>> I want ¤ >> I
00:00:07.00\00:00:47.31
>> want to ¤ ¤
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¤ >> Hello and welcome to
Thursday night live here at 3
00:01:00.86\00:01:11.03
ABN at 3ABN, studios. >> I'm
past that McCain McCain tonight
with my lovely wife at
00:01:11.03\00:01:16.94
my right. Could have you, honey.
Always glad to be here. I'm
excited about this I was
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talking about. >> Couples
in relationships so important.
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These these last days, isn't it
to try? And so you may not be
married, but there's something
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for you to you maybe wanted to
get married. And there's
definitely something you may
00:01:35.66\00:01:38.89
be >> And you may be young
cent. I'm never going to get
00:01:38.89\00:01:43.16
married. After this program. We
might change your mind. So do
stay tuned for this
00:01:43.16\00:01:48.27
exciting program is going to be
a lot of no pun intended. A lot
00:01:48.27\00:01:53.38
of stamina in this program. I
know it's going to be all but we
want to thank you for your
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prayers and your financial
support of this network as we
continue going and growing,
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getting ready for the greatest
event at the age is the coming
of our Lord and Savior Jesus
00:02:02.62\00:02:07.79
Christ. If you are first timer
and you've never been here
before, you need to remember
00:02:07.79\00:02:09.86
what you did to get here and
remember us every day because we
have television and
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>> and radio. That's where I
work and try and we cover the
globe. We have a saying here,
00:02:16.06\00:02:21.07
3 ABN, the world is covered by
water. 75% and the rest of it is
covered by for that yet.
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we're also going to take
questions tonight. we're going
to give you an opportunity to
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field your questions. You may
have relationship questions.
Yes, you may be going through
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a rocky time. You know, people
go through rocky time. Yes, they
do. you might want some
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advice. And I think we have the
perfect couple in the house
tonight to give answers
00:02:41.39\00:02:45.36
to those questions. So if you
want to do that, let me give you
the e-mail that you could
00:02:45.36\00:02:50.50
send those. That's a live at the
3 ABN Dot TV. That's if you want
00:02:50.50\00:02:55.07
to e-mail them in. But if you
want to text them in, you can
send them to 6, 1, 8, 228-3975,
00:02:55.07\00:03:03.45
at 6, 1, 8, 228-3975. And if
you're driving, keep eyes on the
road, but turn the volume
00:03:03.45\00:03:08.85
because I was like, oh, we have
questions. I do too. You know
all of the questions. So
00:03:08.85\00:03:15.16
please send questions is going
to be good enough to be married
as long as we have one
00:03:15.16\00:03:18.39
time. How long? Why not? 39
year-old just put right 39
years. Yeah, I love each other
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and more every day. Yes, we've
got to just have fun. But
something happened today just
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before something happen in the
world today. That is particular
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interest to you. many of you
know, I was born in dog. The
England. My from the island of
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Jamaica. And as a tapas and as
you know today, we lost the
Queen of England, Queen
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Elizabeth. My mom from she was a
little girl. She always
followed. The queen always.
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Something in We follow the
queen. But we know we We are
following the King of Kings
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County and I must tell you a
quick short story. >> When my
mom and dad back in the late
00:04:01.70\00:04:08.54
50's. The queen was coming to
doggie. And my father this, my
father's friend says, are you
00:04:08.54\00:04:15.22
going to go see the queen? And
my father said, my queen this
right here. I'm not going to
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see the queen. She's right here
and my mother always remember
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that. And both of >> Rest in a
weight in the wonderful
resurrection morning. That
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right. So condolences to all of
the P people in England and
around the world that mourning
00:04:33.74\00:04:36.77
the loss of a woman who reigned
for 70 years with the dignity
and it's going to be hard to
00:04:36.77\00:04:42.08
top that. I know. But we pray
for those in Great Britain and
all the other countries where
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they are sovereign nations that
are connected to the Queen and
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my wife today when she walked in
after work, she said on
particularly said today I lost
00:04:51.29\00:04:55.66
my queen any time something
comes on about the royal family
is she? I was watching What am I
00:04:55.66\00:05:01.76
to stand? So we appreciate that.
But before we bring our music
on, let's introduce our guest.
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Yes, we have 2 wonderful people
with us. >> Might affect past or
00:05:07.20\00:05:10.14
a couple of pass the Steve and
Tammy Conway to Is it stamina
full life? Welcome. Thank you
00:05:10.14\00:05:20.45
so much. He's going to have you
back. love being with the 2.
What church is all you,
00:05:20.45\00:05:27.92
pastor in? >> Right now we
are past run at the Troy 7. They
00:05:27.92\00:05:30.06
have in this church. Just one
church just want okay. And we're
going to dive into your life.
00:05:30.06\00:05:37.27
>> We're going what we call
human eyes let people know about
their has been blessing
00:05:37.27\00:05:42.80
that I always we look forward. I
don't know who the guests will
go into tonight. But when
00:05:42.80\00:05:48.74
I found are those going to the
Conways so happy? I said, I need
to be So we encourage you
00:05:48.74\00:05:54.08
to be here. Hit that record
button. And if you could do that
because nowadays PCR is
00:05:54.08\00:05:58.45
the kind of like out there. if
you miss, it could be on 3ABN.
Plus and ill share show again
00:05:58.45\00:06:07.46
a few and you'll find out more
about that. But right now we
have for music. Wow, we have
00:06:07.46\00:06:13.47
John started. He's going to
share a wonderful song with us
called I turn to you.
00:06:13.47\00:06:30.85
¤ ¤ ¤
00:06:30.99\00:06:44.13
>> What can I wear
to the ¤ Now to explain
00:06:44.13\00:06:59.35
>> I've been >> amazing Grays
New >> Now it's to that I run
00:06:59.35\00:07:14.63
and Jesus, turn to you.
>> And then I'm >> gave you
00:07:14.63\00:07:22.47
¤ >> turn to you
thing is that you do 2.
00:07:22.47\00:07:33.25
¤ >> Ra the joy,
>> I'm never group men
00:07:33.25\00:07:49.23
>> I'm never >> So
when >> I'm just gone.
00:07:49.23\00:08:05.55
>> And that's to turn to you and
I gave to I turned to you, That
that you timeout night,
00:08:05.55\00:08:30.64
turn to you. And then gave
>> turned lore the that you need
00:08:30.64\00:08:45.65
1st. >> You're >>
turn >> to you gave you To
00:08:45.65\00:09:31.57
>> To you. >> go
through. >> your I turn to that
00:09:31.57\00:09:44.05
>> a just. >> mean, >>
I and you turn to you turn
00:09:44.05\00:09:53.32
to further questions of the
night. >> Well, the questions
00:09:53.32\00:10:01.46
that and you time you. >> Time
to see you. When I don't have
00:10:01.46\00:10:12.81
any place else to when had turn
to you. Turn to you. turned you
and you turn to you.
00:10:12.81\00:10:26.15
¤ I turn to you.
>> And like go room
00:10:26.15\00:10:38.57
¤ >> I turn to
are the things that he
00:10:38.57\00:10:54.92
>> To ¤ ¤
00:10:54.92\00:11:08.10
>> thank you, John We share that
name, but I don't play like him.
00:11:08.10\00:11:11.83
Appreciate that so much. Yes, we
are actually talking about. Who
to turn to when your marriage is
00:11:11.83\00:11:19.01
or your relationship is not as
strong as it ought to be. And I
think that song is a very
00:11:19.01\00:11:24.05
appropriate to talk about who
should be who we should turn to
00:11:24.05\00:11:27.32
and developing relationships,
even if you the 20 years, 30
years, just got married. You'll
00:11:27.32\00:11:34.76
discover that there is no
greater friend than turning to
the and good times so that when
00:11:34.76\00:11:38.86
the challenges come, yes, you
know, he's always there let's
reintroduce the Congress pass
00:11:38.86\00:11:44.37
to Steve, Good to have you here.
Pass to Steve Conway. Yeah. Good
00:11:44.37\00:11:50.21
to be here and Tammy, good to
have you here to thank you are
happy to be here. You guys an
00:11:50.21\00:11:55.14
exciting couple. Always enjoy
what's happening in your life.
But just now. For those who are
00:11:55.14\00:11:59.65
watching the problem, that may
not know you, but I have a whole
cheering section say
00:11:59.65\00:12:04.79
passes on tonight. Yeah. Tell us
what's been happening since we
saw you last and we enjoyed
00:12:04.79\00:12:08.09
the last time you hear of Well,
we as I mentioned earlier, we
00:12:08.09\00:12:15.80
transition from. The churches
that we were pass route to a new
church. Yes, Troy, 7 evidence,
00:12:15.80\00:12:20.40
churches. >> Still in the metro
Detroit area. But just on the
northeast side, instead of on
00:12:20.40\00:12:25.14
the West side. Now. >> And
also probably one of the larger
00:12:25.14\00:12:30.25
transitions that come along with
that. my wife who was banned.
I'm super woman Supermom super
00:12:30.25\00:12:41.56
wife for so many years and will
be to come. But she's transition
from homeschooling our she
00:12:41.56\00:12:47.96
home schooled. Actually all of
our 4 children. Well, the older
2 who are now finished
00:12:47.96\00:12:55.30
high school and the younger, too
now we have a church school and
they have and to to
00:12:55.30\00:13:03.35
that academy, that junior
academy. >> she is experiencing
00:13:03.35\00:13:12.25
a new OK, Ali, a new of the fate
teach an. >> Yeah, I was for you
00:13:12.25\00:13:17.49
at home and taking care of them.
But now I'm actually in school
as well. So oh, yeah, that's a
00:13:17.49\00:13:22.50
huge transition for me.
Returning back to school. so my
goal is to finish a degree
00:13:22.50\00:13:28.70
in mental health social yeah.
for such a time as this right?
00:13:28.70\00:13:34.68
white. >> And what you guys do
that's going to be significant.
Yeah, I'm so what are some of
00:13:34.68\00:13:38.41
the things that you've been
working on since we saw you last
time? we are working on
00:13:38.41\00:13:44.85
one a devotional. Yes, a
couple's devotional and a 30 day
devotional for And that's
00:13:44.85\00:13:54.20
going to kind of walk through
some of the snapshots of our own
story. And share lessons
00:13:54.20\00:14:02.40
that we've learned that we feel
I can be a blessing. They can
minister to couples so
00:14:02.40\00:14:08.44
we're working on that. And we've
been working on another project
00:14:08.44\00:14:13.45
was the other >> I recently just
finished writing a book myself
about my life yeah, my
00:14:13.45\00:14:19.25
experience with a trauma and
abuse and just how bad it walk
me through that up until the
00:14:19.25\00:14:24.19
very you know, aspects of my
life today. it's been a long
time has been literally like 10
00:14:24.19\00:14:29.60
years that I've had, you know,
starting and stopping. But
finished. Yes, ma'am. I
00:14:29.60\00:14:34.64
finished last week and my first
day of Class. Yes, Wow. That be
So my hope is that it
00:14:34.64\00:14:41.14
will available by the end of
this year by because we're going
to be a J** I see this
00:14:41.14\00:14:44.81
year speaking. So I want to have
it available for the young the
00:14:44.81\00:14:48.48
young man there to be able about
trauma. And you're like yes,
about, you know, the different
00:14:48.48\00:14:52.45
aspects of decisions and choices
that I and how God's hand was
moving. Even in those, you know,
00:14:52.45\00:14:57.89
aspects and how he brought me
here. Even to this day. So not
race had been is going. Oh,
00:14:57.89\00:15:03.83
man. >> Now, you know, you want
us to kind of want to open that.
00:15:03.83\00:15:09.00
you have to side with to hear
about that. what I mean. Not
that you introduce it is just
00:15:09.00\00:15:12.41
yeah. You know, my my my
thoughts of Pete right here like
questions that coming up.
00:15:12.41\00:15:15.94
But this kind of give us what
you feel comfortable to share.
Absolutely. The name of the
00:15:15.94\00:15:19.68
book is called on kind of
abrasive a title. I guess you
could say. It's called kill
00:15:19.68\00:15:25.65
the girl, right? And what it is
actually detailing is how each
and every one of us has a
00:15:25.65\00:15:28.62
target on our back. And I
definitely felt that as a child
growing up in a what
00:15:28.62\00:15:34.93
most of us would call a
dysfunctional home. But what I
discovered along the way is
00:15:34.93\00:15:39.23
that I wasn't the only one. My
parents also had a target on
their back and so do each and
00:15:39.23\00:15:42.27
every one of us. and there was
something some very pertinent
lessons that I learned. And
00:15:42.27\00:15:49.14
there were things that I saw
where God was leading me to
places where I had the choice
00:15:49.14\00:15:53.15
to heal. I had a choice to
process through a lot of pain. A
lot of things and tools that
00:15:53.15\00:16:00.46
I was not raise with that got
was bringing into my mark.
Somebody and lo and behold,
00:16:00.46\00:16:06.26
even in those times the guy was
allowing me to be able to be a
tool to help my parents.
00:16:06.26\00:16:10.50
Khan through some something. So
you have the book is detailing a
00:16:10.50\00:16:15.44
lot of different stories that
happened. Some decisions I made
as a teenager. I and one who had
00:16:15.44\00:16:20.68
an abortion as a teenager. I
think we talked about that
before. Did And I and the
00:16:20.68\00:16:26.31
times that we live in, I think
it's an important topic to
discuss because it's very We
00:16:26.31\00:16:31.19
feel very strongly right about
that topic that life matters.
But I don't really hear a lot
00:16:31.19\00:16:37.49
of people talking about the
people who actually make that
and what is really going on in
00:16:37.49\00:16:42.56
our minds when we find ourselves
at that play. So I felt it was
00:16:42.56\00:16:45.77
really important to tell that
story. And if included in the
book, yes, that's a very good
00:16:45.77\00:16:52.87
point, because I like when you
talked about choices I could.
And that will offer to me to
00:16:52.87\00:16:58.28
heal. Yeah. >> And that's really
I like that. You bring that up
00:16:58.28\00:17:00.52
because a lot of times people.
That choose to remain a victim
when the Lord doesn't come
00:17:00.52\00:17:07.79
into our lives to keep us as a
victim. Yes, yeah, we you know,
we might have some scars
00:17:07.79\00:17:13.29
yet. They are choices to heal. A
lot of powerful when you think
hunt. There's so many
00:17:13.29\00:17:17.20
people out there that have gone
through all kind of abuse isn't
here. Even like you
00:17:17.20\00:17:22.60
said, abortion. Yeah. And this
book I'm looking forward to some
getting a copy of it.
00:17:22.60\00:17:30.98
Yeah, I be available. I'm going
to >> Publish it through I know
00:17:30.98\00:17:36.25
just the day and age that we
live in. Want get out quickly to
find as many people as
00:17:36.25\00:17:40.92
possible. So I'm really hoping
to have the editing process, Don
00:17:40.92\00:17:43.99
and >> have it, you know, read a
few times over because this is
my first venture. I love.
00:17:43.99\00:17:48.10
Writing is one of the biggest
loves of my life. But this is my
first time. Putting
00:17:48.10\00:17:51.27
something out for the world.
So she's also want to talk about
00:17:51.27\00:17:59.34
her fears and >> now she's been
encouraged for many years. So
not just buy the person sitting
00:17:59.34\00:18:04.28
next to her her life will
blessed by the things that she's
written. Yeah, and it is a
00:18:04.28\00:18:09.15
culmination of a man. I'm so
blessed. I've had a lot of >>
wonderful women. A lot of
00:18:09.15\00:18:14.92
wonderful people who have just
been a blessing to me along the
And this is kind of like
00:18:14.92\00:18:20.80
an old to them to, you know. so
I'm really thankful. Yeah. >>
Well, that's brave. that's
00:18:20.80\00:18:24.97
really, really brave this la
Times. There certain caps to
people keep on their lives,
00:18:24.97\00:18:30.61
which, in fact, if uncovering
that could be a help to the
people that going How does it
00:18:30.61\00:18:35.71
feel to know that as a pastor,
wife is putting herself out
there that way. I mean, what
00:18:35.71\00:18:40.92
do you think? >> You know,
it really doesn't bother I think
00:18:40.92\00:18:49.29
our marriage than that knows us
has been around us. One of the
things that people have, in fact
00:18:49.29\00:18:53.76
told us a lot that we. It's like
what we don't really think of it
in that way. But its
00:18:53.76\00:19:01.80
transparency and just being who
we are and sharing our story.
00:19:01.80\00:19:06.57
One of my wife's favorite
passages from the book of
Revelation Worse Isn't overcame
00:19:06.57\00:19:13.01
the blood of the land on the
word of their testimony. And so
you have and you know what? S
00:19:13.01\00:19:19.92
get a logical contacts, power of
sharing what it is that God has
brought you through. And it's
00:19:19.92\00:19:26.53
interesting that that comes
together with the blood of the
lamb. That right. So there is
00:19:26.53\00:19:30.43
an obligation on us really and
truly to share what got us down
for us and not just what
00:19:30.43\00:19:36.50
he's done for us 2030, years
ago. But what he is in the
process of doing for us even
00:19:36.50\00:19:41.98
right now, Pfizer says that the
redeemed of the So it who he
with his mighty That's
00:19:41.98\00:19:50.99
thank you so much for being
willing to do that. And >> in
ministry always looking
00:19:50.99\00:19:54.86
for now we haven't been that she
was here, but it is this Ph U.S.
kind of the go-to. I
00:19:54.86\00:19:59.43
knew that as having one of the
present. >> Yeah, he's this. I
00:19:59.43\00:20:04.13
guess the speaker gifts for this
year. And may they myself as
well as a couple of other
00:20:04.13\00:20:07.04
individuals. Really great which
and a couple of my other friends
00:20:07.04\00:20:14.08
to come along and share on the
subject of abuse and those
areas. So this generation,
00:20:14.08\00:20:20.58
they're ready for it. Yeah. >>
How did your family go through
00:20:20.58\00:20:26.45
the pandemic? The process of
didn't know you both had COVID
also. Yeah, yeah. As we both did
00:20:26.45\00:20:31.83
experience some illness was good
to us. and our immediate of
course, some of our
00:20:31.83\00:20:44.81
children and whatnot. But in our
extended family lost a great
uncle some others who
00:20:44.81\00:20:50.88
I'm actually a a great aunt as
well. And because I have family,
actually, that's and
00:20:50.88\00:20:58.65
New York and that's where my
great aunt and they divert
Sunday. They did. Yes. we
00:20:58.65\00:21:04.43
experienced some loss, but
through it all, I can say
they've got was good. And this
00:21:04.43\00:21:12.00
this is this is a funny Because
of what I just said in terms of
transparency. One of
00:21:12.00\00:21:19.74
the things that we value most of
the time is precious to us is
really our family worship
00:21:19.74\00:21:25.45
time and we we're just really
enjoying that. And then my wife
said, hey. Why don't we?
00:21:25.45\00:21:36.79
Why do we go live with family
worship >> You may have your
00:21:36.79\00:21:41.16
family are from the north east.
He is not a social media parts
it at all. Yes, think he's not
00:21:41.16\00:21:52.71
checking a socially. I want to
check social media. Yes. So so I
was and even my kids, they
00:21:52.71\00:21:58.61
were kind of like a I don't
know. We don't really want to.
>> it's because, of course,
00:21:58.61\00:22:03.42
we're in ministry. And we give
so much of ourselves and our
families time. So it was like,
00:22:03.42\00:22:11.76
well, this is ours. We we really
want this and want to keep this
OK? So my wife said,
00:22:11.76\00:22:15.83
but, you know, I really think it
could be a blessing and so we we
ended up given that a
00:22:15.83\00:22:23.30
try the lore was gracious. We
ended up connecting with people.
Wow, from all over the
00:22:23.30\00:22:29.94
world and we were having our
family worshipped at one point
every day, every single day
00:22:29.94\00:22:34.75
and we were like, okay, we've
got to. >> Got to back it up a
00:22:34.75\00:22:40.16
little bit. >> But we we had
a wonderful time with it enabled
00:22:40.16\00:22:46.29
us to really bill and encourage.
And so, you know, a little kind
of review to me like, selfish of
00:22:46.29\00:22:53.84
Have something that you enjoy.
be less it. You know, cancer
brought up on the I think
00:22:53.84\00:23:00.18
that's what he did. >> But
that's interesting because my
00:23:00.18\00:23:05.55
wife, it's helped talk about you
family where helped the family
well my siblings and cousins,
00:23:05.55\00:23:11.85
close friends we Friday night
when he's finishing up his
summon up to we have our
00:23:11.85\00:23:16.02
worship. I go to my family
worship on and then we get
together. It's really nice. And
00:23:16.02\00:23:25.00
we're reading them spread a
prophecy books and things like
that to really encourage courage
00:23:25.00\00:23:29.77
in about the end times. And, you
know, and I sit back and I'm
amazed how God ignites her to
00:23:29.77\00:23:37.11
make a difference. And those who
join look for it. have denied.
What do you guys and out of
00:23:37.11\00:23:44.52
town? But that doesn't mean
you're not going to be on the
night. The Brotherhood constant
00:23:44.52\00:23:49.19
family, and they just really
catch up family. And then they
go into the word just some
00:23:49.19\00:23:52.96
natural. Just really a lift
live. Yeah, want to get back to
this issue because you
00:23:52.96\00:23:57.87
guys, go through so much. Just a
couple. Yeah. And thank you for
your transparency. But
00:23:57.87\00:24:00.60
truly as public sometimes you
want to a put some curtains on
the now this is ours. And yes,
00:24:00.60\00:24:10.18
family could appreciate that.
But you talk about grief I'm
just so that that one is grief
00:24:10.18\00:24:18.52
recovery. We hear about it in
funerals. And let me just hear
your take on. So the funny
00:24:18.52\00:24:22.66
thing is grief recovery
came about. >> For during the
00:24:22.66\00:24:28.83
pandemic, while we have some
really great things that
happened through all of the
00:24:28.83\00:24:36.07
tragedy, we could not deny that
we were experiencing a
tremendous amount of grief. In
00:24:36.07\00:24:41.38
fact, we realize that all around
us people were grieving because
there were there was death.
00:24:41.38\00:24:44.01
There was a loss of normalcy.
There was all kinds of different
00:24:44.01\00:24:47.42
things and most people's idea
about grief generally only
centers around death. What we
00:24:47.42\00:24:54.99
discovered around that time was
that grief a so far more
expanded? It is around loss of
00:24:54.99\00:25:00.36
any kind right. And then within
last there is change. And so the
pandemic brought about brought
00:25:00.36\00:25:06.30
took the eyes on that and
brought it even closer to most.
All of us in the world.
00:25:06.30\00:25:12.47
but we didn't know how to
process to be quite honest.
Weird people love Jesus who my
00:25:12.47\00:25:16.75
husband's a pastor. But to be
quite honest with you to walk
with people through grief,
00:25:16.75\00:25:19.48
it's a completely different
things. So grief recovery.
That's what I was like, man.
00:25:19.48\00:25:24.45
You know what I need? We need
help and I was in in courage to
actually go ahead and get
00:25:24.45\00:25:29.79
certified and that, you know,
because we just have so many
people suffering. You know,
00:25:29.79\00:25:34.56
grief. Recovery is a method to
which you walk people through
processing their losses, loss
00:25:34.56\00:25:41.57
of normalcy, right loss of
intangible things such as trust
their safety. And the
00:25:41.57\00:25:45.61
funny thing is that many of us
are not raised with an
understanding of how to do
00:25:45.61\00:25:50.85
that. We know how to grieve
necessarily. You know this at
the time, right? But we don't
00:25:50.85\00:25:56.69
really know how to walk through
processes of grief. And it was
00:25:56.69\00:26:01.79
tremendously important. >> Yeah,
it at one point in time. You
know, out. shaded in
00:26:01.79\00:26:07.56
20 to 30. services. Just go back
to back. You know that. And and
00:26:07.56\00:26:16.04
it was it gets overwhelming to
the point where you can become
nom. You can become numb and
00:26:16.04\00:26:21.51
it's another another funeral.
It's someone else who's on the
verge of dying. And I really
00:26:21.51\00:26:27.22
dreaded those calls because it's
like I have to go back into this
place and it was it
00:26:27.22\00:26:33.49
was quite as I said, it was
overwhelming and not not knowing
how to process through
00:26:33.49\00:26:38.89
that at the same time, feeling
we're sensing. But I'm a feel
like this. Yeah, I should. I
00:26:38.89\00:26:48.50
should have hope the national
always have a good word on my
lips to be able to say to
00:26:48.50\00:26:53.38
bring encourage meant and what
not. But I was at a place where
I needed to just like
00:26:53.38\00:26:59.85
man, I I don't know what to say
anymore. I've said everything I
00:26:59.85\00:27:05.25
know to say more believes then
that I'm comfortable saying it
and I need I need something. And
00:27:05.25\00:27:11.56
it was a profound opening thing
for me. My wife. Got her
certification. I was one of
00:27:11.56\00:27:21.07
the first sign me up. let me and
so myself and pastoral colleague
00:27:21.07\00:27:28.38
went through the process it was
rich beyond my ability to
explain it helped me not only to
00:27:28.38\00:27:39.19
be able to process through my
losses and a life which we're
not just yeah. This is one of
00:27:39.19\00:27:46.53
the things I discovered that you
tell me if I'm talking too much,
here something compound
00:27:46.53\00:27:53.67
that grief all more compound
last. So I experience a loss. I
don't process it. I keep
00:27:53.67\00:27:58.51
going through life experience,
more loss. it's just it just
keeps building and building
00:27:58.51\00:28:03.24
and building and building. And
so. The experience always have.
And where I just felt
00:28:03.24\00:28:08.35
like I'm just dry, lord, I don't
have anything I don't even know
00:28:08.35\00:28:14.76
if if I can feel many No, it was
a result of compounded grief.
And so walking through that
00:28:14.76\00:28:21.63
process, the lot was able to to
complete. My grief cycle and a
variety of areas and to bring
00:28:21.63\00:28:31.84
about healing for all the losses
that I experienced in my life
00:28:31.84\00:28:38.48
I'm still in that process and
praise be to God. But it was
rich beyond comparison. Not just
00:28:38.48\00:28:43.85
because of the healing that I
began to experience. But it also
gave me a newfound perspective
00:28:43.85\00:28:51.99
on answering into other people's
grief and entering into other
people's last knowing how to
00:28:51.99\00:28:57.13
minister to them understanding
that, you know what, some may
off already understood is that
00:28:57.13\00:29:02.50
you don't you don't have to fix
people who are grieving. You
don't have to have an
00:29:02.50\00:29:07.14
answer. So to speak, try and and
so knew could talk on, but it
was it was a wonderful,
00:29:07.14\00:29:15.22
wonderful experience for for me.
And it's it's blessed me. Rich.
Now. Beautiful. Wow. So
00:29:15.22\00:29:23.32
both of you are into grief
recovery. the one who certified.
00:29:23.32\00:29:29.50
I just had a lot >> long. And so
it ends up being, you know, work
with one on one and 2 groups and
00:29:29.50\00:29:33.20
for a lot of people because
again, they don't associate
grief with change. I often do
00:29:33.20\00:29:38.91
workshops helping people to
process to change. So change,
challenging choices. lot of
00:29:38.91\00:29:42.64
stuff you're discovering. Yeah.
Yeah. What started your journey
and self-discovery in
00:29:42.64\00:29:49.75
your marriage it to minister,
a a >> CR member. think
00:29:49.75\00:30:06.37
frightening these >> No, we live
and this is. The intervention of
00:30:06.37\00:30:16.31
God divine We were Mary for
about. I guess, maybe a month or
my mom sent us mom and asked him
00:30:16.31\00:30:26.96
to some tapes. Yeah, because
they had just gone through. A
series of seminars. With Ron
00:30:26.96\00:30:34.56
and Nancy Rocky say it going
through their bout at back in
the day was binding. The
00:30:34.56\00:30:43.20
wounds they have gone through.
And my mom was one of those take
people. So she bought all
00:30:43.20\00:30:46.37
the Tahoe. She sent the tapes
down to us and say you guys need
to go through this. We
00:30:46.37\00:30:51.41
think it will be rich for you.
What not? And I remember we were
00:30:51.41\00:30:58.19
driving down to my parents, went
through it. we were. We were
driving down to Birmingham,
00:30:58.19\00:31:02.72
Alabama. My granddad passed away
and we were we lived in into
Tennessee just north of
00:31:02.72\00:31:08.70
Chattanooga. So we were driving
down a Birmingham, Alabama, for
00:31:08.70\00:31:11.77
the funeral. And we begin to
listen to that age. The car
actually had a We we listening
00:31:11.77\00:31:17.77
to the tapes and man, I will
tell you am so grateful that,
you know, their ministry and
00:31:17.77\00:31:27.38
their wisdom were injected into
our marriage and into our
experience at such an early
00:31:27.38\00:31:32.65
point. Now, the Lord blessed. We
had good premier's counseling
and and all these. But the level
00:31:32.65\00:31:40.26
of self-discovery that we began.
I remember we were just in the
car and Robin and that ridge
00:31:40.26\00:31:45.43
Chevy Cavalier. I can't drive
car. And then it was just like,
00:31:45.43\00:31:50.27
you know, you hear something on
stop. Did you hear what I what
did you hear? You know, as Ron
00:31:50.27\00:31:59.91
is talking about his rejection
issues and whatnot, you know,
I'm just like. Seen myself and
00:31:59.91\00:32:11.06
my own life from the perspective
that I've never seen it before.
And one of the powerful things
00:32:11.06\00:32:18.03
is, but now I'm able to put a
finger on it. it's it's almost
like somebody gives you a
00:32:18.03\00:32:24.07
magnifying glass and you've been
looking at things. But you
haven't been able to see
00:32:24.07\00:32:27.78
them with what a certain amount
of detail. And so what will
share with us and those
00:32:27.78\00:32:33.11
tapes. It gave us a a level
of detail. >> Concerning our own
00:32:33.11\00:32:39.05
individual experiences and how
those experiences that we
brought to the table were
00:32:39.05\00:32:44.83
affecting both of us and our
marriage relationship. But it
was just like wall. This is
00:32:44.83\00:32:50.83
looking at a world that we
didn't know even existed. that
that journey began profound
00:32:50.83\00:32:58.81
breakthrough understanding,
self-awareness. So communication
00:32:58.81\00:33:05.55
on a level because when you when
you're discovering who you are
and there's someone with you by
00:33:05.55\00:33:11.42
and that journey. Yeah, it's
you know, you're just wide open.
00:33:11.42\00:33:16.46
You're vulnerable perhaps in
ways that you never never land
on. And all double. But here you
00:33:16.46\00:33:21.86
are. She's discovering them
about who she is on discovering.
Well, who I am. And I'm and it
00:33:21.86\00:33:27.14
definitely helped us to be able
to early on break. Some
generational curse you know,
00:33:27.14\00:33:32.21
because we were right and ready.
And this is people who love the
lower right, young people who,
00:33:32.21\00:33:35.14
>> quote, unquote, did it the
right way. And yet, though, we
did things the right way, we
00:33:35.14\00:33:38.85
were still broken. We were still
carrying baggage that was going
00:33:38.85\00:33:45.12
to show up in the marriage. All
it took was the right
circumstance and situation.
00:33:45.12\00:33:48.36
>> And we didn't have tools.
Yeah, we didn't know. Yeah, we
didn't have to. So we were of
00:33:48.36\00:33:53.76
a lot of things that were going
on and then we lacked the tools.
Yeah, to really and
00:33:53.76\00:33:58.67
truly be able to address issues
as the rolls That's that's
powerful. Talking about
00:33:58.67\00:34:06.81
Yeah, really. A lot of people.
couple still have these tools
see when we got married. You
00:34:06.81\00:34:12.61
know, back in the Stone >> we
The pastor just got together
Mike. You know, half
00:34:12.61\00:34:21.99
an hour's time. Yeah, you know,
make sure that when your wife
needs a new outfit, you
00:34:21.99\00:34:24.96
get a new outfit and has all the
basic stuff. But now that I am a
00:34:24.96\00:34:34.34
certified couples coach. I look
back on that and say come they
didn't have that in our day and
00:34:34.34\00:34:39.54
truly we had some
self-discovery, you know, at
point. You made when when you
00:34:39.54\00:34:45.38
come to the realization of who
you are, you have to remember
both of you and what may come to
00:34:45.38\00:34:50.35
the realization of who they are
before. The other one realize
that they are yes. And you've
00:34:50.35\00:34:54.99
got OK, now you've got this per
person. Paul those baggage out?
I think now must Yes, you just
00:34:54.99\00:35:03.03
open up a bag that I you had. >>
what am I supposed to do with
that? Yeah, we know what
00:35:03.03\00:35:07.27
that's like. it really does make
a difference for both of you to
00:35:07.27\00:35:12.04
start hearing each other. They
were told them. I said you're
not listening. Yeah, I would say
00:35:12.04\00:35:16.38
that not listening And here's
a look at me. Speak. >> right?
00:35:16.38\00:35:21.48
>> Yeah. And so that has a
tense. You know, I this is funny
like that because then
00:35:21.48\00:35:26.72
you have the listen. And so
there are days when like OK?
Turn on the turn on the fire
00:35:26.72\00:35:34.83
hydrant. All just take it all
drink as fast as I because those
are moments that are
00:35:34.83\00:35:40.50
necessary. And for the spouse to
understand that, OK, you
probably at your level, you
00:35:40.50\00:35:46.07
know your glasses. So full water
just coming out. Yeah, but you
00:35:46.07\00:35:50.98
stand is to keep drinking more
water because it's important to
the other person is. And that's
00:35:50.98\00:35:53.55
really important brought that
out. Yeah. And we've you know,
we've learned that was to
00:35:53.55\00:35:58.39
learn. But now it's your
program. Something just going to
the question at you.
00:35:58.39\00:36:03.22
>> What would you say to a
couple? To help connect draw
their hearts closer together
00:36:03.22\00:36:11.43
and their journey of >> you
know, one of the things I think
00:36:11.43\00:36:16.10
that I'm really grateful for.
That we've tried to not even
just in our marriage, but as a
00:36:16.10\00:36:24.11
family talking is so important
in part of talking is listening
right? Sometimes you can be in
00:36:24.11\00:36:28.18
a relationship where one person
is. Can the gift of gab Riad,
which is was a little
00:36:28.18\00:36:38.36
right? But you it is so much
more rich. 2 have a safe place,
you know, in your home
00:36:38.36\00:36:44.67
where you allow transparency and
honesty and vulnerability, you
know, and in ministry, you
00:36:44.67\00:36:53.07
know, like you said, the
microscope is on you. So there
needs to be a place where you
00:36:53.07\00:36:55.14
can have that, you know. So I
think that creating a time
during the day at some point
00:36:55.14\00:37:00.62
or you can come together and you
can have you can talk, you know,
and I'm so grateful for
00:37:00.62\00:37:06.12
for that. >> You the Bible says
any fees chat before I believe
00:37:06.12\00:37:13.46
it is speaking the truth and
speaking the truth in love. And
this is something I think
00:37:13.46\00:37:18.33
that and we take for granted.
And that is truthfulness or on a
stand. But what we've
00:37:18.33\00:37:24.27
discovered is that very few of
us are actually honest and
truthful. Yeah, what mean,
00:37:24.27\00:37:31.01
when I say that so. It's very
easy for us to focus in. On
negative experiences and
00:37:31.01\00:37:41.19
negative things. What our spouse
has not done what we need them
00:37:41.19\00:37:46.13
to do. The needs that we have
that they haven't met. It's very
easy for us to focus in on those
00:37:46.13\00:37:52.57
things. And most cases. It is
not an absolute truth that. My
spouse is only this right? I may
00:37:52.57\00:38:05.95
have some some horrible But if
I'm going to be truthful, that
mosque, Imus also acknowledge
00:38:05.95\00:38:14.09
the positive experiences. Now
and what is what's so difficult
00:38:14.09\00:38:22.56
about this is that this happens
you could be anywhere on the
merits spectrum, not just
00:38:22.56\00:38:26.57
America spectrum when people are
reflecting on their parents know
00:38:26.57\00:38:30.31
childhood, the relationship with
their siblings, someone who's
been married, hasn't ex-husband,
00:38:30.31\00:38:36.61
ex-wife, whatever situation
we're in. Our tendency is to not
tell ourselves that rules
00:38:36.61\00:38:41.78
about their relationship and
that is 2. Not just heart on
what was wrong with it. but
00:38:41.78\00:38:50.19
also again, acknowledging what
was positive for the good
memories. And now that doesn't
00:38:50.19\00:38:57.53
mean that that that was a
healthy relationship. But it
doesn't mean that this was the
00:38:57.53\00:39:03.47
best has been the best wide for
these were the best parents. And
00:39:03.47\00:39:07.51
it doesn't mean that you excuse
abuse or you excuse the crimes,
But they're often times. I think
00:39:07.51\00:39:12.18
that we we what we call it is
conflicting. >> again, this goes
00:39:12.18\00:39:16.89
back to not really having tools.
You know, most children and I
have to admit now, you know,
00:39:16.89\00:39:22.39
being a parent, I think I'm
getting in having an adult. Not
when it started with the 2nd
00:39:22.39\00:39:28.03
half. I thank God Friday and you
know. >> you begin to realize
00:39:28.03\00:39:33.47
just how ill equipped we are,
you know, to be able to address.
I'm certain things and so
00:39:33.47\00:39:38.31
telling my children, you know,
that it's possible that you can
feel 2 things at once. You
00:39:38.31\00:39:41.68
don't like something that
someone is done. But at the same
time that you love this
00:39:41.68\00:39:46.95
person, you know, so that
conflicting type thing. So
that's important when you're
00:39:46.95\00:39:51.62
dealing in relationships. >> And
we've we've actually found to
that. A lot of people
00:39:51.62\00:39:56.22
are frozen at that point because
I've got this feeling over here
00:39:56.22\00:40:01.36
and I have this feeling over
here. Both of them can't
coexist. Yeah, it's got to be
00:40:01.36\00:40:07.37
either. This is the most
horrible person that's ever
existed or it's a good person.
00:40:07.37\00:40:15.11
But in reality. person who maybe
who may have done horrible
things. Yeah, has actually done
00:40:15.11\00:40:20.98
some good things as well. And
whether we're talking about a
person who's experienced abuse
00:40:20.98\00:40:28.89
or a person who has experienced
abandonment or neglect generally
00:40:28.89\00:40:33.63
in those circumstances, there
is. And I guess we're talking
about this earlier that
00:40:33.63\00:40:42.60
sometimes. We wonder light why
on Earth would a person who's an
and abusive relationship? Why
00:40:42.60\00:40:46.41
would they stay? Well, you know
this, this conflicting these
conflicting feelings.
00:40:46.41\00:40:52.05
It's one of the reasons at least
yeah, it's because everyone else
00:40:52.05\00:40:57.09
sees how horrible this person
But this individual may be
choosing to focus on the good
00:40:57.09\00:41:02.99
things that this individual
does. So a part of us being able
to process and a healthy way.
00:41:02.99\00:41:11.23
Yeah, I'm all relationships and
being able to make healthy
decisions, make healthy
00:41:11.23\00:41:15.74
decisions being able to. Because
your question was, what are some
00:41:15.74\00:41:19.97
things that that couples can do?
Yes, I'm that I want to help
being able to forgive him being
00:41:19.97\00:41:26.11
able to let goal and he'll and
certain areas a part of that is
first being able to be honest
00:41:26.11\00:41:33.39
right? So I'll give you an
example and, you know, let's say
that I had a relationship that
00:41:33.39\00:41:39.56
didn't work out prior to my
marriage, right? Right. I'm
looking at the person that was
00:41:39.56\00:41:46.67
in this previous relationship
that the worst person ever. They
did so many things. They
00:41:46.67\00:41:50.31
were that I have all of this.
All right, because I'm not able
to let that go. Yeah,
00:41:50.31\00:41:55.41
because I'm not able to forgive
and again, forgiving doesn't
00:41:55.41\00:42:03.32
mean excusing the behavior. That
doesn't mean I'm belittling it.
It doesn't mean I'm saying it
00:42:03.32\00:42:08.22
wasn't important. It didn't hurt
its is not doing that right. But
when I'm unable to forgive
00:42:08.22\00:42:11.33
one, I'm unable to heal. What I
actually do assign morning. The
00:42:11.33\00:42:17.67
hurt from that relationship into
this relationship. And I cannot
enjoy having use what I can
00:42:17.67\00:42:24.84
enjoy a healthy relationship
here because I'm still dragging
a courts with me this
00:42:24.84\00:42:30.45
relationship that is literally
rotting, making making this
relationship Many other person
00:42:30.45\00:42:35.78
is like, I don't want out what's
going on by anything. And it
we're going to be able
00:42:35.78\00:42:43.43
to forgive. We've got to be able
to process and a healthy way and
a part of that. It's
00:42:43.43\00:42:47.36
telling ourselves the truth,
say, you know what? There was
some good days. There were
00:42:47.36\00:42:53.07
more bad days than good days.
These were the good things. 1,
2, 3, 4, These were the things
00:42:53.07\00:43:00.64
that were horrible. 1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8, 19 lore. Help me to
be able to heal and help
00:43:00.64\00:43:06.01
me to be able to move forward
from this. and I'm talking about
a relationship in this
00:43:06.01\00:43:12.62
illustration that's there. But
imagine if the relationship is
here in and now she's the one
00:43:12.62\00:43:16.39
who's hurt me or on the one
who's hurt her. And it's like
Lord, how can I heal from
00:43:16.39\00:43:23.10
this? I think another thing that
I'll say, I'll let her talk on
00:43:23.10\00:43:30.34
this one is. His understanding.
That I don't need someone else's
permission in order to heal you
00:43:30.34\00:43:38.35
sit. You suggested earlier that
one of us reach a revelation or
we can have a revelation or
00:43:38.35\00:43:46.42
experience. You know, like, wow,
I realize this about myself and
00:43:46.42\00:43:50.46
you want your your spouse or
your parents or your brother,
your sibling, whoever else you
00:43:50.46\00:43:55.30
want them to come along on this
journey with you. But they're
not ready to go on that journey,
00:43:55.30\00:43:59.47
right? And maybe as the person
that's hurt you. But in reality,
the reality is innocent.
00:43:59.47\00:44:05.04
Profound truth. We don't need
another person's permission to.
He'll want to say Wow. Now just
00:44:05.04\00:44:12.98
before you say that I want to
just prime audience because this
is good stuff. I know
00:44:12.98\00:44:17.95
that the people listening. Yeah
at the summit. But Hilton
turnout upturn we want you to
00:44:17.95\00:44:21.96
not forget that in the
second hour >> pass to Steve and
00:44:21.96\00:44:26.03
camera. Conway want to answer
your question. and we want to
just encourage you to send those
00:44:26.03\00:44:30.67
questions in. Yeah, if you want
to e-mail them and don't forget
this live at 3 ABN DOT
00:44:30.67\00:44:36.17
TV. That's live a lie. The E at
3 ABN DOT TV or doing the techs.
Those questions in 6,
00:44:36.17\00:44:43.01
1, 8, 2 to 8, 39. 75 6, 1, 8, 2,
2, 8, 3, 9, 7, 5. Tonight.
You're getting free courtesy
00:44:43.01\00:44:56.69
of 3 wonderful on spirit that
couple a pastor and his wife to
Conway's. this is this is
00:44:56.69\00:45:03.06
rich because it listening. Going
through the dynamics that you
00:45:03.06\00:45:08.90
talk about. Yes, everybody could
relate to some factor. I just 7
long, couple years ago called
00:45:08.90\00:45:15.61
trailer trash and people thought
now. >> people >> thought I was
00:45:15.61\00:45:22.78
referring to. That's very
derogatory term. Yeah. I was
saying it's the stuff you drag
00:45:22.78\00:45:28.52
yet that you don't She is in
your relationship and before you
can discover what this person
00:45:28.52\00:45:34.13
brings to the table. You on the
are going to your >> Not. Just
00:45:34.13\00:45:38.93
trying to figure out what in
there. Remind what their she had
to remind us of what's in the
00:45:38.93\00:45:44.77
trail. If you get in that
trailer, you can discover your
and people sometimes get
00:45:44.77\00:45:52.45
comfortable dragon that stuff
around because that's the way
they've been identified. Loyd
00:45:52.45\00:45:57.85
said. >> Do you want to be made
whole? That's right. That's
right. Some people don't want
00:45:57.85\00:46:00.32
to some people like the pool
this is their identity. If it
that bad story, how people
00:46:00.32\00:46:06.66
relate to me because always know
me as the guy by the pool reach
reach. some people do
00:46:06.66\00:46:10.83
want to give in to their war
stories. They're bad stories to
get a new I like that. This
00:46:10.83\00:46:17.87
is in this rich, honey, I'm not
in it. Some love in the time he
been free counseling.
00:46:17.87\00:46:23.14
I was. Could. We could always
learn from each. Everyone is
getting free every. But we're
00:46:23.14\00:46:27.52
going to tell you how you pay
for this. At the end of let me
just another question at you.
00:46:27.52\00:46:36.26
>> As parents now that you have
adult children, how will adult
children ages? ages
00:46:36.26\00:46:42.60
arson is 20 years old is real.
I'm Abigail will be turning 18
next and then other Lourdes
00:46:42.60\00:46:50.87
off it that our character needs
more development. Okay. we have
00:46:50.87\00:46:57.55
a 12 year-old son, Gabriel and a
sweet little girl and Big Gap.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, That that's
00:46:57.55\00:47:03.35
good. So as parents now, what
would you share with parents
watching are some of the most
00:47:03.35\00:47:07.96
valuable lessons you've learned
while parenting millennials, the
texting generation, the
00:47:07.96\00:47:14.73
generation where when they watch
TV, 5 things are happening all.
00:47:14.73\00:47:20.54
What could you say all my it's
it is that it is a One of the
things I think for me, I'm going
00:47:20.54\00:47:28.44
through this stage of my life
and I think we talked about this
earlier that and marriage and
00:47:28.44\00:47:32.88
relationships that there's
constant change. And there's
constant movement, right? You?
00:47:32.88\00:47:37.32
I'm not the same woman I was
when I had my first child, you
know, and I'm not the same
00:47:37.32\00:47:42.19
mother I was. And, you know,
ways I thought always a process
things. And there's
00:47:42.19\00:47:46.23
these different stages. You go
through. So. >> You know, having
00:47:46.23\00:47:49.76
this 12 year-old boy in this 21
year, 20 year-old, I often
having to catch myself to not
00:47:49.76\00:47:54.80
talk to him like he's you know,
because he's a young you know,
and I'm not a law. It was it
00:47:54.80\00:48:01.34
was a hard transition for me as
a mother to let go. I'm in the
sense of he's a he's a
00:48:01.34\00:48:06.28
young man on the has decisions
and choices that he must make.
You know, and, you know, they
00:48:06.28\00:48:12.65
are different. The millennial
generation is as Generation X
ERs. I feel like we're caught
00:48:12.65\00:48:19.09
between 2 generations were calm
between the baby boomers right
and the ideals that they
00:48:19.09\00:48:22.96
have and then the millennials
and those ideals and, you know,
they Yeah, you I who.
00:48:22.96\00:48:34.04
which Yeah. >> And so it's been
interesting thing I'm trying
00:48:34.04\00:48:39.95
to navigate, you know, that
change and I and the ways they
see life, you you know, we
00:48:39.95\00:48:45.09
know at my parents raised show
up to work no matter if you sick
and even die in one leg,
00:48:45.09\00:48:51.89
drag it get there. Yeah. Yeahs
that generation. They're like,
no, you know, I I'm not
00:48:51.89\00:48:56.36
feeling well, you Santa mentally
and emotionally, I'm not well.
And so there's these
00:48:56.36\00:49:01.44
dot commies, you know about what
you know, the older generation
are my grandfather.
00:49:01.44\00:49:04.77
He was at work every single day,
you know, and my grandmother
00:49:04.77\00:49:07.48
didn't really see him a lot.
Well, millenials are like, no,
I'm not going to sacrifice my
00:49:07.48\00:49:12.45
family, you know, and not to see
them. And so there's these
things, right. And yeah, it's
00:49:12.45\00:49:18.75
interesting. >> You know, you
make a point. She does crazy as
people think this new generation
00:49:18.75\00:49:23.12
is cause of the devices that
have much of their attention.
They are more informed than we
00:49:23.12\00:49:29.76
think they a lot of times and
you wonder sometimes they'll
come up with something profound
00:49:29.76\00:49:32.03
and you think. Mama went to this
Web title counseling. We didn't
have that men to go pay
00:49:32.03\00:49:40.94
for life and children have
information coming at them. what
I want to go back to.
00:49:40.94\00:49:45.71
Yeah. Before I gave the address,
you were talking about something
00:49:45.71\00:49:51.19
that was so profound about how
to process all these the
conflict, that you just
00:49:51.19\00:49:59.46
reiterate briefly because
through that you the ball to
your wife and she was about get
00:49:59.46\00:50:05.83
the which is so profound. Yeah.
>> About healing and not needing
permission permission.
00:50:05.83\00:50:09.97
Yeah, he'll yeah. >> it is a
profound thing. It is. He had
00:50:09.97\00:50:15.01
not not meeting someone's
permission to heal is a thing.
You know, because oftentimes we
00:50:15.01\00:50:21.45
are raise thinking that the
person must apologize. The
person must acknowledge and, you
00:50:21.45\00:50:27.29
know, one of the great things
about all of the grief recovery
aspect is that what do you do
00:50:27.29\00:50:30.13
when the person is dead? >>
that's true. What do you do? Are
you are you left to
00:50:30.13\00:50:36.23
now carry the burden by for the
rest of your life. >> What are
00:50:36.23\00:50:41.50
you able to? Yeah. And there are
our So many people who literally
have been carrying burdens
00:50:41.50\00:50:47.18
because the their mothers with
their father the person who hurt
them is no longer able right
00:50:47.18\00:50:51.78
there did or would have would
have the person miss. We're
mostly just simply isn't
00:50:51.78\00:50:54.05
there. They're not remorseful.
They don't regret what has you
know, are you then left to
00:50:54.05\00:50:58.79
carry that baggage? And I was so
happy you know, and I talk about
this in my book where
00:50:58.79\00:51:04.06
the first time that I realized
that that I had a choice in the
matter. All right, to heal
00:51:04.06\00:51:09.70
was when I first was able to
admit to myself, right? I don't
need I just give you
00:51:09.70\00:51:15.70
this one thing. was well married
had children and live in my
life. And this is the
00:51:15.70\00:51:23.18
big the dawn of social media,
someone who had a molested me
when I was a child reached out
00:51:23.18\00:51:28.42
to me, all social media. You
know, but, you know, I still
love Oprah. nice to think
00:51:28.42\00:51:34.22
about stuff like, you know,
member Oprah moments, here it it
how will get to tell the
00:51:34.22\00:51:40.93
person what it is they did to
you and they're going to just
profusely be up. How much
00:51:40.93\00:51:44.60
attic and you're trying to get
the apology? Yeah. And the truth
was when I expressed all
00:51:44.60\00:51:50.77
of those thought, somehow I had
live with the memories and all
these things, all of my
00:51:50.77\00:51:53.11
life. The person was like. I
don't even know what you're
talking about. And, you haha.
00:51:53.11\00:51:59.68
>> What I was mad. >> I was
serious. How dare this person
00:51:59.68\00:52:07.49
live all this time without
technology? And I think here in
this my entire life I've been
00:52:07.49\00:52:09.72
waiting to do this. >> What do
you do? And you know something
00:52:09.72\00:52:14.10
profound. He told me because I
would love to think I love you.
Think about when it came up with
00:52:14.10\00:52:17.70
it. I was my husband said, you
know what? Time or you don't
need that person's permission
00:52:17.70\00:52:20.17
to you. A man and I was like,
repeat that. You do not need
time look the Yeah, yes. You
00:52:20.17\00:52:27.71
do not need their permission to
heal. You can heal on All right.
And that transformed my
00:52:27.71\00:52:33.15
life. And that moment that
allowed me to begin a journey of
00:52:33.15\00:52:41.06
personal that self reflection,
rival and also being able to
surrender to God because the
00:52:41.06\00:52:43.16
truth is what if they did
apologize? What if they it still
would have changed too. The hurt
00:52:43.16\00:52:50.40
and the pain, right? It would
have been nice to hear, you
know, but the truth of the
00:52:50.40\00:52:53.40
matter is it was up to me, you
know, took to give that to God
and the gossip and in their
00:52:53.40\00:52:57.97
place because they're imperfect.
They couldn't take give me back
all those years. All
00:52:57.97\00:53:01.11
right. So that that's that's I
mean isn't a steep because I
talk about stuff like this.
00:53:01.11\00:53:09.15
Yeah, I as you talked about, you
know, people's permission to go.
Really, it's a it's a
00:53:09.15\00:53:14.62
You have to decide. >> Who you
want to be? And if you decide,
00:53:14.62\00:53:21.86
well, here's what I was thinking
If you put your mental
wholeness, yes, if your mental
00:53:21.86\00:53:28.47
homeless is based on what you
expect from somebody you'll
never be free. Never. And so
00:53:28.47\00:53:33.38
that's why the story of the man
at the pool. I go back to that
again, the key to that was
00:53:33.38\00:53:39.88
Jesus. Yes. you talk about all
that grief that was compounded
in my mind. I was waiting be in
00:53:39.88\00:53:46.69
the South. Yeah. Come on to me.
All you who? Labor? Yeah. To try
to lift the Stuff Co and the
00:53:46.69\00:53:50.76
heavy ladened with things you
can carry give So you said
again, you want to be healed
00:53:50.76\00:53:58.73
Jesus office. That's what people
can and often a Tom, tell me
now, pastor camera. Why is that
00:53:58.73\00:54:03.54
statement? Not? why is that
statement? Not a substitute for
00:54:03.54\00:54:16.22
the process >> so and hope I
hope this will ask the question
too. What makes it difficult for
00:54:16.22\00:54:21.59
us to to experience the healing
that we can experience to
Christ. You quoted it. Come on
00:54:21.59\00:54:32.43
to me. All you that labor and
are heavy laden. I will give you
rest. And then he says,
00:54:32.43\00:54:39.87
take my yoke time right? And
learn of me. So there's an
exchange. Yes, where we must
00:54:39.87\00:54:47.48
give our burdens. Let me
rephrase that. We must give our
hurt and our hatred movie.
00:54:47.48\00:54:55.22
Yes. And our desire for payback,
revenge. We must give that to a
00:54:55.22\00:55:02.70
person. Was none other than
Jesus. Who is not the one who
was hurt us. A man. So Jesus
00:55:02.70\00:55:12.34
says essence. I know how you
feel about a father. I know how
you feel about your mother. I
00:55:12.34\00:55:15.28
know how you feel about your
brother, your sister. I know how
00:55:15.28\00:55:17.65
you feel about. >> Whoever it is
that's hurt. You. Now I need you
to give that to me. I need you
00:55:17.65\00:55:23.35
to put it on me as though I'm
and what I would. homeowners
Easeus. you. he did too. no,
00:55:23.35\00:55:31.66
no, no. You don't deserve this.
They deserve it. Jesus says I
know I need you to get
00:55:31.66\00:55:39.17
it to me. All right. need you to
be able to put this on me and
let me carry it for And
00:55:39.17\00:55:44.91
this is where the struggle takes
place because no. This person
needs to suffer. This
00:55:44.91\00:55:51.45
person needs to hurt. They need
to know how deeply they wanted
me and how how badly
00:55:51.45\00:55:56.38
they hurt me. They they need to
experience what I've experienced
00:55:56.38\00:55:59.85
all these years. And Jesus is
essentially say now. Let me
experience all of it. Get to me
00:55:59.85\00:56:10.90
and and and we are uncomfortable
with allowing Christ to stand in
the place of those who have
00:56:10.90\00:56:15.64
warned us. have heard us and
therefore we are. We're holding
up that process going.
00:56:15.64\00:56:22.18
And I think that what scares
people most about this it's
important to for us to talk
00:56:22.18\00:56:26.21
about is because in this
generation in this me, too
generation Ryan and I tell my
00:56:26.21\00:56:30.22
husband often that I don't have
much sympathy for it. And the
reason why don't have much
00:56:30.22\00:56:36.12
sympathy for it is because the
reason why it exists is because
in the Times where we
00:56:36.12\00:56:38.96
should have spoken up and dealt
with certain things, we did it.
00:56:38.96\00:56:43.23
So you know what happens, right?
There's always that that back
you. Now, right? Residual
00:56:43.23\00:56:46.77
effects. However, what I will
say is that this doesn't mean
that that the person that
00:56:46.77\00:56:52.61
they're excused, that right? >>
Yeah. But I'm glad you I'm I'm
glad you said that. We're
00:56:52.61\00:56:57.91
not saying they're off the hook.
Yeah. They have tone. I get to
the Lord. Yes. If they
00:56:57.91\00:57:03.82
refuse to acknowledge yes, but
home is going to come somewhere.
Yeah. It could come
00:57:03.82\00:57:06.92
Somebody has to pay because
sit-in always requires that aim
is always to it. going do
00:57:06.92\00:57:14.96
something that you in the second
now, but this is been rich just
00:57:14.96\00:57:19.17
as live and love that. You said
give it to Jesus. You meant ease
the burden bearer. All right.
00:57:19.17\00:57:22.67
And whether you know not which
is can start of the second hour
to talk about how that can be
00:57:22.67\00:57:28.31
done, but live at 3, ABC, D or
6, 1, 8, 2 to 8, 39. 75 send
those questions. Or you may
00:57:28.31\00:57:35.28
want to make a comment. But I
want to tell you now you see
what I mean. They always have
00:57:35.28\00:57:40.29
stamina. God is blessing them
and he wants to bless you
through their experiences. So
00:57:40.29\00:57:42.79
don't go away.
We'll be right back. ¤
00:57:42.79\00:57:50.77
¤
00:57:50.77\00:58:10.89