:10.57
spiritual questions, questions
about God, about his justice
00:45:11.67\00:45:14.51
and his love, etc.
00:45:14.51\00:45:16.28
I have had those
questions as well.
00:45:16.95\00:45:19.78
You know, if you pretend that
you don't have these questions,
00:45:22.28\00:45:25.95
something is wrong.
00:45:25.95\00:45:26.86
Thank you for being real.
00:45:27.99\00:45:29.16
Thank you for being real.
00:45:29.19\00:45:30.23
It's not sinful to have these
questions, but if you just stop
00:45:32.46\00:45:36.90
at these questions and don't
see the broader picture and
00:45:36.90\00:45:40.67
don't see the reality of who
God really is at the same time,
00:45:40.67\00:45:46.57
that can become a huge problem.
00:45:47.04\00:45:48.91
And so, yes, I had
these questions as well, but
00:45:50.38\00:45:53.92
fortunately, we were not
stuck in these why questions.
00:45:53.92\00:45:57.69
These why questions are
questions where you don't have
00:45:58.15\00:46:00.92
easy answers and sometimes
they just draw you down into
00:46:00.92\00:46:06.19
negativity, and we raised
our own set of why questions.
00:46:06.19\00:46:10.27
Why should that happen only
to other people and not to us?
00:46:11.23\00:46:15.37
Why should only other
people get sick and not we?
00:46:15.50\00:46:18.41
We live in a sinful world.
00:46:18.41\00:46:19.74
And so, you know, the why
questions are, there is more to
00:46:19.74\00:46:24.81
the why questions than just the
why questions that focus on me
00:46:24.81\00:46:28.25
and my deficiencies and
the things that I don't see
00:46:28.25\00:46:31.25
anymore.
00:46:31.25\00:46:31.65
But yeah.
00:46:33.09\00:46:33.89
The key is not to
get stuck and drawn down.
00:46:34.02\00:46:36.12
Go ahead.
00:46:36.32\00:46:38.39
And if I may just share an
additional little detail that I
00:46:38.63\00:46:42.23
found very helpful and
intriguing and that I exercised
00:46:42.23\00:46:47.74
also to some degree is,
you know, it's helpful against
00:46:47.74\00:46:53.01
getting too depressed over this
whole situation and not getting
00:46:53.01\00:46:58.81
stuck in negativity.
00:46:58.81\00:47:00.22
And that is the
blessing of music.
00:47:00.58\00:47:04.62
We have not talked about this.
00:47:05.19\00:47:06.86
No, we haven't.
00:47:06.86\00:47:07.39
You're right.
00:47:07.62\00:47:07.99
That's good.
00:47:08.02\00:47:08.36
Thank you.
00:47:08.36\00:47:08.96
You know, not just
listening to good music.
00:47:09.56\00:47:11.89
I started to listen to a lot
of music and there is beautiful
00:47:12.03\00:47:16.97
music out there and encouraging
music out there and sometimes
00:47:16.97\00:47:20.60
music that touches your heart
and makes you cry because you
00:47:20.60\00:47:24.37
experience that the person who
wrote the music went through a
00:47:24.37\00:47:27.61
similar experience like you did.
00:47:27.61\00:47:29.08
And you know, some of our
most beautiful hymns in our hymn
00:47:30.25\00:47:33.82
books are written by people who
have experienced great pain and
00:47:33.82\00:47:38.65
great loss.
00:47:38.65\00:47:39.29
And we sing these hymns
and sometimes we sing them so
00:47:40.22\00:47:43.66
thoughtless that I sometimes
wonder, are you really aware of
00:47:43.66\00:47:48.63
what you're singing?
00:47:48.63\00:47:49.30
Are you really aware
of the words of this song?
00:47:49.83\00:47:53.90
So, music can have a
very healing effect on you.
00:47:54.84\00:48:00.41
And if you start singing
yourself, the healing effect of
00:48:01.44\00:48:07.32
music is even greater.
00:48:07.32\00:48:08.58
Believe me.
00:48:08.78\00:48:09.28
I'm not a great
singer, you know.
00:48:10.82\00:48:13.15
I will never perform in public.
00:48:13.76\00:48:15.82
We can all make a joyful noise.
00:48:15.82\00:48:17.53
We can make a joyful noise and
I'll just encourage everyone,
00:48:17.76\00:48:21.80
you know, to sing a joyful song.
00:48:21.93\00:48:24.43
You cannot stay in your
negativity if you sing a joyful
00:48:27.44\00:48:33.31
song with an open heart
and an open mind, you know.
00:48:33.31\00:48:36.71
If you sing it as you mean it,
it'll does something to you and
00:48:37.11\00:48:41.95
the process of singing,
there are scientific studies to
00:48:41.95\00:48:45.52
support that.
00:48:45.52\00:48:51.43
your health, physical health.
00:48:51.43\00:48:52.96
And if you sing, you know, I
still remember, you know, I had
00:48:54.10\00:49:00.04
to drive with my car to
different destinations, part of
00:49:00.04\00:49:03.37
my work, preaching
different churches, etc.
00:49:03.37\00:49:06.04
And sometimes I would just tune
in and play some of the songs
00:49:06.94\00:49:11.98
that I like that
were meaningful to me.
00:49:11.98\00:49:14.28
And I would stand alone in the
car, nobody with me, you know,
00:49:14.72\00:49:18.75
to be bothered, you know.
00:49:19.02\00:49:20.02
I would just start singing,
you know, and sing and it would
00:49:20.22\00:49:24.89
bring me to tears.
00:49:24.89\00:49:26.13
It would make me cry.
00:49:26.49\00:49:28.90
And that, at the same time, it
was a healing process that was
00:49:29.46\00:49:32.93
freeing myself from some
of these impressions, yes.
00:49:32.93\00:49:38.47
So music is beautiful.
00:49:39.01\00:49:40.84
Yes, it's powerful.
00:49:40.84\00:49:42.44
I want to read this, it
just came in from Shirley.
00:49:43.14\00:49:45.15
She lost one son in
June and another son in July.
00:49:46.18\00:49:50.75
And then she lost her
eyesight and she blames God.
00:49:51.09\00:49:55.76
Four powerful words at
the end, please pray for me.
00:49:57.63\00:50:00.96
It certainly is
not God who sent that.
00:50:02.10\00:50:05.40
We can be sure of that.
00:50:05.93\00:50:07.64
God does not
rejoice in suffering.
00:50:07.64\00:50:10.97
He does not rejoice in pain.
00:50:11.17\00:50:12.94
He is not inflicting that on us.
00:50:13.21\00:50:15.28
It's the devil
who rejoices in that.
00:50:16.11\00:50:18.51
And we should not give the
devil the pleasure of seeing
00:50:18.65\00:50:23.12
him succeed in us losing faith
in God over these things that
00:50:23.12\00:50:27.86
he actually
brings into this world.
00:50:27.86\00:50:29.96
Just remember that.
00:50:30.43\00:50:31.16
Good point.
00:50:31.16\00:50:31.66
I think that's so powerful.
00:50:31.83\00:50:33.93
That's really important because
so many times Satan can twist
00:50:34.00\00:50:38.17
that and make us think that
God caused or God allowed or God
00:50:38.17\00:50:43.44
something.
00:50:43.44\00:50:44.24
But Satan's the one who comes
to steal, kill and destroy.
00:50:44.67\00:50:46.64
He's the enemy.
00:50:46.88\00:50:48.14
Matthew says an
enemy has done this.
00:50:49.28\00:50:50.88
He's the one who brings evil.
00:50:50.95\00:50:52.95
He's the one who brings
sin and suffering, not God.
00:50:53.35\00:50:56.28
Absolutely.
00:50:56.52\00:50:56.99
One more here.
00:50:58.45\00:50:59.79
This is Joy, a prayer request
for a beautiful young woman
00:50:59.85\00:51:05.03
named Jeannie who's
struggling with alcoholism.
00:51:05.03\00:51:09.33
Abandoned treatment
places and then she'll relapse.
00:51:10.03\00:51:13.17
So she just
entered another one today.
00:51:13.37\00:51:15.94
So they just want healing and
deliverance from the addiction
00:51:16.24\00:51:21.14
of alcohol.
00:51:21.14\00:51:22.21
Yes, I think before we pray one
more time, I think Dr. Hossel,
00:51:22.38\00:51:26.41
is there anything?
00:51:26.51\00:51:29.08
program, but is there anything
that we haven't really covered
00:51:29.08\00:51:30.92
or something that you'd like to
go over again or something that
00:51:30.92\00:51:33.59
you want to just share here
Thank you for that opportunity.
00:51:33.59\00:51:37.09
Just a little
thought at the end.
00:51:37.16\00:51:39.73
We haven't talked about this
yet and that is another very
00:51:39.96\00:51:43.50
helpful and healing approach
to the grieving process.
00:51:43.50\00:51:46.87
And that is physical exercise.
00:51:48.24\00:51:50.41
Physical exercise out
in nature, if possible.
00:51:51.14\00:51:54.34
If you have an opportunity
to go out in nature and just
00:51:54.94\00:51:57.78
listen to the birds
sing, you don't have to run.
00:51:57.78\00:52:01.22
Just go for a brisk walk.
00:52:01.28\00:52:03.05
Fresh air, sunlight, physical
exercise is so important to
00:52:04.55\00:52:11.13
process things differently.
00:52:11.13\00:52:12.89
You know, even if you're
grieving, if you just sit at
00:52:13.40\00:52:16.23
home and you don't get
out of your little house and
00:52:16.23\00:52:21.67
surroundings, you know.
00:52:21.67\00:52:23.00
But the moment you move
physically, the moment you
00:52:24.17\00:52:28.78
start exercising, you process
your thinking differently.
00:52:28.78\00:52:32.61
That's good.
00:52:32.61\00:52:33.38
It helps you in
a tremendous way.
00:52:33.38\00:52:35.72
It's also helpful
to relieve stress.
00:52:36.38\00:52:39.05
If you are exercising,
you get an input of oxygen and
00:52:39.75\00:52:47.66
endorphins and all the
good things that our creator has
00:52:47.66\00:52:53.20
given us, how he has created us.
00:52:53.20\00:52:55.80
And so if you have an
opportunity to do that, start
00:52:55.94\00:52:59.01
maybe a new
exercise with somebody else.
00:52:59.01\00:53:01.31
Sport exercise,
do some pickleball.
00:53:01.31\00:53:05.41
You don't have to
be a professional.
00:53:06.15\00:53:08.58
Even if it's just doing a
little golf, I don't know what
00:53:10.65\00:53:14.52
your favorite sports is
or just start gardening.
00:53:14.52\00:53:17.83
To see things grow and to work
with your hands and to be at
00:53:19.16\00:53:23.13
the fresh air and the
sunlight, it's tremendous.
00:53:23.13\00:53:28.70
Just to get your thoughts in a
different direction and to help
00:53:29.34\00:53:34.28
you to gain new physical
strength because this is
00:53:34.28\00:53:37.71
training and this is experience.
00:53:37.71\00:53:39.51
Rest, by the way, is
just as well and important.
00:53:40.15\00:53:44.02
Enough sleep is important.
00:53:44.45\00:53:46.62
Sometimes it's difficult if
you're just an over thinker and
00:53:46.69\00:53:49.59
you think and think and think.
00:53:49.59\00:53:50.83
But try...
00:53:51.69\00:53:52.19
Yes.
00:53:53.06\00:53:56.40
Exactly.
00:53:56.77\00:54:03.47
than if you don't.
00:54:03.47\00:54:04.81
So I think God has given
us these basic simple things.
00:54:05.61\00:54:09.64
If we just were to practice
them, we would be blessed.
00:54:11.38\00:54:15.45
So I'm going to ask
him one more question.
00:54:15.68\00:54:17.19
Is that all right?
00:54:17.25\00:54:19.39
two minutes and 45 seconds.
00:54:19.39\00:54:20.56
So like in a minute, so you've
got someone right now at home
00:54:21.19\00:54:23.53
that's just gone
through a terrible loss.
00:54:23.53\00:54:25.83
What would you say to them?
00:54:25.83\00:54:27.36
Word of encouragement,
something they're going
00:54:28.26\00:54:29.90
through, like they're just
looking at the TV right now,
00:54:29.90\00:54:31.73
like in looking for hope.
00:54:32.33\00:54:33.34
Yes.
00:54:33.97\00:54:35.40
The word that I would
say to you is don't despair.
00:54:35.97\00:54:40.38
Wow.
00:54:40.61\00:54:41.01
You are not alone.
00:54:42.08\00:54:43.78
Wow.
00:54:44.01\00:54:44.38
Amen.
00:54:44.41\00:54:44.95
There are others who
have felt the same thing.
00:54:45.45\00:54:47.65
Sometimes you feel I'm the
only person who is going through
00:54:47.68\00:54:50.82
that.
00:54:50.82\00:54:51.29
No, you are not alone.
00:54:51.39\00:54:52.35
There are others.
00:54:52.42\00:54:53.09
And of course you're not alone
because God knows about you and
00:54:53.66\00:54:58.03
he loves you.
00:54:58.03\00:54:58.89
And think about it.
00:54:59.76\00:55:01.76
You are still needed.
00:55:04.27\00:55:05.53
People still need you.
00:55:07.50\00:55:09.10
And even if you can't leave
your home, if you're even bound
00:55:09.87\00:55:14.44
to a wheelchair,
people need your prayers.
00:55:14.44\00:55:17.81
And God needs
you and he loves you.
00:55:19.05\00:55:21.22
So this is my little message of
encouragement to you at the end
00:55:21.22\00:55:26.62
of our meeting.
00:55:26.62\00:55:27.09
You are not alone.
00:55:27.09\00:55:27.49
You are still needed.
00:55:27.66\00:55:28.39
We'll have a time of
prayer here at the end.
00:55:30.86\00:55:33.13
All right.
00:55:34.03\00:55:34.83
Father in heaven,
Lord, we're grateful.
00:55:34.96\00:55:36.50
Grateful that you
are still on the throne.
00:55:37.00\00:55:38.90
Father, we're all going through
different aspects of grief and
00:55:39.90\00:55:42.87
we've heard so many
prayer requests this evening.
00:55:42.87\00:55:45.41
Thank you, Father,
that you know each one.
00:55:46.07\00:55:47.64
You know the miracle that needs
to happen in each situation.
00:55:47.64\00:55:47.68
We lay them
before you, trusting you.
00:55:50.55\00:55:53.62
And even when we feel we cannot
get up, Lord, we know with your
00:55:54.25\00:55:56.79
strength we can.
00:55:56.79\00:55:57.82
Thank you again for
Dr. Hauser's openness, his
00:55:58.32\00:56:01.62
transparency, and Lord,
continue to bless him and his
00:56:01.62\00:56:04.76
life and his
ministry in Jesus' name.
00:56:04.76\00:56:06.73
Amen.
00:56:06.76\00:56:07.50
I can't believe we're all
the way down to the end of the
00:56:07.96\00:56:10.87
program.
00:56:10.87\00:56:11.47
Thank you, Dr. Hauser, for
coming, for being willing to
00:56:12.03\00:56:15.77
share your transparency, the
wisdom that God has given you
00:56:15.77\00:56:19.67
as you journeyed through this.
00:56:19.67\00:56:20.71
I was just reminded Paul,
you know, he tells us that God
00:56:20.88\00:56:24.21
comforts us in our time of
grief so that we can in turn
00:56:24.21\00:56:28.75
extend that comfort.
00:56:28.75\00:56:29.88
This is Jill's paraphrase.
00:56:29.95\00:56:31.39
Extend that comfort to someone
else and thinking about the
00:56:31.65\00:56:35.52
pain that you have been through
in the grief and yet out of
00:56:35.52\00:56:39.19
that, the growth of this book,
out of that, the other people,
00:56:39.19\00:56:42.66
even people tonight we heard,
who've been blessed and touched
00:56:43.03\00:56:46.37
and ministered by that.
00:56:46.37\00:56:47.84
It is so encouraging for me and
a blessing to hear that others
00:56:47.84\00:56:51.54
have been blessed already.
00:56:51.54\00:56:52.67
Amen.
00:56:53.04\00:56:53.48
Praise Jesus.
00:56:54.11\00:56:54.88
So know that you are not alone
and you are needed and you are
00:56:55.38\00:56:58.51
part of the 3ABN family.
00:56:58.51\00:57:01.08
We love you and we
will see you next time.
00:57:01.45\00:57:03.92
Good night.
00:57:04.22\00:57:04.79