Welcome back to a dull program,
informative, challenging and
00:00:14.21\00:00:17.71
rich and rich honey. To be here
is like Thanksgiving table has
been spared this table has full
00:00:17.71\00:00:27.02
sprint, Bull with some solid
information that I know many of
you who watched the first
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hour probably writing stuff down
on Cent O you're thinking about
names on a you may be
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that person for whom this
information is really a free and
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in power or are we speaking with
pass to Steve and Tammy Tamarac.
Conway. Yes. And they stamina
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full live. and if somebody just
the first hour, don't know how
they can make that mistake.
00:00:50.81\00:00:55.95
Maybe time zones. One minute cap
of who you are, where just to
help them catch up. Yes. So
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we live in southeast Michigan
and we passed with Troy
Seven-day Adventist Church for
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children. I'm married for 21
years. So to be 22 years. >>
stamina for life is is what
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we do trying to help people to
deal with grief and they would
changes challenges and
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choices. Nation shipment nation.
yes, yes. And healing healing.
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>> You know, you have 2 sets of
who says because we need a lot
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of growth. >> Age gap. yes, I
like that. That was to said that
they have their claws. Maya.
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>> With that now we've got one.
Yeah, what 20 and. >> Yeah,
Israel's 20, will be
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18 next week. And then we the 2
younger ones. Gable is 12. An
angel is 11. Whoa. yes.
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>> He's my angel and a lot angel
yeah. That's that. That's the
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challenge in his generation
where it's hard to fill to
what's coming at your children.
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someone psychologists and I
think talk to on trouble heart.
He talked about a generation
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that is the thrill to death.
That book deals for anybody
involved with the millennials.
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Thrilled to death is a book. I
highly recommend talking too
much Ball hot and the digital
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invasion. And, you know, dealing
with all these people because
something's coming to
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relationships that. get from you
know with that. You can read you
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I. >> lot. To his website. And
and is is so we have to pray for
our children today golden.
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>> kind of go back to some of
that, OK? Because I think that
what you said in the first
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hour about parenting and the
goals and those do with those
classical would called to the
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sets 2 sets children. Yeah. They
made it through the just about
the rain. Talk about
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that a little bit. Hammer. Oh,
my goodness. You know, it's all
interesting. Not too long
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ago. My oldest >> ready to turn
18? We had a moment. We talk a
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lot in our family. You know,
sometimes that happens mostly
during family worship. That's
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why we love family worship. This
is not just a time for us to
read and pray, but that's where
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we actually talk about deep
things and then but this
particular day, my oldest
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daughter because my younger ones
were asking, you know, mom, you
know, want to let us
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go. It's over. He was house. And
I'm like, you you know, of
course, my background, right?
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Thank But also, you know, my
older 2, they always knew the
answer. But my daughter share
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with me something one day. She
said mom late at night were just
sitting and talking me in
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her bio sleep. She said, Mom,
thank you. Do not understand.
You know why he didn't let us
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go. She was I but oftentimes I
want you to know. And this is
where that that difference in
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what I know. I didn't have the
ability to do a Yeah, which is
to have that those transparent
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moment of And that was because
my mom just didn't know how to
mind right. But she said, mom,
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you, I never experience the
things you experience. You know,
and I feel sometimes
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like parenting me through your
trauma, now. And he I literally
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was like. >> Wow, look,
goodness, in the hope now
reiterate that just to somebody
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who trying to get that I was
parenting her right through my
trauma. So that meant that the
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glasses that I had on ice on
life through. Yeah, I was
unfortunately sometimes passing
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that along to my children. But
my children didn't come came
from. They didn't experience
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the things that I saw. A lot of
the way that I saw a life and
people was colored by the
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abuse. you know, those types of
things. So sometimes on. But
most of us, we can parent
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our children through our trauma
and we end up passing along to
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them. Ideas or feelings and
thoughts about people and
things. And some people say,
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well, that's good because that
way, you know, they won't have
these things that accident is
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protecting them. But that's
actually not really true if
they're taking on my baggage.
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You understand what I'm saying
that I'm the one who lived it,
but I can pass along to the top.
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And line said it right that my
son and I really appreciate her
sharing that with me. That was
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one of those clarifying moment
as a parent. When you get to see
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who you are, your children's
eyes. >> And as a pastor, I know
you could relate to that thing
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because, OK, you've been
passengers past Yeah, those are
those moments when I was
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trying to say to people that
when I first come to a church,
don't stop telling the bad
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things about the people haha
on the couple cut that Could you
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give me a chance? >> Yeah.
That's what you're talking
about. Yes, absolutely. And
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that's what you're talking like.
That's how a connected on.
absolutely. And it's the same
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thing we can in our effort to
try to protect them. We are
literally giving them trauma.
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You know, instead of walking
them along the path. >> All
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right. And surely warning them,
you know, about certain things.
But there are sometimes because
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we're unhealed in certain areas.
We can pass that along. And so
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them. >> Yes, wow. Children.
Yes, children. Well, girl, you
up. how was it? That was the
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moment that yeah, that was a
moment. Yeah. You you working on
this devotion right? What
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people expect to find in couples
devotion? You working on? Yeah,
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little bit. Be available. Also.
Yeah, well, we hope to have that
the couple's devotional.
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>> Available at all. So at the
end of the year, yeah. by the
grace of God, it will be a it
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will be available. So. >> Is it
our advice here? A story and
this is a story that
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comes out of the out of the we
were. Riding along. we were
having a discussion and that
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this is going tied to what you
just share and 2. But we were
having a discussion and it
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became animated. It became so
was driving that my wife's
volume level. It just it went
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up to higher than it ever gone.
In other words, I would allow.
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>> a car with the windows up and
>> my response to this I well.
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My response, one of the ways I
respond to elevated an animation
Why I started being
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sarcastic, which only pushed it
up several more notches. >> And
not want to get loud is
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not want to buy. He is to to
different personalities, So he's
more of a calm person.
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Me. So this is you >> I that's
what is going on. And all of a
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sudden were interrupted. And our
4 children are are in the
vaccine and their cry. Yeah.
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And our oldest son he's like
mom. Dad, please, can you guys
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stop fighting? >> And I'm like,
it's almost like you forgot. It
was in forgot yeah. But my
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response is I find it with this.
And when I was just having an
animated you you haven't seen
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like we saw and we we we know
what fighting. we know this
sounds like what it feels
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like. Yeah. but our children
were continuing to cry and time
and are just like. We're
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silent. I'm and what? And what
just happened and why are they
why they respond in this way?
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to myself, I'm thinking what is
wrong with these kids lesson
number one, you know,
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you are fighting and your
traumatizing your kids. So you
you had an opportunity to to
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demonstrate to them how to a
healthy ways to work through
conflicts agree that so and
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this agreement was, you know,
whose family all we've all spent
time. We have spending
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time with my family as much as
your family and this that the
other and which have been
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building up over time. So there
was we apologize to our children
for that. But one of
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the things, one of the ways that
God actually brought us victory
through that. Yeah,
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is. Brought to our attention
that our children time was to
the point he was making
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earlier. There are children were
different than us. Our response
to what it looks like
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when a mom and dad are We have a
way to define that and describe
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that on our experiences, which
was very different from our
children, for our children. It's
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this animated discussion with
one person, man sarcastic and
another person this is for
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them. It is the most one of the
most traumatic things that
they've they don't know what's
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going to happen with their mom
and dad from here. T so one of
the one of the things that the
00:10:03.87\00:10:08.64
more reminds is your children
are not you. That's right. OK,
children are 9. got you and
00:10:08.64\00:10:15.58
your attempts by the grace of
God to raise your children.
Better than you were raised.
00:10:15.58\00:10:24.82
Yes, you have actually by so
there's a lot of times when we
experience failure, right? And
00:10:24.82\00:10:32.89
this was one of those times
where a guy was able to help us
to see that, even though we
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have failed in that moment, yes,
he could point us to a broader
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victory that we experience by
raising children who didn't need
to see and who have never and
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will never by the grace of see
their father lay his hands on
her mother never hear the mother
00:10:48.31\00:10:55.08
or father call each other out of
their names. We will never, you
know, be in the hospital
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with the other. You understand
they're never going to see that.
Never have seen that.
00:11:01.99\00:11:05.39
But there are still things with
the way that we've tried to
raise them by God's grace
00:11:05.39\00:11:09.56
that. You know, that can take
that for them can have the same
impact as if they were in
00:11:09.56\00:11:17.81
the hospital as if they were
here and their mother father
call these other out of the So
00:11:17.81\00:11:23.41
it was a maturing moment for us.
It was a moment where we like
you said it was a win was
00:11:23.41\00:11:26.72
like, wow, that. >> That that
shook them up. But it's like,
00:11:26.72\00:11:31.29
wow, that shook them up. You
know, isn't that healthy food
children to see parents all you
00:11:31.29\00:11:39.33
and make up. I think I think
there's a difference between
arguing and in conflict. Okay.
00:11:39.33\00:11:45.60
But I understand our culture.
People really don't see that
that conflict is a part of life.
00:11:45.60\00:11:51.44
Conflict is and look great
controversy for goodness sake.
and so that is something that
00:11:51.44\00:11:56.81
I think that we're not raise
with a really clear
understanding that you have to
00:11:56.81\00:12:00.82
have conflict in order to mature
and grow conflict. Brings you
00:12:00.82\00:12:04.95
into having discussions about,
OK, how should we do this? Okay,
what it would be. You think
00:12:04.95\00:12:09.86
that's that's conflict. We don't
necessarily think the same about
everything. Yeah. And
00:12:09.86\00:12:12.33
there's a there's a difference
between, as we say, there's a
difference between tasks
00:12:12.33\00:12:20.17
related and and then there's
personal arsenal. Conflict.
00:12:20.17\00:12:23.87
Personal is where. >> You know,
you're no good rotten. Not about
this, that the other and now
00:12:23.87\00:12:31.55
this is not conflict about has
ordered. I want to parent this
is not how and the I want to
00:12:31.55\00:12:37.32
spend the finances, but this is
now personal attack and assault.
you? very personal. And so
00:12:37.32\00:12:46.16
unfortunately, yeah, the
craziness is that our
disagreements concerning task
00:12:46.16\00:12:52.43
often devolved into personal
attacks against one another. And
so what what children and
00:12:52.43\00:12:59.91
the Perry is to individuals who
are really arguing and fighting
00:12:59.91\00:13:09.92
and not just disagreeing
disagreeing. So I agree with you
and to the extent that children
00:13:09.92\00:13:16.59
need to see parents disagree,
the processes he helped yes, and
not what I'm going to call you
00:13:16.59\00:13:22.20
names because we don't agree on
this or I'm going to withdraw.
00:13:22.20\00:13:28.00
You know, emotionally and
intellectually and physically
because I don't like that. You
00:13:28.00\00:13:34.58
did X Y Z? Yeah, true. But some
children see their parents
cursed at 1, 0, next, know, the
00:13:34.58\00:13:41.85
children of her son in school
where become chained Holden.
Yeah. Sometimes they they make
00:13:41.85\00:13:47.06
it publicly a little kid once
years ago. >> I won't say where
00:13:47.06\00:13:51.13
but at a children's story time
that any. And if I want to pray
and one little kids not to pray.
00:13:51.13\00:13:56.30
That is pretty mommy and daddy
don't fight many more. And
everybody who kids that you
00:13:56.30\00:14:01.90
churches, condom form. Yeah,
this is a fire in that. How the
parent right now want to
00:14:01.90\00:14:10.05
hide in the tie them below >>
With the deacons who fire here
he is will throw you
00:14:10.05\00:14:22.32
under. Yes, but And don't they
do on us, but is, oh, better get
it together we've been
00:14:22.32\00:14:29.63
there, right? Oh, my and
adhesive. Are that >> All years
00:14:29.63\00:14:42.44
yeah. If any has got a singing
friend, while I'm trying to give
a last name a bunny with after
00:14:42.44\00:14:45.88
we have done in concert, Lewis
sitting haven't been together.
10 has been my wife and me and
00:14:45.88\00:14:54.62
then little he said about 5. so
far we He said. Halo me. His
mother. that what you sent?
00:14:54.62\00:15:01.46
Haha, he called below me. You
know, McCain halo. >> No h****,
00:15:01.46\00:15:07.44
h****. My h****. My h****. And
he's a fiveyear term. I would
use that. H****. Who you call me
00:15:07.44\00:15:15.98
maybe as long you know, you talk
about He but that's what you
call him. >> out of the mouth of
00:15:15.98\00:15:23.02
babes? So what you're saying is
we have to be reflective there
are echo chambers in our
00:15:23.02\00:15:28.26
house, according to vice oh,
yeah, a mind? Wow. Let's go to a
question, OK, how can I get
00:15:28.26\00:15:37.83
so to fight to help people go
through the grieving process. >>
This is Jocelyn from West
00:15:37.83\00:15:45.61
Palm Beach. I'll tell Cameron
tie just you can actually go on.
My Web site has stamina
00:15:45.61\00:15:49.88
for life dot com and I believe
half. >> S T a and eat in a the
00:15:49.88\00:15:55.15
number 4 and then L I F E dot
com and there are links there
that can lead you to the
00:15:55.15\00:16:00.16
places where you need to go to
get information regarding grief
00:16:00.16\00:16:03.56
recovery. >> All right. So
definitely, you know, go there.
And it is worthwhile is a
00:16:03.56\00:16:08.30
worthwhile calls to be able to
prepare ourselves to help people
process grief. He has one that
00:16:08.30\00:16:12.17
goes. It connects with this. How
can you get someone to open up
00:16:12.17\00:16:19.14
about >> One of the things that
you know, you discover about
anyone who experiences any
00:16:19.14\00:16:22.48
type of losses first being
willing to listen, you per
availing yourself to be
00:16:22.48\00:16:26.28
someone who safe, right? Create
an environment where they know
they can be open and
00:16:26.28\00:16:33.46
Oftentimes again, what we want
to do is we want to fix. People
were willing to listen
00:16:33.46\00:16:37.43
for a little while, right? like,
okay. Okay. Now what is it? What
is it that you need
00:16:37.43\00:16:40.06
to do? You know, so I would
avail yourself to be someone who
could be trusted to listen
00:16:40.06\00:16:45.57
without any motive affixing
because they don't need to be
fixed. Rivers don't need to be
00:16:45.57\00:16:48.50
fixed. I don't want to be fix.
They're not broken, right? But
their hearts feel as though
00:16:48.50\00:16:54.91
they're broken. So they need to
be heard. Let me just add to
that a little bit. I think.
00:16:54.91\00:16:59.28
>> The other thing is we don't
need to make people feel if we
really want them to open up.
00:16:59.28\00:17:05.32
We don't need to make people
feel like they're unusual. Yeah.
So I've been in settings
00:17:05.32\00:17:11.23
where people are opening up and
they're sharing. Somebody will
say, for instance, you
00:17:11.23\00:17:17.93
know, you've got a group of
people OK, let's get together.
Let's share and they were
00:17:17.93\00:17:21.37
prey. Somebody shares and a
slight. Okay. Before we go on
let's just pray for this
00:17:21.37\00:17:27.11
person, right? Matt, because
that's just, you know, I don't
know if I've ever heard
00:17:27.11\00:17:33.11
anything like that before, but
what I don't want isolating this
person's experience yet.
00:17:33.11\00:17:39.29
I'm making it unique so
different from everyone else's
instead of allowing them to
00:17:39.29\00:17:45.33
just share everyone else share
so that they're not made to feel
like, OK, you need prayer
00:17:45.33\00:17:51.37
right I we have to we have to
get God to intervene in your
situation right before any of
00:17:51.37\00:17:56.60
our weight. He needs to step in.
And so just understanding that
sometimes with good
00:17:56.60\00:18:03.51
intentions. Yeah, we can
actually alienate people and
cause them to shut down. What
00:18:03.51\00:18:08.85
if they're grieving a loss of
trust with God. So you know that
that happens is a lot of
00:18:08.85\00:18:14.52
you know, again, that run into
and I work with who have a loss
00:18:14.52\00:18:17.79
of faith. >> But I'm a firm
believer that a healed heart,
their faith can be regained man.
00:18:17.79\00:18:24.53
You know? >> Yes, then let
me talk about something for the
00:18:24.53\00:18:26.43
next question because this is
something I wanted and I like
which is saying about people
00:18:26.43\00:18:30.21
heal the different rates. Yes,
>> to picture this. Somebody in
Florida said it's raining.
00:18:30.21\00:18:40.65
Some buy in California said it's
in Florida. They don't need any
00:18:40.65\00:18:45.52
more water in California. They
need a whole lot of water. So
they just got. They just got
00:18:45.52\00:18:52.26
slightly damp from the rain
California. But the person
Florida got soaked. That's how
00:18:52.26\00:18:59.47
life So my rain, may not be the
same. And we've got to
understand, don't don't equate
00:18:59.47\00:19:04.81
my rain with the R a that's
right. If if you really got that
far to rein in your life, you
00:19:04.81\00:19:11.05
need a lot of time to dry out.
my camera should drying out
process. Yes. President
00:19:11.05\00:19:14.15
California like. Just tripping
about. Yeah. Well, you haven't
been Florida in my life. Yeah.
00:19:14.15\00:19:21.39
And that's how lives are. I want
experience not you could be a 9
foot a long time, but each
00:19:21.39\00:19:30.70
person processes. And I'm
learning that, yeah, we process
things differently and
00:19:30.70\00:19:34.77
sometimes it's raining. It's
pouring in her life. Witnesses,
00:19:34.77\00:19:39.04
drizzling, mine, and sometimes
the other way around point in my
life was drizzling in hers. And
00:19:39.04\00:19:42.68
we're learning. Santa married
couples who people in
relationships. But how long
00:19:42.68\00:19:47.38
you've been married, you don't
always to learn. Always. As life
brings you new things.
00:19:47.38\00:19:52.55
How to handle those. And the
principle we have is. >> Don't
00:19:52.55\00:19:58.69
try to win an argument. Could
you go through the same? And
we've learned that to try to
00:19:58.69\00:20:04.40
win, I want to try to win. It
was like within both. Lou,
thanks try to both of you. When
00:20:04.40\00:20:09.64
each of you together we win >>
It is so important to >> when we
00:20:09.64\00:20:17.81
are in community, right? Because
a marriage is a community
brightest people, children who
00:20:17.81\00:20:22.05
ever write wherein community is
so important that we remember
how to how to be present without
00:20:22.05\00:20:28.02
trying to fix each other. You
know, and I think that like you
said, the different areas,
00:20:28.02\00:20:33.19
the pace to which people are
feeling and going through their
process. We always say
00:20:33.19\00:20:37.93
that we're in process, right?
But we are really uncomfortable
00:20:37.93\00:20:41.37
with being around people and
process. This is just the truth.
You were uncomfortable with with
00:20:41.37\00:20:47.41
sitting as job experience with
his friends, they said would
out. Yeah, but after a while,
00:20:47.41\00:20:51.68
they can take where they just
had to give us their thoughts.
You know, and sometimes you
00:20:51.68\00:20:54.68
just got to be quiet. Yes, you
know, sackcloth and ashes, you
00:20:54.68\00:20:58.05
know, and >> and just write
Rabbit trail out, you know, with
the Parsons and another thing,
00:20:58.05\00:21:00.86
too, with that is. >> And I
appreciate what you share we
don't always but we
00:21:00.86\00:21:13.80
want to. And so when someone
says, hey, you my my father just
passed away and I know
00:21:13.80\00:21:19.34
what you're going a lost my dad,
too. Well, Don't you don't?
don't because you don't
00:21:19.34\00:21:26.01
know what my relationship was
with. My dad Maybe my dad and I
when he died, you know,
00:21:26.01\00:21:34.36
there was still a lot of ground
that needed to be made up. And
00:21:34.36\00:21:39.59
that was that was unfinished
work and your dad and your
relationship were quite
00:21:39.59\00:21:46.23
different from mine. So and good
terms of wanting to, you know, I
didn't want identify, but we
00:21:46.23\00:21:53.41
have to allow people, you know,
their own process, their own
walk. I'm the best we can do in
00:21:53.41\00:21:58.35
a situation like that is we can
say, you know, I know how I felt
when I last year. You
00:21:58.35\00:22:05.39
know your lovely. I love that
because that takes you out of
00:22:05.39\00:22:08.29
there. >> And people identify a
natural thing I've learned. I've
told people don't say I
00:22:08.29\00:22:13.60
know how you unless you've been
there, but that's not the case.
But not all. We really
00:22:13.60\00:22:22.17
haven't been there in their I'm
glad to say that. for those of
00:22:22.17\00:22:28.98
you that at home. >> You know
think about it for a moment. We
all that we often say we often
00:22:28.98\00:22:35.95
think the thing that qualifies
this to say I like, yeah,
because we had a similar
00:22:35.95\00:22:40.46
experience. Yes, but the
similarity of inexperience. >>
On a roller coast, if you
00:22:40.46\00:22:43.73
in the front seat and I'm a back
seat. Well, it's a roller
coaster, but you know, at last
00:22:43.73\00:22:50.93
he just whips over So let's just
not do that. trying to say see
00:22:50.93\00:22:56.10
that again with 2 responses. >>
At best I know what I felt like
when I went through what
00:22:56.10\00:22:57.91
I went through. That's right.
Yeah. And the full. Here's
another question. What's the
00:22:57.91\00:23:04.05
best support you can give a
child from a broken home >> my
goodness. I'm so one of
00:23:04.05\00:23:10.72
the first things I want to say.
I'm actually currently I'm
working on actually a
00:23:10.72\00:23:14.36
certification in helping
children with losses. Well, and
00:23:14.36\00:23:18.16
there are a lot of children that
is a loss. That is actually what
HAP is this a grieving process
00:23:18.16\00:23:23.57
for children? And so if you've
been that child before where
you've come from a home where
00:23:23.57\00:23:26.47
people divorce or separate,
they're grieving, you know, but
if they don't have an emotional
00:23:26.47\00:23:33.24
vocabulary, right, if they have
been raised in a home where
they've been allowed to
00:23:33.24\00:23:35.94
express their thoughts and
feelings and emotions about any
type of loss. You know,
00:23:35.94\00:23:40.65
normally what ends up happening
is if a dog dies, right when you
00:23:40.65\00:23:44.35
when you hear what he would most
children here. If they lose a
pet. >> Well, I don't know have
00:23:44.35\00:23:52.06
any children. >> Most times what
happens is don't worry. We'll
00:23:52.06\00:23:53.93
get you another one. >> Yeah.
Oh, yeah. It is. So the idea of
00:23:53.93\00:24:00.44
lacing, the loss follows them
throughout their life. I hate to
tell you there are a lot of
00:24:00.44\00:24:02.57
adults who just continuously
replace losses because that was
the image that they were given
00:24:02.57\00:24:06.11
us children. This was what you
do when you lose something, I
don't worry, you'll be able to
00:24:06.11\00:24:10.08
go to mom and dad's on the
weekend. more you what about the
holidays? You you have the
00:24:10.08\00:24:14.88
holidays and people are well
intentioned in wanting to try to
help their children too. I
00:24:14.88\00:24:19.75
would say probably get over, but
I don't like the work it over,
right? Because no one
00:24:19.75\00:24:25.09
gets over anything. The only way
you can do is go through it. And
00:24:25.09\00:24:29.26
so what I think is important
that we have children who come
from those types of situations
00:24:29.26\00:24:33.20
is that we help the children to
develop an emotional vocabulary
by also being vulnerable and
00:24:33.20\00:24:37.67
showing them what that looks
like. Right? If I'm a parent who
is divorcing or has
00:24:37.67\00:24:43.35
divorced, yeah, sit down and
have a conversation with that
child about that process. And
00:24:43.35\00:24:48.68
if you know your goal, I can't
tell you how many times we work.
We still working on a e.
00:24:48.68\00:24:52.45
There were people who used to
send their children away so they
can get divorces. Yes.
00:24:52.45\00:24:58.63
And then when we come back home,
the children would be
devastating for they would
00:24:58.63\00:25:02.46
find out whether a school and
staff members were left to try
to help this child pick up the
00:25:02.46\00:25:07.67
pieces of their health, you
know, and so our to our
children, we all of them debt.
00:25:07.67\00:25:12.97
Yeah, helping to heal,
especially we know that that's
something that's going to
00:25:12.97\00:25:17.41
happen. So I would say for the
person who asked that question
start off by being vulnerable
00:25:17.41\00:25:20.92
yourself, show them how to
process their emotions. And if
you don't know how get some
00:25:20.92\00:25:24.75
help, you know and what with him
through that process, right?
Because people don't
00:25:24.75\00:25:30.43
children perceptive? Yeah. Not
as tense as we think they are
sometimes too. So we have a
00:25:30.43\00:25:36.93
lot more experience than they
do. They have eyes and use yes,
they could tell mom and
00:25:36.93\00:25:43.20
dad treatment. Yes, but they're
not being honest with us. Yes,
00:25:43.20\00:25:45.14
but they're not telling us the
full story. >> And when you have
4 children, yeah, you have that
00:25:45.14\00:25:49.34
generational. The older ones to
school and the younger ones. Let
00:25:49.34\00:25:54.68
them know what's going on. Yeah,
but I'm I'm glad you said that.
Understand trying to be
00:25:54.68\00:25:58.05
vulnerable to the to the extent
that you could build a bridge to
them. Yes, and I don't I don't
00:25:58.05\00:26:03.66
break down crying in front of
the kids to go through what
Trump. Trying to say now.
00:26:03.66\00:26:06.36
Listen, tell me what you feel.
Yeah. But it's up like yeah.
yeah, this is another one. Thank
00:26:06.36\00:26:12.73
you. Well, those are great
answer. What's your number one
tip tips for protecting your
00:26:12.73\00:26:22.18
marriage. Someone wants to know
who we just one, but a number
one. >> I mean, list is Mean,
00:26:22.18\00:26:34.26
definitely. We are, you know,
which one of the most favorite,
00:26:34.26\00:26:38.19
Jesus? You prayer. because there
are times when. >> You just
simply care how good your
00:26:38.19\00:26:46.47
marriages, right, juni God, you
know, to be able to carry you
through some challenges that
00:26:46.47\00:26:48.57
neither one of you can control.
You and I think the other
important thing with that.
00:26:48.57\00:26:55.54
>> Because we do we we talk and
work with couples who are not
believers. and those
00:26:55.54\00:27:03.69
contacts out so well. This is
why I am a believer. Yeah, it's
there are times when I
00:27:03.69\00:27:07.69
don't see things about myself
and I refuse to accept them from
her. Yeah. And I need
00:27:07.69\00:27:14.36
someone who I can trust to be
able to reveal to me things
about unwilling to accept from
00:27:14.36\00:27:22.40
anyone else. And God is the one
who does that for me. he's the
one who can help me to
00:27:22.40\00:27:27.24
see. Yeah, you know, your wife
was right. You got She was
right. You know, you
00:27:27.24\00:27:37.09
self-centered. >> And and
and those those are profound. A
00:27:37.09\00:27:41.52
profound the opportunities to
learn. And Cecil, of course,
having having God and the
00:27:41.52\00:27:47.10
marriage is a profound and
important thing. I would also
say we talk about We talk about
00:27:47.10\00:27:53.74
often this because so many times
people are frustrated and upset
about things that their
00:27:53.74\00:28:02.44
spouse has done. Or in
relationships, not just
marriage. Yeah. The
00:28:02.44\00:28:09.42
relationships in general about
things that, you know, your
children didn't do for you on
00:28:09.42\00:28:14.66
your birthday. You know your
your parents didn't do for you
on your birthday anniversary.
00:28:14.66\00:28:21.43
And the question is what did you
tell them that wanted to do
that? You wanted them to do
00:28:21.43\00:28:24.50
that and the re the response in
many cases is no or when they
should know. Okay. You
00:28:24.50\00:28:31.21
know, we that. You know. Yeah.
speaking to the choir. Yeah, I
00:28:31.21\00:28:41.85
would say don't. >> disappointed
if you don't get what you want
because you did. NASA won the
00:28:41.85\00:28:48.06
scriptures say that ye have not
because you asked know. >> And I
think it's also and I
00:28:48.06\00:28:52.86
think it's such a good thing to
share this thing because in
relationships, period, the
00:28:52.86\00:28:56.87
expectation right is it what is
on both sides and any
relationship, not just
00:28:56.87\00:29:02.74
marriage that when someone
expresses see you, you know
something or they're talking
00:29:02.74\00:29:05.57
to you. have an experience not
too long ago we're going Yeah.
>> Idea to have an experience
00:29:05.57\00:29:15.88
steel actually living through.
Yeah. And I haven't gotten onto
the other side of it yet.
00:29:15.88\00:29:21.22
But there was a person who
expressed some something that
they desire from me.
00:29:21.22\00:29:27.00
>> I was so. >> So be whatever.
know, that's not an excuse. But
00:29:27.00\00:29:37.41
I recently realized that what I
should have we talk about one
percent most people who
00:29:37.41\00:29:45.01
culture Council and are helping
people and conflict resolution.
00:29:45.01\00:29:52.19
They they they know to ask
what's your one percent okay?
Lets 99% of the other persons,
00:29:52.19\00:29:59.06
you know, fall. But what's your
one percent? take ownership of
anything. So for me processing
00:29:59.06\00:30:07.97
was this person still upset with
me? After all this time when you
know their request was was not
00:30:07.97\00:30:12.74
reasonable level law. So I think
what the lower so me, yeah, he
00:30:12.74\00:30:20.72
is that. What I should have done
as when they first communicated
with me. I should have. Reflect
00:30:20.72\00:30:28.56
it to them. Is this what you do
want from me? Is this what your
expectations are? And then I
00:30:28.56\00:30:34.83
could have let this individual
know that it was an T for me to
meet or live up to what
00:30:34.83\00:30:42.90
they expected from me that way
before we leave and they expect
me to do acts. And I
00:30:42.90\00:30:52.28
don't really know what they're
expecting me to do or it's not
clear. You know, I can say,
00:30:52.28\00:30:59.29
listen, I hear what you want
from me, but I'm not able to do
that, right? So that was
00:30:59.29\00:31:05.46
for me it. Yeah, I'm that as
always pass as but it is growth
thing for me to be able
00:31:05.46\00:31:11.93
to own that. And for me to be
able to say, no, I it was my
responsibility to not allow
00:31:11.93\00:31:21.21
the other person to lead that
conversation. Looking for me to
do something that you just
00:31:21.21\00:31:25.15
said. I knew that it was not
possible for me to do. so I can
take ownership of that. So
00:31:25.15\00:31:31.99
expectations it's it's a two-way
thing. We need to clarify. Make
00:31:31.99\00:31:35.06
sure people are clear. Whether
we can or can't meet their
expectations for If you
00:31:35.06\00:31:43.03
understand what their
expectations are, you because
sometimes expectations become
00:31:43.03\00:31:47.74
become nothing more than a
ransom note. >> yeah. I need a
million dollars. I can't do
00:31:47.74\00:31:51.14
that. That's right. And they put
sometimes people put, I said to
someone wants, don't expect
00:31:51.14\00:31:56.51
from someone what even the Lord
himself, what next? A man and
some people do that they
00:31:56.51\00:32:00.88
want to. They want the Lord
that. can a flip that around
with a lot as you didn't know
00:32:00.88\00:32:06.49
them by would you make
what would you make? >> Yarrow.
00:32:06.49\00:32:11.46
>> Your demands higher than cars
so that that's important. So
what you're saying that I'm
00:32:11.46\00:32:15.10
here, you can click carefully is
don't just say sure. it's what
you expect. and then say,
00:32:15.10\00:32:22.04
well, you know. Stuff as is. I.
Let me make disappointed, but I
00:32:22.04\00:32:32.85
can't do that. Absolutely. And
then they'll say, OK, well, so
you come to something
00:32:32.85\00:32:37.05
negotiations. So what else can I
do since that's not a
possibility. And then it opens
00:32:37.05\00:32:41.72
dialogue. Yes. Yeah. What do you
think? And honey? >> from going
00:32:41.72\00:32:46.39
right along with you. it really
does different I want to just
prime to the Just join second
00:32:46.39\00:32:51.67
now. How you can still have time
to send more questions. And the
mail, those you have some more
00:32:51.67\00:32:55.87
questions. I appreciate those
who have sent them. But if you
want to send a question by
00:32:55.87\00:33:00.44
e-mail, go to live at 3ABN, Ott
TV. Well, if you want to text
them and that a 6, 1, 8,
00:33:00.44\00:33:07.12
2 to 8, 39. 75 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8,
3, 9, 7, 5, And we really
appreciate this because this
00:33:07.12\00:33:16.32
so much. But about the Conways,
his dimensional dimensional.
00:33:16.32\00:33:24.37
Yeah. You know, sometimes people
have, you know, 4 sides. This is
more Pentagon to octagon. You
00:33:24.37\00:33:30.37
come out from various ways and I
appreciate. Yeah. Deep question.
00:33:30.37\00:33:37.31
You >> What's the first step in
opening up to your partner about
hidden secret art and
00:33:37.31\00:33:47.49
who deep hidden So I will say I
know that, you know, acts press.
I think 2 guys earlier
00:33:47.49\00:33:54.83
about. >> My
background and I remember that.
00:33:54.83\00:33:58.23
>> I was a little nervous
getting ready during the process
of premier. Oh, yeah.
00:33:58.23\00:34:03.24
Of being able to tell him about
I came from. You know, the
things that have happened
00:34:03.24\00:34:06.84
to me and let me give them some
contests. Okay. Okay. So.
Literally. The first time that
00:34:06.84\00:34:14.42
she shares. Yeah context then,
you know, outside of maybe her
best friend, a what not write
00:34:14.42\00:34:23.49
about what she is experienced.
All she's in a suicide
prevention class at talk about
00:34:23.49\00:34:27.20
that in the book. Yeah. Oh,
yeah. Yeah. So season a suicide
prevention class. One
00:34:27.20\00:34:32.13
of the exercises is for them to
You know, and I'll let you take
00:34:32.13\00:34:40.91
>> You know, in order to help,
we know that they tell you must
first make your cell
00:34:40.91\00:34:44.65
phone bill you can understand
where they're coming from right?
And that was the first
00:34:44.65\00:34:48.78
time ever. I was probably in my
early 20's. I was probably 19
race, turned 20 years old.
00:34:48.78\00:34:54.09
And I have and they access all
to share something that we had
never shared shared before.
00:34:54.09\00:34:57.29
You know, and that was the first
time about ever told anyone that
00:34:57.29\00:35:03.60
I had experienced sexual abuse.
Never tell. My parents never
taught. And I was the type of
00:35:03.60\00:35:07.00
kid who no one would have ever
been. No right. I was, you know,
Jonjo Shelvey all wasn't raised
00:35:07.00\00:35:13.07
in an environment where you
could even say those things, you
sand. So but that day was
00:35:13.07\00:35:18.78
transformative for me because it
was the first time that I ever
admitted it to anyone.
00:35:18.78\00:35:24.69
And it just kind of went quick
around the And, you know, people
just got one. That was
00:35:24.69\00:35:29.16
the only one. But you could have
told me that day that a switch
wasn't turned. It was
00:35:29.16\00:35:33.09
got letting you know that it was
time, right? So that began the
process of my healing.
00:35:33.09\00:35:37.77
Again. You can read that more in
the book, but when it came time
on that he was brought
00:35:37.77\00:35:41.97
into my life. I knew that it was
an important thing to share with
00:35:41.97\00:35:46.14
him because you don't do that,
right? I would say I would
advise not to do that. I would
00:35:46.14\00:35:50.11
advise you don't enter into a
relationship without making sure
the you both are where right
00:35:50.11\00:35:56.22
certain things. You know, ye all
things. If you take it right,
brain. Yeah. and I told him
00:35:56.22\00:36:00.99
during I'm one of our process of
pre marriage counseling that
that's my background. You
00:36:00.99\00:36:05.86
know, the various different
aspects of experiences that I
had she was crying. you know,
00:36:05.86\00:36:15.34
very emotional. As we were
talking on telephone high phone
00:36:15.34\00:36:22.74
haha. >> What they were? She was
she was talking and she was
sharing I appreciate it. The
00:36:22.74\00:36:25.75
way she put it, she said, you
know, I didn't feel like it was
00:36:25.75\00:36:34.29
fair. >> To marry without you
knowing and giving you an
opportunity to make a
00:36:34.29\00:36:38.73
decision, whether or not you
still want to marry. now here's
what I want to say.
00:36:38.73\00:36:42.63
want to say that, you know, that
was a beautiful thing. That she
did. However, there's
00:36:42.63\00:36:54.31
no way that we can know. Yeah,
what it's like. To be in a
relationship in a marriage
00:36:54.31\00:36:59.91
with someone who's experienced,
whether it's verbal, emotional,
00:36:59.91\00:37:07.59
sexual physical spirit is
spiritual, right? We can't know
what it's like to live with that
00:37:07.59\00:37:11.59
person. But the blessing was
that she had begun her healing
process right? And so because
00:37:11.59\00:37:20.14
she had begun her healing
process. She was making me aware
that there's a process that I'm
00:37:20.14\00:37:26.41
going through and this is what
I'm healing from. Yeah. And so
it was for her. It was that to
00:37:26.41\00:37:31.28
answer the question. It was at
the beginning, a long
relationship a relationship.
00:37:31.28\00:37:36.42
Before we get you and it was a
choice in the Re. We talk about
this thing. The thing
00:37:36.42\00:37:40.59
about choice right? I felt like
it was it was only proper, but I
00:37:40.59\00:37:45.46
gave him a choice because be
honest with you. Not to be
married to someone. I'm not
00:37:45.46\00:37:51.20
defective doesn't mean that I'm
not worth being married to
someone make that clear, But
00:37:51.20\00:37:54.04
>> it is a serious thing to
marry. Someone who has been I
mean, my goodness. If you
00:37:54.04\00:37:58.87
marry someone who has been to
war right, they have to go saw
Hailey, bright PTSD and why a
00:37:58.87\00:38:07.02
well, listen, it's the same
thing with someone who has lived
00:38:07.02\00:38:09.72
through some catastrophic things
in their lives because they will
show up. They bring your
00:38:09.72\00:38:14.19
relationship if they are not
addressed, especially if they're
not healed more in the
00:38:14.19\00:38:19.03
process of healing. And so I
wanted to give him that choice
because I felt like that was
00:38:19.03\00:38:22.30
right. You know, just thought I
would maybe I want to make this
part clear. Hopefully.
00:38:22.30\00:38:28.34
>> I can you know, whenever the
spirit of the lower leads you to
share, you do that. But
00:38:28.34\00:38:35.71
I believe and we've talked about
this often. One of the most
important elements to
00:38:35.71\00:38:41.05
this is begin your healing
process. Don't just. Don't just
share about being broken.
00:38:41.05\00:38:50.53
Yeah. But share about being on
the Potter's him like that to
put you back together and as
00:38:50.53\00:38:59.43
time and say, we say about
sales, we're in process. Yeah.
And know, we're process. I
00:38:59.43\00:39:05.34
don't have it all together. And
I don't you I don't understand
everything there is
00:39:05.34\00:39:08.08
to understand about myself. But
the Lord is, as the kids say,
he's still working on me.
00:39:08.08\00:39:14.42
You know, I tell my church we
are saints and the country. >>
and that is something we
00:39:14.42\00:39:19.55
have to understand because
people tend to people tend to
magnify brokenness and others.
00:39:19.55\00:39:24.23
Yes, but, you know, there's
not a person walking this planet
00:39:24.23\00:39:30.90
that has not been broken first
by hereditary. Adam's DNA is
enormous and fallen short of the
00:39:30.90\00:39:37.51
glory of God. But the other
thing on a bring out is when you
are in a broken relationship,
00:39:37.51\00:39:40.41
don't over generalize and you
can deal with an issue by Ovid
generalized to all centers. I
00:39:40.41\00:39:46.51
mean, we back from show. Yes,
that's not going heal. You know,
00:39:46.51\00:39:52.82
now now cow made mistakes, which
will need to you. How's that?
You know, really some people
00:39:52.82\00:39:56.59
over generalized. Yes, miss
their behavior. we actually had
someone literally say to a
00:39:56.59\00:40:00.00
person who actually told their
parents rightly, listen, you
know, this is what happens to
00:40:00.00\00:40:05.87
me. You know, this is how life
was being your child, right?
00:40:05.87\00:40:10.94
I'll get over it. >> Everybody's
less to everybody's this, It's
like all my I tell people all
00:40:10.94\00:40:15.18
the time that especially for
parents and I think I sure that
before officer repeat or
00:40:15.18\00:40:20.62
something like that, my my mom,
I thank God for her even as an
00:40:20.62\00:40:29.86
adult right, miles family, my
own children. My mother gave me
something that was so powerful.
00:40:29.86\00:40:31.89
I don't I didn't meet her
permission to heal. I'm going
tell you something. Yeah. About
00:40:31.89\00:40:36.30
somebody willing to take
responsibility for the trauma
that they impart into your
00:40:36.30\00:40:40.74
life. My mother sat me down one
day and she was so got it was
the moving of God as she
00:40:40.74\00:40:45.97
came in. She said, you know what
time I want to apologize to all.
00:40:45.97\00:40:50.75
I was in my own process and I
was so hurt and bubble and me
tell you something that my
00:40:50.75\00:40:57.65
mother taking responsibility for
the part she played in some of
the trauma yet helped me to
00:40:57.65\00:41:00.76
prep. It propelled my healing
process. Yes. >> Through the
00:41:00.76\00:41:05.59
roof, right? So you don't need
people from But if you're parent
tonight and you know that do
00:41:05.59\00:41:09.26
your children who have been a
home where they saw some stuff
in her, some stuff don't use you
00:41:09.26\00:41:13.30
growing up in the same situation
and you made it. All right.
First of all, whether
00:41:13.30\00:41:16.67
or not you made it all right.
Question this You know, saying
give your children the
00:41:16.67\00:41:25.28
blessing of being able to
acknowledge the part you play so
that they can heal on
00:41:25.28\00:41:28.15
purpose. know me he'll on
purple. Yes. >> If you confuse
00:41:28.15\00:41:34.99
what their intentions are and
you could make it even more.
Yes, and there's some people
00:41:34.99\00:41:40.20
just had this to some really
great questions coming up here.
Yeah, there's some people that
00:41:40.20\00:41:43.60
don't want to admit Eyre.
They're there. Yeah, that they
lit the match. And the fire
00:41:43.60\00:41:51.07
burned up so many people. They
want to just kind of its just be
nice after the fact,
00:41:51.07\00:41:57.75
without even acknowledging their
behavioral deficits that brought
00:41:57.75\00:42:04.82
about this heard. Yeah. but then
there are people even in
families. Yes, that is saying. I
00:42:04.82\00:42:11.56
don't even want to in the same
room with that person. Yeah,
because I looked at this. So
00:42:11.56\00:42:17.87
many times and it's just there's
no nobody's home. You're going
to be no, they did anything
00:42:17.87\00:42:23.71
wrong. Yeah. Even acknowledge
it. Yeah. So that's why I'm glad
you said that. Healing on
00:42:23.71\00:42:27.41
purpose. want to go back to
that. Yes, but don't that that
person's behavior hold you
00:42:27.41\00:42:33.68
hostage >> As you that people
could BP P people to be Haas.
00:42:33.68\00:42:36.18
>> They can make themselves
hostages while you're trying to
free them. Amen. they want
00:42:36.18\00:42:43.32
somebody to do something to free
them. Yeah. And of the free. You
00:42:43.32\00:42:52.27
have this person that said that
they need to open up the with
the deep hidden secret. Plus,
00:42:52.27\00:42:56.97
that's watching the documentary
wants in this. A woman every to
00:42:56.97\00:43:00.24
a serial killer. >> Well, >> he
and I watched soon, though, some
00:43:00.24\00:43:07.35
time ago. And she didn't know
they know she was married to
him. He kept it secret until it
00:43:07.35\00:43:14.09
was discovered that he was I
mean, I don't think this person
is going know. but this goes
00:43:14.09\00:43:24.07
right in line with what we're
talking about. How do you
approach to give Nus do you make
00:43:24.07\00:43:32.34
forgiveness? Therapeutic?
>> Well, I'm sorry we're right.
00:43:32.34\00:43:35.38
>> From Brooklyn, New York. >>
So I want to first say that this
person were not laughing
00:43:35.38\00:43:40.32
at you, right? They were
laughing because this was one of
the things that we said
00:43:40.32\00:43:44.12
tonight that we wanted to
address in the rooms of
forgiveness and forgiveness is
00:43:44.12\00:43:47.76
a very interesting thing,
especially amongst Christians
right for many of us. The
00:43:47.76\00:43:52.09
concept of forgiveness that we
have is one of the thing we just
talked about before,
00:43:52.09\00:43:57.63
which is the person must first
have sorrow. They must you know,
repentant yet in order
00:43:57.63\00:44:03.84
for me to forgive. And that is
front the farthest thing from
the truth, that there is a
00:44:03.84\00:44:07.51
difference between forgiveness
and reconciliation. >> Almost
00:44:07.51\00:44:12.41
jumped I men. You know what?
Okay? Sure. Program, Because and
powerful. >> The truth is if it
00:44:12.41\00:44:21.32
has taken me years to really
understand that and what really
actually drove that
00:44:21.32\00:44:25.23
home for me is working with
people, grief really because as
a Christian, I felt like,
00:44:25.23\00:44:29.33
well, it's our duty, you know,
so forgiving forgiveness means
for a lot of people, a lot of
00:44:29.33\00:44:35.94
different things. Forgiveness
means if I forgive you that
means that we stay together.
00:44:35.94\00:44:38.51
Forgiveness means offer. If I
forgive you that you don't have
to pay or you don't. Do
00:44:38.51\00:44:42.51
you know what you do? It was
OK, we don't bring it. You know,
00:44:42.51\00:44:48.08
there's a lot of different
connotations around what
forgiveness means right
00:44:48.08\00:44:52.85
ultimately the forgiveness that
God has for his people is a
divine thing right. And I
00:44:52.85\00:44:57.56
understand that we are to mimic
him, but I'm not him come on. My
has not been des up at this. You
00:44:57.56\00:45:05.27
know, able is who are disabled,
right? So while I may be around
someone who's molested me and I
00:45:05.27\00:45:08.87
can forgive them right? I have
not forgotten. Those memories
are not as painful right as they
00:45:08.87\00:45:15.04
were. But it does not mean I
have to be in community. Might
that parties Yes, boundaries.
00:45:15.04\00:45:24.42
I'm a person who believes yet
that all relationships require
boundary. Yes, and so is very
00:45:24.42\00:45:28.29
important for us to understand
that forgiveness does not mean
reconciliation. In all cases.
00:45:28.29\00:45:32.63
It may happen. All right. For
some people, God be with a
praise. God, I believe in
00:45:32.63\00:45:36.80
that. But I also know that we
have to get some point. We
accept that there are some
00:45:36.80\00:45:39.57
people can be forgiven, but they
cannot be brought back into
community because they
00:45:39.57\00:45:43.41
either are not repentant or they
are not safe. Right. And there's
consequences to the
00:45:43.41\00:45:50.28
decisions and the choices we
make. And we tell people that we
deal with this. And you
00:45:50.28\00:45:53.72
know this, Pastor Wright in
churches, you have people who
have unfortunately does some
00:45:53.72\00:45:59.45
heinous things, right, rather is
to a person children or
whatever, right. And I can't
00:45:59.45\00:46:03.12
tell you how many people pastors
are dealing with this right now
00:46:03.12\00:46:06.33
where there's a person who was a
sex offender or who has done
something right. And you have
00:46:06.33\00:46:11.67
turned to boards who are voting
to allow this person right to be
in community where there are
00:46:11.67\00:46:18.44
children always. Are we supposed
to forgive? Yes, we are supposed
00:46:18.44\00:46:20.41
to be gay, but let me tell you
something. Some people cannot be
brought back into that type of
00:46:20.41\00:46:26.65
community. Exactly. You know,
the scripture that fits into
that pastor and wife, his.
00:46:26.65\00:46:31.25
>> Do not let send rain and your
mortal body. Yes, not everybody
00:46:31.25\00:46:34.76
is going to make that conscious
decision to not let it. Yeah.
And I said to people what's
00:46:34.76\00:46:39.59
still left? You know, the Lord
forgave us. He, you know, he
delivered us from the penalty of
00:46:39.59\00:46:47.74
Sen he. Is capable willingness
to deliver us from the power of
Sen. But that's a choice. You
00:46:47.74\00:46:51.97
got to make. One sent presents
itself. Remember, you still have
this mortal body and all
00:46:51.97\00:46:56.54
that baggage. Just the stuff you
didn't perpetrated. You don't
know at what level that
00:46:56.54\00:47:01.95
person is and whether they are
safe any longer. So it is
incumbent on us leaders to
00:47:01.95\00:47:08.56
create any church without
safeguards is a dangerous. I
have mercy. I don't think that
00:47:08.56\00:47:12.69
the church is by default. All
you can trust everybody here.
You don't put a child molester
00:47:12.69\00:47:20.74
a 7 school classmate known for
being kid in God. >> There's no
00:47:20.74\00:47:24.54
way. >> I think a lot of people
come for a lot of times as
Christians. We confuse. How
00:47:24.54\00:47:31.48
God treats us. Yeah. With the
way that we. Can treat each
other, right? What's possible
00:47:31.48\00:47:38.35
for us right now? This side of
of heaven and times of the way
that we that we treat one
00:47:38.35\00:47:43.89
another week. We feel as though,
well, God does this and
therefore, so, you know,
00:47:43.89\00:47:51.63
with the Bible talks about the
parable of the parable to Jesus
told about the unjust
00:47:51.63\00:47:57.04
Stuart, where 10,000 talents.
Couldn't is. Give me time time.
And the King forgives
00:47:57.04\00:48:02.94
them. Then he goes out and you
know, this gentleman owes him a
couple. And he grabs him by
00:48:02.94\00:48:09.02
the throat. Yeah. Thrown in jail
and so forth and so on. A lot of
us, we take that and we
00:48:09.02\00:48:13.52
like to see see if I don't for a
know, in the way that God does.
Thank God is not going
00:48:13.52\00:48:24.10
to forgive me. And I think one
of the things that we probably
overlooked and looking at that
00:48:24.10\00:48:32.41
that parable number one. You
know, a few Pence. He could
actually repay and a few days,
00:48:32.41\00:48:39.45
10,000 talents. You have 100
lifetimes. You still not going
to repay that right? And what
00:48:39.45\00:48:48.92
he was, what he was, what the
team punish them and 4 was not
that he asked. But it was his
00:48:48.92\00:48:57.57
harsh treatment of someone who
had a dead. Yeah, right. And the
king says if I have
00:48:57.57\00:49:05.31
forgiven you all of this, you
ought also to right. In other
words, commissioner it to what
00:49:05.31\00:49:12.71
he has done to you. There needs
to be forgiveness. So God is not
00:49:12.71\00:49:17.09
telling us that we need to. We
need to do you know what he does
in an absolute sense with every
00:49:17.09\00:49:22.29
single year person because
commensurate to what the person
is done there is is he.
00:49:22.29\00:49:31.03
So I think we we confuse that
and find that that church
members above all are ones who
00:49:31.03\00:49:34.90
are. Who have the most difficult
time with differentiating what
00:49:34.90\00:49:41.31
forgiveness actually means for
us. And humans fear. And also
the church has the protection.
00:49:41.31\00:49:45.18
The conferences place along. We
have didn't have a kids
disappear, you know, having to
00:49:45.18\00:49:49.85
them. Yeah. >> And you just big
churches. But now the comp all
00:49:49.85\00:49:53.99
the savage assault as is shield,
the vulnerable that's on than
they did do a background check
00:49:53.99\00:50:00.16
on that should well, really not
everybody not everybody does and
who should be how it
00:50:00.16\00:50:07.47
changes that we do that? And
that we could open up children
to fall we do a background.
00:50:07.47\00:50:15.84
Check anybody and don't take for
granted because you in the
country that will have yeah, I
00:50:15.84\00:50:21.82
have so many so have very little
time. And these are some
powerful questions.
00:50:21.82\00:50:27.89
>> I am a single adult who feels
like I have been traumatized
00:50:27.89\00:50:32.66
through the repeated stories
about abuse that took place in
my family. How can I overcome
00:50:32.66\00:50:37.63
all the fears that I feel light
that I feel like have been
passed down to me likely with
00:50:37.63\00:50:45.44
good intentions and about
relationships. I really want to
break free from the belief
00:50:45.44\00:50:52.55
that relationships always end up
abuse. >> That is as powerful.
00:50:52.55\00:50:58.65
And unfortunately there's a lot
of people to have those type of
experiences. You we I don't
00:50:58.65\00:51:06.19
know how to say it, but, you
know, there's a there's certain
circles where we try
00:51:06.19\00:51:10.50
to protect right. And we
actually end up passing along a
lot of trauma. And so I
00:51:10.50\00:51:17.37
would say there's a lot. There
are other people who are just
like you, you know, who are
00:51:17.37\00:51:20.38
out there finding group's safe
groups. You know, people that
you can be transparent with an
00:51:20.38\00:51:24.98
honest with can walk with you
through that process. You know,
I happened to pretty
00:51:24.98\00:51:29.88
soon belong to the by counseling
dot So there's a lot of those
00:51:29.88\00:51:34.49
things that are available for
people who need to walk the
processes healing. So that's one
00:51:34.49\00:51:40.00
avenue that you can take, you
know, getting actual counseling
to give you tools to process
00:51:40.00\00:51:44.40
through that. >> Very, very
good. Think you've got a hit
this one, OK? >> How do you stop
00:51:44.40\00:51:49.47
the cycle has been taken
advantage of his wife. >> By not
00:51:49.47\00:51:53.21
helping around the home. No work
in. I'm currently a registered
nurse and my spouse hasn't paid
00:51:53.21\00:51:59.18
any bills for 15 years. >> I've
prayed foot for it. If it's in
God's will, to allow
00:51:59.18\00:52:07.72
him to help me for so very long.
He has no health issues. >> How
do you stop the cycle?
00:52:07.72\00:52:15.36
He loves the Lord. Carla from
Texas. Not not a lot >> he's on
00:52:15.36\00:52:30.98
the card. >> first, let me say
at the moment. So let me say
this. You know, we don't always
00:52:30.98\00:52:35.95
know when we have questions like
this. We're all the details
sold. True. You know. Yeah,
00:52:35.95\00:52:43.19
also pay bill for 15 years, but
you know that the thing that was
said at the end as he
00:52:43.19\00:52:47.86
loves the Lord. You know, these
are assumptions that we make.
With ow what without
00:52:47.86\00:53:03.14
evidence that says that he loves
the And so I think. You know, if
we've excepted all I
00:53:03.14\00:53:09.45
know this person loves the Lord.
Then it sets the table for us to
00:53:09.45\00:53:16.29
excuse some behaviors yet just
because we say, oh, they love
the Lord or and you know that
00:53:16.29\00:53:23.53
they're they're not helping with
the bills, but they read the 9
volumes of the testimonies.
00:53:23.53\00:53:27.07
And so that must be. But it is
got to be of a 9 volumes. yeah.
00:53:27.07\00:53:32.24
>> That you need to help with
the okay. I know call that also
a neighborly. Sometimes
00:53:32.24\00:53:39.31
we are a bowler's and in. So I
want to say that, Karl, if you
listen in, sometimes we can
00:53:39.31\00:53:44.15
and able behaviors and make
excuses for That may be a good
start, right? Telling
00:53:44.15\00:53:48.22
ourselves the truth ourselves,
that roofers and then what we
can tell ourselves the truth
00:53:48.22\00:53:53.83
about the reality of it. Then we
can move to telling other people
00:53:53.83\00:53:58.47
that you. >> The other the other
thing about the truth that thank
The other is. And then again, we
00:53:58.47\00:54:04.24
without knowing all the details.
Do I really want them to change
00:54:04.24\00:54:11.21
6 because there's there's this
thing hold a call that his old
Where? >> You know, as long as
00:54:11.21\00:54:17.65
Person X is broken, yes, is that
it gives me someone in and
someone someone to work on. Do
00:54:17.65\00:54:24.33
really? And so this is we were
talking about this earlier. I
00:54:24.33\00:54:27.46
think in terms of >> just before
we can share truth with others.
there's this phrase speak truth
00:54:27.46\00:54:33.34
to power 0, yeah, they want to
speak truth to right. We need to
speak it to ourselves
00:54:33.34\00:54:39.64
here's where the power he is. we
need to So, yeah, I know he's
getting I think this is I
00:54:39.64\00:54:46.05
mean, I'm just I'm just sitting
here trying to myself that I
know address so we can
00:54:46.05\00:54:52.82
President and I just want to be
serious about the matter because
00:54:52.82\00:54:54.79
you think that. >> I don't know
what is in hot like you said So
factors that has submit
00:54:54.79\00:55:02.73
questions. Yes, but just make
sure. Number reiterate, what has
it passes? Why said try not to
00:55:02.73\00:55:07.07
be the one in powering this
behavior. Yes, because one year.
>> I know 2 years, but when
00:55:07.07\00:55:14.48
you said if if they have no
health health issues, when you
see how these Michael, she
00:55:14.48\00:55:20.15
says script is as husbands, love
your wives as Christ loved the
00:55:20.15\00:55:25.32
church as lord saying he loves
me, but it's not providing any
my needs and he doesn't want to
00:55:25.32\00:55:29.19
forgive me. He doesn't take care
of me. There has to be evidence
that that love is Jan does say
00:55:29.19\00:55:34.83
Honey, I love you, but I going
to work. So that's really we've
got a minute. 26 seconds
00:55:34.83\00:55:41.67
to give you most of that to just
thank you for coming to join us
down a full life. I
00:55:41.67\00:55:46.88
know you've been touch. Do you
accept invitations to come to
seminars and speak places?
00:55:46.88\00:55:52.18
>> But let me say this one of
the reasons why we are trying
to, you know, time is both an
00:55:52.18\00:55:58.25
we point people to the website
and the folks know we're working
00:55:58.25\00:56:05.36
on and and online media content
is where primarily right now
because we just can't go
00:56:05.36\00:56:10.53
everywhere. >> Right. But he's
up at half full district.
Conway, thank you for coming.
00:56:10.53\00:56:16.24
I'm so glad we host I Conway,
Tamra Tammy mother and for 2
sets of Yeah, it's been rich has
00:56:16.24\00:56:25.95
been rich. >> And I'm operating
site. Great insight. Oh, yeah.
And you can only get better as
00:56:25.95\00:56:33.25
Scott continues to guide you and
your amazing things. God guides
us sometimes through
00:56:33.25\00:56:36.79
the window of our own Thank you,
sister. A common for being
vulnerable and and house
00:56:36.79\00:56:43.13
before allowing her to do that.
Yeah. The next time you argue
with the kids in the
00:56:43.13\00:56:52.44
backseat. >> I think already
and so on. >> Radio audience on
00:56:52.44\00:56:56.81
television audience, we've
appreciated your support
continue to remember stamina
00:56:56.81\00:56:59.58
for a live human. Here's what we
get from the Lord as well as
from those who love the
00:56:59.58\00:57:04.19
Look forward to seeing
you. >> Next time, an we've ¤
00:57:04.19\00:57:15.56
¤ ¤ ¤
00:57:15.56\00:57:30.65
¤ ¤ ¤
00:57:30.65\00:57:45.53
¤ ¤ ¤
00:57:45.53\00:58:10.52