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Series Code: TDYL
Program Code: TDYL230015A
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00:04 >> I want to 00:17 [MUSIC] 00:26 >> too. 00:31 [MUSIC] 00:36 >> I'm 00:42 >> and 00:47 >> I want to stand 00:52 too. 00:54 [MUSIC] 01:00 [MUSIC] 01:07 >> Well, we're already having so much fun and we're glad that 01:10 you can join us for the fun on 3 A B in today live. We've got 01:16 some exciting guests and show like when I'm joined the choir 01:19 and let's just go ahead and introduce the family. We laugh 01:23 so hard crying here. What we have pastors, Steve and camera, 01:30 we color Timmy, Conway and torso clad to back. We are 01:35 super happy to be here to be miss you guys so well. We just 01:38 love you dearly. And tonight we will be talking about 01:45 relationships. Now, I have to tell you, many of you, Stephen, 01:49 Tammy, are not it. Stranger Street you to have a very 01:54 popular program on 3 ABN called when we talk. 01:59 Steve is the pastor of the Troy Michigan Seventh-day Adventist 02:04 Church. 02:06 But and Tammy say, 02:08 oh, it's great. It's a great free specialist at grief 02:12 recovery specialist. But to call it change, challenge and 02:17 voices and choices. Yeah. So 02:20 these 2 people, 02:23 I have one of the most popular programs in 3 a beating because 02:26 they are so related full. They are so transparent and 02:30 they speak of the things that they've experienced, painful 02:36 past baggage and how God 02:40 change their thinking and has moved into a place of recovery. 02:46 So 02:47 >> you know what? I've what I've learned anyway, excuse me 02:49 for just but none here as a hobby that if you lived in the 02:52 time it all, you have the ups and downs of life and among 02:55 some are more serious than others. But not everybody can 03:00 take what they've experienced and put it in everyday language 03:05 and more reliable. 03:07 We've experience that we've experienced that or how did you 03:11 know that? You know? And so that's a real good. It's not 03:15 just like the 2 of you are extremely gifted. And I know 03:18 that our our viewing audience, 03:20 we hear all the time. I say all the time. You know what that 03:24 means, Texas most the time most of the time, far away. And we 03:29 just love them. You know, we love the way that 03:32 it's like they've been reading our mile. Haha. No. So welcome. 03:37 >> We're going to get time tonight. We're gonna have fun 03:40 tune. I guarantee it in before we we want to show you a few 03:45 clips. If you haven't seen when we talk it, you've got to put 03:50 this on your skin, your TV watching schedule because it's 03:53 incredible or you can watch from 3ABN. Plus, we'll talk 03:56 about that. But let's just kind of 03:59 pretend like we can have new viewers every day. So pretend 04:02 like nobody out there knows who tell us who our Candy and Steve 04:08 Conway now. Wow. 04:11 >> You know, we've been married for about 22 years and the 04:15 first couple years where a hot mess we married when we were. 04:20 22 23 years. All we were really young and and we love the 04:24 lowered but loving the Lord we found out early on just wasn't 04:27 enough. And I know that for a lot of people that seems harsh 04:30 to say no, but it was the truth. You know, we needed 04:34 tools. We needed help and guidance because I come from a 04:37 background of abuse and and things of that nature. And we 04:40 both come from, you know, experiences of broken families 04:44 and different things of that nature. So we started off 04:47 really fighting our way through trying to figure out how to not 04:50 and up in the same places that our families and up and divorce 04:55 or, you know, separated and things of that nature. Families 04:58 were falling apart around us. 05:00 It was amazing, right? And we were we were afraid. We knew 05:04 that if we did not get what we needed, it would be us next. 05:09 You know, yes, yeah. 05:11 >> If I just have to share the ticks that he I ask could 05:14 stave. Is there a particular text that you really love that 05:18 that 05:20 will blend in? Well with tonight's Eye with your 05:23 ministry, they haven't ministry called stamina for that. 05:26 I will come back to that. 05:28 But he gave me I say 05:30 55 and for 6 and listen to this. 05:35 It says Sic the Lord, while he may be found call upon him 05:40 while he is near, 05:42 let the wicked forsake you sway. 05:45 But here's the catcher 05:48 and the UN Righteous man. 05:51 His thoughts. 05:53 Tell us why that's an important scriptures to you. 05:57 >> Yeah, it is. It is one of my favorite passages of scripture 06:02 and leads right now. But them 06:05 one of the reasons why I love it is because and my own 06:08 journey 06:10 there were times when I focus so heavily on one 06:14 my way, let the wicked forsake his way. And I was trying to 06:19 change my way. My behaviors and the Lord brought this to my 06:25 heart. And to my mind, 06:27 your way is cook it. Your behaviors are crooked because 06:32 you're thinking an well, if you would change the way that you 06:37 think. 06:38 And of course, we can't do this on our own. 06:42 But when we experience a change in our thinking than a change 06:46 in our behavior follows and 06:50 if you think about it, 06:53 another text that we can link with this. Let the wicked 06:56 forsake his way. And the unrighteous man is thoughts. 06:59 Is Hebrews chapter 4 verse 12? Yeah. The Bible says the word 07:04 of God as quick and powerful sharper than any 2 and swore 07:08 and how deep does it go? High point joins in, Mayor. 07:11 Oh, yeah. And thoughts and the intense nestle, the word of 07:18 God. It has been in my experience and steely is that 07:22 it is the means by which God helps me to correct my thinking 07:27 what I'm thinking incorrectly about ham when I'm thinking 07:31 incorrectly about myself when I'm thinking incorrectly about 07:35 my wife, about my children so forth and so on. And so I think 07:39 that is it's a transformational he you know, for for each and 07:44 every one of us. Yeah. So your honor road. That's under 07:48 construction. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Under construction. 07:53 Yeah. I certainly possibly. Yeah. Yeah. 07:57 >> Going but no. I was just going to say you recently moved 08:01 to Michigan to take over the church. Do you want or 2 to one 08:06 search? One church red suit once of that. 08:09 >> Haha. 08:13 >> But how long have you been, pastor? 08:16 >> So our oh, man, I think 2003 08:21 is when we start it and we've done and that was in New 08:25 Jersey. Yeah. And we've done youth pastor him 08:28 Hastert on the secular University campus. Wow. 08:33 Pastored in the inner city and the suburbs. And so. 08:37 >> Yeah, it hurt is multi cultures. All types of yeah, 08:41 that this you're bringing into in and know you've spoken for 08:46 July say you've got a very active life, but you get caught 08:51 stamina for life. Now, first of all, this is not spilled like 08:56 you think it is. T am up and it's d*** under and then the 09:02 number for life. 09:06 What is the origin of your ministries named stamina for 09:11 life? 09:12 >> Yeah, that came about I think after some years of us 09:17 from the beginning of our marriage, ah, we were, 09:20 you know, needing the tools ourselves. And we just in the 09:24 finding ourselves in proximity to other people who need to 09:27 help as well. And we love having people in our home. 09:29 We've always loved having people with us. We just like 09:32 there's something intimate a real about that, right? And 09:36 and we believe that people needed something we needed. 09:40 We needed stamina. We really did to stay the course, you 09:43 know, to stay the journey. And so we felt that and God 09:48 wants his people to have stamina, not just for now, 09:51 the stamina for life now and that with him and with proper 09:55 tools again, you need something to help you in the practical 09:59 everyday life to be able to implement his principles. 10:02 >> And so that's where the name of than the regular spelling of 10:04 stamina was, of course taken. Yeah. So haha creative and came 10:14 out with the win was the coldest part of Portman Tall. 10:17 Portman saw never heard of this very warm, right, right. 10:20 And want to talk about it. It means basically when you 10:24 combine 2 words are 2 names together. So. 10:29 >> Steve in camera stamina. 10:32 >> Haha, I was not impressed. Hahaha, this rolling on the it. 10:43 >> Kind of that. I think it's it is a play on words. But it's 10:45 also asked. Imus suggested it's what we needed. Yeah, and it's 10:50 it's really about our togetherness. What God is doing 10:54 still works in progress on the action. Yes, but yeah, I like 10:59 it. 11:01 >> Do I can? You know, a lot of counseling. I know. And and you 11:03 do obviously have the gift of hospitality because they do a 11:07 lot of this counseling right in their own month. 11:10 But what we'd like to do right now 11:14 before we get to pour into this, I just wanted to show you 11:17 a couple of clips from when we talk and this airs Mondays at 11:25 06:30AM, Tuesday said 11:30AM, and Wednesdays at 06:00PM. 11:32 This is central time that we're as Central standard time that 11:36 we're talking about. But 11:39 the first clip set it up. What are you talking about here 11:42 in this first clip? 11:44 >> You know, the segment that we're we're talking about now 11:47 is we're fighting for change, but fighting for change. 11:49 A lot of people find themselves getting exhausted because they 11:52 don't know how to change. You know, how the EU approach 11:55 doing things differently in your life or any relationships 11:58 and many people give up. Right. And so I'm in this clip. 12:01 We're going to talk a little bit about what that sounds like 12:04 the way looks like. Okay. That's let's take a look at 12:07 that clip now. 12:10 >> How do you change? How do you change? What does it take 12:13 to change? Yeah, what are several? There are several 12:16 things 12:18 that people encounter that 12:21 help to be the catalyst for the change. Some people hit rock 12:26 bottom week. That's a term that that use the you know, when you 12:29 throw a rock and 2 body of water, it just sinks and thinks 12:34 and sayings. Yeah. And that concept of hitting rock bottom 12:38 where there's nowhere else to go. But up that you can't go 12:42 down any further than you've already gone. And so some 12:45 people need some of us need to hit rock bottom before we can 12:50 experience chains like we need to lose everything in order to 12:54 recognize that we've lost everything. 12:56 >> Now that sounds devastating, right? Hitting rock bottom is 13:00 not a fun experience. And yet there's hope there, 13:04 right? And because as you mentioned, you're there 13:08 already. So there is only one more direction to go, which is 13:12 up. Yeah. And it just requires what a choice right to choose 13:17 to turn the direction and go the other way. 13:20 >> Yeah. And then there there are other people who 13:23 are fighting against change. So there may be pressures there 13:28 may be physical ailments. There may be relationship 13:32 challenges that are pressuring for change to take place. 13:38 But, 13:39 you know, we're we're we're comfortable people. We like we 13:42 even though it's crazy, right? Even though the ship is 13:46 sinking, I like my view. 13:49 >> And the shift from the sinking ship off Baja move, 13:54 move somebody else might take place while the snow. While the 13:57 ship is going down, he can't leave. Let somebody else take 14:00 my seat have r-ca we get comfortable and some of the 14:04 craziest situation. So we fight against change out. Can you 14:09 imagine it? Doesn't that sound crazy? 14:11 >> That change is something that needs to take place in 14:14 your life. And it's not that you can't write. I'm thinking 14:17 about that boat sinking. There's life jackets. There's 14:20 even people reaching out to hand you, you know, to assist 14:23 you in getting off and you're like, no, I'm staying here 14:25 because what happens if well, what's going happen as you go 14:30 seek any way you own that? It is they they're right. 14:33 >> Yeah. Wow. There's a the story in the Bible about Saul 14:37 and who later became Paul in the New Testament and in acts 14:41 chapter 9, it talks about he's being on his way to Damascus 14:46 and he's on his way to Damascus to persecute more Christians, 14:49 kill him, throw him in jail. Whatever is going to do any 14:52 means Jesus. 14:54 And he's not down off of this horse and he's blind it. 14:58 And, you know, Saul Saul, listen to this. 15:03 It is hard for you to to kick against the p*****. Yeah, 15:08 you know, the inference of Jesus, his words are 15:12 what you're doing is a very painful experience for you. 15:16 Yeah. But you keep on doing it. Yeah. Yeah. 15:22 That's difficult. Yeah, right. Yeah. This is actually 15:24 appealing to him and saying change is easier. The main 15:29 maintaining where you are because maintaining where you 15:32 are is like kicking against the p*****. So some people 15:38 are in that place where we are literally kicking against the 15:42 p***** is painful for us to remain where we are, but 15:46 because of fear of changer because of not knowing what's 15:51 going to come next or what is my life want to look like 15:54 there? We are literally enduring painful, some aerials 15:59 and our lives just to stay where we are, no matter how 16:03 unhealthy it actually is. 16:07 >> Now, I've got to tell you something. These 2 lovely 16:10 people 16:12 have wisdom. I mean, you've been through its voice of 16:16 experience talking for change 16:19 tonight. We forgot to mention is how we're alive and we're 16:24 taking your questions. If you have any questions about 16:29 relationships, I change challenges and choices. How do 16:35 I make different choices? You can text your questions. 16:41 2, 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8, 16:45 3, 9, 75. Let me repeat that by text. 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8, 3, 16:53 9, 7, 5, 4, 16:56 You can e-mail us at lie 17:00 at 3ABN, that TV that it once again live at 3, a B on DOT TV. 17:09 And we're going to put them on the hot seat in the second 17:12 hour. Let that. But you know what we found that it's hard to 17:17 to talk about something that they cannot comment with 17:21 Heavenly Wisdom. And and you have a healing ministry is when 17:26 you have. So 17:29 that was some of the topics that you covered on when we 17:35 talk. 17:36 >> Yeah, we have a crazy way of covering some of those things 17:40 but communication about conflict. How to resolve 17:45 conflict and how not to avoid it. Sometimes people try to 17:51 avoid conflict. The conflict can actually be a healthy 17:54 thing. Of course, as that clip suggest that we talk about 17:58 change. The fact we did, we did more than one episode on 18:03 change. We talked about whether change is possible and then we 18:07 talked a lot of different perspective. One change saying 18:11 change is something not that I experience wants in my life. 18:14 Yeah. But that's something that's an ongoing process. 18:17 Yeah. Self-sabotaging behavior. We talk about that. How you can 18:22 >> want things to be different. A relationship that you're 18:24 doing things to sabotage it. We talked about children. 18:27 We talked about how to help children to process change, 18:31 you know, red. So it's not this is not just for me married 18:35 couples. This is for anybody in every relationship. Yeah, 18:39 absolutely. And that means it's for you. So you can that go to 18:46 3ABN plus and you can download our watch any of this online. 18:54 If you've got a phone or computer or an iPad, you can 18:59 watch all of these episodes and trust me, it's like going 19:03 through a counseling session. So at 3ABN, plus, of course, 19:09 you can get all of our various programs there, but just 19:14 get on there and check out when we talk. 19:18 >> Well, it's like us like we were saying earlier. 19:22 This is stuff probably that's got words this long in the 19:25 book. And but if you live it, the might be this long. 19:32 But yet you can explain in such a way because you've been 19:35 there. You've done that. And so that's what I really 19:38 like about. 19:39 >> Watching your programs, your vocabulary resonates with 19:43 people. You know, the the way you explain things, it really 19:46 does know now. They also have a lot of fun on this idea. 19:51 Want to show you one more thing. Set this clip a yes and 19:56 tell us what's going on. 19:57 >> This is I think, a a common experience more than we would 20:01 like to admit of how we sometimes Russian to certain 20:05 circumstances or situations, maybe even things that we know 20:10 God has not necessarily planned for us, but because of 20:13 pressures or expectations, we end up doing things that seem a 20:18 little crazy. 20:19 >> When it comes to relationships. So this is a 20:21 woman whose anxious 20:23 the silent killer mayor yesterday that said this week. 20:28 Hey, got high. 20:29 >> Hi. Hi, sweetie. All you look horrible. 20:33 >> What? What are you doing all year? I'm sorry. I know you're 20:37 busy. All who so much blood. I well. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm just 20:43 trying to figure out how long is this going to take? Man? 20:45 This is open heart surgery. Oh, yeah, I can tell it's 20:48 really how how did you even get in here to carry on over here? 20:51 And I did security. Don't worry about them. Don't worry about 20:53 that list that I'm just really here to figure out like how 20:56 long this is going to take it. You know, we kind of have 20:58 plans. I repeat this. Is open heart surgery, OK, OK, I get. 21:03 Is that a wedding dress? You have only as you like it. 21:06 I just got it. Yeah, you're not planning on marrying him today. 21:10 All of, you know, yeah. Acts near anything which you know, 21:13 I just yeah, OK, that's OK, though, because he liked it. 21:16 You know, it's going to happen, though. I know it's going to 21:18 happen. 21:19 >> Happening today. I'm sorry. Okay or not? Okay. Maybe next 21:23 week. Maybe. And this is going to be several months. This is 21:26 open heart surgery. 21:29 >> Listen. 21:30 >> I want to dress the other day. My mom was asking about 21:33 when you get married. We're going to break isn't like I 21:35 don't know what I'm trying to hurry up, mom, but just keep 21:36 pressure mean. I don't know. I just need to hey, give me 21:39 something. 21:40 Get out. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I way outweigh its OK, 21:43 my weight in the waiting room. I want my hair plays Lee, 21:47 OK? I'll go out on. Sorry by. So we hope you get better. 21:51 Really? Really? So OK? Already can go one. Sorry. 21:55 >> This is Pure Madness. Haha. 21:59 >> Okay. So tonight we have 22:02 Tammy and Steve Conway, pastor Steve Conway joining us and 22:06 tonight's program is fight for change. So 22:13 let's talk about 22:17 how do you fight for change soon? I mean, you know, you're 22:20 talking week, you know, to me, I'm thinking changes happening 22:24 Day, but it's so amazing. Yeah, but 22:28 what is the fight for change? Change changes? And I like. 22:33 >> The fact that you brought that up that every day we're 22:35 going through changes may yet there are a lot of people who 22:38 wake up every day fighting against it, right? They spend a 22:41 lot of energy and time rather is fighting a juror fighting, 22:46 you know, the processes of life. And I think that 22:48 sometimes we put a lot of energy in the wrong place. 22:51 Okay. And we do set ourselves up to be successful, right and 22:55 processing through the change. We don't we don't even know how 22:57 to receive it because most of us, how many of us have had 23:00 people sit down with us when we're little and tell us about 23:03 change, you know, or use another word grief. What I do 23:07 workshops with people. And this past weekend I was attending a 23:11 or speaking at a retreat 23:14 and it was the same thing over and over again. How many of us 23:16 had an adult sit down with us in our adolescence and explain 23:19 to us about the realities of loss and change and no one 23:23 really raise their hand. And so we are far better 23:26 equipped to deal with minor accidents. We are far better 23:29 equipped to know how to obtain things but not how to lose 23:32 them. Right. And so the subject of change is so real. And yet 23:36 the least thing that we talk about. 23:39 >> And grief is not just from death. Yes, I mean, we can 23:44 think of the big ones, death, divorce, but grief can be. 23:48 I've talked with missionaries who has gone into far countries 23:53 and their grieving the loss of their culture. Yes, in a type 23:58 anytime that we 23:59 I'm going to tell you a few past 65. You know that aging is 24:04 humbling and a lot of people are grieving over the loss of 24:08 their h***. Yeah. Grieving over that. Just that, you know, 24:12 retirement 7 people. Yeah. Yeah. Look. So forward to 24:16 retirement. Then when they retire, it's like, oh, I can't 24:19 take this. Yeah. So what are some of the things that people 24:25 can do? 2, you've got resources. I know. And you have 24:31 written some books. Tell us about what you've got going on 24:34 with stamina for life. 24:36 >> Now, one of the things and this is kind of time and 2 24:41 things. It's a practical, a tool. And I appreciate one of 24:47 the things that my wife shares is. 24:50 And you just said it. You said 24:54 ow. Add to it a little bit where taught how to get things? 24:59 Yeah, but very seldom are we taught how to lose things. 25:04 And so I so appreciated that by the way, I was one of her first 25:09 clients going through, you know, James Griese and and what 25:13 not? Yeah. And I went through an experience past room where I 25:19 lost 25:22 a number of 25:24 a man who were who are very, 25:28 very important to me, mentors, people that I looked up to 25:33 people who have been instrumental and helping to 25:36 shape me encouraged me people who are at families that I I 25:40 looked at him. I said, man, I want to have a family like 25:43 that. I want to do things, you know, and some of the matter. 25:46 And and so, you know, 3 man in particular, I can think of 25:52 that. I lost within a span of about 4 years on top of, 25:56 you know, all the funerals of doing during the pandemic. 26:00 >> And what have you? And it was really overwhelming it. 26:03 You know, I think that is not talked about enough that people 26:06 who serve in ministry people who do people work, right, 26:09 whether it's doctors or nurses or pastors or missionaries, 26:14 people who do people work, they go through a lot when it comes 26:18 to loss and they're holding it in because they're supposed to 26:21 have all the answers, right? You have hope Jesus is coming. 26:24 But it's important for people to know that 2 things can 26:26 exist. At the same time. You can have hope and still 26:29 have a tremendous amount of pain regards to last. You know, 26:33 I wasn't I wasn't. 26:36 >> Okay with 26:40 I don't want to say angry 26:42 but being disappointed with God. Yeah, because why didn't 26:46 you restore these people that we pray for, you know, the 26:48 influence of the head and at the same Thomas timer mention, 26:53 you know, I'm supposed to be, you know, for the Lord himself 26:55 so descend from heaven with the show with a voice of the are 26:58 always supposed to point to the resurrection because it is the 27:03 blessing. Hope 27:05 I'm uncomfortable looking forward to the resurrection 27:09 because I'm in such pain right now and so learning how to 27:13 process that and being okay as Thomas said with 27:18 having hope and a resurrection at the same time, 27:23 missing very much and hurting from the loss of these very, 27:29 very important relationships and live. So I think 27:33 one of the first things in a practical way is that we can 27:37 understand that it is normal and natural in a sinful world 27:41 for us to experience loss. It doesn't feel good. That's 27:44 not what we're saying. But it is normal and natural living in 27:48 a sinful world for us to lose things. And so the having that 27:53 thought and I happy about it, right, right, right. And you 27:56 don't have to. And it's and then we've got to go here. 27:59 We've got to go here. I was in a in a context and a Christian 28:02 context. Yeah. It's almost as though you can't cry at a 28:05 funeral. 28:06 It is almost as though you, you know, yes, light will come on 28:09 out. You know, Jesus is coming in live. Yes, I do. But it 28:14 still hurts. No headline. It still hurts to lose someone 28:18 that you love. And, 28:21 >> you know, we've got to get out of some of the things that 28:23 we say want to tell them some of the stuff we say all. 28:25 I mean, you know, there's these things we call miss right? 28:28 Were fed those things even from early childhood don't cry, 28:32 right? Don't feel bad. So what am I supposed to feel 28:36 or, you know, 28:39 inmate got gotten you could handle? You know, I can't tell 28:43 you how many keep it we mean. Well, I think some of our skits 28:47 that we do with some of the shows that you'll see and when 28:49 we talk, we talk about that of the unfortunate part of how 28:54 people don't like being around people who are grieving. 28:56 And so we try to fix them. We try to stop them from 28:59 grieving because it's uncomfortable. But in the midst 29:01 of that, we're heaping on top of the more grief by telling 29:05 them this troops, right, blaming God for things like we 29:08 have got to blame for a whole lot of stuff. Yeah. As as we 29:12 discovered in one of the least talked about losses, ah is to 29:18 actually to actually get to 29:20 pet loss and miscarriage. Yeah, yeah. Those are the 2 29:23 least in this because those 2 areas generally what people 29:27 carry is a lot of guilt and shame, right? One because can I 29:30 greet my pet loss? Yes, you can. Especially if you have to 29:33 put a pat down. Yes, it is true that it is. Yeah. And yet they 29:36 feel ashamed to say that they actually feel a deep loss 29:39 because it wasn't a human life. No got understands a man, 29:42 right. And then the miscarriages, very powerful 29:45 there. So many women who haven't even talked about it, 29:48 right? Because they've been told things like, oh, you know 29:51 what? God will give you another one. God doesn't replace loss. 29:55 >> I want to tell you another one. Yeah, is when you can't 29:59 have children? Yes, you know, we I wanted 6. Yeah. And we 30:03 were unable to have children in. 30:06 It's amazing how sometimes people will say things like, 30:11 well, God probably knew you wouldn't be a clean Air Act 30:14 like 30:16 what a thing to say. Yeah, right? Yeah. And so people see, 30:20 do say or, you know, it's it's you're going to get over. 30:25 This guide is going to just give it time to skip it. 30:28 Time time heals all things. And that's not true. You never 30:32 get over that loss. And how is that? They can see you work 30:35 through it beyond it in you. And you learn to my and said 30:39 once 30:41 when my uncle died, she said she came out to visit a few 30:44 late years later. 30:46 They've been married nearly 60 years inch. I ask her, how did 30:50 you handle really? And you know what she said and people always 30:54 relate to this. She said, well, it took me a year to get my 31:00 feet under me. He has another year to walk without wobbling 31:04 is yeah, that first years. All those first first birthday. 31:09 First time you go to a restaurant that you went to it 31:12 and people what we do with people who have a great thing. 31:16 It seems sometimes we're very supportive for the first week 31:21 or 2 31:22 and then it's like, OK, life goes on and they just feel 31:26 totally in a band that, yeah, yeah, you know, I tell people a 31:31 lot that 31:32 grief is actually a got attribute. 31:35 >> And it is one of the most versatile tumors guys that 31:38 exist on the face of the planet of the reason. Why say that is 31:41 because if God did not grief, he would not have sent us an 31:44 yeah that that the thought of losing us, Amber, I greet him 31:50 so much that he had to send the sign. And so if you grieve, 31:55 you are caso to cut, then you think you are. He understands, 31:58 right? But understanding you does not mean that you cannot 32:01 grief. You know, we use that scripture, right? You know, 32:04 do not grieve as they also do not have hope. It did not say 32:07 that you don't grief. It says that you don't grief like, 32:10 but it is definitely normal and natural to grieve a loss. 32:14 >> I have a question that just came. And by the way, this is a 32:18 live program. You may send your questions to us by ticks at 32:24 618-228-3975, 32:29 or you can email us live at 3, a B in DOT TV. 32:38 >> This is something that is so pregnant. I was going to hold 32:41 this question that came in. But it's so permanent that may 32:44 read this to this is from Charlie and the Philippines. 32:47 His wife died in February. He has 2 children and after the 32:53 wife was buried in families been totally torn apart. 32:57 He shocked he is a 62 year-old man lives alone. But his son 33:03 blames himself for his mother's death. He's angry and evidently 33:10 that daughter the oldest sister 33:12 and the sun 33:16 at each other's throats over this. And he said 33:19 not counting the grief of my wife's passing right now. 33:22 I'm devastated. I'm sad and so hurt were just a small family. 33:27 The situation's not getting any better. I'm caught middle of 33:31 the siblings. Cold War. 33:34 I do not know where to turn for help. I have no parents. 33:37 I'd even tried asking for mediation and intervention from 33:41 my older brother, but he has serious health issues. And what 33:45 more can I do? I've made several efforts for my 2 33:48 children patch up, 33:50 but there's so adamant on their stand-up, not reconciling or 33:54 forgiving each other. And so how would you counsel 34:00 someone who's feeling very lonely and isolated? Watching 34:05 Newsies is grieving the loss of his wife, but watching his 34:09 family disintegrate happen. What's the next step? 34:13 >> Oh, wow. First, I just want to acknowledge his loss. 34:17 You know, and I I want to let him know that it is okay. 34:22 You know, for him to feel all the things that he's feeling 34:25 and what's more common than not when families go through a 34:29 significant loss is the compound in nature, especially 34:32 when they don't have tools. So I want to also say that is 34:36 not personal and that sounds very dismissive, but it's not 34:39 what you're experiencing is what happens with a family 34:42 business that does not have tools and does not know how to 34:45 deal with loss. What your children are feeling are. 34:49 What we always say is they wish that they could have done 34:51 things different, better or more, 34:54 but because we don't have that language and we're feeling 34:57 these things right that are uncomfortable. I know culture 35:00 plays a lot and how different people deal with losses. 35:02 Well, you know, and so one of the things that I would say I'm 35:06 first and foremost to him as shortly God is able to reach 35:09 the heart of the human be. There are certain things that 35:13 we cannot say that would not quail that pain, that only the 35:16 holy spirit can can actually go deep enough to take care of. 35:19 So that's the one thing to continue to pray for them, 35:21 right. To also understand that the things that we see on the 35:26 surface and if you could think about an iceberg, right, 35:29 they're very looming large and at the top. That's what we see 35:32 that was palpable, the anger and the frustration. But we say 35:36 that that is often what a surface to surface or secondary 35:40 emotion, anger do. Is they just the tip, right? But we often 35:45 look at anger in those things that are allowed in the things 35:48 that we can see and hear. We're like, oh, my goodness. 35:51 But underneath souls, right are a much bigger chasm of 35:55 emotions. And a lot of people don't have emotional 35:58 vocabulary. That's what angers the easiest thing that they can 36:01 go to where some of the things that often the layup and or 36:04 anger. 36:05 >> Fear guilt. Yes, and yes, 36:10 actually paying. Yeah. 36:12 >> Sadness regret, right? All of those are actually 36:16 primary emotions that people wish that they could express, 36:20 but they don't have. They were never taught, right? So we go 36:23 to the easiest thing that we can grab a hold on to. And 36:26 unfortunately, it is the the pain that comes to the surface 36:30 and it comes out in anger. And so when I said is not 36:32 personal. That's what I mean. It really is a personal. 36:35 It is. People are hurting and they don't have the means by 36:38 which to go deeper and bring it up and handed to use a dad. 36:42 I'm in pain. I miss my mom. Right? Or I wish I could have 36:45 said something different. I feel guilty because I think 36:48 I'm to blame the yeah. I mean that guilt. Yeah. 36:52 >> Yeah. I think there's another another. If I can add 36:56 to what you're saying is it's like when you're getting ready 37:00 to take a long fly on an airplane or maybe even a short 37:03 flight 37:04 and they're going over how to do fasten your seat belt. 37:07 And in case of an emergency, the oxygen and what they always 37:12 tell you 37:13 first to secure. So you are mask. Yeah. And then you can 37:19 help someone else. And so what I would say and listening to my 37:24 brother share has openly has, as he has. And he is, 37:29 you know, by the grace of God, 37:31 you can experience healing. Yes, as we experience healing, 37:36 then we're able to share with those around us. So my healing 37:43 doesn't have to be on my brother's healing is not 37:45 dependent on his children's healing, in other words, 37:49 well, I've got to fix them for swat, helped them to heal and 37:52 get them straight and then I can heal. That's not the way it 37:55 works. First I heal. Yeah, the grace of God. And to do you 38:00 know, the working of the holy spirit and and through my 38:02 healing, then my children can experience healing as well. 38:07 >> The old saying is hurting. People hurt people right here 38:09 and we strongly feel that healing people can help other 38:12 people who it's wonderful. 38:15 >> Yeah, there obviously is a process involved here. Yeah. 38:18 They just maybe a starts off baby steps away. You're saying 38:21 absolutely. But you know, if someone were to go to a 38:27 >> stamina for LIVE S T AM E N A and for number the number for 38:35 life dot com. What kind of resources to have on your 38:39 website? Yeah. 38:41 >> We have a lot of different videos. We like to put out 38:43 consonant and we try to be as transparent as we can about our 38:47 own life. You see that we like to talk about things in a 38:50 humorous way because sometimes they seem to be so heavy that 38:53 you have to kind of cracked the surface. So we have a lot of 38:55 videos there. We have audio that shows that your heels, 38:58 if you can talk about it that way without being sarcastic. 39:02 Ha, ha ha. Yes. So you've got videos, video, audio and all I 39:07 recently just completed a writing a book about my own 39:11 journey. As far as coming part. One part one. Haha coming from 39:16 a place of experiencing abuse and in just a broken home and 39:20 and different things of that nature. So I I'm trying to give 39:23 a little clip of that or a snip. It a preview of that will 39:27 be publishing it within the next couple of weeks. 39:29 Graduation. Yeah, that to you guys and you have another look 39:33 at what's in the book. 39:34 >> Yes, the other book is called Don 2 weeks notice and 39:40 it it deals with principles for couples who are on the very 39:46 age. So as they are contemplating as many couples 39:50 do, do I want to continue, you know, or should we continue? 39:55 We share what we feel are very important principles to help to 40:01 give a different perspective, one, the relationship and on 40:05 the merits and on myself individually at all as well. 40:10 Yeah. So those are some of the things. And also we have a 40:15 series we we mentioned videos. But one of those series of 40:19 videos called Love Phonics, another one as premier its 40:23 coaching. So we've taken some of the 40:27 >> contact. You have to be sure you're on your grief recovery. 40:30 That change should get that. Yes. So Charlie, our brother 40:34 Charlie could yeah there. Yeah. We're going to say prayer 40:38 for Charlie and the key for us who are in that position. 40:42 But before we pray, just want to remind you one more time 40:47 you hit a word 40:49 that I think is so important and you brought it up earlier. 40:53 The vocabulary. Yes, most people don't have the 40:56 vocabulary. 40:58 These people I a it was so much fun when you recorded your 41:02 series. All the production crew was talking about it. Everybody 41:07 was in thrall, but that all benefited and learned words 41:13 that, you know, we don't have the emotional vocabulary and it 41:17 doesn't have to be some, you know, cycle analytical term. 41:22 It's this long, 5 syllables. You can't great vocabulary by 41:27 one watching and listening to these 2 couples. So you can 41:32 send your questions to 6, 1, 8, 41:35 2, 2, 8, 3, 9, 7, 5, And we're going to answer in all in the 41:39 second and the second hour or you can TEX test. 41:45 Text us at LIVE 41:49 THREE, A B in debt to the male, a male live at 3ABN, that TV 41:58 we'd like to have approved for Charlie in people in this 42:02 situation. So they serve me. 42:06 >> Loving father and our God. We come before you want to lift 42:10 up our brother, Charlie, 42:12 we want to lift up his children. 42:15 Yes, we want to pray that you would 42:18 the the God of all comfort Stu, Charlie and to his family. 42:23 We want to ask that you would help a brother, Charlie, 42:27 to experience the healing. That only Combs you. Yes, 42:31 and as he heals 42:33 and your presence, I pray that then healing might overflow to 42:38 his children into the rest of the family. This loss is real 42:43 and it hurts. But there's no one in the universe who knows 42:47 that better that you do. 42:49 And that's why you are the one who can help our brother. 42:53 Charlie, you're the one who can help us. You're the one who can 42:56 help any of our friends were out there this evening who are 43:01 dealing with loss and a pain that seems like it will not go 43:06 away. There is good news. There is good news. There was 43:11 sunshine after the rain news. You're the one who gives joy 43:16 and the oil of gladness and beauty for ashes and for 43:20 morning. So Lord, I pray you would be that for each and 43:24 every one of us and the unique way that each one needs you in 43:29 Jesus name. We pray. 43:30 [MUSIC] 43:32 >> Could I just say one more thing that you take a deep 43:35 breath? But I just wanted to tell Charlie, 43:38 one of my favorite promises is some 3, 3, that God is our 43:44 shield. Half protect or he is Maury. It's his character 43:50 working out in us. But he is a lifter. None of our head, 43:57 a man. So just Charlie, 43:59 tell the Lord Lord Cup your hand under my chin and lips me 44:05 my face in that meeting, the full face to you and trust in 44:10 you that you will intervene and you can change things and have 44:15 me. 44:18 >> Oh, I don't know. We might go back 6 months on this. 44:21 But 44:23 the last time that we do every night we heard approves and 44:26 everything and then for that, which will pray together before 44:30 we actually go to sleep, we may have preyed 2 or 3 times before 44:34 them. But 44:35 but anyway, one night, I'll never forget that. Surely she 44:38 was praying for 44:41 for us, I guess. 44:44 And but she just says 44:48 range thing so that we can feel your presence for us. 44:55 That was 44:56 how beautiful that is. And I'm I mean so and this was sitting 45:00 here talking about Charlie and his kids and 45:03 Lord, just ask that they've been wearing this if you press. 45:07 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How how sweet 45:11 and how innocent? Yeah, that isn't. So, 45:16 sir, ma'am. 45:18 >> I I always pray that for people who are going through 7, 45:20 give them a fine awareness of your presence and not just, 45:24 you know, OK, he's in my heart by faith that they since his 45:29 presence with him because he's promise never to leave us or 45:32 forsake us aid. 45:34 One day when I was going after my surgery soon, everything and 45:38 I was having a rough day. 45:40 >> All of us and I said, Lord, keep me and to find where 45:43 innocent humans. And it is totally, it's changed my life. 45:48 I pray that every day is it. 45:50 >> No one wants a some beautiful prayer. 45:54 Absolutely a beautiful for God. 45:57 And 45:59 well, I talked to many people during the day 46:02 and there are many people that never even said a prayer. 46:04 They want to so bad. It is. And it doesn't get much more 46:10 vanilla than just that that you just pray from your heart. 46:15 If people out there want to talk to the Lord, 46:19 I don't know how I've never done that before. What you 46:22 really like to I really like to yeah, wanting to head the 46:27 prairie pass and I've heard so many times 46:32 to 6. 46:35 That's a good place to start right there. And then the other 46:39 coast. There are a lot of hurting people out there. 46:42 Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, not too many people could do XYZ. 46:45 Charlie did hear that. Actually type it out. Yeah, you know, 46:50 I'm not leaving out any step, but yeah. 46:53 >> And I would even say for Charlie, much like most of the 46:56 people who are watching, it's a huge step. Acknowledgement is 47:00 huge acknowledgment is a weight that is lifted there. So many 47:04 people who carry it and they don't speak it out loud, 47:07 right. That's one of the reasons why God put us in 47:09 community and now community is powerful for that reason. 47:14 And man have mercy on those of us who are in communities where 47:17 we can not raise our hands were drowning and say help me write, 47:22 I'm in pain help. Yeah. So what he did was he went on. He typed 47:27 out that that is one of the first steps. And I want to 47:29 commend them for that. Acknowledging that he is in 47:32 pain. 47:33 >> So there's something rather party compacted to his less. 47:36 Let me ask you about pride, because what I've learned is 47:41 say that 47:44 so that I've got some people I grew up where I would say that, 47:47 you know, maybe a number of years. And let's just say that 47:51 I put on a whole lot of weight. They have been saying since I 47:53 put on a long way 47:56 and I was saying about this not long ago. 47:59 Well, I'd be excepted types takes about 5 seconds glance 48:06 and then that's behind you. 48:10 And so how how deep does pride go to prevent your maybe a half 48:17 half of your life that you just spent hiding behind the doors 48:21 because of what the other person I think in your heart is 48:24 craving? Yeah. I want to talk to him so bad I want to 48:31 and how do you handle something like that? Pride pride is a big 48:35 deal. 48:36 Yeah, it is. I want to 48:39 if I can. 48:41 >> You know, put another topping on the streets and and 48:45 it it. It's a perfect 48:49 companion for pride. Yeah, and it's chain and I'm not recently 48:56 was doing some series 48:58 doing research and and sharing. 49:03 And what have you on saying on the topic of saying and 49:09 when I tell you what, I'll tell you what I'm 49:14 saying is it's it's a it's a horrible thing to the point 49:18 that I made about community. 49:22 When you want to when you want to get away from pride and when 49:27 you want to get away from Shane, 49:29 a lot of times our communities won't allow us to. That's 49:33 right. Yeah. John, Chapter 9. I think it is is a wonderful 49:37 example of that. You have the man was born blind 49:43 and the community thought serve way about him who saying this 49:47 man over there, right? 49:50 This man experiences 49:53 life altering transformation. He's able to see them white and 49:59 they are sitting around arguing amongst one another 50:03 to the point where his own parents are willing to 50:07 publicly, you know, embrace this child of that where we we 50:11 you know, he's awesome. We don't know what happened to him 50:14 and what not. And ultimately, when he professes, you know, 50:18 do you guys want to become as this? I would have told you 50:20 already how many times you want to be here 50:23 and they refer back to that communal idea of saying 50:28 you were all together born in scene. 50:31 And do you think that you can instruct us 50:34 and the Bible says, of course they throw him out of the 50:36 temple. It's it was a profound thing for me to see send work 50:41 in the communal 50:42 and a communal way. Yes, because there's so many of us 50:45 that Christ 50:47 has transformed and is transforming and yet 50:52 saying won't allow us or perceived. Shane won't allow us 50:57 to walk in that newness of life won't allow us to walk yes and 51:02 put on some weight on me of say it may be divorce. Now, maybe 51:07 you know, any number of things, you know, I'm no longer 51:09 addicted 51:11 and the community is like, but but we know we know you are. 51:16 Yeah, we know where you can. We remember. Yeah. All right. 51:19 And so I think being a part of a hat, healthy community right 51:24 now is a tremendous that's a tremendous part of the healing 51:29 process that got wants us to go through. My prayer is that, 51:33 you know, my family and all my are congregational church tenby 51:38 in that community so that doc can send people that he is 51:42 transforming healing into that community so that we can 51:45 encourage them in this newness of life. 51:48 I know one thing that that I've witnessed it. 51:52 >> Share your testimony. I don't know how to share my 51:54 testimony. Have you know? I don't I don't I don't feel 51:57 like were there for whatever it may be yet. 52:00 And for abuse that John 9 says, you know, 52:05 and I've reviewed this in my own life, you know, in America 52:10 is taking place in my life. But that might take too long to 52:14 sit and share. If somebody asked me, says, I don't know. 52:18 All I know is that I was yes, yeah. I just hope that somebody 52:23 will hear that because it can be that simple. Yeah, you know, 52:27 just I can't really tell you call the nuts and the bolts 52:31 that but this one for its wonderful bill to see. And 52:37 there's some clarity and 52:39 >> there's something that 52:41 we're talking about. Community community requires 52:45 communication when communication use the 52:48 relationship. I I'm gonna tell you something I have to friend. 52:52 We hardly ever see each other. But when I was going through 52:55 recovery, we started talking on a daily basis and she's the 52:59 only person I talked to on a daily basis other than this man 53:02 right here. I love her to pay. Since we're so close. We dis 53:06 its chip chat. It's really not important stuff. But 53:11 Haitian is the relationship. That's why parents were 53:15 important. I grew up 53:17 in a very dysfunctional 53:19 this situation. 53:21 I was shamed 53:25 grandparents not to tell you. You can't tell anything. 53:29 Well, and I remember when you when you are talking about 53:34 meeting the community, I can remember as a junior in high 53:38 school that things were so crazy and I had my biology 53:43 teacher came to me in the hall and said 53:46 White through the smartest girl in school. Why are you not 53:50 doing your homework should give pop, he says and she chewed me 53:53 up, pointed out Southern, speaking out 53:56 and everything inside of me. I wanted to cry and say no, 54:01 a lot of us, 54:03 our top it 54:04 not to 54:07 and not to share. Yeah. And then so there's that shame 54:12 factor right there. Yeah. And then there's a lot of 54:15 people who you try to share and they're just they're off. 54:20 So what I tell people to say is if somebody asks, how are you 54:24 doing today and you're having a tough time. I just say 54:29 I'll get better. 54:31 Yeah. And if somebody has got time to talk, they'll sit down 54:33 and engage even church. So talk to us about we only have a we 54:38 don't have any to look into it. 54:40 We want to come back and talk. Haha, because you need to learn 54:44 of cap. You know, we need to learn how to open up how to 54:49 approach how to be. You know, listening is the most important 54:52 Communications Co 54:54 we need to also do away with this. If you re talking about 54:59 miss that, got his favorites. Yeah, that, you know, God is 55:04 not here in my purse. So we want to come back because this 55:08 beautiful couple are getting ready to. 55:13 >> Take an exciting new step in their ministry. They are going 55:19 to start doing intense Eve 55:23 care, if you will. I guess ICU care sessions in their home 55:32 and it is going to reach 55:35 pastors, ministers, missionaries, people, 55:39 individuals who are white struggling through change. 55:43 So we want to talk about what they're going to do and we want 55:48 you to send us your questions so we can talk to you. Let them 55:54 share with you the smart people because you're smart because 55:58 you listen to that point and you can send them to 6, 1, 56:03 8, text, 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8, 3, 9, 7, 5, or email live at 3ABN, 56:14 DOT TV. 56:15 >> It's got to stop before. Well, I just want to go over 56:17 this again. 56:19 If you've got a pencil and paper, you might write down 56:21 Isaiah 55 6. That's good. And, you know, as you look back 56:25 here, 56:27 it says Saith the Lord while he may be filed. Well, that sounds 56:31 simple enough. Do you think that he could be found if you 56:33 say help to them and then call a phone him while he's Mayor 56:38 Newsom? A press on? Yes, I mean, this should be something 56:41 up. So if you have an issue, the 2 thankful nobody will 56:46 listen. I've got all this all this baggage and everything I'd 56:50 like to build shows. Well, we certainly know. I mean, 56:54 the creator of the universe I'm sitting here says, hey, I can 56:58 be found if you're just saying help. 57:00 >> And as you know, so that's a good one to write them on that 57:04 coming. I can see where you say, well, today, this is one 57:06 of my favorites. Well, but I like what? Because it's in his 57:10 per se kids thoughts. And I love that you tie and a breeze 57:13 for 12 pay them off. 57:15 >> Boy, I'll tell you, we're going to have some fun in the 57:18 second. Now we hope to receive your questions. And don't 57:22 forget that you can go to 3ABN plus to watch of their series 57:30 of when we talk with Pastor Steve and Tamarac. You go 57:35 right. Hammer Tammy and Conway. So we'll be right back. 57:42 [MUSIC] 57:47 >> I was 57:48 [MUSIC] 57:53 [MUSIC] 57:58 [MUSIC] |
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