[MUSIC]
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>> I want to
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[MUSIC]
00:00:17.35\00:00:21.98
>> too.
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[MUSIC]
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>> I'm
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>> and
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I want to stand
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[MUSIC]
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too.
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[MUSIC]
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[MUSIC]
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>> Hello, friends. Welcome to
Thursday night live here at 3,
00:01:06.96\00:01:09.90
a D and this is Thursday night
all the way live and we are
00:01:09.90\00:01:13.77
really excited all all we ever.
Yeah, I kind of kind of hold
00:01:13.77\00:01:18.87
around a little bit kind of I
hold them over the 5. But thank
00:01:18.87\00:01:21.71
you for tuning into 3 ABN your
network. If you're tuning in
00:01:21.71\00:01:24.68
for the first time, remember
this network? We are continuing
00:01:24.68\00:01:27.78
to do the Lord's will buy his
empowerment, getting ready for
00:01:27.78\00:01:31.15
the most exciting event of
the ages. And that's the second
00:01:31.15\00:01:33.86
coming chases. Good to have you
with me, honey. Always happy.
00:01:33.86\00:01:38.03
We got hit by the Blues.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm feeling
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blue, right? But in a good
way in a good way, a good way.
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Blue is an honest cover on
his car. And this is a very open
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and honest program. Not just
kind of say this in lead and
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some of you may not even know
what a boundary is. Some of you
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live a life
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and you have giving yourself
away decades ago because you
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don't know how to
express who you are.
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You don't know how to
tell people no or yes.
00:02:02.88\00:02:05.92
I mean, yes. When you say
no, I'm the opposite way around.
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Some of you live in
families where your traumas have
00:02:09.66\00:02:12.16
completely
00:02:12.16\00:02:13.36
become the guiding focus of
your life and you don't know
00:02:13.36\00:02:15.83
how to get yourself back.
Some of you are in a position
00:02:15.83\00:02:19.10
where you love what you do. But
00:02:19.10\00:02:21.17
just a suggestion from somebody
owes come completely destroy a
00:02:21.17\00:02:24.57
change or day. This program is
the kind of problem you need to
00:02:24.57\00:02:27.41
listen to how to set
boundaries. Yeah, what's so
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important how to survive traumas
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and we all have traumas bite,
but it is a trauma something
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that happened to you. Well,
you have to come is a vitally
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important question. So tonight
you want to get that. Well,
00:02:40.82\00:02:43.29
I know how many people record
that that record function on
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your DVR. You can record this
problem because if you're by
00:02:46.09\00:02:48.83
yourself and is
somebody in the kitchen,
00:02:48.83\00:02:50.93
pull them together. Has been
a wife is most in around the
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room.
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>> Pull them together. Yeah.
Program was excited. I really
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am. I'll be going to talk with
an introduce a guess now after
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this. I'm okay. Haha knee cut
we have right here. Someone who
00:03:02.34\00:03:08.52
is not a strange. It's a 3ABN
she repeat as welcome Shiri.
00:03:08.52\00:03:12.42
Thank you. I feel like I need
to put something a little on.
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Haha. Okay. Nobody sent me
the memo. Haha. Dress in how you
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feel.
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>> Yes, well, good to have you
back. It's so nice to be back.
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I just got to say that I
haven't been here for a couple
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years. And when I came in
today, it was like I was just
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screaming, family members
and hugging and he's seen and
00:03:28.84\00:03:33.04
coming home. It was the
most incredible hall, I think
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because I miss all of you guys.
How long have you been between
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a home? How I've been with
the avian for probably almost 30
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years old and a long time cause
teen pathways celebrating last
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night covering all of that kind
of stuff. And and when we when
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we get a chance, I would
love to say what changed my life
00:03:53.50\00:03:56.70
about what happened here, 3
being because it was powerful,
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but it feels like family and
there for somebody like myself
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that doesn't have
family that I just wasn't.
00:04:04.57\00:04:07.91
I'm fortunate enough to have
that. That from the moment that
00:04:07.91\00:04:12.51
we met, I have experience
healing all kinds of trauma.
00:04:12.51\00:04:17.92
>> Thats good through it
all. She's learned to trust in
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Jesus, hasn't she? You
leading up to something. Hahaha,
00:04:20.49\00:04:25.86
we are going to share a
wonderful selection by Allison
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Spears and Tim
Parton and titles.
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>> Through it on.
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[MUSIC]
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[MUSIC]
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[MUSIC]
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>> And then A T.
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>> Some saw all wrong.
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I've had questions for to
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this time
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[MUSIC]
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[MUSIC]
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bought in every 6 Asian
00:05:05.47\00:05:10.74
God gave me said consolation.
00:05:10.74\00:05:17.18
>> That I try to use.
00:05:17.18\00:05:21.02
>> Calm, cool
thing to me. Strong
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[MUSIC]
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>> it all.
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[MUSIC]
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>> I'm to trust in.
G is the trust in God.
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>> Little through little.
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>> I've today
pay Paul. You were.
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[MUSIC]
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>> I'm saying assay
00:06:08.76\00:06:13.07
[MUSIC]
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soar.
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[MUSIC]
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Well, but all yeah,
00:06:23.24\00:06:28.35
those precious little boy,
Jesus. And that means no out
00:06:28.35\00:06:36.76
was used tool through it all.
00:06:36.76\00:06:42.80
[MUSIC]
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>> I to trust in
Jesus, the trust in little.
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[MUSIC]
00:06:58.51\00:07:04.25
>> I have today pick up all new
word to and today pay only his
00:07:04.25\00:07:23.91
to it.
00:07:23.91\00:07:26.41
>> I'm
00:07:26.41\00:07:28.54
>> well
00:07:32.75\00:07:38.62
[MUSIC]
00:07:43.22\00:07:46.13
>> we thank you, Allison.
Thank you, Tim. That song
00:07:46.13\00:07:49.20
perfectly set the stage
for this program. It Menaces.
00:07:49.20\00:07:52.67
I mean, as we were listening to
it, it was a blessing. You sure
00:07:52.67\00:07:56.37
he wasn't it.
00:07:56.37\00:07:57.87
>> It's powerful. And to me was
really powerful about that is
00:07:57.87\00:08:00.94
that I don't think we have any
idea when when we read in the
00:08:00.94\00:08:04.91
Bible when God says I have
plans, I write in Jeremiah,
00:08:04.91\00:08:08.95
29 11, as I know the plans that
I have for you isn't the first
00:08:08.95\00:08:12.75
time I read that. The fact that
I believed that I didn't have
00:08:12.75\00:08:16.83
to die in my addiction was
the only hope that I had for any
00:08:16.83\00:08:20.03
kind of plan. And was I shown
wrong every single day of my
00:08:20.03\00:08:25.03
journey? Not that I didn't have
trauma and things of that had
00:08:25.03\00:08:27.64
to work through. But every day
God was faithful and through it
00:08:27.64\00:08:31.34
all, he did teach me not
only that I am loved. I'm a I'm
00:08:31.34\00:08:35.88
child of God that I'm I was
wonderfully made. What I you
00:08:35.88\00:08:39.95
know, you know, my beginnings
or I don't even you know,
00:08:39.95\00:08:44.55
I wasn't even wanted it.
Will all of that kind of stuff?
00:08:44.55\00:08:47.46
Is that through it all? I've
always come to a place where I
00:08:47.46\00:08:50.06
look at God and say, you know,
I hope this doesn't surprise me
00:08:50.06\00:08:53.26
because I knees are shaking
and I'm afraid when God says,
00:08:53.26\00:08:57.40
you know, don't be afraid.
I'm right here. And I just feel
00:08:57.40\00:09:00.70
like he's always
been right here and there.
00:09:00.70\00:09:03.34
>> You know, I heard a story
and kind of lead in the leading
00:09:03.34\00:09:06.17
into this because we know
her so much to so much media
00:09:06.17\00:09:08.84
following program to distill
this down to 2. And you really
00:09:08.84\00:09:11.71
want to pay attention tonight.
00:09:11.71\00:09:13.42
All right. The story about a
man who hadn't and I painting
00:09:13.42\00:09:16.48
as he was moving in was in
his garage for years. He got
00:09:16.48\00:09:18.69
released dad who
got from his dad said,
00:09:18.69\00:09:21.69
and he said his dad,
00:09:21.69\00:09:24.33
physics grandfather, bought
it at a at a yard sale for $2.
00:09:24.33\00:09:29.33
And you know, the traveling
road show. Yeah, well, we saw
00:09:29.33\00:09:33.10
antique road show so many all
this on the antique road show
00:09:33.10\00:09:36.47
and they said so we don't know
if you know, this is not that
00:09:36.47\00:09:38.54
this is a painting from the
1700. We can even put a price
00:09:38.54\00:09:41.94
on this thing. How much did you
see a debt pay for it? I think
00:09:41.94\00:09:44.98
he bought it for $2 and there's
so many of us that are in the
00:09:44.98\00:09:48.28
pile heap in somebodys a
mental basements. Yeah. Somebody
00:09:48.28\00:09:52.49
bought us shape. Somebody else
just held on to us not knowing
00:09:52.49\00:09:56.49
our value.
00:09:56.49\00:09:57.96
Talk about the Sheree.
00:09:57.96\00:09:59.39
>> You know, I'm into that
basement. Thank you for that.
00:09:59.39\00:10:01.96
Because what was
really interesting is it is my
00:10:01.96\00:10:07.67
background is I was born
to a couple kids that had 5
00:10:07.67\00:10:12.64
children. My mom had 5 kids
before she was in her probably
00:10:12.64\00:10:17.71
early 20's. And I was
the second one. And by that,
00:10:17.71\00:10:21.68
when she had me, she was so
beaten down herself that she
00:10:21.68\00:10:26.52
could and she just didn't have
anything to give me. And over
00:10:26.52\00:10:31.06
the years, I've learned more
about that, but that she was so
00:10:31.06\00:10:33.86
beaten down. And so literally
coming out of that, it thinking
00:10:33.86\00:10:37.97
that I was nothing that I
was not wanted, that I ended up
00:10:37.97\00:10:42.30
homeless by the time I was 13
after failed pregnancy after it
00:10:42.30\00:10:47.34
already started drugs. And when
it started drugs, I wanted to
00:10:47.34\00:10:50.65
die every day of my life.
I literally was so injured by
00:10:50.65\00:10:55.92
not being cared for not
being loved. All of that kind of
00:10:55.92\00:10:58.45
stuff that if you if I could
have got a way out, I would
00:10:58.45\00:11:01.49
have jumped off my house
one time trying to kill myself.
00:11:01.49\00:11:04.69
But I put in that just because
I didn't want to hurt. Why
00:11:04.69\00:11:08.83
landed on the match just
didn't even get scratched stop.
00:11:08.83\00:11:11.17
But I I I really felt that way
all my life. And so I ended up
00:11:11.17\00:11:15.14
homeless for 13 with s*****
into an industry that I I just
00:11:15.14\00:11:19.47
saw have to say for people that
don't know, it's just dark it.
00:11:19.47\00:11:23.78
There's a you see the worst
of the worst of mankind. And so
00:11:23.78\00:11:28.32
when I when I took my first
rug and I realize that I could
00:11:28.32\00:11:31.25
survive all of this, if I just
was high, if I could stay high
00:11:31.25\00:11:35.26
the rest of my life, I will be
OK here. And that's what I did.
00:11:35.26\00:11:38.99
I and I was a cute kid. And
so people would give you dogs
00:11:38.99\00:11:42.13
because the tradeoff as they
could use you in whatever way
00:11:42.13\00:11:44.67
they saw fit. And by the time
I met God, I was only at that
00:11:44.67\00:11:50.21
time. I was 13, only 30, again,
still a child. I was a child to
00:11:50.21\00:11:55.08
you with us.
00:11:55.08\00:11:56.48
And now when I look back at
that child, I want to say I'm
00:11:56.48\00:11:59.88
so I'm sorry, I'm sorry
for every child that out there
00:11:59.88\00:12:03.82
because it's there are 80,000
kids like me on the streets of
00:12:03.82\00:12:07.49
LA at that time. So I wish I
could say there was just one.
00:12:07.49\00:12:10.53
I was the only child on
the street, which is not true.
00:12:10.53\00:12:13.83
And so looking back at that
when after 10 years, I'm fairly
00:12:13.83\00:12:17.37
literate. I'm strung out on
heroin. I live in a drug house.
00:12:17.37\00:12:20.70
I had some teeth knocked
out by being kidnapped by some
00:12:20.70\00:12:23.20
motorcycle on group. And and so
I was so I feel like God showed
00:12:23.20\00:12:27.78
up and got was like,
00:12:27.78\00:12:30.98
you know, I love you. And I
remember just here in kind of a
00:12:30.98\00:12:34.42
sense of the Holy Spirit saying
stuff like that. And I thought
00:12:34.42\00:12:37.39
my mother doesn't even love me.
And I remember just the status
00:12:37.39\00:12:41.29
of that reality. My dad is a
is a mask and he's a molester.
00:12:41.29\00:12:46.23
And I think he started
molesting me when I was an
00:12:46.23\00:12:49.63
infant. And and so it's
like, you know, I just thought,
00:12:49.63\00:12:53.40
you know, got I don't know
what you're saying isn't nobody
00:12:53.40\00:12:56.34
loves me in. The next thing
he said was really tough for me
00:12:56.34\00:13:00.21
because I really believe
the holy Spirit said is if you
00:13:00.21\00:13:02.88
can't trust me, I can change
a life tip out. I don't trust
00:13:02.88\00:13:08.45
anybody anymore. Do you learn
to trust with a background like
00:13:08.45\00:13:11.62
that where you learn to
trust as a child on the street?
00:13:11.62\00:13:14.76
I mean, the only thing I
learned to do is survive,
00:13:14.76\00:13:17.46
but not trust anybody or
anything. And so when God said
00:13:17.46\00:13:22.10
that, I thought now I'm just
it's hopeless because I don't
00:13:22.10\00:13:25.50
even know what that
means. I don't even know. Do you
00:13:25.50\00:13:27.80
muster trust top? I mean,
do you can I just pull it from
00:13:27.80\00:13:31.47
somewhere. And I just
remember thinking that that's
00:13:31.47\00:13:34.34
ridiculous. And so I felt
like I felt like what God said
00:13:34.34\00:13:38.68
within the next little while is
can I show you who I see when I
00:13:38.68\00:13:43.18
look at you? And I thought,
man, if if I know what I see
00:13:43.18\00:13:48.39
and this is God and I don't
know what made me think and
00:13:48.39\00:13:51.33
know it was gone.
But I just knew because
00:13:51.33\00:13:55.83
I just felt safe for the first
time in my life. I just found I
00:13:55.83\00:14:00.47
don't know how you know, it was
God I you know, I really don't
00:14:00.47\00:14:03.14
like people have asked me that,
like, how do you know? I don't
00:14:03.14\00:14:05.57
know.
00:14:05.57\00:14:06.98
>> And so I think that way, you
know, it's because Cod reaches
00:14:06.98\00:14:09.04
you where you can best hear him
that I felt loved and safe for
00:14:09.04\00:14:13.55
the first time in my life.
You know, I like to say a guy
00:14:13.55\00:14:16.15
that has tattoos can
welcome to a guy with tattoos
00:14:16.15\00:14:19.72
and connect immediately where
I can't. You know, God works in
00:14:19.72\00:14:23.66
mysterious ways. And cod could
he could meet you because he's
00:14:23.66\00:14:27.13
the only one that has open
access to your heart with all
00:14:27.13\00:14:29.30
your commission of a man.
00:14:29.30\00:14:30.53
>> And if I want to, if I could
say anything to anybody that is
00:14:30.53\00:14:33.47
even beginning to and this
next hour or 2 with us, is that
00:14:33.47\00:14:37.81
trust God and just ask him, ask
him something silly, ask him to
00:14:37.81\00:14:41.41
tell you a joke. Ask him to
hang out with you because God
00:14:41.41\00:14:44.61
knows us so well. But anyhow.
So is that like if you could
00:14:44.61\00:14:47.88
trust me, I could change a
life. And I had 32 wants from
00:14:47.88\00:14:50.79
I-40 to one time. Sorry for
my arrest. I love and in a drug
00:14:50.79\00:14:55.42
house and the boards were just
silly things. So warrants were
00:14:55.42\00:14:58.83
like
00:14:58.83\00:15:00.43
things like traffic. I
you know, I was driving at 13.
00:15:00.43\00:15:04.30
I was I was literally would get
pulled over for no tail light,
00:15:04.30\00:15:08.20
but I don't have a license.
So then they want you to go to
00:15:08.20\00:15:10.27
court. I don't show up in court
now is to warrant an, you know,
00:15:10.27\00:15:13.41
all of that kind of stuff
and saw like I have all of that.
00:15:13.41\00:15:16.58
And so God is going to show me
who he sees when he looks at me
00:15:16.58\00:15:19.28
and I'm singing, please hold
up. Haha, I don't want to see
00:15:19.28\00:15:22.72
it. I don't want to know what
I don't want to. If God is God,
00:15:22.72\00:15:26.96
I don't want to know more
than I already know because I
00:15:26.96\00:15:29.29
already feel like I don't
want to breathe. I don't want to
00:15:29.29\00:15:32.23
step out. Somebody had just put
a gun in my face and threaten
00:15:32.23\00:15:35.83
to blow my head off. And
I remember feeling such joy,
00:15:35.83\00:15:38.40
like I've tried to kill myself
so many times. I just want to
00:15:38.40\00:15:41.70
thank you and say, pull the
trigger. And the guy was just
00:15:41.70\00:15:44.61
trying to scare me. And I
just and I've said this a lot of
00:15:44.61\00:15:47.18
times. But I just wanted
to scream that my next breath
00:15:47.18\00:15:50.41
scares me. Please pull
the trigger. And of course he
00:15:50.41\00:15:53.88
didn't. He walked out saying
I'm crazy and I'm thinking I'm
00:15:53.88\00:15:56.52
crazy. You have a gun to my
face should not now be pushed
00:15:56.52\00:15:59.62
from them because
that's a very interesting
00:15:59.62\00:16:01.69
>> approaching. I want to just
let our viewers and listeners
00:16:01.69\00:16:03.63
know a serious candidate
very open. So if you might feel
00:16:03.63\00:16:07.96
uncomfortable about something
that may come up and hurt her
00:16:07.96\00:16:12.57
journey, you have young
children around, you might want
00:16:12.57\00:16:15.34
to say, well, you watch
the program and if anything,
00:16:15.34\00:16:17.34
let them watch it
later. Yeah, because, you know,
00:16:17.34\00:16:19.81
I'm going to be better. Very
who where the fact that we are
00:16:19.81\00:16:24.55
on 3 ABN, we know that put her
life story. Surely side stories
00:16:24.55\00:16:28.82
a very telling about why
she can celebrate on the other
00:16:28.82\00:16:32.92
side.
00:16:32.92\00:16:34.32
>> And how incredible gun
is the relentless love of God.
00:16:34.32\00:16:36.52
Yeah, that that someone like me
like you, you would think that
00:16:36.52\00:16:40.56
somebody like me even at that
time is that nobody would have
00:16:40.56\00:16:44.70
time for even God. And that's
just not true. It's not too.
00:16:44.70\00:16:48.40
So in the what what I believe
that God said to me was let me
00:16:48.40\00:16:53.21
show you who I see when I
look at you. And what he did was
00:16:53.21\00:16:56.28
showed me somewhat of a vision
and I can't even say a total
00:16:56.28\00:16:59.45
vision. I don't think I could
have survived it. But he showed
00:16:59.45\00:17:02.32
me who I am. The day after
resurrection. Not the day after
00:17:02.32\00:17:06.05
I pull a needle from my arm.
Not the day I by step into a
00:17:06.05\00:17:09.42
relationship with him. But the
day after resurrection, when I
00:17:09.42\00:17:12.36
am standing in front of him,
totally clean, totally innocent
00:17:12.36\00:17:18.33
home, completely loved. And on
the other side of all the this
00:17:18.33\00:17:22.50
he said to icing.
00:17:22.50\00:17:24.17
>> When I look at you, so
you like revelation, 20 of the
00:17:24.17\00:17:26.81
first 4, no more
sorrow. No McKay will pay.
00:17:26.81\00:17:30.18
>> Hey, Ed, not
only do I like it.
00:17:30.18\00:17:33.85
>> But I wish that we have
some sense of how true that is.
00:17:33.85\00:17:38.39
How that got himself doesn't
see you in your trauma. He sees
00:17:38.39\00:17:42.86
you in your glory in his glory.
One tooth clothes you want.
00:17:42.86\00:17:47.40
He's got you home. And so what
I believe he said to me is get
00:17:47.40\00:17:52.30
you home. And I've never been
home. I've never had a home.
00:17:52.30\00:17:55.74
And so to me that was so
motivating to stand up and say,
00:17:55.74\00:17:59.67
man, I would do anything if it
even a portion of this is true.
00:17:59.67\00:18:04.48
If you are God and I am
your child and there is a better
00:18:04.48\00:18:08.02
place I'm in, you know, will
she show your life is amazing.
00:18:08.02\00:18:15.39
And right now you still have
your ministry. Is that correct?
00:18:15.39\00:18:18.99
Still the ministry I've
been retired for the last couple
00:18:18.99\00:18:22.00
years. And so I stepped into
retirement, not realizing that
00:18:22.00\00:18:27.34
it was an easy, was it? It
was an easy in its second into
00:18:27.34\00:18:30.67
retirement. I I went from
working at my last job. I even
00:18:30.67\00:18:34.98
more to the general conference
for 4 years. And so it went
00:18:34.98\00:18:37.68
from working in a number of
different areas to just getting
00:18:37.68\00:18:42.48
so security and all the sudden,
I thought can anybody live on
00:18:42.48\00:18:46.49
this and hole? You
really can't. And but I didn't
00:18:46.49\00:18:50.79
understand that in the in.
I think I had a lot of people
00:18:50.79\00:18:54.56
that wanted to come to help
me. And I thought, no, no, no,
00:18:54.56\00:18:57.17
often get out in and didn't
realize or sometimes you can't
00:18:57.17\00:19:01.24
buy groceries, you can't you
can't pay of those and then buy
00:19:01.24\00:19:04.04
groceries and you can figure
out how how the next step is
00:19:04.04\00:19:08.28
going to happen. And I thought
God, is this happening all over
00:19:08.28\00:19:12.08
and not only all over the U.S.
it's happening where people I'm
00:19:12.08\00:19:15.92
dealing with their own trauma,
their own families are own
00:19:15.92\00:19:18.25
situations and now economically
and I dare say politically we
00:19:18.25\00:19:23.53
are. So I'm in such a mass
terror and being able to say is
00:19:23.53\00:19:27.46
how do you hold on to
your own journey to God and
00:19:27.46\00:19:34.90
to your groceries. Haha,
be able to get the groceries.
00:19:34.90\00:19:38.54
So it hasn't been easy,
but that's not why I'm stepping
00:19:38.54\00:19:41.68
back into ministry am stepping
back in the ministry. Can I
00:19:41.68\00:19:47.42
tell you this show? I'm
stepping back in the ministry.
00:19:47.42\00:19:49.75
I was coming back. I'm from
a gig that I had in Spokane.
00:19:49.75\00:19:54.59
And so we were doing what's
called renew Spokane. And and I
00:19:54.59\00:19:58.39
was working with community
leaders and conference leaders
00:19:58.39\00:20:01.46
and we were trying to figure
out what to do after all the
00:20:01.46\00:20:04.00
writing and how do you rebuild
that city and all that kind of
00:20:04.00\00:20:06.74
stuff. And so I was coming back
home and and God, and I don't
00:20:06.74\00:20:11.27
know how God speaks to anybody,
but he speaks to me with kind
00:20:11.27\00:20:15.28
of visions like not that I can
see. I think about, you know,
00:20:15.28\00:20:19.11
so just impressions and I
was coming home and I was coming
00:20:19.11\00:20:22.78
down through the area that was
just kind of a desert. Does it
00:20:22.78\00:20:27.59
area they ground you could tell
was dry. And and you can see
00:20:27.59\00:20:31.49
that. And what he showed me
is my mom as a young girl in and
00:20:31.49\00:20:36.56
in my mind's eye, I could see
her kind of lane in the desert,
00:20:36.56\00:20:40.47
emotionally in the desert.
In the only thing around her,
00:20:40.47\00:20:43.64
the only fluid around her
was and be out of fluid from a
00:20:43.64\00:20:47.21
child. And I thought
I'd just tear it up late.
00:20:47.21\00:20:51.51
Am I that child like she's
in this emotional buzzard and
00:20:51.51\00:20:55.02
she's having yet another child?
And I just thought, you know,
00:20:55.02\00:20:59.59
I never thought about I mean,
I thought about my own recovery,
00:20:59.59\00:21:02.59
my own journey. But I
never thought about who she was.
00:21:02.59\00:21:05.89
And my mom was a kid when
she came to the United States,
00:21:05.89\00:21:09.16
she was illegal where Canada
00:21:09.16\00:21:12.53
and she was illegal. And in
to the point, I don't think she
00:21:12.53\00:21:15.47
got her citizenship for years,
but she was ashamed of being in
00:21:15.47\00:21:18.27
a legal. And so she comes over
and and she me to my dad and
00:21:18.27\00:21:23.18
they get married in. He's a
mask and it has one child after
00:21:23.18\00:21:26.98
another after another.
And fact, I asked her one-time
00:21:26.98\00:21:29.82
father, why same father
and I asked her one time as a
00:21:29.82\00:21:32.89
wedding. You go back
to Canada. And she said
00:21:32.89\00:21:36.83
by the time she was 18, she had
3 kids already full. And so she
00:21:36.83\00:21:40.60
said, I just felt stock and and
so in the house. So I get this
00:21:40.60\00:21:44.67
image of her lane and there.
And and I just God put a huge
00:21:44.67\00:21:51.14
thing in my head. That said,
I m her child. Yeah. And so I
00:21:51.14\00:21:55.81
just I I I got home and I
got my art stuff out and I did a
00:21:55.81\00:22:00.68
collage of what I thought.
I it's on the way home. And
00:22:00.68\00:22:03.42
this is I am her child.
But in the letters I m in the
00:22:03.42\00:22:06.89
background, it had her life
journey from the time she was a
00:22:06.89\00:22:11.59
child, her mom's
00:22:11.59\00:22:14.10
on partying and alcoholism.
00:22:14.10\00:22:16.77
Her own. Um, I'm being
pulled from an aunt who's house
00:22:16.77\00:22:20.20
brought to the United States.
Generational generational.
00:22:20.20\00:22:23.64
And so I saw that so clear.
And at one point, I thought I
00:22:23.64\00:22:27.01
want to share this with her
and I didn't even know how she
00:22:27.01\00:22:30.58
would take it. This is I'm
a child. And in that collage,
00:22:30.58\00:22:34.18
I put a picture of my
arms being op. It is his lord.
00:22:34.18\00:22:37.59
I surrender all of the
stuff that I've learned over the
00:22:37.59\00:22:40.82
years in order to survive
this trauma, like I just want to
00:22:40.82\00:22:44.06
give you all of that. And
so when I was at her house one
00:22:44.06\00:22:47.73
time I got on my knees and
I said, can I share something
00:22:47.73\00:22:50.50
with you
00:22:50.50\00:22:51.67
and ice? And and I didn't even
know how she was going to take
00:22:51.67\00:22:54.50
it. I didn't know she was going
to say, I don't I don't care
00:22:54.50\00:22:57.31
about that. I don't want to
hear about that. I and yet I
00:22:57.31\00:23:00.71
when I was halfway
through explaining what I meant,
00:23:00.71\00:23:03.04
my mom when she was little, I'm
like 11, 12 years old. She was
00:23:03.04\00:23:07.92
given a scholarship to an
art academy in Toronto. My mom's
00:23:07.92\00:23:11.15
very bright and creative in
and and she was excited to be
00:23:11.15\00:23:16.39
there. But she was so young,
she thought, did you invite me
00:23:16.39\00:23:19.43
to be in the school? Because
I'm young. I mean in and it
00:23:19.43\00:23:24.00
took them a while to convince
her to know because of your
00:23:24.00\00:23:26.37
talent and soon as
she kind of accepted that.
00:23:26.37\00:23:29.74
>> Her mother ended up
pregnant. And at that day and
00:23:29.74\00:23:34.04
age, you couldn't be pregnant
and unmarried. So they came to
00:23:34.04\00:23:37.68
my mom's home, which she lived
with her and t pulled her from
00:23:37.68\00:23:41.62
that home and moved to
California from Toronto,
00:23:41.62\00:23:44.89
Canada to the U.S. and my mom
didn't get to say really good
00:23:44.89\00:23:49.62
bye to the classmates or
say anything about what about my
00:23:49.62\00:23:53.90
scholarship? Any of that stuff.
But she ends up now leaving all
00:23:53.90\00:23:57.30
of that and and meet my father
because they put her in high
00:23:57.30\00:24:00.90
school at 12 years old. She got
pregnant um and then pregnant
00:24:00.90\00:24:05.01
and then pregnant. And
so as with the I am in the
00:24:05.01\00:24:08.24
background, I put that whole
journey in pictures, even fund
00:24:08.24\00:24:12.85
the arts academy. She was
except in. And I kind of was
00:24:12.85\00:24:15.92
able to find some pictures
of that. And as a young girl
00:24:15.92\00:24:19.82
holding infant son. And and
so when I was on my knees and I
00:24:19.82\00:24:23.09
was explaining to her as
I'm sorry that I never saw your
00:24:23.09\00:24:26.43
journey. I only thought about
my pain and my trauma. And and
00:24:26.43\00:24:31.50
she said to me, I didn't
think anybody saw that. I didn't
00:24:31.50\00:24:34.94
think anybody saw me and I
realized at that time we're
00:24:34.94\00:24:38.27
talking about generational
trauma. We're talking about
00:24:38.27\00:24:42.24
things that were passed
down from one generation to the
00:24:42.24\00:24:45.08
next. And the more I looked
into that, the more I realize
00:24:45.08\00:24:48.58
that not only was my
that my mom's history, but my
00:24:48.58\00:24:52.32
grandmother's mother was in the
everybody is from when Bolton,
00:24:52.32\00:24:57.93
England. Wow. And so I'm at
my grandmother's mother or even
00:24:57.93\00:25:03.97
her mother fell in love with an
artist that was going to town a
00:25:03.97\00:25:07.64
jazz singer. And I think that
what they said to her is if you
00:25:07.64\00:25:12.81
leave with him,
00:25:12.81\00:25:15.88
don't come back like he
was very much a caste system.
00:25:15.88\00:25:19.18
You just if you leave with
him that your life and and then
00:25:19.18\00:25:23.42
alcoholism came in, drugs
came in, moved from England to
00:25:23.42\00:25:26.65
Canada to the U.S. in all
of that kind of stuff. And so I
00:25:26.65\00:25:29.99
started to really look at whose
00:25:29.99\00:25:34.93
Hussein is it kuz trauma?
Is it whose journey is it and
00:25:34.93\00:25:39.23
and being able to kneel in
front of my mom and just kind
00:25:39.23\00:25:42.87
of go over this picture with
her? I wish I had a picture of
00:25:42.87\00:25:46.47
it. I would I would posted but
being able to sit down with her
00:25:46.47\00:25:51.41
and seen the pain in her that
sense, he was 12, 13 years old.
00:25:51.41\00:25:56.62
She told me shut off and no one
saw her again. And so now she
00:25:56.62\00:26:01.86
is at the end of her life
and still, I believe emotionally
00:26:01.86\00:26:06.33
somewhat shut off. I
heard my relationship is gotten
00:26:06.33\00:26:12.37
that I adore her and I I love
her and I it's it's funny when
00:26:12.37\00:26:17.27
you start looking at each
other in our trauma and what one
00:26:17.27\00:26:20.74
thing leads to another leads
to another is being able to
00:26:20.74\00:26:24.15
forgive in a way that maybe
wouldn't have been possible.
00:26:24.15\00:26:27.48
Had I not gotten some insight
from God to where all of this
00:26:27.48\00:26:31.55
now, what are some other
graduate from college? She's
00:26:31.55\00:26:35.72
very accomplished. One to
my mom ended up going back to
00:26:35.72\00:26:38.59
school when she was
in her man. It was 19.
00:26:38.59\00:26:42.83
>> 18 not know. 1979. It was
a they year before I at Christ.
00:26:42.83\00:26:50.54
And I remember when she told
me, Angie, I have is that I I
00:26:50.54\00:26:55.21
went over a, you know, somebody
was just trying to blow my head
00:26:55.21\00:26:57.65
off. And I went over to see if
anybody love me at my literally
00:26:57.65\00:27:01.42
wanted someone to say, I'm
sorry, I do love you until I
00:27:01.42\00:27:04.89
went over to my childhood home.
00:27:04.89\00:27:07.42
>> And and I just remember, you
know, nothing really changing.
00:27:07.42\00:27:13.33
And I started to leave.
My mom said, you know, I have
00:27:13.33\00:27:17.40
something for you. And she
went into the room and she got a
00:27:17.40\00:27:20.50
manila envelope out. She
brought it out and she handed
00:27:20.50\00:27:23.97
it to me. And she said
since the last time I saw you,
00:27:23.97\00:27:26.34
I went back to school
00:27:26.34\00:27:28.34
and I said, wow,
00:27:28.34\00:27:29.78
are you kidding me? Because
I know our history. I like you
00:27:29.78\00:27:32.41
went back to school. I mean,
she was my dad is a molester
00:27:32.41\00:27:36.82
and an alcoholic. And she's
now with my stepdad who I adore.
00:27:36.82\00:27:42.36
I actually call him my father,
but he had alcoholism issues
00:27:42.36\00:27:46.26
himself and died in his
alcoholism. I know the history
00:27:46.26\00:27:50.30
and I'm like you went back
to school has shocked and I'm
00:27:50.30\00:27:54.57
like, Oh, did you go back to
school for? And he said social
00:27:54.57\00:27:57.84
work and I thought,
oh, somebody shooting.
00:27:57.84\00:27:59.81
>> Who also
worked? You have never.
00:27:59.81\00:28:04.45
>> Even said you loved me
and they're going to teach other
00:28:04.45\00:28:07.08
people. Yeah, how to be loved.
You're going to teach other
00:28:07.08\00:28:10.02
parents how to love. And I
remember my mind just being
00:28:10.02\00:28:13.15
blown and I could
not even hardly breathe.
00:28:13.15\00:28:16.46
>> You know,
sometimes people take topics
00:28:16.46\00:28:20.10
for the purpose of trying
to figure themselves out. Yeah,
00:28:20.10\00:28:22.90
I notice something my wife and
I talked about this one time we
00:28:22.90\00:28:25.93
knew was a serious people
knowing their lives and that
00:28:25.93\00:28:29.47
what they took in school was
we said to each other knowing
00:28:29.47\00:28:34.04
their background,
they're taking that subject has
00:28:34.04\00:28:36.98
therapy. Yeah, and it's
going to end up in a decree.
00:28:36.98\00:28:39.68
>> But tell that to a homeless
heroin that I did not know that
00:28:39.68\00:28:43.59
if so, the only thing I
knew you is are you kidding me?
00:28:43.59\00:28:47.06
And I remember at that day in
age of people didn't talk back
00:28:47.06\00:28:50.03
to their parents. So I remember
saying, oh, good luck with
00:28:50.03\00:28:52.56
that. And I just went home
to kill myself. I'm not home.
00:28:52.56\00:28:55.53
I lived in a drug house. I
went back to the drug house
00:28:55.53\00:28:57.77
just saying I'm done and that's
when I'm at God. But it was
00:28:57.77\00:29:00.94
that moment. So my mom did
end up going back to school.
00:29:00.94\00:29:04.11
She's amazing. She found
out right away when she got a
00:29:04.11\00:29:07.01
social work degree that she
really wasn't that crazy about
00:29:07.01\00:29:10.48
kids. So I couldn't hold it.
Haha. Yeah, but he wasn't that
00:29:10.48\00:29:16.02
crazy about kids. But what she
was really good at is working
00:29:16.02\00:29:20.06
with women from abusive
situations that wanted to go
00:29:20.06\00:29:22.86
back to school and better
their lives. She was really good
00:29:22.86\00:29:26.16
worth working with Foster
parent who was really good
00:29:26.16\00:29:28.76
working with adults and my mom
got woman of the year. She was
00:29:28.76\00:29:32.73
up against judges and
lawyers and that stuff in Orange
00:29:32.73\00:29:35.50
County. My mom is one of the
brightest women I know. And so
00:29:35.50\00:29:42.34
her trauma interfered with a
lot of her life. But and she is
00:29:42.34\00:29:48.08
and should belong to them
into society. Got top grades and
00:29:48.08\00:29:51.12
everything. I mean, it was
amazing, but she could do all
00:29:51.12\00:29:54.46
of that over here and then come
back into this dysfunctional
00:29:54.46\00:29:58.29
home. And both of them were
very true. Yeah, right. And so
00:29:58.29\00:30:02.60
what was and interesting to
me is being able to look at her
00:30:02.60\00:30:06.17
and say, how do you do both of
those? Because I know what your
00:30:06.17\00:30:08.97
home looks like. I know.
I know that my dad, my step
00:30:08.97\00:30:12.47
dad, even though I I absolutely
love him, could sit there and
00:30:12.47\00:30:16.31
smoke weed and drink and watch
TV all day long for days and
00:30:16.31\00:30:20.42
days and days. His his
addiction was pretty intense
00:30:20.42\00:30:24.32
and yet she could walk
in and be present with him
00:30:24.32\00:30:29.22
and not shame him at all.
And then she can go back to
00:30:29.22\00:30:33.16
work and life changing stuff
for people. And so she lived
00:30:33.16\00:30:37.10
those 2, 2, lives. And since
then, I've met many people that
00:30:37.10\00:30:41.64
do that in their trauma.
00:30:41.64\00:30:43.81
>> So I want to I'm looking at
your journey. A mom's journey.
00:30:43.81\00:30:46.98
Yeah, and the achievement.
I'm glad you brought that up.
00:30:46.98\00:30:48.81
You remember that about
one getting a degree? So is it
00:30:48.81\00:30:53.08
possible then
00:30:53.08\00:30:55.52
in spite of all that's happened
to you to take charge of your
00:30:55.52\00:30:59.72
life?
00:30:59.72\00:31:01.09
>> Absolutely not only as a
possible. One of the things I
00:31:01.09\00:31:03.22
love about how were made that
the the worst of the worst can
00:31:03.22\00:31:08.63
hit us and change us. No
chemically literally change
00:31:08.63\00:31:13.54
everything about us and yet
step into some truth step in to
00:31:13.54\00:31:18.14
some healing step into that
direction and are very brains
00:31:18.14\00:31:23.11
change the plasticity of
our brand. Everything changes.
00:31:23.11\00:31:26.35
Somebody said something to me
which got me interested in this
00:31:26.35\00:31:30.05
kind of journey but said
something that if you walk
00:31:30.05\00:31:33.42
around, stressed in anger and
full of court is old and just
00:31:33.42\00:31:36.66
have everything be just hyped
up, they can test your saliva
00:31:36.66\00:31:40.86
and there's enzymes in your
saliva that's damaging to you
00:31:40.86\00:31:44.60
on a cellular level. And I
remember talked in. Are you
00:31:44.60\00:31:48.04
kidding me? That's terrible.
And it is terrible because
00:31:48.04\00:31:52.57
right now a lot of us
are running from our trauma.
00:31:52.57\00:31:56.88
A lot of us don't know what
to do with our next steps. But
00:31:56.88\00:32:00.58
knowing that the way were made,
that any change, any healing,
00:32:00.58\00:32:06.19
any health, even eating
watermelon, instead of a bag of
00:32:06.19\00:32:10.69
potato chips is going to change
something. And when we start to
00:32:10.69\00:32:14.30
actually challenge belief
systems and the way we think
00:32:14.30\00:32:17.07
and and our history, it's
unbelievable what happened and
00:32:17.07\00:32:21.20
that hopefully some of
what we're going to talk about
00:32:21.20\00:32:24.57
today. I want to talk about it
in stories because my life kind
00:32:24.57\00:32:28.78
of on folded in stories.
You know what you think it is
00:32:28.78\00:32:31.78
something I no. Well,
yeah, I am. Haha. Now she Rielle
00:32:31.78\00:32:36.55
Accomplished yourself.
You went back to school
00:32:36.55\00:32:39.72
and became a nurse into.
But you know what? I don't
00:32:39.72\00:32:42.29
think it could have gone back
to school. Had my mom not done
00:32:42.29\00:32:45.39
that journey her so high.
And so literally at one point
00:32:45.39\00:32:50.13
in my life, I thought,
like I said, I thought just 2
00:32:50.13\00:32:54.74
not be a heroin addict, just
not to be homeless was enough.
00:32:54.74\00:32:59.27
And I think that God must have
smiled cause literally. He's
00:32:59.27\00:33:02.68
crazy about me. And he says
that I'm crazy about you and I
00:33:02.68\00:33:06.21
can't wait to show you the next
thing. So going back to school,
00:33:06.21\00:33:08.98
I had to get a GED because I
didn't do a lot of my school in
00:33:08.98\00:33:13.52
the side to get a GED had to
learn to read that. Not that I
00:33:13.52\00:33:16.76
couldn't read it, but I
was functionally illiterate and
00:33:16.76\00:33:19.49
it's the best. And so I
remember I'm having to do all
00:33:19.49\00:33:23.03
of that. And then I stepped
into this nursing program in
00:33:23.03\00:33:26.63
California. And the instructor
was amazing. And I think that
00:33:26.63\00:33:30.94
for people that are afraid
to step into their own recovery,
00:33:30.94\00:33:34.24
you meet people that are
amazing. You will need some
00:33:34.24\00:33:37.78
people that are really tough
and judgmental. But mostly you
00:33:37.78\00:33:40.82
meet some amazing folks.
And this guy I'm out of like,
00:33:40.82\00:33:45.22
I don't know, 70 80 students,
only 8 of us graduated. The
00:33:45.22\00:33:48.92
program was really tough, but
he would do things that would
00:33:48.92\00:33:52.89
actually encourage OS to stay
focused and not let our fear
00:33:52.89\00:33:57.23
we're a loss in those kind
of things. And with me, I would
00:33:57.23\00:34:01.70
say me, especially but I wasn't
special. I I contacted him
00:34:01.70\00:34:06.41
years later and he did that
for every student. But he would
00:34:06.41\00:34:09.51
look at what you were
going to come against, what your
00:34:09.51\00:34:12.45
struggles were, what your fears
were. And he would just speak
00:34:12.45\00:34:15.45
into those and an and help you
through those until out of all
00:34:15.45\00:34:19.59
of the instructors. I had do
my degree. And even before I did
00:34:19.59\00:34:23.79
the state board is I I know
that I was able to stand for
00:34:23.79\00:34:29.33
one because of God but another
because of some incredible
00:34:29.33\00:34:33.47
folks came alongside
of me on that journey.
00:34:33.47\00:34:36.81
>> Wonderful. And we need
to I know. Yeah, I did a lot of
00:34:36.81\00:34:40.21
questions. Just back up.
Real quick. Yeah. How did you
00:34:40.21\00:34:42.88
become a 7th? They have been
us Christian. I was a wonderful.
00:34:42.88\00:34:46.85
>> So so when when I met Jesus,
I really felt like the next
00:34:46.85\00:34:51.45
step for me is it didn't
need him. It in a drug house,
00:34:51.45\00:34:55.49
tell me to trust him. And so
I I feel like it was it was a
00:34:55.49\00:35:00.06
real enough meeting. It was
real enough to me that at the
00:35:00.06\00:35:05.43
time I wanted to say and what
is God doing in a drug house
00:35:05.43\00:35:11.57
like I just felt that like
you shouldn't even be here. So I
00:35:11.57\00:35:14.64
wanted to sneak him out the
window like I didn't want to go
00:35:14.64\00:35:17.91
through the house because
there's a naked guy in the
00:35:17.91\00:35:19.85
living and playing air guitar
strung out on can have and all
00:35:19.85\00:35:22.75
I must say he was just he was
really a wreck there trying to
00:35:22.75\00:35:26.12
protect CA. I'm trying to
protect. Got from him. Haha,
00:35:26.12\00:35:29.56
I want to go out the window.
But what I realize now, God
00:35:29.56\00:35:32.49
does his best work with
druggies in a drug house that
00:35:32.49\00:35:35.63
nobody else would give the time
of day 2. And in God says if
00:35:35.63\00:35:39.87
you can hear me right now,
all spend on, I hear, you know,
00:35:39.87\00:35:42.84
and not that he goes anywhere.
But you know, so anyhow.
00:35:42.84\00:35:45.57
So I left I called somebody
and said I need a place to do
00:35:45.57\00:35:51.25
recovery. I need to stop using.
And the only thing I knew is I
00:35:51.25\00:35:56.22
needed to stop everything
like that. And in God didn't say
00:35:56.22\00:35:59.65
stop anything, right? You know,
and that's what I love. And
00:35:59.65\00:36:03.39
that's what I want to say.
I want to scream it from that.
00:36:03.39\00:36:05.73
The tops of the building but
didn't say stop. But God didn't
00:36:05.73\00:36:09.80
say I would love you if you
quit heroin. I would love you
00:36:09.80\00:36:12.53
if you could cost him. Even
though John, this kind of said
00:36:12.53\00:36:16.60
didn't help that I make
it to be vegetarian. Yeah,
00:36:16.60\00:36:20.18
vegetarian. But, you know,
I got just said, I love you.
00:36:20.18\00:36:23.68
And that was enough that
I wanted to stop everything.
00:36:23.68\00:36:25.85
But he never give me a list
of things. You want to make a
00:36:25.85\00:36:28.28
change. He just said I
loved and I wanted to change
00:36:28.28\00:36:31.55
everything. And so it was just
what happens when you are are
00:36:31.55\00:36:35.52
completely loved. If you want
to respond to that love behind
00:36:35.52\00:36:39.43
allowing yourself to
kind of drop these things off.
00:36:39.43\00:36:42.46
>> The love of Christ
constrains its amazing. That
00:36:42.46\00:36:45.23
doesn't let us go. Yeah.
You know, like David said,
00:36:45.23\00:36:48.64
what can I render to you for
all your benefits towards me?
00:36:48.64\00:36:53.07
Yeah. I mean, if
you met a guy that just
00:36:53.07\00:36:55.64
you waitress, he just popped
a million dollars on the table.
00:36:55.64\00:36:58.38
You don't just want to clear
the table. You open the door on
00:36:58.38\00:37:00.92
unlike walk out. Yeah. And
God's grace is so far it is no
00:37:00.92\00:37:04.79
value. You can add a dollar
down to it. Yeah. When you get
00:37:04.79\00:37:08.12
money to way when you look at
where you've come from and all
00:37:08.12\00:37:11.59
of a sudden you have
this this encounter with
00:37:11.59\00:37:15.20
this perfect God who's
not looking at you telling you
00:37:15.20\00:37:18.10
perfect that he loves Yemen
is something that you like my
00:37:18.10\00:37:22.70
hearing voices or is it real?
00:37:22.70\00:37:24.37
>> Is this real and what I
wanted to say for anybody that
00:37:24.37\00:37:27.34
has come from my background
and that when you say if I met
00:37:27.34\00:37:30.45
somebody that late a million
dollars on the table, it wasn't
00:37:30.45\00:37:33.38
that the late in the cash
on the table because that is
00:37:33.38\00:37:35.52
happened my whole life.
Wow. What he said is I love you.
00:37:35.52\00:37:38.99
And it was so genuine that
it was far more valuable than a
00:37:38.99\00:37:42.96
million dollars for. I know
there was nothing that I could
00:37:42.96\00:37:46.26
have seen or done or experience
that that allowed me to walk
00:37:46.26\00:37:51.37
into my own skin and my
own life as the love of God.
00:37:51.37\00:37:55.00
So I literally called somebody
and said I just got to find a
00:37:55.00\00:37:58.87
place to clean up. And and I
know for a lot of people that
00:37:58.87\00:38:02.58
know me, they heard the story.
But how can I not bring on the
00:38:02.58\00:38:05.21
story is that God sent me to
have begun vegetarian seven-day
00:38:05.21\00:38:10.05
ad.
00:38:10.05\00:38:11.25
>> I thought it was h***.
Haha. I thought I'm actually
00:38:11.25\00:38:15.06
because I said you have PDA
TD of chocolate. Yeah, anything.
00:38:15.06\00:38:19.26
And she says, well, I have
lentils and I thought it looked
00:38:19.26\00:38:22.60
terrible. Like who? For
some the lentils. And I remember
00:38:22.60\00:38:26.77
just thinking I'm gonna
die. This is where people go.
00:38:26.77\00:38:29.54
When they misbehave their whole
life, they go to a vacant home.
00:38:29.54\00:38:33.44
You know? So, but she
literally. But that was your
00:38:33.44\00:38:36.54
interpretation at that
point. You're like that was my
00:38:36.54\00:38:38.58
interpretation. But she saved
my life and she gave me water.
00:38:38.58\00:38:42.12
She gave me can allow literally
when I was falling apart.
00:38:42.12\00:38:46.96
She just kept stuff coming.
I'm into my body and into my
00:38:46.96\00:38:51.79
mind that allowed me to
survive. And even when she
00:38:51.79\00:38:55.93
would say like this one
would be, and she would say, you
00:38:55.93\00:38:58.87
know, we need to go outside
and hike. And I said, you know,
00:38:58.87\00:39:02.97
you could take I was I'm like
trying to withdraw from drive
00:39:02.97\00:39:06.41
line. I'm not in any
way. I'm not walking anywhere.
00:39:06.41\00:39:08.81
And I'm 23. And she's like 1000
years old and chip tighten up
00:39:08.81\00:39:12.28
and down the mountain. Then
I'm thinking I'm dying here.
00:39:12.28\00:39:15.48
And I remember one point
sitting down and I sat down and
00:39:15.48\00:39:18.92
I just said, I can't do
this like we're in Placerville,
00:39:18.92\00:39:21.96
California, in the middle
of the mountain to it. And and
00:39:21.96\00:39:25.39
she's hike in the head of me.
And I remember thinking I can't
00:39:25.39\00:39:28.63
do it. And so she says all
just go ahead. You sit down and
00:39:28.63\00:39:32.17
rest, not just come back and
I'm like, okay. So I sat down
00:39:32.17\00:39:35.50
and I am wanting to just
cry like I'm thinkin. I can't do
00:39:35.50\00:39:39.51
this. What am I thinking?
I didn't bring any drugs with
00:39:39.51\00:39:41.88
man. I'm withdrawing my crazy
enough artist. I just I mean
00:39:41.88\00:39:45.21
for us, I'm I'm smoking my
brains out because that's the
00:39:45.21\00:39:47.68
only thing I brought with
cigarettes and didn't even know
00:39:47.68\00:39:49.88
that was a drug but smoking
my brains out. And and this bird
00:39:49.88\00:39:54.29
flu bird comes in to set on a
branch. And I and I'm trying to
00:39:54.29\00:39:58.39
just cry and whine.
And I thought you're just
00:39:58.39\00:40:00.83
interrupting my ability.
That one. Yeah, and I remember
00:40:00.83\00:40:04.43
just this bird sitting there.
And finally, I said the gun.
00:40:04.43\00:40:07.17
Why isn't this bird of prey
to me cause I was close enough.
00:40:07.17\00:40:10.04
I could have reached out and
touched him. It was ridiculous.
00:40:10.04\00:40:13.17
And all I heard from the Holy
Spirit is I take care of that
00:40:13.17\00:40:15.74
bird and I will take care
of you. Please trust me. Wow.
00:40:15.74\00:40:20.25
And I remember just sitting
there again without word trust.
00:40:20.25\00:40:23.28
I don't know how to trust
anybody. I have never been
00:40:23.28\00:40:26.42
loved. I have never been okay.
I don't know where I'm going to
00:40:26.42\00:40:29.79
put my foot down. I don't know
what my next step is going to
00:40:29.79\00:40:32.56
be.
00:40:32.56\00:40:33.93
>> Because of my trauma, I've
made horrible decisions of my
00:40:33.93\00:40:36.20
life. Horrible choices in my
life and gun from one abuse to
00:40:36.20\00:40:39.67
the next abuse to the next
abuse in God is saying just
00:40:39.67\00:40:42.90
trust me. And I remember just
sitting there thinking I am so
00:40:42.90\00:40:46.17
afraid you gotta do. You do
have to be afraid. You don't
00:40:46.17\00:40:49.68
have to be afraid with
me. And when she came back, we
00:40:49.68\00:40:52.71
hiked back down the hill back
to her place. And one of the
00:40:52.71\00:40:56.05
studies that some of us and I
didn't even know what the 7 as
00:40:56.05\00:40:59.15
but one of the studies was
justification by faith. Wow,
00:40:59.15\00:41:02.49
I'm for that 7th and that God,
I'm literally puts his robot
00:41:02.49\00:41:07.13
right to insist on asset
workload in that and all of who
00:41:07.13\00:41:12.40
I am or who I think I am
because we've got to that is
00:41:12.40\00:41:16.47
you are my child that
write this is what the devil has
00:41:16.47\00:41:19.34
said. 2 children yet. But
I'm telling you that he's a liar
00:41:19.34\00:41:24.65
and you are my child and say
put his robe right assists in
00:41:24.65\00:41:27.68
those. So that study, I
remember just wanting to to
00:41:27.68\00:41:30.99
weep like
00:41:30.99\00:41:33.15
I wanted to just have somebody.
Please tell me that this book
00:41:33.15\00:41:37.06
is true. You know, I just
wanted to weave in the U.S..
00:41:37.06\00:41:40.16
Is this something has to
be true in this crazy world?
00:41:40.16\00:41:43.40
Something has to be real in
this world that we're walking
00:41:43.40\00:41:46.94
around. And and if it's not
real, just please take me out
00:41:46.94\00:41:50.67
because I'm so tired. And
I know I was 23, but I was
00:41:50.67\00:41:54.11
exhausted. And and so the only
thing that gave me comfort was
00:41:54.11\00:41:59.28
the word of God and the truth
of what God says about who we
00:41:59.28\00:42:02.52
are. That's right. And
about what he's willing to do.
00:42:02.52\00:42:06.02
And even if Satan himself
comes back and gives grows out a
00:42:06.02\00:42:09.06
whole list of who you are,
do not believe him, you are
00:42:09.06\00:42:12.49
covered. My blood will cleanse
you and I will finish the work
00:42:12.49\00:42:17.47
in you that I started in all
of those verses. I want to write
00:42:17.47\00:42:21.00
them down. I wanted to so
memorize everyone because I
00:42:21.00\00:42:24.44
thought I don't know.
00:42:24.44\00:42:27.81
I don't know.
00:42:27.81\00:42:29.11
>> These can I
00:42:29.11\00:42:31.08
can I trust? This
is our trust arts.
00:42:31.08\00:42:36.18
>> Wow. And so this lady was
the one that was the nurturing
00:42:36.18\00:42:39.69
one. She may have
been chronologically older,
00:42:39.69\00:42:42.69
but you physically older
than she was the emotion. All.
00:42:42.69\00:42:46.19
Yeah. So how did the transition
it to the answer this question
00:42:46.19\00:42:49.10
out of that
transition happen? And I have.
00:42:49.10\00:42:50.77
>> A series of questions for
you. You know, what was really
00:42:50.77\00:42:53.54
interesting to me about that
transition is that for her to
00:42:53.54\00:42:57.37
say, you know, the like, like
00:42:57.37\00:43:01.91
can it to a
little bit about God.
00:43:01.91\00:43:04.75
>> And and so I you know,
I I know this is long and I'm
00:43:04.75\00:43:08.88
sorry, but one of the
things that she taught me was
00:43:08.88\00:43:11.95
definitely about Magdalene and
about the woman turned in front
00:43:11.95\00:43:15.79
of Jesus. And she was caught
in adultery and she was just
00:43:15.79\00:43:20.26
thrown in the dirt, probably
naked. And and and it was a lot
00:43:20.26\00:43:24.70
of people around her. And they
would just saying you need to
00:43:24.70\00:43:28.24
stone her to death and she is
no good. And I thought my mom,
00:43:28.24\00:43:32.54
when I was 6 years old,
said something. I I don't know.
00:43:32.54\00:43:35.54
She was joking or serious.
But you are the bad seed that
00:43:35.54\00:43:39.21
there was nothing good in me
that I that I remember that my
00:43:39.21\00:43:42.15
whole life that maybe I am just
a bad scene. I was born that
00:43:42.15\00:43:46.02
way. And so so when I heard
this story, she was telling me
00:43:46.02\00:43:50.03
about these men in every one
of them just yelling to crucify
00:43:50.03\00:43:54.00
her. And and Jesus started
writing in the sand and he
00:43:54.00\00:43:57.77
wrote every one of their
traumas, every one of their
00:43:57.77\00:44:01.00
sons, every one of the times
that maybe they even abuse this
00:44:01.00\00:44:04.64
woman. And what he said to them
is whoever has no sin cast the
00:44:04.64\00:44:10.81
first stone.
00:44:10.81\00:44:12.21
>> And everybody one by one,
drop their stones and walked
00:44:12.21\00:44:15.15
away. And I thought
no way I'm so that's
00:44:15.15\00:44:20.19
that's who I met in a
drug house was no condemnation.
00:44:20.19\00:44:24.03
No sense that I didn't belong
there. No sense that I was in
00:44:24.03\00:44:27.23
his child. And yet this story
validated that for me. And I
00:44:27.23\00:44:31.10
remember just being
overwhelmed. And then she told
00:44:31.10\00:44:33.54
me about David and I thought
what a scumbag he was. I mean,
00:44:33.54\00:44:36.67
killed somebody slept with this
woman center has been out to
00:44:36.67\00:44:40.88
die. And I was just so like
there's no way. And yet he went
00:44:40.88\00:44:45.08
into a severe depression,
knowing that he turned against
00:44:45.08\00:44:47.72
gone and his life for himself
wasn't worth living because of
00:44:47.72\00:44:52.89
that and was pleading with
God to forgive him. And so she
00:44:52.89\00:44:55.96
reads to me some 51, if people
haven't. Yeah, you've got to
00:44:55.96\00:44:59.93
read it. It's just powerful in
creating the new hard given new
00:44:59.93\00:45:04.50
life. This once broken body
that can even dance returned to
00:45:04.50\00:45:09.37
me. The ability to even dancer,
find joy, joy, all of that
00:45:09.37\00:45:13.21
stuff. And so is it. So I
thought that an amazing that he
00:45:13.21\00:45:16.38
is somebody that was incredibly
good, literally had this
00:45:16.38\00:45:20.08
moment. I believe of
discouragement were he was
00:45:20.08\00:45:23.95
prone to saying just
00:45:23.95\00:45:27.19
that team up with that.
That sheeba I'm going after best
00:45:27.19\00:45:31.23
shiva. And and yet God brought
him back to a place of healing
00:45:31.23\00:45:35.76
and forgiveness. And then
the best story for me. The life
00:45:35.76\00:45:39.37
changing story for me. She says
I'm gonna tell you about this
00:45:39.37\00:45:41.90
guy.
00:45:41.90\00:45:42.97
He was on glee
00:45:42.97\00:45:44.71
and that they what happened to
that guy. You know what and who
00:45:44.71\00:45:48.28
was that guy was ugly inning.
00:45:48.28\00:45:50.78
He lived in a cemetery and
it was cutting on himself was
00:45:50.78\00:45:53.82
down. But it was just going
to see any was not son. People
00:45:53.82\00:45:57.79
were afraid of. They cast
them out of cash out of town.
00:45:57.79\00:46:00.89
They actually change in
mopping, broke the chain's new
00:46:00.89\00:46:03.86
is just not a nasty guy.
And and and I thought, oh,
00:46:03.86\00:46:07.30
what happened to him? Because
I know that guy. And so should
00:46:07.30\00:46:10.40
you know, I'm not saying that
out loud, I think. And I know
00:46:10.40\00:46:13.17
that guy into said United.
It was oddly, I say you did
00:46:13.17\00:46:17.94
what happened in because I'm
hoping that the skinned alive,
00:46:17.94\00:46:20.94
I'm hoping that literally
getting was coming. Every part
00:46:20.94\00:46:23.71
of his body is cut off and then
he loses body parts and then he
00:46:23.71\00:46:27.18
gets just just living out.
What you experience for the
00:46:27.18\00:46:31.42
first time I'm hearing about
this guy didn't know anybody
00:46:31.42\00:46:33.76
wrote about the n word and then
she says to me, did I tell you
00:46:33.76\00:46:36.93
who was an ugly? And I said to
her, I think I dated that guy.
00:46:36.93\00:46:40.13
What happened? You know,
like, you know, I got beat up by
00:46:40.13\00:46:44.87
hundreds of bikers that killed
a 13 year-old girl that stuck a
00:46:44.87\00:46:48.54
gun up inside me that literally
knocked my teeth out. A kidnap
00:46:48.54\00:46:52.47
me for 2 weeks turn initiation
for new members. I know that
00:46:52.47\00:46:55.88
guy like I know that guy
and what happened then I want
00:46:55.88\00:46:59.38
somebody to pay for all of
this stuff that people have gone
00:46:59.38\00:47:02.72
through. And yet I'm I'm I'm
kind of lost in my own trauma.
00:47:02.72\00:47:07.26
And then she says, and then
Jesus clean them up, walked him
00:47:07.26\00:47:10.46
down to the water. And he was
in his right mind for the first
00:47:10.46\00:47:13.23
time.
00:47:13.23\00:47:14.30
And I thought, oh, stop
it. I mean, what do you mean?
00:47:14.30\00:47:17.60
Yeah, what do you mean? I'm so
angry. Like, what do you mean?
00:47:17.60\00:47:20.84
He was just like walk
down to the water as if you did
00:47:20.84\00:47:23.54
nothing. And I was so angry
that I thought if we have gone,
00:47:23.54\00:47:27.71
that is not going to bring any
justice to anybody that I don't
00:47:27.71\00:47:31.15
need it. I don't want it.
And I remember just feeling so
00:47:31.15\00:47:34.82
angry into said, oh, wait,
he couldn't even speak his pain,
00:47:34.82\00:47:40.46
his trauma.
00:47:40.46\00:47:41.76
But Jesus heard what his heart
was sane. Please don't leave me
00:47:41.76\00:47:46.29
like this. Please don't knowing
that the demons were speaking
00:47:46.29\00:47:50.10
for him. His addictions
were speaking for him, but Jesus
00:47:50.10\00:47:53.87
hurt his heart say
please currently getting raked.
00:47:53.87\00:47:57.84
My chained break my bondage.
Get me out of this. And that's
00:47:57.84\00:48:01.21
what Jesus responded to.
And I remember that that broke
00:48:01.21\00:48:04.11
me as like what if we have a
God that is not responding to
00:48:04.11\00:48:07.48
your behavior that is not
responding to your change is
00:48:07.48\00:48:10.29
not responding to your trauma.
Is Reese five-year very hearts
00:48:10.29\00:48:14.56
cry. This is please,
yeah. Don't leave me like this.
00:48:14.56\00:48:18.49
And what I learned in my own
life is you never will. And so
00:48:18.49\00:48:21.16
what happened is after
she shared with me that stuff,
00:48:21.16\00:48:24.33
she's I I'm now having to leave
her house. And I was so afraid
00:48:24.33\00:48:28.60
like I haven't even told or
until that moment, I haven't
00:48:28.60\00:48:31.47
told you that I met got I think
I'm at God a nice then share
00:48:31.47\00:48:35.21
that experience. And she
said when you leave here, find a
00:48:35.21\00:48:37.61
church and I'm a long
way there. I was there just
00:48:37.61\00:48:42.05
>> shortly. I mean, you
know, just are in recovery a few
00:48:42.05\00:48:44.92
weeks. She said
finding her find a church.
00:48:44.92\00:48:49.09
>> And so now I'm
going back is now. But
00:48:49.09\00:48:53.23
but when you talk to
somebody that you have
00:48:53.23\00:48:58.60
that have come out of
homelessness and come out of
00:48:58.60\00:49:02.97
that hold dark world and
we step into the light for the
00:49:02.97\00:49:06.98
first time when you say like
00:49:06.98\00:49:10.58
>> you like go fund a church,
pray for you. It's the most
00:49:10.58\00:49:13.72
frightening thing because I
don't know where to go. I don't
00:49:13.72\00:49:16.69
know what to do. I don't know
how to stand. I don't know even
00:49:16.69\00:49:20.32
walking into a house of God
if they're going to allow me
00:49:20.32\00:49:22.82
because my own family
really could care less if I came
00:49:22.82\00:49:26.09
around or not come around.
Like at that point, my mum my
00:49:26.09\00:49:29.10
mom had never called my
house, had never. I'm like even
00:49:29.10\00:49:34.54
probably 20 years in my
recovery and never got a call
00:49:34.54\00:49:37.17
from her. Never, you know what
I mean? Why do you have been in
00:49:37.17\00:49:40.41
charge and that go fund
a church? And I just was so
00:49:40.41\00:49:43.48
afraid. Luckily,
I did find a church.
00:49:43.48\00:49:46.75
>> And leading again. No luck.
00:49:46.75\00:49:49.12
I know. God leaving again a
sorry. Thank you for that on.
00:49:49.12\00:49:52.22
>> But even finding the church
state, you will find, let's say
00:49:52.22\00:49:55.66
that you find it hurt and
there's 2 or 3 people that look
00:49:55.66\00:49:58.29
at you like you don't belong
here. Look at the rest of them.
00:49:58.29\00:50:01.33
Yes, you know what? So there
are going to be some and don't
00:50:01.33\00:50:04.80
let the devil he strategically
planned when the Bible says
00:50:04.80\00:50:08.17
fight against the schemes
of the enemy is because the
00:50:08.17\00:50:11.37
schemes are as I need you to
feel horrible about yourself.
00:50:11.37\00:50:15.21
I need you to feel like you'll
never fit in. I need you to
00:50:15.21\00:50:17.71
feel like this recovery journey
is for everybody. But you and
00:50:17.71\00:50:21.58
the devil would try to do that
in and out of the house of God,
00:50:21.58\00:50:25.49
but find a church, find a body.
And that's what I did. And 12
00:50:25.49\00:50:29.49
of us got baptized. And Jon, I
love your voice and I love your
00:50:29.49\00:50:33.56
ministry as far as music.
But I cannot carry a tune.
00:50:33.56\00:50:37.20
But when I got baptized, I when
reading how I want to put it,
00:50:37.20\00:50:41.70
you know, read deemed by the
blood of the land. It's a all
00:50:41.70\00:50:45.01
of us saying that song before
we got baptized and none of us
00:50:45.01\00:50:48.81
could even carry a tune.
But it was so beautiful in the
00:50:48.81\00:50:52.11
years. Yeah. Yeah. So that was
00:50:52.11\00:50:55.02
>> my journey. And and then
not knowing like I didn't tell
00:50:55.02\00:50:59.72
anybody kind of my
past too much and I didn't.
00:50:59.72\00:51:02.72
>> Share a lot of that
stuff. I was afraid I would get
00:51:02.72\00:51:05.19
rejected. So even going to
pot like I didn't know how to
00:51:05.19\00:51:07.66
socialize. I didn't know
how to, you know, things that
00:51:07.66\00:51:10.77
everybody kind of knows.
I didn't know like I didn't
00:51:10.77\00:51:14.30
know when somebody makes a joke
about I didn't know where to
00:51:14.30\00:51:17.97
put the civil war.
00:51:17.97\00:51:19.24
>> You didn't know at this if
I didn't know where to put the
00:51:19.24\00:51:22.04
plate. Haha this over
where, you know, it's just like,
00:51:22.04\00:51:26.01
you know, I didn't know
anything. And then when people
00:51:26.01\00:51:27.92
do small talk, I had no
idea. That's our way of kind of
00:51:27.92\00:51:31.79
allowing opening up soften
the yes building that I'm a
00:51:31.79\00:51:35.96
conversation and stuff. But
I just I I would leave out with
00:51:35.96\00:51:39.83
my first suicide
attempt was, you know, I like.
00:51:39.83\00:51:42.40
>> And so it was just so we did
kill us. You know, let me just
00:51:42.40\00:51:45.33
kind of say something that
is in fact, I mean, one of my
00:51:45.33\00:51:48.54
favorite stories and
scriptures. And you know that
00:51:48.54\00:51:50.47
the man that was at the
pool for 38 years. Yeah,
00:51:50.47\00:51:53.48
you know, the law comes to
me ask you a question, which is
00:51:53.48\00:51:55.84
literally it was the it was
the genesis of me putting whole
00:51:55.84\00:51:59.35
series of lessons that I'm
working on right now. He asked
00:51:59.35\00:52:02.58
him a question to do you
want to be made? Well, yeah, he
00:52:02.58\00:52:06.42
didn't heal that man. He just
asked him the question. Do you
00:52:06.42\00:52:09.22
want to see what the key is?
And I've said this to people.
00:52:09.22\00:52:12.99
We could do what he did, which
is blamed everybody for not
00:52:12.99\00:52:15.30
getting to the pool
advise getting in front of him.
00:52:15.30\00:52:17.10
Nobody wants to help them.
Those who do you want to be
00:52:17.10\00:52:20.27
made? Well, and I think that
but that's why I want you to
00:52:20.27\00:52:23.04
tell your story. And I'm glad
we allow it should be to open
00:52:23.04\00:52:25.41
up, you know, might you might
think, well, the problems and
00:52:25.41\00:52:27.81
was halfway done. What you
did here was necessary because
00:52:27.81\00:52:31.88
we're going to talk about
the the part of you. That's it.
00:52:31.88\00:52:34.62
Yes, I want to yeah I met with.
That's going to happen. And
00:52:34.62\00:52:38.12
then how you can now
with all that trauma, all that
00:52:38.12\00:52:41.29
experience cod leading
00:52:41.29\00:52:43.56
Khan said Elijah Raven
Issa, new Blue Jay. Yeah,
00:52:43.56\00:52:46.86
congressman, amazing ways.
So we're going to you've laid
00:52:46.86\00:52:49.53
some foundation that people
are probably saying, well, OK,
00:52:49.53\00:52:52.03
what about the question
she's going to answer this was
00:52:52.03\00:52:54.54
necessary and that the people
to understand where you came
00:52:54.54\00:52:57.04
from because a lot of
times somebody might say, well,
00:52:57.04\00:53:00.78
how you gonna teach me
out of 5, never flown a plane.
00:53:00.78\00:53:04.48
You've been in the drug
house. Yeah, you've been through
00:53:04.48\00:53:06.88
experiences that you can even
share here. But I think people
00:53:06.88\00:53:09.55
get the point.
00:53:09.55\00:53:10.95
But God found you and I'm glad
you asked that question because
00:53:10.95\00:53:13.36
it was necessary
to people to see.
00:53:13.36\00:53:15.66
He just say I love you, but he
was going to lead you. Are the
00:53:15.66\00:53:19.66
women go?
00:53:19.66\00:53:21.30
Yeah. So now we have about 4
minutes in this first Allan on
00:53:21.30\00:53:24.63
a lace foundation down because
00:53:24.63\00:53:27.80
I need to say the Surrey,
Peter, I'm glad that you're
00:53:27.80\00:53:31.67
reconnecting with us. And
that's where the campus of,
00:53:31.67\00:53:34.18
you know, got to work in your
life continually, as he always
00:53:34.18\00:53:37.35
is. We always says he never
allows you to get an experience
00:53:37.35\00:53:41.08
on this. That experience is
going to be a steppingstone or
00:53:41.08\00:53:44.05
rope to help pull somebody
else out of their experience.
00:53:44.05\00:53:47.36
So when that are some questions
at you in the second now and
00:53:47.36\00:53:49.52
all the time.
00:53:49.52\00:53:50.59
>> Viewers and listeners
know who'd been granted think
00:53:50.59\00:53:53.19
calling the questions.
But there's so much John Pack.
00:53:53.19\00:53:56.03
I think that's for another
program. Another poll that I
00:53:56.03\00:53:58.53
before you unfold anything
I just have to. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:58.53\00:54:01.90
The
00:54:01.90\00:54:03.47
>> one of the coolest things.
So as I was standing up and
00:54:03.47\00:54:07.28
stop doing drugs, I thought if
I stop doing drugs, everything
00:54:07.28\00:54:10.58
is well, everything is
fine. And so I stopped heroin.
00:54:10.58\00:54:13.92
Then I stopped alcohol and I
stopped working in clubs and I
00:54:13.92\00:54:17.49
stopped all of my relational
addictions and all of that kind
00:54:17.49\00:54:20.79
of stuff that help me get
through the day in one life and
00:54:20.79\00:54:25.19
stepped into another one.
I thought my journey was done
00:54:25.19\00:54:28.66
like I've done the work, hang
out and I was just coming out.
00:54:28.66\00:54:32.90
And so even as I stood out
and I wanted to tell the next
00:54:32.90\00:54:36.34
person, man, when you
stop everything changes and
00:54:36.34\00:54:41.54
literally everything changes
as you bring Christ into life,
00:54:41.54\00:54:44.41
everything changes, however,
literally stepping out was like
00:54:44.41\00:54:49.62
one half of the first
step. And I've said this before.
00:54:49.62\00:54:52.39
It's like buying a ticket to
the movie. It's not the movie,
00:54:52.39\00:54:55.99
right? It's just the ticket.
So abstinent stopping something
00:54:55.99\00:54:59.79
is just the ticket into
your life. Trying to rest of the
00:54:59.79\00:55:03.60
stuff is a journey. So
literally as I stop and then
00:55:03.60\00:55:06.80
someone heard last story wanted
to write a book. And at first I
00:55:06.80\00:55:10.17
said no, but I was working with
gang members at the time trying
00:55:10.17\00:55:12.74
to do recovery
stuffing. I'm working with these
00:55:12.74\00:55:15.24
gangsters. And and and so I
thought, OK, let's write a book
00:55:15.24\00:55:18.51
as we can give it to them.
And then 3 ABN wanted to do an
00:55:18.51\00:55:22.12
interview. And I'm standing
that is sitting there and I
00:55:22.12\00:55:25.09
talked about wanting
to get in the ministry.
00:55:25.09\00:55:27.32
>> And and he said to me, and
I just will never forget this.
00:55:27.32\00:55:30.66
He said, well, what do you need
in order to get into ministry?
00:55:30.66\00:55:34.76
And I thought and I thought
why need funding still need
00:55:34.76\00:55:37.77
funding? They need to find
him. And he's so how much do you
00:55:37.77\00:55:41.07
need? And this is in between
said the show and the ending
00:55:41.07\00:55:44.94
right where we have the outside
port. We need to sell on the
00:55:44.94\00:55:47.88
boy because of the show
and that the porch. And I said,
00:55:47.88\00:55:51.48
I think for running a ministry
for a year, I need about
00:55:51.48\00:55:54.58
$25,000. And I
thought that's huge.
00:55:54.58\00:55:58.72
And any said $25,000 him in the
end and now they're putting me
00:55:58.72\00:56:04.79
on the porch and kind of
getting the lighting ready for
00:56:04.79\00:56:07.36
them to stop. And then he comes
in and you simply sits down.
00:56:07.36\00:56:10.60
Gives me a check for $25,000
in clothes. It's a show out.
00:56:10.60\00:56:13.97
Wow. And I'm thinking what
just happened? Yeah. What just
00:56:13.97\00:56:18.37
happened and what was really
incredible to me is is Danny
00:56:18.37\00:56:22.51
statement far more than the
money? But it's Danny statement
00:56:22.51\00:56:25.88
about believing that wherever
God is going to lead next,
00:56:25.88\00:56:30.12
that he's got you to try.
And so that was so powerful to
00:56:30.12\00:56:34.02
me. And I think that we forget
that God has us people come
00:56:34.02\00:56:38.76
around you and they will bless
you and your recovery is hard
00:56:38.76\00:56:41.70
work and it is hard work.
And there are times that you're
00:56:41.70\00:56:44.40
going to have to grieve in
their time that you're going to
00:56:44.40\00:56:46.43
have to literally walk through
kind of some of that trauma but
00:56:46.43\00:56:50.61
know that God is
faithful. That right.
00:56:50.61\00:56:53.64
>> How my wife, you read this
short statement before we go to
00:56:53.64\00:56:56.04
the end of the first hour,
powerful chachere unit. You
00:56:56.04\00:56:59.21
need to come back for the
2nd half of the that road yet.
00:56:59.21\00:57:01.22
This is from you.
00:57:01.22\00:57:02.58
>> You'll worth is not
determined by your achievements
00:57:02.58\00:57:06.39
of the opinions of
all this. You off valuable
00:57:06.39\00:57:11.73
simply because you fearfully
and wonderfully made. That was
00:57:11.73\00:57:16.10
beautiful. Just beautiful.
That's it. That's part of your
00:57:16.10\00:57:18.90
saying here. Yeah, the truth.
And as we have to remember that
00:57:18.90\00:57:23.30
the law defines us.
00:57:23.30\00:57:25.47
>> And leaves his what he finds
this. People always say love
00:57:25.47\00:57:27.98
the Lord loves you as you are.
But enough to lead the way you
00:57:27.98\00:57:30.98
find 2, which is about
00:57:30.98\00:57:33.21
how the first
hour just west of Baja.
00:57:33.21\00:57:36.48
>> Don't go away because now
we're going to be throwing some
00:57:36.48\00:57:38.65
questions that Sri him and
you don't want to miss them.
00:57:38.65\00:57:41.49
We're going to go away
and we'll be right back.
00:57:41.49\00:57:44.59
[MUSIC]
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