I want to spend my
life, mending broken people.
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I want to spend my life,
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I want to spend my
life, mending broken people.
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I want to spend my
life, mending broken people.
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Hello friends, welcome to
Thursday Night Live here in
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3ABN Studios.
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We thank you for tuning in.
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We've got an
exciting program tonight.
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Yes we do.
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It's called To
Have and To Hold On.
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Many of you are married or
think about getting married and
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you've probably been at
weddings where the pastor says
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to have and to hold from this
day forward, well we say after
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40 something years of
marriage to have and to hold on.
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And you know we didn't get
here on a flowery bit of ease.
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We've been filing each other
down all during that time and
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God has been filing us down,
building us up, teaching us,
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breaking us, rebuilding us.
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And friends we want to share
something tonight with you.
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But we're not by ourselves.
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We have two other couples here.
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Let's go to the Thomases
to the other side of the room.
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Good to have you here both.
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It's good to be here with you.
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I'm Terrell and Sasha.
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Terrell and Sasha Thomas.
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Kind of tell us quickly
what you do here at 3ABN.
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So I work in the media center
here, which deals with like
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managing the program files and
making sure they're backed up.
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I help out as needed and
I also work at the school.
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Yes.
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That's right.
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We love you.
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The way you guys
raise your children.
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They sing on the
praise team with you.
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And I know when they get older
they're going to remember my
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mom and dad started us when we
were like, didn't even know how
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to sing.
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But good to have
you here together.
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It's good to be here.
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And who do we have here, honey?
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No surprise.
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Ian and Angela Vanderbilt.
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Welcome.
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Yeah, thanks for
having us tonight.
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We're excited to be here.
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This is going to
be a great program.
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I'm looking forward to
just how the Lord leads.
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I know.
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That's right.
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What do you do here, Ian?
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Well, my main
position here is a producer.
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Yes.
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Pastoral too?
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When I can.
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Lately I've kind of had to
put that on the back burner just
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because there's a little bit
of internal transition going on
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with some individuals.
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So I've had to step back
just to devote more time to
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production.
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Discipleship here where
I'm currently the assistant
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coordinator for that.
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All right.
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All right.
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And Angela.
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Yeah, so I floor direct here
and do makeup and run camera.
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Yeah.
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Wonderful couple.
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And these two guys also preach.
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They're both preachers.
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They're both
phenomenal preachers.
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Wonderful.
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Men of God.
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That's the elders.
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We appreciate that.
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That's right.
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If you're looking for a church
that's just on fire for the
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Lord, you want to come to
Thompsonville, that's just a
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plug.
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godly thankful for elders
that we have here at our church.
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And if you're ever in the
area, which you have to be here
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intentionally, do stop by
the Thompsonville Seventh-day
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Adventist Church right across,
kind of adjacent to 3ABN.
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But tonight's program
is about relationships.
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Now, mostly we're going to
be talking two married couples,
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but we're going to also
give advice about you might be
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getting ready for marriage.
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how did God work through our
differences, how did God help
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us in our broken moments, in
our moments where we learn to
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grow together, honey,
and we've had a lot of that.
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And so you might want to hear a
record or invite somebody who's
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in the home with you to
join us, and it's going to be a
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blessing.
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Thank you for tuning in.
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music, honey?
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entitled, Build My Life.
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Worthy of every song we could
ever sing Worthy of all the
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praise we could ever breathe
Worthy of every breath we could
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ever breathe We live for you
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Jesus, the name above every
other name Jesus, the only one
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who could ever save Worthy
of every breath we could ever
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breathe, we live for you.
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There is no one like
you, there is none beside you.
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Open up my eyes in wonder,
show me who you are Fill me with
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your heart and lead me in
your love to those around me
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Worthy of every song we could
ever sing Worthy of all the
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praise we could ever bring
Worthy of every breath we could
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ever breathe, we live for you.
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Jesus, the name
above every other name.
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Jesus, the only one
who could ever save.
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Worthy of every breath we could
ever breathe, we live for you.
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Oh, we
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like you, there
is none beside you.
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Open up my eyes in wonder.
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Show me who you are and
fill me with your heart.
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And lead me in your
love to those around me.
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Holy, there is no one like you.
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There is none beside you.
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Open up my eyes in wonder.
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Show me who you are and
fill me with your heart.
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And lead me in your
love to those around me.
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I
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will build my life up.
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It is a firm foundation.
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And I will put my
trust in you alone.
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And I will not be shaken.
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And I will build my
life upon your love.
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It is a firm foundation.
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And I will put my
trust in you alone.
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And I will not be shaken.
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Holy, there is no one like you.
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There is none beside you.
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Open up my eyes in wonder.
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Show me who you are and
fill me with your heart.
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And lead me in your
love to those around me.
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Holy, there is no one like you.
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There is none beside you.
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Open up my eyes in wonder.
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Show me who you are and
fill me with your heart.
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And lead me in your
love to those around me.
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Thank you so much
for that wonderful song.
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Isn't that wonderful?
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Yes, beautiful message.
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Build me up, Lord.
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That's something that we all
need to have our hearts built
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before the Lord.
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Now, this song is a little
special because as we were
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listening, Ian and Angela
remember this song very well.
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Yeah, we do because
it's really interesting.
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The title that we have for
tonight, To Haven't to Hold On,
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that was one of your sermons
that you did a few years ago.
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And we were just new to
Thompsonville and my son Liam
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was learning how to play the
piano and he actually played on
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the piano for the first time
at our church to that sermon and
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that same song that
we just listened to.
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And my son-in-law was
playing the guitar too.
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And he's directing
actually right now.
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Look at that, look at that.
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Beautiful.
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Only the Lord could put that
together because we didn't even
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plan that.
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No.
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But if you're just joining
us after the song, we're talking
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tonight about
relationships, about marriage.
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Those of you that are planning
for marriage, you may have
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experienced a breakup and
you're planning for your second
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marriage or some of you
have been married many times.
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This program is going to talk
about marriage from a number of
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perspective relationships also
because marriage, the dynamics
00:11:02.32\00:11:05.66
in marriage, is also
present in many relationships.
00:11:05.66\00:11:09.43
And we're going to
talk about that tonight.
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Biblically.
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Scripturally, that's
right, and experientially.
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But let's start out
with something really easy.
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Well, we want to know how
long we've been married to.
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Okay.
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Couples.
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Well, let's start with
the couple in the middle.
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We've been married 17 years now.
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And you know, it wasn't
something that we really, or at
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least for me, I'll be honest,
when I first met Angela, I
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wasn't looking
for a relationship.
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I didn't want to get married.
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But interestingly enough, just
how God works everything out, I
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can remember early on in my
high school days, my heart was
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broken by someone, and I just
remember how horrible that felt
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and just how much
that really ate away at me.
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And I wasn't even, you
know, I didn't have much of a
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relationship with God, but I
was in a Catholic school and I
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remember praying.
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And I was sitting on my back
porch at my parents' house and
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I said, Lord, I just want
a woman who loves God and is
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going to love me
the way that you love.
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And God gave me my wife
and I wasn't even expecting it.
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You weren't even a Christian.
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No, no, I really didn't
have much of a relationship with
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God.
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It was very...
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Yeah, that was our wedding day.
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That was our wedding day.
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We really, you know, I
just didn't have much of a
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relationship with God, but I
was still hearing things of God
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being in Catholic school and we
took, you know, theology class.
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But I do remember Claire's
day being on the back porch just
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saying, God, I want you to
give me the woman that I need.
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Wow, and he did.
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And he did.
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He answered that prayer.
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And what do you have
to say about that, Angela?
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I'm so blessed.
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I love my children.
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We have two children.
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We have my daughter, Pamela,
who's pregnant, and my son,
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Liam, who's in ninth grade.
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All right.
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Very blessed.
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He was little.
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He was so little.
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He was barely touching the
piano when he played that song.
00:13:00.38\00:13:02.11
I know.
00:13:02.11\00:13:02.14
he's...
00:13:05.88\00:13:06.18
Yeah, and Ben was single too.
00:13:07.18\00:13:08.45
Yeah, he didn't know he
was going to marry my daughter.
00:13:09.25\00:13:11.09
You know, amazing marriage
is something God created in the
00:13:13.49\00:13:16.02
Garden of Eden.
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That's right.
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And it still goes on today.
00:13:17.36\00:13:18.56
Well, Darrell and Sasha, you're
the quiet, beautiful witness
00:13:19.43\00:13:22.76
Yeah, how did you meet and
how long you've been married?
00:13:22.76\00:13:25.77
So, we're coming up
on 12 years of marriage.
00:13:26.07\00:13:28.70
All right.
00:13:29.24\00:13:29.64
And...
00:13:30.67\00:13:31.21
go ahead.
00:13:31.21\00:13:31.74
I was just saying that's crazy.
00:13:31.91\00:13:32.97
Yeah.
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Yeah, we actually went to
middle school, high school
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together.
00:13:38.75\00:13:39.35
She was in the year above me.
00:13:39.45\00:13:41.78
Didn't have any
interest in each other at all.
00:13:42.25\00:13:45.22
Okay.
00:13:46.59\00:13:47.16
But I would say, over these
12 years, there's been nothing
00:13:48.06\00:13:54.36
that has come our
way, no circumstance.
00:13:54.36\00:13:56.20
And we've had some
challenges, but there's been no
00:13:56.30\00:13:58.33
circumstance that has
come across my path that could
00:13:58.33\00:14:01.80
convince me that I made a wrong
choice in choosing my wife.
00:14:01.80\00:14:05.41
Just looking at our wedding
pictures as we were preparing
00:14:06.84\00:14:09.14
for this program, it just
consistently reminds you of...
00:14:09.14\00:14:13.28
Beautiful.
00:14:13.28\00:14:16.85
Well, you might not be able
to see, but the theme for our
00:14:16.85\00:14:19.32
wedding was the Garden of Eden.
00:14:19.32\00:14:20.72
Oh.
00:14:21.12\00:14:24.89
would be brought to me, for
me, that was like my eve being
00:14:24.89\00:14:28.40
brought to me.
00:14:28.40\00:14:29.23
And it was just so impactful.
00:14:29.83\00:14:31.67
And, you know, I just praise
the Lord for sustaining us
00:14:32.40\00:14:35.47
throughout these years.
00:14:35.47\00:14:38.11
And where did you meet?
00:14:39.77\00:14:41.44
No.
00:14:41.44\00:14:46.88
we had a mutual
friend at the time.
00:14:46.88\00:14:49.28
I would say I had one foot in
the church, but still trying to
00:14:49.28\00:14:52.59
live a little bit
of the worldly life.
00:14:52.59\00:14:54.39
I was pretty
much out in the world.
00:14:54.96\00:14:57.16
I grew up in the church,
but I had pretty much just went
00:14:57.29\00:15:00.26
completely...
00:15:00.26\00:15:00.96
Were you Adventist?
00:15:00.96\00:15:02.50
No, I was...
00:15:02.60\00:15:03.47
Actually, I was raised AME.
00:15:03.47\00:15:05.63
So, that was...
00:15:06.60\00:15:08.74
That African
Method is Episcopal?
00:15:08.74\00:15:10.37
Yes.
00:15:10.47\00:15:10.87
Yes.
00:15:10.87\00:15:11.37
But because I had gone to the
Seventh-day Adventist School...
00:15:12.11\00:15:16.31
Oh, yeah.
00:15:16.31\00:15:20.28
shared, a lot of our
friends were from high school.
00:15:20.28\00:15:23.55
And so, I just remember in my
journey of coming back to God,
00:15:23.95\00:15:28.26
I started attending church
more again, and then our paths
00:15:28.82\00:15:33.26
crossed.
00:15:33.26\00:15:35.83
where we're both like going in
opposite directions, and all of
00:15:35.83\00:15:39.17
a sudden it's just like, Oh,
hey, we sit down, we're talking
00:15:39.17\00:15:41.84
on a bench and say...
00:15:41.84\00:15:44.77
So, tell me about yourself.
00:15:44.77\00:15:46.11
Very cinematic, but yeah.
00:15:48.11\00:15:49.51
Where are you from?
00:15:49.51\00:15:50.71
We're from the...
00:15:50.91\00:15:51.91
Bermuda.
00:15:51.91\00:15:52.28
Yeah, lovely island of Bermuda.
00:15:53.05\00:15:54.58
And like I said, I'm thankful
for the way that the Lord did
00:15:56.45\00:15:59.85
it, because I think bringing
us together at that time in our
00:15:59.85\00:16:04.86
journey kind of
helped to save each of us.
00:16:04.86\00:16:08.80
Because I mean, now I look
back, and even though I was
00:16:10.33\00:16:13.70
coming into the church,
I still didn't really...
00:16:13.70\00:16:16.64
I remember when I would go
to my childhood church, I just
00:16:16.64\00:16:21.64
wanted...
00:16:21.64\00:16:26.75
different churches,
and then once I got to...
00:16:26.75\00:16:29.48
I can't remember how I ended
up coming to your church, but...
00:16:29.48\00:16:34.82
Well, it takes a little bit
of the fairy tale out of the
00:16:34.82\00:16:37.66
story, but one of my friends
took my phone and pretended to
00:16:37.66\00:16:41.50
be me and texted him
and invited him to church.
00:16:41.50\00:16:44.77
I was like, no, don't do that.
00:16:44.87\00:16:46.13
I don't want him to feel
like I'm forcing him to come to
00:16:46.17\00:16:48.64
church.
00:16:48.64\00:16:48.87
But he thought it was me,
and he said yes, he would come.
00:16:50.07\00:16:52.27
Oh, that was good.
00:16:52.31\00:16:53.27
It was an action text.
00:16:53.81\00:16:55.21
But the fact that you allowed
her to do it meant that you
00:16:57.11\00:16:59.61
really wanted me to come.
00:16:59.61\00:17:00.68
I like that.
00:17:00.68\00:17:02.28
She didn't put mistake.
00:17:02.42\00:17:03.52
And here you are 12 years later.
00:17:04.95\00:17:06.42
And two children.
00:17:07.09\00:17:07.82
Oh, yes, and we do have...
00:17:08.02\00:17:09.86
So we have a son and a daughter.
00:17:09.86\00:17:11.86
I should say daughter and son,
because our daughter is older.
00:17:12.56\00:17:14.63
She's 10, and our son is 6.
00:17:14.63\00:17:14.66
He'll tell you
he's about to go 7.
00:17:18.00\00:17:19.60
Noah and Brighton.
00:17:22.47\00:17:24.17
They all was on the
praise team with you.
00:17:24.74\00:17:26.14
I remember when they first got
on the praise team, they stood
00:17:26.17\00:17:29.34
there like, who are
these people looking at?
00:17:29.34\00:17:31.58
They were not singing.
00:17:32.01\00:17:32.85
They were just
holding the microphone.
00:17:32.91\00:17:33.68
Now they're singing.
00:17:33.78\00:17:34.68
What a blessing.
00:17:35.35\00:17:35.82
Thank you for being an example.
00:17:36.05\00:17:37.19
And well, I think we're
the ones, we've been around
00:17:37.82\00:17:40.89
probably the longest.
00:17:40.89\00:17:41.72
What year are we in now, honey?
00:17:41.86\00:17:42.96
Well, this will
be our 42nd year.
00:17:43.43\00:17:46.13
I can't believe it.
00:17:46.76\00:17:47.56
It went so fast.
00:17:47.56\00:17:49.10
It did.
00:17:49.36\00:17:49.70
I just can't believe it.
00:17:49.93\00:17:50.87
I just asked you to
marry me the other day.
00:17:50.87\00:17:52.23
No, you didn't ask me.
00:17:52.77\00:17:54.14
We have the
funniest engagement story.
00:17:55.94\00:17:59.51
People probably heard it
before, but I think since you
00:17:59.67\00:18:02.04
said that, it's
right now repeating.
00:18:02.04\00:18:03.14
We dated off and on.
00:18:03.28\00:18:04.28
I was out in the world.
00:18:04.68\00:18:05.68
Yeah, he was.
00:18:05.68\00:18:06.65
I was...
00:18:06.88\00:18:07.32
He was a bad boy.
00:18:07.98\00:18:09.02
I was out there in the
world, partying, gambling, disc
00:18:09.15\00:18:12.02
jockey, pool hustling.
00:18:12.02\00:18:13.05
And I would come to church,
but I was not in the Lord.
00:18:13.59\00:18:15.92
Not at all.
00:18:16.12\00:18:16.73
And I saw you and your sister.
00:18:17.06\00:18:19.86
We had a church, like
1,200 members, and you'd come to
00:18:20.36\00:18:22.76
church.
00:18:22.76\00:18:27.97
up, and they'd
walk in the church.
00:18:27.97\00:18:29.14
It was like, who are
these beautiful women?
00:18:29.30\00:18:31.14
This is New York.
00:18:31.14\00:18:32.14
You had to dress
to come to church.
00:18:32.37\00:18:34.84
You couldn't half step.
00:18:35.04\00:18:36.11
And that's when they had
the maxi dresses, so it always
00:18:36.21\00:18:38.05
looked like they had on a gown.
00:18:38.05\00:18:39.21
They'd step in like, I will
never get a chance to talk to
00:18:39.28\00:18:42.68
them.
00:18:42.68\00:18:47.29
somebody told me something
that you wanted to meet me.
00:18:47.29\00:18:50.03
Yeah, I wanted to meet
this guy, this bad boy.
00:18:50.33\00:18:53.06
Me?
00:18:54.00\00:18:54.13
We're teenagers.
00:18:54.56\00:18:55.33
He came to- It was called M.V.
00:18:55.90\00:18:58.57
M.V.
00:18:58.63\00:18:59.07
then.
00:18:59.23\00:18:59.63
It was called M.V.
00:18:59.73\00:19:02.50
I had a big afro,
like Michael Jackson.
00:19:02.90\00:19:04.71
A big curly afro.
00:19:04.84\00:19:06.24
When he turns, his afro
just spun left and right.
00:19:06.34\00:19:09.44
And I said, I
want to meet this guy.
00:19:09.88\00:19:11.55
And I said, it was a
guy named Chris, right?
00:19:11.81\00:19:15.12
Yeah, Chris said, Hey, John,
there's a girl I want to meet
00:19:15.22\00:19:17.09
you.
00:19:17.09\00:19:17.45
I said, Who?
00:19:17.45\00:19:18.29
He said, Her.
00:19:18.35\00:19:19.75
I said, Who?
00:19:20.42\00:19:21.46
He said, Her.
00:19:21.66\00:19:22.59
Boy, I was fast.
00:19:22.89\00:19:23.83
I said, Not her.
00:19:23.93\00:19:24.46
I said, Not her.
00:19:24.46\00:19:26.36
I mean, just like,
way above my pay grade.
00:19:26.49\00:19:28.83
And so, we met that evening.
00:19:30.50\00:19:32.30
She invited me over for Bible
studies because- Well, after
00:19:33.07\00:19:37.11
several weeks.
00:19:37.11\00:19:37.84
After several weeks.
00:19:37.91\00:19:42.94
still a teenager, but you
could come over for Bible study.
00:19:42.94\00:19:45.61
So, I said, Okay,
I know what I'll do.
00:19:45.88\00:19:47.28
I'll invite him for Bible study.
00:19:47.42\00:19:48.88
And so, I did.
00:19:49.72\00:19:50.82
She came to Bible study
on Friday night, and you kept
00:19:50.82\00:19:54.42
coming, but you kept partying.
00:19:54.42\00:19:55.79
Kept going, Come on, honey.
00:19:55.92\00:19:57.63
Come.
00:19:57.66\00:19:57.93
Yeah, I'll be there.
00:19:58.19\00:19:59.06
But you would still
go on Friday night party.
00:19:59.46\00:20:02.00
And I'm like, Oh, this guy.
00:20:02.30\00:20:03.53
And I started praying for him.
00:20:03.80\00:20:05.67
Say, Lord, please, touch him.
00:20:05.97\00:20:08.37
I need you to touch him
so that he could change.
00:20:08.84\00:20:12.11
And then she invited me after
one family worship that her
00:20:13.07\00:20:15.91
mother held every Friday night.
00:20:15.91\00:20:17.28
She said, Have you ever
read the Book of the Great
00:20:17.61\00:20:19.21
Controversy?
00:20:19.21\00:20:20.02
Oh, yes.
00:20:20.02\00:20:20.62
I said, I heard about it.
00:20:20.62\00:20:22.08
Mama had it.
00:20:22.95\00:20:25.59
chapter.
00:20:25.59\00:20:25.89
Let me just think about it.
00:20:26.39\00:20:27.56
After this worship, I was
getting ready to go to a party
00:20:27.56\00:20:29.56
in Manhattan.
00:20:29.56\00:20:30.19
And she has me read my
first chapter in the Great
00:20:30.76\00:20:33.43
Controversy, The Time of Truth.
00:20:33.43\00:20:35.26
I mean, He didn't
want to read the Bible.
00:20:36.16\00:20:37.77
No, he was not
comfortable reading the Bible.
00:20:38.43\00:20:40.77
My mother would say with
her Jamaican accent, John, would
00:20:41.94\00:20:46.34
you read the scripture?
00:20:46.34\00:20:47.48
And he would read it.
00:20:47.48\00:20:49.91
For instance, he was
like, For God so loved her.
00:20:50.21\00:20:51.65
He would say, For
God so loved the world.
00:20:51.71\00:20:56.32
And bees of
perspiration would drip.
00:20:57.15\00:20:58.85
And I said, He can't read!
00:20:58.99\00:21:00.82
I thought to myself.
00:21:02.32\00:21:03.93
But I tell you, what a
difference that has made in
00:21:04.33\00:21:08.13
what God has done.
00:21:08.13\00:21:09.53
Oh, your little Lord shocked me.
00:21:09.60\00:21:10.83
I fell to my knees that night
and prayed and asked the Lord
00:21:11.00\00:21:13.17
to come into my lives.
00:21:13.17\00:21:14.20
And then we dated off
and on for nine years.
00:21:14.94\00:21:17.07
And one day, one of her
brothers said, You're going to
00:21:17.07\00:21:18.67
date my sister forever or what?
00:21:18.67\00:21:20.31
I said, Excuse me, You're
going to date her or marry her?
00:21:20.88\00:21:23.21
Which one is it?
00:21:23.24\00:21:23.85
I said, Marry her!
00:21:23.95\00:21:25.35
He said, When?
00:21:26.31\00:21:27.32
I said, Next month!
00:21:27.42\00:21:28.75
And that was
going on 42 years ago.
00:21:29.85\00:21:31.85
So the joke in our family
is, Her brother proposed, and I
00:21:32.55\00:21:35.69
accepted.
00:21:35.69\00:21:36.02
Look at that wedding picture.
00:21:37.19\00:21:38.23
In front of Bethel Church.
00:21:38.29\00:21:39.63
And that was a
beautiful day, May 22, 1983.
00:21:39.79\00:21:44.63
How God is amazing
when he does things.
00:21:45.20\00:21:47.60
So we're going to talk about
marriage and life, but we're
00:21:48.14\00:21:49.60
going to have prayer
before we go any farther.
00:21:49.60\00:21:51.47
And Darrell always seems to be
the quiet one, so I'm going to
00:21:52.41\00:21:54.74
have you begin with prayer
as we open the scriptures before
00:21:54.74\00:21:57.48
our audience.
00:21:57.48\00:21:58.08
Okay.
00:21:59.41\00:22:02.02
together for this program.
00:22:02.02\00:22:03.59
We thank you for the people who
are watching and that you have
00:22:03.69\00:22:06.15
given us the breath of life.
00:22:06.15\00:22:07.22
We ask in all that as we open
up your word, you will give us
00:22:07.56\00:22:10.13
wisdom and understanding and
also give us the gift of love.
00:22:10.13\00:22:14.40
That our marriages may be
bonded together and that you
00:22:14.93\00:22:18.53
may help those who are
listening if they're having any
00:22:18.53\00:22:20.77
troubles in their marriages.
00:22:20.77\00:22:22.00
That they may
learn how to thrive.
00:22:22.74\00:22:24.47
And maybe each see that each of
us have an area that we need to
00:22:25.04\00:22:29.11
grow in and something that
can be done in our own hearts.
00:22:29.11\00:22:31.85
So please bless us
now as we begin to study.
00:22:31.98\00:22:35.82
We pray in Jesus' name.
00:22:36.05\00:22:36.99
Amen.
00:22:37.25\00:22:37.65
Amen.
00:22:37.82\00:22:38.29
Amen.
00:22:38.39\00:22:41.39
to go to the wives.
00:22:41.39\00:22:42.29
Because the reason I start with
the husbands is because Adam
00:22:42.82\00:22:45.86
was made first.
00:22:45.86\00:22:47.60
And so let's go
to Ephesians 5 .25.
00:22:48.86\00:22:51.30
It's in our outline but we
can turn our Bibles together.
00:22:51.40\00:22:53.34
If you have your Bibles
you can turn there with us.
00:22:53.44\00:22:55.44
Ephesians chapter 5.
00:22:55.74\00:22:57.31
And at the end of the
program we are going to read 1
00:22:57.61\00:23:01.31
Corinthians chapter
13, the love chapter.
00:23:01.31\00:23:04.45
Well let's go to
Ephesians chapter 5.
00:23:04.98\00:23:06.78
And on the start we have
Durrell read verse 25 and Ian
00:23:06.78\00:23:10.69
read verse 28.
00:23:10.69\00:23:12.75
Husbands, love your wives even
as Christ also loved the church
00:23:15.42\00:23:19.93
and gave himself for it.
00:23:19.93\00:23:22.00
Matter of fact
read verse 26 also.
00:23:22.03\00:23:23.70
That he might sanctify and
cleanse it with the washing of
00:23:24.33\00:23:27.87
water by the word.
00:23:27.87\00:23:29.14
And Ian 27 and 28?
00:23:29.34\00:23:30.91
Starting in verse 27 is that he
might present her to himself a
00:23:31.34\00:23:36.48
glorious church.
00:23:36.48\00:23:37.48
Not having spot or wrinkle
or any such thing but that she
00:23:38.68\00:23:41.65
should be holy
and without blemish.
00:23:41.65\00:23:43.69
So husbands ought to love their
own wives as their own bodies.
00:23:44.32\00:23:47.89
He who loves his
wife loves himself.
00:23:48.36\00:23:50.69
And verse 29 is so significant.
00:23:51.16\00:23:53.16
Add that one in there.
00:23:53.26\00:23:54.36
For no one ever hated his
own flesh but nourishes and
00:23:55.06\00:23:58.53
cherishes it.
00:23:58.53\00:23:59.43
Just as the
Lord does the church.
00:23:59.43\00:24:02.00
Wow, what a picture of marriage.
00:24:02.40\00:24:03.91
I mean so what would you say if
you read that passage how would
00:24:05.14\00:24:08.31
you define marriage?
00:24:08.31\00:24:09.18
Marriage is a choice to enter
into covenant relation with
00:24:10.85\00:24:15.98
someone.
00:24:15.98\00:24:16.28
It's a choice to be
devoted to that bond.
00:24:17.09\00:24:22.86
When I think of Jacob and how
he worked for seven long years
00:24:22.86\00:24:27.93
and then he was lied to.
00:24:27.93\00:24:30.90
And then he chose to work an
additional seven years to make
00:24:31.30\00:24:35.30
it a total of 14 years.
00:24:35.30\00:24:36.50
That he didn't agree to when he
first committed to get Rachel's
00:24:36.84\00:24:41.71
hand in marriage.
00:24:41.71\00:24:42.61
And I think to myself that was
before he even got married to
00:24:42.98\00:24:46.25
her.
00:24:46.25\00:24:50.85
surely he had a
devotion to that relationship.
00:24:50.85\00:24:54.92
And I think that was
really God working in him.
00:24:55.19\00:24:57.46
There was a lot of
baggage that Jacob had.
00:24:57.69\00:25:01.06
And I think that work of
service on behalf of his wife
00:25:01.53\00:25:05.70
to gain her hand in marriage.
00:25:05.70\00:25:07.10
And then thereafter I think
that was God's way of teaching
00:25:07.30\00:25:10.01
him of how he could be like
Christ to sacrifice of himself.
00:25:10.01\00:25:14.24
I think a lot of people in
marriages today they're not
00:25:14.24\00:25:18.95
willing it's a cricket term.
00:25:18.95\00:25:20.18
They're not willing
to stick to the wicked.
00:25:20.45\00:25:21.88
You know you can go
in the world of cricket.
00:25:23.35\00:25:26.39
I'm not actually a cricket
fan but I just know this.
00:25:26.89\00:25:29.02
But like in cricket like let's
say you're at a great deficit.
00:25:30.26\00:25:33.53
And now you have to
send somebody into bat.
00:25:34.83\00:25:37.53
What they do is they want
you to play defensively and they
00:25:37.90\00:25:41.27
want you to get a lot of runs.
00:25:41.27\00:25:43.04
And so in the situation where
you're sticking to the wicked
00:25:43.04\00:25:46.21
you have to do everything you
possibly can regardless of the
00:25:46.21\00:25:49.18
circumstances
the pressure is on.
00:25:49.18\00:25:50.81
But you have to do everything
that is necessary in order to
00:25:51.15\00:25:53.92
help your team to win.
00:25:53.92\00:25:55.85
So the same thing
works in marriage.
00:25:56.82\00:25:59.79
For me it's
circumstances versus covenant.
00:26:01.06\00:26:03.86
When you recognize
that marriage is not about
00:26:04.33\00:26:06.86
circumstances and yielding
to those circumstances but it is
00:26:06.86\00:26:09.73
about the covenant that
exists between husband and wife.
00:26:09.73\00:26:12.60
Then you're going to be
willing to stick to the wicked
00:26:12.60\00:26:14.87
regardless of
those circumstances.
00:26:14.87\00:26:16.40
Because you see in Jacob's case
he could have said after those
00:26:16.40\00:26:19.34
first seven years
you know what forget it.
00:26:19.34\00:26:22.31
But in Jacob's case he was
dedicated to the covenant and
00:26:23.48\00:26:29.02
therefore he was able to work
those additional seven years.
00:26:29.02\00:26:31.62
And I praise God for those
examples because you know it's
00:26:31.89\00:26:34.49
not always easy.
00:26:34.49\00:26:35.72
But because of these examples
it teaches me to stick to the
00:26:36.22\00:26:40.16
wicked.
00:26:40.16\00:26:40.36
What about you Ian?
00:26:42.86\00:26:45.07
What do you grab out of that?
00:26:45.53\00:26:46.47
Well you know the two words
that really popped out to me
00:26:47.14\00:26:50.34
was in actually what you had
me read in verse 29 which is to
00:26:50.34\00:26:53.31
nourish and cherish.
00:26:53.31\00:26:54.21
You know this relationship that
we have and you kind of touched
00:26:54.98\00:26:57.85
on it too was you know a lot
of marriages now when things get
00:26:57.85\00:27:01.52
tough they just
want to run from it.
00:27:01.52\00:27:02.78
You know this isn't
worth it let me just move on.
00:27:02.92\00:27:05.29
But no that's not
really what it's about.
00:27:05.65\00:27:07.76
It's really you know meeting
these challenges face on or
00:27:07.76\00:27:11.19
head on and to
nourish and cherish your wife.
00:27:11.19\00:27:14.10
I mean because that's what
really and from what I've seen
00:27:14.10\00:27:17.93
in our marriage is that's
what she wants that's what she
00:27:17.93\00:27:20.74
desires is to feel cherished.
00:27:20.74\00:27:22.77
To feel loved to know that I'm
there to know that I hear her
00:27:23.00\00:27:25.84
to know that I respect her.
00:27:25.84\00:27:27.01
And you know those two words
really popped out to me when I
00:27:27.44\00:27:30.71
read was to nourish
and cherish that marriage.
00:27:30.71\00:27:32.91
Because again I'll say it
that today in today's world it's
00:27:32.91\00:27:37.69
almost like okay well what
is it irreconcilable differences
00:27:37.69\00:27:41.26
that you get all the time
when people get a divorce.
00:27:41.26\00:27:44.49
So they're not even being
really specific it's always
00:27:44.93\00:27:47.60
vague it's just well we
can't just work things out.
00:27:47.60\00:27:50.43
And I don't believe that to
be true because God doesn't you
00:27:50.63\00:27:53.54
know he doesn't want divorce
he doesn't want marriages to be
00:27:53.54\00:27:56.07
split.
00:27:56.07\00:27:59.27
because when when the husband
and wife when they split that
00:27:59.27\00:28:02.41
tears the whole family apart
especially when children are
00:28:02.41\00:28:04.75
involved.
00:28:04.75\00:28:05.08
And you know my praise God
I come from a family that knew
00:28:06.08\00:28:08.88
even though that they were
split you know my father was
00:28:08.88\00:28:11.75
had a different wife and my
mother had a different husband.
00:28:11.75\00:28:14.26
They ended up getting a divorce
coming together and having me
00:28:14.72\00:28:17.26
so I have half brothers and
sisters but my family was still
00:28:17.26\00:28:20.50
very good about keeping
the peace keeping everybody
00:28:20.50\00:28:23.40
involved.
00:28:23.40\00:28:27.30
there's very much friction
and challenges in between.
00:28:27.30\00:28:30.54
So for me what really popped
out from these verses that we
00:28:30.94\00:28:33.84
read in Ephesians was the
nourish and cherish and I think
00:28:33.84\00:28:35.98
so many marriages need to do
that more and just be more open
00:28:35.98\00:28:39.15
with each other and
speaking with each other.
00:28:39.15\00:28:40.78
Yeah you know there's a
phrase that I use when I give
00:28:40.78\00:28:44.45
relationship seminars is this
we are made for each other we
00:28:44.45\00:28:49.22
decide to make it together.
00:28:49.22\00:28:51.19
You know there are no perfect
marriages there are no perfect
00:28:51.23\00:28:53.86
individuals and when we
talk about the two becoming one
00:28:53.86\00:28:57.27
that's a divine miracle.
00:28:57.27\00:28:58.93
How do two people become one
we're going to talk about that
00:28:59.33\00:29:01.64
later on but I'm going to throw
it to you honey and give the
00:29:01.64\00:29:04.44
wives a chance to jump in here.
00:29:04.44\00:29:05.91
Okay yeah we're talking about
go to Ephesians 5 verse 22 to
00:29:05.91\00:29:15.92
24 and let's see Sasha you want
to read verse 22 and Angela 23
00:29:15.92\00:29:26.06
and I'll do 24.
00:29:26.06\00:29:27.03
Okay wives submit yourselves
unto your own husbands as unto
00:29:27.56\00:29:31.67
the Lord.
00:29:31.67\00:29:37.74
the church and he is
the savior of the body.
00:29:37.74\00:29:41.81
Verse 24 therefore just as the
church is subject to Christ so
00:29:42.41\00:29:47.68
let the wives be to their
own husbands in everything.
00:29:47.68\00:29:52.19
How do you subject yourself
to your husbands I'm throwing it
00:29:52.59\00:29:55.99
out there ladies
how do you do that?
00:29:55.99\00:29:58.43
Well when I think of it in a
literal sense I told you I had
00:29:58.43\00:30:02.40
one foot in the world and
one foot in the church so had I
00:30:02.40\00:30:05.10
continued on that path that
I was on I probably would be in
00:30:05.10\00:30:08.44
the world and probably would
be lost so I can think of my
00:30:08.44\00:30:11.57
husband as that kind of savior
that helped to pull me out of
00:30:11.57\00:30:15.38
that and when I think of that
no matter what troubles arise
00:30:15.38\00:30:18.01
it's easier for me to submit
to him because I saw that he was
00:30:18.01\00:30:21.98
willing to be that godly
leader, and so I can think of
00:30:21.98\00:30:25.89
that and willingly submit to
his leadership and follow it.
00:30:25.89\00:30:28.39
Amen.
00:30:28.49\00:30:28.99
How about you, Angela?
00:30:29.39\00:30:30.29
What do you get from that?
00:30:30.29\00:30:31.36
From this, so I try to pit
my husband like every day on my
00:30:31.53\00:30:37.37
every day daily things.
00:30:37.37\00:30:38.97
I think of my husband first,
I always think of him first, I
00:30:39.20\00:30:41.94
always just love him, and
everything I do I always try to
00:30:41.94\00:30:45.44
pit him first in it, and I
think it's important for wives
00:30:45.44\00:30:48.84
to do that, to pit their
husbands first, even before the
00:30:48.84\00:30:51.78
kids, you know, your husband
should go first, and I think
00:30:51.78\00:30:55.15
that's very important.
00:30:55.15\00:30:56.55
And I like this from Ellen
White, it says, the marriages,
00:30:56.89\00:30:59.15
instead of being the end of
love, will be as it were the
00:30:59.32\00:31:02.16
very beginning of love.
00:31:02.16\00:31:03.63
I think every day should be
like a beginning of a new love
00:31:03.99\00:31:06.90
between your husband and wife.
00:31:06.90\00:31:08.63
You know, in school, I remember
the teachers would say, every
00:31:08.90\00:31:12.33
day is a new day, you know,
and I think same thing should be
00:31:12.33\00:31:15.50
with marriages, like every
day, you know, maybe y'all had
00:31:15.50\00:31:18.54
trials or had a little fight or
something, nobody has a perfect
00:31:18.54\00:31:21.71
marriage, and just every day,
just a new beginning of love, a
00:31:21.71\00:31:25.38
new day.
00:31:25.38\00:31:25.85
Amen.
00:31:26.35\00:31:26.72
I love that.
00:31:26.95\00:31:27.38
I like that.
00:31:27.62\00:31:28.38
Very sweet.
00:31:28.92\00:31:29.65
Very nice.
00:31:29.92\00:31:31.49
No.
00:31:32.05\00:31:32.35
I can be sweet.
00:31:34.56\00:31:35.69
No, she is very, you know,
she does often, and she makes a
00:31:37.46\00:31:41.63
point, even in front of
Liam, our son, to where even the
00:31:41.63\00:31:45.13
small little things, like when
she's serving dinner, she will
00:31:45.13\00:31:47.24
serve me first, and then
she will serve Liam to show that
00:31:47.24\00:31:51.57
kind of respect that she has,
and I know she does it all the
00:31:51.57\00:31:54.54
time, it was just the way
that she said it just, you know,
00:31:54.54\00:31:56.88
touched my heart.
00:31:56.88\00:31:57.58
Oh, I like that, yeah, and same
thing, when you said that, I
00:31:58.95\00:32:02.98
always, for dinner, I always
give him the nice meal first, I
00:32:02.98\00:32:08.19
don't go and say, oh, let
me put mine first, no, I always
00:32:08.19\00:32:11.03
put his food first, give it
to him first, yeah, and when we
00:32:11.03\00:32:14.83
make decisions, the final
decision is my husband, I let
00:32:14.83\00:32:18.63
him make the decision, like,
oh, honey, what should we do,
00:32:18.63\00:32:21.87
and, you know, of course we
pray about it, and then I say,
00:32:22.24\00:32:25.01
okay, honey, you're the priest,
you make the decision, many
00:32:25.01\00:32:25.04
times I've said that to
you, okay, honey, you make that
00:32:27.54\00:32:30.21
decision, and you say, okay,
this is it, this is how it's
00:32:30.21\00:32:33.01
going to be.
00:32:33.01\00:32:37.02
mommy and daddy talked it over,
and then daddy, you know, he
00:32:37.15\00:32:40.29
knows, when daddy says
it, that's the end of it.
00:32:40.29\00:32:42.56
He knows that's it.
00:32:42.59\00:32:43.69
Daddy knows that's it.
00:32:43.69\00:32:44.69
Daddy said it.
00:32:44.86\00:32:45.49
That's it.
00:32:45.83\00:32:45.86
That's it.
00:32:46.49\00:32:46.93
That is the story.
00:32:49.23\00:32:50.17
I'm going to bring it up.
00:32:50.73\00:32:51.77
I'm going to bring it up.
00:32:51.93\00:32:52.93
I'm going to bring it up.
00:32:53.44\00:32:53.84
I'm going to bring it up.
00:32:54.44\00:32:55.84
I have a beautiful son, we just
admire him, he's a man after my
00:32:55.84\00:33:00.81
heart and this sense, he likes
colognes, and if you go to our
00:33:00.81\00:33:04.95
school, you might smell
colognes on some of the guys,
00:33:04.95\00:33:08.05
because Liam started this
trend at school, he was saying,
00:33:08.25\00:33:10.85
pastor, what cologne is that?
00:33:11.09\00:33:11.92
Okay, I thought you were
going to talk about this.
00:33:12.32\00:33:14.59
Well, we'll bring that up later.
00:33:14.59\00:33:15.52
But prior to that, I remember
being at the house, and Liam
00:33:17.03\00:33:19.86
was showing us around.
00:33:19.86\00:33:20.46
When we first moved here.
00:33:20.46\00:33:21.33
When we first
moved here, that's right.
00:33:21.33\00:33:21.36
He was showing us
around, and Liam was walking.
00:33:23.60\00:33:25.67
And so we were in, like, the
washroom, and Liam came in and
00:33:25.83\00:33:31.21
asked his dad, he said,
hey dad, how much do we pay for
00:33:31.21\00:33:34.61
mortgage?
00:33:34.61\00:33:35.01
How much do we
pay for the house?
00:33:35.61\00:33:36.91
And Liam looked at
his son, what did you say?
00:33:38.21\00:33:40.02
I just said, when you start
paying bills around here, then
00:33:40.02\00:33:42.75
I'll let you go.
00:33:42.75\00:33:43.35
And Liam had to look like, let
me crawl under the dryer, and
00:33:45.12\00:33:48.56
when you need me,
just open the door.
00:33:48.56\00:33:50.16
He walked away, and I like that.
00:33:51.26\00:33:53.83
What I love about that is
sometimes, the illustration is
00:33:54.10\00:33:57.93
sometimes parents put their
children before their spouse.
00:33:57.93\00:34:02.04
So the first tip you get
tonight is as you're listening
00:34:02.80\00:34:05.24
here, the Lord didn't say,
husbands love your children,
00:34:05.24\00:34:10.41
then your wife.
00:34:10.75\00:34:11.55
But husbands love your wife.
00:34:12.41\00:34:13.88
And wives submit
to your own husbands.
00:34:14.45\00:34:16.12
And a lot of families
get together and the children
00:34:16.18\00:34:18.75
become the immediate focus.
00:34:18.75\00:34:20.36
And years later, the husband
and the spouse, I mean, the
00:34:20.96\00:34:23.56
wife and the husband
don't know each other.
00:34:23.56\00:34:25.06
After the kid
graduates from school.
00:34:25.26\00:34:27.36
And so, what's your name again?
00:34:28.00\00:34:29.23
And it's really sad.
00:34:29.73\00:34:30.90
And some people just grow so
far apart, they stay together
00:34:30.97\00:34:34.24
until the kids are
gone and they're gone.
00:34:34.24\00:34:35.80
But that's really, really good.
00:34:36.10\00:34:37.31
I think it's easy to do that
when, like, your marriage and
00:34:37.31\00:34:40.21
your family life becomes just
like you're going through the
00:34:40.21\00:34:43.81
motions, you know, every day.
00:34:43.81\00:34:45.41
Especially, like, with
children, when they're young,
00:34:45.61\00:34:48.22
they're not thinking about, how
can I show love to my parents
00:34:48.22\00:34:51.69
and be thankful for all
the things that they do for me?
00:34:51.69\00:34:53.96
It's more like, how
can I get what I want?
00:34:53.99\00:34:56.39
And so, like, with the topic
of, like, how the decision will
00:34:57.26\00:35:03.23
come to daddy, it took me
a while to come to terms with
00:35:03.23\00:35:06.77
that because I'm just like,
I just want to be left alone.
00:35:06.77\00:35:09.40
Why do I have to decide?
00:35:09.67\00:35:11.71
But after a while, you know, I
realize the children, I'll just
00:35:12.61\00:35:16.58
hear their whispering.
00:35:16.58\00:35:17.58
Like, let's say mommy's in the
bedroom and I'm in the kitchen.
00:35:17.81\00:35:20.65
I'll see one of the kids walk
across and they won't come to
00:35:21.05\00:35:24.19
me, but they'll walk down
the hall and then I just hear
00:35:24.19\00:35:26.89
whispering.
00:35:26.89\00:35:27.49
And then I'll
hear, what did daddy say?
00:35:27.79\00:35:30.43
I didn't ask daddy.
00:35:31.33\00:35:33.13
Go ask daddy.
00:35:33.86\00:35:35.00
And I realize, okay, it's
my responsibility to step up to
00:35:35.00\00:35:38.50
the plate and, you know, it
also helps to, like you were
00:35:38.50\00:35:42.67
talking about, about showing
the kids that it's mommy and
00:35:42.67\00:35:46.51
we're on a team together.
00:35:46.51\00:35:48.21
You can't, they will do their
utmost to try to break up the
00:35:48.51\00:35:52.48
team.
00:35:52.48\00:35:52.75
And I realize...
00:35:53.72\00:35:54.52
We're good at it too.
00:35:54.52\00:35:55.28
Yes.
00:35:55.35\00:35:55.85
And I realize it's really Satan
trying to get a foothold in the
00:35:57.95\00:36:02.86
family.
00:36:02.86\00:36:06.73
together.
00:36:06.73\00:36:07.60
If mommy makes a decision
that I don't like, you know, I
00:36:07.93\00:36:11.83
realize that's not the time
for me to voice that, you know,
00:36:11.83\00:36:16.67
necessarily in
front of the children.
00:36:16.74\00:36:18.21
The team effort is that we go
aside and we, you know, discuss
00:36:18.57\00:36:22.78
this with each
other and vice versa.
00:36:22.78\00:36:25.01
She doesn't make
all the bad decisions.
00:36:25.25\00:36:26.68
I make enough myself.
00:36:26.78\00:36:28.35
So, but the overall
picture is that, you know, we're
00:36:28.95\00:36:34.19
constantly working together
to portray to the children, it's
00:36:34.19\00:36:38.33
mommy and daddy first.
00:36:38.33\00:36:39.56
And then you guys, it's not
that we don't love you, but if
00:36:39.73\00:36:42.93
we don't love one another, then
we cannot love you properly.
00:36:42.93\00:36:46.03
So, yeah.
00:36:46.94\00:36:50.44
know I regret this, but when
we were going through trials, I
00:36:50.44\00:36:53.88
would be like, I'm mad at
him and I'll go sleep in the
00:36:53.88\00:36:56.61
children's room and
don't even sleep in the bed.
00:36:56.61\00:36:58.75
And I didn't realize how
much that affected our marriage.
00:36:59.21\00:37:02.38
And I know I have friends to
this day that they sleep with
00:37:03.12\00:37:07.62
their kids or, you know, and I
realize how important it is for
00:37:07.62\00:37:11.39
children need to be in their
own room and parents need to be
00:37:11.39\00:37:14.36
together, regardless of
whatever trials you go through,
00:37:14.36\00:37:17.43
whatever you're going through,
you need to be in bed with your
00:37:17.70\00:37:20.97
husband and wife.
00:37:20.97\00:37:21.77
Yes.
00:37:22.34\00:37:22.67
That's right.
00:37:22.77\00:37:25.41
children's room.
00:37:25.41\00:37:27.28
You get the couch.
00:37:27.31\00:37:28.81
No, we've never
had a night like that.
00:37:29.88\00:37:32.05
Wow.
00:37:32.11\00:37:32.48
We haven't.
00:37:32.71\00:37:32.91
I think during COVID, we did.
00:37:33.42\00:37:35.18
Well, that's the
only time during COVID.
00:37:36.18\00:37:37.75
I said, I don't want
to get what you have.
00:37:38.49\00:37:39.59
The next few days
I got what you had.
00:37:39.69\00:37:41.16
But to not compound it, I slept
in one room and she slept in
00:37:41.86\00:37:44.93
another, but the obvious
reasons was because of this
00:37:44.93\00:37:47.60
terrible COVID situation.
00:37:47.60\00:37:49.73
But, you know, we don't have
those, and this is the other
00:37:50.53\00:37:53.07
thing, we don't have those, and
praise God for that, we don't
00:37:53.07\00:37:55.70
have those, I haven't
spoken to her for days.
00:37:55.70\00:37:57.67
Oh, no.
00:37:57.84\00:37:58.34
Oh, we cannot do that.
00:37:58.41\00:37:59.61
I mean, like an hour, I'll give
a room and I'll come back and
00:37:59.64\00:38:03.24
say, you okay?
00:38:03.24\00:38:04.31
I'm okay.
00:38:06.38\00:38:07.08
You okay?
00:38:08.08\00:38:08.88
I'm okay.
00:38:09.52\00:38:09.95
I'm sorry.
00:38:09.95\00:38:09.98
I really didn't mean that.
00:38:11.19\00:38:11.99
I mean, you were right.
00:38:12.19\00:38:13.76
And there are some times that
we apologize for something we
00:38:14.46\00:38:18.16
didn't do.
00:38:18.16\00:38:19.03
And then we'd say, you don't
have to apologize, but let me
00:38:19.39\00:38:22.16
apologize, but let
me apologize first.
00:38:22.16\00:38:26.00
Making up is sweet.
00:38:26.43\00:38:27.20
Making up is a
beautiful thing to do.
00:38:27.30\00:38:28.57
So we've never had those,
and early in the marriage, I
00:38:28.77\00:38:31.84
remember one night
particularly, we went to bed,
00:38:31.84\00:38:33.71
we just, you know when you're
mad at each other, you just,
00:38:33.84\00:38:36.14
you don't get into bed,
you slither into bed, like you
00:38:36.51\00:38:39.88
don't want the bed to shake.
00:38:39.88\00:38:40.88
That's so true.
00:38:41.75\00:38:42.48
Where's that foam that does not
let the other person go on the
00:38:46.02\00:38:48.89
bed?
00:38:48.89\00:38:52.96
your neck is about to break.
00:38:52.96\00:38:54.00
You know how many
times I've done that?
00:38:54.86\00:38:56.67
No.
00:38:58.93\00:38:59.10
And he acts like he's sleeping.
00:38:59.63\00:39:01.20
I know he did that.
00:39:02.57\00:39:03.81
3 o'clock, 3.30, 4.30.
00:39:04.07\00:39:05.87
Starts scooting a little bit.
00:39:05.94\00:39:07.08
Yeah, scooting all the way.
00:39:07.21\00:39:08.04
You awake?
00:39:08.38\00:39:09.18
No.
00:39:09.98\00:39:10.45
I'd answer, no.
00:39:12.31\00:39:13.58
And then we say, you
know, this is ridiculous.
00:39:14.82\00:39:17.32
We just scoot over,
just start a little bit.
00:39:18.19\00:39:20.09
Why do we have to be, why do we
have to, why do we let this get
00:39:22.12\00:39:25.03
to us like this?
00:39:25.03\00:39:25.76
And then you realize, as
Christ loved the church, because
00:39:26.19\00:39:30.83
sometimes his bride, the
church, can want to go its own
00:39:30.83\00:39:34.97
way.
00:39:34.97\00:39:35.44
And he says, like he did
to Goma and Hosea and Goma.
00:39:36.10\00:39:43.04
Goma, which was a symbol
of Israel, went away from her
00:39:43.28\00:39:48.52
husband, decided
to live her own life.
00:39:48.52\00:39:50.55
And Hosea waited patiently.
00:39:51.45\00:39:52.79
And the Lord said, you know,
don't run after her, but I'll
00:39:52.92\00:39:57.33
make her journey difficult
so that she'll come back to you
00:39:57.33\00:40:00.20
and say, it was better with
me then than it is with me now.
00:40:00.20\00:40:03.67
That reconciliation.
00:40:03.70\00:40:04.73
And who was waiting?
00:40:05.23\00:40:05.87
Hosea was waiting.
00:40:06.03\00:40:06.97
So yeah, we've had that.
00:40:07.84\00:40:08.80
But I want to go to something.
00:40:09.00\00:40:10.04
Let's go to
Ephesians, Chapter 5.
00:40:11.17\00:40:12.74
We have two things that
are very necessary in marriage.
00:40:13.58\00:40:18.05
Ephesians, Chapter 5.
00:40:18.21\00:40:19.81
And let me see.
00:40:20.08\00:40:20.68
We started with Darrell before.
00:40:20.78\00:40:21.82
Let's start with
one of the ladies.
00:40:22.12\00:40:23.05
Honey, I'll let you pick.
00:40:23.15\00:40:24.02
Oh, Angela.
00:40:25.02\00:40:25.39
Okay, Ephesians 5, 33.
00:40:25.75\00:40:27.29
33.
00:40:27.89\00:40:28.29
Nevertheless, let each one of
you, in particular, so love his
00:40:29.49\00:40:33.80
own wife as himself, and let
the wife see that she respects
00:40:33.80\00:40:38.43
her husband.
00:40:38.43\00:40:39.20
Okay, now look
at the two things.
00:40:39.57\00:40:40.90
What did you see in there?
00:40:41.00\00:40:41.97
What did you see, Sasha?
00:40:42.00\00:40:43.20
Mine is a different version,
but I remember respect, and I
00:40:43.71\00:40:48.18
can't remember
the husband's one.
00:40:48.18\00:40:50.18
Okay.
00:40:51.25\00:40:55.08
Respect.
00:40:55.18\00:40:55.68
Let's talk about that.
00:40:56.02\00:40:57.19
Respect.
00:40:57.59\00:40:58.32
We've seen this
happen throughout the years.
00:40:58.59\00:41:00.26
I mean, this should have
actually been a four hour
00:41:00.36\00:41:02.12
program.
00:41:02.12\00:41:02.62
I know.
00:41:02.82\00:41:03.69
You're getting
free counseling here.
00:41:04.39\00:41:06.03
But really, I've seen how have
you seen that play out in your
00:41:06.86\00:41:10.53
relationship, love and respect.
00:41:10.53\00:41:11.83
What does the wife want?
00:41:12.73\00:41:13.67
Love.
00:41:14.94\00:41:15.34
Love.
00:41:16.17\00:41:16.47
Love.
00:41:16.74\00:41:16.84
Respect.
00:41:17.04\00:41:17.24
Respect.
00:41:17.84\00:41:20.48
respects you, you can come home
and close the door and really
00:41:20.48\00:41:23.11
don't care about what's
happening outside in the world.
00:41:23.11\00:41:25.08
Same thing with ladies.
00:41:26.11\00:41:27.08
Talk about that.
00:41:27.22\00:41:29.85
I feel terrible.
00:41:30.25\00:41:31.55
We want to be
loved as women, don't we?
00:41:33.09\00:41:36.02
I like touch, right?
00:41:36.76\00:41:38.63
I think that's my love language.
00:41:38.63\00:41:40.16
I like touch, because
growing up I had that.
00:41:40.86\00:41:43.60
And you had it too.
00:41:44.10\00:41:45.70
I did.
00:41:45.87\00:41:46.30
Yeah.
00:41:46.57\00:41:50.44
And he'll come up behind
me, I'm in the kitchen and he'll
00:41:50.71\00:41:52.87
come up, he did it again today,
come up behind me and, hey
00:41:52.87\00:41:55.98
honey, and kiss me on my neck.
00:41:55.98\00:41:57.68
It was so sweet.
00:41:57.85\00:41:58.58
Little things like that.
00:41:58.65\00:42:00.15
Okay, here's one of them.
00:42:01.15\00:42:03.12
Sometimes I come in the
house and I go straight to the
00:42:03.89\00:42:06.79
kitchen.
00:42:06.79\00:42:09.02
Start the dinner
and I take my shoes off.
00:42:09.02\00:42:11.69
Guess what?
00:42:12.33\00:42:12.96
I don't have my slippers on.
00:42:12.96\00:42:12.99
And he'll come with my
slippers, put it right there in
00:42:14.56\00:42:19.10
the kitchen.
00:42:19.10\00:42:19.63
He still does that.
00:42:19.77\00:42:20.97
All these years,
he still does that.
00:42:21.20\00:42:23.24
He just did it
again a couple days ago.
00:42:23.54\00:42:25.57
Put the slippers here, honey.
00:42:25.91\00:42:27.34
And I'm like, oh, thanks.
00:42:27.81\00:42:29.01
And it's good to say
thank you to your spouse.
00:42:29.74\00:42:32.71
And it's good for your
children to hear it too.
00:42:33.05\00:42:34.95
It's good for your
children to hear that.
00:42:34.95\00:42:36.65
They're learning, right?
00:42:36.95\00:42:38.35
They're learning from mom and
dad how to treat their wife or
00:42:38.42\00:42:41.62
their husband.
00:42:41.62\00:42:42.39
Now let me throw
this out to the husbands.
00:42:42.69\00:42:44.16
What do you feel, how do you
feel if there's a moment coming
00:42:45.03\00:42:48.50
up and you feel that your wife
is not respecting you in that
00:42:48.50\00:42:50.77
moment?
00:42:50.77\00:42:51.13
Not that it happened,
but let's just talk about it.
00:42:51.83\00:42:54.57
For me, I've learned over the
years to be more introspective
00:42:54.97\00:43:00.38
in those moments because I ask
myself, well, why is she being
00:43:00.38\00:43:05.28
like that towards me?
00:43:05.28\00:43:10.35
Even when she's upset with me,
she'll still make breakfast and
00:43:11.15\00:43:15.99
lunch and dinner for me.
00:43:15.99\00:43:17.99
And it's just like sometimes
I step back and I say, why?
00:43:18.26\00:43:21.50
Why are you doing this?
00:43:21.63\00:43:22.70
Why are you being so nice?
00:43:22.80\00:43:24.03
And I realize that in
those moments, it teaches me to
00:43:24.23\00:43:31.01
soften up and to be, I think
one of the things that a lot of
00:43:31.01\00:43:35.14
men, the problem that we
have is we forget to show those
00:43:35.14\00:43:40.65
early attentions, like what you
were mentioning about bringing
00:43:40.65\00:43:43.95
the slippers and all of that.
00:43:43.95\00:43:45.25
situations are pivotal because
when we first got together,
00:43:47.96\00:43:52.06
there were a lot of things that
we, you know, you have hearts
00:43:52.49\00:43:55.00
in your eyes and, you know,
there's nothing that you could
00:43:55.00\00:43:57.93
do that was wrong.
00:43:57.93\00:43:59.10
And then you fast forward
to that first year of marriage.
00:43:59.10\00:44:02.20
And, you know, a lot of people
know that first year can be one
00:44:02.60\00:44:05.51
of the most trying
years because you're bringing
00:44:05.51\00:44:08.14
different, not only
different ideas, but different
00:44:08.14\00:44:10.71
personalities, different ways
of doing things in the house.
00:44:10.71\00:44:14.12
And don't mention when you
have children, like I was raised
00:44:14.38\00:44:18.52
this way and you
were raised that way.
00:44:18.52\00:44:20.79
This is how I'm going to,
you know, but like, you know, I
00:44:21.06\00:44:26.70
think that as long as you keep
focus on those, not just the
00:44:26.70\00:44:32.50
early attentions, but also when
she feels a certain way, like I
00:44:32.50\00:44:38.91
said, being introspective,
not thinking that she has a
00:44:38.91\00:44:42.21
problem.
00:44:42.21\00:44:44.28
But at the same time, is there
something that I have done that
00:44:44.41\00:44:48.25
has brought this about?
00:44:48.25\00:44:49.28
Because I know I'm not perfect.
00:44:49.32\00:44:50.59
And sometimes as I sit there,
I'm like, yeah, you could have
00:44:50.95\00:44:53.86
said this differently
or you could have done this
00:44:53.86\00:44:56.09
differently.
00:44:56.09\00:45:00.33
typically when we have a
resolution to our issues, it's
00:45:00.73\00:45:05.53
less of a verbal resolution.
00:45:05.53\00:45:07.54
It's more of a, we kind of just
walk up to each other, look at
00:45:07.67\00:45:11.84
each other.
00:45:11.84\00:45:12.57
Try not to smile.
00:45:12.67\00:45:13.81
Yeah.
00:45:14.74\00:45:14.78
And I think it's because
we have consistently, and it's
00:45:15.94\00:45:19.58
just by the grace of the
Lord, but it's because we've
00:45:19.58\00:45:23.02
consistently, we take it to the
Lord, even though we're kicking
00:45:23.02\00:45:25.75
and screaming saying, but
she, you know, and, you know, it
00:45:25.75\00:45:31.16
makes me think of Matthew
18, where it talks in verse 21.
00:45:31.16\00:45:37.13
I don't know if
you want to look at it.
00:45:37.83\00:45:40.07
Sure.
00:45:40.34\00:45:40.37
Verse 21 to,
actually, verse 21 to 35.
00:45:42.17\00:45:44.97
Matthew what?
00:45:46.27\00:45:46.68
Matthew 18.
00:45:47.01\00:45:48.01
Go right to the
central focus of it.
00:45:48.68\00:45:50.28
Sure.
00:45:50.48\00:45:57.25
forgiven a great debt.
00:45:57.25\00:45:58.72
And, you know, he was forgiven
because he asked to be forgiven
00:45:59.85\00:46:05.06
of this debt.
00:46:05.06\00:46:05.73
And then he finds his fellow
servant and he has this refusal
00:46:06.26\00:46:11.27
to show the same
mercy that was shown to him.
00:46:11.27\00:46:13.77
And I realize that happens so
much in marriages where we have
00:46:14.20\00:46:17.87
this refusal to show that mercy
that has been shown us by God.
00:46:17.87\00:46:22.84
And it's like, you
know, woe is me Lord.
00:46:23.31\00:46:25.35
Why is it that I'm not
willing to forgive my wife?
00:46:25.45\00:46:28.12
And when it's a marriage,
you can treat people who are
00:46:28.68\00:46:32.92
outside of your home, you know,
you smile at them, you know,
00:46:32.92\00:46:35.42
everybody thinks you're great.
00:46:35.52\00:46:36.46
Everybody's good.
00:46:36.49\00:46:37.19
But like, you know, somebody
gives you praise and then your
00:46:38.59\00:46:41.16
spouse is just sitting there
and saying, you know, I know
00:46:41.16\00:46:44.50
how they are at home.
00:46:44.50\00:46:45.63
Yes.
00:46:45.63\00:46:45.90
Yes.
00:46:46.33\00:46:46.74
And I realize a lot of the
times it's because we harbor
00:46:47.50\00:46:50.64
these feelings of unforgiveness.
00:46:50.64\00:46:53.58
But if couples were more
willing to heed these words
00:46:54.11\00:46:57.58
that are found in these verses
to forgive each other, then we
00:46:57.58\00:47:01.15
would actually, you know,
when you partake in forgiving
00:47:01.15\00:47:05.09
someone else, you realize the
character of Christ to forgive
00:47:05.09\00:47:09.26
people who didn't deserve it.
00:47:09.26\00:47:11.63
And, you know, it's just to me,
it's beautiful and it also will
00:47:12.03\00:47:15.66
help your marriage
to grow and blossom.
00:47:15.66\00:47:17.90
Do you want to add
anything to that, Sasha?
00:47:20.44\00:47:21.94
Put me on the spot.
00:47:24.37\00:47:25.51
I agree.
00:47:27.74\00:47:28.51
I had a thought, I don't
remember what it was, but yes.
00:47:29.28\00:47:33.05
When it chimes back, let's...
00:47:35.05\00:47:36.99
So when going about
forgiveness, you know, I had to
00:47:36.99\00:47:40.89
choose one of the hardest
forgiveness, you know, marriage
00:47:40.89\00:47:43.02
is forever.
00:47:43.02\00:47:43.79
It's like when your house is
broken, you don't go sell it,
00:47:44.36\00:47:47.36
you fix it.
00:47:47.36\00:47:48.16
And with our marriage, which
I love my husband, my husband is
00:47:48.96\00:47:52.43
my best friend, and we
just, God has really healed our
00:47:52.43\00:47:55.37
marriage.
00:47:55.37\00:47:59.31
or does something wrong, how
far is your forgiveness going
00:47:59.31\00:48:03.45
to go?
00:48:03.45\00:48:03.98
And, you know, I
chose to forgive my husband.
00:48:04.68\00:48:07.42
And the reason I chose to
forgive him was because I'm
00:48:07.68\00:48:10.79
just like, how
much did God forgive me?
00:48:10.79\00:48:13.19
You know, how could I
not forgive my husband?
00:48:13.25\00:48:16.16
And God forgave me.
00:48:16.32\00:48:17.83
And I think marriage, you know,
even though it is hard, and we
00:48:17.89\00:48:21.50
go through stuff, and
right now, we try to help other
00:48:21.50\00:48:25.03
couples with, you
know, going through stuff.
00:48:25.03\00:48:27.84
And there is hope in
your marriage with Christ.
00:48:28.20\00:48:30.87
There is.
00:48:31.01\00:48:31.44
You know, and it's just,
it's hard, marriage is hard, but
00:48:32.24\00:48:37.31
with Christ and loving
each other, it takes work.
00:48:37.31\00:48:39.85
It really does.
00:48:39.98\00:48:40.98
You know, and I kind of want
to touch on what we talked about
00:48:41.55\00:48:45.92
in Ephesians 5.33, where
it talked about, you know,
00:48:45.92\00:48:50.59
husbands loving their
wives and wives respecting their
00:48:50.79\00:48:52.73
husbands.
00:48:52.73\00:48:55.83
know, we won't go
into our whole testimony.
00:48:55.83\00:48:58.00
We've shared it
here before on 3 ABN.
00:48:58.00\00:49:00.07
So, but I had to learn, because
I don't think I really had a
00:49:00.37\00:49:04.97
good example growing up of
what a marriage looked like.
00:49:04.97\00:49:08.14
You know, all I could say is
the apple didn't fall far from
00:49:09.94\00:49:13.72
the tree.
00:49:13.72\00:49:14.28
And in many ways, where my
father went wrong is where I
00:49:14.98\00:49:17.49
went wrong.
00:49:17.49\00:49:18.02
From alcohol to adultery, I
mean, you name it, is kind of,
00:49:18.72\00:49:22.56
I repeated what he had done.
00:49:22.56\00:49:23.73
And so, I didn't have, you
know, a good picture of what
00:49:24.26\00:49:29.50
it, so I had to learn through
all the trials that we went
00:49:29.50\00:49:32.70
through.
00:49:32.70\00:49:36.20
because I wish they never
happened, but at the same time,
00:49:36.27\00:49:38.37
it made us who we are.
00:49:38.44\00:49:39.64
And we have a testimony now,
because we've gone through so
00:49:40.24\00:49:43.51
much discomfort, so much hurt,
so much pain, so much fighting,
00:49:43.51\00:49:46.92
so many tears.
00:49:47.05\00:49:47.88
I mean, just sleepless nights.
00:49:48.45\00:49:50.02
It really has made our
marriage incredibly strong.
00:49:50.25\00:49:53.66
Oh, I mean, and like my
wife alluded to, now we have the
00:49:54.72\00:49:58.19
opportunity to share with other
couples and say, look, there
00:49:58.19\00:50:01.13
may not have been love there
in the beginning, or maybe that
00:50:01.13\00:50:04.03
love has been tainted, that
respect may not have been there
00:50:04.03\00:50:06.70
in the beginning, and maybe
that respect has been tainted,
00:50:06.70\00:50:08.80
but God can heal that marriage.
00:50:09.17\00:50:11.57
God can bring what Satan has
tried to destroy from the very
00:50:11.91\00:50:15.04
beginning, God can bring
that back together, and not only
00:50:15.04\00:50:17.68
will he bring it back together,
but he's just going to make it
00:50:17.68\00:50:20.82
that much more powerful,
because this really is my best
00:50:20.82\00:50:23.62
friend, my lover.
00:50:23.62\00:50:25.22
I mean, I can't live this
life without this woman, and any
00:50:25.82\00:50:28.76
time that I know that I have
done something to hurt her, it
00:50:28.76\00:50:33.60
absolutely breaks me and
destroys me, to where before I
00:50:33.60\00:50:36.93
would just, you know, and turn
around, you know, roll over, go
00:50:36.93\00:50:40.74
to sleep, kind of whatever, but
now it's, you know, this is, I
00:50:40.74\00:50:45.47
know for a fact, God has
given me this woman for a very
00:50:45.47\00:50:48.54
particular purpose.
00:50:48.54\00:50:49.74
I see it all the time, and as
you talked about forgiveness, I
00:50:49.74\00:50:49.78
saw the forgiveness of Jesus in
my wife, in what she has known
00:50:54.28\00:50:57.92
me, and that's made me not only
love her more, but also made me
00:50:57.92\00:51:02.59
love God more, and see just
a little bit, a little taste of
00:51:02.59\00:51:06.33
what his forgiveness is
like towards us, and that's, I
00:51:06.33\00:51:09.23
think, one of the reasons
why we have marriage, is it's a
00:51:09.23\00:51:11.83
teacher, it's teaching us about
God's love, it's teaching us
00:51:11.83\00:51:14.87
about, you know, his
forgiveness, it's teaching
00:51:14.87\00:51:17.07
about his long suffering
and how to work things out, just
00:51:17.07\00:51:19.74
like how he works things
out with us, and it's just, it's
00:51:19.74\00:51:22.61
beautiful, you know,
despite the difficulties.
00:51:22.61\00:51:24.91
And it's stronger.
00:51:25.11\00:51:26.41
That's the key.
00:51:27.45\00:51:28.28
You made a point, if the house
is broken, do you get rid of
00:51:28.88\00:51:32.32
it?
00:51:32.32\00:51:32.55
No.
00:51:32.59\00:51:32.72
I probably heard that from you.
00:51:34.49\00:51:36.29
Well, we were raised in a
generation, this is kind of
00:51:38.16\00:51:40.30
crazy, but we were raised in
a generation, if it's broke, fix
00:51:40.30\00:51:43.00
it.
00:51:43.00\00:51:43.43
Nowadays, high school
college students can go from
00:51:44.10\00:51:48.24
neighborhood to neighborhood
and find a chair on the
00:51:48.24\00:51:50.37
sidewalk that just has a slight
rip in it, and people throw it
00:51:50.37\00:51:53.24
away, or throw it in their
bed, and people throw it away.
00:51:53.24\00:51:55.21
You can get a whole house.
00:51:55.24\00:51:56.34
I've seen college students
that, where'd you get all your
00:51:56.44\00:51:58.68
furniture from?
00:51:58.68\00:51:59.41
Driving around the neighborhood.
00:51:59.48\00:52:00.65
And people in this
J&A, they throw things away.
00:52:01.38\00:52:03.65
Whereas in our generation,
we go out and get the glass and
00:52:03.85\00:52:06.72
replace the broken glass rather
than buying a whole window.
00:52:06.72\00:52:09.19
And so we've had, in our own
marriage, times where we had to
00:52:09.69\00:52:12.59
learn to fix it.
00:52:12.59\00:52:13.76
To say, you know, and we had
to get ourselves out of the way.
00:52:13.96\00:52:18.53
Absolutely.
00:52:19.10\00:52:21.34
about this a little more.
00:52:21.34\00:52:22.24
The respect and the
love thing is massive.
00:52:23.17\00:52:26.88
Okay, tell the story about, you
know who in one of our churches
00:52:27.21\00:52:30.05
when his wife
embarrassed the elder.
00:52:30.58\00:52:34.72
Yeah, and she's deceased now,
so I think this is a time to
00:52:34.95\00:52:37.75
tell the story.
00:52:37.75\00:52:38.39
We had an elder in one of our
churches, not in Thompsonville,
00:52:38.99\00:52:41.46
but in one of our churches
where he was the head elder,
00:52:42.02\00:52:44.26
and when church was over, she's
kind of like, hey, let's go!
00:52:44.73\00:52:47.50
And he's the second in
command leader in the church.
00:52:50.17\00:52:52.90
He was like, I've got to go.
00:52:53.30\00:52:54.34
And his wife would embarrass
him publicly all the time.
00:52:54.74\00:52:56.81
She would always disrespect him.
00:52:56.84\00:52:58.67
And we would do things
like, how well do you know each
00:52:58.74\00:53:00.91
other?
00:53:00.91\00:53:03.81
you know your wife?
00:53:03.81\00:53:04.48
Like a Vespas program.
00:53:05.58\00:53:06.61
And he would get
the wrong answer.
00:53:07.42\00:53:08.85
She said, I told you
you didn't know your Bible.
00:53:08.98\00:53:10.69
And she said that publicly.
00:53:11.09\00:53:12.25
And he's the head elder.
00:53:12.49\00:53:13.72
And it was like, these little
things just irritated him to no
00:53:13.99\00:53:16.96
end.
00:53:17.59\00:53:23.20
once, and his anger for women,
his anger for his wife, came
00:53:23.20\00:53:27.94
out on the anger for the women.
00:53:27.94\00:53:28.94
And I was out of town
with the evangelistic series.
00:53:29.04\00:53:31.37
He told every
woman he can how he felt.
00:53:32.54\00:53:34.61
Including me!
00:53:34.78\00:53:35.51
Including her.
00:53:35.68\00:53:36.54
We had to take him out of
office because we said, that's
00:53:36.88\00:53:38.98
the wrong spirit.
00:53:38.98\00:53:39.71
But we know that it
was coming from that.
00:53:40.02\00:53:42.02
He was overcompensating for the
kind of respect he didn't get
00:53:42.05\00:53:46.02
at home.
00:53:46.02\00:53:46.52
And so ladies, let me
just make this example.
00:53:46.99\00:53:49.06
You know what?
00:53:49.39\00:53:50.66
One lady, tell
what Annie called you.
00:53:51.66\00:53:54.30
She's deceased now.
00:53:54.36\00:53:55.23
Yeah, one day she says, Angela,
she was a church member in
00:53:55.53\00:53:59.47
California, she said, what
I like about you is you never
00:53:59.47\00:54:03.97
talk bad about your husband.
00:54:03.97\00:54:05.37
I said, oh,
well praise the Lord.
00:54:06.04\00:54:07.81
She says, you know, me and
her would talk all the time.
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And she says, what I like,
you've never said anything bad
00:54:11.61\00:54:11.65
about him because we've
been friends for over 30 years.
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We have always kept in touch.
00:54:19.05\00:54:20.82
You've never said
anything bad about your husband.
00:54:21.22\00:54:24.19
I don't talk about him.
00:54:24.39\00:54:25.63
I don't talk about
him to other people.
00:54:25.99\00:54:28.23
Anything bad, we keep
it between each other.
00:54:28.73\00:54:31.93
So many couples go
and tell other people.
00:54:31.97\00:54:34.84
And then when we solve our
issue, other people get mad.
00:54:35.14\00:54:38.94
They try to get involved.
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They never forget it.
00:54:41.28\00:54:43.01
Yes, they never forget it.
00:54:43.71\00:54:45.81
One high point of
advice to couples.
00:54:49.58\00:54:51.95
If you have
issues, go to a pastor.
00:54:52.79\00:54:55.29
Don't even go to your
family first because they cannot
00:54:56.19\00:54:58.69
divorce the idea that you are
your father's daughter or your
00:54:58.69\00:55:02.33
mother's son.
00:55:02.33\00:55:03.26
They would just open that anger
on your spouse and never forget
00:55:03.60\00:55:06.67
it.
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Go where you can get.
00:55:07.24\00:55:08.27
Pray, first of
all, use the Matthew 18.
00:55:08.37\00:55:10.31
If you can do that, humble
yourself, give yourself some
00:55:10.41\00:55:12.44
time, but never dog your spouse.
00:55:12.44\00:55:15.98
That's a loose term.
00:55:16.21\00:55:17.45
Don't disintegrate them and
deconstruct them in the ears
00:55:17.91\00:55:20.65
and eyes of other people
because when you got your stuff
00:55:20.65\00:55:22.85
together,
they'll never forget it.
00:55:22.85\00:55:28.82
Your wife and you got it fixed,
but they'll never forget it.
00:55:29.09\00:55:32.09
You've got to value that.
00:55:32.43\00:55:33.56
It's like a fortress.
00:55:33.76\00:55:34.96
Because in bad times, the other
thing is people don't respect
00:55:36.50\00:55:41.44
you when they know you're junk.
00:55:41.44\00:55:43.67
Just honor that
respect, honor that love.
00:55:45.44\00:55:48.31
Two words.
00:55:48.44\00:55:48.94
No, it's respect and love.
00:55:49.08\00:55:50.58
When the wife knows
she's loved, she'll respect her
00:55:51.15\00:55:54.15
husband.
00:55:54.15\00:55:57.42
wife.
00:55:57.42\00:55:57.82
Goes a long way.
00:55:57.82\00:55:59.79
The other thing is, go ahead.
00:56:01.36\00:56:02.89
There's a common denominator,
if you will, between those two
00:56:04.13\00:56:07.20
things.
00:56:07.20\00:56:07.73
It's not self-focused.
00:56:07.73\00:56:09.43
It's very outward focused.
00:56:09.93\00:56:11.77
It's the wife focusing on
the husband and the husband
00:56:13.23\00:56:15.60
focusing on the wife.
00:56:15.60\00:56:16.47
There's no
selfishness there involved.
00:56:16.50\00:56:18.81
It's just what can I
do for the other person?
00:56:19.27\00:56:21.64
That was one of the
most powerful prayers that I
00:56:21.71\00:56:23.58
actually ever said was, Lord,
help me be a better husband to
00:56:23.58\00:56:27.48
my wife.
00:56:27.48\00:56:28.08
That just catapulted
things in our own marriage.
00:56:28.55\00:56:31.22
Instead of being like,
Lord, help my wife understand me
00:56:31.92\00:56:35.56
more.
00:56:35.56\00:56:38.89
It was, Father, help
me be a better husband.
00:56:38.93\00:56:41.83
You prayed that
prayer when you were single.
00:56:41.86\00:56:43.77
No, no, no.
00:56:44.13\00:56:45.60
To give you a wife.
00:56:45.63\00:56:47.07
A godly wife, in other words.
00:56:47.57\00:56:49.37
And the Lord
answered that prayer.
00:56:49.57\00:56:51.14
And I have to say publicly,
I wouldn't be who I am as a
00:56:51.97\00:56:54.58
pastor or any other husband
had the Lord not given me this
00:56:54.58\00:56:57.91
woman as my wife.
00:56:57.91\00:56:59.08
Angela, there was not a woman
in America the Lord wanted me
00:56:59.95\00:57:03.12
to marry.
00:57:03.12\00:57:03.79
She got my wife from England.
00:57:03.79\00:57:04.89
I'm looking around America.
00:57:06.65\00:57:07.79
There's not anybody here.
00:57:07.96\00:57:08.76
Let's get her from England.
00:57:08.79\00:57:09.72
And we're going to talk
about how beautiful that is.
00:57:10.36\00:57:12.16
And we're going to also talk
about in the second hour, what
00:57:12.49\00:57:14.46
happens when you
are unequally yoked?
00:57:14.46\00:57:16.46
And what's the difference
between a choice and a mistake?
00:57:17.17\00:57:21.37
Because a lot of people
don't know the difference.
00:57:21.47\00:57:22.80
What happens?
00:57:23.37\00:57:24.51
What are the top ten reasons
why relationships disintegrate?
00:57:24.57\00:57:27.31
And then what
about communication?
00:57:27.38\00:57:28.54
How can you
communicate effectively?
00:57:28.98\00:57:30.61
Dealing with conflict,
which is very important.
00:57:30.61\00:57:33.21
And how to keep a
relationship growing.
00:57:33.78\00:57:35.92
And principles for fidelity
and then your love languages.
00:57:36.89\00:57:39.19
Don't go away.
00:57:39.45\00:57:39.95
Just getting started.
00:57:40.12\00:57:41.06
To have to hold on,
we'll be right back.
00:57:41.79\00:57:44.03