Participants:
Series Code: TDYL
Program Code: TDYL190028B
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00:10 Wow, that first hour went by in a hurry.
00:12 Welcome back. 00:13 This is our special Thursday night live program, 00:15 a two hour program on family, marriage, relationships, 00:20 and that we have with us, 00:21 Pastor Steve Conway and his wife, Tammy. 00:24 It's a blessing to have both of you here. 00:26 Thank you for making the trip down from Michigan. 00:29 You're the pastor at the... 00:30 Is it the North? You have the... 00:32 The Detroit Northwest. 00:33 Good job. Yes. 00:35 You are pastor there. 00:36 And then pastor at that church for how many years? 00:38 Eight years. Eight years. 00:39 Yeah, it was quite a few years. 00:41 And both of you travel in the Michigan Conference 00:43 may be outside too. 00:44 We're going to put up your contact information, 00:46 but you do marriage seminars, family seminars, 00:49 and what a blessing you've been to us. 00:51 And I hope you at home as well this evening. 00:54 And we've been mentioning questions and comments 00:56 coming in. 00:57 We have some already that we're going to get to 00:58 in a little bit. 01:00 We have some that have already come in, 01:01 but we encourage you to give us a call at (618) 627-4651. 01:07 The call center is open tonight. 01:09 So that's (618) 627-4651. 01:12 Or you can always email us at live@3abn.tv. 01:18 That's live@3abn.tv. 01:21 If you have prayer needs for your relationships, 01:23 if you have questions 01:26 let's hit one question off the gate 01:27 and then we'll switch. 01:30 This is from Nicole and she's from Canada. 01:32 What has changed 01:34 from your first year of marriage to now? 01:36 What is the spark 01:37 that has kept your marriage alive? 01:39 And you guys have been married 18 years too. 01:41 Yes, yes. 01:43 That's a good question. What would you say, Tamara? 01:45 Wow what has kept the spark? 01:48 What is the spark that has kept your marriage? 01:52 Yeah, I think the fact that we are, 01:53 we're friends, 01:55 like he's my best friend and... 01:58 You're my best friend. I always love it. 01:59 Oh, that's nice. 02:02 Just so you know that this was not rehearsed. 02:06 No, you know, like we, we genuinely, 02:08 I genuinely would not, I don't want to, 02:11 I love being around him. 02:13 We love talking. We talk so much. 02:15 I mean, we talk during the day, we talk, 02:18 you know, at night we're in the bed, 02:19 we're talking, we're talking when we're with the kids, 02:20 so we communicate so much. 02:23 And, I think that that's a spark 02:25 'cause you know, I always, I always tell him 02:27 that I love listening to him talk like, 02:29 I'm like, "Oh, I love hearing him." 02:31 I think he's so smart. 02:32 But I love that about him. 02:34 And I would say that's probably the thing 02:37 that keeps the spark alive, 02:38 that we communicate so much and yeah. 02:41 And the key word that you said is you are friends. 02:42 Yeah. Yeah. 02:44 And in order to build a friendship, 02:46 that'd be some type of communication 02:47 both ways. 02:49 Yeah. Yeah. 02:50 What about you, Pastor? 02:51 Yeah, I would say, 02:53 I would definitely agree with Tamara, 02:54 the friendship and I think just doing stuff. 02:59 Yeah. 03:00 Just doing stuff. 03:01 It doesn't have to be, 03:04 it doesn't have to be anything grand, of course. 03:05 Yeah. 03:07 I love traveling with my wife 03:09 whenever we get the opportunity to do that, 03:11 but we go to the grocery store together 03:14 you know. 03:15 And while we're... Somebody may say what? 03:17 Going grocery store together? 03:19 We go to the grocery store together 03:21 and just walking down the aisles again, 03:24 it's time for us to talk and converse 03:27 and we're talking about each other life 03:30 and the children and so forth and so on, 03:33 we're spending time together. 03:34 Another thing we try to do 03:36 is actually two more things we do. 03:40 One of them is we try to have a date night. 03:41 Yeah. 03:43 So we counsel and encourage people. 03:47 Of course, time is important in any relationship, 03:49 but especially in a marriage relationship, 03:51 make time, set aside time for yourselves. 03:54 In fact, when we first got married, 03:56 we lived in Tennessee. 03:57 We had our first born Israel 04:00 and we were not going to give up 04:02 our date night. 04:03 So we put him in a car seat 04:06 and brought him and they had a little sling 04:08 in the restaurant 04:09 and he cried the whole time, 04:11 but we already have our date night. 04:13 That's dedication. That's right. 04:15 And so, spending time together, date nights, 04:20 and I think the other thing I was going to say 04:24 is yeah, yeah. 04:25 We read, we read together and this is, 04:28 this is a profound principle that we believe in. 04:31 It's easier for us to see someone else's fault 04:35 than it is for us to see our own. 04:37 That's true. 04:38 And so we read together, 04:40 not just because we want to learn, 04:43 obviously that's an important reason, 04:45 but this is what happens 04:47 when we read something together, 04:48 I'll say, man, this guy is crazy. 04:51 Can you believe what he did? 04:53 Man, I would never do anything. 04:56 Tamara, aren't you glad I never do anything like that. 04:58 I've never done anything like that, have I? 05:01 Tamara? 05:02 Well, you know, yeah, you are like that, yeah. 05:05 You mean, I'm like that? 05:07 You gotta be kidding. I'm not kidding you. 05:09 Tell me when was I like that. You did just last night. 05:11 Oh, my. 05:13 Now, the crazy thing is... 05:16 Is that how you guys do? 05:17 That's how it goes. And there will be complaints. 05:19 And sometimes it's her, you know? 05:21 But most times it's him. 05:23 Yeah, it's me most of the times. 05:24 But sometimes, 05:26 and beautiful thing about that 05:28 is either Tamara or myself 05:31 has already identified the ugliness of the behavior 05:35 and how foolish it is and so forth and so on, 05:38 because we're not looking at one another. 05:42 We're looking at someone else, yeah. 05:43 So it's easy to see it, to identify it, 05:45 to call it what it is. 05:47 And then we call these teachable moments. 05:49 A teachable moment is created 05:52 because now I asked her, am I like that? 05:57 I could never be like that, but because I'm asking, 06:01 I'm giving her permission. 06:03 Right, right. 06:04 Instead of her nagging or anything like that. 06:06 So this type of truth filled communication, 06:12 this honesty, these teachable moments, 06:15 they create a spark for our relationship. 06:17 Because if we were to try to have that conversation 06:19 about an ugly behavior without this setting, 06:24 we would each be defensive. 06:25 Yeah. 06:27 Right and it would probably turn ugly. 06:28 Yeah. 06:30 So this has been an area of growth 06:32 and whatnot for us spending time 06:34 reading together 06:36 and, of course, spending time together. 06:38 And, of course, being friends, 06:40 those are some of the three of the sparks. 06:42 Yeah. 06:43 You know, you told a powerful story 06:45 just before the break. 06:46 You were six year old and you told that whole story. 06:48 You know, I'm thinking also the power of the tongue, 06:50 that little girl, right? 06:52 Told you six years old, a terrible thing. 06:54 Yes. 06:56 And you know, here, you believe in this for years. 06:58 Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. 06:59 So the power of the tongue in any relationship, right? 07:02 Marriage, kids, church... 07:04 You know, whenever he shares that story, 07:08 I can't help. 07:09 But even now in our world today, 07:12 that is so much more important 07:15 because there are people 07:17 who are struggling with identity. 07:18 Yeah. 07:20 And we just automatically assume 07:22 the world just says, you know what? 07:23 This is of course you, this is who you are. 07:25 We don't know what has been said. 07:28 What has been acted out, 07:29 what a person has seen from childhood 07:32 that impairs or impacts their identity. 07:35 And then they grow up as a confused adult, you know? 07:38 And so that's just his story. 07:41 There's so many people who have the same story 07:43 to a greater or lesser degree 07:44 who are struggling as adults today with identity 07:48 because of the tongue, 07:49 you know, or even for, as a parent 07:52 not affirming our children in their identity 07:55 because we have to do that too. 07:57 You know, I have to, we were telling my son 08:00 or we were listening to this thing 08:01 and it was talking about, 08:02 it's important to let your sons, 08:04 your daughters know, 08:05 you know, you're a man, you know, you're a young woman, 08:08 you know, it's my job as a mom 08:10 to give my daughter her identity. 08:12 He is to get my son and vice versa, you know, so... 08:16 To affirm their God given identity. 08:17 Their God given identity. 08:18 Yeah, you know, I, my heart just goes out 08:21 for anyone who's listening, 08:24 who grew up in a home 08:26 where their parents called them stupid. 08:29 Yeah. Wow. 08:31 Said that they didn't, 08:32 that they wished they were never born 08:35 or threatened them or any number of things 08:39 and the profound impact that that can have on a person. 08:44 It can be crippling. 08:46 It may not be physically crippling, 08:48 but it can be mentally, emotionally 08:50 and socially crippling. 08:52 And it can keep an individual 08:53 from becoming the man or woman 08:57 that God has created them to be. 08:59 So you've got someone right now that's saying, 09:00 that's me. 09:02 Yeah. What do I do? 09:03 How do I get past that? What would you tell them? 09:06 Yeah, I think going back to something 09:08 that we said earlier, 09:09 and this is why, you know, I was sharing with, 09:13 when Tamara said 09:14 that it's our responsibility 09:16 to give our children their identity. 09:19 That's not the case. 09:21 Our parents don't give us our identity. 09:24 They can merely affirm or deny our God given identity. 09:29 That's good. So it comes from God? 09:30 It comes from God. It comes from God. 09:32 And this was for me studying the life of Jesus, 09:37 realizing that one of Jesus' greatest challenges 09:41 was in the area of His identity. 09:44 I believe that Satan near the temptation 09:46 in the wilderness brought his A game. 09:48 He brought his very best. 09:49 That's right. Yes, amen. 09:51 And when Jesus was at His weakest, 09:53 Satan didn't come and say, 09:55 "Hey man, you want to drink some liquor? 09:57 Hey man, you want to smoke a cigarette." 09:59 Right. Nope. 10:00 He came and said, "If thou be the Son of God." 10:04 Right. 10:05 We know Jesus had just come from His baptism 10:09 in the Jordan. 10:10 And the first thing that Satan challenged 10:12 is You're not who Your Father says You are. 10:15 When Jesus came up out of the water, 10:17 "This is My beloved Son in whom I am well pleased. 10:21 And Satan immediately challenges that. 10:23 Why? 10:24 Because that's his best chance to defeat Jesus, 10:27 to cause Him to doubt 10:29 who is Creator or who God says He is, right? 10:33 And so I think 10:34 that's how Satan works for on us 10:36 to get us to doubt 10:37 who our Creator says that we are. 10:41 So I love, I love the truth that God's Word speaks to us. 10:46 Jeremiah 31:3, you know, 10:49 "The Lord hath appeared unto me of old, saying: 10:52 'Yea, I have loved you with an everlasting love, 10:54 therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." 10:56 That's right. 10:58 God is drawing us before I formed thee, 11:00 in the belly. 11:01 I knew thee, right? 11:03 Psalm 1:139, "I'm fearfully and wonderfully made." 11:06 You knew who I was before 11:08 all of my little parts were formed 11:10 when as yet there was none of them. 11:12 So there's deep intimate knowledge 11:14 that God says of who we are and that he Has of who we are. 11:18 It means that our identity can come from Him. 11:21 Our parents, family environment, whoever, 11:24 they can either affirm or deny that. 11:27 But that's, to me, 11:29 that's one of the beautiful messages 11:30 of the gospel. 11:32 The gospel says, or is a reminder of who we are. 11:36 We are image bearers. In fact the... 11:37 Somebody says 11:38 that the whole plan of redemption 11:41 is the restoring of man into the image of God. 11:45 And so that's, that's the profound thing. 11:48 Our image, we are made in the image of God 11:52 and our identity comes from Him. 11:55 Amen. 11:56 So how does someone build that relationship 11:58 then with the God that they can't see? 12:02 You know, I would have to say, and just someone who, 12:06 as I said earlier, 12:07 coming from a place in life when I was younger, 12:10 struggling with identity, sexual abuse. 12:14 And just a lot of those things that can alter, 12:17 that does alter your identity. 12:20 I had to go to the Word of God and see, we talked about lies, 12:23 lies take root. 12:25 But the only thing that can cut at the root it's truth, 12:28 and that's what the Word of God is. 12:29 Praise God. 12:30 It's powerful and it's sharper than any two-edged sword. 12:32 It goes to the bone 12:34 and the cuts through the marrow, you know. 12:37 And I believe that if you want to understand 12:42 the truth about who you are, 12:43 you have to go to the Word of God. 12:45 There is no other place you're going to find it. 12:47 You can't find it in women. You can't find it in men. 12:50 You can't find it in anything. You have to find it in God. 12:53 I think we've been talking about communication 12:55 and that's why the Word of God 12:58 is so important 12:59 is because the Word of God 13:00 is one of the primary means 13:02 that God uses to communicate with us, 13:06 is one of the primary means of us 13:08 as human beings, 13:10 being able to hear what God has said about us 13:13 and the truth that He speaks to us 13:15 just as human relationships are built on strong, 13:19 solid communication 13:21 and an ever growing and deepening communication. 13:24 I think that our spiritual connection, 13:26 our connection with God is also built 13:28 on strong communication. 13:30 Prayer is another thing where we pour out our heart, 13:33 our hearts to God, is to a friend. 13:36 And God speaks to us through His Word, 13:38 and, of course, he speaks to us through other people, 13:40 but we have to familiarize ourselves 13:41 with His voice, so communication. 13:45 Let's shift just a moment. 13:46 I know we've been talking a lot about relationships, 13:49 especially in marriage, but what about millennials? 13:53 That's the generation that I know you mentioned 13:55 at the beginning that you really reach out to 13:57 from the campus ministry you're involved in, 13:59 and talk to us about the struggles 14:03 and some of the challenges that they face? 14:04 Yeah. 14:06 I think the statistics are telling us 14:08 that fewer and fewer people 14:09 are getting married in the United States. 14:12 So some people say, "Hey, the divorce rate is going up." 14:14 Well, the divorce rate is only going down 14:16 because less and less people are getting married. 14:18 However, there's another category 14:21 of individuals that's on the rise 14:23 and that's more and more people who are living together. 14:26 And what we've discovered, 14:28 not that we talk to every single person, 14:31 but we've discovered that most people have 14:33 a negative perspective of marriage, 14:36 or they've seen marriages that are broken. 14:39 Now, I want to clarify, 14:41 it doesn't mean that the people 14:43 in the broken marriage are divorced, 14:46 but they're miserable and unhappy. 14:48 They're still married, 14:50 but they're miserable and unhappy. 14:51 Yeah. 14:53 I was going to say that I think that I'm always, 14:54 I always mess this up, 14:55 the chickens, the chickens come... 14:58 The chickens come home to roost. 15:00 Okay. 15:01 That where the chickens do their thing, 15:02 basically meaning that I think for years 15:07 there's been a generation that watched 15:10 people stay in marriages for sure, right? 15:13 And who held on to marriages, 15:15 but those marriages weren't healthy. 15:18 There have been young people 15:20 within the millennial generation 15:22 who have watched marriages fall apart 15:25 and who have grown up in broken homes, 15:27 who have seen a number of devastating things, 15:31 whether it's abuse that was not addressed, 15:33 rather, it was, 15:35 you know, just evils and a lot of different things. 15:37 And so now, the things that we're dealing 15:39 with the repercussions 15:40 of the millennial generation is that, you know what? 15:43 Commitment doesn't mean anything, 15:44 you know, it's just about my happiness, 15:47 you know, and all of those things. 15:48 And I think that at some point, 15:51 you know, having to take responsibility 15:54 for where they are right now 15:56 in their mindset when it comes to relationships. 15:58 And I know that's a difficult thing, 15:59 and I'm not saying that, 16:01 that, you know, taking responsibility means 16:04 that we are responsible for their decisions or choices. 16:06 We all are free to choose, 16:07 but definitely I know that millennials, 16:10 some of them would tell you, you know 16:12 well, the things that we saw 16:14 in these marriages were not good. 16:16 Right. You know? 16:17 And I think a lot of... 16:21 One of the challenges of post moderns 16:23 is there's a suspicion about institutions 16:30 and marriage is definitely suspect... 16:33 Yeah, they've categorized it. Of millennials. 16:36 The way that my wife and I would like to challenge, 16:40 and we like to challenge millennials is this, 16:45 maybe the people who were involved 16:49 in the institution of marriage were the problem 16:52 and not the institution of marriage itself. 16:55 Is that right? 16:56 And so, don't throw the baby out 16:58 with the bath water, so to speak. 17:00 Marriage is, is still a good thing. 17:03 In fact, all of the data suggest 17:07 that couples who cohabitate 17:11 are less likely to stay together 17:15 than couples who are actually married. 17:17 So avoiding marriage and living together 17:21 doesn't actually make things better, right? 17:24 So if we, if we are going to throw away 17:26 the institution of marriage, 17:28 because we saw marriages that were broken, 17:31 and what does that say about cohabitation then? 17:32 Right? 17:34 So our thing is to encourage people 17:36 towards what we feel like will be God's ideal. 17:39 And here's the thing, 17:42 or at least one of the things that's beautiful about marriage 17:44 and Tamara alluded to it earlier. 17:47 There is nothing that is more calculated 17:51 to call forth self-denial in an individual, 17:55 I believe than marriage. Right? 17:58 And, I think 18:01 because millennials also love to, 18:04 they love to help others. 18:06 And there's this service, 18:08 this wave of service and whatnot. 18:10 But if you really want to get down 18:12 to serving someone else, 18:14 then who better to serve than your spouse, 18:17 but here's the challenging thing about it. 18:20 You know, my spouse is not going to throw me 18:22 a parade or give me a plaque 18:25 because I've done something kind to them. 18:29 It is, unfortunately in some cases 18:33 it's a thankless job, 18:35 but it's a character building job. 18:36 Yeah. 18:38 And I'm going to say, if you have a good marriage, 18:40 it's not a thankless job 18:41 because your spouse will appreciate you. 18:43 And they will acknowledge, 18:45 you know, the things that you're doing. 18:46 But if you want to, if you want to grow, 18:49 there is no more calculated way for you to grow 18:52 in terms of learning 18:53 how to deny yourself the marriage. 18:55 And Tamara and I, 18:56 we tell people when you're single 18:59 and you have an attitude problem, 19:01 you really don't know you have an attitude problem. 19:03 You just stop picking up the phone when people call. 19:05 Yeah. 19:06 You just go to your room and avoid everyone, 19:09 your roommate, or your family or whatnot, 19:11 but then you get married, you cannot pick up the phone. 19:15 You can't just go 19:17 because your room is now our room. 19:19 Right? 19:21 And so, all of these things that we use to cope 19:24 with our selfishness 19:25 and still feel good about ourselves, 19:27 marriage challenges those things. 19:30 And I also think too, 19:31 that it's important to remember. 19:35 I think sometimes we get caught here 19:37 in this one particular place in the world 19:39 where we're from, right? 19:41 Marriage has been around forever. 19:43 And if you go travel around the world 19:45 to indigenous places, 19:47 you'll find that marriage is there still, 19:49 there is no piece of paper there, 19:51 but there is commitment. 19:53 There is accountability, right? 19:55 People holding you accountable for the commitment you've made 19:58 to the person that you said 20:00 you're going to be with. 20:01 And so, I think that when people say 20:02 that marriage is just a piece of paper, 20:04 those people are probably in a little city, 20:06 somewhere in America, 20:07 and haven't broadened, 20:09 you know, their mindset 20:11 when it comes to relationship, you know. 20:13 You know, as a society, I mean, 20:15 really when you think about the family, marriage, 20:18 it's kind of made fun of, right? 20:19 TV. 20:20 Yeah, it's under attack, but I mean, 20:22 you know, the laughing at the family, 20:24 you know, like, I don't know, 20:25 mom's like making fun of dad, you know, he's stupid, 20:29 you know, he was doing like, just shut up 20:31 and you know, that kind of thing, 20:33 you know, the kids seem out of control 20:34 and it's kinda just like a laughing matter. 20:37 You know, people don't know their identity, 20:39 you know, what am I? 20:40 I'm not really sure. 20:42 And so why do I even want to get married? 20:43 I don't know, you know? 20:44 And so, it's, Satan has confused society for sure. 20:51 And it's, and it's sad. 20:52 We appreciate people like you 20:54 that are out there preaching the Word of God 20:57 and showing what a good family is all about 21:00 and holding these marriage seminars. 21:02 Tell me the age range that come to these seminars. 21:04 Are they all newlyweds people that are just trying to, 21:08 that are just thinking about getting married 21:09 or do you have people 30, 40, 50 years of marriage? 21:13 Yeah, we have an hour, well, we do seminars. 21:18 The most powerful thing that we do, 21:20 I think we agree is to open our home 21:23 and allow people to come in. 21:24 Oh, I didn't know you did that. Because that is... 21:26 Wow. 21:27 That's where 21:28 it's one thing for us to be here, 21:31 talking about family and marriage and whatnot. 21:34 And it's another thing for us to have to be speakers 21:36 at a seminar on marriage, 21:39 but really where the rubber meets the road 21:41 is when we opened the door to our home. 21:44 And we allow people to come in 21:47 and they see my wife moving around when her 21:50 and I haven't had the best of days 21:52 and we're, we have to work together, 21:54 hosting people in our home 21:56 or our children haven't done something that we, 21:59 we've asked them to do. 22:01 Sink full of dishes. And I mean, just reality. 22:03 And we have to speak to them and respond to them. 22:06 That gives a, not just theory on what family looks like, 22:12 not just theory 22:13 on what good communication looks like, 22:15 or self-sacrifice, self-denial patience, 22:19 but it actually gives a practical application 22:22 and an experiential type of encounter 22:26 with what that looks like. 22:27 And that's been, 22:28 that's some of the best comments 22:30 that we've heard are, you know what? 22:32 I'll never forget family worship in your home. 22:35 Or man, we've had students who were in university, 22:39 who said, man, 22:41 I'll never forget that time that we went to, 22:44 or the times that we went to the Conway's 22:46 and we had a little 1100 square foot apartment 22:49 with over 30 students crammed into it, 22:52 but they could, 22:54 they could sense something was real there. 22:57 No, I was just going to say too, 22:58 that I think I remember back. 23:00 'Cause as I said, I came from a broken home. 23:01 God is good. 23:03 My parents remarried when I was 19, 23:05 but there was a period of time 23:06 where I would go to friends' homes 23:10 and I would just watch how a mom and dad, 23:13 you know, it just, I can't explain it. 23:15 I just wanted to see what it looked like, 23:17 you know, how they related in real life. 23:19 And I, and I believe that it's the same thing for us 23:22 as Christians, we have to. 23:24 I think we've become so aloof, 23:26 you know, over the years 23:28 we don't want to be together much. 23:29 We don't want to allow people into our space and I get it. 23:32 Actually I don't because I'm just like that. 23:34 But, but anyway, you know, I can understand, right? 23:38 Some people become very protective, but I... 23:40 We just really believe that there comes a point 23:42 where we have to touch one another. 23:45 You have to allow people to touch you. 23:47 And, so that's so important for us, 23:49 for our home to be open so people can be there. 23:51 Yeah. 23:53 But we talked to all along the scope and age, 23:59 it doesn't really, doesn't really matter. 24:01 Wow. 24:02 So just because someone's been married 24:03 50 years, 24:05 it doesn't mean 24:06 that their marriage is smooth and... 24:08 No, and someone who's been married 24:11 for 50 years 24:12 may have a lot that they can share. 24:13 Yeah. 24:15 But anyone who's legitimately honest 24:17 will tell you that they've also got 24:19 a lot that they can learn. 24:20 Yeah. 24:21 Because we never stopped learning, you know? 24:23 It's true. You have some more questions? 24:25 We have some more questions. 24:27 You want to look at some, I got one here. 24:29 This is from Deborah. 24:31 She says to the point dated for over 30 years 24:34 with one man, we were intimate. 24:36 That's a long relationship, 30 years. 24:38 I moved away and he still calls me. 24:40 And I still love him. 24:41 I have not heard from him in three years. 24:44 The buyer of my home felt it important for me 24:46 to make contact from a letter he sent me, 24:48 he is a great man, treats me good. 24:49 He is not a Christian, just a decent, hardworking man. 24:53 He says he wants to marry, 24:54 but he does not make a commitment. 24:56 How do you let go? 24:58 So she was in a long-term relationship, 25:00 the relationship's over 25:02 and she doesn't know how to let him go. 25:04 Hmm. 25:06 Wow, you know, I always tell, 25:09 and I think women and men are different 25:12 somewhat when it comes to these things. 25:13 Because women, 25:15 when we give ourselves to someone physically, 25:17 we don't just give the physical, 25:19 it takes emotion. 25:20 It takes our heart. It takes our mind. 25:23 And so it is hard to separate yourself 25:27 from someone who you've given yourself completely 25:28 to when God only meant 25:30 for that person to be, you know, your husband. 25:33 You know, I would say, 25:35 it was, it's going to require a lot of prayer, 25:37 you know, it's going to require 25:40 just really, really going to God 25:42 and being honest about that. 25:45 Thirty years is a long time, you know? 25:49 And like we talked about earlier, 25:51 you know, we expect things to change overnight. 25:53 No, when you've dedicated yourself, 25:55 it was never meant to be separated. 25:57 You know, when you, 25:59 when you're physically intimate with someone, 26:00 God never meant for you to have to separate. 26:02 So what you're experiencing 26:04 is what God never intended for you to experience. 26:06 And so it is going to be painful, 26:08 you know, but I believe that God can give you 26:10 the strength, you know, to do that. 26:12 I don't know if I'm... 26:13 Hmm. Yeah, no, that's good. Yeah. 26:15 No, I mean, there's really nothing 26:18 I can say other than, 26:21 you know, sometimes we have to move on 26:23 and you know, I think of a biblical example 26:27 in 2 Samuel Chapter 11, 26:31 David staying with Bathsheba and strange thing happened, 26:36 he's praying for their child 26:40 after he's been given word that the child is going to die, 26:44 he prays and he fast, 26:45 he won't even wash himself. 26:47 Then he sees his servants whispering 26:49 because the child has died. 26:50 Yeah. 26:52 And David asks, "Is the child dead?" 26:54 And they're scared to tell him. 26:55 And they say, "Yes, the child is dead." 26:57 Run my bath water, 26:59 bring me some fresh clothes, 27:01 you know, prepare a meal for me. 27:04 The Bible says he washes and he, 27:06 you know, put some lotion on himself 27:09 and puts on fresh clothes, sits down and have a meal. 27:12 And his servants are like, what is wrong? 27:15 We thought surely he was going to go crazy 27:17 when he heard that. 27:19 And David essentially says, 27:21 "I can't change what's happened." 27:24 Yeah. 27:25 I can only move forward. 27:28 And so I think 27:29 that that's been a profound lesson for me 27:32 in my own life in times 27:34 where I find difficulty moving forward. 27:36 And I like to try to share that 27:37 to encourage others as well. 27:38 We can't change the past, 27:40 but by God's grace, we can move forward. 27:42 And he has something better for us. 27:44 Amen. Yeah. 27:45 This person, this is a really good point. 27:47 And we apologize for this. 27:48 Someone just asking, 27:49 'cause a few minutes ago we were asking about 27:51 or mentioning and talking about millennials. 27:53 They said, please define millennial. 27:55 So that's, yeah, I apologize, so. 27:56 Okay. 27:58 Millennials, that's a, that's an age group. 28:01 Lord have mercy. 28:02 The challenging thing about that 28:03 is if you read three different books, 28:05 they'll put the age groups at different. 28:07 Right. Right. 28:09 So essentially millennials 28:11 are the children of baby boomers. 28:14 Baby boomers are those 28:15 who were born after their parents 28:18 either fought in World War II or whatnot. 28:20 So they were born right after World War II 28:23 or during World War II. 28:24 So their children some, some people say 28:29 the mid to late 70s 28:32 is when the millennial generation 28:34 began to be born. 28:35 So, they're children of boomers. 28:37 Yeah. Mean by millennials. 28:38 This is a good question here. 28:40 This comes from Steve, says, 28:41 "A marriage where, because of a cultural, 28:45 a culture of non-communication 28:48 and non-confrontation in both parties, partners, 28:51 how can you resolve conflict?" 28:54 So in other words, yeah, 28:55 there's a culture non-communication 28:58 and no confrontation. 29:00 Yeah, so that'd be a husband and a wife. 29:02 That's how they've been raised. 29:03 So then how would you resolve conflict? 29:05 Neither one communicates and neither one confronts. 29:08 Wow. Wow. 29:09 Interesting enough, we just returned a far, 29:13 far away planet. 29:18 We just got back from that planet 29:19 not too long ago. 29:21 And, we were in that culture, 29:24 you know, and that was one of the things 29:25 that came up. 29:27 In that particular culture, they do not talk, 29:31 you know, about anything, 29:32 pretty much the husbands and wives, 29:34 when an important conversation or topic comes up, 29:37 the men and women separate, 29:39 they don't even sit together in church. 29:40 Like there's a lot of different things. 29:42 So... 29:43 You are talking husband and wives? 29:44 Yes, we're talking about husbands and wives. 29:46 Don't even sit together in church. 29:47 No, sir. 29:49 Wow! That's amazing. 29:50 That's incredible. It's incredible, isn't it? 29:51 And so a couple came to us, 29:53 you know, and they, and they were struggling 29:54 and they were like, you know, 29:56 we, every time we try to talk, 29:57 we argue and we fuss and we fight 30:00 and, you know, long story short 30:02 which is always not true when I say that but anyway, 30:04 he knows that. 30:07 Right. 30:09 But, no, the couple, 30:10 you know, we realized after a while 30:12 we asked them like, you know, do you really know each other? 30:14 Like, and were like, what? 30:16 Like, no, like we got married 30:18 and they'd been married for quite some time. 30:19 They have three children and they don't communicate. 30:24 They don't even know the deepest parts 30:25 of one other's lives. 30:27 One of the spouses had been abused 30:29 when they were children and the spouse didn't know it. 30:32 Oh, wow. Never even heard it. 30:34 The other person was dealing with anger 30:36 and frustration 30:37 and the roots of that came from childhood. 30:39 The other person didn't know it. 30:41 Well, we asked them to do, 30:42 was to do something that was countercultural, 30:45 which was to go home. 30:47 And we just said 10 minutes, 30:48 because we don't want to push people too much, right? 30:51 There are some people who just are not used 30:52 to talking at all. 30:53 Right. 30:55 So we don't want to push you too much, 30:56 set aside 10 minutes in your week 30:57 to sit down and talk, 31:01 talk, and that's it. 31:02 Well, you can finish and tell them what. 31:05 Yeah. 31:06 And this was a beautiful thing is one of the beautiful things, 31:10 not everything is beautiful, 31:11 but this was one beautiful example 31:14 that couple came back to us 31:17 after completing this assignment 31:19 we'd given them. 31:20 And they said that they had stayed up 31:23 until 2 o'clock in the morning talking. 31:27 Wow. And the assignment was... 31:28 So that means it lasted longer than ten minutes. 31:30 It lasted far longer than 10 minutes. 31:33 And as we were listening to them 31:37 and this wasn't anything that we had done. 31:39 No. I want to make that clear. 31:41 It wasn't about what we had done. 31:43 It was about what God had done 31:45 through them 31:46 and their willingness to be countercultural. 31:48 Yeah, they could acknowledge that we don't talk, 31:51 we haven't talked, things aren't going well. 31:53 But when they actually set aside time 31:56 to sit down and say, 31:59 let's do something we don't do. 32:01 Let's communicate. 32:03 What they learned about each other 32:04 was literally life altering. 32:07 And we all had tears as we were sitting, 32:11 listening to the testimony and each, each one, 32:15 the husband saw his treatment of the, 32:19 of his wife Through a different, 32:22 through a different set of lenses. 32:24 Once he understood... Where she came... 32:26 Where she had come from 32:27 and where she could see her treatment of her husband 32:31 through a different set of lenses, 32:32 once she understood where he had come from. 32:35 So this was a profound, a profound change. 32:38 You know, I read an article recently about this guy 32:41 who said, he's not a Christian anymore 32:44 because we don't see miracles. 32:46 Man, we saw one. Absolutely. 32:48 We literally sat in the room 32:50 and listened to a miracle that God performed. 32:53 And we had tears along with that couple 32:56 because of what God had done. 32:57 So I would say, get out of your culture. 33:00 A part of culture is simply learned behavior. 33:03 Learn new behaviors by the grace of God. 33:06 Amen. 33:07 Do you have any other stories of people 33:11 whose lives have been touched or marriage has mended or... 33:13 Yeah. Go ahead. 33:15 Listen, now I would love to tell you 33:17 we're the type of people 33:19 that every time we go someplace, 33:20 every couple we talked to, 33:22 the end result is just wonderful, right? 33:24 There are some times when we talk to people 33:26 and we're just like, this is not working. 33:29 Right. 33:31 There was a couple this, 33:34 you know, not too long ago who came to us, 33:36 they're not even Christian, they're Buddhist or Hindu. 33:40 And, but they were recommended, listen, go talk to them. 33:43 And we'll talk to anybody. We don't have a preference. 33:45 We believe in family. 33:47 And they came to our home 33:49 and, you know, the first day that we spoke to them, 33:51 we were like, "Whoa, you know, this is a tough one." 33:54 Can I interrupt a second? 33:55 When you say they come to your home? 33:57 'Cause I thought this before, 33:58 does that mean people just come for a meal? 33:59 Or you mean they stay for a few days? 34:02 What do you mean by coming to your home? 34:03 They come, so we'll set up a... 34:05 Sometimes it's a meal, 34:06 just depends on what time they come. 34:08 We always offer, you know, 34:10 hey, look, dude, you guys hungry or whatnot. 34:12 But mainly it's just, 34:15 people make an appointment when it's conducive 34:17 and they'll come by. 34:19 And we utilize the home as much as we can. 34:21 So they can find a new place. I got it. 34:23 Absolutely. Okay. I understand. 34:24 Sorry. No. 34:25 And they came by 34:27 and the interesting thing about this couple 34:29 they were both, you know, from the same culture, 34:32 but they did not have the same culture. 34:34 One was culturally from their country 34:36 and one was raised in the United States. 34:38 So the families thought, 34:40 okay, well you're from the same, 34:41 you know, but no, they think completely different. 34:43 They never had that conversation though. 34:46 So they're sitting in there, 34:47 you know, telling us about the struggles 34:49 that they've had for so long. 34:50 And they don't understand me and she doesn't understand me 34:52 and infidelity and all these different things, 34:54 you know? 34:55 And, listen, we shared the things 34:56 that we normally share. 34:58 We talked about communication and conflict. 34:59 We talked about the culture 35:00 and we talked about emotional maturity, right? 35:04 Which is very important, emotional vocabulary, 35:07 you know, and those types of things. 35:09 Needless to say after about, 35:11 I don't know how many sessions we were like, yeah. 35:13 No, the last session that we had one of them 35:17 actually was like, I'm done. 35:19 Yeah. I'm finished. 35:20 After that session, you know what, I'm done. 35:22 And we believe them. 35:23 We believe that they were telling 35:25 the truth that they were done 35:26 because of just a lot of chaotic, 35:29 dramatic things that were taking place. 35:31 And you know, we, I must confess, 35:36 you know, I gave up, 35:38 I wasn't praying for them anymore 35:40 because I thought, "Oh, that's done. 35:42 That's pretty much finished." 35:44 And after that, 35:48 you know, you just, you know, 35:50 you don't see anyone anymore and you, 35:52 you kinda, you're like, 35:54 okay, you know, maybe we'll whatever, 35:56 but just gave up hope, 35:58 had no hope for their situation. 36:01 And then my wife, 36:02 she gets a text message and she says, read this. 36:06 And I look at it and go ahead, read what it says. 36:10 And this is what it said, so when I got the text message, 36:13 I thought to myself like, who is this? 36:16 I'm just being honest. 36:17 You completely think these people are done. 36:19 I'm never going to hear from them again. 36:21 It comes at 6:38 AM. 36:25 I truly need to thank you and your husband 36:27 for saving our marriage. 36:28 And we didn't do anything. 36:29 It really, all glory goes to God. 36:31 Our last conversation 36:32 had very deep, emotional impact on us. 36:35 It is hard work making marriage a success, 36:38 but we are on a right track. 36:40 Not 100% there yet, 36:42 but moving forward because of you both and God, 36:46 and we're talking about these people, 36:48 one of them was that he didn't even believe in God. 36:52 We are celebrating 11 years anniversary today. 36:55 Thank you. 36:56 I almost passed out on the floor. 36:58 I didn't know what to... 36:59 I said, Lord. 37:01 Praise God. Yeah. 37:02 It was a situation where, when I read that, 37:04 you know, it was excitement, happy, happy, joy. 37:07 And then it's like, rebuke, like, man, 37:11 you totally gave up on that. 37:13 You totally thought that the last time 37:16 when they left your home, that it was over. 37:18 And this was a marriage. 37:20 When I say anything 37:21 that could happen happened, 37:23 police, physical abuse, infidelity... 37:29 All of that. Rough. 37:30 Needless to say, the rebuke portion of it for me 37:34 was how dare you give up? 37:37 Yes. 37:40 Don't you remember 37:41 that with God, all things are possible. 37:45 And we literally had no hope for that couple 37:51 and God reminded us. 37:52 And by the way, this text came last week. 37:54 Yeah. 37:57 That God reminded us through that communication 38:00 that I'm still in the business of performing miracles. 38:05 I'm still in the business of doing 38:07 above and beyond all that you can ask 38:09 or even think is possible. 38:11 And I'm not hindered by Hindus. 38:13 I'm not hindered by Buddhist. I'm not hindered by anything. 38:16 He will do what He says He's going to do. 38:18 So someone's watching tonight right now 38:21 and they're saying, my life is in shambles. 38:24 My marriage is in shambles, I'm broken, 38:28 there's all the things you mentioned 38:29 are going on right now in my marriage. 38:32 And I don't even know what to do. 38:34 I don't even know where to turn. 38:37 I want to invite either one of you 38:38 just to look in that camera 38:40 and talk to that person at home right now. 38:42 I don't know who wants to, or both of you, 38:44 whatever you want to do. 38:46 You know, I'm a firm believer because I'm a witness. 38:51 I am a personal witness coming from, 38:55 for all intents and purposes, 38:57 I know I should probably be not in my right mind. 38:59 I should probably be a prostitute somewhere. 39:03 I should probably be abusive to my own children. 39:07 This should probably be my fourth or third marriage 39:09 if a marriage at all. 39:11 Because of the things that I watched, 39:13 because of the things I experienced growing up, 39:16 because of the things that were told to me, 39:17 the things that I heard, the things that I listened to, 39:21 I can tell you for sure 39:23 that God is able 39:26 to not only just help you to confront 39:30 and to face some of the things, 39:32 the harsh realities, 39:33 the lies that Satan has told us, 39:35 getting deep down in there. 39:36 One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 4:23, 39:39 "Keep thy heart with all diligence, 39:41 for out of it are the issues of life." 39:43 We all have issues. 39:44 There's not one person on this planet 39:46 that does not have an issue, 39:47 but, oh, I'm so thankful to God that His Word is powerful. 39:53 And He knew already that these issues would exist. 39:58 And so He has a plan in place. 40:00 His Word was put there to give us the roadmap 40:03 to come up out of those things. 40:05 And I'm a living witness that He can do it 40:07 that today I am living in a happy marriage, 40:10 not because I'm perfect, God knows and he knows too. 40:15 But because God has been with us 40:18 every step of the way. 40:19 Daily we surrender to Him. 40:21 Every single day, 40:23 we have to surrender our marriage, 40:24 the raising of our children. 40:26 I have to surrender my thoughts to God every single day 40:29 and speak the truth to myself from His Word. 40:31 Whether I'm at my job, whether I'm at church, 40:34 in the grocery store, 40:35 Satan doesn't even care where he attacks you, you know? 40:38 So I'm a firm believer that 40:40 that God is still in the business 40:42 of transforming and changing lives. 40:44 And we are witnesses to that. 40:46 He can save your marriage and even if you are divorced, 40:49 he can still do a work in your life. 40:51 He can still allow you to be able to co-parent, 40:54 we're talking to you today that that broken relationship 40:57 where you can't even deal with one another. 40:58 Yes, you can. 41:00 If you want to raise healthy whole children, 41:02 put yourself to the side 41:04 and put God back on a pedestal 41:05 and He can still do that. 41:07 He can cause relationships to be healed. 41:10 He can cause you to be set free from addictions 41:12 and diseases that are destroying the family. 41:16 He can do it. 41:17 Yeah, I would just add to that. 41:20 You know, the most important relationship 41:24 is not the person to person relationship, 41:26 but it's the relationship that we have with God. 41:30 And as that relationship is repaired, 41:33 and as that relationship receives the attention 41:37 that it needs, 41:38 then God is able to fix the other relationships 41:42 that we are involved in and engaged in. 41:45 So I would encourage you tonight to look to the Lord. 41:50 The Bible says 41:51 that song is quoted from the scripture. 41:54 "I will lift up mine eyes to the hills 41:56 from whence cometh my help, 41:58 my help comes from the Lord." 42:02 So as you look to Him, 42:04 He will make you whole, 42:07 and then He will help through His grace 42:09 to fix the other relationships in your life. 42:12 So I would encourage you that way. 42:14 Amen. 42:15 That's hope. 42:17 That's hope. That's great. 42:18 I mean, that's why I love the story that you told 42:20 and then your own experience, 42:21 you know, I think a lot of times 42:23 people in life feel hopeless. 42:25 Yes. 42:26 Yeah. Nothing to live for. 42:28 Yeah. Everything's a mess. 42:30 Yeah. 42:31 Hope we need that. Go ahead. 42:32 And I just, you know, I love to share with people, 42:36 that's one of the most dangerous places to be 42:40 is when you lose hope, 42:43 when you don't see a possibility 42:46 of anything better or anything different 42:48 either for yourself or for the people 42:50 you're in relationships with. 42:52 And that's does generally, 42:53 when people check out 42:55 is because I don't, 42:56 one of the reason why people check out, 42:57 I don't have any hope. 42:59 And so again, 43:01 we've been talking about scripture 43:03 and it's not just the cliche, 43:05 "Oh, you need to read your Bible." 43:07 Romans 15:4, 43:08 "Whatsoever things were written aforetime 43:10 were written for our learning, 43:12 that we through patience 43:14 and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. 43:17 There are stories that are worse than ours 43:19 in the scriptures. 43:20 Oh, yes. 43:21 And God placed those there 43:23 so that He could inspire us that change is possible. 43:27 Change is possible. 43:29 And, you know, and I... 43:31 I have to say this 43:32 just because I feel like 43:34 and I know that the particular audience 43:36 that we're talking to, 43:37 it is present truth 43:39 that God wants to heal marriages. 43:41 It is present truth that God wants to restore 43:45 children to their families. 43:47 He will heal the father and the sons, 43:50 the daughters and the mothers, He promised He would, 43:53 that's present truth. 43:54 You know, that is also the health message as well. 43:57 He wants to heal us and set us free from addictions 44:01 and from the disease of the mind. 44:03 And he wants to bring families back together. 44:05 That's present truth. 44:07 That is also part of the health message. 44:08 So we have to broaden that message 44:11 and include that in there, 44:13 because today Satan is not going to stop, 44:16 but God is so good. 44:17 He's good... 44:19 God promised that He would, that He would restore, 44:21 in the last days He will restore families. 44:23 And that's what we're about. 44:24 I believe that He's going to do it. 44:26 Amen. 44:27 God has blessed both of you. 44:30 You can sense the anointing of the Holy Spirit. 44:32 You can sense your walk with God, 44:34 your knowledge of His Word. 44:36 And that clearly comes through, 44:37 you know, your love for other people 44:39 and desire that those relationships 44:41 could be restored. 44:43 So someone's watching now and says, 44:45 I want Pastor Steve and Tammy to come to my church, 44:47 or I want to hear this marriage seminar. 44:51 How can people get in touch with you? 44:53 And tell us more about your ministry, 44:54 Stamena4Life. 44:56 I think you have a podcast too, don't you? 44:57 Yes, tell us about that too? 44:59 So, Stamena4Life and then your podcast. 45:00 Yeah, Stamena4Life 45:02 because Pastor Steve and Tammy 45:04 can't go everywhere unless you're in Michigan. 45:08 Okay, good. 45:10 Come to one of their wonderful marriage retreats. 45:13 Michigan Conference has 45:14 an excellent family life department, 45:17 Sister Gail Mitcheff does a fantastic job. 45:21 Yeah. Second to none. 45:23 Yeah. 45:24 But that's one of the reasons we develop 45:27 the website Stamena4Life.com. 45:30 Thank you for that clarification 45:31 that you can't go everywhere. 45:32 So thank you. Yeah. Right. 45:34 It's, now, you know, we can, 45:36 we can go here or there, but... 45:38 Okay. I'm sorry. 45:39 So this is actually on the screen right now 45:41 for those who are listening on radio, let's spell that out. 45:42 Okay. It is, right. You're absolutely right. 45:45 Stamena, S-T-A-M-E-N-A, 45:49 the number 4, life, L-I-F-E.com. 45:53 That's the website. So that's it. 45:55 That's the website. Okay. 45:56 But we develop that because of the realization 45:59 that we can't be everywhere with everyone all the time. 46:05 And, by the way, what we're, 46:07 one of the goals that we have Stamena4Life.com 46:11 is not just going to be about the Conway's. 46:14 We are, we have 46:16 like-minded couples and individuals 46:19 who we're going to have as resources as well. 46:24 So it's not just about us. 46:26 We don't know everything, 46:27 our 18 years to some may look measly. 46:31 And so we'll have people who've been married 46:33 two and three times 46:34 as long as I said, what have you? 46:36 So Stamena4Life.com, 46:38 and that's the reason we develop that. 46:40 And At The Well is... 46:43 Which you can also reach on the website, 46:44 it's connected there in resources. 46:46 And what is that? At The Well. 46:48 At The Well was something we started this year. 46:51 Really, it was, we talk a lot. 46:54 So sometimes our conversations are so good. 46:56 I'm just like, we need to share this, 46:57 is all we were like, let's just do a podcast. 46:59 And so we started a podcast 47:01 and it really literally is us sitting 47:03 and having the conversations that we have 47:04 about all kinds of topics. 47:06 It's not just about married couples. 47:08 And the website is not just for married couples. 47:10 It's for single people. 47:12 It's for anyone who is looking to grow 47:16 and to mature personally, 47:18 interpersonally, marriage, spiritually, you name it. 47:22 Okay. 47:23 What sort of resources 47:25 do you have available on the website? 47:26 Well, you know, pray for us 47:28 because we are still putting the finishing touches 47:30 on some things. 47:32 But one of the things that we, 47:34 we did a couple of years back is we had a small group. 47:39 We had 18 couples. 47:41 Now we couldn't have all 18 at the house at the same time, 47:44 so we broke it up 47:46 and we had nine couples at a time. 47:49 But it was called SALT. 47:52 And we love acronyms and stuff, 47:54 sharing agape love together. 47:57 And we went through a 12 week small group program 48:02 that my wife and I developed. 48:04 So we're putting the finishing touches on that, 48:06 to make that available for people who, 48:09 who are in whatever their community is 48:11 and said, man, I want to just get 48:13 couples together and do something. 48:15 So that program is going to be available. 48:18 We also are putting out devotionals, 48:21 as she mentioned, the podcast, 48:23 which we talk about 48:25 communication and things like that. 48:27 And we are also working on videos. 48:29 We are fun loving people. 48:32 Oh, yes. 48:34 And so we, we love to make videos 48:37 that illustrate important truths 48:40 about relationships. 48:41 And we want those videos to be a place 48:44 where people can come, 48:45 they might be able to get a laugh, 48:46 but also they can learn an important truth. 48:49 And so those are going to be available there as well. 48:53 And also we talked about how much we love to read. 48:58 We want to book now, you know, I'm not gonna, 49:01 we're not going to tell you to read something 49:03 that we haven't read ourselves. 49:04 Yeah. Right. 49:05 So we're going to be suggesting reading materials 49:08 and things for different subjects, 49:10 any variety, family, raising children, 49:13 et cetera, et cetera. 49:15 And we're still, you know, in the process of building, 49:16 you know, all of those things. 49:17 So you can go to the website 49:19 and find out all that information. 49:20 We have a donation area 49:22 because we're doing this all ourselves. 49:23 And so we're just praying that God sends the resources 49:27 and we can do what needs to be done 49:28 because we really believe that it's needed. 49:31 Oh, absolutely. Yeah. 49:32 Because Satan is there attacking the family. 49:34 Oh, yes. Praise the Lord. 49:36 So we want to encourage you to go to stamena. 49:38 Thank you to the crew 49:39 that's been putting it up so much. 49:40 That's just great Stamena4Life.com. 49:43 And we want to encourage you to continue to go there, 49:46 'cause it sounds like things are updating 49:47 and changing there so. 49:49 Yeah, that's great. 49:50 And they can contact you. 49:51 I'm sure, you'd probably don't put 49:53 your cell phone number out there, 49:54 but maybe an email or something 49:56 that would be there on the website 49:57 that they can, if they have a question 49:58 that they can reach out to you. 50:00 Yes. That's also Stamena4Life. 50:01 Stamena4Life@gmail.com 50:03 There we go. 50:04 So Stamena, S-T-A-M-E-N-A, 50:08 the number 4, life, L-I-F-E@gmail.com. 50:12 Yeah, fantastic. 50:14 We want to encourage you as well here at 3ABN, 50:16 we believe in what God is doing 50:19 in and through the Conway's and their ministry. 50:21 We believe in what God is doing 50:23 to help restore families. 50:25 So we want to encourage you to go to that website, 50:27 to pray for them 50:29 and to financially support them in the work 50:32 that God is calling them to do 50:34 and to step out and to do this ministry. 50:36 This just came in. I want to read this. 50:38 This is a comment, it's from Karen. 50:41 Along with the fact that Tam looks 50:43 so much like one of my very dear cousins, 50:46 the information that she and her husband are sharing 50:48 is so very potent, practical and real. 50:51 They have me laughing, crying, 50:53 and just soaking everything. 50:55 Our God is awesome. 50:57 The openness and honesty is so refreshing. 51:00 What a blessing. 51:02 So thank you for being willing to be authentic and real. 51:05 I think that's great. You know, being genuine. 51:06 I mean, you know, people can look at someone 51:08 and say, we know they're not perfect, 51:09 you know, but yet yeah. 51:11 But for you guys to talk about it, 51:12 that's huge. 51:14 So thank you for that. We appreciate that. 51:15 I want to actually have a prayer too, pastor, 51:17 before we close. 51:18 We've just got about five minutes left 51:20 in these two hours, which has gone by in a hurry. 51:24 But let's have a prayer 51:26 for those that may be struggling, 51:27 lonely marriages in shambles, 51:30 whatever God impresses upon your heart. 51:32 So have a short prayer 51:34 for those dear listeners and viewers right now. 51:36 Okay. Let's pray. 51:40 Loving Father and God, 51:42 we come before You this evening. 51:44 And we want to, first of all, praise You 51:47 for being so concerned about us. 51:50 We want to praise You for creating us in Your image. 51:53 Yes. 51:54 Which means that You have created us 51:56 for relationship. 51:57 Yes. 51:58 Lord, we understand that we live in a world of sin. 52:02 And that means that the very relationships 52:04 that You have created us for 52:07 are broken 52:09 sometimes to the point where it seems 52:12 that they are beyond repair. 52:15 But, Lord, I pray tonight 52:17 for that young man, that young woman, 52:20 that old man, that old woman 52:23 who has been living off of the lies of the enemy 52:30 about their identity. 52:31 Yes. 52:32 I ask that they would open the pages of Scripture 52:35 and that You would speak to them 52:37 through Your Word. 52:39 I pray that they would accept the things 52:42 that You say about them, 52:44 the plans that you have for them, 52:48 that they would internalize those things 52:52 and accept Your words as their very own thoughts. 52:55 Yes. 52:56 Lord, I pray for those whose marriages 52:58 or family relationships are divided. 53:03 I pray tonight for daughters 53:06 who have not spoken to their mothers. 53:09 I pray for sons who have not spoken 53:11 to their fathers. 53:12 I pray for brothers 53:14 who have not spoken to their sisters, 53:16 sisters who have not spoken to their brothers. 53:18 Lord, I pray 53:19 that that Your Word might be fulfilled. 53:23 You promised that You would turn the hearts 53:25 of the fathers to the children 53:27 and the hearts of the children to the fathers. 53:30 Lord, this is a prophetic promise 53:32 in Your Word. 53:33 And we believe that You have all the power in the universe 53:36 to make it so. 53:38 I pray, Lord, for the husband who needs to forgive his wife, 53:42 the wife who needs to forgive her husband, for the children 53:45 who need to forgive their parents. 53:47 And I pray that the spirit of grace and supplication 53:50 will be poured out upon their homes, 53:52 even this very night, 53:54 those who believe they're beyond Your reach, 53:58 may they be reminded that Jesus is called the one 54:01 who can save to the uttermost. 54:04 We thank You for Your healing power. 54:08 We thank You that the balm in Gilead 54:10 can be placed on all of us tonight, 54:13 in Jesus' name, amen. 54:16 Amen. Thank you, Pastor Steve. 54:19 I have a final question 54:21 and it came to my mind while you were praying. 54:22 We have not touched on this yet tonight, 54:24 and it's dangerous to ask this question 54:26 when we only have like a minute and a half to answer. 54:29 Forgiveness, 54:30 we have not touched on forgiveness. 54:31 Talk to us about forgiveness? 54:35 I think the best illustration that my wife and I have, 54:37 she alluded to it earlier 54:38 in terms of letting Jesus stand for us. 54:44 We were talking and this came out 54:47 of our conversations 54:49 that when we have difficulty forgiving someone, 54:53 especially for those of us who say we're Christians. 54:57 If we're having difficulty forgiving someone, 54:59 Jesus comes to us and says, 55:02 you know, all the anger and hatred that you feel, 55:05 the hurt, the 55:07 frustration towards your mother, your father, 55:11 why don't you put that on Me? 55:13 And the first response is, but Jesus, no, no. 55:17 They're the ones who hurt me. Yeah. 55:19 They're the ones who deserve the angst, 55:21 the bitterness, and so forth and so on. 55:23 And Jesus says, yes, I know, but give that to Me. 55:26 Give that to Me. 55:28 Would you just put that all on, 55:29 but you didn't do that. 55:30 Jesus, You don't deserve it. 55:32 He says, I know, but please give it to Me. 55:35 And as we are 55:36 in this conversation with Jesus, 55:38 Jesus says, if you can't put 55:42 the hurt and pain and frustration and anger 55:46 and hatred on Me, 55:50 then I cannot forgive you, 55:54 because you're rejecting the very means 55:57 that I'm utilizing to save you. 55:59 Wow. 56:00 And so what we suggest that people 56:02 who have a difficult time forgiving 56:05 is to allow Jesus to stand in the place 56:08 of those who you can't forgive. 56:10 And oftentimes 56:12 that's because sometimes the people 56:14 that we have unforgiveness towards, 56:16 they're incapable. 56:18 You understand they're incapable of giving us 56:21 what we need. 56:22 When they've hut us, 56:24 they're incapable of be able to do that. 56:26 Absolutely. Praise the Lord. 56:27 Thank you, Pastor Steve, Tamara for coming. 56:31 Thank you for sharing from your heart. 56:33 I know you've blessed us 56:34 and I hope that I know that has blessed you at home. 56:37 Thank you again for coming here. 56:39 And we've talked about relationships and family 56:41 this evening. 56:43 We want to encourage you again, 56:45 open the Word of God, 56:47 form your relationship with Jesus Christ. 56:49 How do you get to know God? 56:51 How do you get to know your friends? 56:52 It's by spending time with them. 56:54 You can do that in the Word of God, 56:56 for in it you'll find wonderful treasures 56:58 and then that'll change your own life 56:59 and the relationships around you 57:02 will also be for the better. 57:03 Thank you again for joining us. 57:05 May God richly bless you. 57:06 We see you again next time. |
Revised 2021-03-04