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Series Code: TDYL
Program Code: TDYL230015B
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00:04 [MUSIC] 00:09 [MUSIC] 00:11 >> I'm showing Quinn, JD Quinn. We welcome you to this second 00:16 hour of 3, A B in live. Tonight's program is fight for 00:22 change. And sometimes it's a fight. Yes, drug haha. But our 00:28 special guest, if you're just joining us for Pastor Stephen 00:32 Tammy Conway, they are 00:35 hosts on a very popular 3 ABN program that is called when we 00:41 talk and they are your past during in Troy, Michigan. 00:47 You have a counseling ministry. You do grief recovery. You do 00:52 challenge and change and the conflict. He says I love that 00:59 challenge. Sainz challenging choices. Change challenge in 01:02 63. Yes. E 3 is much easier to say at the C 3 challenge. 01:06 Yeah, but we're so glad to have you here. And if you miss the 01:10 first hour, I'm sorry because we had some good things and 01:13 we're going to continue. But before we kick off into our 01:18 discussion, we had one mark clip that we wanted to show you 01:24 from when we talk and set us up to me. 01:27 >> Yes, so much like the last clip that we showed you we talk 01:32 about changed, right? How to change was in. We also don't 01:36 really understand that even in the process of change, there is 01:40 a continuing to it. So this is what we call the change 01:43 continue. You know, 01:46 you would think the story was just about that for her. 01:49 You know, the other thing that stood out to me in that story 01:52 was that the disciples were there when he met her. 01:56 There was a reason why he sent them away. Why do you think 02:00 that is? 02:01 >> Well, some of us complicate change for other people and we 02:05 take a drink, OK, some of those complicate change for other 02:08 people because we're not in the process of change. Our said 02:12 Marci, when you think about the disciples, they weren't 02:15 thinking about people experiencing necessarily 02:18 transformational change. They would think about who was 02:20 going to be first. Who's going to run this thing when Jesus 02:24 leaves no money. No meat only. Yeah. So they're arguing about 02:27 that. So you can imagine that those individuals would not 02:32 necessarily they do not help and someone else is changing. 02:38 And so Jesus has to meet her without them and then bring 02:43 them in or what he's done. Yeah, right. So they come in 02:47 and they're like, oh, what's going on? What just happened 02:50 here? Yeah, right? Yeah. And so a man I don't know about 02:54 you, but 02:55 I don't want to be a person that complicates chain for 02:58 someone else. I don't want to be a person that Jesus has to 03:01 say, OK, you going over there to the store and go shopping 03:05 and let me do something powerful, miraculous and this 03:07 person's life. And then let me just bring you in on the other 03:11 side of it and then can explain because if I allow you to be 03:14 there, you're trying to tell me how to handle my own helping 03:17 this person experience change. 03:21 >> So fight for change. Why this title? What what is it 03:25 that you think people need to hear about? 03:30 How on Jews? Yeah, and that, you know, we've got so much 03:33 conflict going on in our world. We need to fight for change, 03:37 but it all has to do with communication and choices. 03:40 Yeah, yeah. 03:41 >> It's you know, you you hit the nail on the head really 03:45 honestly. Now more than ever, there probably isn't very many 03:49 households who are experiencing and an enormous amount of 03:52 change who's not raising a child in dealing with someone 03:56 coming home saying they do so like they are who they were 03:59 born, you know, has their their gender or people. I mean, 04:03 literally, we are people are falling apart right for then 04:06 suddenly raising their grandchildren. Yes, yeah. 04:09 There's a lot of adjustments going on in the world. And in 04:11 the midst of that, people are losing hope. They are losing a 04:16 desire to even want to fight right for change. People are 04:19 letting go of relationships and walking away from marriages. 04:22 And some people would probably say, well, that's always been 04:24 happy. But for us, even in ministry, we're watching 04:27 exponentially 04:28 an amount of people walking away from that call because 04:32 they don't know they don't even feel safe to be able to 04:35 acknowledge and say I need help or they feel as though I'm 04:39 they're not supposed to want to help. You talk about Shane, 04:41 you know before and we're like, man, what can be done? There 04:45 needs to be a safe place, right, for people to be able to 04:49 come and say, listen, you know, we we need help. You know, 04:52 we need a change in our marriage. We need a change in 04:54 how we're approaching parenting. I need to change in 04:56 Homs and with people at my job, you need to change in every 05:00 aspect of our life, you know. And so yeah, and also I think. 05:05 >> Experience and changes is not passive. Yes, a lot of 05:08 times we think that, well, it's just going to happen or if God 05:12 really wants me to expansive than all experience it. But you 05:16 know, the idea of fighting for change, it lands and tense 05:20 analogy to what we can experience change. One purpose. 05:24 Yeah. We can actually say I want to be transformed. I want 05:29 to be a new person. Yeah. I want to show up differently 05:32 than the ways and showed up in the past. 05:34 >> You have to wait to do that. You don't need 05:37 people's permission. You can choose to change even in the 05:40 midst of craziness you can choose to let let this mine. 05:45 Yeah, yeah, it is in Christ a man. It's something you have to 05:49 allow and fight for. 05:51 >> And I mean, we're caught. This is this is major stuff 05:54 right here. 05:55 I was raised in a home loving home, 05:59 but sure to be saying not hurt and is and, you know, you 06:03 think, well, you know, kill grow out of that and 06:05 everything. But I don't know if you grow out of it or not. 06:09 And so it may. So you're you're fighting your internal battles. 06:13 That's right. Because the goes back to us. I haven't seen him 06:17 in and 30 years he might put on 100 pounds of sand. Sure. 06:22 Here comes that shame where you need to have 06:26 spurred kogut. Let's just say to actually 06:31 >> to speak up. Yeah, it is actually breaking. You know, 06:34 I tell people a lot of had an experience with my youngest son 06:37 and I may have shared this with you all before but being put in 06:40 a position where a group in the same type of way I'm not being 06:43 given a vocabulary or the freedom to say something has 06:46 happened to me on and pain. I realize as I got older that 06:50 my parents were not given the full cavalier so they couldn't 06:52 give it to me. But during the work that I do, my children 06:55 happen to be around the listening to it. And one day, 06:57 my son who was going through some emotional things that 07:00 school I asked them, you know, how are you doing? You know, 07:03 most kids, some fun. Yeah, right. That's what you call the 07:07 Academy Award, right? The Academy Award behavior is on 07:10 for caught is good. And I'm not saying that you can say that 07:13 trouble out on the fly at right. But it's important that 07:17 people can know that you can be honest and say, man, you know, 07:20 I'm not doing well right now. You know. And so my son took 07:23 one of those sheets of paper. We call it an emotion. Will he 07:26 took it from me and one day he just came home. He took this 07:30 piece of paper. He slammed on the table or, you know, later 07:32 on this. But it was folded and I opened it up and it was one 07:34 of the wheels and I use for my clients. And I said, OK, 07:38 in the spirit of guy really spoke to me, said, Tamra, 07:40 this is an opportunity for you to break a generational curse 07:43 right here, them stop and listen to him and ask him what 07:47 he might. He marked off all of these emotions. I didn't even 07:49 know he knew what all of these things meant to. So we spent 07:53 and a certain amount of time there which started a catalyst 07:57 for us moving 40's 13 now in whatever he's having a moment. 08:01 He's coming. He's talking and he shared. We have to cry. 08:04 He can cry. Voice can cry, right? Then we get rid of that. 08:07 This, you know, and and all of these different things that 08:10 we've put out to people that allows him to feel as though 08:14 right that they're not allowed to be honest and open about 08:17 their thoughts and feelings. I dare say the reason why we're 08:19 in the state. We're in with the violence in the world. Oh, 08:23 yes, right. With young people just go in the schools and 08:26 shooting up schools that there are a lot of conflict. There's 08:30 a lot of trauma unspoken things. And so you know what? 08:33 Because I'm feeling this anger and Ernie's maybe as bullying 08:37 underneath is maybe sadness by families. Not together. We're 08:40 broke and there's a lot of different things. They're 08:42 taking it out in that way. Yeah, yeah. 08:46 >> That's really a good idea. Maybe over 6 months to have a 08:48 value. Aisha family valuation to look at the wheel to say 08:53 yeah, there are major changes and give your children 08:55 permission. Her mission. 08:58 >> To speak honestly about their feelings and what they're 09:00 going through. 09:02 >> Yeah, I think it's as profound because so often what 09:05 you you will here things like just put it out there and be 09:10 honest. You know, I hate you. Yeah. What do you really hate 09:15 me? Are you just frustrated with him? The right? You know, 09:19 I can't stand you would what does that mean was, I mean, 09:22 I can't stand. You know, I'm I'm really anxious about 09:25 whether or not you want to keep your word because you promised 09:28 me you would do this with that. You didn't do it. The last time 09:32 point says feeling anxiety right now, disappointment or 09:35 whatnot. But sometimes is this the more extreme things that we 09:40 here again, because of the lack of vocabulary. And so just 09:44 giving that, you know, it has such a breath or relationship. 09:50 So let's ask a basic question. 09:53 >> There's millions of people watching. Yeah. How do they 09:56 take that first step to break that generational curse? 10:00 >> You know, first and foremost, it is a choice. 10:03 You have a choice to mask a face for Aho had a choice and 10:09 you have these things, these experiences that we bring along 10:12 with us that inform us. But it it you have to be willing to 10:15 acknowledge that it did not work. All right. It's OK, 10:18 does not disparaging to your parents. It is not disparaging 10:21 to you or the family, you know, coach or a dynamic when it 10:24 doesn't work. It doesn't work, right? So being willing to lay 10:28 at the feet of Jesus got this didn't work for us and I want 10:31 to be able to do something different and then got 10:33 intervenes and he comes in. He softens our heart, right? 10:37 He opens us up in a way out. I will want to say this to 10:40 parents. It starts with us. We have to be willing to give 10:44 an example to our children. If you want your children to be 10:46 open with you, you must be open with them. And you know, 10:49 if you're in pain at the last, you know how many parents say 10:52 they have to be strong being strong is a myth and it does 10:56 not work. Right. Solar and a lot of parents think that it's 11:00 wrong to apologize up to say that they've done something 11:03 where Khalid Dji's to their trial cause. They don't want 11:06 their kids to think I had an experience this week with my 11:10 own mother, my mom. And we've been healing over the years, 11:14 right. But I post a lot of the things that I do, you know, 11:17 to help people because we don't talk about these things. 11:20 Another mom happens to be all social media. And so she heard 11:23 me talking about trauma of children when parents who are 11:25 in divided homes or divorced or co-parenting talk negatively 11:30 about the other parent, how dangerous that is. And so what 11:34 ended up happening is my mom gave me a call. She said, 11:36 hey, time Arena said, hey, and she said, you know, what did I 11:39 do that? Because I grew up and you know, the that's important. 11:43 Yeah. 11:44 >> That's important because that's what we refer to as a 11:46 teachable moment. Yes, when someone says. 11:50 >> Did I do that now? That means they're giving you 11:54 permission to to tell, tell the truth in them. And it took her 11:57 years to get to that point. She admitted she was like, 12:00 you know, it took me years to be willing to hear you. Tell me 12:02 the truth. How many parents refuse to give their children 12:05 permission? To be honest, right is more important to keep the 12:09 flip side or to keep the ritual or the culture dynamic. And so 12:13 I'm I'm I'm blessed enough to, you know, to say that my mom 12:16 did not negatively speak to me about my dad, but she began to 12:19 tell me like, you know what? But I know that it was 12:21 possible. You know, she's I was broken. I was hurting. She 12:24 began to use a vocabulary, right? She said that I was 12:27 desperate. I was of abuse. She began to express to me now 12:31 that I'm an adult which lets you know, that is not too late. 12:34 It now it's not too late. Doesn't matter how old you are. 12:37 You can give your children the freedom of acknowledge e when 12:40 you have said or done something that's wrong. So help me here. 12:44 Sometimes you meet people 12:48 who 12:50 >> everybody wants to be heard. Yeah. 12:53 But some people. 12:55 I had a woman who calls me 12:57 every day for 2 months 12:59 should come to something that I was doing in Texas 13:02 and Cheddar tht in in theology, a doctorate in theology 13:08 and she would call me every night for an hour. JD was 13:11 working out of town at the time. 13:13 She went through all of her live. The you know, should this 13:16 long list of everything that was wrong with her husband, 13:19 Anderson, and what they did to her and how she didn't have any 13:23 France that 13:24 and I listened patiently and I would give her some scripture 13:28 promises and pray earnestly for her in this second, I quit 13:33 prayed should jump back in 13:35 recycling. It was rehearsing every. Thank you. So here's I 13:40 talked with someone the other day who said 13:45 got his heels me. I don't want to be a professional martyr 13:52 seeking vindication. 13:56 And she said that's way my sisters are, you know, they 13:58 just want 14:00 it had a great expression, a professional martyrs. How do 14:04 you reach someone 14:07 who is their record is stuck. It's the same story over and 14:12 over and they won't make it right. How do you what do you 14:17 do? What a catalyst to get to them? 14:21 Asked a good question. 14:22 >> You know what? I can't help but to think about forgiveness 14:25 and the reason why this comes up when I think about that is 14:28 because a lot of people who find themselves in the 14:30 rehearsal, right, rehearsing, rehearsing. There's something 14:33 that keeps them from being able to move forward. And I'm one of 14:37 those people. I don't like the word get over it, right, 14:40 because we're not to get over. Things were made to go through 14:42 them, you know, and it is important to be able to 14:45 acknowledge the things that has happened and maybe some the 14:48 things that happened to you or the people who have done them. 14:51 But there's a difference between rehearsal and recovery 14:54 recovery is so that you can reach a point because we're not 14:57 created to grief forever were not created to constantly 15:02 keeper. Her sing these things. The stunts are growth right 15:06 there. But there comes a point where you can acknowledge 15:08 honestly, whatever that pain is, whatever that break is in 15:11 the relationship with the experiences and be and what you 15:15 can do is you can choose to for years forgiveness is not saying 15:18 it's OK, whatever happened. You know, whatever they did to, 15:21 you know, it is actually you acknowledging that I'm going to 15:25 choose to forgive so that I may be free. That's a relief. 15:29 Yes, it's not reconciliation because they're 2 different 15:32 scenes. Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same. 15:35 Right. Reconciliation is 2 people agree, right? Yeah. 15:39 And willing to come together. Forgiveness only requires one. 15:42 Yeah. And that and that could be you. 15:44 Yeah. 15:47 >> Read that particular question right there. All 15:49 right. But but a poll, right, and what you just saw talking 15:52 about, we'll be here. This is a question that just came and 15:57 this is from Tennessee. My niece went on a 10 day vacation 16:01 with her parents and the main time her partner of many years 16:04 that from a chronic disease, she cannot forgive herself for 16:08 not being there with him and feels guilt thing devastated 16:12 and not able to cope with life. Normally, 16:15 though, a high school teacher, she is from a Catholic family. 16:19 What could help to bring relief to her mind and heart? I think 16:24 that you kind of hit on it right there. 16:26 >> I think is good. It will be good to again. It's okay to 16:31 have these feelings, right but were not created to keep them 16:35 forever. We talk about those 3 things last segment. 16:39 When you're referring to a loss that you've experience is is 16:42 it's really important to be a bit knowledge things that you 16:44 wish you could have done different 16:46 things you could have done better are things you wish you 16:48 could have done more. 16:49 Once you acknowledge those things actually bring them up 16:52 and out to at least another humidity, right? Talk about 16:55 them right at Dow. Right. And once you do that, surrender 17:00 that to God, knowing that you are honest, right, God is not 17:04 judging you about those thoughts and guilt and shame is 17:07 not literally guilt and shame kills people every single day 17:11 right there. People who end up in the hospital with sickness 17:13 and disease, not even because diseases, Nestle necessarily 17:17 there, but because we refuse to heal, right, that it feels more 17:21 comfortable to hold on to that stress causes inflammation and 17:24 inflammation causes disease. Yeah, right. 17:27 >> And they see if you agree with this. I was counseling the 17:30 someone the other day and 17:33 it took her a long time, too. It was easy to see that. 17:38 She was very definitely 17:41 terribly emotionally abused. But 17:46 it took her. You know, you don't want to take somebody 17:48 there that got to get there, too. So she finally 17:51 recognize it in admitted it 17:54 and she became angry because she's been lied to for a number 17:57 of years. 17:59 Do you think righteous anger? I almost feel like it's OK to 18:04 be angry for a while. You just can't be angry for a long time. 18:07 Let it out and talk to somebody. If somebody swoon, 18:10 did you do, you don't have to be so pass seabed. It's just 18:15 sometimes people will say just choose to forgive. It's hard to 18:19 forgive the day you're feeling. And so God take sheath through 18:23 this process of forgiving. So you go beyond the right to 18:28 say Grier, 30 kids, get it out. Yeah. And then you go into the 18:32 next step. It's not just 18:35 sometimes we say choose to pick him but 18:38 >> it is a process. Yeah, yes. The choice of forgiveness is 18:43 there are layers. There is the acknowledgement, right talk 18:46 about what is it that you've lost? What is it that you'd 18:49 expect? What are you angry about? This anger isn't a bad 18:51 emotion, right? Have it is. I got I know we don't like to 18:54 hear but it is a got a motion mid right? You're saying are 18:57 right. And so it is important to be able to do that. Yeah. 19:01 >> Yeah. And I'm thinking of I think is in Matthew Chapter 5 19:05 where Jesus is. I'm giving a sermon on the mount 19:10 and he uses that term. If you're angry 19:16 at your brother 19:17 and the original language, what it means, it is not saying that 19:23 it was a sand but 19:25 anger to know even. Yeah. Okay. So it's were foreign to 19:30 this ongoing. You know, I'm not letting go of it. I'm not doing 19:35 it. I'm not surrendering. I'm not looking to heal from 19:38 it. I'm not coming to the point of acknowledging it and letting 19:41 it go. No, no, you know, I think some of us have 19:44 experienced that. I just want to remain angry. Yeah, I don't 19:49 want to forgive you like I want to keep this thing that there 19:54 is between us and there's many of people who have that 19:57 experience. And that's what Jesus was saying is, you know, 20:01 that's that's the simple thing. It's where we are unwilling to 20:06 to let go of it. 20:07 >> Well, there are so many things. So I think you 20:09 explained that her least got a fantastic picture of the 20:12 iceberg. There's a lot of stuff that's going down underneath 20:17 the water there that, you know, once a year and they probably 20:20 don't realize because they don't want to let go of that. 20:22 Yeah, you know, maybe that's the maybe that's their 20:25 opportunity to be heard. 20:27 Want to read this and the question before, do that do 20:30 better and what the 3 things do. Better deflator, different, 20:34 more better different door. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, it could 20:37 use the this is a this is interesting right here. 20:44 I there's 3 people involved here. 20:47 I have 2 siblings. Our last living parent died about a year 20:52 ago. Okay. 20:54 One of us is mentally ill. 20:57 One is that had they come and the others physically disabled 21:01 us. 21:02 We're starting to feel the stress of dealing with the last 21:05 of the state started. Take it out of each other. How could we 21:09 help this situation prayed to God 21:14 for help on this and some tough one. 21:17 >> This is it's tough for so many, you know, and I just 21:20 first again, want to acknowledge the loss and the 21:23 pain of that loss, you know, and how huge that is. And 21:27 oftentimes children feel even though they're older, they feel 21:30 abandoned right at the loss of the parents. I just want you to 21:32 know that that losses acknowledged, but I also want 21:36 to acknowledge the reality of the compound in us of their 21:39 circumstance, right? They're experiencing a lot of losses, 21:44 a lot of changes all at once. And on top of that, having to 21:48 work through some things such as in the state, right? I'm in 21:51 a perfect world. Someone would probably tell you that's 21:54 probably not the best thing to do right right now. And yet 21:58 you're left having to do it. You know, if you could, and I 22:01 don't know what the dynamics of your family is, right, if 22:04 you're used to doing this. But if you could take some time 22:08 as siblings to separate yourselves for a moment from 22:11 the actual state 22:13 and process, the loss of your parents, 22:16 Brian. And I know that that can be difficult, but that's 22:19 important because that's really what the underlying pain is. 22:23 And so what happens as we get busy and that's another one of 22:26 the Miss Wright. Just keep busy. You know, it will get 22:29 better. But you know what? That is a mis keeping busy does 22:32 not quell the pain or have things to do. Know it doesn't, 22:36 if you can at all possible. Take a step back 22:40 and sit down as a family, right, and have a moment to 22:44 process to what you just experienced individually and 22:47 collectively as a family for this situation is exacerbated 22:51 because one's middle. Yes. Was that at 8? Yes, disabled. 22:54 Yeah, it's. 22:56 >> I think it's hard to process pain and loss and grief when 23:02 you why your dad? Yeah, we need because there's something 23:06 that's been going on there. Obviously in that family. 23:09 Yeah, a said situation. I have one more question and I want to 23:14 talk to you about what your new programs going to bake. This 23:19 woman is saying her mother came to live with them and then 23:23 became very ill. She had put her in a nursing home. Is she 23:27 head bad back and couldn't care for? Her mother was very 23:30 difficult for her. But 23:33 after 2 weeks in the nursing home, she died and she got a 23:38 call at one 30 in the morning inch can forgive yourself 23:40 because first she thought hospice with let her know what 23:45 her mother was close. And she didn't realize she was that 23:49 close. And so she's just saying it's so painful to think that I 23:54 wasn't there and she died alone. 23:57 We often here's your 3 words. Better more or yeah, what's 24:04 that? They're better different, different different. 24:07 I think being a disappointment to someone that we love dearly 24:13 is it makes a change like this. 24:17 >> Really difficult. Can you trust them yet? You know, 24:21 there actually are 2 different categories of losses. You have 24:24 tangible losses, right? Things you can touch, taste, feel C 24:28 and they have in tangible intangible as where that's the 24:31 area of expectations. Last expectation, loss of trust, 24:35 loss of dreams, opportunity, loss of innocence, right? 24:38 Those are in those categories and they make it much more 24:41 difficult to process through because we don't talk about 24:45 that when greedy. And it sounds like to me and again 24:48 acknowledging a loss and how being so sorry. All right for 24:51 that experience for you. But it is okay to had wished 24:56 for had hoped, right? Some people lost. Some people lose 24:59 hope, right? And that is another area of that a lot of 25:04 people experiencing go through when it comes to these types of 25:06 relationships relinquish. It sounds like too, that she 25:09 experienced the relinquishing of care. Yeah, right. There's a 25:12 process to the loss that she went through. You know? Yeah, 25:15 I think. 25:17 >> And again, I don't know the entire situation, but I also 25:21 think that it is quite possible for us to have unrealistic 25:25 expectations of ourselves. Yeah, so and so 25:30 I mean, just think about that. 25:32 I'm always supposed to be there. Yeah, well, God is the 25:36 only one who can always yes, ride. And so for me to expect 25:41 myself to be and do something that only God can do. Yeah, 25:47 it's it's misplaced expectations. And I think, 25:51 you know, we can actually 25:53 we can actually take some confidence and the fat that the 25:58 calls I am limited. Yeah, and I'm not able to always be 26:02 there, but God is not limited. And he is always able to be 26:06 there that God can 26:10 you could be in places where we can. I remember I was in this 26:14 was like 2004 26:16 and I was in Guatemala. We were doing some fans of the state 26:20 works in the country of Guatemala and a little town 26:24 called lawful. 26:25 And I remember going to a little Internet cafe and my 26:31 wife e-mailed me that my grandfather had passed away. 26:37 I was devastated. Yeah, because we had literally just arrived 26:43 there and maybe 2 days before and there's all 2 and a half 26:48 weeks worth of stuff to go. And quite frankly, I wanted to 26:52 be with my family. And, you know, I wanted to be with my 26:55 family that wanted to grieve with them. I wanted to 26:59 do all those things I know for get that, 27:03 you know, I pray 27:05 a very simple prayer. And I said, Lord, 27:08 you know, I really want to be with my family right now 27:12 and it hurts that. I cannot be there with them. 27:16 But I know you can. That's and I know that you can not only be 27:21 there with my family, but you can be there with my family in 27:24 a way that I can't I back him. We badly hands on a mocking 27:29 them. Brace them. You know, I can, you know, talk with them. 27:33 Laugh with him. Cry with them. But you can be there with my 27:36 family in a way that I can't. You can do something for them. 27:40 That is not possible for me to do. And that's what I need you 27:44 to do for me. Lord, I'm here because you said you sent me 27:48 year. Yeah, and I can't be there and here, but you can be 27:53 there while I'm handling your business here. I need you to 27:56 take care of something that's near and dear to me, you know 27:59 there. And so 28:01 that principle has something is something that's been present 28:04 and my life. And I think that can help us to understand there 28:08 are times when we're simply not going to be able to be there. 28:11 You know, I think of the parent or the family member of a loved 28:16 one of the Fran who hears a testimony about someone that 28:21 you love, who was hurt, 28:24 you wish you think 28:27 how come I didn't recognize how come I didn't see that. How 28:31 come I wasn't there? If only I would have right. 28:35 And our hearts are broken because that different the 28:38 better on more. Yeah. And and yet, 28:41 you know, there is a God. There is a God who sees yes, 28:45 there is a guy who knows there is a God who can heal, right? 28:50 He can heal in ways that 28:52 quite frankly, we can't even imagine. And so I think bearing 28:57 burdens that we cannot bear. Yeah, instead of giving them 29:01 over to the Lord. And I would like to suggest that 29:06 even though as a summer has a daughter 29:09 couldn't be there with her mother, 29:13 that God could be there. And I believe he was due to. 29:17 >> You know what? 2 things I've learned. I've that's precious. 29:20 And I'm going to hold that because I have a tendency to be 29:27 overly responsible and always feeling like a need to try to 29:31 meet people's needs. But the other thing that I've learned 29:35 and I hope you watch this, if you're going to pick up new 29:38 vocabulary, you really have to listen. 29:42 I learned from you tonight, Tammy, 29:47 every prayer requests that's come in. 29:50 You say 29:51 I nobly jump your pain. I acknowledge your feelings so 29:57 often 30:00 we can be sharing something with someone 30:03 and they just start talking about something else. 30:06 And you feel like what you just shared was not know each and 30:13 all of this said somebody is coming at you with, 30:17 you know something to do whatever. 30:20 It's that can be painful. I love that. That one thing I 30:24 do with people who act 30:29 bad situations, I don't tell them 30:31 I understand how you feel. I can only imagine how you 30:35 fester and grow. Hear what you're saying. I did, but it 30:39 but we don't. You know, nobody. I don't care. Even though we've 30:42 lost our parents. We've lost that. We still 30:47 you don't know what it was going through. Every situation 30:51 is different. Yes, but it's I love that I am not a wage in. 30:57 That's something I think is going to try to incorporate 31:00 into my vocabulary by listening vocabulary is nuts. It's a 31:04 great spot, but I think it's important to set up front. 31:08 Yeah, I got on the end. But the Prime Min? 31:12 >> No. That is a precious minutes. It's a kinder time. 31:15 >> Yeah. One last question before we get in because this 31:19 one we get a lot 31:20 will someone who committed suicide go to heaven. 31:28 >> I'm so I don't know who wrote the sand, but I'm so glad 31:31 you did, because I really believe that there are so many 31:36 people right now who are carrying 31:40 such a heavy load 31:42 because of someone that they love or they know has done such 31:45 a thing. 31:46 One of the things I want to acknowledge is mental illness. 31:50 Mental illness is on the rise and it is a real thing. But we 31:53 have had around forever 31:56 and I believe with my whole heart 31:59 that got also understands why due to illness of the mind 32:03 and and how it reaches a breaking point. 32:06 And I believe that God winks not only in our ignorance, 32:10 but he has grace and mercy. And and I think we need to be 32:13 very careful, very careful when we attribute 32:18 when someone is going through a mental illness because that's 32:20 what that is. When a person is so broken that they are not 32:23 they are willing to take their own life. They are mentally and 32:26 emotionally broken man and God looks upon that broken person, 32:31 the city. 32:33 And so I'm going to say 32:35 that when Jesus comes, he's going to call his children 32:40 and grace and in mercy and understands the Cygnus of the 32:45 human heart. 32:46 >> A man I read this, I read someplace and it touched my 32:52 heart because I think this is a question that we're all we all 32:56 want to say. The right things 32:58 and 33:02 >> what pork? How do you handle the situation 33:06 if their kidneys stop 33:09 functioning and they passed away? 33:12 Well, they had a sick kid. Nice tie. What do you do when 33:17 someone has a bad heart? Yeah. They pass away. They had 33:20 a sick heart. Yes. What happens if 33:25 if their mind 33:28 if they 33:29 can't stand that may be longer had a sick mind as and to 33:35 Maine. 33:37 That makes sense. Yes, yes. And you know, it really brought 33:40 that home to me. 33:42 >> It wasn't a suicide. It was the addiction of my father. 33:47 It wasn't until recently returning back to school and 33:50 learning about the brain, how the brain works and addiction 33:53 that I saw my father and a whole new light. My father was 33:57 not only dealing with neurological addiction because 34:00 he was a generational alcoholic, his grandfather and 34:03 great grandfather and his father. 34:05 But he was also dealing with the biological functions of his 34:08 system. And when he finally got so because, you know, for 34:11 anyone who's fighting sobriety or any addiction, it takes few 34:15 times. I yeah, several times. And for those of us on the 34:18 outside looking in, we get angry and your friend, I was 34:21 one of those people as a rookie or I see my dad go through 34:23 addiction. Well, my father finally 34:26 take the 26 years that all right, praise praise be to God, 34:30 but I did not understand him until recently. And I had to 34:33 say first had asked God to forgive me because I did not 34:36 understand 34:38 the true depths of what he was fighting mentally and 34:41 neurologically and biologically. And so God is the 34:46 one who understands about the DNA was written right in the 34:50 things that were battling, you know, and we serve a merciful 34:53 God and loving God. You know, song 87 when the Lord takes a 34:58 sense of, yes, that's my favorite off. He will write 35:01 that this one was born there. He knows in the end, no asset 35:07 is pressure. Yeah. All right. So 35:10 >> you all have a great hospitality ministry who have a 35:17 break. Speaking ministry, the pastor, but traffic counseling 35:23 Ministry you're getting ready to. Are you your heart's 35:27 desire, God, he's slated on your heart that you want to 35:31 start having intensive workshops. Let's talk about 35:34 that. 35:35 >> Yeah, one of the one of the strains 35:40 one of our strengths 35:42 is it's just us and a lot has been gracious and kind enough 35:48 to 35:50 to give us 35:53 and and a willingness to open our home. And 35:59 and so it 36:00 it's it's a burden that he's laying on us is something that 36:03 we've done actually. And 36:06 and and several ways. I think it was 10 years ago we decided 36:11 we wanted to a small room. Yeah. All the rules vary 36:15 couples. One, 20 couples who is so much so that we had to split 36:21 them and had to split the mom one on Friday night one on 36:24 Saturday night 36:26 and and we were we were going through that. We develop as one 36:31 of the things that, 36:32 you know, when people visit stamina for life and they 36:36 subscribe, we're working on finishing the program that we 36:41 developed and we're using for that group. We met for about 10 36:45 to 12 weeks together. And 36:50 we didn't even know at the time what God was doing. I think you 36:54 just pulled up something. 36:55 >> So at what I was, again, speaking at a retreat this past 36:58 weekend or 2 weeks ago, and a young lady came on her lover, 37:03 she came up to me and she said, you know, I know you're not 37:05 aware, but I just need to tell you something. And, you know, 37:09 she began to sit down and talk to me. This is pretty much what 37:11 she said. She said, my husband and I were invited. Now this is 37:14 her giving her testimony. My husband and I were invited 37:17 to participate in the Salt Marriage group being a member 37:20 of saw you are encouraged to share and communicate at the 37:24 time. We were not in a good place as a result of our being 37:28 current state of our as a result of than our current 37:31 state, the current state of our marriage. We were unable to 37:34 receive fully what was what it was that the convoys were 37:38 trying to teach us like how to communicate with one another 37:41 and to do it in a safe place for each other. We were also 37:45 given tools on how to grow together with GAAP being the 37:47 center today. My husband and I both have come to understand 37:52 understanding of what the Conways we're trying to give 37:55 us. And now we are able to reach out. 25 years of 37:58 marriage, enjoy one another in conversations while studying 38:02 God's word. And we're see share that with me. You know, you 38:06 don't get a chance to see people finish the work. Yeah, 38:10 and it was such a beautiful thing because 38:12 >> we we we we we we pray all the time I got. What do you 38:15 want us to do? You know, like what he in lately? He's just 38:18 been sending people telling us why we're going to do this 38:21 again. And we need to come. We have pastoral couples who, 38:24 you know, need to place a safe place to come. We have people. 38:28 >> You know, missionaries missionaries and we'll look at 38:30 that history. Yeah, and here's what I want to say because 38:33 people I think sometimes you are watching at home, look at 38:37 people in ministry and 2 38:40 high lethally lights. And I want to tell you something, 38:44 you know, Daddy came home Monday night 38:47 and when he walked in the door said 38:50 I'm a little unsettled. Haha, what's wrong? And I said it 38:54 just been a day and there is so many problems kind of happens 38:59 or bigname almost. Yeah. It is super counseling with 39:02 people and it I had to just go work it out with the Lord. 39:07 Yeah. But what you don't understand, these people in 39:10 ministry often are 39:14 afraid to talk to somebody because of the shame that you 39:18 know there for a day. I mean, I'm in a stream with 39:21 I'm counseling with. 39:24 >> Couples in ministry who are happy and very difficult time 39:28 and they will. They can't. They won't tell anybody in 39:31 their church. 39:33 It's very difficult. 39:35 >> Because ministry can be very demanding. Yeah, we all have to 39:39 be careful. So I think it's wonderful. But you're not doing 39:42 this just for people ministry tells you how we want to do 39:47 individuals as 39:48 >> my wife was talking so wonderfully about, you know, 39:52 change challenges and choices. There are people who are 39:55 experiencing. Yeah, you know, significant loss or significant 39:59 change and the laws and we want to we want to be able to have a 40:03 space where we are able to open up and allow people to come in 40:09 and to that space, you know, and an intensive a type of a 40:15 program. 40:16 >> Where they can experience healing and they can get tools. 40:19 And so we talk about people coming and staying for weekend 40:23 or week. In fact. 40:25 >> I don't know if you I did actually follow up. JD one of 40:29 your your high school friends. Yeah. And yes, the 40:36 and actually that's what the guy was a look. Wherever you 40:39 guys are. We're calm, you know what will put on a plane and 40:43 will. And so what we want to be able to do is where we have 40:46 conversations like that. We want to say, hey, come on, 40:50 yes, spend the next 4 or 5 days with us. And we have a program 40:55 that that we'll walk through with you to help you. 40:59 >> And we've been an interesting place over the last 41:01 18 months because we were live, you know, living in a 41:04 particular place. And just so happens that unfortunately, 41:08 the person who owns that facility right needs to sell 41:10 that place. But the lawyer really put on our hearts a few 41:14 weeks ago, right for us to want to ask him, you know, because 41:18 it has everything has a place for the people to come and stay 41:21 has recording area for us to have the studio to create more 41:24 content and just. 41:26 >> It was a year looking for ministry headquarters. You this 41:29 is why. Yeah, prairie get what the Lord is lying on your 41:32 heart. 41:34 >> Yeah, yeah. And we have a lot of people that we know who 41:36 share the same burden, you know, who would love to be able 41:40 to come alongside and help so good. 41:43 >> So how can people engage? I know that stamina for life is 41:49 set 501, C 3 minutes straight. How it? Steve? You're so cute. 41:54 You're like me. You want people to realize that you're not just 42:00 seeking donations, but you want to give them something. So tell 42:03 us about ways they can engage with your ministry. That will 42:07 also help support this new vision, this mission that 42:12 you're on. And we think it's, you know, we talk about 42:15 lifestyle centers. We need emotional one. That's where 42:21 people there's so many people that we've read. Isaiah 55 6, 42:27 the thought have to change it. If the thoughts don't change, 42:32 nothing's changing. So how can we engage with your ministry? 42:36 >> Yeah. So I like that word. Engage. There's 3 ways. One. 42:43 If you visit the website, you can subscribe 42:46 and you click that little subscribe button and it will 42:50 tell you all the information you need. The other one is you 42:53 can engage through pre ordering one of the books that we talked 42:59 about time was book or the 2 weeks notice down and then a 43:05 3rd are ways for those who would like to donate and what 43:08 we decide it is that for those who, you know, make a donation 43:13 of, yeah, forget what the cause was. The police have to forgive 43:17 me. But for those who make a certain donation that what 43:20 we'll do is we'll give them one year's access to all of our 43:26 content and all of our materials and that of their 43:29 online. So the videos, the audio and we're also work in a 43:34 plane yesterday. We do have a podcast, but we're working on 43:39 putting more content and the audio format for people who are 43:43 just drive in this. And then I want to listen to something now 43:46 that's going to be, you know, enriching the school, a 43:49 nurturer and and help me to grow. And so those 3 ways they 43:53 can gaze to a subscription through one of the book's 43:58 preorder Knowles or through making a donation. And our our 44:01 goal, he is that we feel like it's a modest goal, but we want 44:07 people to engage and not just engage. Don't just eat. You are 44:12 that that saying, you know, I'm just a banker, 44:15 China to allow the back when they can go in find Brit. 44:19 So what we want people to do is engage when they've engaged 44:23 sure mental. If it's knows if he's nurtured its bless you 44:28 them. Our prayer is that we could have 100,000 gauge. 44:32 What's there now? That's good. If we have 100,000 and gauge 44:36 muntz and people are sharing like that, then we can also see 44:40 the start of a radical revolution and relationships 44:44 now. 44:46 >> I like the radical revolution in relationships. 44:48 OK? So who can go to their Web site? Which is Stamina? S T AM 44:56 E N a 44:59 per stamina for just the number 4 life dot com 45:07 and become involved in that. If somebody I'm just let me ask 45:12 you this question, 45:14 God didn't bring you here tonight. He didn't give you 45:17 this patient 45:18 just to say, OK, 45:20 become a subscriber. Somebody probably who is watching this 45:25 program tonight. The Lord is speaking to them. They would 45:28 like to make a sizable donation. Should they go to a 45:32 surge? Donate but not in your there. Most certainly is a 45:35 donate button. 45:37 >> And as you mentioned, they will receive a tax deductible 45:40 receipt for that that love gift. 45:44 >> But the lower places on the hardest to get you now, what if 45:46 somebody like I would be this person? What if somebody were 45:50 is watching in says 45:53 I need that 45:54 maybe add a go first and then I'll make my financial 45:58 decision. How do they do? They just contact you at your 46:02 e-mail. Yes. Okay. So that is Steve in is T Eve. We and 46:09 Stephen Conway at stamina for life dot com. And that's 46:16 something that's really I think that's going to happen. You're 46:20 going to have people who say I want to come see what you're 46:23 doing because I needed. 46:24 >> They they all supported this. Well, I'll tell you, 46:27 it's I've told my wife this and I shared it with a couple of 46:31 friends. I talked about shame and how I was. Oh, my goodness. 46:35 Yeah. Just the thought of, 46:38 you know, don't do it. Why would you do something like 46:41 that? Why would anybody 46:43 just being literally attacked? Yeah, I'm my own thoughts. 46:48 And I think the enemy's suggestions as well not to do 46:52 it. But we we we really and truly believe and what we're 46:57 doing. It is our greatest joy to see people walking and h*** 47:04 to see people experiencing healthy relationships, to see 47:08 people healing from wounds and scars that, 47:12 you know, they've literally been counting around for their 47:15 entire laws. And so, yeah, 47:18 it has been I'm telling you, I'm here and it's a miracle. 47:22 I do not want to ask anybody for anything 47:26 because I'm fearful that I won't get it and nobody would 47:28 give me anything. And it's like you look so silly. You're 47:32 trying to do this. And nobody really. And I'm just like, 47:35 oh, I'd rather not him. But it's how strongly we feel 47:39 about, you know, what it is that we we sense the Lord 47:43 calling us to do. 47:44 >> Where you certainly do walk hand-in-hand together. You 47:48 complement each other. You finished finished each other's 47:51 sentences, even you know. So you can say the 22 years 47:55 here, but is such good stuff is practical stuff for you now. 48:01 And I'm sure that 48:04 the bag is full of this good stuff. That's just that's just 48:08 been a lot of time putting together. 48:10 >> Well, you know, you did 13 programs on not a day. That 48:14 Conway's had a program on 3ABN called when we talk. Well, 48:21 you can't believe how important talking. Yes, but when we talk, 48:25 it airs at 06:30AM, Boyett said good way. Monday morning to 48:31 start your day off 06:30AM, Tuesday at 11:30AM. So before 48:39 your lunch hour, 4 winds stay at 06:00PM. And 48:45 this is 48:47 such an incredible program. We had somebody who called who 48:50 said 48:51 I've been trying to get by might not my husband, my son 48:55 into marriage counseling for such a long time. And I told 48:59 him about this program, but he won't watching the Christian 49:01 programs. He came to my house one when Steve that and he 49:05 watched it with her and now he's watched them all. You can 49:09 go to 3 A B M plus. Now also on your phone or your iPad or your 49:15 computer at 3, a B plus that TV, you can see all of I mean, 49:23 we've got a lot. All of our programs are in there. But you 49:26 can see all of these past episode is called. When we 49:31 talk. 49:33 We've talked about 49:37 for change. 49:39 What's the first step? 49:44 I mean, we want to take away for people in the program 49:47 tonight despite preach a changes. So what we have 49:52 changes coming on us every day. But 49:55 change is something that we so desperately need in communities 50:02 in cities. We're seeing how polarize people are becoming 50:08 polarized. It not just in Mary twos but polarized in 50:14 their politics are polarizing people. That was the day. 50:17 I have always kept rate 50:20 political discussions. 50:22 >> Really won't know about football related. 50:26 >> Nobody got upset was ready to it. 50:29 Catch you out. There really is. There's so many tap of topics. 50:33 But 50:34 among parents 50:37 and children 50:38 has Prince in wife's 50:41 bosses and employees 50:44 talk about just some steps to fight for change. 50:49 >> Yeah. I think when things change is inevitable, yeah, 50:54 it's going to happen. 50:55 Unfortunately, 50:58 the changes that we experience on not necessarily the ones we 51:01 want, right. 51:03 And so it's not as though we're complete foreigners to change. 51:07 We do experience change. It's just about in the areas 51:11 that we want to experience it. And so that intentionality, 51:15 how how can we be more intentional? 51:19 >> I think that it's important again to begin as early as 51:23 possible, having the discussions about change. 51:26 It's never too late to sit down with your your children is 51:29 never too late to sit down with your grown children, right? 51:33 You and your mother have yeah gone through. And even if you 51:36 no longer have your parents around and you experience 51:39 changing, you wish you would have had those conversations 51:42 take advantage of creating a community. He is. I hear so 51:45 many people say we're at my church or at my my job. Nobody 51:49 will you be the one you be the one to start the change you 51:52 start by being transparent. You start by being open and 51:55 honest. And I Garrett who uses transparency and honesty. 51:59 It's a track. If it is people want it. If you will find your 52:04 group in your circle, start rolling and then once you start 52:07 doing that. 52:08 >> We think transparency is attractive if somebodys not 52:12 whining. And haha. Yeah. I mean, I do. Yeah, that's 52:18 yeah. Really being yeah. Very trained transfer out 52:22 there. But it's it's like 52:26 it's OK, came in. I I like it when somebody comes up and says 52:32 I need help. This is what's going on. Yes, and you want to 52:35 get in. 52:37 >> But when Somebodys whining doing the poor pitiful Pearl as 52:40 well. 52:42 Yeah. It's kind of like. 52:44 >> It's it's not engaging if that point. Yeah. So we need to 52:49 learn even how to share with people. Yeah. 52:53 >> Would you agree? I would agree. I think it's important 52:55 to learn how to share. And I think we'll find oftentimes is 52:59 that again, even those people need tools, right? And they 53:02 need people to be honest with them about that. You know, 53:05 all too often we want we just let him keep going on. You 53:09 know, day after week, month after year, and I was like, 53:12 OK, you know, let's have an honest conversation about how 53:16 we need to move towards recovery. 53:18 >> You know this mean this. This is this is worth nothing. 53:22 When I'm getting ready to say what they're on the other hand, 53:26 he's pretty big stuff. My grandparents 53:32 came to Central Texas in a covered wagon. Yeah, our 53:35 grandparents. Yes. Not a 1000 years ago, my grandparents are 53:40 covered wagon fighting for every mile. Yeah, it is. 53:44 And here we are today on the moon Mir. Ali 53:49 change is very important to me 53:53 and we can either sit back and be who we were or are we can 53:58 take care of business and keep up with the times and actually 54:03 issue some legitimate change so that people can be productive 54:08 national not worth anything. Your bud's good story to tell 54:13 my grandparents who have covered wagon. Talk about 54:17 change. Talk about some of his exactly right. You know, 54:21 so I mean, start with your children's. Yeah. Today's a 54:24 good day. Yeah. I would also say 54:28 >> start with ourselves because, again, 54:32 put your mask on first because a lot of the change that we met 54:35 was that we're talking about a year on the oxygen mask. 54:40 Yeah. You can't risk. It has a lot of the change that we want 54:42 to see is and other people. Yeah. Temperatures only if if 54:47 my life would be better if you would. Yeah, change and do 54:50 this. I always tell people. 54:52 >> If you want to change its got to begin Weeki, you write 54:55 in April, you don't make change. We're going to be 54:57 having this same conversation 5 years from now. 54:59 >> Yeah, there's absolutely absolutely so start start and 55:04 really and truly with God's grace and help. 55:09 You know, this is the only place 55:11 that we can we can control my right is ourselves. You know, 55:15 unfortunately, you know, I'll throw myself and that was all 55:19 the way and the but I focused on her meeting. It's a nano. 55:23 He would only do this. And if soon only do that, and, you 55:27 know, I realize that, no, that's that's not how it works. 55:31 You can do that all day. And you'll be doing that all 55:34 year and for the next decade and so forth and so on. But the 55:38 real change needs to start right here by Lord. Help me. 55:43 >> Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 55:46 We'll show we've got a minute and 20 seconds I wear to dinner 55:49 time. Haha, I just want to thank you so much to both of 55:54 you. I love you dearly. You guys are. So we think on it if 56:01 we ever get to come to your place, we're not a good nice 56:05 Lake Tahoe and 2. So my shoe and traveling here, it's not 56:11 the easiest place to get to pick Jonah, getting custom to 56:15 this value thing here or not, we consider you part of that 56:18 screen would be like honey, it's always good to have, 56:22 Hugh. 56:23 >> So I just you know what they have. 56:26 >> He thinks that sink the Lord while he may be found call upon 56:30 him while he is not. 56:32 >> Here a man is now and that is how we want to thank you for 56:37 joining us tonight. Remember, he's got to fight for change, 56:41 but God is there. He says that we're Duke creations in Christ. 56:46 Jesus, he's changed. Distilled is gone. The news Cup, you just 56:50 gotta trust that our prayer for you is that the grace of our 56:54 Lord and Savior Jesus Christ the law, but the father and the 56:58 fellowship of the Holy Spirit. We'll be with you all ways. 57:04 Last year 57:05 [MUSIC] 57:09 [MUSIC] 57:14 [MUSIC] 57:19 [MUSIC] 57:24 [MUSIC] 57:29 [MUSIC] 57:35 [MUSIC] 57:40 [MUSIC] 57:45 [MUSIC] 57:50 [MUSIC] 57:55 [MUSIC] |
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