[MUSIC]
00:00:00.26\00:00:04.63
>> I want to
00:00:04.63\00:00:09.87
[MUSIC]
00:00:17.48\00:00:22.12
>> too.
00:00:26.22\00:00:31.56
[MUSIC]
00:00:31.56\00:00:36.77
>> I'm
00:00:36.77\00:00:42.30
>> and
00:00:42.30\00:00:47.41
>> I want to stand
00:00:47.41\00:00:52.85
too.
00:00:52.85\00:00:54.98
[MUSIC]
00:00:54.98\00:01:00.06
[MUSIC]
00:01:00.06\00:01:07.20
>> Well, we're already having
so much fun and we're glad that
00:01:07.20\00:01:10.87
you can join us for the fun on
3 A B in today live. We've got
00:01:10.87\00:01:16.64
some exciting guests and show
like when I'm joined the choir
00:01:16.64\00:01:19.87
and let's just go ahead and
introduce the family. We laugh
00:01:19.87\00:01:23.98
so hard crying here. What we
have pastors, Steve and camera,
00:01:23.98\00:01:30.52
we color Timmy, Conway
and torso clad to back. We are
00:01:30.52\00:01:35.26
super happy to be here to be
miss you guys so well. We just
00:01:35.26\00:01:38.69
love you dearly. And
tonight we will be talking about
00:01:38.69\00:01:45.07
relationships. Now, I have to
tell you, many of you, Stephen,
00:01:45.07\00:01:49.70
Tammy, are not it. Stranger
Street you to have a very
00:01:49.70\00:01:54.78
popular program on 3
ABN called when we talk.
00:01:54.78\00:01:59.25
Steve is the pastor of the Troy
Michigan Seventh-day Adventist
00:01:59.25\00:02:04.92
Church.
00:02:04.92\00:02:06.42
But and Tammy say,
00:02:06.42\00:02:08.89
oh, it's great. It's a
great free specialist at grief
00:02:08.89\00:02:12.49
recovery specialist. But to
call it change, challenge and
00:02:12.49\00:02:17.37
voices and choices. Yeah. So
00:02:17.37\00:02:20.94
these 2 people,
00:02:20.94\00:02:23.24
I have one of the most popular
programs in 3 a beating because
00:02:23.24\00:02:26.71
they are so related full.
They are so transparent and
00:02:26.71\00:02:30.88
they speak of the things that
they've experienced, painful
00:02:30.88\00:02:36.15
past baggage and how God
00:02:36.15\00:02:40.76
change their thinking and has
moved into a place of recovery.
00:02:40.76\00:02:46.49
So
00:02:46.49\00:02:47.93
>> you know what? I've what
I've learned anyway, excuse me
00:02:47.93\00:02:49.43
for just but none here as a
hobby that if you lived in the
00:02:49.43\00:02:52.27
time it all, you have the
ups and downs of life and among
00:02:52.27\00:02:55.87
some are more serious than
others. But not everybody can
00:02:55.87\00:03:00.11
take what they've experienced
and put it in everyday language
00:03:00.11\00:03:05.75
and more reliable.
00:03:05.75\00:03:07.52
We've experience that we've
experienced that or how did you
00:03:07.52\00:03:11.09
know that? You know? And so
that's a real good. It's not
00:03:11.09\00:03:15.09
just like the 2 of you are
extremely gifted. And I know
00:03:15.09\00:03:18.03
that our our viewing audience,
00:03:18.03\00:03:20.80
we hear all the time. I say
all the time. You know what that
00:03:20.80\00:03:24.30
means, Texas most the time most
of the time, far away. And we
00:03:24.30\00:03:29.50
just love them. You
know, we love the way that
00:03:29.50\00:03:32.24
it's like they've been reading
our mile. Haha. No. So welcome.
00:03:32.24\00:03:37.38
>> We're going to get time
tonight. We're gonna have fun
00:03:37.38\00:03:40.18
tune. I guarantee it in before
we we want to show you a few
00:03:40.18\00:03:45.65
clips. If you haven't seen when
we talk it, you've got to put
00:03:45.65\00:03:50.19
this on your skin, your TV
watching schedule because it's
00:03:50.19\00:03:53.36
incredible or you can watch
from 3ABN. Plus, we'll talk
00:03:53.36\00:03:56.43
about that. But
let's just kind of
00:03:56.43\00:03:59.47
pretend like we can have new
viewers every day. So pretend
00:03:59.47\00:04:02.90
like nobody out there knows who
tell us who our Candy and Steve
00:04:02.90\00:04:08.21
Conway now. Wow.
00:04:08.21\00:04:11.45
>> You know, we've been married
for about 22 years and the
00:04:11.45\00:04:15.68
first couple years where a hot
mess we married when we were.
00:04:15.68\00:04:20.62
22 23 years. All we were
really young and and we love the
00:04:20.62\00:04:24.39
lowered but loving the Lord we
found out early on just wasn't
00:04:24.39\00:04:27.83
enough. And I know that for a
lot of people that seems harsh
00:04:27.83\00:04:30.50
to say no, but it was the
truth. You know, we needed
00:04:30.50\00:04:34.57
tools. We needed help and
guidance because I come from a
00:04:34.57\00:04:37.17
background of abuse and and
things of that nature. And we
00:04:37.17\00:04:40.88
both come from, you know,
experiences of broken families
00:04:40.88\00:04:44.45
and different things of
that nature. So we started off
00:04:44.45\00:04:47.55
really fighting our way through
trying to figure out how to not
00:04:47.55\00:04:50.72
and up in the same places that
our families and up and divorce
00:04:50.72\00:04:55.22
or, you know, separated and
things of that nature. Families
00:04:55.22\00:04:58.49
were falling apart around us.
00:04:58.49\00:05:00.93
It was amazing, right? And
we were we were afraid. We knew
00:05:00.93\00:05:04.80
that if we did not get what
we needed, it would be us next.
00:05:04.80\00:05:09.04
You know, yes, yeah.
00:05:09.04\00:05:11.11
>> If I just have to share
the ticks that he I ask could
00:05:11.11\00:05:14.54
stave. Is there a particular
text that you really love that
00:05:14.54\00:05:18.31
that
00:05:18.31\00:05:20.38
will blend in? Well
with tonight's Eye with your
00:05:20.38\00:05:23.55
ministry, they haven't ministry
called stamina for that.
00:05:23.55\00:05:26.62
I will come back to that.
00:05:26.62\00:05:28.42
But he gave me I say
00:05:28.42\00:05:30.66
55 and for 6 and listen to this.
00:05:30.66\00:05:35.40
It says Sic the Lord, while
he may be found call upon him
00:05:35.40\00:05:40.10
while he is near,
00:05:40.10\00:05:42.20
let the wicked forsake you sway.
00:05:42.20\00:05:45.71
But here's the catcher
00:05:45.71\00:05:48.24
and the UN Righteous man.
00:05:48.24\00:05:51.31
His thoughts.
00:05:51.31\00:05:53.98
Tell us why that's an
important scriptures to you.
00:05:53.98\00:05:57.55
>> Yeah, it is. It is one of my
favorite passages of scripture
00:05:57.55\00:06:02.29
and leads right now. But them
00:06:02.29\00:06:05.76
one of the reasons why I
love it is because and my own
00:06:05.76\00:06:08.86
journey
00:06:08.86\00:06:10.07
there were times when
I focus so heavily on one
00:06:10.07\00:06:14.00
my way, let the wicked forsake
his way. And I was trying to
00:06:14.00\00:06:19.04
change my way. My behaviors
and the Lord brought this to my
00:06:19.04\00:06:25.48
heart. And to my mind,
00:06:25.48\00:06:27.32
your way is cook it. Your
behaviors are crooked because
00:06:27.32\00:06:32.22
you're thinking an well, if you
would change the way that you
00:06:32.22\00:06:37.39
think.
00:06:37.39\00:06:38.99
And of course, we
can't do this on our own.
00:06:38.99\00:06:42.56
But when we experience a change
in our thinking than a change
00:06:42.56\00:06:46.60
in our behavior follows and
00:06:46.60\00:06:50.74
if you think about it,
00:06:50.74\00:06:53.51
another text that we can
link with this. Let the wicked
00:06:53.51\00:06:56.41
forsake his way. And the
unrighteous man is thoughts.
00:06:56.41\00:06:59.91
Is Hebrews chapter 4 verse 12?
Yeah. The Bible says the word
00:06:59.91\00:07:04.19
of God as quick and powerful
sharper than any 2 and swore
00:07:04.19\00:07:08.02
and how deep does it go?
High point joins in, Mayor.
00:07:08.02\00:07:11.96
Oh, yeah. And thoughts and
the intense nestle, the word of
00:07:11.96\00:07:18.63
God. It has been in my
experience and steely is that
00:07:18.63\00:07:22.27
it is the means by which God
helps me to correct my thinking
00:07:22.27\00:07:27.54
what I'm thinking incorrectly
about ham when I'm thinking
00:07:27.54\00:07:31.48
incorrectly about myself when
I'm thinking incorrectly about
00:07:31.48\00:07:35.72
my wife, about my children so
forth and so on. And so I think
00:07:35.72\00:07:39.65
that is it's a transformational
he you know, for for each and
00:07:39.65\00:07:44.39
every one of us. Yeah. So
your honor road. That's under
00:07:44.39\00:07:48.80
construction. Yeah. Yes.
Yeah. Under construction.
00:07:48.80\00:07:53.10
Yeah. I certainly
possibly. Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:53.10\00:07:57.61
>> Going but no. I was just
going to say you recently moved
00:07:57.61\00:08:01.94
to Michigan to take over the
church. Do you want or 2 to one
00:08:01.94\00:08:06.68
search? One church
red suit once of that.
00:08:06.68\00:08:09.22
>> Haha.
00:08:09.22\00:08:13.22
>> But how long
have you been, pastor?
00:08:13.22\00:08:16.32
>> So our oh, man, I think 2003
00:08:16.32\00:08:21.03
is when we start it and
we've done and that was in New
00:08:21.03\00:08:25.43
Jersey. Yeah. And
we've done youth pastor him
00:08:25.43\00:08:28.97
Hastert on the secular
University campus. Wow.
00:08:28.97\00:08:33.68
Pastored in the inner
city and the suburbs. And so.
00:08:33.68\00:08:37.48
>> Yeah, it hurt is multi
cultures. All types of yeah,
00:08:37.48\00:08:41.28
that this you're bringing into
in and know you've spoken for
00:08:41.28\00:08:46.45
July say you've got a very
active life, but you get caught
00:08:46.45\00:08:51.89
stamina for life. Now, first
of all, this is not spilled like
00:08:51.89\00:08:56.46
you think it is. T am up
and it's d*** under and then the
00:08:56.46\00:09:02.97
number for life.
00:09:02.97\00:09:06.04
What is the origin of your
ministries named stamina for
00:09:06.04\00:09:11.21
life?
00:09:11.21\00:09:12.28
>> Yeah, that came about I
think after some years of us
00:09:12.28\00:09:17.09
from the beginning of
our marriage, ah, we were,
00:09:17.09\00:09:20.89
you know, needing the tools
ourselves. And we just in the
00:09:20.89\00:09:24.49
finding ourselves in proximity
to other people who need to
00:09:24.49\00:09:27.03
help as well. And we love
having people in our home.
00:09:27.03\00:09:29.90
We've always loved having
people with us. We just like
00:09:29.90\00:09:32.53
there's something intimate
a real about that, right? And
00:09:32.53\00:09:36.74
and we believe that people
needed something we needed.
00:09:36.74\00:09:40.31
We needed stamina. We really
did to stay the course, you
00:09:40.31\00:09:43.58
know, to stay the journey.
And so we felt that and God
00:09:43.58\00:09:48.22
wants his people to have
stamina, not just for now,
00:09:48.22\00:09:51.02
the stamina for life now and
that with him and with proper
00:09:51.02\00:09:55.32
tools again, you need something
to help you in the practical
00:09:55.32\00:09:59.13
everyday life to be able
to implement his principles.
00:09:59.13\00:10:02.16
>> And so that's where the name
of than the regular spelling of
00:10:02.16\00:10:04.57
stamina was, of course taken.
Yeah. So haha creative and came
00:10:04.57\00:10:14.11
out with the win was the
coldest part of Portman Tall.
00:10:14.11\00:10:17.08
Portman saw never heard of
this very warm, right, right.
00:10:17.08\00:10:20.25
And want to talk about it.
It means basically when you
00:10:20.25\00:10:24.22
combine 2 words are
2 names together. So.
00:10:24.22\00:10:29.22
>> Steve in camera stamina.
00:10:29.22\00:10:32.73
>> Haha, I was not impressed.
Hahaha, this rolling on the it.
00:10:32.73\00:10:43.07
>> Kind of that. I think it's
it is a play on words. But it's
00:10:43.07\00:10:45.97
also asked. Imus suggested it's
what we needed. Yeah, and it's
00:10:45.97\00:10:50.78
it's really about our
togetherness. What God is doing
00:10:50.78\00:10:54.28
still works in progress on the
action. Yes, but yeah, I like
00:10:54.28\00:10:59.79
it.
00:10:59.79\00:11:01.09
>> Do I can? You know, a lot of
counseling. I know. And and you
00:11:01.09\00:11:03.73
do obviously have the gift
of hospitality because they do a
00:11:03.73\00:11:07.56
lot of this counseling
right in their own month.
00:11:07.56\00:11:10.77
But what we'd
like to do right now
00:11:10.77\00:11:14.07
before we get to pour into
this, I just wanted to show you
00:11:14.07\00:11:17.87
a couple of clips from when
we talk and this airs Mondays at
00:11:17.87\00:11:25.58
06:30AM, Tuesday said 11:30AM,
and Wednesdays at 06:00PM.
00:11:25.58\00:11:32.62
This is central time that we're
as Central standard time that
00:11:32.62\00:11:36.73
we're talking about. But
00:11:36.73\00:11:39.29
the first clip set it up.
What are you talking about here
00:11:39.29\00:11:42.86
in this first clip?
00:11:42.86\00:11:44.50
>> You know, the segment that
we're we're talking about now
00:11:44.50\00:11:47.37
is we're fighting for
change, but fighting for change.
00:11:47.37\00:11:49.80
A lot of people find themselves
getting exhausted because they
00:11:49.80\00:11:52.07
don't know how to change.
You know, how the EU approach
00:11:52.07\00:11:55.41
doing things differently in
your life or any relationships
00:11:55.41\00:11:58.45
and many people give up.
Right. And so I'm in this clip.
00:11:58.45\00:12:01.65
We're going to talk a little
bit about what that sounds like
00:12:01.65\00:12:04.19
the way looks like. Okay.
That's let's take a look at
00:12:04.19\00:12:07.49
that clip now.
00:12:07.49\00:12:10.36
>> How do you change? How do
you change? What does it take
00:12:10.36\00:12:13.09
to change? Yeah, what are
several? There are several
00:12:13.09\00:12:16.06
things
00:12:16.06\00:12:18.37
that people encounter that
00:12:18.37\00:12:21.20
help to be the catalyst for
the change. Some people hit rock
00:12:21.20\00:12:26.07
bottom week. That's a term that
that use the you know, when you
00:12:26.07\00:12:29.58
throw a rock and 2 body of
water, it just sinks and thinks
00:12:29.58\00:12:34.65
and sayings. Yeah. And that
concept of hitting rock bottom
00:12:34.65\00:12:38.49
where there's nowhere else
to go. But up that you can't go
00:12:38.49\00:12:42.49
down any further than
you've already gone. And so some
00:12:42.49\00:12:45.73
people need some of us need
to hit rock bottom before we can
00:12:45.73\00:12:50.00
experience chains like we need
to lose everything in order to
00:12:50.00\00:12:54.27
recognize that
we've lost everything.
00:12:54.27\00:12:56.87
>> Now that sounds devastating,
right? Hitting rock bottom is
00:12:56.87\00:13:00.44
not a fun experience.
And yet there's hope there,
00:13:00.44\00:13:04.78
right? And because as
you mentioned, you're there
00:13:04.78\00:13:08.35
already. So there is only one
more direction to go, which is
00:13:08.35\00:13:12.62
up. Yeah. And it just requires
what a choice right to choose
00:13:12.62\00:13:17.53
to turn the
direction and go the other way.
00:13:17.53\00:13:20.56
>> Yeah. And then there
there are other people who
00:13:20.56\00:13:23.67
are fighting against change.
So there may be pressures there
00:13:23.67\00:13:28.70
may be physical ailments.
There may be relationship
00:13:28.70\00:13:32.81
challenges that are pressuring
for change to take place.
00:13:32.81\00:13:38.21
But,
00:13:38.21\00:13:39.51
you know, we're we're we're
comfortable people. We like we
00:13:39.51\00:13:42.88
even though it's crazy,
right? Even though the ship is
00:13:42.88\00:13:46.99
sinking, I like my view.
00:13:46.99\00:13:49.72
>> And the shift from the
sinking ship off Baja move,
00:13:49.72\00:13:54.13
move somebody else might take
place while the snow. While the
00:13:54.13\00:13:57.63
ship is going down, he can't
leave. Let somebody else take
00:13:57.63\00:14:00.94
my seat have r-ca we get
comfortable and some of the
00:14:00.94\00:14:04.47
craziest situation. So we fight
against change out. Can you
00:14:04.47\00:14:09.28
imagine it?
Doesn't that sound crazy?
00:14:09.28\00:14:11.41
>> That change is something
that needs to take place in
00:14:11.41\00:14:14.62
your life. And it's not that
you can't write. I'm thinking
00:14:14.62\00:14:17.39
about that boat sinking.
There's life jackets. There's
00:14:17.39\00:14:20.46
even people reaching out to
hand you, you know, to assist
00:14:20.46\00:14:23.49
you in getting off and you're
like, no, I'm staying here
00:14:23.49\00:14:25.89
because what happens if well,
what's going happen as you go
00:14:25.89\00:14:30.30
seek any way you own
that? It is they they're right.
00:14:30.30\00:14:33.47
>> Yeah. Wow. There's a the
story in the Bible about Saul
00:14:33.47\00:14:37.17
and who later became Paul in
the New Testament and in acts
00:14:37.17\00:14:41.14
chapter 9, it talks about he's
being on his way to Damascus
00:14:41.14\00:14:46.68
and he's on his way to Damascus
to persecute more Christians,
00:14:46.68\00:14:49.75
kill him, throw him in jail.
Whatever is going to do any
00:14:49.75\00:14:52.89
means Jesus.
00:14:52.89\00:14:54.32
And he's not down off of
this horse and he's blind it.
00:14:54.32\00:14:58.99
And, you know, Saul
Saul, listen to this.
00:14:58.99\00:15:03.26
It is hard for you to to
kick against the p*****. Yeah,
00:15:03.26\00:15:08.10
you know, the inference
of Jesus, his words are
00:15:08.10\00:15:12.37
what you're doing is a
very painful experience for you.
00:15:12.37\00:15:16.61
Yeah. But you keep
on doing it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:15:16.61\00:15:22.02
That's difficult. Yeah,
right. Yeah. This is actually
00:15:22.02\00:15:24.72
appealing to him and saying
change is easier. The main
00:15:24.72\00:15:29.22
maintaining where you are
because maintaining where you
00:15:29.22\00:15:32.63
are is like kicking against
the p*****. So some people
00:15:32.63\00:15:38.33
are in that place where we are
literally kicking against the
00:15:38.33\00:15:42.64
p***** is painful for us
to remain where we are, but
00:15:42.64\00:15:46.64
because of fear of changer
because of not knowing what's
00:15:46.64\00:15:51.65
going to come next or what
is my life want to look like
00:15:51.65\00:15:54.78
there? We are literally
enduring painful, some aerials
00:15:54.78\00:15:59.72
and our lives just to stay
where we are, no matter how
00:15:59.72\00:16:03.22
unhealthy it actually is.
00:16:03.22\00:16:07.23
>> Now, I've got to tell
you something. These 2 lovely
00:16:07.23\00:16:10.73
people
00:16:10.73\00:16:12.83
have wisdom. I mean,
you've been through its voice of
00:16:12.83\00:16:16.10
experience talking for change
00:16:16.10\00:16:19.64
tonight. We forgot to mention
is how we're alive and we're
00:16:19.64\00:16:24.08
taking your questions. If
you have any questions about
00:16:24.08\00:16:29.65
relationships, I change
challenges and choices. How do
00:16:29.65\00:16:35.29
I make different choices?
You can text your questions.
00:16:35.29\00:16:41.00
2, 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8,
00:16:41.00\00:16:45.27
3, 9, 75. Let me repeat that
by text. 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8, 3,
00:16:45.27\00:16:53.91
9, 7, 5, 4,
00:16:53.91\00:16:56.91
You can e-mail us at lie
00:16:56.91\00:17:00.95
at 3ABN, that TV that it once
again live at 3, a B on DOT TV.
00:17:00.95\00:17:09.62
And we're going to put them
on the hot seat in the second
00:17:09.62\00:17:12.89
hour. Let that. But you know
what we found that it's hard to
00:17:12.89\00:17:17.37
to talk about something
that they cannot comment with
00:17:17.37\00:17:21.04
Heavenly Wisdom. And and you
have a healing ministry is when
00:17:21.04\00:17:26.91
you have. So
00:17:26.91\00:17:29.74
that was some of the topics
that you covered on when we
00:17:29.74\00:17:35.05
talk.
00:17:35.05\00:17:36.25
>> Yeah, we have a crazy way
of covering some of those things
00:17:36.25\00:17:40.32
but communication about
conflict. How to resolve
00:17:40.32\00:17:45.26
conflict and how not to avoid
it. Sometimes people try to
00:17:45.26\00:17:51.33
avoid conflict. The conflict
can actually be a healthy
00:17:51.33\00:17:54.80
thing. Of course, as that
clip suggest that we talk about
00:17:54.80\00:17:58.91
change. The fact we did, we
did more than one episode on
00:17:58.91\00:18:03.85
change. We talked about whether
change is possible and then we
00:18:03.85\00:18:07.85
talked a lot of different
perspective. One change saying
00:18:07.85\00:18:11.25
change is something not that
I experience wants in my life.
00:18:11.25\00:18:14.59
Yeah. But that's something
that's an ongoing process.
00:18:14.59\00:18:17.79
Yeah. Self-sabotaging behavior.
We talk about that. How you can
00:18:17.79\00:18:22.20
>> want things to be different.
A relationship that you're
00:18:22.20\00:18:24.23
doing things to sabotage
it. We talked about children.
00:18:24.23\00:18:27.94
We talked about how to
help children to process change,
00:18:27.94\00:18:31.01
you know, red. So it's not
this is not just for me married
00:18:31.01\00:18:35.61
couples. This is for anybody
in every relationship. Yeah,
00:18:35.61\00:18:39.81
absolutely. And that means it's
for you. So you can that go to
00:18:39.81\00:18:46.62
3ABN plus and you can download
our watch any of this online.
00:18:46.62\00:18:54.10
If you've got a phone or
computer or an iPad, you can
00:18:54.10\00:18:59.10
watch all of these episodes
and trust me, it's like going
00:18:59.10\00:19:03.77
through a counseling session.
So at 3ABN, plus, of course,
00:19:03.77\00:19:09.04
you can get all of our
various programs there, but just
00:19:09.04\00:19:14.12
get on there and
check out when we talk.
00:19:14.12\00:19:18.65
>> Well, it's like us
like we were saying earlier.
00:19:18.65\00:19:22.16
This is stuff probably that's
got words this long in the
00:19:22.16\00:19:25.33
book. And but if you live
it, the might be this long.
00:19:25.33\00:19:32.13
But yet you can explain in
such a way because you've been
00:19:32.13\00:19:35.07
there. You've done that.
And so that's what I really
00:19:35.07\00:19:38.61
like about.
00:19:38.61\00:19:39.74
>> Watching your programs,
your vocabulary resonates with
00:19:39.74\00:19:43.18
people. You know, the the way
you explain things, it really
00:19:43.18\00:19:46.85
does know now. They also
have a lot of fun on this idea.
00:19:46.85\00:19:51.69
Want to show you one more
thing. Set this clip a yes and
00:19:51.69\00:19:56.39
tell us what's going on.
00:19:56.39\00:19:57.83
>> This is I think, a a common
experience more than we would
00:19:57.83\00:20:01.63
like to admit of how we
sometimes Russian to certain
00:20:01.63\00:20:05.90
circumstances or situations,
maybe even things that we know
00:20:05.90\00:20:10.01
God has not necessarily
planned for us, but because of
00:20:10.01\00:20:13.71
pressures or expectations, we
end up doing things that seem a
00:20:13.71\00:20:18.31
little crazy.
00:20:18.31\00:20:19.41
>> When it comes to
relationships. So this is a
00:20:19.41\00:20:21.58
woman whose anxious
00:20:21.58\00:20:23.79
the silent killer mayor
yesterday that said this week.
00:20:23.79\00:20:28.19
Hey, got high.
00:20:28.19\00:20:29.62
>> Hi. Hi, sweetie.
All you look horrible.
00:20:29.62\00:20:33.16
>> What? What are you doing all
year? I'm sorry. I know you're
00:20:33.16\00:20:37.17
busy. All who so much blood.
I well. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm just
00:20:37.17\00:20:43.34
trying to figure out how
long is this going to take? Man?
00:20:43.34\00:20:45.57
This is open heart surgery.
Oh, yeah, I can tell it's
00:20:45.57\00:20:48.58
really how how did you even get
in here to carry on over here?
00:20:48.58\00:20:51.78
And I did security. Don't worry
about them. Don't worry about
00:20:51.78\00:20:53.82
that list that I'm just really
here to figure out like how
00:20:53.82\00:20:56.72
long this is going to take
it. You know, we kind of have
00:20:56.72\00:20:58.19
plans. I repeat this. Is open
heart surgery, OK, OK, I get.
00:20:58.19\00:21:03.76
Is that a wedding dress?
You have only as you like it.
00:21:03.76\00:21:06.39
I just got it. Yeah, you're not
planning on marrying him today.
00:21:06.39\00:21:10.43
All of, you know, yeah. Acts
near anything which you know,
00:21:10.43\00:21:13.27
I just yeah, OK, that's OK,
though, because he liked it.
00:21:13.27\00:21:16.67
You know, it's going to happen,
though. I know it's going to
00:21:16.67\00:21:18.44
happen.
00:21:18.44\00:21:19.61
>> Happening today. I'm sorry.
Okay or not? Okay. Maybe next
00:21:19.61\00:21:23.65
week. Maybe. And this is going
to be several months. This is
00:21:23.65\00:21:26.78
open heart surgery.
00:21:26.78\00:21:29.75
>> Listen.
00:21:29.75\00:21:30.85
>> I want to dress the other
day. My mom was asking about
00:21:30.85\00:21:33.39
when you get married. We're
going to break isn't like I
00:21:33.39\00:21:35.26
don't know what I'm trying
to hurry up, mom, but just keep
00:21:35.26\00:21:36.96
pressure mean. I don't know.
I just need to hey, give me
00:21:36.96\00:21:39.13
something.
00:21:39.13\00:21:40.30
Get out. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay. I way outweigh its OK,
00:21:40.30\00:21:43.50
my weight in the waiting
room. I want my hair plays Lee,
00:21:43.50\00:21:47.50
OK? I'll go out on. Sorry
by. So we hope you get better.
00:21:47.50\00:21:51.27
Really? Really? So OK?
Already can go one. Sorry.
00:21:51.27\00:21:55.31
>> This is Pure Madness. Haha.
00:21:55.31\00:21:59.01
>> Okay. So tonight we have
00:21:59.01\00:22:02.18
Tammy and Steve Conway, pastor
Steve Conway joining us and
00:22:02.18\00:22:06.89
tonight's program
is fight for change. So
00:22:06.89\00:22:13.53
let's talk about
00:22:13.53\00:22:17.30
how do you fight for change
soon? I mean, you know, you're
00:22:17.30\00:22:20.87
talking week, you know, to me,
I'm thinking changes happening
00:22:20.87\00:22:24.84
Day, but it's so
amazing. Yeah, but
00:22:24.84\00:22:28.34
what is the fight for change?
Change changes? And I like.
00:22:28.34\00:22:33.28
>> The fact that you brought
that up that every day we're
00:22:33.28\00:22:35.58
going through changes may yet
there are a lot of people who
00:22:35.58\00:22:38.12
wake up every day fighting
against it, right? They spend a
00:22:38.12\00:22:41.36
lot of energy and time rather
is fighting a juror fighting,
00:22:41.36\00:22:46.49
you know, the processes
of life. And I think that
00:22:46.49\00:22:48.56
sometimes we put a lot of
energy in the wrong place.
00:22:48.56\00:22:51.47
Okay. And we do set ourselves
up to be successful, right and
00:22:51.47\00:22:55.40
processing through the change.
We don't we don't even know how
00:22:55.40\00:22:57.71
to receive it because most
of us, how many of us have had
00:22:57.71\00:23:00.71
people sit down with us when
we're little and tell us about
00:23:00.71\00:23:03.85
change, you know, or use
another word grief. What I do
00:23:03.85\00:23:07.98
workshops with people. And this
past weekend I was attending a
00:23:07.98\00:23:11.59
or speaking at a retreat
00:23:11.59\00:23:14.16
and it was the same thing over
and over again. How many of us
00:23:14.16\00:23:16.56
had an adult sit down with us
in our adolescence and explain
00:23:16.56\00:23:19.66
to us about the realities
of loss and change and no one
00:23:19.66\00:23:23.30
really raise their
hand. And so we are far better
00:23:23.30\00:23:26.13
equipped to deal with minor
accidents. We are far better
00:23:26.13\00:23:29.84
equipped to know how to obtain
things but not how to lose
00:23:29.84\00:23:32.64
them. Right. And so the subject
of change is so real. And yet
00:23:32.64\00:23:36.91
the least thing
that we talk about.
00:23:36.91\00:23:39.38
>> And grief is not just
from death. Yes, I mean, we can
00:23:39.38\00:23:44.49
think of the big ones, death,
divorce, but grief can be.
00:23:44.49\00:23:48.79
I've talked with missionaries
who has gone into far countries
00:23:48.79\00:23:53.50
and their grieving the loss
of their culture. Yes, in a type
00:23:53.50\00:23:58.00
anytime that we
00:23:58.00\00:23:59.77
I'm going to tell you a few
past 65. You know that aging is
00:23:59.77\00:24:04.01
humbling and a lot of people
are grieving over the loss of
00:24:04.01\00:24:08.01
their h***. Yeah. Grieving
over that. Just that, you know,
00:24:08.01\00:24:12.91
retirement 7 people.
Yeah. Yeah. Look. So forward to
00:24:12.91\00:24:16.38
retirement. Then when they
retire, it's like, oh, I can't
00:24:16.38\00:24:19.89
take this. Yeah. So what are
some of the things that people
00:24:19.89\00:24:25.29
can do? 2, you've got
resources. I know. And you have
00:24:25.29\00:24:31.47
written some books. Tell us
about what you've got going on
00:24:31.47\00:24:34.57
with stamina for life.
00:24:34.57\00:24:36.27
>> Now, one of the things
and this is kind of time and 2
00:24:36.27\00:24:41.01
things. It's a practical, a
tool. And I appreciate one of
00:24:41.01\00:24:47.12
the things that
my wife shares is.
00:24:47.12\00:24:50.29
And you just said it. You said
00:24:50.29\00:24:54.36
ow. Add to it a little bit
where taught how to get things?
00:24:54.36\00:24:59.79
Yeah, but very seldom are
we taught how to lose things.
00:24:59.79\00:25:04.53
And so I so appreciated that by
the way, I was one of her first
00:25:04.53\00:25:09.14
clients going through, you
know, James Griese and and what
00:25:09.14\00:25:13.78
not? Yeah. And I went through
an experience past room where I
00:25:13.78\00:25:19.91
lost
00:25:19.91\00:25:22.92
a number of
00:25:22.92\00:25:24.45
a man who were who are very,
00:25:24.45\00:25:28.46
very important to me, mentors,
people that I looked up to
00:25:28.46\00:25:33.23
people who have been
instrumental and helping to
00:25:33.23\00:25:36.70
shape me encouraged me people
who are at families that I I
00:25:36.70\00:25:40.80
looked at him. I said, man,
I want to have a family like
00:25:40.80\00:25:43.34
that. I want to do things, you
know, and some of the matter.
00:25:43.34\00:25:46.11
And and so, you know, 3 man
in particular, I can think of
00:25:46.11\00:25:52.05
that. I lost within a span
of about 4 years on top of,
00:25:52.05\00:25:56.72
you know, all the funerals
of doing during the pandemic.
00:25:56.72\00:26:00.79
>> And what have you? And
it was really overwhelming it.
00:26:00.79\00:26:03.83
You know, I think that is not
talked about enough that people
00:26:03.83\00:26:06.76
who serve in ministry people
who do people work, right,
00:26:06.76\00:26:09.96
whether it's doctors or nurses
or pastors or missionaries,
00:26:09.96\00:26:14.24
people who do people work, they
go through a lot when it comes
00:26:14.24\00:26:18.21
to loss and they're holding it
in because they're supposed to
00:26:18.21\00:26:21.88
have all the answers, right?
You have hope Jesus is coming.
00:26:21.88\00:26:24.68
But it's important for
people to know that 2 things can
00:26:24.68\00:26:26.98
exist. At the same time.
You can have hope and still
00:26:26.98\00:26:29.72
have a tremendous amount of
pain regards to last. You know,
00:26:29.72\00:26:33.39
I wasn't I wasn't.
00:26:33.39\00:26:36.19
>> Okay with
00:26:36.19\00:26:40.30
I don't want to say angry
00:26:40.30\00:26:42.13
but being disappointed with
God. Yeah, because why didn't
00:26:42.13\00:26:46.10
you restore these people
that we pray for, you know, the
00:26:46.10\00:26:48.77
influence of the head and at
the same Thomas timer mention,
00:26:48.77\00:26:53.04
you know, I'm supposed to be,
you know, for the Lord himself
00:26:53.04\00:26:55.94
so descend from heaven with
the show with a voice of the are
00:26:55.94\00:26:58.91
always supposed to point to the
resurrection because it is the
00:26:58.91\00:27:03.08
blessing. Hope
00:27:03.08\00:27:05.72
I'm uncomfortable looking
forward to the resurrection
00:27:05.72\00:27:09.12
because I'm in such pain
right now and so learning how to
00:27:09.12\00:27:13.76
process that and being
okay as Thomas said with
00:27:13.76\00:27:18.70
having hope and a
resurrection at the same time,
00:27:18.70\00:27:23.30
missing very much and hurting
from the loss of these very,
00:27:23.30\00:27:29.31
very important relationships
and live. So I think
00:27:29.31\00:27:33.65
one of the first things in
a practical way is that we can
00:27:33.65\00:27:37.19
understand that it is normal
and natural in a sinful world
00:27:37.19\00:27:41.32
for us to experience loss.
It doesn't feel good. That's
00:27:41.32\00:27:44.96
not what we're saying. But it
is normal and natural living in
00:27:44.96\00:27:48.00
a sinful world for us to lose
things. And so the having that
00:27:48.00\00:27:53.37
thought and I happy about
it, right, right, right. And you
00:27:53.37\00:27:56.57
don't have to. And it's
and then we've got to go here.
00:27:56.57\00:27:59.51
We've got to go here. I was in
a in a context and a Christian
00:27:59.51\00:28:02.68
context. Yeah. It's almost
as though you can't cry at a
00:28:02.68\00:28:05.55
funeral.
00:28:05.55\00:28:06.95
It is almost as though you, you
know, yes, light will come on
00:28:06.95\00:28:09.62
out. You know, Jesus is coming
in live. Yes, I do. But it
00:28:09.62\00:28:14.42
still hurts. No headline.
It still hurts to lose someone
00:28:14.42\00:28:18.86
that you love. And,
00:28:18.86\00:28:21.63
>> you know, we've got to get
out of some of the things that
00:28:21.63\00:28:23.63
we say want to tell them
some of the stuff we say all.
00:28:23.63\00:28:25.93
I mean, you know, there's
these things we call miss right?
00:28:25.93\00:28:28.87
Were fed those things even
from early childhood don't cry,
00:28:28.87\00:28:32.34
right? Don't feel bad. So
what am I supposed to feel
00:28:32.34\00:28:36.75
or, you know,
00:28:36.75\00:28:39.95
inmate got gotten you could
handle? You know, I can't tell
00:28:39.95\00:28:43.45
you how many keep it we mean.
Well, I think some of our skits
00:28:43.45\00:28:47.12
that we do with some of the
shows that you'll see and when
00:28:47.12\00:28:49.29
we talk, we talk about that
of the unfortunate part of how
00:28:49.29\00:28:54.03
people don't like being
around people who are grieving.
00:28:54.03\00:28:56.97
And so we try to fix
them. We try to stop them from
00:28:56.97\00:28:59.40
grieving because it's
uncomfortable. But in the midst
00:28:59.40\00:29:01.97
of that, we're heaping on
top of the more grief by telling
00:29:01.97\00:29:05.14
them this troops, right,
blaming God for things like we
00:29:05.14\00:29:08.64
have got to blame for a whole
lot of stuff. Yeah. As as we
00:29:08.64\00:29:12.58
discovered in one of the least
talked about losses, ah is to
00:29:12.58\00:29:18.39
actually to actually get to
00:29:18.39\00:29:20.62
pet loss and miscarriage.
Yeah, yeah. Those are the 2
00:29:20.62\00:29:23.66
least in this because those
2 areas generally what people
00:29:23.66\00:29:27.36
carry is a lot of guilt and
shame, right? One because can I
00:29:27.36\00:29:30.47
greet my pet loss? Yes, you
can. Especially if you have to
00:29:30.47\00:29:33.37
put a pat down. Yes, it is true
that it is. Yeah. And yet they
00:29:33.37\00:29:36.94
feel ashamed to say that
they actually feel a deep loss
00:29:36.94\00:29:39.44
because it wasn't a human
life. No got understands a man,
00:29:39.44\00:29:42.78
right. And then the
miscarriages, very powerful
00:29:42.78\00:29:45.35
there. So many women who
haven't even talked about it,
00:29:45.35\00:29:48.48
right? Because they've been
told things like, oh, you know
00:29:48.48\00:29:51.85
what? God will give you another
one. God doesn't replace loss.
00:29:51.85\00:29:55.86
>> I want to tell you another
one. Yeah, is when you can't
00:29:55.86\00:29:59.23
have children? Yes, you know,
we I wanted 6. Yeah. And we
00:29:59.23\00:30:03.93
were unable to have children in.
00:30:03.93\00:30:06.50
It's amazing how sometimes
people will say things like,
00:30:06.50\00:30:11.31
well, God probably knew
you wouldn't be a clean Air Act
00:30:11.31\00:30:14.18
like
00:30:14.18\00:30:16.34
what a thing to say. Yeah,
right? Yeah. And so people see,
00:30:16.34\00:30:20.35
do say or, you know, it's
it's you're going to get over.
00:30:20.35\00:30:25.49
This guide is going to
just give it time to skip it.
00:30:25.49\00:30:28.52
Time time heals all things.
And that's not true. You never
00:30:28.52\00:30:32.23
get over that loss. And how
is that? They can see you work
00:30:32.23\00:30:35.30
through it beyond it in you.
And you learn to my and said
00:30:35.30\00:30:39.93
once
00:30:39.93\00:30:41.04
when my uncle died, she
said she came out to visit a few
00:30:41.04\00:30:44.61
late years later.
00:30:44.61\00:30:46.11
They've been married nearly 60
years inch. I ask her, how did
00:30:46.11\00:30:50.68
you handle really? And you know
what she said and people always
00:30:50.68\00:30:54.68
relate to this. She said, well,
it took me a year to get my
00:30:54.68\00:31:00.32
feet under me. He has another
year to walk without wobbling
00:31:00.32\00:31:04.66
is yeah, that first years.
All those first first birthday.
00:31:04.66\00:31:09.10
First time you go to a
restaurant that you went to it
00:31:09.10\00:31:12.53
and people what we do with
people who have a great thing.
00:31:12.53\00:31:16.54
It seems sometimes we're very
supportive for the first week
00:31:16.54\00:31:21.21
or 2
00:31:21.21\00:31:22.84
and then it's like, OK,
life goes on and they just feel
00:31:22.84\00:31:26.55
totally in a band that, yeah,
yeah, you know, I tell people a
00:31:26.55\00:31:31.25
lot that
00:31:31.25\00:31:32.82
grief is
actually a got attribute.
00:31:32.82\00:31:35.09
>> And it is one of the
most versatile tumors guys that
00:31:35.09\00:31:38.96
exist on the face of the planet
of the reason. Why say that is
00:31:38.96\00:31:41.33
because if God did not grief,
he would not have sent us an
00:31:41.33\00:31:44.90
yeah that that the thought
of losing us, Amber, I greet him
00:31:44.90\00:31:50.01
so much that he had to send
the sign. And so if you grieve,
00:31:50.01\00:31:55.28
you are caso to cut, then you
think you are. He understands,
00:31:55.28\00:31:58.95
right? But understanding you
does not mean that you cannot
00:31:58.95\00:32:01.88
grief. You know, we use
that scripture, right? You know,
00:32:01.88\00:32:04.32
do not grieve as they also
do not have hope. It did not say
00:32:04.32\00:32:07.09
that you don't grief. It
says that you don't grief like,
00:32:07.09\00:32:10.56
but it is definitely normal
and natural to grieve a loss.
00:32:10.56\00:32:14.63
>> I have a question that just
came. And by the way, this is a
00:32:14.63\00:32:18.13
live program. You may send
your questions to us by ticks at
00:32:18.13\00:32:24.24
618-228-3975,
00:32:24.24\00:32:29.18
or you can email us
live at 3, a B in DOT TV.
00:32:29.18\00:32:38.32
>> This is something that is
so pregnant. I was going to hold
00:32:38.32\00:32:41.72
this question that came in.
But it's so permanent that may
00:32:41.72\00:32:44.63
read this to this is from
Charlie and the Philippines.
00:32:44.63\00:32:47.96
His wife died in February.
He has 2 children and after the
00:32:47.96\00:32:53.03
wife was buried in families
been totally torn apart.
00:32:53.03\00:32:57.41
He shocked he is a 62 year-old
man lives alone. But his son
00:32:57.41\00:33:03.75
blames himself for his mother's
death. He's angry and evidently
00:33:03.75\00:33:10.12
that daughter the oldest sister
00:33:10.12\00:33:12.89
and the sun
00:33:12.89\00:33:16.22
at each other's
throats over this. And he said
00:33:16.22\00:33:19.43
not counting the grief of
my wife's passing right now.
00:33:19.43\00:33:22.80
I'm devastated. I'm sad and so
hurt were just a small family.
00:33:22.80\00:33:27.84
The situation's not getting
any better. I'm caught middle of
00:33:27.84\00:33:31.77
the siblings. Cold War.
00:33:31.77\00:33:34.28
I do not know where to turn
for help. I have no parents.
00:33:34.28\00:33:37.38
I'd even tried asking for
mediation and intervention from
00:33:37.38\00:33:41.02
my older brother, but he has
serious health issues. And what
00:33:41.02\00:33:45.62
more can I do? I've
made several efforts for my 2
00:33:45.62\00:33:48.46
children patch up,
00:33:48.46\00:33:50.19
but there's so adamant on their
stand-up, not reconciling or
00:33:50.19\00:33:54.40
forgiving each other.
And so how would you counsel
00:33:54.40\00:34:00.60
someone who's feeling very
lonely and isolated? Watching
00:34:00.60\00:34:05.74
Newsies is grieving the loss
of his wife, but watching his
00:34:05.74\00:34:09.44
family disintegrate
happen. What's the next step?
00:34:09.44\00:34:13.15
>> Oh, wow. First, I just
want to acknowledge his loss.
00:34:13.15\00:34:17.42
You know, and I I want to
let him know that it is okay.
00:34:17.42\00:34:22.59
You know, for him to feel
all the things that he's feeling
00:34:22.59\00:34:25.33
and what's more common than
not when families go through a
00:34:25.33\00:34:29.13
significant loss is the
compound in nature, especially
00:34:29.13\00:34:32.87
when they don't have tools.
So I want to also say that is
00:34:32.87\00:34:36.00
not personal and that sounds
very dismissive, but it's not
00:34:36.00\00:34:39.24
what you're experiencing
is what happens with a family
00:34:39.24\00:34:42.34
business that does not have
tools and does not know how to
00:34:42.34\00:34:45.65
deal with loss. What
your children are feeling are.
00:34:45.65\00:34:49.32
What we always say is they
wish that they could have done
00:34:49.32\00:34:51.52
things
different, better or more,
00:34:51.52\00:34:54.76
but because we don't have
that language and we're feeling
00:34:54.76\00:34:57.69
these things right that are
uncomfortable. I know culture
00:34:57.69\00:35:00.53
plays a lot and how different
people deal with losses.
00:35:00.53\00:35:02.90
Well, you know, and so one of
the things that I would say I'm
00:35:02.90\00:35:06.47
first and foremost to him
as shortly God is able to reach
00:35:06.47\00:35:09.94
the heart of the human be.
There are certain things that
00:35:09.94\00:35:13.01
we cannot say that would not
quail that pain, that only the
00:35:13.01\00:35:16.54
holy spirit can can actually
go deep enough to take care of.
00:35:16.54\00:35:19.68
So that's the one thing
to continue to pray for them,
00:35:19.68\00:35:21.72
right. To also understand that
the things that we see on the
00:35:21.72\00:35:26.02
surface and if you could
think about an iceberg, right,
00:35:26.02\00:35:29.22
they're very looming large and
at the top. That's what we see
00:35:29.22\00:35:32.99
that was palpable, the anger
and the frustration. But we say
00:35:32.99\00:35:36.63
that that is often what a
surface to surface or secondary
00:35:36.63\00:35:40.37
emotion, anger do. Is they just
the tip, right? But we often
00:35:40.37\00:35:45.41
look at anger in those things
that are allowed in the things
00:35:45.41\00:35:48.41
that we can see and hear.
We're like, oh, my goodness.
00:35:48.41\00:35:51.08
But underneath souls,
right are a much bigger chasm of
00:35:51.08\00:35:55.42
emotions. And a lot of
people don't have emotional
00:35:55.42\00:35:58.09
vocabulary. That's what angers
the easiest thing that they can
00:35:58.09\00:36:01.02
go to where some of the things
that often the layup and or
00:36:01.02\00:36:04.19
anger.
00:36:04.19\00:36:05.13
>> Fear guilt. Yes, and yes,
00:36:05.13\00:36:10.73
actually paying. Yeah.
00:36:10.73\00:36:12.87
>> Sadness regret,
right? All of those are actually
00:36:12.87\00:36:16.67
primary emotions that people
wish that they could express,
00:36:16.67\00:36:20.18
but they don't have. They were
never taught, right? So we go
00:36:20.18\00:36:23.65
to the easiest thing that
we can grab a hold on to. And
00:36:23.65\00:36:26.38
unfortunately, it is the the
pain that comes to the surface
00:36:26.38\00:36:30.22
and it comes out in
anger. And so when I said is not
00:36:30.22\00:36:32.49
personal. That's what I
mean. It really is a personal.
00:36:32.49\00:36:35.59
It is. People are hurting
and they don't have the means by
00:36:35.59\00:36:38.56
which to go deeper and bring
it up and handed to use a dad.
00:36:38.56\00:36:42.36
I'm in pain. I miss my mom.
Right? Or I wish I could have
00:36:42.36\00:36:45.93
said something different.
I feel guilty because I think
00:36:45.93\00:36:48.60
I'm to blame the yeah.
I mean that guilt. Yeah.
00:36:48.60\00:36:52.11
>> Yeah. I think there's
another another. If I can add
00:36:52.11\00:36:56.81
to what you're saying is it's
like when you're getting ready
00:36:56.81\00:37:00.78
to take a long fly on an
airplane or maybe even a short
00:37:00.78\00:37:03.82
flight
00:37:03.82\00:37:04.92
and they're going over how
to do fasten your seat belt.
00:37:04.92\00:37:07.76
And in case of an emergency,
the oxygen and what they always
00:37:07.76\00:37:12.46
tell you
00:37:12.46\00:37:13.83
first to secure. So you are
mask. Yeah. And then you can
00:37:13.83\00:37:19.50
help someone else. And so what
I would say and listening to my
00:37:19.50\00:37:24.77
brother share has openly
has, as he has. And he is,
00:37:24.77\00:37:29.08
you know, by the grace of God,
00:37:29.08\00:37:31.95
you can experience healing.
Yes, as we experience healing,
00:37:31.95\00:37:36.99
then we're able to share with
those around us. So my healing
00:37:36.99\00:37:43.22
doesn't have to be on
my brother's healing is not
00:37:43.22\00:37:45.73
dependent on his children's
healing, in other words,
00:37:45.73\00:37:49.36
well, I've got to fix them for
swat, helped them to heal and
00:37:49.36\00:37:52.63
get them straight and then I
can heal. That's not the way it
00:37:52.63\00:37:55.44
works. First I heal. Yeah,
the grace of God. And to do you
00:37:55.44\00:38:00.21
know, the working of the
holy spirit and and through my
00:38:00.21\00:38:02.98
healing, then my children
can experience healing as well.
00:38:02.98\00:38:07.12
>> The old saying is hurting.
People hurt people right here
00:38:07.12\00:38:09.72
and we strongly feel that
healing people can help other
00:38:09.72\00:38:12.69
people who it's wonderful.
00:38:12.69\00:38:15.19
>> Yeah, there obviously is
a process involved here. Yeah.
00:38:15.19\00:38:18.29
They just maybe a starts off
baby steps away. You're saying
00:38:18.29\00:38:21.76
absolutely. But you know,
if someone were to go to a
00:38:21.76\00:38:27.97
>> stamina for LIVE S T AM E N
A and for number the number for
00:38:27.97\00:38:35.91
life dot com. What kind
of resources to have on your
00:38:35.91\00:38:39.81
website? Yeah.
00:38:39.81\00:38:41.15
>> We have a lot of different
videos. We like to put out
00:38:41.15\00:38:43.95
consonant and we try to be as
transparent as we can about our
00:38:43.95\00:38:47.49
own life. You see that we
like to talk about things in a
00:38:47.49\00:38:50.23
humorous way because sometimes
they seem to be so heavy that
00:38:50.23\00:38:53.36
you have to kind of cracked
the surface. So we have a lot of
00:38:53.36\00:38:55.76
videos there. We have audio
that shows that your heels,
00:38:55.76\00:38:58.97
if you can talk about it that
way without being sarcastic.
00:38:58.97\00:39:02.04
Ha, ha ha. Yes. So you've got
videos, video, audio and all I
00:39:02.04\00:39:07.71
recently just completed a
writing a book about my own
00:39:07.71\00:39:11.71
journey. As far as coming part.
One part one. Haha coming from
00:39:11.71\00:39:16.12
a place of experiencing abuse
and in just a broken home and
00:39:16.12\00:39:20.49
and different things of that
nature. So I I'm trying to give
00:39:20.49\00:39:23.96
a little clip of that or a
snip. It a preview of that will
00:39:23.96\00:39:27.03
be publishing it within
the next couple of weeks.
00:39:27.03\00:39:29.73
Graduation. Yeah, that to you
guys and you have another look
00:39:29.73\00:39:33.80
at what's in the book.
00:39:33.80\00:39:34.90
>> Yes, the other book is
called Don 2 weeks notice and
00:39:34.90\00:39:40.04
it it deals with principles
for couples who are on the very
00:39:40.04\00:39:46.11
age. So as they are
contemplating as many couples
00:39:46.11\00:39:50.82
do, do I want to continue,
you know, or should we continue?
00:39:50.82\00:39:55.69
We share what we feel are very
important principles to help to
00:39:55.69\00:40:01.30
give a different perspective,
one, the relationship and on
00:40:01.30\00:40:05.47
the merits and on myself
individually at all as well.
00:40:05.47\00:40:10.41
Yeah. So those are some of
the things. And also we have a
00:40:10.41\00:40:15.11
series we we mentioned videos.
But one of those series of
00:40:15.11\00:40:19.48
videos called Love Phonics,
another one as premier its
00:40:19.48\00:40:23.75
coaching. So
we've taken some of the
00:40:23.75\00:40:27.26
>> contact. You have to be sure
you're on your grief recovery.
00:40:27.26\00:40:30.39
That change should get that.
Yes. So Charlie, our brother
00:40:30.39\00:40:34.20
Charlie could yeah there.
Yeah. We're going to say prayer
00:40:34.20\00:40:38.07
for Charlie and the key for
us who are in that position.
00:40:38.07\00:40:42.97
But before we pray, just
want to remind you one more time
00:40:42.97\00:40:47.04
you hit a word
00:40:47.04\00:40:49.28
that I think is so important
and you brought it up earlier.
00:40:49.28\00:40:53.11
The vocabulary. Yes,
most people don't have the
00:40:53.11\00:40:56.92
vocabulary.
00:40:56.92\00:40:58.25
These people I a it was so
much fun when you recorded your
00:40:58.25\00:41:02.52
series. All the production crew
was talking about it. Everybody
00:41:02.52\00:41:07.66
was in thrall, but that
all benefited and learned words
00:41:07.66\00:41:13.94
that, you know, we don't have
the emotional vocabulary and it
00:41:13.94\00:41:17.91
doesn't have to be some,
you know, cycle analytical term.
00:41:17.91\00:41:22.28
It's this long, 5 syllables.
You can't great vocabulary by
00:41:22.28\00:41:27.65
one watching and listening
to these 2 couples. So you can
00:41:27.65\00:41:32.22
send your questions to 6, 1, 8,
00:41:32.22\00:41:35.06
2, 2, 8, 3, 9, 7, 5, And we're
going to answer in all in the
00:41:35.06\00:41:39.66
second and the second
hour or you can TEX test.
00:41:39.66\00:41:45.73
Text us at LIVE
00:41:45.73\00:41:49.74
THREE, A B in debt to the male,
a male live at 3ABN, that TV
00:41:49.74\00:41:58.98
we'd like to have approved
for Charlie in people in this
00:41:58.98\00:42:02.78
situation. So they serve me.
00:42:02.78\00:42:06.72
>> Loving father and our God.
We come before you want to lift
00:42:06.72\00:42:10.76
up our brother, Charlie,
00:42:10.76\00:42:12.99
we want to lift up his children.
00:42:12.99\00:42:15.56
Yes, we want to
pray that you would
00:42:15.56\00:42:18.70
the the God of all comfort
Stu, Charlie and to his family.
00:42:18.70\00:42:23.44
We want to ask that you
would help a brother, Charlie,
00:42:23.44\00:42:27.04
to experience the healing.
That only Combs you. Yes,
00:42:27.04\00:42:31.68
and as he heals
00:42:31.68\00:42:33.85
and your presence, I pray that
then healing might overflow to
00:42:33.85\00:42:38.79
his children into the rest
of the family. This loss is real
00:42:38.79\00:42:43.76
and it hurts. But there's no
one in the universe who knows
00:42:43.76\00:42:47.60
that better that you do.
00:42:47.60\00:42:49.93
And that's why you are the
one who can help our brother.
00:42:49.93\00:42:53.40
Charlie, you're the one who can
help us. You're the one who can
00:42:53.40\00:42:56.77
help any of our friends were
out there this evening who are
00:42:56.77\00:43:01.14
dealing with loss and a pain
that seems like it will not go
00:43:01.14\00:43:06.18
away. There is good news.
There is good news. There was
00:43:06.18\00:43:11.12
sunshine after the rain news.
You're the one who gives joy
00:43:11.12\00:43:16.52
and the oil of gladness
and beauty for ashes and for
00:43:16.52\00:43:20.80
morning. So Lord, I pray
you would be that for each and
00:43:20.80\00:43:24.50
every one of us and the unique
way that each one needs you in
00:43:24.50\00:43:29.20
Jesus name. We pray.
00:43:29.20\00:43:30.74
[MUSIC]
00:43:30.74\00:43:32.91
>> Could I just say one
more thing that you take a deep
00:43:32.91\00:43:35.24
breath? But I just
wanted to tell Charlie,
00:43:35.24\00:43:38.55
one of my favorite promises
is some 3, 3, that God is our
00:43:38.55\00:43:44.42
shield. Half protect or he
is Maury. It's his character
00:43:44.42\00:43:50.96
working out in us. But he
is a lifter. None of our head,
00:43:50.96\00:43:57.00
a man. So just Charlie,
00:43:57.00\00:43:59.77
tell the Lord Lord Cup your
hand under my chin and lips me
00:43:59.77\00:44:05.01
my face in that meeting, the
full face to you and trust in
00:44:05.01\00:44:10.08
you that you will intervene and
you can change things and have
00:44:10.08\00:44:15.68
me.
00:44:15.68\00:44:18.25
>> Oh, I don't know. We
might go back 6 months on this.
00:44:18.25\00:44:21.16
But
00:44:21.16\00:44:23.16
the last time that we do every
night we heard approves and
00:44:23.16\00:44:26.63
everything and then for that,
which will pray together before
00:44:26.63\00:44:30.93
we actually go to sleep, we may
have preyed 2 or 3 times before
00:44:30.93\00:44:34.64
them. But
00:44:34.64\00:44:35.77
but anyway, one night, I'll
never forget that. Surely she
00:44:35.77\00:44:38.81
was praying for
00:44:38.81\00:44:41.78
for us, I guess.
00:44:41.78\00:44:44.11
And but she just says
00:44:44.11\00:44:48.95
range thing so that we
can feel your presence for us.
00:44:48.95\00:44:55.02
That was
00:44:55.02\00:44:56.39
how beautiful that is. And I'm
I mean so and this was sitting
00:44:56.39\00:45:00.46
here talking about
Charlie and his kids and
00:45:00.46\00:45:03.57
Lord, just ask that they've
been wearing this if you press.
00:45:03.57\00:45:07.17
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How how sweet
00:45:07.17\00:45:11.67
and how innocent?
Yeah, that isn't. So,
00:45:11.67\00:45:16.61
sir, ma'am.
00:45:16.61\00:45:18.05
>> I I always pray that for
people who are going through 7,
00:45:18.05\00:45:20.78
give them a fine awareness
of your presence and not just,
00:45:20.78\00:45:24.75
you know, OK, he's in my heart
by faith that they since his
00:45:24.75\00:45:29.22
presence with him because he's
promise never to leave us or
00:45:29.22\00:45:32.69
forsake us aid.
00:45:32.69\00:45:34.93
One day when I was going after
my surgery soon, everything and
00:45:34.93\00:45:38.60
I was having a rough day.
00:45:38.60\00:45:40.74
>> All of us and I said,
Lord, keep me and to find where
00:45:40.74\00:45:43.51
innocent humans. And it is
totally, it's changed my life.
00:45:43.51\00:45:48.41
I pray that every day is it.
00:45:48.41\00:45:50.95
>> No one wants a
some beautiful prayer.
00:45:50.95\00:45:54.98
Absolutely a beautiful for God.
00:45:54.98\00:45:57.89
And
00:45:57.89\00:45:59.42
well, I talked to
many people during the day
00:45:59.42\00:46:02.52
and there are many people
that never even said a prayer.
00:46:02.52\00:46:04.96
They want to so bad. It is.
And it doesn't get much more
00:46:04.96\00:46:10.27
vanilla than just that that
you just pray from your heart.
00:46:10.27\00:46:15.64
If people out there
want to talk to the Lord,
00:46:15.64\00:46:19.07
I don't know how I've
never done that before. What you
00:46:19.07\00:46:22.81
really like to I really like
to yeah, wanting to head the
00:46:22.81\00:46:27.25
prairie pass and
I've heard so many times
00:46:27.25\00:46:32.29
to 6.
00:46:32.29\00:46:35.42
That's a good place to start
right there. And then the other
00:46:35.42\00:46:39.63
coast. There are a lot
of hurting people out there.
00:46:39.63\00:46:42.03
Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, not
too many people could do XYZ.
00:46:42.03\00:46:45.70
Charlie did hear that. Actually
type it out. Yeah, you know,
00:46:45.70\00:46:50.31
I'm not leaving
out any step, but yeah.
00:46:50.31\00:46:53.68
>> And I would even say for
Charlie, much like most of the
00:46:53.68\00:46:56.08
people who are watching, it's
a huge step. Acknowledgement is
00:46:56.08\00:47:00.32
huge acknowledgment is a weight
that is lifted there. So many
00:47:00.32\00:47:04.42
people who carry it and
they don't speak it out loud,
00:47:04.42\00:47:07.66
right. That's one of the
reasons why God put us in
00:47:07.66\00:47:09.96
community and now community
is powerful for that reason.
00:47:09.96\00:47:14.40
And man have mercy on those of
us who are in communities where
00:47:14.40\00:47:17.23
we can not raise our hands were
drowning and say help me write,
00:47:17.23\00:47:22.64
I'm in pain help. Yeah. So what
he did was he went on. He typed
00:47:22.64\00:47:27.58
out that that is one of
the first steps. And I want to
00:47:27.58\00:47:29.78
commend them for that.
Acknowledging that he is in
00:47:29.78\00:47:32.38
pain.
00:47:32.38\00:47:33.52
>> So there's something rather
party compacted to his less.
00:47:33.52\00:47:36.65
Let me ask you about pride,
because what I've learned is
00:47:36.65\00:47:41.92
say that
00:47:41.92\00:47:44.89
so that I've got some people I
grew up where I would say that,
00:47:44.89\00:47:47.60
you know, maybe a number of
years. And let's just say that
00:47:47.60\00:47:51.00
I put on a whole lot of weight.
They have been saying since I
00:47:51.00\00:47:53.77
put on a long way
00:47:53.77\00:47:56.24
and I was saying
about this not long ago.
00:47:56.24\00:47:59.37
Well, I'd be excepted types
takes about 5 seconds glance
00:47:59.37\00:48:06.75
and then that's behind you.
00:48:06.75\00:48:10.95
And so how how deep does pride
go to prevent your maybe a half
00:48:10.95\00:48:17.03
half of your life that you just
spent hiding behind the doors
00:48:17.03\00:48:21.16
because of what the other
person I think in your heart is
00:48:21.16\00:48:24.20
craving? Yeah. I want to
talk to him so bad I want to
00:48:24.20\00:48:31.07
and how do you handle something
like that? Pride pride is a big
00:48:31.07\00:48:35.54
deal.
00:48:35.54\00:48:36.75
Yeah, it is. I want to
00:48:36.75\00:48:39.71
if I can.
00:48:39.71\00:48:41.15
>> You know, put another
topping on the streets and and
00:48:41.15\00:48:45.22
it it. It's a perfect
00:48:45.22\00:48:49.16
companion for pride. Yeah, and
it's chain and I'm not recently
00:48:49.16\00:48:56.50
was doing some series
00:48:56.50\00:48:58.87
doing research and and sharing.
00:48:58.87\00:49:03.14
And what have you on saying
on the topic of saying and
00:49:03.14\00:49:09.04
when I tell you what,
I'll tell you what I'm
00:49:09.04\00:49:14.25
saying is it's it's a it's
a horrible thing to the point
00:49:14.25\00:49:18.55
that I made about community.
00:49:18.55\00:49:22.92
When you want to when you want
to get away from pride and when
00:49:22.92\00:49:27.03
you want to get away from Shane,
00:49:27.03\00:49:29.33
a lot of times our communities
won't allow us to. That's
00:49:29.33\00:49:33.67
right. Yeah. John, Chapter
9. I think it is is a wonderful
00:49:33.67\00:49:37.84
example of that. You
have the man was born blind
00:49:37.84\00:49:43.24
and the community thought serve
way about him who saying this
00:49:43.24\00:49:47.35
man over there, right?
00:49:47.35\00:49:50.09
This man experiences
00:49:50.09\00:49:53.19
life altering transformation.
He's able to see them white and
00:49:53.19\00:49:59.39
they are sitting around
arguing amongst one another
00:49:59.39\00:50:03.67
to the point where his
own parents are willing to
00:50:03.67\00:50:07.20
publicly, you know, embrace
this child of that where we we
00:50:07.20\00:50:11.44
you know, he's awesome. We
don't know what happened to him
00:50:11.44\00:50:14.18
and what not. And ultimately,
when he professes, you know,
00:50:14.18\00:50:18.58
do you guys want to become
as this? I would have told you
00:50:18.58\00:50:20.82
already how many
times you want to be here
00:50:20.82\00:50:23.82
and they refer back to
that communal idea of saying
00:50:23.82\00:50:28.22
you were all
together born in scene.
00:50:28.22\00:50:31.83
And do you think
that you can instruct us
00:50:31.83\00:50:34.76
and the Bible says, of
course they throw him out of the
00:50:34.76\00:50:36.87
temple. It's it was a profound
thing for me to see send work
00:50:36.87\00:50:41.10
in the communal
00:50:41.10\00:50:42.87
and a communal way. Yes,
because there's so many of us
00:50:42.87\00:50:45.94
that Christ
00:50:45.94\00:50:47.31
has transformed and
is transforming and yet
00:50:47.31\00:50:52.78
saying won't allow us or
perceived. Shane won't allow us
00:50:52.78\00:50:57.92
to walk in that newness of life
won't allow us to walk yes and
00:50:57.92\00:51:02.56
put on some weight on me of say
it may be divorce. Now, maybe
00:51:02.56\00:51:07.36
you know, any number of
things, you know, I'm no longer
00:51:07.36\00:51:09.90
addicted
00:51:09.90\00:51:11.17
and the community is like,
but but we know we know you are.
00:51:11.17\00:51:16.10
Yeah, we know where you can.
We remember. Yeah. All right.
00:51:16.10\00:51:19.14
And so I think being a part of
a hat, healthy community right
00:51:19.14\00:51:24.81
now is a tremendous that's a
tremendous part of the healing
00:51:24.81\00:51:29.42
process that got wants us to
go through. My prayer is that,
00:51:29.42\00:51:33.22
you know, my family and all my
are congregational church tenby
00:51:33.22\00:51:38.49
in that community so that
doc can send people that he is
00:51:38.49\00:51:42.03
transforming healing into
that community so that we can
00:51:42.03\00:51:45.40
encourage them in
this newness of life.
00:51:45.40\00:51:48.37
I know one thing that
that I've witnessed it.
00:51:48.37\00:51:52.01
>> Share your testimony.
I don't know how to share my
00:51:52.01\00:51:54.48
testimony. Have you know?
I don't I don't I don't feel
00:51:54.48\00:51:57.91
like were there for
whatever it may be yet.
00:51:57.91\00:52:00.88
And for abuse that
John 9 says, you know,
00:52:00.88\00:52:05.52
and I've reviewed this in my
own life, you know, in America
00:52:05.52\00:52:10.89
is taking place in my life.
But that might take too long to
00:52:10.89\00:52:14.63
sit and share. If somebody
asked me, says, I don't know.
00:52:14.63\00:52:18.00
All I know is that I was yes,
yeah. I just hope that somebody
00:52:18.00\00:52:23.07
will hear that because it can
be that simple. Yeah, you know,
00:52:23.07\00:52:27.41
just I can't really tell
you call the nuts and the bolts
00:52:27.41\00:52:31.88
that but this one for its
wonderful bill to see. And
00:52:31.88\00:52:37.35
there's some clarity and
00:52:37.35\00:52:39.35
>> there's something that
00:52:39.35\00:52:41.42
we're talking about.
Community community requires
00:52:41.42\00:52:45.09
communication when
communication use the
00:52:45.09\00:52:48.20
relationship. I I'm gonna tell
you something I have to friend.
00:52:48.20\00:52:52.40
We hardly ever see each other.
But when I was going through
00:52:52.40\00:52:55.57
recovery, we started talking
on a daily basis and she's the
00:52:55.57\00:52:59.57
only person I talked to on a
daily basis other than this man
00:52:59.57\00:53:02.64
right here. I love her to pay.
Since we're so close. We dis
00:53:02.64\00:53:06.78
its chip chat. It's
really not important stuff. But
00:53:06.78\00:53:11.65
Haitian is the relationship.
That's why parents were
00:53:11.65\00:53:15.22
important. I grew up
00:53:15.22\00:53:17.53
in a very dysfunctional
00:53:17.53\00:53:19.66
this situation.
00:53:19.66\00:53:21.03
I was shamed
00:53:21.03\00:53:25.13
grandparents not to tell
you. You can't tell anything.
00:53:25.13\00:53:29.27
Well, and I remember when
you when you are talking about
00:53:29.27\00:53:34.18
meeting the community, I
can remember as a junior in high
00:53:34.18\00:53:38.41
school that things were
so crazy and I had my biology
00:53:38.41\00:53:43.05
teacher came to me
in the hall and said
00:53:43.05\00:53:46.29
White through the smartest
girl in school. Why are you not
00:53:46.29\00:53:50.23
doing your homework should give
pop, he says and she chewed me
00:53:50.23\00:53:53.93
up, pointed out
Southern, speaking out
00:53:53.93\00:53:56.36
and everything inside of
me. I wanted to cry and say no,
00:53:56.36\00:54:01.47
a lot of us,
00:54:01.47\00:54:03.14
our top it
00:54:03.14\00:54:04.97
not to
00:54:04.97\00:54:07.61
and not to share. Yeah.
And then so there's that shame
00:54:07.61\00:54:12.21
factor right there.
Yeah. And then there's a lot of
00:54:12.21\00:54:15.48
people who you try to share
and they're just they're off.
00:54:15.48\00:54:20.69
So what I tell people to say
is if somebody asks, how are you
00:54:20.69\00:54:24.29
doing today and you're
having a tough time. I just say
00:54:24.29\00:54:29.46
I'll get better.
00:54:29.46\00:54:31.00
Yeah. And if somebody has got
time to talk, they'll sit down
00:54:31.00\00:54:33.97
and engage even church. So talk
to us about we only have a we
00:54:33.97\00:54:38.41
don't have any to look into it.
00:54:38.41\00:54:40.54
We want to come back and talk.
Haha, because you need to learn
00:54:40.54\00:54:44.31
of cap. You know, we need
to learn how to open up how to
00:54:44.31\00:54:49.32
approach how to be. You know,
listening is the most important
00:54:49.32\00:54:52.39
Communications Co
00:54:52.39\00:54:54.89
we need to also do away with
this. If you re talking about
00:54:54.89\00:54:59.96
miss that, got his favorites.
Yeah, that, you know, God is
00:54:59.96\00:55:04.57
not here in my purse. So we
want to come back because this
00:55:04.57\00:55:08.84
beautiful couple
are getting ready to.
00:55:08.84\00:55:13.21
>> Take an exciting new step in
their ministry. They are going
00:55:13.21\00:55:19.05
to start doing intense Eve
00:55:19.05\00:55:23.69
care, if you will. I guess
ICU care sessions in their home
00:55:23.69\00:55:32.09
and it is going to reach
00:55:32.09\00:55:35.16
pastors, ministers,
missionaries, people,
00:55:35.16\00:55:39.40
individuals who are white
struggling through change.
00:55:39.40\00:55:43.71
So we want to talk about what
they're going to do and we want
00:55:43.71\00:55:48.98
you to send us your questions
so we can talk to you. Let them
00:55:48.98\00:55:54.12
share with you the smart people
because you're smart because
00:55:54.12\00:55:58.29
you listen to that point
and you can send them to 6, 1,
00:55:58.29\00:56:03.22
8, text, 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8, 3,
9, 7, 5, or email live at 3ABN,
00:56:03.22\00:56:14.04
DOT TV.
00:56:14.04\00:56:15.47
>> It's got to stop before.
Well, I just want to go over
00:56:15.47\00:56:17.74
this again.
00:56:17.74\00:56:19.14
If you've got a pencil and
paper, you might write down
00:56:19.14\00:56:21.81
Isaiah 55 6. That's good.
And, you know, as you look back
00:56:21.81\00:56:25.98
here,
00:56:25.98\00:56:27.22
it says Saith the Lord while he
may be filed. Well, that sounds
00:56:27.22\00:56:31.19
simple enough. Do you think
that he could be found if you
00:56:31.19\00:56:33.86
say help to them and then call
a phone him while he's Mayor
00:56:33.86\00:56:38.33
Newsom? A press on? Yes, I
mean, this should be something
00:56:38.33\00:56:41.63
up. So if you have an issue,
the 2 thankful nobody will
00:56:41.63\00:56:46.53
listen. I've got all this all
this baggage and everything I'd
00:56:46.53\00:56:50.87
like to build shows.
Well, we certainly know. I mean,
00:56:50.87\00:56:54.21
the creator of the universe I'm
sitting here says, hey, I can
00:56:54.21\00:56:58.21
be found if
you're just saying help.
00:56:58.21\00:57:00.42
>> And as you know, so that's
a good one to write them on that
00:57:00.42\00:57:04.19
coming. I can see where you
say, well, today, this is one
00:57:04.19\00:57:06.39
of my favorites. Well, but I
like what? Because it's in his
00:57:06.39\00:57:10.16
per se kids thoughts. And I
love that you tie and a breeze
00:57:10.16\00:57:13.80
for 12 pay them off.
00:57:13.80\00:57:15.90
>> Boy, I'll tell you, we're
going to have some fun in the
00:57:15.90\00:57:18.83
second. Now we hope to receive
your questions. And don't
00:57:18.83\00:57:22.27
forget that you can go to 3ABN
plus to watch of their series
00:57:22.27\00:57:30.11
of when we talk with
Pastor Steve and Tamarac. You go
00:57:30.11\00:57:35.18
right. Hammer Tammy and
Conway. So we'll be right back.
00:57:35.18\00:57:42.26
[MUSIC]
00:57:42.26\00:57:47.23
>> I was
00:57:47.23\00:57:48.30
[MUSIC]
00:57:48.30\00:57:53.30
[MUSIC]
00:57:53.30\00:57:58.31
[MUSIC]
00:57:58.31\00:58:13.39